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The Soul+Science+Psychology of Optimal Wellbeing by Dr Andrea Pennington

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Increase Confidence, Reclaim Vitality + Enhance Relationships with Dr. Andrea Pennington

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Increase Confidence, Reclaim Vitality + Enhance Relationships with Dr. Andrea Pennington

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Cover image of The Soul+Science+Psychology of Optimal Wellbeing by Dr Andrea Pennington

The Soul+Science+Psychology of Optimal Wellbeing by Dr Andrea Pennington

Latest release on Jun 01, 2020

The Best Episodes Ranked Using User Listens

Updated by OwlTail 4 days ago

Rank #1: How Your Brain’s AutoPilot Function May Hurt You | Podcast

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While traveling this week I responded to a distress signal from a client who was feeling the burn after losing her cool during a heated discussion with a work colleague. She found herself regressing to a type of language and explosive hostility that she hadn’t seen since her less enlightened college days. 

She wondered how her mind had lost control and why it was so easy for the ‘old girl’ she used to be, who was not compassionate nor kind, could just erupt into a name-calling, mud-slinging meanie. 

I’ve seen it in my own life. It’s amazing how our old patterns of relating and behaving are still stored in our brain’s memory. For the most part, it’s good to have a brain that remembers how to keep life moving along when our mental focus is put on other tasks which are important or anxiety provoking.

What is not so helpful, however, is when the stress of life lasts for such a long, extended period of time and we lose our elevated, spiritually evolved manners.

The conversation sparked a desire in me to share a message with you, so I recorded it while in the car. Sadly the audio quality is not my usual best, so I ask for your forgiveness. But I felt that the concept was worth sharing right away, before I got into an old perfectionistic editing pattern that my brain loves to revert to! 🤓Enjoy the mini-rant.

Music in this episode by DavidCutterMusic.co.uk and Blue Wednesday

Image Credits: In Her Image Photography & ArtBiro Network

The post How Your Brain’s AutoPilot Function May Hurt You | Podcast appeared first on Resilience + Self-Love + Holistic Healing of Trauma & Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Apr 02 2018

17mins

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Rank #2: Processing Infidelity w/ Honesty & Sincerity w/ Todd Malloy | Liberate Your Authentic Self Weekend

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Surviving infidelity requires a great deal of honesty, maturity and excellent counseling. Dr. Andrea has an enlightening conversation with her guest, Todd Malloy, who invites you to become present, honest and sincere in every moment.

That sounds perfect for this show – liberate your authentic self. But how easy would it be for you to be present honest and sincere in the moment you have to tell your partner that you’re not happy in the relationship or not satisfied sexually?

Todd says that infidelity is a symptom of a deeper problem. His work as a therapist is leading the individual and couples deeper into their own minds and hearts to get at the root cause. The healing journey reveals much more profound wounds, misconceptions and even unidentified trauma.

This interview sheds a light on a path to discovering what really makes you tick, what motivates one to cheat and how to repair after the affair.

ABOUT OUR GUEST
Todd Malloy, MA, LMFT, CST, CSE
http://innerpeacecounselingcenter.com/
http://mancaveconversations.com/

Clinical Director Inner Peace Counseling Center Producer & Host of Mancave Conversations
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, Member of AASECT Ethic Advisory Committee

As an authority on relationships and sexuality, Todd Malloy has been providing counseling and therapy for over twenty years. Six (6) years ago, he founded Inner Peace Counseling Center located in Charlotte, NC, USA, to create a safe space where emotional, sexual and personal healing could occur. IPCC offers people a chance to maximize and celebrate their Lives. As clinical director of Inner Peace Counseling Center, he has established a haven where he can connect and partner with individuals and couples in times of emotional ebbs and flows, the crossroads of life, infidelity, rekindling intimacy, sexual skill development, and the many dimensions of sexuality. It is beyond counseling. It is empowering others to live a life worth celebrating.

His latest venture is “Man Cave Conversations”, a forum to inform men in the areas of manhood, relationships, sexual health, intimacy, passion and beyond and provides women a bird’s eye view of what men talk about.
Music Credits:
“No Words (Mosquito Beat)” by David Cutter Music
“Rewind” by Blue Wednesday
“Apple Pie & Butterflies” by Blue Wednesday
“Vibe with Me” by JOAKIM

Liberate Your Authentic Self

The Prescription for Living Your Life Out Loud

Insight & inspiration for purposeful living, conscious relationships & soulful success.

Daily Show 12-2pm ET on America Out Loud

Weekend Edition Saturday & Sunday 3pm ET on America Out Loud

This show is for Soul-conscious, heart-centered and open-minded people who want to optimize their performance, pleasure and profits.

You can tune in on Facebook LIVE Monday & Friday at 3pm Central European Time (9am Eastern US) to get fired up with inspiration & interviews on how to get more out of life, business and relationships without compromising your integrity or values.

Today’s guest invites you to become present, honest and sincere in every moment. Now that sounds perfect for this show, Liberate Your Authentic Self but how easy would it be for you to be present, honest and sincere in the moment you have to tell your partner that you’re not happy in the relationship, or not satisfied sexually.

As an authority on relationships and sexuality, Todd Malloy has been providing counseling and therapy for over 20 years. Six years ago, he founded the Inner Peace Counseling Center located in Charlotte, North Carolina to create a safe space where emotional and sexual and personal healing could occur. The Inner Peace Counseling Center offers people a chance to maximize and celebrate their lives. As Clinical Director of the Inner Peace Counseling Center, Todd has established a safe haven where he can connect and partner with individuals and couples in times of emotional ebbs and flows – the crossroads of life. Infidelity, rekindling intimacy, sexual skill development and the many dimensions of sexuality.

This goes well beyond the basic counseling. It is empowering others to live a life worth celebrating. Todd’s latest venture is Man Cave Conversations, a forum to inform men in the areas of manhood, relationships, sexual health, intimacy, passion and beyond and provides women a bird’s eye view of what men talk about in Man Cave Conversations.

I think you’re going to enjoy today’s conversation. It’s definitely been an eye opener for me.

Welcome to Liberate Your Authentic Self with Dr. Andrea Pennington, the prescription for living your life out loud. Tune in daily to get fired up with insight and inspiration for purposeful living, conscious relationships and soulful success.

Andrea: Well Todd Malloy, it is wonderful to have you with us here at Liberate Your Authentic Self. Thank you for being here.

Todd: Appreciate it. It’s a pleasure. It’s always a pleasure to connect and share information.

Andrea: Well Todd, I know that you are on a mission to go beyond your clinical practice there in the United States and to really start helping people in a much broader scale. And one of the key things about your mission that of course, you know speaks to me is this mission to join people in giving themselves permission to be their most authentic and most empowered selves. And I know that part of your framework or methodology relies on these very simple but very challenging concepts and that is to be present, honest and sincere in every moment. Where did that come from?

Todd: Well really it’s been through my own personal journey. Obviously therapeutically I’ve learned a lot of therapeutic modalities. A matter of fact, you have these specifically really resonated with me and mostly in form of this therapy developed by Sue Johnson. It really resonated with me when I think about my perspective as that most of us, most people, my perspective, are traumatized. Traumatized not because you’re just in a war torn area or you have some awful things happen to you but by systemic design. Outside of systemical oppression and family dysfunction.

The trauma is a result of being when you were a kid you were supposed to be seen and not heard. When you get a little older, you get older and you think you can say something. I’m a teenager now, I can say some things. But then you’re told if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Just be quiet. Then we get older, you have to be politically correct.

So when do people… where are people able to tap into who they are, what their thoughts are, validate their own feeling and experience and given the tools to articulate them.

Well consciously or subconsciously, people are to some degree said to go along with the program. Just accept what’s being given to you and do the best you can with that. Don’t connect inward.

You have to highly, well my perspective or mostly focus therapy says people come from a perspective where people are emotionally repressed. And it’s to get people to tap into their emotions and speak from that perspective.

Now that resonated with me. Over time with my own personal journey, me being an internal martial artist and having some working knowledge with Taoism, things of that nature, I’ve come into the importance and the understanding of now. And now is that, from my perspective, the most powerful time that exist because if we can be present and in the moment and recognizing what all of our resources are and really tap into what our experiences, by sharing our experience with others helps to create the environment for our success and for the healthiest communication.

Andrea: Well that all sounds well and good. Being present, tuning in to our emotions. But the other piece of it is honest and sincere in every moment. And I know that in your work as a marriage and family therapist, you see cases of infidelity, right?

Todd: Oh, yes. Very often.

Andrea: That to me seems like probably the most challenging time for a person to be sitting in front of their former beloved and they’ve got to be present, honest and sincere in those moments. And in fact, when you told me the story of Javier, that is not his real name, ladies and gentlemen. We are protecting his identity. But the story that you told me about how you helped him be present, honest and sincere in every moment as he and his wife came to you for relationship issues. That one kind of blew my mind. So can you tell me that story?

Todd: Well I can but let me process it first. And when I work with infidelity, the infidelity is not the focal point. Actually infidelity is a result of things that were happening and that were being experienced prior to. That’s a symptom not the cause.

Andrea: Got it.

