The Covert Narcissism Podcast

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast To sign up for the our new Men's Group Session, click the link below. https://www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz.  Because, because, because, because….because of the wonderful things he does? Who is this wonderful Wizard? He introduces himself to Dorothy as, I am Oz, the Great and Powerful. He says this with smoke billowing, fire flaring, and a dominant image of fear and intimidation. Yet everyone loves him. Why?? Why don’t they see the mean, daunting, threatening, terrorizing wizard that is behind the closed doors? Does no one ever see this side of him? Such is life with a covert narcissist.The Wizard of Oz plays the part of a covert narcissist. Putting on this amazing show of how great and wonderful he is while doing absolutely nothing to help any of these travel companions. Yet everyone is so incredibly enthralled by the Wizard and his supposed greatness that there is no way that Dorothy could ever question that publicly. In fact, Dorothy becomes enthralled with him too. This old classic shows just how easy it is to get roped in by the hooks of covert narcissism. Wizard of Oz, The (1939) by Noel Langley, Florence Ryerson and Edgar Allen Woolf.Based on the book by L. Frank Baum.Last revised March 15, 1939. Script used for research, quotes, and content can be found at https://sfy.ru/script/wizard_of_oz_1939

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast   COVID had an enormous impact on marriages. Trapping everyone in their homes and taking away other social avenues not only brought out more abuse, but also caused many victims to start identifying abusive behavior that was already happening. Things simply escalated, both with more abuse and more awareness. Without the distractions of regular life, the abusive behavior takes center stage. Things that had not happened before now were taking place. For some, the abuse was now taking a more physical turn. For others, the verbal and emotional abuse hit new heights. Unfortunately, for many victims, this time just pushed them to work even harder to fix their relationship. A journey that is full of traps and pitfalls. For many, COVID pushed their covert narcissistic abuser to make longer and better changes toward good behavior and growth. While these changes don't stick, they still hook the victim to stay with the marriage once again.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast  I came home one night to a completely dark house to find my 37 year old husband sitting in a dark room crying, I thought, Oh my gosh, did someone die? What has happened? Clearly something was wrong. As I talked with him, I learned that he was sitting in the dark crying because he got his feelings hurt. What? This is a full-grown man, father of two children, crying like a child.The more we talked, the more I realized, something actually was really wrong here, just not what I thought. This was a narcissistic collapse, and I had no idea what that even was!What is narcissistic collapse?When a narcissistic person does not receive the external validation that they believe they should get, resulting in extreme levels of emotional stress and pain, leading to narcissistic rage, either openly or silently. When a narcissistic person cannot maintain their superior and always right image. A self-protection mode when they feel that their self-image is being threatened.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast Covert narcissism is not a gender issue. This is absolutely affecting both men and women. I talk from my perspective because that is what I lived, but I know there are many men out there who are living this nightmare with a covert narcissistic wife. And it doesn’t stop there. This is affecting the LGBTQ community. It is affecting parent/child relationships, sibling relationships, friendships, work relationships. The reach of covert narcissism is extensive. No matter the nature of your relationship, this abuse is damaging and wrong. Please reach out for the help and support that you need.In today's episode, my guest, Dave, shares his journey and perspective in dealing with a covert narcissistic wife and mother of his children. I am so happy to be broadening our reach to help so many who are victims of covert narcissistic abuse and living this very same nightmare!

