Rank #1: Slip ‘N Slide | Date Your Wife | Ep 083
Grab some popcorn, folks, and get ready for another off the charts episode of the always spicy and highly entertaining Date Your Wife podcast, featuring the refreshing “tell it like it is” co-hosts, Garrett J and Danielle K White. They’re at it once again as they delve into Garrett’s self-proclaimed favorite topic of Sex. Danielle calls Garrett out on his creepy strip shows in his weird thong and invites him to become more comfortable with his sexuality, and Garrett says he doesn’t want empty sex – aka vaginal masturbation. Fan favorites Quickie Quickie Porn Star and TTF are back in the mix, and there’s a new arrival on the scene: Slip ‘n Slide. *EPISODE REPLAY FROM MARCH OF 2018.
Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….SEX Point #1: Sexy Seduction 101
- Being sexy is as simple as walking around in a new bra and underwear while casually asking, “Have you seen my toothbrush?” Garrett suggests saving money by skipping the bra and just buying the panties. Sometimes it’s a ‘top-stays-on-bottom-comes-off’ kind of night. Other times, it’s an everything comes off, keep the lights on and do a little dancing around kind of night.
- Most women need a little wining and dining before the main course. Take her there just a little bit and then worry about yourself.
How have QQPS (Quickie Quickie Porn Star) and TTF (Touch Me-Tell Me-Fuck Me) become game-changers in your marital sex life?Point #2: Sex Therapy Is Not About Sex
- Throughout their marriage, Danielle had never felt there was a safe space to talk about sex with Garrett, making it awkward for her to even bring up. She found herself starting to believe his story about her that she didn’t want to have sex.
- Sex therapy for the White’s yields the single greatest breakthrough for Garrett after Danielle divulges a piece of information that instantly shreds a story he created during his first marriage and brought with him into theirs. Garrett creates a new story which shifts and rocks their world.
Men: What is your sexual story?Point #3: The Perfect Storm
- As a 15-year-old Mormon teen who has been raised that sex before marriage is taboo, Garrett divulged to his parents his plan to have sex with his 18-year-old girlfriend after the upcoming Prom. He immediately gets shipped away to live with his grandparents in Utah for a couple of months, and as a result, never has a conversation about it or closure with his girlfriend whom he has been dating for a year and is madly in love with.
- Garrett dates his first wife under the umbrella that says sexual relations are taboo before marriage. Yet, they fool around and have sexual relations, lie about it to their religious leaders, adding to the guilt and shame created when he was 15. Sex in his marriage with Danielle becomes problematic, as Garrett carries into it this brewing cesspool of guilt, shame, and pain, while Danielle, because of her Mormon upbringing, feels like she has to stifle the sexual feelings that come naturally to her.
How has your upbringing shaped and influenced your attitude, beliefs, and stories about sex?Point #4: Written in the Stars
- In her astrological studies, Danielle is validated by her discoveries that, as a Taurus woman, she is very sensual, loves cuddling, and is very happily satisfied with her traditional approach to sex because a good thing never gets old. She’s been changing it up with QQPS, which Garrett loves.
- Communication for Gemini’s is huge, and they love to be emotionally stimulated more than anything else. Garrett realized that he had gotten so disrespectful as a husband and exposes the lie that all he wanted was someone to have sex with every day. What has exploded their sex life is their connection to truth.
What is written in the stars about you individually that resonates with you, that can serve you and your spouse in your marriage?Point #5: Your Story is Your Biggest Problem
- Garrett: I didn’t know what our relationship would be if we weren’t always arguing about having sex. Danielle: I was fearful and wondering if we have a new story, does that mean we have a new story with somebody else?
- There was a lot of action and collision that had to happen, which were really a pursuit of truth underneath the surface of all the lies that we were telling, which came in two forms: the blatant lies we were telling and the stories that we started to believe. Your stories are powerful enough to convert your husband or wife to believe.
What are the lies that the collision in your marriage is trying to uncover?Communication Challenge:
What is your sexual story? Do the investigation on your own about your own story, and then in a conversation with your spouse, share your results with them.Date Night Topic:
On your date night, be open to having a conversation about how the stories you tell are your biggest problems.Quote of the Week:
“We had come to the point where our stories had become so intense that it was almost easier for us to burn the story and burn the relationship…and just try again with somebody else. But the crazy part was, guess what we would have taken with us? The same fuckin story.”
—Garrett J White
“I bet a lot of men feel like that towards their wives [I need a vagina. We’re married. Your vagina is mine.] It devalues the actual qualities that they want and need to create fulfillment, and it devalues those qualities in themselves. They start looking at and treating their wives as objects. I felt that way and was thinking ‘you better give me more credit than just being a good piece of ass.”
—Danielle K White
Rank #2: Go In With Love | Date Your Wife | EP 084
- Garrett describes their eleven-year-old daughter as a morning psychopath. She sets her alarm to go off up to nine times every morning just so she can wake up and get out of bed.
- Their seven-year-old daughter is very much into routines. It’s almost as if she goes into auto-pilot in the morning and is good to go as long as everything is set up perfectly for her in advance.
How are your children similar? How are they different?Point #2: Unsolicited Advice
- Garrett is very committed as a parent to teaching the ‘right’ thing to his children. He’s had people reach out to him offering unsolicited advice about their parenting styles.
- Danielle: Everybody is super judgy about parenting styles, and at some level, every parent feels like they have fucked up their kids.
How do you handle unsolicited advice when it comes your way?Point #3: I Love You No Matter What
- If Danielle had to choose only one thing to teach their children, it would be accountability coupled with love. “If you could embed accountability and love into a kid, I think that would solve the world’s problems.”
- Years ago, Garrett began telling his daughters, “I love you, no matter what.” No matter what they do or say, he told them he will always love them.
If, as a parent, you could only teach your children one thing, what would that be?Point #4: Boxes and Checklists
- Just like in education, there’s a box that people try to put their kids into of ‘this is what it looks like to be successful.” And anything that doesn’t fit inside that box, they consider inaccurate or not right.
- For most parents, they’re always trying to get it “right” with their children, so they always feel guilty. And because they never get it ‘right’ based on a checklist that never ends, they don’t focus on the actual belief systems they want to instill in their children.
How are you keeping your children inside a box?Point #5: Core Beliefs
- Garrett: You can teach your kids all kinds of tactics, but what are the important mindsets and skillsets that you ‘should’ teach your children? There are plenty of people who know how to do the dishes, yet are unable to produce in life.
- I’m convinced that what people actually learn as children and what they take into their adult life is driven by the values and beliefs their parents instill in them, both by what they say and by what they watch their parents do.
What are the core beliefs that you are brainwashing your kids to believe that are empowering them as people?Communication Challenge:
What are the actual belief systems that matter to you, and that you are instilling in your children? What are the beliefs about themselves and the world that you are consciously depositing into them?Date Night Topic:
On your next Date Night, have a conversation about how you want your children to remember your interaction and love connection as a couple.Quote of the Week:
“I was blown away when I got married at how horrifically unprepared I was to be a married man.”
–Garrett J White
“She’s not mine to manipulate and control. I’m there to guide and lead her; to show up and do the best I can as a parent.”
–Danielle K White
Rank #3: Addicted to Growth | Date Your Wife | Ep 082
*PODCAST REPLAY* Today we’re going to share with you an intense, potent and powerful interview with Danielle at the Warrior Empire event in December 2016. It was the first time Danielle took to the stage where she talked about what it’s like to be a woman married to a man living the Warrior’s Way.Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: When a Wife Fights the Change Her Husband Wants to Make
- In the beginning, Danielle was completely against how Garrett was showing up. He was going to self-help seminars and making her feel guilty for not going with him. He continued challenging her, which caused her to reevaluate who she was and who she wanted to become.
- Danielle: Put yourself in your wife’s shoes. If she started implementing change, how would you react? People, in general, don’t like change because it’s scary. From a wife’s perspective, you can’t overwhelm her, but rather lead by example in the same way you would lead children.
Gentlemen, what is the way you initiate growth and change in your partner?Point #2: Choosing In
- There came a time when Danielle had to choose to be all in for herself AND their marriage. Garrett was moving in the direction he was going, and he was committed over time to a specific path. At the same time, they were trying to recover from chaos as a couple.
- Danielle: I felt that both of us were fighting and neither of us was ready to give up. We were both not necessarily choosing in, but we weren’t out and were still very much connected. All it takes is that little piece of connection to rekindle and to rebuild.
