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Health & Fitness

Letters to my kids: A suicide survivor's lessons and advice for life

Updated 4 days ago

Health & Fitness
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Real lessons from a suicide survivor and advice for life. From a 2-time suicide survivor and advocate for realistic optimism

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Real lessons from a suicide survivor and advice for life. From a 2-time suicide survivor and advocate for realistic optimism

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21 Ratings
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I love the baby laughing!!

By PhotoLyric - Jan 02 2019
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I love the baby laughing!! Also very useful information and perspectives on various topics. I do believe there is not not one single passion or vision a person may have. Life is full of countless opportunities and reinventing ourselves is one of the most exciting aspects of our life journey. In fact, every day, every moment and every thought is a new opportunity. Thanks for helping us to continue expanding our minds!

Good stuff

By Nekita - Sep 27 2018
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Good podcast, maybe cut out the "baby laughing" that feels a bit uncomfortable.

iTunes Ratings

21 Ratings
Average Ratings
16
1
4
0
0

I love the baby laughing!!

By PhotoLyric - Jan 02 2019
Read more
I love the baby laughing!! Also very useful information and perspectives on various topics. I do believe there is not not one single passion or vision a person may have. Life is full of countless opportunities and reinventing ourselves is one of the most exciting aspects of our life journey. In fact, every day, every moment and every thought is a new opportunity. Thanks for helping us to continue expanding our minds!

Good stuff

By Nekita - Sep 27 2018
Read more
Good podcast, maybe cut out the "baby laughing" that feels a bit uncomfortable.
Cover image of Letters to my kids: A suicide survivor's lessons and advice for life

Letters to my kids: A suicide survivor's lessons and advice for life

Updated 4 days ago

Read more

Real lessons from a suicide survivor and advice for life. From a 2-time suicide survivor and advocate for realistic optimism

Rank #1: Episode 37: Part 1 - Invest in yourself and your brand - who are you, like really?

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Episode 37: Part 1 - Invest in yourself and your brand - who are you, like really?

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

http://www.blog.daydesigner.com/invest-in-yourself/

"The best investment you can make is in yourself." -Warren Buffett

- Why It's Important to Invest in Yourself and Why You're Not Doing It. When it comes to investments, one of the best you can make is in yourself! But all too often, investing in ourselves is a low-priority item; something we think about doing someday. Why is investing in yourself so powerful? Investing in yourself, sends a powerful message to yourself and the world. The message is:

- Time and money are among the top reasons that we give for putting off things that would enrich our lives. But while it's true that you may not have a lot of extra time or money lying around, it's important to realize that often, we cite those reasons not because we really can't afford it or couldn't find time for it, but instead because we fail to recognize the real value in investing in ourselves.

"Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune." -Jim Rohn

- Whether it's because we feel that we won't benefit enough to make the investment worthwhile, or if we're telling ourselves that we're just not worth the risk—those are tremendously sad reasons when you think about it! The fact is that we are worth it, and if we don't venture out on a limb or try new things, we'll never be able to grow as a person.

"Man’s life is independent. He is born not for the development of the society alone, but for the development of his self." -B. R. Ambedkar

- Investing in Yourself: Where to Start? There are plenty of ways to invest in yourself and there really is something for everyone and every budget. Here's a look at a few worthwhile investments that can produce excellent rewards:

FitnessEducationExperiencesReading more booksSpending time in natureCreative pursuits—Writing, sculpting, painting, drawing

 "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." -Ernest Hemingway

"An investment in education is an investment in our future." -David Wasinger

Feb 14 2019

11mins

Play

Rank #2: Episode 25 - Part 1: Self esteem: May your life be as awesome as it appears on social media

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Episode 25 - Part 1: Self esteem: May your life be as awesome as it appears on social media

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://www.excelatlife.com/articles/selfesteem/index.htm

The Importance of Positive Self-EsteemOf all the judgments we make in life, none is more important than the judgments we make about ourselves. The need for positive self-esteem comes with psychological growth and the desire to trust ourselves.

self-respect and the ability to be comfortable in your own skin and with yourself.Interestingly enough, self-esteem doesn’t have much connection with actual talent or ability. How we value ourselves reflects the way we think, feel and act

"If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete." - Buddha

The development of self-esteem across a lifespan greatly depends on the experiences in a person’s life. In early childhood, our parents/guardians are considered the main source of positive or negative experiences and as such make the biggest impact. Their unconditional and stable love should give the child a sense of security and respect that later will affect self-esteem as the child grows older.

The creation of our self-esteem continues to form into adulthood through our successes or failures and how the messages we receive from our environment affect us (the influence of family, teachers, coaches, friends, peers, work colleagues, partner, etc.). We form an “inner voice” which repeats these messages later in life, either in an accepting and reassuring form or in a heavy, blaming or punishing form.

"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." - Carl Jung

Consequences of Low Self-Esteem vs. Healthy Self-EsteemLow self-esteem can have adverse consequences. It can:

Lead to increased likelihood of depression, anxiety, obesity, oversensitivity, stress, or loneliness.Cause problems with romantic relationships, friendships, academic skills or job performance.Create constant comparison with others, perfectionist thinking, high self-blame, inability to try new things, fear of failure, inability to accept compliments.In some cases low self-esteem can lead to increased vulnerability to alcohol and drug abuse.These negative effects work in a vicious circle, negative thoughts and negative expectations reinforce poor self-esteem and the chance of failure, thus leading to more low self-esteem."The sins of the father are to be laid upon the children" - ShakespearePeople with high self-esteem can be recognized through some of the following descriptions:

Do not excessively worry about the past or the future but rather live in the present.Accept individual differences while at the same time consider themselves equal in dignity to others (not superior nor inferior).Understand that they are valuable and interesting, especially to those with whom they have friendships and relationships.Are able to enjoy different activities, show less fear of failure.

"Talk to yourself like someone you love." - Brene Brown

Jun 07 2018

10mins

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Rank #3: Episode 2: Changes, always there whether or not you are

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Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

Reference reading:

