Parashat Hukat tells the story of Moshe hitting the rock, and how Hashem punished him severely for this sin, decreeing that he would not enter into the Land of Israel. The most common understanding of this episode is Rashi’s understanding – that Moshe was supposed to produce water for the people by speaking to the rock, but he struck the rock, instead. However, later commentators questioned this approach, raising a number of difficulties. First, Hashem specifically told Moshe to bring his staff ( קח את המטה ), which would certainly suggest that Moshe was expected to hit the rock. Secondly, what difference would it make if Moshe hit the rock or spoke to the rock? Was the miracle any less spectacular because Moshe hit the rock? Therefore, the commentators offer many different explanations. For example, the Rambam writes that Moshe sinned through his anger. Before hitting the rock, he shouted at the people, שמעו נא המורים, המן הסלע הזה נוציא לכם מים – “Listen, please, O rebellious ones! Will we produce water for you from this rock?!” The Rambam writes that Moshe angrily called the people מורים – “rebellious ones” – when Hashem was not angry at them. The Sefer Ha’ikarim writes that Moshe sinned in that he should not have waited for Hashem to instruct him to hit the rock. He should have realized on his own that this is what he should do to provide water. But the Maharal of Prague gives an explanation which, in a sense, encompasses many of the other approaches, and which offers us a crucial lesson. The Maharal writes that Moshe sinned by losing his cool, so-to-speak. He did not react to this crisis in a calm, composed manner like the way he handled all the other crises which he handled throughout his years as leader of Am Yisrael . He became flustered; he buckled under the pressure of a whole nation yelling that they needed water. For a man with his level of emunah , this was considered a sin. All people, no matter how wealthy they are, how healthy they are, how good a marriage they have or what kind of children they have, are going to deal with difficult problems. Everyone has challenges of one kind of another. Hashem sends us challenges so we can develop our steadfast emunah . We are tested to see if we remain calm and composed, placing our faith in Hashem, without getting flustered. In the Book of Bereshit, we read the story of Hagar, who was sent away from Avraham Avinu’s home together with her son, Yishmael. The Torah writes, ותלך ותתע במדבר באר שבע – “She went about and was lost in the desert of Be’er Sheva.” Rashi explains this pasuk to mean that Hagar returned to the worship of idols; after leaving Avraham’s home, she resumed the idolatry that she practiced as a youngster. Many later rabbis asked how Rashi saw any indication in the text that Hagar once again worshipped idols. Rav Yosef Shlomo Kahaneman, the Ponevezher Rav, answered that Rashi reached this conclusion on the basis of the word ותתע – “was lost.” A believing Jew, the Ponevezher Rav said, is never lost. No matter how difficult life gets, no matter what crisis one is going through, he is not lost if he believes that Hashem is caring for him and guiding him even when he faces problems and hardship. The Klausenbeger Rebbe, who survived Auschwitz and lost his wife and eleven children in the Holocaust, led a prayer service for survivors in a displaced persons camp on the first Yom Kippur after the war. He stood up in front of a room full of broken people, who lost their families and experienced untold suffering and horror. What could he tell them? He picked up a mahzor and read through the vidui (confession) – אשמנו, בגדנו, גזלנו … He mentioned each sin, and said that nobody there was guilty of that sin. Having been imprisoned and tormented by the Nazis, they were not guilty of any of the sins listed in the vidui . However, the Rebbe said, there was one sin that they were all guilty of. They all had moments when they gave up, when they lost hope, when they felt they could not go on. And for this – and this alone – they needed to confess. Because a Jew never loses hope, a Jew is never is lost. No matter what we are going through, Hashem is with us. Of course, none of us have ever been tested the way the Jews in the Holocaust were tested. But all people have tests of one kind or another. And our job is to remain steadfast in our emunah , to retain our composure, to not feel lost, to remember that Hashem is taking care of us, even in life’s most difficult moments. The lesson of Moshe’s mistake, the Maharal teaches us, is to try to remain calm and confident even during life’s challenges, to feel that we are being cared for by Hashem in all situations, that He is holding us by the hand, taking us where we need to go – such that we are never lost.

We Should Never Feel Lost

Parashat Korah tells us about how Korah and a group of his followers got together and instigated a fight against Moshe Rabbenu. They complained that only Aharon and sons were allowed to serve as kohanim . They complained that they were stuck in the desert and could not go into the Land of Israel. This fight ended with tragedy, as all those who challenged Moshe died. This is one of several occasions in the desert when Beneh Yisrael complained. They complained about the conditions in the desert, about the manna that Hashem gave them to eat, how they didn’t have any variety, and so on. At first we can only wonder why they complained so much. Korah was a Levi who had the special job of carrying the aron , the holiest article of the Mishkan . Why would he complain? Hashem literally sent food down from the sky each morning for the people; why would they complain? He provided water from a rock which traveled with them; why would they complain? Actually, this same question can be asked about us. Imagine we could travel back in time, to the year 1850, and we could describe to the people what our lives are like. How we have no problem getting food, how science and medicine have developed, how we have heat and air conditioning, and how we live in safety. They would assume that we must be happy all the time, and never complain. And yet, all we do is complain. Why? The answer sounds peculiar, but it’s so true: the pursuit of happiness makes people unhappy. When our goal is to be happy, then we’ll never be happy. If we tell ourselves that our goal is to feel happiness, then we are constantly upset and frustrated, because so many things get in the way. We get married to be happy, but then there’s hard work that we need to do to build and maintain a happy marriage. We have kids to be happy, but then there’s hard work to do and difficult challenges to overcome to raise them. We want money to be happy, but we need to work hard and deal with a lot of problems in order to make money. If we make happiness our goal, we will be upset, because so many things are going to get in the way. The real goal should be purpose. We are here for a purpose that Hashem placed us here for. And when we live with a purpose, then challenges don’t rattle us. We understand that this precisely our purpose – to deal with our challenges to the best of our ability. If we have children because this is our purpose – to raise children who will serve Hashem – then we will accept the challenges as part of that purpose. We will then have the strength to handle the challenges without getting frustrated. And when we live with a sense of purpose, realizing that everything Hashem sends our way is part of our purpose, then we feel gratified, knowing that we are fulfilling our purpose – and this is what brings us true happiness. If Korah had lived in the pursuit of purpose, he would not have started his fight. He would have felt content and gratified fulfilling his purpose. But because he pursued happiness – he saw Moshe and Aharon as getting in his way, and this made him angry. If Beneh Yisrael had lived in the pursuit of purpose, they would have felt gratified knowing that their journey in the desert was their purpose. But because they pursued happiness – they were dissatisfied with the manna and with the conditions in the desert. A certain Jewish publication approached a number of well-known Jewish figures and posed the following question: If you could invite any three people who ever lived to your Shabbat table, who would they be? Most of the responses were great figures from Tanach , like Avraham Avinu, Moshe Rabbenu, or David, or famous Rabbis, such as Rashi and the Rambam. One of the people to whom they posed this question was Rav Dovid Feinstein, one of the most important poskim in America who passed away recently. His answer was astounding. He replied: “ Three poor people, so I could help them.” This is a beautiful and inspiring example of someone who lives for purpose, not for happiness. He preferred to have at his table not famous people, people whom it would be exciting to sit with, but rather people who needed help. Because he lived not for the sake of enjoying, but for the sake of contributing and giving. This should be our goal – to live lives of purpose, of meaning. And when we live this way, we will experience true happiness, no matter what twists and turns life takes us on.

