Eastwood and Sheen team-up to accomplish....nothing really. Its maybe the worst written movie we've done and that includes M. Knight Shamalamadingdong stuff. Let's start with the positives, shall we? The stunts in this movie are so over-the-top, I suspect the entire budget went into explosions and car chases. It's like they set a new record for the most pyrotechnics used in a single film! If you're in the mood for gratuitous action that defies all laws of physics, "The Rookie" delivers like a pizza on a Friday night. But now, let's talk about the dialogue. Oh boy, where do I begin? It's almost as if the screenwriters threw darts at a board filled with clichés and put them all in one script. The characters spout one-liners that even your dad would cringe at. And speaking of dad jokes, Clint Eastwood seems to be on autopilot, delivering lines with the enthusiasm of someone who's run out of coffee in the morning. Charlie Sheen's character, on the other hand, appears to be suffering from a severe case of split personality disorder. One moment, he's a charming rookie cop trying to prove himself, and the next, he's channeling his inner James Bond with terrible pick-up lines that make you wish you could hit the "mute" button on reality. Now, let's address the plot—or should I say lack thereof? The story revolves around Clint Eastwood's character being a grizzled, soon-to-retire cop who takes on the role of mentor to Charlie Sheen's greenhorn. But, folks, brace yourselves for the plot twist: the mentor becomes the student, and the student becomes the hero. Groundbreaking, right? It's like someone took a clichéd cop movie template and decided to play "mad libs" with it, inserting random action sequences wherever they could fit. At some point, you have to wonder if director, Clint Eastwood, thought the audience would be so distracted by the explosions that we wouldn't notice the plot holes big enough to drive a tank through. And don't even get me started on the female characters—they seem to exist solely to fawn over the male leads, reminding us that the '90s weren't exactly a pinnacle of gender representation. In conclusion, "The Rookie" is a perfect case study in how not to make an action movie. If you're in the mood for some mindless entertainment, or you want to host a movie night with friends where you play a drinking game for every cringeworthy line, this might be the perfect pick. Otherwise, you're better off enjoying some classic Clint Eastwood in his better films and letting "The Rookie" remain a relic of the '90s, forever trapped in its own time warp of bad dialogue and nonsensical plots.

Eastwood and Sheen team-up to accomplish....nothing really. Its maybe the worst written movie we've done and that includes M. Knight Shamalamadingdong stuff. Let's start with the positives, shall we? The stunts in this movie are so over-the-top, I suspect the entire budget went into explosions and car chases. It's like they set a new record for the most pyrotechnics used in a single film! If you're in the mood for gratuitous action that defies all laws of physics, "The Rookie" delivers like a pizza on a Friday night. But now, let's talk about the dialogue. Oh boy, where do I begin? It's almost as if the screenwriters threw darts at a board filled with clichés and put them all in one script. The characters spout one-liners that even your dad would cringe at. And speaking of dad jokes, Clint Eastwood seems to be on autopilot, delivering lines with the enthusiasm of someone who's run out of coffee in the morning. Charlie Sheen's character, on the other hand, appears to be suffering from a severe case of split personality disorder. One moment, he's a charming rookie cop trying to prove himself, and the next, he's channeling his inner James Bond with terrible pick-up lines that make you wish you could hit the "mute" button on reality. Now, let's address the plot—or should I say lack thereof? The story revolves around Clint Eastwood's character being a grizzled, soon-to-retire cop who takes on the role of mentor to Charlie Sheen's greenhorn. But, folks, brace yourselves for the plot twist: the mentor becomes the student, and the student becomes the hero. Groundbreaking, right? It's like someone took a clichéd cop movie template and decided to play "mad libs" with it, inserting random action sequences wherever they could fit. At some point, you have to wonder if director, Clint Eastwood, thought the audience would be so distracted by the explosions that we wouldn't notice the plot holes big enough to drive a tank through. And don't even get me started on the female characters—they seem to exist solely to fawn over the male leads, reminding us that the '90s weren't exactly a pinnacle of gender representation. In conclusion, "The Rookie" is a perfect case study in how not to make an action movie. If you're in the mood for some mindless entertainment, or you want to host a movie night with friends where you play a drinking game for every cringeworthy line, this might be the perfect pick. Otherwise, you're better off enjoying some classic Clint Eastwood in his better films and letting "The Rookie" remain a relic of the '90s, forever trapped in its own time warp of bad dialogue and nonsensical plots.

The Rookie - Its a Buttendectomy

Michelle Bauer stalks around LA in slinky outfits on a quest....for blood! Words, don't fail me now. One of the highlights of "The Tomb" is its nostalgic charm. The film exudes the distinct '80s vibe, complete with cheesy practical effects, low-budget sets, and a synthesizer-heavy soundtrack with corny beats and crummy lyrics that is very Fred Olen Ray.  The "plot" follows a group of "amateur gynocologists" who venture into an ancient tomb in search of hidden treasures. There, they unlock the tomb of "Nefratis" (played by the always great Michelle Bauer), an ancient mummy vampire who needs blood to stay looking like Michelle Bauer...so, hot. She is kind of thwarted by Dave (Richard Hench) and John Banning (David O'Hara) but really only because she kidnaps Dave's newfound girlfriend, Helen (Suzy Stokey). We're still not sure why she needed to kidnap her for a ritual because she doesn't need to perform rituals to stay hot, she just needs blood. Maybe pretty lady blood will make her even more hot? But come on, lady. You're Michelle Bauer. Save some good looking for the rest of us, greedy guts. Fred Olen Ray demonstrates his passion for practical effects, and it shows in some of the creative and gory scenes. The film's modest budget may be apparent in places, but the dedication to practical effects adds a certain charm that modern CGI-laden horror films often lack. However, "The Tomb" is not without its flaws. The pacing can be a bit uneven, with some scenes dragging on while others rush past crucial moments. Additionally, the character development is rather weak, leaving the audience with little attachment to the protagonists, making it challenging to feel invested in their fates. "The Tomb" is, at times, a fun visit to '80s horror cinema, brimming with nostalgic elements that will please genre enthusiasts and Fred Olen Ray cultists (myself being one of them). However, despite some of his best efforts (the opening credit sequence and his efforts on the practical effects), there's just not enough meat here in the middle of the film. Yes, he manages to keep a little momentum by sprinkling in some knockers during those exposition heavy sections but he could have and has done better with many, many, many of his other films.

Michelle Bauer stalks around LA in slinky outfits on a quest....for blood! Words, don't fail me now. One of the highlights of "The Tomb" is its nostalgic charm. The film exudes the distinct '80s vibe, complete with cheesy practical effects, low-budget sets, and a synthesizer-heavy soundtrack with corny beats and crummy lyrics that is very Fred Olen Ray.  The "plot" follows a group of "amateur gynocologists" who venture into an ancient tomb in search of hidden treasures. There, they unlock the tomb of "Nefratis" (played by the always great Michelle Bauer), an ancient mummy vampire who needs blood to stay looking like Michelle Bauer...so, hot. She is kind of thwarted by Dave (Richard Hench) and John Banning (David O'Hara) but really only because she kidnaps Dave's newfound girlfriend, Helen (Suzy Stokey). We're still not sure why she needed to kidnap her for a ritual because she doesn't need to perform rituals to stay hot, she just needs blood. Maybe pretty lady blood will make her even more hot? But come on, lady. You're Michelle Bauer. Save some good looking for the rest of us, greedy guts. Fred Olen Ray demonstrates his passion for practical effects, and it shows in some of the creative and gory scenes. The film's modest budget may be apparent in places, but the dedication to practical effects adds a certain charm that modern CGI-laden horror films often lack. However, "The Tomb" is not without its flaws. The pacing can be a bit uneven, with some scenes dragging on while others rush past crucial moments. Additionally, the character development is rather weak, leaving the audience with little attachment to the protagonists, making it challenging to feel invested in their fates. "The Tomb" is, at times, a fun visit to '80s horror cinema, brimming with nostalgic elements that will please genre enthusiasts and Fred Olen Ray cultists (myself being one of them). However, despite some of his best efforts (the opening credit sequence and his efforts on the practical effects), there's just not enough meat here in the middle of the film. Yes, he manages to keep a little momentum by sprinkling in some knockers during those exposition heavy sections but he could have and has done better with many, many, many of his other films.

The Tomb - The Mummy moves to LA for its high quality blood?

Michael Ransom is back but this time he's Brent Huff. Yet he manages to do all the same stuff as Reb Brown and adds on Indiana Jones to his abilities. So this is an odd version of the "idiot plot". Yes it qualifies because the movie can't happen unless everyone is an idiot. But it gets weirder than that with Michael Ransom's (Brent Huff) actions. All you have to do is plant the slightest seed in Ransom's mind of something and the guy goes for it. Not only goes for it, but goes WAY overboard for it. Consider the beginning when he's told that his former commander, Vic Jenkins (played by a very out of water Richard Harris) is not dead as reported in the news and that the CIA is involved. Well instead of going through proper channels and just asking what the story is, he busts in to the office of the CIA handler and busts his family photo in his face. Maybe start with just asking questions. I mean the guy even had an appointment to meet with him. That meeting ends with a judo chop to the back. What's great is that after Jenkins is kidnapped (just watch the movie) Ransom is enlisted to go after by the same CIA guy whom he just judo chopped (we have to assume his spinal cord was severed because Ransom is super tough and deadly) and all is good. But once Ransom finds Jenkins, who is unguarded and has no lock on his door, he just goes with it. "Let's get out of here, guy that is supposedly held hostage but has nothing preventing him from just leaving on his own of which makes me suspicious in no way!" Then Ransom, after being told the obvious double cross, is offered a job. He refuses because...? And gives the ransom (??) of $10 million in diamonds to a lady he met that morning. Nice planning, dude. Michael Ransom is a full blown idiot. Yet the plot isn't what you come here for (although its top notch bad). It's Bruno Mattei's shamelessness. While managing to directly rip-off Apocalypse Now, its subtle enough to get away with. But then he shot for shot steals the truck chase sequence from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Like we wouldn't notice! Its incredibly brazen and incredible. Strike Commando 2 is missing some of the silly fun of the first film but its just so incredibly stupid and willfully ignorant that its a total do. Brent Huff may not be Reb Brown but we'll take him.

Michael Ransom is back but this time he's Brent Huff. Yet he manages to do all the same stuff as Reb Brown and adds on Indiana Jones to his abilities. So this is an odd version of the "idiot plot". Yes it qualifies because the movie can't happen unless everyone is an idiot. But it gets weirder than that with Michael Ransom's (Brent Huff) actions. All you have to do is plant the slightest seed in Ransom's mind of something and the guy goes for it. Not only goes for it, but goes WAY overboard for it. Consider the beginning when he's told that his former commander, Vic Jenkins (played by a very out of water Richard Harris) is not dead as reported in the news and that the CIA is involved. Well instead of going through proper channels and just asking what the story is, he busts in to the office of the CIA handler and busts his family photo in his face. Maybe start with just asking questions. I mean the guy even had an appointment to meet with him. That meeting ends with a judo chop to the back. What's great is that after Jenkins is kidnapped (just watch the movie) Ransom is enlisted to go after by the same CIA guy whom he just judo chopped (we have to assume his spinal cord was severed because Ransom is super tough and deadly) and all is good. But once Ransom finds Jenkins, who is unguarded and has no lock on his door, he just goes with it. "Let's get out of here, guy that is supposedly held hostage but has nothing preventing him from just leaving on his own of which makes me suspicious in no way!" Then Ransom, after being told the obvious double cross, is offered a job. He refuses because...? And gives the ransom (??) of $10 million in diamonds to a lady he met that morning. Nice planning, dude. Michael Ransom is a full blown idiot. Yet the plot isn't what you come here for (although its top notch bad). It's Bruno Mattei's shamelessness. While managing to directly rip-off Apocalypse Now, its subtle enough to get away with. But then he shot for shot steals the truck chase sequence from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Like we wouldn't notice! Its incredibly brazen and incredible. Strike Commando 2 is missing some of the silly fun of the first film but its just so incredibly stupid and willfully ignorant that its a total do. Brent Huff may not be Reb Brown but we'll take him.

