Grab a 2x4 for the gazebo, it's A VERY MERRY BRIDESMAID (2021), but... Let's get back to the ugly Christmas sweater bachelor party ... THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE  Meet me at the gazebo ... Sleepytime ... Bright Lights, Big Sweater ... O'Henry ≠ Bierce ... Long trip, short distance ... Self-improvement procrastination ... Christmas Eve/Day weddings/birthdays ... Knifed by your own brother ... PART TWO   Join the Patreon, hear the Fascist Date story ... Inside the Game ... Drizzle, the condom ... Institutional Haley Joel Osment bias ... Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Paul, Julia and real estate; Julia, the Reasonable Bridezilla, and a bespoke dress ... Berating clerks in Jeb Mode ... Dress delivery epilogue ... "Tree amateur," Emily Osment directed and the Earnest Hallmark style ...     PART THREE  Spot the Angel: Nana and multigenerational haunting ... Get out and see some of the world only for a little bit ... Dad's health issues ... How a Hallmark executive sees the world ... Eat Your Heart Out: Lobster stuffed with tacos; Argentinian Christmas cookies; load-bearing hot cocoa; concluding birthday cake; the Bears lost; empty beer bottles ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Episodes: 1, 27, The Best Fries in the City, 4, 60, 125, the most important gazebo since "Stargazeboing at the Time Comet", 70 ...          PART FOUR  Overdetermined: Not really; overdetermined false starts; What Would Your Grandma Do? ... Crossover: Somebody Somewhere, with a Hallmark Script; Chicago Wedding Strike Force ...  PART FOUR The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Not really, not Julia, or Paul, real estate buyer, gazebo erector ... Fitzcarraldo ... Rating: 3 ... IMDB Dive: Emily Osment, Annie Potts, Wallace Shawn; Deidrich and In the Dark; Tracy Andreen and Elena Valdez ... One of the Elite Princesses in the World Renowned Royal Court of the Tournament of Roses Parade Presented by Honda ... Gift-wrap punking our female lead ... Minor Emergency with Gordie LaSalle ... Merry Christmas!    All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and Mozart's "Sequentia Rex Tremendae - Requiem In D Minor, K 626" performed by the Vienna Philharmonic and Chorus, conducted by Sir Georg Solti. Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: Here.

Grab a 2x4 for the gazebo, it's A VERY MERRY BRIDESMAID (<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt15403980/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">2021</a>), but... Let's get back to the ugly Christmas sweater bachelor party ... THEME: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE  Meet me at the gazebo ... Sleepytime ... Bright Lights, Big Sweater ... O'Henry ≠ Bierce ... Long trip, short distance ... Self-improvement procrastination ... Christmas Eve/Day weddings/birthdays ... Knifed by your own brother ... PART TWO   <a href="https://www.patreon.com/ThisWeekInAtrocity" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Join the Patreon</a>, hear the Fascist Date story ... Inside the Game ... Drizzle, the condom ... Institutional Haley Joel Osment bias ... Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Paul, Julia and real estate; Julia, the Reasonable Bridezilla, and a bespoke dress ... Berating clerks in Jeb Mode ... Dress delivery epilogue ... "Tree amateur," Emily Osment directed and the Earnest Hallmark style ...     PART THREE  Spot the Angel: Nana and multigenerational haunting ... Get out and see some of the world only for a little bit ... Dad's health issues ... How a Hallmark executive sees the world ... Eat Your Heart Out: Lobster stuffed with tacos; Argentinian Christmas cookies; load-bearing hot cocoa; concluding birthday cake; the Bears lost; empty beer bottles ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Episodes: 1, 27, The Best Fries in the City, 4, 60, 125, the most important gazebo since "Stargazeboing at the Time Comet", 70 ...          PART FOUR  Overdetermined: Not really; overdetermined false starts; What Would Your Grandma Do? ... Crossover: Somebody Somewhere, with a Hallmark Script; Chicago Wedding Strike Force ...  PART FOUR The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Not really, not Julia, or Paul, real estate buyer, gazebo erector ... Fitzcarraldo ... Rating: 3 ... IMDB Dive: Emily Osment, Annie Potts, Wallace Shawn; Deidrich and In the Dark; Tracy Andreen and Elena Valdez ... One of the Elite Princesses in the World Renowned Royal Court of the Tournament of Roses Parade Presented by Honda ... Gift-wrap punking our female lead ... Minor Emergency with Gordie LaSalle ... Merry Christmas!    All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and Mozart's "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Mozart-Requiem-626-Wolfgang-Amadeus/dp/B0000041ZS/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2J0F6U1L8Q35H&amp;keywords=mozart+requiem+solti&amp;qid=1689146128&amp;sprefix=mozart+requiem+solti%2Caps%2C145&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Sequentia Rex Tremendae - Requiem In D Minor, K 626</a>" performed by the Vienna Philharmonic and Chorus, conducted by Sir Georg Solti. Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: <a href="https://www.helios.house/books/childrens-clausewitz" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>.

127 - A Gazebo Movie with Christmas Attached

RYAN NANNI discovers all roads lead to Arli$$, and we're A WINNING TEAM (2023) because:  All we see is the goal ... THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE  Ryan's podcast samsara ... Rebawatchables ... Lady Frankenstein ... Mary Shelley, Bobby Bonilla ... Ryan's Hallmark expertise ... Brain damage ... Throwback, safety-presentation movie ... Christmas move, Arbor Day ...  PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Divorce, Shakespeare production, Clemson scholarship ... The Hallmark ACC ... Spot the Hustle: Rasheed Wallace; unconvincing sports; no mock franchises; real arena, public park; diminishing sports ... Dropping acid, watching Hallmark, shrieking neighbor ... Commentator Bumble date ...   PART THREE  Eat Your Heart Out: "Fries"; urban oat milk, business wisdom; bread bowls; homemade tahini; (Boardwalk Empire butt cut); (admire-able); 10am pie; giant night pancakes; consolation wings; invisible omelet; bobcat stomach; winner buys! ... Alley gambling ...   PART FOUR  The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Tulips, all roads lead to Arli$$, and the toxic PNW sports culture ... Hallmark ESPN never embraced debate ... Overdetermined: Ropes course; constantly humbling Emily; undecided protagonist; Ian has a type ... Ian: 30 years, two partners ...     PART FIVE    Crossover: Ted Lasso and Any Given Sunday; Aaron Rodgers' diarrhea retreat; Jon Bois' Friday Night Lights ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Social worker Brandon; no replicant; Sandra, the diner owner ... Who's the Real Villain: Emily's immaturity; no sports Big Bad; kids specializing in sports; Ian, The Dragon ... Rating: 2 ... Impossibly bad sports ... Star Trek Space Africans/Unlicensed Gilmore Girls ... Let Emily be mean! ...  PART SIX The Leftovers: World-class woman's player, no-name loser ... Gary Sheffield public-park dingers ... Leadership writing, Taylor Swift ... Emily and online sports discussion ... Knitting coach, man down ... IMDB Dive ... "Mr. Dick" ... Geocaching ... No crutches! ... Sex at BYU ... Wet dock ... Plugs! ... Merry Christmas!  All music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Soul Dracula" by Hot Blood. Ryan's Twitter HERE • Fullcast HERE

RYAN NANNI discovers all roads lead to Arli$$, and we're A WINNING TEAM (<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt23057712/fullcredits?ref_=tt_cl_sm" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">2023</a>) because:  All we see is the goal ... THEME: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE  Ryan's podcast samsara ... Rebawatchables ... Lady Frankenstein ... Mary Shelley, Bobby Bonilla ... Ryan's Hallmark expertise ... Brain damage ... Throwback, safety-presentation movie ... Christmas move, Arbor Day ...  PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Divorce, Shakespeare production, Clemson scholarship ... The Hallmark ACC ... Spot the Hustle: Rasheed Wallace; unconvincing sports; no mock franchises; real arena, public park; diminishing sports ... Dropping acid, watching Hallmark, shrieking neighbor ... Commentator Bumble date ...   PART THREE  Eat Your Heart Out: "Fries"; urban oat milk, business wisdom; bread bowls; homemade tahini; (Boardwalk Empire butt cut); (admire-able); 10am pie; giant night pancakes; consolation wings; invisible omelet; bobcat stomach; winner buys! ... Alley gambling ...   PART FOUR  The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Tulips, all roads lead to Arli$$, and the toxic PNW sports culture ... Hallmark ESPN never embraced debate ... Overdetermined: Ropes course; constantly humbling Emily; undecided protagonist; Ian has a type ... Ian: 30 years, two partners ...     PART FIVE    Crossover: Ted Lasso and Any Given Sunday; Aaron Rodgers' diarrhea retreat; Jon Bois' Friday Night Lights ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Social worker Brandon; no replicant; Sandra, the diner owner ... Who's the Real Villain: Emily's immaturity; no sports Big Bad; kids specializing in sports; Ian, The Dragon ... Rating: 2 ... Impossibly bad sports ... Star Trek Space Africans/Unlicensed Gilmore Girls ... Let Emily be mean! ...  PART SIX The Leftovers: World-class woman's player, no-name loser ... Gary Sheffield public-park dingers ... Leadership writing, Taylor Swift ... Emily and online sports discussion ... Knitting coach, man down ... IMDB Dive ... "Mr. Dick" ... Geocaching ... No crutches! ... Sex at BYU ... Wet dock ... Plugs! ... Merry Christmas!  All music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00G3U4WIC/ref=sr_1_3?crid=BTP6LBPW39FX&amp;keywords=hot+blood+soul+dracula&amp;marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;musicTerritory=US&amp;qid=1686850518&amp;sprefix=hot+blood+soul+dracula,aps,103&amp;sr=8-3&amp;trackAsin=B00G3U4WIC" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Soul Dracula</a>" by Hot Blood. Ryan's Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/celebrityhottub" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a> • Fullcast <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/shutdown-fullcast/id738433869" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

126 - Journal to the Center of the Turf

Surprise! It's AN UNEXPECTED CHRISTMAS (2021) and we're still dating! Also, ... This is a bad idea ... THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE  Turn on Dave's She-Shed ... Lair, fort, Rodney Dangerfield ... Unprepared! ... "The Single Guy" ... Jackie Joyner-Kersee and Paul Campbell ... Three Wise Men and a Baby ... Christmas Season vs. Baseball Season ... Canadian doo-wop ... Paul Campbell (Screenwriting) Appreciation Station ... Mamet notes ... Sharing the quippy wealth ... Coming up! ...   PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Dead Christmas patriarch, gay sister, gay chief of staff, writer's block ... 5pm publishing on Deadspin ... Jeff Loria's Peanuts book, How to Watch Football on Television ... Jamie's serial quits ... Wishing fountain, tourism slogan ... One Tree Hill ...     PART THREE  The Swagony of Defeat: Custom mugs, Balsam Hill Farmhouse Christmas Ornaments Set of 25 ... Advent tree, starting Thanksgiving ... Tense mugs, Airbnb-ass kitchen ... Make me care about this consumer ... Spot the Angel: Angel free, large family ... Eat Your Heart Out: Normal food; Monty Python teakettles; cookie plunder; implied Swedish chef; cookie violence; destroyed, carbonized (ceremonial) footlong hot dog; Footie Scran; large coffee, giant dog, huge thermal, 8 blocks; neat whiskey; giant woven candy cane; wry jazz club/Italian restaurant waiter and reprise ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Chicagoland marketing, finance, politics, society, inventor of sport peppers ... Chicago/Chicagoland inversion ... Marketing name ...          PART FOUR  Overdetermined: No, but Jamie is a frozen turd ... "Tired of living in fear" ... So particular ... Emily's generous self-pathologizing ... Do better, Emily ... Crossover: Todd Solondz Christmas; An Unexpected Blago; Kamala Harris ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 2.5 ... Rating: 3.5 ... Tighten it up, Jamie! ...  PART FOUR The Leftovers: Jackie Joyner-Kersee ... Nobody can flush in Fulton ... Rat Funeral ... The Single Guy (Reprise) ... It's not karaoke, it's CAROLING ... IMDB Dive ... Courtney Belize, Ron Mexico ... Vending machine ...  Merry Christmas!    All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane. Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: Here.

Surprise! It's AN UNEXPECTED CHRISTMAS (<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt15766640/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">2021</a>) and we're still dating! Also, ... This is a bad idea ... THEME: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE  Turn on Dave's She-Shed ... Lair, fort, Rodney Dangerfield ... Unprepared! ... "The Single Guy" ... Jackie Joyner-Kersee and Paul Campbell ... Three Wise Men and a Baby ... Christmas Season vs. Baseball Season ... Canadian doo-wop ... Paul Campbell (Screenwriting) Appreciation Station ... Mamet notes ... Sharing the quippy wealth ... Coming up! ...   PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Dead Christmas patriarch, gay sister, gay chief of staff, writer's block ... 5pm publishing on Deadspin ... Jeff Loria's Peanuts book, How to Watch Football on Television ... Jamie's serial quits ... Wishing fountain, tourism slogan ... One Tree Hill ...     PART THREE  The Swagony of Defeat: Custom mugs, Balsam Hill Farmhouse Christmas Ornaments Set of 25 ... Advent tree, starting Thanksgiving ... Tense mugs, Airbnb-ass kitchen ... Make me care about this consumer ... Spot the Angel: Angel free, large family ... Eat Your Heart Out: Normal food; Monty Python teakettles; cookie plunder; implied Swedish chef; cookie violence; destroyed, carbonized (ceremonial) footlong hot dog; Footie Scran; large coffee, giant dog, huge thermal, 8 blocks; neat whiskey; giant woven candy cane; wry jazz club/Italian restaurant waiter and reprise ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Chicagoland marketing, finance, politics, society, inventor of sport peppers ... Chicago/Chicagoland inversion ... Marketing name ...          PART FOUR  Overdetermined: No, but Jamie is a frozen turd ... "Tired of living in fear" ... So particular ... Emily's generous self-pathologizing ... Do better, Emily ... Crossover: Todd Solondz Christmas; An Unexpected Blago; Kamala Harris ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 2.5 ... Rating: 3.5 ... Tighten it up, Jamie! ...  PART FOUR The Leftovers: Jackie Joyner-Kersee ... Nobody can flush in Fulton ... Rat Funeral ... The Single Guy (Reprise) ... It's not karaoke, it's CAROLING ... IMDB Dive ... Courtney Belize, Ron Mexico ... Vending machine ...  Merry Christmas!    All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane. Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: <a href="https://www.helios.house/books/childrens-clausewitz" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>.

125 - If You Can Book Her, Joyner

We celebrate A KISMET CHRISTMAS (2022) with one dose of cookies and realize ... When the ingenues need help, they make one call: La Chabert ... THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE  Jeb's at the Strawberry Festival ... Simultaneous Strep and Covid ... Jazzys in the Entenmann's Event Tent ... We liked it! ... Meta threat ... Parenthood, dud ensemble ... "Hallmark Christmas Blogger Sarah Ramos" ... Aware, but not kidding ... Fun hammy ...   Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Grandma Mia decluttering; mom outta the picture; Patsy and the Mayor; book-ornament contest; looming deadlines; childhood collaborations ... Spot the Angel: Benny the agent; ancestral ghost; Travis ... Eat Your Heart Out: Kismet Cookies, not to be used internally; done when it seems done; secret ingredient is love; you need fudge ...     Break: NFL Films, "Classic Battle" PART THREE  The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Jeb screws up a TPB reference; children's books are easy!; Nostalgic Christmas (Episode 72); the Man in the Arena ... Overdetermined: Almost none; working cookie for a trembling lady; great divorce take; three quits, one plausible explanation ... Crossover: Stephen King; Rogan book tour ... Gary Vaynerchuk ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: The Mayor, a medicated Dennis Hopper; Raylene, Wine Woo Mom ... Who's the Real Villain: Villain-free; Christmas wedding hosts ...        Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FOUR  Great Moments in Moppetry Rating: 2.0, for load-bearing moppetry ... Rating: 4.5, well-executed turbo Hallmarkery ... IMDB Dive: Mark Jean, Flip That Romance (Ep. 51); Betsy Morris Appreciation Station ... The Leftovers: Gateway jewelry ... I got my library card ... Benny's Christmas HQ ... Becoming your parents ads ... Sarah Ramos's "City Girl" ... Night Runner vs. Moon Boat ... Merry Christmas!    All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Timorous Me." by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists. Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: Here.

We celebrate A KISMET CHRISTMAS (<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt22196454/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">2022</a>) with one dose of cookies and realize ... When the ingenues need help, they make one call: La Chabert ... THEME: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE  Jeb's at the Strawberry Festival ... Simultaneous Strep and Covid ... Jazzys in the Entenmann's Event Tent ... We liked it! ... Meta threat ... Parenthood, dud ensemble ... "Hallmark Christmas Blogger Sarah Ramos" ... Aware, but not kidding ... Fun hammy ...   Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Grandma Mia decluttering; mom outta the picture; Patsy and the Mayor; book-ornament contest; looming deadlines; childhood collaborations ... Spot the Angel: Benny the agent; ancestral ghost; Travis ... Eat Your Heart Out: Kismet Cookies, not to be used internally; done when it seems done; secret ingredient is love; you need fudge ...     Break: NFL Films, "Classic Battle" PART THREE  The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Jeb screws up a TPB reference; children's books are easy!; Nostalgic Christmas (Episode 72); the Man in the Arena ... Overdetermined: Almost none; working cookie for a trembling lady; great divorce take; three quits, one plausible explanation ... Crossover: Stephen King; Rogan book tour ... Gary Vaynerchuk ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: The Mayor, a medicated Dennis Hopper; Raylene, Wine Woo Mom ... Who's the Real Villain: Villain-free; Christmas wedding hosts ...        Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FOUR  Great Moments in Moppetry Rating: 2.0, for load-bearing moppetry ... Rating: 4.5, well-executed turbo Hallmarkery ... IMDB Dive: Mark Jean, Flip That Romance (Ep. 51); Betsy Morris Appreciation Station ... The Leftovers: Gateway jewelry ... I got my library card ... Benny's Christmas HQ ... Becoming your parents ads ... Sarah Ramos's "City Girl" ... Night Runner vs. Moon Boat ... Merry Christmas!    All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Timorous Me." by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists. Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: <a href="https://www.helios.house/books/childrens-clausewitz" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>.

124 - Dream Cookies, Wine MILFs, Moon Boat

We take A FABLED HOLIDAY (2022) out of time, and we apologize: No one's claiming the rights ... THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE  Play that glissando! ... Holiday recap: Hatchet accident, child custody, punting to Queens ... "Hanukkah on Rye" update ... A year of Countdown to Christmas Countdown ... Decompensating via Christmas nostalgia ... Who are your guys? ...   Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... The Jake guy ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Widower Charles on the Event Horizon ... Vincent Price chapter narration ... A strangely under-playful, overly traumatized movie ... Mr. Snowflake at Verso Books ... A WWI of emotion ... Spot the Devil: Mildred ... Spot the Angel: The Narrator ...    Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART THREE  Eat Your Heart Out: Mad Men/Lumbergh cocoa mugs; goulash; inaccurate beer pull; orange abbondanza; candy cane vape pen; chewing on cinnamon and rosemary ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: The PNW telluric currents; angel vacation resort ... Overdetermined: Confronting the sprites, wild accusations; Mildred's Rickles routine; "I am done living in fear!" ... Stuff didn't work out! It's ok! ... Brooke D'Orsay Appreciation Station ...    Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FOUR  Crossover: Introducing Ned Ryerson; nyads, wood-nymphs, things of that nature; Death Ship, again ... Unclaimed rights ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Diane and Keith's divorce-a-thon ... Great Moments in Moppetry: Maybe 2,000 years old ... Mad Dog Russo's Revolutionary War ... Who's the Real Villain: Fiction publishing and copyright ... Literacy in DeSantisland ...   Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FIVE Rating: 3 ... Meet your dead dad ... IMDB Dive: Ruby Monroe, script supervisor, Blade Trinity The Leftovers: Charles and Mildred banter (good), Charles despair line-reads (bad) ... All her stories, steel suitcase ... Made up village, lotta rules ... Blue violin, karate ... Six seasons and a screenplay! ... Merry Christmas! All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Torgo's Theme." Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: Here.

