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Rank #178 in Kids & Family category

Kids & Family
Christianity

Parenting On Purpose

Updated 13 days ago

Rank #178 in Kids & Family category

Kids & Family
Christianity
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Answers For Today's Families

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Answers For Today's Families

iTunes Ratings

191 Ratings
Average Ratings
162
14
7
4
4

So Practical

By Ksweet24 - Apr 07 2019
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I was immediately hooked to Dr. Barnes practical, biblical and, no nonsense advice for the family. There are many ideas and principles in the podcast that we have really taken to heart and have changed our family for the better. Please keep the podcast coming!

Thank you!!

By Rachied84 - May 17 2018
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A great daily reminder to be an intentional parent!

iTunes Ratings

191 Ratings
Average Ratings
162
14
7
4
4

So Practical

By Ksweet24 - Apr 07 2019
Read more
I was immediately hooked to Dr. Barnes practical, biblical and, no nonsense advice for the family. There are many ideas and principles in the podcast that we have really taken to heart and have changed our family for the better. Please keep the podcast coming!

Thank you!!

By Rachied84 - May 17 2018
Read more
A great daily reminder to be an intentional parent!
Cover image of Parenting On Purpose

Parenting On Purpose

Updated 13 days ago

Rank #178 in Kids & Family category

Read more

Answers For Today's Families

Rank #1: Raising a Grateful Child – Part 1

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Getting Ready for a Successful Thanksgiving

Gratitude is not something that is an innate human trait.  Because we are all born selfish, it is something that is both caught and taught.  As God designed it, babies spend all of their time having their needs met.  As children get older they are taught to be more and more self-sufficient.  If we are not spending time training our children to have a grateful heart however, they will keep that selfish attitude.

Thanksgiving gives us a wonderful opportunity for training.  We can utilize the theme of this holiday to start our holiday season off with an attitude of gratitude.  One way to do that is by creating an “I’m thankful for list”.  Starting today put a poster board up in a central location of your house.  It can be a plain poster board or you can enlist the help of your children to decorate it.   Parents can take the initiative and begin every day by writing at least one thing on the list that they are thankful for. Make a game of seeing who can come up with the most things.  Keeping the things that we are thankful for in the forefront of our minds will begin to train us, and our children, to have grateful hearts.

For more ideas on teaching gratitude through fun activities check out,

http://glittermagic.wordpress.com/2010/11/11/10-ways-to-celebrate-gratitude-in-your-happy-home/

Nov 19 2018
15 mins
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Rank #2: Raising a Grateful Child | Part 4

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Teaching Gratitude Through the Christmas Season

Choose to continue the momentum that you have built training your children in gratitude through the holiday season.  Christmas can be a difficult time for our children to have a grateful heart.  There are millions of dollars being spent this season on advertising to convince us that we need things that we don’t have.

One way to continue the momentum is by serving others.  Continue to create excitement for your family service project.  Look for other places you can serve others and include your children.  Offer to help an older woman or a woman with small children, load their groceries into their car.  Have your children help you babysit for a couple with small children so they can get out during this busy season.  Have your children help bake cookies to take to the neighbors.  There are many ways to serve others we just have to make that our focus and wait for the opportunity.  You can even make that a game with your children, who can spot an opportunity to serve first.

Another thing we can do as a family is continue our “I am grateful for list”. Every night before bed or at the dinner table, each family member can say one thing that they are thankful for.  Continue your focus on gratitude through out the Christmas season.

Nov 23 2018
15 mins
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Rank #3: The Importance of Teaching Your Child to Communicate | Part 1

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Why Is This So Important?

For the next two weeks, we will be talking about training your kids to communicate.  This is one of those valuable tools that will help your kids be marriageable and employable in the future.

