Screentime is a struggle--setting boundaries, resetting those boundaries, keeping kids safe, teaching them how to be intentional about tech. In this episode Whitney shares some of the ups and downs of screentime experiments in her own family.  For more episodes about managing screentime, check out the rest of the series:   68: How Andrea Davis Manages Screentime  107: How Catherine Teaches Kids to Manage Technology  115: How She Creates a Heathly Tech Culture  116: How Hillary Creates Healthy Screen Habits

Screentime is a struggle--setting boundaries, resetting those boundaries, keeping kids safe, teaching them how to be intentional about tech. In this episode Whitney shares some of the ups and downs of screentime experiments in her own family.  For more episodes about managing screentime, check out the rest of the series:  <a href="https://howshemoms.com/2021/06/29/2021-10-6-68-how-andrea-davis-manages-screen-time/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> 68: How Andrea Davis Manages Screentime</a> <a href="https://howshemoms.com/2022/10/26/107-how-cathrine-teaches-kids-to-manage-technology/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> 107: How Catherine Teaches Kids to Manage Technology</a> <a href="https://howshemoms.com/2023/03/31/episode-115-how-she-creates-a-healthy-tech-culture/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> 115: How She Creates a Heathly Tech Culture</a> <a href="https://howshemoms.com/2023/04/15/116-how-hillary-creates-healthy-screen-habits/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> 116: How Hillary Creates Healthy Screen Habits</a>

118 How Whitney Struggles with Screentime

Jessica Jackson’s framework for transitioning from surviving to thriving might just transform your whole way of looking at motherhood and life (because survival mode isn’t exclusive to motherhood). Best of all, Jessica has given me words to describe the transition from survival mode to re-entry to normalizing to exploring to thriving and even soaring. Don’t worry. She’ll explain the whole thing. Find Jessica at thrivinginmotherhoodpodcast.com

Jessica Jackson’s framework for transitioning from surviving to thriving might just transform your whole way of looking at motherhood and life (because survival mode isn’t exclusive to motherhood). Best of all, Jessica has given me words to describe the transition from survival mode to re-entry to normalizing to exploring to thriving and even soaring. Don’t worry. She’ll explain the whole thing. Find Jessica at <a href="http://thrivinginmotherhoodpodcast.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">thrivinginmotherhoodpodcast.com</a>

117 How Jessica Goes from Surviving to Thriving

Hillary Wilkinson, one of the founders of Healthy Screen Habits tells the story about how she helped start this organization, shares research about kids and screens, walks us through some safeguards we can put in place, shares some great ways we can connect with our kids through tech,  and teaches us some healthy screen habits.

Hillary Wilkinson, one of the founders of <a href="http://www.healthyscreenhabits.org" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Healthy Screen Habits</a> tells the story about how she helped start this organization, shares research about kids and screens, walks us through some safeguards we can put in place, shares some great ways we can connect with our kids through tech,  and teaches us some healthy screen habits.

116 How Hillary Creates Healthy Screen Habits

Seven ways to create a healthy digital culture and connect with your kids. Featuring advice from seven different tech-savvy moms:  Andrea Davis, betterscreentime.com Hillary Wilkinson,  healthyscreenhabits.com Catherine Pearlman, thefamilycoach.com Jen Brimhall, raisethegood.com Alex Fales, mindfulwithmedia.com Kailan Carr, quietbookqueen.com Chanelle Neilson, chanelleneilson.com

Seven ways to create a healthy digital culture and connect with your kids. Featuring advice from seven different tech-savvy moms:  Andrea Davis, <a href="http://www.bettersceentime.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">betterscreentime.com</a> Hillary Wilkinson,  <a href="http://www.healthyscreenhabits.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">healthyscreenhabits.com</a> Catherine Pearlman, <a href="https://thefamilycoach.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">thefamilycoach.com</a> Jen Brimhall, <a href="http://raisethegood.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">raisethegood.com</a> Alex Fales, <a href="https://mindfulwithmedia.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">mindfulwithmedia.com</a> Kailan Carr, <a href="https://quietbookqueen.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">quietbookqueen.com</a> Chanelle Neilson, <a href="https://www.chanelleneilson.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">chanelleneilson.com</a>

115 How She Creates a Healthy Tech Culture

In which we talk about all the expectations in the winter season, plus parenting expectations in general. I also talk about some of the experiments going on here in the Archibald home from family discussions to chores to Christmas gifts, plus a new podcasting adventure for me. 

In which we talk about all the expectations in the winter season, plus parenting expectations in general. I also talk about some of the experiments going on here in the Archibald home from family discussions to chores to Christmas gifts, plus a new podcasting adventure for me.

114 How Whitney Experiments--Winter 2023

Christina Acosta shares practical tips for building friendships, from analyzing and repairing past friendships to going deep and getting beyond surface relationships. Christina is the founder of Growing Up Gorgeous, a community for black women of faith. 

Christina Acosta shares practical tips for building friendships, from analyzing and repairing past friendships to going deep and getting beyond surface relationships. Christina is the founder of Growing Up Gorgeous, a community for black women of faith.

113 How Christina Builds Friendship and Community

Ideas for making time to connect with friends and organizing gatherings, from one-on-one activities to small groups, to parties and even traveling with friends.

Ideas for making time to connect with friends and organizing gatherings, from one-on-one activities to small groups, to parties and even traveling with friends.

112 How She Spends Time with Friends

Twelve tips about making new friends from seven different moms. 

Twelve tips about making new friends from seven different moms.

111 How She Makes Friends

Katherine Wintsch struggled with self-doubt and perfectionism for years—even while outwardly achieving all her goals as a successful advertising executive. Then she decided to confront and slay those dragons of fear and doubt, rethink her priorities, and start her own company, where she could redefine work-life culture.

Katherine Wintsch struggled with self-doubt and perfectionism for years—even while outwardly achieving all her goals as a successful advertising executive. Then she decided to confront and slay those dragons of fear and doubt, rethink her priorities, and start her own company, where she could redefine work-life culture.

110 How Katherine Works: Slaying Dragons and Prioritizing Impact

In which I discuss some of the fall experiments that have been working for us as we drive kids from one activity to another. I'll talk about our big push to improve hygiene and sleep habits, our holiday experiments, and then update you on some plans for How She Moms and other related projects.

In which I discuss some of the fall experiments that have been working for us as we drive kids from one activity to another. I'll talk about our big push to improve hygiene and sleep habits, our holiday experiments, and then update you on some plans for How She Moms and other related projects.

109 How Whitney Experiments, Fall 2022

Whitney Archibald, a mother of five, is on a quest to find out how different moms solve the same problems. She picks a new topic each episode and collects ideas from other moms so you can pick and choose what works for you and your family.

There is not one “right way” to mom, and Whitney proves that! She is such a great host.  As a first time mom, I’m always wondering, “am I doing this the right way? How on earth do other moms do it?!” Listening to this podcast has given me so many wonderful ideas, tips, and tricks for my own mom-ing journey, and for that I am very grateful. It’s a must-listen!

Love this podcast so much!

I greatly appreciate that the episodes get started immediately and they don’t have five or six minutes of time wasted at the beginning. She understands that moms don’t have a lot of time to waste and so she gets right to the point. She’s so resourceful and I love that she provides so many ideas and options that we can pick and choose from. This is one of the most efficient ways for me to think about and change my parenting practices.

Resourceful and efficient

How She Moms

Connecting with our kids is the big “why” of motherhood—the payoff for all the hard work and sacrifice. Sometimes it comes naturally and easy, sometimes it’s more complicated, and sometimes it’s unspeakably hard. But even then, we keep trying, because that’s what moms do. In this episode, I share ideas about how moms connect with their kids, organized into eight main ideas: 1. Plan Connection Opportunities into Your Routine 2. Make Time to Talk 3. Show Interest in their Interests 4. Play Together 5. Work Together 6. Carve Out One-on-One Time 7. Tell Them You Love Them 8. Identify Pain Points and Find a Workaround Related Articles on Howshemoms.com You can find articles about many of the moms I talked to on the podcast at howshemoms.com, by clicking on the links below: How Lori Builds Relationships How Nichole Builds Relationships How Jana Builds Relationships How Emerald Creates Routines  How the Slade Family Serves Recommended Podcasts: Here are the podcast episode I mentioned, plus a few other great ones for more ideas about how to connect with your kids: Family Looking Up: Episode 69 Loving Kids When They Act Unloveable What Fresh Hell: Episode 51: Getting Your Kids to Talk to You 3 in 30 Podcast: Episode 26: How to Praise When It Seems Like There’s Nothing to Praise Episode 50: How to Actually Listen to Your Children Episode 41: How to Really See Your Children and Help Them See You Episode 38: Get Teenagers to Talk to You Episode29: Making the Most of Everyday Moments to Connect with Your Child