Todd: But first when I work with anybody, I help them understand that that’s a symptom and not a root cause. And when you come to my office, they’re not looking to separate or divorce initially. They come in to gain a level of understanding first in order to make decisions going forward whether it is to divorce or stay together. Some people choose just to stay together but they need to work through those issues. However but to address it is not okay. “He did this.” “She did that.” Or whatever the case may be. It’s, what were those ingredients that led up to that experience?

So when we talk about the concept of present, honest and sincere in every moment, we’re starting early. And we will progress to talk about the infidelity itself but we have to talk about what was going on before. Why are we here? Why are you here? Why did you make this choice? Why did you feel powerless? Or whatever the case may be.

So that Javier and his wife Rebecca… when I got the call, the call was just about relationship issues, they have communication issues, they don’t feel a connection. So when they come in, typically when I see clients or couples, I usually bring them in together first and then I separate the two of them, and then I bring them back together for that fourth, theoretically the fourth session.

Then one of the first part is to levels up. Let me get her perspective. Let me get his perspective. What is the goal? What is the objective? I start, you know, I ask a little bit about the dynamics in the relationship, what each other’s concerns are. But the truth is, no one’s going to be… Initially people aren’t just going to say, “Here’s all of my stuff,” in front of their partner. Whether I found that, whether couples like each other or dislike each other, people protect each other. Even though we ruin our relationship, we’ve been intimate, we’ve been all of these things, I don’t really want to hurt you irrespective of what I’ve done.

Andrea: Okay.

Todd: We will protect each other. First the person will not disclose certain information but the other partner… If I talk to a client, one client and I begin to push a button and the other partner knows that it’s a sensitive area, the other partner will interrupt. They’re going to speak for them. So to ask the partner question by separating them. So we have an hour and a half, sometimes more where I can sit with an individual and ask the real question. We can be transparent. We can be naked. We can be unashamed.

So they come, Javier or Rebecca come to me. They have communication issue, they don’t feel a connection. They share about how that they’ve been… the challenges is what… the challenges that they met is that Javier is 40, Rebecca is 39. Both gorgeous people. They are the picture perfect people – ones you put on magazine covers. A matter of fact, Javier is a former model of Calvin Klein, who he shared in his story that girls started liking him when he was in the second grade. In the second grade, little girls used to hug and kiss him. And his first sexual experience was at 14 from a college girl who happened to come back from college and see him. He’s never had to because of what he looked like, he had never had to pursue anything. He’s very physically fit, athletic. He was the high school all-American, all of those things. However he came from a lower social economic situation.

So from his environment, he was structured not to really dig into himself but to take on the persona of his environment, I mean even to the point where he could have been a college athlete. But because of the socioeconomic situation on his family and the mantra that his family gave, he didn’t think that was an option for him. He had to live the life of his parents.

Andrea: Oh, wow.

Todd: In his particular situation, this is true and is surprising. I haven’t heard this before. His family had a 36-page constitution on rules and regulations on how to live.

Andrea: Are you serious?

Todd: This was real. This is real. And so he’s sitting there and as I’m sharing this, I’m hearing all of the boxes that he has been contained in and that he conform to as opposed to really connecting to his inner self. So with the type of attention that he got, with the type of framework he worked with, he was always a guy that… “I am not a communicator. So I don’t know how to communicate my feelings and my emotions to my wife.” The wife is saying, “I’m tired of him shutting down, not communicating.” Amy had her own blocks and barriers where she came from a family where she was the fixer. She came from her own set of family dysfunction. She lived in a bubble where everything had to look rough. She’s the perfect everything. She’s just as gorgeous as he is.

So that’s the model that they work for. I have to be perfect – Rebecca. Javier says, “Well I’m just going to play the game that’s been given me.” neither one is connecting inside. Overtime Javier really understood that I’m a surface person. And it bothered him that he could not actually have a conversation. What he shared with me he said, “All I would do is look and smile.” And I get attention and then people would just start to talk to me.

Andrea: So he would just have to strike a pose basically.

Todd: Yes. People would just talk to him. He didn’t have to pursue much. Opportunity was given to him based on what he looked like.

One day, he was at a photo shoot in California. He looked around at the room of people and said, “I’m in a room full of shallow people. I’m not one of them.”

Andrea: Wow. Talk about self-awareness.

Todd: Yes. He just said, “I can’t do this anymore. I have to do something different.”

Meanwhile all of these transformations are going on with him and these questions and he’s not communicating these things to his wife. So Javier, not being able to connect emotionally like he wanted to. And I have to take a sidebar, for a moment I’m going to step back to make sure that we’re very clear about this, is that I shared with you about people being traumatized and repressed emotions. So all of it goes back to attachment theory. Irrespective of how we, whether we have secure attachment and secure attachment and never land, avoid in disorganized attachment styles. We all want to fit. We all want to belong. We all want to be nurtured.

Andrea: Exactly. That’s just part of our nature as a human organism, a human animal.

Todd: Correct. It’s in our DNA. How do I explain it to people? It’s simply this. And I recognize that the academic people, you may not like the way I do this but I’m trying not to be. However how do I explain attachment theory is simply that when a baby is born, the doctor makes the baby cry. When the baby cries, they give the baby to the mother. The mother comforts the baby. The baby stops crying. You can’t train that. That’s not training. That’s in our DNA. It shifts, changes, mutates based on the care that we have from our childhood. That creates a guarded personality, and avoiding personality, a needy personality, or conflict or mixed emotions. Yes, I want you to know I don’t. Yes, I want you to know I don’t. Because throughout life we’re taught what to trust and what we can’t trust. And we play the same scenario as we all move into relationships.

So here it is, we have repressed emotions, we have these attachment issues. However when we get married, this is our opportunity. Not my mind, my clients agree that this was their opportunity for something different. This is something. This is our opportunity to have what we’ve always desired. But with that scenario, you have the blind with the blind. We’re trying to go somewhere and neither one knows that. An accident waiting to happen.

Andrea: Right especially because some of the blind, you know, where they think they’re going is maybe based on projection or fantasy.

Todd: Exactly. And because of how life is designed, neither one of them have tools or perfected tools and skills to attain what it is that they’re looking. And that’s why being present, honest and sincere in every moment is important because it requires that you tap into your experience. You share your experience and then you identify what your goal is. By being present, honest and sincere in every moment allows you to know where you are. It’s easy for me to get to California when I know I’m in Wyoming. But if I don’t know that I’m in Wyoming, trying to get to California is extremely difficult.

Andrea: So in this relationship therapy, did Javier get to the point where he could be honest with Rebecca and talk about how he felt like he was shallow?

Todd: Correct. Yes, exactly. Through this process, he was able to, first being in the virtual session, he shared with me his story. He shared with me how he just couldn’t have… he didn’t have the language. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. How would people look at him? Being that vulnerable, being that transparent is scary when you come from a very structured disciplined type environment. We have the stereotypes, you know, the man is supposed to be the ideal. You don’t ask for much. Your car breaks down, you’re supposed to know how to fix it. You’re supposed to have the solution to everything.

So in offer, one of the benefits of me being a man working with men is that we can cut to the chase. I recognize we all have a sensitivity. Like I say, we all have a little diva in us.

So I was able to say, “Okay, I hear you. You look nice. You’re gorgeous. Okay, cool. Now let’s talk about what’s really going on with you.” And he was able to share how insecurity was. He was able to share how he had a low self-value because he didn’t really know how to communicate. He knew how to smile. He didn’t know how to connect and tap into his emotions and let his wife know how much he needed her and wanted her. And subsequently I have to challenge him to say, “Okay, we need to have this conversation with your partner. It’s going to be difficult. I don’t know what to say. I’m here. I’m partnering with you. I’m walking with you. We can do this together.”

And through this process, I’m modeling for him how to communicate. I’m sharing with him, “Hey, expand on this information.” so when we’re able to sit with his wife, we can incrementally begin to share.

Andrea: When we get back from the break, I want you to take us into the therapy session where he does have this conversation and unfolded. Because as you said, infidelity wasn’t what brought them in. it was communication issues.

So when we get back, I’d love to hear how that unfolds.

You’re listening to Liberate Your Authentic Self with me, Dr. Andrea Pennington. Check out the live version of this show where I answer your questions in real time. Visit www.facebook.com/drandreapennington. You can also submit your questions via email. Send it to drandrea@americaoutloud.com. That’s D-R A-N-D-R-E-A @americaoutloud.com.

Andrea: So with me today is Todd Malloy and we’re talking about how you can really be honest with yourself about your own shortcomings and how you can be present, honest and sincere in every moment including with your beloved, including if you had to break the news about cheating.

So Todd, before we went to break you were talking to us about Javier and Rebecca. This picture perfect couple that looks like they have it all together but underneath the pretty polish, neither of them was really feeling connected. And Javier in particular admitted that he felt shallow. As you helped him open up to just owning these feelings and admitting them to himself, talk to me about what happened in the therapy.

Todd: When we were in session, I always talk with Javier. You know what we were talking about, I think it’s important that you share these with your wife. You’ve practiced with me. We’ve talked. Talk it out. He shared with his wife about his vulnerabilities, how he didn’t feel emotionally connected to her. He questioned whether she really wanted to marry him or not because of all of the activities that happened prior to the marriage.

And subsequently, his wife’s response to him, “Well let me explain to you why you felt this way and I’m sorry that you didn’t feel connected to me but let me explain why.” So oftentimes, they had been living together 10-15 years however their basic conversations that people have actually never had. She said that she saw his phone one time. It had some text in it that he had been with a woman prior to him being married, before he got married.