https://hbr.org/2012/09/ten-reasons-people-resist-chang

- People generally don't like changes. We all start off at the bottom when we're young, working hard to reach our goals and then; once we're somewhere "remotely" comfortable, we form patterns, get settled in and move into hibernation. And once we've hibernated, god forbid something changes it for us. - After all, as a human; we are by nature lazy. That doesn't mean we don't work hard. We're more than capable of doing that. And we're even willing to grind ourselves into the ground in order to achieve our goals. But, and here's the thing; we believe that the more we progress, the less "real" effort we need to invest.- We're also very prone to extremes, so this means we can be extremely hardworking and/or extremely lazy. With technology, you can even be both! - What does this mean though? That our goals tend to be short-sighted and self-gratifying. Earn x amount of $$$ by the age of y. Pay off my house by the age of x. etc. And any deviations to this would result in a reaction from ourselves.- People talk about growing old gracefully; and there is a reason for this. From a life of action and being able to challenge the world, people have to take a step back; and being able to let go of things. - So, right off the bat; changes will always be there, and we will never be able to avoid it completely. If you're lucky; you'll be able to postpone it, but just like a long-overdue house cleaning; it'll come back with double the interest. - Therefore, similarly to embracing our challenges, we need to learn to embrace change.- Talk about 2nd suicide and how it was due to change and not being able to cope that triggered it.- 2 important ingredients to help you cope with changes, Perspective. Because looking at it from a negative viewpoint will only be self-defeating and pointless. "Be the change that you wish to see"- The 2nd is optimism and hope, rooted in realism. Do your best and as much as you can, but once done; let it go and expect and plan for the worst. Some may counter that you should aim for the stars and you'll get skies/clouds. I say, why even aim at all? Aiming sets expectations; which breeds disappointment and bitterness WHEN (not if) reality kicks in and you fail. - To that end, the best thing you can do to combat change is to change as well. Learn and try new things. Especially when things start to get stale and mundane. Sometimes a change of scenery too could help kickstart things as well.- Remember what we talked about failures, it's all about practise, practise and practise. What will be, will be.- After all, life is all about continuous learning, thus nothing is permanent so one should always stay humble and embrace the change.

Dec 20 2017

12mins

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Rank #4: Episode 21 - Trust and trusting people; a side story and warning

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Trust and trusting people; a side story and warning

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

- Loneliness exposes people to a diverse range of significant risks to mental and physical well- being. It affects people of all ages, but is often triggered by particular life events such as bereavement, poor health, or cognitive impairment. 

Facilitating social engagement in community activities to promote older people’s self-esteem can help build their resilience. This can then reduce the likelihood that they will respond to scams. Stockholm syndrome and providing support by being there for the victim.

"Don't trust everything you see. Even salt looks like sugar" - Maryum Ahsam

The phrase was reported to have been coined by criminologist and psychiatrist Nils Bejerot. It was formally named in 1973 when four hostages were taken during a bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden. 

There are four key components that generally lead to the development of Stockholm syndrome:

A hostage's development of positive feelings towards their captorNo previous hostage-captor relationshipA refusal by hostages to co-operate with police forces and other government authoritiesA hostage's belief in the humanity of their captor, for the reason that when a victim holds the same values as the aggressor, they cease to be perceived as a threat.

"A classic example is domestic violence, when someone - typically a woman - has a sense of dependency on her partner and stays with him," says psychologist Jennifer Wild, a consultant clinical psychologist at the University of Oxford.

"She might feel empathy rather than anger. Child abuse is another one - when parents emotionally or physically abuse their children, but the child is protective towards them and either doesn't speak about it or lies about it."

"It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it" - Warren Buffett

If it seems to good to be true; it probably is. People can only offer and tempt you, it's your responsibility if you fell for it. To trust or not to trust, that is the question

When in doubt, exercise caution. However, what usually happens to us is that the excitement of the new project makes us open ourselves up too much, to the point of sharing the wrong information with the wrong people.

Take a step back and re-look. If it is REALLY as good as it seems, it can surely wait while you do some due digilience. After all; you owe it to yourself to be careful.

"Trust yourself, you know more than you think you do." - Benjamin Spock

Reliability is undoubtedly the cornerstone. Entrust your wishes and dreams with those who have shown you on other occasions that you can trust them, people that don’t judge you and that always accept you for who you are.

Trust is to be earned

Being guarded about whom I trust is not limited to money situations. I am also extremely careful to whom I provide information I would not want shared. I have learned the best way to keep information private is not to tell anyone, including those you trust.Let me also suggest being cautious of anyone who indicates any religious affiliation. While I am a person of faith, I don’t talk about my faith in business situations or when I am trying to earn someone’s trust. When people start talking about their faith in order to gain your trust, be extra careful.

You have nothing to lose by being cautious, guarding your trust until people have proven they are trustworthy. At the same time, you have everything to lose, including your savings, damaged relationships, and your reputation, if you give away your trust easily.

"Trust, but verify" - Ronald Reagan

It doesn't make what was done right, but it does mean you should have been more careful. BUT we live and learn. Because all of us were once there and have failed too. So; don't be too hard on yourself, but you need to have learnt the lesson.

May 03 2018

14mins

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Rank #5: Episode 29: Part 1 - Finding yourself, a tale not just for movies

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Episode 29: Part 1 - Finding yourself, a tale not just for movies

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://allisonfallon.com/finding-yourself/

- talk about movies and the lead needing to find themselves, especially after a major challenge/failure.

- You hear people talk about "finding yourself" all the time and yet most of us don’t really know what it means or why it matters. In fact, I think the term gets sort of watered down. We think of "finding yourself" as this cursory thing we do, on the side, if we have time, after we get the more important work of life done.

We forget what an incredible danger it is to live life without knowing who you are.

"A man’s growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A person without a strong sense of identity tends to suffer from:

Not to mention, it can be really difficult to make a decision—even a small one. When we don’t know who we are, we end up spending more time wondering about what other people want from us than about what we want and need for ourselves. Which, of course, can be incredibly anxiety-producing.

"Know yourself. Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." - Ann Landers

Lack of Personal Identity and Depression.There is a psychologist and author named Albert Bandura who has done a considerable amount of research around something he calls self-efficacy, which could be translated: a strong sense of self. He makes a specific connection between a weak sense of personal significance and depression.

Bandura says, "A weak sense of personal-efficacy operates on the cognitive source of depression in several ways."

First, it impacts how we interpret positive and negative experiences. When someone with a strong sense of self experiences something negative in their life—anywhere from a bad grade on a test to a death in the family or a personal illness

"All the wonders you seek are within yourself." -Thomas Browne

Second, it impacts the degree of control we believe we have moving forward. When the events of life are less-than-ideal, a person with a strong sense of self puts the locus of control inside himself for moving forward. 

"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it."- Jean de La Fontaine

Third, it influences the story we tell ourselves about personal accomplishments and failures. Bandura’s research actually showed that people with a strong sense-efficacy felt slightly better about themselves socially and emotionally than their peers. 

"Sometimes we must lose ourselves to find ourselves." -Sonny Long

How do you process successes and failures as they happen to you?What does this tell you about how much control you have moving forward?What is the story you tell yourself about your personal accomplishments or failures?

When it comes to finding yourself, depression and making big decisions, it shouldn’t surprise us that the mind and body are profoundly and miraculously connected.

Aug 02 2018

11mins

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Rank #6: Episode 36: Part 1 - Procrastination: Time and tide waits for no one

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Episode 36: Part 1 - Procrastination: Time and tide waits for no one

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

http://time.com/5322514/stop-procrastinating-tips/

- From time to time, everybody leaves a task lingering on their to-do list for a few hours — or days, or weeks — too long. Procrastination is a normal, near-universal phenomenon — which makes it all the more important to understand why it strikes and what to do about it. “Procrastination is not just avoiding or delaying a task,” says David Ballard, head of the American Psychological Association’s Center for Organizational Excellence. “It also has to include an aspect that’s counterproductive, irrational or unnecessary.”

