Everything we do requires some effort. We wake up in the morning, and from that point forward, we exert effort, starting with getting out of bed and brushing our teeth. In our society, it is easy to think of effort as synonymous with drudgery, exhaustion, and an attitude of "never enough." Because of this, we also have a complicated relationship with ease: we struggle to rest, and to trust ease. We often stumble from overexertion into numbing out. Humans seem to be happiest when we find a flow between effort and ease, a satisfactory relationship with trying and allowing, practicing and surrendering. How do we come to cultivate that symbiotic relationship in our lives? How do we find that flow? This is what we explore in today’s episode. References: Mindset, by Carol Dweck Taylor Swift commencement speech at NYU Taylor Swift's "Mirrorball" Tricia Hersey’s The Nap Ministry Hannah Morris Bouldering YouTube channel

Everything we do requires some effort. We wake up in the morning, and from that point forward, we exert effort, starting with getting out of bed and brushing our teeth. In our society, it is easy to think of effort as synonymous with drudgery, exhaustion, and an attitude of "never enough." Because of this, we also have a complicated relationship with ease: we struggle to rest, and to trust ease. We often stumble from overexertion into numbing out. Humans seem to be happiest when we find a flow between effort and ease, a satisfactory relationship with trying and allowing, practicing and surrendering. How do we come to cultivate that symbiotic relationship in our lives? How do we find that flow? This is what we explore in today’s episode. References: <a href="https://thedecisionlab.com/reference-guide/neuroscience/growth-mindset?adw=true&amp;utm_term=carol%20dweck%20growth%20mindset&amp;utm_campaign=2022+-+Thinkers&amp;utm_source=adwords&amp;utm_medium=ppc&amp;hsa_mt=b&amp;hsa_net=adwords&amp;hsa_ad=594890531659&amp;hsa_src=g&amp;hsa_cam=17008083795&amp;hsa_kw=carol%20dweck%20growth%20mindset&amp;hsa_grp=135891146356&amp;hsa_tgt=kwd-329662833484&amp;hsa_ver=3&amp;hsa_acc=8441935193&amp;gad=1&amp;gclid=CjwKCAjww7KmBhAyEiwA5-PUSjP4Kj_vm-fY9cYw6e8-tEvK9cGgXhvJ-stUXB6tvzM-ESxPayR-FBoCMQAQAvD_BwE" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Mindset, by Carol Dweck</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBG50aoUwlI" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Taylor Swift commencement speech at NYU</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaM1bCuG4xo" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Taylor Swift's "Mirrorball"</a> <a href="https://thenapministry.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Tricia Hersey’s The Nap Ministry</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@hannahmorrisbouldering" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Hannah Morris Bouldering YouTube channel</a>

Effort and Ease

In today’s solo episode, Victoria responds to Patreon Community questions about resistance to growing up and learning to connect to our wants, needs, and values. Sharing anecdotes from her life, she reflects on core fears and beliefs inside the aversion to responsibility and adulthood, and discusses gentle approaches to examining the invitations inside our existential anxieties.  She also shares approaches to developing a stronger relationship with ourselves, even when we feel very disconnected, and to making decisions while holding space for ambivalence. References: Perennials Podcast The four givens of existential psychotherapy Section from Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself: “I contain multitudes” “Make a decision, then make it right” Instagram post Window of tolerance  Being in a state of "flow" Rainer Maria Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet

In today’s solo episode, Victoria responds to Patreon Community questions about resistance to growing up and learning to connect to our wants, needs, and values. Sharing anecdotes from her life, she reflects on core fears and beliefs inside the aversion to responsibility and adulthood, and discusses gentle approaches to examining the invitations inside our existential anxieties. She also shares approaches to developing a stronger relationship with ourselves, even when we feel very disconnected, and to making decisions while holding space for ambivalence. References: <ul><li><a href="https://perennials.podbean.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Perennials Podcast</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifespan-perspectives/202207/facing-the-unavoidable-challenges-life" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The four givens of existential psychotherapy</a></li> <li>Section from Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself: <a href="https://poets.org/poem/song-myself-51" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">“I contain multitudes”</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CWWLSFOLKOH/?hl=en" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">“Make a decision, then make it right” Instagram post</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/window-of-tolerance" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Window of tolerance</a> </li> <li><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-flow-2794768" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Being in a state of "flow"</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/rainer-maria-rilke" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Rainer Maria Rilke</a>’s <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/46199" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Letters to a Young Poet</a></li></ul>

Growing Up and Knowing Ourselves

You may be familiar with the inner child and the inner adult, but when was the last time you thought about your inner teenager? In today’s episode, we’re exploring what qualities this often-forgotten inner part brings to the table. And, we’re exploring why those of us who grew up trying to embody the “good girl” might have struggled to fully tap into the potential of our inner teenager. The characters are seemingly at odds: as Sheryl explains, if the good girl is all about saying yes, the inner teenager is all about saying no. But with our loving adult at the helm, ready to guide both the child and the teenager to safety and freedom, what might they have to learn from each other? And what might they have to teach us now?  All this, and more, in today’s conversation.    References:  Little Women Play adaptation of The Diary of Anne Frank Gathering Gold Purity &amp; Perfectionism episode Gathering Gold Sexual Sovereignty episode  Mae Martin’s SAP A Midsummer Night’s Dream Gathering Gold Summer episode Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher 

