Join cult survivor Hideo Higashibaba as he talks with people who were also born into the Unification Church, aka the Moonies. Growing Up Moonie is a podcast of stories of the awkwardness, pain, struggles, and even a little hope that can come from growing up in a cult. Subscribe now and get all 9 episodes in your feed March 4. 

Join cult survivor Hideo Higashibaba as he talks with people who were also born into the Unification Church, aka the Moonies. Growing Up Moonie is a podcast of stories of the awkwardness, pain, struggles, and even a little hope that can come from growing up in a cult. Subscribe now and get all 9 episodes in your feed March 4.

Growing Up Moonie Trailer

When Hideo Higashibaba left the Moonies he had no idea how he was going to survive without them. He wondered if other kids born into the church had as much trouble adjusting to adulthood, even if they didn’t leave. In this first episode Hideo reflects on his own strange origins and the history of the Moonies.   TRANSCRIPT Hideo Higashibaba [00:00:03] Thanks for listening to growing up. Moonie I am so excited to share these stories with you. Just a heads up to our listeners this episode has mentions of suicidal ideation and mental health crisis. Please take care of yourself as you listen. And now for the first time ever Growing up Moonie. News Announcer [00:00:23] A decade ago, the Reverend Sun Myung Moon was accused of controlling the minds of young people creating so-called Moonies, so called Moonies, followers of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon head of the Unification Church who became well-known in the early 80s for his mass wedding ceremonies. Interpreter [00:00:38] Do you pledge to establish an eternal family with which God can be happy. Crowd [00:00:45] YES. Interpreter [00:00:48] We are talking about absolute fidelity. If anybody deviates from this God given principle, they are bound to hell. News Announcer [00:00:56] But the church has a different plan for the second generation. 2nd Gen [00:00:59] I felt like we weren't equipped for the world. You know we aren't just like this bubble. 2nd Gen [00:01:05] To me it sounds culty. I know it's what brought our parents to church but not what keeps me in the church. If I'm not doing everything that they want me to do or I don't believe everything that they believe we still have this like line that connects us. Hideo Higashibaba [00:01:21] My name is Hideo Higashibaba. I grew up in a cult called the Unification Church. You might know them as the Moonies. I was in the church for 22 years and then four years ago I left. Hideo Higashibaba [00:01:37] Almost overnight. I lost my faith my community my family my mind. And since then I have tried to not kill myself. Finish school, find work, and peace a life together on my own. For me, leaving the Unification Church was and is deeply liberating but equally terrifying. There are times when it feels like a dream and other times when it is all too real. When I first left I felt completely out of my depth; the entire way I made sense of the world was gone. Hideo Higashibaba [00:02:13] My explanation for everything from why the sky is blue to Why Bad Things Happen to Good People was gone in the space where meaning and purpose used to be was just a vacuum of infinite nothingness. I went insane. With time therapy medication and a lot of generous support from friends, I survived. I stabilized but recreating meaning is a lonely process. Hideo Higashibaba [00:02:42] I started to wonder if other people had as much trouble when they tried to live outside the church. I wondered if they felt as ill equipped for life as I did even if they didn't leave. So I reached out to some people who were born into the church and asked them what their childhoods were like and who they are now. This podcast is some of their stories. This is growing up Moonie. Hideo Higashibaba [00:03:11] In case you don't know much about them let me give you a little background on the Moonies. The Unification Church, also known as the Unification Movement, was founded in Korea in 1954 by a man named Sun Myung Moon. He said he was the Second Coming of Christ, the Messiah of all humanity, and that Jesus told him to unite all Christian denominations to bring world peace. In the late 1950s Moon sent missionaries to Japan and the United States. They recruited people on sidewalks and college campuses. By the 1970s there was a church center in every state and a few thousand members Moonies became especially famous for their mass weddings. Hideo Higashibaba [00:04:00] My parents were married in 1982 in New York City at an intimate romantic venue known as Madison Square Garden. They shared this special day with 2074 other couples that got married at the same time. Hideo Higashibaba [00:04:18] And thanks to the internet I have footage of the wedding. This man is out on a roll. Interpreter [00:04:24] Do you pledge to be the center of love before the society nation world and universe based upon an ideal family. Hideo Higashibaba [00:04:36] It was a sea of white dresses and black suits the men wore white gloves. The women veils. It's hard to make out any faces in the crowd. Hideo Higashibaba [00:04:46] I think my parents got stuck up in the balcony somewhere. Moon stood on the red carpeted stage with his wife. They both wore white robes and crowns their red and gold thrones behind them. Interpreter [00:05:05] I proclaim that these two thousand seventy five couples are wedded before God. The True Parents the world and the universe. On July 1st 1982. Hideo Higashibaba [00:05:23] Just a few months before this special day my parents were just acquaintances. My mom told me she found my dad to be awkward and unpleasant. My dad thought my mom was cute. Then they were put together by Sun Myung Moon in what's called a matching ceremony. In the ceremony, a small crowd of people gathered in a room with women on one side and men on the other. Moon stood at the front and pointed at my dad who stood up. Moon spoke to my dad through an interpreter. Then he turned to the women's side of the room and questioned a couple of people. Finally he pointed at my mom and that was that. My mom and dad then left the room to discuss whether they wanted to say yes to the match or disobey an order from the Messiah and returning Christ. They were married a few months later and had four kids. Me and my three sisters. Hideo Higashibaba [00:06:17] I guess you could say we had a pretty weird childhood although I didn't know it at the time. My mom is actually a minister in the church so it was like everyday was Sunday school. She saw God working in everything from a lucky scratch-off ticket to a flying bird formation to Hurricane Katrina. Everything was an indication that God was working in the world and she passed that belief down to me and my sisters. As a kid, I knew my family and I were different but the main reason I knew that my church was weird was my extended family my mom's family. My grandparents, aunts and uncles mocked us for our beliefs and told me and my sisters we were brainwashed and that my mother was weak-minded that we belonged to a cult. It made for some pretty tense family dynamics. Despite my extended family. I was a proud Unificationist, a proud Moonie. When I was 18, I told my parents I wanted an arranged marriage just like they got. In my heart. I knew what Moon told us about the world was right and it was my job to protect myself from anything that would contradict that. And that worked until about four years ago. Hideo Higashibaba [00:07:36] The transition out of the Moonies has been a lonely, heart wrenching, infuriating, strange, and fascinating process. I've learned more about the church itself. The rumors about its dark origins, the racist misogynist ideas it holds and propagates, its deep seated homophobia. The Unification Church is just the religious part of an enormous empire. Through the church Moon's family owns restaurants, fish distribution companies, at least one gun manufacturer, newspapers a ski resort, a soccer team, and billions of dollars in properties around the world. The list goes on and on. Hideo Higashibaba [00:08:17] Don't get me wrong. The religious part of this empire is pretty big too. There are still church centers in almost every state and on almost every continent. Moonies still hold mass weddings now with live simulcast, so even more people can be married at once. What I keep coming back to is how it felt to be a part of all that yet totally oblivious to most of it. Moon's cult created and shaped the lives of thousands of people including me. We all share this strange experience of belonging to a cult but we all coped with that reality differently. It affected who we were and who we became. Those are the stories you'll hear here on growing up. Moonie. 2nd Gen [00:09:11] I feel like we were always kind of made to seem like we were better than other people. 2nd Gen [00:09:16] Once we got there I was just like oh my gosh I don't want to do this but it was kind of that like everyone's watching. You need to make this work. It's going to be difficult and you just kind of accept that. Hideo Higashibaba [00:09:29] I feel like the closer I get to being who I am the further I get away from the people who raised me. 2nd Gen [00:09:34] I don't care about doctrine or dogma. I don't really care for it if it if it splits up people that you love. Hideo Higashibaba [00:09:43] That's coming up on growing up. Moonie. Growing up Moonie is written by me. I also produced this episode. Quinn Meyers edited music by Kai Zabriski and Kai Engel. Please subscribe to this podcast and write in reviews wherever you're listening. It really helps this project reach a wider audience. Hideo Higashibaba [00:10:06] For more information go to Growing up Moonie dot com. My name is Hideo Higashibaba. Thanks for listening.