Purpose vs. Happiness

Parashat Shelah tells the story of חטא המרגלים – the sin of the spies. Moshe sent twelve men to see the Land of Israel before Beneh Yisrael were supposed to enter, and ten of them came back with a negative, frightening report, to the point where the people decided they did not want to go into the Land of Israel. Hashem killed the ten spies, and decreed that the nation would remain in the desert for forty years. These ten spies described the Land of Israel as ארץ אוכלת יושביה – “a land that consumes its inhabitants,” where it’s hard to survive. Yet, they also said that the people who live there were אנשי מידות – big and powerful. Not only did they lie by saying that the land “consumes its inhabitants,” but they also contradicted themselves in the same sentence – by saying that all the people there are healthy and strong. They also went so far as to say that they saw ילידי הענק – giants who were so tall that they blocked the sun. Obviously, this is an exaggeration. This is how the spies succeeded in sowing mass hysteria – through misinformation and exaggeration, making even contradictory statements that sounded scary. The modern-day equivalent of what the spies did is social media. Anti-Semites spew all kinds of lies and exaggerations about what goes on in Israel in order to arouse hatred toward Jews. This has always happened, but social media has allowed this industry of lies to explode. People all over the world are told every day that Israel is going around killing innocent Palestinian children and committing all kinds of atrocities, when in truth, Israel is simply trying to defend its citizens. Like the spies, who managed to convince Beneh Yisrael that the land is a terrible and dangerous place to live, the anti-Semites are succeeding in misleading people to think that Israel and the Jews are evil. From this parashah we can learn how to respond to this wave of lies and misinformation. Two of the spies – Yehoshua and Kalev – opposed the other ten, and insisted that the land is good, and that Hashem would help them conquer it. Hashem later told Moshe that Yehoshua and Kalev would receive great reward for opposing the other spies. Even though their efforts were not successful, and the nation followed the other ten spies, for which they were punished, nevertheless, Yehoshua and Kalev were rewarded. Rav Moshe Feinstein learns from this reward that there is value in expressing the truth even if people do not accept it. We have to make our voices heard, even if our voices will be drowned out by the majority. In the face of rampant anti-Semitism and the torrent of lies being spread, we need to write to our politicians and make our voices heard in support of Israel. Even if our voices will be drowned out, it is critically important to speak out. Additionally, the Torah tells that as Yehoshua and Kalev argued with the other spies, and expressed the view that they could capture the land, the people prepared to stone them to death. But just then, וכבוד ה' נראה באוהל מועד אל כל בני ישראל – Hashem’s glory appeared, protecting Yehoshua and Kalev. When we or our fellow Jews are in danger, we need to place our faith in Hashem. Ultimately, it is He who protects us. For a believing Jew, his most vulnerable moment is his most powerful moment. Because when he feels vulnerable, he turns to Hashem and pleads for help. This is true when it comes to our health, our finances, and all other personal needs – and it is true no less when it comes to our nation’s safety. We need to do what we can do, making our voices heard, and then do what we always do when we need assistance – turn to Hashem in prayer, trusting in His protection. As the world becomes scarier, we draw confidence from our emunah , our faith in Hashem, and our belief in the power of our tefilot .

Stopping the Lies

Parashat Behaalotecha tells of how Beneh Yisrael started complaining during travel, and how Hashem severely punished them. The Torah states, ויהי העם כמתאוננים , which seems to mean, “The people were complaining.” But Rashi explains that this pasuk is actually saying that the people were looking for something to complain about. It’s not that something happened or didn’t happen that made them upset and start complaining; they had a negative mindset, and were looking for reasons to complain. This mindset sent their heads into a negative tailspin, and everything seemed bad. Sure enough, several pesukim later, they’re complaining that all they had to eat was the manna. They cried that they didn’t have vegetables such as onions. When we have a negative mindset, everything in our lives seems terrible. One of the common examples of this phenomenon is rejection. We’ve all experienced rejection of one kind of or another. People are rejected from a perspective shidduch or from a perspective job. People feel rejected when they’re text message is not responded to, or their favor is not returned. Or when they are not invited to an event. Too often, when a person experiences rejection, he allows the negativity to go into a tailspin. He says to himself things like, “Nobody likes me”; “This is never going to work”; “I’m just a failure.” They feel the whole world turned their back on him. If two boys turned a girl down, she might start thinking that all the boys are going to turn her down. If a man gets fired twice in a year, he might start thinking that he will never be able to keep a job. This is how our brains can play games with us, and turn every rejection into a major catastrophe. Like the מתאוננים , we look for negativity, for reasons to complain and feel embittered. The Gemara in Masechet Avodah Zarah tells that at the end of time, the other nations will complain to G-d that they were not given the Torah. Hashem will respond by giving them one relatively easy mitzvah – the mitzvah of sukkah . The non-Jews will build sukkot and go inside them, but Hashem will then challenge them by making the weather unbearably hot. The non-Jews will leave the sukkot , unable to withstand the heat, and will kick the sukkot on the way out. This will demonstrate that there was good reason why Hashem did not give them the Torah . The Gemara questions this teaching, noting the halachah that מצטער פטור מן הסוכה – one is exempt from the obligation of sukka if the conditions in the sukkah are uncomfortable. The non-Jews will be allowed to leave the sukkot because of the heat – so why would this prove that they were unworthy of accepting the Torah? The Gemara then answers that although the other nations will be exempt from the sukkah , and they would be allowed to leave, nevertheless, it is wrong to kick the sukkah on the way out. When we are rejected, we shouldn’t “kick” on the way out. We should not blow up the situation into something far worse than it is. We shouldn’t feel embittered. We should accept it and move on. The best way I know to avoid “kicking” after a rejection is to remind ourselves that everything is from Hashem. If a person is rejected from several shidduchim , this is because Hashem has something better in store for him or her. If a person was rejected from several jobs, it means that Hashem is steering him toward the job that is right for him. Just as Hashem was leading Beneh Yisrael through the desert, bringing them exactly where they needed to go, so is Hashem leading us all to where we need to go. Our ancestors were punished for their negative tailspin, for seeing their situation as something much worse than it really was. Let us learn from their mistake, and stop our own negative tailspin. When things don’t go the way we want, let us remain calm and confident, and place our trust in Hashem, who is caring for us every step of the way, just as He cared for our ancestors.

Stop the Negative Tailspin

Parashat Naso tells of the special gifts and sacrifices brought by the nesi’im – the leaders of the twelve tribes, to celebrate the חנוכת המשכן , the inauguration of the Mishkan . Rashi explains why the leaders were the first ones to come forward and bring these gifts and sacrifices. When Hashem first commanded the people to donate materials for the building of the Mishkan , the nesi’im decided to wait and see what the people would donate, figuring that they would then donate the rest. To their surprise, the people responded very generously, giving almost everything that was needed for the Mishkan . Very little was left for the nesi’im to donate. In order to correct their mistake, the nesi’im came forward first when the Mishkan was built, bringing gifts and sacrifices. We must ask, what exactly did the nesi’im do wrong? Was it not very noble of them to commit to donate everything that was missing? There is a man in the community whom I once contacted to tell about a new gemach (free loan project) that was being started, and I asked him if he wished to donate. “Sure, no problem,” he said. “I’ll mail a check.” He proceeded to mail a $5000 check. Sometime later, a Rabbi from Israel came to meet with me, and explained that he was raising money for a certain cause. I phoned this same fellow, and he right away donated $10,000. On a different occasion, my son’s yeshiva was having a dinner, and they asked me to help fundraise. I called this fellow, and he donated $5000. Then we were raising money for a shul, and he contributed $26,000. When Purim approached, and I was collecting money for מתנות לאביונים (charity for the poor), he sent a check for $10,000. These are all causes that he knew almost nothing about… Finally, I called him to find out more about him. It was amazing to me how generously and eagerly he donated charity. “This is way I see it,” he told me. “If Hashem sends me someone in need, then it means Hashem wants me to give to that person. Period. It’s not more complicated than that.” Later, I met with him in person, to find out more about him. I asked him how much tzedakah he had given that year, and he told me $6 million. “How much did you earn?” I asked. “$8 million.” I told him I thought he was crazy. He explained that he and his family have enough. They don’t need more than what they have. So if he can make a difference in the lives of other people, he should do so. This is what true giving is – giving eagerly, with enthusiasm, wanting to give, and looking for opportunities to give. The Gemara teaches that G-d miraculously sustained our ancestors when they traveled through the desert in the merit of Avraham Avinu’s serving food to his three guests. The greatest act of charity, in the merit of which Beneh Yisrael were miraculously fed in the desert, was Avraham’s kindness to the three strangers who visited him. Rav Eliyahu Dessler pointed out that these guests were actually angels. They did not receive any actual benefit from Avraham, because angels don’t need to eat. And yet – this is the greatest act of charity! The reason, Rav Dessler explains, is because true Jewish charity depends not only on the recipient’s needs, but also on the giver, on the way he gives and his attitude toward giving. Avraham Avinu, as the Torah describes, ran to welcome the three angels and to serve them. It is this eagerness, this enthusiasm, that is the model of tzedakah that we are to follow. This is why the nesi’im were wrong. They should have set an example for the rest of the nation by rushing to give, by being the first ones to donate – because this is the way giving is supposed to be. Our community is extremely giving. We give a lot. However, I believe we can do even better. We can be more eager and enthusiastic to give. We shouldn’t have to wait until somebody approaches us and asks us. If we know of an important cause, and we have money to give, we should be rushing to give, just like our forefather, Avraham. There are so many needs in our community. There are many struggling families, and many struggling institutions. Let’s not wait until we are asked. If we hear of a person or institution that needs help – let us run to help as we can, because this is what Jewish giving is all about.