The week before he gets married because he’s an attractive guy, he attracts a lot of women. From that moment on, she never trusted him. Javier, because of his insecurities liked to get the attention of women. He really didn’t like to sleep with women. I mean, he does like to sleep with women but his pursuit was the chase. Feed it to my ego, feed my attention. However because of what his wife saw before and what she was experiencing being with him, she did not trust him.

However through that process… again they didn’t come for infidelity reasons but it came up because his wife, she had her concern. She said she wants to know in session whether he had been unfaithful or not.

Andrea: Wow.

Todd: When she asked the question, I was stuck. Then Javier was going along right now. He’s talking about his emotions and all the things that he’s doing, his fear. He felt like he had to vomit. And this is the process because now, the brain is doing some new stuff, new pathways are being created. Hey, we’ve never done this before. We’re outside of our box. But through the process and through me guiding him through the process, he was able to say, “Yes, I have.”

Andrea: Wow.

Todd: He was able to say, yes. Now how I frame that is sometimes if you want something, if you want a relationship, you have to be willing to fight for it. In order to fight for it, you have to be brave enough to ask a question but you also have to be brave enough to get the answer. Process through the emotions and through the ugliness and through the hurt. Because infidelity, where I see it as being traumatized. My feet are on solid ground. I’m standing on the carpet. I’m comfortable. You jerk the carpet from under me. I am now thrown in the air, free falling, don’t know when to hit ground.

So through the infidelity process, what I always share that now obviously you can imagine it, the flurry of questions coming back. Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? How long? What you did? All of these different things. But I slow the offended party down. And then because I said, “Why are those questions important?” when it gets graphic and you want to know all the juicy details. Where did you put it? How long did you put it? How come you never did those things to me? Etcetera. I slow people down and say, “Hold on. Why are those questions important? Why do you want to pour salt in the wound with details that don’t really have relevance? Where did you learn to abuse yourselves?”

Andrea: Wow.

Todd: Now we’re getting. Now in this moment, we’re going to deal with these feelings and these emotions. Where are they coming from? It’s not just you asking the question. What’s the underlying meaning?

Andrea: But don’t you think most humans, I mean, you say where does it come from? I mean, that’s just the… I know it feels like self-torture but that’s just the curiosity. Like, wait! I can’t imagine. Wait! You! What? How? I could see that someone in that situation would want to ask those questions. At least to just put their own imagination to rest because I’ve had people tell me that they knew their partner was cheating and then not knowing. And the scenarios that they cooked up in their own mind was the worst torture.

Todd: Right. I agree with you because the unknown, there’s the fear of the unknown in all of those things. However but also now wants to hear, it affirms my perception. I have to process through it with my imagination, what’s accurate, true, all of these things.

Andrea: So what did Rebecca respond? How did Rebecca respond when you said, “Okay, where are these questions coming from?”

Todd: Right. Because remember, we always give an output. All we hear is output. That output has an underpinning. There’s an experience that I’m having. It processes through the filters of my brain. I give the output. So the output isn’t always a clear reflection of what your experience is. If we look at it from a core value perspective, there’s some core need not met. It’s not the question you’re asking. It’s where it’s coming from. I don’t feel secure. I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel valued. I don’t feel wanted. I don’t feel desired. Those are the real question. It’s not… You know, you gave your all. You had oral play. How long did you do it? What makes you made her score and you never made me score?

Andrea: All right.

Todd: It’s what is going on from a core values perspective, the repressed emotion that had triggered your own insecurity that have triggered other factors that have happened throughout your course of your life.

Remember, content in question. Conversation and environment content don’t have as much value from my perspective as the feeling that you had. Because we respond to feeling, not necessarily the words that we hear.

Andrea: Yes. And so what did you uncover with Rebecca? I mean, were there particular issues that had been lingering or what?

Todd: Right. Part of the issue was the lack of trust, not feeling wanted, not feeling desired which fed into her family, where she comes from a family of neglect. So when you come from a childhood of neglect, emotional neglect, sexual trauma. Neglect and trauma have similar impact. What it does is it makes the world about everybody around you not about you because I have to please people. I have to fix people. I have to entertain people to get their attention to be able to get what I need because I’m always hungry for something. So if I look like the pretty picture. But meanwhile I’m neglecting my own feeling, my own experience.

So even when Javier was saying, “I love you and I value you and I appreciate you,” she was saying, “No, you don’t.” and she’s saying, “No, you don’t.” I mean, they’ve been intimate. I’ve worked with them just the other day. And they shared with me that they’ve never had emotionally connected intimacy.

Now you figure this is like a porn movie waiting to happen. Beautiful people. Intimate. But we got pieces and parts. We’re physically attracted to each other but the emotional connection in that experience, they’ve actually never had because of Javier’s experience of being shallow. The bubble that Rebecca created for herself didn’t allow that.

So now, when you look at that, that’s opening the door to confusion because if you’re not feeding my poor needs… Yes, I love you. Yes, I want to be with you. But I’m trying to communicate my core need. I’m trying to communicate with you what my needs are. You’re not meeting them. And eventually I’m exposed to make some very hard choices and to hurt you and disappoint you.

Andrea: So in this situation, was Javier still seeing someone else? Was their ever an affair or was it just…? I know it’s never just sex but, you know, was he looking for an emotional connection with someone through his affair?

Todd: No it’s just only for him. He was looking for emotional connection with his wife. However the placebo was to get attention from other women. The placebo was, okay now first it’s said into just feed my ego but after a while, you play with something long enough you got to do something about it.

So now over the course of their relationship, he had to share that. He made a list. A matter of fact, he made his wife uncomfortable because she said,”I just want to know. I want you to make a list.” He opened his journal because he actually got a kind of journal. He opened his journal that I asked him to do because I’ve asked him to help him process. Because you’re not always automatically able to verbalize your feelings and experience. So what we want to do is get you to just get them out first in writing and then be able to build toward creating a language for it.

He actually went to his journal, shared all the women he flirted with. And with the number of women that he’s slept with, obviously she said she was horrified. However she said, for her she said, “At least now I know.”

For that last year, he had not been having an affair because he recognized he wanted his wife. Through this process, he’s sharing his commitment his fidelity to her. He works finding the root cause of what’s going on. But also remember, the infidelity isn’t about one person. It’s about two people share a responsibility in this. All share in the impact that the lack of intimacy because they’re not people that have sex often. It was more maintenance driven as opposed to passion, emotion connection and all of those things. Here they may have sex once a quarter, you know, once every two months because look, this is just ridiculous. We need to take care of something. We have maintenance since we are sexual people.

Andrea: So how do you help a couple move on from there? I mean, that sounds like she didn’t even know. She suspected it. It’s probably almost even relief for her in one way because as I was thinking about how the mind can just sit there rolling and rolling and rolling. At least now she knows. But is there a way for them to build a true emotionally connected intimate marriage after that?

Todd: Most definitely. First of all, there’s research that identifies that infidelity can actually strengthen marriage because we think that we’re dealing with the root cause. And seeing through the root cause, we recognize that it’s a share of responsibility.

Now do we ever approve or say yes to infidelity as a great thing? Well no. what it is is let’s understand how we got here. Do we see enough value in each other and what we can create, what we have created to work through?

So yes, people can recover. Yes, people can move on. But now are you invested enough to do the work? It’s the only real question.

Now in this particular situation, Rebecca definitely knew that he had an affair because he brought home and FDI. Now this is the first time I’ve ever heard this multiple situations. Clients with frightening calls from distraught wives that have never been exposed to anything. Now their husband comes home and the only person they had conflict that they haven’t been with another person.

However even when she came up with the FDI, he never spoke. So we had to process through all the muck and the mire.

Right now they’re doing well. However the verdict is still out. The key is that, they’re both coming in to their most empowered self. That they can make the healthiest choices and decisions for them no matter what it is.

My goal is not to determine whether they stay married. My goal is to empower them that they can see clearly and make the healthiest choices for them, whichever they are.

Andrea: Wow, that is deep. That is going be some work. I don’t know. That whole idea of bringing stuff home, bringing diseases into the crib. That is not cool.

Well Todd, the other thing I really wanted to explore from this story and in your work is that Javier got to the point where he realized he wasn’t living his most authentic self. He was living in a shell kind of existence. How does your work and your process help people get to that transformational change so that they can live as their most authentic self?

Todd: We start off really by asking questions. Those questions are number one. We ask the biblical question, “Who are you?” and really, there are two questions whether… In Javier’s case because I was talking to a person identified as male. I said, “Who are you?” and “Give me your definition of man.”

By asking those questions, people know what they do. They don’t really connect to who they are. So what we begin to do is really talk about what your core interests are. What drives you? What motivates you? What excites you? Who are you outside of you? Take all of these things away. Who are you? And who is it that you aspire to be?

And we begin to walk through that process. We address the fears, the confusion, the doubt. We address that. We give people permission to define for themselves who they are and who they desire to be based on their own terms as opposed to what they’re told to do. Because if you’ve been given information when you were five or ten years old, is it really relevant at 30? When we receive information from parents, from authority figure, we take it and gossip. But when we think about it, nothing is stagnant. Everything changes. Everything evolves. But are we evolving? Are we changing? Are we adapting to our environment? So no matter what the information is that you gathered over the course of your life, how is it relevant to who you are today and where you see yourself going forward?