We take A FABLED HOLIDAY (<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt22295836/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">2022</a>) out of time, and we apologize: No one's claiming the rights ... THEME: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE  Play that glissando! ... Holiday recap: Hatchet accident, child custody, punting to Queens ... "Hanukkah on Rye" update ... A year of Countdown to Christmas Countdown ... Decompensating via Christmas nostalgia ... Who are your guys? ...   Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... The Jake guy ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Widower Charles on the Event Horizon ... Vincent Price chapter narration ... A strangely under-playful, overly traumatized movie ... Mr. Snowflake at Verso Books ... A WWI of emotion ... Spot the Devil: Mildred ... Spot the Angel: The Narrator ...    Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART THREE  Eat Your Heart Out: Mad Men/Lumbergh cocoa mugs; goulash; inaccurate beer pull; orange abbondanza; candy cane vape pen; chewing on cinnamon and rosemary ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: The PNW telluric currents; angel vacation resort ... Overdetermined: Confronting the sprites, wild accusations; Mildred's Rickles routine; "I am done living in fear!" ... Stuff didn't work out! It's ok! ... Brooke D'Orsay Appreciation Station ...    Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FOUR  Crossover: Introducing Ned Ryerson; nyads, wood-nymphs, things of that nature; Death Ship, again ... Unclaimed rights ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Diane and Keith's divorce-a-thon ... Great Moments in Moppetry: Maybe 2,000 years old ... Mad Dog Russo's Revolutionary War ... Who's the Real Villain: Fiction publishing and copyright ... Literacy in DeSantisland ...   Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FIVE Rating: 3 ... Meet your dead dad ... IMDB Dive: Ruby Monroe, script supervisor, Blade Trinity The Leftovers: Charles and Mildred banter (good), Charles despair line-reads (bad) ... All her stories, steel suitcase ... Made up village, lotta rules ... Blue violin, karate ... Six seasons and a screenplay! ... Merry Christmas! All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Torgo's Theme." Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: <a href="https://www.helios.house/books/childrens-clausewitz" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>.

123 - Faeries, Dr. Weir, Things of That Nature

It's PUMPKIN EVERYTHING (2022), and we'll never pass up a good thing. Radio by seniors, for seniors ...  THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE  Bug planet! ... Michael Ironside Appreciation Station ... Extremely weird, way too real ... Dead malls, pizza chains ... Repetitive love arc. vs. elder mortality and AA ... A rom-som template on real vulnerability ... Bruce Arians ... Our aging [step]parents[-in-law], aging and driving ... First normal person in a Hallmark world ... Committed, sincere, Hallmark dialogue ... Fundamental grouchy love ... Real Crossover: A Canadian indie film in a Hallmark universe ...   Break: Basil Poledouris, "Klendathu Drop," Starship Troopers soundtrack. PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Hey, Good Morning; Amy Instagram; she's a business ... Jazz aficionado ... Senior Radio ... Apology, AA confessional, let's race! ... Scarecrow teen treachery ... Spot the Angel: No ... Eat Your Heart Out: Caramel mortarboard; foliage week, proper names, time dilation; first pumpkin latte of the season; late Loggia, Alex Jones; hotel pitcher of cider; Luke and Lillian's pumpkin sage ravioli; Mountain Dew Braised Rojas ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Tom is Billy Pilgrimed here; diner kid in the movies, here, now; "Pumpkin Pie Wars"; "Holiday Date," the undercover Jewish experience, Delco Extended Universe ...   Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART THREE  Letters to Santa: Andrea Canning, the Dateline anchor, USS Christmas and IMDB ... Overdetermined: Necessarily overt talks; soundtrack cue, swing hooting ... Crossover: Starship Troopers and Scanners, of course ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Mom Lillian, jerk-horny, work-life imbalanced ...   Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FOUR  Who's the Real Villain?: The elder care industry ... Don't wanna know the book's plot ... Full Mendo ... Title/Sequel: Good title; fed up; that feel, Tone ... Rating: 3.5 ... "Inchon Landing on the War on Christmas" ... The Leftovers: The Jeff Beesley experience ... The Michael Ironside IMDB tour ... McBain ... Surfacing/Scanners ... Cohagen, horse breeder ... Megawattage ... Soundalike narrative soundtrack ... Merry Christmas!  All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Scanner Duel," by Howard Shore, Scanners soundtrack. Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: Here.

It's PUMPKIN EVERYTHING (<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt21413684/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">2022</a>), and we'll never pass up a good thing. Radio by seniors, for seniors ...  THEME: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE  Bug planet! ... Michael Ironside Appreciation Station ... Extremely weird, way too real ... Dead malls, pizza chains ... Repetitive love arc. vs. elder mortality and AA ... A rom-som template on real vulnerability ... Bruce Arians ... Our aging [step]parents[-in-law], aging and driving ... First normal person in a Hallmark world ... Committed, sincere, Hallmark dialogue ... Fundamental grouchy love ... Real Crossover: A Canadian indie film in a Hallmark universe ...   Break: Basil Poledouris, "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIGHCoVzqtk" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Klendathu Drop</a>," Starship Troopers soundtrack. PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Hey, Good Morning; Amy Instagram; she's a business ... Jazz aficionado ... Senior Radio ... Apology, AA confessional, let's race! ... Scarecrow teen treachery ... Spot the Angel: No ... Eat Your Heart Out: Caramel mortarboard; foliage week, proper names, time dilation; first pumpkin latte of the season; late Loggia, Alex Jones; hotel pitcher of cider; Luke and Lillian's pumpkin sage ravioli; Mountain Dew Braised Rojas ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Tom is Billy Pilgrimed here; diner kid in the movies, here, now; "<a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/073-the-hallmark-version-of-intercourse/id1407429849?i=1000457162186" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Pumpkin Pie Wars</a>"; "<a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/078-he-didnt-understand-a-hammer/id1407429849?i=1000461128836" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Holiday Date</a>," the undercover Jewish experience, Delco Extended Universe ...   Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART THREE  Letters to Santa: Andrea Canning, the Dateline anchor, USS Christmas and IMDB ... Overdetermined: Necessarily overt talks; soundtrack cue, swing hooting ... Crossover: Starship Troopers and Scanners, of course ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Mom Lillian, jerk-horny, work-life imbalanced ...   Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FOUR  Who's the Real Villain?: The elder care industry ... Don't wanna know the book's plot ... Full Mendo ... Title/Sequel: Good title; fed up; that feel, Tone ... Rating: 3.5 ... "Inchon Landing on the War on Christmas" ... The Leftovers: The Jeff Beesley experience ... The Michael Ironside IMDB tour ... McBain ... Surfacing/Scanners ... Cohagen, horse breeder ... Megawattage ... Soundalike narrative soundtrack ... Merry Christmas!  All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0l9JgKl3cqc" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Scanner Duel</a>," by Howard Shore, Scanners soundtrack. Buy our show artist Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: <a href="https://www.helios.house/books/childrens-clausewitz" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>.

122 - A Pumpkin for Klendathu

CASEY JOHNSTON'S making us stretch before WARMING UP TO YOU (2021), but we're willing to reconsider if:  We want to buy that "Congrats on finding a floater" card ... THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE  Toilet drop ... Meet Casey! ... Love your work, and I'm not heeding it ... Renamed movie ... Grew up in Hallmark stores ... Teen money ... Haunted by figurines ... Work at Hallmark ... Work at the Gap ... Gift wrap ... Year-round Christmas store ...  PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up ... Wrecked toilet ... Daffy final third ... Real-ish growth ... More nuance, still confused ... Maximize Your Tropes: Milkshake theft; "my values"; giant fake belly; lake surfing; anchored together; stunt coordinator ...   PART THREE  Spot the Angel: Bestie Sasha or old Minnie ... Eat Your Heart Out: Gym shake; workout negroni; cheese fries, tendies, gym; Costco cheeseballs jar; butane-roasted cauliflower; contemporary pizza; chip smuggling, snack confiscation ...   PART FOUR  The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Decommissioned Summer Camp Belt (Episode 57) ... Overdetermined: Ex Liza's arrival; Jared's "work"; stunt-training; homecoming gown; "her rules" ... Crossover: Chris Hemsworth's paunch workout; Ben Affleck quitting Dunkin; Kate's Most Dangerous Game ...     PART FIVE    Hallmark Bechdel Test: Barely! ... Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Rick; Jared; maybe everyone; Minnie ... Who's the Real Villain: Fat-shaming/bad science ... Rating: 3.5 ... A flow state of assumed chemistry ... Giant thumbs-down sticker ... Into sticker-shaming ... Snotty table turning ...  PART SIX The Leftovers: 70% of the population has a dad-bod ... Good locations ... Minnie is a ghost ... IMDB Dive: Christie Will Wolf, W. Stuart, Reacher's brother ... Going to Hogwarts ... Race to Save the World at Midnight ... Avocado green ... Driftwood ... Bad cornhole ... Plugs! ... Merry Christmas!  All music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane, "Hooray for Hollywood," by John Williams and the Boston Pops and "Pump It Up (Instrumental)" by The HotRats. More from Casey: Twitter HERE • Book HERE • Newsletter HERE • Instagram HERE

CASEY JOHNSTON'S making us stretch before WARMING UP TO YOU (<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt14416016/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">2021</a>), but we're willing to reconsider if: We want to buy that "Congrats on finding a floater" card ... THEME: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE  Toilet drop ... Meet Casey! ... Love your work, and I'm not heeding it ... Renamed movie ... Grew up in Hallmark stores ... Teen money ... Haunted by figurines ... Work at Hallmark ... Work at the Gap ... Gift wrap ... Year-round Christmas store ...  PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up ... Wrecked toilet ... Daffy final third ... Real-ish growth ... More nuance, still confused ... Maximize Your Tropes: Milkshake theft; "my values"; giant fake belly; lake surfing; anchored together; stunt coordinator ...   PART THREE  Spot the Angel: Bestie Sasha or old Minnie ... Eat Your Heart Out: Gym shake; workout negroni; cheese fries, tendies, gym; Costco cheeseballs jar; butane-roasted cauliflower; contemporary pizza; chip smuggling, snack confiscation ...   PART FOUR  The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Decommissioned Summer Camp Belt (Episode 57) ... Overdetermined: Ex Liza's arrival; Jared's "work"; stunt-training; homecoming gown; "her rules" ... Crossover: Chris Hemsworth's paunch workout; Ben Affleck quitting Dunkin; Kate's Most Dangerous Game ...     PART FIVE    Hallmark Bechdel Test: Barely! ... Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Rick; Jared; maybe everyone; Minnie ... Who's the Real Villain: Fat-shaming/bad science ... Rating: 3.5 ... A flow state of assumed chemistry ... Giant thumbs-down sticker ... Into sticker-shaming ... Snotty table turning ...  PART SIX The Leftovers: 70% of the population has a dad-bod ... Good locations ... Minnie is a ghost ... IMDB Dive: Christie Will Wolf, W. Stuart, Reacher's brother ... Going to Hogwarts ... Race to Save the World at Midnight ... Avocado green ... Driftwood ... Bad cornhole ... Plugs! ... Merry Christmas!  All music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane, "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/music/player/albums/B073J4F4CC?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;musicTerritory=US&amp;trackAsin=B073QQ9N4S&amp;ref=sr_1_1&amp;keywords=john+williams+hooray+for+hollywood&amp;crid=3IXJPWYKKUUGW&amp;sprefix=john+williams+hooray+for+hollywood,aps,159&amp;qid=1669008085&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Hooray for Hollywood</a>," by John Williams and the Boston Pops and "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/music/player/albums/B086FSPD6Y?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;musicTerritory=US&amp;trackAsin=B086FQZZS6&amp;ref=sr_1_7&amp;keywords=hotrats+pump+it+up&amp;crid=2YA5YL3SUSIWW&amp;sprefix=hotrats+pump+it+up,aps,117&amp;qid=1669007993&amp;sr=8-7" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Pump It Up (Instrumental)</a>" by The HotRats. More from Casey: Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/caseyjohnston?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a> • Book <a href="https://www.couchtobarbell.com" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a> • Newsletter <a href="https://shesabeast.substack.com" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a> • Instagram <a href="https://www.instagram.com/swolewoman/?hl=en" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

121 - Assault on the Waist Rising

JONATHAN KATZ and SAM ADLER-BELL sail into history aboard the USS Christmas (2020), but first:  Let's go get hot chocolate! THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE  Meet Jon, Sam, Sam's grandma and Jon's mom! ... Happy story, death machine ... Cast Rundown ... Niven ... The Dual Expositional Challenge ... Was this fun? ... Can't think past the meatball ... Bald evangelism ... Cool planes ... Hanoi Hilton ... Ruin movies with college ... Not much USO ... Vietnam ...       Break: "I Bombed Korea," by Cake PART TWO   Journalismism: The Moore-Bacon wedding; less important work; firefighter baby; staffed paper; "Mr. Bailey"; Maddie ruins lives; public-records incompetence; FOIA; stealing documents; New Yorker-ass paper; headlines; Maddie's email; streaming entertainment ...             Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART THREE  Spot the Angel: Captain Chet ... A real talk about trauma ... MILF hunter ... Marines plane, yuletide ship ... Nick Frost ... Eat Your Heart Out: Dinner rolls; bacon; shared milkshake; NYC bistro in Wilmington, NC; NYC Waffle House; mistletoe martini; abundant hot chocolate; sucky chestnuts; candy cane gnawing  ...  Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FOUR  The Hallmark Expanded Universe ... Overdetermined: Wine toss; ditched rival; the Grinch; trauma swappin'; "Daddy's Girl"; scared of Christmas ... Join the Patreon! ... Crossover: Flight of the Intruder; USS Milius; Man in the High Castle; Captain Chet Red Octobers it; a U-571 Christmas ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Grinch Billy, troubled reader; every character; Maddie's horny widow mom, who only likes one child ...    Break: "Drop Da Bomb," by Party Posse PART FIVE Who's The Real Villain?: Disliking the military; facing reality; generational trauma; news' novelty bias ... Rating: 3 ... It's a Wonderful Boat! ... Jen Lilley gas face ... Niven didn't bring it ... Know Your Enemy Appreciation Station ... Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART SIX The Leftovers: Aircraft carriers in NYC ... IMDB Dive ... Q-pilled Dorothy with clone Sam ... Joni Mitchell Appreciation Station ... Podcaster beefcake ... LBJ! ... Anna Chennault ... Robert Strange McNamara ... Smedley Butler ... Plugs! ... TYFYS ... Merry Christmas!   All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Take My Breath Away" by Berlin. Follow Sam on Twitter: @SamAdlerBell Follow Jon on Twitter: @KatzOnEarth Order Jon's book here.

JONATHAN KATZ and SAM ADLER-BELL sail into history aboard the USS Christmas (<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt13341592/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">2020</a>), but first: Let's go get hot chocolate! THEME: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE  Meet Jon, Sam, Sam's grandma and Jon's mom! ... Happy story, death machine ... Cast Rundown ... Niven ... The Dual Expositional Challenge ... Was this fun? ... Can't think past the meatball ... Bald evangelism ... Cool planes ... Hanoi Hilton ... Ruin movies with college ... Not much USO ... Vietnam ...       Break: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/music/player/albums/B0016ZDAAU?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;musicTerritory=US&amp;trackAsin=B0016ZF1Y8&amp;ref=sr_1_3&amp;s=dmusic&amp;keywords=cake+korea&amp;crid=1KNKE0YA943I9&amp;sprefix=cake+korea%2Cdigital-music%2C112&amp;qid=1666279405&amp;sr=1-3" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">I Bombed Korea</a>," by Cake PART TWO   Journalismism: The Moore-Bacon wedding; less important work; firefighter baby; staffed paper; "Mr. Bailey"; Maddie ruins lives; public-records incompetence; FOIA; stealing documents; New Yorker-ass paper; headlines; Maddie's email; streaming entertainment ...             Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART THREE  Spot the Angel: Captain Chet ... A real talk about trauma ... MILF hunter ... Marines plane, yuletide ship ... Nick Frost ... Eat Your Heart Out: Dinner rolls; bacon; shared milkshake; NYC bistro in Wilmington, NC; NYC Waffle House; mistletoe martini; abundant hot chocolate; sucky chestnuts; candy cane gnawing  ...  Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FOUR  The Hallmark Expanded Universe ... Overdetermined: Wine toss; ditched rival; the Grinch; trauma swappin'; "Daddy's Girl"; scared of Christmas ... <a href="https://www.patreon.com/ThisWeekInAtrocity" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Join the Patreon</a>! ... Crossover: Flight of the Intruder; USS Milius; Man in the High Castle; Captain Chet Red Octobers it; a U-571 Christmas ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Grinch Billy, troubled reader; every character; Maddie's horny widow mom, who only likes one child ...    Break: "Drop Da Bomb," by Party Posse PART FIVE Who's The Real Villain?: Disliking the military; facing reality; generational trauma; news' novelty bias ... Rating: 3 ... It's a Wonderful Boat! ... Jen Lilley gas face ... Niven didn't bring it ... <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/know-your-enemy/id1462703434" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Know Your Enemy</a> Appreciation Station ... Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART SIX The Leftovers: Aircraft carriers in NYC ... IMDB Dive ... Q-pilled Dorothy with clone Sam ... Joni Mitchell Appreciation Station ... Podcaster beefcake ... LBJ! ... Anna Chennault ... Robert Strange McNamara ... Smedley Butler ... Plugs! ... TYFYS ... Merry Christmas!   All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/music/player/albums/B003Z8S3AS?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;musicTerritory=US&amp;trackAsin=B003Z8P1MG&amp;ref=sr_1_1&amp;keywords=take+my+breath+away+berlin&amp;crid=2R9H3BOQVJLPT&amp;sprefix=take+my+breath+away+berlin%2Caps%2C113&amp;qid=1666279517&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Take My Breath Away</a>" by Berlin. Follow Sam on Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/samadlerbell" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">@SamAdlerBell</a> Follow Jon on Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/katzonearth" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">@KatzOnEarth</a> Order Jon's book <a href="https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781250135582" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>.