Connecting with our kids is the big “why” of motherhood—the payoff for all the hard work and sacrifice. Sometimes it comes naturally and easy, sometimes it’s more complicated, and sometimes it’s unspeakably hard. But even then, we keep trying, because that’s what moms do. In this episode, I share ideas about how moms connect with their kids, organized into eight main ideas: 1. Plan Connection Opportunities into Your Routine 2. Make Time to Talk 3. Show Interest in their Interests 4. Play Together 5. Work Together 6. Carve Out One-on-One Time 7. Tell Them You Love Them 8. Identify Pain Points and Find a Workaround Related Articles on <a href="http://Howshemoms.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Howshemoms.com</a> You can find articles about many of the moms I talked to on the podcast at <a href="http://howshemoms.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">howshemoms.com</a>, by clicking on the links below: <a href="https://whitney-archibald.squarespace.com/home?tag=Lori" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">How Lori Builds Relationships</a> <a href="https://whitney-archibald.squarespace.com/home?tag=Nicole" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How Nichole Builds Relationships</a> <a href="https://whitney-archibald.squarespace.com/home?tag=Jana" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How Jana Builds Relationships</a> <a href="https://whitney-archibald.squarespace.com/home?tag=Emerald" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How Emerald Creates Routines</a> <a href="https://whitney-archibald.squarespace.com/home?tag=Whitney%20Slade" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How the Slade Family Serves</a> Recommended Podcasts: Here are the podcast episode I mentioned, plus a few other great ones for more ideas about how to connect with your kids: Family Looking Up: <a href="http://familylookingup.com/2019/02/19/loving-kids-when-they-act-unloveable-no-matter-what/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Episode 69 Loving Kids When They Act Unloveable</a> What Fresh Hell: <a href="https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2018/03/episode-44-getting-your-kids-to-talk-to-you/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Episode 51: Getting Your Kids to Talk to You</a> 3 in 30 Podcast: <a href="http://3in30podcast.com/praise/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Episode 26: How to Praise When It Seems Like There’s Nothing to Praise</a> <a href="http://3in30podcast.com/listen/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Episode 50: How to Actually Listen to Your Children</a> <a href="http://3in30podcast.com/look-with/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Episode 41: How to Really See Your Children and Help Them See You</a> <a href="http://3in30podcast.com/teenagers/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Episode 38: Get Teenagers to Talk to You</a> <a href="http://3in30podcast.com/everyday-moments/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Episode29: Making the Most of Everyday Moments to Connect with Your Child</a>

3 How She Connects With Her Kids

Christmas is coming--portly goose and all--whether that fills you with glee or stress. Today we’re going to dig into this dichotomy, and hopefully get rid of any dread. Christmas should be a season of joy and dare I say peace—even for moms. Fear not! You too can enjoy Christmas. Resources mentioned in this episode:  Audibletrial.com/howshemoms Ceri Payne coaching Family Looking Up Podcast The Mom Hour Podcast  December Intentions for Busy Moms: 2018 Holiday Special #2      Light the World Advent Calendar The Lindsay Report Helping of Happiness Podcast  Episode 34 Power in Motherhood with Paula Wood  Episode 32 Christ-Centered Christmas with Merrilee Boyack     How She Moms Facebook Group Everyday Reading   Janssen’s Christmas book list A Valentine Banner Made from Christmas Cards   Brooke Romney   Scripture Advent  Gift lists for boys   Arabah Joy  Christmas Traditions  Christmas Scavenger Hunt   

Christmas is coming--portly goose and all--whether that fills you with glee or stress. Today we’re going to dig into this dichotomy, and hopefully get rid of any dread. Christmas should be a season of joy and dare I say peace—even for moms. Fear not! You too can enjoy Christmas. Resources mentioned in this episode: <ul> <li><a href="http://www.audibletrial.com/howshemoms" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Audibletrial.com/howshemoms</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.facebook.com/ceri.organizedlife.coach/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ceri Payne coaching</a></li> <li><a href="http://familylookingup.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Family Looking Up Podcast</a></li> <li><a href="https://themomhour.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Mom Hour Podcast</a> <ul> <li><a href="https://themomhour.com/2018holiday02/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">December Intentions for Busy Moms: 2018 Holiday Special #2</a></li> </ul> </li> </ul> <ul> <li><a href="https://comeuntochrist.org/bc/content/assets/pdf/Christmas2019/eng/Light-the-World-2019-Daily-Service-Calendar.pdf?download=true" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Light the World Advent Calendar</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/thelindsayreport/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Lindsay Report</a></li> <li><a href="http://helpingofhappiness.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Helping of Happiness Podcast</a> <ul> <li>E<a href="https://www.helpingofhappiness.com/as-the-friend/2018/12/1/power-in-motherhood-with-paula-wood-episode-34" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">pisode 34 Power in Motherhood with Paula Wood</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.helpingofhappiness.com/as-the-friend/2018/11/20/christ-centered-christmas-with-merrilee-boyack-episode-32?rq=boyack" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Episode 32 Christ-Centered Christmas with Merrilee Boyack</a></li> </ul> </li> </ul> <ul> <li><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/405442616809940/?ref=bookmarks" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How She Moms Facebook Group</a></li> <li><a href="http://everyday-reading.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Everyday Reading</a> <ul> <li><a href="https://everyday-reading.com/24-christmas-books-to-read-this-december/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Janssen’s Christmas book list</a></li> <li><a href="https://everyday-reading.com/?s=christmas+cards" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">A Valentine Banner Made from Christmas Cards</a></li> </ul> </li> <li><a href="http://www.brookeromney.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Brooke Romney</a> <ul> <li><a href="http://brookeromney.com/2017/12/scripture-advent-with-questions-for-self-reflection-teens-tweens-adults/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Scripture Advent</a></li> <li><a href="http://brookeromney.com/2019/11/time-best-best-screen-free-gifts-boys/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Gift lists for boys</a></li> </ul> </li> <li>Arabah Joy <ul> <li><a href="https://arabahjoy.com/12-fun-christmas-traditions/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Christmas Traditions</a></li> <li><a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxWHX5W5uL9GaVZLdUc4cmhsZVE/view" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Christmas Scavenger Hunt</a></li> </ul> </li> </ul>

22 How She Celebrates Christmas

In episode 11, we talked about how to teach kids to clean. But knowing how to clean is a very different skill from knowing how to keep a house tidy. My kids can scrub a toilet, but they have no idea where they put their shoes and socks.  In this episode, we’re going to talk about how to teach our kids to be tidy. In the first half we’ll unpack the concept of tidiness a bit. Tidiness, and its counterpart, messiness, is about more than stuff. It’s a surprisingly emotional topic. Teaching our kids to be tidy requires us to confront our own skills and habits. In the second half of the episode we’ll talk about all sorts of different techniques that moms use to teach their kids (and often themselves too) to be tidier.   Here is a list of links to books, podcasts, and blogs mentioned in this episode: Blogs/Websites  How Emily Teaches Kids to Clean  How Lisa Teaches Kids to Clean Flylady.net Learn Do Become: Command Central   Books The House that Cleans Itself by Mary Starns Clark How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind by Dana K. White Messy: The Power of Disorder to Transform Our Lives by Tim Harford  Strengths-Based Parenting by Mary Reckmeyer  The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo   Podcasts 3 in 30 Podcast, episode 22: Cleaning Strategies for the Naturally Messy Mom  3 in 30 Podcast, episode Getting Unmotivated Kids to Help The Lazy Genius, episode 78: The Lazy Genius House Purge The Lazy Genius, episode 103: The Lazy Genius Keeps the Car Clean   Just Add Sprinkles, episode 31: The Art of Decluttering with Tidy Moose

In episode 11, we talked about how to teach kids to clean. But knowing how to clean is a very different skill from knowing how to keep a house tidy. My kids can scrub a toilet, but they have no idea where they put their shoes and socks.  In this episode, we’re going to talk about how to teach our kids to be tidy. In the first half we’ll unpack the concept of tidiness a bit. Tidiness, and its counterpart, messiness, is about more than stuff. It’s a surprisingly emotional topic. Teaching our kids to be tidy requires us to confront our own skills and habits. In the second half of the episode we’ll talk about all sorts of different techniques that moms use to teach their kids (and often themselves too) to be tidier. Here is a list of links to books, podcasts, and blogs mentioned in this episode: Blogs/Websites <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/7/23/how-emily-teaches-her-kids-to-clean" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How Emily Teaches Kids to Clean</a> <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/7/1/how-lisa-teaches-kids-to-clean?rq=lisa" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How Lisa Teaches Kids to Clean</a> <a href="http://flylady.net" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Flylady.net</a> <a href="https://learndobecome.com/step-command-central-resources/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Learn Do Become: Command Central</a> Books <a href="http://www.mindystarnsclark.com/house" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The House that Cleans Itself by Mary Starns Clark</a> <a href="https://www.aslobcomesclean.com/manage-home-without-losing-mind/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind by Dana K. White</a> <a href="http://timharford.com/books/messy/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Messy: The Power of Disorder to Transform Our Lives by Tim Harford</a> <a href="https://www.strengthsbasedparenting.com/home.aspx" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Strengths-Based Parenting by Mary Reckmeyer</a> <a href="https://konmari.com/products/the-life-changing-magic-of-tidying-up" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo</a> Podcasts <a href="https://3in30podcast.com/cleaning-strategies/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">3 in 30 Podcast, episode 22: Cleaning Strategies for the Naturally Messy Mom</a> <a href="https://3in30podcast.com/unmotivated-kids-to-help/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> 3 in 30 Podcast, episode Getting Unmotivated Kids to Help</a> <a href="http://www.thelazygeniuscollective.com/lazy/housepurge" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Lazy Genius, episode 78: The Lazy Genius House Purge</a> <a href="http://www.thelazygeniuscollective.com/lazy/cleancar" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Lazy Genius, episode 103: The Lazy Genius Keeps the Car Clean</a> <a href="http://www.momcollective.com/blog/the-art-of-decluttering-with-tidy-moose-just-add-sprinkles-episode-31/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Just Add Sprinkles, episode 31: The Art of Decluttering with Tidy Moose</a>

