If you happen to be married, I have a personal question for you: Have you ever noticed how a lingering frustration or a serious, unresolved issue in your marriage can eat at you at work and take you out of your game as a leader?

Believe me, I’ve experienced this, and I know I’m not alone. How to build a healthy marriage in ways that can help you become a healthy, better leader in the process is what my guest is all about.

Les Parrott and his wife Leslie have spent the past 30 years same helping others build healthy relationships. Les is a professor of psychology at Northwest University, in Kirkland, Washington, and they are founders of the Center for Healthy Relationships on the campus of Olivet University in Anza, California

As #1 New York Times best-selling authors, their books have sold over two million copies in more than two dozen languages, and include best-selling and Gold-medallion winner Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts.

Les, welcome to the Flourishing Culture Podcast.

Find full show notes here https://www.bcwinstitute.org/podcast/les-parrott-healthy-marriage/

Is marriage a crapshoot?

My guest today says no. He argues that couples who take a proactive approach to marriage have the best chance at having the most successful relationships.

His name is Les Parrott, and he’s a clinical psychologist specializing in marriage and family. He, along with his wife Leslie, who’s also a marriage therapist, wrote Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before — And After — You Marry.

Les and I are going to discuss how a person knows if he or she is ready for marriage, the myths people have about marriage that set them up for disappointment, and the 5 attitudes young people have about marriage that speak volumes about how the future success of their own marriages. We will also discuss the common traits of happily married couples.

While our conversation is geared toward engaged couples or newlyweds, even if you’ve been married a long time there are definite takeaways in this podcast that you won't to miss.

IN THIS EPISODE:

3:15   You can only be as healthy as the “least healthy” partner in the relationship.

4:00  The most important thing you can do for your relationship is work on yourself.

4:20  How to cope when you’re working on yourself and your spouse isn’t

6:00 If you try to build intimacy with a person before you’ve taken care of your own issues, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself and they’ll fall flat.

6:40  We never really “arrive”; we’re always in progress.

9:15  How a couple manages conflict is a big factor in how successful a marriage will be

10:30-12:20  Les discusses “good” fighting. A good fight results in deeper intimacy and allows both parties to be heard.

12:24  Les explains  important aspects of self-awareness, including “authenticity”

15:15 – 23:13  Les explains the 5 attitudes young people have towards marriage: “resolute,” “rational,” “romantic,” “restless,” and “reluctant.”

23:40  The benefits of pre-marital counseling

30:25  SYMBIS, or Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, is about learning how to “match well” and how to leverage that to have the best relationship you can have

36:24  Les talks about the 3 ingredients of romantic love: “passion,” “intimacy,” and “commitment”  and how these 3 ingredients are fluid and change throughout the course of a relationship

43:00 How having a baby changes the marital dynamic

45:00- Les discusses his program betterlove.com

“If you try to build intimacy with another person before you've done the difficult work of getting whole on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself.” – Dr. Les Parrott

Your relationships with other people are only as strong as you are. In this episode, Brian talks to best-selling author and relationship expert Dr. Les Parrott about his new book, “Healthy Me, Healthy Us,” and discovers why the single most important thing you can do to improve your relationships is to become a whole and healthy individual yourself. Topics discussed include how Les and his wife Leslie have worked together for decades to help improve people’s relationships, including cofounding the dating website eharmony.com; the importance of humility and getting feedback from others; and the value of conflict and fighting fair.

YOU WILL LEARN:

• Why profound significance is so vital.
• How you can lean into unswerving authenticity.
• Why you must nurture self-giving love.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

www.lesandleslie.com

“Healthy Me, Healthy Us,” by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

“Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts,” by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

“Love Talk,” by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

“The Parent You Want to Be,” by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

“What to Say When You Talk to Yourself,” by Shad Helmstetter

“The Purpose Driven Life,” by Rick Warren

“Learned Optimism,” by Martin E.P. Seligman

“The Shawshank Redemption” movie

“Good Will Hunting” movie

“Dead Poets Society” movie

www.eharmony.com

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE:

“Relationships are the hub of the wheel.” – Dr. Les Parrott

“No one was designed to complete you. That's the work that you have to do.” – Dr. Les Parrott

“Awareness is curative. Once you become aware, then you can do something about it.” – Dr. Les Parrott

“Unswerving authenticity is all about knowing your purpose, following that path and not just walking down that path, but running down that path.” – Dr. Les Parrott

“Just being yourself is good enough to be great.” – Brian Buffini

“We have opportunities to walk the extra mile in big ways and little ways.” – Dr. Les Parrott

“The happiest homes are the homes that are filled with an abundance of mutual empathy.” – Dr. Les Parrott

“Conflict is the price we pay for deeper intimacy.” – Dr. Les Parrott

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Theme Music:  “The Cliffs of Moher” by Brogue Wave

Você sente que é impossível alcançar os seus sonhos por que os obstáculos são extremamente grandes?

