In the last episode, we explained and defined the four phases of violent crime, helping you to identify what potential threat types are, who they're going to come from, what those threats may be and what we need to start focusing when discussing this with our kids.  In this episode we want to move into the actual lifecycle of violent crime Nd break it down into the four steps.  The lifecycle of violent crime really comes down to three fundamental areas, (but I'm going to add-in a fourth one).  It works in a bell curve,  Pre conflict Crisis Response   Post-conflict   There is the lead-up in the escalation and then there's what's called the point of no return, which is crisis. This is when the actual crime has been committed, where it goes hands-on when the situation gets hot.  The crisis period is very, very small, sometimes just seconds.  I'm going to add into the tail end of the crisis period the response period, or post freeze; when you or your child recognizes that it's gone to the point of no return. This could be   After the assault has happened After you've already hit the ground  After you're thrown into a car After you've recognized you are lost in the wilderness After you realize your child has been separated from you .. on and on  Basically, we're at that point of no return and we have a response.  Then comes post-conflict. This phase can:   Extend into years of legal circumstances in criminal or civil court, litigation Immediately after, self triage Articulation to law enforcement.  The first one to call 911  Communicating with loved ones, friends  Mental and emotional care for children  ... on and on  Most martial arts or self-defense programs only focus solely on the point of no return, only in crisis. They don't holistically teach you the full-circle or the complete life cycle of any violent situation. 

In the last episode, we explained and defined the four phases of violent crime, helping you to identify what potential threat types are, who they're going to come from, what those threats may be and what we need to start focusing when discussing this with our kids. In this episode we want to move into the actual lifecycle of violent crime Nd break it down into the four steps. The lifecycle of violent crime really comes down to three fundamental areas, (but I'm going to add-in a fourth one). It works in a bell curve, <ul> <li>Pre conflict</li> <li>Crisis <ul> <li>Response</li> </ul> </li> <li>Post-conflict </li> </ul> There is the lead-up in the escalation and then there's what's called the point of no return, which is crisis. This is when the actual crime has been committed, where it goes hands-on when the situation gets hot. The crisis period is very, very small, sometimes just seconds. I'm going to add into the tail end of the crisis period the response period, or post freeze; when you or your child recognizes that it's gone to the point of no return. This could be <ul> <li>After the assault has happened</li> <li>After you've already hit the ground </li> <li>After you're thrown into a car</li> <li>After you've recognized you are lost in the wilderness</li> <li>After you realize your child has been separated from you</li> <li>.. on and on</li> </ul> Basically, we're at that point of no return and we have a response. Then comes post-conflict. This phase can: <ul> <li>Extend into years of legal circumstances in criminal or civil court, litigation</li> <li>Immediately after, self triage</li> <li>Articulation to law enforcement. </li> <li>The first one to call 911 </li> <li>Communicating with loved ones, friends </li> <li>Mental and emotional care for children </li> <li>... on and on</li> </ul> Most martial arts or self-defense programs only focus solely on the point of no return, only in crisis. They don't holistically teach you the full-circle or the complete life cycle of any violent situation.

Understanding the Lifecycle of Violence as a Parent

The next threat within what I consider the four phases of violent crime is the Face of the Criminal. This is not going have too much to do with yourself or your child, as it simply happens that they may find themself in the wrong place at the wrong time. An example of this situation might be at a gas station where they went in to pay for gas, and there happened to be an armed robbery in progress. Wrong place, wrong time - confronted by a criminally minded individual, who has not necessarily targeted you or your child.   In terms of your child being victimized, this is second to the Friend, or someone they already have built trust with. Facing the Criminal is not something you pre-plan against as the variables are not within any spectrum of control or timing, however the direction for preparing your child’s ability to recognize and respond quickly, bypassing the freeze factor, is what can be done! Ignoring this opportunity to help your children here, is leaving them incapable of functioning in this situation. You absolutely can help them to get through this, should it ever happen to them. In a future episode we will discuss this more, and we will also look into what steps could be taken to support them when suddenly Facing the Criminal..

The next threat within what I consider the four phases of violent crime is the Face of the Criminal. This is not going have too much to do with yourself or your child, as it simply happens that they may find themself in the wrong place at the wrong time. An example of this situation might be at a gas station where they went in to pay for gas, and there happened to be an armed robbery in progress. Wrong place, wrong time - confronted by a criminally minded individual, who has not necessarily targeted you or your child.   In terms of your child being victimized, this is second to the Friend, or someone they already have built trust with. Facing the Criminal is not something you pre-plan against as the variables are not within any spectrum of control or timing, however the direction for preparing your child’s ability to recognize and respond quickly, bypassing the freeze factor, is what can be done! Ignoring this opportunity to help your children here, is leaving them incapable of functioning in this situation. You absolutely can help them to get through this, should it ever happen to them. In a future episode we will discuss this more, and we will also look into what steps could be taken to support them when suddenly Facing the Criminal..

A Criminal, The Second Threat of Violence

In this episode, we will explore the two priorities of how to engage your children when training them to stay safe, regardless of age or scenario. These two priorities are, providing your child with the foundation to build a strong sense of self, and teaching them the tools of proper communication.  Complete Article: The Priority of Communication for Keeping Kids Safe If teaching your child how to stay safe in all of life's circumstances is important to you, come join us at: CloseQuarterDad.com Learn about other Dads like yourself, training how to teach their kids safe: Join the CQD Dojo   Enjoy this episode and let me know what you think - Adam

In this episode, we will explore the two priorities of how to engage your children when training them to stay safe, regardless of age or scenario. These two priorities are, providing your child with the foundation to build a strong sense of self, and teaching them the tools of proper communication.  Complete Article: <a href="https://www.closequarterdad.com/blog/the-priority-of-communication-for-keeping-kids-safe" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Priority of Communication for Keeping Kids Safe</a> If teaching your child how to stay safe in all of life's circumstances is important to you, come join us at: <a href="https://closequarterdad.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">CloseQuarterDad.com</a> Learn about other Dads like yourself, training how to teach their kids safe: <a href="https://www.closequarterdad.com/join-close-quarter-dad" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Join the CQD Dojo</a> Enjoy this episode and let me know what you think - Adam

The Priority of Communication for Keeping Kids Safe

A community of Dads committed to teaching our children about staying safe and living with confidence. Join us at Close Quarter Dad The next possibility for victimization in a violent crime, is going to be basically poor judgment. It is whether or not your children are choosing to go with another group of kids where they shouldn't be going, or your daughter or son, who might be in college and they're making the bad judgment to go to a bar. Possibly they go to a place that they know they shouldn't be going, or get into a car that they shouldn't be getting into. I understand that this isn't the face of an individual of the actual subject. This is actually your child. But I want to include this in here, because it's really important to understand when we're talking about assessing threats. Could it have been poor judgment for your son to go into a bar using his fake id? And then they happen to be in the face of a criminal where a robbery is going on? ... Or there's a gang initiation that just happened ...Or something was about to escalate that had nothing to do with your son being there, and he happened to be there because of poor judgment. He happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time at the same time. Yes, absolutely. But I want to bring the issue of judgment forward, because this can actually influence whether or not your child is going to become a victim of a violent crime. View the complete article here:

A community of Dads committed to teaching our children about staying safe and living with confidence. Join us at <a href="https://closequarterdad.com" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Close Quarter Dad</a> The next possibility for victimization in a violent crime, is going to be basically poor judgment. It is whether or not your children are choosing to go with another group of kids where they shouldn't be going, or your daughter or son, who might be in college and they're making the bad judgment to go to a bar. Possibly they go to a place that they know they shouldn't be going, or get into a car that they shouldn't be getting into. I understand that this isn't the face of an individual of the actual subject. This is actually your child. But I want to include this in here, because it's really important to understand when we're talking about assessing threats. Could it have been poor judgment for your son to go into a bar using his fake id? And then they happen to be in the face of a criminal where a robbery is going on? ... Or there's a gang initiation that just happened ...Or something was about to escalate that had nothing to do with your son being there, and he happened to be there because of poor judgment. He happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time at the same time. Yes, absolutely. But I want to bring the issue of judgment forward, because this can actually influence whether or not your child is going to become a victim of a violent crime. View the complete article here:

Faces of Violence, Part 2 Poor Judgement and The Predator

There is really one of four faces or four situations that they're gonna find themselves in. If you're able to understand this, then you're able to move your own training, your own discussions and your own paradigm in the proper way.  A lot of self-defense programs teach stranger danger. A lot of discussions and a lot of paradigms that parents have are don't talk to strangers.  How many times were you told that when you were a kid, don't talk, just don't trust strangers?  But, the reality is in possibly a situation where you get separated from your child; maybe you're in the city, you're looking in the window, you turn around and your little girl is gone; or maybe it's a situation where you're getting off a train and you're little girl drops her doll, she goes back to grab it, the doors close and the train goes; we could go on and on with all these different scenarios, but it's at that point that we really need to count on strangers.