Therefore the transformation happens. For those that may have some biblical understanding. It’s like be transformed by the renewing of your mind. See once I change my mind, my environment, my perspective, my goals, my drives are different. George Clooney said, “I’ll clean it up a little bit. Free your mind and your tail will follow.”   The only hindrances, the only vines that we have are those that we place upon ourselves. We are our only limitation. If we really look at it, there have never really been any hindrances or boundaries or barriers in our lives. There’s no one to hurdle. There’s really no one to stop us in life.

If you really think about it, the choices that we’ve made and the decisions that we’ve made based on the things that have happened. We choose the impact that something has on us. Yes, we’re going to be part of it. Yes, we’re going to be disappointed. Yes, all of these things. But how we respond and react or act upon it is solely our responsibility.

Andrea: Well when we get back from this break, I want to talk about response ability. Because the ability to respond when we were two or three, we had very limited ability. So I get what you’re saying that our lives are based on how we have reacted, the choices that we’ve made. When we’re a child, we’re not consciously making those choices. For some child who was abused or even bullied, we are making those choices because we’ve got to adapt to survive or so we feel. We don’t even think. We just feel. We go into that reptilian fight or flight mode.

When we get back from the break, I want you to talk us through how we can get to that level of accountability and responsibility because if you’re saying that we’ve all experienced some micro traumas, you know, whether that was just a parent telling you to shut up and be quiet or physical trauma. All of that is chipping away at our sense of self, chipping away at our sense of confidence and competence. Confidence that I’m allowed to express and confidence in just being able to express what I want. So being able to express what I want. So that seems like a whole lot we got to unravel when we get back from this break.

You’re listening to Liberate Your Authentic Self with me, Dr. Andrea Pennington. Check me out on Instagram, @drandreapennington. And now, back to the show.

Andrea: So we all like to say that we have our own accountability. Life is about the choices you make. Life isn’t happening to you. It’s happening for you.

Well that all sounds well and good in the old personal development world. But what if you’ve been experiencing trauma since very early in your life. Well Todd Malloy says we’ve even experienced little micro traumas. Every little hit to our self-esteem and our sense of self can knock us into these boxes.

Well Todd, I want you to help us get out of the box and reclaim our confidence and our ability to express ourselves and then most importantly, to live a fully expressed and authentic life. Where do we begin?

Todd: Well as I was saying earlier, throughout the course of life and the experiences that we have. We’re creating a story. It’s like we weave the tapestry. And it has these glorious or these hideous things.

however but through the process, we have to challenge particularly now once we become conscious adults making decisions, finding ourselves, tripping, tripping, finding ourselves in this negative side that we can’t seem to get out of. We’d really take a look at the story and how we weave this tapestry.

My responsibility is to unweave that tapestry and to weave a tapestry of self-empowerment, authenticity that people can live life.

So I’ve worked with people that have been traumatized. We can look at that traumatization as either, “I was a victim,” or victorious. I really have the perspective and because I come from a very strength based perspective in my approach. And being strength based is that as opposed to being the victim, know you’re victorious. Why? Because I don’t personally believe there’s such a thing as failure. There’s no such thing as failure irrespective of the things that I’ve been through on the course of my life because I’m here talking about it.

Andrea: Right.

Todd: These opportunities are really lessons learned. But can I really look at the situation and the downfalls, the hurts, the pains – all of these different things that I’ve had in my life. But now how do I reframe, recreate the story that I’m telling myself to empower myself.

Andrea: Well how do you do that? Because when someone has been knocked down whether physically in an abuse situation or just seems like life is knocking at you. It’s hard to start saying, “Okay, I’m going to just reframe this. This isn’t failure. I’m not a loser.” Where do you begin with that?

Todd: Well think about this. At young adulthood, adulthood there aren’t really any feelings. Let’s say they went through that type of experience. There are no feelings, experience, hurt, pain, or shame that they have not experienced before. I’m still here. It didn’t destroy me.

Andrea: Right.

Todd: Now it’s about the choices that you’re making. See the fact of, you know, there are colloquialisms that I have that I don’t know are fair to use online but the point is, is that once you’ve had some horrific experiences and you felt weathered, beat down, all of those things but you got up the next day. It’s like, what? It came. I took it as hard as it is. Yes, I fell down but I’m still here.

Andrea: I’m still here.

Todd: Right. I’m still here. I have, quite I’m thinking about now, who was neglected, didn’t bathe but once a month. A young lady not bathing but once a month who had to bathe in public in a trash can.

Andrea: Wow.

Todd: Who was ridiculed by teachers because of her stench, didn’t comb her hair, all of these different things. Has self body, body images, all of these things. Was in a marriage, her husband left her for a prostitute after extended periods of marriage. However but through that, we were able to rescript her story. We were able to create and weave a new tapestry for her where she pulled all of those things together, where she poured it out in anger and  frustration. As she moved through the course of life, she changed that into an apartment and used that same fuel to create an experience for her that was enjoyable, that was worth celebrating. That energy is going somewhere. You direct. You choose how you want to direct it.

Now I could use it for my own destruction or I can use it to create an environment for me moving forward that I can look forward to.

See once you’ve been through adversity and you still stand, what do I have to be afraid of? Once I become comfortable in the uncomfortable, there’s nothing that can stop me. What’s left? Nothing. Now I live in the field of opportunities. I live in the field of all possibilities. Because my story is really a testimony of the strengths no matter what it looks like. I may have a bullet horn, I may have scars, I may have cellulite but I’m here. I’m going to celebrate. Now let the perfect work be done. 

Andrea: I like it. I like it because it’s just simply a reframe. It’s changing the direction of the narrative. Instead of being a victim, giving up, or saying, “Poor me. Woe is me,” you know throwing that pity party. It’s like, “Okay, let’s turn that around.”

Todd: Exactly. So again, I get to spend my days really being a part of the solution. Sometimes you’re in a situation, you’re hearing about infidelity, FDI’s and any number of things. However I recognize when I’m in there, I’m taking that story and weaving a tapestry of glory that they can build upon going forward no matter what choices they are.

Most of my clients, truth be told, have stayed together. And just last week, I had a couple figure out they don’t want to be married anymore. But they were making clear, healthy choices and they both understood and they were able to have this conversation without the hostility. Hey, this is what it is. And for them, they just didn’t want to put in the work. I’ve worked so hard in this relationship. I don’t want to work so hard at this stage of my life at anything. I love you enough to not put you through it. Because now, through that there is… remember, we’re going to be triggered. The moment that he says he’s going to be home at five and he comes home at six, it’s not like you forget. But there’s been a trigger. Where were you? Give me your phone. Pull up your Facebook. Give me access to your email. All of these things. They’re going to be triggered. But through time, that trust can be restored. It doesn’t have a time limit but it does have a level of commitment associated to it. If you can be committed to communication, to being present, honest and sincere. If you can be committed to what you said you want your partner to experience, you can get it. No one comes together and says, “I want to hurt you. I want to violate you. I want to disappoint you.”

No one gets married or joins in a couple that way. Why do I know this? Because if you say that you want to make somebody else miserable, you signed yourself up to the same movie.

Andrea: That’s right. 

Todd: So from the mere fact that you come to the table wanting to create an experience for yourself or for someone else, you can be committed to that by connecting to yourselves, sharing your experience. But there are not always good conversations. These sessions are difficult. But that’s the point of being an adult is to have those hard conversations. So it’s not about fussing and arguing. It’s okay to argue. I tell my clients, it’s okay to argue but know why you’re arguing and are you fighting for the relationship.

Sometimes we got to have the ugly conversation. But how we use that information to cultivate a healthy moving forward.

Andrea: Well I want to shift gears a little bit and talk about another way that you’re using conversation to move your agenda forward in helping people and that is through your Man Cave Conversations.

So talk to me about this initiative and what you’re hoping to achieve with the Man Cave Conversations.

Todd: Well Man Cave Conversations is a new baby of mine. It is about dispelling myths to give accurate information with regards to manhood, relationship, intimacy and passion from a male perspective.

There are many, many stereotypes about man in regards to the whole macho image. Men don’t ask questions. We don’t go to the doctor. I cannot say many of them alone. However I think that those choices and decisions have relational impact.

So Man Cave Conversations is an opportunity to have a form of med or we talk about sex, sexuality. We talk about sexual health. We talked about relationships, definition of manhood in a form upon which is recorded. But then it gives the opportunity for women to watch and really being to stimulate relational conversation.

Andrea: So it’s like, we ladies get to be a fly on the wall to understand what you all really think, what you’re really struggling with and you’re there to facilitate these conversations with the fellows. I get it.

Todd: Exactly. We talk about women’s attire, what it means to them, you know, who you’re going to take home, who you’re going to build with. We share about… Actually the interesting thing is that I’m able to even talk about sex. You know, with men and what they want and what they desire. The interesting thing that I’m trying to get at is that men aren’t as sexually astute as we think we know. We got pieces and parts. They do what they do with pieces and parts but they really don’t know what the pelvic… I was in a roomful of men. None of them understood the pelvic region of a woman, where the sensitive areas are and so forth.