Strike Commando 2 - The Gullible Plot

John Voight leads an idiot plot that ends with him being covered in goo but getting to be featured as the star of a documentary filmed by people he tried to kill. Snakes on a boat! Let's face it: "Anaconda" is not meant to be a serious film. It shamelessly embraces its own absurdity, delivering a rollercoaster of ridiculousness that CAN leave you grinning. The concept itself is delightfully over-the-top. Giant man-eating snakes lurking in the heart of the Amazon rainforest? Sign me up! From the moment the adventure begins, you're taken on a journey filled with outrageous situations, questionable decisions, and an unapologetic disregard for basic snake biology. The cast, despite their characters often behaving in the most nonsensical ways, fully embraces the campiness of the film. Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube's performances inject a dose of energy and charm, while Jon Voight delivers a performance so delightfully Wiseau-esqe that you can't help but enjoy every minute he's on screen. The chemistry between the actors, despite the absurdity of the script, somehow manages to keep you invested in the chaos unfolding before your eyes. Sure, the CGI may be a bit dated, and the dialogue may not be winning any awards for its depth or sophistication. But who needs all that when you have scenes of a giant snake swallowing people whole and the characters navigating a rickety boat through treacherous waters? It's all part of the charm that makes "Anaconda" such a guilty pleasure. In the end, "Anaconda" is a prime example of a movie that may be dumb in the best possible way. It's a thrilling and silly adventure that doesn't take itself seriously, and that's precisely why it works so well. So gather your friends, grab some popcorn, and get ready to suspend your disbelief and enjoy a wild ride through the Amazon jungle with this delightful guilty pleasure.

John Voight leads an idiot plot that ends with him being covered in goo but getting to be featured as the star of a documentary filmed by people he tried to kill. Snakes on a boat! Let's face it: "Anaconda" is not meant to be a serious film. It shamelessly embraces its own absurdity, delivering a rollercoaster of ridiculousness that CAN leave you grinning. The concept itself is delightfully over-the-top. Giant man-eating snakes lurking in the heart of the Amazon rainforest? Sign me up! From the moment the adventure begins, you're taken on a journey filled with outrageous situations, questionable decisions, and an unapologetic disregard for basic snake biology. The cast, despite their characters often behaving in the most nonsensical ways, fully embraces the campiness of the film. Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube's performances inject a dose of energy and charm, while Jon Voight delivers a performance so delightfully Wiseau-esqe that you can't help but enjoy every minute he's on screen. The chemistry between the actors, despite the absurdity of the script, somehow manages to keep you invested in the chaos unfolding before your eyes. Sure, the CGI may be a bit dated, and the dialogue may not be winning any awards for its depth or sophistication. But who needs all that when you have scenes of a giant snake swallowing people whole and the characters navigating a rickety boat through treacherous waters? It's all part of the charm that makes "Anaconda" such a guilty pleasure. In the end, "Anaconda" is a prime example of a movie that may be dumb in the best possible way. It's a thrilling and silly adventure that doesn't take itself seriously, and that's precisely why it works so well. So gather your friends, grab some popcorn, and get ready to suspend your disbelief and enjoy a wild ride through the Amazon jungle with this delightful guilty pleasure.

Anaconda - Serone Lives!

Insurance fraud goes awry when The Kraken pulls down the might Argonautica and Treat Williams flies through the Death Star explosion. This movie is an absolute gem that will have you on the edge of your seat... with laughter! Picture this: a luxury cruise ship on a routine trip, a group of quirky mercenaries, a humongous tentacled monster, and chaos that ensues. If that doesn't pique your interest, I don't know what will! The plot of "Deep Rising" is as simple as it gets: a group of badass mercenaries hijacks a luxurious cruise ship with plans to loot it, only to find themselves fighting for their lives against a massive, otherworldly creature lurking in the deep, dark depths of the ocean. Yes, you read that right—monster madness, folks! Now, let's talk about this majestic beast of the deep. The creature in "Deep Rising" is like nothing you've ever seen before. It's big, it's slimy, and it has more tentacles than an octopus on steroids. And trust me, it knows how to make an entrance! The moments when it pops out of nowhere, grabbing unsuspecting victims and dragging them away, are both terrifying and ridiculously hilarious. Think of it as a mix between "Jaws" and an aquatic Cirque du Soleil show! But what truly sets "Deep Rising" apart is its ability to balance the scares with witty one-liners and over-the-top action. The script is peppered with hilarious quips, perfectly timed to keep you entertained throughout the movie. The characters are delightfully eccentric, each with their own unique personality, and the banter between them is pure gold. You'll find yourself rooting for these unconventional heroes while wiping away tears of laughter. In the end, "Deep Rising" is a goofy, fun-filled adventure that knows how to entertain. It embraces its B-movie roots with open tentacles and delivers a truly unique experience. So, grab your popcorn, buckle up, and prepare for a monster movie that will have you laughing out loud and sliming up your couch with a big, silly grin on your face. Dive into the madness of "Deep Rising" and jump your jet ski over a shark or two!

Insurance fraud goes awry when The Kraken pulls down the might Argonautica and Treat Williams flies through the Death Star explosion. This movie is an absolute gem that will have you on the edge of your seat... with laughter! Picture this: a luxury cruise ship on a routine trip, a group of quirky mercenaries, a humongous tentacled monster, and chaos that ensues. If that doesn't pique your interest, I don't know what will! The plot of "Deep Rising" is as simple as it gets: a group of badass mercenaries hijacks a luxurious cruise ship with plans to loot it, only to find themselves fighting for their lives against a massive, otherworldly creature lurking in the deep, dark depths of the ocean. Yes, you read that right—monster madness, folks! Now, let's talk about this majestic beast of the deep. The creature in "Deep Rising" is like nothing you've ever seen before. It's big, it's slimy, and it has more tentacles than an octopus on steroids. And trust me, it knows how to make an entrance! The moments when it pops out of nowhere, grabbing unsuspecting victims and dragging them away, are both terrifying and ridiculously hilarious. Think of it as a mix between "Jaws" and an aquatic Cirque du Soleil show! But what truly sets "Deep Rising" apart is its ability to balance the scares with witty one-liners and over-the-top action. The script is peppered with hilarious quips, perfectly timed to keep you entertained throughout the movie. The characters are delightfully eccentric, each with their own unique personality, and the banter between them is pure gold. You'll find yourself rooting for these unconventional heroes while wiping away tears of laughter. In the end, "Deep Rising" is a goofy, fun-filled adventure that knows how to entertain. It embraces its B-movie roots with open tentacles and delivers a truly unique experience. So, grab your popcorn, buckle up, and prepare for a monster movie that will have you laughing out loud and sliming up your couch with a big, silly grin on your face. Dive into the madness of "Deep Rising" and jump your jet ski over a shark or two!

Deep Rising - didn't create any deep pockets

Bruno Mattei and Reb Brown team up to give us an unintentionally hilarious and 80's staples full action movie. Danton better watch out. Prepare yourself for a wild ride of explosive action and over-the-top hilarity with the 1987 cult classic, "Strike Commando." Starring Reb Brown, this cheesy and hilarious gem is an absolute blast from start to finish, delivering an unforgettable experience that will leave you grinning from ear to ear. "Strike Commando" is a throwback to the glorious era of '80s action cinema, where macho heroes and outrageous one-liners ruled the screen. Reb Brown's charismatic presence and larger-than-life portrayal of Sgt. Michael Ransom is nothing short of pure entertainment. With his chiseled physique and unyielding determination, Brown effortlessly embodies the quintessential action hero archetype, making every moment he's on screen a delight to watch. What sets "Strike Commando" apart from other action films of its time is its shameless embrace of its own cheesiness. The dialogue is delightfully cheesy, packed with memorable one-liners that will have you laughing out loud. The action sequences are over-the-top and exaggerated in the best way possible, with explosions galore, outrageous stunts, and a high body count that keeps the adrenaline pumping. Director Bruno Mattei and the creative team behind "Strike Commando" fully understand the film's campy nature and lean into it with gusto. The result is a delightful combination of unintentional humor and intentional self-awareness, creating a unique viewing experience that is both absurd and undeniably fun. The film's pacing is relentless, never allowing a dull moment to creep in. From the opening scene to the epic finale, "Strike Commando" keeps you engaged and entertained throughout. It doesn't take itself too seriously, allowing you to fully immerse yourself in the sheer joy of its outrageousness. To top it all off, the '80s keyboard soundtrack perfectly complements the on-screen action, heightening the excitement and injecting a nostalgic charm that fans of the era will adore. "Strike Commando" is an absolute riot that delivers on its promise of cheesy and hilarious entertainment. Reb Brown's larger-than-life performance, the film's self-awareness, and its relentless action make it a must-watch for fans of '80s action cinema. If you're looking for a film that offers a healthy dose of laughter and adrenaline, then "Strike Commando" is the perfect choice. Strap in, lock and load, and enjoy the wild ride that is "Strike Commando"!

Bruno Mattei and Reb Brown team up to give us an unintentionally hilarious and 80's staples full action movie. Danton better watch out. Prepare yourself for a wild ride of explosive action and over-the-top hilarity with the 1987 cult classic, "Strike Commando." Starring Reb Brown, this cheesy and hilarious gem is an absolute blast from start to finish, delivering an unforgettable experience that will leave you grinning from ear to ear. "Strike Commando" is a throwback to the glorious era of '80s action cinema, where macho heroes and outrageous one-liners ruled the screen. Reb Brown's charismatic presence and larger-than-life portrayal of Sgt. Michael Ransom is nothing short of pure entertainment. With his chiseled physique and unyielding determination, Brown effortlessly embodies the quintessential action hero archetype, making every moment he's on screen a delight to watch. What sets "Strike Commando" apart from other action films of its time is its shameless embrace of its own cheesiness. The dialogue is delightfully cheesy, packed with memorable one-liners that will have you laughing out loud. The action sequences are over-the-top and exaggerated in the best way possible, with explosions galore, outrageous stunts, and a high body count that keeps the adrenaline pumping. Director Bruno Mattei and the creative team behind "Strike Commando" fully understand the film's campy nature and lean into it with gusto. The result is a delightful combination of unintentional humor and intentional self-awareness, creating a unique viewing experience that is both absurd and undeniably fun. The film's pacing is relentless, never allowing a dull moment to creep in. From the opening scene to the epic finale, "Strike Commando" keeps you engaged and entertained throughout. It doesn't take itself too seriously, allowing you to fully immerse yourself in the sheer joy of its outrageousness. To top it all off, the '80s keyboard soundtrack perfectly complements the on-screen action, heightening the excitement and injecting a nostalgic charm that fans of the era will adore. "Strike Commando" is an absolute riot that delivers on its promise of cheesy and hilarious entertainment. Reb Brown's larger-than-life performance, the film's self-awareness, and its relentless action make it a must-watch for fans of '80s action cinema. If you're looking for a film that offers a healthy dose of laughter and adrenaline, then "Strike Commando" is the perfect choice. Strap in, lock and load, and enjoy the wild ride that is "Strike Commando"!

Strike Commando - Cut it out!

Terry Hogan finds himself in need of rescue from VR torture by a group of precocious scamps who discover they love the smell of burning man flesh. First things first, let's talk about Hulk Hogan's acting prowess. Or lack thereof. His line delivery is about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face, and his attempts at emotional depth are about as convincing as a toupee made of spaghetti. But hey, we're not here for Oscar-worthy performances, right? The plot is a convoluted mess that feels like it was written on a napkin during a coffee break. Hogan plays a secret agent who is inexplicably also a suburban dad. I guess he wanted to show off his multitasking skills? The story jumps from one ridiculous scenario to another, with more holes than Swiss cheese. It's a wild ride, but not intentionally in the way we enjoyed it. The supporting cast is a mixed bag. There are a few familiar faces, but their talents are wasted in this nonsensical adventure. The villains are as cartoonish as they come, with evil plans that would make Dr. Evil facepalm. And let's not forget the obligatory kid sidekick, whose sole purpose seems to be providing the occasional cringe-worthy one-liner. Now, let's talk about the special effects. It's surprisingly full of quality stunts and explosions. For the time, even the laser gun effects are fine.  Despite all its flaws, "Secret Agent Club" does have a certain charm to it. It's the kind of movie you watch with a group of friends, armed with plenty of popcorn and a hearty dose of irony. It's so bad that it's almost good, but not quite. It's a cheesy mess that doesn't quite reach the so-bad-it's-good status. "Secret Agent Club" is an absurd, poorly acted, and visually underwhelming film. But if you're in the mood for some mindless entertainment and enjoy watching Hulk Hogan ham it up on screen, then go ahead and give it a shot. Just make sure to bring your sense of humor and a tolerance for over-the-top cheese.