You may be familiar with the inner child and the inner adult, but when was the last time you thought about your inner teenager? In today’s episode, we’re exploring what qualities this often-forgotten inner part brings to the table. And, we’re exploring why those of us who grew up trying to embody the “good girl” might have struggled to fully tap into the potential of our inner teenager. The characters are seemingly at odds: as Sheryl explains, if the good girl is all about saying yes, the inner teenager is all about saying no. But with our loving adult at the helm, ready to guide both the child and the teenager to safety and freedom, what might they have to learn from each other? And what might they have to teach us now?  All this, and more, in today’s conversation.  References:  <ul><li><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1934.Little_Women" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Little Women</a></li> <li>Play adaptation of <a href="https://www.annefrank.org/en/anne-frank/diary/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Diary of Anne Frank</a></li> <li>Gathering Gold <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/purity-and-perfectionism/id1564574858?i=1000579734808" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Purity &amp; Perfectionism episode</a></li> <li>Gathering Gold <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sexual-sovereignty/id1564574858?i=1000592903769" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Sexual Sovereignty episode</a> </li> <li>Mae Martin’s<a href="https://www.netflix.com/title/81628816" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> SAP</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.shakespeare.org.uk/explore-shakespeare/shakespedia/shakespeares-plays/midsummer-nights-dream/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwho-lBhC_ARIsAMpgMoe1ziP3uaB79eMs2ylsYrIFiajpM18Pe8z91qoMXftsUmdJb81LW4gaAut4EALw_wcB" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">A Midsummer Night’s Dream</a></li> <li>Gathering Gold <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/vg/podcast/summer/id1564574858?i=1000526879869" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Summer episode</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/576824/reviving-ophelia-25th-anniversary-edition-by-mary-pipher-phd-and-sara-pipher-gilliam/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Reviving Ophelia</a> by Mary Pipher </li></ul>

The Good Girl and the Inner Teenager

Studies suggest that about 85% of what we worry about never happens. And yet, for many of us, worrying is a way of life. It is our go-to response when we face uncertainty or perceive a threat to something or someone we care about deeply.  In today’s episode, Sheryl shares personal reflections on her relationship to worry as her eldest son Everest embarks on the hardest challenge he has ever faced. She has a thousand reasons to worry, but an even more important reason to break the habit, and tap into another way of expressing her unshakeable love for her son, and her abiding trust in this life.  In this conversation, we spend time in the realm of spirit and sky, feeling into the mystery of trust and surrender. And, we spend time planted into the earth, focusing on the things we can control, where we place our attention, and choices we make about which thoughts and actions to water and grow. 

Studies suggest that about 85% of what we worry about never happens. And yet, for many of us, worrying is a way of life. It is our go-to response when we face uncertainty or perceive a threat to something or someone we care about deeply.  In today’s episode, Sheryl shares personal reflections on her relationship to worry as her eldest son Everest embarks on the hardest challenge he has ever faced. She has a thousand reasons to worry, but an even more important reason to break the habit, and tap into another way of expressing her unshakeable love for her son, and her abiding trust in this life.  In this conversation, we spend time in the realm of spirit and sky, feeling into the mystery of trust and surrender. And, we spend time planted into the earth, focusing on the things we can control, where we place our attention, and choices we make about which thoughts and actions to water and grow.

Breaking the Worry Habit

There are all sorts of blocks that get in the way of us connecting to our creativity, our life force. There’s the inner critic, and then there are the outer critics. There’s perfectionism, and the fear that “it’s all been done before.” There’s the despair of "not enough," and the ache of lacking inspiration. Even after we’ve bushwhacked our way through the thickets of inner resistance to actually create something, we often prick ourselves on thorny choices around sharing what we’ve made. How do we know when it’s time to share, or if it ever needs to be shared? Is wanting to share our creativity inherently narcissistic? What if we get attention for it? What if no one pays attention? What’s the point of all of it, anyway? All of this, and more, in today's episode. References: Jeremy Taylor's dreamwork  Mary Oliver's poetry and On Being interview Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED talk, Oprah talk, and book Big Magic  Magic Lessons Podcast episode with Brené Brown Marion Woodman's Sitting by the Well Perennials Podcast Episode 16: Lucky You with Erika Carter 