- Those triggers typically fall into one of four camps: expectancy, value, time or impulsivity, says Alexander Rozental, a procrastination researcher and a clinical psychologist at the Karolinska Institutet in Sweden. In other words, “People procrastinate because of a lack of value [associated with the task]; because they expect that they’re not going to achieve the value they’re trying to achieve; because the value is too far from you in terms of time; or because you’re very impulsive as a person,” Rozental says. Strategies for overcoming procrastination will vary depending on why it happens in the first place.

"It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end."- Leonardo da Vinci

- If timing is the issue: Many people are inherently more productive at certain times of day. Ballard recommends working around these natural productivity ebbs and flows when you schedule your days. “If you know you work better in the mornings on certain kinds of tasks, schedule it for then,” he says. “Don’t try to do it at a time when you’re tired and it’s harder for you to do.”

- If you get overwhelmed by big tasks: Many people procrastinate because they’re anxious about the outcome of a project, don’t think they can complete it well or fear failure, Rozental says. If that’s the case, it may help to break it into smaller sub-tasks.

- “If you don’t believe in yourself enough to actually conduct a particular task, you can try to do it in smaller and more manageable parts to increase your self-efficacy,” Rozental recommends.

- If you struggle with delayed gratification: Some people have a hard time thinking of a project as important or rewarding unless they’re squeezing it in just before a deadline. In this case, too, breaking a long-term assignment into multiple smaller ones may help, Ballard says. “Find ways to reward yourself along the way,” he recommends. You can even schedule your most frequent diversions — think checking social media or completing non-urgent chores and errands — for the gaps between these smaller chunks to get a quick hit of an enjoyable activity, Ballard adds. “You get those activities done, you get a break and you can shift your mindset for a few minutes,” he says.

"You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. What mood is that? Last-minute panic."- Bill Watterson

- If you’re easily distracted: First, Ballard recommends optimizing your environment. “Put your cell phone away, turn off notifications on your computer and don’t have 10 tabs open at the same time,” he says.

- If you’re struggling with something larger: Sometimes, what looks like procrastination may actually be a symptom of something more serious, such as depression, anxiety or attention problems, Ballard says. If your behavior is causing you distress or significantly affecting your performance at work, school or home, don’t be afraid to consult a professional. “Get some additional support and help from a professional who can help you manage those so it’s not getting in the way of your job performance or functioning,” he says.

"Procrastination is the bad habit of putting of until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday." - Napoleon Hill

- If you’re simply hitting a wall: Even the most efficient workers have days when it’s harder to finish tasks. With any luck, these lulls will strike when you don’t have a deadline looming and you can “cut your losses and take a break” to focus on taking care of yourself with sleep, exercise, proper nutrition and enjoyable, non-work-related activities, Ballard says.

"My advice is to never do tomorrow what you can do today. Procrastination is the thief of time."- Charles Dickens

Jan 24 2019

10mins

Play

Rank #7: Episode 19 - Opinions: Everyone and their dog has one

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Opinions: Everyone and their dog has one

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

"Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance" - Plato

Humans are social animals.

-We spend our entire lives applying for acceptance into a social circles. Whether it be a clique at school, a university, a job with a company, or a movement, we’re always looking for a pace to belong.

-When your community starts to form negative opinions about you, your work, or any other aspect of your life, you naturally start to feel insecure. Your sense of safety dissolves and you feel forced to fight back or run away and hide in your room for the rest of eternity.

1.) Calibrate and trust your internal compass.First and foremost, you have to have a strong sense of who you are.

If you don’t know who you are, anyone’s misinformed opinion can shatter your entire sense of self worth. This forms your internal compass which you have to trust. Trust yourself and trust that you can, and do, make good decisions.

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought" - John F Kennedy

2.) Get comfortable disagreeing with others.Just because someone doesn’t agree with you (personally or professionally) doesn’t mean their shitty shit-faced people who should be skewered and fed to a shit load of shitty dinosaurs. As long as you’ve completed #1 you should have no problem having a fun discussion about your differing opinions with others.

3.) Practice, practice, practice.Speak your mind often. But practice honesty with mindfulness and kindness, as previously covered.

Now, don’t go out and start giving unsolicited free advice. That’s annoying. But whenever you’re in a position to give your opinion or contribute to a discussion, do it. The more practice you have speaking your mind, the more negative (and positive) feedback you’ll get. You’ll naturally get better at handling this feedback in a way that’s not self-destructive.

"Stubborn and ardent clinging to one's opinion is the best proof of stupidity" - Michel de Montaigne

4.) Manage your expectations.What are you expecting from this person and what conclusion are you drawing from their opinion? Do you expect everyone to like you or what you do?

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation" - Oscar Wilde

5.) Get real.The majority of the opinions other people have about you will not affect you. The world doesn’t change just because people agree with you.

If you’re not ok with who you are, all of the positive feedback in the world won’t make you like yourself while one negative opinion will shatter your fragile, fictional sense of self-worth.

It’s Ok

I’m not asking you to ignore everyone’s opinion. I’m not telling you not to care about the opinions of others. I’m not even asking you not to feel bad over negative opinions.

"The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions" Leonardo Da Vinci

Apr 19 2018

13mins

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Rank #8: Episode 28 - Loving Yourself: How can you love others without it?

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Episode 28 - Loving Yourself: How can you love others without it?

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat/2013/01/self-esteem-vs-self-love.htmlhttps://coachcampus.com/coach-portfolios/power-tools/silvia-richter-kaupp-self-love-vs-self-esteem/https://christieinge.com/self-love-quotes/

Self-esteem

- Most people determine their worth based upon other-esteem. They seek approval and validation from others, and their opinion of themselves isn’t very high unless they get it. It’s basically what you think of yourself. The biggest obstacle to self-esteem is self-criticism.

Self-Acceptance

- Unlike self-esteem which varies, self-acceptance is steady and unconditional. You accept yourself despite your flaws, failures, and limitations. You’re more self-forgiving and let go of self-judgment. 

Self-acceptance works wonders. Once you start accepting yourself, you gradually stop worrying what others think and become more spontaneous and natural. Self-acceptance is what allows you to be authentic. You can finally relax, and allow more of the inner, real you to be seen. 

Self-Love

Whereas self-esteem is an evaluation and acceptance is an attitude, love combines both feeling and action. Contrary to what many believe, self-love is healthy. 

You can’t hate yourself happy. You can’t criticize yourself thin. You can’t shame yourself worthy. Real change begins with self-love and self-care. ~ Jessica Ortner

Most people think too little of themselves, not too much, and often falling in love is merely a compensation for inner emptiness, loneliness, and shame. No wonder most relationships fail (including those who stay together). 

People often think that self-love and self-esteem are one and the same. But that’s not true. While they do support each other and are built from similar factors, they are different aspect of the way you view and treat yourself. Having one can help you build the other.

Just as it is not possible to love any person we meet on the spot, it is not possible to love ourselves as of now. But love can grow over time, including self-love. If we want to love ourselves, we should start behaving like someone who we can love!

In order to develop the consciousness state of self-love a third ‘self’ is required: self-compassion. Self-compassion is described as a mindful, accepting and friendly attitude towards oneself. Self-compassion is comprised of three elements: self-kindness, accepting our humanness and interdependence, mindfulness.