The Jewish Way to Give

The Mishnah in Pirkeh Avot (5:19) draws a distinction between “the students of Avraham Avinu” and “the students of the evil man, Bilam.” The students of Avraham, the Mishnah teaches, are characterized by three qualities: עין טובה, רוח נמוכה, נפש שפלה . The students of Bilam, meanwhile, are characterized by the precise opposite qualities: עין רעה, רוח גבוהה, נפש רחבה . Let us explain these three qualities. עין טובה (literally, “good eye”) means looking positively upon other people, judging them favorably, and rejoicing over their success and achievements. The opposite, עין רעה , means viewing other people critically, and resenting their success and achievements, feeling that it is undeserved. רוח נמוכה (literally, “lowly spirit”) refers to humility, recognizing that we have faults, that we are imperfect, that we are not necessarily greater than other people. רוח גבוהה means just the opposite – feeling arrogant and superior to others. נפש שפלה (“lowly soul”) refers to contentment, feeling satisfied with what we have, and not that we need more to be happy. The opposite, נפש רחבה , means always needing more, never experiencing satisfaction. The Mishnah teaches that the students of Avraham Avinu, those who possess these three qualities, אוכלין בעולם הזה ונוחלים בעולם הבא – “they consume [their reward] in this world, and inherit [their share] in the world to come.” In other words, having these qualities yields benefits both in this world and the next. When a person is able to live contentedly, without feeling jealous or resentful of other people, life is so much better. He doesn’t just earn reward in the next world – his life in this world is enhanced. A person with an עין טובה , רוח נמוכה and נפש שפלה does not get uncomfortable by another person’s large house, luxury car, or expensive vacation. He does not feel upset by what others have that he doesn’t. He is happy and content with what he has. In our close-knit community, it is very easy for people to feel like “have nots” in comparison with others. We all know so many other people, and thus invariably, we know of people with more than we do. But we mustn’t ever feel like “have nots” – because nobody is a “have not.” We are all “haves”!! We all have so many blessings to be grateful for. We all have many reasons to feel happy and blessed. By appreciating all we have, we will not feel insecure or jealous of other people. G-d promised Avraham that he would be a blessing for the whole world ( ונברכו בך כל משפחות האדמה – Bereshit 12:3). Bilam, by contrast, was hired to place a curse of people; he was expect in cursing others. When we live humbly and contentedly, without jealousy, then we are a blessing to the people around us. But if we are dissatisfied, jealous and resentful, then we are just the opposite – we are like Bilam, who cursed others. As the bearers of the legacy of Avraham Avinu, let us always live by these qualities, and we will then truly be a source of blessing to our families, our community, and the entire world.

How to be a Source of Blessing

A man named Shmuel lived in Israel and enjoyed a happy, fulfilled life, with a rewarding job and beautiful family. But then, when he was in his 40s, he developed a debilitating medical condition, as a result of which he lost his job. The financial struggles caused tension in his marriage, and it became very difficult to raise his children. A friend advised him to go to one of the outstanding Rabbis of our generation, Rav Moshe Shapiro, for his blessing and encouragement. He went to Rav Shapiro, explained to him his struggles, and Rav Shapiro warmly blessed him and expressed words of inspiration and encouragement. Sometime later, on Purim, he decided to return to Rav Shapiro’s house. The house was filled with students and others who had come to spend time with the Rabbi and hear his brilliant Torah insights. Shmuel, a humble, unassuming person, stood quietly in the back as the Rabbi began to speak. “One day,” the Rabbi said, “ Mashiah is going to come, and people are going to line up to greet him and speak to him. He is going to walk over to a simple man named Shmuel who will be standing in the back of the line – and who is standing here right now, in the back room.” Rav Shapiro pointed to Shmuel, drawing everyone’s attention to him. “He is going to come over to Shmuel and ask, ‘What did you accomplish? How many pages of Gemara did you learn? How many hours did you devote to community service? How much money did you give to charity?’ “Shmuel, I want you to then look at Mashiah straight in the eye and say: ‘I am the one who brought you to the world. It is because of me that you came.’” Rav Shapiro was teaching a vitally important lesson. True greatness is not scholarship, charity, leadership positions, an impressive resume, or a large following. Of course, these are all wonderful and should be encouraged. But what makes someone great is overcoming challenges. We bring Mashiah by persevering, by getting through difficult periods and coming out stronger and more connected to Hashem. This is real greatness. All people have heroes. Some people’s heroes are famous singers, actors or athletes. Other people’s heroes are businessmen who are worth billions. For some, the heroes are prominent donors and philanthropists. And for others, the heroes are famous Rabbis or Rosheh Yeshiva. Here are some of my heroes: · A 15-year-old whose parents are going through a horrible divorce, and is doing everything in his power to overcome the negativity, and remain committed to Hashem. · The wife of a man who lost his job, found another, and then lost that job, as well, who, despite the struggles and the embarrassment of having to live simply, remains in good spirits and continues to be a loyal, loving and supportive wife. · The man whose wife developed ALS twenty years ago, and throughout that time, he has tended to her and cared for her in every which way, even as her health deteriorated and she is confined to a wheelchair. · The father whose son became more religious than his family, and who, despite not fully understanding his son’s direction, loves and respects his son, and supports him so he can pursue his religious studies in yeshiva. · The man who started a business, but then, due to circumstances, had to leave, and his younger brothers took it over and became very wealthy as a result. Despite it all, he never expressed any jealousy or resentment, and ensured to remain on good terms with his brothers. · The mother of a boy who became addicted to drugs, who does everything she can to help him and support him, all while lovingly and devotedly raising her other children. These people are not going to get too much attention. They are not going to receive awards, be honored at fundraisers, or have articles written about then. They likely don’t have social media accounts, and if they do, they probably have fewer “friends” and “followers” than others. But they are the real heroes. Because it is overcoming difficult challenges that makes someone great. This is the meaning of the famous Mishnah in Pirkeh Avot (5:23), לפום צערא אגרא – “The reward is commensurate to the pain.” When we experience pain and hardship, this is our opportunity to achieve greatness, to become a hero. True, few people – or nobody – will hear about it, but this makes no difference. Because real greatness and real heroism is not about attention and popularity. Whenever we’re struggling, with any sort of problem, we must remember that לפום צערא אגרא – that the struggle is our chance to be a real hero, to be someone great. Rather than feeling embittered or frustrated, let us relish the opportunity we have been given to attain greatness. Let us rise to the challenge, and become the real heroes that we are all capable of being.

