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1 quote, 3 ideas & 1 question from each episode

__________

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#357: Strategies for Social Anxiety | Ellen Hendriksen

Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris

18 Jun 2021

1hr 14mins

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Owltail Summaries

1 quote, 3 ideas & 1 question from each episode

_________

#357: Strategies for Social Anxiety | Ellen Hendriksen

18 Jun 2021

1hr 14mins

Weekly hand curated podcast episodes for learning

Quote

"Our behaviour follows our mood. But our mood also follows our behaviour."

Ideas

1

Avoidance in the short term can feel good, but in the long term is one of the key drivers for social anxiety.
In the short term, COVID meant people could avoid a lot of the social situations that made them anxious, it gave us a break.

But in the long term, avoidance is one of the drivers that maintains social anxiety.

If we only continue avoiding our anxiety, we'll never get to address it, and when we avoid addressing it, it only gets worse.

1

Avoidance in the short term can feel good, but in the long term is one of the key drivers for social anxiety.
In the short term, COVID meant people could avoid a lot of the social situations that made them anxious, it gave us a break.

But in the long term, avoidance is one of the drivers that maintains social anxiety.

If we only continue avoiding our anxiety, we'll never get to address it, and when we avoid addressing it, it only gets worse.

2

Anxiety is driven by uncertainty.
Our social anxiety will never fully go down to zero. We're pretty much all afraid of being judged or rejected to some degree.

But we can improve how we handle it, either by increasing the certainty around something, or by increasing our willingness to handle uncertainty.

2

Anxiety is driven by uncertainty.
Our social anxiety will never fully go down to zero. We're pretty much all afraid of being judged or rejected to some degree.

But we can improve how we handle it, either by increasing the certainty around something, or by increasing our willingness to handle uncertainty.

3

Our attention is like a spotlight.
In a socially anxious moment, our attention focuses inwards.

We ask questions like "what should I do with my hands" or "am I boring her?".

But then what happens is we miss out on the moment.

We should be focusing our attention on the other person, what someone's saying or what's actually happening.

This way, we free up the bandwidth we were spending on stressing ourselves out about what we were doing, and allows us to respond more naturally in the moment.

3

Our attention is like a spotlight.
In a socially anxious moment, our attention focuses inwards.

We ask questions like "what should I do with my hands" or "am I boring her?".

But then what happens is we miss out on the moment.

We should be focusing our attention on the other person, what someone's saying or what's actually happening.

This way, we free up the bandwidth we were spending on stressing ourselves out about what we were doing, and allows us to respond more naturally in the moment.

Questions

1

Can you think of a situation where avoidance only made it worse?

1

Can you think of a situation where avoidance only made it worse?

What else is in the episode

1

How perfectionism often drives social anxiety

1

How perfectionism often drives social anxiety

2

How we can better be ourselves

2

How we can better be ourselves

3

How our safety behaviours actually hold us back

3

How our safety behaviours actually hold us back

Who is Ellen Hendriksen?

1

A clinical psychologist focusing on helping them calm their anxiety and be their authentic selves. She serves on the faculty at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CARD) and is the author of HOW TO BE YOURSELF: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. She was also the host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast.

1

A clinical psychologist focusing on helping them calm their anxiety and be their authentic selves. She serves on the faculty at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CARD) and is the author of HOW TO BE YOURSELF: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. She was also the host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast.

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