13 How She Teaches Kids to Be Tidy

In this episode we’ll talk about many different ways to approach mornings, from moms in all sorts of different situations, moms with little kids and moms with teenagers, moms who home school and moms who send their kids to school, moms with different work situations, moms who love mornings and moms who hate them. As usual, you can access the full transcript at howshemoms.com. Links:  The Lazy Genius Podcast: Episode 58, The Lazy Genius Morning Routine   Why We Sleep, by Matthew Walker, PhD  Morning People Vs. Night Owls: 9 Insights Backed By  Science,  Fast Company Magazine 3 in 30 Podcast: Episode 64, How to Make Over Your Mornings with Crystal Paine of Money Saving Mom What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast, by Laura Vanderkam Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod Establishing School-Year Routines, by Karen Loosli, powerofmoms.com How Juliana Does Mornings, howshemoms.com How Emerald Creates Routines, howshemoms.com How Sharolyn Creates Routines, howshemoms.com How Josie Does Mornings, howshemoms.com 

In this episode we’ll talk about many different ways to approach mornings, from moms in all sorts of different situations, moms with little kids and moms with teenagers, moms who home school and moms who send their kids to school, moms with different work situations, moms who love mornings and moms who hate them. As usual, you can access the full transcript at <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/8/8/how-she-does-mornings" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">howshemoms.com</a>. Links: <ul> <li><a href="http://www.thelazygeniuscollective.com/lazy/morning" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Lazy Genius Podcast: Episode 58, The Lazy Genius Morning Routine </a></li> <li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/1501144316" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Why We Sleep, by Matthew Walker, PhD</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.fastcompany.com/3046391/morning-people-vs-night-people-9-insights-backed-by-science" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Mornin</a><a href="https://www.fastcompany.com/3046391/morning-people-vs-night-people-9-insights-backed-by-science" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">g People Vs. Night Owls: 9 Insights Backed By</a> <a href="https://www.fastcompany.com/3046391/morning-people-vs-night-people-9-insights-backed-by-science" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Science</a>, <a href="https://www.fastcompany.com/3046391/morning-people-vs-night-people-9-insights-backed-by-science" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Fast Company Magazine</a></li> <li><a href="https://3in30podcast.com/captivate-podcast/mornings/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">3 in 30 Podcast: Episode 64, How to Make Over Your Mornings with Crystal Paine of Money Saving Mom</a></li> <li><a href="https://lauravanderkam.com/books/successful-people-do/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast, by Laura Vanderkam</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.miraclemorning.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod</a></li> <li><a href="https://powerofmoms.com/morning-routines/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Establishing School-Year Routines, by Karen Loosli, powerofmoms.com</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/8/15/juliana?rq=Juliana" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How Juliana Does Mornings, howshemoms.com</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home?tag=Emerald" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How Emerald Creates Routines, howshemoms.com</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home?tag=Sharolyn" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How Sharolyn Creates Routines, howshemoms.com</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home?tag=Josie" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">How Josie Does Mornings, howshemoms.com</a></li> </ul>

24 How She Does Mornings

Learning how to manage money wisely is one of those lessons that has to be learned from experience, and watching our kids make money mistakes can be painful. This episode discusses brilliant examples of how moms are teaching their kids about money, from establishing family economic systems to setting up bank accounts, to having kids help manage family finances. Here are some links to additional resources on howshemoms.com:  The Great Allowance Debate — A cheesy mock debate between a commission-based system of paying children, an allowance-based system, and no system at all.  Brataphobia — Afraid of raising spoiled brats? Here are twelve antidotes to the entitlement epidemic, from four great books.  How Lisa Teaches Her Kids About Money — Lisa pays her daughters a weekly allowance, independent of chores.  How Sarah Teaches Her Kids About Money — Beginning at age 9, Sarah's kids earn money for completing their daily chores, and buy most of what they need or want for themselves.

Learning how to manage money wisely is one of those lessons that has to be learned from experience, and watching our kids make money mistakes can be painful. This episode discusses brilliant examples of how moms are teaching their kids about money, from establishing family economic systems to setting up bank accounts, to having kids help manage family finances. Here are some links to additional resources on <a href="http://howshemoms.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">howshemoms.com</a>: <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/3/15/the-great-allowance-debate" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> The Great Allowance Debate</a> — A cheesy mock debate between a commission-based system of paying children, an allowance-based system, and no system at all. <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/3/12/brataphobia-fear-of-raising-spoiled-entitled-children" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Brataphobia</a> — Afraid of raising spoiled brats? Here are twelve antidotes to the entitlement epidemic, from four great books. <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/4/9/how-lisa-teaches-her-kids-about-money" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How Lisa Teaches Her Kids About Money</a> — Lisa pays her daughters a weekly allowance, independent of chores. <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/3/27/how-sarah-teaches-her-kids-about-money" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How Sarah Teaches Her Kids About Money</a> — Beginning at age 9, Sarah's kids earn money for completing their daily chores, and buy most of what they need or want for themselves.

4 How She Teaches Her Kids About Money

11 How She Teaches Kids to Clean

I have so many great stories to share with you in this podcast episode, from five different mothers who serve their community and the world in beautiful ways. I truly believe that being a mom is specialized training in how to identify and serve the needs of others—a skillset we can then take into our communities and the world, when the time is right.  Here are some links I mention in this episode:  Slade Family Christmas Video 2011 Slade Family Tiny Home for the Holidays Video Micah Slade's YouTube Channel JustServe.org Aging Resources of Douglas County Pikes Peak Challenge Giving Quiz for Kids at Coloradocares.org Light the World Giving Machines  Light the World Service Advent Calendar  Midlife Mixtape, Episode 54: Giving Circle Founder Jacqueline Jacobs Caster Charity Water

I have so many great stories to share with you in this podcast episode, from five different mothers who serve their community and the world in beautiful ways. I truly believe that being a mom is specialized training in how to identify and serve the needs of others—a skillset we can then take into our communities and the world, when the time is right.  Here are some links I mention in this episode:  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJQDfYFWH_4" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Slade Family Christmas Video 2011</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8aiAYhPDhw" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Slade Family Tiny Home for the Holidays Video</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/edalshacim/videos" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Micah Slade's YouTube Channel</a> <a href="http://www.justserve.org" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">JustServe.org</a> <a href="https://www.agingresourcesdougco.org" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Aging Resources of Douglas County</a> <a href="https://www.pikespeakchallenge.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Pikes Peak Challenge</a> <a href="https://www.coloradogives.org/kidsfor" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Giving Quiz for Kids at Coloradocares.org</a> <a href="https://www.comeuntochrist.org/light-the-world/giving-machines" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Light the World Giving Machines</a> <a href="https://comeuntochrist.org/bc/content/assets/pdf/Christmas2019/eng/Light-the-World-2019-Daily-Service-Calendar.pdf?download=true" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Light the World Service Advent Calendar</a> <a href="https://midlifemixtape.com/2019/05/ep-54-giving-circle-founder-jacqueline-jacobs-caster.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Midlife Mixtape, Episode 54: Giving Circle Founder Jacqueline Jacobs Caster</a> <a href="https://www.charitywater.org" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Charity Water</a>

23 How She Serves Her Community and Beyond

In this episode, How She Reads, we’ll talk about how moms read to their kids, how they fit in some reading time for themselves, and how they create a culture of reading in their homes. There’s plenty of evidence that reading is good for our brains—and for our kids’ brains. We know that reading to our kids improves their own reading skills and helps them with other academic subjects too. The importance and value of this cannot be overstated. But all this research—all the quotas of the number of books we’re supposed to read to our kids by the time they enter kindergarten—is not the only reason we should read to our kids. It misses all the magic. Reading is also about connecting with other people—the people who wrote the books, the characters inside them (real or imaginary), and whoever you read the book with or talk about it with. Full Transcript: Howshemoms.com Links from this episode: Read-Aloud Revival Podcast hosted by Sarah Mackenzie  Episode 130 : Reading Aloud as an Obstinate Act of Love, with Meghan Cox Gurdon Episode 125: Master Class: Creating a Book Club Culture at Home (Part 1)  Village Book Builders Everyday Reading What Should I Read Next? Podcast, hosted by Anne Bogel 10 Things to Tell You Podcast, episode 1, When I Read, hosted by Bri McKoy The Lazy Genius Podcast, hosted by Kendra Adachi Book Lists:  Mensa K-3 reading list  Newbery Medal Winners Read Kiddo Read Everyday Reading Books mentioned in this episode: On Writing, by Stephen King The Enchanted Hour, by Meghan Cox Gurdon Read-Aloud Family, by Sarah Mackenzie Read-alouds mentioned: Petite Rouge: A Cajun Red Riding Hood, by Mike Artell The Little Engine that Could, by Watty Piper The Giver, by Lois Lowry The Trumpet of the Swan, by E.B. White Ramona Quimby series, Beverly Cleary Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling Where the Red Fern Grows, by Wilson Rawls The Hundred Dresses, by Eleanor Estes A Monster Calls, by Patrick Ness