120 - A Floating Meatball of Barbarism

We started DATING THE DELANEYS (2022), but:  Do you know how loud jai alai is? ... THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE  Wink! ... Wine Clown (taupe) ... Rom-rom, with jokes ... Jennifer Barrow Appreciation Station ...  Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... McNamara nostalgia ... Restorative justice for Brendan Zub ... Manderson Mode ... The Expositional Challenge ... A horn of a sort ... Plot Mop-Up: Michael, guiding PR practice; ex-husband rehab; horny grandma; arcade-bar; gone fishin' ... They seem like people! ... Paul Campbell Appreciation Station ... Charmingly corny flirty antagonism ... Punishing punsmithery ... Early forced laughter to natural fondness ... Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART THREE  Spot the Angel: Maybe Michael, maybe the horny mom, probably a goose egg ... Angelic parenting assistance ... Eat Your Heart Out: Salted caramel and cookies; Cafe New Orleans, eating crawfish, po-boy chunks; blind date basket of rolls; reasonable pizza with pepperoncini; pecan-pie cake; skyscraping bacon chocolate cake; Find My Salad Soulmate; namin' fish; America's most favorite cake; abandoned Heineken; Shake, Battle and Bowl; sauceless mozzarella sticks; rime-free milkshake ...  Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FOUR  The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Make It, Bake It, Cake It; QVC knockoff; Teryl Rothery; Episodes 9, 11, 12, 31, 50, 52, 55, 56, 59, 64, 74, 83, 84, 85, 86, and more; wine-clown concert road trip! ... Overdetermined: No true qualifier; too much friend hectoring; winking ... Crossover: Steve "Bones"; Quantum Bakery Apprentice ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: All non-Michael, non-New Kid men; Steve! Steve! Steve!; David, the ex ...    Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FIVE    Great Moments in Moppetry: 1 ... Who's the Real Villain: Self-performance dating-app industry ... Title/Sequel: Good title and "Delaney Due Date" vs. Thematic underuse and "Dating Dana Delaney" ... Rating: 4 ... The Leftovers: Met at pickleball ... Printing out articles ... IMDB Dive: Jennifer Barrow, King of the Hill veteran ... Zack, the turd, with a sign ... Old new kid ... Treat Williams ... "Your dad comin' today?" ... Second Life kitchen ... "World Baby" ... Dental plan ... Merry Christmas!  All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "100,000 People," by Philip Glass. Read Jeb's hot dog sandwich piece: Here. Buy Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: Here.

We started DATING THE DELANEYS (<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt20859028/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">2022</a>), but: Do you know how loud jai alai is? ... THEME: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE  Wink! ... Wine Clown (taupe) ... Rom-rom, with jokes ... Jennifer Barrow Appreciation Station ...  Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART TWO   Cast Rundown ... McNamara nostalgia ... Restorative justice for Brendan Zub ... Manderson Mode ... The Expositional Challenge ... A horn of a sort ... Plot Mop-Up: Michael, guiding PR practice; ex-husband rehab; horny grandma; arcade-bar; gone fishin' ... They seem like people! ... Paul Campbell Appreciation Station ... Charmingly corny flirty antagonism ... Punishing punsmithery ... Early forced laughter to natural fondness ... Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART THREE  Spot the Angel: Maybe Michael, maybe the horny mom, probably a goose egg ... Angelic parenting assistance ... Eat Your Heart Out: Salted caramel and cookies; Cafe New Orleans, eating crawfish, po-boy chunks; blind date basket of rolls; reasonable pizza with pepperoncini; pecan-pie cake; skyscraping bacon chocolate cake; Find My Salad Soulmate; namin' fish; America's most favorite cake; abandoned Heineken; Shake, Battle and Bowl; sauceless mozzarella sticks; rime-free milkshake ...  Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FOUR  The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Make It, Bake It, Cake It; QVC knockoff; Teryl Rothery; Episodes 9, 11, 12, 31, 50, 52, 55, 56, 59, 64, 74, 83, 84, 85, 86, and more; wine-clown concert road trip! ... Overdetermined: No true qualifier; too much friend hectoring; winking ... Crossover: Steve "Bones"; Quantum Bakery Apprentice ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: All non-Michael, non-New Kid men; Steve! Steve! Steve!; David, the ex ...    Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FIVE    Great Moments in Moppetry: 1 ... Who's the Real Villain: Self-performance dating-app industry ... Title/Sequel: Good title and "Delaney Due Date" vs. Thematic underuse and "Dating Dana Delaney" ... Rating: 4 ... The Leftovers: Met at pickleball ... Printing out articles ... IMDB Dive: Jennifer Barrow, King of the Hill veteran ... Zack, the turd, with a sign ... Old new kid ... Treat Williams ... "Your dad comin' today?" ... Second Life kitchen ... "World Baby" ... Dental plan ... Merry Christmas!  All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/music/player/albums/B000UWZVAC?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;musicTerritory=US&amp;trackAsin=B000UWH79U&amp;ref=sr_1_6&amp;keywords=philip+glass+fog+of+war&amp;crid=2618HEMEGPTST&amp;sprefix=philip+glass+fog+of+war%2Caps%2C69&amp;qid=1664990779&amp;sr=8-6" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">100,000 People</a>," by Philip Glass. Read Jeb's hot dog sandwich piece: <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jul/03/is-a-hot-dog-a-sandwich-nature-america" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>. Buy Caitlin Fitz Gerald's excellent book: <a href="https://www.helios.house/books/childrens-clausewitz" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>.

119 - Play Dates with the Pun Patrol

Uproxx's VINCE MANCINI gave us a buzz to talk CUT, COLOR, MURDER (2022), but:  Forensics can wait for the pageant ... THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE  All things seamy, guest starring Sutton Niekro ... Sopranos vs. Hallmark podcasting ... Vince's Hallmark bona fides ... Gilmore Girls comp ... Muted romance, many speakers ... Lego/cigarette Canadian ... More Karpluk! ... Cast Rundown ... Jeb Flubs Name of Brendon Zub ... The Expositional Challenge ... Sublimely 311 ... Shear Delight: Gownless neck-hair trim; lumberjack sketch; hands off my instrument; listless blocking/acting ... The Bear, but for hair ... Hallmark-ass prestige restaurant ... Break: "Sweet Home Chicago (Live)" by The Blues Brothers PART TWO   Chekhov Wept: No time for loose ends; Knives Out shade; disappearing mom horniness; disappearing setups; landlocked sailboat; Mitzi's break-in breakdown; "local"-status alibis ... New Yorker director ... Wrong-footed by Hallmark ... Murder twist ... Women laughing alone with tombstones ... Burn Notice ending ... Eat Your Heart Out: Stress eating fruit; flapjack group, toast group; Dominican BBQ; Todd Gurley for Burger King; open-mouth etiquette; more Gurley burger ... Land of wigged brunettes ... Familiar Canadian ...    Break: "Hair," by The Cowsills PART THREE  The Hallmark Expanded Universe: A Denver of the Soul; pageant town; Adrian Grenier interlude; a Sopranos Hallmark movie ... Overdetermined: Sterling pleading innocence and creepy invitation ... Homemade weed killer ... Crossover: Benoit Blanc accent; Carmy as Kyle; Bear guy hair; Hair Rescue; post-canceled James Franco twins interviewing El Chapo; Kundun! ... Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FOUR  Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Salon crew yaass droids; Olivia, the murderer; Passions mom and cop-wife whining ... Dave's Anne Heche issues ... Who's the Real Villain?: Weatherman Darren; law-enforcement impunity; pageant objectification mania ... Beautiful klutz ... Title/Sequel: Lather, Rinse, Revenge; seamy split ends ... Rating: 3 ... Julie Gonzalo Appreciation Station ...    Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FIVE    The Leftovers: IMDB dive; 1st Assistant Director; ahhh, Tibor; SFW; Bringing Down the House ... Our screenplay goes viral! ... Walt Becker, Van Wilder, Wild Hogs and Old Dogs ... Darren's remote hit just outside ... Precinct sweet tea urn ... Sloppy Ken, forensic snacker ... Quarter zips ... Shakespeare talent show ... Pharma ad direction ... Walking my rabbit ... Rabbit dad shirt ... Plugs ... Merry Christmas! All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Cut Your Hair (Karaoke Version)" by Pavement. Follow Vince on Twitter: @VinceMancini

Uproxx's VINCE MANCINI gave us a buzz to talk CUT, COLOR, MURDER (<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt16750392/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">2022</a>), but: Forensics can wait for the pageant ... THEME: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE  All things seamy, guest starring Sutton Niekro ... Sopranos vs. Hallmark podcasting ... Vince's Hallmark bona fides ... Gilmore Girls comp ... Muted romance, many speakers ... Lego/cigarette Canadian ... More Karpluk! ... Cast Rundown ... Jeb Flubs Name of Brendon Zub ... The Expositional Challenge ... Sublimely 311 ... Shear Delight: Gownless neck-hair trim; lumberjack sketch; hands off my instrument; listless blocking/acting ... The Bear, but for hair ... Hallmark-ass prestige restaurant ... Break: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/music/player/albums/B002DK2XXC?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;musicTerritory=US&amp;trackAsin=B002DK8J6C&amp;ref=sr_1_4&amp;keywords=sweet+home+chicago+blues+brothers+mp3&amp;crid=1NF69HTZTT3YF&amp;sprefix=sweet+home+chicago+blues,aps,120&amp;qid=1661807760&amp;sr=8-4" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Sweet Home Chicago (Live)</a>" by The Blues Brothers PART TWO   Chekhov Wept: No time for loose ends; Knives Out shade; disappearing mom horniness; disappearing setups; landlocked sailboat; Mitzi's break-in breakdown; "local"-status alibis ... New Yorker director ... Wrong-footed by Hallmark ... Murder twist ... Women laughing alone with tombstones ... Burn Notice ending ... Eat Your Heart Out: Stress eating fruit; flapjack group, toast group; Dominican BBQ; Todd Gurley for Burger King; open-mouth etiquette; <a href="https://twitter.com/WeekInAtrocity/status/1564365524527628288" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">more Gurley burger</a> ... Land of wigged brunettes ... Familiar Canadian ...    Break: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/music/player/albums/B001NZTCP0?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;musicTerritory=US&amp;trackAsin=B001NZRG80&amp;ref=sr_1_1&amp;keywords=hair+the+cowsills&amp;crid=3RWDMKLYTZ4BK&amp;sprefix=hair+the+cowsill,aps,139&amp;qid=1661811008&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Hair</a>," by The Cowsills PART THREE  The Hallmark Expanded Universe: A Denver of the Soul; pageant town; Adrian Grenier interlude; a Sopranos Hallmark movie ... Overdetermined: Sterling pleading innocence and creepy invitation ... Homemade weed killer ... Crossover: Benoit Blanc accent; Carmy as Kyle; Bear guy hair; Hair Rescue; post-canceled James Franco twins interviewing El Chapo; Kundun! ... Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FOUR  Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Salon crew yaass droids; Olivia, the murderer; Passions mom and cop-wife whining ... Dave's Anne Heche issues ... Who's the Real Villain?: Weatherman Darren; law-enforcement impunity; pageant objectification mania ... Beautiful klutz ... Title/Sequel: Lather, Rinse, Revenge; seamy split ends ... Rating: 3 ... Julie Gonzalo Appreciation Station ...    Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART FIVE    The Leftovers: IMDB dive; 1st Assistant Director; ahhh, Tibor; SFW; Bringing Down the House ... Our screenplay goes viral! ... Walt Becker, Van Wilder, Wild Hogs and Old Dogs ... Darren's remote hit just outside ... Precinct sweet tea urn ... Sloppy Ken, forensic snacker ... Quarter zips ... Shakespeare talent show ... Pharma ad direction ... Walking my rabbit ... Rabbit dad shirt ... Plugs ... Merry Christmas! All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOYrOxv5oIs" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Cut Your Hair (Karaoke Version)</a>" by Pavement. Follow Vince on Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/VinceMancini" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">@VinceMancini</a>

118 - Rabbit Forensics with the Yaaas Droids

Journalists Jeb Lund and David J. Roth step away from real world anxieties and step into the gentle, cornball, consequence-free world of the Hallmark Channel. Each time, we discuss a different Hallmark original movie—from Christmas cheer, to wedding jitters, to junk-store detectives—and break it down into recognizable components of angels, moms, moppets, sugary foods and themed sweaters, and try to make sense of when the stories veer away from comfort films and land in the uncanny valley. Welcome to a sweet, stilted vision of the world—not an escape from modern life, but a relaxing trip to an alternate universe where everyone is silly, chaste, nice, and mostly doing fine.

It’s very funny and they host have good chemistry

Very funny

Please an entire ep as the pair we all love.

Mike and Mike

It's Christmastown

CHARLES STAR and ROBERT WHEEL pair up for a HOLIDAY DATE (2019) and: Act cool in the hardware store ... THEME ... Patty and Shelby shout ... Truly vs. Claw ... Foremost Jewish thinkers ... Hallmark's first "Hanukkah" movie ... Unfamiliar with Christmas AND Hanukkah ... Jeb screws up the actor name ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... "Plot in Philly" ... Bad fake architect, bad everything ... "I've never had ham" ... Jewish prayers and phlegm ... Insulting to Christians ... Prayer horn ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Theological soundness and/or Teryl Rothery ... Classic Lines: The Emo Philips/Anna Wintour continuum; old things are better ... Eat Your Heart Out: Jelly donuts, the Israeli import; sour cream AND apple sauce; asshole restaurant set; Ethan's Nick Swisherness and rehabilitation; is Ethan a sit-wiper; bagels and lox; Israeli salad; tzimmes; Ashkenazi-Sephardic schism ... Bobby's goodbye ... BREAK ... Plugs ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Vivica Fox's white-slavery goth-conversion boutique ... Overdetermined: Father's gruff exterior; the family's anthropological interest in his Jewishness ... Charles visits Indiana at Christmas ... Eating all the popcorn ... Actors aren't criminals ... BREAK ... Shtetl Pass ... Crossover: Scarecrow and Mr. Grunt; the Waiting for Guffman 'verse ... Immigrant/exchange student vibes ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Joel, hands down; not understanding a hammer or method; Glen's humiliation relationship ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 2 ... Rating: 1 ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Terrible acting advice ... Written at a child's level ... Amy Klobuchar jokes ... Dad's hysterically joyful weeping ... Doesn't understand theater ... Phillies, Eagles, 76ers ... "A very troubling year for this player" ... Menorah gift ... Interfaith Spencer's gift ... Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah! ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Shlepp the Halls with Loaves of Hallah," by The Three Weissmen • "Latkes" by Sam Glaser • "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen," by The Klezmonauts • "We Wish You a Klezmer Christmas," by Lauren Bernofsky • "(I'm Spending} Hanukkah in Santa Monica," by Tom Lehrer • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane 

<a href="https://twitter.com/ugarles" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">CHARLES STAR</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/bobbybigwheel" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">ROBERT WHEEL</a> pair up for a <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10768456/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">HOLIDAY DATE</a> (2019) and: Act cool in the hardware store ... THEME ... Patty and Shelby shout ... Truly vs. Claw ... Foremost Jewish thinkers ... Hallmark's first "Hanukkah" movie ... Unfamiliar with Christmas AND Hanukkah ... Jeb screws up the actor name ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... "Plot in Philly" ... Bad fake architect, bad everything ... "I've never had ham" ... Jewish prayers and phlegm ... Insulting to Christians ... Prayer horn ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Theological soundness and/or Teryl Rothery ... Classic Lines: The Emo Philips/Anna Wintour continuum; old things are better ... Eat Your Heart Out: Jelly donuts, the Israeli import; sour cream AND apple sauce; asshole restaurant set; Ethan's Nick Swisherness and rehabilitation; is Ethan a sit-wiper; bagels and lox; Israeli salad; tzimmes; Ashkenazi-Sephardic schism ... Bobby's goodbye ... BREAK ... Plugs ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Vivica Fox's white-slavery goth-conversion boutique ... Overdetermined: Father's gruff exterior; the family's anthropological interest in his Jewishness ... Charles visits Indiana at Christmas ... Eating all the popcorn ... Actors aren't criminals ... BREAK ... Shtetl Pass ... Crossover: Scarecrow and Mr. Grunt; the Waiting for Guffman 'verse ... Immigrant/exchange student vibes ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Joel, hands down; not understanding a hammer or method; Glen's humiliation relationship ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 2 ... Rating: 1 ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Terrible acting advice ... Written at a child's level ... Amy Klobuchar jokes ... Dad's hysterically joyful weeping ... Doesn't understand theater ... Phillies, Eagles, 76ers ... "A very troubling year for this player" ... Menorah gift ... Interfaith Spencer's gift ... Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah! ... • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Shlepp the Halls with Loaves of Hallah," by The Three Weissmen • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001BVIS2Y/ref=pm_ws_tlw_trk4" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Latkes</a>" by Sam Glaser • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/God-Rest-Ye-Merry-Gentlemen/dp/B000QQB890/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1YI2J4ZUKM3ZJ&amp;keywords=the+klezmonauts+god+rest+ye&amp;qid=1577716649&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sprefix=the+klezmo%2Cdigital-music%2C164&amp;sr=1-1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen</a>," by The Klezmonauts • "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YS7G303pcSg" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">We Wish You a Klezmer Christmas</a>," by Lauren Bernofsky • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Im-Spending-Hanukkah-Santa-Monica/dp/B00J56GP8Q/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2YW0TGUPMM3JS&amp;keywords=hanukkah+in+santa+monica&amp;qid=1577716810&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sprefix=hanukkah+in+san%2Cdigital-music%2C176&amp;sr=1-2" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">(I'm Spending} Hanukkah in Santa Monica</a>," by Tom Lehrer • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

078 - He Didn't Understand a Hammer

MEREDITH HAGGERTY returns to get WRITE BEFORE CHRISTMAS (2019) and, actually: It's a holiday from holidays ... THEME ... Love, actually 50 percent shorter ... Cast of lug nuts ... Good premise, big swing, not enough movie ... Death cards ... Hanged Jesus and Boston racial violence ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... Lachey manque ... Plot in One Segment: Santa bed ... Optician ... Romcom proposal breakup ... Plot sampler! ... Beasley callback ... Lolita Davidovich thirst trap ... Oversharing dog-based romance ... Orphanages and cello teachers ... When a hot guy follows you into your house ... When he shows up at work ... Card-based parenting decisions ... Hallmark boy band ... Primo and a prima donna ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Hallmark cards, animal fat ... Seasonal bed ... Eat Your Heart Out: Bouncers, tabloids and candy canes; marshmallows; water in wine glasses; Primo's, Sarasota and tea houses; dogs, fruitcake and doorstops ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: 2006's The Christmas Card and Pvt. Jessica Lynch vs. Michaels, but for supernatural Christmas supplies vs. the pan-Chicago Hallmark zone ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: Luke's picture and journey to Club Motion vs. Exposition bleeding over timelines and Stay in Your Lane, Grandma, and Don't Bring Up Death vs. Jane Mansfield death car (Crossover) intrusion and lassoing the moon and Primo's camera monologue ... Five minute psycho speed-dating and elevator creeping ... Crossover: Mimi's birthing decisions vs. Scrote, and Chicago Cello vs. Cop out ... BREAK ... Letters to Santa: Hallmark "Hanukkah" movies; Last Ship nostalgia; Andy G's notes about Christmas tree lots and free hot drinks ... LOT COP: Trees facing wrong on the car and going into a house, twice; business class Christmas; Christmas-tree lot banter, bourbon bluffers and dads in Home Depot ... The Swagony of Defeat: Cards, plug ... Lila got card-jobbed ... Over-50 communities ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Jessica, Mimi and Cello dreams ... Deliberately tragic first impression ... Pro-Confederacy local orchestra ... Jewish-penned carols ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Luke, creepy person not a creepy robot; the happy-go-lucky ex Wes; Mimi's child-rearing by card; Wes's sample size of dislike ... BREAK ... Rating: 2.5, for Love Actually'ing without "moments"; a mediocre but game attempt; fewer cards next time ... The Leftovers: Jax, and the happiest loser band in the world ... Purple theme, purple theme ... Insane and confusing timeline ... Sir Robert Peel ... Chad Michael Murray's incredible filmography ... Herman's Head and Xuxa ... An oral history of the dog eating the heart ... Magically starting an abandoned car ... Getting advice from your romantic rival ... Adoption whimsy journalism ... Getting a gig writing fake copy ... You try doing the segues, Dave ... Podcast scoliosis ... Merry Christmas • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Used to Believe," by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists • "All or Nothing" by O-Town • "You Raise Me Up," by Josh Groban • "Chick Magnet," by MxPx • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane 