Your Chance to be a Hero

The Gemara in Masechet Kiddushin teaches us, שכר מצוה בהאי עלמא ליכא – the reward for observing mitzvot comes not in this world, but rather in the next world. Commentators raised the question of how Hashem can delay our reward to the next world. After all, there is a command in the Torah forbidding an employer from delaying payment to his worker. If somebody was hired to work for a day, the employer is required by the Torah to pay the worker right away, at the end of the day (unless the worker agrees to a different arrangement). How, then, can Hashem delay our “payment” for our mitzvot until after we depart from this world? Why doesn’t He repay us for our “work” immediately? Some commentators answer this question based on the distinction drawn in halachah between workers hired directly by the employer, and workers hired by the employer’s agent. An employer is required to pay workers immediately only if he hired them directly. But if he appointed someone – like a manager – to hire the workers on his behalf, then he is not required to pay them right away at the end of the day. We were “hired” to perform the mitzvot by Hashem’s agent – Moshe Rabbenu. He is the one who taught us the mitzvot . Therefore, Hashem does not pay us right away for the mitzvot we perform. We receive our “wages” only in the next world. However, there are two commands which we heard directly from Hashem at Mount Sinai – the first two of the Ten Commandments. These are the command of אנוכי ה' אלוקיך – believing in Hashem – and the prohibition of לא יהיה לך אלוהים אחרים – not to worship other gods. These mitzvot were heard from Hashem directly when He revealed Himself at Mount Sinai. Therefore, Hashem rewards us for obeying these commands – for having faith in Him – immediately, in this world. We will not have to wait to be rewarded for our emunah (faith). However, we must remember what emunah means – that we place our faith only in Hashem, and not in any other “gods.” It means that we place our faith only in Him, and not in our boss, our business, a client, a product, an investment, our intelligence, our talents, our skills, a political figure, or anything or anyone else. It means relying solely and exclusively on Hashem. If we do this, then we are rewarded immediately, right away. This explains the promise made by Hashem in Parashat Behar of the reward for observing the mitzvah of shemittah . Every seven years, farmers are to refrain from working the land, and leave all the produce for anyone who wants it. Observing this mitzvah requires a great deal of emunah – trusting that Hashem will take care of them even though they will “close the shop” for an entire year, and let anyone who wants come and take the “merchandise” for free. Hashem promises that if Beneh Yisrael observe this mitzvah , then He will reward them with great prosperity, and the land will produce extra food. In reward for our emunah , we are rewarded right away. Although we do not observe the mitzvah of shemittah here in the United States, its message is no less relevant to us than it is to farmers in Israel. Even though we can and should work hard to earn a living, we need to always remember that Hashem alone gives us everything we have, and we should be relying on Him, and only Him, at all times. We need to place our trust in Him, and not in any other “gods,” and rely on His promise of reward even in this world for our emunah .

The Reward for Faith

In the third chapter of Pirkeh Avot (Mishnah 10), we read: שינה של שחרית, ויין של צהריים ושיחת הילדים, וישיבת כנסיות של עמי הארץ, מוציאין את האדם מן העולם . Sleep in the morning, wine in the afternoon, childish chatter, and the ignoramus’ sitting in the synagogues – bring a person out of the world. The Mishnah here is describing a lazy mindset. Sleeping in the morning, parting in the afternoon, and wasting one’s time in idle, meaningless chatter – the modern equivalent of which would be spending hours on social media… This kind of lifestyle “brings a person out of the world” – it prevents someone from bringing a productive member of society, and from living a meaningful life. We are meant to work hard. אדם לעמל יולד – “A person was born for hard work” (Iyov 5:7). This does not mean that we’re supposed to suffer. It means that we are so supposed to accomplish meaningful goals – and no meaningful goal can be accomplished without working hard. There is not a single successful person in any field who succeeded without hard work. Nobody achieved greatness by sleeping in the morning, or by spending their time partying and chatting on social media. There is a popular saying today, “Follow your passion, and you’ll never work a day in your life.” This is completely false. There is no successful professional who loves every part of his job. I love teaching, but I strongly dislike grading papers. A doctor might love treating patients, but he does not love filling out his charts and doing paperwork. An athlete might love the sport he plays, but he does not love all the exercises and drills he is forced to do. The Gemara in Masechet Pesahim (113a) makes a powerful statement: פשוט נבילתא בשוקא ושקיל אגרא, ולא תימא כהנא אנא וגברא רבא אנא וסניא בי מלתא. Skin an animal carcass in the marketplace and receive wages, and so not say, “I am a kohen, I am a distinguished person, and it is beneath me.” The Rabbis here are teaching us that nobody is beneath hard work, that we all have to do work that is not necessarily dignifying. A person should be prepared to work even if this means “skinning a carcass in the marketplace.” No matter what profession one pursues, he is going to have to do unpleasant work. We have to be prepared to work hard and to perform chores which we do not enjoy. This is the mindset that the Mishnah is teaching us to have – that we are here to achieve, to accomplish, to build, and this cannot be done without hard work. When we live with this attitude, our entire day is different. We wake up in the morning invigorated. We confront challenges head on, with confidence. We are not discouraged when things go the wrong way. No matter what happens, we understand that אדם לעמל יולד , that we are here to achieve, and this means we are going to work hard – and we are prepared to work hard. As difficult as it is, we need to train our children to live with this mindset. And the way we do this is through action, by having them help out at home, by assigning them responsibilities, by giving them firsthand experience of how things require hard work to get done. If we live with this mindset, then we will be the productive, accomplished people that we are supposed to be, and we will raise our children to become the productive and accomplished people that they are supposed to be.

Work Hard!

In the second chapter of Pirkeh Avot , we read the following teaching of Rabbi Shimon: וכשאתה מתפלל, אל תעש תפלתך קבע, אלא רחמים ותחנונים לפני המקום. When you pray, do not make your prayer “permanent,” but rather compassion and pleading before G-d. What does Rabbi Shimon mean when he warns us not to make our prayer “permanent”? And why does he refer to Hashem here as המקום – which literally means, “the place”? Imagine there is somebody who wants to lose weight, so he approaches his friend who advises him to go to the gym. He explains to him which workouts he needs to do. The fellow goes to the gym, does all the workouts, comes home, weighs himself…and sees that he weighs exactly the same. He goes over to his friend to complain. It didn’t work! Quite obviously, he missed the point. The point is not to go to the gym just once. To lose weight, he needs to do this regularly. And then, slowly but surely, day by day, he gradually will lose the weight he wants to lose. The same applies to tefilah . Sometimes we hear stories about how somebody needed something, prayed, and he got what he needed – and we are then disappointed when this doesn’t happen to us. These stories are inspiring and important reminders about the power of tefilah , but they miss the point. Tefilah is about putting in the work day in and day out. The Rabbis refer to prayer as עבודה – “work.” A person builds a career or a business day by day, going through the grind, consistently and persistently, putting in the work, getting a little bit better and moving the job or enterprise forward one small, slow step at a time. This is what tefilah is all about. It’s about putting in the work, each day. Every time we pray, and we spend time thinking about Hashem and our relationship with Him, we grow just a little. We come just a little closer to Him. Our mindset is slightly enhanced. We become just a bit more focused on Him. This analogy between tefilah and weight loss extends even further. Just going to the gym isn’t enough. If a person goes and sits on the treadmill, nothing will happen. If he leans against the machines, he is not going to lose weight. He needs to put in the work. This is true about prayer, too. If we don’t put any effort into our tefilah , it’s not going to do anything for us. We won’t accomplish anything. Sure, there are going to be days when praying is difficult, when we will be unable to concentrate. But we have to try to make these days the exception, rather than the rule. We need to put in the effort to try to understand the words, to try to focus on what we’re saying, to try to make the experience meaningful, and then it will have an impact. Moreover, even if somebody goes to the gym regularly, and does an intense workout, he is not going to lose any weight if he comes home after each time and sits down with a box of cookies or large bag of potato chips. In order for the workout to have an effect, it needs to be carried over throughout the rest of his life. This is true also about tefilah . Prayer will profoundly enhance our lives – but not if we leave it all behind once we leave the synagogue and head off to work or to wherever it is that we go. We need to apply the tefilah mindset to everything we do, to approach our whole lives from the perspective of emunah , of faith in Hashem and devotion to Him. This is what Rabbi Shimon is telling us. If we want our tefilah to have an impact, we can’t approach is as קבע , as something routine that we go through by rote, without investing effort into it. We need to put in the work. We have to do the עבודה , concentrating to the best of our ability. And this has to be done לפני המקום . Hashem is called המקום because He is in all places; He governs the entire world. We need to have our prayer affect המקום , all the “places” in our lives, all the various settings and situations that we find ourselves in, no matter what is going on in our lives, no matter what mood we are in, no matter what time of year it is or what we’re involved in. Yes, it is a challenge – especially in today’s world, when we are so easily distracted and find it so difficult to concentrate on anything – to commit ourselves to praying. But once we recognize that tefilah is an עבודה , just like exercise, we will be better able to make this commitment, and we will then reap the priceless benefits and rewards which prayer offers us.

