Cover image of Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra
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Society & Culture
Sexuality
Health & Fitness
Relationships

Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

Updated about 19 hours ago

Society & Culture
Sexuality
Health & Fitness
Relationships
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No fluff. No lies. Just sex as we see it.

Read more

No fluff. No lies. Just sex as we see it.

iTunes Ratings

291 Ratings
Average Ratings
190
39
21
13
28

Intelligent, informative, compassionate

By The Soulmate Experience - Oct 21 2019
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Dawn is a wickedly smart and deeply compassionate human being. A skilled interviewer with great guests. Truly one of the best sexuality podcasts out there.

♥️♥️♥️

By little j moore - Jun 06 2018
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I absolutely love this show!! Had me laughing as much as it was educational

iTunes Ratings

291 Ratings
Average Ratings
190
39
21
13
28

Intelligent, informative, compassionate

By The Soulmate Experience - Oct 21 2019
Read more
Dawn is a wickedly smart and deeply compassionate human being. A skilled interviewer with great guests. Truly one of the best sexuality podcasts out there.

♥️♥️♥️

By little j moore - Jun 06 2018
Read more
I absolutely love this show!! Had me laughing as much as it was educational
Cover image of Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

Updated about 19 hours ago

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No fluff. No lies. Just sex as we see it.

Rank #1: Sex Gets Real 7: Giving amazing blowjobs

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Don't forget! If you love the show, you can support us at patreon.com/sexgetsreal!

Dawn and Dylan lay out how to give amazing blowjobs, the practicalities of navigating an open marriage (where? and how? and when?), and how to get started in kink. Plus, Dawn talks about her butt plug tail.

You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us.

Email: info@sexgetsreal.com

Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Apr 13 2014

52mins

Play

Rank #2: Sex Gets Real 89: Butt sex and the REAL mess

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A listener wants us to be really real. Just how messy is anal play? She wants to try it, but she's psyched herself out over the poop.

That sends us off on a bender on all things butts - from hair to the doorbell technique to Dylan getting REALLY excited about all the things she likes in her butt. And of course, loads of practical advice and personal stories on real butt sex and the mess factor.

Dylan closes the show with a little victory statement about Rhonda Rousey losing her fight after the lube fiasco of a few weeks ago.

Have a great holiday season, everyone! We had an amazing 2015.

You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us

  • Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)
  • Email: info@sexgetsreal.com
  • Contact form: Click here

Dec 13 2015

21mins

Play

Rank #3: Sex Gets Real 191: Face sitting, cheating, & hating your body

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My porn workshop, Hands Down: A Workshop on How Porn Can Heal, Connect, and Be Ethical, is now streaming. Check out the details at dawnserra.com/porn. Let's talk about the porn!

Here's that funny article I was giggling over called, "20 Things Guys Have Actually Said to Me In Bed."

Now, on to your questions.

Brittany wrote in seeking sexy kink events near her. The best place to go for kink events is Fetlife.com. You'll want to keep an eye out for munches and conferences. Because Brittany is in Massachusetts, she might also want to check out The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Rhode Island for workshops. Plus, Joellen Notte lists Oh My! Sensuality Shop and Good Vibrations in Massachusetts on her superhero sex shop map. Basically, any feminist sex shop will have classes and workshops that could be a fun way to meet folks.

A listener wrote back with an update. They found a friend to watch them have sex and it's turned into a fun threesome situation. Yay!

Jen wrote in because apparently there was a shit-show on another sex podcast where the guest did some major body shaming and had some sexist ideas about getting desire back. I love knowing people can turn to Sex Gets Real and Explore More Summit for more inclusive conversations. Ha.

As sex educators and therapists, we have a responsibility to examine our advice and our stories to ensure we aren't hurting people further. Fatphobia is one of those things we must confront and rewrite as experts.

Nugget wrote in with some words of love.

Nandi is fat and confused and needs help with her changing body. She's getting bariatric surgery and wonders if there's a way to find ease in her body without surgery. I have so many thoughts, including the importance of checking out all the talks at exploremoresummit.com because they're all about this VERY topic.