A maioria das pessoas anda na ponta dos pés à beira do precipício e imagina o que é possível do outro lado.

Só que você só passa a viver plenamente quando reúne força suficiente para superar os seus medos para buscar da vida aquilo que você realmente deseja.

Mudando a maneira como você pensa, entendendo o que você sente e usando o seu poder interior, você vai reunir e usar forças que não sabia que tinha, para fazer o que você quiser, porque você é mais forte do que pensa.

Se você quiser entender como transformar fraqueza em ânimo, para que possa viver com coragem, o resumo do livro Você é Mais Forte do Que Pensa é para você.

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Um grande abraço!

Dr. Les Parrott is 1/2 of the dynamic relationship expert duo of Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott (www.lesandleslie.com).  He shares about their latest projects including their book - Healthy Me, Healthy Us, the YADA Assessment and their Save Your Marriage Before It Starts (SYMBIS) program.  Dr. Les explains the key to a healthy, happy relationship lies in getting healthy as an individual. Their book is packed with great information to help individuals do just that.

We spend a lot of time on this show talking about entrepreneurs. Duh, right? That’s the name of the show. But today, we want to veer off our normal business strategy conversation and talk about life outside of work—primarily, time with our family. Today’s guest is Les Parrott. He works alongside his wife Leslie who shares the same passion for helping others build healthy relationships. 

The Parrotts have been featured in USA Today and the New York Times, and they have also appeared on CNN, The Today Show and Oprah. As #1 New York Times best-selling authors, their books have sold over two million copies in more than two dozen languages. 

In addition to all of that, Les is a professor of psychology at Northwest University, and together they are founders of the Center for Healthy Relationships. Today we had Les on to talk about one of their new releases—a video project with RightNow Media, called “The Time Starved Marriage.”

It’s a fitting topic for entrepreneurs. Listen to Les shared with us some of their relationship wisdom, talked about the importance of time management, and gave us insight into what makes a great marriage tick. Let’s listen in…

Useful Links:

Les and Leslie Parrott Website

Your Time Starved Marriage

Better Love Assessment

Yada Assessment

On this week’s episode of The Undone Redone Podcast, Tray and Melody sit down with Dr. Les Parrott to discuss strengthening your marriage. Dr. Parrott is a bestselling author, a professor of psychology at Northwest University, creator of the SYMBIS Assessment, and founder of the Parrott Institute for Healthy Relationships at Olivet Nazarene University. He and his wife Leslie are a husband-and-wife team who not only share the same name, but the same passion for helping others build healthy and stronger relationships. Dr. Parrott explains that a marriage can only be as strong as the two spouses in it and that often times we need to first work on strengthening ourselves before we can tackle issues in our marriages. Our listeners can learn more about Dr. Parrott and his wife’s ministry at https://www.lesandleslie.com/. For those interested in taking the SYMBIS assessment, you can visit https://www.betterlove.com/. Finally those who would like to know more about Dr. Parrott’s book, Love Like That, can visit https://lovelikethatbook.com/.

Quotes: “You have to realize that your marriage can only be as healthy as the least healthy person in it.” “Here’s the bottom line: When you open your heart, love changes your mind. Your mind can do an about-face when it receives that divine impulse from the heart. That’s why if you are just looking for a reasonable love, you will miss out on an extraordinary love.”

#3 Author of dozens of books on love and relationships and a cofounder of the dating web site, eHarnony, Dr. Les Parrott shares epic love and relationship advice from his years of research and sessions with thousands of couples.

Dr. Les Parrot joins me for an episode that is all about how couples can use a tool like the Better Love Assessment to get a healthy snapshot or check up on their marriage.  Dr. Parrott is a globally sought after marriage psychologist along with his wife, Leslie Parrott also a marriage therapist. Together, they have written several books and speak on how to improve your marriage communication, reduce conflict, improve your sex life, and much more.  In this episode, Dr. Parrott shares more about the Better Love Assessment (found at www.betterlove.com) in pointing out the individual strengths in your marriage.  Better Love can be a great tool for date night discussions, working on your marriage during a deployment or separation, and even ways to talk through topics that are normally hot topics.  To find out more and subscribe to Dr. Parrott's resources, check out www.lesandleslie.com