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Probably Poly

Podcast by Probably Poly

Weekly hand curated podcast episodes for learning

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The best episodes ranked using user listens.

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How to Open up Your Relationship

In the sister episode to “Opening up Our Relationships” we focus on the methods and tools we suggest for having the safest and most ethically sound relationship transitions. Make no mistake, however, this episode is about much more then “opening up”. It is, at base, an episode on navigating difficult conversations through the lens of opening up. We bumbled through it ourselves, but we’re hoping you won’t have to.


12 Jan 2019

Rank #1

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Two Questions One Episode

This week we had two wonderful listener questions but they were both too long to be an intro and not long enough to be full episodes so we paired them together to get one full episode. What do you say when someone asks you to tell them if they are poly or not? For that matter how do you know you are poly? Thats the meat of the first half of the episode and for the second half we have a very specific case study of STI disclosure ethics.


25 Jan 2020

Rank #2

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Jealousy Live at APW

Our 30th episode was taped live at APW with our fans. We discuss the structure of jealously and answer listener questions directly in this extra long extra live episode.Citations:- Handbook of Jealousy (book) Edited by Sybil L. Hart and Maria Legerstee- A Perfect Mess (book)Eric Abrahamson and David H. Freeman

1hr 29mins

12 Jul 2019

Rank #3

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Romantic Objectification

In this episode we critically examine the cultural narratives around romance. We pay special attention to how those ideas can be dangerous and objectifying, how we can avoid those outcomes, and also (for some odd reason) how I ended up with a fish.


4 Aug 2018

Rank #4

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Professor Sex and STI's

This week Angel Kalafatis-Russell aka Professor Sex of ProfessorSex.com joins us to discuss the ethics of STI testing, treatment, and disclosure. As well as best safe practices for safer sex and STi testing. This super long pre-holiday episode features our new sound software made possible by the generous donations of our listeners. Thank you so much all those who have donated.Links:Professor Sex: https://professorsex.comPolyPages Guest Episode: https://anchor.fm/polypages/episodes/BONUS---Polyamory-as-Identity--Sexual-Orientation--or-Intimate-Practice-e9c5omRecommended Books Page: https://www.probablypoly.com/resources

1hr 42mins

7 Dec 2019

Rank #5

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The One Eggplant Policy

Short version: We’ve got a survivor pod update and we talk about the seemingly ever present one eggplant policy. Long Version: Its way past my bedtime and I can’t think of a teaser. So I’m gonna try something new and let the first person in our community who sends me a reasonable teaser text get their teaser used (with attribution and thanks listed or anonymously their choice).Citations:Survivor Stories: https://polyamory-metoo.com/intro-part-2/?fbclid=IwAR07BZcoG90qy3W2rayOkx68Ks4Y22EVxcfRoYHy05DRZBmD1rBoiM1IFTQPod Update: https://medium.com/@fv.survivor.pod/life-rewards-courage-more-survivor-stories-released-today-d796ebfb747c

1hr 9mins

24 Aug 2019

Rank #6

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Autonomy is Not a Cudgel

In this episode of Probably Poly we introduce our new cohost and tackle the issue of how invoking rights discourse, such as right to autonomy, and right to free speech, inside interpersonal relationships can be oppressive and how we can replace those invocations with consent.


12 Jul 2018

Rank #7

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Rules for Leadership Dating Members in our Communities

Join us for our 1-year anniversary, as we discuss how members of leadership can more safely engage in relationships with community members. We are also very lucky to enjoy some words of wisdom from Samantha Manewitz, our guest on the last podcast, for additional depth. This is a great episode and we hope you all enjoy it.We also now have a donation button, so if you want to support future work check out the link: https://www.probablypoly.com/donate


18 May 2019

Rank #8

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How Believing In Good And Evil is Antisocial

This week we talk in depth about the origins and functions of moral language, words like “good” and “evil”, “bad” and “good”. These sorts of questions are very important when thinking about how to judge others, how to forgive ourselves, and how to understand the burgeoning transformative justice movement.Citations: Article about the issues of believing in meritocracy: https://www.fastcompany.com/40510522/meritocracy-doesnt-exist-and-believing-it-does-is-bad-for-you


7 Sep 2019

Rank #9

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Discussing Franklin Veaux

This week instead of theory we talk news. As many of your know by now Franklin Veaux has been accused of abuse by a six member survivor pod. You can, and should, read their statement (link below). We do our best to discuss this extremely important and complex topic and have linked many helpful and illuminating articles below.Links:Survivor Pod Statment: https://medium.com/@fv.survivor.pod/on-light-and-shadow-polyamorys-metoo-411e0275c2fe?fbclid=IwAR0b7fYPlkG4tBjPuCOQ81_p-rcZLtA2F2ewg-WHaSXYB5YIY39JVDMylRIEve Rickets Abuse Description: (possibly connected, unclear): https://ourbetternatures.wordpress.com/2018/11/08/guest-post-anger-management/?fbclid=IwAR3JRffiwA3rHAs9v9jS5RX-7hvdhMRhdE6z-_oYiMtyFbuajaPkWfRkgHsRedit Repost of Franklin’s February 11th response on Quora with original link (now deleted) and official response from survivor pod representation: https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/aph1uq/on_light_and_shadow_polyamorys_metoo_franklin/eg8imc0/Additional Article on Background Work: http://louisaleontiades.com/polyamorys-metoo/?fbclid=IwAR2MkHf3CbLlGNJbRJrbGR_zlA4ZwqkiF1GwQiwYqo4gLu1Qe6PJUeIb420