There are all sorts of blocks that get in the way of us connecting to our creativity, our life force. There’s the inner critic, and then there are the outer critics. There’s perfectionism, and the fear that “it’s all been done before.” There’s the despair of "not enough," and the ache of lacking inspiration. Even after we’ve bushwhacked our way through the thickets of inner resistance to actually create something, we often prick ourselves on thorny choices around sharing what we’ve made. How do we know when it’s time to share, or if it ever needs to be shared? Is wanting to share our creativity inherently narcissistic? What if we get attention for it? What if no one pays attention? What’s the point of all of it, anyway? All of this, and more, in today's episode. References: <ul><li><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/151086" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Jeremy Taylor's dreamwork </a></li> <li><a href="https://poets.org/poet/mary-oliver" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Mary Oliver's poetry</a> and <a href="https://onbeing.org/programs/mary-oliver-i-got-saved-by-the-beauty-of-the-world/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">On Being interview</a></li> <li>Elizabeth Gilbert’s <a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_your_elusive_creative_genius" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TED talk</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_PSUskgiZU" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Oprah talk</a>, and book <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24453082-big-magic" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Big Magic </a></li> <li><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/magic-lessons-se-1-ep-12-brene-brown-on-big-strong-magic/id1138081319?i=1000373139417" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Magic Lessons Podcast episode with Brené Brown</a></li> <li>Marion Woodman's <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/3395354" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Sitting by the Well</a></li> <li><a href="https://perennials.podbean.com/e/episode-16-lucky-you-with-erika-carter/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Perennials Podcast Episode 16: Lucky You with Erika Carter </a></li></ul>

Creativity

Stuart Ralph

We are honored to bring you a conversation with Stuart Ralph, host of The OCD Stories podcast.  Stuart founded The OCD Stories podcast in 2015 to improve the lives of those with OCD. He holds a masters degree in psychological therapies from the University of London, Queen Mary and a masters degree in integrative child and adolescent counselling and psychotherapy from the University of Roehampton. He works in private practice as a child and adolescent counsellor and psychotherapist in the UK.  In this episode, Stuart graciously shares his personal experiences with OCD, from his first childhood intrusive thoughts, to dealing with an OCD relapse as a new therapist. We discuss why Stu chooses to practice as an integrative therapist, and how he uses modalities including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Compassion-Focused Therapy, and psychodynamic approaches alongside Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). 

We are honored to bring you a conversation with Stuart Ralph, host of <a href="https://theocdstories.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The OCD Stories podcast</a>.  Stuart founded The OCD Stories podcast in 2015 to improve the lives of those with OCD. He holds a masters degree in psychological therapies from the University of London, Queen Mary and a masters degree in integrative child and adolescent counselling and psychotherapy from the University of Roehampton. He works in private practice as a child and adolescent counsellor and psychotherapist in the UK.  In this episode, Stuart graciously shares his personal experiences with OCD, from his first childhood intrusive thoughts, to dealing with an OCD relapse as a new therapist. We discuss why Stu chooses to practice as an integrative therapist, and how he uses modalities including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Compassion-Focused Therapy, and psychodynamic approaches alongside Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP).

Exploring the Depths of OCD with Stuart Ralph

Can we find a sense of aliveness rooted in our everyday lives? Does the magic of life disappear as we age? How do we take responsibility for our own aliveness? In today’s episode, we are exploring all these questions and more to get at the heart of what it means to live fully and deeply, swimming in a sea of fear, courage, and connection.  When we stop taking risks, aliveness shrinks.  When we ignore hard feelings, aliveness suffers. When we hide from the world, aliveness is elusive.  We invite you to get curious and consider: what areas of life are calling for you attention?  References: Richard Rohr quote: “Mystery is not something you can’t know. Mystery is endless knowability. Living inside such endless knowability is finally a comfort, a foundation of ultimate support, security, unrestricted love, and eternal care. For all of us, it takes much of our life to get there; it is what we surely mean by ‘growing’ in faith. I can’t prove this to you. Each soul must learn on its own, hopefully aided by observing other faith-filled people.” Gilmore Girls episode "The Third Lorelai"  Ladybird: "Don't you think maybe they are the same thing -- love and attention?" The Four Givens of Existential Therapy A Streetcar Named Desire: "The opposite is desire."

Can we find a sense of aliveness rooted in our everyday lives? Does the magic of life disappear as we age? How do we take responsibility for our own aliveness? In today’s episode, we are exploring all these questions and more to get at the heart of what it means to live fully and deeply, swimming in a sea of fear, courage, and connection.  When we stop taking risks, aliveness shrinks.  When we ignore hard feelings, aliveness suffers. When we hide from the world, aliveness is elusive.  We invite you to get curious and consider: what areas of life are calling for you attention?  References: <ul><li>Richard Rohr quote: “Mystery is not something you can’t know. Mystery is endless knowability. Living inside such endless knowability is finally a comfort, a foundation of ultimate support, security, unrestricted love, and eternal care. For all of us, it takes much of our life to get there; it is what we surely mean by ‘growing’ in faith. I can’t prove this to you. Each soul must learn on its own, hopefully aided by observing other faith-filled people.”</li> <li>Gilmore Girls episode <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prHNXsP8dgI" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">"The Third Lorelai"</a> </li> <li>Ladybird: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUo2XuqMcCU" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">"Don't you think maybe they are the same thing -- love and attention?"</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifespan-perspectives/202207/facing-the-unavoidable-challenges-life" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Four Givens of Existential Therapy</a></li> <li>A Streetcar Named Desire: "The opposite is desire."</li></ul>