You never have to love your body. You are allowed to do whatever you need to do to survive. If you want to start diving into resources about fat stigma, self acceptance, fatphobia, and fighting diet culture, the resource page I created (which is growing) is a great place to start.

Your body is NOT the problem. The problem is our culture, our fatphobic doctors, our media consumption.

I highly recommend Hanne Blank's, "Big, Big Love", Elle Chase's, "Curvy Girl Sex", "The Intuitive Eating Workbook, "The Fat Studies Reader", and all the other books on the resource page mentioned above.

We have to prioritize our needs. We have to prioritize our body. We will always disappoint someone and people will always feel like they have a right to comment on our body or threaten us with "health" concerns. Finding people who can help support us as we exist in our body, as it is, is crucial.

Mastadon is a horny hubby. He and his wife opened their relationship temporarily a few years ago, and even though she doesn't want to do that again, he can't stop thinking about it. He wants adventure and new lovers and he feels like she just isn't adventurous or open to that sort of thing. He doesn't want to be a cheating piece of shit (his words), but he really wants to have new sexual experiences.

So often these questions are about avoiding discomfort and awkwardness. But that's just not possible. You have to evaluate what you most value, what you're most curious about, and then make some tough decisions. You are either committed to your relationship, which means uncomfortable conversations and finding ways to feel expressive and creative inside of it. Or, if your pleasure is more important, then transitioning out of the marriage might be the discomfort you need to move into.

Our partners may be open to changing things, but we cannot force them or manipulate them into it. Getting a sex coach or a sex therapist can be a good place to start, just to help the conversations to be more open and vulnerable.

Honesty and integrity are not about comfort. They take practice and moving into uncomfortable spaces. But the payoff can be tremendous when we do that.

Miss Lou is a BBW who has been asked to sit on a partner's face. What should they do? How should they do? How do you get on someone's face without it be awkward? Let's talk about fat face sitting!

Sometimes we just have to climb on and wiggle around, try pillows in a variety of positions, and find what works in the moment. Awkward can be fun when you're both excited and open about the fact that it's awkward. It's sex! So, get on, bounce around, and see what works. Then, do more of that.

Hoodie sex? Nick wants to know if it's weird that he wants to have sex with his girlfriend while she wears his hoodies. Is that weird?  Nope. Because if it's consensual and you're both having fun, then who cares? Sex itself is weird. Enjoy it!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Dec 10 2017

48mins

Play

Rank #4: Sex Gets Real 167: Passion in monogamy, sexual pleasure, & lube

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Guess what?

If you love the show, folks who support on Patreon with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Whew! Let's dive into this week's episode because Wendy Strgar is here from Good Clean Love. We're chatting all about her new book, "Sex That Works," and we also dive into keeping sexual passion alive in monogamy, cultivating sexual freedom and sexual responsibility, what love and healthy relationships look like, the importance of choosing a body-safe lube, and much much more.

Ready to go? Let's do it!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode

"Your Brain on Sex" by Stanley Siegel 

About Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar is author of The New York Times-praised book, SEX THAT WORKS: An Intimate Guide to Awakening Your Erotic Life. She's also the founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, a pioneering organic intimacy product company, as well as a relationship expert. She has written for over ten years on the topics of love, sexual health, and positivity. For more information, visit wendystrgar.com and goodcleanlove.com.

You can also stay in touch on Twitter @wendystrgar and Facebook.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Jun 25 2017

1hr 7mins

Play

Rank #5: Sex Gets Real 126: Open relationships, touch free orgasms, & Daddy Doms

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In the DC area? I'm teaching kink, anal sex, thriving relationships, blowjobs, and more in October and November. Check out the details at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page

How does traditional consent education fail us? What do you do if you're in a new open relationship and it just isn't working for you? Can someone really orgasm without having their genitals touched?