So there’s a lot of misinformation, a lack of education that I believe that… I may not be able to take care of everybody in the world but there are certain pillars that you would impact certain pillars. That will resonate throughout society. And me being a part of the solution, Man Cave Resolutions is another venue where I can connect to men in very transparent places, still being honest, present and sincere in every moment. Because in those moments, they’re being transparent. They’re being very vulnerable. But now as that vulnerable, that transparent, that sincere in every moment. Now women, where they are partners, wherever they may be are able to glean information and build healthier, stronger relationships but also think about what the bondage or person of man moves throughout life, you’re 18. You got an erection. That is just great. You’re 45 and it just doesn’t act the same.

But who do you talk to during that process? How do you share with your partner? “Hey, I’m not rejecting your sexually because a lot of women are feeling rejected during those transformational period. You’re not being… “This is what’s going on with me. I take responsibility of it however we’re secure with those types of things.”

When we begin to explain the process, what happens? How do we address it? Women don’t feel rejected, man feels secure about who they are. We can still fall through the healthiest types of relationships.

Andrea: So now that you finished Season One of Man Cave, will you do it again? Will you take it on the road or what’s next?

Todd: Actually, I’m in the process of preparing for the second season. Actually after second season we’re going to focus primarily on relationships. And what we’re actually doing is going to bring an audience of women in it who are going to hit the conversations. So women will actually upfront have to watch Season One and men’s concepts about relationship. But then we’ll put both in the same room where they’re going to have the dialogue. So I’m looking forward to it. A lot of people are excited about it. Again it’s a lot of positive thing going on.

Andrea: And where can we find that? Is it www.mancaveconversations.com?

Todd: Correct. You can find it on www.mancaveconversations.com. We’re also on Facebook. Man Cave Conversations on Facebook. Mancaveconvo on Twitter. You can find us online 24 hours a day.

Andrea: All right. Well Todd, this has been an enlightening conversation just getting a little bit of a hint of what’s going on inside of you mind and inside of your therapy office. So thank you for being present, honest and sincere in our conversation. 

I do want to bring you back though so we can talk a little bit more the other side of it and that is some of the stuff you’re finding out with women because I would bet that women are opening up to you when they’re talking about their stuff in a way that’s very enlightening as well.

Todd: Yes, very much. I look forward to the opportunity. I was enjoying our account. Thank you.

Andrea: Yes, I do as well. So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. I will put all the links below the video and in the Podcast and radio description so that you can check out Todd Malloy at the Inner Peace Counseling Center and his Man Cave Conversations.

Well it has been a pleasure. And I want to remind our audience that you are a gift to the world. So share your presence with passion. And until next time, may you be free from suffering, may you be truly well in body, mind and heart and may you know true happiness. Much love. See you.

Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to follow me on Twitter, @drandrea. And did you know? I’m on the radio daily. Visit www.americaoutloud.com to download the talk radio app.

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The post Processing Infidelity w/ Honesty & Sincerity w/ Todd Malloy | Liberate Your Authentic Self Weekend appeared first on Resilience + Self-Love + Holistic Healing of Trauma & Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Jul 28 2017

52mins

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Rank #3: What does Lightworker mean? Are you one? | Halina Gold and Andrea Pennington Video interview

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We are all “Made by Light”, no matter how it looks. Nothing exists outside the source, the universe, the divine creation. But it is concealed in endless and very convincing ways, to say the least. Our job as Lightworkers is not to “make light” or “work Light” but to be able to FIND the light that is underneath all there is, in every human being, in every situation.

With the global challenges that we’re facing today, how do spiritual seekers become powerful, grounded Lightworkers who can raise the level of light and joy in their own lives, everywhere they go, and globally? In this interview with Halina Goldstein, spiritual mentor and lightworker living in Denmark and working globally, Dr. Andrea takes this question deep.

Together they explore their mutual commitment to helping others find their own truth, so that you never have to depend on anything or anyone outside of themselves (including gurus!)

About Halina Goldsteinwww.HalinaGold.com

Having explored various personal and spiritual growth modalities since 1973, Halina has been including these in other aspects of her work, particularly music, since 1980. She has an ability to connect with other people’s energy, feelings and soul, which has, among other things, enabled her to mentor and teach experienced spiritual seekers.Her expertise includes reconnecting with love, transforming loneliness to joy, integrating personal, creative and spiritual life, flow and awakening.

Halina has published a CD with meditative improvisation: “Alive – A Love Recording”, a collection of Haiku-like contemplations: “Meditations for the Living” as well as a self-help book: “From Lonely To Home: A Workbook for finding your way.” She has written hundreds of inspirational articles, including for leading spiritual blogs such as TinyBuddha, FinerMinds and PickThe Brain.

Download her free guided meditations and subscribe for updates on being a Lightworker at www.HalinaGold.com

Music credits:
“Rewind” by Blue Wednesday
“Apple Pie & Butterflies” by Blue Wednesday
“Vibe with Me” and “Mondays Compilation” by Joakim Karud
“No Words (Mosquito Beat)” and “Mondays Compilation” by David Cutter – www.DavidCutterMusic.co.uk

Liberate Your Authentic Self

The Prescription for Living Your Life Out Loud

Insight & inspiration for purposeful living, conscious relationships & soulful success.

Daily Show 12-2pm ET on America Out Loud

Weekend Edition Saturday & Sunday 3pm ET on America Out Loud

This show is for Soul-conscious, heart-centered and open-minded people who want to optimize their performance, pleasure and profits.

You can tune in on Facebook LIVE Monday & Friday at 3pm Central European Time (9am Eastern US) to get fired up with inspiration & interviews on how to get more out of life, business and relationships without compromising your integrity or values.

TRANSCRIPT

You don’t have to be deeply spiritual to know that right now our world is just a little bit nuts. A little bit crazy. And each of us are really being challenged to keep our mindset towards the positive and our energy level high. So I think you’ll really be blessed by today’s conversation.

Today I am speaking with Halina Goldstein. She is a spiritual mentor and a Lightworker living in Denmark and working globally. Halina has explored various personal and spiritual growth modalities since 1973. And she has been including these in other aspects of her work particularly music since 1980.

Halina has an ability to connect with other people’s energy, their feelings and their soul which has among other things enabled her to mentor and teach experienced spiritual seekers.

Halina’s expertise includes reconnecting with love, transforming loneliness to joy and integrating personal, creative and spiritual life flow and awakening

Welcome to Liberate Your Authentic Self with Dr. Andrea Pennington, the prescription to living your life out loud. Tune in daily to get fired up with insight and inspiration for purposeful living, conscious relationships and soulful success.

Andrea: Well first of all, I just want to say thank you, Halina for being here with us on Liberate Your Authentic Self.

Halina: Well thank you. It’s a pleasure and honor to be here. Thank you.

Andrea: Well I have always been drawn to your energy from the first time that we met. And every time that we even meet online, you have this glow. You have a presence about you that is… at one point it’s elevating but at the same time it’s very grounding. And I just love it. So it’s an honor for me to be connected with you as well.

Halina: Well thank you.

Andrea: Well I think that one of the things I’d love to start off with is… obviously we know that you are on this mission to really empower lightworkers so that we can really learn to see, and feel, and sense the light in everything which is so beautiful and it’s quite poetic in metaphorical. But I think what would be interesting to start off with is a little bit about your life philosophy. You’ve said that your perspective on life is that it’s an adventure. It’s a dream. It’s a journey in consciousness. And for all of us as individuals and as an adventure, it’s full of experiences, challenges, victories and surprising turns which is why you’re saying, you know, we just have to see the light in everything even the things that we might consider negative or painful.

But I’d love to hear in your voice how you think this adventure starts. You have a beautiful perspective of how we leave this state of love and joy when we come into this human existence.

Halina: Yes. That is true. And you know, everything that I express comes from experience because I’ve been in situations we all have where the experience was that, what can I count on? What can I really believe? And what I found at the time was that I only could count on my own experience. So no matter how wise, you know, spiritual books I’ve read… and I have. It wasn’t enough. So I had to go back to my experience always. And that’s what I do and what I also invite others to do. So that goes for my philosophy as well.

The experience of us coming from light and from love is something that we can sense intuitively but there is also for me again an experience that came. A remembrance of the first maybe months that I had here on Earth where I remembered this field of love that was like everywhere. It was endless. And I believe that this is universal. I don’t think it was just me or it’s just me. I believe that this is the state we come in as we enter the physical dimension or the physical experience.

And the next thing that happens for just about everyone and typically within the first three years or so of our life is that it starts to shrink, that field of love. We encounter the challenges of life very early through our parents, through our circumstances. As babies, as children, as these sensitive completely open beings, we react very strongly even to minor challenges. And that builds up like shell upon shell and layer upon layer of protection. And later on of ideas, of beliefs.

So as we move into life and grow up, we move away from that source that we are and that we come from and become those complicated human beings that we become. And then for… I believe at the end of the day perhaps it’s the calling in each and every human being. The more or less conscious awareness of where we come from and the longing to come back and the countless ways in which we as humans try to come back. And some are more effective than others and some are more adequate than others, you can say.

But for some of us, it becomes a spiritual search. Somehow in different ways, I’m sure maybe we have like dynamic experiences of this other reality. Or maybe we, you know, someone tells us about something like meditation or any other spiritual practice. And so we are back on this journey of where we try to come back basically. Trying to get back to where we come from. Try to get back home.