<a href="https://twitter.com/manymanywords" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">MEREDITH HAGGERTY</a> returns to get <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10345008/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">WRITE BEFORE CHRISTMAS</a> (2019) and, actually: It's a holiday from holidays ... THEME ... Love, actually 50 percent shorter ... Cast of lug nuts ... Good premise, big swing, not enough movie ... Death cards ... Hanged Jesus and Boston racial violence ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... Lachey manque ... Plot in One Segment: Santa bed ... Optician ... Romcom proposal breakup ... Plot sampler! ... Beasley callback ... Lolita Davidovich thirst trap ... Oversharing dog-based romance ... Orphanages and cello teachers ... When a hot guy follows you into your house ... When he shows up at work ... Card-based parenting decisions ... Hallmark boy band ... Primo and a prima donna ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Hallmark cards, animal fat ... Seasonal bed ... Eat Your Heart Out: Bouncers, tabloids and candy canes; marshmallows; water in wine glasses; Primo's, Sarasota and tea houses; dogs, fruitcake and doorstops ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: 2006's The Christmas Card and Pvt. Jessica Lynch vs. Michaels, but for supernatural Christmas supplies vs. the pan-Chicago Hallmark zone ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: Luke's picture and journey to Club Motion vs. Exposition bleeding over timelines and Stay in Your Lane, Grandma, and Don't Bring Up Death vs. Jane Mansfield death car (Crossover) intrusion and lassoing the moon and Primo's camera monologue ... Five minute psycho speed-dating and elevator creeping ... Crossover: Mimi's birthing decisions vs. Scrote, and Chicago Cello vs. Cop out ... BREAK ... Letters to Santa: Hallmark "Hanukkah" movies; Last Ship nostalgia; Andy G's notes about Christmas tree lots and free hot drinks ... LOT COP: Trees facing wrong on the car and going into a house, twice; business class Christmas; Christmas-tree lot banter, bourbon bluffers and dads in Home Depot ... The Swagony of Defeat: Cards, plug ... Lila got card-jobbed ... Over-50 communities ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Jessica, Mimi and Cello dreams ... Deliberately tragic first impression ... Pro-Confederacy local orchestra ... Jewish-penned carols ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Luke, creepy person not a creepy robot; the happy-go-lucky ex Wes; Mimi's child-rearing by card; Wes's sample size of dislike ... BREAK ... Rating: 2.5, for Love Actually'ing without "moments"; a mediocre but game attempt; fewer cards next time ... The Leftovers: Jax, and the happiest loser band in the world ... Purple theme, purple theme ... Insane and confusing timeline ... Sir Robert Peel ... Chad Michael Murray's incredible filmography ... Herman's Head and Xuxa ... An oral history of the dog eating the heart ... Magically starting an abandoned car ... Getting advice from your romantic rival ... Adoption whimsy journalism ... Getting a gig writing fake copy ... You try doing the segues, Dave ... Podcast scoliosis ... Merry Christmas • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Used-to-Believe/dp/B0752X77ZG/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=used+to+believe+ted+leo&amp;qid=1576720388&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Used to Believe</a>," by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/All-or-Nothing/dp/B073LN7GC6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3INVW39HSATP7&amp;keywords=all+or+nothing+o-town&amp;qid=1576720350&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sprefix=all+or+nothing+%2Cdigital-music%2C174&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">All or Nothing</a>" by O-Town • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/You-Raise-Me-Up/dp/B0011Z310Y/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2H35ODQU4WGV0&amp;keywords=josh+groban+you+raise+me+up&amp;qid=1576720413&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sprefix=josh+groan+you%2Cdigital-music%2C178&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">You Raise Me Up</a>," by Josh Groban • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Chick-Magnet/dp/B074D97HSX/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=chick+magnet+mxpx&amp;qid=1576720300&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-2" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Chick Magnet</a>," by MxPx • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

077 - Card It Forward, Actually

Cyrano Fieri

ROBERT WHEEL returns for THE MISTLETOE SECRET (2019) and might get: Lubricious ... Always bet on Duffles ... Underused Patrick Duffy ... Improved Hallmark experience ... Moments of Mirth ... Competent leads, improved Pickler ... Kathleen Madigan on Kellie Pickler ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot cleanup ... Patrick Monahan shout-out ... Uneven pacing, treading water ... Sterling Masters' heel j-turn ... Hallmark's version of Cyrano ... Spot the Angel: Duffy, brassy broad, Aria and Midway itself ... Misrepresenting rural Utah ... BREAK ... Journalismism: Implausible writing gifts; mischaracterizing producers; Sterling Masters is in The Bubble; Aria's teenage writing fandom; huge travel influencer; tweet, snap, share and 'gram it; mystery novel; acceptable resentment ... BREAK ... Eat Your Heart Out: Waitress shout-out; mistletoe man meringue; nutcrackers, Robert Wheel namin' nuts; popcorn chewing in the dark; mistletoe martini; rural Utah blue laws; marshmallow expertise; Christmas pickle, German tradition; ordering for the lady; almost a real courtship; John DeLorean's flourless coke spoon ... BREAK ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Adrian Grenier's Utah; Romneys on the BYU team; uncomfortable allusions ... Overdetermined: A Taste of New Haven Passport vs. The Mistletoe Man vs. Sitcom cutoff dialogue vs. "Take a risk!" ... Tolstoyan allegory ... Crossover: Alex and Sterling's comeuppance and/or body-swapping; Squiggy; No Country for Elf Men ... BREAK ... The Swagony of Defeat: Balsam Hill ornaments, again; a Belsnickel Christmas ... Hallmark's The Magic Mountain, Death on Christmas and Buddenbrooks ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Devoured by Christmas ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Sterling Masters' turtle hat vs. Craig, volunteer Uberist, Get Out and Christmas ... Rating: 3 ... House flipping, again ... Tyler Hynes Appreciation Station ... The Leftovers: [LINK] Cronenberg cat sweater [LINK] ... 30-50 feral cats ... Pass the Bedazzler ... Self-negotiation ... Is Santa's workshop nearby? ... Farewell shooting star ... Merry Christmas! • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Joy to the World," by The Klezmonauts • "Misbehavin' (1989)" by Aimee-Leigh and Baby Billy • "Edelweiss (Instrumental)," by JJ Heller • "Girls of Porn," by Mr. Bungle • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane 

<a href="https://twitter.com/bobbybigwheel" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">ROBERT WHEEL</a> returns for <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10768348/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">THE MISTLETOE SECRET</a> (2019) and might get: Lubricious ... Always bet on Duffles ... Underused Patrick Duffy ... Improved Hallmark experience ... Moments of Mirth ... Competent leads, improved Pickler ... Kathleen Madigan on Kellie Pickler ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot cleanup ... Patrick Monahan shout-out ... Uneven pacing, treading water ... Sterling Masters' heel j-turn ... Hallmark's version of Cyrano ... Spot the Angel: Duffy, brassy broad, Aria and Midway itself ... Misrepresenting rural Utah ... BREAK ... Journalismism: Implausible writing gifts; mischaracterizing producers; Sterling Masters is in The Bubble; Aria's teenage writing fandom; huge travel influencer; tweet, snap, share and 'gram it; mystery novel; acceptable resentment ... BREAK ... Eat Your Heart Out: Waitress shout-out; mistletoe man meringue; nutcrackers, Robert Wheel namin' nuts; popcorn chewing in the dark; mistletoe martini; rural Utah blue laws; marshmallow expertise; Christmas pickle, German tradition; ordering for the lady; almost a real courtship; John DeLorean's flourless coke spoon ... BREAK ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Adrian Grenier's Utah; Romneys on the BYU team; uncomfortable allusions ... Overdetermined: A Taste of New Haven Passport vs. The Mistletoe Man vs. Sitcom cutoff dialogue vs. "Take a risk!" ... Tolstoyan allegory ... Crossover: Alex and Sterling's comeuppance and/or body-swapping; Squiggy; No Country for Elf Men ... BREAK ... The Swagony of Defeat: Balsam Hill ornaments, again; a Belsnickel Christmas ... Hallmark's The Magic Mountain, Death on Christmas and Buddenbrooks ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Devoured by Christmas ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Sterling Masters' turtle hat vs. Craig, volunteer Uberist, Get Out and Christmas ... Rating: 3 ... House flipping, again ... Tyler Hynes Appreciation Station ... The Leftovers: [LINK] <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ItsChristmastown/posts/3090738730996453?comment_id=3090807807656212¬if_id=1575562996704209" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Cronenberg cat sweater</a> [LINK] ... 30-50 feral cats ... Pass the Bedazzler ... Self-negotiation ... Is Santa's workshop nearby? ... Farewell shooting star ... Merry Christmas! • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Joy-To-The-World/dp/B000QQ6FPM/ref=sr_1_8?keywords=the+klezmonauts&amp;qid=1575616132&amp;sr=8-8" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Joy to the World</a>," by The Klezmonauts • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Misbehavin-Aimee-Leigh-Baby-Billy/dp/B07Z83QR13/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=misbehavin&amp;qid=1575616059&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Misbehavin' (1989)</a>" by Aimee-Leigh and Baby Billy • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Edelweiss-Instrumental/dp/B07R7TDDFL/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=jj+heller+edelweiss&amp;qid=1575616018&amp;sr=8-2" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Edelweiss (Instrumental)</a>," by JJ Heller • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/The-Girls-Of-Porn/dp/B00G296ZJ8/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=girls+of+porn+mr+bungle&amp;qid=1575616210&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Girls of Porn</a>," by Mr. Bungle • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

076 - Cyrano Fieri's Love Passport

ROBERT WHEEL uses his potty mouth to announce which children are sick and which are goldbrickers in 2017's Magical Christmas Ornaments, and tends to: Mort, the original gangster ... Bobby to Hallmark: Dreck, Blecch! ... The Expositional Challenge ... A Hallmark podcast talking about podcasts in Hallmark ... How SHORT could this movie be? ... Tiny Tim and Medical Urchinosis ... Office hospital ... Munchausen by Christmas ... Small kitchen, large vermin ... Spot the Angel: Mom or ornament? ... Refreshing Tim Matheson ... Eat Your Heart Out: Bobby goes for the X rating, cookie-speared cupcake, gingerbread Groupon ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Children's book publishing vs. The Real Housewives vs. Ina Bruckner's revenge ... Danica McKellar, please fight Dave ... Overdetermined: Ornamental lingering vs. Quentin Tarantino's "Feet" vs. exhausting exposition ... Crossover: Poltergeist ornaments vs. exhausted archetypes vs. Bringing Out The Dead ... Breslin radio ... Bourbon bastard bro writer ... The Swagony of Defeat: Surprisingly modest for a product-placement movie, Sanibel Island geography, hot pants, Jesus Christ ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes! ... Partner Chat: So I Married An Axe Murderer; architectural quibble; HIPAA ... WASP Ken Marino or Canadian Luke Wilson? ... Ken Marino, please wrestle Dave ... Leftovers: Dave, fight Michael Bublé ... More on Hallmark's bizarre proto-Marxism ... Oh hai, Dickens ..."The Time of Our Lives": The Facebook post of a barely literate divorcé ... Rating: 2 • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "Gingerbread Man (Instrumental)" by Gucci Mane • "Whoa, Girl (Just Boobin')" by Kidd Luv (feat. Johnny Boob) • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: • ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #5 • Follow Bobby here!

ROBERT WHEEL uses his potty mouth to announce which children are sick and which are goldbrickers in 2017's <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7642542/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Magical Christmas Ornaments</a>, and tends to: Mort, the original gangster ... Bobby to Hallmark: Dreck, Blecch! ... The Expositional Challenge ... A Hallmark podcast talking about podcasts in Hallmark ... How SHORT could this movie be? ... Tiny Tim and Medical Urchinosis ... Office hospital ... Munchausen by Christmas ... Small kitchen, large vermin ... Spot the Angel: Mom or ornament? ... Refreshing Tim Matheson ... Eat Your Heart Out: Bobby goes for the X rating, cookie-speared cupcake, gingerbread Groupon ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Children's book publishing vs. The Real Housewives vs. Ina Bruckner's revenge ... Danica McKellar, please fight Dave ... Overdetermined: Ornamental lingering vs. Quentin Tarantino's "Feet" vs. exhausting exposition ... Crossover: Poltergeist ornaments vs. exhausted archetypes vs. Bringing Out The Dead ... Breslin radio ... Bourbon bastard bro writer ... The Swagony of Defeat: Surprisingly modest for a product-placement movie, Sanibel Island geography, hot pants, Jesus Christ ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes! ... Partner Chat: So I Married An Axe Murderer; architectural quibble; HIPAA ... WASP Ken Marino or Canadian Luke Wilson? ... Ken Marino, please wrestle Dave ... Leftovers: Dave, fight Michael Bublé ... More on Hallmark's bizarre proto-Marxism ... Oh hai, Dickens ..."The Time of Our Lives": The Facebook post of a barely literate divorcé ... Rating: 2 • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/cyber-vision/id1144185940" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">If U Want It</a>," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZehSCJfdGM" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Gingerbread Man (Instrumental)</a>" by Gucci Mane • "<a href="https://satellitehigh.bandcamp.com/track/whoa-girl-just-boobin" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Whoa, Girl (Just Boobin')</a>" by Kidd Luv (feat. Johnny Boob) • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: • <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGIa1wmjMnY" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #5</a> • <a href="https://twitter.com/bobbybigwheel" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Follow Bobby here</a>!

023 - A Fisherman's Guide to Undercover Angola

KEITH BUCKLEY, author and lead singer of Every Time I Die joins us for 2016's Dater's Handbook and: Giambis ... REO Speedwagon ... They shoot Go-Go's, don't they? ... Rick Derringer, BOC and Nas memories ... The Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle ... Royal wedding/Hallmark crossover ... Food snitching: UNFORGIVABLE ... Artistic Hallmark ... Mindwarped by Lifetime ... The Duchess does ALL her own stunts ... Meghan Markle is good ... Jarred by emotional realness ... The Expositional Challenge ... Dr. Susie ... Cocktail dresses, winter rain ... G-rated racy ... "Negging" funny-guys ... Pigtail pulling and desire without sex ... Lifetime: Nothing Is Safe ... Nerf tension ... Never get upset ... Spot The Angel: Wedding children, romcom atheism and David Duke's sister ... Eat Your Heart Out: Dinner in Oz, snitches get stitches, Keith would NOT marry the Duchess of Sussex, PASTRIES, authentic Bennigan's, thankless wings ... Good sports! ... Duane Laimbeer redux ... Meet your own Shmoiz ... Allergic and Unaware of It ... 100% subordinate failure rate ... The Devner Broncos ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Christian postal detectives vs. yoga pants ... Overdetermined: Lampshading Uber Alles vs. Handbook formatting vs. Dater's Handbook thinking, Meet 'n' greet bullshit ... "He's A Killer 4" ... Wine Clown George: Too stuffy for middle management, kinda My Fair Lady, still kinda Keith's boy ... The Swagony of Defeat: Free lampshading with Prime ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: No, absolutely not ... Partner Chat: Cocktail dress, toddler party; Canadian brother; a family divide on embracing linear sincerity ... Rating: 5 stars ... Goodbye to Keith ... Leftovers: Real athletico ... Hal-9000's dinner suite ... Chekhov's Chicken Wing ... John Galt and the Affordable Atlas Shrugged ... Kristoffer Polaha's rescuing wryness ... Pants Spumone ... Jive-ass putt-putt ... "George's uptightness" duel ... MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "Don't Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult • "In A Gadda Da Vida," by Iron Butterfly • "Take It on the Run," by REO Speedwagon • "Third and Wrong" by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne. • ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #3 • GET KEITH'S NEW BOOK HERE.

KEITH BUCKLEY, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Daps&amp;field-keywords=keith+buckley" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">author</a> and lead singer of <a href="http://www.everytimeidie.net" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Every Time I Die</a> joins us for 2016's <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5364518/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Dater's Handbook</a> and: Giambis ... REO Speedwagon ... They shoot Go-Go's, don't they? ... Rick Derringer, BOC and Nas memories ... The Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle ... Royal wedding/Hallmark crossover ... Food snitching: UNFORGIVABLE ... Artistic Hallmark ... Mindwarped by Lifetime ... The Duchess does ALL her own stunts ... Meghan Markle is good ... Jarred by emotional realness ... The Expositional Challenge ... Dr. Susie ... Cocktail dresses, winter rain ... G-rated racy ... "Negging" funny-guys ... Pigtail pulling and desire without sex ... Lifetime: Nothing Is Safe ... Nerf tension ... Never get upset ... Spot The Angel: Wedding children, romcom atheism and David Duke's sister ... Eat Your Heart Out: Dinner in Oz, snitches get stitches, Keith would NOT marry the Duchess of Sussex, PASTRIES, authentic Bennigan's, thankless wings ... Good sports! ... Duane Laimbeer redux ... Meet your own Shmoiz ... Allergic and Unaware of It ... 100% subordinate failure rate ... The Devner Broncos ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Christian postal detectives vs. yoga pants ... Overdetermined: Lampshading Uber Alles vs. Handbook formatting vs. Dater's Handbook thinking, Meet 'n' greet bullshit ... "He's A Killer 4" ... Wine Clown George: Too stuffy for middle management, kinda My Fair Lady, still kinda Keith's boy ... The Swagony of Defeat: Free lampshading with Prime ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: No, absolutely not ... Partner Chat: Cocktail dress, toddler party; Canadian brother; a family divide on embracing linear sincerity ... Rating: 5 stars ... Goodbye to Keith ... Leftovers: Real athletico ... Hal-9000's dinner suite ... Chekhov's Chicken Wing ... John Galt and the Affordable Atlas Shrugged ... Kristoffer Polaha's rescuing wryness ... Pants Spumone ... Jive-ass putt-putt ... "George's uptightness" duel ... MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/cyber-vision/id1144185940" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">If U Want It</a>," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Fear-The-Reaper/dp/B00137IJUM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1531472617&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=don%27t+fear+the+reaper" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Don't Fear the Reaper</a>" by Blue Oyster Cult • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida-Remastered-2006/dp/B06XPLWZS5/ref=sr_1_1?s=dmusic&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1531472671&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=in+a+gadda+da+vida" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">In A Gadda Da Vida</a>," by Iron Butterfly • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Take-It-on-the-Run/dp/B003YO06S0/ref=sr_1_1?s=dmusic&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1531472700&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=take+it+on+the+run+reo+speedwagon" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Take It on the Run</a>," by REO Speedwagon • "Third and Wrong" by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne.</a> • <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-NBwrBX7nM" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #3</a> • GET <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Watch-Novel-Keith-Buckley/dp/1947856472/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1531472426&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=keith+buckley" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">KEITH'S NEW BOOK HERE</a>.