In this episode, How She Reads, we’ll talk about how moms read to their kids, how they fit in some reading time for themselves, and how they create a culture of reading in their homes. There’s plenty of evidence that reading is good for our brains—and for our kids’ brains. We know that reading to our kids improves their own reading skills and helps them with other academic subjects too. The importance and value of this cannot be overstated. But all this research—all the quotas of the number of books we’re supposed to read to our kids by the time they enter kindergarten—is not the only reason we should read to our kids. It misses all the magic. Reading is also about connecting with other people—the people who wrote the books, the characters inside them (real or imaginary), and whoever you read the book with or talk about it with. Full Transcript: <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/10/7/how-she-reads" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Howshemoms.com</a> Links from this episode: <a href="https://readaloudrevival.com/podcasts/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Read-Aloud Revival Podcast</a> hosted by Sarah Mackenzie <ul> <li><a href="https://readaloudrevival.com/130-2/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Episode 130 : Reading Aloud as an Obstinate Act of Love, with Meghan Cox Gurdon</a></li> <li><a href="https://readaloudrevival.com/125/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Episode 125: Master Class: Creating a Book Club Culture at Home (Part 1)</a></li> </ul> <a href="https://www.villagebookbuilders.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Village Book Builders</a> <a href="https://everyday-reading.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Everyday Reading</a> <a href="https://modernmrsdarcy.com/what-should-i-read-next/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">What Should I Read Next? Podcast</a>, hosted by Anne Bogel <a href="https://www.10thingstotellyou.com/podcast/ep-1-when-do-you-read" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">10 Things to Tell You Podcast, episode 1, When I Read,</a> hosted by Bri McKoy <a href="http://www.thelazygeniuscollective.com/lazy" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Lazy Genius Podcast</a>, hosted by Kendra Adachi Book Lists: <a href="https://www.mensaforkids.org/achieve/excellence-in-reading/excellence-in-reading-k-3-list/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Mensa K-3 reading list</a> <a href="http://www.ala.org/alsc/awardsgrants/bookmedia/newberymedal/newberyhonors/newberymedal" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Newbery Medal Winners</a> <a href="http://www.readkiddoread.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Read Kiddo Read</a> <a href="https://everyday-reading.com/category/book-lists/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Everyday Reading</a> Books mentioned in this episode: On Writing, by Stephen King The Enchanted Hour, by Meghan Cox Gurdon Read-Aloud Family, by Sarah Mackenzie Read-alouds mentioned: Petite Rouge: A Cajun Red Riding Hood, by Mike Artell The Little Engine that Could, by Watty Piper The Giver, by Lois Lowry The Trumpet of the Swan, by E.B. White Ramona Quimby series, Beverly Cleary Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling Where the Red Fern Grows, by Wilson Rawls The Hundred Dresses, by Eleanor Estes A Monster Calls, by Patrick Ness

17 How She Reads

It’s sometimes easier to think of things you love about motherhood when you're looking backwards or forward, thinking about what you miss from past stages, or what you look forward to in future stages. So I asked my Instagram readers what they loved and I came up with my own list. Then I asked my mother and mother-in-law for their lists. This was actually the best part about writing this post, and I encourage you all to ask your moms and mother-in-laws, or any other special moms in your lives, what they loved in each stage. I treasure their responses!  This episode lists some of the things to love in each stage of motherhood (recognizing that these stages overlap if you have more than one child). The goal is for you to be able to look at your own stage from a different perspective, to make sure you don't take these lovable things for granted. Links:   "Treating Teens with Respect," blog post and video by Kristin Duke All Joy and No Fun, by Jennifer Senior

It’s sometimes easier to think of things you love about motherhood when you're looking backwards or forward, thinking about what you miss from past stages, or what you look forward to in future stages. So I asked my Instagram readers what they loved and I came up with my own list. Then I asked my mother and mother-in-law for their lists. This was actually the best part about writing this post, and I encourage you all to ask your moms and mother-in-laws, or any other special moms in your lives, what they loved in each stage. I treasure their responses!  This episode lists some of the things to love in each stage of motherhood (recognizing that these stages overlap if you have more than one child). The goal is for you to be able to look at your own stage from a different perspective, to make sure you don't take these lovable things for granted. Links:  <a href="%E2%80%A2%20https:/www.kristendukephotography.com/treating-teens-with-respect/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> "Treating Teens with Respect,"</a> blog post and video by Kristin Duke <a href="https://www.amazon.com/All-Joy-No-Fun-Parenthood/dp/B01L9E1R66" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">All Joy and No Fun, by Jennifer Senior</a>

12 Things To Love About Being a Mother--In Every Stage

I like to think of my house as my laboratory, And one of one of my favorite places to experiment is with daily routines—in the morning, after school, and bedtime. They're self-contained periods of time in which specific things have to happen, but there are endless variations of how those things can happen.  If one part of our day is particularly dysfunctional (and there's always something), I analyze it, identify the major pain points, and try different solutions until I find one that works for my five little lab rats. Then, I find myself actually looking forward to those tricky situations, so I can try my latest experiment. This year I have more potential solutions than ever, thanks to the great ideas shared by my fabulous contributors. I have so many new experiments to try! In this episode, I’m going to talk about some of the routine experiments we’ve tried. Some worked for a while and then stopped being relevant, some failed quickly, others are still going strong. Links to resources mentioned in this episode:  Transcript of this episode, including photos of sock dispensers  Beyond Good Intentions, Episode 75, "Simplifying Your Family Schedule"  Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth

I like to think of my house as my laboratory, And one of one of my favorite places to experiment is with daily routines—in the morning, after school, and bedtime. They're self-contained periods of time in which specific things have to happen, but there are endless variations of how those things can happen.  If one part of our day is particularly dysfunctional (and there's always something), I analyze it, identify the major pain points, and try different solutions until I find one that works for my five little lab rats. Then, I find myself actually looking forward to those tricky situations, so I can try my latest experiment. This year I have more potential solutions than ever, thanks to the great ideas shared by my fabulous contributors. I have so many new experiments to try! In this episode, I’m going to talk about some of the routine experiments we’ve tried. Some worked for a while and then stopped being relevant, some failed quickly, others are still going strong. Links to resources mentioned in this episode: <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/8/28/routine-experimentation?rq=experimentation" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Transcript of this episode, including photos of sock dispensers</a> <a href="http://kristenduke.libsyn.com/075-simplifying-your-family-schedule" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Beyond Good Intentions, Episode 75, "Simplifying Your Family Schedule"</a> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0553394800/ref=sr_1_1?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwc6qwcKO5AIVvCCtBh0JyAMbEAAYASAAEgL5cPD_BwE&amp;hvadid=323383243813&amp;hvdev=c&amp;hvlocphy=9028741&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvpos=1t1&amp;hvqmt=e&amp;hvrand=18409684238728204779&amp;hvtargid=kwd-322770890794&amp;hydadcr=8953_9870920&amp;keywords=healthy+sleep+habits+happy+child&amp;qid=1566203482&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth</a>

14 Routine Experimentation

Every mom is a career mom. Some moms have another career on top of their mom gig, but it doesn’t diminish the fact that this is a long-term, strategic career. It’s a challenging career, but the perks put health plans and 401Ks to shame—the first smiles and giggles, that indescribable feeling of having your baby fall asleep in your arms. And that newborn smell…. Then there’s the first joke they tell that is actually funny, that adorable dance recital, the late-night heart-to-hearts. It’s the most rewarding career. In this post, we’re going to talk about several different moms, and how they strategize in their own motherhood careers. Specifically, we’ll talk about how they create deliberate family cultures, often complete with a family mission statement, how they set goals, and how they include their families in their big-picture planning. Here are links to more in-depth articles about the moms featured in this episode, as well as podcast episodes and books I mention. Profiles How Josie Strategizes: The Lauducci family lives a life of simplicity, togetherness, and global awareness—on a 40-foot sailboat. Family blog: afamilyafloat.com; Instagram: @afamilyafloat.com  How Kelli Cultivates Curiosity: Kelli’s kids ask a lot of questions—which is precisely what she was hoping for. Instagram: @raisingcuriousminds How Andrea Strategizes: Andrea loves to think big and make ambitious goals for her future. Her husband—not so much. Here’s how they’ve built a family culture that works for the whole family. Website:betterscreentime.com How Leisle Strategizes: Leisle and her husband Vinh dedicate a weekend each year to plan out their life and family goals. By sticking to their vision, they have created a value-driven, generous family culture.  How Jessica Strategizes: This year, Jessica decided to schedule monthly family fun days, each with a different purpose. Instagram: @flyingwithfour How Sarah Strategizes: Sarah Nielsen chooses one word as her personal theme each year, and then paints the word into a beautiful piece of art to hang on her wall as a reminder. Website: sarahnielsonart.com  How Jen Plans Meals: (This post is not what I talked to Jen about on this podcast, but if you liked her ideas here, you'll also like what she had to say about family meal planning.) Jodi Chaffee: Our Modern Heritage Podcast Jillian Johnsrud: montanamoneyadventures.com Podcasts Family Looking Up Podcast  Episode 47: Doing Less to Have More, with Jillian Johnsrud Books  The Parenting Breakthrough by Merrilee Boyack