When Hideo Higashibaba left the Moonies he had no idea how he was going to survive without them. He wondered if other kids born into the church had as much trouble adjusting to adulthood, even if they didn’t leave. In this first episode Hideo reflects on his own strange origins and the history of the Moonies. TRANSCRIPT Hideo Higashibaba [00:00:03] Thanks for listening to growing up. Moonie I am so excited to share these stories with you. Just a heads up to our listeners this episode has mentions of suicidal ideation and mental health crisis. Please take care of yourself as you listen. And now for the first time ever Growing up Moonie. News Announcer [00:00:23] A decade ago, the Reverend Sun Myung Moon was accused of controlling the minds of young people creating so-called Moonies, so called Moonies, followers of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon head of the Unification Church who became well-known in the early 80s for his mass wedding ceremonies. Interpreter [00:00:38] Do you pledge to establish an eternal family with which God can be happy. Crowd [00:00:45] YES. Interpreter [00:00:48] We are talking about absolute fidelity. If anybody deviates from this God given principle, they are bound to hell. News Announcer [00:00:56] But the church has a different plan for the second generation. 2nd Gen [00:00:59] I felt like we weren't equipped for the world. You know we aren't just like this bubble. 2nd Gen [00:01:05] To me it sounds culty. I know it's what brought our parents to church but not what keeps me in the church. If I'm not doing everything that they want me to do or I don't believe everything that they believe we still have this like line that connects us. Hideo Higashibaba [00:01:21] My name is Hideo Higashibaba. I grew up in a cult called the Unification Church. You might know them as the Moonies. I was in the church for 22 years and then four years ago I left. Hideo Higashibaba [00:01:37] Almost overnight. I lost my faith my community my family my mind. And since then I have tried to not kill myself. Finish school, find work, and peace a life together on my own. For me, leaving the Unification Church was and is deeply liberating but equally terrifying. There are times when it feels like a dream and other times when it is all too real. When I first left I felt completely out of my depth; the entire way I made sense of the world was gone. Hideo Higashibaba [00:02:13] My explanation for everything from why the sky is blue to Why Bad Things Happen to Good People was gone in the space where meaning and purpose used to be was just a vacuum of infinite nothingness. I went insane. With time therapy medication and a lot of generous support from friends, I survived. I stabilized but recreating meaning is a lonely process. Hideo Higashibaba [00:02:42] I started to wonder if other people had as much trouble when they tried to live outside the church. I wondered if they felt as ill equipped for life as I did even if they didn't leave. So I reached out to some people who were born into the church and asked them what their childhoods were like and who they are now. This podcast is some of their stories. This is growing up Moonie. Hideo Higashibaba [00:03:11] In case you don't know much about them let me give you a little background on the Moonies. The Unification Church, also known as the Unification Movement, was founded in Korea in 1954 by a man named Sun Myung Moon. He said he was the Second Coming of Christ, the Messiah of all humanity, and that Jesus told him to unite all Christian denominations to bring world peace. In the late 1950s Moon sent missionaries to Japan and the United States. They recruited people on sidewalks and college campuses. By the 1970s there was a church center in every state and a few thousand members Moonies became especially famous for their mass weddings. Hideo Higashibaba [00:04:00] My parents were married in 1982 in New York City at an intimate romantic venue known as Madison Square Garden. They shared this special day with 2074 other couples that got married at the same time. Hideo Higashibaba [00:04:18] And thanks to the internet I have footage of the wedding. This man is out on a roll. Interpreter [00:04:24] Do you pledge to be the center of love before the society nation world and universe based upon an ideal family. Hideo Higashibaba [00:04:36] It was a sea of white dresses and black suits the men wore white gloves. The women veils. It's hard to make out any faces in the crowd. Hideo Higashibaba [00:04:46] I think my parents got stuck up in the balcony somewhere. Moon stood on the red carpeted stage with his wife. They both wore white robes and crowns their red and gold thrones behind them. Interpreter [00:05:05] I proclaim that these two thousand seventy five couples are wedded before God. The True Parents the world and the universe. On July 1st 1982. Hideo Higashibaba [00:05:23] Just a few months before this special day my parents were just acquaintances. My mom told me she found my dad to be awkward and unpleasant. My dad thought my mom was cute. Then they were put together by Sun Myung Moon in what's called a matching ceremony. In the ceremony, a small crowd of people gathered in a room with women on one side and men on the other. Moon stood at the front and pointed at my dad who stood up. Moon spoke to my dad through an interpreter. Then he turned to the women's side of the room and questioned a couple of people. Finally he pointed at my mom and that was that. My mom and dad then left the room to discuss whether they wanted to say yes to the match or disobey an order from the Messiah and returning Christ. They were married a few months later and had four kids. Me and my three sisters. Hideo Higashibaba [00:06:17] I guess you could say we had a pretty weird childhood although I didn't know it at the time. My mom is actually a minister in the church so it was like everyday was Sunday school. She saw God working in everything from a lucky scratch-off ticket to a flying bird formation to Hurricane Katrina. Everything was an indication that God was working in the world and she passed that belief down to me and my sisters. As a kid, I knew my family and I were different but the main reason I knew that my church was weird was my extended family my mom's family. My grandparents, aunts and uncles mocked us for our beliefs and told me and my sisters we were brainwashed and that my mother was weak-minded that we belonged to a cult. It made for some pretty tense family dynamics. Despite my extended family. I was a proud Unificationist, a proud Moonie. When I was 18, I told my parents I wanted an arranged marriage just like they got. In my heart. I knew what Moon told us about the world was right and it was my job to protect myself from anything that would contradict that. And that worked until about four years ago. Hideo Higashibaba [00:07:36] The transition out of the Moonies has been a lonely, heart wrenching, infuriating, strange, and fascinating process. I've learned more about the church itself. The rumors about its dark origins, the racist misogynist ideas it holds and propagates, its deep seated homophobia. The Unification Church is just the religious part of an enormous empire. Through the church Moon's family owns restaurants, fish distribution companies, at least one gun manufacturer, newspapers a ski resort, a soccer team, and billions of dollars in properties around the world. The list goes on and on. Hideo Higashibaba [00:08:17] Don't get me wrong. The religious part of this empire is pretty big too. There are still church centers in almost every state and on almost every continent. Moonies still hold mass weddings now with live simulcast, so even more people can be married at once. What I keep coming back to is how it felt to be a part of all that yet totally oblivious to most of it. Moon's cult created and shaped the lives of thousands of people including me. We all share this strange experience of belonging to a cult but we all coped with that reality differently. It affected who we were and who we became. Those are the stories you'll hear here on growing up. Moonie. 2nd Gen [00:09:11] I feel like we were always kind of made to seem like we were better than other people. 2nd Gen [00:09:16] Once we got there I was just like oh my gosh I don't want to do this but it was kind of that like everyone's watching. You need to make this work. It's going to be difficult and you just kind of accept that. Hideo Higashibaba [00:09:29] I feel like the closer I get to being who I am the further I get away from the people who raised me. 2nd Gen [00:09:34] I don't care about doctrine or dogma. I don't really care for it if it if it splits up people that you love. Hideo Higashibaba [00:09:43] That's coming up on growing up. Moonie. Growing up Moonie is written by me. I also produced this episode. Quinn Meyers edited music by Kai Zabriski and Kai Engel. Please subscribe to this podcast and write in reviews wherever you're listening. It really helps this project reach a wider audience. Hideo Higashibaba [00:10:06] For more information go to Growing up Moonie dot com. My name is Hideo Higashibaba. Thanks for listening.

Episode 1: Have You Heard of the Moonies?