Self-kindness entails being gentle and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer or feel inadequate rather than ignoring our pain or minimizing ourselves with self-criticism. Self-compassion also involves recognizing our essential interdependence and that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of our shared human experience.

Self-compassion is not equivalent with self-pity, self-indulgence and egoism. When feeling self-pity we become so immersed in our own problems that we forget that others have similar problems. In contrast, with the perspective of self- compassion we see the related experiences we share with others and widen our view.

Be the love you never received. ~ Rune Lazuli

Compassion for others results from empathy. The same with self-compassion: it arises from self-empathy. Thus, self-empathy is a prerequisite for self-compassion and self-compassion a prerequisite for self-love. The good news is: self-empathy is a skill which can be learned and developed!

In contrast to self-esteem, self-compassion is not based on self-evaluations. We don’t have to feel better than others to feel good about ourselves. With self- compassion the good feelings don’t result from our successes but from the fact that we take care of ourselves – especially when things don’t run smoothly. With self-compassion we behave like a friend would do it: She calls us to hear how we do. 

The journey isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about loving who you are right now. ~ Suzanne Heyn

Research indicates that self-compassion is superior to self-esteem in difficult times. Self-compassion catches us when self-esteem lets us down. People with pronounced self-compassion have more accurate self-concepts, less narcissism and reactive anger, more caring relationships, higher self-efficacy and emotional resilience, they are more likely to reach their goals, suffer rarely from depression and anxiety and recover better from strokes than people who meet themselves critically. Self-compassion is an indispensable qualification for mental health.

How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you. ~ Rupi Kaur

From what I’ve seen, having good self-esteem is more prevalent than loving yourself. And you can have good self-esteem in some areas of your life and not in others. You might be confident about work but not your social skills. When you love yourself, you accept yourself with those shortcomings and it improves your overall self-esteem.

Pay attention to how you feel in different situations. Notice when you feel the most confident and remind yourself you’re the same person in other areas. Love it all—the very good way you handle yourself sometimes—and the times you’re not as good as you’d like to be. None of us are perfect, and it’s okay, as long as you accept that.

When we make peace with ourselves, we spontaneously make peace with the world. ~ Debbie Ford

Jul 26 2018

12mins

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Rank #9: Episode 16: Dealing with hostility, keeping your head while everyone is losing theirs

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Dealing with hostility, keeping your head while everyone is losing theirs

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

- In life; you can't choose the people you deal with, sometimes you can (i.e friends); but in other situations, you are stuck with people whom you may not be comfortable dealing with. That is a part and parcel of life; and you should consider it as a form of testing for yourself. - Don't Respond With Anger and don't inflame. "An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind" - Mahatma Gandhi.It's very natural to get upset when angry people confront you, regardless of whether their anger is justified. However, when somebody is being hostile and angry, reflecting the anger and/or hostility back never works. All you do is inflame the situation and invite further confrontation. Dealing with hostility involves looking at the bigger picture and seeing if winning this battle matters in the context of the bigger war. "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." – Mark Twain- Don't respond, distance yourself emotionally and don't take it personally. People being angry and hostile doesn't mean that you're responsible for causing it. Sometimes, another person's anger has nothing to do with you. Sometimes the most effective way to hold up a mirror is to simply say nothing. When people are behaving badly, on some level deep inside, they know it.  If they are really being hostile and continue to be aggressive, you might just respectfully walk away, saying, "Perhaps we should discuss this another time."“Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others.” — Paramhansa Yogananda- TRY to Identify the Cause and being the hero. View another's boorish behavior as an opportunity to gain respect. If you handle the situation calmly and in control, they will know it in their quiet moments of reflection. Furthermore, other people will become aware of the dignity with which you handled the situation, and you will thereby gain respect. Trying to determine why the person you're dealing with feels angry. -Let the person know you want to understand their feelings and perspective. If you don't understand them, ask for more information in a civil tone. They need to know that you really want to hear what they have to say. It's as if you're on the same side of the fence and are asking them for their help so you can understand them. - When working in emotionally demanding roles, chances are that you have to deal with angry people regularly. This "emotional labor" can be particularly draining, especially when people are not equipped to handle these situations."Delicious baked goods were the great work hostility equalizer, no matter how unorthodox the workplace." - Molly Harper- Understand that offensive behavior is just on the surface of who they are. When speaking to them, talk to the deeper person underneath the hostility. Treat them as you would want to be treated. "if you avoid conflict to keep the peace you start a war inside yourself" - Cheryl Richardson- Communicate How You Feel. Sometimes a simple, firm, yet respectful statement like "It's not okay to speak that way" works well. You're simply letting the person know their behavior is not constructive but is, in fact, destructive and hurtful.-You may work or live with a person who frequently experiences angry outbursts. If so, once the anger has passed, it's important to communicate how this person's anger makes you feel.- Stay Safe, and Involve OthersIf you feel threatened by an angry person, trust your judgment. Leave the room immediately if you feel unsafe, or if you're too upset to resolve the situation on your own.Ask your boss or a trusted colleague to work with you to resolve the situation.

Mar 22 2018

13mins

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Rank #10: Episode 37: Part 2 - Invest in yourself and your brand - who are you, like really?

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Episode 37: Part 2 - Invest in yourself and your brand - who are you, like really?

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-tull/top-10-ways-to-invest-in-_b_8406130.html

- There's a wealth of benefits that can be gained from investing in yourself. Here's a look at just a few: Satisfaction. When you take the time, or make the time, to invest in yourself, you will be rewarded with a tremendous sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Whether you invest in fitness, health, or creative pursuits, the sense of accomplishment that comes when you achieve or finish something can be extremely beneficial and can do wonders for your mindset.

- Confidence. Deep down, we're often afraid to say yes to self-investments because we feel that we don't deserve it, or that we won't be able to experience the full benefit. But saying yes and making that initial investment in yourself—whether it's signing up for a workshop, going in for that checkup, or hiking that mountain—can boost your confidence tremendously; improving your outlook as well. When you have confidence, you can achieve more things than you ever thought possible, and will be able to set your sights higher, and reach those goals that you may have once thought out of reach.

- Stability. When you invest in something that will benefit you mentally—whether it's learning something new, or refining your skills, you'll be able to help to add more stability to your life. For many of us, we invest a lot in our employer, doing tasks that benefit them, at the expense of neglecting our own skills. But it's important to remember that no job is guaranteed. By developing and deepening your skills can work to create a more stable future.

"The best gift, and investment, you can give your child is your time." -Kevin Heath

- Connections. Investing in yourself can open the opportunity to forge new connections. Investing in relationships and people who mean a lot to you can help to deepen and strengthen others as well as yourself. Never underestimate the power of a good friend!

- Top 10 Ways to Invest in Yourself 1. Set goals. Learn how to set personal and business goals for yourself. If you're not taking the time to set goals it's like driving in the dark with the headlights turned off. You will not know where you're going and you will waste precious time. Be sure to also set some time frames in which to meet them. Your goals should be SMART goals -Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Timely.

"Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked." -Warren Buffett

- 2. Honor your intuition. You can show yourself love by trusting your gut and honoring the message that it's sending. Listening to your intuition, will allow you to make better decisions. Valuing your intuition, by not allowing the thoughts, feelings or statements of others to take away from what you know to be true is very empowering. By paying attention to how you feel, it will help you to make better, smarter and quicker decisions.

- 3. Invest time in your creativity. Our creativity doesn't have to diminish as we get older. In fact, it is believed that the peak of creativity in most people is around 30-40 years old. (Lindaur, 1998, Marisiske &Willis, 1998) Creativity can be the catalyst in the manifestation of continual learning and lifelong activity. It allows us to be inspired, have fun and appreciate the beauty in the world.

"Old men are always advising young men to save money. That is bad advice. Don't save every nickel. Invest in yourself. I never saved a dollar until I was forty years old." -Henry Ford

Feb 21 2019

11mins

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Rank #11: Episode 25 - Part 4: Self esteem: May your life be as awesome as it appears on social media

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Episode 25 - Part 4: Self esteem: May your life be as awesome as it appears on social media

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://www.excelatlife.com/articles/selfesteem/index.htm

The World Health Organization (WHO) in a worldwide research reports that more deaths are caused by suicide every year than homicide or war. http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Abrams1.html

A survey carried out by Yong Dai, Ph.D., Rebecca F. Nolan, Ph.D., and Qing Zeng, Ph.D. revealed that adolescents who attended church or other religious institutions are more likely to have a higher self esteem than their peers who have no religious affiliation. It suggests that religious institutions play a part in teaching people how to have a positive self esteem and have a healthy view of themselves.

- Don't Evaluate Yourself Based on Others.

A common problem for people with low self-esteem is they evaluate themselves based upon how others react to them. Unfortunately, for several reasons this can frequently lead to a worsening of self-esteem or a negative self-concept:

1. You don't know what others are thinking. You are only observing their behavior which may or may not be a reaction to you. 

2. Your interpretations may be influenced by past events. Many times without even being aware of it we react to others because of something that happened to us in the past. 

3. Many people have a negative reaction for reasons other than you. Other people, too, have their own histories that cause them to react in certain ways. 

4. Others can't truly know you which means their judgments aren't accurate evaluations. You are the only one who fully understands everything about yourself—all your experiences, your interpretations, your intentions, your desires.

"You cannot consistently perform in a manner which is inconsistent with the way you see yourself" - Zig Ziglar

- Focus on Other People (or things)Often, people with low self-esteem are focused on themselves. They are worried about what others might think of them. They are evaluating themselves based upon others' reactions to them. They are apologizing for themselves when they haven't done anything wrong. They may even be critical of others for not showing interest or concern about them. All of these concerns, however, mean that they are inside of their head and focused on themselves. And usually, most of this self- focus is negative.

- Be Direct.As previously mentioned in other steps many people who lack self-esteem are afraid of being rejected. Due to this fear they make their comments and their requests less direct. In which case people are less likely to be responsive. As such, being indirect can become a vicious cycle. People don't understand or hear your requests, comments, or opinions and are not responsive to you. As a result, you may feel rejected and become even more withdrawn and less direct.

Indirect/directSure, being direct can lead to more confrontation or clear rejection of your request or ideas, but at least you know where you stand and it is not based upon irrational speculation. Also, consider that people are not always be in agreement--it is not a rejection of you just because someone disagrees or refuses a request. Recognize it is okay because it is not necessarily about you.

More importantly, directness is likely to lead to increased acceptance and receptiveness. People are more clear about what you want or think and are more likely to react than to ignore you. Be direct about what you want or what you think. People are generally more responsive to directness.

"Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face." - Helen Keller

- Internalize Positive Responses.

Internalizing the positive responses you get from others is quite possibly the most important of these twenty steps to better self-esteem. To internalize means to make attitudes, opinions, or behaviors part of how you automatically think of yourself.

"The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself" - Bill Gates

- Accept Failure.Many people with low self-esteem view failure as catastrophic. As such, they feel the need to avoid failure at all costs. Unfortunately, attempts to avoid failure often prevent success because avoiding failure frequently means not attempting something that is challenging. Usually, this catastrophic view of failure is due to several reasons: over-identifying failure, globalizing failure and personalizing failure.

"If you care what other people think, you will always be their prisoner" - Lao Tzu

- Visualize Success.

Saying “visualize success” sounds somewhat cliché given all the motivational gurus who have hijacked this term to mean “if you believe it, and can see it, you will be successful.” However, success is more complex than that and cognitive therapy is about being realistic, not about being delusively positive.

- Mentally Rehearse.Once you have developed specific goals through visualizing success and how to achieve it, the next step is to rehearse those goals. This is the step that many people miss. They believe that just having a goal and a plan is good enough. But often, it is not.

"Self esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves" - Nathaniel Branden

- Act with Confidence.Many people view confidence from the wrong direction. They believe “When I have self-esteem, I will act with confidence.” Yet, confidence is a behavior more than a feeling. And behaviors can be produced even when you don't experience the emotion. For instance, have you ever been in an argument with someone, you're feeling intense anger, you receive a phone call, and with a smile and brightness in your voice, you answer, “Hi! It's great to hear from you!”

"Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment" - Thomas Carlyle

Jun 28 2018

14mins

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Rank #12: Episode 17 - Gratitude: the 1st step towards spreading kindness

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Gratitude: the 1st step towards spreading kindness

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

http://happierhuman.com/benefits-of-gratitude/

Gratitude - a feeling of appreciation or thanks. The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

- Gratitude makes us happier.

- Gratitude makes us nicer, more trusting, more social, and more appreciative. As a result, it helps us make more friends, deepen our existing relationships, and improve our marriage.

- Gratitude makes us healthier.

"Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot." - Hansa Merchant league

- Gratitude boosts our career. I’m not suggesting that criticism and self-focus don’t have a place in the workplace, but I think we’re overdoing it.

- Gratitude strengthens our emotions.

- Gratitude makes us more optimistic. Gratitude is strongly correlated with optimism. Optimism in turn makes us happier, improves our health, and has been shown to increase lifespan by as much as a few years

"Gratitude is riches, complaint is poverty" - Doris Day

- Gratitude reduces materialism. Materialism is strongly correlated with reduced well-being and increased rates of mental disorder. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more. 

- Gratitude makes us less self-centered.

- Gratitude increases self-esteem. Imagine a world where no one helps you. Despite your asking and pleading, no one helps you.

"We often take for granted; the very things that most deserve our gratitude" -Cynthia Ozick

- Gratitude reduces feelings of envy. A small bit of jealousy or envy directed at the right target is motivating. 

- Gratitude helps us bounce back.

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." - William Arthur Ward

-Choosing to be thankful causes you to stop looking outward for external reassurance, but to look inwardly and to remember the good fortune you've had, no matter how little it seems.- All of us could do better in life; that's a fact. But we could also do worse. And alot worse. This is the reality that we tend to take for-granted on a daily basis. In our quest for betterment and self-fulfillment, we tend (or choose) to overlook all the simple blessings that we have received in life.