There is really one of four faces or four situations that they're gonna find themselves in. If you're able to understand this, then you're able to move your own training, your own discussions and your own paradigm in the proper way.  A lot of self-defense programs teach stranger danger. A lot of discussions and a lot of paradigms that parents have are don't talk to strangers.  How many times were you told that when you were a kid, don't talk, just don't trust strangers?  But, the reality is in possibly a situation where you get separated from your child; maybe you're in the city, you're looking in the window, you turn around and your little girl is gone; or maybe it's a situation where you're getting off a train and you're little girl drops her doll, she goes back to grab it, the doors close and the train goes; we could go on and on with all these different scenarios, but it's at that point that we really need to count on strangers.

Faces of Violence, Part 1 The Friend and Criminal

The reason for creating close quarter parenting is, back in 2006 I began to recognize something that was pretty unique, and I don't know if I would have ever realized this if I wasn't in the unique situation I was in as a martial arts instructor and as a father. As a teacher here, and the owner of my martial arts school, I started to work with and engage with obviously a lot of kids and had a lot of kids in my dojo. The majority of my students are adults, but I had a lot of children here and we were able to build the school up to about 200 children and it's a lot of kids, so I'm engaging with a lot of parents. What I started to realize after a while is the majority of the parents were moms and at first, for the first few years, I just sort of took it as a soccer mom thing that dads were at work and moms were at home and after school the moms took the kids to karate lessons. Then I started to notice something a little bit deeper as being a dad myself, is that the father's, a few dads were coming in and those dads that came in were highly engaged with me. View the entire article here:

The reason for creating close quarter parenting is, back in 2006 I began to recognize something that was pretty unique, and I don't know if I would have ever realized this if I wasn't in the unique situation I was in as a martial arts instructor and as a father. As a teacher here, and the owner of my martial arts school, I started to work with and engage with obviously a lot of kids and had a lot of kids in my dojo. The majority of my students are adults, but I had a lot of children here and we were able to build the school up to about 200 children and it's a lot of kids, so I'm engaging with a lot of parents. What I started to realize after a while is the majority of the parents were moms and at first, for the first few years, I just sort of took it as a soccer mom thing that dads were at work and moms were at home and after school the moms took the kids to karate lessons. Then I started to notice something a little bit deeper as being a dad myself, is that the father's, a few dads were coming in and those dads that came in were highly engaged with me. View the entire article here:

Close Quarter Dad Origin Story

So a couple days ago, I was walking down the bike path that we have in my part of New York. We've got this gorgeous bike path that runs across the entire state. We've got one. The heads north won the heads east west and just a beautiful network of these trails that go off into the woods. There used to be the old railroad that they've converted Thio public trails for cycling, running and just enjoyment out in nature. One, uh, afternoon last week I was going on one of my walks and I happened. Thio be really enjoying the fact that there was nobody out there. Usually they could be pretty crowded, especially during the pandemic and people wanting to get outside. A lot of people are out there, which is a great thing. This one particular day, there's nobody out. There was just myself on the wilderness. It was beautiful cause I was walking. I came across, uh, some people coming towards me. And as I got closer, I noticed that it was a couple, and as I got closer, I was able to see that they're on in their years, maybe mid seventies. You know, late sixties, and it was a couple they were holding hands, husband and wife, possibly on. They were just enjoying the day. Brisk winter day when Sun was out was just gorgeous. And as I got closer, I noticed the gentleman who was on the lady's left side and she was on his right in his left hand. He was holding something. And as I got closer and was getting ready, "Good afternoon". I noticed that he was carrying a baseball bat in his left hand, and as I got closer, I even noticed it was legitimately a Louisville slugger had had the brand on it and everything. It was a purple baseball bat, and he was carrying it right at the handle, uh, in what appeared to be him trying to show a presence of, uh, not not like he's intimidating, but I'm not gonna get messed with now. I'm not going to stand in anybody else's shoes and try to make sense of what they're doing and why they're doing it. But as I said, good afternoon and they kindly said good afternoon back to me and we went our opposite directions. I got to thinking about that and I got to thinking what would cause someone to go on a beautiful walk with their wife, enjoying nature, enjoying this beautiful day and feel that level of threat. And as I continue to reflect on this, maybe he got bit by an off leash dog on the bike path. Maybe he was assaulted. Maybe his wife was victimized at some point, he just wanted toe demonstrate. Ah, wall of protection or security. You know, as I got to reflect even deeper on this, I thought about myself and I thought about where will I be in those years where my body may not be Have the physicality, uh, to call upon the skill set that I have Is a lifelong martial artists to be able to defend myself or my wife or loved one? When I'm out in the woods and nobody else is there, the answer came to me. And that's really what I want to share with you today. And I want you to consider this perspective, to not enter your golden years and move on into life with a feeling of being intimidated by your body aging or getting older, but instead become empowered by that you see in my dojo. In my martial arts school, we have a huge system of stick fighting, from 6 ft staffs to small sticks to even handheld sticks. They were used throughout history and a lot of different ways. The samurai would use them, the spears as Halbert, that use them to take down cavalry from horses. They would use the priests. The Shinto priests would use them in rituals, but then the Yamaguchi or the mountain monks would use them as walking sticks. But they would also be very proficient and using them as weaponry as well as in the European tradition. There's Welsh pole arm fighting. The Spaniards have their own style of stick fighting. When we go back to looking at this and looking at where the outcome of this constant training is and what the Masters have taught us, this type of training allows us to become upright model people and develop a higher sense of consciousness. And I know that this sounds ethereal. I get it. I understand that a stick is a great weapon because every closet has a broom in and you just grab the broom. And if you're proficient, stick fighting, Then you can use a broom just like any stick that you have in a martial arts school. That's a very shallow way of looking at your progress in your training, whether it's mm, whether it's judo, whether it's Tai Chi ... whatever the craft or skill that you're having. If you are training, you are elevating your consciousness. And when you get to those years and when you get to those moments within those years where you should be enjoying the beauty of the time, whether it be with someone you love or whether you're just looking out at all that you've produced, you don't live in a state of fear where you have to carry a baseball bat on every beautiful day. Instead, you're confident in knowing that the constant and rigorous training that you have applied throughout your life will naturally be called on. Should that situation happen, it will naturally come forward in, however, in whatever adaptive way is necessary. This is what I think the Masters mean by having a heightened level of consciousness, whether you'd be able to de escalate that situation verbally, whether if it's a dog, you become so comfortable with communicating through your body language and through your energy to animals so that you're able thio. Maybe in your later years and through your training de escalate the senses of an angry animal. You know you have from ST Francis of Assisi to some of these Buddhist masters who would have birds land on their shoulder. I mean, we've all heard these stories. There's some truth to that, though. And the truth is found in your discipline in your commitment to training and staying on that path. When we talk about stick fighting in the martial arts, a stick is a straight weapon. And even though us, as as men by nature were bent, were broken, were hurt, were struggling. Maybe our physicality has gotten weak. Maybe our mental health and our mental fitness on our emotional fortitude has gotten weaker over the years by staying in our training and in this case, continuing with training with the stick. It continues to keep our energy and alignment a stick and stick. Fighting and using a staff are like the Filipino fighters. They'll tell you that there is absolute honesty found in that type of training and just like many other disciplines, not not necessarily even in, uh, in martial arts. But in, for example, brush, calligraphy and what I study, uh, in different different arts, different movement, arts, whatever the discipline might be, uh, in this case, the stick. It is very honest, and it won't lie, and it won't give you an opportunity for error. There's very little margin of error, and the more you pursue efficiency of mind efficiency of movement, then your outcomes will become greater and greater and greater. You'll be able to expand Maura's. You become more efficient. It creates more space. It allows you to think more clearly and respond more directly and more appropriately to those situations. I invite you as you move towards your golden years as you get older as a man that you consider the depth and the commitment of your training to not cease, but to have your perspective change a little bit. Have your perspective change towards elevating your consciousness, elevating who you are emotionally and mentally, and knowing that should that situation ever happened, where you might need a baseball bat, that you have the training that you will naturally fall back on whether it be physical, whether it be a mental or emotional, however, that response will be it will be suitable for the time. Trust in yourself. Trust in your skill set Trust in your experience in your knowledge and who you are as a man. If you enjoy this and got some value from it helps you to think a little bit differently. Maybe give you a different optic on stuff you already know. Then I would invite you to support the podcast. Please go ahead and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, wherever you listen to this podcast. And if you're a dad who's interested in taking on and continuing the role of a guide and guardian in their household with their Children teaching your Children the basic things like survival, self reliance, resiliency and confidence that I invite you to check out the work that I do with other men over at close quarter. Dad, once again, I want to thank you for spending your time with me today. And I look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Yeah, nah. Now,