Terry Hogan finds himself in need of rescue from VR torture by a group of precocious scamps who discover they love the smell of burning man flesh. First things first, let's talk about Hulk Hogan's acting prowess. Or lack thereof. His line delivery is about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face, and his attempts at emotional depth are about as convincing as a toupee made of spaghetti. But hey, we're not here for Oscar-worthy performances, right? The plot is a convoluted mess that feels like it was written on a napkin during a coffee break. Hogan plays a secret agent who is inexplicably also a suburban dad. I guess he wanted to show off his multitasking skills? The story jumps from one ridiculous scenario to another, with more holes than Swiss cheese. It's a wild ride, but not intentionally in the way we enjoyed it. The supporting cast is a mixed bag. There are a few familiar faces, but their talents are wasted in this nonsensical adventure. The villains are as cartoonish as they come, with evil plans that would make Dr. Evil facepalm. And let's not forget the obligatory kid sidekick, whose sole purpose seems to be providing the occasional cringe-worthy one-liner. Now, let's talk about the special effects. It's surprisingly full of quality stunts and explosions. For the time, even the laser gun effects are fine.  Despite all its flaws, "Secret Agent Club" does have a certain charm to it. It's the kind of movie you watch with a group of friends, armed with plenty of popcorn and a hearty dose of irony. It's so bad that it's almost good, but not quite. It's a cheesy mess that doesn't quite reach the so-bad-it's-good status. "Secret Agent Club" is an absurd, poorly acted, and visually underwhelming film. But if you're in the mood for some mindless entertainment and enjoy watching Hulk Hogan ham it up on screen, then go ahead and give it a shot. Just make sure to bring your sense of humor and a tolerance for over-the-top cheese.

Secret Agent Club - NatSec doesn't look good, President Clinton.

A team of treasure hunters find themselves facing off against cannabalistic mole-men, dinosaurs and a busty alien queen who just wants to find nice man and murder everyone else. Directed by the one and only Fred Olen Rey and featuring the fabulous Sybil Danning, this movie is an absolute blast of a mess from start to finish. Phantom Empire is like a mashup of every wacky idea that a group of friends could come up with during a late-night brainstorming session. It's got everything you could ever imagine: treasure, spaceships, robots, dinosaurs and even an underground civilization! Talk about a buffet of awesomeness. One of the highlights of the movie is the fabulous costumes. From Sybil's familiar low cut space queen outfit to the skimpy cave girl bikinis that Michelle Bauer forgets the top for 10 minutes and then Ross Hagens crappy Indy look, it's all pretty funny to see. So grab your popcorn, put on your most outrageous Indiana Jones hat, and buckle up for a hilarious and outlandish adventure. Phantom Empire is a hidden treasure that deserves to be watched for its sheer audacity and charm. Prepare yourself for a delightful ride through time and space... with a side of knockers and dinosaurs! Yeehaw!

A team of treasure hunters find themselves facing off against cannabalistic mole-men, dinosaurs and a busty alien queen who just wants to find nice man and murder everyone else. Directed by the one and only Fred Olen Rey and featuring the fabulous Sybil Danning, this movie is an absolute blast of a mess from start to finish. Phantom Empire is like a mashup of every wacky idea that a group of friends could come up with during a late-night brainstorming session. It's got everything you could ever imagine: treasure, spaceships, robots, dinosaurs and even an underground civilization! Talk about a buffet of awesomeness. One of the highlights of the movie is the fabulous costumes. From Sybil's familiar low cut space queen outfit to the skimpy cave girl bikinis that Michelle Bauer forgets the top for 10 minutes and then Ross Hagens crappy Indy look, it's all pretty funny to see. So grab your popcorn, put on your most outrageous Indiana Jones hat, and buckle up for a hilarious and outlandish adventure. Phantom Empire is a hidden treasure that deserves to be watched for its sheer audacity and charm. Prepare yourself for a delightful ride through time and space... with a side of knockers and dinosaurs! Yeehaw!

The Phantom Empire - A 9 year old's fever dream

Denise Richards rides on the back of a mechanical dino housing Paul Walker's brain. Well that sound preposterous! Well it is and its great. Tammy and the T-Rex steps in as a refreshing breath of absurdity and pure entertainment. This 1994 masterpiece (yes, masterpiece!) takes a giant leap away from the conventional somber depths of remakes of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, instead bringing us a low-budget, high-energy romp that defies all logic and embraces its own delightful brand of ridiculousness. While Mary Shelley's Frankenstein may be lauded for its literary merits and complex themes, Tammy and the T-Rex boldly goes in the opposite direction, serving up a heaping portion of hilarity that will have you chuckling from start to finish. Denise Richards leads the charge, effortlessly transitioning from the realms of serious acting to embody the vivacious and determined Tammy. It's as if she's giving a sly wink to Frankenstein's brooding creature, saying, "Hey, let's have some fun!" Richards infuses the film with her infectious charm, reminding us that not every movie needs to take itself so seriously. And let's not forget Paul Walker's comedic brilliance as Michael. While Frankenstein may be brooding in a castle, Michael is romping around as a T-Rex, and Walker embraces the absurdity with gusto. His comedic timing is impeccable, and his physicality is on point. From the slapstick moments to the witty one-liners, Walker effortlessly injects the film with a contagious energy that keeps us laughing throughout. Testicular standoff! Tammy and the T-Rex may not be a financial success like the Naked Guns or Hot Shots from the same era, but that's precisely why it's so enjoyable. It's a wild and wacky ride that revels in its own absurdity, reminding us that sometimes, it's okay to let loose and have a good laugh. So, if you're in the mood for a low-budget gem that defies logic, Tammy and the T-Rex is a true contrarian budget masterpiece along the lines of "Hell Comes to Frogtown". Sit back, relax, and let the T-Rex take you on a delightfully outrageous adventure you won't soon forget!

Denise Richards rides on the back of a mechanical dino housing Paul Walker's brain. Well that sound preposterous! Well it is and its great. Tammy and the T-Rex steps in as a refreshing breath of absurdity and pure entertainment. This 1994 masterpiece (yes, masterpiece!) takes a giant leap away from the conventional somber depths of remakes of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, instead bringing us a low-budget, high-energy romp that defies all logic and embraces its own delightful brand of ridiculousness. While Mary Shelley's Frankenstein may be lauded for its literary merits and complex themes, Tammy and the T-Rex boldly goes in the opposite direction, serving up a heaping portion of hilarity that will have you chuckling from start to finish. Denise Richards leads the charge, effortlessly transitioning from the realms of serious acting to embody the vivacious and determined Tammy. It's as if she's giving a sly wink to Frankenstein's brooding creature, saying, "Hey, let's have some fun!" Richards infuses the film with her infectious charm, reminding us that not every movie needs to take itself so seriously. And let's not forget Paul Walker's comedic brilliance as Michael. While Frankenstein may be brooding in a castle, Michael is romping around as a T-Rex, and Walker embraces the absurdity with gusto. His comedic timing is impeccable, and his physicality is on point. From the slapstick moments to the witty one-liners, Walker effortlessly injects the film with a contagious energy that keeps us laughing throughout. Testicular standoff! Tammy and the T-Rex may not be a financial success like the Naked Guns or Hot Shots from the same era, but that's precisely why it's so enjoyable. It's a wild and wacky ride that revels in its own absurdity, reminding us that sometimes, it's okay to let loose and have a good laugh. So, if you're in the mood for a low-budget gem that defies logic, Tammy and the T-Rex is a true contrarian budget masterpiece along the lines of "Hell Comes to Frogtown". Sit back, relax, and let the T-Rex take you on a delightfully outrageous adventure you won't soon forget!

Tammy and the T-Rex - Dino's don't fly, Brian

It's a movie that made me wish I had the power of a mermaid so I could go heal the pain from watching it. First of all, the plot is all over the place. It's like the writers couldn't decide if they wanted to make a historical drama or a cheesy fantasy movie, so they just threw everything together and hoped for the best. The result? A confusing mess that made me want to pull my hair out. Speaking of hair, let's talk about Pierce Brosnan's. I don't know what's going on with his hair in this movie, but it looks like a wig made out of cotton candy. It's distracting and honestly, it's hard to take anything he says seriously when I'm busy wondering if he's going to start shedding pink sugar all over the set. Maybe that's why his character is always scowling - he knows his hair looks ridiculous. The acting isn't any better. The cast is filled with talented actors, but they all seem like they're phoning it in. I'm pretty sure I saw William Hurt dozing off in one scene. Can you blame him, though? The script is so bad that it feels like they wrote it on the back of a napkin during a lunch break. So, if you're looking for a movie to watch when you're feeling down and you want to feel even worse, "The King's Daughter" is the perfect choice. Just make sure you have some cotton candy on hand to distract yourself from Pierce Brosnan's hair.

It's a movie that made me wish I had the power of a mermaid so I could go heal the pain from watching it. First of all, the plot is all over the place. It's like the writers couldn't decide if they wanted to make a historical drama or a cheesy fantasy movie, so they just threw everything together and hoped for the best. The result? A confusing mess that made me want to pull my hair out. Speaking of hair, let's talk about Pierce Brosnan's. I don't know what's going on with his hair in this movie, but it looks like a wig made out of cotton candy. It's distracting and honestly, it's hard to take anything he says seriously when I'm busy wondering if he's going to start shedding pink sugar all over the set. Maybe that's why his character is always scowling - he knows his hair looks ridiculous. The acting isn't any better. The cast is filled with talented actors, but they all seem like they're phoning it in. I'm pretty sure I saw William Hurt dozing off in one scene. Can you blame him, though? The script is so bad that it feels like they wrote it on the back of a napkin during a lunch break. So, if you're looking for a movie to watch when you're feeling down and you want to feel even worse, "The King's Daughter" is the perfect choice. Just make sure you have some cotton candy on hand to distract yourself from Pierce Brosnan's hair.

The King's Daughter - Hire a barber, not a mermaid!

Stinker Madness is a bad movie podcast that loves horrible films that might actually be wonderful little gems. Or they could suck. Cult, budget and "bad" movies twice a week.

Great chemistry between the three hosts and consistantly hilarious.