Aliveness

We tell ourselves stories all the time, often stories with roots in fear and protection:   "I’m not smart enough." "They’re mad at me." "I’ll never be able to…" (fill in the blank)   The stories can become so engrained in us, and occur to us so quickly, that we often forget to stop and think about where they come from, and whether they are still, or ever were, really true. Might there be another interpretation that is equally true, more true, or simply more helpful? In today’s episode, we talk about the act of resistant reading to uncover bias, root out shame, and start to notice the stories we tell about ourselves, each other, and the world. This is a practice that goes beyond the cognitive realm of words and goes deep into our bodies, into the stories that live within us on a cellular level.  And we start to explore the question: How can we start to tell ourselves more helpful stories—with our words, with our actions, and with our bodies?

We tell ourselves stories all the time, often stories with roots in fear and protection: "I’m not smart enough." "They’re mad at me." "I’ll never be able to…" (fill in the blank) The stories can become so engrained in us, and occur to us so quickly, that we often forget to stop and think about where they come from, and whether they are still, or ever were, really true. Might there be another interpretation that is equally true, more true, or simply more helpful? In today’s episode, we talk about the act of resistant reading to uncover bias, root out shame, and start to notice the stories we tell about ourselves, each other, and the world. This is a practice that goes beyond the cognitive realm of words and goes deep into our bodies, into the stories that live within us on a cellular level.  And we start to explore the question: How can we start to tell ourselves more helpful stories—with our words, with our actions, and with our bodies?

Stories We Tell Ourselves

There are times in our lives, especially around transitions, when we might wonder: what if? What if I had done things differently back then, or if circumstances been different? Would I suffer less now? And what about the future — what about all the paths that I can’t take? How do I honor them, let them go, and keep moving forward? In today’s episode, Sheryl explains why and how to grieve unlived lives: the ones behind us and ahead of us, the ones that we turned away from by choice, and the ones that were barred to us by circumstance.  We explore how grieving the roads not taken, and holding awareness of death, can help us to live more fully and courageously now, with hearts open to everything that is present for us in the only lives we truly have. 

There are times in our lives, especially around transitions, when we might wonder: what if? What if I had done things differently back then, or if circumstances been different? Would I suffer less now? And what about the future — what about all the paths that I can’t take? How do I honor them, let them go, and keep moving forward? In today’s episode, Sheryl explains why and how to grieve unlived lives: the ones behind us and ahead of us, the ones that we turned away from by choice, and the ones that were barred to us by circumstance.  We explore how grieving the roads not taken, and holding awareness of death, can help us to live more fully and courageously now, with hearts open to everything that is present for us in the only lives we truly have.

Grieving Unlived Lives

We begin this episode about attraction by uncovering some core beliefs that get embedded into us at an early age — as early as childhood, when we watch classic cartoons featuring smitten characters with bulging heart eyes, salivating mouths, and hearts thumping out of their chests. As we grow up, we see these depictions of attraction replicated in all types of media, glamorizing first sight, instantaneous chemical reactions between people, woven into a culture that often focuses on the superficial, on what we see at skin level.  Today, we’re talking about what it means to experience true, ongoing attraction in a committed relationship. Sheryl dispels common myths and misunderstandings, expanding and deepening our understanding of attraction as connection that can be cultivated through loving actions. Sheryl describes one of her favorite loving actions, which is simple but not easy, fundamental and yet not always obvious, something that can change the way we move through relationships and through the world. 

We begin this episode about attraction by uncovering some core beliefs that get embedded into us at an early age — as early as childhood, when we watch classic cartoons featuring smitten characters with bulging heart eyes, salivating mouths, and hearts thumping out of their chests. As we grow up, we see these depictions of attraction replicated in all types of media, glamorizing first sight, instantaneous chemical reactions between people, woven into a culture that often focuses on the superficial, on what we see at skin level.  Today, we’re talking about what it means to experience true, ongoing attraction in a committed relationship. Sheryl dispels common myths and misunderstandings, expanding and deepening our understanding of attraction as connection that can be cultivated through loving actions. Sheryl describes one of her favorite loving actions, which is simple but not easy, fundamental and yet not always obvious, something that can change the way we move through relationships and through the world.

Redefining Attraction

Join Sheryl Paul, a counselor informed by the Jungian depth psychological tradition, and her co-host Victoria Russell, as they dive into the realms of our inner worlds and explore actions we can take to grow more self-trust and self-love. These bi-weekly episodes will provide guidance for diminishing fear and shame, embracing sensitivity and creativity, and approaching life with curiosity and compassion.