Episode 2: Jenn

Sun Myung Moon was born the son of poor farmers in present-day North Korea and by the time he died ruled a global cult and was a billionaire. Hideo digs into some of  the stories and legends surrounding the charismatic leader of the Moonies.     TRANSCRIPT Hideo Higashibaba [00:00:03] Thanks for listening to Growing Up Moonie. Just a heads up to our listeners, this episode includes lewd references to women. Please take care of yourself as you listen. Okay, back to the podcast. News Announcer [00:00:17] A decade ago, the Reverend Sun Myung Moon was accused of controlling the minds of young people creating so-called Moonies. So called Moonies followers of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon head of the Unification Church who became well-known in the early 80s for his mass wedding ceremonies. Interpreter [00:00:32] Do you pledge to establish an eternal family with which God can be happy? Crowd [00:00:39] YES Interpreter [00:00:41] We are talking about absolute fidelity here. If anybody deviates from this God-given principle they are bound to hell. News Announcer [00:00:50] But the church has a different plan for the second generation. 2nd Gen [00:00:53] I felt like we weren't equipped for the world. You know we aren't just like this bubble. 2nd Gen [00:00:59] To me it sounds culty. I know it's what brought our parents to church but it's not what keeps me in the church. 2nd Gen [00:01:04] Then if I'm not doing everything that they want me to do or I don't believe everything that they believe we still have this like line that connects us. Hideo Higashibaba [00:01:12] My name is Hideo Higashibaba. Until four years ago, I was in a cult called the Unification Church. You might know them as the Moonies. This is growing up Moonie, stories from people who grew up in the church like me. Before we continue hearing the stories of people who were born into the church, the second generation, I want to tell you a little about the founder a man named Sun Myung Moon. This man matched my parents. On their wedding day they and 2074 couples made their vows to him. Interpreter [00:01:53] Do you, as an ideal husband and wife, pledge to establish an eternal family with which God can be happy. Crowd [00:02:01] Yes! Hideo Higashibaba [00:02:04] In a way. I exist because of this guy. There is no way my parents would have had children together otherwise. My parents don't like each other at all. But in the church not having children is not an option. It's seen as a sign of weakness or failure. Sure, my parents had some kind of choice; to join a cult to get married to have children with someone they disliked. But the fact remains that my existence is tied to a man who abused, used and manipulated my parents. A man that demanded their faith and took their money while they worked 70 hour weeks and counted pennies. But to the world, Moon is just some strange character, the charismatic leader of a distant cult. With the mass weddings and rumors of brainwashing. He kind of became a household name in America. Clip from Seinfeld: Elaine [00:03:02] Anyway, Mr. Costanza I want you to do is go into the shop with me and tell me what they're saying. You do speak Korean? Clip from Seinfeld: Mr. Costanza [00:03:10] I want to talk to the Reverend Sun Myung Moon. He bought two Jesus statues from me. He's a hell of a nice guy. Ever seen that face on him. It was like a big apple pie. Hideo Higashibaba [00:03:21] Moon was like family to me. He was more important to my parents than anyone else,  even their own parents. And so naturally I held him near and dear to my heart too. My parents told me he loved me that I was special to him and I never met the guy. Hideo Higashibaba [00:03:42] I did see him speak a few times. Once, I must have been five or six years old, I remember I was very confused because it was a school night and me and my sisters were up way past our bedtimes. We drove into Boston to some fancy hotel with maroon carpeting that I was not allowed to lie down on. Hundreds packed into the ballroom of the hotel and I remember I was very uncomfortable because unlike other Moonie gatherings men and women all sat together. And there were no kids. Hideo Higashibaba [00:04:15] During events like this, parents usually left their children at home or went to the children's room which had a video feed of the speech. My mother sat us at the back of the ballroom. People glared at us and told my mom she should be in the children's room with her kids. She glared back or ignored them. My mom is a minister so she was often responsible for hosting guests and other ministers at speeches. It was infuriating that she was expected to miss most of the ceremony in a room of screaming children. No one thought that maybe her husband should be taking care of the children, although I am sure that idea crossed her mind more than once. She told me and my sisters we had to behave perfectly. No squirming, no talking, no crying. We behaved like angels in our dresses and tights that were always a little too small. We resisted the urge to kick our feet or climb up on our chairs to look around. Because these events were so boring. I spent hours of my childhood trying to stay awake during the preliminary musical offerings. Then came an introduction. Rev. Walter Fauntroy [00:05:35] And I'm so pleased to stand with you to rebuild the family and to save the nation and the world. We thank God for each of you. We thank God for the Reverend Sun Myung Moon. Hideo Higashibaba [00:05:51] And then Moon would finally speak. He knew very little English so he had an interpreter. Interpreter [00:05:56] During the course of my life. I have totally committed myself to the salvation of humankind centered on God's will. I have lived my life with a single minded goal to accomplish God's Will transcending time and space and forgetting everything else. Hideo Higashibaba [00:06:13] My mother often reminded me and my sisters that we were lucky to have been born in the time of the Messiah. Not many people were so blessed to be able to see him in person. Not surprisingly, Moon the self-proclaimed savior of all humanity, covered a lot of ground in his speeches. Interpreter [00:06:34] In order to understand human history and the world from the perspective of God's providence, I would like to speak on the topic: the path for America and humanity in the new millenium. Hideo Higashibaba [00:06:48] Moon was born in what is now North Korea in 1920 during the Japanese occupation. The story goes that when he was 16 years old Jesus Christ appeared to him in a vision and told him he was the person chosen to carry on his mission. Moon went to Japan to study engineering and then the Korean War happened. The United States invaded, driving out the Japanese and razing the Korean peninsula to the ground. Eventually, Moon wrote The Divine Principle which he said held all the secrets of heaven and earth and God's will. There's a lot to it but some of the more crazy parts include a bit about how the Virgin Mary was not actually a virgin because, uh, that's not possible...duh. Also, Moonies believe Jesus did not come to earth to die for our sins. Moon said Jesus was supposed to get married and have a family, blessed by God of course. The fact that he was crucified instead wasn't exactly a failure but it was not a part of the plan. The Divine Principle, known as the DP, had other little gems like this one. This is my editor Quinn reading a section. Quinn Myers [00:08:02] Jesus came as the bridegroom to all humanity. All devout believers should become his brides awaiting the time of his return. After these brides celebrate the marriage of the lamb with Jesus, their bridegroom, they are to live in the kingdom of heaven in oneness with him as his wives, in a metaphorical sense. Hideo Higashibaba [00:08:23] Clearly Moon had a pretty loose relationship with things like science and reality. Reading back through the DP, it reads like a step by step justification for men to own their wives as property, why black people