So a couple days ago, I was walking down the bike path that we have in my part of New York. We've got this gorgeous bike path that runs across the entire state. We've got one. The heads north won the heads east west and just a beautiful network of these trails that go off into the woods. There used to be the old railroad that they've converted Thio public trails for cycling, running and just enjoyment out in nature. One, uh, afternoon last week I was going on one of my walks and I happened. Thio be really enjoying the fact that there was nobody out there. Usually they could be pretty crowded, especially during the pandemic and people wanting to get outside. A lot of people are out there, which is a great thing. This one particular day, there's nobody out. There was just myself on the wilderness. It was beautiful cause I was walking. I came across, uh, some people coming towards me. And as I got closer, I noticed that it was a couple, and as I got closer, I was able to see that they're on in their years, maybe mid seventies. You know, late sixties, and it was a couple they were holding hands, husband and wife, possibly on. They were just enjoying the day. Brisk winter day when Sun was out was just gorgeous. And as I got closer, I noticed the gentleman who was on the lady's left side and she was on his right in his left hand. He was holding something. And as I got closer and was getting ready, "Good afternoon". I noticed that he was carrying a baseball bat in his left hand, and as I got closer, I even noticed it was legitimately a Louisville slugger had had the brand on it and everything. It was a purple baseball bat, and he was carrying it right at the handle, uh, in what appeared to be him trying to show a presence of, uh, not not like he's intimidating, but I'm not gonna get messed with now. I'm not going to stand in anybody else's shoes and try to make sense of what they're doing and why they're doing it. But as I said, good afternoon and they kindly said good afternoon back to me and we went our opposite directions. I got to thinking about that and I got to thinking what would cause someone to go on a beautiful walk with their wife, enjoying nature, enjoying this beautiful day and feel that level of threat. And as I continue to reflect on this, maybe he got bit by an off leash dog on the bike path. Maybe he was assaulted. Maybe his wife was victimized at some point, he just wanted toe demonstrate. Ah, wall of protection or security. You know, as I got to reflect even deeper on this, I thought about myself and I thought about where will I be in those years where my body may not be Have the physicality, uh, to call upon the skill set that I have Is a lifelong martial artists to be able to defend myself or my wife or loved one? When I'm out in the woods and nobody else is there, the answer came to me. And that's really what I want to share with you today. And I want you to consider this perspective, to not enter your golden years and move on into life with a feeling of being intimidated by your body aging or getting older, but instead become empowered by that you see in my dojo. In my martial arts school, we have a huge system of stick fighting, from 6 ft staffs to small sticks to even handheld sticks. They were used throughout history and a lot of different ways. The samurai would use them, the spears as Halbert, that use them to take down cavalry from horses. They would use the priests. The Shinto priests would use them in rituals, but then the Yamaguchi or the mountain monks would use them as walking sticks. But they would also be very proficient and using them as weaponry as well as in the European tradition. There's Welsh pole arm fighting. The Spaniards have their own style of stick fighting. When we go back to looking at this and looking at where the outcome of this constant training is and what the Masters have taught us, this type of training allows us to become upright model people and develop a higher sense of consciousness. And I know that this sounds ethereal. I get it. I understand that a stick is a great weapon because every closet has a broom in and you just grab the broom. And if you're proficient, stick fighting, Then you can use a broom just like any stick that you have in a martial arts school. That's a very shallow way of looking at your progress in your training, whether it's mm, whether it's judo, whether it's Tai Chi ... whatever the craft or skill that you're having. If you are training, you are elevating your consciousness. And when you get to those years and when you get to those moments within those years where you should be enjoying the beauty of the time, whether it be with someone you love or whether you're just looking out at all that you've produced, you don't live in a state of fear where you have to carry a baseball bat on every beautiful day. Instead, you're confident in knowing that the constant and rigorous training that you have applied throughout your life will naturally be called on. Should that situation happen, it will naturally come forward in, however, in whatever adaptive way is necessary. This is what I think the Masters mean by having a heightened level of consciousness, whether you'd be able to de escalate that situation verbally, whether if it's a dog, you become so comfortable with communicating through your body language and through your energy to animals so that you're able thio. Maybe in your later years and through your training de escalate the senses of an angry animal. You know you have from ST Francis of Assisi to some of these Buddhist masters who would have birds land on their shoulder. I mean, we've all heard these stories. There's some truth to that, though. And the truth is found in your discipline in your commitment to training and staying on that path. When we talk about stick fighting in the martial arts, a stick is a straight weapon. And even though us, as as men by nature were bent, were broken, were hurt, were struggling. Maybe our physicality has gotten weak. Maybe our mental health and our mental fitness on our emotional fortitude has gotten weaker over the years by staying in our training and in this case, continuing with training with the stick. It continues to keep our energy and alignment a stick and stick. Fighting and using a staff are like the Filipino fighters. They'll tell you that there is absolute honesty found in that type of training and just like many other disciplines, not not necessarily even in, uh, in martial arts. But in, for example, brush, calligraphy and what I study, uh, in different different arts, different movement, arts, whatever the discipline might be, uh, in this case, the stick. It is very honest, and it won't lie, and it won't give you an opportunity for error. There's very little margin of error, and the more you pursue efficiency of mind efficiency of movement, then your outcomes will become greater and greater and greater. You'll be able to expand Maura's. You become more efficient. It creates more space. It allows you to think more clearly and respond more directly and more appropriately to those situations. I invite you as you move towards your golden years as you get older as a man that you consider the depth and the commitment of your training to not cease, but to have your perspective change a little bit. Have your perspective change towards elevating your consciousness, elevating who you are emotionally and mentally, and knowing that should that situation ever happened, where you might need a baseball bat, that you have the training that you will naturally fall back on whether it be physical, whether it be a mental or emotional, however, that response will be it will be suitable for the time. Trust in yourself. Trust in your skill set Trust in your experience in your knowledge and who you are as a man. If you enjoy this and got some value from it helps you to think a little bit differently. Maybe give you a different optic on stuff you already know. Then I would invite you to support the podcast. Please go ahead and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, wherever you listen to this podcast. And if you're a dad who's interested in taking on and continuing the role of a guide and guardian in their household with their Children teaching your Children the basic things like survival, self reliance, resiliency and confidence that I invite you to check out the work that I do with other men over at close quarter. Dad, once again, I want to thank you for spending your time with me today. And I look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Yeah, nah. Now,