Best Worst Show Ever

Fun listening. Conversational, like talking with friends about terrible films.

bad movies are bad

Stinker Madness - The Bad Movie Podcast

Mac and Me is truly a turd. We didn't like it at all. Sorry about that. There's not enough here to enjoy by anyone. There's not even very much to write up. It just stinks. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Mac and Me is truly a turd. We didn't like it at all. Sorry about that. There's not enough here to enjoy by anyone. There's not even very much to write up. It just stinks. <h4>Individual Ratings:</h4> Over the top action: Cheesy effects: Horrendous acting: Laugh-out-loud-ability: Ridiculous stunts: Gratuitous nudity: Memorable one-liners: <h4>Overall Ratings:</h4> Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Mac and Me - Even their home planet doesn't want them

Brian Bosworth stars this week as Joe Huff/John Stone/All Awesome in Stone Cold with William Forsythe and Lance Henriksen. Its the tale of one tough cop that goes undercover to accomplish absolutely nothing in preventing a biker gang destroying the entire government of Mississippi. Mullets, earrings, giant lizards, exploding choppers, and a ridiculously high body count makes up for one fun ride. The very funny Ryan Fortier from the "Writing Through Vet School" blog joins us this week to help us make sense of this movie. Ryan is the author of "Paranoia" (available for $2.99) and one of the funniest bad movie reviewers. You can follow Ryan at https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/ and read his bad movie reviews at https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/category/bad-movies-2/. The film is quite action packed and rarely has any slow moments. When things do quiet down in the middle, there's just so head-scratching to try and figure out what the heck this thing is all about that it fills in nicely. The end is absolutely amazing, the beginning is at 11, the Boz fills out the middle quite entertainingly. We loved this movie (except for Jackie) and highly recommend it. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brian Bosworth stars this week as Joe Huff/John Stone/All Awesome in Stone Cold with William Forsythe and Lance Henriksen. Its the tale of one tough cop that goes undercover to accomplish absolutely nothing in preventing a biker gang destroying the entire government of Mississippi. Mullets, earrings, giant lizards, exploding choppers, and a ridiculously high body count makes up for one fun ride. The very funny Ryan Fortier from the "Writing Through Vet School" blog joins us this week to help us make sense of this movie. Ryan is the author of "Paranoia" <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00RDYVTD8" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">(available for $2.99)</a> and one of the funniest bad movie reviewers. You can follow Ryan at <a href="https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/</a> and read his bad movie reviews at <a href="https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/category/bad-movies-2/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/category/bad-movies-2/</a>. The film is quite action packed and rarely has any slow moments. When things do quiet down in the middle, there's just so head-scratching to try and figure out what the heck this thing is all about that it fills in nicely. The end is absolutely amazing, the beginning is at 11, the Boz fills out the middle quite entertainingly. We loved this movie (except for Jackie) and highly recommend it. <h4>Individual Ratings:</h4> Over the top action: Cheesy effects: Horrendous acting: Laugh-out-loud-ability: Ridiculous stunts: Gratuitous nudity: Memorable one-liners: <h4>Overall Ratings:</h4> Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Stone Cold -Your mullet won't help here, Boz

When it comes to vanity pieces that are made by the inept, Fateful Findings leads the rest in insanity. This is the model for a really, really, so bad its good movie. Thank you Neil Breen for giving us this travesty to film-making!This movie...wow. Nothing, nothing, nothing makes any lick of sense or resembles reality. Not even the idea of the film makes sense. How many plots can fit in one movie and how do you even come up with any of them? Even the shirts worn in this thing don't make sense. There is just too much insanity to describe.Neil Breen stars, directs, produces, writes, edits, et al. He does so many things in the making of this film that he even tried (TRIED) to disguise all the things he did (including catering &amp; casting) in the credits but then tells us that he disguised the credits. What mind does these things? He's brilliant. I'm sorry Wiseau, you're a lot of fun, but Neil Breen is the true auteur of insane vanity.We won't discuss any plot points but here's some highlights of the "content" - magic? ghosts? astral projection? conspiracy? marital issues? teleportation? lost loves? murder? kidnapping? government coverups? wizards? transcendentalism? laptop destruction? Now why all the questions marks? Because we honestly have no idea if any of these things are actually in the film. It's that much of a mind job.Then there is the least sexy sex. Imagine Tommy Wiseau's sex scene in the Room. And then imagine a film that makes that scene look like a Vivid Ent. production. We are convinced that Neil Breen doesn't know how genitals work. We can't praise this film enough. It is immediately thrust into the discussion of greatest bad movie of all time and is a MUST When it comes to vanity pieces that are made by the inept, Fateful Findings leads the rest in insanity. This is the model for a really, really, so bad its good movie. Thank you Neil Breen for giving us this travesty to film-making! This movie...wow. Nothing, nothing, nothing makes any lick of sense or resembles reality. Not even the idea of the film makes sense. How many plots can fit in one movie and how do you even come up with any of them? Even the shirts worn in this thing don't make sense. There is just too much insanity to describe. Neil Breen stars, directs, produces, writes, edits, et al. He does so many things in the making of this film that he even tried (TRIED) to disguise all the things he did (including catering &amp; casting) in the credits but then tells us that he disguised the credits. What mind does these things? He's brilliant. I'm sorry Wiseau, you're a lot of fun, but Neil Breen is the true auteur of insane vanity. We won't discuss any plot points but here's some highlights of the "content" - magic? ghosts? astral projection? conspiracy? marital issues? teleportation? lost loves? murder? kidnapping? government coverups? wizards? transcendentalism? laptop destruction? Now why all the questions marks? Because we honestly have no idea if any of these things are actually in the film. It's that much of a mind job. Then there is the least sexy sex. Imagine Tommy Wiseau's sex scene in the Room. And then imagine a film that makes that scene look like a Vivid Ent. production. We are convinced that Neil Breen doesn't know how genitals work.  We can't praise this film enough. It is immediately thrust into the discussion of greatest bad movie of all time and is a MUST WATCH. It's a stop what you're doing and watch this film.  One note on the below ratings on Riffability. We have to give it a 0 when viewing it for the first time. It's just to insane to mock because it will melt your brain and turn you into an organ donor. Eventually it will become a 5 on Riffing but it will take you probably four viewings to get past the deconstruction of your mind.

When it comes to vanity pieces that are made by the inept, Fateful Findings leads the rest in insanity. This is the model for a really, really, so bad its good movie. Thank you Neil Breen for giving us this travesty to film-making! This movie...wow. Nothing, nothing, nothing makes any lick of sense or resembles reality. Not even the idea of the film makes sense. How many plots can fit in one movie and how do you even come up with any of them? Even the shirts worn in this thing don't make sense. There is just too much insanity to describe. Neil Breen stars, directs, produces, writes, edits, et al. He does so many things in the making of this film that he even tried (TRIED) to disguise all the things he did (including catering &amp; casting) in the credits but then tells us that he disguised the credits. What mind does these things? He's brilliant. I'm sorry Wiseau, you're a lot of fun, but Neil Breen is the true auteur of insane vanity. We won't discuss any plot points but here's some highlights of the "content" - magic? ghosts? astral projection? conspiracy? marital issues? teleportation? lost loves? murder? kidnapping? government coverups? wizards? transcendentalism? laptop destruction? Now why all the questions marks? Because we honestly have no idea if any of these things are actually in the film. It's that much of a mind job. Then there is the least sexy sex. Imagine Tommy Wiseau's sex scene in the Room. And then imagine a film that makes that scene look like a Vivid Ent. production. We are convinced that Neil Breen doesn't know how genitals work. We can't praise this film enough. It is immediately thrust into the discussion of greatest bad movie of all time and is a MUST When it comes to vanity pieces that are made by the inept, Fateful Findings leads the rest in insanity. This is the model for a really, really, so bad its good movie. Thank you Neil Breen for giving us this travesty to film-making! This movie...wow. Nothing, nothing, nothing makes any lick of sense or resembles reality. Not even the idea of the film makes sense. How many plots can fit in one movie and how do you even come up with any of them? Even the shirts worn in this thing don't make sense. There is just too much insanity to describe. Neil Breen stars, directs, produces, writes, edits, et al. He does so many things in the making of this film that he even tried (TRIED) to disguise all the things he did (including catering &amp; casting) in the credits but then tells us that he disguised the credits. What mind does these things? He's brilliant. I'm sorry Wiseau, you're a lot of fun, but Neil Breen is the true auteur of insane vanity. We won't discuss any plot points but here's some highlights of the "content" - magic? ghosts? astral projection? conspiracy? marital issues? teleportation? lost loves? murder? kidnapping? government coverups? wizards? transcendentalism? laptop destruction? Now why all the questions marks? Because we honestly have no idea if any of these things are actually in the film. It's that much of a mind job. Then there is the least sexy sex. Imagine Tommy Wiseau's sex scene in the Room. And then imagine a film that makes that scene look like a Vivid Ent. production. We are convinced that Neil Breen doesn't know how genitals work.  We can't praise this film enough. It is immediately thrust into the discussion of greatest bad movie of all time and is a MUST WATCH. It's a stop what you're doing and watch this film.  One note on the below ratings on Riffability. We have to give it a 0 when viewing it for the first time. It's just to insane to mock because it will melt your brain and turn you into an organ donor. Eventually it will become a 5 on Riffing but it will take you probably four viewings to get past the deconstruction of your mind.

Fateful Findings - ????

Matt Damon and Oberyn Martell find themselves in the middle of the Battle for Helm's Deep with an Elven army posing as Chinese on one side and an horde of Orcs posing as aliens on the other. Yep...aliens. Our front runner for dumbest film ever made. The plot of The Great Wall is easily the most poorly thought out plot since....well ever. Its dumber than Reign of Fire. It's dumber than Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. It's dumber than After Earth AND Lady in the Water AND The Happening combined. It can't be understated how dumb this film's plot is. The only way you can argue the logistics of this "war" between the Chinese and space dog-lizards is that both sides are complete morons. The entire thing goes that these space monsters flew across the expanse of space atop an asteroid that crashed into Earth. So their nasty and want to eat people...sorta. Well the Chinese aren't down with getting turned into poop so they built a 5,500 mile wall to keep these little bastards out. Out of what is yet to be determined. Now the other plot elements one must know:   There's gajillizions of these monsters. There is no global damage to the Earth from the asteroid. They have three types of aliens: 1) Foot soldiers who are about the size of a great dane 2) Umbrella phalanx who use their head to make a shield and 3) the Queen who is about the size of an elephant. There's only 1 queen and she's the mothership from Independence Day, controlling the minds of all the other critters. The Great Wall is a 1,000 feet tall. There's plenty of people living on the alien side o' the wall. The bug-dogs only come out of their mountain cave once every 60 years. Once you find out about the existence of monsters you can never leave the Great Wall. The monster cave is just right over there from the main force of the Chinese Elven Army.  Now...  If the monsters fell to Earth on an asteroid and no damage was done to the Earth, we must infer that the monsters were either protoplasm and then evolved into this horde of gajillions OR only a few lived on the asteroid and the Queen is one hell of a breeder. BUT the movie tells us that this HUGE mass of gajillions came on the asteroid. Where did they fit? How did they survive entry into the atmosphere? How did they survive the impact? How did the Earth survive? Why would you want the monsters to be a closely held secret? Wouldn't you be like "Hey, uh...Europe...uh we got this problem..." Instead you can never tell. What the fuck? What the fuck are the aliens doing the rest of the time? What do they got going on for 60 years? And if they go dormant for 60 years, why wouldn't you walk down to their monster cave (that's also just right over there) and start murdering the shit out of them! And if they are just right over there and isolated to one geographical location, why in the FUCK didn't you just build the Wall in a circle around them?!?!? And because you're a moron and didn't trap them or murder them while they slept or bred or whatever the fuck it is they are doing inside their monster cave for 60 years, why wouldn't the lizard-bug-dogs just go down the wall a little ways, jump up (because they can I guess as must be inferred by one "action sequence") then run down the wall from either side of the Elven army and eat them while they are having some delicious General Tso 's chicken? Why in the hell are the monsters so interested in getting over the damn wall? I know that the film tells us that the Chinese myths say that they were sent to rid the world of man's greed and so they must eat the Chinese Emperor.... But really? There's tons of guys on their side of the wall. I'm sure some of them are greedy. Eat them!  Aside from how dumb the plot is this film is well worth it for the incredibly bad action sequences, the horrendous dialogue and the wooden and confused performance from Matt Damon sporting a sometimes there Irish accent. It will have you cowering in your seat, while you giggle yourself to embarrassment at how awful it is. This flaming pile of lizard-dog crap is going to be tough to beat for Best Bad Movie of 2017.