This week, Yana Tallon-Hicks joins the show and we roll around in all those questions and more (don't miss Dawn's story of aiming a penis). It's a fun, laughter-filled talk and it's clear why TEDx invited Yana to do a talk on sex education recently.

The listener questions this week are particularly delicious, especially the final question from Lady Lilly - both Yana and I are near tears as we listen to the pain and heartbreak of her question.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode

Yana's resource guide to open relationships is here. Password: compersionimmersion

Watch Yana's TEDx talk.

Barbara Carrellas' book "Ecstasy is Necessary"

A video of Barbara Carrellas having a brain-gasm (or thinking her way to an orgasm) in an MRI machine

About Yana Tallon-Hicks

Yana Tallon-Hicks is a consent, sex & sexuality writer and educator living in Northampton, MA. Her work centers around the belief that pleasure-positive & consent-based sex education can positively impact our lives and the world (like really though).

Yana’s > workshops work to create a welcoming & comfortable space for all to explore crucial aspects of our sexual selves such as pleasure, communication, consent & the body and are taught at colleges, high schools, and sex toy shops all over New England.

Read more about Yana & her work here, where you can also read her sex advice column, follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and watch her TEDxTalk: Is the Porn Brain Our New Sex Educator? during which she talks about watching porn with her husband, how we learn about sexual pleasure, and what that does for our concept of consent.

Find out more about Yana and her work on her website, yanatallonhicks.com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Sep 11 2016

1hr 9mins

Play

Rank #6: Sex Gets Real 203: Married & poly, no guilt after an affair, & fear of sex

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Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is a big ol' rant after a listener wrote in with some pretty problematic arguments around why coercion isn't rape and that relationships are about persuasion and convincing. Um....you KNOW I have thoughts.

So what's up for this episode?

AC wants to know where to find a kink expert that might teach at a private party about bondage and flogging. I recommend Fetlife to get started.

Drowning in Relationship Theory is so stressed. Her and her husband decided to open their marriage so she could explore her bisexuality. She's met a lovely woman, her husband is on board, but she's been listening to lots of poly experts who all say hierarchical poly is unethical and that prioritizing her marriage is wrong. Can she be ethically polyamorous while treasuring her marriage? 

I have several thoughts, and also recommend Tristan Taormino's "Opening Up", Andre Shakti's IAmPoly.net, and Poly Role Models.

And the short answer is yes, of course. You can be married and ethically open, especially if potential partners KNOW you're married and get to opt in.

Anonymous confesses that she loves her husband, they have a great sex life, and she had affair. But she feels guilty because she DOES NOT feel guilty. It was a one-time thing that offered her deep healing, and she just can't feel guilty. Is she terrible?

Another anonymous listener is terrified of sex. She's 21, has never had intercourse, and feels woefully behind all her friends. Plus, she experiences lots of vaginal pain and doesn't know that she'll ever be able to have intercourse. Is it hopeless? Is she doomed?

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra

What if everything you've been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, and of the new weekly stream Pop Culture Undressed, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It's not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Mar 04 2018

49mins

Play

Rank #7: Sex Gets Real 69: Mutual masturbation

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Mutual masturbation is rad. Let's discuss.

Two listeners write in with sexy stories about Spring Break and titty play.

Plus, there's a new Johns Hopkins study showing men who are confident and empathetic (sensitive) have more satisfying sex. Boom!

And of course, we have to get our hands dirty by talking about the beauty and pleasure of mutual masturbation. Seriously, it's one of those things that is so often overlooked but can be totally rad in so many situations.

In the DC area in August? Then join Dawn at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit from August 13-16. Learn more on their website

You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us

  • Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)
  • Email: info@sexgetsreal.com
  • Contact form: Click here

Jul 26 2015

16mins

Play

Rank #8: Sex Gets Real 212: Secret fantasies, hating a partner's body, & virgins

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Did you miss Explore More Summit 2018? Not to worry. All of the talks are available for you to bring home, plus some yummy bonuses! See your options and explore your more in life, love, and sex: exploremoresummit.com.