There are many adults today that have not been trained how to communicate.  Because of  the distractions of today’s culture this is something that we have to make a priority for the family.  In the past families did things together for entertainment so communication was more natural.  With the introduction of the three “T’s” (television, transportation, technology) the natural family communication state has been interrupted. With television, the entertainment was moved from internal, or within the family, to external.  This and other technological advances have made it that we must be intentional in training our children to communicate.

Jul 09 2018
15 mins
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Rank #4: Family Fun | Part 1

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Why It’s Important To Have

There are so many stressors on every member of the family today, financial, relational, and work/ school related stress to name a few.  The home is suppose to be an environment that will shield us from those stresses.  It is our safe place and shelter from the world around us.  It is also the place to build those lasting childhood memories.  How sad for time to just fly by because of our busy lives and have regrets about the time spent with our children.  We can’t spend our time living only for the weekend or the vacation time. We need to incorporate fun into our day to day.  When children are young get into the habit of making family meals something that you do together.  Take that opportunity around the table to talk but also don’t miss out on the opportunity for laughing and just plain silliness.  It is amazing the stress relief of a really good laugh.  Taking opportunities to look for fun also sets the tone for the atmosphere of your family.  What will your children feel as they think about their childhood? Will it be fond memories of great family times or will it be memories of wishing for something different.

Make sure to not take yourself to seriously and just have fun with your family.

Jun 25 2018
15 mins
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Rank #5: Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 1

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Don’t Teach Them To Respect Authority

Many have said that parenting isn’t for the feint of heart.  Parenting is hard work! Unfortunately, there are things that we can do to make it much more difficult then it has to be.  The first thing that will make life a lot more difficult is to not instill respect for authority in our children.  This can make things much more difficult at home and sets our child up for failure, not only at school but as an adult.  This is such an important issue we spent a week discussing how and why to teach respect to your children.  Click here to see that series.

Jul 30 2018
15 mins
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Rank #6: Developing a Conscience in My Child | Part 1

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Start The Development In Your Child’s Heart

Webster’s Dictionary defines conscience as, “the sense or consciousness of the moral goodness or blameworthiness of one’s own conduct, intentions, or character together with a feeling of obligation to do right or be good.” The development of a consistent value system is the foundation for our decisions, for our sensitivity to what is right and what is wrong and for the feelings of those around us.  The media has recently been barraging us with stories that show us why the development of a conscience is imperative.  It seems scary that many of the children today are growing up with out a moral code.  Simple things like cheating in school isn’t seen as wrong, to things like online bullying and even more horrific things like school shootings are all evidences of where are society is at.

Chuck Colson states, ““Most people believe the conscience is regulated by feelings.  But it must be informed by objective moral truth.  Our conscience needs to be trained, and failing to do so results in dire consequences.  To see the cost open today’s newspapers.”

Those of us who have raise toddlers know that a conscience is not something that we are born with; it is something that is developed and nurtured.  Check back this week for more on the training process.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

Mar 20 2018
15 mins
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Rank #7: When Your Child Shuts Down | Part 5

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Preventing The Parent Shut Down

It is very easy to give into the temptation of shutting down yourself as a parent. We have seen movies where a child goes into their room and slams the door, only to be followed by a parent retreating to their own room and slamming the door. A parent who has shut down can also be heard uttering phrases like, “fine”, “whatever”, or “do what you want.” We have to be so careful not sink to our children’s level; even if you feel like giving up because you don’t know what else to do.

So what are some things we can do to prevent the parent shutdown? The first is to make sure to keep proper perspective. Remember that this is only a small battle to win the war for your child’s heart. It is temporary. Second, make sure to stick to your parenting plan. Remind yourself, and your child, of the pre-established consequences. Third, STAY CALM, if you feel yourself beginning to loose it emotionally take a breath or a “time out” yourself. I have known many a mom to sit in the bathroom alone for a moment to regain composure. Finally, make sure that you are setting aside time to replenish yourself. Make sure that you are getting time to yourself, time with others for encouragement and setting aside time to grow spiritually.