And it’s a long journey and a challenging one. And although I a feeling that it gets shorter and shorter. In my generation it could take maybe 40 years. The next generation maybe 20, the next maybe 10 and I don’t know. Maybe next generation they’re just born with it. I don’t know. But it is a long journey and it is very challenging. And like in every adventure, it’s something that I think we can see when we look back. We can rarely see it when we are in the middle of it but when we look back in our life, then things really make sense and we can see. Right? We can see how the challenges we experience, how they made us grow and made us unfold. It enables us to move forward in the directions we wanted to.

So that’s basically it. That’s the adventures that on one hand take the slab with us and try to get back to it. And on the other hand, we check everything else that we’ve learned and partly try to get rid of it but at the same time, take with us. It’s complicated. Like I said, fantastic adventure.

Andrea: And you also believe that through this life journey, this adventure we can experience a homecoming or an awakening where we realize that essence of love that just bath of love and light that we came from never really left us.

Halina: Absolutely. I know you’ve had these experiences. I’ve had these experiences than many others. And I imagine it happens in very different ways. And I think many people have had like glimpses of it in meditation. Some had like deep experiences of meditations. In meditation, I had this experience when I was like hitting rock bottom, something similar as your story. So at a point in my life where I lost all hope and I was just lying on my floor literally and was just completely hopeless and completely giving up. Like no actively giving up but just… there was nothing I could do and I’ve tried everything. And I was very lonely at that point and in deep, deep emotional pain and in deep emptiness. And all of a sudden from one like, less than a second it’s like time you cannot measure. I was in complete bliss. Complete bliss. And it was everywhere and it was everything. There was nothing but love and light in that dream. And that lasted for a few hours and then it started to dissolve as it does. And that again took me on the next step of the journey where I was trying to get back to the healing. And I could by well but it had again… along the way it was easier and easier to get to either that feeling or something like related to it, close to it.

And I don’t remember the feeling of homecoming came in the same way but at some point along this journey, things opened up and opened up and opened up and my heart opened up. And I found that love is not something outside of me or something that I need to search but it was flowing through me. The more that kind of built up, the more I felt at home. And it was and is a feeling that on one hand is like, you know, the feeling of the spiritual home. The feeling of being at home with your soul or being so connected with your soul which you are at home. But it also, for me at least, and I don’t think it’s only for me but it also changes completely the way I relate with the world because it also becomes a home.

And before I’ve had this homecoming experiences, I felt really like a stranger in the world. I have always been in the minority, a minority expert and so alienated from other people in many ways. But as this feeling of homecoming became stronger and stronger, I noticed that I feel connected with everyone and I feel at home everywhere. And again I do not believe this is something that is special for me or as an individual. I feel this is a potential of the journey that is open for all of us.

Andrea: Wow. You know I relate to that as you know my story very well. I definitely… I don’t remember as you experienced it in those first months of life. You remember the feeling of that joy, that bliss, that love. I don’t remember that but what I do remember from a very early age is that longing you talk about. For me, it was more of a knowing than a feeling. It was like I know that I belong in a state of bliss and love and I’m not feeling that here. And so I had this experience of longing which definitely did start me on this path of spiritual seeking.

So one of the things that you’ve said is that in recognition of all of the global challenges that we’re facing, that you’re really dedicated to helping people like me, the spiritual seeker. A powerful grounded Lightworker that can raise the level of light and joy in our own lives everywhere we go and even globally. And I just love it. It’s so beautiful. It resonates with me a lot.

Can you just give us a little hint? Like in your experience, what is a lightworker?

Halina: Good question. And by the way, we help each other all of us too. It goes all the way around.

What is a lightworker? Oh, my god. As you know, there are so many definition and so many experiences of what it is. And as a matter of fact, it is a concept that I’ve been avoiding most of my life because I did not resonate with the way it was being used, for example, as it being used as, “I’m better than you. I’m a lightworker,” or, “There is darkness there but I’m the light.” So it was really… it’s just not my way. But eventually I surrendered recently to kind of redefine it and also because it’s… I have the sense that we’re having a lightworker revolution these days.

Andrea: I do too.

Halina: Oh, you do? Because this is so new to me like the lightworker revolution. But yes, it’s almost like exploding in a peaceful way. It’s spreading so much. So it is important now to use that word.

So back to the question. What is a lightworker? So to me it is someone that is connected with the energy of light. And how do you put that in words? I don’t know. But it’s connected with the light, with the soul to a degree that it affects other people. And this doesn’t have to be a conscious choice. For many of us it is obviously for people that have, you know, healers, coaches, therapists, teachers, artists. This is all from a conscious experiences and a conscious choice. But I’ve met people that in… And again, I believe that we all have that… that there really are lightworkers, they have never heard the word. They may not even define themselves as spiritual people. But the way they are with other people has that effect.

To give you an example, there was situation in my life when I was 15 where that was like a big crisis in my life, you could say, aside from the ones that came later. For this was like really, really difficult time when I was about to lose everything, you know, lose my country, lose my friends, lose everything. And I spoke at the time and I didn’t have anyone to speak with and the stranger like invited me to speak with a man.

So I went to a meeting where this man was. There was a group of people and he would just like walk around and say a few things and then he came to me and he didn’t ask me why I was there. And he didn’t, you know, ask what my problem was. He just kind of just looked at me and then he said, “You will be okay. You will be all right.” And then he went on. And that really gave me something to hold on to that lasted for years that I needed until I found out that I really would be all right. And it’s not the words because people say that to each other all the time. “Oh, you will be all right.” And it’s really many times we say it because we don’t want to feel the other person’s pain or because we just say something. There are so many reasons. But this was different. This was really like just vibrating. I didn’t know that I was sensitive to that but it affected me.

And that’s what lightworkers do, I believe. It’s not so much… It can’t be, you know, actions. It can be choices and all kinds of ways and that is important too. But to be able to in your own life and environment you are to have that connection with light so that it connects with the light in the environment, connects with the light in the other people. That’s a lightworker to me. Does that make sense?

Andrea: It does make sense. It gives me the impression of being a conduit. Like we are of the light. There’s light all around us. There’s light in everyone. And it’s not that we necessarily have to do anything but being present and being willing to connect and flow and be can have this dramatic impact even with just a few spoken words or just a look. And as you know, I always say that you’re a gift to the world so share your presence. So by being willing to be open to the possibility that light is everywhere, then we can be open to just be present. We don’t always have to be in the doing. We can just be a human being.

When we get back from the break, I’d love to dive more a little bit into this concept of a lightworker revolution. Because I agree with you, something special is going on. So we’ll pick it up there when we get back.

You’re listening to Liberate Your Authentic Self with me, Dr. Andrea Pennington. Check out the live version of the show where I answer your questions in real time. Visit www.facebook.com/drandreapennington. You can also submit your questions via email. Send it to drandrea@americaoutloud.com. That’s D-R A-N-D-R-E-A @americaoutloud.com.

Andrea: My guest today is Halina Goldstein. She has been on a spiritual journey for more than 40 years. And now, she’s committed to helping you, a spiritual seeker, a lightworker really stay connected to light even when you feel like you’re going through the darkest of times.

Halina, before we went to break we were talking about this concept of a lightworker revolution. And I do feel like there is this increased energy, this bubbling awakening. I almost don’t even want to say that because it almost sounds cliché. I’ve heard so many people say, “Oh, people are awakening across the planet.”

But now that I feel it and I see it more, I’m getting a sense of urgency. Maybe it’s because I’m an American and there’s a lot of turmoil that hasn’t ended. We talk about cycles and unfortunately I don’t know many other countries on the planet who haven’t gone through this cycle of depression, or oppression, or war, or strife. But I think we as Americans got a little comfortable. Civil Rights Movement kind of died down. Women got some rights and then it seemed like we went through a little, I don’t know, I’m only 46. But it seemed like for me, my experience of America, there was a time of peace. It was like, “Go get them. Live the American dream.” And then things really started to feel dark and look dark. I mean, I can go on and on about the wars and the racism and the recession and sexes. I mean, gosh I can go on. But I am feeling that there is an awakening happening. People who I wouldn’t have ever thought were spiritual seekers, for example. You know, I’ve been this way all my life but there are people that are just sort of like suddenly hungry for understanding of these concepts and these feelings.

So what do you think? Do you think that we’re just going through another cycle of time? Or is this a unique thing? Or is it just… I don’t know what. Tell me.

Halina: I wish I had an answer. I don’t know but I can of course share my experience. And my experience is that it’s really both. I really do believe that we go through cycles and waves. And this is how evolution happens through these waves and through these cycles. And I also, you know, sometimes I rarely remember how relative it all is when we have the life we… it is so important to us like my 62 years are like the most important in world obviously. But then when we kind of remember, there is like generation after generation after generation and, you know, the whole evolution and millions of years. And that perspective is just glimpses. Nothing more. But these glimpses and this evolution it all happens through cycles. So I believe it’s another cycle.

But on the other hand, another cycle, on the other hand there’s such a strong feeling exactly as you described of things building up. So just to give you an example. When I started on this journey, I was around 18 and I started to meditate. That was such a weird thing to do at the time. No one was talking about it. It was pretty close to being crazy. And it was just transcendental meditation. Today it’s like just that. Nothing special about it. But it was that rare and that like hidden. And then there was like another, I don’t know, maybe 20 years past and then there were more and more people talking about it.