How can you “choose in” to your marriage everyday to keep the flame burning or to rekindle a fading flame?Point #3: Sex and Marriage
- It’s all about give and take. You have to play the role a little bit and let go of your ego. In order to build that sexual chemistry that seems to leave after you get married, think about the feeling you had when you were dating and do what you did back then: you got your car washed, you got a new pair of shoes, you planned the date, you were flirty.
- How did sex therapy help us? I felt like I could say what I was thinking without worrying about upsetting Garrett. Having a therapist is like having a sounding board where it’s immediately less triggering for both sides. That being said, Garrett got triggered at one point during a session and jumped up and did pushups because he was so pissed.
What do you do to keep the sexual chemistry strong in your relationship?Point #4: Collision
- Danielle: Whether the wife works or not, when couples grow, the wife goes into this “I can do everything” mode where it seems kind of masculine. It’s actually more cold and calculated where we don’t come across as very feminine, but instead, we’re in focus mode trying to get shit done.
- Garrett: Gentlemen, the more you encourage your wife to change, the more she will rise in power, and the more collisions are going to take place. As Danielle has risen in power as a creator and a producer, her masculinity has also risen, so there’s this collision that exists inside of her. Sometimes the collision we experience is not as lovers or as a couple, but instead as two masculine energies colliding.
What happens when you collide with your spouse?Point #5: Living the Warrior’s Way
- Danielle: I’m addicted to the high of growing where it makes me feel like comfortable is no longer an option. Progressing as a person is now a high for me. How can I stay where I am when the sky’s the limit? Where things were once scary and chaotic in our life and relationship, we’re now in a much healthier space.
- I look at where we are now and the only thing I feel is gratitude, humility, and excitement. If this has happened in the last five years, what’s going to happen in the next five years? I get glimpses of the future sometimes and I’m like, “Oh shit, that’s so cool!”
How have you and your spouse changed as a direct result of living the Warrior’s Way?Communication Challenge:
Take some time to have a conversation around this idea of collision. How can you use this tool to better serve your relationship?Date Night Topic:
On your next Date Night, take a trip down memory lane and talk about what you both used to do in the early days of your dating and start implementing those things to rekindle and ignite the flame of sexual chemistry between you.Quote of the Week:
“Once men experience Warrior, they become more invested in their children, which produces a new kind of chaos while they figure out how to balance this with their role as a husband, and as a hunter and provider.”
—Garrett J White
“No matter who you’re with, you’re going to have problems. With Garrett and I, it made more sense to rebuild our relationship than to burn it to the ground.”
—Danielle K White
Rank #4: The Key to Communication | Date Your Wife | EP 054
(This is an encore presentation of a previously published episode of the Date Your Wife podcast.) In this week’s episode, Garrett and Danielle discuss the importance of communicating with your spouse. They have not always been on the same page as a couple, and for many years they each wondered if their marriage would survive the incessant fights and battles that had become the status quo and mode of communication in their relationship. Inside of that chaos, they discovered the formula that works for them.Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication
In This Week’s Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: Communication in Marriage is the Glue Between Sex, Money, and Kids
- Garrett and Danielle have not always been on the same page as a couple. For many years they each wondered if their marriage would survive the incessant fights and battles that had become the status quo and mode of communication in their relationship.
- Danielle learned how to confront and listen to her feelings, communicate, stand up for herself and voice what she was feeling to match Garrett’s strong personality. Garrett struggled with telling the truth and sharing what he was feeling because he felt unsafe in doing so with Danielle.
How do you and your spouse communicate with each other? Does it create a safe zone or a war zone?
Point #2: The Game of Collision
- Danielle grew up in a non-communicating and non-hugging family, although she instinctively knew her parents loved her. Garrett’s family was very touchy-feely and were encouraged to speak openly and freely about what they were feeling and thinking. Hugs and ‘I love you’ were the norm. Garrett recalls, “It was a downright hug fest.”
- Garrett wanted to share his 42 gallons of feelings with Danielle, but her tiny thimble couldn’t hold that space for him. She wasn’t taught how to communicate and was feeling overwhelmed, which caused her to unknowingly push him away to create breathing space for herself.
What types of communication styles did you and your spouse experience in your families? How has this affected the way you communicate in your marriage?Point #3: Show Up and Pay Attention
- While dating, Danielle and Garrett could talk for hours and hours. After marriage, the filters came off, the grind of daily life set in, and they eventually found themselves drifting into roommate status. There was no connection and no viable communication. His unspoken message that business came first rang out loud and clear to Danielle.
- Garrett didn’t spend a lot of time seducing Danielle, nor did he pay attention to the needs of his young bride of 20. He was in the work and grind mode which benefited them, yet in the process, he ignored her. He wanted to feel connected to Danielle through sex, touching, and talking – yet that was a complete turn off to her because of their lack of connection and how he wasn’t showing up for her.
How do you show up for your spouse?
Point #4: What You Focus On, Expands
- The loss of their spark, trust, and financial stability, coupled with the demise of their communication, created a very difficult environment for them as a couple. They graduated from not communicating at all to all-out fighting mode in every conversation; they wanted to spend time with other people, rather than with each other. Garrett was receiving emotional fulfillment by having conversations with his female clients and coworkers.
- During this time in 2010, while pregnant with their second child, Danielle stopped looking to Garrett as the source of her happiness and breadwinner, and instead began looking within herself with newfound courage to speak freely and to take on life – without him, if necessary – which resulted in the birth of her business. That was also the beginning of the turning point in their marriage.
Where do you put your energy and focus? How is it enhancing or detracting from your relationship?Point #5: A Threesome Will Help You Keep Your Game On Point
- Upon discovering their different Love Languages, Garrett learns he has been giving Danielle what he wants to receive, rather than what she wants and needs. Couples and individual therapy enabled them to get past the triggers and blowing up stage while keeping them inside the fight and conversation.
- Garrett shares that therapy and third-party conversations are what saved their marriage. Danielle advises: Be real about your feelings during therapy – even if it means arguing in front of the therapist or spontaneously jumping up and doing burpees and push-ups.
Are you giving your spouse what you want to receive, or are you giving them what theywant and need?
Begin discovering your love languages and take action on giving to your spouse what they want and need.
Date Night Topic:
Engage in the conversation with your spouse about starting therapy together.
Quote of the Week:
“The thing that saves our marriage more than anything, is Date Night. It’s the simplest part of the form of the game in restoring communication, connection, passion, fashion, love, and everything else inside of marriage.”
—Garrett J White
“A lot of time with the love languages, it’s not your love language, but you get to cross that boundary to get your own fucking love language met. I used to say, ‘I don’t want to do this. It’s not me. It’s not how I was raised.’ I learned quickly that if I want my needs met, I have to serve him – and vice-versa.”
Rank #5: Meet Garrett & Danielle | Date Your Wife | Ep 001
In Today's Podcast.... Point #1: Detailed Eyes
- As we dive into the first inaugural episode of the Date Your Wife podcast with Garrett and Danielle White, the conversation instantly goes to the difference between men and women when looking at themselves.
- The purpose of this podcast is to help people gain a better perspective on who they are as individuals and what they've gone through as a couple.
- Between struggles of sex, money and children, communication in general wasn't always where it is now.
- They first met at a Mormon church function in Orem, Utah where the first impression for Danielle was of Garrett being super loud.
- Garrett had randomly showed up at Danielle's apartment after his cousin called dibs, dating for the following two years, breaking up around nine times before deciding to get married.
- Both crazy attracted to the crazy within each other, they realized that they couldn't do life with out each other.
- Waiting to have sex until marriage, having a very strict upbringing in the Mormon culture, it was always a hard topic to discuss, which is why it's the first topic that will be discussed in the upcoming episode.
- Skipping right to the topic about childbearing, when it comes to pushing out a baby, it's the euphoria of accomplishing something extremely hard, and there's a lot of things in parenting that she's constantly beating herself up about.
- As a working mom, there's this continual guilt that comes from balancing the mom role with the career, there's an internal plugging in that moms have compared to dad.
- Garrett was raised with a very different upbringing compared to how Danielle was raised economically, though both of them were raised with the mentality to work for the money they earn, in which Danielle saw beyond the upbringing and saw that Garrett had a gentleman's way about him.
- Communication was what became the strongest part of their marriage, which is what started their relationship to building up Danielle's hair industry so she could leave Garrett, considering a lot of options when life lacked the needed communication.
- A large part of the show is about learning how to rebuild the relationship beyond the pain, wanting to bring strength to other couples based off of their own experiences within their own relationship, becoming a show that can be relatable to both men and women.
Rank #6: Quickie, Quickie, Porn Star | Date Your Wife | Ep 002
- Garrett and Danielle share their backstories behind sex, not having sex with each other until marriage due to a strict Christian religious background.