Every mom is a career mom. Some moms have another career on top of their mom gig, but it doesn’t diminish the fact that this is a long-term, strategic career. It’s a challenging career, but the perks put health plans and 401Ks to shame—the first smiles and giggles, that indescribable feeling of having your baby fall asleep in your arms. And that newborn smell…. Then there’s the first joke they tell that is actually funny, that adorable dance recital, the late-night heart-to-hearts. It’s the most rewarding career. In this post, we’re going to talk about several different moms, and how they strategize in their own motherhood careers. Specifically, we’ll talk about how they create deliberate family cultures, often complete with a family mission statement, how they set goals, and how they include their families in their big-picture planning. Here are links to more in-depth articles about the moms featured in this episode, as well as podcast episodes and books I mention. Profiles <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/5/2/how-josie-strategizes" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How Josie Strategizes</a>: The Lauducci family lives a life of simplicity, togetherness, and global awareness—on a 40-foot sailboat. Family blog: <a href="http://www.afamilyafloat.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">afamilyafloat.com</a>; Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/afamilyafloat" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@afamilyafloat.com</a> <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/9/17/how-kelli-cultivates-curiosity" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How Kelli Cultivates Curiosity: </a>Kelli’s kids ask a lot of questions—which is precisely what she was hoping for. Instagram: <a href="https://www.Instagram.com/raisingcuriousminds" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@raisingcuriousminds</a> <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/4/10/how-andrea-strategizes" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How Andrea Strategizes</a>: Andrea loves to think big and make ambitious goals for her future. Her husband—not so much. Here’s how they’ve built a family culture that works for the whole family. Website:<a href="https://www.betterscreentime.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">betterscreentime.com</a> <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/4/29/how-leisle-strategizes" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How Leisle Strategizes</a>: Leisle and her husband Vinh dedicate a weekend each year to plan out their life and family goals. By sticking to their vision, they have created a value-driven, generous family culture. <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/2/5/s1igfpv48srdkmzcx2pybxbg8bqbzt" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How Jessica Strategizes</a>: This year, Jessica decided to schedule monthly family fun days, each with a different purpose. Instagram: <a href="https://instagram.com/flyingwithfour" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@flyingwithfour</a> <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/2/5/how-sarah-strategizes" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How Sarah Strategizes</a>: Sarah Nielsen chooses one word as her personal theme each year, and then paints the word into a beautiful piece of art to hang on her wall as a reminder. Website: <a href="https://sarahnielsenart.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">sarahnielsonart.com</a> <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/1/15/how-jen-plans-meals-5acw9?rq=jen" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How Jen Plans Meals</a>: (This post is not what I talked to Jen about on this podcast, but if you liked her ideas here, you'll also like what she had to say about family meal planning.) Jodi Chaffee: <a href="https://homeandfamilyculture.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Our Modern Heritage Podcast</a> Jillian Johnsrud: <a href="https://montanamoneyadventures.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">montanamoneyadventures.com</a> Podcasts Family Looking Up Podcast <a href="http://familylookingup.com/2018/09/18/doing-less-to-have-more-guest-jillian-johnsrud-episode-47/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Episode 47: Doing Less to Have More, with Jillian Johnsrud</a> Books <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Breakthrough-Real-Life-Teach-Independent/dp/1590384415?SubscriptionId=AKIAIA3UEVTLIG7AIKFA&amp;tag=howshemoms-20&amp;linkCode=xm2&amp;camp=2025&amp;creative=165953&amp;creativeASIN=1590384415" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> The Parenting Breakthrough by Merrilee Boyack</a>

7 How She Strategizes

10 An Island of My Own

A Mother's Day tribute to my funny mom. She shares some great stories!

A Mother's Day tribute to my funny mom. She shares some great stories!

8 I'm Turning Into My Mother (At Least I Hope So)

I love a good parenting controversy. And the topic of how (or if) to give kids money is a big one. There are two main sides to this debate: allowance vs. commission. In the allowance model, kids are paid a set weekly or monthly rate, independent of chores or other qualifications. The second approach is a commission system, a work-for-pay system wherein kids are paid for doing chores and making other contributions to the family. And then, of course, there’s a third option: not giving kids money at all. Links from this episode:  How Lisa Teaches Kids About Money  How Sarah Teaches Kids About Money 3 Reasons I Don't Pay My Kids an Allowance, by Amanda Hamilton Roos Allowance by Lisa Hoelzer, Betterwayparenting.net    Smart Money, Smart Kids, by Dave and Rachel Ramsey   The Entitlement Trap, by Linda and Richard Eyre The Opposite of Spoiled, by Ron Lieber    The Blessing of a B-, by Wendy Mogel. 

I love a good parenting controversy. And the topic of how (or if) to give kids money is a big one. There are two main sides to this debate: allowance vs. commission. In the allowance model, kids are paid a set weekly or monthly rate, independent of chores or other qualifications. The second approach is a commission system, a work-for-pay system wherein kids are paid for doing chores and making other contributions to the family. And then, of course, there’s a third option: not giving kids money at all. Links from this episode: <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/4/9/how-lisa-teaches-her-kids-about-money" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How Lisa Teaches Kids About Money</a> <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/3/27/how-sarah-teaches-her-kids-about-money" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How Sarah Teaches Kids About Money</a> <a href="https://powerofmoms.com/3-reasons-i-dont-pay-my-kids-an-allowance/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">3 Reasons I Don't Pay My Kids an Allowance</a>, by Amanda Hamilton Roos <a href="https://betterwayparenting.net/2015/03/16/allowance/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Allowance</a> by Lisa Hoelzer, <a href="http://Betterwayparenting.net" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Betterwayparenting.net</a> <a href="https://www.daveramsey.com/store/product/smart-money-smart-kids-book-by-dave-ramsey-and-rachel-cruze?gclid=Cj0KCQjwt5zsBRD8ARIsAJfI4BhDpWJGjtoEreFKFq7OUswY0yeOn2WSn5hea84MwRhNkTtk9X_Kb2YaArGkEALw_wcB" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Smart Money, Smart Kids, by Dave and Rachel Ramsey</a> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Entitlement-Trap-Choosing-Earning-Ownership/dp/1583334157" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> The Entitlement Trap</a>, by Linda and Richard Eyre <a href="http://ronlieber.com/books/the-opposite-of-spoiled/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Opposite of Spoiled, by Ron Lieber</a> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Minus-Teachings-Resilient-Teenagers/dp/1416542043" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> The Blessing of a B-</a>, by Wendy Mogel.

16 The Great Allowance Debate

Links:    How Maria Teaches Kids to Work (Howshemoms.com)  How Nichole Builds Family Relationships (Howshemoms.com) Teaching Your Children Responsibility by Linda and Richard Eyre  How To Teach Your Kids to Do Chores without Resenting It (npr.org)  The Anthropology of Childhood by David F. Lancy The Truth About Employee Engagement by Patrick Lencioni 3 Battles You Can Let Your Child Win (Episode 27, 3 in 30 Podcast) Getting Unmotivated Kids to Help (Episode 1, 3 in 30 Podcast)  How to Keep Your Head Above Water (Family Looking Up Podcast)  Good, Clean Fun for the Whole Family! (howshemoms.com)   To read the full text of this episode, go to:  https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/9/9/how-she-motivates-kids-to-work

Links:  <ul> <li><a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/8/21/how-maria-teaches-kids-to-work" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How Maria Teaches Kids to Work (Howshemoms.com)</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/2/9/how-nichole-builds-relationships?rq=nichole" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How Nichole Builds Family Relationships (Howshemoms.com)</a></li> <li><a href="https://valuesparenting.com/free-books/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Teaching Your Children Responsibility by Linda and Richard Eyre</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/06/09/616928895/how-to-get-your-kids-to-do-chores-without-resenting-it" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How To Teach Your Kids to Do Chores without Resenting It (npr.org)</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Anthropology-Childhood-Cherubs-Chattel-Changelings/dp/1107420989/ref=sr_1_1?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1u-_6-bD5AIV0ZFbCh2UjgDZEAAYASAAEgJxwfD_BwE&amp;hvadid=241639073917&amp;hvdev=c&amp;hvlocphy=9028741&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvpos=1t1&amp;hvqmt=e&amp;hvrand=7569494298206622231&amp;hvtargid=kwd-11984524446&amp;hydadcr=9369_10387306&amp;keywords=the+anthropology+of+childhood&amp;qid=1568034274&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> The Anthropology of Childhood by David F. Lancy</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.tablegroup.com/books/engagement" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Truth About Employee Engagement by Patrick Lencioni</a></li> <li><a href="https://3in30podcast.com/battles/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">3 Battles You Can Let Your Child Win (Episode 27, 3 in 30 Podcast)</a></li> <li><a href="https://3in30podcast.com/unmotivated-kids-to-help/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Getting Unmotivated Kids to Help (Episode 1, 3 in 30 Podcast)</a></li> <li><a href="http://familylookingup.com/2019/09/03/how-to-keep-your-head-above-water-6-keys-to-help-us-keep-trying-in-the-mental-game-of-life-guest-lindsay-nielson-episode-97/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> How to Keep Your Head Above Water (Family Looking Up Podcast)</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2018/4/27/jackpot-neatfreak-and-other-cleaning-games?rq=games" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Good, Clean Fun for the Whole Family! (howshemoms.com)</a></li> </ul>  To read the full text of this episode, go to: <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/9/9/how-she-motivates-kids-to-work" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/9/9/how-she-motivates-kids-to-work</a>

15 How She Motivates Kids to Work

Donna is a mother of six, a grandmother of 24—including me—and a great-grandmother of 29. She’s also a dancer, a storyteller, and a poet. She’s delightful and hilarious and quite spicy—I even had to censor her to keep my clean rating—and she gave such interesting insights into what motherhood used to be like that I just had to share her with you. Perhaps the most interesting insight came when I asked Donna about mom guilt. She didn’t answer at first, just kind of got a puzzled look on her face, like she didn’t understand the question. She definitely had not heard the term before.

Donna is a mother of six, a grandmother of 24—including me—and a great-grandmother of 29. She’s also a dancer, a storyteller, and a poet. She’s delightful and hilarious and quite spicy—I even had to censor her to keep my clean rating—and she gave such interesting insights into what motherhood used to be like that I just had to share her with you. Perhaps the most interesting insight came when I asked Donna about mom guilt. She didn’t answer at first, just kind of got a puzzled look on her face, like she didn’t understand the question. She definitely had not heard the term before.

20 How Donna Mommed—Back In the Day

This week, we’re talking about how moms serve. I did not have to look very far to find amazing examples of mothers serving one another, their families, their communities, and the world. In fact, most of the stories come just from my own neighborhood. I could do a podcast episode on this topic every week and never run out of amazing stories to share. In fact, I found so many great ideas that I’m going to split it into two parts. Today I’ll talk about how moms serve their own families and their friends and neighbors. Next week, in part 2, I’ll talk about moms who have branched out to serve in their communities and beyond. Throughout both parts, we’ll also talk about how we can teach our kids to serve, and how to create a culture of service in our homes.