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast When you are coming to grips with the thought that you are in a long-term marriage with a covert narcissist, you will go through the stages of grief. In fact, just living with a covert narcissist, already has you in these stages, and you don’t even realize it! What are you grieving about? The death of who you thought this person was, of who you believed they were. The death of what you thought your life would be like with them. The death of who you thought you were with them. Actually, the death of yourself. Like so many other victims, I lost me…for years. And we may think that this grieving started when our eyes opened to reality, and there certainly is some truth to that. When the FOG lifts and we truly really see it, the stages of grief definitely apply. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. And the emotions that come then are often quite intense. But this actually isn’t when the grieving process began. It began many years before. It began when the abuse began. That is when this death process started, but we aren’t aware of it. I certainly had no idea…at the time.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast A relationship with a covert narcissist is like getting a thousand bee stings. Any individual event can seem so small and insignificant, like a single bee sting. No big deal, right? WRONG!! Because it isn't just one bee sting, it is a thousand!One single example from your relationship can seem so petty and trivial when you try to explain it to others. If it was a single event, then it would be. But it isn't. This is not one single event. It is a culmination of a thousand bee stings and none of them get resolved ever. When you add all the stings together, you find yourself in an extreme amount of pain and anguish. Trying to explain it to someone is completely overwhelming. They can't possibly understand what you have been through.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast Covert narcissists go 0-100 over things that just simply do not justify all the anger. Whether the anger shows aggressively or passively, it is still there. Whether it is yelling and cursing, or huffing and coldly staring, that anger is felt by you, the victim. They communicate that you have crossed a line and upset them, and they make you pay for that violation. Why in the world are covert narcissists so mad about such little things? You borrow their pen and forget to give it back, and you are thoughtless and selfish. You tell a funny story about them to a friend, and you are spiteful and rude. You hug a guy’s neck in public, and you are clearly having an affair with them or want to. You ask them to take out the trash, and you are being insensitive and mean. Normal, everyday things that are a part of everyone’s everyday life. And yet, for you, it leads to incredibly uncomfortable situations with your spouse. You are now on the receiving end of disdain and contempt. You are put in your place for such rude and selfish behavior. I can’t believe you would treat your partner this way. At least, that’s what they are saying to you.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of Chapter 1 of my upcoming book potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching a Ghost, click the link below. https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast  The extreme passive aggressiveness of their constant nitpicking is debilitating. You can’t ever be right, about anything. They constantly correct you. You say that your dog is 3 years old, and they correct you saying that he is 3 and a half years old. You say that it is 75 degrees outside, and they correct you saying that it is 76. But you go through years of believing that this is you. "Oh, I must be wrong. They know more than I do. I need to be more specific. I must not have said that clearly enough. I must not have defined that part well. I will keep working on me, and we will be just fine.: Covert abuse gets inside of you. It results in zero self-esteem and zero self-confidence. You second-guess yourself constantly, and gaslight yourself. Overtime, this affects your other relationships. When you do the healing, it is an intense crash course on discovering you, and there is peace to be found.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled:Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast   If you have ever lived with a covert narcissist, you know that they are the expert on everything. In their own eyes. They know everything. They say everything exactly right. They do everything exactly right. Everything they do is intentional, justified, and completely defendable. They don’t ever make mistakes. If you ever actually try to call them out on something that was wrong, they will automatically defend it and explain why what they did was intentional and absolutely right. They will make it very clear that you are wrong. Even if you are just asking them to do something differently, they will starchy defend their way of doing everything and give your thoughts and opinions no consideration. This is everything!! I mean from how you dry your hair to how you load the dishwasher. From how you brush your teeth to how you drive your car. Things you have been doing for years, learned from childhood, and doing just fine before you ever met them. All of sudden you can’t do anything right. Sometimes I wonder how any of us managed to even exist without their amazing expertise.

On today’s show, I have a guest who has been in a long-term marriage with a covert narcissistic husband, over three decades long. She joined CNG group coaching to try to find some answers. As she listened to the stories of the other group members, she found herself thinking that the people she met there deserved better. "That person deserves better than that," while listening to one story. "Oh, this one deserves better too," upon hearing another story. But then her eyes opened, “Oh! Wait a minute! I deserve better!”  Her story of embracing radical acceptance, claiming emotional space, and focusing on changing herself instead of him is a journey of bravery, healing, and inspiration. I know you will find her story to be validating and compelling. May it motivate you to find your own path of healing!