- Regardless of the type of approach that both were taught, they found that they discovered sex together, creating a rhythm with each other, taking a very different approach with their own children.
QUESTION: Which parent should be having the talk with their children? Should it be gender specific?
Point #2: Surrendering to Tough Conversations About Sex in Marriage
- Even after marriage, the topic of sex isn't always the easiest conversation to have, especially when approaching it from a male and female perspective, not understanding the reason behind why one partner wants or doesn't want sex.
- There's a sense of entitlement that puts a tension in the relationship until there's a level of comfort to own your own shit and be more chilled out about what it is that you want, respecting the other's differing views at the same time.
QUESTION: Do you find it's hard to talk about sex with your spouse? Why?
Point #3: The Magical Formula
- Garrett would go into pouty asshole mode to become standoffish after not having the entitlement of sex that he expects to come with marriage to also be felt by Danielle.
- Her solution after a decade of rejection was that porn star sex is necessary every 3rd time they have sex, spending time to connect with each other on a deeper level without feeling like it has to happen every single time they wanted to connect.
QUESTION: What needs do you think your partner feels is necessary for you? What do you think their needs are?
Challenge of the Week: Danielle's Tip for Women:
Find your magical formula in which everyone is happy.Garrett's Tip for Men:
The story you're telling yourself about how your wife sees sex may be simply that: a story. You're going to have to change your story and investigate it to give you the tools that you need to have a better approach to get what you want.
Quote of the Day:
"Every couple has their formula to combat against the rejection factor that inevitably comes within marriage, and I could see that Garrett was putting in the effort the way that he knew how, which came to a willingness to go all in. If you have really good sex, they're not thinking about porn or another woman but they're thinking about YOU, putting their focus on having a good time."
--Danielle K White
Rank #7: The Tease and the Tame | Date Your Wife | Ep 049
In this week’s podcast, Garrett and Danielle are back at it again as they have a conversation about the seduction game and the importance of knowing what your partner needs; otherwise, the sexual victim card gets played.Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication
In This Week’s Podcast….SEX Point #1: Seduction and Sex
- In the conversation of seduction, Danielle shares how seducing Garrett can be as simple as her walking through the room wearing some cute, lace panties or slowly undressing, whereas seeing Garrett confident and in his element is far more seductive and sexy to her than watching him prance around in a thong.
- Doing your business in private vs doing it with the door wide open proves to be a spicy topic. When playing the game, “Things That Guarantee You Will Not Get Laid,” the friend zone, tampons, hairy ass cheeks, and the naggy bitch mode top the list.
What tops your couple’s list of Things That Guarantee You Will Not Get Laid?
Point #2: Tracking and Lacking
- Back when their marriage was a shit show, Danielle thought the only reason Garrett was helping out was to get laid, which was actually true. He felt he had earned sex because of all of the things he was doing for her. She noticed the difference in his energy and attitude when they had sex vs when she withheld sex from him.
- Garrett found himself in an isolation and desperation game while tracking how much sex they weren’t having. As a man who had been successful in breaking the codes in his businesses, Garrett was trying to figure out how to break his wife’s code, hoping his gifts to her would result in a blow job for him. Danielle was pissed because he was tracking, Garrett was pissed because his sex life was lacking.
In what ways is your relationship similar to their “shit show” years?
Point #3: The Leverage Game
- A man tends to leverage money and power to get sex, whereas a woman will leverage sex to get the power she wants. Garrett felt hurt and angry for being rejected sexually, while Danielle continually had her guard up and felt like she was always walking on eggshells.
- Garrett’s constant challenge became: When is my wife going to want me? He began strategizing, which backfired and began killing the attraction between them. Danielle was watching from the sidelines and figured he was a ticking time bomb.
How are you playing the Leverage Game in your marriage?
Point #4: Men: Take the Sexual Victim Card Off the Table
- Although Danielle and Garrett existed in a space better than war, it wasn’t victory – it was a place where he needed to get laid, and she wanted peace in the house. Sex became awkward. When men become more powerful in business, they also become more sexually charged.
- Being completely consumed with the frustration, anger, fear and doubt around this topic of sex, and constantly being rejected, Garrett became a sexual victim. As a married man 100% committed to his wife, until he could stop the war between he and Danielle, he began neutralizing the playing field by handling his needs himself via a sex tool.
What space are you existing in as a couple?
Point #5: Submit and Surrender
- While Danielle agreed she was being a bitch about withholding sex, Garrett admits he was being a dick and complete asshole by withholding time and energy from her. He would deliberately set up situations for Danielle to fail so he could feel like he had control.
- Garrett remembers the day he submitted to the reality that Danielle needed him to show up and give a shit as a husband and as a lover, even if he wasn’t getting laid. He was going to direct all of his energy towards her and not hold her hostage anymore. He felt that by giving her space, he would show her that he wanted her as a person, beyond her body, and that he was ALL IN.
What are the ways you hold your spouse hostage? What behaviors could you let go of that would be a game changer in your relationship?
Talk about and demonstrate the ways you love seducing and being seduced.
Date Night Topic:
Do you use Garrett’s formula of TTF? Or a different formula? Talk about the formulas that work for you in your marriage.
Quote of the Week:
“People would look at us as this attractive couple and I was like fuck that! I’ve got a g*ddamn frozen ice block barbie in a box goin’ on. I don’t get to touch it – nothing! It’s like a doll that I get to look at. I’m like a dog on a leash that’s held just past where the hamburger is sitting, and I’m not ever getting it. And if I do take a bite, I get beat with a fuckin’ stick.”
—Garrett J White
“You promote me, you talk about me, you say I’m your Queen, so show me! Come over to my side and show me that what you’re preaching is true. If you believe in me, if you believe in my business, if you believe in my vision, then jump on board with me!”
Rank #8: The Divine Divorce | Date Your Wife | EP 061
As a couple-on-the-go, co-hosts Danielle K and Garrett J White, delve into a topic that, at first glance, might appear to be in the oxymoron realm. However, in classic White style, Danielle and Garrett deliver insights and experiences that uncover what might be one of the most important things you will ever do as a married couple: go through your Divine Divorce in order to find your Divine Destiny.Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…Communication Point #1: Divine Divorce Leads to Divine Destiny
- There are times when couples are in the midst of great chaos and find themselves knocking on the door of divorce. Because of this, most couples concur that there comes a point in their relationship where they must choose all in…again.
- Garrett: Although we didn’t get a divorce, there was an emotional separation that took place. We were functionally disconnected, meaning, we were very good at being disconnected. There came a time when the inevitable moment of decision presented itself where we had to make a choice.
What has been your experience with knocking on the door of divorce?Point #2: Am I With the Wrong Person?
- The IDEA of a relationship that is in continual bliss and always on fire is evident in the highlight reels that are plastered all over social media, giving others the impression of a fairytale happily-ever-after marriage. This is total bullshit.
- Garrett: There’s a moment of the Divine Divorce where you as a couple begin to drift but it’s actually setting up the next chapter of your relationship. Danielle: We kept looping back to the same arguments that never got solved, which had me wondering, “Am I with the wrong person?”
Is what you’re posting on social media a true reflection of the state of your marriage, or is it drenched in hopeful bliss and fantasy?Point #3: It’s Just How It Is
- Garrett: The vast majority of couples that I meet and connect with inside Wake Up Warrior and BMS are operating in very minimal sexual connection, very minimal emotional and spiritual connection, and are surviving. But the challenge is, they don’t even know they’re surviving. The belief is, “This is just how it is.”
- If you surround yourself with people who have this belief, it’s not until something traumatic happens where it begins to expose how shitty things really are. In our marriage when the money disappeared, that is when the chaos of our marriage was exposed.
Where in your world do you have the belief of “it’s just how it is?”Point #4: From Divorce to Divine Divorcement
- The reality of how people show up in marriage is quite alarming to Garrett. Inside of many relationships he is connected with, he has witnessed many couples where both people are out of shape, they don’t go out on dates, there is no seduction or flirting, and they are in the managing and survival mode. Then they get a divorce.
- “What blows my mind is the transformation that begins taking place AFTER the divorce, where they blossom into this entirely new person. Instead of having to get divorced, what if you could literally go through a Divine Divorcement?”
If on the verge of divorce, what would be possible inside your marriage if you considered the possibility of creating new patterns while remainging married?Point #5: It's a Choice
- Garrett: No matter how powerfully connected you feel to who you are and what you have, the next version of your relationship as a couple is impossibly held hostage by the current constraints of what you believe is possible today.