The Consciousness of Weapon Training

Let's talk about understanding the difference between improvisational training and functional training and how we should approach working with our children to give them a clear understanding and skill set of for personal protection. How can they really take ownership of the lessons you teach them, and do so in a way that they don't get discouraged? Training by nature comes with risk, and the risk exists in both functional and improvisational models of training. Understanding that first, (before I get into the differences between the two approaches to training) is important. Danger exists physically and mentally in training. Mentally can be space or experience where someone gets discouraged iand they quit. We don't want them to do that, we want them to stay motivated, to enjoy the experience. But we also want the experience to be garnished with reality. We want the experience experience to be at sometimes shocking, but of course not traumatic. We want them to understand the experience and to slowly, gradually increase their threshold for fear and discomfort. Full article, visit: https://www.closequarterdad.com/blog/functional-improvisational-training Website: https://closequarterdad.com

Let's talk about understanding the difference between improvisational training and functional training and how we should approach working with our children to give them a clear understanding and skill set of for personal protection. How can they really take ownership of the lessons you teach them, and do so in a way that they don't get discouraged? Training by nature comes with risk, and the risk exists in both functional and improvisational models of training. Understanding that first, (before I get into the differences between the two approaches to training) is important. Danger exists physically and mentally in training. Mentally can be space or experience where someone gets discouraged iand they quit. We don't want them to do that, we want them to stay motivated, to enjoy the experience. But we also want the experience to be garnished with reality. We want the experience experience to be at sometimes shocking, but of course not traumatic. We want them to understand the experience and to slowly, gradually increase their threshold for fear and discomfort. Full article, visit: <a href="https://www.closequarterdad.com/blog/functional-improvisational-training" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.closequarterdad.com/blog/functional-improvisational-training</a> Website: <a href="https://closequarterdad.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://closequarterdad.com</a>

Functional vs. Improvisational Training

We can empower our kids with the best techniques to stay safe if someone grabs them, or teach them how to prevent a bully from hurting them  … or we can show them what to do if a group of kids tries jumping them  … or we can even show them how to get out of the trunk of a car they're locked inside. The scenarios go on and on. But the reality is, if your children don't know how to manage and cope with stress properly, they will be at much greater statistical risk throughout their lives, to encounter suffering or self imposed violence. Read that again.  In a previous episode I shared some basic exercises, tools and discussions we can have with our kids about stress and anxiety.  I think even more important is making sure they model how you manage stress, as that's what it's going to come down to. The are watching how you manage it, during each stage of their life, and carrying that reflection with them as a reference. How do they cope with this? Well, that’s up to you.  If you're the you're the kind of dad who expresses himself with, “F**k! I'm so stressed out … leave me alone right now I’m in the middle of doing … too many things going on at work … “ and you're referencing all this tension, all the time, your kids are going to respond in that exact same way.  Let’s take a step back, and consider a more mindful approach.  Visit the complete article Download a free copy of the classic book, "Jiu Jitsu Combat Tricks"

We can empower our kids with the best techniques to stay safe if someone grabs them, or teach them how to prevent a bully from hurting them  … or we can show them what to do if a group of kids tries jumping them  … or we can even show them how to get out of the trunk of a car they're locked inside. The scenarios go on and on. But the reality is, if your children don't know how to manage and cope with stress properly, they will be at much greater statistical risk throughout their lives, to encounter suffering or self imposed violence. Read that again.  In a previous episode I shared some basic exercises, tools and discussions we can have with our kids about stress and anxiety.  I think even more important is making sure they model how you manage stress, as that's what it's going to come down to. The are watching how you manage it, during each stage of their life, and carrying that reflection with them as a reference. How do they cope with this? Well, that’s up to you.  If you're the you're the kind of dad who expresses himself with, “F**k! I'm so stressed out … leave me alone right now I’m in the middle of doing … too many things going on at work … “ and you're referencing all this tension, all the time, your kids are going to respond in that exact same way.  Let’s take a step back, and consider a more mindful approach.  <a href="https://www.closequarterdad.com/blog/jiujitsu-of-stress" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Visit the complete article</a> <a href="https://www.closequarterdad.com/jiu-jitsu-combat-tricks-download" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Download a free copy of the classic book, "Jiu Jitsu Combat Tricks"</a>

The Jiujitsu of Stress

Over the last few days, I've been handling a situation with my oldest son. He's 18 years old and he's dealing with a fight that happened here in our community that involved his friends.  My son called me from somewhere in about 12:30 am the other evening and explained to me that a group of his friends had been jumped. I dug into the details a little bit more. His friends had gone to meet a another group of kids to watch a one on one fight to settle something that had escalated at a McDonald’s parking lot earlier that evening; one of these stupid teenage dramas that sadly escalated to a point of no return. His friends showed up at the designated fight location, and apparently all of them ended up getting jumped by a large(r) group of kids.  The situation turned pretty bad.  A baseball baseball bat had hit a kid’s head, a knife was involved in a stabbing, someone got hit with a hammer with the claw side of a framing hammer and these boys got beat down.  Painfully and unnecessarily, group of kids ended up in the hospital.  This situation escalated quick went beyond the point of no return.  Young people got severely injured.  When I heard about this for my son, I asked him calmly,  How can I help you?  After I listened to his confused answer, I followed with, How do you feel about this? He went on to explain that he had been playing basketball that afternoon with a group of the kids that were involved in jumping his friends. So now I could see the dilemma he's trying to figure out how to navigate.  Well, the police got involved and are currently investigating, so we're sort of past that point. And like most dads, I would say Well, don't get involved.  That's the first thing that comes to mind, right? Not now. I’m not so certain that's what my son wanted to hear from his dad.  He was sharing his anxiety with me over the situation. He had certain feelings. He wanted to lash out. He wanted seek retribution for what had happened to his friends.  My response to him was simple and a bit unexpected,  ‘This is the outcome. If you want to be involved in violence… even as a witness, then you're opening the door to trauma. You are opening a door to allowing yourself to suffer.’ He’s just going to see a shoulder shrug for me, and that's about it.  I've raised my son to understand this. He knows that I'm not a fan of violence.  He knows that I understand what the outcome is.  I don't really believe in the glorification of it.  I don't believe in the monkey dancing. But (in his paradigm) telling him to leave it alone is no different than telling him to not stick up for his friends. You've got to stick up for your friends, always. But how? Those boys went looking for a fight and they got a fight. End of story. That's it. Go back to playing basketball.  It's terrible what happened. The outcome was terrible.  Young people got hurt.  Young people were also involved in hurting other young people. And that's going to stay with them for the rest of their lives. As mentioned, there’s a current investigation going on. It will affect family finances, college plans, future career potential even.  Most of these boys are seniors in high school, good kids, from good families, getting ready to go off to College. Now what? When you distill it down to the most basic level, in my opinion and the message that I had to my son was that, if you want to play with violence if it's you feel cultural pressure, social pressure, influenced by entertainment … to take it to that level because of some stupid incident that happened in a parking lot. Well, guess what?  Read the rest of this article at My Son Wants Revenge, at Close Quarter Dad