23 Feb 2019

Rank #10

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Questions to Ask Before Coming Out

This week we discuss evaluating who and when you should come out to with our guest Sarah Neal who provides a set of questions you can ask yourself as a framework to understand the risks rewards and options available to you around coming out.


8 Apr 2019

Rank #11

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Blame Management

In this episode we introduce our new format, discuss the newly released survivor stories from the polyamory’s #metoo survivor pod, and look at why we blame. Specifically, we look at when and how blame is useful and healthy, when it’s not, and why and how we can remove blame as much as possible from our relationships. Survivor Stories: https://polyamory-metoo.com/?fbclid=IwAR0OWVpDxB6zsdbYQF35m1RNjFuAa1Tz5Yv9eB-j45LoI5ixWnutmw9_LPk


1 Jun 2019

Rank #12

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What is Free Will Anyway?

ost people say they have it, but have you ever asked yourself what you mean when you say you have free will, what it means, or why it might matter? These questions are extremely important and we hope you’ll join us in exploring them.Citations:Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy entry on Free Will: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/freewill/


28 Sep 2019

Rank #13

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Effort & Gratitude

In this episode we discuss, well basically every facet of effort and reviving effort, or gratitude. We look at why we might be resentful of how our effort is received, how receiving too much effort might be difficult, how it’s likely that everyone in the relationship is working much harder than you realize and much more. So join us for a deep dive and if you have any questions left over throw them up on the facebook page or send them in via email.

1hr 24mins

11 Jan 2020

Rank #14

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Ending vs Transitioning Relationships

What’s the difference between ending a relationship and transitioning one? If you do transition a relationship what are your options? How does navigating the end or transition of a relationship differ between polyamory and non-monogamy. Join us this week for the answers!


9 Nov 2018

Rank #15

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Communication is Haaarrrrdd

Have you ever wondered why people tell more negative stories then positive stories? Or, wonder what the most commonly misunderstood reasons for communication breakdowns are? Do you just want to improve your own communication success rate? Or do you want to understand the linguistic theories that undergird the ethical theories we use at Probably Poly? Then check out this weeks episode.


30 Sep 2018

Rank #16

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Objectification Overview

Mandee Conant returns and we all discus the meaning of objectification, how we want to use it on the show, and how the concept can be used in the non-monogamous discourse.


25 Jul 2018

Rank #17

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Hidden Disabilities and Polyamorous Communities

This week we respond to a listener question about how to work with neurodivergent members of our communities in a way that benefits everyone. We are particularly excited to have my friend Louis who identifies as having Aspergers stops by to give some guidance and react to our suggestions. After we published this episode we were contacted by a concerned listener. This version includes a forwards and afterwords intended to address those concerns. Forward: 00:00 - 04:26Original Episode: 04:27 - 42:24Afterword: 42:25 - 57:46Citations:Respectful Disability Language Guide: http://www.aucd.org/docs/add/sa_summits/Language%20Doc.pdfMTV’s Decode Episode on African American Vernacular Dialect: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-VnitbeS6w&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR3XSX7w0cZYOFWVUwGknTWpUGe8B3njuIiphUqJZAa2jNcuVBX__9SY7XQObsidian Tea: https://obsidiantea.comBlack and White Styles in Conflict: https://www.press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/B/bo5960984.htmlWhy I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race: http://renieddolodge.co.uk/books/So You Want to Talk About Race: http://www.ijeomaoluo.com/The Racial Contract by Charles W. Mills https://www.amazon.com/Racial-Contract-Charles-W-Mills/dp/0801484634“Hey, Beautiful”: On the Racist and Classist Implications of the Catcalling Video: http://www.bkmag.com/2014/10/29/hey-beautiful-on-the-racist-and-classist-implications-of-the-catcalling-video/


12 Oct 2019

Rank #18

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Opening Up Our Relationships

Join us this week to hear our thoughts and stories on opening up our own relationships, well Mandee and mine at any rate. Sarah, hasn’t opened up a relationship so she just asks insightful questions.


1 Dec 2018

Rank #19

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What Does Commitment Really Mean

What does it mean to you? Is it different for monogamous and non-monogamous communities? If so how? What is the difference, if any between commitments to sexual partners and non-sexual friends? This week on Probably Poly we talk commitment and try to answer these questions and more.


17 Oct 2018

Rank #20