- No matter what state your marriage is in today, there’s another level calling you. And in order to get to that next level, there’s a Divine Divorcement upon you. Divine in the sense that God, through the gift of agency, is giving you an opportunity to choose.
What are some of the limiting beliefs that are holding your marraige hostage?Communication Challenge:
How are you choosing to show up in your marriage? What are you choosing to divorce? Without the divorcement and without the decision to do it, nothing is going to change inside of your relationship.Date Night Topic:
Have a conversation about the things that attracted you to each other inthe beginning of your relationship. How those have evolved and changed over time? What are some things you can do now to create new chemistry and excitement inside your relationship?Quote of the Week:
“There’s a new destiny on the other side of divorce. Divorce is simply choosing to do something different; it’s the laying down and putting aside of that which is old and not working, for something that is new and can work.”
—Garrett J White
“People underestimate the small consistencies daily that create a big win in life. Stay committed, be patient, and kick your husband in the ass every now and again if he needs it.”
—Danielle K White
Rank #9: The Cirque du Soleil of Married Sex | Date Your Wife | Ep 062
With shots of tequila in their system and amidst the flirtatious back-and-forth bantering that easily doubles as foreplay, the White’s jump into another episode of the Date Your Wife podcast with a conversation around Garrett’s favorite topic, Sex. For the new listeners, Danielle explains QQP (Quickie, Quickie Pornstar) and they have an honest and revealing discussion about keeping married sex spicy. *This is an encore presentation of a previously recorded episode. ________________________________________________________
Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication
In This Week’s Podcast….SEX Point #1: If You Don’t Mop the Floors, Somebody Else Will
- Danielle: Many women approach sex with a “let’s just get ‘er done” attitude. If guys go long enough with only a simple clean up job, they’re not going to be satisfied.
- Garrett: Danielle’s sex game in the last six months has gone through the roof. As a woman, she has literally blown my mind.
Where has mopping the floors in your marriage gotten you?Point #2: Avoiding the Shithole of Married Sex
- Danielle: Sometimes you have to act the part and play the role during sex. Entertain that idea and have fun with it.
- Just because you’re laying there with your legs spread open doesn’t mean that’s attractive. When you’re married, if you expect to have that chemistry and spark, play the fucking game.
What is the condition of your sex life? What are the facts?Point #3: Girls Just Want to Have Fun
- Danielle: I’m happy that my man is fulfilled. When you have fun with sex, your man is feeling fulfilled. It’s fun for him and it’s fun for you – it goes both ways.
- Pretend you’re dating and ask yourself: How would I act? What would I do? Even after years of marriage, it becomes fun to entertain that thought and go with it.
Ladies, how do you feel about yourself when you just let yourself go and have fun?Point #4: The Sex Game
- Garrett: Many men have this faulty understanding of sex. They want to have a sexual connection with their wife and they think that making money and investing in the children will get them that.
- At the end of the day, she wants sexual connection but she also wants something else – she wants attention. If you give that to her, she will support you in the sex game and it will bring your marriage together.
What are you expecting from your wife yet at the same time are neglecting to give her?
Point #5: Patterns
- Garrett has this pattern of putting the girls to sleep and engaging in their nighttime routine, while Danielle professes that she’s not a very routined mom: “Brush your own teeth, say your own prayers, tuck yourself in.”
- Garrett: There’s a lot of dad-guilt that comes when you work a lot. I do spend time with the girls in the mornings but I find I sometimes use them as an excuse to not have to be intimate with Danielle at night.
What patterns are in need of changing in order for you to make more time with your spouse?Communication Challenge:
Gentlemen, if you want your floors more than mopped, what are you doing to create the environment for your wife to want to shine your floors?Date Night Topic:
Have a conversation about patterns that you see in your marriage and what you can begin doing today to change a pattern in one area of your life that will benefit your marriage.
Quote of the Week:
“The moon was out, the doors on our deck were open, and it was “Go Time.”
–Garrett J White
“In a relationship, if you say, “I don’t want to [have sex],” it’s honestly like starting a new workout. Put in the work now and eventually it gets easier. Before you know it, it’s actually kind of fun.”
–Danielle K White
Rank #10: The Power of Space | Date Your Wife | Ep 034
The White’s discuss the importance of getting away as a couple in this week’s episode.
______________Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication
In This Week’s Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Reconnection Brings Rejuvenation
- Danielle: I think it’s crucial to have time together to reconnect, then when you go back home to the kids, you are rejuvenated.
- When our relationship is on point, kids notice. They can pick up on the energy between you and your significant other.
How do you show each other that remembering your anniversary important to you?
Point #2: Mommy Guilt
- Danielle: It happens to all the moms I talk to. Even though you’re excited and have a good time, there’s always this weird anxiety leading up to the vacation.
- I feel that anxiety never really goes away unless you just push forward. You have to go on these trips and realize your kids are going to be just fine.
How do you as a couple deal with two different visions of where to invest your money?Point #3: Hiring Help
- Garrett: Can you see how your entire world has been held hostage by the fact that the only people you will trust to watch your children are your parents?
- The entire game from a guy’s perspective comes down to you as a man creating space for your wife. One of the big hurdles you’re going to have to overcome is getting your wife to be okay with hiring help that is not free and I not part of the family.
How do you and your wife feel about this?Point #4: Cashing In Chips
- Danielle: Free help is never free. I feel like there is this debt with the Universe with family. I watched your kids so you have to watch mine; I brought you dinner so you have to bring me dinner too. There’s always this unspoken feeling of cashing in of favors with family and close friends.
- There’s no such thing as free help when you go into it with the mindset of I will do this for you if you do this for me – then you owe me.
How often do you use your parents friends instead of hiring someone?
Point #5: What’s Important to You?
- Garrett: Some guys are saying I don’t have enough money to get a babysitter. I say bullshit. You have enough money to put gas in your car; you’ll have enough money to get what you believe is important to you.
- Space away from the kids creates perspective and power -perspective on your children, on you as a couple and perspective on your life.
What are your priorities?Communication Challenge:
Have a conversation around the topic of Free Help vs Hired Help.
Date Night Topic:
Talk about places you would like to go on your quarterly trips together, set the dates, and begin making plans for it.Quote of the Week:
“When you move away from working in the family and inthe relationship, and start to work on the relationship and on the family by taking trips and date nights away, you gain perspective. And that perspective is your power.”
—Garrett J White
“All you ladies out there, stop trying to be superwoman. It’s not serving you. Surrender to the fact that date nights are important and vacations are important, regardless of the anxiety you have surrounding your children. Guess what. You’re not the only one that can parent for your children.”
—Danielle K White
Rank #11: Money Matters | Date Your Wife | Ep015
Welcome to Date Night with the White’s here on the Date Your Wife podcast. Today's conversation with Garrett and Danielle is about the topic of Money and the important role it plays in your relationship.Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication
In This Week's Podcast....MONEY Point #1: Men Must Produce
- When you make enough money to put your family into abundance, theres a shift in the way that you see yourself as a man and a shift in the way you see your relationship. It also affects the way your wife sees you.
- Generally, women want to be taken care of. Even if we can produce, we still want our man to ‘be the man’ and take care of us. A man is sexier to a woman when he's the one producing.
QUESTION: Does this ring true for you as a couple?Point #2: Be Comfortable
- Garrett: Inside of our relationships, money sits at the core. It allows you to do so much shit as a couple or it constrains you to do so much shit as a couple. We have friends who celebrate their success and use it as tool to inspire other people to create more, and then we have other friends who simply hide it all and pretend like they're broke.
- Danielle:There was a period of about five years where we were experiencing rapid growth and we disconnected ourselves from people. I had surface relationships and felt like I was kind of guarding myself. What I've come to realize now is that I can have relationships with everyone - it's just a matter of me being comfortable with me.
QUESTION: Are you living in a scarcity mindset while being surrounded by your wealth?Point #3: You Must Leap
- In 2009 after I had lost everything, I was offered a job from a friend at a very crucial time for me when I didn’t have a lot of belief in myself. I was terrified as a husband and as a producer and had lost all confidence in myself. There came a pivotal moment when I realized my life was in the balance and something in my soul said "you must fucking leap."
- Danielle: When we were dating, I saw Garrett for who he was and who he could become. I knew there were great things in store for him. So when I saw him selling out, I was so upset because I knew what he was capable of doing and becoming so much more.
QUES5ION: Where in your life have you settled?Point #4: Don't Settle
- Garrett: One of the greatest gifts my wife has given to me about money is that she rode my ass about it. My wife helped me see that being driven by the money is not about being driven by the money. As you get better and better at making money as a man inside of marriage, inside of that place it forces you to become a new man.