Over the last few days, I've been handling a situation with my oldest son. He's 18 years old and he's dealing with a fight that happened here in our community that involved his friends.  My son called me from somewhere in about 12:30 am the other evening and explained to me that a group of his friends had been jumped. I dug into the details a little bit more. His friends had gone to meet a another group of kids to watch a one on one fight to settle something that had escalated at a McDonald’s parking lot earlier that evening; one of these stupid teenage dramas that sadly escalated to a point of no return. His friends showed up at the designated fight location, and apparently all of them ended up getting jumped by a large(r) group of kids.  The situation turned pretty bad.  A baseball baseball bat had hit a kid’s head, a knife was involved in a stabbing, someone got hit with a hammer with the claw side of a framing hammer and these boys got beat down.  Painfully and unnecessarily, group of kids ended up in the hospital.  This situation escalated quick went beyond the point of no return.  Young people got severely injured.  When I heard about this for my son, I asked him calmly,  How can I help you?  After I listened to his confused answer, I followed with, How do you feel about this? He went on to explain that he had been playing basketball that afternoon with a group of the kids that were involved in jumping his friends. So now I could see the dilemma he's trying to figure out how to navigate.  Well, the police got involved and are currently investigating, so we're sort of past that point. And like most dads, I would say Well, don't get involved.  That's the first thing that comes to mind, right? Not now. I’m not so certain that's what my son wanted to hear from his dad.  He was sharing his anxiety with me over the situation. He had certain feelings. He wanted to lash out. He wanted seek retribution for what had happened to his friends.  My response to him was simple and a bit unexpected,  ‘This is the outcome. If you want to be involved in violence… even as a witness, then you're opening the door to trauma. You are opening a door to allowing yourself to suffer.’ He’s just going to see a shoulder shrug for me, and that's about it.  I've raised my son to understand this. He knows that I'm not a fan of violence.  He knows that I understand what the outcome is.  I don't really believe in the glorification of it.  I don't believe in the monkey dancing. But (in his paradigm) telling him to leave it alone is no different than telling him to not stick up for his friends. You've got to stick up for your friends, always. But how? Those boys went looking for a fight and they got a fight. End of story. That's it. Go back to playing basketball.  It's terrible what happened. The outcome was terrible.  Young people got hurt.  Young people were also involved in hurting other young people. And that's going to stay with them for the rest of their lives. As mentioned, there’s a current investigation going on. It will affect family finances, college plans, future career potential even.  Most of these boys are seniors in high school, good kids, from good families, getting ready to go off to College. Now what? When you distill it down to the most basic level, in my opinion and the message that I had to my son was that, if you want to play with violence if it's you feel cultural pressure, social pressure, influenced by entertainment … to take it to that level because of some stupid incident that happened in a parking lot. Well, guess what?  Read the rest of this article at <a href="https://closequarterdad.com/my-son-wants-revenge/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">My Son Wants Revenge</a>, at <a href="https://closequarterdad.com" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Close Quarter Dad</a>

My Son Wants Revenge, Reflections on Friends Getting Jumped

The Close Quarter Dad podcast is a discussion among men about teaching our kids to live safe, confident and resilient lives. Topics are focussed on topics of personal protection, family safety, loss prevention and last resort survival.

In this episode I want to challenge you to ask yourself what I call threatening questions.  These are questions that as a parent, we don't want to face … they are dark. They are questions we may not even know to ask ourselves.   What if I get separated from you in the city, I get lost and it's dark? What do I do?  Will I really have to fight to save my life some day? What happens if you get hurt? What am I supposed to do What if a police officer tells me to go with him because you and mom have been hurt and they need to take me to the hospital to be with you?  If I hear gunshots at school, what should I really do?  That man makes me feel really uncomfortable, what am I supposed to say to him every time he talks to me?  You told me not to talk to strangers. But if I call 911 the operator that answers is a stranger also. So who really is a stranger?  What happens if a mean person comes at us in the parking lot and they want to hurt you? What should I?  I watched a kid get beat up today. What should I have done?  I heard the gas station was robbed last week. What happens if I was at the gas station when it got robbed? What should I do? What happens if you lose me? What happens when I see someone bullying or hurting another kid?  What happens if I get separated from everybody and I get lost in the woods?  What happens if one day someone pulls me into a car and I can't get out? What do I do?   We could go on and on with these with these examples. What’s important right now is that you simply take some time and think of one question that truly puts you in a place of fear. What is that one question you just never would want to face.  Do you know the answer to that question?  The reality is that if I put 20 men in one room and I asked them to write down the answer to any one of the questions that I just gave examples up, the strong likelihood is that I will receive 20 different answers. There's usually gonna be no more than three appropriate answers given the situation.  So if there were a couple questions that you had a challenge with don't worry, it's totally natural.  You are invited into close quarter dad, our community of other fathers like yourself who are answering those questions and asking many more.  We're addressing topics of,   Personal protection Family security Loss prevention  Last resort survival training.   There's a free program called the Core Conflict Concepts, where I really break down the difference between the topics of personal protection and martial arts and why sending your child to a martial arts school may not be the solution for keeping your child safe. You see, too many people, unfortunately, go forward with thinking,  “if I put my kid into a martial arts school, they're gonna be able to keep themselves safe, able to fight off a bully” … or all this nonsense.  It's just not true.  Interested in joining our group of Dad’s? Join us at Close Quarter Dad for more information on our courses and access our library of tactical parenting videos and articles. See you on the next episode.

In this episode I want to challenge you to ask yourself what I call threatening questions.  These are questions that as a parent, we don't want to face … they are dark. They are questions we may not even know to ask ourselves.  <ul> <li>What if I get separated from you in the city, I get lost and it's dark? What do I do? </li> <li>Will I really have to fight to save my life some day?</li> <li>What happens if you get hurt? What am I supposed to do</li> <li>What if a police officer tells me to go with him because you and mom have been hurt and they need to take me to the hospital to be with you? </li> <li>If I hear gunshots at school, what should I really do? </li> <li>That man makes me feel really uncomfortable, what am I supposed to say to him every time he talks to me? </li> <li>You told me not to talk to strangers. But if I call 911 the operator that answers is a stranger also. So who really is a stranger? </li> <li>What happens if a mean person comes at us in the parking lot and they want to hurt you? What should I? </li> <li>I watched a kid get beat up today. What should I have done? </li> <li>I heard the gas station was robbed last week. What happens if I was at the gas station when it got robbed? What should I do? What happens if you lose me?</li> <li>What happens when I see someone bullying or hurting another kid? </li> <li>What happens if I get separated from everybody and I get lost in the woods? </li> <li>What happens if one day someone pulls me into a car and I can't get out? What do I do? </li> </ul> We could go on and on with these with these examples. What’s important right now is that you simply take some time and think of one question that truly puts you in a place of fear. What is that one question you just never would want to face.  Do you know the answer to that question?  The reality is that if I put 20 men in one room and I asked them to write down the answer to any one of the questions that I just gave examples up, the strong likelihood is that I will receive 20 different answers. There's usually gonna be no more than three appropriate answers given the situation.  So if there were a couple questions that you had a challenge with don't worry, it's totally natural.  You are invited into close quarter dad, our community of other fathers like yourself who are answering those questions and asking many more.  We're addressing topics of,  <ul> <li>Personal protection</li> <li>Family security</li> <li>Loss prevention </li> <li>Last resort survival training. </li> </ul> There's a free program called the <a href="https://www.closequarterdad.com/offers/BoZyrz7A/checkout" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Core Conflict Concepts</a>, where I really break down the difference between the topics of personal protection and martial arts and why sending your child to a martial arts school may not be the solution for keeping your child safe. You see, too many people, unfortunately, go forward with thinking,  “if I put my kid into a martial arts school, they're gonna be able to keep themselves safe, able to fight off a bully” … or all this nonsense.  It's just not true.  Interested in joining our group of Dad’s? Join us at <a href="https://www.closequarterdad.com/home" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Close Quarter Dad</a> for more information on our courses and access our library of tactical parenting videos and articles. See you on the next episode.