The Daily Work of Tefilah

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The Gemara tells that at the time of קריעת ים סוף – the splitting of the sea – the angels in the heavens wanted to sing to Hashem to praise Him for this great miracle. But Hashem did not allow them to sing, saying, מעשה ידי טובעין בים ואתם אומרים שירה – “My creations are drowning at sea, and you want to sing?!” As wicked as the Egyptians were, they were nevertheless Hashem’s creatures, and so it was inappropriate to sing while they dying. Many commentators raised the obvious question of how Beneh Yisrael were allowed to sing at this time. As we read on the seventh day of Pesach, Beneh Yisrael sang the beautiful song of Az Yashir , the most famous song in the entire Tanach , which has been incorporated into our daily payer service, recited each morning. If it is inappropriate to sing praise over the demise of our enemies, then why were Beneh Yisrael allowed to sing? The answer given by a number of commentators is that the angels wanted to sing as the events were unfolding, as the Egyptians were being drowned. At that time, it was inappropriate to sing praise. Beneh Yisrael , however, sang after the event, once they had crossed and the Egyptians had already drowned. At this point, it was proper to sing and express gratitude to Hashem for saving them. We might draw an analogy to a seriously ill patient who, after much suffering, was finally able to undergo surgery that would cure his condition. Of course, the patient and his family are very relieved and overjoyed. However, while the complicated operation is being performed, they are not celebrating. They are somberly and anxiously praying that it is successful. Nobody ever saw family members singing and dancing waiting outside the operating rooms. After the operation, however, festivity is certainly warranted. The Egyptians who persecuted Beneh Yisrael needed to be eliminated, and so their demise is something to celebrate – but only after the fact. During the “operation,” while people are suffering and experiencing pain, celebration is inappropriate. Even if those people are evil like the Egyptians who enslaved, killed and tortured Beneh Yisrael , their pain and suffering should not be celebrated. Many of us have people whom we resent or have negative feelings towards, for one reason or another. In many instances, our grievances are valid. But even if they are, when these people are hurting, we should not be knocking them down. We should not celebrate when somebody who wronged us suffers a financial loss, takes ill, or is publicly humiliated. Even people we dislike – and even those whom we feel we have a right to dislike – are Hashem’s creatures. Their misfortune should never be a cause of celebration. One of the themes of Pesach is royalty. We conduct ourselves in a regal manner, commemorating the fact that we were lifted from the lowest depths of humiliation and suffering to the highest possible stature – the stature of Hashem’s servants. Pettiness such as “getting back” at people is beneath us. We are all “noblemen,” Hashem’s servants, and we must therefore act at all times in a dignified, mature manner. If we have a valid grievance against somebody who now is having a hard time and needs help, we should be strong enough to feel his pain and extend a helping hand. This is the way Hashem’s special nation is supposed to act.

Feeling the Pain of Our Adversaries

As part of the introductory section of Maggid – the main part of the seder , during which we talk about Yetziat Mitzrayim – the Haggadah teaches us, וכל המרבה לספר ביציאת מצרים הרי זה משובח . This means that anyone who prolongs his discussion of Yetziat Mitzrayim is “praiseworthy.” The commentators take note of the fact that the Haggadah does not say that this practice is משובח , but rather that the person himself is משובח . When a person delves into the story of Yetziat Mitzrayim , when he speaks at length about the miracles Hashem performed for our ancestors, he becomes משובח – he is uplifted and elevated; his life becomes enhanced. Why? Because in order to properly handle life, we need to believe in miracles. In today’s world, there is so much anxiety, so much fear, so much negativity, and so much stress. People are worried about their livelihood, how they are going to pay their bills. People are worried about their children’s emotional, social, and educational development. People are worried about health issues. People are worried about when and whether their children will get married. People hear current events and are worried about the world. There is so much worry, because all we talk about is the problems. We so rarely, if at all, talk about the miracles. We have all experienced miracles firsthand. We have all had times when we were worried how something would work out, and somehow, it did. Whether it was a job, a business, an investment, a problem with a child, a child who needed a shidduch , a medical issue – we have all experienced miracles. Every single one of us, without any exception. Yet, we still worry. We worry because we spend more time thinking and talking about the problems we face than we do about the problems which have been miraculously solved. The experience of the seder is meant to remind us that miracles do happen . The more we talk about Yetziat Mitzrayim , of how Beneh Yisrael were in a hopeless, miserable situation and then suddenly emerged as a proud, free, wealthy nation – the more משובח we are, the happier and less anxious we will be, because we will live with the knowledge that miracles happen. We spend a considerable amount of time in shul each morning reciting the daily Shaharit prayer. The prayer text we recite hardly makes any mention of problems. The berachot and Pesukeh De’zimra sections speak only about Hashem’s greatness and kindness, all the things He does for us and for the world. And even in the Amidah prayer, in which we ask for the things we need, we do not speak at length about our problems. Rather, we ask Hashem to help us because we know that He helps. We say things like, “You grant wisdom, so please grant us wisdom; You heal, so please heal the sick; You’re a redeemer, so please redeem us.” Our prayers our hopeful and optimistic, expressing confidence, not fear and anxiety. This is the mindset with which we should live our lives, and this is the mindset that the Pesach seder is meant to inspire. The Torah emphasizes that our ancestors left Egypt בחודש האביב , in the springtime, when the weather conditions are perfect, neither too cold nor too warm. During the long, dark, cold winter months, it is hard to recognize that spring will arrive, that the sun will again shine and it will be warm and pleasant. Yetziat Mitzrayim occurred during the springtime because this is the lesson it teaches us – that spring does come, that the winter does not last forever, that our difficult problems somehow get solved. No matter what we’re going through, whatever problem it is that we face, let us remember that “spring” will arrive, that redemption will come, that miracles do happen. The more we talk about the miracles that our ancestors experienced, and the miracles we ourselves have experienced, instead of talking about the problems, the more משובח we will be, and we will live with greater joy and optimism, each and every day.

Pesah- Miracles Do Happen!