You know how to take care of yourself, right? It's simple and easy. Just eat healthy, exercise, get the perfect amount and type of sleep every night, find meaningful work that pays you fairly and doesn't overwork you, spend lots of time cultivating strong relationships, but don't forget your relationship with yourself, go to therapy, be an active part of your community, grow a garden and make yourself a fresh green smoothie every morning-- Okay. So maybe not so simple. The term "self-care" has gotten more and more infused into our everyday lexicon, and yet, it also seems to be more confusing than ever. With so much information at our fingertips, many of us feel guilty that we aren't taking better care of ourselves. Why is it so hard? That's what we're unpacking in today's episode.  And, you can watch our "After the Show" video where we dig more into internal resistance around self-care and rebellion of the "inner teenager."

You know how to take care of yourself, right? It's simple and easy. Just eat healthy, exercise, get the perfect amount and type of sleep every night, find meaningful work that pays you fairly and doesn't overwork you, spend lots of time cultivating strong relationships, but don't forget your relationship with yourself, go to therapy, be an active part of your community, grow a garden and make yourself a fresh green smoothie every morning-- Okay. So maybe not so simple. The term "self-care" has gotten more and more infused into our everyday lexicon, and yet, it also seems to be more confusing than ever. With so much information at our fingertips, many of us feel guilty that we aren't taking better care of ourselves. Why is it so hard? That's what we're unpacking in today's episode.  And, you can <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6XtPhT0cFo" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">watch our "After the Show" video</a> where we dig more into internal resistance around self-care and rebellion of the "inner teenager."

The Myth of Effortless Self-Care

Today, we are finally addressing a topic that has been the pathway to Sheryl’s work for so many of her clients and course members: relationship anxiety. In this episode, we’re talking to Katie, asking her to share her story in the same style as the popular course member interviews included at the end of the Break Free from Relationship Anxiety course.  Katie describes her relationship patterns before finding Sheryl’s course: how she would always run as soon as she thought someone might get hurt, how she thought that a relationship needed to start with infatuation to last, and how she held tight to a rigid independence to protect herself.  Katie explains why she was determined not to run when she met her husband, even when RA brought symptoms like persistent insomnia. She talks about the mindset shifts she learned in Sheryl’s course that helped her to question everything she thought she knew about attraction and independence, and let go of her long list of criteria for a partner. And finally, she shares her wedding vows, and brings Sheryl and Victoria to tears. Sheryl and Victoria recently shared their own relationship anxiety stories in a special Patreon bonus episode. You can learn about joining the Patreon and listen to that episode at patreon.com/gatheringgold And if you are interested in Sheryl’s Break Free from Relationship Anxiety course, you can register here before this year's only live round starts on February 26th.    References: Hold Me Tight, by Sue Johnson Brené Brown

Today, we are finally addressing a topic that has been the pathway to Sheryl’s work for so many of her clients and course members: relationship anxiety. In this episode, we’re talking to Katie, asking her to share her story in the same style as the popular course member interviews included at the end of the <a href="https://conscious-transitions.com/break-free-from-relationship-anxiety-e-course/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Break Free from Relationship Anxiety course</a>.  Katie describes her relationship patterns before finding Sheryl’s course: how she would always run as soon as she thought someone might get hurt, how she thought that a relationship needed to start with infatuation to last, and how she held tight to a rigid independence to protect herself.  Katie explains why she was determined not to run when she met her husband, even when RA brought symptoms like persistent insomnia. She talks about the mindset shifts she learned in Sheryl’s course that helped her to question everything she thought she knew about attraction and independence, and let go of her long list of criteria for a partner. And finally, she shares her wedding vows, and brings Sheryl and Victoria to tears. Sheryl and Victoria recently shared their own relationship anxiety stories in a special Patreon bonus episode. You can learn about joining the Patreon and listen to that episode at <a href="http://patreon.com/gatheringgold" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">patreon.com/gatheringgold</a> And if you are interested in Sheryl’s Break Free from Relationship Anxiety course, you can <a href="https://conscious-transitions.com/break-free-from-relationship-anxiety-e-course/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">register here</a> before this year's only live round starts on February 26th.  References: <ul><li><a href="https://holdmetightonline.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Hold Me Tight, by Sue Johnson</a></li> <li><a href="https://brenebrown.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Brené Brown</a></li></ul>

Relationship Anxiety: Katie’s Story

You probably know the feeling: it’s the pit of dread in your stomach every time you see a particular date on the calendar, and you know exactly what’s happening on that day. The plane trip. The presentation at work. The dentist appointment. If your dread is strong enough, you might find it date consumes your thoughts. You're distracted even during enjoyable activities, worrying about the outcome of this looming event. What if the plane crashes? What if you get fired? What if the dentist drills the wrong tooth?! This line of thinking has a name: anticipatory anxiety. In today’s episode, Sheryl and Victoria share stories of their own recent anticipatory anxiety, how it affects them, and why it’s important to bring curiosity to this realm. And they share strategies and surprising sources of solace that bring a little more excitement, gratitude, and peace to their days, as they continue to hold space for fear of uncertainty. If you enjoy the episode, check out a special “After the Show” video on Sheryl's YouTube channel, in which Sheryl and Victoria tie up some loose ends, explain the abrupt podcast ending, and dig deeper into a spiritual response to anticipatory anxiety.

