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Hope For Wives

For wives enduring the pain of sexual betrayal. Conversations that acknowledge the devastation of sexual betrayal through pornography addictions, unwanted sexual behaviors, and infidelity while offering practical insight and hope for healing through a Christian lens.Equips wives to see the next steps in their recovery, and find hope in the mess of this situation. New episodes release every 2 weeks! Find additional resources at hopeforwives.com.

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For wives enduring the pain of sexual betrayal. Conversations that acknowledge the devastation of sexual betrayal through pornography addictions, unwanted sexual behaviors, and infidelity while offering practical insight and hope for healing through a Christian lens.Equips wives to see the next steps in their recovery, and find hope in the mess of this situation. New episodes release every 2 weeks! Find additional resources at hopeforwives.com.

Episode 14: Is it a Struggle, a Compulsion, or an Addiction?

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Welcome to Hope for Wives

With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we're going to do something a little different. We are inviting some of our professional male colleagues to share on the topic of, "Is it a struggle, a compulsion, or an addiction?"

The root of this topic comes from questions we get most often, "Do I really need a group when he is just struggling?" Or, "My husband refuses to call it an addiction."

What is underneath this question, is her trying to assess, "What kind of help do I need? He's only struggling? Or, is the help I need different because he's addicted?" Your healing looks very similar whether it is a struggle or an addiction because you are healing from the impact of his behavior, not the severity of his behavior.

We are so thankful to the following male colleagues for joining our conversation.

Jul 12 2022

23mins

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Episode 13: Group Support and Why It Is Important

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With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.

Today, we are discussing why support groups are important for women overcoming sexual betrayal. For over 50 years support groups have been empirically supported as a place of healing for trauma survivors.  Groups offer partners an opportunity to connect with other partners who really get it because they have been through very similar experiences. Groups help ease partners’ emotional stress, including feelings of isolation, loneliness, depression, helplessness and hopelessness. Groups will help strengthen you to cope with the pain and move toward healing. 

We discuss:

Thank you for joining us. We hope to be a bright spot on your recovery journey. If you’d like to leave us a question or comment, please go through the contact button on our website. Also, help a friend by leaving a 5 star review on iTunes so others can find us.

Jun 28 2022

34mins

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Episode 12: Therapeutic or Healing Separation

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Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.

Today we are discussing therapeutic separation otherwise known as a healing separation.

  • What are some myths about therapeutic or healing separation?
  • In your personal story, what role did therapeutic separation play, if any?
  • What are some practical thoughts or suggestions for our listeners in regards to therapeutic separation?
  • How can we offer hope to our listeners when it comes to therapeutic separation?

Recovered Peace (Pam Blizzard) - Boundaries Group

Hope Redefined (Lyschel Burket) - Online Support

Strong Wives (Bonny Burns) -  To be notified of the next open registration for, "Reclaim Your Sexual Identity after Betrayal," email bonny@strongwives.com

Jun 15 2022

34mins

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Episode 11: What are Triggers? With Practical Ideas for Navigating Them

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Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives.

With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we will be discussing, Trauma Triggers. A trigger is an event that rings an alarm bell that sends our body into fight, flight, or, freeze response. sense of safety to evaporate. You may experience the consequence of a trigger as a flashback, panic attack, intense of emotions, feelings of anxiety and/or grief.  These are common to the betrayal trauma experience.

  • How have triggers shown up for you personally?
  • What are some things we want our listeners to know about causes triggers?
  • What are some practical tools we can offer our listeners to navigate triggers?
  • What hope can we leave our listeners with about triggers.

Episode 6: Boundaries for Partners in Marriages with Sex Addiction or Unwanted Problematic Sexual Behavior

Episode 8: Self-Care with Practical Ideas to Care for Yourself after Discovery

Book: Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal Paperback by Barbara Steffens

15 Simple Tips for Conquering Your Betrayal Trauma Triggers - free tip sheet download

A trigger-log so you can track your triggers, times, etc.

May 31 2022

30mins

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Episode 10: Listener Questions about the 90-Day Sex Fast

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With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we are answering listener questions regarding the 90-Day Sex Fast for marriages overcoming the impact of sexual betrayal and trying to build a new sexually intimate life.