Ask yourself Threatening Questions

As a professional martial artist, I've made it a career for more than a decade to teach people from all walks of life, young and old, how to remain safe. Discovery of self preservation and safety is not merely about learning a technique to apply against a bad guy, although most martial arts systems today are systemized like this. This type of approach is shortsighted at best, lacking the critical principles of escalation and de-escalation, both of which rely on the practitioners deeper understanding and exposure to reality based training at many more levels than is what is popular in most academies today. Easy to teach techniques make money, but very, very rarely equip a student to survive. From my perspective, the study of true martial arts has nothing to do with sport. It even has little to do with neutralizing an enemy combatant in the field of battle. True martial arts has everything to do with developing the skills to remain in control especially under dire circumstances. Of course the skills and proficiencies of my students mature as their time spent training stacks up, but more important is the maturity of their ability to remain in control as anxiety, fear, shock, trauma or loss of life become extremely real within moments. Due to the constant exposure of survive at all costs simulation in the Dojo, my students can become more adapt to these circumstances and quell the physiological changed during escalation. It is about self control. These are the things of battle and being able to demonstrate control under horrible conditions is the hallmark of a warrior. Any brute can cut another down with a blade or bullet, but the warrior will complete the battle before it escalates into chaos. They will survive and if they do not, the legacy they've left will certainly allow those remaining to share a higher standard of living. This is how I've come to know the meaning of martial arts and the ultimate reason we train them in the west. In Japanese, it is known as the Bushido. The arts that I've dedicated much of my life to understanding have remained relatively unchanged since the Warring States Period in Japanese history, yet have adapted in many interesting ways to the times and technology of the present day. We still retain the old protocol and wear the old attire. Our Dojo smells of a myriad of incense, wood walls and sweat. In the winter the Dojo is frigidly cold and in the summer it is like working out inside an oven. Yet still, each day we are able to step our bare feet onto the tatami matted floor of the Dojo and begin to practice in formats shared by previous generations of warriors. The simulation of death and survival occurs over and over again, day after day, year after year. We are dedicated to preserving this tradition and these ways with all that we have while applying the principles of cause and effect found into our modern day routines and relationships. Read the complete article

As a professional martial artist, I've made it a career for more than a decade to teach people from all walks of life, young and old, how to remain safe. Discovery of self preservation and safety is not merely about learning a technique to apply against a bad guy, although most martial arts systems today are systemized like this. This type of approach is shortsighted at best, lacking the critical principles of escalation and de-escalation, both of which rely on the practitioners deeper understanding and exposure to reality based training at many more levels than is what is popular in most academies today. Easy to teach techniques make money, but very, very rarely equip a student to survive. From my perspective, the study of true martial arts has nothing to do with sport. It even has little to do with neutralizing an enemy combatant in the field of battle. True martial arts has everything to do with developing the skills to remain in control especially under dire circumstances. Of course the skills and proficiencies of my students mature as their time spent training stacks up, but more important is the maturity of their ability to remain in control as anxiety, fear, shock, trauma or loss of life become extremely real within moments. Due to the constant exposure of survive at all costs simulation in the Dojo, my students can become more adapt to these circumstances and quell the physiological changed during escalation. It is about self control. These are the things of battle and being able to demonstrate control under horrible conditions is the hallmark of a warrior. Any brute can cut another down with a blade or bullet, but the warrior will complete the battle before it escalates into chaos. They will survive and if they do not, the legacy they've left will certainly allow those remaining to share a higher standard of living. This is how I've come to know the meaning of martial arts and the ultimate reason we train them in the west. In Japanese, it is known as the Bushido. The arts that I've dedicated much of my life to understanding have remained relatively unchanged since the Warring States Period in Japanese history, yet have adapted in many interesting ways to the times and technology of the present day. We still retain the old protocol and wear the old attire. Our Dojo smells of a myriad of incense, wood walls and sweat. In the winter the Dojo is frigidly cold and in the summer it is like working out inside an oven. Yet still, each day we are able to step our bare feet onto the tatami matted floor of the Dojo and begin to practice in formats shared by previous generations of warriors. The simulation of death and survival occurs over and over again, day after day, year after year. We are dedicated to preserving this tradition and these ways with all that we have while applying the principles of cause and effect found into our modern day routines and relationships. Read the complete article

Reflections on nature in martial arts, the lost secret

In this video, I challenge you to ask your child a question. Try it out and see what they say. I discuss some first steps you can teach your child in case they become separated from you or a group they may be with - and suddenly find themselves alone and lost.

In this video, I challenge you to ask your child a question. Try it out and see what they say. I discuss some first steps you can teach your child in case they become separated from you or a group they may be with - and suddenly find themselves alone and lost.

Teach Your Child to be Found Part 1. 

Earlier this week, I was listening to a discussion with a group of other dads and they were talking about some extreme situation where given the circumstances that they would actually kill to feed their Children. And it's again, that's totally extreme and I understand the sentiment, but what I don't quite agree with is where they were coming from, and I'm not so sure that they understood that if you ended up in a situation like that, what what would those circumstances demand of you, where would your body be, where would your mind be, where the state of your emotional fitness B and and would you be able to have the capacity as a man to do something like that? And are you prepared for that mentally and emotionally? And I want to talk a little bit. I go into a couple of things about like the emotional freeze and decisions skipping. And then I take you into a couple of thought exercises that I really want to introduce to you as a, as a fellow father um that will help you kind of um inspire further discussions and it's really great thought exercise. So that's what this episode is all about. And I look forward to hearing back from you. I want to have a discussion with you and invite you into some thought exercises about exploring your own personal capacity. The other day, I was overhearing a discussion between a couple of colleagues of mine and they were talking about how they would kill in a in a situation where their Children were starving and they would kill to get food for their Children. Now the sentiment there is certainly in place and I think any father can relate to that feeling, but the reality is is kind of question these men and their own personal capacity to quite understand what it is that they were talking about. But given the circumstances of extreme poverty, of economic meltdown, of society, shutdown of a situation where someone could be projected into that scenario as crazy as it may sound. Let's just go there for a minute and let's test our own capacity and let's sort of have an internal dialogue about whether or not we would have the capability of doing that. So there's a couple things that I want to introduce to you. And if you're part of my close quarter dad program, then you've already been introduced to these principles. They're called the decision skip in the ethical freeze. Now the decision skip is in a situation or a scenario where you are faced with something that you don't quite understand and you can't quite make sense of the situation. You don't have a good read on the situation and you keep asking yourself, well, what if what if what if what if it's like a skipping record over and over and over again. A person will get there because they basically don't have enough intelligence or they've never been indoctrinated to this situation before. And they start looking for reasons or excuses to not go there versus being a concise decision maker and taking action with immediacy. So the decision skip and making that immediate choice to get to the desired outcome with the quickest and the quickest means possible is one thing. The second and more importantly, is what's called the ethical freeze. As I was listening to these men talk about this in their fantasy world, I kind of sat back and I listened and I started to really think, do these men have what it takes in a situation like that to be able to understand how to function, how to operate? Because the reality is God forbid if there's a situation where they ever have to go to whatever means necessary to provide food for their Children, why is it going to the level of killing? Why isn't it going to a place of being able to barter or being able to steal? Or why isn't it prostituting yourself or someone of your Children? Why aren't you having that discussion? Why does it go all the ways to the point of killing another person? And I think the reason for that is because we're so indoctrinated to the act of killing or taking a life through entertainment and through media. And I would invite you to take a moment and reconsider other means in that situation. What about do you have the capacity to be able to protect your family before that consideration is needed? Because that's very important. Those men certainly didn't have it. They wouldn't know what to do in a situation like that because these men were unhealthy. They were unfit. They just didn't they weren't people who lived in that space or had these types of questions or discussions that we're having right now, they wouldn't quite understand how the community, a band of people that would have to immediately come together for preservation purposes, for continuity purposes and for community and to be able to protect each other. They have no idea about that type of framework, but then also comes those other questions. Well, what happens when you're involved in a black market or an underground market where food just is not readily available or food is being maintained by someone or some group and they have complete control of supply lines. And what happens if it does come to a point which is certainly quite common in some parts of the world where maybe you do have to prostitute yourself or give something of yourself or of one of your family members in exchange for survival resources. Have you ever asked yourself those questions? Well, if you're going to have that discussion and if you're gonna be that guy around the barbecue that says, well, I'd kill someone if my Children was starving, well then I want you to think, I want you to do some thought exercises, What other uncertainties could happen in a situation like that, such as demands being made on you, by a group of marauders or people who overpower you so that you can actually eat. Now, all I'm suggesting that you do is if you're going to have these discussions, you have them with some reality in mind. And if your buddies are having this discussion, they're saying these things and I'd like you to introduce these other variables into that discussion and ask about their own personal capacity. How well do they understand situations like that? And ask about the different variables? The different circumstances? What actually comes, what happens before a situation, A last resort situation where you have to kill someone for food for your Children? Where are you at that point? Where is your mind, What have you already gone through? What level of fatigue is your body going through right now? Where is your things like blood sugar level or lack of sleep or overexposure? Where are you? And will your body actually be able to function at a level where you can take another person's life if you've never done that before? And then what happens afterward? What happens when this becomes the norm? What happens when you become so complacent with that action? It now becomes almost something that's expected. What are the withdrawals? What's the traumatic outcome of that? You may think that? Well, you know, I'll deal with that later. But do you understand this now? If you're going to have that type of discussion is what I'm inviting you to consider right now Now I understand it's a dark topic, but the reality is that so many men like us go around having these fantasy discussions when there's a valuable opportunity for them to explore their own personal capacity as a father, as a man, as a protector, as a guidance, as a guardian of their Children and God forbid. What if they ever are in a situation that would demand that they take actions so extreme as that? What comes before that? What happens during that? What are the variables that they may encounter and what are the outcomes of that afterwards? Have you considered those? Well, I would invite you to do your own research and I would invite you to understand what happens before during and after and all the variables that could surround each one of those stages of any situation like that. So I really want to thank you for spending a couple minutes with me and hopefully this time inspired you to think things through a little bit more deeply rather than just at the superficial level. And that's what I'm really trying to motivate you to do the next time you hear these superficial discussions, add your thoughts in there with reality. Don't let those discussions be superficial. Don't become dark but introduce the reality of what it is that these other dads and these men are saying and that's all I'm asking you to do. So I hope this is a great thought exercise for you and I look forward to communicating with you further. You are invited to join our community of like minded dad's committed to bettering our roles as guide and guardian in our homes, bettering our skills and personal protection, family security, last resort tactics and primitive skills for our kids were a tribe of men who don't just talk about being dads. We train to provide our kids with what it takes when it counts. You've been listening to the Close Quarter Dad podcast brought to you by Adam Mitchell, join us at close quarter dad dot com for more information on our courses and to access our library of tactical parenting videos and articles. See you on the next episode.