And today, it’s like mainstream. CEOs of big companies meditate. Google has a meditation room. Apple has a meditation room. It’s everywhere.

So that’s pack up that it’s building up as an opportunity. But there is also a feeling of it, of this urgency that you’re talking about and I have like really difficulties to put it into word. And the word revolution just like came to me just a few days ago and I was like revolution or evolution? Revolution. But yet, that’s experience. So it is building up and maybe this is the kind of hopefully it’s a peaceful revolution. But it’s a revolution maybe of the way we think, the way we choose, the way we relate. The way I experienced it among other things is that…

Just to give you an example. I have neighbors that, you know, they’re just good, good people and good neighbors. And from time to time we drink coffee. And it looks like we have completely different interests and different lives. So I’ve been like keeping it for this way for years. But within the recent month, I felt it was important to know when they started asking me. “So what are you doing?” Really like express what I was doing. And it was as if they were just waiting for it. Then we start talking about their spiritual experiences and the emotional experiences that relate to it. And I’ve seen it in different contexts in that people that are just waiting to open the door. And maybe among other things our role as lightworkers is to bring it even more into the open so that they can open the door. And again not in the sense that we are saving them or something like that but in the sense that, you know, one spiritual being meeting the other spiritual being and say, “Hey! It’s time to come out of the hiding.”

So with this building up and the other aspect of it, as you mentioned before is that there is a sense of crisis, a sense of global crisis. And again, it’s kind of you know, it’s so easy not to think about it. It’s so easy to disregard it. I don’t watch news but just headlines. But it’s so easy to just stay in the comfort of the world that we live in. The 1% of humanity that we are, we live in that comfortable world and it’s so easy to disregard that there’s so much going on around climate, environment, humanity as a whole. So this building up of crisis, of conflict, of challenge and really like global level. And there’s also the building up of awareness. And that means transformation.

Andrea: It does. And I think the challenge is… You’ve said it before that once we start waking up and we realize we come from light and love and then we look at the negativity around us, the strife and the challenges keeping us, as you say, one foot in each world. What do you recommend for us lightworkers? How do we deal with this challenge of all the negativity?

Halina: Yes, it is a challenge because we’re very human right? So as human beings, we are used to react in polarity. So when we experience negativity, we want to fight it. This became very clear to me when Donald Trump came into power and there were many people reacting very strongly against it for all kinds of good reasons. What I notice is that people that, you know, healers, coaches, people that have deep awareness. They’re almost losing themselves, in my experience. This is subject to experience. I totally realize that. But in my experience, they are almost losing themselves in fury, in powerlessness, in fear. And I saw that tendency with me as well. The all rebel in me that want to fight against it which has like really created a double negativity.

Andrea: Right.

Halina: So fortunately I didn’t and realized that this is an invitation to really stay centered. So that is my suggestion and my invitation to be open to whatever is going on around us. To take whatever action we need to take to feel whatever we need to feel including the fury, or anger, or fear or frustration. And at the same time stay connected with the light. Really build that connection. Make it stronger and stronger so that you are in that connection with light. You are in connection with the ground and you are centered so that you can rather than like thrown and bounced around by these strong emotions and reactions and thoughts. And you can embrace them or we can embrace them and we can stay in that lightworker position. So stay shining light and stay just keeping a balance. Not necessarily this, you know… Balance is a defining word because it’s not that balance between light and dark or positive and negative to me but more like being that centered place and keeping, you know…

I have this picture of… Maybe that’s the revolution too, this picture of earth and the being more and more light work that connect with each other as well. And so create like an aura or belt of light around it also that whatever needs to happen can happen in terms of reactions and revolution in other ways. But that light is still there to protect to process, to balance the process and also to make it a bit milder perhaps. To affect the process so it’s not as baseless as it can become which I’m not saying in order to create fear because I’m not into that at all. But it is a big challenge.

Andrea: Well one of the ways that you advocated, help us stay grounded and connected is through meditation. And I recently listened to your beautiful guided meditation that you have generously provided for us called, Finding Light Everywhere.

So can you talk to me a little bit about this? The concept. Because obviously we get it. Okay, we’re made of light. Light is everywhere. But how do you practically stay connected? Is it through this type of a meditation process that we gently, gently, slowly, slowly start to recognize? We develop a different sight of sense for the light or… What practical means do you have for us to do that?

Halina: Well that definitely is that this is something with development. But like in general, I really believe that we all have our own connection. And in that sense I’m not able to say no to this. Or I’m not that type of a teacher that would say, “Do this, this, and this and then you will connect with light.” It is always a journey within. And because we have had those experiences of light, it’s really a search again.

So yes, meditation can help to like get into a state where there’s enough peace around you and enough openness and the willingness to see and to experience that deepest connection within you.

And then it’s a practice. It’s about getting back to it again and again and again. That is part of it. And how it happens is really individual. So some people, you know, maybe use affirmations or thoughts. And other people will use feelings and for other people, it’s going to be a physical connection. There’s a certain physical sense that, “Ah, I’m there.”

So I cannot say it in general but I invite everyone to meditate and hopefully this meditation can be helpful as a start. But it’s really about noticing where is that connection with me? And then ground yourself. That is so important. The more we’re grounded, the more light can flow in. it cannot flow in when we’re not grounded.

But as we notice, then again practice it in our own way and let it unfold. I’m sorry I cannot provide something more concrete but it is a search too. It is a search too.

Andrea: What do you mean by grounding? Obviously a lot of the nature people that I connect with, when they say grounding they mean literally go out in nature. Take off your shoes and your socks and get grounded. Feel Mother Earth. Get that exchange of these ions. Is that what you mean by grounding? Or what are you talking about?

Halina: Partly. Another aspect of grounding for me is to develop a very intimate relationship with our bodies. This is and has been a challenge for many people on a spiritual journey is that there’s more of a conscious experience of conflict between being spiritual and being physical. In reality as I see, there’s no conflict at all. But that’s the experience that it is so different. That there is a fear of losing the light if you go really deep into the physical. And also experiences of cutting up which it turns out really is the body but that’s a different story. Thoughts that cut us off the light and not our bodies.

And as always, I am speaking from my own experience. I’ve had to some degree a distant relationship with my body most of my life. And what I notice is that as I come back to my body and we’ve all have had a very close relationship with our bodies as children. And then as grownups, there are like some areas of life where we come back to our body and then we move ourselves.

What I notice is that as I like come back to my body, in every aspect of it, the light flows in. so it’s like muscle meets light. And there are different ways to meet. It has been massage. It has been again meditation but like on my body, it has also been just doing playing, you know, dancing, running, walking, whatever works for one. But coming back to the intimate experience of being one with your body and then being one with your light at the same time. That’s the magic as far as I can see.

Andrea: And that’s beautiful. That’s a beautiful analogy of magic. The magic of recognizing you are connected.

Well when we come back from the break, I’d love to explore a little bit more of how your vision for us as lightworkers and joykeepers on our path right now. Because I know that you’re really motivated to build a network of lightworkers.

So when we get back from the break, we’ll pick it up there.

You’re listening to Liberate Your Authentic Self with me, Dr. Andrea Pennington. Check me out on Instagram, @drandreapennington. And now, back to the show.

Andrea: We all have busy lives. There’s so much going on in our own personal experience and certainly in the world around us.

So today we’re talking about how you can stay grounded, connected to your body and connected to other people. The best in other people. The love and the light that is there if you’ll just take time to notice it.

So my guest today is Halina Goldstein. She is a lightworker and a joykeeper. And Halina, when I heard you talking about these different experiences of grounding, whether that’s through dance or play or meditation, it reminded me of a conversation I had with someone who was saying, “Oh, meditation is supposed to be all spiritual. Now everybody’s hijacked mindfulness. Now they’re doing it for stress reduction and changing their heart.”

And I kind of chuckled like, “Why is that a bad thing?” Because as you were talking about how disconnected you felt many times from your own body. I’ve seen just in my previous life as a medical doctor, I’ve seen the exact same thing. People are so disconnected from their physical body. They stayed in their mind if they were the busy entrepreneur type or the obsessive type. Or they stayed in their work or many moms focus on their kids. And so their physical body was just kind of following along or getting things done but not with that consciousness and that attention.

And so when we introduced mindfulness and meditation into our treatment programs for addiction, for eating disorders, for all sorts of pain problems. The thing that I heard was, “Oh, my gosh. I’ve always been avoiding feeling my body and that’s why I would numb myself or distract myself with food, or with shopping, or with drugs, or focusing on relationships whether that was kids or intimate relationships.

And so when people say mindfulness and meditation is supposed to be spiritual, I’m like, “Yes and guess what? If you don’t get back connected to this body that is the vehicle for your spirit, you’re not going to be able to get on to a spiritual path.” And I find that through meditation and even if it is yoga or gardening… I love people who say that when they’re gardening, it becomes a spiritual experience. They feel connected in their body. They feel connected in the earth. And they get that same sort of experience that I get in meditation or chanting. They can get it through action. So I love that you’re talking about this as a grounding practice. And it is part of the spiritual journey. And if it does help you lower your blood pressure and lower your stress hormones, that’s important because we need this physical body to get us through our spiritual adventure, right?