This week, we’re talking about how moms serve. I did not have to look very far to find amazing examples of mothers serving one another, their families, their communities, and the world. In fact, most of the stories come just from my own neighborhood. I could do a podcast episode on this topic every week and never run out of amazing stories to share. In fact, I found so many great ideas that I’m going to split it into two parts. Today I’ll talk about how moms serve their own families and their friends and neighbors. Next week, in part 2, I’ll talk about moms who have branched out to serve in their communities and beyond. Throughout both parts, we’ll also talk about how we can teach our kids to serve, and how to create a culture of service in our homes.

21 How She Serves Family and Friends

I found out I was going to be a mom in a very dramatic way. I was 25 years old. My eggs had been retrieved, fertilized, frozen, and implanted in our first round of in-vitro fertilization. Then we got the call to let us know that it was unsuccessful. We were sad, but after four years of monthly disappointments, we knew how to play this game. We put our Pollyanna faces on—at least we still had 11 embryos left--I took a brief reprieve from the awful progesterone shots that are as thick as peanut butter, and we started preparing for the next round. Then, a week later, I got another call at work. After all the complicated testing we had been through, they had misread the most simple, most common one—the pregnancy test. I was pregnant after all! They needed me to come in immediately for a progesterone shot. Sobbing uncontrollably, I called my husband, who thought at first that someone must have died. I pulled myself together enough to share the news, then hung up and ran out of the office, still crying. I shouted over my shoulder to the receptionist, “I’m leaving for the day,” and then I ran to the hospital. Since it was February in Rochester, MN, this involved running like a tear-stained rodent through the underground tunnels that connect everything downtown, so you don’t have to go outside when it’s 20 below. I scurried to the clinic, got my shot, and finally had time to process what was happening. I was going to be a mom!  It’s been about two years since I started How She Moms, and I realized I haven’t really shared the origin story. So I thought I’d start from the beginning and tell about my motherhood journey and what How She Moms is all about. Once upon a time, I was a young magazine editor who really wanted to be a mom. And it just wasn’t happening. Unexplained, inexplicable, infuriating infertility. Then, finally, as I shared in the intro, I was pregnant. Despite the awful progesterone shots, which I took daily until after the first trimester, the pregnancy went just like my daily email updates said it should be going. I tracked his growth from lima bean to brussels sprout to bell pepper. I delighted when I first felt him flutter. I laughed when he got the hiccups. I loved watching my belly protrude further and further, rippling with his movements. The birth itself had some scary moments, but we both came through it and David and I finally held our much-anticipated little Jonas in our arms. We were ecstatic. So this was motherhood. Fast forward four years. I now had two little boys and another boy on the way, the second two, thankfully, without IVF. This time I was well acquainted with motherhood. In fact, I was drowning in it. My house was a mess; I was just getting over morning sickness; I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in years. This was not exactly what I had envisioned as I was injecting progesterone those many years ago. We were in survival mode. I didn’t want to just survive. I wanted to thrive. Knowing what I know now, after five kids and 13 years of motherhood, I understand that survival mode is just part of the cycle. Sometimes surviving iswinning. But at that point, of course, motherhood itself seemed like the embodiment of Thoreau’s famous phrase—quiet desperation. After my first son was born, I had gradually tapered off my job at the magazine, first editing just a quarterly magazine from home, then editing a monthly column and writing a few articles now and then. By this time, I had stopped writing for the magazine altogether. I was a full-time mom, but I realized I was treating it like a job, not a career. I had waited so long for this, and I wanted to be good at this career I had chosen. Sidenote here: Whether you have another career as well, or whether motherhood is your sole career, it isa career—one that you keep, in different forms, for the rest of your life. But it’s a career without much formal training. You can’t get an official bachelor’s degree in motherhood, let alone a master’s or PhD. I realized that I if I wanted to get better at this motherhood/household management career, I needed to create my own curriculum. I also needed a title. And so, my career as the CEO of Archibald Inc. officially began. I opened my laptop and created a new file called, of course, Archibald Inc. I then created folders for each department of our small corporation: Finance, Culinary Arts, Janitorial, Education, Recreation Management, Facilities Management, HR, Administration, etc. Another sidenote here: I know that not all of these departments are motherhood related. Managing a household and being a mom are not the same thing. But in my case, I am the household manager as well as the mom, and I’m guessing that most of you at least share household management responsibilities as well as being a mom. Since How She Moms and Manages Her Household does not have the same ring to it as How She Moms, I’ve rolled it all into one. I knew I couldn’t tackle all the departments at once, so each month, decided which department was struggling the most. Then took some time to figure out my objectives for that department. For example, under janitorial, my main objective was to put housekeeping on autopilot so I could be quick and efficient and have more time to spend on things I actually enjoyed. For Education, I wanted to teach my kids to be excited and curious about learning new things.   Once I set my objectives, I would start creating systems that would help me meet those objectives. To help me create these systems, I did my research. Each month I checked out books related to the topic and talked to everyone I knew about how they handled that department in their own home. My best resources were other moms who had already solved a lot of the problems I was facing. In any given household people come up with brilliant ideas every day, just solving the problems of everyday living and parenting. Usually those great ideas become invisible as they become routine, and we don't think about sharing them with each other.  Often, as I washed my dishes or folded laundry, I imagined what I'd see if I could lift off the roofs of houses all over my neighborhood and get a bird’s-eye view. I'd see families doing mostly the same things—standing at an open fridge wondering what to make for dinner, messing up the house and cleaning it back up again, reading bedtime stories—but in different ways.  When I was an editor and needed new ideas, I just called a meeting of my editorial advisory board. So I started holding board meetings of my own, inviting other moms to playdates or lunches specifically so we could talk shop—so I could sneak a peek into how they solved problems. The first month, I focused on the janitorial department—specifically keeping my kitchen clean. I set a specific goal—a clean kitchen before bed each night. I found several books and blogs with information about efficient ways to clean a kitchen, and I streamlined my process. Because I prioritized it, I was able to actually do it, and even though it may seem trivial to those of you who have always been able to do this, it was so empowering! Once that month was over, I picked a new department to prioritize. One month I focused on education and took my little guys on a field trip to the library or zoo or museum each week. Another month, I focused on basic car maintenance, to get ready for an upcoming road trip. I also included personal development—an important part of being a mom. I once spent a whole month trying not to be such a know-it-all—a problem I’ve struggled with since my over-eager hand-raising days in elementary school. I was totally that kid. During know-it-all month, I would coach myself before entering conversations to use the phrases “What a great idea,” “I’ve never thought of that,” and “I didn’t know that,” among other tactics. Eventually, this monthly program became a way of life. Sure I missed some months when I was pregnant or had a baby and I would go into survival mode again, but mostly I stuck with it, collecting ideas and motherhood mentors along the way—many of whom you’ve heard on this podcast. And now, here we are. I started How She Moms when my fifth child was two, because I finally had the bandwidth to merge my writing career back in with my motherhood career. I’m still picking a monthly theme to research, but now I get to share what I learn each month with you. And as an added bonus, I’ve met even more amazing moms, with more innovative ideas about how to run their homes and nurture their kids. I lift their roofs off each month so we can all peek inside and see how other moms mom. (Note to self: I need to find a less-creepy image than that.) Every mom I talk to—at the park, on an airplane, on the phone—and every mom listening to this podcast has dozens of unique ideas that other moms can benefit from. And since every mom, every kid, and every different season of motherhood requires fresh ideas, we will all go through lots of different ideas as we try to find solutions that work for our families.