It's time for more listener questions.

You know I love talking with super smart awesome folks on the show, and I also adore fielding your questions. So that's what we're doing this week - your questions.

Jon thinks he might be bisexual. What should he do?

Pete wants to try pegging, but he is up in Alaska without any shops nearby. Where can he and his partner get everything they need for newbie pegging? Of course, I recommend the SpareParts Joque and also dildos by Tantus. 

Ronman7 wrote in because he is in love and feeling happy with the woman in his life. The problem is he has a secret fantasy and he doesn't know what it means. Should he act on it? How can he be monogamous AND also true to this fantasy he carries? 

Anonymous wrote in because she just can't feel attracted to her boyfriend, especially after seeing pictures of him when he had a more "traditionally attractive" body. Anonymous feels entitled to a partner whose body looks a certain way, so what can she do? I'll boil my advice down to one thing: leave him. He deserves better.

Sassy Cassie is a 21 year old who struggles with body image and has never had sex. She things her body image issues are keeping her from diving into the sexual adventures she wants to experience, so how can she find more confidence in her body?

And finally, Dismay is a 19 year old who finds herself being disgusted about sex. She feels guilty when she masturbates, and she isn't sure if she's asexual, demisexual, or something else. What's with the strong, intense reaction about sex? What can she do?

Patreon supporters - A little rant about incels. Because we need to talk about the toxicity of feeling like others owe you access to their body and the violence that erupts from that entitlement. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY HIMS. For a $5 first month trial, head to forhims.com/real.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real and the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

May 06 2018

59mins

Play

Rank #9: Sex Gets Real 279: Extreme self-pleasure shame and sexuality versus genitals

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tl;dr Why coming forward about sexual assault doesn't "ruin" lives, what to do when you're deeply ashamed of masturbation, & does loving penises make a straight man gay? 

News!

  1. The October Cohort of my 5-week online course, Power in Pleasure, is enrolling NOW. We kick off Sunday, October 14th and it's going to be amazing. Learn more and enroll here: dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse (it costs as much as a single coaching session but includes six live calls and five weeks of daily emails bursting with powerful prompts and questions). Join us!

This week, it's me and you!

First up, I share a fascinating and crucial thread by Nicole Bedera on why rape allegations do not "ruin" lives. Grab the link to read it and share it here.

This is such a relevant conversation, and pairs perfectly with an awesome post that made the rounds this week by Jennifer Michelle Greenberg. You can check it out along with my thoughts here.

In short, speaking your truth about abuse and harm does not ruin lives and we all have a responsibility to take more action around instances of harm. This is not an individual problem but a communal and collective one.

Then, I field your emails.

Libby wanted to share some feedback and thanks, which felt amazing to receive.

From Help Me to Help Myself wrote in because they feel extreme shame around masturbating and don't know what to do. They experienced abuse and were raised in a very sex negative and Christian household, so masturbation feels complicated. How can they change their relationship with self-pleasure?

Finally, Brian is worried his fetish means something about his sexuality. You see, he is straight, but he has a fetish for penises and semen, especially around performing oral on a trans person. So what does it all mean and where did this come from?

I do a deep dive into genitals, identity, and sexuality. I also want all of us to check out three articles about sex with trans women. Head to dawnserra.com/ep279 for those links.

Finally, Patrons, this week's bonus will be a short reading and meditation with some journal prompts about masturbation and our pleasure stories. If you support the show at $3 per month, you can get access at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you want to help me answer listener questions, the $5 level is for you. Your support means so much!

Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!  

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Episode Transcript

Coming soon at dawnserra.com/ep279

Sep 22 2019

1hr 6mins

Play

Rank #10: Sex Gets Real 175: Sensual BDSM porn, inconsistent sex, & inorgasmic partners

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Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

This week it's you and me and all your emails. Let's dive in.

Ariyanna wrote in about how the show changed her life. Coleman, too! Yay for learning from this show.