are actually inferior to everyone else and why gay people are trash. A little 'how to' for patriarchy, racism and homophobia. Hideo Higashibaba [00:08:50] By 1955, Moon's church had 30 centers all over Korea. A few years later he sent missionaries to Japan and then America where the hippies and free love people were gaining traction. If they wanted a revolution Moon wanted a counter revolution where women knew their place, homosexuals were punished for their sins, and God's will prevailed. He literally called for America to return to its Puritan roots. Interpreter [00:09:19] Homosexuals lesbians or even those who go after a free sex life. God doesn't want those people. If they practice that kind of unprincipled life they are less than animals. Hideo Higashibaba [00:09:37] I'm not sure why people were attracted to this kind of bullshit. I vaguely remember first generation, the adults I grew up with, giving testimony, telling the story of how and why they joined the church. One first gen said they were really uncomfortable with all the sex and drugs their peers were getting into. The Unification Church claimed a moral high ground over all that. The first gen didn't have to think about why the free love revolution made them uncomfortable. Moon did it for them. Hideo Higashibaba [00:10:09] In the early days Moonies called their leader, master. By the time I was born he was called True Father and his wife Hak Ja Han was called True Mother. Together they were the True Parents, the Messiah of all humanity. Moonies think the True Parents are the first people to achieve perfection and oneness with God since Adam and Eve screwed up and were kicked out of Eden. When Moon spoke he had planned remarks but he went off script a lot and asked the audience questions. People would shout back answers or clap. As a kid it made me very uncomfortable. I was always told to be quiet and seeing all these grown-ups yelling was really off putting, especially when Moon would bring up women and their bodies, which was kind of a favorite topic for him. Interpreter [00:11:02] What about the very organ which makes you as a woman, wife. Is that organ just strictly belonging to you or is it there for your husband. Sun Myung Moon [00:11:19] Huh? [Speaks Korean] Interpreter [00:11:19] The ladies should answer, not the men. For whom? For you or for your husband? Crowd [00:11:37] Husband! Sun Myung Moon [00:11:37] Husband! Make loud voice, husband! Crowd [00:11:50] Husband! Sun Myung Moon [00:11:50] One more time! Crowd [00:11:50] Husband! Sun Myung Moon [00:11:50] Amazing. Hideo Higashibaba [00:11:50] It's so clear that moon hated women and people who have vaginas. Or at the very least, didn't understand them at all. But for men, it was a different story. Interpreter [00:12:00] Promise that you will keep absolute fidelity. If you do that with your family together that you will become the master of your family, your family will come to owner, the center of your nation, your nation will become the center nation of the world, and eventually will be able to be the Kingdom of God on Earth. Hideo Higashibaba [00:12:19] All Moon asked for in exchange for these nuggets of wisdom was absolute faith, absolute love, and absolute obedience. The True Parents weren't technically God but they were given a sacred respect the best of everything was set aside for them. We bowed to them or their pictures. We prayed in their names. We were told to read his teachings every day. Interpreter [00:12:47] We are talking about absolute fidelity here. If anybody, any husband any wife, deviates from this God-given principle they are bound to hell. Hideo Higashibaba [00:13:01] It's all pretty horrific stuff, but back when I was a Moonie I believed all of it. I believed that sex before marriage made me worthless and that gay people were sick and twisted. I believed that there would be divine retribution for those who violate God's laws. I thought Moon loved me, not just the idea of me, I thought he loved me specially. I thought he loved my parents and my siblings. I thought he knew what he was doing when he put my parents together even though they were unhappy. Hideo Higashibaba [00:13:42] When I left the church I felt totally betrayed by Moon. I felt like I had been lied to. I had to realize that this person who I worshiped and prayed for and carried in my heart for two decades didn't care about me at all. I know it might seem silly especially if you weren't born into a cult and controlled by fear and shame for the most formative years of your life. But I was heartbroken. I still am a little I think. It's embarrassing, because listening back to those speeches I'm disgusted, but also I'm really angry. Moon sold my family this idea of the kingdom of heaven on earth. He demanded sacrifice after sacrifice, but really he used his followers to build a massive empire that made him and his family rich. He took money from us to build fancy mansions in places we would never see. And I didn't realize how messed up all that was until I left. Interpreter [00:14:47] I'd like to conclude by expressing my hope for the beginning of a new millennium dome overflowing with peace, freedom and justice, may God's blessing be with you and your families. Thank you very much. Hideo Higashibaba [00:15:02] Moon died in 2012. He was 92 years old. His legacy is a complicated mess. His sons and wife are fighting over his estate and spiritual leadership. Moon was a cult leader but he was also a business man. It makes me wonder how much of that creepy and shitty theology he actually believed. Maybe at some point it became less about controlling masses of people and more about the money. Maybe it was both. Hideo Higashibaba [00:15:33] I'm not a psychologist, I don't know why evil people do what they do but I'm trying to find meaning for my life here. And I would not exist were it not for this man. This greedy, manipulative, lying, sexist, racist, homophobic pig and it kind of blows my mind. It's just so fucking random! Hideo Higashibaba [00:15:56] I'm a small, queer, trans, nerdy, Japanese American and Moon was the son of poor farmers. He was born during the Japanese occupation in present day North Korea. He had to learn his language and culture in secret while Japanese soldiers tortured and raped his community. So at the risk of empathizing with this horrible person, I think he must have felt totally powerless. He must have discovered that he had a way with people, that people listened to him for whatever reason and that gave him power. Later, that charisma gave him wealth too which gave him more power which made him wealthy and on and on. Hideo Higashibaba [00:16:38] It's not an excuse. The way Moon and his family manipulated, abused the people who followed him is inexcusable. I'm trying to wrap my mind around all this even though I know most of it has no good explanation. What I really want is to heal. I want to feel whole and good about myself. And to do that, I have to look back. I have to find a way to make sense of the past that created me, in order to be free from it. Hideo Higashibaba [00:17:31] Next time on Growing Up Moonie. Teruko [00:17:33] My parents never really were affectionate. I remember them fighting a lot of kids. But I just remember never being afraid of that like I was just normal to me. So I just remember never being afraid like oh yeah they're not going to get a divorce, that's not allowed in the church. So I was never afraid of arguing so it just seemed super normal to me that you would just always fight. Hideo Higashibaba [00:17:54] That's next time on Growing Up Moonie. This episode of Growing Up Moonie was written and produced by me and edited by Quinn Myers. Music by Podington Bear, Blue Dot Sessions and Soularflaire. Special thanks to Elecia Harvey-Spain for transcription help. Please take a moment to leave us a rating and a review wherever you're listening. It really helps other people find the podcast and we are so grateful for your support. I am Hideo Higashibaba. Thanks for listening.