The Torah tells that after Moshe Rabbenu presented to the people the instructions for the korban pesach – the special sacrifice they offered on the night of Yetziat Mitzrayim – they bowed ( ויקד העם וישתחוו – Shemot 12:27). The Midrash explains that the people bowed because as part of Moshe’s instructions, he informed them that in the future, they would have children who would ask them to explain the reason for the mitzvot of Pesach. And Moshe instructed how them to respond. The people therefore bowed to express their gratitude over the fact that they will have children. This comment of the Midrash becomes particularly fascinating when we consider the question that Moshe here told the people that they will be asked by their children: מה העבודה הזאת לכם – “What is this service to you?” As we know from the Haggadah , this is the question posed by the רשע – the “wicked” son. The people heard Moshe tell them that one day they are going to have a son who is going to ridicule them for performing the mitzvot , and is going to ask mockingly, מה העבודה הזאת לכם – “What is this?! Why are you bothering to do all this?!” After hearing this news, the people bowed and thanked Hashem for promising them that they will have such children. Why were the people so grateful to hear that they will have children like this? The answer might be that they now learned that they would be strong enough to deal with challenges to their faith. Now they were leaving Egypt, and they all saw the miracles and believed in Hashem. But they were told that the day would come when some people will raise questions and even ridicule their beliefs. However – they will be able to handle it. They will be strong enough. They will sit at the seder with a child who will challenge them – and it will be ok. This is something worth thinking about as we prepare for the seder , when many of us will be sitting with people who are stricter or less strict than we are. Many detailed laws apply on Pesach, and there are many different opinions, customs and traditions. No two people do the same thing in terms of what they buy, how they prepare the home, how much and what kind of matza , marro and wine they use, and so on. When extended families get together for the seder , it’s all but certain that there will be several different customs represented in the room. And this can sometimes lead to uncomfortable situations. We should be confident enough in ourselves not to get offended by people at the table who do things differently than us. If we are following a rabbi whose knowledge and judgment we trust, then we should not feel rattled by somebody whose rabbi follows stricter rules. And if we are with somebody who follows looser rules than us, we can still enjoy sitting at the seder with him. There is no reason to take things personally. We are strong enough to handle people who are different. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Of course, on a practical level, it is important to have everything arranged ahead of time. If someone knows that his guest follows stricter rules, it would be appropriate to call that person in advance to ask, respectfully, what his requirements are – just as we would if we were hosting somebody with certain dietary restrictions. And if we are being hosted by someone whose standards are less strict than ours, it would be appropriate to call in advance and respectfully ask if our requirements could be accommodated. Right at the time of Yetziat Mitzrayim , our ancestors were told that our nation will survive the challenges posed by those who reject our beliefs and lifestyle. Certainly, then, we can handle those who generally accept our beliefs and lifestyle but do things a little differently. So let us not take things personally, and do what we can to ensure that we sit together with our families at the seder with joy and peace, and celebrate the miracle of Yetziat Mitzrayim the way we should.

We’re Strong Enough to Handle People Who are Different

Parashat Tazria – as well as the majority of the following parashah , Parashat Metzora – discuss the laws of tzara’at (leprosy), a skin condition which would befall a person mainly as punishment for sins involving speech. When the Torah describes the creation of Adam in Parashat Bereshit, it says ויפח באפיו נשמת חיים – Hashem blew within Adam “a soul of life.” Targum Onkelos , the famous Aramaic translation of the Torah, explains this to mean that Hashem implanted within the human being רוח ממללא – “a spirit that speaks.” What exactly does רוח ממללא mean, and what does this tell us about the uniqueness of the human being’s speech? The word “speech” can refer to two vastly different things. One is mindless talking. A three-year-old, for example, will babble nonsense, repeating things he or she has heard, without investing too much thought into what he or she is saying. Many adults, too, speak freely and mindlessly, without paying too much attention to what is coming out of their mouths. Another type of talking is putting into words a person’s knowledge, experience, thoughts, perceptions, and understanding of things. This is what רוח ממללא means. As opposed to animals, who just make noise, the human being is to use his faculty of speech to express his “spirit,” to express himself meaningfully. After a metzora (person stricken with tzara’at ) is cured from his condition, he must undergo a special process of purification, which involves two birds. He is shown that he was punished because instead of speaking with his רוח ממללא , he was chirping like a bird. He was just making noise, speaking recklessly, without much thought. There is a relatively new phenomenon of modern-day “chirping” – people expressing views, opinions and ideas online without really knowing what they’re talking about. In the past, only veteran journalists, who had been researching and covering major news stories for decades, were able to broadcast to audiences. But nowadays, with social media, anybody with a smartphone can say whatever they want and attract an audience. Part of what made the Covid-19 pandemic so confusing for all of us was that everybody was giving their opinion. People were just mindlessly “chirping,” saying what they felt should be done and should not be done. We were receiving “guidance” not only from credentialed experts, but from anyone with an account on a social media platform who decided to weigh in. The Gemara in Masechet Ta’anit teaches that Torah is compared to water, because just as water flows downward, to the lowest point it can get to, Torah knowledge is amassed by those who are lowly and humble. The prerequisite to becoming smart is humbly acknowledging that one has much more to learn, so much more knowledge to gain. And thus the Gemara comments in Masechet Berachot that Hashem “gives wisdom only to the wise.” This means that only those smart enough to know how much they do not know can become smart. If we think we are already smart and know enough, then we’ll never become smart… We must ensure to listen only to those people who know how to really talk, who speak with a רוח ממללא , from knowledge and experience. If we are interested in hearing about a pressing issue in the community, we should be listening to those who have studied and dealt with that issue or similar issues for many years, not to somebody who happened to decide to start talking about it. The faculty of speech is sacred, one of the defining characteristics of the divine image with which we were created. Let us use it wisely, and speak meaningfully and constructively. And, let us ensure to pay attention to those who speak meaningfully and constructively, who bring to the table valuable knowledge and experience from which we can learn.

Listen to People Who Know How to Talk

Parashat Shemini is so named because it tells of what happened on יום השמיני – “the eighth day.” For seven days, Aharon and his sons prepared for their role as kohanim in the Mishkan , and then, on the eighth day, the service in the Mishkan began with them filling their role. Of course, this is not the only time when the eighth day is special. A newborn child receives his berit milah on the eighth day. The Hanukah miracle lasted eight days. Sukkot is celebrated for seven days, and then a special additional holiday – Shemini Atzeret – is observed on the eighth day. It has been famously explained that as the world was created in seven days, the number eight signifies extending beyond nature. A child receives a berit milah on the eighth day because as a Jew, he is expected to rise above his natural drives and tendencies. The Hanukah miracle lasted eight days because it was supernatural, something that occurred outside the framework of the natural order. And so the Mishkan , too, began operating on the eighth day – showing us that we serve Hashem by transcending our natural inclinations. But this concept also means that we rise above the rest of society. Throughout the seven days of Sukkot, special sacrifices are brought on behalf of all nations of the world, and then, on the eighth, a special Yom Tov is observed celebrating our special relationship with Hashem. Just as we must extend beyond our natural instincts, we are also required to extend beyond the rest of the world, and not go along with what everyone else is doing. We need to be different, to act differently, to speak differently, to think differently, to be grounded in what the Torah says, and not blindly accept what society says. In the second half of Parashat Shemini, the Torah discusses the status of various creatures with respect to kashrut – whether or not they may be eaten – and to the laws of impurity. This includes the laws regarding שרצים – rodents and reptiles, whose carcasses are considered impure. The Gemara in Masechet Sanhedrin makes an astounding statement – that in order to be appointed to the Sanhedrin , the highest rabbinic body, a scholar must have the ability to show how a שרץ is pure. Even though the Torah clearly states that such creatures are impure, a scholar must have enough knowledge and a sharp enough mind to make an argument for why a שרץ should be considered pure. Why? The answer is that a scholar needs to recognize that an argument can be made for anything, even for the most ludicrous ideas. People are able to twist the truth to such an extent that something which is unquestionably “impure” can be portrayed as “pure,” and vice-versa. Scholars who will be reaching important decisions need to be aware of the pressures they will face by people who will try convincing them that a שרץ is pure. We see this phenomenon very clearly in our times. Ideas which would have been regarded as utterly preposterous just several years ago are now embraced, and we are told that we need to accept them. Men are not necessarily men, and women are not necessarily women. Mr. Potato Head is no longer an acceptable toy, because its name is somehow offensive. Books written by Dr. Seuss are now considered inappropriate, but books with explicitly vulgar titles on the front cover are perfectly fine. We are told that impure is pure, and pure is impure – and we are pressured to accept it. We need to remember the lesson of יום השמיני , the concept of the “eighth” – that we are to rise above the popular trends in society. The way we think and the way we act is to be determined by the Torah, and not by the society around us. In order to serve Hashem properly, as represented by the Mishkan , we must live on the level of the “eighth,” and ensure not to swept along by the current of popular fads. Just because something is “natural,” accepted by the majority of the people around us, this does not mean that we must subscribe to it. We need to accept what the Torah teaches us, to accept its ideas and follow the lifestyle it requires, and to rise above the ideas promulgated by our surrounding culture.