You probably know the feeling: it’s the pit of dread in your stomach every time you see a particular date on the calendar, and you know exactly what’s happening on that day. The plane trip. The presentation at work. The dentist appointment. If your dread is strong enough, you might find it date consumes your thoughts. You're distracted even during enjoyable activities, worrying about the outcome of this looming event. What if the plane crashes? What if you get fired? What if the dentist drills the wrong tooth?! This line of thinking has a name: anticipatory anxiety. In today’s episode, Sheryl and Victoria share stories of their own recent anticipatory anxiety, how it affects them, and why it’s important to bring curiosity to this realm. And they share strategies and surprising sources of solace that bring a little more excitement, gratitude, and peace to their days, as they continue to hold space for fear of uncertainty. If you enjoy the episode, check out a special <a href="https://youtu.be/qWf0Ot7iXOY" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">“After the Show” video on Sheryl's YouTube channel</a>, in which Sheryl and Victoria tie up some loose ends, explain the abrupt podcast ending, and dig deeper into a spiritual response to anticipatory anxiety.

Anticipatory Anxiety

We were thrilled to speak with Michelle Kenney, a parenting coach who has helped thousands of parents stop using punishments and yelling and learn kind limits.  In today’s episode, Michelle shares her journey to connective parenting, and how she learned to be empathetic and playful with her own strong willed child.  In this conversation, we talk about perfectionism in parenting and navigating differences in parenting styles with family, other caregivers, and even one’s partner. Michelle describes how techniques like “special time” and listening partners can make all the difference for those who want to reconstruct themselves as parents.  You can follow Michelle on Instagram @peaceandparenting and check out her podcast, Peace and Parenting, including her recent episode with Sheryl: Anxiety Around Parenthood. References: Michelle’s forthcoming book, Unpunished Hand in Hand Parenting

We were thrilled to speak with Michelle Kenney, a parenting coach who has helped thousands of parents stop using punishments and yelling and learn kind limits.  In today’s episode, Michelle shares her journey to connective parenting, and how she learned to be empathetic and playful with her own strong willed child.  In this conversation, we talk about perfectionism in parenting and navigating differences in parenting styles with family, other caregivers, and even one’s partner. Michelle describes how techniques like “special time” and listening partners can make all the difference for those who want to reconstruct themselves as parents.  You can follow Michelle on Instagram <a href="https://www.instagram.com/peaceandparenting/?hl=en" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@peaceandparenting</a> and check out her podcast, Peace and Parenting, including <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/ie/podcast/anxiety-around-parenthood-with-guest-sheryl-paul/id1476331236?i=1000590730040" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">her recent episode with Sheryl: Anxiety Around Parenthood</a>. References: <ul><li>Michelle’s forthcoming book, <a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/unpunished-michelle-kenney/1142901897" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Unpunished</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.handinhandparenting.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Hand in Hand Parenting</a></li></ul>

Connective Parenting with Michelle Kenney

Our bodies know when we want to be touched, and when we don’t want to be touched. Desire and agency simmer in our throats, ready to emerge as “Yes” or “No,” to protect our sovereignty over our own bodies and sexuality. But centuries of patriarchy and violations in our personal histories may have disconnected us from the channel of our desire, and the agency of our voice.  In today’s episode, we explore how “yes” and “no” in the sexual realm are intimately and irrevocably intertwined.  We linger on re-learning our right to say “no,” for, as Sheryl reminds us, there is no true yes without no. One depends upon the other. We explore some of the common themes that emerge when people feel disconnected from their desire—history of assault or abuse, feeling touched out, grappling with sexual pain, buckling under pressure and expectations. And we invite the warm light of compassion and gentle love to wash over us and bring us back to safety.  Within this vast, deep, and sometimes painful conversation, there is also room for rediscovering eros, for finding solace, power, joy and laughter within sisterhoods and within ourselves.  We can gently uncover pathways leading us back to the place that most naturally belongs to us—with time, patience, gentleness, and a bit of ferocity.  References and Resources: Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course information and registration Sheryl’s blog post, "This is One of the Best Ways to Get Sexually Aroused" Perennials Podcast Episode 61: Embracing Weakness with Shannon K. Evans Sheryl’s upcoming Sacred Sexuality free webinar Women Who Run with the Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés The Chalice and the Blade by Riane Eisler Story about Amy Poehler in Bossypants by Tina Fey Lizzo, body positivity and self-love 