We answer:

  • Under what circumstances is the fast helpful and when might it be harmful/unnecessary? How does this differ from a betrayed partner who doesn't desire physical intimacy and needs boundaries to feel safe?
  • What if we don't make it? Do we mess everything up?
  • Does this begin on day 1 of sobriety? Or at the start of recovery? If your spouse has been sober for a while (but not yet in recovery), is celibacy still effective/beneficial?
  • What if you’re spouse hasn’t desired you in months, since his last slip up and therefore you’re in a forced sexual fast that wasn’t mutually planned?

May 16 2022

15mins

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Episode 9: 90-Day Sex Fast

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With co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we discuss the intimacy building experience called the 90-Day Sex Fast. It is also known as the celibacy statement or plan. Many couples approach this as they step into their recovery journey. We want to start the conversation about what it is, how you navigate through it, and share some of our personal experiences. We explore these questions:

  • What is the purpose of a 90 day sex fast for her? For him?
  • In your personal story, how did this play a part in your recovery journey?
  • What does the couple do while in a 90 day sex fast?
  • How can we offer hope to our listeners when it comes to 90 day sex fast?

Resources mentioned: Recreational Inventory to Build Friendship

A Mind Map for Sex and Porn Addiction

Sensate Focus Youtube

Sensate Focus pdf

Sexual Reintegration podcast Bloom for Women

Couple's Guide to Intimacy

May 03 2022

35mins

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Episode 8: Self Care with Practical Ideas to Care for Yourself after Discovery

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Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Today we are discussing self-care. Self-care is a popular term these days for a reason. It is an important concept in our chaotic lives, especially if you are healing from the effects of unwanted sexual behavior in your marriage. Self-care refers to behaviours performed to improve your well-being, to preserve your health, or to maintain your physical and emotional stability.  For a betrayed partner, self-care if important because it helps your body build reserves in order to heal from the trauma of sexual betrayal.

Basically, self-care helps you cope with mentally with big emotions and physically to safeguard against poor health as you heal from sexual betrayal trauma. Today we discuss:

  • What are some myths about self-care?
  • In your personal story, what role did self-care play?
  • PIESS (physical, intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual) categories of self-care with practical ideas
  • What hope can we offer our listeners about self-care?

Resources Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazzero

Feelings Wheel - Nonviolent Communication 

Bible Verses Ecclesiastes 3:1-8,"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,     a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3     a time to kill and a time to heal,     a time to tear down and a time to build, 4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,     a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,     a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6     a time to search and a time to give up,     a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7     a time to tear and a time to mend,     a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8     a time to love and a time to hate,     a time for war and a time for peace."

Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Apr 19 2022

47mins

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Episode 7: Acronyms, Terms, and Definitions Surrounding Betrayal, Sexual Addiction, and Couples Recovery

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With: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com

Today, we talk through the acronyms, terms, and definitions surrounding the topics of betrayal, addiction, and couples recovery.

We will specifically focus on the middle stages of discovery and healing. You may have heard our previous episode where we discussed the early stages of recovery.

1-3 years post disclosure/discovery.

In a future episode, you will hear us share ac that are common in the later stages of healing.

Apr 05 2022

28mins

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Episode 6: Boundaries for Partners of People with Sex Addiction or Unwanted Problematic Sexual Behavior

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Welcome to Hope for Wives. With your co-hostesses:

Today we are discussing how to build safety around ourselves when living with a person with problematic sexual behavior. This safety measure is oftentimes called boundaries. Boundaries are basically a way to ensure your personal values are respected. I repeat, Boundaries are basically a way to ensure your personal values are respected, in such things as sexual integrity.

Recovered Peace Boundaries Quick Start Tip Sheet (Pam Blizzard) - Receive a Boundaries Quick Start Guide and sign up to learn about her upcoming Boundaries Course.

Naked Truth Project - Boundaries Training

Hope Redefined - Boundaries Support Group

Mar 22 2022

42mins

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Episode 5: Where is God in the Suffering of Sexual Betrayal Trauma?

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Welcome to Hope for Wives

With your co-hostesses:

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com In coaching betrayed wives, we see that some betrayed partners lean into the Lord hard and some are tremendously angry at him.

So, today, we are going to discuss suffering and God. Where is he in all of this?