- Danielle: I think that people play it safe in life in fear of failure. If I leap and I fall on my face, then there’s consequences; but if I just stay in the safe zone then I can just ride this out forever. If you’re listening to this and you’re feeling a stab in the heart to take action in your life, do it.
QUESTION: Where in your life are you feeling the call to take a leap of faith?Point #5: Team Work
- Garrett: There are a lot of you here who need to rise. Danielle and I work as a team to push each other. There are times she wants to settle into her little comfortable cocoon and then I kick her straight out of the cocoon, I rip it open and throw her off the cliff. And she does the same for me.
- Danielle: You can produce way more as a couple if you can get on the same page of experiencing more growth together. If you can take those experiences of who you are as a couple and make them work, two is better than one, at least in my experience for us. We push each other in that way.
QUESTION: What is your dance as a couple in the way you support each other's growth?Communication Challenge:
Have a conversation as a couple and allow yourself to collide and dream. Sit down and set a target of a game that you could create together. Who can you become as a couple economically? Who can you become as a producer individually or collectively? What would it require for you to become to pull that off?Date Night Topic:
Give yourself some credit for where you are. Challenge yourself on your Date Night to have a conversation about possibility or collision. Either one of these paths will lead you to a new position and possibility inside of your life.Quote of the Week:
"The reason why money matters and the reason why business matters - the reason why continuing to grow and expand matters - is because as you get better and better at making money as a man inside of marriage, inside of that place it forces you to become a new man. I’m not the same human being I was a year ago. My money is a reflection of my ability to produce and create value in the marketplace. So I produce and I create more not for the target of having money, but rather we are in this place of a desire to become more, and inside of that we use money production as a way to accelerate that.
--Garrett J White
"Be you at every level."
--Danielle K White
Rank #12: The Power of the V | Date Your Wife | Ep 024
The White's take it over the cliff in this week's episode as they dive deep and get personal in their candid conversation around the always spicy topic of sex. Be prepared to receive massive value as they revisit the ever-popular QQP, explore rejection and how it shapes patterns and behaviors in the bedroom, how Garrett's before marriage "sex talk" reveals common challenges in Orthodox-based religions when it comes to beliefs and conversations about sex, and how their relationship has undergone a massive facelift in the past two years.Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication
In This Week's Podcast....SEX Point #1: The Shift
- Garrett: It’s been a long time since we’ve fought about the sex topic. I don’t know what's been going on the past two months, but you’ve been on it. It’s been fun as fuck. I don’t know what's happened inside of you, but I need that shift to continue. You’ve been playing out QQP like a champion. It’s like your daily Core4.
- Danielle: I gave myself permission to have fun. As women, we sometimes take on the story that we're not going to be used, that it's beneath us. The Shift is when you realize you can get your heart's desires and dreams by understanding that men are actually pretty simple. Everybody's happier when we own that the V is very powerful.
QUESTION: Where in your world would making a shift be a game changer?Point #2: Rejection
- Garrett: When you’ve been married for a number of years, there are patterns that tend to get created that are fucked up. I felt rejected for ten years, which led me to feel very weak in the bedroom. I didn’t feel wanted, and I lacked confidence and certainty. This led me to interesting patterns of masturbation, porn, and drinking. I was trying to figure out how to survive.
- No matter how rejected you’ve felt, you have the power to change that story. I was not able to change that story on my own. My wife and I going to marriage and sex therapy allowed us to pull that off. Another very powerful tool we use, known as the Stack, can be found at warriorbook.com inside one of our 30 Day Challenges known as the KingsKit.
QUESTION: What patterns and behaviors have you fallen into because of feelings of rejection?Point #3: Wifey Guilt
- Danielle: Sex is the only topic in the wifey guilt. "Oh no. It’s been a few days. I didn’t do my wifey duties." Women naturally know when things are not aligned, and where we're not putting the time and effort into certain areas of our life. When the kids are screaming - but I know we gotta do this - these are the quickest nights. I enjoy these because the next day it brings more peace into our relationship.
- There was a time I felt, why should I be guilty? I’m not being fulfilled. For so many years you played the victim - poor me, you owe me this. Because we’re married, I have to put out every night? Fuck you, I don’t owe you anything. Then I got to this point: have a quickie, connect, it’s not that big of a deal, and then we carry on in this happy place in our marriage. For me, that's fulfilling.
QUESTION: Ladies, how can you relate to this?
Point #4: Birthday Surprise
- Garrett: These last couple of years, it's been this really powerful game where I've recognized that what I actually wanted from my wife was not the penis and vagina experience - don’t get me wrong, that's what I want. But what I've wanted is to feel wanted. What was amazing about my birthday is that I felt wanted.
- Danielle: Garrett was in the middle of an event in Huntington Beach during his birthday. He was on stage and nobody really knew it was his birthday until his lead trainer, Sam, announced it. As 350 guys sang Happy Birthday, I walked onto the stage and surprised him. For Garrett, it was this moment of, "Oh my God. She wants to be here."
QUESTION: What would be possible for your relationship if each of you actually felt wanted by your spouse?Point #5: It's Kind of Messy
- Garrett: For the guys who get exactly what I’m talking about, if you were raised in a pretty orthodox religion and you were not married to a woman who was practiced before marriage, nor were you practiced before marriage - on the one side, there’s a huge advantage to having sex before you get married. I know that’s going to completely burn the ears of those who may be listening, "Oh my God! I’m completely against that!"
- Danielle: Yes, there's good that comes out of us being raised this way. But where's the line? Is it a blessing or a curse? Garrett: People don’t measure the consequence of not being sexually aware at all. They’re not being trained. When we were raised, we were not trained or taught. I didn’t even know what a clitoris was. My dad’s sex talk to me before I got married was, "Be sure you have a cloth handy. It’s kind of messy.”
QUESTION: What do you think: Wait until marriage, or have some experience before getting married?Communication Challenge:
Have a conversation about how you were raised, and how that has shaped your beliefs, patterns, and behaviors about sex.Date Night Topic:
How can you both bring new vitality into your relationship?Quote of the Week:
"I would love to invite you as a man to join us in the KingsKit challenge that you can find at warriorbook.com and be part of that experience. And if you’re a lady listening to this show, I would encourage you to send your man over to that."
--Garrett J White
"Ladies, if you’re in that place where your guy’s not really being the man, you have to reevaluate and ask yourself, “How can I show up and be the woman?" Sometimes, the strongest women need to surrender to what’s going to benefit you, your family, and your relationship. A lot of times you discover, "Wow, that served me more than I thought!" Commitment is the first step.
--Danielle K White
Rank #13: Don’t Use Your Wife As a Shield | Date Your Wife | Ep 033
The White’s celebrate their 15 year anniversary in this powerful and entertaining episode of the Date Your Wife Podcast where they have a conversation around the all-important and ofttimes tricky topic of Money inside a marriage relationship.Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication
In This Week’s Podcast….Money Point #1: Save the Date
- Danielle: For years, we celebrated our anniversary on the 22nd of August until six years ago when I found our old wedding book and was so shocked to see the date of August 21st.
- Garrett: We’re grown ass adults and every year we text our mothers to see what date we got fucking married, though we do remember the first place we had sex after we got married.
How do you show each other that remembering your anniversary important to you?
Point #2: When Visions Collide
- A crucial turning point for Garrett was in having a collision with Danielle about investing in blinds for his Warrior HQ – a vision inside his business that he could see but that she could not.
- For a long time, Garrett didn’t see the point in the purses that Danielle loves buying, but now he does. Danielle: It’s creative expression which transfers over to confidence in life, business, and in everything else.
How do you as a couple deal with two different visions of where to invest your money?Point #3: Leading a Double Life
- Danielle: After everything was ripped from us, it took about four years to rebuild that trust. And in that four years, everything felt unsafe and inconsistent to me so I finally said, screw you. I’ll do my thing, you do yours.
- As women, we look to our husbands for safety and security. When that goes away, there’s this lack of trust. I questioned every little move Garrett was making because I was building back up the trust from years of his patterns of inconsistency with money.
Gentlemen, are you providing security and safety for your Queen?Point #4: The Awakening
- Garrett: After giving Danielle the responsibility of handling the bills because I got so stressed out about my inability to pay them, she began taking on that stress. I realized I was using my wife as a shield from me having to deal with shit.
- My wife started channeling heavy levels of masculine energy which had us fighting at home a ton. I’m like fuck, I’m coming home to a dude. I realized I was the one who had created this dude the moment I decided to turn the queen into a shield. I had an awakening.