Our bodies know when we want to be touched, and when we don’t want to be touched. Desire and agency simmer in our throats, ready to emerge as “Yes” or “No,” to protect our sovereignty over our own bodies and sexuality. But centuries of patriarchy and violations in our personal histories may have disconnected us from the channel of our desire, and the agency of our voice.  In today’s episode, we explore how “yes” and “no” in the sexual realm are intimately and irrevocably intertwined.  We linger on re-learning our right to say “no,” for, as Sheryl reminds us, there is no true yes without no. One depends upon the other. We explore some of the common themes that emerge when people feel disconnected from their desire—history of assault or abuse, feeling touched out, grappling with sexual pain, buckling under pressure and expectations. And we invite the warm light of compassion and gentle love to wash over us and bring us back to safety.  Within this vast, deep, and sometimes painful conversation, there is also room for rediscovering eros, for finding solace, power, joy and laughter within sisterhoods and within ourselves.  We can gently uncover pathways leading us back to the place that most naturally belongs to us—with time, patience, gentleness, and a bit of ferocity.  References and Resources: <ul><li>Sheryl’s <a href="https://conscious-transitions.com/sacred-sexuality-a-40-day-program-for-women-to-heal-body-shame-and-ignite-desire" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Sacred Sexuality course information and registration</a></li> <li>Sheryl’s blog post, <a href="https://conscious-transitions.com/this-is-one-of-the-best-ways-to-get-sexually-aroused/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">"This is One of the Best Ways to Get Sexually Aroused"</a></li> <li><a href="https://perennials.podbean.com/e/episode-61-embracing-weakness-with-shannon-k-evans/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Perennials Podcast Episode 61: Embracing Weakness with Shannon K. Evans</a></li> <li>Sheryl’s upcoming Sacred Sexuality free webinar</li> <li><a href="https://www.clarissapinkolaestes.com/women_who_run_with_the_wolves__myths_and_stories_of_the_wild_woman_archetype_101250.htm" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Women Who Run with the Wolves</a> by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés</li> <li><a href="https://www.harpercollins.com/products/the-chalice-and-the-blade-riane-eisler?variant=32203950424098" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Chalice and the Blade</a> by Riane Eisler</li> <li>Story about Amy Poehler in <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9418327-bossypants" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Bossypants</a> by Tina Fey</li> <li><a href="https://www.lizzomusic.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Lizzo</a>, body positivity and self-love </li></ul>

Sexual Sovereignty

In a society (and a holiday season) often focused on consumerism, we can sometimes forget to treasure the special objects in our lives—things handmade or heartfelt, infused with prayers and dreams, memories and love, that we hold as totems while traversing our daily lives and rituals.  In our last episode, Sheryl spoke about some "artifacts of the heart" that she took with her when evacuating under threat of a flood. In this episode, we turn our attention with reverence to some more of our most sacred objects. A pendant, a scarf, a candle holder, a guitar: each holds stories, stories of people and places that have shaped us, practices that bolster us, values we live by. We are sharing some of those stories today.  We hope this episode helps you to reflect on your own artifacts of the heart, and that you'll share some of their stories with us. 

In a society (and a holiday season) often focused on consumerism, we can sometimes forget to treasure the special objects in our lives—things handmade or heartfelt, infused with prayers and dreams, memories and love, that we hold as totems while traversing our daily lives and rituals.  In our last episode, Sheryl spoke about some "artifacts of the heart" that she took with her when evacuating under threat of a flood. In this episode, we turn our attention with reverence to some more of our most sacred objects. A pendant, a scarf, a candle holder, a guitar: each holds stories, stories of people and places that have shaped us, practices that bolster us, values we live by. We are sharing some of those stories today.  We hope this episode helps you to reflect on your own artifacts of the heart, and that you'll share some of their stories with us.

Artifacts of the Heart

There are different kinds of darkness.  Sometimes we head out into darkness to go on a journey—there might be fear or nervousness, but also excitement and curiosity. What glittering stars might guide our way? What might we see once our eyes adjust?  Then there is the type of darkness that envelops us when we experience a dark night of the soul, the kind that might, if we’re lucky, be part of some mysterious transformation or initiation.  And then there is the darkness that appears when the greatest horrors of the world show their face—the kind of darkness that must be stamped out, the kind that no one should ever have to face.  In today’s episode, Sheryl and Victoria are talking about the tools that help us meet darkness, and dispel it, if only for a moment. We share some of the practices and objects that help us summon light and fortify ourselves when the sun goes down and night stretches on.  References: Poet Mary Oliver "Camomile Tea," by Katherine Mansfield "All Things Must Pass," by George Harrison

There are different kinds of darkness.  Sometimes we head out into darkness to go on a journey—there might be fear or nervousness, but also excitement and curiosity. What glittering stars might guide our way? What might we see once our eyes adjust?  Then there is the type of darkness that envelops us when we experience a dark night of the soul, the kind that might, if we’re lucky, be part of some mysterious transformation or initiation.  And then there is the darkness that appears when the greatest horrors of the world show their face—the kind of darkness that must be stamped out, the kind that no one should ever have to face.  In today’s episode, Sheryl and Victoria are talking about the tools that help us meet darkness, and dispel it, if only for a moment. We share some of the practices and objects that help us summon light and fortify ourselves when the sun goes down and night stretches on.  References: <ul><li>Poet <a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/mary-oliver" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Mary Oliver</a></li> <li><a href="https://allpoetry.com/Camomile-Tea" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">"Camomile Tea,"</a> by Katherine Mansfield</li> <li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWV4pFV5nX4" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">"All Things Must Pass,"</a> by George Harrison</li></ul>