I found out I was going to be a mom in a very dramatic way. I was 25 years old. My eggs had been retrieved, fertilized, frozen, and implanted in our first round of in-vitro fertilization. Then we got the call to let us know that it was unsuccessful. We were sad, but after four years of monthly disappointments, we knew how to play this game. We put our Pollyanna faces on—at least we still had 11 embryos left--I took a brief reprieve from the awful progesterone shots that are as thick as peanut butter, and we started preparing for the next round. Then, a week later, I got another call at work. After all the complicated testing we had been through, they had misread the most simple, most common one—the pregnancy test. I was pregnant after all! They needed me to come in immediately for a progesterone shot. Sobbing uncontrollably, I called my husband, who thought at first that someone must have died. I pulled myself together enough to share the news, then hung up and ran out of the office, still crying. I shouted over my shoulder to the receptionist, “I’m leaving for the day,” and then I ran to the hospital. Since it was February in Rochester, MN, this involved running like a tear-stained rodent through the underground tunnels that connect everything downtown, so you don’t have to go outside when it’s 20 below. I scurried to the clinic, got my shot, and finally had time to process what was happening. I was going to be a mom!  It’s been about two years since I started How She Moms, and I realized I haven’t really shared the origin story. So I thought I’d start from the beginning and tell about my motherhood journey and what How She Moms is all about. Once upon a time, I was a young magazine editor who really wanted to be a mom. And it just wasn’t happening. Unexplained, inexplicable, infuriating infertility. Then, finally, as I shared in the intro, I was pregnant. Despite the awful progesterone shots, which I took daily until after the first trimester, the pregnancy went just like my daily email updates said it should be going. I tracked his growth from lima bean to brussels sprout to bell pepper. I delighted when I first felt him flutter. I laughed when he got the hiccups. I loved watching my belly protrude further and further, rippling with his movements. The birth itself had some scary moments, but we both came through it and David and I finally held our much-anticipated little Jonas in our arms. We were ecstatic. So this was motherhood. Fast forward four years. I now had two little boys and another boy on the way, the second two, thankfully, without IVF. This time I was well acquainted with motherhood. In fact, I was drowning in it. My house was a mess; I was just getting over morning sickness; I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in years. This was not exactly what I had envisioned as I was injecting progesterone those many years ago. We were in survival mode. I didn’t want to just survive. I wanted to thrive. Knowing what I know now, after five kids and 13 years of motherhood, I understand that survival mode is just part of the cycle. Sometimes surviving iswinning. But at that point, of course, motherhood itself seemed like the embodiment of Thoreau’s famous phrase—quiet desperation. After my first son was born, I had gradually tapered off my job at the magazine, first editing just a quarterly magazine from home, then editing a monthly column and writing a few articles now and then. By this time, I had stopped writing for the magazine altogether. I was a full-time mom, but I realized I was treating it like a job, not a career. I had waited so long for this, and I wanted to be good at this career I had chosen. Sidenote here: Whether you have another career as well, or whether motherhood is your sole career, it isa career—one that you keep, in different forms, for the rest of your life. But it’s a career without much formal training. You can’t get an official bachelor’s degree in motherhood, let alone a master’s or PhD. I realized that I if I wanted to get better at this motherhood/household management career, I needed to create my own curriculum. I also needed a title. And so, my career as the CEO of Archibald Inc. officially began. I opened my laptop and created a new file called, of course, Archibald Inc. I then created folders for each department of our small corporation: Finance, Culinary Arts, Janitorial, Education, Recreation Management, Facilities Management, HR, Administration, etc. Another sidenote here: I know that not all of these departments are motherhood related. Managing a household and being a mom are not the same thing. But in my case, I am the household manager as well as the mom, and I’m guessing that most of you at least share household management responsibilities as well as being a mom. Since How She Moms and Manages Her Household does not have the same ring to it as How She Moms, I’ve rolled it all into one. I knew I couldn’t tackle all the departments at once, so each month, decided which department was struggling the most. Then took some time to figure out my objectives for that department. For example, under janitorial, my main objective was to put housekeeping on autopilot so I could be quick and efficient and have more time to spend on things I actually enjoyed. For Education, I wanted to teach my kids to be excited and curious about learning new things.   Once I set my objectives, I would start creating systems that would help me meet those objectives. To help me create these systems, I did my research. Each month I checked out books related to the topic and talked to everyone I knew about how they handled that department in their own home. My best resources were other moms who had already solved a lot of the problems I was facing. In any given household people come up with brilliant ideas every day, just solving the problems of everyday living and parenting. Usually those great ideas become invisible as they become routine, and we don't think about sharing them with each other.  Often, as I washed my dishes or folded laundry, I imagined what I'd see if I could lift off the roofs of houses all over my neighborhood and get a bird’s-eye view. I'd see families doing mostly the same things—standing at an open fridge wondering what to make for dinner, messing up the house and cleaning it back up again, reading bedtime stories—but in different ways.  When I was an editor and needed new ideas, I just called a meeting of my editorial advisory board. So I started holding board meetings of my own, inviting other moms to playdates or lunches specifically so we could talk shop—so I could sneak a peek into how they solved problems. The first month, I focused on the janitorial department—specifically keeping my kitchen clean. I set a specific goal—a clean kitchen before bed each night. I found several books and blogs with information about efficient ways to clean a kitchen, and I streamlined my process. Because I prioritized it, I was able to actually do it, and even though it may seem trivial to those of you who have always been able to do this, it was so empowering! Once that month was over, I picked a new department to prioritize. One month I focused on education and took my little guys on a field trip to the library or zoo or museum each week. Another month, I focused on basic car maintenance, to get ready for an upcoming road trip. I also included personal development—an important part of being a mom. I once spent a whole month trying not to be such a know-it-all—a problem I’ve struggled with since my over-eager hand-raising days in elementary school. I was totally that kid. During know-it-all month, I would coach myself before entering conversations to use the phrases “What a great idea,” “I’ve never thought of that,” and “I didn’t know that,” among other tactics. Eventually, this monthly program became a way of life. Sure I missed some months when I was pregnant or had a baby and I would go into survival mode again, but mostly I stuck with it, collecting ideas and motherhood mentors along the way—many of whom you’ve heard on this podcast. And now, here we are. I started How She Moms when my fifth child was two, because I finally had the bandwidth to merge my writing career back in with my motherhood career. I’m still picking a monthly theme to research, but now I get to share what I learn each month with you. And as an added bonus, I’ve met even more amazing moms, with more innovative ideas about how to run their homes and nurture their kids. I lift their roofs off each month so we can all peek inside and see how other moms mom. (Note to self: I need to find a less-creepy image than that.) Every mom I talk to—at the park, on an airplane, on the phone—and every mom listening to this podcast has dozens of unique ideas that other moms can benefit from. And since every mom, every kid, and every different season of motherhood requires fresh ideas, we will all go through lots of different ideas as we try to find solutions that work for our families.

19 Origin Story

Angela has loved to read since she was a little girl, and she brought that passion into her own home--she has five children who all love to read. In turn, she and her family are bringing that love of reading to people all over the world, as they volunteer for a non-profit organization called Village Book Builders. This August, she went with daughter and son-in-law to Malawi Africa to help finish a library in a small village called Kadzakalowa. In this episode she talks about how she created a culture of reading in her family, and about her trip.    To learn more about Village Book Builders, go to www.villagebookbuilders.org   To read a profile of Angela on HowSheMoms.com, click here.

Angela has loved to read since she was a little girl, and she brought that passion into her own home--she has five children who all love to read. In turn, she and her family are bringing that love of reading to people all over the world, as they volunteer for a non-profit organization called Village Book Builders. This August, she went with daughter and son-in-law to Malawi Africa to help finish a library in a small village called Kadzakalowa. In this episode she talks about how she created a culture of reading in her family, and about her trip.  To learn more about Village Book Builders, go to <a href="https://www.villagebookbuilders.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.villagebookbuilders.org</a> To read a profile of Angela on <a href="http://HowSheMoms.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HowSheMoms.com</a>, click <a href="https://www.howshemoms.com/home/2019/10/2/how-angela-reads" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>.

18 How Angela Reads

Links to podcasts mentioned in this episode: 3 in 30 Podcast, episode 16: "How to Be the Mom You Are Instead of the Mom You Think You Should Be"  The Women With Fire, episode 51: "Jamie Cook of Wander and Scout"   One Mother's Day, Lori Brescia's kids came home from church with questionnaires they had filled out about her. Under "Favorite Food," they had answered "hot dogs," "pizza," "macaroni and cheese." Under favorite color, they wrote, "orange," "blue," "red." The same pattern emerged for her favorite activities and even hair color: they had no clue.  Lori fed them lunch so they'd have some stamina, and sat her family down in a row on the couch, including her husband. "Today is Mother's Day," she said, "and I can't help noticing that these questionnaires you filled out today are really about you, and not me. I am not just an extension of you. I'm my own person."  She spent the next 45 minutes telling them stories about her life. She paced up and down the room, explaining what makes her laugh, what makes her happy, what makes her sad. She told stories from when she was a child and when she taught high school. She shared what she loves about being a mom, but also all the other things she loves to do. They laughed together at the funny stories, and Lori even cried a few times talking about some of her more emotional experiences. At one point, one son said, "This is all about you, mom." "Exactly," she replied, and kept going. That Mother's Day has itself become part of the Brescia family lore. They laugh about it every year. But you better believe those kids are really good at filling out those questionnaires now. Mahatma Ghandi said, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Many mothers are really good at the "lose yourself" part and the "service" part, but forget that the goal in the first half of the sentence is to "find yourself." Depending on how you approach it, motherhood can help you develop, discover, and refine who you really are, or it can usurp your identity until you define yourself only by that role. Then when the kids leave the house, they leave you with an identity crisis, no discernible hobbies or interests, and a lot of time on your hands.    Last summer, I hiked my first 14er (a mountain above 14,000 feet) with my husband. Wading through wildflowers and streams, burning my lungs and my legs, and looking out at endless peaks and valleys, I felt a sudden explosion of joy and thought, "This is who I am." I almost needed to reintroduce myself to this person. In high school, I defined myself by mountains. Not a week went by that I wasn't fishing in them, hiking in them, rock climbing in them, or at least gazing at them with wonder. Now here I was living in Colorado and maybe making it up to the mountains every other month.  That day on Mt. Harvard made me think about the other things that define who I am. Yes, I am a mother. And that is a huge part of my identity. But I am also a writer, reader, pianist, singer, chef, cyclist, dancer, hiker, climber, tennis player, teacher, public speaker, and a believer in God. I've gone through long periods of time where I haven't done some of these things, but they're still part of who I am.  I have also spent a lot of my life feeling like an imposter. When I discovered rock climbing in high school, I didn't call myself a climber, even though I went once a week. I wasn't an expert, so I didn't think I could claim the title. For years as a young mother, I didn't call myself a writer, even though I had worked as a professional writer for years, because I wasn't currently writing. I didn't claim to be a singer, even though that is a huge part of my everyday life, because I rarely performed and because it sounded like bragging.  But I've come to believe that you can and should claim anything you love and that defines who you are, no matter how skilled or professional you are. Even someone who can't carry a tune should be able to claim that they're a singer if they love it and do it a lot.  This especially applies to motherhood. Who doesn't feel like an imposter when they bring that first baby home? Suddenly you're in charge of this needy little creature and you're supposed to have all the answers. Little by little, we gain the required skills, but we get that title, Mom, right away. At every stage, with every new child, I feel imposter syndrome again. I don't know what the heck I'm doing. But I am Mom, and I claim that title wholeheartedly. It's also OK not to claim stuff. I am not a crafter, painter, stylist, shopper, interior designer, or aesthetician. I don't decorate my house for any holiday besides Christmas. My children's church doodles have far surpassed my own. I'm fine with that. There are infinite versions of both Woman and Mom. We all get to create our own version. In an interview on the podcast "The Women with Fire" Jamie Cook, said, "I can be whatever kind of mom I want to be. I can be really fit, I can be really clean and organized, I can be an amazing cook, I can be a really fun mom, but I can't be all those versions of a mom at one time." (Jamie's fabulous Instagram account is @wanderandscout.) As our version of motherhood evolves and changes to meet different phases of our lives, we pick up new interests and talents that enrich our lives.    One of my favorite podcast episodes is "How to Be the Mom You Are Instead of the Mom You Think You Should Be," an interview on "The 3 in 30 Podcast" with Julie Bastedo. She made a list of all the things she does not do as a mother, including organizing playdates, skiing, camping, blogging or podcasting, and doing anything (including exercise) excessively and gave herself permission not to do them. She does not feel bad about this list at all. She says, "I realized, well of course those are things I cannot do, or never do, or do not enjoy doing, because those things have nothing to do with who I am.... We are constantly reading on social media or reading in parenting books or following on television all of these things as mothers that we are supposed to be. And very infrequently do we recognize who we really are."  Julie then made a list of all the things she does do well as a mother to contribute to her family, including patience, reading good literature (and applying what she learns from it to motherhood), reading aloud, and teaching. We all have things to add to both lists, and we might as well embrace those lists.   I'll end with a list of some of the amazing mothers I know and the things that things that give them that "This Is Who I Am" feeling, to get you thinking about the unique attributes you bring to your version of motherhood:    Juliana is a painter. She paints when she can, and teaches her kids (and other people's kids) to paint. This spring, she left her five kids with her husband for a weekend and went on an art retreat with her sister.   Molly is good at family finance. She likes to have her own finances in order and likes to help others do the same.   Jennifer is a teacher and a swimmer. Even though she could easily argue that she doesn't have time for it with her six children, she teaches swim lessons every May and June to share both of these gifts with others and to feel like herself.   Sarah feels most like herself when she is baking. This year, she opened up a cookie shop from her home.   Ashley is a crafter and inventor. She has turned this talent into a hugely successful website and business called Make It and Love It, with brilliant ideas and tutorials.   Susan, my mom, is a genealogist. She dabbled with this hobby while she was raising us, but now that we're grown, she treats it as a part-time job and is really good at it.   My sisters, Hayley and Cassie, are singers, and now sing together professionally in a trio while raising their young families.   Sandy is an accomplished dancer who now cultivates that talent by sharing it with students at the gym. (I am one of the lucky beneficiaries.)   Whatever your brand of motherhood, embrace it, cultivate it, and spend time doing those things that make you feel like you!