Sun Myung Moon was born the son of poor farmers in present-day North Korea and by the time he died ruled a global cult and was a billionaire. Hideo digs into some of  the stories and legends surrounding the charismatic leader of the Moonies. TRANSCRIPT Hideo Higashibaba [00:00:03] Thanks for listening to Growing Up Moonie. Just a heads up to our listeners, this episode includes lewd references to women. Please take care of yourself as you listen. Okay, back to the podcast. News Announcer [00:00:17] A decade ago, the Reverend Sun Myung Moon was accused of controlling the minds of young people creating so-called Moonies. So called Moonies followers of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon head of the Unification Church who became well-known in the early 80s for his mass wedding ceremonies. Interpreter [00:00:32] Do you pledge to establish an eternal family with which God can be happy? Crowd [00:00:39] YES Interpreter [00:00:41] We are talking about absolute fidelity here. If anybody deviates from this God-given principle they are bound to hell. News Announcer [00:00:50] But the church has a different plan for the second generation. 2nd Gen [00:00:53] I felt like we weren't equipped for the world. You know we aren't just like this bubble. 2nd Gen [00:00:59] To me it sounds culty. I know it's what brought our parents to church but it's not what keeps me in the church. 2nd Gen [00:01:04] Then if I'm not doing everything that they want me to do or I don't believe everything that they believe we still have this like line that connects us. Hideo Higashibaba [00:01:12] My name is Hideo Higashibaba. Until four years ago, I was in a cult called the Unification Church. You might know them as the Moonies. This is growing up Moonie, stories from people who grew up in the church like me. Before we continue hearing the stories of people who were born into the church, the second generation, I want to tell you a little about the founder a man named Sun Myung Moon. This man matched my parents. On their wedding day they and 2074 couples made their vows to him. Interpreter [00:01:53] Do you, as an ideal husband and wife, pledge to establish an eternal family with which God can be happy. Crowd [00:02:01] Yes! Hideo Higashibaba [00:02:04] In a way. I exist because of this guy. There is no way my parents would have had children together otherwise. My parents don't like each other at all. But in the church not having children is not an option. It's seen as a sign of weakness or failure. Sure, my parents had some kind of choice; to join a cult to get married to have children with someone they disliked. But the fact remains that my existence is tied to a man who abused, used and manipulated my parents. A man that demanded their faith and took their money while they worked 70 hour weeks and counted pennies. But to the world, Moon is just some strange character, the charismatic leader of a distant cult. With the mass weddings and rumors of brainwashing. He kind of became a household name in America. Clip from Seinfeld: Elaine [00:03:02] Anyway, Mr. Costanza I want you to do is go into the shop with me and tell me what they're saying. You do speak Korean? Clip from Seinfeld: Mr. Costanza [00:03:10] I want to talk to the Reverend Sun Myung Moon. He bought two Jesus statues from me. He's a hell of a nice guy. Ever seen that face on him. It was like a big apple pie. Hideo Higashibaba [00:03:21] Moon was like family to me. He was more important to my parents than anyone else,  even their own parents. And so naturally I held him near and dear to my heart too. My parents told me he loved me that I was special to him and I never met the guy. Hideo Higashibaba [00:03:42] I did see him speak a few times. Once, I must have been five or six years old, I remember I was very confused because it was a school night and me and my sisters were up way past our bedtimes. We drove into Boston to some fancy hotel with maroon carpeting that I was not allowed to lie down on. Hundreds packed into the ballroom of the hotel and I remember I was very uncomfortable because unlike other Moonie gatherings men and women all sat together. And there were no kids. Hideo Higashibaba [00:04:15] During events like this, parents usually left their children at home or went to the children's room which had a video feed of the speech. My mother sat us at the back of the ballroom. People glared at us and told my mom she should be in the children's room with her kids. She glared back or ignored them. My mom is a minister so she was often responsible for hosting guests and other ministers at speeches. It was infuriating that she was expected to miss most of the ceremony in a room of screaming children. No one thought that maybe her husband should be taking care of the children, although I am sure that idea crossed her mind more than once. She told me and my sisters we had to behave perfectly. No squirming, no talking, no crying. We behaved like angels in our dresses and tights that were always a little too small. We resisted the urge to kick our feet or climb up on our chairs to look around. Because these events were so boring. I spent hours of my childhood trying to stay awake during the preliminary musical offerings. Then came an introduction. Rev. Walter Fauntroy [00:05:35] And I'm so pleased to stand with you to rebuild the family and to save the nation and the world. We thank God for each of you. We thank God for the Reverend Sun Myung Moon. Hideo Higashibaba [00:05:51] And then Moon would finally speak. He knew very little English so he had an interpreter. Interpreter [00:05:56] During the course of my life. I have totally committed myself to the salvation of humankind centered on God's will. I have lived my life with a single minded goal to accomplish God's Will transcending time and space and forgetting everything else. Hideo Higashibaba [00:06:13] My mother often reminded me and my sisters that we were lucky to have been born in the time of the Messiah. Not many people were so blessed to be able to see him in person. Not surprisingly, Moon the self-proclaimed savior of all humanity, covered a lot of ground in his speeches. Interpreter [00:06:34] In order to understand human history and the world from the perspective of God's providence, I would like to speak on the topic: the path for America and humanity in the new millenium. Hideo Higashibaba [00:06:48] Moon was born in what is now North Korea in 1920 during the Japanese occupation. The story goes that when he was 16 years old Jesus Christ appeared to him in a vision and told him he was the person chosen to carry on his mission. Moon went to Japan to study engineering and then the Korean War happened. The United States invaded, driving out the Japanese and razing the Korean peninsula to the ground. Eventually, Moon wrote The Divine Principle which he said held all the secrets of heaven and earth and God's will. There's a lot to it but some of the more crazy parts include a bit about how the Virgin Mary was not actually a virgin because, uh, that's not possible...duh. Also, Moonies believe Jesus did not come to earth to die for our sins. Moon said Jesus was supposed to get married and have a family, blessed by God of course. The fact that he was crucified instead wasn't exactly a failure but it was not a part of the plan. The Divine Principle, known as the DP, had other little gems like this one. This is my editor Quinn reading a section. Quinn Myers [00:08:02] Jesus came as the bridegroom to all humanity. All devout believers should become his brides awaiting the time of his return. After these brides celebrate the marriage of the lamb with Jesus, their bridegroom, they are to live in the kingdom of heaven in oneness with him as his wives, in a metaphorical sense. Hideo Higashibaba [00:08:23] Clearly Moon had a pretty loose relationship with things like science and reality. Reading back through the DP, it reads like a step by step justification for men to own their wives as property, why black people are