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Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems.

Weekly hand curated podcast episodes for learning

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1: Grocery Stores in Cincinnati, OH

Welcome to the first official episode of BTSWTW, featuring 1-star reviews of grocery stores in Cincinnati, OH.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

17mins

12 Dec 2018

Rank #1

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49: Spooky Spots in Salem, MA

Welcome to the Beach Too Sandy Halloween Extravaganza!! We have such an exciting show featuring three very special guests! We bet you're reading this looking for a spoiler of who those guests are. Well guess what, we're not going to spoil the greatest surprise since that time Alex filled a pinata full of beans. But to entice you, here's a preview of what's to come: head lice, 666, ritual sacrifices, roast beef, Joe Bish, chainsaw butt thrusts, and Spooky Kama Sutra. Enjoy this SpOoKy OoKy exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them! And a very special thank you to our guests for making this our BEST episode yet! Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by dAmbient and BrN.

2hr

30 Oct 2019

Rank #2

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67: Reviews of Disney Parks

Sure, we're probably the last people on the planet who should be hosting a podcast episode about Disney, but we still had a blast reading terrible reviews of their 'cloyingly ahistorical' parks. We do our best not to overanalyze the people who go out of their way to write today's reviews, mainly because we ourselves don't seem to know the difference between a large candle and a Disney villain. So throw on your Easter best, return any and all hamsters, and enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops.

1hr 6mins

4 Mar 2020

Rank #3

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72: Resorts in Mexico

Let me tell you something, bro... *thumbs down emoji* *poop emoji *coffin emoji* *nails emoji* *baby bottle emoji* *pill emoji* *wrench emoji* KARMA BACK AT YOU!Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

1hr 1min

8 Apr 2020

Rank #4

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58: Arcades in Nashville, TN

Christine (cactus print) and Alex (stripper scent) bring you the first Beach Too Sandy episode of a new decade. We read reviews of arcades, arcade bars, and dueling piano bars (for some reason) in Nashville, TN. Then Alex lives up to his challenge, reading negative reviews of kitchen products that weren't used as intended. Hopefully we don't ruin your entire decade with another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wY Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.  Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

58mins

1 Jan 2020

Rank #5

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57: Holiday Reviews Extravaganza

This week, CHRISTine and Alex reveal what is causing the death of all humans... at least according to a single reviewer. Believe it or not, it's not caused by Starbucks holiday cups. Apparently those are just the result of Lunatic Leftwing Liberal Losers like us. Try not to break your finger smashing the play button, and enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!  Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: https://youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wY Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

1hr 11mins

25 Dec 2019

Rank #6

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53: Thanksgiving Reviews Extravaganza

*Insert Favorite Turkey Noise Here* Welcome to our Thanksgiving special! Now as a fireside chat! Your holiday is about to be ruined by the cornucopia of reviews that Christine brought to the table. Thankfully the couple Mr. and Mrs. Farmer redeem us in the end.  Have an amazing Thanksgiving! Krissy Kiwi & ~*~tHe PiCkLe GuY~*~ Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

1hr 12mins

27 Nov 2019

Rank #7

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73: Monuments in Washington, D.C.

YEGADS! In this week's episode, Christine philosophizes and Alex waxes poetic. If that doesn't convince you to listen to this one, then we don't blame you. But we hope you give us the chance to warn you about big brother watching you through light switches and of the dangers of fascist architecture. We promise it's worth it. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

53mins

15 Apr 2020

Rank #8

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56: Ski Resorts in Burlington, VT

This week, we rewrite The Grinch, repurpose Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and share other valuable pieces of media in the form of Yelp reviews. We hope this episode doesn't leave your puggle craving human flesh!Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: https://youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wYSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

1hr 3mins

18 Dec 2019

Rank #9

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19: Coffee Shops in Seattle, WA

In our quest to find the worst reviews, we may have found the worst one yet. As difficult as that was, we make it through. Next in our journey, we get lost in the Bermuda Triangle of Yelp pages, but we eventually find our way... For the sake of humanity we must continue. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops. 

