Rank #1: Hard Factor 3/7: SCANDAL in Canada, A Cure For HIV?, and a Vengeful German Gardener + Weight-Loss Update
The Canadian government is in “shambles” because Canucks are so darn moral. Apparently Canada's favorite son (and possibly the son of one or more members of The Rolling Stones) has been pressuring cabinet ministers to give a break to massive engineering company SNC-Lavalin – who has apparently been doing some shady things in Libya. SNC-Lavalin happens to be one of the biggest employers for the people of America's hat via government contracts. There in lies the rub. Truth be told – if you're not bribing and doing business with an iron fist in Libya, you're doing it wrong. For the second time in history a person has been fully cured of HIV. Which seems like amazing news – but don't throw away your Trojans quite yet. It's possible to get the cure you might also need to get cancer…? That can't be right. Either way this is middling news. If you live in West Germany, you know that you DO NOT F**K WITH 59 year-old German gardener Bernhard Graumann. He is a man who knows how to hold a grudge. The vengeful seedsman was found dead in his home on Friday leaving countless untrimmed hedges, oh and also a bunch of booby trapped bombs at the homes of anyone that ever crossed him – including his long time doctor and some other poor lady that probably criticized his mowing job. Also a Lighting Round of other headlines + a weight-loss update (Spoiler: we're slightly less fat)
Rank #2: Hard Factor 3/8: All Soft Corner - Utah Teacher Who Hates Catholics, R. Kelly, Russia, and Canadian Scammers
On Today's BONUS Episode of Hard Soft Factor… ALL SOFT CONER FRIDAY Utah 4th grade teacher who made a kid wash off his ash Wednesday forehead – you're in the soft corner. R. Kelly – obviously you're in the soft corner. Also probably hell (soon). Elon Musk haters & the former Soviet Union – get in the corner. Canadian scammers who ripped off a bunch of geriatrics – soft corner.
Rank #3: Hard Factor 6/19: How To Gerrymander Outer Space
On today's Hard Factor we discuss Donald Trump's conscription of definitely the coolest sounding military branch: The Space Force. The World Health Organization officially recognizes being a nerd as a mental condition, and the Supreme Court swills their brandy vaguely in the direction of two Gerrymandering complaints. Plus the debut of Elonsworld
Rank #4: Hard Factor 12/13: Michael Cohen Headed to the Slammer, Hemp Legalization, and a Hard Body Weight Loss Competition Update
Michael Cohen is headed to minimum security prison for three years, and here's the real shocker… he blames it all on Trump. The USA has finally moved industrial hemp (a crop that can't get you high) off the list of Schedule I narcotics so it can finally be farmed again all across the country. We bring in Hard Factor's resident nutritionist Stefani from Root of Wellness to judge us on our weight loss performance so far; and a lightning round of other headlines, including Post Malone's new Crocs, Voyager 2 making it out of the solar system, and Nancy Pelosi humping the democratic party into submission.
Rank #5: Hard Factor 3/6: FDA Commissioner Resigns, A Sioux Falls High School Puts On A Controversial Play, And An Old Man Shoots A Disrespectful Amazon Delivery Driver
A 65 year old man shot an Amazon delivery driver after the delivery driver parked in a handicapped spot and then tried to beat the old man's ass for confronting him about it. The old man then fled to a nearby Famous Foot Wear where he was apprehended by police, perhaps looking for a faster pair of shoes to escape with. A Sioux Falls, South Dakota High School is in some hot water after putting on the play “The Foreigner” A play which featured many of the cast dressed in KKK garb, but does the play's positive message outweigh the racist costumes it requires? You be the judge. FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb is resigning from his post citing he needs to spend more time with his family. Sounds a little fishy, Scott. In some good news though, a nasal spray form of Ketamine will soon be available to fight depression and put you in a government induced K Hole. AWESOME!! And so much more in the ‘Lightning Round.' If you have gotten this far in the blog you owe it to yourself to click the link to the podcast at the top and find out.
Rank #6: Hard Factor 6/21: PFT Commenter Joins Us, and Donald Trump Is Separating Congresspeople's Families From Their Picnics
In today's episode we examine the new executive order ending the separation of illegally immigrating children from their parents, Trump's decision to cancel the White House Congressional Picnic, a restaurant in China that sold monthly buffet subscriptions, and an Amazon update.
Rank #7: Hard Factor 6/20: Diaper Don Says, "Smoke a Spliff, Piss Your Pants, and Film a Porno"
There's a new book coming out about how hard Don Jr. partied in college, Canada votes to legalize weed, two firefighters in Akron get caught filming a porno, and Jeff Bezos is officially the richest man in the world.
Rank #8: Hard Factor 7/17: Helsinki Reactions, Papa John's PR Tour, Crocodile Massacre, and Elon's World
America erupts with emotional reactions after President Trump got big-timed by Putin in Helsinki, Papa John get's “officially” kicked out of the Papa John's offices, a village in Indonesia goes on a revenge killing spree at a crocodile sanctuary, and we take another trip to Elon's world where he's making calculated attacks on a hero from the Thailand cave rescue.
Rank #9: Hard Factor 8/30: Florida Governor's Race, New Anti-Weed Committee, and Homeless GoFundMe
A wild opening to the Governor's race in Florida, a new committee commissioned by the White House to discover all the negative effects of marijuana, a homeless man in Philadelphia sues his GoFundMe benefactors, and a Lightning Round of other headlines.