Links to podcasts mentioned in this episode: <a href="http://3in30podcast.com/ep-016-how-to-be-the-mom-you-are-instead-of-the-mom-you-think-you-should-be-julie-bastedo/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">3 in 30 Podcast, episode 16: "How to Be the Mom You Are Instead of the Mom You Think You Should Be"</a> <a href="https://thewomenwithfire.com/the-women-with-fire-podcast-ep-51-jamie-cook-of-wander-and-scout/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> The Women With Fire, episode 51: "Jamie Cook of Wander and Scout"</a> One Mother's Day, Lori Brescia's kids came home from church with questionnaires they had filled out about her. Under "Favorite Food," they had answered "hot dogs," "pizza," "macaroni and cheese." Under favorite color, they wrote, "orange," "blue," "red." The same pattern emerged for her favorite activities and even hair color: they had no clue.  Lori fed them lunch so they'd have some stamina, and sat her family down in a row on the couch, including her husband. "Today is Mother's Day," she said, "and I can't help noticing that these questionnaires you filled out today are really about you, and not me. I am not just an extension of you. I'm my own person."  She spent the next 45 minutes telling them stories about her life. She paced up and down the room, explaining what makes her laugh, what makes her happy, what makes her sad. She told stories from when she was a child and when she taught high school. She shared what she loves about being a mom, but also all the other things she loves to do. They laughed together at the funny stories, and Lori even cried a few times talking about some of her more emotional experiences. At one point, one son said, "This is all about you, mom." "Exactly," she replied, and kept going. That Mother's Day has itself become part of the Brescia family lore. They laugh about it every year. But you better believe those kids are really good at filling out those questionnaires now. Mahatma Ghandi said, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Many mothers are really good at the "lose yourself" part and the "service" part, but forget that the goal in the first half of the sentence is to "find yourself." Depending on how you approach it, motherhood can help you develop, discover, and refine who you really are, or it can usurp your identity until you define yourself only by that role. Then when the kids leave the house, they leave you with an identity crisis, no discernible hobbies or interests, and a lot of time on your hands.    Last summer, I hiked my first 14er (a mountain above 14,000 feet) with my husband. Wading through wildflowers and streams, burning my lungs and my legs, and looking out at endless peaks and valleys, I felt a sudden explosion of joy and thought, "This is who I am." I almost needed to reintroduce myself to this person. In high school, I defined myself by mountains. Not a week went by that I wasn't fishing in them, hiking in them, rock climbing in them, or at least gazing at them with wonder. Now here I was living in Colorado and maybe making it up to the mountains every other month.  That day on Mt. Harvard made me think about the other things that define who I am. Yes, I am a mother. And that is a huge part of my identity. But I am also a writer, reader, pianist, singer, chef, cyclist, dancer, hiker, climber, tennis player, teacher, public speaker, and a believer in God. I've gone through long periods of time where I haven't done some of these things, but they're still part of who I am.  I have also spent a lot of my life feeling like an imposter. When I discovered rock climbing in high school, I didn't call myself a climber, even though I went once a week. I wasn't an expert, so I didn't think I could claim the title. For years as a young mother, I didn't call myself a writer, even though I had worked as a professional writer for years, because I wasn't currently writing. I didn't claim to be a singer, even though that is a huge part of my everyday life, because I rarely performed and because it sounded like bragging.  But I've come to believe that you can and should claim anything you love and that defines who you are, no matter how skilled or professional you are. Even someone who can't carry a tune should be able to claim that they're a singer if they love it and do it a lot.  This especially applies to motherhood. Who doesn't feel like an imposter when they bring that first baby home? Suddenly you're in charge of this needy little creature and you're supposed to have all the answers. Little by little, we gain the required skills, but we get that title, Mom, right away. At every stage, with every new child, I feel imposter syndrome again. I don't know what the heck I'm doing. But I am Mom, and I claim that title wholeheartedly. It's also OK not to claim stuff. I am not a crafter, painter, stylist, shopper, interior designer, or aesthetician. I don't decorate my house for any holiday besides Christmas. My children's church doodles have far surpassed my own. I'm fine with that. There are infinite versions of both Woman and Mom. We all get to create our own version. In an interview on the podcast "The Women with Fire" Jamie Cook, said, "I can be whatever kind of mom I want to be. I can be really fit, I can be really clean and organized, I can be an amazing cook, I can be a really fun mom, but I can't be all those versions of a mom at one time." (Jamie's fabulous Instagram account is @wanderandscout.) As our version of motherhood evolves and changes to meet different phases of our lives, we pick up new interests and talents that enrich our lives.    One of my favorite podcast episodes is <a href="http://3in30podcast.com/ep-016-how-to-be-the-mom-you-are-instead-of-the-mom-you-think-you-should-be-julie-bastedo/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">"How to Be the Mom You Are Instead of the Mom You Think You Should Be,"</a> an interview on "The 3 in 30 Podcast" with Julie Bastedo. She made a list of all the things she does not do as a mother, including organizing playdates, skiing, camping, blogging or podcasting, and doing anything (including exercise) excessively and gave herself permission not to do them. She does not feel bad about this list at all. She says, "I realized, well of course those are things I cannot do, or never do, or do not enjoy doing, because those things have nothing to do with who I am.... We are constantly reading on social media or reading in parenting books or following on television all of these things as mothers that we are supposed to be. And very infrequently do we recognize who we really are."  Julie then made a list of all the things she does do well as a mother to contribute to her family, including patience, reading good literature (and applying what she learns from it to motherhood), reading aloud, and teaching. We all have things to add to both lists, and we might as well embrace those lists.   I'll end with a list of some of the amazing mothers I know and the things that things that give them that "This Is Who I Am" feeling, to get you thinking about the unique attributes you bring to your version of motherhood:  <ul> <li> Juliana is a painter. She paints when she can, and teaches her kids (and other people's kids) to paint. This spring, she left her five kids with her husband for a weekend and went on an art retreat with her sister. </li> <li> Molly is good at family finance. She likes to have her own finances in order and likes to help others do the same. </li> <li> Jennifer is a teacher and a swimmer. Even though she could easily argue that she doesn't have time for it with her six children, she teaches swim lessons every May and June to share both of these gifts with others and to feel like herself. </li> <li> Sarah feels most like herself when she is baking. This year, she opened up a cookie shop from her home. </li> <li> Ashley is a crafter and inventor. She has turned this talent into a hugely successful website and business called <a href="http://makeit-loveit.com/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Make It and Love It</a>, with brilliant ideas and tutorials. </li> <li> Susan, my mom, is a genealogist. She dabbled with this hobby while she was raising us, but now that we're grown, she treats it as a part-time job and is really good at it. </li> <li> My sisters, Hayley and Cassie, are singers, and now sing together professionally in a trio while raising their young families. </li> <li> Sandy is an accomplished dancer who now cultivates that talent by sharing it with students at the gym. (I am one of the lucky beneficiaries.) </li> </ul> Whatever your brand of motherhood, embrace it, cultivate it, and spend time doing those things that make you feel like you!

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