47mins

3 Apr 2019

Rank #10

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35: Souvenir Shops in Atlantic City, NJ

Alex: *loudly and desperately* "I FOLLOWED NONE OF THAT, BUT I HATED ALL OF THAT" *breaks into a sweat* Christine: *pulls up barstool* "EEK!!" *clinks glass* We hope you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, because Alex sure didn't. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, Okko Bekker, and tyops.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

1hr 9mins

24 Jul 2019

Rank #11

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68: Beaches in Australia

If you're considering writing a review of our show while hospitalized, be sure to wait until the morphine has kicked in. Because you might not be happy with us after this episode, especially if you live in Australia. But at least we stay true to our name and read reviews about beaches being too sandy and water being too wet! We'd say that's pretty 5-star worthy but we're a little biased. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.  Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

57mins

11 Mar 2020

Rank #12

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11: Strip Clubs in Las Vegas, NV

WARNING! Do not let your ladies listen to this show. We will steal them from you. In episode 11 we go back to our roots: Vegas strip clubs. More specifically, the Chippendales show which helped launch the idea for this podcast. Now’s your chance to hear a brother and sister relive the moment where they were forever scarred. If you like what you hear, hop on the nearest FedEx truck - we’ll meet you “at spa”! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

32mins

6 Feb 2019

Rank #13

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50: Apartment Complexes in Grand Rapids, MI

This week's episode is dedicated to Fat Cat Cora.Remember that time when we exposed a hairy underbelly? Well, this week's underbelly is even hairier. If you're looking for an apartment in Grand Rapids, we hope you don't take this episode into consideration (unless you love egg-hair and microwaved cups of pee). And if you believe the earth is flat, we also don't think this episode is for you. Everyone else, please enjoy us waxing "poetic" on the merits and failings of conspiracy theories... or feel free to hate the fact we did that!Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

1hr 7mins

6 Nov 2019

Rank #14

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59: Resorts in Charleston, SC

We have some actual exciting news this episode, so listen up! Then listen to us read some ridiculous reviews written by both real and not so real people. I'm too sick/seeping too much to think of funny things to write, so just try to enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wYBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

50mins

8 Jan 2020

Rank #15

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40: Gas Stations in Wilmington, DE

We're forty, flirty, and friving! In this very special episodes, our jet lagged selves offer you a glimpse into what a Schiefer vacation is like. Hint: it involves wet shorts and Mao Zedong. Then we read reviews of gas stations... but they're mostly Wawa weviews. And finally, Alex provides unhelpful insight into what it means to be a religious solicitor. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

1hr 11mins

28 Aug 2019

Rank #16

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28: Tattoo Shops in Tulsa, OK

Between all the talk of pearls and jumper cables, this episode is particularly heinous. For that reason, we're officially putting a ban on 13-19 year olds listening to this podcast. For everyone else, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

51mins

5 Jun 2019

Rank #17

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21: Elementary Schools in Pittsburgh, PA

This podcast made me laugh so bad!!! I threw up. It's time to kick off your Skechers and enjoy a new episode of Beach Too Sandy. While exploring reviews of elementary schools, we inadvertently explore our unfortunate middle school experiences. Enjoy the trauma! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and typos.

41mins

17 Apr 2019

Rank #18

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41: Psychics in Albuquerque, NM

This week, we explore the underbelly (and overbelly) of Albuquerque. No clue what that means? Let's just say one has high metaphysical prices while the other is ruled by a farmer friar. Still not making sense? Then rub your Walmart crystals and take a hit from your Skyline flavor vape, because it's time for another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

55mins

4 Sep 2019

Rank #19

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51: Golf Courses in Des Moines, IA

*golfer emoji* *golfer emoji* *golfer emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji**frisbee emoji* *frisbee emoji* *frisbee emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji*Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.This episode is sponsored by FabFitFun. Use coupon code BEACH for $10 off your first box at www.fabfitfun.com #fabfitfunpartner

58mins

13 Nov 2019

Rank #20