021 - The Duchess of Sussex - FOOD CRIMINAL

We forget everything and start FALLING FOR VERMONT (2017) and: Hard at work or hardly working? ... THEME ... Pepperidge Farm doesn't remember ... Letters to Santa: We want it jauntier; listener Jack's bullet-point recommendation ... Not the most insane amnesia plot ... Flavor of Love ... The Expositional Challenge: Honk ... The most disturbing image in Hallmark ... Veronica Mars trauma callback ... Exploiting the vulnerable, and overnight medical ethics ... "I am not a crackpot" ... Hand over amnesiacs to social workers ... Nobody recognizes JK Rowling ... You're in Hopedale ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: There are no angels here ... Crushing on an amnesiac empty shell ... The helpless gratitude kiss ... The Day After Tomorrow callback ... Eat Your Heart Out: Cider vibes, to-go coffee, blueberry pancakes; the Nut! button; nut allergies; Beantown Today; breathin' hard, or hardly breathin'; foliage, shell food and butter; pie-eating contest; ice-cream finale ... Gazebo perturbation ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Bookstore Boss Goes Bonkers vs. Gail Is the Haint ... Overdetermined: Literal amnesia plot effacing heavy Hallmark metaphor; diving into shallow water ... No pot in this Vermont ... Crossover: Shutter Island for Hallmark amnesiacs, Rob Delaney resemblance, Michael McGlone for Geico, Godfather II, Laura Palmer's body ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Strong yes ... Great Moments in Moppetry Rating: 3, for too-precocious meta-dialogue ... Secretary of Moppetry Lauren McNamara ... Rating: 3 ... Watching the same epiphanies repeat ... Plug! ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Go for Brad (Canadian Wine Clown) ... Con Cord, New Hampshire ... Journey Girl ... Scorch Trials ... Buying your car at Ross ... Shopping montage ... Driving jump-cut ... Correct weather ... Nixon Agosies ... "Medically normal" ... [LINK] Brian Wilson is Black Ops [LINK] ... David Winning: Most Prolific Hallmark Director ... Canada: America's Rec Room ... Remaking Cronenberg's Rabid with Hallmark actors ... Exposition comes in threes ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "City of Hope," by Journey • "Hold on Hope," by Guided by Voices • "Laura Palmer's Theme," by Angelo Badalamenti • "Oklahoma, USA," by The Kinks • "Hope," by Bauhaus • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

We forget everything and start <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7131334/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">FALLING FOR VERMONT</a> (2017) and: Hard at work or hardly working? ... THEME ... Pepperidge Farm doesn't remember ... Letters to Santa: We want it jauntier; listener Jack's bullet-point recommendation ... Not the most insane amnesia plot ... Flavor of Love ... The Expositional Challenge: Honk ... The most disturbing image in Hallmark ... Veronica Mars trauma callback ... Exploiting the vulnerable, and overnight medical ethics ... "I am not a crackpot" ... Hand over amnesiacs to social workers ... Nobody recognizes JK Rowling ... You're in Hopedale ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: There are no angels here ... Crushing on an amnesiac empty shell ... The helpless gratitude kiss ... The Day After Tomorrow callback ... Eat Your Heart Out: Cider vibes, to-go coffee, blueberry pancakes; the Nut! button; nut allergies; Beantown Today; breathin' hard, or hardly breathin'; foliage, shell food and butter; pie-eating contest; ice-cream finale ... Gazebo perturbation ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Bookstore Boss Goes Bonkers vs. Gail Is the Haint ... Overdetermined: Literal amnesia plot effacing heavy Hallmark metaphor; diving into shallow water ... No pot in this Vermont ... Crossover: Shutter Island for Hallmark amnesiacs, Rob Delaney resemblance, Michael McGlone for Geico, Godfather II, Laura Palmer's body ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Strong yes ... Great Moments in Moppetry Rating: 3, for too-precocious meta-dialogue ... Secretary of Moppetry Lauren McNamara ... Rating: 3 ... Watching the same epiphanies repeat ... Plug! ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Go for Brad (Canadian Wine Clown) ... Con Cord, New Hampshire ... Journey Girl ... Scorch Trials ... Buying your car at Ross ... Shopping montage ... Driving jump-cut ... Correct weather ... Nixon Agosies ... "Medically normal" ... [LINK] <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ItsChristmastown/videos/934683973567674/?__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARApKWOu9u0kv4IbgQ8PLhEWO1tTZAeuRKwwO4w3rglnutR8zEozrHzYodT7U2SzXbK8zPG5gBF9yuAsTEnRw4lqtEHvosW8sGqjuXYsAgG8A3EoJFWbkV3RlFY1jh_XijJ15T8kNzaBJM5Kom1Gr82N6yhj5-frPhOWmoMxvp8G1qiOJUWZ3OXelwfQENcdVBuTPRo5SbLIHG20m7b1cwKiwWhiw60PiIXa2munHi4paqXqdNNeI3pahhhKDne3Vt81N7QmymgHm3cscg5knAHKE4nFxjNc_o7YD4kkVShdrkofpP9nemKZvAYZRR7x2M47vyfUFNkBidAq-QB6BsQOQqJlIsGbzlvA6A&amp;__tn__=-R" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Brian Wilson is Black Ops</a> [LINK] ... David Winning: Most Prolific Hallmark Director ... Canada: America's Rec Room ... Remaking Cronenberg's Rabid with Hallmark actors ... Exposition comes in threes ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/City-of-Hope/dp/B07611SS8K/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=city+of+hope+journey&amp;qid=1572286006&amp;sr=8-2" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">City of Hope</a>," by Journey • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Hold-On-Hope/dp/B002WZIL34/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=hold+on+hope+guided+by+voices&amp;qid=1572286034&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Hold on Hope</a>," by Guided by Voices • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Laura-Palmers-Theme-Love-Peaks/dp/B0728P8Q4D/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=laura+palmer%27s+theme+angelo+badalamenti&amp;qid=1572286062&amp;sr=8-4" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Laura Palmer's Theme</a>," by Angelo Badalamenti • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Oklahoma-U-S-A/dp/B00N4FFIC8/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=oklahoma+usa+kinks&amp;qid=1572286102&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Oklahoma, USA</a>," by The Kinks • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Hope/dp/B000W05CW4/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=hope+bauhaus&amp;qid=1572286124&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Hope</a>," by Bauhaus • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

070 - Exile in Goalville

Edith Wharton

SARA KATE WILKINSON returns to exquisitely loath The Mistletoe Inn and: The world's worst writing metaphor ... THEME ... Sara Kate hates the movie and the lead ... NOT a crush on Alicia Witt ... Too nuanced an actress to nail broad antic/slapstick (still not a crush) ... David Alpay nod ... The Expositional Challenge: Pseudonymous Revenge ... 9/11 non-existence and surprise plane tickets ... A Scandinavian Doubletree ... A whole movie of "that's not a thing" ... Residence Inn outside, Holiday Inn lobby, office building rooms ... Accidentally authentic conference alienation ... Who runs this conference and for whom? ... What is this writing competition??? ... Snow dementia ... Spot the Angel: Each other's angels, or Sam ... Flawed tweed/male-writer subplot ... HT Cowell should work for Brazzers ... Eat Your Heart Out: Lifelong preemptive quitter vs. Christmas-themed and writer cocktails vs. Nut cart vs. Crepe cart vs. Hotel clown show vs. Turkey roast! vs. SO rude ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Boutique Christmas-romance publisher vs. News frolic vs. Same main street ... Overdetermined: Stakes reminder vs. Shattered keynote speaker vs. "Take a risk!" vs. INSANE breakup clip vs. When your rounding error correction is a round error vs. EVERYTHING ABOUT WRITING IS WRONG ... Crossover: Sara Kate's Queen Latifah pull vs. Turkish Stephen King/In the Mouth of Christmas vs. Defeat ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes, but yes. Partner Chat: Wrongly equating success with self, candle continuity ... Hotel Leone trutherism: taller than the Chrysler Building, wall AC units, stores and spaces in Vancouver's historic Sinclair Center, Sam should be HT Cowell, INSANE SUICIDE PROLOGUE, Insufficient motivation ...  Leftovers: CHRISTMAS. TREE. LOT. FUNDA. MENTALS ... Alicia Witt: Unnatural runner, natural 3/4 arm slot ... Team Rude ... So f*ck you, Edith Wharton ... Nutcracker ... Rating: Tangy and Unsettling ... We did it! • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "New Word," by Alicia Witt and "About Me," by Alicia Witt • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: • ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #7 • Follow Sara Kate here!

SARA KATE WILKINSON returns to exquisitely loath <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7647010/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">The Mistletoe Inn</a> and: The world's worst writing metaphor ... THEME ... Sara Kate hates the movie and the lead ... NOT a crush on Alicia Witt ... Too nuanced an actress to nail broad antic/slapstick (still not a crush) ... David Alpay nod ... The Expositional Challenge: Pseudonymous Revenge ... 9/11 non-existence and surprise plane tickets ... A Scandinavian Doubletree ... A whole movie of "that's not a thing" ... Residence Inn outside, Holiday Inn lobby, office building rooms ... Accidentally authentic conference alienation ... Who runs this conference and for whom? ... What is this writing competition??? ... Snow dementia ... Spot the Angel: Each other's angels, or Sam ... Flawed tweed/male-writer subplot ... HT Cowell should work for Brazzers ... Eat Your Heart Out: Lifelong preemptive quitter vs. Christmas-themed and writer cocktails vs. Nut cart vs. Crepe cart vs. Hotel clown show vs. Turkey roast! vs. SO rude ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Boutique Christmas-romance publisher vs. News frolic vs. Same main street ... Overdetermined: Stakes reminder vs. Shattered keynote speaker vs. "Take a risk!" vs. INSANE breakup clip vs. When your rounding error correction is a round error vs. EVERYTHING ABOUT WRITING IS WRONG ... Crossover: Sara Kate's Queen Latifah pull vs. Turkish Stephen King/In the Mouth of Christmas vs. Defeat ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes, but yes. Partner Chat: Wrongly equating success with self, candle continuity ... Hotel Leone trutherism: taller than the Chrysler Building, wall AC units, stores and spaces in Vancouver's historic Sinclair Center, Sam should be HT Cowell, INSANE SUICIDE PROLOGUE, Insufficient motivation ...  Leftovers: CHRISTMAS. TREE. LOT. FUNDA. MENTALS ... Alicia Witt: Unnatural runner, natural 3/4 arm slot ... Team Rude ... So f*ck you, Edith Wharton ... Nutcracker ... Rating: Tangy and Unsettling ... We did it! • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/cyber-vision/id1144185940" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">If U Want It</a>," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/New-Word/dp/B07DGPD3RW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1535701739&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=alicia+witt+new" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">New Word</a>," by Alicia Witt and "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/About-Me-Explicit/dp/B07DGSFSVJ/ref=sr_1_1?s=dmusic&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1535701771&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=alicia+witt+about+me" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">About Me</a>," by Alicia Witt • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: • <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iLObWWH-hQ" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #7</a> • <a href="https://twitter.com/sarakatew" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Follow Sara Kate here</a>!

025 - So F*ck You, Edith Wharton

SARA KATE WILKINSON returns a fourth time for THE NINE LIVES OF CHRISTMAS, the movie that spawned the theory that 9/11 never happened in the Hallmark universe and includes: Determined to be unique! ... THEME ... Good movie, cult fandom ... Kimberley Sustad appreciation station ... "Godwink" ... Immortal Kathie Lee Gifford ... The Expositional Challenge ... Old dads and twentysomething sons getting equally hot ... Trapper John, MD, Hunter, Falcon Crest, MacGyver ... Spot the Angel: Ambrose the Cat (not of Milan) ... Lousy with angels ... BREAK ... Eat Your Heart Out: Mangiamo's; gleaming rolls; Folger's Product (again); flat champagne; sliced bread; Mrs. Claus' candy-cane ice cream bucket; cute meet-cute; "horrible diarrhea"; dog food and taco shells; Taco Bell wrapper; antihistamines and poultry; just desserts ... BREAK ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: A snowless and normal place; least Christmasy Hallmark Christmas movie; Oregon-less Portland ... Wicked New England without 9/11 OR Tawmmy Brady ... Lovable firemen, male friendship network, and multitudinous women friends ... Humanesque universal innocency ... Alicia Witt clumsy-jogging into everyone ... Kimberley Sustad: Beautiful normal-looking person ... "She looks like a newscaster!" ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: Determined; unexplained phobia; fireman dad; correctly firing Chekhov's guns; puma callback; model and pet-store heiress; ostentatious fire-truck PDA; trashing your "psychotic" girlfriend to another woman; escaping via smoke breaks ... Vogue toothpaste editorials ... Don't give the stranger your friend's address ... BREAK ... Crossover: No Superman references; Chicago Vet ... DICK WOLF ... Singing the Law &amp; Order theme ... The Swagony of Defeat: Folgers Tubbb! and Wal-Mart bags and zero pet-food promotion ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Did it fail by a lot? ... My firefighter boyfriend lives in Canada ... Bogus as hell firemen calendar ... Neutered-but-horny Instagram firehouse cat ... Partner Chat: We haven't kissed, but do you want to live in my house? ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Marilee and Merrily ... Kelvina Picklesmith ... Evicted at the Angel Arms ... Hiding my cat in front of the bay window ... Flashing a BS badge ... Violating your fireman's oath ... Kimberley Sustad: She's my sister! She's my daughter! ... The best kind of pretty ... Roving Christmas party Santa ... Wife-as-handyman ... A shade of Marilee White ... ART THOU FORLORN??? ... Weird party excuse ... Beautiful in a fireman's coat ... Rating: 4.5 ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" by Billy Joel • "Run Rudolph Run" by Chuck Berry • All other music by Chris Collingwood of  Look Park and  Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnan

<a href="https://twitter.com/sarakatew" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">SARA KATE WILKINSON</a> returns a fourth time for <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3889642/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">THE NINE LIVES OF CHRISTMAS</a>, the movie that spawned the theory that 9/11 never happened in the Hallmark universe and includes: Determined to be unique! ... THEME ... Good movie, cult fandom ... Kimberley Sustad appreciation station ... "Godwink" ... Immortal Kathie Lee Gifford ... The Expositional Challenge ... Old dads and twentysomething sons getting equally hot ... Trapper John, MD, Hunter, Falcon Crest, MacGyver ... Spot the Angel: Ambrose the Cat (not of Milan) ... Lousy with angels ... BREAK ... Eat Your Heart Out: Mangiamo's; gleaming rolls; Folger's Product (again); flat champagne; sliced bread; Mrs. Claus' candy-cane ice cream bucket; cute meet-cute; "horrible diarrhea"; dog food and taco shells; Taco Bell wrapper; antihistamines and poultry; just desserts ... BREAK ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: A snowless and normal place; least Christmasy Hallmark Christmas movie; Oregon-less Portland ... Wicked New England without 9/11 OR Tawmmy Brady ... Lovable firemen, male friendship network, and multitudinous women friends ... Humanesque universal innocency ... Alicia Witt clumsy-jogging into everyone ... Kimberley Sustad: Beautiful normal-looking person ... "She looks like a newscaster!" ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: Determined; unexplained phobia; fireman dad; correctly firing Chekhov's guns; puma callback; model and pet-store heiress; ostentatious fire-truck PDA; trashing your "psychotic" girlfriend to another woman; escaping via smoke breaks ... Vogue toothpaste editorials ... Don't give the stranger your friend's address ... BREAK ... Crossover: No Superman references; Chicago Vet ... DICK WOLF ... Singing the Law &amp; Order theme ... The Swagony of Defeat: Folgers Tubbb! and Wal-Mart bags and zero pet-food promotion ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Did it fail by a lot? ... My firefighter boyfriend lives in Canada ... Bogus as hell firemen calendar ... Neutered-but-horny Instagram firehouse cat ... Partner Chat: We haven't kissed, but do you want to live in my house? ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Marilee and Merrily ... Kelvina Picklesmith ... Evicted at the Angel Arms ... Hiding my cat in front of the bay window ... Flashing a BS badge ... Violating your fireman's oath ... Kimberley Sustad: She's my sister! She's my daughter! ... The best kind of pretty ... Roving Christmas party Santa ... Wife-as-handyman ... A shade of Marilee White ... ART THOU FORLORN??? ... Weird party excuse ... Beautiful in a fireman's coat ... Rating: 4.5 ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/cyber-vision/id1144185940" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">If U Want It</a>," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Scenes-from-an-Italian-Restaurant/dp/B00137IJ3Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1544610591&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=scenes+from+an+italian+restaurant+billy+joel" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Scenes from an Italian Restaurant</a>" by Billy Joel • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Run-Rudolph-Single-Version/dp/B001NTZ70A/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1544610613&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=run+rudolph+run+chuck+berry" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Run Rudolph Run</a>" by Chuck Berry • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnan

039 - Hallmark Origins: 9/11 Never Happened

TREVOR "HEGELBON" STRUNK, host of the No Cartridge podcast joins us for 2017's Eat, Play, Love and: Veterinary Professionals' Day! ... Hallmark spousal osmosis ... Sneaky weirdness ... We Rate Dogs: The Movie ... Wisdom by tchochke ... The Expositional Challenge... Very relatable dog-related senior citizen B-plot ... Sexless chat with the pair Most Likely to Get Married ... Peppy ponytail guy, sans ponytail ... Gymboree Club Fed, for dogs ... Emotionally constipated time-travel paradox ... College: The #1 mistake ... Dave's Theory of Hallmark Estrangement Stasis ... Breakup without conflict, reconciliation without effort or apology ... Spot the Angel: Ice cream Michelle vs. Beasley's increasing dog calamities ... Classic Lines: Trendy elementary school glasses, overalls, bad sweaters, comfortable Lindsay Wagner ... Eat Your Heart Out: Crepes? It's crepes!; salad sauce; steak 'n' cantaloupe; "I have so many flavors right now" ... Insulting or pandering? ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Kristi's informercial and Christmastown romance; Tulipomania! ... Overdetermined: Carly's closing "Ich bin ein this dog" speech; dog emotional projection; Kristi's evil; found in a ditch; Beasley knows who loves you ... Build-A-Buré Workshop: A Princess Declawed... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Nope ... Partner Chat: Sharing a story is good, the movie not as much; ad-libbed Twitter bio ... Mike Francesa on Twitter ... Leftovers: It's A Dog's Life With Union Carbide ... Hot or cold? ... The Canine Connector ... Shopping montage ... Plugs and Internet Badboy Jesse Farrar ... It's not Hall of Fame, Veterans Committee, it's not Hall of Fame! ... MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "Walking the Dog," by Rufus Thomas • "Wait You Dog," by Mabel John • "The Dog," by Rufus Thomas • "Dog Police," by Dog Police • ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #9 • Opening and closing interstitial music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne.