Apr 07 2018
15 mins
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Rank #8: Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 2

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The Key: Consistency

One of the house pops I had the privilege to work with in the residential homes at Sheridan House had a saying that he always used with the kids.  It was “hard heads learn the hard way.”  This seems to apply to all stubborn children.  Some seem to consistently test boundaries to make sure that they are always the same.  If we are not consistent with our rules, rewards and consequences it can lead to confusion.  Worse then that, it can be very detrimental to the training of our strong willed child.  Our no must mean no, every single time.  If we are not consistent it can teach them to look for the moments of weakness and exploit them, rather then learn the lesson we are trying to teach.  For example, if we have said to our children before entering the grocery store “we will not be buying ______ today,” we need to be prepared for our children to test this.  A strong willed child may even attempt a tantrum to see if you will give in.  If we do give in to save embarrassment in public then we have taught our child either the no doesn’t mean no when we aren’t at home, I can get what I want by pitching a fit, or both.  Consistency is key to training.

May 01 2018
15 mins
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Rank #9: Raising a Grateful Child – Part 2

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Raising a Child with a Grateful Heart By Example

We said yesterday that gratitude is either caught or taught.  The first way that we can train our kids to have a grateful heart is by example.  Paul tells us in Philippians 4:11-13, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”  Is this a verse we can use to define our lives?  Gratitude for what we have be given defines a life of contentment.  When our children observe us in our daily life do they see this about us, or do they see someone who is always striving to have the next thing? It is very easy in this culture to feel the need to one up the people around us with the things we have.

One way to live a life of contentment with what God has provided for us is to serve those around us.  If we are serving wherever there is a need then it allows us to be others focused.  Look for places to serve others.  Make it a family event to give back to those around you.  Giving your children the opportunity to serve and to watch you serve is an invaluable lesson.   Look for that opportunity this holiday week!

Nov 20 2018
15 mins
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Rank #10: When Your Child Shuts Down | Part 1

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What Does This Look Like?

We have all seen a parent, or been the parent, with the child in the mall or the grocery store that is just done. They are past the point of a temper tantrum and are lying face down on the floor trying to make themselves as stiff as a board. What about the teen who flat refuses to follow instructions or do anything for that matter? They aren’t budging! These situations can make a parent panic because they can be embarrassing or we may not feel equipped to handle this level of behavior.

This week we are going to look at how to handle those moments when a child shuts down. Are there some things we can do when we start noticing things going down hill to prevent a “shut down”, if so what are they? What are these signal behaviors that we can look for? We are going to spend this week looking for how to predict and then prevent a shut down.

Apr 03 2018
15 mins
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Rank #11: Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 5

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Keep The End Result In Mind

We all need to remember that parenting is all about the process.  I have to remind myself that I am raising a child NOT a mini adult.  This is all about teaching and training and I need to keep that in mind in the day to day to keep my expectations realistic.  My goal is to raise a Godly, marriageable and employable adult.  When I keep this goal out in front of me it is easier to enjoy my relationship with my child now.  When I remember that it is all about the process of parenting and training for the future then I can enjoy my child as they are now in the stage they are now. This is key for the strong child.  I don’t want to “break” the will of my child.  I want them to have that amazing God giving quality.  It is my job to help bend and focus that will so they can become the adult God has designed them to be.

May 01 2018
15 mins
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Rank #12: Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 1

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The Pleaser and the Barbarian

We have mentioned many times that when it comes to discipline children fall into two main categories, the pleaser and the barbarian. There will be differences from child to child because no two are identical. The barbarian child is also known as the strong willed child. They are the ones who if given an instruction may do the opposite just to see what happens or to see what mom and dad will do. The pleaser child is the one who doesn’t put up as much of a fight and seemingly falls under authority more easily.