Jess needs help finding BDSM porn that isn't extreme or just about the fucking. She wants sensual, intimate, connected porn that is also kinky. Where can she turn? I have a few suggestions, including EroticFilms.com. That's my affiliate link, and all the films on the website are curated by Erika Lust, so most of them are super sensual. Also, check out Jackie St. James, Crashpad, and Madison Young.

Johnny wrote in wanting to give his partner an orgasm.  He says all his previous partners orgasmed from penetration alone (which I highly doubt). But his current girlfriend has never had an orgasm and he NEEDS to give her one because he's horrified. Long time listeners know this is one of those questions that gets me up on my soapbox, so let's talk about why orgasm is NOT the goal of sex. Also, the fastest way to not orgasm is to expect an orgasm. I have some big thoughts for Johnny, all of which I'm sure he won't like.

Broad City Broad wants to know how she can find high quality lovers who actually want intimacy and connection, even if it's not a romantic relationship. How did I do it? A lot of it was luck, but being honest in your dating profile is a big part of finding good lovers. I share a few more thoughts.

Greeney is struggling because she recently broke off a 10 year monogamous relationship. She developed a relationship with a polyamorous man, who just recently moved away. She's rekindling her relationship with the monogamous ex and wants to try and make all of it work. My thoughts? Don't. Hiding & lying as a way to claim you're trying not to hurt someone aren't the way to not hurt someone.

Darkness Wonderer is worried that the sex with her partner is sporadic and that she gets turned on by women. Is she secretly a lesbian? Should their sex be more consistent? Why doesn't she want sex like she used to? There's a lot to unpack.

A high school sophomore wants to ask out bisexual junior. How can he find out whether she prefers women or men and how to ask her out. Ahhh high school.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Aug 20 2017

58mins

Play

Rank #11: Sex Gets Real 40: Fisting, pegging, NRE

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A listener shares a few tidbits on his public sex adventures, a new listener goes back through previous episodes and asks questions about jealousy and ending a relationship that's at the height of NRE, and a couple seeks help on finding a 3rd or playing with another couple.

Plus, a story about arousal pills, questions on precum, and Dawn talks about her latest adventures (it involves fisting and pegging).

You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us.

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Email: info@sexgetsreal.com

Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Jan 04 2015

56mins

Play

Rank #12: Sex Gets Real 216: Boring sex, calling masturbation cheating, & stolen sex toys

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Heard about it on the show? The Sex Map game is just $9 and can be purchased here.

Your questions. Answered.

Katie has a new fat fling. She really likes him, but he talks about diets and weight loss a lot. She's been learning about diet culture, health at every size, and fact activism, so she needs help on how to set some boundaries with him to prevent discussions about the very things she's trying to overcome.

Loving Husband has lost his sex drive. On top of that, his wife only wants sex in the missionary position, and he feels so bored and uninspired by the sex they do have. Could that have an impact on his sex drive? And how can he talk to his wife about making things more interesting?

A listener from a previous episode was very angry with my response and sent several angry, pissy emails to me as a result. So I take a few minutes to talk about my process and how grateful I am for the generosity and kindness most of you extend to me.

Jake's girlfriend thinks masturbation and porn constitute cheating. But Jake really loves masturbating and he doesn't know how to talk her about his desire to have a sexual relationship with himself. Is it cheating? And what does he need to do to set their pending marriage up for success?

AnaBanana was ghosted, but not before the guy who ghosted her kept a bunch of her BDSM toys. She's asked for them back and hasn't gotten a response. Should she keep pursuing them or are they a lost cause?

Patreon supporters - I dive into the recent story of Chloe Dykstra coming out about the emotional and sexual abuse her ex Chris Hardwick subjected her to, plus some of the responses nerd culture is having to the story. Hear my thoughts (and all of the other weekly bonuses) at patreon.com/sgrpodcast when you support at $3 and above!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Jun 17 2018

49mins

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Rank #13: Sex Gets Real 233: Jes Baker on fat bodies, sex, intimacy, & PCOS

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Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

Jes Baker on Mormonism, sex, changing bodies, and saying "fuck it".