Rising Above Society

The Megillah mentions on several occasions that Mordechai sat בשער המלך – “at the king’s gate.” Apparently, he would frequently sit by the gate to the king’s palace. But we must wonder why the Megillah found it necessary to repeat this point numerous times. Why is it significant that Mordechai regularly sat specifically there, by the שער המלך ? Righteous people always see themselves as though they’re at the “gate” of the King, on the way to achieving closeness to Hashem, but not quite there. They never feel ready to stop growing and improving. They’re constantly banging on the “gate,” begging Hashem to let them in, to help them move forward and advance. At no point do they feel they’ve done enough, that they’re perfectly fine the way they are in the present, and do not need to work to become better. This was Mordechai. No matter how great he was, he sat בשער המלך , “at the gate,” trying to get “inside,” to draw close to Hashem. Even after Haman paraded him through the streets of Sushan, after he was given the greatest honor, the Megillah says, וישב מרדכי אל שער המלך – Mordechai returned to the gate. Even after achieving the highest levels of greatness, he still sat at the “gate,” seeing himself at only the beginning of the journey, with a long way still to go. I often speak with parents who are upset that their children are becoming more religiously observant than they are. One of the underlying reasons why they react this way is because they feel perfectly content with who they are, with their level, with the way they live. They assume that their level of observance is perfect, that they are “normal,” and that anyone who does more is “extreme.” We all need to have the humility to acknowledge that no matter how good we are, no matter how proud we should be over all that we do and all we’ve achieved, we are still only at the “gate,” and we still have so much more to accomplish, and so much more to grow. After the Purim miracle, the Jews didn’t just party. The Megillah says, קיימו וקבלו היהודים עליהם ועל זרעם (literally, “The Jews fulfilled and accepted upon themselves and upon their offspring…”). The Gemara understands this to mean that the Jews reaffirmed קבלת התורה – their acceptance of the Torah. They understood that if a great miracle happened, if they were saved, this meant that they must act, that they must recommit themselves to Torah, and strive to reach higher. And so they didn’t just celebrate – they made a commitment to be better. After what was, hopefully, a beautiful, joyous and uplifting Purim, may we all make the commitment to always see ourselves as יושב בשער המלך , as though we are “at the gate,” banging on the door to get in, to move forward, and to grow as people and as Jews.

Standing at the Gate

On the Shabbat before Purim – “Shabbat Zachor” – we fulfill the commandment to remember Amalek’s attack on the Jewish People shortly after they left Egypt. This mitzvah is associated with Purim because Haman descended from the nation of Amalek. The name עמלק in gematria equals 240 – the same as the gematria of the word רם – “high.” The Torah warns in the Book of Devarim (8:14) that after people become wealthy, there is the risk that רם לבבך – their hearts will become “high,” meaning, they will be arrogant. They will think that everything is about them. They will be consumed by their own achievements and their own wishes. When people think that everything is about them, there is no room for Hashem. This is why the Gemara teaches that Hashem says about an arrogant person, “He and I cannot live together in this world.” If a person is focused exclusively on himself and how great he is, then there is no room for G-d. This was Amalek’s mistake. Beneh Yisrael earned great fame because of the miracles of Yetziat Mitzrayim and the splitting of the sea. Amalek attacked Beneh Yisrael out of ego, because they could not see another nation receiving so much praise and so much attention. We fight Amalek, the danger of ורם לבבך , through humility. This is why it was Moshe who led the people to victory over Amalek. Moshe is described as the humblest man on earth. It is through humility that we defeat Amalek. Many centuries later, Ester defeated Haman – who, as mentioned, descended from Amalek – through humility. Ester put her life on the line to rescue her nation, approaching Ahashverosh uninvited. And, the Gemara comments that Ester invited Haman to her feast to make Ahashverosh think that she and Haman liked each other, and the king would then kill them both. She was willing to sacrifice her life so that the Jews would be saved. The Megillah tells that at the time of Haman’s downfall, when Ester revealed to Ahashverosh that he was planning to kill her people, והמן נופל על המטה – Haman was falling on her couch to plead for his life. The first letters of this phrase – ו, נ, ע, ה – spell the word ענוה – “humility.” Haman, like the rest of the nation of Amalek, which represents ego and arrogance, is defeated through humility. Purim can fall on only four days of the week – Sunday ( א ), Tuesday ( ג ), Thursday ( ה ) and Friday ( ו ). These four letters spell the word גאוה – arrogance. This holiday is the time of ונהפוך הוא – when we turn everything around, when we transform our arrogance and self-centeredness into humility. Ego gets in the way of success in every area of life – business, marriage, parenting, and religious observance. No matter what we’re involved in, we need to have the humility to listen to other people, to take their wishes and opinions into account, and to learn what we as yet do not know. And certainly when it comes to religious observance, we need to have the humility to know that we are fully under Hashem’s control and under His authority. I have, unfortunately, seen so many people become their own worst enemy, who get in the way of their success, because of their ego. They refuse to yield, to give in, or to accept advice, and end up ruining themselves. On Purim, which celebrates our victory over Amalek, let us commit to defeat our ego, to get ourselves out of the way, so we can bring great salvation to ourselves and to our people just like Ester did through her great selflessness and humility.

Get Yourself Out of the Way

Parashat Pekudeh begins with numbers. After the Mishkan was built, Moshe presented an accounting of the precious metals – the gold, silver, and copper – which Beneh Yisrael had donated for the building of the Mishkan , detailing how much was collected and what it was used for. The Midrash asks the simple question of why this was necessary. After all, Hashem Himself said about Moshe, בכל ביתי נאמן הוא – he was the most reliable and trustworthy person. He was above suspicion. So why did he need to make an accounting? The Midrash explains that there were ליצנים – what we would call “characters,” or “wise guys” – who made false, baseless accusations about Moshe. They claimed that Moshe was rich because he took some of the precious materials that were donated for the Mishkan . In response to these ליצנים , Moshe made an accounting of these valuables. The Midrash here teaches us something fundamental about communication. Even if you think something is obvious and self-evident, say it. And even when dealing with people whom you might regard as “lower” and less important than you, say it. Lack of communication can ruin any kind of relationship, and this unfortunately happens quite often. Bosses fail to properly communicate their expectations to their employees, either because they think it’s self-understood, or because they feel it is beneath them to do so. Many women end up firing their housekeepers every few months because they do not make it clear what they want from them. And, most commonly, husbands and wives often get into arguments because their wishes and expectations are not clearly expressed, and they each assume that the other should know on his or her own what to do or say. Moshe didn’t think that these ליצנים were not worth his time. Nor did he take it for granted that he should be trusted. He went through the trouble of making an accounting and recording it – teaching us the simple lesson that we need to just say it, without making assumptions. One of the reasons why people fail to communicate effectively is because they are afraid they would not know what to say. But the truth is that it isn’t hard to say the right thing. The only rule is to stay positive, and to avoid being nasty or hurtful. The Torah says about the pit into which Yosef was thrown by his brothers, הבור רק אין בו מים – it was empty, without any water. The Gemara comments that although it did not have water, it did contain something else – snakes and scorpions. Miraculously, Yosef survived. One of the commentators explained that the Torah did not want to say outright that the pit had snakes and scorpions because this would not sound nice. It sounds much more pleasant to simply say that it contained no water, subtly implying that it had deadly snakes and scorpions. When we speak, we should ensure that no “snakes and scorpions” come out of our mouths. We need to be expressive and communicative – but without hurtful and destructive negativity. Moshe did not insult those who wrongly accused him. He simply gave them the numbers. He responded without “snakes and scorpions.” We can improve all our relationships if we follow these two basic rules: we make it very clear to the other person what we want and how we feel, and we avoid remarks that are insulting and nasty. King Shlomo teaches in Mishleh (18:21), מות וחיים ביד לשון, ואוהביה יאכל פריה – “Death and life are in the hands of the tongue, and those who love it will reap its fruit.” Speech can build or destroy. If we use it properly, ensuring to communicate effectively, then we will “reap its fruit,” and enjoy fulfilling and meaningful relationships with the people in our lives.