- My response is that not only will a grateful attitude help—it is essential. In fact, it is precisely under crisis conditions when we have the most to gain by a grateful perspective on life. Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that gratitude will come easily or naturally in a crisis. It’s easy to feel grateful for the good things. No one “feels” grateful that he or she has lost a job or a home or good health or has taken a devastating hit on his or her retirement portfolio.

- But being grateful is a choice, a prevailing attitude that endures and is relatively immune to the gains and losses that flow in and out of our lives. When disaster strikes, gratitude provides a perspective from which we can view life in its entirety and not be overwhelmed by temporary circumstances. Yes, this perspective is hard to achieve—but my research says it is worth the effort.

- It works this way: Think of the worst times in your life, your sorrows, your losses, your sadness—and then remember that here you are, able to remember them, that you made it through the worst times of your life, you got through the trauma, you got through the trial, you endured the temptation, you survived the bad relationship, you’re making your way out of the dark. Remember the bad things, then look to see where you are now.

"Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses." -Alphonse Karr

Mar 29 2018

14mins

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Rank #13: Episode 23 - Part 1 - Jealousy : Smothering love to death

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Episode 23 - Part 1 - Jealousy : Smothering love to death

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://www.excelatlife.com/articles/your_jealousy2.htm

Jealousy is a complex emotion that encompasses feelings ranging from fear of abandonment to rage and humiliation. Jealousy strikes both men and women and is most typically aroused when a person perceives a threat to a valued relationship from a third party. The threat may be real or perceived. It is not limited to romantic relationships but also can arise among siblings competing for parental attention or in friendships.

Jealous - intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness, hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage, vigilant in guarding a possession

Although jealousy is a painful emotional experience, evolutionary psychologists regard it not as an emotion to be suppressed but as one to heed—it is a signal, a wake-up call, that a valued relationship is in danger and steps need to be taken to regain the affection of one's mate or friend. In this regard, jealousy is a necessary emotion because it preserves social bonds. It motivates people to engage in behaviors that maintain an important relationship.

"Jealousy would be far less torturous if we understood that love is a passion entirely unrelated to our merits" - Paul Eldridge

jealousy—fear of losing a lover, lack of trust, anger at real or imagined attention to others, the need to control a loved one. While jealousy can sometimes provoke positivity and a realization of taking things for granted, it's all about the extent of it as we're more inclined to associate jealousy with negative tactics, from vigilance to violence.

The jealous spouse often desperately wants to stop the behavior but finds that he can't control the thoughts which makes him feel miserable. He believes that if he can just prove his suspicions one way or another, he will feel better. The unfortunate fallacy in this thinking, is that trust can never be proven; it can only be disproved. The definition of trust is the belief that something is true. Therefore, without evidence to the contrary, if we want a satisfying relationship, we have to choose to trust the person we love.

"The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torn to themselves" - William Penn

One of the most difficult things for human beings, in general, is not knowing something with 100% certainty. We are often afraid to trust because we are fearful of disappointment and hurt. Yet, these attempts to protect ourselves may actually be the means with which we destroy that which we are trying to preserve. In other words, a woman may eventually destroy her marriage because she is too fearful to take the chance of trusting that her husband is faithful. As a result, she causes the loss and pain that she was trying to prevent.

A fear of vulnerability is the inability to let our guard down, to let another person know us completely. This fear usually derives from a fear of rejection due to the belief that if we let someone else truly know us, we will ultimately be rejected. Again, the fallacy in this belief, is that if we don't allow our spouse to know us, if we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we are preventing the development of emotional intimacy which is essential to any relationship.

"Jealousy is the fear of comparison" - Max Frisch

Emotional intimacy is the most important type of intimacy in a relationship. It is required for the relationship to fully mature. Without it, all we have is the initial surface attraction to the other person which cannot be maintained indefinitely. However, when we find emotional intimacy with another person, we discover the most intensely fulfilling experience that exists. And that is, the full acceptance of our self by another person.

The more you are aware of your behaviors and other's behavior that may maintain the beliefs, then you will be able to make better choices that can allow you to control the jealousy. In fact, the development of awareness can't be emphasized enough. You may need to spend some time at this point to assess your jealousy, the behaviors, and the outcomes based on the behaviors.

"jealousy is all the fun you think they had" - Erica Jong

May 17 2018

11mins

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Rank #14: Episode 26: final thoughts and experiences with Self-esteem

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Episode 26: final thoughts and experiences with Self-esteem 

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

- Redefine Rejection.Many people with low self-esteem engage in “impression management” which is the attempt to influence how others perceive them. Instead of being genuinely who they are, they act in a way to get approval from others:

agreeing with others when they have a different opinion, dressing or acting in certain ways to conform with others, trying not to be noticed in a negative way. However, such a behavioral contrast occurs in less dire ways: teenagers who seek approval from a peer group while rebelling against parents or people who persecute or mistreat those with different beliefs.

Learning to redefine rejection allows you to act according to your personal beliefs and desires rather than acting based upon the approval of others. Redefining rejection is to consider that rejection can be a good thing because it means you are a unique and genuine person. No one can be liked by everyone. If so, you are trying to seek approval. And approval-seeking is a trap. 

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other" - Abraham Lincoln

- Re-write Your Life Script.If you have been working through these steps, some time has passed since you wrote your first life script. It takes time to practice each of these steps until they occur more automatically so it could be six months or more since you wrote it. But if you have been practicing the steps consistently over a period of time, your life script should have changed. It is time to re-write your life script.

If you have not been consistently working on these steps for at least six months, stop here! 

Re-writing your life script can consolidate the changes you have made and continue to reinforce your self-esteem overtime. In addition, it can help you determine whether you need to address any of the steps further.

To re-write your life script, you can review the questions in Step 2 and answer the questions according to how you feel now. Or, you can review your old life script, cross out what isn't true and add in what is true now.

While re-writing your life script, keep in mind what you learned in Step 14: recognizing limitations and weaknesses is okay (and important) as long as you don't include a value judgment about those aspects of yourself. Those with good self-esteem take responsibility for their lives. They accept both their strengths and their limitations. They don't deny reality but they are not unduly critical and harsh with themselves. Limitations are accepted without a value judgment. By doing so, they seek opportunities for improvement.

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are."- Marilyn Monroe

"Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”- Lao-Tzu

- Story of how I developed my own self-esteem after my events

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure" - Marianne Williamson

"The two most important days in your life are the day you're born and the day you find out why" - Mark Twain

"The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself."- Mark Twain

Jul 05 2018

12mins

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Rank #15: Episode 14: Breaking the rules; and getting away with it

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Breaking the rules; and getting away with it

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

"Ethical behavior is doing the right thing when no one else is watching- even when doing the wrong thing is legal." - Aldo Leopold

- Everybody loves a good "bad-boy" story about the person who broke rules and did well with it. - On the last episode on honesty, I talked about my gambling story and how I repaid my large debt. I'm not proud of what i did or why I had to do it but the point of that story was 2-fold; to illustrate that we all make mistakes and no one's perfect, and there are points in life where you have to make exceptions for what you believe in.- Life's never as simple as black-and-white. There's no one "final" or "one-size-fits-all" approach to everything. Which is both a good thing and bad. Good that because we know none of us are perfect; we will never be able to attain some kind of standard that needs to be met or applied. - Despite what it sounds like, people break the rules quite normally and on a daily basis. People cut queues, run through red lights; and while most of the times perfectly valid reasons, sometimes it can be mundane. - Every person who came to be regarded as a visionary had at some point or another, or even still continue to; break the rules. While that should not be used as an excuse, it's a good reminder that the people who set the rules themselves are failable and not perfect. - Talk about my own career and how I came to constitute a rule-breaker.