TREVOR "<a href="https://twitter.com/Hegelbon?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">HEGELBON</a>" STRUNK, host of the <a href="http://www.no-cartridge.net/" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">No Cartridge</a> podcast joins us for 2017's <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7034316/?ref_=ttfc_fc_tt" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Eat, Play, Love</a> and: Veterinary Professionals' Day! ... Hallmark spousal osmosis ... Sneaky weirdness ... We Rate Dogs: The Movie ... Wisdom by tchochke ... The Expositional Challenge... Very relatable dog-related senior citizen B-plot ... Sexless chat with the pair Most Likely to Get Married ... Peppy ponytail guy, sans ponytail ... Gymboree Club Fed, for dogs ... Emotionally constipated time-travel paradox ... College: The #1 mistake ... Dave's Theory of Hallmark Estrangement Stasis ... Breakup without conflict, reconciliation without effort or apology ... Spot the Angel: Ice cream Michelle vs. Beasley's increasing dog calamities ... Classic Lines: Trendy elementary school glasses, overalls, bad sweaters, comfortable Lindsay Wagner ... Eat Your Heart Out: Crepes? It's crepes!; salad sauce; steak 'n' cantaloupe; "I have so many flavors right now" ... Insulting or pandering? ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Kristi's informercial and Christmastown romance; Tulipomania! ... Overdetermined: Carly's closing "Ich bin ein this dog" speech; dog emotional projection; Kristi's evil; found in a ditch; Beasley knows who loves you ... Build-A-Buré Workshop: A Princess Declawed... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Nope ... Partner Chat: Sharing a story is good, the movie not as much; ad-libbed Twitter bio ... Mike Francesa on Twitter ... Leftovers: It's A Dog's Life With Union Carbide ... Hot or cold? ... The Canine Connector ... Shopping montage ... Plugs and Internet Badboy Jesse Farrar ... It's not Hall of Fame, Veterans Committee, it's not Hall of Fame! ... MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/cyber-vision/id1144185940" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">If U Want It</a>," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyoXMXjWP4Y" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Walking the Dog</a>," by Rufus Thomas • "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItbioUj-1ug" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Wait You Dog</a>," by Mabel John • "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqEp9b3t4XU" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">The Dog</a>," by Rufus Thomas • "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMidbdzSjr0" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Dog Police</a>," by Dog Police • <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-w-iJJjQw7g" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #9</a> • Opening and closing interstitial music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne.</a>

018 - Beasley vs. The Canine Connector

Glengarry Glen Ross

It's time to FLIP THAT ROMANCE (2019) and reveal: This movie was bad ... Whose fault is it? ... Like a fountain-drink suicide of Hallmark going wrong ... Expanding the Hallmark topic zone ... Jeb, pain management and HGTV ... Tyler James Tyler LOVED the flips in this movie ... Welcome to Casa Leone ... Apartment dwellers and home builders agree: This is a valueless story conceit ... Heroically making human needs more expensive ... A house flipper vs. the concept of house flipping ... "Little Boxes" flipping renovation ... My Bad Flip: leaching all humanity from this concept ... BREAK ... The Expositional Challenge: Nice ... The one (and one and one) weird thing about this movie ... Costco Depot ... A whole town of bad romance and renovation stans ... Favor? This is your JOB ... Rich people jonesing for this next score to get well ... Chandler, Ross, Indy ... Leni Riefenstahl's Christmas Village ... Charlie Sheen smug vibe ... Thawed-out romance, with trolling ... Everything that flatlines might converge ... BREAK ... Substack Blog Plug ... Beaten by alumni ... Spot the Angel: A whole town! ... Drag This House: Home design center "class" options; contractor spec house picks; the Katherine Heigl kitchen; House Beautiful; debased design language; more humid than humid; conceptually beige and easy to sell; wet-paint color decisions ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: In the Heart of Hearts of Spring ... Eat Your Heart Out: The Hallmark debut of rosé; buttchugging; this is how old you are now; excruciating lasagna scene; shut up and eat; just so rude ... Overdetermined: Flower arrangement ... Rating: 1 ... Mateen Cleaves Appreciation Station ... BREAK ... The Leftovers:  "Epic fail" and "hangry," welcome to the canon ... First-opportunity kiss ... Positive gaysian character ... Character actor with a good IMDB page ... "Have a healthy breakfast" music ... Overbidding by $18,000 like a moron ... Time-bending countertops ... "There are opportunities here" ... Inspirational five-foot rose mural ... I thought we were going to hit it out of the park with this flip ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "Cantaloop" by US3 • "More Human Than Human," by White Zombie • All other music by Chris Collingwood of  Look Park and  Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane 

It's time to <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt9747392/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">FLIP THAT ROMANCE</a> (2019) and reveal: This movie was bad ... Whose fault is it? ... Like a fountain-drink suicide of Hallmark going wrong ... Expanding the Hallmark topic zone ... Jeb, pain management and HGTV ... Tyler James Tyler LOVED the flips in this movie ... Welcome to Casa Leone ... Apartment dwellers and home builders agree: This is a valueless story conceit ... Heroically making human needs more expensive ... A house flipper vs. the concept of house flipping ... "Little Boxes" flipping renovation ... My Bad Flip: leaching all humanity from this concept ... BREAK ... The Expositional Challenge: Nice ... The one (and one and one) weird thing about this movie ... Costco Depot ... A whole town of bad romance and renovation stans ... Favor? This is your JOB ... Rich people jonesing for this next score to get well ... Chandler, Ross, Indy ... Leni Riefenstahl's Christmas Village ... Charlie Sheen smug vibe ... Thawed-out romance, with trolling ... Everything that flatlines might converge ... BREAK ... Substack Blog Plug ... Beaten by alumni ... Spot the Angel: A whole town! ... Drag This House: Home design center "class" options; contractor spec house picks; the Katherine Heigl kitchen; House Beautiful; debased design language; more humid than humid; conceptually beige and easy to sell; wet-paint color decisions ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: In the Heart of Hearts of Spring ... Eat Your Heart Out: The Hallmark debut of rosé; buttchugging; this is how old you are now; excruciating lasagna scene; shut up and eat; just so rude ... Overdetermined: Flower arrangement ... Rating: 1 ... Mateen Cleaves Appreciation Station ... BREAK ... The Leftovers:  "Epic fail" and "hangry," welcome to the canon ... First-opportunity kiss ... Positive gaysian character ... Character actor with a good IMDB page ... "Have a healthy breakfast" music ... Overbidding by $18,000 like a moron ... Time-bending countertops ... "There are opportunities here" ... Inspirational five-foot rose mural ... I thought we were going to hit it out of the park with this flip ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/cyber-vision/id1144185940" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">If U Want It</a>," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Cantaloop-Flip-Fantasia-Re-Recorded-Remastered/dp/B004PTMLXQ/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=cantaloop&amp;qid=1555442952&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Cantaloop</a>" by US3 • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/More-Human-Than-Explicit/dp/B002VE2K8S/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3RZMRVEWZEPW3&amp;keywords=more+human+than+human+white+zombie&amp;qid=1555442980&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sprefix=more+human+than+%2Cdigital-music%2C166&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">More Human Than Human</a>," by White Zombie • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

051 - A TV Edit of Glengarry Glen Ross

We close our eyes to PICTURE A PERFECT CHRISTMAS (2019) and see: Honkey Grandma be trippin' ... THEME ... Hello again to the AI horse ... Two good leads, one frictionless movie and one maximally shoplifted pootie ... Merritt Patterson and Jon Cor Appreciation Station ... Desi Jedeikin shout-out ... Authentic trauma ... Bad parenting, out-of-control moppeting ... David Brooks Castigation Station ... BREAK ... Neurotic vamping ... Plot in one sentence ... Stay in your lane, gramma ... Plot in 15 ... Texting joke and normal texting ... Famous people in your contacts ... Pageant and Wicker Man season ... Conversationally overcompensating ... Troy Murphy Appreciation Station ... BREAK ... A surplus of borrowed plots ... Spot the Angel: Grandma Louise vs. Moppet Troy ... Poultice guy ... Eat Your Heart Out: Green cookies; cupcakes and getting put on blast by Jodi; fake-drinking cappuccino; hot cocoa at a tree farm; snarfing a mug of whipped cream; Troy, WTF???; a pot roast spoken of ... Jewish pot roast ... BREAK ... Letters to Santa: Angry letter; a merch inquiry about our talking AI horse toy with articulated limbs; algorithmic Facebook ads ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Lucky in Love, toxic executivity; Seattle's Best Business Bachelor; Hannibal Lecter and Kenny Chesney ... Overdetermined: Santa, get me a mom for Christmas vs. Grandma not staying in her lane; Grandma horniness ... BREAK ... Crossover: Agent Cody Banks 3: Destination Stepmom ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes, uh, but ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Can you be an angel, a grandma and a skinjob? ... Senior citizen ha-ha horny hoarders ... Local Citizen Pasted in Puss with Puss ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 4 ... Rating: 2.5 ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Grandma Demon ... Higgins from The Christmas Train ... Director Paul Ziller's 36 episodes of "Untold Stories of the ER" ... Diagnose Me, Crowbar in Hand, Runaway Asthma, and Anaphylactic Shock and Awe ... "Christmas Coupons Galore!" ... Baal ... Bloodfist 4: Die Trying ... Billy Blanks ... A Lawnmower Man, a guy from Designing Women and a Monkees Daughter walk into a bar ... Virtual Seduction ... San Francisco traffic ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Surfin' Bird," by The Trashmen • "Super Taranta!" by Gogol Bordello • "Kodachrome," by Paul Simon • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

We close our eyes to <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10553910/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">PICTURE A PERFECT CHRISTMAS</a> (2019) and see: Honkey Grandma be trippin' ... THEME ... Hello again to the AI horse ... Two good leads, one frictionless movie and one maximally shoplifted pootie ... Merritt Patterson and Jon Cor Appreciation Station ... Desi Jedeikin shout-out ... Authentic trauma ... Bad parenting, out-of-control moppeting ... David Brooks Castigation Station ... BREAK ... Neurotic vamping ... Plot in one sentence ... Stay in your lane, gramma ... Plot in 15 ... Texting joke and normal texting ... Famous people in your contacts ... Pageant and Wicker Man season ... Conversationally overcompensating ... Troy Murphy Appreciation Station ... BREAK ... A surplus of borrowed plots ... Spot the Angel: Grandma Louise vs. Moppet Troy ... Poultice guy ... Eat Your Heart Out: Green cookies; cupcakes and getting put on blast by Jodi; fake-drinking cappuccino; hot cocoa at a tree farm; snarfing a mug of whipped cream; Troy, WTF???; a pot roast spoken of ... Jewish pot roast ... BREAK ... Letters to Santa: Angry letter; a merch inquiry about our talking AI horse toy with articulated limbs; algorithmic Facebook ads ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Lucky in Love, toxic executivity; Seattle's Best Business Bachelor; Hannibal Lecter and Kenny Chesney ... Overdetermined: Santa, get me a mom for Christmas vs. Grandma not staying in her lane; Grandma horniness ... BREAK ... Crossover: Agent Cody Banks 3: Destination Stepmom ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes, uh, but ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Can you be an angel, a grandma and a skinjob? ... Senior citizen ha-ha horny hoarders ... Local Citizen Pasted in Puss with Puss ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 4 ... Rating: 2.5 ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Grandma Demon ... Higgins from The Christmas Train ... Director Paul Ziller's 36 episodes of "Untold Stories of the ER" ... Diagnose Me, Crowbar in Hand, Runaway Asthma, and Anaphylactic Shock and Awe ... "Christmas Coupons Galore!" ... Baal ... Bloodfist 4: Die Trying ... Billy Blanks ... A Lawnmower Man, a guy from Designing Women and a Monkees Daughter walk into a bar ... Virtual Seduction ... San Francisco traffic ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Surfin-Bird-Original-recording/dp/B004GGKQWG/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2J55W7MF9A5IA&amp;keywords=surfin+bird+the+trashmen&amp;qid=1574395456&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sprefix=surfings+bird%2Caps%2C168&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Surfin' Bird</a>," by The Trashmen • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Super-Taranta/dp/B07PBMFFTG/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=super+taranta&amp;qid=1574395509&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-2" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Super Taranta!</a>" by Gogol Bordello • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Kodachrome/dp/B003UPM8CA/ref=sr_1_4?crid=292XT8YOZOICB&amp;keywords=kodachrome+paul+simon&amp;qid=1574395559&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sprefix=kodachrome%2Cdigital-music%2C168&amp;sr=1-4" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Kodachrome</a>," by Paul Simon • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

074 - Agent Cody Banks 3: Destination Stepmom

It's an embarrassment of riches with the SISTER OF THE BRIDE (2019) and: Extra Hot Great, SVU and the cultural canon ... Vartan Dadian ... THEME ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Oxford School of Economics ... Professor of Factoidal Weddingology ... Cherry T-Bird ... Golfing without golfing ... Jack Welch, Lee Iacocca ... Hallmark Inversion: A talented golfer feigning incompetence ... Mind if we film-through? ... Michael Gross brings you to tears ... A B&amp;B with strangers, a fridge at the in-laws ... BREAK ...  Spot the Angel: No ... A marriage drama with logistics ... Charming banter ... Hide the realtor ... Eat Your Heart Out: The whitest Hallmark movie yet; coffee meet-cute; pancakes-and-waffles summer and colossal breakfast starch; a Gosford Park of food; first Hallmark IPAs; an establishment Republican film; Viking River Cruise people; Perillo Tours; flabbergasting carrot-peeling technique; rich people guessing and/or tanking at chores; inhuman mass of salad; Founding Fathers raspberry tarts ... BREAK ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Department Chair in Marriageology from Puppy Love vs. An MVA with Love of Course, a Christmas Melody and Puppy Love ... Alle Lieben Jake ... Overdetermined: The Cheeseburger Address ... Michael Gross as the bummer GOP father-in-law ... The Mr. Fusion of guest-star speeches ... Jen Lilley being enthusiastic for you ... Why is Candace Cameron the hegemon? ... Crossover: Tremors, in this movie vs. 2012 ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Unambiguously no ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Everyone at ease in the same unreality ... Rating: A backdoor 3 ... Cranked the dial all the way to bread ... Letters to Santa: It turns out 9/11 happened ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Everyone is rich ... Kate Wagner and McMansion Hell Appreciation Station ... Squatter's rights ... Invisible giant engagement ring ... Voiceover priest ... Two copies of the college textbook ... I'm looking forward to hearing the wedding band ... Punk underground vs. Techno ... Not laughing in the writers' room ... PA in jeans at the wedding ... Thoughtless rich-people wedding invite ... Amazon peeling review ... Merry Christmas! ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Eggs and Sausage (In a Caddilac with Susan Michelson)," by Tom Waits • "Let's Roll," by Neil Young • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

It's an embarrassment of riches with the <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10337562/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">SISTER OF THE BRIDE</a> (2019) and: <a href="https://www.extrahotgreat.com/265" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Extra Hot Great</a>, SVU and the cultural canon ... Vartan Dadian ... THEME ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Oxford School of Economics ... Professor of Factoidal Weddingology ... Cherry T-Bird ... Golfing without golfing ... Jack Welch, Lee Iacocca ... Hallmark Inversion: A talented golfer feigning incompetence ... Mind if we film-through? ... Michael Gross brings you to tears ... A B&amp;B with strangers, a fridge at the in-laws ... BREAK ...  Spot the Angel: No ... A marriage drama with logistics ... Charming banter ... Hide the realtor ... Eat Your Heart Out: The whitest Hallmark movie yet; coffee meet-cute; pancakes-and-waffles summer and colossal breakfast starch; a Gosford Park of food; first Hallmark IPAs; an establishment Republican film; Viking River Cruise people; Perillo Tours; flabbergasting carrot-peeling technique; rich people guessing and/or tanking at chores; inhuman mass of salad; Founding Fathers raspberry tarts ... BREAK ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Department Chair in Marriageology from Puppy Love vs. An MVA with Love of Course, a Christmas Melody and Puppy Love ... Alle Lieben Jake ... Overdetermined: The Cheeseburger Address ... Michael Gross as the bummer GOP father-in-law ... The Mr. Fusion of guest-star speeches ... Jen Lilley being enthusiastic for you ... Why is Candace Cameron the hegemon? ... Crossover: Tremors, in this movie vs. 2012 ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Unambiguously no ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Everyone at ease in the same unreality ... Rating: A backdoor 3 ... Cranked the dial all the way to bread ... Letters to Santa: It turns out 9/11 happened ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Everyone is rich ... Kate Wagner and McMansion Hell Appreciation Station ... Squatter's rights ... Invisible giant engagement ring ... Voiceover priest ... Two copies of the college textbook ... I'm looking forward to hearing the wedding band ... Punk underground vs. Techno ... Not laughing in the writers' room ... PA in jeans at the wedding ... Thoughtless rich-people wedding invite ... Amazon peeling review ... Merry Christmas! ... • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Eggs-Sausage-Cadillac-Susan-Michelson/dp/B0798Y1PDC/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=eggs+and+sausage+tom+waits&amp;qid=1568055404&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-2" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Eggs and Sausage (In a Caddilac with Susan Michelson)</a>," by Tom Waits • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Lets-Roll/dp/B002A7J6FG/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=let%27s+roll+neil+young&amp;qid=1568055419&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Let's Roll</a>," by Neil Young • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

066 - The Cheeseburger Address

We settle our brains for a NOSTALGIC CHRISTMAS (2019) and: A computerized programmable horse ... THEME ... Ethnically Kasem ... Led astray by Brooke D'Orsay ... Trevor Donovan streak ... Victor Webster's lotion ... The Expositional Challenge: Dunnnkk ... Powerful wooden Santa totems ... Alicia, the smartest person in Hallmark history ... Dullards ... Going back to Miss Christmas ... Leads failed by material ... Brooke D'Orsay Appreciation Station ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: City of angels, angel amnesia ... Jaguar ... Eat Your Heart Out: A single bite, dessert chicharones ... Mike Francesa farted on the radio ... RIP, Deadspin, a fart website ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Christmas in Angel Falls, the rocky and desolated Hallmark riviera, abandoned southern downtowns, Squat and Gobble, Kum and Go, Pump and Munch vs. Who buys the mill? ... BREAK ... Letters to Santa: Listener Sarah's Segments, including "The Moderately Attractive Man," "Chekhov's Solution," and "A You Problem," The Horse and Carriage Elder God ... The Nog-Sothoth ... Overdetermined: "No time for love, Dr. Jones!" and "A Hug of Good Tidings" ... Excess of binary scenes ... Repeated parental conversations ... Crossover: Satanic Christmas in Castle Rock ... Sergio Leone camerawork ... Aw, GAWRSH ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Everyone is a replicant ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 4, and an ecstasy of twinkling and thankless material ... Rating: 1.5 ... The Leftovers: [LINK] Smart Horse [LINK] ... The Internet of Horse ... BoJack Horseman ... "We purchased the title of a book and ignored it" ... Nostalgic Christmas TK TK ... The cab traffic in North Bay, Maine ... Herding reindeer ... A weird figurine of an older man ... Don't read the incantation aloud ... Jessie gets left with a lot of adult strangers ... A non-Euclidian Hallmark space ... Celebrating a win at the snowball toss ... The doohickey stays in the picture ... Merry Christmas! ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "U2 (Special Edit Radio Mix)," by Negativland • "Twin Peaks Theme," by Angelo Badalamenti • "I'm Gonna Love You Just a Little More, Baby," by Barry White • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

