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Dear Jessamyn

Dear Jessamyn is a bi-weekly, cannabis-infused audio advice column, where Jessamyn Stanley and her girlfriend mull over, banter about, and likely misunderstand her Instagram DMs. Season 1 is about polyamory, and all the sexy and messy not-safe-for-work details that come along with the lifestyle. Subscribe now, and get all the tea, delivered directly to your favorite listening device.

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102 Polyamory Is Not For Everybody

Polyamory; for all the sex and fun and swinging from chandeliers with Sia, healthy poly relationships require so much communication, it can be dizzying. (*Also, don't try the chandelier thing at home*) Constantly challenging the status quo just by being yourself, is not all cheap thrills. It can feel isolating fast, even for seasoned pros. Even crazier, is when those conversations steer toward your partner starting to dating someone else for the first time. All of a sudden, your elastic heart may not feel so bulletproof. The personal work you have been avoiding in yourself can leave you feeling jealous and like you are NOT the greatest alive. Maybe polyamory will never shine bright like a diamond to you, there is always room to hear your partner tell their truth. That truth might make you feel validated, but it might also make big girls cry. Either way, accessing the truth about these feelings in yourself, and starting to share them, is one of the only ways we know of to make your connection as strong as titanium. Join Jessamyn and Ashe as we irreverently hold space for some of these topics and more on this episode of Dear Jessamyn,  Polyamory is Not For Everybody XLOur theme music is by some wild ones called Fruit Snack. They have a website called fruitsnack.bandcamp.com and on instagram they are @fruitsnackncAll of our episode art is by this Janie Leopard character, she hangs out at janieleopard.com and @janieleopard on instagram. Her artful genius is unstoppable. In this episode, we mention The Underbelly Yoga app. You'll be thinking "breathe me" all the way to your spiritual alignment in the comfort of your home with The Underbelly app and at the theunderbelly.com Get a free three-day trial when you sign up! Don't forget to rate and review this show. We dedicate this show to the memory of Jo Danger Phoenix. May her memory be a blessing. <3


6 Mar 2020

Rank #1

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106 Am I Poly or Am I Bored?

Are you dreaming of the day quarantine is over, and you can finally head over to your friend's house so you can ruin your friendship with sex? We are too. I mean, what else are we thinking about these days? Ashe and Jessamyn finish their conversation about compersion, having sex with friends, having good communication with friends later and deciding that you don't need to do that anymore, and ultimately, loving yourself. I know you are shocked at that one. In this episode, we mention an entirely fake hookup app that we made up because we think it should exist. And then we realized that hookup apps are somewhat a thing of the past, or at least they should be right now, please. Stay safe out there, y'all. We're in this together means, please stay home if you can and be careful with your precious life. And everyone else's. The Underbelly Yoga app is offering a free 14-day trial. If you are looking for the yoga app that you can do while your man is (staying home but thinking about being) on a date, and has left you wishing you had never gotten the two of you in this poly-curious mess to begin with, and now you are out here doing at-home yoga trying to do some self-care instead of wallowing in jealousy. No? Just our story??? Try The Underbelly Yoga. You'll thank yourself. Every one of our lovely artworkpieces is by @JanieLeopard, a genius with a marker or a stylus! (Say that three times fast). Look at more stuff she does at her website, janieleopard,comIt's a bird! Its a plane! Its a Fruit Snack!? Listen to our theme song, and amazing other internationally recognized hits like Puppies, 911! and Big Gay Love Song. Check ‘em out on fruitsnack.bandcamp.com, and follow them on IG at fruitsnack.bandcamp.com