Matt Damon and Oberyn Martell find themselves in the middle of the Battle for Helm's Deep with an Elven army posing as Chinese on one side and an horde of Orcs posing as aliens on the other. Yep...aliens. Our front runner for dumbest film ever made. The plot of The Great Wall is easily the most poorly thought out plot since....well ever. Its dumber than Reign of Fire. It's dumber than Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. It's dumber than After Earth AND Lady in the Water AND The Happening combined. It can't be understated how dumb this film's plot is. The only way you can argue the logistics of this "war" between the Chinese and space dog-lizards is that both sides are complete morons. The entire thing goes that these space monsters flew across the expanse of space atop an asteroid that crashed into Earth. So their nasty and want to eat people...sorta. Well the Chinese aren't down with getting turned into poop so they built a 5,500 mile wall to keep these little bastards out. Out of what is yet to be determined. Now the other plot elements one must know:  <ul> <li>There's gajillizions of these monsters.</li> <li>There is no global damage to the Earth from the asteroid.</li> <li>They have three types of aliens: 1) Foot soldiers who are about the size of a great dane 2) Umbrella phalanx who use their head to make a shield and 3) the Queen who is about the size of an elephant. There's only 1 queen and she's the mothership from Independence Day, controlling the minds of all the other critters.</li> <li>The Great Wall is a 1,000 feet tall.</li> <li>There's plenty of people living on the alien side o' the wall.</li> <li>The bug-dogs only come out of their mountain cave once every 60 years.</li> <li>Once you find out about the existence of monsters you can never leave the Great Wall.</li> <li>The monster cave is just right over there from the main force of the Chinese Elven Army.</li> </ul> Now... <ul> <li>If the monsters fell to Earth on an asteroid and no damage was done to the Earth, we must infer that the monsters were either protoplasm and then evolved into this horde of gajillions OR only a few lived on the asteroid and the Queen is one hell of a breeder. BUT the movie tells us that this HUGE mass of gajillions came on the asteroid. Where did they fit? How did they survive entry into the atmosphere? How did they survive the impact? How did the Earth survive?</li> <li>Why would you want the monsters to be a closely held secret? Wouldn't you be like "Hey, uh...Europe...uh we got this problem..." Instead you can never tell. What the fuck?</li> <li>What the fuck are the aliens doing the rest of the time? What do they got going on for 60 years? And if they go dormant for 60 years, why wouldn't you walk down to their monster cave (that's also just right over there) and start murdering the shit out of them!</li> <li>And if they are just right over there and isolated to one geographical location, why in the FUCK didn't you just build the Wall in a circle around them?!?!?</li> <li>And because you're a moron and didn't trap them or murder them while they slept or bred or whatever the fuck it is they are doing inside their monster cave for 60 years, why wouldn't the lizard-bug-dogs just go down the wall a little ways, jump up (because they can I guess as must be inferred by one "action sequence") then run down the wall from either side of the Elven army and eat them while they are having some delicious General Tso 's chicken?</li> <li>Why in the hell are the monsters so interested in getting over the damn wall? I know that the film tells us that the Chinese myths say that they were sent to rid the world of man's greed and so they must eat the Chinese Emperor.... But really? There's tons of guys on their side of the wall. I'm sure some of them are greedy. Eat them!</li> </ul> Aside from how dumb the plot is this film is well worth it for the incredibly bad action sequences, the horrendous dialogue and the wooden and confused performance from Matt Damon sporting a sometimes there Irish accent. It will have you cowering in your seat, while you giggle yourself to embarrassment at how awful it is. This flaming pile of lizard-dog crap is going to be tough to beat for Best Bad Movie of 2017.

The Great Wall - Bad Movie Field Trip

An endless troupe of soon-to-be-dead invade a protected jungle to achieve their cavalcade of ulterior motives set to the backdrop of civil war. There's also a talking trash-can, lasers, primacide, Reagan's Star Wars program, bad science, missiles, bad management and Ernie Hudson. It's time for some good ol' bonkers business. Congo from opening shot to final frame is a mass of nonsense. At no point in time does anything feasible or scientifically sound happen throughout. It's like they took the original script, sent it to Bizarro World, then brought it back and used that version. None of it makes any damn sense. Now, the biggie...Amy the gorilla. She stinks, I'm sorry Stan Winston. This is a talking trashcan or at best one of the members of the Chuck E. Cheese band. But she's probably the most likeable character in the film, so you got that going for you. Then there's the big three, Tim Curry, Joe Don Baker and Ernie Hudson. All are way over the top, like WAY over. Tim's "evil" is laughable, Joe Don's slobbering CEO is hilarious, and Ernie's crappy Lando Calrissian is fall out of your seat terrible. The rest of the rounders casting make ever less sense the plot. Dylan Walsh over Bruce Campbell? What? Congo is one hell of a dumb/fun time and we highly recommend it for the first time or a revisit. 

An endless troupe of soon-to-be-dead invade a protected jungle to achieve their cavalcade of ulterior motives set to the backdrop of civil war. There's also a talking trash-can, lasers, primacide, Reagan's Star Wars program, bad science, missiles, bad management and Ernie Hudson. It's time for some good ol' bonkers business. Congo from opening shot to final frame is a mass of nonsense. At no point in time does anything feasible or scientifically sound happen throughout. It's like they took the original script, sent it to Bizarro World, then brought it back and used that version. None of it makes any damn sense. Now, the biggie...Amy the gorilla. She stinks, I'm sorry Stan Winston. This is a talking trashcan or at best one of the members of the Chuck E. Cheese band. But she's probably the most likeable character in the film, so you got that going for you. Then there's the big three, Tim Curry, Joe Don Baker and Ernie Hudson. All are way over the top, like WAY over. Tim's "evil" is laughable, Joe Don's slobbering CEO is hilarious, and Ernie's crappy Lando Calrissian is fall out of your seat terrible. The rest of the rounders casting make ever less sense the plot. Dylan Walsh over Bruce Campbell? What? Congo is one hell of a dumb/fun time and we highly recommend it for the first time or a revisit.

Congo - Diamonds are a trashcan's worst friend

It's one of the crappiest movies ever to have such vast success. Thanks teenage girls. This movie is a whole lot of visual pain and my brain hurts from knowing how stupid it is. Get ready for some real crummy science! The science....just one time open a book. Just once! So many explosions in space. So much NASA looking completely stupid. Ugh. Moving on... Despite how bad the science is, it's really the most forgivable part of this turd. This film suffers from "The Idiot Plot", in which the plot of the movie can only exist if everyone in the story is a complete and total moron. NASA makes the big mistake of sending a cadre of morons into space instead of their astronauts, don't bother to come up with plan B, spend all their time dinking around with driller training, and also being in charge of all life on Earth. Nice. Then there's Bruce Willy and team, who we can forgive because, well....they're idiots. They shouldn't even be up there! Lastly, there's the acting and the dialogue. It's shit-inducing. Ben Affleck and Liv Taylor are the most nausea promoting couple that's ever existed. They drip with cheese and both deserve to be punched square in the mouth. Send these two into space and leave them there place. Bruce Willis isn't much better but it's hard to compete with the vomit couple.  Too long, too stupid, and too cheesy gross to view. A truly joyless experience. Steer clear.

It's one of the crappiest movies ever to have such vast success. Thanks teenage girls. This movie is a whole lot of visual pain and my brain hurts from knowing how stupid it is. Get ready for some real crummy science! The science....just one time open a book. Just once! So many explosions in space. So much NASA looking completely stupid. Ugh. Moving on... Despite how bad the science is, it's really the most forgivable part of this turd. This film suffers from "The Idiot Plot", in which the plot of the movie can only exist if everyone in the story is a complete and total moron. NASA makes the big mistake of sending a cadre of morons into space instead of their astronauts, don't bother to come up with plan B, spend all their time dinking around with driller training, and also being in charge of all life on Earth. Nice. Then there's Bruce Willy and team, who we can forgive because, well....they're idiots. They shouldn't even be up there! Lastly, there's the acting and the dialogue. It's shit-inducing. Ben Affleck and Liv Taylor are the most nausea promoting couple that's ever existed. They drip with cheese and both deserve to be punched square in the mouth. Send these two into space and leave them there place. Bruce Willis isn't much better but it's hard to compete with the vomit couple.  Too long, too stupid, and too cheesy gross to view. A truly joyless experience. Steer clear.

Armageddon - Bad science is eclipsed by grossness

Kids, remember that period of time before Nirvana and post The Clash? Well that period was a dark time we like to call "The Ice Age" and Vanilla Ice, the mind-child of men in ties, led the charge against good art. This film is a horrifying reminder of those awful days.It should be noted that we are not going to pick on Robert Van Winkle (Ice's real name). Any reference to how dumb Vanilla Ice is, will be reference to how stupid the men behind the image of Vanilla Ice were (record producers, MTV execs, publicists, etc.).During this film, we are told that Vanilla Ice is a street tough, ripped with muscles, knows what we call "Ice-Qwon-Do", and the ladies love him. In reality, he might weight 150lbs, has a farmer's tan, is a misogynist, doesn't know martial arts and he likes to hump people while rapping, man OR woman. You know, I don't think I can buy into this guy.While being a horrible pile of corporate garbage attempting to sell Vanilla Ice as a serious tough guy, Cool as Ice is just so dumb and hokey that it makes for a pretty enjoyable time. There are periods of hard to viewing, but they are few and far between. Even hard to view spots are deadly reminders of the historical mistakes humankind has made and therefore are required viewing.This is the film that must be preserved for history, lest we doom ourselves to repeat it.The plot is confusing, the misogyny is offensive but pretty unbelievable, the "Ice-Qwon-Do" is bonkers and the film-making is laughable. It's a pretty great time and shouldn't be missed by any fan of bad movies. It truly belongs in the IMDB Bottom 100.

Kids, remember that period of time before Nirvana and post The Clash? Well that period was a dark time we like to call "The Ice Age" and Vanilla Ice, the mind-child of men in ties, led the charge against good art. This film is a horrifying reminder of those awful days. It should be noted that we are not going to pick on Robert Van Winkle (Ice's real name). Any reference to how dumb Vanilla Ice is, will be reference to how stupid the men behind the image of Vanilla Ice were (record producers, MTV execs, publicists, etc.). During this film, we are told that Vanilla Ice is a street tough, ripped with muscles, knows what we call "Ice-Qwon-Do", and the ladies love him. In reality, he might weight 150lbs, has a farmer's tan, is a misogynist, doesn't know martial arts and he likes to hump people while rapping, man OR woman. You know, I don't think I can buy into this guy. While being a horrible pile of corporate garbage attempting to sell Vanilla Ice as a serious tough guy, Cool as Ice is just so dumb and hokey that it makes for a pretty enjoyable time. There are periods of hard to viewing, but they are few and far between. Even hard to view spots are deadly reminders of the historical mistakes humankind has made and therefore are required viewing. This is the film that must be preserved for history, lest we doom ourselves to repeat it. The plot is confusing, the misogyny is offensive but pretty unbelievable, the "Ice-Qwon-Do" is bonkers and the film-making is laughable. It's a pretty great time and shouldn't be missed by any fan of bad movies. It truly belongs in the IMDB Bottom 100.