We settle our brains for a <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10571920/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">NOSTALGIC CHRISTMAS</a> (2019) and: A computerized programmable horse ... THEME ... Ethnically Kasem ... Led astray by Brooke D'Orsay ... Trevor Donovan streak ... Victor Webster's lotion ... The Expositional Challenge: Dunnnkk ... Powerful wooden Santa totems ... Alicia, the smartest person in Hallmark history ... Dullards ... Going back to Miss Christmas ... Leads failed by material ... Brooke D'Orsay Appreciation Station ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: City of angels, angel amnesia ... Jaguar ... Eat Your Heart Out: A single bite, dessert chicharones ... Mike Francesa farted on the radio ... RIP, Deadspin, a fart website ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Christmas in Angel Falls, the rocky and desolated Hallmark riviera, abandoned southern downtowns, Squat and Gobble, Kum and Go, Pump and Munch vs. Who buys the mill? ... BREAK ... Letters to Santa: Listener Sarah's Segments, including "The Moderately Attractive Man," "Chekhov's Solution," and "A You Problem," The Horse and Carriage Elder God ... The Nog-Sothoth ... Overdetermined: "No time for love, Dr. Jones!" and "A Hug of Good Tidings" ... Excess of binary scenes ... Repeated parental conversations ... Crossover: Satanic Christmas in Castle Rock ... Sergio Leone camerawork ... Aw, GAWRSH ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Everyone is a replicant ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 4, and an ecstasy of twinkling and thankless material ... Rating: 1.5 ... The Leftovers: [LINK] <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ItsChristmastown/posts/2996672633736397?__tn__=-R" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Smart Horse</a> [LINK] ... The Internet of Horse ... BoJack Horseman ... "We purchased the title of a book and ignored it" ... Nostalgic Christmas TK TK ... The cab traffic in North Bay, Maine ... Herding reindeer ... A weird figurine of an older man ... Don't read the incantation aloud ... Jessie gets left with a lot of adult strangers ... A non-Euclidian Hallmark space ... Celebrating a win at the snowball toss ... The doohickey stays in the picture ... Merry Christmas! ... • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/U2-Negativland/dp/B000008IU9/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=negativland+u2&amp;qid=1573627806&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">U2 (Special Edit Radio Mix)</a>," by Negativland • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Twin-Peaks-Theme-Instrumental/dp/B003O6R2GW/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=twin+peaks+theme+angelo+badalamenti&amp;qid=1573628003&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Twin Peaks Theme</a>," by Angelo Badalamenti • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gonna-Love-Little-Single-Version/dp/B000VRPECQ/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=just+a+little+more+baby+barry+white&amp;qid=1573628030&amp;sr=8-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">I'm Gonna Love You Just a Little More, Baby</a>," by Barry White • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

072 - Doohickey Woodworking

NICK BOND takes us on a CHRISTMAS SCAVENGER HUNT (2019) to look for: Tom Arnold is sick ... THEME ... Brainwash your parents ... Sharing Hallmark with socialist whodunit mom ... Bona fides check ... Really enjoying the movie ... Saddam Hussein is so handsome ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge: A Dark Abyss ... Plot mop-up ... Flip your damn tie ... Hallmark people being normal people ... Spot the Angel: Nobody, or Tom Arnold ... Naturalistic acting, or is the movie just in his house? ... Illness vs. Stroke ... Eat Your Heart Out: Ham yes, phones no; new rib recipe; emoting via food, but not eating feelings; giant pot of chili; I need Christmas fuel; don't you wish there was a better way; hot chocolate errand; a sea of gravy; upgrade your bird; a Wine Clown's alienating dining behavior; silk tie ... BREAK ... Patreon plug ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: New England or Pittsburgh?; wandering into Falling for Vermont; Gail Is the Haint; Garbage Store Mysteries; The Stars Hollow Man and bonding over dumb male trauma; friending exes on Facebook ... Overdetermined: Constant, workable overdeterminacy vs. marriage is not a binary choice ... BREAK ... Crossover: There Will Be Blood vs. Dark Knight Rises and Wonder Boys ... Alfred Pennyworth, Things of That Nature ... The Swagony of Defeat: More Balsam Hill ornaments, Hallmark card ... Are there stationary stores anymore? ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes, but with a C- average ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Maybe Logan, but the plot lets everyone be fully formed ... BREAK ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 5, via extra troop ... I want my mom home from the war ... Satellite Marine Corps museum campus ... Hallmark Make-a-Wish child ... We love you, America ... Rating: A juicy 4 ... The Leftovers: Whoa, wife loathing ... The Yeti thing ... 311 ... Screen bugs obscuring clues ... "One of exclaim" ... Snow globe hoarder ... Childhood bedroom living-room suite ... IMDB Dive: I downloaded a ghost and want my pants back ... Hearts of Spring callback ... Nick's plugs ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Common Man Boogie (Dusty Rhodes Theme)," by Jimmy Hart and JJ Maguire • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

<a href="https://twitter.com/THEN1CKSTER" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">NICK BOND</a> takes us on a <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10768278/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">CHRISTMAS SCAVENGER HUNT</a> (2019) to look for: Tom Arnold is sick ... THEME ... Brainwash your parents ... Sharing Hallmark with socialist whodunit mom ... Bona fides check ... Really enjoying the movie ... Saddam Hussein is so handsome ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge: A Dark Abyss ... Plot mop-up ... Flip your damn tie ... Hallmark people being normal people ... Spot the Angel: Nobody, or Tom Arnold ... Naturalistic acting, or is the movie just in his house? ... Illness vs. Stroke ... Eat Your Heart Out: Ham yes, phones no; new rib recipe; emoting via food, but not eating feelings; giant pot of chili; I need Christmas fuel; don't you wish there was a better way; hot chocolate errand; a sea of gravy; upgrade your bird; a Wine Clown's alienating dining behavior; silk tie ... BREAK ... Patreon plug ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: New England or Pittsburgh?; wandering into Falling for Vermont; Gail Is the Haint; Garbage Store Mysteries; The Stars Hollow Man and bonding over dumb male trauma; friending exes on Facebook ... Overdetermined: Constant, workable overdeterminacy vs. marriage is not a binary choice ... BREAK ... Crossover: There Will Be Blood vs. Dark Knight Rises and Wonder Boys ... Alfred Pennyworth, Things of That Nature ... The Swagony of Defeat: More Balsam Hill ornaments, Hallmark card ... Are there stationary stores anymore? ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes, but with a C- average ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Maybe Logan, but the plot lets everyone be fully formed ... BREAK ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 5, via extra troop ... I want my mom home from the war ... Satellite Marine Corps museum campus ... Hallmark Make-a-Wish child ... We love you, America ... Rating: A juicy 4 ... The Leftovers: Whoa, wife loathing ... The Yeti thing ... 311 ... Screen bugs obscuring clues ... "One of exclaim" ... Snow globe hoarder ... Childhood bedroom living-room suite ... IMDB Dive: I downloaded a ghost and want my pants back ... Hearts of Spring callback ... Nick's plugs ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Common-Man-Boogie-Dusty-Rhodes/dp/B00UWU9BFI/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=dusty+rhodes+theme&amp;qid=1574800306&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-2" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Common Man Boogie (Dusty Rhodes Theme)</a>," by Jimmy Hart and JJ Maguire • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

075 - I Want My Baby Back Home, and Ribs

Robert McNamara

We will drop THE LAST BRIDESMAID (2019) until: A question mark leads to an exclamation point ... THEME ... The bipartisanship ceremony ... Better than the new churn ... The busier oeuvre of Nina Weinman ... Hallmark realism as foreign policy ... Kissinger, Scowcroft, Armitage, Oh my! ... George Mitchell's pipe ... Cast rundown ... Matt Harvey actor ... The Expositional Challenge ... The Magic Mountain ... The Sutton Foster of the Hallmark universe ... Tell your auteurs no sometime ... Jeb's preschool hunt ... Stop whining about your prosperity ... Laying people off without a Gary ... Moh's Hardness Scale ... Plot wrap-up ... Movies on aircraft carriers ... Five months together ... Amazing natural blocking ... Nimitz 1-4 ... Roland Emmerich quit ... Having an adult conversation ... Welcome back to blimp chat ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Dual angels, but Kyle can code ... Eat Your Heart Out: Little food; catching Becca eating; normal salad; expensive but authentically annoying wedding; Shame the Cat! ... Pros in the Olympics ... Venus de Milo discount ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: The Wedding March's Tombstone wedding town; Ike Clanton's defense of marriage; Paul Campbell, the sexless Quantum Lead ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: The joy-or-insurance binary vs. The Herr Settembrini and Herr Naphta dialogues ... Bong hit with your first Libertarian ... BREAK ... Crossover: The Errol Morris Interrotron Wedding Interview ... Robert Strange McNamara vs. Eric R.'s Last Samurai or the Last Starfighter ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes! ... Letters to Santa: Impostor Syndrome vs. Beth's kind letter and kidney theft and husband's NCAA pool ... Partner Chat: "We're supposed to be on her side?"; quits, archetypes and inclement weather ... Driving with Jeb's great-uncle George and the emergency break on ... Herb Caen ain't worth it ... Rating: 3 ... Visually good, not busy, not a lobby ... Retro Banana Republic ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Enjoy your one day, dress ... Too hippy? Try the crinoline ... Above-average bridesmaids dresses and jewelry ... Dolores Herbig ... Bryan Fuller: No emergency break ... Remember how your mom is dead? Time to be happy ... Bereavement-card emotional product placement ... Swallow your own poison ... Mark Jean and six episodes of Police Academy: The Series ... Le Loup-Garou du Campus ... Dead air ... Selling insurance to a grinding noise ... Rachel Boston Appreciation Station: Better barbed than beatific ... Show feet, Hallmark ... Shrimping ... BREAK ... Warner Brothers DSC street-sweepers ... The Greatest Generation ... Paul Campbell's gently silly IMDB autobiography ... A dead era of online personal sincerity ... Look dad, might feel cute later ... Narendra Modi ... Pre-kiss vow exchange ... Marrying into a cult ... I'm so your wife right now ... From Hero Dogs to Union Carbide ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "100,000 People," by Philip Glass • "Quantum Leap Theme," by Mike Post • "Magic Mountain," by Blonde Redhead • "Jungle Work," by Warren Zevon • "El Bimbo," by Bimbo Jet, from the Police Academy Soundtrack, composed by Robert Folk • "67 Cities," by Philip Glass • "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

We will drop <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10136884/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">THE LAST BRIDESMAID</a> (2019) until: A question mark leads to an exclamation point ... THEME ... The bipartisanship ceremony ... Better than the new churn ... The busier oeuvre of Nina Weinman ... Hallmark realism as foreign policy ... Kissinger, Scowcroft, Armitage, Oh my! ... George Mitchell's pipe ... Cast rundown ... Matt Harvey actor ... The Expositional Challenge ... The Magic Mountain ... The Sutton Foster of the Hallmark universe ... Tell your auteurs no sometime ... Jeb's preschool hunt ... Stop whining about your prosperity ... Laying people off without a Gary ... Moh's Hardness Scale ... Plot wrap-up ... Movies on aircraft carriers ... Five months together ... Amazing natural blocking ... Nimitz 1-4 ... Roland Emmerich quit ... Having an adult conversation ... Welcome back to blimp chat ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Dual angels, but Kyle can code ... Eat Your Heart Out: Little food; catching Becca eating; normal salad; expensive but authentically annoying wedding; Shame the Cat! ... Pros in the Olympics ... Venus de Milo discount ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: The Wedding March's Tombstone wedding town; Ike Clanton's defense of marriage; Paul Campbell, the sexless Quantum Lead ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: The joy-or-insurance binary vs. The Herr Settembrini and Herr Naphta dialogues ... Bong hit with your first Libertarian ... BREAK ... Crossover: The Errol Morris Interrotron Wedding Interview ... Robert Strange McNamara vs. Eric R.'s Last Samurai or the Last Starfighter ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes! ... Letters to Santa: Impostor Syndrome vs. Beth's kind letter and kidney theft and husband's NCAA pool ... Partner Chat: "We're supposed to be on her side?"; quits, archetypes and inclement weather ... Driving with Jeb's great-uncle George and the emergency break on ... Herb Caen ain't worth it ... Rating: 3 ... Visually good, not busy, not a lobby ... Retro Banana Republic ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Enjoy your one day, dress ... Too hippy? Try the crinoline ... Above-average bridesmaids dresses and jewelry ... Dolores Herbig ... Bryan Fuller: No emergency break ... Remember how your mom is dead? Time to be happy ... Bereavement-card emotional product placement ... Swallow your own poison ... Mark Jean and six episodes of Police Academy: The Series ... Le Loup-Garou du Campus ... Dead air ... Selling insurance to a grinding noise ... Rachel Boston Appreciation Station: Better barbed than beatific ... Show feet, Hallmark ... Shrimping ... BREAK ... Warner Brothers DSC street-sweepers ... The Greatest Generation ... Paul Campbell's gently silly IMDB autobiography ... A dead era of online personal sincerity ... Look dad, might feel cute later ... Narendra Modi ... Pre-kiss vow exchange ... Marrying into a cult ... I'm so your wife right now ... From Hero Dogs to Union Carbide ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/100-000-People/dp/B000UWH79U/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=100%2C000+people+philip+glass&amp;qid=1562140772&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">100,000 People</a>," by Philip Glass • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Mike-Post-Quantum-Leap-Theme/dp/B000QNN6G6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=CLJPAWZ6HNO2&amp;keywords=quantum+leap+theme&amp;qid=1562140820&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sprefix=quantum+leap+%2Cdigital-music%2C163&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Quantum Leap Theme</a>," by Mike Post • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Mountain/dp/B013HD0UFG/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=magic+mountain+blonde&amp;qid=1562140842&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Magic Mountain</a>," by Blonde Redhead • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Jungle-Work/dp/B001L2CJOG/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=jungle+work+warren&amp;qid=1562140860&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Jungle Work</a>," by Warren Zevon • "El Bimbo," by <a href="https://www.amazon.com/El-Bimbo/dp/B002NS3Q58/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=el+bimbo&amp;qid=1562140902&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-2" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Bimbo Jet</a>, from the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uycY_R0D2II" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Police Academy Soundtrack</a>, composed by Robert Folk • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/67-Cities/dp/B000UWKRWO/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=67+cities+philip+glass&amp;qid=1562140798&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">67 Cities</a>," by Philip Glass • "Orchestral Sports Theme" by <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=chris+collingwood&amp;qid=1562140946&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Chris Collingwood</a> and Rick Murnane

059 - Quantum Leading to Robert McNamara

JAY W. FRIEDMAN and CHRIS COLLISION of IDEOTV get incredible value with Garage Store Mysteries: Murder By Text (2017) and: Dual Hallmark noobs ... Lori Loughlin Recognition Station ... Movies for people in the kitchen ... Papyrus credits ... Cozy mystery love ... Older actresses, missed faces ... The Expositional Challenge ... Drunk/mumblecore husband ... Condo-blocking dad ... Sarah Strange: Great actress, bad C-plot ... I am under your sink, look at all these crystals ... How was this as a mystery? ... Don't remind audiences of better works ... John Bender's Dad's Garage Stain Mysteries ... Spot the Criminal: Manager, city planning at sea, overthinking, budget Breckin Meyer, can't make the POC the killer ... Eat Your Heart Out: Donut or bear claw?, sex omelette, giant mom wineglass, pander or empathy?, parental cooking shade ... Bumper-clowned by your daughter ... Contractor foiled by stickers ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Janeway Holodeck episodes, fired under an assumed name at Cartwright's ... Overdetermined: Christie/Conan Doyle callbacks/misquotes, junk store security clearance and tour shopping, "True To You" overemphasis, active imagination and a flash drive ... Crossover:  Developer Dad starts a Ski School, Dalton Riverdale, Ditech Detective's World of Humiliation, Dalton's Road House ... DALTON Chat ... Build-A-Buré Workshop: "Garage Rock Mystery: Murder by Skank" ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Flying colors, but with Bud Bundy-Level brother work ... Leftovers: One of the least plausible live-music depictions possible ... Where's the real noose, the voided bowers and the petechial hemorrhaging? ... Wiseass mortician ... Hijab via Laura Ashley ... Animated vs. Brooding Loughlin ... Contractors LOVE historical designations ... Drunk, Boomhauer-ass dad ... Half-Stalloned, unemployed secret construction detective ... Dad detective ... Fake Google ... Getting watched watching Hallmark ... MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "Watching the Detectives" by Elvis Costello • "The Ghost Who Walks" by Karen Elson • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: • ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #4 • Click to listen to Chris, Jay and Jeb discuss "The Way of the Shadow Wolves."

JAY W. FRIEDMAN and CHRIS COLLISION of <a href="http://www.idontevenownatelevision.com" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">IDEOTV</a> get incredible value with <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7235014/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Garage Store Mysteries: Murder By Text (2017)</a> and: Dual Hallmark noobs ... Lori Loughlin Recognition Station ... Movies for people in the kitchen ... Papyrus credits ... Cozy mystery love ... Older actresses, missed faces ... The Expositional Challenge ... Drunk/mumblecore husband ... Condo-blocking dad ... Sarah Strange: Great actress, bad C-plot ... I am under your sink, look at all these crystals ... How was this as a mystery? ... Don't remind audiences of better works ... John Bender's Dad's Garage Stain Mysteries ... Spot the Criminal: Manager, city planning at sea, overthinking, budget Breckin Meyer, can't make the POC the killer ... Eat Your Heart Out: Donut or bear claw?, sex omelette, giant mom wineglass, pander or empathy?, parental cooking shade ... Bumper-clowned by your daughter ... Contractor foiled by stickers ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Janeway Holodeck episodes, fired under an assumed name at Cartwright's ... Overdetermined: Christie/Conan Doyle callbacks/misquotes, junk store security clearance and tour shopping, "True To You" overemphasis, active imagination and a flash drive ... Crossover:  Developer Dad starts a Ski School, Dalton Riverdale, Ditech Detective's World of Humiliation, Dalton's Road House ... DALTON Chat ... Build-A-Buré Workshop: "Garage Rock Mystery: Murder by Skank" ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Flying colors, but with Bud Bundy-Level brother work ... Leftovers: One of the least plausible live-music depictions possible ... Where's the real noose, the voided bowers and the petechial hemorrhaging? ... Wiseass mortician ... Hijab via Laura Ashley ... Animated vs. Brooding Loughlin ... Contractors LOVE historical designations ... Drunk, Boomhauer-ass dad ... Half-Stalloned, unemployed secret construction detective ... Dad detective ... Fake Google ... Getting watched watching Hallmark ... MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/cyber-vision/id1144185940" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">If U Want It</a>," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Watching-The-Detectives-Single-Version/dp/B000V6M9AC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1532223676&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=watching+the+detectives+elvis+costello" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Watching the Detectives</a>" by Elvis Costello • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/The-Ghost-Who-Walks/dp/B003JEL9X6/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1532223685&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=the+ghost+who+walks+karen+elson" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">The Ghost Who Walks</a>" by Karen Elson • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: • <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8VdmJHxg-Y" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #4</a> • <a href="http://ideotvpod.libsyn.com/the-way-of-the-shadow-wolves" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Click to listen to Chris, Jay and Jeb discuss "The Way of the Shadow Wolves."</a>