actually inferior to everyone else and why gay people are trash. A little 'how to' for patriarchy, racism and homophobia. Hideo Higashibaba [00:08:50] By 1955, Moon's church had 30 centers all over Korea. A few years later he sent missionaries to Japan and then America where the hippies and free love people were gaining traction. If they wanted a revolution Moon wanted a counter revolution where women knew their place, homosexuals were punished for their sins, and God's will prevailed. He literally called for America to return to its Puritan roots. Interpreter [00:09:19] Homosexuals lesbians or even those who go after a free sex life. God doesn't want those people. If they practice that kind of unprincipled life they are less than animals. Hideo Higashibaba [00:09:37] I'm not sure why people were attracted to this kind of bullshit. I vaguely remember first generation, the adults I grew up with, giving testimony, telling the story of how and why they joined the church. One first gen said they were really uncomfortable with all the sex and drugs their peers were getting into. The Unification Church claimed a moral high ground over all that. The first gen didn't have to think about why the free love revolution made them uncomfortable. Moon did it for them. Hideo Higashibaba [00:10:09] In the early days Moonies called their leader, master. By the time I was born he was called True Father and his wife Hak Ja Han was called True Mother. Together they were the True Parents, the Messiah of all humanity. Moonies think the True Parents are the first people to achieve perfection and oneness with God since Adam and Eve screwed up and were kicked out of Eden. When Moon spoke he had planned remarks but he went off script a lot and asked the audience questions. People would shout back answers or clap. As a kid it made me very uncomfortable. I was always told to be quiet and seeing all these grown-ups yelling was really off putting, especially when Moon would bring up women and their bodies, which was kind of a favorite topic for him. Interpreter [00:11:02] What about the very organ which makes you as a woman, wife. Is that organ just strictly belonging to you or is it there for your husband. Sun Myung Moon [00:11:19] Huh? [Speaks Korean] Interpreter [00:11:19] The ladies should answer, not the men. For whom? For you or for your husband? Crowd [00:11:37] Husband! Sun Myung Moon [00:11:37] Husband! Make loud voice, husband! Crowd [00:11:50] Husband! Sun Myung Moon [00:11:50] One more time! Crowd [00:11:50] Husband! Sun Myung Moon [00:11:50] Amazing. Hideo Higashibaba [00:11:50] It's so clear that moon hated women and people who have vaginas. Or at the very least, didn't understand them at all. But for men, it was a different story. Interpreter [00:12:00] Promise that you will keep absolute fidelity. If you do that with your family together that you will become the master of your family, your family will come to owner, the center of your nation, your nation will become the center nation of the world, and eventually will be able to be the Kingdom of God on Earth. Hideo Higashibaba [00:12:19] All Moon asked for in exchange for these nuggets of wisdom was absolute faith, absolute love, and absolute obedience. The True Parents weren't technically God but they were given a sacred respect the best of everything was set aside for them. We bowed to them or their pictures. We prayed in their names. We were told to read his teachings every day. Interpreter [00:12:47] We are talking about absolute fidelity here. If anybody, any husband any wife, deviates from this God-given principle they are bound to hell. Hideo Higashibaba [00:13:01] It's all pretty horrific stuff, but back when I was a Moonie I believed all of it. I believed that sex before marriage made me worthless and that gay people were sick and twisted. I believed that there would be divine retribution for those who violate God's laws. I thought Moon loved me, not just the idea of me, I thought he loved me specially. I thought he loved my parents and my siblings. I thought he knew what he was doing when he put my parents together even though they were unhappy. Hideo Higashibaba [00:13:42] When I left the church I felt totally betrayed by Moon. I felt like I had been lied to. I had to realize that this person who I worshiped and prayed for and carried in my heart for two decades didn't care about me at all. I know it might seem silly especially if you weren't born into a cult and controlled by fear and shame for the most formative years of your life. But I was heartbroken. I still am a little I think. It's embarrassing, because listening back to those speeches I'm disgusted, but also I'm really angry. Moon sold my family this idea of the kingdom of heaven on earth. He demanded sacrifice after sacrifice, but really he used his followers to build a massive empire that made him and his family rich. He took money from us to build fancy mansions in places we would never see. And I didn't realize how messed up all that was until I left. Interpreter [00:14:47] I'd like to conclude by expressing my hope for the beginning of a new millennium dome overflowing with peace, freedom and justice, may God's blessing be with you and your families. Thank you very much. Hideo Higashibaba [00:15:02] Moon died in 2012. He was 92 years old. His legacy is a complicated mess. His sons and wife are fighting over his estate and spiritual leadership. Moon was a cult leader but he was also a business man. It makes me wonder how much of that creepy and shitty theology he actually believed. Maybe at some point it became less about controlling masses of people and more about the money. Maybe it was both. Hideo Higashibaba [00:15:33] I'm not a psychologist, I don't know why evil people do what they do but I'm trying to find meaning for my life here. And I would not exist were it not for this man. This greedy, manipulative, lying, sexist, racist, homophobic pig and it kind of blows my mind. It's just so fucking random! Hideo Higashibaba [00:15:56] I'm a small, queer, trans, nerdy, Japanese American and Moon was the son of poor farmers. He was born during the Japanese occupation in present day North Korea. He had to learn his language and culture in secret while Japanese soldiers tortured and raped his community. So at the risk of empathizing with this horrible person, I think he must have felt totally powerless. He must have discovered that he had a way with people, that people listened to him for whatever reason and that gave him power. Later, that charisma gave him wealth too which gave him more power which made him wealthy and on and on. Hideo Higashibaba [00:16:38] It's not an excuse. The way Moon and his family manipulated, abused the people who followed him is inexcusable. I'm trying to wrap my mind around all this even though I know most of it has no good explanation. What I really want is to heal. I want to feel whole and good about myself. And to do that, I have to look back. I have to find a way to make sense of the past that created me, in order to be free from it. Hideo Higashibaba [00:17:31] Next time on Growing Up Moonie. Teruko [00:17:33] My parents never really were affectionate. I remember them fighting a lot of kids. But I just remember never being afraid of that like I was just normal to me. So I just remember never being afraid like oh yeah they're not going to get a divorce, that's not allowed in the church. So I was never afraid of arguing so it just seemed super normal to me that you would just always fight. Hideo Higashibaba [00:17:54] That's next time on Growing Up Moonie. This episode of Growing Up Moonie was written and produced by me and edited by Quinn Myers. Music by Podington Bear, Blue Dot Sessions and Soularflaire. Special thanks to Elecia Harvey-Spain for transcription help. Please take a moment to leave us a rating and a review wherever you're listening. It really helps other people find the podcast and we are so grateful for your support. I am Hideo Higashibaba. Thanks for listening.