There are benefits and difficulties with both. The barbarian may seem obvious that they tend to keep their parents on their toes especially in those early years. They are the ones who will definitely test to see if that “no” means “no” to see if there are inconsistencies. The pleaser child because they are seemingly falling right in line, are the ones who can overlooked especially when a parent has another child who is consistently testing the waters. If that happens a pleaser could then fall into a pattern of being manipulative or following the rules but only when someone is watching. This pleaser child is the one we are going to look at this week and discuss how we can bring out the best in this personality.

May 05 2018
15 mins
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Rank #13: Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend | Part 1

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Choosing To Be Your Spouses Best Friend

In order to become best friends, we need to make this relationship a top priority. It’s easy when life happens, children enter the picture and stress creeps in to allow marriage to get place on the back burner. If we are not careful then years may go by and we may look at our spouse and realize that we are married to a stranger. We need to take the time to input into our marriage through all the stress and chaos so that we are able to grow together. This enables to to become one flesh.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 22:37-39 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ As many times as I hear this verse it’s such a great reminder that our closest neighbor is our spouse. If we are not choosing to love them then how can we expect the love to appropriately trickle down to our children then those around us. Check back the rest of this week as we discuss tips for pursuing a best friend relationship with your spouse.

Jun 12 2018
15 mins
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Rank #14: Family Fun | Part 5

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Perfection vs. Fun

There is such pressure for performance and perfection in today’s culture, from how we perform at work/school to our appearance.  A great way to defuse this pressure is family fun.  Especially fun at a parent’s expense, this helps model for a child how not to take themselves to seriously.   In our house this was Dad.  Dad made sure that he rigged it so that he lost most of the games we played.  He then would make a huge show of loosing meaning that he would burst into tears or being silly throw a temper tantrum.  There were many creative ways to have us all hysterically laughing.  It seems he took it as a challenge if one of us was in a bad mood to do something ridiculous to make us laugh.  There was even several times that he “fell asleep” at the breakfast table and got oatmeal all over his face.  This was a great lesson for us in how its ok to be silly and to laugh at yourself.

Jun 29 2018
15 mins
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Rank #15: Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 5

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Don’t Teach Them To Love and Respect God

How are we living out our faith in front of our children? Are we a family who lives out what it means to have a relationship with Jesus or are we merely a family who follows a list of religious do’s and don’ts?  Is this relationship something that permeates all aspects of our family life or is it simply something we do on Sunday? The very core and center of what we do, should be focused on opportunities to teach our child about Christ. For more on this click here to see our week long series on how to raise a disciple.

Always check out the podcast for more insight.

Aug 03 2018
15 mins
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Rank #16: Noticing Your Child’s Pain | Part 1

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Observing Your Child’s Moods

It is easy for us to see if our children don’t feel good physically.  They show physical symptoms of sickness, runny nose, fever, coughing; but what about if our child is in emotional pain?  Each child may have a different way to tell us they are in pain, due to age and personality differences.   Some older children who are outspoken may immediately get into the car after school and be able to verbalize that they got into an argument with their friend and are upset.  Another child may get into the car and be quiet and sullen.  There may be even another child who suffers more silently and you have to really observer their behavior to see that they are hurting.  This is where it is imperative that we become students of our children even from a young age to learn their individual “tells’ that something is bothering them emotionally.

Check back this week as we continue this discussion on noticing your child’s pain.

Mar 26 2018
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Rank #17: Dealing with Bedtime | Part 1

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Why Is It So Challenging?

It almost seems that the area of bedtime can be a battle for every stage of parenting, from birth to curfew.  This week we will address those issues, as well as, steps we can take as parents to help the bedtime battle.

The first thing we need to ask is why does this battle take place?  For smaller children the resistance can be rooted in fear.  There may be a legitimate fear of the dark, a fear of the unknown or a fear of being alone.  The last may be especially true if one parent has left.  We need to be sensitive to our children if fear is involved.  Things that seem irrational to adults can be a source of fear in children because of the developmental phase they are in.  For example, fears of being sucked down the drain with the draining water in the bathtub is very real to the over imaginative child.

