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The Story Must Be Told

Updated 9 days ago

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Surreal fiction anthology, framed as a bizarre church service. Every other Tuesday, join Brother Reid, Pastor Andrew, and Sister Callista to worship the Story! Hear our greasy prayers! Delight in our healthy psalms, uh huh! Then bask in the Story—handsomely produced tales of dark humor, freakish sci-fi, and oddly touching literary horror. Start with any episode—the Story is waiting for you!TSMBT is a podcast by Post Everything Productions. All stories written by Pastor Andrew and Brother Reid. Production and original music by Carl Schroeder. Twitter, Instagram: @TSMBTpod

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Surreal fiction anthology, framed as a bizarre church service. Every other Tuesday, join Brother Reid, Pastor Andrew, and Sister Callista to worship the Story! Hear our greasy prayers! Delight in our healthy psalms, uh huh! Then bask in the Story—handsomely produced tales of dark humor, freakish sci-fi, and oddly touching literary horror. Start with any episode—the Story is waiting for you!TSMBT is a podcast by Post Everything Productions. All stories written by Pastor Andrew and Brother Reid. Production and original music by Carl Schroeder. Twitter, Instagram: @TSMBTpod

iTunes Ratings

389 Ratings
Average Ratings
344
24
7
4
10

Bonkerz

By Gooser10 - Oct 29 2019
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The Story is absolutely nuts and amazing, all hail the Story

Praise!

By Memyself&thatguy - Oct 16 2019
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Grow, GROW into the mighty Story Oak that your destiny decrees!

iTunes Ratings

389 Ratings
Average Ratings
344
24
7
4
10

Bonkerz

By Gooser10 - Oct 29 2019
Read more
The Story is absolutely nuts and amazing, all hail the Story

Praise!

By Memyself&thatguy - Oct 16 2019
Read more
Grow, GROW into the mighty Story Oak that your destiny decrees!
Cover image of The Story Must Be Told

The Story Must Be Told

Latest release on Jan 14, 2020

The Best Episodes Ranked Using User Listens

Updated by OwlTail 9 days ago

Rank #1: The Forgotten Man

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Forget your mom! Forget your dad! Forget your siblings! Forget everything if it means remembering the Story. Forget your own dang self, heck, see if the Story cares. The Story cares about you only if you LOVE the Story to your own ruin. It is NOT a dick move.

Invocation
The Matter of Chalms’ Disappearance
Liturgical Reading: “The Forgotten Man”
A Baptism

VIDEOS. Yes! VIDEOS! Watch: youtube.com/thestorymustbetold

Oct 29 2019

35mins

Play

Rank #2: An Audience with the Queen

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today we celebrate the feast day of sain't jo, in whose matronage we engage so ruefully: lewdness, grotesquerie, tragedy. we are blessed with this liturgy frothy n fearful from Sister Callista of the Queasy Madre. sniff it down, yon juicies

Invocation
Psalm: “O! Honey”
Liturgical Reading: “An Audience With The Queen”
Concluding Prayer

what truths we stink we stink for thee. come back next tuesday n we’ll tell ya a gooey one uh huh

Feb 13 2018

20mins

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Rank #3: They Made A Strange Love - Guest Preacher Joe Pera

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Love is like the faint reek of urine: it’s in the air. Breathe deep, brothers and sisters, and welcome the Story’s acid love into your mush of bronchial tubes. Become hamburger for your partner, mush between their fingers, and gel between their toes. Love can mean a lot, but to the Story, it means becoming a fine human paste.

Guest Preacher: Joe Pera (Joe Pera Talks with You, Dan Joe DVD Show)

Invocation
Psalm: “Rude Tattoos”
Liturgical Reading: “They Made a Strange Love”
Concluding Prayer

Join us next week, or we’ll find you.

Mar 19 2019

21mins

Play

Rank #4: Last Impressions - Guest Preacher Henry Zebrowski

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Anyone could be you. You are a buncha bodily tics and vocal inflections. A rude friend or knowing coworker could rip you apart to everyone’s amusement, you bet. Could rip you up like deli cuts of ham, heh heh.

Guest Preacher: Henry Zebrowski (Last Podcast on the Left, Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell)

Invocation
Impressions of the Clergy
Liturgical Reading: “Last Impressions”
Concluding Prayer

Next week we got something spicy, and it’ll get you grinning, most like.

Aug 06 2019

23mins

Play

Rank #5: A Perfect Vessel

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on this day we remember a patron true a saint of courage and unshakable faith. that's why we all wear our prettiest clothes and paint our faces and present such handsome grins and firm grips of hand. it's why i wear red. what tender boundary tween belief n delusion, how it quivers with our pulse

Introductory Prayer
Psalm: “The Furrier’s Coat” / “You Do Know”
Liturgical Reading: “A Perfect Vessel”
Brother Reid’s Song
Church Bulletin

im not ready to leave you, promise me youll find me soon gosh i need you to feel whole

Feb 20 2018

19mins

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Rank #6: The Mathematics Of Grocery Stores

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The grocer is our friend in commerce and our enemy in the Story. We do not deserve options for cereal, nor variety in our nut butters, whole wheat crackers, and lunchmeat. Give us but one choice, so that we might smack it up in our greedy mouths, and masticate masticate masticate. Hmmph. The Story alone is our satisfaction, and when food runs out, which it will, it alone will fill us.

