Cover image of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems. Hosted by Alex and Christine Schiefer. Produced by the Forever Dog Podcast Network.

Ranked #1

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1: Grocery Stores in Cincinnati, OH

1: Grocery Stores in Cincinnati, OH

Welcome to the first official episode of BTSWTW, featuring 1-star reviews of grocery stores in Cincinnati, OH. Buy our m... Read more

12 Dec 2018

20mins

Ranked #2

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49: Spooky Spots in Salem, MA

49: Spooky Spots in Salem, MA

Welcome to the Beach Too Sandy Halloween Extravaganza!! We have such an exciting show featuring three very special guest... Read more

30 Oct 2019

2hr 5mins

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67: Reviews of Disney Parks

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72: Resorts in Mexico

72: Resorts in Mexico

Let me tell you something, bro... *thumbs down emoji* *poop emoji *coffin emoji* *nails emoji* *baby bottle emoji* *pill... Read more

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Ranked #5

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58: Arcades in Nashville, TN

58: Arcades in Nashville, TN

Christine (cactus print) and Alex (stripper scent) bring you the first Beach Too Sandy episode of a new decade. We read ... Read more

1 Jan 2020

1hr 3mins

Ranked #6

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57: Holiday Reviews Extravaganza

57: Holiday Reviews Extravaganza

This week, CHRISTine and Alex reveal what is causing the death of all humans... at least according to a single reviewer.... Read more

25 Dec 2019

1hr 16mins

Ranked #7

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53: Thanksgiving Reviews Extravaganza

53: Thanksgiving Reviews Extravaganza

*Insert Favorite Turkey Noise Here* Welcome to our Thanksgiving special! Now as a fireside chat! Your holiday is about t... Read more

27 Nov 2019

1hr 18mins

Ranked #8

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73: Monuments in Washington, D.C.

73: Monuments in Washington, D.C.

YEGADS! In this week's episode, Christine philosophizes and Alex waxes poetic. If that doesn't convince you to listen to... Read more

15 Apr 2020

58mins

Ranked #9

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56: Ski Resorts in Burlington, VT

56: Ski Resorts in Burlington, VT

This week, we rewrite The Grinch, repurpose Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and share other valuable pieces of media... Read more

18 Dec 2019

1hr 9mins

Ranked #10

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19: Coffee Shops in Seattle, WA

19: Coffee Shops in Seattle, WA

In our quest to find the worst reviews, we may have found the worst one yet. As difficult as that was, we make it throug... Read more

3 Apr 2019

53mins

Ranked #11

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35: Souvenir Shops in Atlantic City, NJ

35: Souvenir Shops in Atlantic City, NJ

Alex: *loudly and desperately* "I FOLLOWED NONE OF THAT, BUT I HATED ALL OF THAT" *breaks into a sweat* Christine: *pull... Read more

24 Jul 2019

1hr 15mins

Ranked #12

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68: Beaches in Australia

68: Beaches in Australia

If you're considering writing a review of our show while hospitalized, be sure to wait until the morphine has kicked in.... Read more

11 Mar 2020

1hr 2mins

Ranked #13

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11: Strip Clubs in Las Vegas, NV

11: Strip Clubs in Las Vegas, NV

WARNING! Do not let your ladies listen to this show. We will steal them from you. In episode 11 we go back to our roots:... Read more

6 Feb 2019

35mins

Ranked #14

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50: Apartment Complexes in Grand Rapids, MI

50: Apartment Complexes in Grand Rapids, MI

This week's episode is dedicated to Fat Cat Cora. Remember that time when we exposed a hairy underbelly? Well, this week... Read more

6 Nov 2019

1hr 13mins

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59: Resorts in Charleston, SC

59: Resorts in Charleston, SC

We have some actual exciting news this episode, so listen up! Then listen to us read some ridiculous reviews written by ... Read more

8 Jan 2020

55mins

Ranked #16

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40: Gas Stations in Wilmington, DE

40: Gas Stations in Wilmington, DE

We're forty, flirty, and friving! In this very special episodes, our jet lagged selves offer you a glimpse into what a S... Read more

28 Aug 2019

1hr 17mins

Ranked #17

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28: Tattoo Shops in Tulsa, OK

28: Tattoo Shops in Tulsa, OK

Between all the talk of pearls and jumper cables, this episode is particularly heinous. For that reason, we're officiall... Read more

5 Jun 2019

56mins

Ranked #18

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21: Elementary Schools in Pittsburgh, PA

21: Elementary Schools in Pittsburgh, PA

This podcast made me laugh so bad!!! I threw up. It's time to kick off your Skechers and enjoy a new episode of Beach To... Read more

17 Apr 2019

46mins

Ranked #19

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41: Psychics in Albuquerque, NM

41: Psychics in Albuquerque, NM

This week, we explore the underbelly (and overbelly) of Albuquerque. No clue what that means? Let's just say one has hig... Read more

4 Sep 2019

1hr

Ranked #20

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51: Golf Courses in Des Moines, IA

51: Golf Courses in Des Moines, IA

*golfer emoji* *golfer emoji* *golfer emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *frisbee emoji*... Read more

13 Nov 2019

1hr 4mins

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