If I had to point to a single person who caused my entire life to pivot and open up, it would be Jes Baker. She is the reason I even started questioning the stories I'd been given about my body. It was her blog, her fierce truths to fat folks, that was the catalyst for my own journey towards healing, towards being more curious about my pleasure and sexuality, towards nearly everything I have come to be at this point in my life.

So, it's not an understatement to say that it has long been a dream of mine to interview Jes, and I had so much fun chatting with her for the show. Despite a LOT of technical difficulties, we made it work.

From her upbringing within the Mormon faith to confronting her deepest fears around intimacy in love, we cover quite a bit in this episode, and I am incredibly delighted to share it with you.

Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3/month and above, you score weekly bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. This week's bonus is a big ol' run down of what I learned in Narrative Therapy training. It's a huge fuck-you to traditional therapy and mental health, which I adore. Delight in it by supporting the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episode:

Jessica Valenti, Full Frontal Feminism

Jes Baker, Landwhale

About Jes Baker:

Jes Baker is a positive, progressive, and magnificently irreverent force to be reckoned with in the realm of self-love advocacy and mental health. She is internationally known for preaching the importance of body liberation, hard conversations, strong coffee, and even stronger language.

Jes burst onto the body positivity scene when she created her own ads mocking Abercrombie & Fitch for discriminating against all body types—a move that landed her on the Today Show and garnered a loyal following for her raw, honest, and attitude-filled blog missives.

When not writing, Jes spends her time speaking around the world, working with plus size clothing companies, organizing body liberation events, taking pictures in her underwear and attempting to convince her cats that they like to wear bow ties.

Learn more about Jes at TheMilitantBaker.com. Stay in touch with Jes on social media on Instagram and Twitter.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
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Oct 14 2018

1hr 3mins

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Rank #14: Sex Gets Real 180: Fisting, platonic kink, sex labs & more with Bex Caputo

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An updated Patreon you say? Why yes. Yes it is. Check out the sweet new rewards (that I can actually deliver).

What happens when two sex educators get together and geek out? You get this spanking new episode featuring Bex Caputo from the Dildorks podcast.

If ever there was an episode that covered all the things, it's this one. We talk about piss play and watersports. We giggle over fisting. We talk about kitten play and puppy play which leads us into talking power exchange and being a good submissive.

But it doesn't stop there. We also talk about the incredible awesomeness that is platonic kink - a thing that way too many people don't know is a thing. Then there's sex labs and practicing sexy stuff before you want it to BE sexy and the stunning advice Bex received when considering going on testosterone.

What if you don't have to wait to be miserable to want to change your body or your gender, your relationship or your job? What if you simply want to be happier? What if joy was enough of a reason?

We're going everywhere, so tune in and join the fun.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode

Read Bex's Woodhull wrap-up here.

About Bex Caputo

Bex Caputo is a sex educator, blogger, speaker, podcaster, and dildo peddler. They’ve been a proud and undeniable kinkster ever since they insisted on being served their meals in a dog bowl at the age of 8, (and even before that, probably). They’re a Virgo, a Hufflepuff, a pup, and a nonbinary queerdo who grew up into the pop punk skater boy they had a crush on in high school.

Stay in touch with Bex on InstagramTwitter @BexTalksSex.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
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Sep 24 2017

1hr 10mins

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Rank #15: Sex Gets Real 219: Painful anal, a husband who says she's "too fat", & confronting resentment

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Are you ready to sign up for Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop? Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries.

Intersex-inclusive language. Resentment in relationships. Questions from YOU!

I am loving answering your questions this summer, and I'm so glad I'm getting a chance to get caught up on the backlog.

Resentment is something that comes up a lot in my coaching practice. People tend to harbor all kinds of resentment without realizing it. A friend recently posted that whenever she feels resentment come up she asks herself, what aren't you saying? 