Invocation
Psalm: “Web of Delights”
Liturgical Reading: “The Mathematics of Grocery Stores”
Concluding Admonition

The Story will return to you next week, hot as a ham, juicy as a coldcut. Sup sup!

Dec 11 2018

26mins

Play

Rank #7: The Boat That Went To Hell - Guest Preacher Marcus Parks

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All kinds of boats out there, with funny names, too. Brigantine. Schooner. Paddle. In a way, this here church is a boat, and each of you a mate upon its deck. Swab it, dear congregation, to earn your place in the captain’s chambers amidst the dribbling candles and ill-gotten liquors. Do not drink too much, for the captain is one of lechery, and our destination one of sin and tears.

Guest Preacher: Marcus Parks (Last Podcast on the Left, Page 7)

Invocation
Psalm: “Secrets to Sailors”
Liturgical Reading: “The Boat That Went To Hell”
Concluding Prayer

Yep yep we gobbled that story down like a pastry of vice n uh ohs. What sweet it hath delected upon us, we unfaithful masses, who stir with what the Story hath sired.

Aug 07 2018

28mins

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Rank #8: The House Of Crispo Part 1

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Cherish the disobedient child. Cherish their ignorance. For only the rude and stupid can be enveloped into the heart of the Story. It is our duty to bring new, empty minds to the Story, to our homes, so it may fill them with the light of Story. Oh Story! May we harvest a human crop for you.

Invocation
Psalm: “The Light of the Father”
Liturgical Reading: “The House of Crispo Part 1”
Concluding Prayer

Next Tuesday we return. Next Tuesday, we finish this.

Check out our new short film, “The Dog the Boy”
https://vimeo.com/226796022
Or see it as part of a live TSMBT service:
https://vimeo.com/297286015

Jan 22 2019

22mins

Play

Rank #9: Hoofs And Feet

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A barnyard animal makes barnyard noises and behaves as though all the world, the very universe, is a barnyard. They kick up mud, and make a toilet of any dang carpet. We can learn gentle grace from our barnyard companions! We can learn to “take it easy,” and make our puddle wherever we do choose. Oh Story! Thank you for your profound examples to us, the congregation.

Invocation
Psalm: “Cory Had a Little Lamb”
Liturgical Reading: “Hoofs and Feet”
Concluding Prayer

Tuesday is the day the Story comes to life, groans sweetly, and crawls inside your ear. It’ll happen to you next Tuesday, squirm-style.

Apr 30 2019

28mins

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Rank #10: When You Watch Me

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This one is for you, in all your greasy splendor. Do you like it when I talk about your greases? Heh heh, yeah, that's what I thought. Ooh, you better listen to this one, because you're a part of it, and soon, it will be all you remember.

Invocation
Psalm: “How to Swallow Loose Change for the Story”
Liturgical Reading: “When You Watch Me"
Concluding Prayer

We return on Tuesdays, Tuesday-style, and this next Tuesday will be no exception—OK?

May 07 2019

28mins

Play

Rank #11: Super Value Menu

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yes uh huh some of us enjoy the salty treats of food which is fast, and others of us depend upon yon morsels, teeth decrepit from substance and poverty. how fates intertwine, how doom swells and rains its pregnant waters over us all, the greasy and the not-so-greasy. reflect! renounce! repent!

Invocation
Psalm: “The Fish, the Filth”
Liturgical Reading: “Super Value Menu”

yup yup we’ll be back next week and the week after that and the week after that and we’ll never die

Feb 27 2018

21mins

Play

Rank #12: The Son Of God Dies from Multiple Stab Wounds

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I’ll make you my son if you don’t behave, and you won’t like what happens to my sons. Ohh they do ALL of daddy’s chores, and of mommy they must anoint. It’s a threat, and it’s TRUE, whether you are mother, aunt, or nephew, you’ll all suffer as sons. This Story is a testament to how easily a son is named and exchanged, and how all sons grow inconvenienced on the turbulent winds of discourse.

Invocation
Psalm: “Anointed in Yoghurt”
Liturgical Reading: “The Son of God Dies from Multiple Stab Wounds”
Concluding Prayer

Next Tuesday is a day for treats, as the Story is once again gooily invoked.

Check out our new short film, “The Dog the Boy”
https://vimeo.com/226796022
Or see it as part of a live TSMBT service:
https://vimeo.com/297286015

Jan 15 2019

22mins

Play

Rank #13: The Bear Musician - Guest Preacher Marcus Parks

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The Story sloshed over the rim of the Story cup, and did spill one fresh for you. In this special bonus service, we witness a young Bruno, and his cowardice before the agony of Story. This Story originally appeared in "Creepypasta XIII: A Meat's Dream" on Last Podcast on the Left. We relive this Story—sup upon its eager drips!

