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The Heavenly Mandates

With the heavenly mandate up for grabs, four old friends from a midwestern high school, dispersed across the United States, take to the mountains as wise (wo)men to review films of sundry quality. With paltry knowledge and insight, they plot the overthrow of corrupt Qing regimes or defeat cosmic horrors, work to revenge the burning of Shaolin Temple and rescue lost comrades, and generally muck about in their inanity as they review films for the beleaguered and wretched people of Earth.

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Don't Trust Nerdy Teenagers - Twilight Zone (1960)

In which the four wise men and women from the mountain come down to discuss the episode "The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street" from the TV series _The Twilight Zone_ for the beleaguered people. Released in 1960, directed by Ronald Winston and written by Rod Serling, and the film stars Claude Akins, Barry Atwater, Jack Weston, Burt Metcalfe, and many others. It was filmed in the United States and was produced by CBS Productions.

47mins

31 May 2021

Rank #1

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PR People for the Past - The Washingtonians (2007)

In which the four wise men and women from the mountain come down to discuss the episode "The Washingtonians" from the TV series _Masters of Horror_ for the beleaguered people. Released in 2007, directed by Peter Medak, and the film stars Johnathon Schaech, Venus Terzo, Saul Rubinek, and many others. It was filmed in the United States and Canada, and it was produced by Industry Entertainment, and many others.

1hr 13mins

17 May 2021

Rank #2

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A Sound of Wailing Winter Winds is Heard - The Shadow (2018)

In which the four wise men and women from the mountain come down to discuss the film, _Shadow_ for the beleaguered people. Released in 2018, directed by Zhang Yimou, and the film stars Deng Chao, Sun Li, Zheng Kai, Wang Quianyan, and many others. It was filmed in the China, and it was produced by Tencent Pictures and Well GO USA Entertainment.

2hr

3 May 2021

Rank #3

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Early 90s Nostalgia - Are You Afraid of the Dark (1992)

In which the four wise men and women from the mountain come down to discuss the episode "The Tale of the Phantom Cab" from the TV series _Are You Afraid of the Dark_ for the beleaguered people. Released in 1992, directed by Ron Oliver, and the film stars Aron Tager, Brian Dooley, Sean Ryan, Jason Tremblay, and many others. It was filmed in Canada, and it was produced by Nickelodeon and Cinar.

1hr 12mins

20 Apr 2021

Rank #4

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Keanu Reeves, Glorious Accent - Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

In which the four wise men and women from the mountain come down to discuss the film, _Bram Stoker's Dracula_ for the beleaguered people. Released in 1992, directed by Francis Ford Coppola, and the film stars Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins, Keanu Reeves, Richard E. Grant, Cary Elwes, and many others. It was filmed in the United States, and it was produced by American Zoetrope, and distributed by Columbia Pictures.

2hr 16mins

5 Apr 2021

Rank #5

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Some Alien Jacked My Wife - Village of the Damned (1960)

In which the four wise men and women from the mountain come down to discuss the film, _Village of the Damned_ for the beleaguered people. Released in 1960, directed by Wolf Rilla, and the film stars George Sanders, Barbara Shelley, Michael Gwynn, and many others. It was filmed in Great Britain, and it was produced by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, and distributed by Loew's.

2hr 1min

15 Mar 2021

Rank #6

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Asura Snow, Stained Fiery Red - Lady Snowblood (1973)

In which the four wise men and women from the mountain come down to discuss the film, _Lady Snowblood_ for the beleaguered people. Released in 1973, directed by Toshiya Fujita, and the film stars Meiko Kaji, Toshio Kurosawa, Masaaki Daimon, and many others. It was filmed in Japan States, distributed by Toho

22mins

1 Mar 2021

Rank #7

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Slurpin' People Juice - Killer Klowns from Outerspace (1988)

In which the four wise men and women from the mountain come down to discuss the film, _Killer Klowns from Outerspace_ for the beleaguered people. Released in 1988, directed by the Chiodo Brothers, and the film stars Grant Cramer, Suzanne Snyder, John Allen Nelson, John Vernon, and many others. It was filmed in the United States, distributed by Trans World Entertainment.

1hr 50mins

15 Feb 2021

Rank #8

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Bette Davis Eyes - The Watcher in the Woods (1980)

In which the four wise men and women from the mountain come down to discuss the film, _The Watcher in the Woods_ for the beleaguered people. Released in 1980, directed by John Hough and Vincent McEveety (uncredited), and the film stars Bette Davis, Carroll Baker, David McCallum, Lynn-Holly Johnson, Kyle Richards, and many others. It was filmed in England, distributed by Buena Vista Distribution.

1hr 57mins

1 Feb 2021

Rank #9

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Good Times to the Max - Chopping Mall (1986)

In which the four wise men from the mountain come down to discuss the film, _The Chopping Mall_ for the beleaguered people. Released in 1986, directed by Jim Wynorski, and the film stars Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, John Terlesky, and Russell Todd, and many others. It was filmed in the United States, distributed by Concorde Pictures.

1hr 34mins

17 Jan 2021

Rank #10