- However, it's always good to consider some "rules" when you're thinking about breaking the rules.- Knowledge; you know how to differentiate a situation from the norm that requires a difference in the treatment that constitutes a breaking of the rules. You know enough to realize that the rules don’t make sense or they're wrong and you know what EXACTLY is required to make it right. - You've calculated the risk. Breaking the rule shouldn't be a decision to be made in the heat of a moment or done emotionally. Make sure you've done all the research and expanded ALL the effort necessary to ensure you ABIDE to the rules. - You're prepared for the consequences. It's interesting to talk about rules in the United States because here is a country and government that was founded on precisely the concepts of rule breaking when it decided to revolt against England. It's been regarded as "cool" to break the rules; in fact the whole concept of disruption in business is to challenge and break the status quo. However, you need to be ready to face consequences. - There's a fine line between being reckless and breaking rules for the greater good. Common sense needs to be the rule of the day. We need to be able to develop good common sense to know when to follow the rules and when to violate them? When to preserve beautiful order and when to flirt with anarchy?- If all of this sounds complicated; that's because it is. There is NO hard-and-fast rule as well, pardon the pun. So; be prepared to break the rules ONLY IF you have thought hard about it.

Mar 08 2018

11mins

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Rank #16: Episode 18 - Part 2: 3 Ps in driving success: Patience, Perseverance, Persistence

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Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

Perseverance.

Definition: consistent continuation in the act of a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties,obstacles, or discouragement.

"Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance." - Samuel Johnson

Perseverance is the continuation of commitment through action in spite of the lack of success. It is also the ability to overcome the repetitiveness of problems from difficult situations. Perseverance is all about having stamina and endurance during the time of struggle.

"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable" - thomas fowell buxton

Whether you’re working to master a skill that will qualify you for the next step up in your profession, or fielding interruptions from kids while you try to finish a household task, your success often hinges on your ability to refocus on your goal again and again.

"The key to success is action, and the essential in action is perseverance." - Sun Yat-sen

Always keep an end goal and the bigger picture in mind. If you want something different out of life, you need to act and be different. If you want the same as everyone else then you can act the same as everyone else. Trust me, that’s much easier. It’s easy to swim with the school. It’s much more difficult to swim upstream and go against the grain. But you have to persevere and be more than the average. You need to ask yourself what you want out of life. Is it worth persevering for?

"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did". - Newt Gingrich

Persistence.

Definition: to continue steadfastly or firmly in some state, purpose, course of action, or the like

Persistence is the choice to continue something, in spite of difficulty and opposition, and struggle to achieve that goal. The single-mindedness of a person brings out the dedication that he or she wants and needs in order to achieve their dream.

"A river cuts through a rock not because of it's power but it's persistence" - Jim Watkins

All of us have plans, but we plan with the ideal outcomes in mind. Unfortunately, life never turns out that way. A tragedy could occur; some unfortunate circumstance. Anything basically; that could throw your plan out of the window. Instead; persist. Stick to your plan. Ignore the noise. Keep a spreadsheet on your computer, a picture on your wall, a scale in the bathroom, a checklist on your refrigerator. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. Whatever you need to keep reminding yourself why you’re doing whatever you’re doing and keep persisting.

"After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb" - Nelson Mandela

Sometimes persistence is mind-numbingly boring. It's just part of the process.

A lack of persistence or "giving up too soon" is one of the most common reasons for failure in any endeavor. A little more persistence, a little more effort is sometimes what you need to get closer to the goal.

"If you wish to be out front, act as if you were behind." —Lao Tzu

Again, all the planning and preparation is important. But it doesn't stop there. And, in the long run, you'll need patience along with perseverance to overcome the inevitable obstacles you'll run into in your journey down the path of success.

Perseverance is the intentional and creative part of endurance. Being patient and persistent will get you started on your journey. Persevering will use the patience and persistence you've developed to overcome the many different obstacles you'll encounter along the road to success.Keeping on is persistence and the definition of perseverance: to keep on keeping on .

"Winners never quit, and quitters never win" - Vince Lombardi

Apr 12 2018

11mins

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Rank #17: Episode 27 - Part 1: Setting achievable goals: Not just bravado and motivation talk

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Episode 27 - Part 1: Setting achievable goals: Not just bravado and motivation talk

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://www.excelatlife.com/articles/guide_to_goals.htm

"We tend to set goals that are unreasonable, perfectionistic, and unachievable."

- Often people state "I'm just lazy" or "I'm unmotivated" when they are unsuccessful. Yet, most of the time, the problem isn't laziness, but lack of understanding about how to achieve goals. For instance, I hear people all the time "I'm going to lose 10 pounds in the next two weeks" or "I'm going to exercise an hour a day" or "I'm going to limit myself to 1200 calories a day" or some combination of these statements in attempts to manage weight. However, even though they might achieve these goals over the short-term, any long-term change is unlikely. They will revert to old habits with resignation sighing, "I'm unmotivated. I'll never be able to lose weight."

"A Goal without a plan is just a wish" - Antoine de Saint-Exuperys

GOAL SETTING PRINCIPLESDream goalFirst allow yourself to fully imagine what you would like to achieve. When you imagine your goal, try to imagine it as fully as possible. Allow yourself to picture what it would be like when you achieve it. What does it look like? What are the differences in your life? How will you feel? What will others see? In fact, write down what you imagine. 

"People with goals succeed because they know where they're going" - Earl Nightingale

- Realistic but challenging. However, even though this is your "dream" it needs to be within reason. For instance, it may be reasonable to lose weight and to feel healthier, but is it reasonable to "look like a supermodel?" Unless you already have the genetic makeup for it, you are setting yourself up for failure. 

"The victory of success is half won when one gains the habit of setting and achieving goals" - Og Mandino

2) Performance goals rather than outcome goals. The most achievable goals are personal performance goals rather than outcome-oriented goals. A goal of winning a competition, for instance, is an outcome goal. One problem with an outcome-oriented goal is that we have less control over outcome than we do over performance.

In the work setting, an outcome-oriented goal may be a goal of obtaining a promotion or increased salary whereas a performance-oriented goal may focus on specific activities to improve the work environment or productivity. The interesting thing about this type of goal is a person may be more likely to achieve the desired outcome as well.