Bedtime can also be one of the first battles of the will, however.  It becomes not about going to bed or staying in bed, it becomes a battle of control.  This can be one of the first big tests for making your “no mean no.”  It is our job as parents to take the time at bedtime to decipher if there are legitimate fears but be consistent with our “no”.

Jul 23 2018
15 mins
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Rank #18: The Importance of Teaching Your Child to Communicate | Part 2

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Helping My Child Share Feelings In A Positive Way

One of the most important aspects of communication is the ability to share ones feelings. Although this seems such a basic form of communication it can be easily overlooked in the training of our children. Yesterday we talked about how our current culture is so distracted and fast paced that we cannot take our job of training our children to communicate for granted.  It must be something that is done very intentionally.

When children are younger we are constantly reminding them to, “Use your Words”, in order to help them communicate. As they grow older we may allow them to try and communicate through emotions,  such as anger or frustration, because we have grown weary of the time it takes to deal with their behavior .  However, when our children are acting out in frustration or anger, we need to remind them to use their words.  If our children are not trained how to communicate their feelings both positive and negative, it can lead to some destructive behavior patterns.  Bottling up emotions can be very dangerous.  When you are teaching your child how to communicate their feelings, you are also beginning to help them learn how to process through their emotions.  Emotions that are raw and un-processed can also lead to destructive behaviors.   We must be constantly in tune with our children’s day to day so that we can remind them to “use their words. “

Jul 10 2018
15 mins
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Rank #19: When Your Child Shuts Down | Part 2

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Toddlers

When we think of a child shutting down we inevitably think of those toddler years. My mom and I have often laughed and said to each other, “it’s a good thing that God makes toddlers so cute”. They are so awesome, cute and pudgy, exploring everything with wonder; but even the most laid back of toddlers can have days that may give you gray hairs. The first thing we must remember is we cannot give in to the shut down. I once watched a father little girl in the mall, who had moved past the temper tantrum and was laying face down on the floor in front of Build a Bear. He had told her that they we not going to buy one today. I watched to see how he would handle the pressure of the onlookers. He was unfazed and simply sat down on the floor next to his daughter and calmly handled the situation. He was able to get her up off the floor and didn’t give in to her demands for a new toy. I wanted to cheer! It is so easy to allow your child to win because of the embarrassing situation that toddlers can put you in.

There are times where by simply staying one step ahead we can avoid the shutdown all together. Especially when out and about having snacks or something to entertain the child can help dramatically. It doesn’t have to be digital entertainment either; magna-doodles saved many a grocery trip in our house. Be wise in your timing of things for example don’t run errands around lunch or nap time. Realize that a lot of this can be attention seeking behavior so having something the are engaged in during dinner prep can help. Utilize distractions when you can. When my son is headed for a meltdown in his car seat my husband often has him look for airplanes or count birds. Make sure to use both consequences and rewards.

For more listen to today’s podcast and we have an entire week long series on toddlers you can check out by clicking here.

Apr 04 2018
15 mins
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Rank #20: Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 3

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Finding Ways To Use That Determination For Good Things

People who are stubborn or determined, sometimes are the type of people who can get something in their head and cannot be swayed from it.  Another pitfall of this personality type is impulse control.  We can help train our children to put their determination to good use.  Determined people are the ones who run marathons, conquer Everest and bring about change in the world around them.  We have to help our children channel this gift.  Help them with impulse control.  A couple good areas to work on are time and money management.  For more on these three topics click here, here and here.

We can help by steering them into activities that take time and patience to help them hone their determination.  Help find what they are passionate about and show them how to use their determination to do something with this passion.  This can be especially true for our kids in their teen years.  Instead of getting frustrated with our child’s stubbornness look for creative ways to help them put it to good use.

For more, listen to today’s podcast.

May 01 2018
15 mins
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