1 May 2020

Rank #2

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103 Threesome City

"How can I possibly be okay with my boyfriend wanting a threesome when I'm not interested and I wish he wasn't too?" Should our question-asker:   A) try the threesome again, see what she thinks and then decideB) trust her gut, tell him to kick rocks, encourage him to just go for it with his co-worker Amber, spend some time alone thinking about what she wants, and masturbateC) Stick it out, stay with him and come up with a compromise that will work for everyone D) Break up with him and ask Amber out on a date without himE) Decide nothing and dream of a day when her self-worth is not tied up in her partner's sexual attractionF) prioritize herself, smoke some weed, chill out, take a bath, think about the things she needs in life to feel well, read a book, journal, communicate with her partner, try some new things, reconnect with herself, do yoga on The Underbelly, and engage with her pleasure in small ways all the time.Tell us what you think after the show! 🤔🤔🤔Jessamyn thinks that there is no way to meet someone that you might want to spend the rest of your monogamous life with by age 30, and Ashe tends to agree. Jessamyn also is really good at White People Mad Libs, defines "Diet Desire" as wanting something but not being direct and settling for less than the thing you really wanted, and admits to thinking that threesomes are generally more trouble than they are worth. Substitute Ashe's name for Jessamyn's back there and we would be knee-deep in a game of Two Truths and A Lie. 🍎🍎🍊We each talk about threesomes we have had, define emotional violence for ourselves and get down into how to spot some oh-so-common manipulative ways of getting into a threesome. 🥉We say the word blouse twice in this episode, and don't typically say blouse in real life. Let us know how you feel about the word blouse if you like. 👚👚👚Mentioned in this episode:The Underbelly Yoga, now offering a quarantine-friendly free 14-day trial when you sign up on the website, https://browse.theunderbelly.com/checkout/subscribe/purchase 🧘🏾‍♂️🖤💨Ted's of Vermont 1-hour Deodorant, this product does not exist, but if you have ever used a natural deodorant, you get where we are coming from. ⛺️⛰🧼As usual and lucky us, Janie Leopard composed this very lovely episode art, as well as our logo and a bunch of other things that our jaws are stubbornly stuck to the floor over. Find your favorite of hers @JanieLeopard on IG and on https://janieleopard.com/ ❤🖌🎆The podcast's favorite band, Fruit Snack created the theme music on this episode. #Swoon. Check them out on https://fruitsnack.bandcamp.com/ and on Instagram @FruitSnackNC.  💣🎸🥁


20 Mar 2020

Rank #3

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104 What The F**k Is A Metamour?

If you had your dream metamour situation, what would it be? Sister wives (or sibling spouse, as ashe calls them)? Don't ask, don't tell? Best friends? Brunch at the house? Do you want kids with your triad? Do you want a long-distance boo who has a primary partner? Do you want your metamours to come to your birthday party? Do you want to go to theirs? Listen to What the F**k is a Metamour XL (but don't put asterisks in the title of your podcast or it may not publish until you learn the hard way by realizing that your show didn't publish that way and then figure it out and fix it manually) and find out our answers to this same question. Janie drew this very incredible Dear Jessamyn version of Alice Pieszecki's Our Chart. See more of her goods and wares @janieleopard on InstagramFruit Snack jammed out into a microphone for us one day and the results are our beloved theme song. We love staying up to date on their deets @fruitsnackNCWe are thinking of all of you riding out this quarantine. We hope we can offer some giggles in the din. <3


3 Apr 2020

Rank #4

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105 Relationship Stalemate

Ever wanted to get it on with somebody who’s not your partner? We definitely have and so has our question-asker (and if you haven’t, you just might after this quarantine business…) So what happens if you and your partner can’t come to an agreement about getting your d*ck wet??? Are you destined to break up? Not necessarily but it's definitely a bit more serious than compromising on dinner plans….We’ve got a few options for you:Instead ask the question, “Dear Jessamyn, how do I effectively break up with someone whom I love dearly?”Become a CIA-level liar…. To be honest, we wouldn’t recommend it.Compromise - depending on how this goes, you might end up in some kind of ubiquitous cloud of emotional lustJokes aside, these questions usually lead back to your relationship with yourself- understanding your needs and what needs to happen for you. Oh, and in case you find yourself thinking about f*cking someone who’s not your partner, you might ask: does this make me polyamorous? No! But also, maybe? Nothing wrong with a little self-exploration (as long as it’s done ethically, babes).This episode is packed full of good stuff. Check it out when you get a hot sec. Find your hosts: @mynameisjessamyn and @ashedngrphoenixWe’ve been loving The Underbelly. If you're looking for an inclusive yoga practice, look no further! And guess what? A free 14-day trial in light of Covid-19. Tell your friends and head over to their website to get started! You like our episode art? Us too. It’s designed by none other than @JanieLeopard. She’s good y’all- check her out: https://janieleopard.com/ Our favorite band makes our theme song! They’ve got a whole lotta other rockin’ tunes too! They’re called Fruit Snack! Find them at https://fruitsnack.bandcamp.com/ or on IG at @fruitsnacknc


17 Apr 2020

Rank #5