Cool as Ice - Oh god, the early 90s stunk

It was Schwaz' first box office flop and put up the current standard of spending way too much money on film marketing. It ranks high upon the worst returns of all film history. Yet there is a good film here and could have been a hidden gem -- had it not been for Danny and coming into "our world." You may be among the hordes who avoided Last Action Hero. You should reconsider. It has that stigma of being a horrible film, but if you're a fan of this podcast then you will understand why we put it upon such a high platform with Hell Comes to Frogtown, Joe Vs The Volcano and UHF. While Joe is a far superior production and Hell is a far more efficient production, Last falls into bad movie legend with incredible amounts of money thrown at it, while clearly only going to work with a very small amount of movie goers. It's your classic case of men in ties making horrible decisions. The primary mistakes the film puts upon its audience is the snivelly Danny (Austin O'Brien). It's not that Austin does a bad job (it's not good either) as a child actor (we've seen FAR worse, looking at you Jake Lloyd), it's just that Danny sucks. This is the last character you want to see in an over-the-top action movie, the whiny child who isn't having fun with us. THEN there is the always awful choice of bringing your fantasy characters through a magic portal into our reality. Our reality sucks. We don't want to be here, and we especially don't want the movie we are escaping our reality from coming into it. Blech.  Yet every single minute that takes place inside Jack Slater's (Arnold) movie fantasy world is a treat. It's non-stop homage/satire/creation of action films and the characters within them. The stunts are fantastic, the self-deprecating comedy is top-notch, and as always, Arnold delivers non-stop fun and charm.  Last Action Hero is one our favorite movies and rides that beautiful line between crap and brilliance. Must watch film. The SMABFA (Stinker Madness Achievments in Bad Film-Making Award) Awards - 2017 Nominations Best Bad Movie  The Great Wall Geostorm Rings XXX: Return of Xander Cage The Snowman The Dark Tower The Space Between Us Valerian King Arthur: Legend of the Sword  Worst Bad Movie  The Mummy Collateral Beauty Transformers: The Last Knight The Snowman Resident Evil: The Final Chapter Geostorm Flatliners Underworld: Blood Wars Fifty Shades Darker  Best Bad Actor  Gerard Butler - Geostorm Matt Damon - The Great Wall Shawn Roberts - Resident Evil: The Final Chapter Vincent D'Onofrio - Rings Michael Fassbender - The Snowman Sam Worthington - The Shack Javier Bardem - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Ice Cube – XXX: Return of Xander Cage Russell Crow – The Mummy Idris Elba - The Dark Tower Tom Cruise - The Mummy  Worst Bad Actor  Dane DeHaan - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Tom Cruise - The Mummy Will Smith - Collateral Beauty John Depp - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Ethan Hawke - Valerian Val Kilmer – Snowman Jim Sturgess – Geostorm Javier Bardem - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Jamie Dornan - Fifty Shades Darker Vin Diesel - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Matt Damon  - The Great Wall  Best Bad Actress  Astrid Bergès-Frisbey - King Arthur: Legend of the Sword Nina Dobrev - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Milla Jovovovich - Resident Evil: The Final Chapter Tian Jing - The Great Wall Octavia Spencer - The Shack Kate Beckinsale - Underworld Rihanna - Valerian Britt Robertson - The Space Between Us Abbie Cornish: Geostorm Toni Collette - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Deepika Padukone - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Rebecca Ferguson -The Snowman Ellen Page - Flatliners  Worst Bad Actress  Sofia Boutella - The Mummy Kate Winslet - Collateral Beauty Helen Mirren - Collateral Beauty Dakota Johnson - Fifty Shades Darker Sofia Boutella - The Mummy Mila Jovovich - Resident Evil Keira Knightly - Collateral Beauty Nina Dobrev - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Kim Basinger – Fifty Shades Darker Laura Haddock – Transformers: The Last Knight Rhianna  - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets   MS

It was Schwaz' first box office flop and put up the current standard of spending way too much money on film marketing. It ranks high upon the worst returns of all film history. Yet there is a good film here and could have been a hidden gem -- had it not been for Danny and coming into "our world." You may be among the hordes who avoided Last Action Hero. You should reconsider. It has that stigma of being a horrible film, but if you're a fan of this podcast then you will understand why we put it upon such a high platform with Hell Comes to Frogtown, Joe Vs The Volcano and UHF. While Joe is a far superior production and Hell is a far more efficient production, Last falls into bad movie legend with incredible amounts of money thrown at it, while clearly only going to work with a very small amount of movie goers. It's your classic case of men in ties making horrible decisions. The primary mistakes the film puts upon its audience is the snivelly Danny (Austin O'Brien). It's not that Austin does a bad job (it's not good either) as a child actor (we've seen FAR worse, looking at you Jake Lloyd), it's just that Danny sucks. This is the last character you want to see in an over-the-top action movie, the whiny child who isn't having fun with us. THEN there is the always awful choice of bringing your fantasy characters through a magic portal into our reality. Our reality sucks. We don't want to be here, and we especially don't want the movie we are escaping our reality from coming into it. Blech.  Yet every single minute that takes place inside Jack Slater's (Arnold) movie fantasy world is a treat. It's non-stop homage/satire/creation of action films and the characters within them. The stunts are fantastic, the self-deprecating comedy is top-notch, and as always, Arnold delivers non-stop fun and charm.  Last Action Hero is one our favorite movies and rides that beautiful line between crap and brilliance. Must watch film. <h3><a>The SMABFA (Stinker Madness Achievments in Bad Film-Making Award) Awards - 2017 Nominations</a></h3> <h4>Best Bad Movie</h4> <ul> <li>The Great Wall</li> <li>Geostorm</li> <li>Rings</li> <li>XXX: Return of Xander Cage</li> <li>The Snowman</li> <li>The Dark Tower</li> <li>The Space Between Us</li> <li>Valerian</li> <li>King Arthur: Legend of the Sword</li> </ul> <h4>Worst Bad Movie</h4> <ul> <li>The Mummy</li> <li>Collateral Beauty</li> <li>Transformers: The Last Knight</li> <li>The Snowman</li> <li>Resident Evil: The Final Chapter</li> <li>Geostorm</li> <li>Flatliners</li> <li>Underworld: Blood Wars</li> <li>Fifty Shades Darker</li> </ul> <h4>Best Bad Actor</h4> <ul> <li>Gerard Butler - Geostorm</li> <li>Matt Damon - The Great Wall</li> <li>Shawn Roberts - Resident Evil: The Final Chapter</li> <li>Vincent D'Onofrio - Rings</li> <li>Michael Fassbender - The Snowman</li> <li>Sam Worthington - The Shack</li> <li>Javier Bardem - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales</li> <li>Ice Cube – XXX: Return of Xander Cage</li> <li>Russell Crow – The Mummy</li> <li>Idris Elba - The Dark Tower</li> <li>Tom Cruise - The Mummy</li> </ul> <h4>Worst Bad Actor</h4> <ul> <li>Dane DeHaan - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets</li> <li>Tom Cruise - The Mummy</li> <li>Will Smith - Collateral Beauty</li> <li>John Depp - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales</li> <li>Ethan Hawke - Valerian</li> <li>Val Kilmer – Snowman</li> <li>Jim Sturgess – Geostorm</li> <li>Javier Bardem - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales</li> <li>Jamie Dornan - Fifty Shades Darker</li> <li>Vin Diesel - XXX: Return of Xander Cage</li> <li>Matt Damon - The Great Wall</li> </ul> <h4>Best Bad Actress</h4> <ul> <li>Astrid Bergès-Frisbey - King Arthur: Legend of the Sword</li> <li>Nina Dobrev - XXX: Return of Xander Cage</li> <li>Milla Jovovovich - Resident Evil: The Final Chapter</li> <li>Tian Jing - The Great Wall</li> <li>Octavia Spencer - The Shack</li> <li>Kate Beckinsale - Underworld</li> <li>Rihanna - Valerian</li> <li>Britt Robertson - The Space Between Us</li> <li>Abbie Cornish: Geostorm</li> <li>Toni Collette - XXX: Return of Xander Cage</li> <li>Deepika Padukone - XXX: Return of Xander Cage</li> <li>Rebecca Ferguson -The Snowman</li> <li>Ellen Page - Flatliners</li> </ul> <h4>Worst Bad Actress</h4> <ul> <li>Sofia Boutella - The Mummy</li> <li>Kate Winslet - Collateral Beauty</li> <li>Helen Mirren - Collateral Beauty</li> <li>Dakota Johnson - Fifty Shades Darker</li> <li>Sofia Boutella - The Mummy</li> <li>Mila Jovovich - Resident Evil</li> <li>Keira Knightly - Collateral Beauty</li> <li>Nina Dobrev - XXX: Return of Xander Cage</li> <li>Kim Basinger – Fifty Shades Darker</li> <li>Laura Haddock – Transformers: The Last Knight</li> <li>Rhianna - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets</li> <li></li> </ul> <h4>MS</h4>

Last Action Hero - So close to perfection

Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer put on their best Abbott &amp; Costello hats and deliver the hijinxs en masse. It's a banana show of endless goofs and shenanigans that never lets off the gas.The problem with this movie is....nothing. This is just a great legitimate comedy. We didn't laugh AT this movie, we laughed with it. The jokes are timed impeccably. They are new and fresh and unique. While completely outlandish and bonkers, this film never gets into that dangerous 70's live-action cartoon territory (we're talking to you C.H.O.M.P.S.). It's brilliant and a model for classic slap-stick that put the Zucker brothers in such high standing.Bud and Terrance are, as they should be, your classic comedy duo. They are complete opposites and tie right into the ol' straight-man/goof-ball model. But the unique thing is that the giant beast man that bares an uncanny semblance to Andre The Giant is the straight man, while the handsome, charming and snappy guy is the Daffy Duck. It's fantastic and works so well for these two.While the plot may be a bit dubious (the Navy wants to secure their hold on the Florida gaming market from the mob?) and some of the character motivations are...unexpected, this film delivers something that most modern comedy can't - legitimate laughs mixed with over-the-top shenanigans. We applaud this film and should be a much bigger deal.

Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer put on their best Abbott &amp; Costello hats and deliver the hijinxs en masse. It's a banana show of endless goofs and shenanigans that never lets off the gas. The problem with this movie is....nothing. This is just a great legitimate comedy. We didn't laugh AT this movie, we laughed with it. The jokes are timed impeccably. They are new and fresh and unique. While completely outlandish and bonkers, this film never gets into that dangerous 70's live-action cartoon territory (we're talking to you C.H.O.M.P.S.). It's brilliant and a model for classic slap-stick that put the Zucker brothers in such high standing. Bud and Terrance are, as they should be, your classic comedy duo. They are complete opposites and tie right into the ol' straight-man/goof-ball model. But the unique thing is that the giant beast man that bares an uncanny semblance to Andre The Giant is the straight man, while the handsome, charming and snappy guy is the Daffy Duck. It's fantastic and works so well for these two. While the plot may be a bit dubious (the Navy wants to secure their hold on the Florida gaming market from the mob?) and some of the character motivations are...unexpected, this film delivers something that most modern comedy can't - legitimate laughs mixed with over-the-top shenanigans. We applaud this film and should be a much bigger deal.

Odds and Evens - Legit Comedy Shenanigans

The very first Razzie winner gets an in depth look and wow, is it bad. It truly is worse than Xanadu (which we feel is quite the achievement). Its a fake biopic of how the Village People became successful but has no basis of reality. And we should mention that its super gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). The film builds a universe that is not something we want to have anything to do with. People don't have jobs, people just come in and out of people's homes, random people off the street get pulled into parties without wanting to come to and people have NO concept of how anything works in real life. New York is built to be Camelot from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail (Never mind, let's not go to Camelot. Ti's a silly place.) We would not like to go there. The real badness of this film is that they try to, as Sam puts it, "knock the gay off the Village People". The gayness of this movie is the truly fun part of the film but it is so muffled by the stupid story and by trying to make the Village People's characters be straight men. If you went to see this movie wanting to see a film about gay men shaking their asses, then you won't get it. Its so stuffed with characters that truly don't matter to the plot of the film and scenes that don't matter to the plot. Which leads to a too-long film with only about 10 minutes of fun. This one is close to being a fun time but it just is too damn long with too much dull dialogue and terrible jokes to make it truly fun. The stars of the show are the actual Village People but it's too muddled up with character development and backstories of Jack (Guttenberg), Samantha (Valerie Perrine), and Ron (Jenner). It is required viewing for bad movie fans but don't expect a good time. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

The very first Razzie winner gets an in depth look and wow, is it bad. It truly is worse than Xanadu (which we feel is quite the achievement). Its a fake biopic of how the Village People became successful but has no basis of reality. And we should mention that its super gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). The film builds a universe that is not something we want to have anything to do with. People don't have jobs, people just come in and out of people's homes, random people off the street get pulled into parties without wanting to come to and people have NO concept of how anything works in real life. New York is built to be Camelot from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail (Never mind, let's not go to Camelot. Ti's a silly place.) We would not like to go there. The real badness of this film is that they try to, as Sam puts it, "knock the gay off the Village People". The gayness of this movie is the truly fun part of the film but it is so muffled by the stupid story and by trying to make the Village People's characters be straight men. If you went to see this movie wanting to see a film about gay men shaking their asses, then you won't get it. Its so stuffed with characters that truly don't matter to the plot of the film and scenes that don't matter to the plot. Which leads to a too-long film with only about 10 minutes of fun. This one is close to being a fun time but it just is too damn long with too much dull dialogue and terrible jokes to make it truly fun. The stars of the show are the actual Village People but it's too muddled up with character development and backstories of Jack (Guttenberg), Samantha (Valerie Perrine), and Ron (Jenner). It is required viewing for bad movie fans but don't expect a good time. <h4>Individual Ratings:</h4> Over the top action: Cheesy effects: Horrendous acting: Laugh-out-loud-ability: Ridiculous stunts: Gratuitous nudity: Memorable one-liners: <h4>Overall Ratings:</h4> Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Can't Stop the Music - You Can't Stop The Nuts

Neil Breen is back in his directorial debut with this week's trip into the mind of a crazy person. He stars as a double-agent, elite mercenary, computer hacker/security expert, bio-terrorist, cyborg, assassin/vigilante, and just a simple man. It's a Neil showcase into baffling story-telling, yet again. While Double Down is not near the production that Fateful Findings is, it is still an exceptionally bonkers movie. Nothing makes a lick of sense. It's the type of film that leaves you wondering what the hell is going on throughout. While we have a likely infallible theory on what happens, you'll have to listen to show to find out. There are some things to know going into this that may make it hard for some listeners and lovers of bad film. About 25% of the film is stock photography. That is A LOT. Another 25% is narration by Breen sometimes over the stock shots and sometimes while he rolls around in dirt in the desert. But let's face it, you're not coming into a Neil Breen movie because you are looking for excitement. You're here for the nonsense and this delivers that in heaps and heaps of bananas. Double Down is a definite do, but it's recommended you start with Fateful Findings first. This is for the advanced class. Some things to keep an eye out for: Neil Breen's take on the action star (gently climbing over rocks with difficulty), his technological setup to control the entire world (out of the back of his Mercedes), his balls and his sexual assault on an actress who doesn't want to be there (yes Breen balls), a Canadian Tuxedo as formal military attire, and necrophilia.