And it's true - resentment breeds in the spaces where we silence ourselves, where are aren't witnessed and understood or heard and validated. When you're tolerating something, it's the launching pad for resentment. As soon as we stop being generous towards the people in our life, as soon as the little things they've always done start to irritate us or we get passive aggressive, resentment has shown up.

I also wanted to share this AWESOME resource by Interact about intersex-inclusive language. I share a few excerpts on the show, but if you'd like the entire document you can find it here. I also recommend checking out 4intersex.org for more resources on intersex issues and inclusion. Intersex folks are as common as redheads, so we all need to level-up in this space.

Enrique wrote in wondering what cis means and asked for a definition. 

Anonymous wrote in because her boyfriend asks her every single day for anal sex, or at a minimum, hounds her for intercourse as soon as she gets home. The problem is anal sex hurts her badly, she experiences vaginal tearing when they have intercourse, and she wants to cry and avoid going home because of it all. They were each other's firsts and she feels broken. What can she do?

I have big thoughts and big feelings on this one because too many men treat their partners like sex vending machines that owe them access to their bodies in exchange for being in relationship with them. That has got to stop. Sex should never be painful (unless it's intentional and mutually agreed up). Our bodies should tear. We shouldn't fear sex. Lots of thoughts on this one.

Kate wrote in wanting help getting her husband to unpack his fatphobia. After many years together, all of which she's been in a fat body, he recently said some hurtful stuff about her fat body. She is super clear that her body is NOT the problem, which makes my  heart endlessly happy. But what can she do to help him work through the fat shaming?

Truthfully, I think the issue is not at all her body and that he's got something else going on he can't express. That said, we can't make folks change their stories no matter how much we want them to. He has to want it deeply for himself. Tune in for my suggestions for Kate, including Sarah Thompson's blog post which comes out in mid-July 2018 about this very topic. Check it out at resilientfatgoddess.com.

Patreon supporters - I got a new sexy consent game called Consentacle. It's about a human and a tentacled alien finding ways to build trust and engage in mutually satisfying sex. I tried it a few times and share my thoughts, plus a little excerpt from Dr. Lori Brotto's new book on mindfulness and women's desire. Tune in to this week's bonus (and all of the other weekly bonuses) at http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal when you support at $3 and above!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.   Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
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Jul 08 2018

54mins

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Rank #16: Sex Gets Real 196: Luna Matatas on seducing the anus, strap-ons, & sex clubs

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What do butt play, pegging the patriarchy, non-sexual Dominance & submission, strap-ons, and sex clubs have in common? Why, Luna Matatas, of course.

She is joining me this week to talk about all the delicious, yumminess that is kink and pleasure. As a fellow O.School Pleasure Professional (check out her Fuck Like a Goddess weekly live stream), she loves talking about sex club etiquette, anal and how to seduce the anus, pee play, and strap-ons.

We go all the places, plus we field a few listeners questions while we're at it.

Plus, we have a yummy bonus chat all about piss play exclusively for Patreon supporters. Not yet a supporter of the show? Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to join the fun.

If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Luna Matatas:

Luna Matatas is a sex and pleasure educator, crafting goddess and burlesque performer wannabe. She celebrates femininity, sex and body-positivity and all things that glitter. Luna packs over 10 years of experience internationally and locally in health and sexuality education. She takes a playful, realistic and open-minded approach to adult education. As a self-identified pleasure pusher, Luna facilitates accessible, judgement-free and safe spaces for people to be curious about their bodies, desires and relationships with themselves and others. Her workshops are refreshingly funny, warm and inviting. She loves hugs and is terrified of spiders and eggplant.

Stay in touch with Luna on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter @lunamatatas, and on Fetlife where she is somethingshiny.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
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Jan 14 2018

1hr

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Rank #17: Sex Gets Real 148: Anal, topping, porn, & listener questions galore

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This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.

