5 minute summaries
1 quote, 3 ideas & 1 question from each episode
__________
26 Apr 2021
52mins
Owltail Summaries
1 quote, 3 ideas & 1 question from each episode
_________
Why Conversations Go Wrong
26 Apr 2021
52mins
Quote
"To provide feedback is really to criticize, but also to care."
Ideas
1
Underneath the conversation we're having, there's often hidden conversations that we don't understand.
So much of how we converse happens automatically, without us realizing what we're doing.
Things such as how long of a pause we expect before we think the other person has nothing to say, results in situations where one person is trying to keep the conversation going as they think the other person has nothing to say, whilst the other feels that it's rude as they weren't given a chance to speak.
We don't walk away saying, the conversation was awkward because I think you expect a pause that's few milliseconds longer, we walk away saying that the other person wouldn't give us a chance to talk.
Things such as how long of a pause we expect before we think the other person has nothing to say, results in situations where one person is trying to keep the conversation going as they think the other person has nothing to say, whilst the other feels that it's rude as they weren't given a chance to speak.
We don't walk away saying, the conversation was awkward because I think you expect a pause that's few milliseconds longer, we walk away saying that the other person wouldn't give us a chance to talk.
1
Underneath the conversation we're having, there's often hidden conversations that we don't understand.
So much of how we converse happens automatically, without us realizing what we're doing.
Things such as how long of a pause we expect before we think the other person has nothing to say, results in situations where one person is trying to keep the conversation going as they think the other person has nothing to say, whilst the other feels that it's rude as they weren't given a chance to speak.
We don't walk away saying, the conversation was awkward because I think you expect a pause that's few milliseconds longer, we walk away saying that the other person wouldn't give us a chance to talk.
Things such as how long of a pause we expect before we think the other person has nothing to say, results in situations where one person is trying to keep the conversation going as they think the other person has nothing to say, whilst the other feels that it's rude as they weren't given a chance to speak.
We don't walk away saying, the conversation was awkward because I think you expect a pause that's few milliseconds longer, we walk away saying that the other person wouldn't give us a chance to talk.
2
There's the message and the meta-message.
The message is the words, the meta-message is what it says about the relationship that you say these words in this way in this context.
Often we end up arguing about the message when it's the meta-message that upset us.
One way to improve communication, is by opening up and intentionally trying to talk about the meta-message when there's misunderstandings.
Often we end up arguing about the message when it's the meta-message that upset us.
One way to improve communication, is by opening up and intentionally trying to talk about the meta-message when there's misunderstandings.
2
There's the message and the meta-message.
The message is the words, the meta-message is what it says about the relationship that you say these words in this way in this context.
Often we end up arguing about the message when it's the meta-message that upset us.
One way to improve communication, is by opening up and intentionally trying to talk about the meta-message when there's misunderstandings.
Often we end up arguing about the message when it's the meta-message that upset us.
One way to improve communication, is by opening up and intentionally trying to talk about the meta-message when there's misunderstandings.
3
The more empathy we have for others, the less annoyed we get at others. This is good both for ourselves, but also others.
We often realise that when something hurts us, it's often not because of bad intentions, but actually good intentions, just miscommunicated; having more empathy gives more opportunity to accept the good intentions of others.
3
The more empathy we have for others, the less annoyed we get at others. This is good both for ourselves, but also others.
We often realise that when something hurts us, it's often not because of bad intentions, but actually good intentions, just miscommunicated; having more empathy gives more opportunity to accept the good intentions of others.
Questions
1
Can you think of someone in your life where your different communication s sometime leads to miscommunication?
1
Can you think of someone in your life where your different communication s sometime leads to miscommunication?
What else is in the episode
1
How we can all better communicate and understand why we often miscommunicate
1
How we can all better communicate and understand why we often miscommunicate
2
The differences between masculine & feminine traits when it comes to conversations
2
The differences between masculine & feminine traits when it comes to conversations
3
Why daughters always think their mum is criticizing them
3
Why daughters always think their mum is criticizing them
Who is Deborah Tannen?
1
A professor of linguistics and author of multiple books on communication & miscommunication of different interpersonal relationships as well as people of different genders and cultural backgrounds.
1
A professor of linguistics and author of multiple books on communication & miscommunication of different interpersonal relationships as well as people of different genders and cultural backgrounds.
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