What needs to shift in your relationship when it comes to being the man and leading the battle so you can take your wife out of that role?
Point #5: Reality Check
- Garrett: Gentlemen, if you’re going to go make the money, then you manage the money. All of you fucking men out there who are expecting your wife to split the fucking bills with you, fuck you.
- Women want a purpose to produce but they don’t want to feel the pressure of having to be the provider. There are far too many men who are okay with the idea that they can sit back and lean on the production power of the Queen and only build themselves far enough to meet halfway.
Ladies, how do you feel about this?Communication Challenge:
Gentlemen, ask yourself this question: Who would I have to become such that my wife could choose to work and choose to produce if she wanted to?
Date Night Topic:
On your date this week, take a trip down memory lane and recall the events leading up to the day the two of you met. What impressed you about each other? What have you grown to love about each other through the years?Quote of the Week:
“At the end of the day, I’ve yet to meet a powerful producing woman who doesn’t want her man to raise the sword and go to war so she can rest at times.”
—Garrett J White
“I got to this place where I wanted to be in the relationship with Garrett because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to.”
—Danielle K White
Rank #14: Creating Favorable Conditions | Date Your Wife | EP 071
Garrett and Danielle have a conversation about the three components necessary in order to create favorable conditions for communication inside your marriage. *This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode from 2018.Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: The Mirror in the Closet
- Danielle has a mirror and bench inside her closet which comes in handy for the “get it done” sex. “It’s a good view for us both: He’s got his mirror and I’ve got my shoes,” says Danielle.
- Garrett: It’s awesome. Not only is it great sex, but it’s also visual content and stimulus for my mind for days.
How can you spice up your “get it done” sex?Point #2: Date Your Wife Podcast
- Garrett came to Danielle last year at this time and told her they were going to be doing a weekly podcast called Date Your Wife. At the time of this recording, they are ready to hit their 50th episode which represents at least 25 hours of communication.
- Garrett: The podcast was a favorable condition that we created with time, energy, and money, and has proven to be the best therapy of all time for us.
What favorable conditions have you created in order to have better communication with your spouse?Point #3: Lacking Sex?
- If you’re a guy and sex is not happening, it’s a guarantee that what is also not happening is communication – direct, intimate communication which is the ability to communicate and connect.
- If you have not invested time, energy, or money to create those conditions, then you also cannot be entitled to the results that come through sex and connection.
Where in your relationship are you investing money and energy, but not time?Point #4: Date Night
- You must create favorable conditions for communication on your dates. If you are always going out with friends and family for your Date Nights, that is not an environment where the two of you are able to have deep, intimate conversation.
- Garrett enjoys getting together with other couples about once a month, but anything more than is too much, even if they’re good friends because it turns into Team Girls and Team Guys instead of the one-on-one time together that they are desiring on their dates.
What has been your Date Night pattern?Point #5: Time, Energy, and Money
- If you’re going to create communication, you must be willing to create favorable conditions for communication. You’re going to have to invest time, energy, and money at some level, whatever it is.
- Many men will not invest the time and energy, but will invest the money, or will invest the time and energy, but not invest any money. All three components of the Trifecta must be present.
What portion of the Trifecta are you missing?Communication Challenge:
Figure out how you’re going to create favorable conditions for communication inside your marriage.Date Night Topic:
What can you add to your sex life to spice up those times when you have the “let’s get it done” sex?Quote of the Week:
“You must be willing to invest to create favorable conditions for communication to exist.”
—Garrett J White
“Women look to men for safety and security. In reaching for that safety and security you have to look inward and realize that you are part of creating your own safety and security inside of that relationship.”
—Danielle K White
Rank #15: Warm Her Up, Worry About Yourself | Date Your Wife | Ep 014
The White’s juggle children, sandwiches and grocery lists in the opening of today’s podcast, demonstrating yet again that they are keeping things real and raw. Between the flirting, bantering, sexual innuendos and Danielle revealing what she really thinks about penises, it’s no wonder their’s is the only explicitly rated podcast in the category of Parenting and Family, as they are willing to take things where others are not. Sit back and enjoy today’s conversation on the topic of Sex.Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication
In This Week's Podcast....SEX Point #1: Lazy Sex
- Danielle: It’s not like I don’t want to put in the effort, but I don’t always want to put in the effort. On my laziest days I don't just lay there and do nothing, but there are ways to service your man without getting really into it.
- Garrett: Does this mean that women are sexually lazy? Servicing your man is important, regardless of what the servicing looks like. A lot of women don't get this.
QUESTION: When you have sex, even quickie sex, do you experience connection or is it more like vaginal masturbation?Point #2: Tips For Traveling
- Garrett: When men are traveling, it doesn’t matter for 2 days or 2 weeks, they experience an increased drive sexually. It happens even if it’s just overnight. There is an increased spike of being gone from their wife in which sexual desire increases. When guys are gone for a bunch of days it is very easy for them to end up in the trap of porn. This is a very big issue for guys.
- Danielle: If your guy is traveling, I think it’s a good idea to have sex the night before they go. Ladies, just get it done. Little things like that will make your relationship better and when he goes out of town he’s going to be more focused. I learned the hard way. It’s not that big a deal and it’s actually a win win where we both are getting what we want.
QUESTION: What are the results when you follow this formula? What are the results when you don't?Point #3: Pouty Mode
- Garrett went into pouty mode for 10 years because he felt so out of control inside of their relationship when it came to sex. He felt that Danielle held all of the cards and that she didn't give a shit.
- Danielle: I found that pouty mode super unattractive. As Garrett shifted his energy, it gave me room to breathe. He just stopped asking and didn’t bring so much pouty energy to the table. That's when I started changing my story about Quickies and QQP was born..
QUESTION: What energy is present when pouty mode enters the picture in your relationship?Point #4: Women Are Like Crockpots
- Garrett: You tell me to warm you up first and then worry about myself. What does that look like? You have guys who don’t worry about their wife at all and worry about their own orgasm, then you have guys who are worried about their wife’s orgasm - there’s even a book called, "She Comes First."
- Danielle: I don’t agree with that and I’m going to tell you why from a girl’s perspective. Warm her up first and then worry about yourself. I like to be warmed up, but if I go first, I’m less into you. It's a song and dance, really. We're both at the finish line: if I go first and you come right after me, it's like we cross the finish line together.
QUESTION: What does your dance look like?Point #5: Hobbies Bring Fulfillment
- Garrett got to the point where he began relying on his masturbation toy and started drinking more. He went into a place of suppression where he literally didn’t give a shit. At Danielle's suggestion, he took up surfing, which has been an exceptionally good fit for him
- Danielle: I suggested he take up surfing because I felt it would be something that he would enjoy. He comes back happy and full of this great energy, plus it gives me more space. He has a mistress called surfing and I'm fine with that mistress.
QUESTION: What hobbies do you both enjoy that add positive energy and breathing space inside of your relationship?Communication Challenge:
Talk about the ways you like being serviced by your spouse - and then go experiment.Date Night Topic:
Begin the conversation around this idea of "Warm her up, worry about you." What does that look like inside of your marriage?Quote of the Week:
"When you are both on point together and he goes on a trip, this simple strategy of having Date Night and sex the night before you go - whether you’re fighting or angry or not - if you do this, life is going to be better. Your man’s going to go hunt more powerfully, which means that when he’s gone he’s going to be more productive in business; he’s not going to go to porn because he’s going to feel connected to you while he’s gone."
--Garrett J White
"If it has been awhile since you have seen him and he comes back into town, just get it out of the way. I used to be standoffish and we would end up getting into fights. My advice is just get it off the table and out of the way. It doesn’t have to be a big show, just do it. He will become like putty in your hands."
--Danielle K White
Rank #16: Triple Sh*t Show | Date Your Wife | Ep 030
On the heels of their return from their first eight-day family vacation in Europe, Garrett and Danielle delve into the spectacular topic that tends to come from sex: Parenting. In today’s episode, the White’s take us behind the scenes and give us a peek into what it looks like to manage their household, they give us tips for finding the perfect-for-your-family babysitter or nanny, and share stories of the magical and not so magical moments in Europe.Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication
In This Week’s Podcast…. PARENTING Point #1: It Takes a Village
- Garrett: Let’s talk about communicating instructions to people who take care of the kids. This is one of the big things about parenting. Most women have a big-time struggle with leaving their kids with anyone. In fact, we have tons of friends who will only go on a Date Night if a family member can watch their children. Danielle is at the top of the list when it comes to anxiety surrounding this issue.