Episode 3: The Mythology of Reverend Sun Myung Moon

Episode 4: Teruko

In the textbook definition of a cult, a group must have three things: a charismatic leader, insider/outsider identity, and shared ritual. In this episode, Hideo shares some of the rituals of the Moonies and what he had to leave behind.     TRANSCRIPT News Announcer [00:00:01] A decade ago, The Reverend Sun Myung Moon was accused of controlling the minds of young people creating so-called Moonies. News Announcer [00:00:08] So-called Moonies, followers of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon head of the Unification Church, who became well-known in the early 80s for his mass wedding ceremonies. Interpreter [00:00:16] Do you pledge to establish an eternal family with which God can be happy. Crowd [00:00:24] Yes! Interpreter [00:00:25] We are talking about absolute fidelity here. If anybody deviates from this God-given principle they are bound to hell. News Announcer [00:00:35] But the church has a different plan for the second generation. 2nd gen [00:00:38] I felt like we weren't equipped for the world. You know we aren't just like this bubble. 2nd gen [00:00:43] To me it sounds culty. I know it's what brought our parents to church but it's not what keeps me in the church. 2nd gen [00:00:48] Even if I'm not doing everything that they want me to do or I don't believe everything that they believe we still have this like line that connects us. Hideo Higashibaba [00:01:05] My name is Hideo Higashibaba. Until four years ago, I was a part of a cult called the Unification Church. You might know them as the Moonies. This is Growing Up Moonie, stories from people who grew up in the church like me. Hideo Higashibaba [00:01:21] In my second year of college I took a social psychology class and there was a whole chapter in our textbook about cults. And you guessed it, the Moonies were in it. I learned that for a group to be called a cult it has to have three things: a charismatic leader, insider outsider identity, and shared ritual. The Moonies charismatic leader is obviously Sun Myung Moon and we've heard a lot about the insider outsider identity in past episodes. But before we go into the next interview I want to take a minute to talk about that last thing. The rituals of the Unification Church. I have two decades of Moonie knowledge, stories, poems, chants, and songs in my head. Even after I rejected the reasons behind them, the shared ritual is in my bones. I catch myself singing church songs, what we called Holy Songs. I can even remember most of the words. Hideo singing [00:02:29] Pure new life that was sown within the gardens furtile soil. Sprouting seed has now become blossom of heavenly loveliness. Father above... Hideo Higashibaba [00:02:47] The words are bananas. That's partly because a lot of them were translated from Korean but also partly because they're just crazy. Hideo singing [00:03:01] The Father's dwelling place is the fountain of our life drawn to the light of eternal day we banned the darkness. May the Word of God... Hideo Higashibaba [00:03:19] There is no reason for me to sing these songs now but I catch myself singing them in odd moments. The lyrics kind of creep me out. Hideo singing [00:03:27] So eternally to receive his love. We shall be his pride... Hideo Higashibaba [00:03:41] Correct church etiquette dictates that one always bows in the presence of the founder Sun Myung Moon and his wife, who are called the True Parents. If they weren't around you bow their picture. There was the full bow, where you place your right hand over left. Then put your hands to your forehand as you bend down to crouch in front of the picture. Then there was the half bow, where you just bend at the waist for when you were outside or in a rush or something. Being a Moonie is made up of dozens of small rituals like this. There are way too many to mention them all here so I'm just going to tell you about three important ones. During the week Moonies were expected to read the sacred texts of the church for at least an hour a day usually old speeches and lectures from Moon. This is called Hoon Dok Hae. It's a Korean phrase that from what I can tell means get up ridiculously early to read little gems like this. Here's my editor Quinn reading from one of Moon's speeches. Quinn Myers [00:04:42] In the world today there are advanced nations and underdeveloped nations. In the advanced nations people have a lot and end up discarding leftover things, whereas people in underdeveloped nations lack many things, especially food. They may even starve to death. Twenty million people die of starvation each year. Do you think that is God's will? What the advanced nations are doing is oppressing the universe's natural system of interaction. If this continues the advanced nations will be unable to avoid divine punishment. Heaven will not let this go unnoticed. Already, signs of judgement are appearing in various places. One of the signs is the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases, and another is drug and alcohol abuse. Both free sex and homosexuality are the madness of the lowest of the human race. God detests such behavior the most. Satan, on the other hand, praises such behavior the most. Hideo Higashibaba [00:05:42] You heard that right. World hunger is caused by gay people. Most Moonies didn't actually do Hoon Dok Hae every day, I know my family didn't. We usually just did it on Sunday mornings before church. Other rituals were just for special occasions. There's the matching and blessing obviously but also stuff you could only do at Chun Pyung, the church's headquarters in Korea. My family went there the summer I turned eight. Chun Pyung is this beautiful white marble city. I think it's a resort town with bathhouses and a hospital. There's a lake and beautiful mountains everywhere. I think there's a big palace now too, dedicated to the founder and his family. One of the rules at Chun Pyung is that we had to wear white shirts. I have no idea why but that was the rule. When my family and I went there were 12,000 people at the same workshop all wearing white shirts and dark pants and almost everyone there was Asian with black hair. So the place looked like the static on a television screen. In the 10 days my family was there we climbed the special mountain and drink the special water on the mountain. I went to a bathhouse for the first time. Chun Pyung was very hot and not very exciting for an 8 year old. Everything was kind of different like it would be in any foreign country but not that weird. But then there was Ansu. Hideo Higashibaba [00:07:18] The Ansu hall is this enormous room with hundreds of people all sitting on the floor in rows. A team of singers and drummers come on stage and start to sing the song, Blessing of Glory in Korean. They lead the crowd, stepping to the music, while the drummer keeps the beat. The crowd claps to the music for a couple of verses and then the leader signals to everyone to start hitting themselves to the beat. That's right, hitting themselves. Not just anywhere, that would be crazy! You only hit the part of the body that the leader tells you to. So they yell 'arms!' or 'legs!' and 500 people start hitting their legs in unison. Other leaders would walk through the crowd showing people how to hit themselves correctly, sometimes urging people to hit themselves harder. Hideo Higashibaba [00:08:14] Why do Moonies do Ansu, you may ask. It's to free the body of the evil spirits trapped inside. Most Moonies did Ansu only a few times in their lives because it can only be done in certain places at certain times. You can just go around hitting yourself all the time! It had to be done in Chun Pyung and sometimes at one of Moon's gazillion billion properties in upstate New York. The most memorable part of my family's trip to Korea was when I barfed in the Ansu Hall. I'd been really sick for the whole trip. Somehow I'd gotten a stomach bug on the way over and combined with the jetlag, I was a hot mess. My mum and sisters and I were settling down in the Ansu Hall before a session, when I stood up too fast and projectile vomited all over the floor. All the women around us started pulling towels napkins little packets of Kleenex out of their bags to help us. The only man nearby made this disgusted noise and scooted away like, 'Ulgh!'. Hideo Higashibaba [00:09:17] I was covered in vomit, so my mother grabbed me by the back of the neck and steered me out of the hall into the bathroom. I didn't have to do answer after that. I remember feeling really guilty because instead of feeling bad that I couldn't do this wholly special once in a lifetime thing I was relieved. Hideo Higashibaba [00:09:45] A smaller but no less odd ritual is holy salt. The logic behind holy salt is that Satan rules over everything in the world. So, Moon told us that before we go around using all this stuff that Satan has claim over, we should claim it back. Anytime we brought anything into the house; groceries, bags of hand-me-downs, Christmas gifts, we would say a prayer and sprinkle this salt on the objects three times. If you didn't have salt handy, you could also blow three little puffs like, pff pff pff. For some reason we also did this to toilets before we sat down on them. I guess it was because you didn't want to put your bare bottom on Satan's toilet seat. All that was years ago when the founder Moon was alive. Life was good. It was uncomplicated. Then in 2012... News Announcer [00:10:39] The Reverend Sun Myung Moon who founded a global religious movement has died. His Unification Church was famous for its mass weddings in which thousands of followers often from different countries married simultaneously. At the same time, he faced accusations of brainwashing... Hideo Higashibaba [00:10:59] Since Moon's death, the church has split into factions. One is headed by his wife and the other two are led by his sons who both insist they are the true heirs. It's kind of a mess and one of the factions has gotten extra weird. News Announcer [00:11:15] Exactly two weeks after the deadly shooting in Florida, the Sanctuary Church near Newfoundland encouraged people to bring a AR-15s to a couple's blessing ceremony Wednesday. Participants say the firearms symbolize the rod of iron in the Bible's Book of Revelation. Sanctuary Church Member [00:11:33] I don't look as an assault rifle. I look at it as a as a weapon to protect my family and to protect my neighbors. Hideo Higashibaba [00:11:42] This ceremony looked a lot like any blessing in the church. The women are wearing white and the men are wearing black suits with white gloves. But here everyone is holding a AR-15 rifles and crowns made out of bullets. It's really spooky. The whole tone feels a lot different to me, but these people are definitely Moonies. News Announcer [00:12:04] They understand the controversy. Sanctuary Church Member [00:12:06] Controversy is something you expect when you're a Unification Church member, a Moonie as we're lovingly known. We've grown up with controversy. News Announcer [00:12:14] Outside the service there was a visible state police presence. Hideo Higashibaba [00:12:18] That shit was scary. A local school closed down for the day because of it. I recognized one of the women in the photos, I think she was a friend of my mom's. It was all over the internet. Everyone was talking about it and not a single Moony I know of came out against it. Hideo singing [00:12:42] Grace filling me with golden light, measureless blessing divine. God gives eternal life to me, perfectly rejoicing is mine. Glorious the song ringing in my heart for my father above... Hideo Higashibaba [00:13:00] Rituals are an important part of being a person. Every single one of us has them. Taking a shower before work, that's a ritual. So is praying before a meal or celebrating birthdays. You have rituals in your life even if you don't call them that. These are just a few of the many Moonies do. Doing rituals with other people makes us feel connected to them and that's why there's such a powerful part of cults. Because those rituals aren't just silly songs or poems. If you say them enough they start to shape your reality. The prayers I said when I was lonely also reminded me that I was worthless without God or my family. Those songs I loved so much made it clear that I was in constant danger of Satan's attack. Hideo singing [00:13:48] Grace filling every part of me blessing that never will die. Glorious the song... Hideo Higashibaba [00:13:57] Even though I don't want them anymore, these Moonie rituals are still a part of me. I can't hate them without hating myself. I want them gone but I don't know who I'll be without them. I was scared for my whole life because of this cult, but here on the outside, all this is really scary too. I have to create my own reality now and my own rituals. My own ways to make a meaning in the world. Hideo Higashibaba [00:14:38] Next time on Growing Up Moonie... Katie [00:14:41] I don't care about doctrine or dogma. I don't really care for it if it splits up people that you love. Hideo Higashibaba [00:14:49] That's next time on Growing Up Moonie. Hideo Higashibaba [00:15:02] Growing Up Moonie is written by me. This episode was edited and produced by Quinn Myers with music by Podington Bear. Special thanks to Kate Bennett for helping out with music for this episode. Please take a moment to leave us a rating and review wherever you're listening. It really helps this podcast reach a wider audience. Visit growingupmoonie.com for more info. I'm Hideo Higashibaba. Thanks for listening.