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing" - Walt Disney

Jul 12 2018

11mins

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Rank #18: Episode 29 : Part 2 - Finding yourself, a tale not just for movies

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Episode 29 : Part 2 - Finding yourself, a tale not just for movies

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://allisonfallon.com/finding-yourself/

- Finding yourself is the process of discovering who you are and why you matter apart from outside achievements, relationships, and even in the face of great challenges or in life’s shifting environments. 

"The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life."- Muhammad Ali

- When you have a strong sense of self, you are able to adapt well to changes, to soothe yourself in times of sadness or discomfort, stay true to your convictions (even when there is outside pressure), avoid codependent or manipulative relationships, set boundaries with pushy people in your life, leave behind a constant need for approval, drop the guilt, receive criticism, act authentically, lead gracefully, and take responsibility for your life—no matter how it turns out.

"You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one."- James A. Froude

- One hard truth about developing a strong sense of self is that so much of this important development takes place in childhood. If you have faced some kind of trauma in your childhood, or if your parents didn’t help you establish a strong sense of self—you might still have a lot of work to do when it comes to finding yourself.

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau

- Know and own your story.

When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending —Brene Brown

-What has happened to me in the past does not define me. Do not try to walk this path alone. It’s too treacherous. If you aren’t comfortable finding a therapist, ask a few trusted friends or family members to walk with you.

"Know thyself?’ If I knew myself, I’d run away."- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

- I read all the time. I’m always trying to figure out more about myself, how I operate and why it matters. This has been a lifeline for me as I walk this journey of finding myself. Figuring out the driving motivations behind why you act the way you do not only helps you own your story, it also helps you interact and communicate in a positive way with others.

What seems like the worst thing that could possibly happen to you might turn out to be the very best thing. Because sometime it takes losing ourselves to find ourselves. And when we resist these lessons, we resist the very beauty and joy life is trying to offer us.

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." - Carl Jung

Aug 09 2018

10mins

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Rank #19: Episode 20 - Trust: Once burnt twice shy?

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Trust: Once burnt twice shy?

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

Trust—the act of placing confidence in someone or something else—is a fundamental human experience, necessary for society to function and for any person to be relatively happy. Without it, fear rules. 

If you can sense that someone will hurt you, you’re probably right. They probably will hurt you.

Your heart and your head will wage a civil war within you, and though all of your practical sensibilities will encourage — no, will urge — your head to secede, your heart will prevail in this scenario.

"To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float." Alan Watts

Here’s three common reasons that hold you back from trusting others:1. You have a low propensity to trust – Our propensity to trust is based on many factors, chief among them being our personality, early childhood role models and experiences, beliefs and values, culture, self-awareness and emotional maturity. 

2. You have unrealistic expectations – Unrealistic, unspoken, and unclear expectations are a primary cause for low or broken trust in relationships, and the higher the expectations the more likely it is they won’t be met. Clarifying expectations is preventative medicine when it comes to trust. 

3. Past hurts hold you back – Hurt people, those who have been hurt by broken relationships in the past often hurt other people in a dysfunctional form of self-protection. 

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new" - Albert Einstein

Everyone has uncertainty about whom to trust, how much to trust, when not to trust, and so forth at one time or another. In fact, every day we make choices about whom and how much to trust, and sometimes we are more willing to trust than at other times. 

Signs that a person may be excessively mistrustful include:

A total lack of intimacy or friendships due to mistrustMistrust that interferes with one's primary relationshipSeveral intensely dramatic and stormy relationships in a row or at once

Mistrust is a valid and reasoned response to feeling betrayed or abandoned, but a person's life can be adversely affected when feelings of mistrust are pervasive, resulting in anxiety, anger, or self-doubt.

"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough" - Frank Crane

The problem with thinking that people aren’t trust worthyIf you believed in any idea then your subconscious mind will gather for you all the clues that proves this idea true. 

If a girl thinks that she should never trust a guy then her subconscious mind will let her fall in love with a liar who will then cheat on her just to prove to her that she should not trust anyone.

That’s why some women tend to always get into abusive relationships. Because they think that all men are abusers their subconscious minds always finds them abusive guys to support their beliefs.

How to Trust people Again

"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them" - Ernest Hemingway

Whenever you have problems trusting someone ask yourself these questions, if someone wasn’t trust worthy does this mean that the whole world is not? If I had a car accident one day does this mean that I should not cross the street anymore? 

Whenever you find yourself prejudging others remind yourself that your subconscious mind can prove this idea even if it was false. The only way you can find the truth about people is avoiding any kind of bias, only then you will discover who is really trust worthy and who isn’t .Allow others to trust you by being honest. People who cheat on others and who lie often usually have problems trusting others because they think that everyone else is going to be like them.

"Love all. Trust a few. Do wrong to none." William Shakespeare

Apr 26 2018

13mins

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Rank #20: Episode 25 Part 2 - Self esteem: May your life be as awesome as it appears on social media

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Episode 25 Part 2 - Self esteem: May your life be as awesome as it appears on social media

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://www.miuc.org/importance-of-positive-self-esteem/

Self esteem Statistics and interesting facts:

http://www.medicine.indiana.edu/iu_medicine/02_fall/teenSex.html

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Abrams1.html

http://selfesteem-activities.com/statistics-on-self-esteem/

85% of the world's population are affected by low self esteem. Source: The self esteem book, Dr Joe Rubino.

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes" - William Gibson

1. Recognize that Self-Esteem is Self-Imposed

Self-esteem isn't something that exists independently--you either have it or you don't. No, self-esteem changes based upon how you think of yourself. Self-esteem is not a reaction to what others think of you but how you think of you. Yet, too frequently, we give this power to others and use them as the yardstick to measure ourselves.

By recognizing that self-esteem is your choice and not based upon how others treat you, you can change your self-esteem.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

Step 2. Write Your Life Script

What is a life script? Each of us has a set of beliefs about ourselves. Initially, these beliefs develop in childhood based upon how others view us and treat us. Some people view their life script as unchangeable: “I can't help it! It's who I am.” However, other people edit their life scripts. Sometimes they need to learn how to edit it (such as what you are doing now) and sometimes they edit it naturally.

Some areas to focus on; as a start:- Competence (SWOT analysis)- General (What do you think of yourself, what you like about yourself)- Appearance (Are you satisfied with how you look, do you try to look your best)- Competitive (Are you overly harsh/demanding on yourself?, How do you view success/failure?)- Creative (Do you like what you do, are you able to express yourself, both to others and to yourself?)- Social (How others feel about you, why so? How do you treat others? Do you need approval?)- Intimate Relationships (Are you satisfied with your relationship choices, do you feel you're able to attract people?)

"To thine own self be true" - Shakespeare

writingDeveloping better self-esteem requires editing. However, to edit a life script, it is necessary to first write the life script. This step will be difficult because it means writing down your current view of yourself. If your self-esteem is low, then this script may be quite negative. Many people will be tempted to skip this step as it can be very painful to see in black and white our view of ourselves. Others might want to not write it down thinking that they are quite aware of it. But writing it is necessary because there is something very powerful about an actual edit—crossing out and replacing words or adding different beliefs. "I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become" - Carl Jung

Jun 14 2018

11mins

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