022 - B-Minus Dalton's Murder Ballad

Grab your chopsticks, it's won-ton soup time in 2016's THE MISTLETOE PROMISE, which vows: A frozen contract-honoring stupor ... THEME ... Centered-font intra-family legal brief ... Acknowledging the D-word ... We liked it! ... Real-life banter ... Anti-Andie MacDowell ... Is this something stupid you're doing? ... BREAK ... Doing it live: The Expositional Challenge ... Plot cleanup: The Reindeer Report, disadvantaged kid travel, negging assistant, buddy Holly, angelic office assistant, lawyer sabotage, "I also know a cop" ... Adventures in the food court ... New York Fries, Boston Pizza, Boston Louts, Brahmin Pizza ... Mariachi carolers ... Figgy Pudding ... Corn Dog 7 ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: No angels! ... Classic Lines: Jaime King looks terrific in everything; Audrey Hepburn nun; Clinton/Starfleet collar; costume diamonds/coffee sweetener; Luke Macfarlane's tie four inches above the belt; Stargate/Hallmark overlap; don't put Christmas trees on your overcoat ... Eat Your Heart Out: Won-ton soup with pickles; nipples of Venus; normal party; You Can't Duck Sauce on Television; champagne and hot-chocolate; kids watching adults for fun; The Sucky Plumber; champagne and candy canes; Skull and Bones; no one who chews Big Red could be bad ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Charity travel for low-tier Hallmark characters vs. Empire State hotel and running into Alicia Witt at the nut cart on an empty NYC street ... Overdetermined: Perhaps not overdetermined at all vs. rejecting Nick's kiss attempt ... Crossover: Bendini, Lambert and Locke vs. Richard Paul Evans' bleak and horrifying original novel of multiple vehicle fatalities ... BREAK ... The Swagony of Defeat: Product placement assumed but not confirmed ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: A single person surrounded by satellites of man-obsession ... Partner Chat: The heads-I-win-tails-you-lose of the breadwinner/caretaker dichotomy expressed via who can be a romantic dumbass in the office; Jamie King's compelling life story; Hallmark's infantilizing expressions of female strength; "This is bananas"; the Ebert theory of judging by the movie's aim ... The Leftovers: Christmas tree landing ... Canadian interiors ... "Eccrou" ... Captain D's ... Santa fakeout ... Never selfie with ex-models ... The Ethics Crusader's ethics indifference ... Backseat skepticism ... Lochlyn Munro: Lesser Busey ... White Chicks ... Rating: 4 ... Champagne reprieve ... We're making duck! ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Let's Go to the Mall," from How I Met Your Mother, performed by Cobie "Robin Sparkles" Smulders • All other music by Chris Collingwood of  Look Park and  Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

Grab your chopsticks, it's won-ton soup time in 2016's <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5921218/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">THE MISTLETOE PROMISE</a>, which vows: A frozen contract-honoring stupor ... THEME ... Centered-font intra-family legal brief ... Acknowledging the D-word ... We liked it! ... Real-life banter ... Anti-Andie MacDowell ... Is this something stupid you're doing? ... BREAK ... Doing it live: The Expositional Challenge ... Plot cleanup: The Reindeer Report, disadvantaged kid travel, negging assistant, buddy Holly, angelic office assistant, lawyer sabotage, "I also know a cop" ... Adventures in the food court ... New York Fries, Boston Pizza, Boston Louts, Brahmin Pizza ... Mariachi carolers ... Figgy Pudding ... Corn Dog 7 ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: No angels! ... Classic Lines: Jaime King looks terrific in everything; Audrey Hepburn nun; Clinton/Starfleet collar; costume diamonds/coffee sweetener; Luke Macfarlane's tie four inches above the belt; Stargate/Hallmark overlap; don't put Christmas trees on your overcoat ... Eat Your Heart Out: Won-ton soup with pickles; nipples of Venus; normal party; You Can't Duck Sauce on Television; champagne and hot-chocolate; kids watching adults for fun; The Sucky Plumber; champagne and candy canes; Skull and Bones; no one who chews Big Red could be bad ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Charity travel for low-tier Hallmark characters vs. Empire State hotel and running into Alicia Witt at the nut cart on an empty NYC street ... Overdetermined: Perhaps not overdetermined at all vs. rejecting Nick's kiss attempt ... Crossover: Bendini, Lambert and Locke vs. Richard Paul Evans' bleak and horrifying original novel of multiple vehicle fatalities ... BREAK ... The Swagony of Defeat: Product placement assumed but not confirmed ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: A single person surrounded by satellites of man-obsession ... Partner Chat: The heads-I-win-tails-you-lose of the breadwinner/caretaker dichotomy expressed via who can be a romantic dumbass in the office; Jamie King's compelling life story; Hallmark's infantilizing expressions of female strength; "This is bananas"; the Ebert theory of judging by the movie's aim ... The Leftovers: Christmas tree landing ... Canadian interiors ... "Eccrou" ... Captain D's ... Santa fakeout ... Never selfie with ex-models ... The Ethics Crusader's ethics indifference ... Backseat skepticism ... Lochlyn Munro: Lesser Busey ... White Chicks ... Rating: 4 ... Champagne reprieve ... We're making duck! ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IY_bhVSGKEg" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Let's Go to the Mall</a>," from How I Met Your Mother, performed by Cobie "Robin Sparkles" Smulders • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

040 - We Found Love in a Fooded Court

DAVID T. COLE fortifies himself for PUMPKIN PIE WARS (2016) and the rising: Dave Quotient ... IMDB savant, finite memory ... Non-romping splenda oatmeal ... Magnum, PI's "Paper War" ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge: May be written ... Karen Geier plug ... Pie breach origins, bakery bailouts ... Just get a chair ... The Hallmark version of intercourse ... Hallmark-level naughty ... Falling off a ladder ... Some braless work ... "Winning the bake-off will bring in the locals" ... Who are the baking mandarins? ... Six Months Later ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: No angel food cake; a terrible version of The Good Place; no angels, but The Devil ... Eat Your Heart Out: Pumpkin out the yang; no food stylist on set; a reasonable menu; inaccurate pie baking time; Le Cordon Bleu in London; artificially ignorant kitchen wrecking; "I'll write the recipe"; Casey learns nothing; baking pumpkins ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Murder She Baked, and America's Pie Belt ... The (Pie) Body Farm ... Murder She Baked &gt; Khal Drogo ... Crossover: Grace and Frankie prequel; Tampopo; eighth base; Hallmark's Hunger Games; Gordon Ramsay abuse; Nailed It ... BREAK ... Payola, Patreon and another ad bust ... Journalismism: Another fake Google; Lucky in Love; Wharton's classes on psychological warfare; press scrum for pie ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Technically yes, buuuuut ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Sam is a replicant; Rico Aragon at the table read; Amish Ghost; it won't happen a third time; every person watching a bake-off; rotisserie turkey ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: Chair solution; a boundless bake-off economy; being complementary ... Rating: The Juiciest Taco origin story, and a 2.75 ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Existential pumpkins ... CSI handwriting sample ... Black Betty ... He has a boat ... Teenage sneaking around ... Just go talk to him ... Cocaine is supposed to be fun ... Wellness Living ... A knife too far ... Merry Christmas! ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Hot 'n' Nasty," by Humble Pie • "Buttermilk Boy," by Humble Pie • "Apple Pie À La Mode," by Destiny's Child • "Be Sweet," by The Afghan Whigs • "Sucking on the Sweet Vine," by Humble Pie • "Six Gallon Pie," by The Meat Puppets • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

<a href="https://www.extrahotgreat.com/hosts/david-t-cole" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">DAVID T. COLE</a> fortifies himself for <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6076802/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">PUMPKIN PIE WARS</a> (2016) and the rising: Dave Quotient ... IMDB savant, finite memory ... Non-romping splenda oatmeal ... Magnum, PI's "Paper War" ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... The Expositional Challenge: May be written ... <a href="https://www.patreon.com/karengeier/posts" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Karen Geier plug</a> ... Pie breach origins, bakery bailouts ... Just get a chair ... The Hallmark version of intercourse ... Hallmark-level naughty ... Falling off a ladder ... Some braless work ... "Winning the bake-off will bring in the locals" ... Who are the baking mandarins? ... Six Months Later ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: No angel food cake; a terrible version of The Good Place; no angels, but The Devil ... Eat Your Heart Out: Pumpkin out the yang; no food stylist on set; a reasonable menu; inaccurate pie baking time; Le Cordon Bleu in London; artificially ignorant kitchen wrecking; "I'll write the recipe"; Casey learns nothing; baking pumpkins ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Murder She Baked, and America's Pie Belt ... The (Pie) Body Farm ... Murder She Baked &gt; Khal Drogo ... Crossover: Grace and Frankie prequel; Tampopo; eighth base; Hallmark's Hunger Games; Gordon Ramsay abuse; Nailed It ... BREAK ... Payola, Patreon and another ad bust ... Journalismism: Another fake Google; Lucky in Love; Wharton's classes on psychological warfare; press scrum for pie ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Technically yes, buuuuut ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Sam is a replicant; Rico Aragon at the table read; Amish Ghost; it won't happen a third time; every person watching a bake-off; rotisserie turkey ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: Chair solution; a boundless bake-off economy; being complementary ... Rating: The Juiciest Taco origin story, and a 2.75 ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Existential pumpkins ... CSI handwriting sample ... Black Betty ... He has a boat ... Teenage sneaking around ... Just go talk to him ... Cocaine is supposed to be fun ... Wellness Living ... A knife too far ... Merry Christmas! ... • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Hot-N-Nasty/dp/B07MR3QGQ6/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=hot+n+nasty+humble+pie&amp;qid=1574102757&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-2" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Hot 'n' Nasty</a>," by Humble Pie • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Buttermilk-Boy-Original/dp/B000SFF2FU/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=buttermilk+boy+humble+pie&amp;qid=1574102772&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Buttermilk Boy</a>," by Humble Pie • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Apple-Pie-Mode-Album-Version/dp/B01DHQQRYG/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=apple+pie+a+la+mode+destiny%27s+child&amp;qid=1574102789&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Apple Pie À La Mode</a>," by Destiny's Child • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Be-Sweet-Explicit/dp/B00MVS07SE/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=be+sweet+afghan+whigs&amp;qid=1574102804&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Be Sweet</a>," by The Afghan Whigs • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sucking-On-The-Sweet-Vine/dp/B010PPVV20/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=sucking+on+the+sweet+vine&amp;qid=1574102819&amp;s=dmusic&amp;sr=1-1" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Sucking on the Sweet Vine</a>," by Humble Pie • "Six Gallon Pie," by The Meat Puppets • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

073 - The Hallmark Version of Intercourse

NORTHERN LIGHTS OF CHRISTMAS (2018) rings in our new year with: Geraldine Somerville appreciation station ... Slacking on good movies, transcribing bad ones ... THEME ... Catching up ... A powerfully soporific movie ... Bread Alert ... Let's talk sourdough ... Not a freaky bread sicko ... Mr. Frodo, the sourdough starter ... "Oh, it's the water" ... Distracting from your own shortcomings ... BREAK ... Ashley Williams and Corey Sevier appreciation station ... Gosford Park ... More Michael Gambon murders wanted ... The Expositional Challenge: Easy! ... That reindeer was no angel ... How I Met Your Mother: Dad's complete sexual history; the en-loathsomed main character; Liberal Arts; Ashley Williams jobbed out; too charming for her lead ... The Seinfeld Conundrum ... Missing Anne Heche ... "Do you have a reindeer problem?" ... Missing the overprogrammed Christmas activities ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: It takes a village??? ... Malcolm Gladwell Sucks: An Interlude ... Eat Your Heart Out: One coffee point and a peppermint follow-up ... The Art Hindle Cronenberg gallery ... Binaca flan ... BREAK ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Zoey's charter flights for outbound Hallmark people ... Overdetermined: Everything is Gus vs. Bailing on the "fest" as a sales gimmick ... Crossover: David Mamet vs. Anne Heche ... The Swagony of Defeat: Is Zoey getting double miles? ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Like, probably yes, but also it's probably Ashley Williams' work ... Easy to get pumice ... Morel agita ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Cold vs. Not-Cold ... Dissonant wine bottles ... Lambrusco ... Secret cornflake cookies ... They're playing our song, "Joy to the World" ... Forgetting cape things ... Rating: 3 ... Merry Christmas • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • All other music by Chris Collingwood of  Look Park and  Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

NORTHERN LIGHTS OF CHRISTMAS (2018) rings in our new year with: Geraldine Somerville appreciation station ... Slacking on good movies, transcribing bad ones ... THEME ... Catching up ... A powerfully soporific movie ... Bread Alert ... Let's talk sourdough ... Not a freaky bread sicko ... Mr. Frodo, the sourdough starter ... "Oh, it's the water" ... Distracting from your own shortcomings ... BREAK ... Ashley Williams and Corey Sevier appreciation station ... Gosford Park ... More Michael Gambon murders wanted ... The Expositional Challenge: Easy! ... That reindeer was no angel ... How I Met Your Mother: Dad's complete sexual history; the en-loathsomed main character; Liberal Arts; Ashley Williams jobbed out; too charming for her lead ... The Seinfeld Conundrum ... Missing Anne Heche ... "Do you have a reindeer problem?" ... Missing the overprogrammed Christmas activities ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: It takes a village??? ... Malcolm Gladwell Sucks: An Interlude ... Eat Your Heart Out: One coffee point and a peppermint follow-up ... The Art Hindle Cronenberg gallery ... Binaca flan ... BREAK ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Zoey's charter flights for outbound Hallmark people ... Overdetermined: Everything is Gus vs. Bailing on the "fest" as a sales gimmick ... Crossover: David Mamet vs. Anne Heche ... The Swagony of Defeat: Is Zoey getting double miles? ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Like, probably yes, but also it's probably Ashley Williams' work ... Easy to get pumice ... Morel agita ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Cold vs. Not-Cold ... Dissonant wine bottles ... Lambrusco ... Secret cornflake cookies ... They're playing our song, "Joy to the World" ... Forgetting cape things ... Rating: 3 ... Merry Christmas • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/cyber-vision/id1144185940" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">If U Want It</a>," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

043 - The Unprofessional Episode

We regret with 2019's SNOWCOMING and: SnowComing explanation ... The second-chance high school dance ... Wistful, near The Running Man ... Hey, I'm trying to finger somebody! ... THEME ... Jane Wiedlin Thrashing on a BMX ... Letter from Santa: "Joe Theismann is in it" ... Larry Csonka ... Back-to-back Heisman Trophy runners-up ... Alicia Witt's Heisman ceremony ... Ed Marinaro and Jim Plunkett shout-outs ... Dave didn't dislike it ... ART THOU BOTOWN reprise ... The Expositional Challenge: 97 seconds ... Life just happens at Samantha ... How old are these people? ... Who are Jake Gillette's quarterback comps? ... Jake the Snake ... Jay Cutler as any Hallmark leading man ... No smoking in Hallmark ... Extremely short football toss ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Coach Kerrigan, surrogate dad? ... Ed Marinaro as Joey Buttafuoco ... Old Comedy Central ads ... Eat Your Heart Out: Jake, cookbook reader; more appetizing than most Hallmark food; disarmingly untouched salad; "Bonkers for Brussels Sprouts!"; a non-compelling arc; a citywide celebration of ambivalence; uncomfortable Joe Paterno resemblance; Peter DeLuise joint; soup as a metaphor; big-boil soup; food literate; tasting duo for Padma Lakshmi; the realest sh*t that's been in a Hallmark movie ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Wistful Literate Mountain Sports Town, Colorado, and The Eric Mabius's Ass Universe vs. Hallmark Pan-Sports "Field of Dreams" Field for Emotional Orphans and Chris Klein's "A Haunting of Dads" ... Overdetermined: Waiting for SnowComing vs. I Will Exploit Your Agony ... Main character as fifth-act villain ... BREAK ... Crossover: Hallmark Channel's The Wicker Man vs. Jerry Maguire with Concussions ... Peter King's cap implications for Jake Gillette ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes ... NPR pledge drive ... The Leftovers: New football coach, P.E. coach and health teacher, with zero experience ... Principal Case Keenum and Superintendent Jay Schroeder ... "I got a degree" ... Theismann fourth-wall callback ... Joe Theismann Appreciation Station ... BREAK ... Scarf-spendthrift ... Unsecured campus ... "The snow at the game is clearly fake" ... Whistler, reprise ... Sage Abernathy: "F*ck to Pride and Prejudice!" ... Sage Rosenfels ... "As to a lover... Coach" ... Replace the mom ... Wordless pendant application ... Incredibly normal almost-kisses ... Treehouse exit ... Outdoor fire pit ... "I feel so savory" ... RATING: 2.5 ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "The Buttafuoco Song," by Marvin Rosenberg • "Hill Street Blues Theme" by Mike Post • All other music by Chris Collingwood of  Look Park and  Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

We regret with 2019's <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt9323966/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">SNOWCOMING</a> and: SnowComing explanation ... The second-chance high school dance ... Wistful, near The Running Man ... Hey, I'm trying to finger somebody! ... THEME ... Jane Wiedlin Thrashing on a BMX ... Letter from Santa: "Joe Theismann is in it" ... Larry Csonka ... Back-to-back Heisman Trophy runners-up ... Alicia Witt's Heisman ceremony ... Ed Marinaro and Jim Plunkett shout-outs ... Dave didn't dislike it ... ART THOU BOTOWN reprise ... The Expositional Challenge: 97 seconds ... Life just happens at Samantha ... How old are these people? ... Who are Jake Gillette's quarterback comps? ... Jake the Snake ... Jay Cutler as any Hallmark leading man ... No smoking in Hallmark ... Extremely short football toss ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Coach Kerrigan, surrogate dad? ... Ed Marinaro as Joey Buttafuoco ... Old Comedy Central ads ... Eat Your Heart Out: Jake, cookbook reader; more appetizing than most Hallmark food; disarmingly untouched salad; "Bonkers for Brussels Sprouts!"; a non-compelling arc; a citywide celebration of ambivalence; uncomfortable Joe Paterno resemblance; Peter DeLuise joint; soup as a metaphor; big-boil soup; food literate; tasting duo for Padma Lakshmi; the realest sh*t that's been in a Hallmark movie ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Wistful Literate Mountain Sports Town, Colorado, and The Eric Mabius's Ass Universe vs. Hallmark Pan-Sports "Field of Dreams" Field for Emotional Orphans and Chris Klein's "A Haunting of Dads" ... Overdetermined: Waiting for SnowComing vs. I Will Exploit Your Agony ... Main character as fifth-act villain ... BREAK ... Crossover: Hallmark Channel's The Wicker Man vs. Jerry Maguire with Concussions ... Peter King's cap implications for Jake Gillette ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes ... NPR pledge drive ... The Leftovers: New football coach, P.E. coach and health teacher, with zero experience ... Principal Case Keenum and Superintendent Jay Schroeder ... "I got a degree" ... Theismann fourth-wall callback ... Joe Theismann Appreciation Station ... BREAK ... Scarf-spendthrift ... Unsecured campus ... "The snow at the game is clearly fake" ... Whistler, reprise ... Sage Abernathy: "F*ck to Pride and Prejudice!" ... Sage Rosenfels ... "As to a lover... Coach" ... Replace the mom ... Wordless pendant application ... Incredibly normal almost-kisses ... Treehouse exit ... Outdoor fire pit ... "I feel so savory" ... RATING: 2.5 ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-You-Dont-Like-Christmas/dp/B004BF78WI" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas</a>," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IY_bhVSGKEg" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">The Buttafuoco Song</a>," by Marvin Rosenberg • "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Theme-Street-Blues-feat-Carlton/dp/B001226GBM/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=hill+street+blues+theme&amp;qid=1552798983&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-2" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Hill Street Blues Theme</a>" by Mike Post • All other music by Chris Collingwood of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Look-Park/dp/B01DQ0T5J2/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1512608928&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=Look+Park" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Look Park</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&amp;field-keywords=fountains+of+wayne&amp;rh=i:aps,k:fountains+of+wayne" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Fountains of Wayne</a>, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane

049 - The Do-Over Festival

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