In the textbook definition of a cult, a group must have three things: a charismatic leader, insider/outsider identity, and shared ritual. In this episode, Hideo shares some of the rituals of the Moonies and what he had to leave behind. TRANSCRIPT News Announcer [00:00:01] A decade ago, The Reverend Sun Myung Moon was accused of controlling the minds of young people creating so-called Moonies. News Announcer [00:00:08] So-called Moonies, followers of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon head of the Unification Church, who became well-known in the early 80s for his mass wedding ceremonies. Interpreter [00:00:16] Do you pledge to establish an eternal family with which God can be happy. Crowd [00:00:24] Yes! Interpreter [00:00:25] We are talking about absolute fidelity here. If anybody deviates from this God-given principle they are bound to hell. News Announcer [00:00:35] But the church has a different plan for the second generation. 2nd gen [00:00:38] I felt like we weren't equipped for the world. You know we aren't just like this bubble. 2nd gen [00:00:43] To me it sounds culty. I know it's what brought our parents to church but it's not what keeps me in the church. 2nd gen [00:00:48] Even if I'm not doing everything that they want me to do or I don't believe everything that they believe we still have this like line that connects us. Hideo Higashibaba [00:01:05] My name is Hideo Higashibaba. Until four years ago, I was a part of a cult called the Unification Church. You might know them as the Moonies. This is Growing Up Moonie, stories from people who grew up in the church like me. Hideo Higashibaba [00:01:21] In my second year of college I took a social psychology class and there was a whole chapter in our textbook about cults. And you guessed it, the Moonies were in it. I learned that for a group to be called a cult it has to have three things: a charismatic leader, insider outsider identity, and shared ritual. The Moonies charismatic leader is obviously Sun Myung Moon and we've heard a lot about the insider outsider identity in past episodes. But before we go into the next interview I want to take a minute to talk about that last thing. The rituals of the Unification Church. I have two decades of Moonie knowledge, stories, poems, chants, and songs in my head. Even after I rejected the reasons behind them, the shared ritual is in my bones. I catch myself singing church songs, what we called Holy Songs. I can even remember most of the words. Hideo singing [00:02:29] Pure new life that was sown within the gardens furtile soil. Sprouting seed has now become blossom of heavenly loveliness. Father above... Hideo Higashibaba [00:02:47] The words are bananas. That's partly because a lot of them were translated from Korean but also partly because they're just crazy. Hideo singing [00:03:01] The Father's dwelling place is the fountain of our life drawn to the light of eternal day we banned the darkness. May the Word of God... Hideo Higashibaba [00:03:19] There is no reason for me to sing these songs now but I catch myself singing them in odd moments. The lyrics kind of creep me out. Hideo singing [00:03:27] So eternally to receive his love. We shall be his pride... Hideo Higashibaba [00:03:41] Correct church etiquette dictates that one always bows in the presence of the founder Sun Myung Moon and his wife, who are called the True Parents. If they weren't around you bow their picture. There was the full bow, where you place your right hand over left. Then put your hands to your forehand as you bend down to crouch in front of the picture. Then there was the half bow, where you just bend at the waist for when you were outside or in a rush or something. Being a Moonie is made up of dozens of small rituals like this. There are way too many to mention them all here so I'm just going to tell you about three important ones. During the week Moonies were expected to read the sacred texts of the church for at least an hour a day usually old speeches and lectures from Moon. This is called Hoon Dok Hae. It's a Korean phrase that from what I can tell means get up ridiculously early to read little gems like this. Here's my editor Quinn reading from one of Moon's speeches. Quinn Myers [00:04:42] In the world today there are advanced nations and underdeveloped nations. In the advanced nations people have a lot and end up discarding leftover things, whereas people in underdeveloped nations lack many things, especially food. They may even starve to death. Twenty million people die of starvation each year. Do you think that is God's will? What the advanced nations are doing is oppressing the universe's natural system of interaction. If this continues the advanced nations will be unable to avoid divine punishment. Heaven will not let this go unnoticed. Already, signs of judgement are appearing in various places. One of the signs is the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases, and another is drug and alcohol abuse. Both free sex and homosexuality are the madness of the lowest of the human race. God detests such behavior the most. Satan, on the other hand, praises such behavior the most. Hideo Higashibaba [00:05:42] You heard that right. World hunger is caused by gay people. Most Moonies didn't actually do Hoon Dok Hae every day, I know my family didn't. We usually just did it on Sunday mornings before church. Other rituals were just for special occasions. There's the matching and blessing obviously but also stuff you could only do at Chun Pyung, the church's headquarters in Korea. My family went there the summer I turned eight. Chun Pyung is this beautiful white marble city. I think it's a resort town with bathhouses and a hospital. There's a lake and beautiful mountains everywhere. I think there's a big palace now too, dedicated to the founder and his family. One of the rules at Chun Pyung is that we had to wear white shirts. I have no idea why but that was the rule. When my family and I went there were 12,000 people at the same workshop all wearing white shirts and dark pants and almost everyone there was Asian with black hair. So the place looked like the static on a television screen. In the 10 days my family was there we climbed the special mountain and drink the special water on the mountain. I went to a bathhouse for the first time. Chun Pyung was very hot and not very exciting for an 8 year old. Everything was kind of different like it would be in any foreign country but not that weird. But then there was Ansu. Hideo Higashibaba [00:07:18] The Ansu hall is this enormous room with hundreds of people all sitting on the floor in rows. A team of singers and drummers come on stage and start to sing the song, Blessing of Glory in Korean. They lead the crowd, stepping to the music, while the drummer keeps the beat. The crowd claps to the music for a couple of verses and then the leader signals to everyone to start hitting themselves to the beat. That's right, hitting themselves. Not just anywhere, that would be crazy! You only hit the part of the body that the leader tells you to. So they yell 'arms!' or 'legs!' and 500 people start hitting their legs in unison. Other leaders would walk through the crowd showing people how to hit themselves correctly, sometimes urging people to hit themselves harder. Hideo Higashibaba [00:08:14] Why do Moonies do Ansu, you may ask. It's to free the body of the evil spirits trapped inside. Most Moonies did Ansu only a few times in their lives because it can only be done in certain places at certain times. You can just go around hitting yourself all the time! It had to be done in Chun Pyung and sometimes at one of Moon's gazillion billion properties in upstate New York. The most memorable part of my family's trip to Korea was when I barfed in the Ansu Hall. I'd been really sick for the whole trip. Somehow I'd gotten a stomach bug on the way over and combined with the jetlag, I was a hot mess. My mum and sisters and I were settling down in the Ansu Hall before a session, when I stood up too fast and projectile vomited all over the floor. All the women around us started pulling towels napkins little packets of Kleenex out of their bags to help us. The only man nearby made this disgusted noise and scooted away like, 'Ulgh!'. Hideo Higashibaba [00:09:17] I was covered in vomit, so my mother grabbed me by the back of the neck and steered me out of the hall into the bathroom. I didn't have to do answer after that. I remember feeling really guilty because instead of feeling bad that I couldn't do this wholly special once in a lifetime thing I was relieved. Hideo Higashibaba [00:09:45] A smaller but no less odd ritual is holy salt. The logic behind holy salt is that Satan rules over everything in the world. So, Moon told us that before we go around using all this stuff that Satan has claim over, we should claim it back. Anytime we brought anything into the house; groceries, bags of hand-me-downs, Christmas gifts, we would say a prayer and sprinkle this salt on the objects three times. If you didn't have salt handy, you could also blow three little puffs like, pff pff pff. For some reason we also did this to toilets before we sat down on them. I guess it was because you didn't want to put your bare bottom on Satan's toilet seat. All that was years ago when the founder Moon was alive. Life was good. It was uncomplicated. Then in 2012... News Announcer [00:10:39] The Reverend Sun Myung Moon who founded a global religious movement has died. His Unification Church was famous for its mass weddings in which thousands of followers often from different countries married simultaneously. At the same time, he faced accusations of brainwashing... Hideo Higashibaba [00:10:59] Since Moon's death, the church has split into factions. One is headed by his wife and the other two are led by his sons who both insist they are the true heirs. It's kind of a mess and one of the factions has gotten extra weird. News Announcer [00:11:15] Exactly two weeks after the deadly shooting in Florida, the Sanctuary Church near Newfoundland encouraged people to bring a AR-15s to a couple's blessing ceremony Wednesday. Participants say the firearms symbolize the rod of iron in the Bible's Book of Revelation. Sanctuary Church Member [00:11:33] I don't look as an assault rifle. I look at it as a as a weapon to protect my family and to protect my neighbors. Hideo Higashibaba [00:11:42] This ceremony looked a lot like any blessing in the church. The women are wearing white and the men are wearing black suits with white gloves. But here everyone is holding a AR-15 rifles and crowns made out of bullets. It's really spooky. The whole tone feels a lot different to me, but these people are definitely Moonies. News Announcer [00:12:04] They understand the controversy. Sanctuary Church Member [00:12:06] Controversy is something you expect when you're a Unification Church member, a Moonie as we're lovingly known. We've grown up with controversy. News Announcer [00:12:14] Outside the service there was a visible state police presence. Hideo Higashibaba [00:12:18] That shit was scary. A local school closed down for the day because of it. I recognized one of the women in the photos, I think she was a friend of my mom's. It was all over the internet. Everyone was talking about it and not a single Moony I know of came out against it. Hideo singing [00:12:42] Grace filling me with golden light, measureless blessing divine. God gives eternal life to me, perfectly rejoicing is mine. Glorious the song ringing in my heart for my father above... Hideo Higashibaba [00:13:00] Rituals are an important part of being a person. Every single one of us has them. Taking a shower before work, that's a ritual. So is praying before a meal or celebrating birthdays. You have rituals in your life even if you don't call them that. These are just a few of the many Moonies do. Doing rituals with other people makes us feel connected to them and that's why there's such a powerful part of cults. Because those rituals aren't just silly songs or poems. If you say them enough they start to shape your reality. The prayers I said when I was lonely also reminded me that I was worthless without God or my family. Those songs I loved so much made it clear that I was in constant danger of Satan's attack. Hideo singing [00:13:48] Grace filling every part of me blessing that never will die. Glorious the song... Hideo Higashibaba [00:13:57] Even though I don't want them anymore, these Moonie rituals are still a part of me. I can't hate them without hating myself. I want them gone but I don't know who I'll be without them. I was scared for my whole life because of this cult, but here on the outside, all this is really scary too. I have to create my own reality now and my own rituals. My own ways to make a meaning in the world. Hideo Higashibaba [00:14:38] Next time on Growing Up Moonie... Katie [00:14:41] I don't care about doctrine or dogma. I don't really care for it if it splits up people that you love. Hideo Higashibaba [00:14:49] That's next time on Growing Up Moonie. Hideo Higashibaba [00:15:02] Growing Up Moonie is written by me. This episode was edited and produced by Quinn Myers with music by Podington Bear. Special thanks to Kate Bennett for helping out with music for this episode. Please take a moment to leave us a rating and review wherever you're listening. It really helps this podcast reach a wider audience. Visit <a href="http://growingupmoonie.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">growingupmoonie.com</a> for more info. I'm Hideo Higashibaba. Thanks for listening.

Episode 5: Ritual in the Unification Church

Episode 6: Katie

Episode 7: Hideo

Hideo Higashibaba left the cult he was born into when he was 22 years old. The Unification Church, also known as the Moonies, was founded in Korea by a man named Sun Myung Moon who proclaimed he was the Second Coming of Christ. In Growing Up Moonie, Hideo asks people he grew up with what their childhoods were like and shares his struggle to make sense of his weird sheltered youth and the person he grew up to be. Edited and co-produced by Quinn Myers.

Well researched, well produced, well worth my time. I heard about this from the PREACH podcast.

Fascinating and riveting

Once you start listening to this, you will not be able to stop!

You will want to binge all 7!

Growing Up Moonie

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