Rank #10: Hard Factor 8/27: Jacksonville Shooting, RIP John McCain, Vatican Update, and NAFTA
Topics on todays show include a mass shooting in Jacksonville at a Madden tournament, the best eulogy for John McCain you will hear this week, more news from the Vatican about Catholic Church abuses, and updates on NAFTA renegotiation progress.
Rank #11: Hard Factor 7/16: Meetings in Helsinki, Protests at the World Cup Final, Pot Farmer Killed by Bulldozer, and a Jaguar on the Loose
Trump continues his European tour all the way to his meeting with Putin in Helsinki, France wins the World Cup Final that was spiced up by a protest from the band Pussy Riot, Pennsylvania state police accidentally killed a small time pot farmer with a bulldozer, and a bloodthirsty jaguar goes on an animal killing spree at the Audubon Zoo.
Rank #12: Hard Factor 12/12 - EPISODE #100: Trumpdate on the Border Wall, Elon's World, and the Texas Court System in the Soft Corner
President Trump invited Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer into the Oval Office for a polite yelling match over the “great wall” to divide Mexico and the US. Elon Musk is doing odd interviews, spouting off on Twitter, and announcing new products. The county of McLennan, Texas, Baylor University, and Jacob Walter Anderson, an alleged rapist, are in the Soft Corner for trampling on the rights of the alleged victim… again Baylor University. Finally, a Lightning Round of other headlines, including Google CEO mocked while testifying to congress, Stormy Daniels and Michael Avenatti extending their woeful losing streak, and an elderly British couple caught with 22 pounds of cocaine on a cruise ship.
Rank #13: Hard Factor 11/1: FT. Adam Carolla Interview and a Supreme Court Marriage Proposal
Turns out that two former Supreme Court justices were involved in an embarrassingly pathetic marriage proposal. We got an interview with Adam Carolla at Politicon, and touched on subjects ranging from Macho Man's death to The Rock running for president. Other headlines, including more troops to the border, a Jewish doctor patching up the synagogue shooter, Oprah hitting the campaign trail, and updated voting odds.
Rank #14: Hard Factor 3/4: SpaceX Masters Docking, Martian Lakes, the Jogger Who Claimed to Kill a "Mountain Lion," and Much More
Elon Musk's SpaceX team becomes the first commercial spacecraft to dock at the International Space Station, while new imagery from Mars confirms an ancient network of above and below-ground lakes that point to potential life in the planet's past. Listen to learn how Elon is inching closer toward the eventual goal of sacrificing humans to his Martian gods. The Colorado jogger who claimed he had killed a mountain lion that was "at least fifty pounds" actually just stomped out a baby kitten mountain lion, is a pathetic liar, and is headed straight for the Soft Corner. A man in Oregon got stuck in the snow with his dog in his 4Runner, and resorted to eating Taco Bell Fire Sauce packets to help him and the dog survive. Finally, a Lightning Round of other headlines, including the Senate likely voting to block the border emergency, deadly tornadoes in Alabama and Georgia, US/China trade deal inching closer, and another week of iTunes reviews for a chance at a Friday episode.
Rank #15: Hard Factor 7/12: NATO Summit, Police Lip Sync Battles, Elon's World, and an Own Goal
A giant argument about how to split the defense spending bill erupts at the NATO Summit, police across the USA are breaking out their choreography skills for #LipSyncBattle, Elon Musk is getting embarrassed left and right, and Wes scored an own goal on himself leaving the Orioles game early before a walk-off win over the Yankees.
Rank #16: Hard Factor 9/13: NYC Police Prostitution Ring, the New iPhones, and Baby Boomers Getting High
Several NYPD officers were arrested for running an alleged prostitution and gambling ring (sounds fun), the new iPhones are announced and nerds all over world are feeling the friction in their pants, baby boomers are embracing weed more than ever before, and other headlines to keep you up-to-date.
Rank #17: Hard Factor 7/26: There's a Lake on Mars, Larry Nassar gets an Ass-beating, Adultery Scams, and the Soft Corner
Larry Nassar gets assaulted immediately upon release into the general population in prison, the FBI uncovers an adultery mass mailing scam in Jacksonville, Italian scientists have discovered a lake on Mars, and the guy who destroyed Donald Trump's Hollywood Star (but passed on Kevin Spacey's star) gets tossed in the Soft Corner.
Rank #18: Hard Factor 8/28: Mueller Related Cold Case, Inflammatory School Assignment, Misogynistic Shooter, and a Very Horny French Dolphin
Today's Hard Factor covers a cold case being worked by a sad old man that could somehow affect the Mueller investigation, a teacher in Ohio issuing an oddly incendiary school assignment to his sixth grade class, a Houston area man getting arrested for a road rage shooting at “incompetent women,” and Zafar the horny dolphin in France that shut down a beach with his aggressive flirting.
Rank #19: Hard Factor 11/21: Facebook Problems, Tekashi 6ix9ine Arrested, and the Presidential Turkey Pardon
Facebook is having problems because of all the stupid s**t they've done in the last year. Tekashi 6ix9ine got arrested on all kinds of charges, and they put him in the general population in jail like a schmo. President Trump performed the annual Presidential Turkey Pardon, cracking some political jokes along the way; and other headlines, including asylum seekers, Ivanka's emails, DON'T EAT ROMAINE LETTUCE, and NASA investigating Elon Musk.
Rank #20: Hard Factor 7/19: Google Sued by EU, Record Breaking DUIs, and a Very Bad First Date
Kurt Warner's wife (or a very strong look alike who works for the EU) announced that the European Union is suing Google for $5 Billion, a man in Idaho gets 30 years for his 6th DUI, and a man in Tennessee steals his date's car to go on a date with another woman that same night.