Earlier this week, I was listening to a discussion with a group of other dads and they were talking about some extreme situation where given the circumstances that they would actually kill to feed their Children. And it's again, that's totally extreme and I understand the sentiment, but what I don't quite agree with is where they were coming from, and I'm not so sure that they understood that if you ended up in a situation like that, what what would those circumstances demand of you, where would your body be, where would your mind be, where the state of your emotional fitness B and and would you be able to have the capacity as a man to do something like that? And are you prepared for that mentally and emotionally? And I want to talk a little bit. I go into a couple of things about like the emotional freeze and decisions skipping. And then I take you into a couple of thought exercises that I really want to introduce to you as a, as a fellow father um that will help you kind of um inspire further discussions and it's really great thought exercise. So that's what this episode is all about. And I look forward to hearing back from you. I want to have a discussion with you and invite you into some thought exercises about exploring your own personal capacity. The other day, I was overhearing a discussion between a couple of colleagues of mine and they were talking about how they would kill in a in a situation where their Children were starving and they would kill to get food for their Children. Now the sentiment there is certainly in place and I think any father can relate to that feeling, but the reality is is kind of question these men and their own personal capacity to quite understand what it is that they were talking about. But given the circumstances of extreme poverty, of economic meltdown, of society, shutdown of a situation where someone could be projected into that scenario as crazy as it may sound. Let's just go there for a minute and let's test our own capacity and let's sort of have an internal dialogue about whether or not we would have the capability of doing that. So there's a couple things that I want to introduce to you. And if you're part of my close quarter dad program, then you've already been introduced to these principles. They're called the decision skip in the ethical freeze. Now the decision skip is in a situation or a scenario where you are faced with something that you don't quite understand and you can't quite make sense of the situation. You don't have a good read on the situation and you keep asking yourself, well, what if what if what if what if it's like a skipping record over and over and over again. A person will get there because they basically don't have enough intelligence or they've never been indoctrinated to this situation before. And they start looking for reasons or excuses to not go there versus being a concise decision maker and taking action with immediacy. So the decision skip and making that immediate choice to get to the desired outcome with the quickest and the quickest means possible is one thing. The second and more importantly, is what's called the ethical freeze. As I was listening to these men talk about this in their fantasy world, I kind of sat back and I listened and I started to really think, do these men have what it takes in a situation like that to be able to understand how to function, how to operate? Because the reality is God forbid if there's a situation where they ever have to go to whatever means necessary to provide food for their Children, why is it going to the level of killing? Why isn't it going to a place of being able to barter or being able to steal? Or why isn't it prostituting yourself or someone of your Children? Why aren't you having that discussion? Why does it go all the ways to the point of killing another person? And I think the reason for that is because we're so indoctrinated to the act of killing or taking a life through entertainment and through media. And I would invite you to take a moment and reconsider other means in that situation. What about do you have the capacity to be able to protect your family before that consideration is needed? Because that's very important. Those men certainly didn't have it. They wouldn't know what to do in a situation like that because these men were unhealthy. They were unfit. They just didn't they weren't people who lived in that space or had these types of questions or discussions that we're having right now, they wouldn't quite understand how the community, a band of people that would have to immediately come together for preservation purposes, for continuity purposes and for community and to be able to protect each other. They have no idea about that type of framework, but then also comes those other questions. Well, what happens when you're involved in a black market or an underground market where food just is not readily available or food is being maintained by someone or some group and they have complete control of supply lines. And what happens if it does come to a point which is certainly quite common in some parts of the world where maybe you do have to prostitute yourself or give something of yourself or of one of your family members in exchange for survival resources. Have you ever asked yourself those questions? Well, if you're going to have that discussion and if you're gonna be that guy around the barbecue that says, well, I'd kill someone if my Children was starving, well then I want you to think, I want you to do some thought exercises, What other uncertainties could happen in a situation like that, such as demands being made on you, by a group of marauders or people who overpower you so that you can actually eat. Now, all I'm suggesting that you do is if you're going to have these discussions, you have them with some reality in mind. And if your buddies are having this discussion, they're saying these things and I'd like you to introduce these other variables into that discussion and ask about their own personal capacity. How well do they understand situations like that? And ask about the different variables? The different circumstances? What actually comes, what happens before a situation, A last resort situation where you have to kill someone for food for your Children? Where are you at that point? Where is your mind, What have you already gone through? What level of fatigue is your body going through right now? Where is your things like blood sugar level or lack of sleep or overexposure? Where are you? And will your body actually be able to function at a level where you can take another person's life if you've never done that before? And then what happens afterward? What happens when this becomes the norm? What happens when you become so complacent with that action? It now becomes almost something that's expected. What are the withdrawals? What's the traumatic outcome of that? You may think that? Well, you know, I'll deal with that later. But do you understand this now? If you're going to have that type of discussion is what I'm inviting you to consider right now Now I understand it's a dark topic, but the reality is that so many men like us go around having these fantasy discussions when there's a valuable opportunity for them to explore their own personal capacity as a father, as a man, as a protector, as a guidance, as a guardian of their Children and God forbid. What if they ever are in a situation that would demand that they take actions so extreme as that? What comes before that? What happens during that? What are the variables that they may encounter and what are the outcomes of that afterwards? Have you considered those? Well, I would invite you to do your own research and I would invite you to understand what happens before during and after and all the variables that could surround each one of those stages of any situation like that. So I really want to thank you for spending a couple minutes with me and hopefully this time inspired you to think things through a little bit more deeply rather than just at the superficial level. And that's what I'm really trying to motivate you to do the next time you hear these superficial discussions, add your thoughts in there with reality. Don't let those discussions be superficial. Don't become dark but introduce the reality of what it is that these other dads and these men are saying and that's all I'm asking you to do. So I hope this is a great thought exercise for you and I look forward to communicating with you further. You are invited to join our community of like minded dad's committed to bettering our roles as guide and guardian in our homes, bettering our skills and personal protection, family security, last resort tactics and primitive skills for our kids were a tribe of men who don't just talk about being dads. We train to provide our kids with what it takes when it counts. You've been listening to the Close Quarter Dad podcast brought to you by Adam Mitchell, join us at close quarter dad dot com for more information on our courses and to access our library of tactical parenting videos and articles. See you on the next episode.