- Danielle: When we go on vacation, I still get nervous. Like every mom, I start thinking thoughts like, “Oh my God, what if the plane goes down!? ” Ultimately, you can’t live your life like that. You can’t not go anywhere or not do anything, or even not go on a date. I came to the place where I refused to let that hold me hostage. And I felt like I was being held hostage by my own anxiety and choice. Like anything, the more you do it and the more you surrender to it, the more it becomes less scary.
Ladies, how do you feel about babysitters watching your children?Point #2: Finding That Magical Connection
- Garrett: Outside of our family watching the kids, we would never go out because we didn’t have a babysitter. I was more concerned about having a babysitter so that we could connect. I knew if we didn’t connect and spend time together, which is Danielle’s love language, there was no chance for sex and connection to take place, which is what I wanted. So, I found a resource to help us find someone: care.com.
- Danielle: After going through a few people that weren’t a good fit, I remembered that when I hire someone at my salon, instead of sending me their resume, I ask them to send me a video of why they think they’re a good fit for our salon. So that’s what I decided to do with care.com. Before we did that, we received over 100 emails in response to our ad. Once we asked for a video, we only received one response, which was from the girl we hired.
What are you looking for in someone who watches your children? What’s important to you?Point #3: Topnotch Pay for a Topnotch Experience
- Danielle: You can’t expect to have someone delivering you a topnotch experience if you’re only willing to pay them an hourly rate. With Tori, our nanny, I told her we’re going to be paying her well, and what I really want her focus to be on is our kids. You think you’re hiring somebody to be a mom, but really you’re just hiring somebody to take care of your kids and to make sure they’re feeling loved.
- Garrett: I’m willing to pay someone a salary just to guarantee we have two date nights every week. I talked Danielle off the ledge many times about going into the game of salary. This person needs a guarantee. They need to feel like they matter and that they count in the equation. I watch a lot of couples expect the world out of someone but give them no guarantees in return.
How do you feel about the idea of a salary vs hourly rate for your nanny or babysitter?Point #4: Happy Wife, Happy Life
- Danielle: Like most women, when I work I just want to come home to a clean house. So the days I work behind the chair are the days I have my cleaner come in. It alleviates a lot of stress for me. Some people might think it’s ridiculous to pay a housecleaner to come twice a week, but if you look at the overall picture, and if it makes you a happier person, it’s totally worth it.
- Garrett: I needed for Danielle not to be stressful. She used to be stressed out all the time about the cleaning. It would affect our intimacy and our communication, and we’d fight over all sorts of shit. I got to the point where I thought this is not worth it. Having a cleaner come in twice a week? Totally worth it.
Gentlemen, how are your expectations creating more stress for your wife?Point #5: Creating Memories
- Danielle: I had an amazing experience with my kids. Time is a big thing for me. Vacations are important. There are little moments and experiences that you have on vacation that you can’t have at home. To me, it’s really important and it’s the one thing I fought for in our marriage. Vacations create a lot of quality time and memories with family where sometimes it feels like you’re in a dream or a fairytale.
- And then there are moments when you’re traveling with kids and you say you’re never fucking bringing them anywhere, ever again! These stupid assholes don’t appreciate it! It’s a weird balance of oh my God, life’s amazing, we’re in a movie and, we’re never bringing the kids again on another vacation! Still, the good memories outweigh the bad.
What are your thoughts about taking family vacations?Communication Challenge:
What are your love languages? If you haven’t read the book, grab a copy and begin reading it together. If you have read it, what are you doing to meet each other’s love language?Date Night Topic:
Have a conversation about where the two of you are going for your next Sexcation.Quote of the Week:
“We pulled off the herculean effort of all time. We not only went to Europe for the first time on vacation, we also did something a little out of the ordinary for us: we took our children.”
—Garrett J White
“Ladies, sometimes you just have to put your foot down for what you want when it comes to making family memories for life. And just remind yourself when you’re on that vacation – and sometimes forcing fun with your kids – that you’re building memories.”
—Danielle K White
Rank #17: Sexy Screenshots | Date Your Wife | Ep 032
You’re in for a blushing hot time with the White’s in this week’s episode of the Date Your Wife podcast. Danielle and Garrett hold nothing back as they explore the reality of faking, fantasy, and payloads, and share intimate secrets and tips in this completely transparent and entertaining conversation about Garrett’s favorite topic, sex.Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication
In This Week’s Podcast…. SEX Point #1: The Faking Game
- Danielle: Every girl fakes it. If she says she never fakes it, she’s like the guy who says he never masturbates. We get to this point where we don’t care if we have an orgasm – we’re just putting on a good show.
- Garrett: Here’s the deal: I have faked it. I don’t care if Danielle fakes it. I actually like it and enjoy it more when she does because I feel like we’ve both scored.
How often do you fake it?
Point #2: Go For the Goal
- Garrett: Do you think porn has completely twisted the thought of orgasms? We know this woman who never had an orgasm during her 13-year marriage. And she didn’t even know she wasn’t having an orgasm.
- Danielle: You have to be a little selfish in bed and go after what you want. If she didn’t have an orgasm, it’s her fault. Even with the dullest sexual encounters, if I want it, I’m going to get it. You gotta be focused; you gotta go for the goal. You treat it like a sport, ladies. You get on it and accomplish your goal.
Ladies, how do you communicate what you want to your guy?Point #3: The Warm Up
- Danielle: If there’s a warm-up, girls are focusing on “holy shit, I’m not going.” If there’s not a warm-up, we’re focusing on “I’m going to go after the goal and get it.” If we get warmed up, it’s going to happen. But sometimes when we’re tired, we won’t submit to the warm-up, and then we’re all about a quick one.
- Guys like the warm-up because the girl just submits. But here’s the thing. You can’t go in aggressively for the warm-up because then it gets creepy; then we’re thinking this is just gross, let’s just have a quick one. So, guys, you really have to seduce us.
Guys, what type of warm-up does your spouse respond to the most?Point #4: Payloads
- Garrett: If a guy hasn’t gone for a while, say it’s been five days, and there’s been no masturbation, he has a bigger shot. The bigger the shot, the more intense the orgasm.
- Danielle. I think I purposely don’t go sometimes because I want the build up. I think it’s more of a control thing for myself. I can have a bunch of shitty pairs of shoes, or I can have a couple of really good ones.
What is your preference?
Point #5: Screenshots Matter
- Garrett: Women, you have to give your man a screenshot. Danielle sends me photos of her looking super sexy in her swimsuits. She doesn’t send me naked photos or breast shots, she sends me super intense and very sexy photos that I put on my cell phone.
- If we’re at the beach and another woman walks by wearing a thong, I’ll get triggered, but my mind immediately goes to the preloaded content from my wife in her sexy swimsuits or of her in the bedroom ironing her clothes wearing nothing but panties.
Ladies, how has the idea of creating screenshot moments for your guy enhanced your confidence?Communication Challenge:
Begin having conversations about the following topics and discover how these two strategies can enhance your realtionship:
1) The Faking Game 2) Delivering Sexy Screenshot ContentDate Night Topic:
Use one of your next Date Nights to create some Sexy Screenshot content for each other.Quote of the Week:
“I’m okay with the idea that Mystery Man is the guy who gets you revved up because, at the end of the day, I’m the one who’s scoring goals around here. You can be a fan in the stands all day long, but I’m the one holding the trophy.”
—Garrett J White
“Garrett has learned the art of holding back a little, and now I feel safe about giving him screenshots. I believe it creates content and spice in a marriage. If you don’t create content for your guy, he’s going to find content somewhere else.”
—Danielle K White
Rank #18: Baby, Oh Baby! | Date Your Wife| EP 053
Garrett and Danielle ring in the New Year with news of baby White who is due to join the family in late July. In this first episode of 2019, the White’s have a conversation that is all about babies and children, and how much they change the game in all areas of a couple’s life.Point #1: New Beginnings
- Early last year after announcing their pregnancy to a room of three thousand people, Garrett discovered that Danielle had miscarried their baby, a sad and rough experience for them all.
- After a fun-filled summer of adventure, Danielle realized that if she wanted to have another baby it was “now or never.” Even at the young age of 35, she falls into the ill-named category, “Advanced Maternal Age.”
What new beginnings are you currently experiencing?Point #2: Change Is In the Air
- Both Garrett and Danielle agree that no one can really prepare for and comprehend how much a baby and children change your life.
- Danielle: Having kids pushes you to do things you didn’t think were possible. It fast-tracks you. It brings out this maturity and responsibility and gives you this sense of purpose.