1. Can you pick one moment where you saw God caring for you in your suffering as a betrayed partner?

2. Can you pick one moment where you were angry at God in your suffering? 3. How is trusting God different than trusting a person? 4. How can we offer hope to our listeners when it comes to trusting God in our pain? Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Thank you for joining us. We hope to be a bright spot on your recovery journey. If you’d like to leave us a question or comment, please go through the contact button on our website. Also, help a friend by leaving a 5-star review on iTunes so others can find us.

Mar 08 2022

36mins

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Episode 4: What is Relational Safety?

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Welcome to Hope for Wives.

With your co-hostesses:

In Today's episode, we are going to discuss emotional or relational safety. What is it? How do you navigate it? How do you try to rebuild it?

We Discuss

  • What is relational or emotional safety to you?
  • How is emotional or relational safety ruptured when one spouse has a sex addiction?
  • How does a betrayed partner start to rebuild emotional safety?
  • How can we offer hope to our listeners when it comes to emotional or relational safety?

Nuggets of Wisdom:

"...not to feel better, but to get better at feeling," Pam Blizzard.

"Both of you are responsible for rebuilding this emotional safety with each other," Lyschel Burket.

Resources

VOWS - acronym of thoughts to help build new emotional and relational safety.

  • V - Vulnerability
  • O - Ownership
  • W - do your Work
  • S - create Safety for yourself and your spouse

Emotional Safety definition found in wikipedia

King & Country - God Only Knows

Final Thoughts

Thank you for sitting in with us today. Our deepest desire is that you will find encouragement, insight, and maybe even a laugh or two in the many episodes to come. We will talk with you again in two weeks.

Feb 22 2022

41mins

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Episode 3: Acronyms, Terms, and Definitions for Wives in Early Recovery from Sexual Betrayal

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Welcome to Hope for Wives.

With your co-hostesses:

Today, we're going to talk through acronyms, terms, and definitions revolving around early stages of recovery and healing. There will be future episodes where we discuss acronyms, terms, and definitions associated with middle and late stages of recovery and healing.

We Discuss

  • Lyschel discusses acronyms, terms, and definitions connected with the Betrayed Wife/Fiance/Girlfriend
  • Pam discusses acronyms, terms, and definitions connected with the Person with Problematic Sexual Behavior
  • Bonny discusses acronyms, terms, and definitions connected with the coupleship in early stages of recovery and healing.

Resources

APSATS.org - Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists Common Acronyms - Recovered Peace by Pam Blizzard Daring Ventures - Couples Intensives with Dr. Jake Porter Final Thought

Thank you for sitting in with us today. Our deepest desire is that you will find encouragement, insight, and maybe even a laugh or two in the many episodes to come. We will talk with you again in two weeks.

Feb 08 2022

34mins

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Episode 2: D-Day (I just discovered my husband has a pornography addiction, now what?)

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In this episode we discuss Discovery Day, one of the most painful days in the life of a wife who discovers her husband has been viewing pornography or is compulsively acting out sexually. The day of discovery is typically called D-Day, because just like the Normandy Beach invasion during WWII, this day is full of death, wounding, and trauma.

D-Day is not the end of the story, though! We will leave you with hope. Your hosts are: Pam Blizzard of Recovered Peace Lyschel Burket of Hope Redefined Bonny Burns of Strong Wives

We will be discussing:

  • What comes to mind for each of us personally as we think of Discovery Day?
  • What patterns do we see in partners immediately after discovery?
  • What is the best thing a wife can do for herself immediately after discovering her husband's problematic sexual behavior?
  • What hope can we leave our listeners with?

Resources:

Thank you for sitting in with us today. Our deepest desire is that you will find encouragement, insight, and maybe even a laugh or two in the many episodes to come. We will talk with you again in two weeks.

We all offer 1 to 1 coaching, groups, and other resources on our individual websites. Check us out and get to know us better!

Transcript Hope for Wives Episode 2

Jan 25 2022

36mins

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Introducing Hope For Wives: Overcoming the Impact of Sexual Betrayal Through a Christian Lens

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Welcome to the very first episode of Hope For Wives, where three Christian recovery experts candidly discuss the journey to overcome the impact of sexual betrayal.

With your co-hostesses:

We will be discussing:

  • Who we are
  • Why we have a heart for betrayed wives
  • Our mission
  • Who will benefit from listening to our podcast
  • How we are intentionally formatting the podcast for our listeners

Learn more about us at our website, Hope For Wives.

Jan 03 2022

6mins

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