Neil Breen is back in his directorial debut with this week's trip into the mind of a crazy person. He stars as a double-agent, elite mercenary, computer hacker/security expert, bio-terrorist, cyborg, assassin/vigilante, and just a simple man. It's a Neil showcase into baffling story-telling, yet again. While Double Down is not near the production that Fateful Findings is, it is still an exceptionally bonkers movie. Nothing makes a lick of sense. It's the type of film that leaves you wondering what the hell is going on throughout. While we have a likely infallible theory on what happens, you'll have to listen to show to find out. There are some things to know going into this that may make it hard for some listeners and lovers of bad film. About 25% of the film is stock photography. That is A LOT. Another 25% is narration by Breen sometimes over the stock shots and sometimes while he rolls around in dirt in the desert. But let's face it, you're not coming into a Neil Breen movie because you are looking for excitement. You're here for the nonsense and this delivers that in heaps and heaps of bananas. Double Down is a definite do, but it's recommended you start with Fateful Findings first. This is for the advanced class. Some things to keep an eye out for: Neil Breen's take on the action star (gently climbing over rocks with difficulty), his technological setup to control the entire world (out of the back of his Mercedes), his balls and his sexual assault on an actress who doesn't want to be there (yes Breen balls), a Canadian Tuxedo as formal military attire, and necrophilia.

Double Down - Tuna fish can do bad things

Brought to you by Captain Canada. Can Captain Canada, with the help of Jacques Pierre, defeat the villainous Josef Stalin and his evil right hand man, the Red Scare? Tune in to WABC on Stinker Madness to find out! It's time for some sweet pre-Avenger action, when Matt Salinger becomes Steve Rogers or is that Peyton Manning? Its 1990's Captain America directed by Albert Pyun and produced by Menahem Golan. Its gotta be a total slam dunk right? Streaming Dos and Don'ts  The Core - Netflix Scorcher - Netflix Jack's Back - Netflix Abraxas Guardian of the Universe - WAS on YouTube but is now gone. Sorry.  Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor  Teen Witch Condorman Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Raymond Chow)

Brought to you by Captain Canada. Can Captain Canada, with the help of Jacques Pierre, defeat the villainous Josef Stalin and his evil right hand man, the Red Scare? Tune in to WABC on Stinker Madness to find out! It's time for some sweet pre-Avenger action, when Matt Salinger becomes Steve Rogers or is that Peyton Manning? Its 1990's Captain America directed by Albert Pyun and produced by Menahem Golan. Its gotta be a total slam dunk right? <h3>Streaming Dos and Don'ts</h3> <ul> <li><a href="https://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/60024918?trkid=200250783" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Core - Netflix</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/60029315?trkid=200250783" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Scorcher - Netflix</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/70226927?trkid=200250783" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Jack's Back - Netflix</a></li> <li>Abraxas Guardian of the Universe - WAS on YouTube but is now gone. Sorry.</li> </ul> <h3>Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor</h3> <ul> <li>Teen Witch</li> <li>Condorman</li> <li>Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Raymond Chow)</li></ul>

Prelude to Captain America

Joe Fulgham

Special Guest - Joe Fulgham (Caustic Soda, The Dreaming, Onlightened) returns after our American Ninja episode and brings his Canadian goodness to the podcast with all his wit! Find Joe and all he does:You can find more on Joe and his projects at MoteofDust.com and follow him on Twitter @joefulghamWhen you are completely out of original ideas and need to have your own extended universe (because the other guy's have one), just take whatever licensed property you have and make a movie about it. Don't worry about whether the movie is a good idea or not, or if people will even care. Just make it. Worry 'bout all that stuff later. WRONG!Battleship is arguably one of the worst decisions made by men is ties. Deciding to make a movie based off one of the most boring board games (the kind that makes you quite playing all board games) and THEN chuck $200 million at it, will not pay off. With the stupid concept aside, Battleship is really poorly done. The plot is awful, the motivations are awful and the acting is especially terrible. The lead (Tayler Kitsch) is not only a terrible character but he can't get a line right. Then you've got all the non-actors surrounding them that make Rihanna look like she's Meryl Streep.Beyond that the primary problem with Battleship is that the front-end is atrociously un-entertaining. The entire first half of this film is just establishing how much of a butthole that Tayler Kitsch's character is. Seriously. The aliens that do battle with ships, don't show up on Earth until minute 54! Minute Freaking 54! Then the game of Battleship doesn't even begin until 1 hour and 30 minutes! Blech.So with that, the last 45 minutes is a lot of fun and if the film had just been that stuff, we might have really enjoyed this film. Yet, unfortunately, that is not the case - the front half ruins this film completely and we have to give it a very tough - do not.

Special Guest - Joe Fulgham (Caustic Soda, The Dreaming, Onlightened) returns after our American Ninja episode and brings his Canadian goodness to the podcast with all his wit! Find Joe and all he does: You can find more on Joe and his projects at <a href="http://MoteofDust.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">MoteofDust.com</a> and follow him on Twitter @joefulgham When you are completely out of original ideas and need to have your own extended universe (because the other guy's have one), just take whatever licensed property you have and make a movie about it. Don't worry about whether the movie is a good idea or not, or if people will even care. Just make it. Worry 'bout all that stuff later. WRONG! Battleship is arguably one of the worst decisions made by men is ties. Deciding to make a movie based off one of the most boring board games (the kind that makes you quite playing all board games) and THEN chuck $200 million at it, will not pay off. With the stupid concept aside, Battleship is really poorly done. The plot is awful, the motivations are awful and the acting is especially terrible. The lead (Tayler Kitsch) is not only a terrible character but he can't get a line right. Then you've got all the non-actors surrounding them that make Rihanna look like she's Meryl Streep. Beyond that the primary problem with Battleship is that the front-end is atrociously un-entertaining. The entire first half of this film is just establishing how much of a butthole that Tayler Kitsch's character is. Seriously. The aliens that do battle with ships, don't show up on Earth until minute 54! Minute Freaking 54! Then the game of Battleship doesn't even begin until 1 hour and 30 minutes! Blech. So with that, the last 45 minutes is a lot of fun and if the film had just been that stuff, we might have really enjoyed this film. Yet, unfortunately, that is not the case - the front half ruins this film completely and we have to give it a very tough - do not.

Battleship - Not a good plan - W/ Special Guest, Joe Fulgham!

Bill Paxton

We all lost a huge part of our show and entertainment in general in the passing of Bill Paxton. He was a one of a kind type of actor and while that may seem cliche to say in the wake of someone's death in Hollywood, we'll stand by it. Bill had a depth that few possess, taking roles as varied as the pyschotic Severen in Near Dark (and is the only reason to watch the movie) to the silly Matt Owens in (Slipstream) to the model for a douche in Simon from True Lies (and steals the comedic show from Arnold and Arnold) to the warm but frightened Fred Haise in Apollo 13. The guy could play anything.  So with that in mind, we tackle the 1996 disasterooney of Twister. With all its cliches and tropes that run rampant in the disaster genre, can the immensely popular film stand up to 20 years of time since its release? Who is this Helen Hunt lady? How did Phillip Seymour Hoffman become a thing? Is that a flying cow? All this and more revealed in our podcast episode. Listen to it! Twister is WOW stupid. It falls into that mold of "these characters should have died in multiple instances but don't thanks to ludicrous writing". And they are all pretty blatant. One does not need to be a forensic scientist to understand that these people died multiple times. Pretty awesome stupid. The acting...wow. Bill and Helen Hunt do fine with their roles but EVERY single other actor blows at least one line, with Jami Gertz leading the crappy acting battle charge. It's hilarious. The action is fairly stupid and nonstop. In one sequence, the find themselves being chased down by a 'nado while being stuck in a ditch at 75mph. The chase ends in a head-on collision. Then there's the Dodge Ram. The most invincible vehicle ever built. Crap is flying all over the place at all times, the 'nados are monsters with sentience and a voice, and the heavy amount of 'nados in one day would imply that the Midwest is a desolate wasteland and completely unliveable (oh wait, that's true).  The science is bad, the physics are bad, the invulnerability of humans and trucks are a staple, plot convenience abounds (where are they getting all these Dorothys?) and it never lets up. Go ahead and take a revisit of Twister and if you haven't seen it, stop what you're doing and check it out.

We all lost a huge part of our show and entertainment in general in the passing of Bill Paxton. He was a one of a kind type of actor and while that may seem cliche to say in the wake of someone's death in Hollywood, we'll stand by it. Bill had a depth that few possess, taking roles as varied as the pyschotic Severen in Near Dark (and is the only reason to watch the movie) to the silly Matt Owens in (Slipstream) to the model for a douche in Simon from True Lies (and steals the comedic show from Arnold and Arnold) to the warm but frightened Fred Haise in Apollo 13. The guy could play anything.  So with that in mind, we tackle the 1996 disasterooney of Twister. With all its cliches and tropes that run rampant in the disaster genre, can the immensely popular film stand up to 20 years of time since its release? Who is this Helen Hunt lady? How did Phillip Seymour Hoffman become a thing? Is that a flying cow? All this and more revealed in our podcast episode. Listen to it! Twister is WOW stupid. It falls into that mold of "these characters should have died in multiple instances but don't thanks to ludicrous writing". And they are all pretty blatant. One does not need to be a forensic scientist to understand that these people died multiple times. Pretty awesome stupid. The acting...wow. Bill and Helen Hunt do fine with their roles but EVERY single other actor blows at least one line, with Jami Gertz leading the crappy acting battle charge. It's hilarious. The action is fairly stupid and nonstop. In one sequence, the find themselves being chased down by a 'nado while being stuck in a ditch at 75mph. The chase ends in a head-on collision. Then there's the Dodge Ram. The most invincible vehicle ever built. Crap is flying all over the place at all times, the 'nados are monsters with sentience and a voice, and the heavy amount of 'nados in one day would imply that the Midwest is a desolate wasteland and completely unliveable (oh wait, that's true).  The science is bad, the physics are bad, the invulnerability of humans and trucks are a staple, plot convenience abounds (where are they getting all these Dorothys?) and it never lets up. Go ahead and take a revisit of Twister and if you haven't seen it, stop what you're doing and check it out.