You are the first in the world to know that enrollment for the 2017 Explore More Summit is OFFICIALLY open. The summit is free, runs for ten days, and features interviews with SOO many incredible thought-leaders. You can sign-up at exploremoresummit.com. It's been incredible creating these talks, so I hope you'll check it out. It all starts March 8th, 2017.

And...

Because I've been conducting so so so many intense, deep interviews, I wanted to take a break and make this week nice and easy - you and me, powering through a ton of listener emails and keeping it casual and intimate.

So, what are we talking about this week?

Mike ALWAYS gives his wife an orgasm and the last three times they've had sex, she hasn't cum. Will it happen again? What can he do? Deb is a bottom but her husband wants her to top him sometimes. Can she find a way to enjoy being dominant? Ali wants more information on how people become strippers. I'm not a sex worker, so I can't speak to this, but I do reflect on some previous conversations with folks like Andre Shakti, Madison Young, Kitty Stryker.

Big Vulva wrote in about how she feels about the way her labia look and it's wonderful. Plus, I get called out for an ageist comment, someone wants to know how common CFNM fantasties are, Mary wonders about whether anal sex will ever feel good for her, and can a porn addict husband be trusted to watch porn with his wife?

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode

Erika Lust's EroticFilms.com is a great place to find loads of feminist, ethical erotic films. (I'm an affiliate, too!)

Siouxsie Q's podcast, The Whorecast, which is all sex workers talking about their stories, experiences, and issues.

Check out my Anal 101 online workshop.

Tristan Taormino's "The Ultimate Guide to Kink" which includes an awesome essay by Midori on FemDomme, female domination and how to get started.

ForteFemme.com - Midori's website for her weekend intensive on female domination

Midori's Facebook Live video on female domination. Check it out on Vimeo.

About Dawn Serra

In a world hellbent on making us feel like we aren't enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we're told about sex, relationships, and our bodies.

Dawn is the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. She also teaches adult sex ed workshops online and in person, and works one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

When she's not podcasting, lecturing, or writing about all of the ways we relate to each other, Dawn can often be found watching an episode of Hoarders, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with her husband.

Dawn's epic Explore More Summit is unfolding again now.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
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Feb 12 2017

52mins

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Rank #18: Sex Gets Real 28: Double BJs and double penetration

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A listener wants advice on whether she should arrange a double blowjob for her boyfriend. Dylan reviews a new finger toy and talks about getting DP'd.    Other listeners write in - what if you have a super ticklish asshole? And what do you do if you're accused of cheating when you didn't do anything and now your wife has gone off the deep end? Dawn has some strong opinions on this one.   You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us.

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Email: info@sexgetsreal.com

Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Oct 12 2014

48mins

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Rank #19: Sex Gets Real 95: Practicing butt stuff

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Butt stuff. It's all about the butt.

Over 3,500 people turned in for the Explore More Summit. Hundreds of reviews poured in and people loved it. If you want to check out the 30 interviews for yourself, you can still buy them for just over $1 per talk.

A listener needs advice on how to get started with anal. He has a new boyfriend, and he'd like to find a way to practice the sex.

So, we talk butt plugs, fingers, dildos, and prostate massagers.

Plus, what's with the bad anal experiences? Oh, and Dylan thinks she pulled a muscle shoveling all that damn blizzard snow.

Also, we have an ask! Can you go review us in iTunes? We are trying to move up in the ratings charts.

You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us

  • Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)
  • Email: info@sexgetsreal.com
  • Contact form: Click here

Feb 07 2016

16mins

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Rank #20: Sex Gets Real 73: Small penis issues? We get called out.

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A listener calls us out.

Small penises...they're the butt of many jokes, the catch in many commercials, and even featured on SNL as a reason to kill yourself.

So, when a listener writes in to call us out that small penises really are that bad - after all, he's been broken up with four times specifically for his small dick - Dylan and Dawn take a step back and contemplate what it means.

Hear our feedback and why the worst thing in the world may not be quite so bad.

You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us

  • Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)
  • Email: info@sexgetsreal.com
  • Contact form: Click here

Aug 23 2015

23mins

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