Halina: Right. And also you know, I think it’s… I agree with you completely. Not the first time. But yes, I mean it’s a blessing that these things are coming and becoming available for everyone. How can that ever be bad? That said, I also recognize that there is, you know, we’re all different. And there’s something that’s called expertise and there’s something that’s called a deeper need. So the analogy that comes to mind right now is singing. So some people are professional singers like you are. And some people just sing, right? They welcome the beat. So you’re saying, are they hijacking song? No.

Andrea: Right.

Halina: They’re expressing themselves in whatever way is right. And obviously I don’t think that being a spiritual and have an expertise in spirituality is any better than having an expertise in dancing, or in writing, or in building computers. It’s an expertise. It’s an area of life where we decide to go really deep because we had the reasons to. But that doesn’t mean that we own it. I know there are many forms of meditation today that I just don’t do because it doesn’t work for me anymore. I only do silent meditation now because that’s the only thing that works for me now. But whatever works for anyone, do it. Do it.

Andrea: Yes. And I love that you say that even as a mentor, you don’t want people relying solely on you. It’s about finding your own path and your own truth. Because once you’re connected to it, but I love how you said it for yourself that you just felt like you were coming home. And it wasn’t that you had to follow any guru or any prescribed process or path although that’s part of the journey that we all explore, right? But then you get to this point of your own knowing, your own experience that you don’t have to push on anyone. You just live it.

And I also love the expression of joykeepers. I’ve asked you about this many times before because for one thing it brought me joy to even hear you saying it and seeing it written. I was like, yeah. The joykeepers, we need them. I almost figure that they’re kind of a special category. They’re the ones over there that, you know, for those of us that do get into rebel mode and I’m really trying to embrace the #peacefulrebellion. One of my dear new friends, Helen Rabello. But there are times when I realize, I’m glad that there are some joykeepers in the world because if I get my activist role, I need to be able to look to a joykeeper that’s like, “You know what, Andrea? There’s joy.” Despite all the strife, there’s joy.

So why do you use this expression joykeeper?

Halina: Well maybe because I’ve really been a rebel big time. I’ve been so angry. I’ve been such a fighter for decades. I know all about it. This is also why the world revolution makes me a little bit uncomfortable.

Andrea: Yes, because maybe you’re afraid you’re going to reignite that part of it.

Halina: Right. But you know, and I’m not kind of stopping that. But the word joykeeper, it came to me… Well I sometimes like to say two things at a time. Do you get that feeling?

Andrea: Oh, yes.

Halina: So what it is, the expression itself is that I feel that… No, I know that perhaps the most distinct feeling that goes along with the soul or with light is joy. And I don’t mean like happiness when something good happens to you but this universal joy that is there like always. It’s a vibration. It’s a feeling. It’s a peaceful thing.

And so it is a reminder that as lightworkers, we are joykeepers. And I’m not so sure that we are like a special department. But I do believe that as lightworkers, we are joykeepers because by connecting with light we also keep the joy. That’s part of it.

The other part of it and that kind relates to what you said before about the activist and the rebellion is that there are many people, and I have been one of them for years, so there’s no judgment there for sure, that experience that are like very serious about spirituality. And it really has something to do in my experience with an inner conflict in issues that haven’t been quite resolved. But as a result, there is this experience of using spirituality to fight something else either within oneself or with the world. And I really believe that. And I’m subjective in there because on one hand I invite any kind of lightworker. It’s all good. And on the other hand, I have this preference.

So my preference is to really go so deep into the connection with the light that it becomes a lightness within oneself. I do believe that a lightworker is… I do not believe being a lightworker is a heavy duty. We’re not soldiers. We’re not pushing against a solid wall. It might look like it. But we’re basically connecting with light and with joy. And we’re radiating it. That’s the job. That’s all there is to it. To stay centered, to be like an antenna that connects with that light and then radiate it. That’s all there is to it as far as I’m concerned. And that brings light and that brings joy. It’s a light kind of job to be a joykeeper.

Andrea: Yes, I love it. It’s not a heavy duty. It’s not a heavy burden. And we don’t have to get so serious when we become spiritual.

So tell me about your vision for creating this network of lightworkers.

Halina: Yes, that is a good question because it’s work in progress. And I have been very true to the process. So I have not tried, unlike earlier projects I’ve had, I have not tried in any way to  plan it upfront, to figure out where it’s going to go or how it’s going to get there. I’m really taking it step by step.

So in terms of the network, I do not know much yet which is natural because I’m just starting to building this. I imagine and envision that a connection, and I know and we all know how different it is to meditate for example in a group. And that can be a physical group. It can be across the world. How powerful it is to do it together and how that builds up energy and enhances everything we do. So it’s obvious to me that it makes sense to create the network where we can do things like that together.

And I imagine that as a diverse network, so I may have my preference for joykeeping and lightness and stuff like that. But I would really want that to be connected with people that have different experiences or different approaches because I really feel it’s needed. It’s needed and it’s important. And it’s possible.

So that’s like part of it. And then there is an aspect that I’ve been downloading as we say nowadays. Some teachings which I call The Lightworker Manual. So it came as a surprise to me completely. And I’m still working on it so I’m like moving through it myself. But I imagine that in my little corner of the world, I will be sharing these teachings perhaps individually only in the beginning and then later in groups again to support lightworkers in doing this light work and being able to surrender to it.

Andrea: So that is what is to come. This network and possibly taking us through this lightworker manual. And what’s available today so people can work with you one-on-one in a mentoring relationship?

Halina: Yes, that’s what’s available. So at this point, I have this like sort of like a chunk of this lightworker program that I call Empowerment Sessions. And this is like a program with six one-on-one sessions. And this was motivated by something we’re talking about before namely how to relate to the negativities around us. Because as I discovered and really noticed in lightworker forums, negativity seems to be the number one challenge for lightworkers. It’s because we are sensitive, because we are empaths, we are easily overwhelmed by negativity and have strong reactions to it. And that prevents us from doing the light work.

So I felt and was guided to start with that like specific work. And again because I believe it’s individual, how we can step into the kind of empowerment that allows us to meet the negativity without getting overwhelmed, to start in the light. So I’ve created this Empowerment Sessions program. And that eventually, it will expand into the entire manual.

Andrea: Excellent. Well for those of you who would love to get some empowering insight, inspiration in a mentoring capacity, then www.helenagold.com. And also you can download the beautiful guided meditation that she prepared, Finding Light Everywhere. Also visit www.helenagold.com.

Well Helena, thank you so much for being with us, for sharing your light and reminding us that we are all made of light. That no matter how things look, everything is divine. It comes from the source. And when we can reconnect to that, we can spread that light and that joy everywhere. Thank you.

Halina: Thank you, Andrea. And thank you for all the work you’re doing in bringing the best out in all of us. Thank you. Thanks to everyone who listens.

Andrea: Yes. Well my dear friends, it is always a joy to connect with you. I will remind you that you are a gift to the world so share your presence with passion. And until next time, may you be free from suffering. May you be truly well in body, mind and heart and may you know true happiness. Much love. Bye.

Thanks for tuning in. are sure to follow me on Twitter, @drandrea. And did you know? I’m on the radio daily. Visit www.americaoutloud.com to download the Talk Radio app.

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The post What does Lightworker mean? Are you one? | Halina Gold and Andrea Pennington Video interview appeared first on Resilience + Self-Love + Holistic Healing of Trauma & Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Aug 13 2017

54mins

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Rank #4: Can comedy cause awakening? | Podcast with Mia Lux | Liberate Your Authentic Self

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In our second season of Liberate Your Authentic Self, I have guests joining me to talk about #RealSelfLove, awakening, health, optimal living and walking their own path, from all over the globe.

Welcome to Season 2!

There is more than one way to learn, and more than one way to spread those important lessons that really matter.

But had you ever considered comedy as a way to talk about awakening?

Mia Lux is an amazingly authentic woman after my own heart. A multi-potentialite at heart; a teacher, a former lawyer, a comedian and now the host of The Conscious-Ish Show, Mia is showing up everywhere.

Lately she is using her platform as a comedian to open minds and hearts to the process of awakening. Comedy is certainly a good way to disarm people and talk openly – so I’m really excited to see just how many minds and hearts Mia can touch with her approach.

The Conscious-Ish Show has just launched this month here, and you can already watch episode 1, The Depressi-demic with Marissa Peer! There is an amazing line up to come, including Mia’s husband, the wonderful Dr. Mark Hyman, who you may know from The Doctor’s Farmacy podcast (among many other things) where I was lucky enough to be invited recently.

Well, I’m delighted to share that I’m coming up soon on Mia’s show too, and my episode will be out very shortly – watch this space!

In the meantime, Mia is my first guest for Season 2 of Liberate Your Authentic Self. Of course, we are talking about comedy and awakening! I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic, so head over to YouTube to watch the episode, and do leave any questions or thoughts you have about it in the comments.

The post Can comedy cause awakening? | Podcast with Mia Lux | Liberate Your Authentic Self appeared first on Resilience + Self-Love + Holistic Healing of Trauma & Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Nov 18 2019

22mins

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Rank #5: Transition Meditation {Guided Audio} to release the stress of the day

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If you need help calming your mind and being present for your family after a busy day, this gentle guided meditation includes a transition ritual that you will love.

Andrea Pennington, MD, C.Ac.
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The post Transition Meditation {Guided Audio} to release the stress of the day appeared first on Resilience + Self-Love + Holistic Healing of Trauma & Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Oct 15 2018

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