Twister - We'll Miss You, Bill Paxton

Russ and Roger go beyond in this under-whelming tale of how LA is tough on people, I guess. It's really a tale of people having banter that doesn't work for the viewer and then boning. Nothing happens in the film until 90% of the way through. We say less banter, more boobies. We'll just go ahead and say that this was a massive disappointment. We were hoping for some really far out zany business with a nice backdrop of solid chests. Unfortunately, its mostly just music video, party, banter, music video, party, banter, tame boning, music video, banter, party, wedding, credits. This formula equals a sum of boring for 3/4 of the film. The pacing and writing seem to try to shock the viewer but I can't even imagining in 1970 that this film was shocking. Its as if you are told that people can be gay and then the person telling you this looks at you as says "Aren't you shocked? You must be shocked? That's SOOOO shocking" while you look at this person and wonder if they've ever been outside. How naive did Russ and Roger think people were in 1970? People have sex and do drugs?!?! Whoa... Either way, it's not good and not worth a repeat viewing if you have already seen it and ready to try again. However, this movie is important in the grand scheme of being a bad movie fan and we feel it is a must view.....ONCE. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Russ and Roger go beyond in this under-whelming tale of how LA is tough on people, I guess. It's really a tale of people having banter that doesn't work for the viewer and then boning. Nothing happens in the film until 90% of the way through. We say less banter, more boobies. We'll just go ahead and say that this was a massive disappointment. We were hoping for some really far out zany business with a nice backdrop of solid chests. Unfortunately, its mostly just music video, party, banter, music video, party, banter, tame boning, music video, banter, party, wedding, credits. This formula equals a sum of boring for 3/4 of the film. The pacing and writing seem to try to shock the viewer but I can't even imagining in 1970 that this film was shocking. Its as if you are told that people can be gay and then the person telling you this looks at you as says "Aren't you shocked? You must be shocked? That's SOOOO shocking" while you look at this person and wonder if they've ever been outside. How naive did Russ and Roger think people were in 1970? People have sex and do drugs?!?! Whoa... Either way, it's not good and not worth a repeat viewing if you have already seen it and ready to try again. However, this movie is important in the grand scheme of being a bad movie fan and we feel it is a must view.....ONCE. <h4>Individual Ratings:</h4> Over the top action: Cheesy effects: Horrendous acting: Laugh-out-loud-ability: Ridiculous stunts: Gratuitous nudity: Memorable one-liners: <h4>Overall Ratings:</h4> Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls - An Unfortunate Must See

We dare to tackle 1980's danceical/musical/drama/romance/comedy/disaster that is Xanadu. We all know the story. Its that old tale of an artist that has no talent or motivation or confidence meets a magical roller skating deity that gives him the ability to meet a guy who has all the money and to woo him into investing several millions of dollars into building a roller-skating club/disco. You know that old tale. Lets get straight to the mustard. This movie stinks. Its one of the worst ideas ever created. Let's take a the above idea, write a script that is 3 pages long, take a current hot "talent" who is mediocre at singing, dancing, and acting, intentionally put in bad special effects and throw in Gene Kelly just so you can feel bad for him. Xanadu is not so much a train wreck and more of a genocide of puppies. You really want to take your eyes off it. Don't waste your time with Xanadu. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

We dare to tackle 1980's danceical/musical/drama/romance/comedy/disaster that is Xanadu. We all know the story. Its that old tale of an artist that has no talent or motivation or confidence meets a magical roller skating deity that gives him the ability to meet a guy who has all the money and to woo him into investing several millions of dollars into building a roller-skating club/disco. You know that old tale. Lets get straight to the mustard. This movie stinks. Its one of the worst ideas ever created. Let's take a the above idea, write a script that is 3 pages long, take a current hot "talent" who is mediocre at singing, dancing, and acting, intentionally put in bad special effects and throw in Gene Kelly just so you can feel bad for him. Xanadu is not so much a train wreck and more of a genocide of puppies. You really want to take your eyes off it. Don't waste your time with Xanadu. <h4>Individual Ratings:</h4> Over the top action: Cheesy effects: Horrendous acting: Laugh-out-loud-ability: Ridiculous stunts: Gratuitous nudity: Memorable one-liners: <h4>Overall Ratings:</h4> Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Xanadu - A Microcosm of Itself

Before Malibu Express, Andy Sidaris directed a film called Seven. It's quite hard to find and rarely seen and has been on our list for ages. It stars William Smith and is about seven operators taking on seven villains in Hawaii. Buckle up for the ride! This episode we have no streaming do's and don'ts but we instead discuss the Top Ten Stinker Staples. Be sure to read the whole list.  10. Sobriety superpowers 9. Better take our shirts off 8. Not understanding how phones work 7. The bad guy is bad....because. 6. The lifeless dummy 5. Unlimited ammo 4. Freezeframe, credits 3. Truckin' 2. Leaving by unopened window 1. The Exploding Helicopter  Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor  Jordan Tate - Under Siege (Erika Eleniak) Barb Wire - Barb Wire (Pam Anderson) Jill Munroe - Charlie's Angels (Farrah Fawcett)

Before Malibu Express, Andy Sidaris directed a film called Seven. It's quite hard to find and rarely seen and has been on our list for ages. It stars William Smith and is about seven operators taking on seven villains in Hawaii. Buckle up for the ride! This episode we have no streaming do's and don'ts but we instead discuss the <a href="http://www.stinkermadness.com/blog/entry/stinker-madness/top-10-bad-movie-staples-we-all-love" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Top Ten Stinker Staples</a>. Be sure to read the whole list. <ul> <li>10. Sobriety superpowers</li> <li>9. Better take our shirts off</li> <li>8. Not understanding how phones work</li> <li>7. The bad guy is bad....because.</li> <li>6. The lifeless dummy</li> <li>5. Unlimited ammo</li> <li>4. Freezeframe, credits</li> <li>3. Truckin'</li> <li>2. Leaving by unopened window</li> <li>1. The Exploding Helicopter</li> </ul> <h3>Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor</h3> <ul> <li>Jordan Tate - Under Siege (Erika Eleniak)</li> <li>Barb Wire - Barb Wire (Pam Anderson)</li> <li>Jill Munroe - Charlie's Angels (Farrah Fawcett)</li></ul>

Prelude to Seven

After years of steering well clear of one of the most notoriously bad movies of all time, we finally tackle the most butt and crotch heavy superhero movie ever made. Clooney brings the turtle-neck and somehow manages to not push Robin and Bat-Girl off the rooftops. Is it possible this isn't the torture-fest we expected? In short - yes! It isn't the torture-fest we expected. We actually had quite a bit of fun with this turd. Don't take us incorrectly, this is a travesty, but after 22 years its inching itself into the "so bad its good" category. There's just so much wrong with it that really the only thing holding it back is Robin &amp; Batgirl who are painfully annoying. If the movie had just been Clooney blowing it and Schwaz just hamming it up, it might be in the hall of fame. Unfortunately, you are stuck with the corporate toys of Robin &amp; Batgirl. The pacing here is good, so you're not stuck wallowing in boredom. The set-pieces are ridiculous. The writing is over-the-top hammy. The acting is terribly entertaining. The makeup, the costumes, the hair all are laughably terrible. All that adds up to being hated by all at it's release but now makes for a great laugh. Go back and do this one over - it's not epic, but it definitely can start to be enjoyed for it's crumminess.

After years of steering well clear of one of the most notoriously bad movies of all time, we finally tackle the most butt and crotch heavy superhero movie ever made. Clooney brings the turtle-neck and somehow manages to not push Robin and Bat-Girl off the rooftops. Is it possible this isn't the torture-fest we expected? In short - yes! It isn't the torture-fest we expected. We actually had quite a bit of fun with this turd. Don't take us incorrectly, this is a travesty, but after 22 years its inching itself into the "so bad its good" category. There's just so much wrong with it that really the only thing holding it back is Robin &amp; Batgirl who are painfully annoying. If the movie had just been Clooney blowing it and Schwaz just hamming it up, it might be in the hall of fame. Unfortunately, you are stuck with the corporate toys of Robin &amp; Batgirl. The pacing here is good, so you're not stuck wallowing in boredom. The set-pieces are ridiculous. The writing is over-the-top hammy. The acting is terribly entertaining. The makeup, the costumes, the hair all are laughably terrible. All that adds up to being hated by all at it's release but now makes for a great laugh. Go back and do this one over - it's not epic, but it definitely can start to be enjoyed for it's crumminess.

Batman & Robin - It's the children's fault

I think you may not need us to tell you whether you should view this film or not, because you've already seen it. Everyone on Earth has already seen it. This movie is a bigger deal than The Beatles, Moses, and Channing Tatum's undies rolled into one. So instead here's just some general thoughts. The Fast and The Furious franchise is maybe the best thing that Universal has ever given the world. Its single movie viewing experience that has a little bit for everyone. People from all walks of life love this shit. You could find yourself sitting next to the Mayor or a homeless man in the theater and at one point you'll give either of them high-fives. We should drop these movies out of airplanes instead of bombs and there would be peace. It should be noted that Justin gave bad info in this episode. The movie does NOT have an 87 Metascore. It's at 67. Which is pretty high. Everyone forgets that they are watching a movie that makes no sense and has terrible acting. And it doesn't matter. That's a good thing for bad movies. However, we all agree that this may be our least favorite Fast/Furious movie of the last 4. It has sped up footage, action that you can't tell what's happening, the one- liners are poorly thought out and not creative and has the least amount of ridiculousness over the other films. But it's still a total do if your the only person left on the planet who hasn't seen it. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

I think you may not need us to tell you whether you should view this film or not, because you've already seen it. Everyone on Earth has already seen it. This movie is a bigger deal than The Beatles, Moses, and Channing Tatum's undies rolled into one. So instead here's just some general thoughts. The Fast and The Furious franchise is maybe the best thing that Universal has ever given the world. Its single movie viewing experience that has a little bit for everyone. People from all walks of life love this shit. You could find yourself sitting next to the Mayor or a homeless man in the theater and at one point you'll give either of them high-fives. We should drop these movies out of airplanes instead of bombs and there would be peace. It should be noted that Justin gave bad info in this episode. The movie does NOT have an 87 Metascore. It's at 67. Which is pretty high. Everyone forgets that they are watching a movie that makes no sense and has terrible acting. And it doesn't matter. That's a good thing for bad movies. However, we all agree that this may be our least favorite Fast/Furious movie of the last 4. It has sped up footage, action that you can't tell what's happening, the one- liners are poorly thought out and not creative and has the least amount of ridiculousness over the other films. But it's still a total do if your the only person left on the planet who hasn't seen it. <h4>Individual Ratings:</h4> Over the top action: Cheesy effects: Horrendous acting: Laugh-out-loud-ability: Ridiculous stunts: Gratuitous nudity: Memorable one-liners: <h4>Overall Ratings:</h4> Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Furious 7 - Bad Movie Field Trip

For 22 pictures, Terrance Hill and Bud Spencer played the ultimate in comedic buddy-cop movies and this week on the podcast, Sam brings in one of their best in Odds and Evens.Streaming Do's and Don'tsIcebreaker w/ Rifftrax - Amazon PrimeVehicle 19 - NetflixGor II (Outlaw of Gor) - MST3K YouTubeThe Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor (Buddy Cops)Riggs &amp; Murtaugh - Lethal WeaponCates &amp; Hammond - 48 Hrs.

For 22 pictures, Terrance Hill and Bud Spencer played the ultimate in comedic buddy-cop movies and this week on the podcast, Sam brings in one of their best in Odds and Evens. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Icebreaker w/ Rifftrax - Amazon Prime Vehicle 19 - Netflix Gor II (Outlaw of Gor) - MST3K YouTube The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor (Buddy Cops) Riggs &amp; Murtaugh - Lethal Weapon Cates &amp; Hammond - 48 Hrs.

Prelude to Odds and Evens

The best podcast episodes on physical health. Episodes talk about your diet, sleep, exercise and all the things that people do to improve their physical health and live a healthier life. This topic is for everyone, with applications in all of our everyday lives. Add episodes you're interested into your queue below!

Best Episodes on Physical Health & Your Body

The Best Multi-Part Documentaries, with documentaries on Obama, Federer vs Nadal, the making of Star Wars, Netflix vs Blockbuster and more. Add episodes you're interested into your queue below!