Darkness & Light

“We are tired, exhausted. We know that there’s a better way, a more humane way, a more balanced way. We’re not sure what that looks like yet, but we know that it’s possible.” In today’s episode, Sheryl reflects on her bodily knowing that there must be another way to do life, one that is more balanced than what we’ve grown accustomed to: rushing, competing, depleted, disconnected. We may be accustomed, but we are not adjusted. We are collectively exhausted and yearning.  Sheryl shares how making the Gathering Gold podcast has helped her lean into another way: a way of collaboration rather than constantly flying solo. She reflects on taking more time to rest since her 50th birthday and embracing feminine qualities that are so often denigrated in favor of the masculine. And she shares a poem that speaks to the feminine wisdom that is buried but still alive, its heart beating under the soil of time, waiting for us to rediscover it and begin to remember another way to be. 

“We are tired, exhausted. We know that there’s a better way, a more humane way, a more balanced way. We’re not sure what that looks like yet, but we know that it’s possible.” In today’s episode, Sheryl reflects on her bodily knowing that there must be another way to do life, one that is more balanced than what we’ve grown accustomed to: rushing, competing, depleted, disconnected. We may be accustomed, but we are not adjusted. We are collectively exhausted and yearning.  Sheryl shares how making the Gathering Gold podcast has helped her lean into another way: a way of collaboration rather than constantly flying solo. She reflects on taking more time to rest since her 50th birthday and embracing feminine qualities that are so often denigrated in favor of the masculine. And she shares a poem that speaks to the feminine wisdom that is buried but still alive, its heart beating under the soil of time, waiting for us to rediscover it and begin to remember another way to be.

There Is Another Way

Due to a family emergency, Victoria wasn’t able to record with me this week (I share more about this in the episode), so I had to harness my self-trust and fly solo. I watched self-doubt peer in from the wings, and I utilized the skills that I teach to make room for the doubt and also become curious about what might be living underneath it. Through this process, I invite you to join me as we create a sacred space for whatever grief you may be carrying. I then talk about how caring about what random others think and trying to contort ourselves into an externalized mold interfere with our ability to make decisions that are rooted in our bodies and our values. I elucidate this by sharing a story about how our son, Everest, is navigating his college application process right now.   Finally, I share a remarkable quote from Tricia Hersey of The Nap Ministry about the link between grind culture, trust, and the body. --Sheryl

Due to a family emergency, Victoria wasn’t able to record with me this week (I share more about this in the episode), so I had to harness my self-trust and fly solo. I watched self-doubt peer in from the wings, and I utilized the skills that I teach to make room for the doubt and also become curious about what might be living underneath it. Through this process, I invite you to join me as we create a sacred space for whatever grief you may be carrying. I then talk about how caring about what random others think and trying to contort ourselves into an externalized mold interfere with our ability to make decisions that are rooted in our bodies and our values. I elucidate this by sharing a story about how our son, Everest, is navigating his college application process right now.   Finally, I share a remarkable quote from Tricia Hersey of <a href="https://thenapministry.wordpress.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Nap Ministry</a> about the link between grind culture, trust, and the body. --Sheryl

Self-Trust, Grief and the Body

Recently, we've had episodes about purity, perfectionism, and what it means to be (or not to be!) "good." We've emphasized again and again that no one is perfect, that we are all messy human beings with flaws, who make mistakes. In today's episode, we are getting a bit more specific about what it means to be imperfect: we are sharing stories of recent times when we have messed up, what those mess-ups felt like for us, and how we worked through them. From dead houseplants and near-accidents to (very large) impulsive purchases, we're talking about the shame, guilt, regret, humor, learning, and grace that have accompanied some recents "oops" moments. This is actually our second attempt at this conversation. The first conversation, which felt a bit messier (but no less interesting!) will be released as our bonus episode on our Patreon next Friday. Sign up to hear some behind-the-scenes thought processing, and for extra stories about how Victoria deeply disappointed a friend (and made amends) and some of Sheryl's confessions of high school rebellion. 

Recently, we've had episodes about purity, perfectionism, and what it means to be (or not to be!) "good." We've emphasized again and again that no one is perfect, that we are all messy human beings with flaws, who make mistakes. In today's episode, we are getting a bit more specific about what it means to be imperfect: we are sharing stories of recent times when we have messed up, what those mess-ups felt like for us, and how we worked through them. From dead houseplants and near-accidents to (very large) impulsive purchases, we're talking about the shame, guilt, regret, humor, learning, and grace that have accompanied some recents "oops" moments. This is actually our second attempt at this conversation. The first conversation, which felt a bit messier (but no less interesting!) will be released as our bonus episode on <a href="https://www.patreon.com/gatheringgold" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">our Patreon</a> next Friday. Sign up to hear some behind-the-scenes thought processing, and for extra stories about how Victoria deeply disappointed a friend (and made amends) and some of Sheryl's confessions of high school rebellion.

When We Mess Up

Gathering Gold

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