What changes are you anticipating or experiencing in 2019?Point #3: The Shift
- Garrett: I don’t think a human being can fully grasp the intensity of what it is to be a human being without birthing or raising a human being. It creates a shift.
- There are a lot of people who are anti-children. What makes that so ironic is, if someone would have had the same thought process as they’re having, they wouldn’t fucking exist.
What is the shift you have experienced as a result of having children?Point #4: Legacy
- When Garrett turned 40, he started thinking about his children and his legacy in a way that he had never before considered. “Not being married and not having children, there’s no fucking way I’d work this hard.”
- Both Garrett and Danielle believe that women are a motivating factor when it comes to men working hard and producing and remember Garrett’s fierce drive for work when they were dating.
How does having a wife and children affect your drive to produce?Point #5: Mixed Signals
- Garrett: When you’re pregnant, there’s some kind of endorphin that releases from you that fucks with the sexual mojo for a man. There’s a shield that blocks my balls. I want to be all over you but I just can’t.
- From a woman’s perspective, Danielle understands and appreciates the sensitivity, yet there are times when she doesn’t want to be treated like she is pregnant; she wants instead to experience that sexual energy between them.
How do you handle sexual intimacy during pregnancy?Communication Challenge:
Begin the conversation of Legacy and what that looks like inside of your relationship.
Date Night Topic:
Date Nights and Get-a-ways: Grab your calendar and begin brainstorming & planning what you want to do together in 2019. Go outside the box and get adventurous!Quote of the Week:
“It’s almost like your body is sending some sort of signal to me that’s saying, “Thank you, you’re not welcome here.”
—Garrett J White
“Having kids pushes you to do things you didn’t think were possible. It fast-tracks you. It brings out this maturity and responsibility and gives you this sense of purpose.”
—Danielle K White
Rank #19: Date Night |Date Your Wife | EP 055
Garrett and Danielle are proponents of dating your spouse at least once a week. They understand that adding young children to the mix can sometimes present a challenge but know that your relationship MUST come first if you want it to last. In this week’s episode, the White’s share tips for what has worked for them (as well as what hasn’t worked for them) in their quest to find babysitters and nannies. Where they ultimately hit the jackpot might actually surprise you.Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Routines & Consistency
- Both Garrett and Danielle feel like this podcast has been so good for their marriage. It’s as if the listening audience has become their sounding board and allows them to be better communicators with each other without completely flipping their lids and going off on each other.
- Danielle: In life, once you get out of your routine it’s so easy to lose your momentum. It’s in doing the small things consistently that keep us on track to build the large things; it’s the small and consistent things in marriage that keep a relationship stable and progressing.
What are you doing consistently inside of your relationship that is noticeably making a difference in the way you feel about and communciate with each other?Point #2: Baby Talk
- In the land of pregnancy and babies, when a woman is overdue it is a common understanding that having sex helps induce labor. Danielle’s experience with their two previous babies was that within an hour of having sex, the contractions began. Garrett attributes it to his “very aggressive sperm.”
- Danielle’s well thought out plans for the gender reveal went sideways as the waves washed out the pink and blue smoke bombs she had carefully buried in the sand. Garrett accidentally reveals the gender of the baby during the podcast.
Did your gender reveal turn out as planned?
Point #3: Family Affair?
- A lot of times, people think they can only trust their family to watch their kids. Danielle has discovered that having someone other than family might actually be better for you and your kids.
- From her personal experience, she would rather hire someone to follow her structure and routine instead of having free help from family who want to do their own thing.
What has been your experience with family watching your children?
Point #4: On-Demand Babysitter Gone Awry
- Garrett wanted to have an on-demand babysitter who was always available. He paid her a salary and got her an apartment close by their home so they would have someone ready to care for the kids whenever he and Danielle wanted to go out. It evolved into a sense of entitlement and a situation where Danielle was having to dance around the babysitter’s schedule.
- Danielle: Finding a babysitter is like building a business. You assume that people you hire will know what to do, but you should never assume. Find someone that you like and then be clear about the outcome you expect while they’re there. Always keep them in check. People want to know how to win whether it’s a nanny or an employee and will start to retreat when they don’t know how to please you.
Have you set clear outcomes and expectations for your babysitters?
Point #5: Care.com: Your Shit is Legit
- By far the best decision Garrett & Danielle have made when it comes to finding a babysitter or nanny for their children is going through care.com. Garrett advises, “Request your babysitters driven by a dollar value, and when they turn in their application, make sure they send you a video.”
- “You’re investing in the guardianship of your children. If you’re paying a lot of money, set clear outcomes and expectations. If you look at the overall investment on a monthly basis, you’re investing in your marriage. 1-What’s your marriage worth? 2-How much are your children worth?”
Are you being a cheap bastard when it comes to hiring someone to watch your children?Communication Challenge:
Have a conversation about Date Night, and the challenges you are currently facing that are stopping you from going out consistently with your spouse. Get clear about what you want from your marriage, and what you can do to begin making Date Night a top priority in your marriage.Date Night Topic:
Have a brainstorming session about the things you and your spouse want to do on your Date Nights for the next couple of months.Quote of the Week:
“If you care about your marriage and want things to work out, you go on Date Nights. If you care about your communication and sex life, go on Date Nights. To pull that off, you’re going to have to go through some trial and error before you find what works for you.”
—Garrett J White
“Whether it’s family or someone you pay, there are really no excuses when it comes to creating Date Night and space for yourselves as a couple. It becomes a matter of making it a priority.”
Rank #20: People Pleaser or Conflict Avoider? | Date Your Wife | EP 063
This week’s Date Your Wife podcast comes to you via the White’s actual Date Night where Garrett and Danielle explore the topics of conflict and avoidance inside their relationship. They reveal patterns and behaviors that did not serve them for years, which could have led to the demise of their marriage were it not for an ultimatum and decision during a huge argument – which ultimately created an opening that changed the trajectory of their marriage. .Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…Communication Point #1: People Pleaser or Conflict Avoider?
- Danielle believes women typically aren’t people pleasers; they’re conflict avoiders. Women are so afraid of confrontation that they always try to make peace.
- “But ultimately it’s not because we’re trying to please people,” offers Danielle, “it’s because we’re trying to avoid conflict, which later on actually causes us more harm.”
How does this play out in your marriage?Point #2: On the Hunt
- As Garrett reflects this topic of conflict, he realizes that “Danielle is a conflict avoider at the highest level. If you go through what has happened with us in the past seventeen years, she has NEVER been a conflict person.”
- “The only way we could ever have a real conversation was if I brought the collision to her, and then inside of it, I would actually hunt her down and force her to have a serious conversation with me.”
Who is typically the “hunter” inside your marriage?Point #3: Hot-Headed
- When men become hot-headed inside of a conversation, many women refuse to continue on with that conversation, thus making it appear to the men that women are in this place of avoidance.
- From Danielle’s perspective, “Women recognize when a conversation/argument isn’t in a logical place and is going nowhere. When Garrett flips his lid, and I feel like I can’t reason with him because the conversation is not in a healthy place, I will refuse to continue, knowing that in this state, nothing is going to get solved.
Who is typically the hot-headed one in your relationship? How does this affect your communication?Point #4: Initiate or Avoid?
- Garrett admits being more emotional than Danielle, and one who is desires to get into a fight and collide. Speaking to Danielle, “You were never an initiator of any type of hard conversation. Your mode was to just swallow it, ignore it, reframe it in your mind, let it go and move on…and pretend like it never happened.
- Danielle: I was avoiding confrontation, and was thinking, “Oh, it will go away, it’ll quiet down. I also came to this place where I didn’t know how to have direct conversations with you.
Inside conflict within your marriage, who typically avoids, and who typically initiates?”Point #5: Therapy
- After six years of behaviors and patterns that were not serving the White’s, everything came to a head one afternoon during a huge argument in their kitchen where an ultimatum was issued by Garrett: Either we’re going to therapy, or we’re done.
- Danielle: Going to therapy, we both had a logical sounding board to hear one another’s feelings. It helped me open up and communicate better, and I feel like Garrett was able to go deeper into the story or conflict without hitting his tipping point.
What has been your experience inside the conversation of therapy?Communication Challenge:
Have a conversation around the topic of “Avoider or Initiator.”Date Night Topic:
During Date Night, have a conversation about the possibility of inserting Therapy into your lives.Quote of the Week:
“Therapy gave us a better chance to pull off conflict and be in a conversation that would require both of us to own our shit.”
—Garrett J White
“In relationships, I think we argue to be right, not to get what we want. I think we both realized that there’s submission in getting what we want which makes us less willing to be right and more willing to get what we want.”
—Danielle K White