Just Say It!

Parashat Vayakhel tells about the construction of the Mishkan , a project which was led by a man named Betzalel. The Torah makes a point of informing us of not only Betzalel’s name and his father’s name, but also his grandfather’s name – Hur. Rashi, in his commentary, adds that Hur was the son of Miriam, Moshe’s sister. Why did the Torah find it necessary to mention who Betzalel’s grandfather was, and why did Rashi find it necessary to inform us that Betzalel’s grandfather was Miriam’s son? Let’s take a look at these two figures – Hur and Miriam. Hur, along with Aharon, were the leaders whom Moshe appointed in his place when he went up to the top of Mount Sinai to receive the Torah. When the people decided to make a golden calf, they first approached Hur, who opposed the idea. The people pressured him, and he still refused, until they finally killed him. Hur made the ultimate sacrifice for his principles, refusing to back down until he eventually sacrificed his life. Miriam, while not giving her life, was similarly unyielding in her commitment to her principles. The Talmud teaches that her father, Amram, who was the Jews’ religious leader in Egypt, divorced his wife after Pharaoh issued his edict that newborn boys should be cast into the river. He decided that the people should no longer beget children. Miriam confronted her father, and said, “Your decree is worse than Pharaoh’s! He decreed only upon the boys – you’ve decreed upon both boys and girls!” Amram listened to her, and he and his wife remarried. His wife then gave birth to Moshe. When Moshe’s mother hid him in a basket in the river, it was Miriam who stood along the riverbank to watch him. Miriam never backed down. She firmly believed in the future of the Jewish People, despite the suffering they were going through, and she did everything she could to follow through on her convictions. People like Miriam and her son, Hur, planted the seeds that would eventually produce Betzalel. It is through unwavering devotion and sacrifice that we build families and produce offspring capable of building a “ Mishkan ,” bringing kedushah (holiness) into the world. This is why we are told about Betzalel’s illustrious origins. The Rabbis teach that the work for the Mishkan was completed in the early winter, around Hanukah time, but it was not formally consecrated until Nissan. Hashem wanted the Mishkan to begin operating in Nissan because that is the month when our patriarch Yitzhak was born. Yitzhak, who was placed on the altar and nearly sacrificed, represents the pinnacle of מסירות נפש – boundless devotion and self-sacrifice for Hashem. In order to build a Mishkan , we need to enlist some of Yitzhak Avinu’s מסירות נפש , that willingness to sacrifice and give of ourselves for Hashem. Our community, in so many ways, is far better than it used to be. When we look at the number of Torah classes being given, and how many people attend them, it is astounding. When we look at the number of families who strictly observe Shabbat and kashrut – it is so much higher than it was decades ago. In both quality and quantity, religious observance and commitment in our community has grown in leaps and bounds. This remarkable growth is due to the unbelievable מסירות נפש of those who came before us, the people who built our community decades ago. They might have been less religiously observant than many of us are today, but their devotion and efforts were extraordinary, and heroic. They made great sacrifices to build institutions and provide their children with a Jewish education. They made great sacrifices to observe Shabbat and the holidays to whatever extent that they did. They made great sacrifices to maintain whatever standards of kashrut that they maintained. They planted the seeds that have produced the “ Mishkan ,” the beautiful community that we are today. And it is through our מסירות נפש that we plant the seeds of the future of our community. It takes a great deal of hard work and sacrifice to build and maintain our shuls and yeshivot, to care for our children, to provide them with a proper Torah education, and to make Torah and mitzvot a priority in our lives. But all this work plants the seeds that will eventually blossom. Let us follow the inspiring example of those who came before us, and invest the work and effort entailed to raise our children along the path of Torah and to continue building our community – so that together, we build a magnificent “ Mishkan ” that will always be worthy of Hashem’s presence and blessing, amen .

Planting the Seeds For Our Future

Once, during a class I gave to a group of young men, I asked them to tell about something annoying that happened to them recently. One of them related that the previous week, he missed the class because a car was blocking his driveway. He lives very close to the shul where the class is given, and he normally walks from home. But this time, he was out, and when he came home, he saw a car blocking his driveway, and so he had to park far away and missed the class. I later told this fellow how this story sounded to me: “You were probably already late to the class, and so when you saw someone blocking your driveway, instead of parking a couple of blocks away, you figured you had an excuse, so you just wouldn’t bother coming.” “Wow, Rabbi,” he replied. “You’re spot on.” There is a disease that many of us are plagued by – the disease of chronic blaming. When something goes wrong, when we don’t succeed the way we want, when things aren’t right, we find someone to blame. It’s the husband’s fault… The wife’s fault… The parent’s fault… The in-laws’ fault… The Rabbi’s fault… The school’s fault… There’s always someone to blame. In Parashat Ki-Tisa, Moshe Rabbenu really does have everyone to blame the problem on – but instead, he takes personal responsibility. This parashah tells of the worst sin ever committed by Beneh Yisrael – the sin of the golden calf. Although Moshe was the leader, he had every reason to absolve himself of responsibility. He was not even there when it happened. The people made the golden calf despite Moshe, not because of Moshe. But he did not blame the people. Instead, he came before Hashem and pleaded for them. And he said that if Hashem would not forgive them, then מחני נא מספרך אשר כתבת – “erase me, please, from Your book which You have written.” He refused to be left alone if the people would be punished. He insisted on taking the blame. If the people could not be forgiven and needed to be punished, then he would be punished with them. Why is the “blame game” so terrible? Why is it wrong to blame others instead of taking responsibility? There are several reasons, but the most important reason is because when things go wrong, this is a precious opportunity to grow. We have an enormous amount of potential within us. Every person has greatness waiting to be unlocked. But the only way it is unlocked is through challenge and struggle. The stories told of our avot – Avraham, Yitzhak and Yaakov – are about their struggles and challenges. Avraham was given ten tests. Yitzhak was nearly slaughtered. Yaakov was forced to run away from his brother, deal with his corrupt uncle, Lavan, and then suffered tragedies in the family. Yosef was nearly killed by his brothers, and then sold as a slave and subsequently imprisoned. All these men became great because of the enormous challenges they had to face. Instead of blaming others, they took responsibility and rose to the occasion, every time. This is how they attained greatness. When Moshe pleaded to Hashem for the people after the sin of the golden calf, he said, חטא העם הזה חטאה גדולה – “This nation has committed a terrible sin.” At first glance, this seems like a peculiar way to come to the people’s defense and plead on their behalf. But what Moshe was saying is that he was accepting responsibility. Under his leadership, they made a grave mistake – and he was committed to helping them overcome it and grow from it. That’s exactly what he did, and both he and the people became so much greater because of it. This is leadership – accepting responsibility for the problem, instead of just blaming it on somebody else. Rather than blame his absence on the car parked in front of his driveway, the boy should have said to himself, “Next time, I’ll do better. I’m going to make an extra effort to come on time, and if I’m late, I’ll come anyway and gain whatever I can.” This would be how to turn this mistake into a learning experience, and an impetus for growth. A similar thing happened to me. Once, on a snowy morning, it took me longer than usual to get to shul. I walked in a few minutes late, and I saw that they had already started the tefillah . My initial reaction was to feel very upset. They really couldn’t wait for the Rabbi? They had to start right on time? When the roads are covered with snow, couldn’t they wait a few minutes? I was playing the “blame game,” blaming others instead of taking responsibility. I quickly corrected my mindset, and told myself, “Next time I’ll do better. The next time it snows, I’ll make an extra effort to leave early so I’ll show up on time.” And that’s exactly what I did the next time its snowed… We all make mistakes. We all do things wrong sometimes. It’s part of being human. But more importantly, it’s part of growing. And in order to grow from our mistakes, we need to take responsibility for our mistakes instead of blaming them on others. Let us, then, seize the opportunities presented by our mistakes to grow and unlock the hidden greatness within us!

Don’t Play the Blame Game

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