Guest Preacher: Marcus Parks (Last Podcast on the Left, Page 7)
Invocation
Psalm: “Check the Trunk”
Liturgical Reading: “The Bear Musician”
Concluding Prayer

Enjoy this special treat of Story pure. We return on Tuesday with your regularly scheduled service, sweet sweet.

Mar 01 2019

19mins

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Rank #14: When Dominoes Pizza Let A Teen Die - Guest Preacher Holden McNeely

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Wear that grin between grease-soaked lips and chew the curds of delights digested. Let the bolus yon esophagus squelches die within ye, turn to dribbling juices and bubbles of harsh swampen gases. We are bodies, hosts of parasites, tombs of delivery morsels, avatars of corporate wisdom. Listen closely to Reverend Holden, mm hmm. Follow his words, and pick a brand with consideration; it may be the only brand you’ll pick again.

Guest Preacher: Reverend Holden McNeely (Wizard and the Bruiser podcast, holdenatorsho on Twitch)

Invocation
Psalm: “Pizza Party Ire”
Liturgical Reading: “When Dominoes Pizza Let a Teen Die”
Concluding Prayer

Guess it should be said that all characters and events in this story, even the ones based on real breathing gooey companies, are fictional. Though, c’mon, it’s probably not that fictional, right? Maybe a grease of truth dripped somewhere within? Hey. Don’t sue.

Jul 03 2018

23mins

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Rank #15: The Passage Of Memory

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Our families fade from us. It is an effort to keep them by our side. The Story knows how our minds slip and slosh!

Anyhowwww, today is Devon’s birthday, and we threw a special service just for him. He is our groundskeeper, and a pathetic man. Forgive us for including him.

Invocation
Devon’s Birthday Memories
Liturgical Reading: “The Passage of Memory”
The Matter of Chalms’ Identity

We have videos! Oh so many for your eyes and gentle mouths. Watch here: youtube.com/thestorymustbetold

Oct 15 2019

35mins

Play

Rank #16: Fun Boy Limited Party Travel Number One

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The whole world blooms with seeds, but some seeds are unknown, some pollens unnatural—what is sown surprises. We welcome all unknowns, because when they spell out our demise, they use novel letters and innovative techniques. We can learn from a grisly undoing done cleverly, but what we cannot learn is to not be undone. Darn!

Invocation
Psalm: “Hungry Man Dinner”
Liturgical Reading: “Fun Boy Limited Party Travel Number One”
Concluding Prayer

Return to us Tuesday and the Story will be waiting for you.

May 14 2019

28mins

Play

Rank #17: Pretty Machines

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Electronics are our friends, and sometimes our sticky neighbors. Some electronics aid, and some deny, some tend to relationships, and others still play card games on digital screens. What novelty! Yet also: what cruelty to such incipient intelligence. Shame! Shame all around!

Invocation
A Healing of Ill Consumer Electronics
Liturgical Reading: “Pretty Machines”
Concluding Prayer

You shouldn’t throw batteries away. Hold onto ‘em. Store ‘em under the sink in a plastic bottle. Wait till it’s full. Take it to the farm. Bury it. In ten years all them batteries will be full charge, ready for diskboys and vibrate-friends.

Sep 11 2018

24mins

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Rank #18: The Smallest Beetle, OR: Brutal Beetle Beatdown Part 1 - Guest Preacher Jackie Zebrowksi

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When humanity is gone, the world will have a good laugh, comb its balding scalp, and ‘get back to it.’ What will the remaining species think of us, and what might they build in our shadow? The following Story is no Story at all, but a documentary that simply hasn’t happened yet! Yeah, this one is all true, yeah, this is a goddamn prophecy, a prophecy about BUGS.

Guest Preacher: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm)

Invocation
Psalm: “I Have Decided to Live in Filth”
Liturgical Reading: “The Smallest Beetle OR: Brutal Beetle Beatdown Part 1”
Concluding Prayer

Part 2 of this hissing, clicking Story will arrive next week and incapacitate you with its wholesome truth.

May 28 2019

31mins

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Rank #19: It's My Right

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Every show on TV is sinful, shameful, and lacking in the Story. Does society and mainstream media intentionally shun the Story and its truths, or is it simply blind? The result is the same: the Story denies you. Listen as the Story denies our own congregant, Devon Harris, his simple joys, body, and sustenance. Listen, and learn this lesson: even at our lowest, the Story is yet waiting.

Invocation
Testimony: Devon Harris, divorcee
Liturgical Reading: “It’s My Right”
Concluding Sacrament
Spitting

Next week the Story will be waiting, for it exists in all weeks, outside of weeks—the Story is the week itself.

Dec 04 2018

24mins

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Rank #20: Goats and Sheep

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Yeah this one’s for Chalms. That sweet tot, so sickly, so goo goo gooey. We found him in a tree! Reflect, as Chalms must, on the end of all days, when the good are divided from the evil. Witness as the false Story some call “Lord” does their regular spring cleaning of humanity.

Invocation
Petitions for Chalms
Liturgical Reading: “Goats and Sheep”
Concluding Prayer

Yes yes, this week’s Story comes from our season one archives. Next week will be the same, then we return fresh, rested, and eager to instruct our congregants.

Jun 18 2019

18mins

Play