How Far Will You Really Go To Survive?

Are you having discussions with your children about the topic of violence and where violence is may happen in their life, how they're going to be able to manage it, what happens when they see it, how to make basic sense of it? Well, in this episode, I will introduce you to a couple of tactics you can use to have those very important discussions with your children about violence. Let's get started. First, why is it that we don't have those discussions with our children about the topic of violence? Meanwhile, violence is all around them, whether it be in entertainment, in media, at school, in music…  they're constantly exposed to high, high levels of violence all around them. How often do we have those discussions so they make sense of it and they're able to manage it inside their heads for the rest of their lives? Let’s look back at when we were kids. When I was a young child, the actual discussion of emotional-based topics such as sexuality was just something completely taboo. It was barely discussed in schools. When it was, it was in specific 15 minute classes that were for some reason taught by our gym teacher.    To watch the video or access the full transcript, go to:   How to speak with your kids about violence

Are you having discussions with your children about the topic of violence and where violence is may happen in their life, how they're going to be able to manage it, what happens when they see it, how to make basic sense of it? Well, in this episode, I will introduce you to a couple of tactics you can use to have those very important discussions with your children about violence. Let's get started. First, why is it that we don't have those discussions with our children about the topic of violence? Meanwhile, violence is all around them, whether it be in entertainment, in media, at school, in music…  they're constantly exposed to high, high levels of violence all around them. How often do we have those discussions so they make sense of it and they're able to manage it inside their heads for the rest of their lives? Let’s look back at when we were kids. When I was a young child, the actual discussion of emotional-based topics such as sexuality was just something completely taboo. It was barely discussed in schools. When it was, it was in specific 15 minute classes that were for some reason taught by our gym teacher.  To watch the video or access the full transcript, go to:  <a href="https://www.closequarterdad.com/blog/how-to-speak-with-your-kids-about-violence" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank"> How to speak with your kids about violence</a>

How to talk to your kids about violence

Let’s discuss an observation I've made over the last 20 years of teaching martial arts, engaging with parents and working with their children; the massive impact a dad has on their child when they actually participate in that activity. It doesn't necessarily have to be martial arts. It can be any sports activity, artistic program or challenging interest your child has. But you can no longer stand on the sidelines, barking commands. I am challenging you to actually sharing the path they are on. Whether it's at a coaching level, or it's actually participating in classes with your child, actually ‘doing the work’ makes an incredibly huge impact on how they view you.   RESOURCES Check out the full article here:  Why every parent should share a path with their kids  To learn more about our online community of Dads, visit Close Quarter Dad

Let’s discuss an observation I've made over the last 20 years of teaching martial arts, engaging with parents and working with their children; the massive impact a dad has on their child when they actually participate in that activity. It doesn't necessarily have to be martial arts. It can be any sports activity, artistic program or challenging interest your child has. But you can no longer stand on the sidelines, barking commands. I am challenging you to actually sharing the path they are on. Whether it's at a coaching level, or it's actually participating in classes with your child, actually ‘doing the work’ makes an incredibly huge impact on how they view you. RESOURCES Check out the full article here:  <a href="https://www.closequarterdad.com/blog/share-a-path" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Why every parent should share a path with their kids</a> To learn more about our online community of Dads, visit <a href="https://closequarterdad.com" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Close Quarter Dad</a>

Why every parent should share a path with their kids

Today I want to share with you an answer to a question I get asked a lot; can I recommend a book that would help immerse myself into the study of self-defense and personal protection? Oftentimes I might get asked by a parent who doesn't want to get himself involved in martial arts. Whether they don't have the time or the interest, but they still want to be able to equip their self, armed with good information, so that they can pass that information onto their children. They can help strengthen their children, give them a better understanding of personal protection and safety, as well as family protection. One of the books that I couldn't recommend more, whether you're a martial artist or not, is the book by Rory Miller called Meditations on Violence. This book, for me, it was life changing. I've been doing martial arts almost all of my life. I've been teaching martial arts pretty much my entire adult life. I know it pretty well. What I can tell you is that this book will shatter most misconceptions that you have about violence, about understanding fighting. A lot of times if you were to say, "Oh, I want to take my kids to a martial arts school because I want them to learn how to stick up for him or herself, or I want to learn how to fight, I want to get some skills or that won't work in the street." Or any of these different paradigms and ideas and concepts. This book is going to super align them, to truly look into the mind and the actions of a predator, and anybody who is going to potentially target your child, why are they going to target your child. What is it that your child is doing to motivate them to target your child? The author Rory Miller has not only been involved in teaching and training use of force programs to military law enforcement all over the world, but he was also in corrections for his career, and he has a lot of authority when it comes to speaking on this topic. As well, he's a martial artist. He talks very clearly about his experience and thoughts on martial arts, so he is able to look at this with a very holistic perspective. So once again, the book is Meditations on Violence, couldn't recommend it more. If you're interested in the topic, the life cycle of violence, realities of violence, being able to go beyond a lot of popular myths and misunderstandings about violence... Then this is the book for you. In fact, if you're a martial artist, I would say this is mandatory reading. It's mandatory reading for all my adult students. So Meditations on Violence by Rory Miller, a Comparison of Martial Arts Training and Real World Violence. Highly, highly recommended.  Other works by Rory Miller that you'll enjoy include:   Facing Violence, Preparing for the Unexpected  Training for Sudden Violence: 72 Practical Drills  Conflict Communication

Today I want to share with you an answer to a question I get asked a lot; can I recommend a book that would help immerse myself into the study of self-defense and personal protection? Oftentimes I might get asked by a parent who doesn't want to get himself involved in martial arts. Whether they don't have the time or the interest, but they still want to be able to equip their self, armed with good information, so that they can pass that information onto their children. They can help strengthen their children, give them a better understanding of personal protection and safety, as well as family protection. One of the books that I couldn't recommend more, whether you're a martial artist or not, is the book by Rory Miller called <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1594391181/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=jinedojo-20&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=1594391181&amp;linkId=6cc7a487d47f8551f04ac6fe49b4a5ae" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Meditations on Violence</a>. This book, for me, it was life changing. I've been doing martial arts almost all of my life. I've been teaching martial arts pretty much my entire adult life. I know it pretty well. What I can tell you is that this book will shatter most misconceptions that you have about violence, about understanding fighting. A lot of times if you were to say, "Oh, I want to take my kids to a martial arts school because I want them to learn how to stick up for him or herself, or I want to learn how to fight, I want to get some skills or that won't work in the street." Or any of these different paradigms and ideas and concepts. This book is going to super align them, to truly look into the mind and the actions of a predator, and anybody who is going to potentially target your child, why are they going to target your child. What is it that your child is doing to motivate them to target your child? The author Rory Miller has not only been involved in teaching and training use of force programs to military law enforcement all over the world, but he was also in corrections for his career, and he has a lot of authority when it comes to speaking on this topic. As well, he's a martial artist. He talks very clearly about his experience and thoughts on martial arts, so he is able to look at this with a very holistic perspective. So once again, the book is<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1594391181/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=jinedojo-20&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=1594391181&amp;linkId=6cc7a487d47f8551f04ac6fe49b4a5ae" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank"> Meditations on Violence</a>, couldn't recommend it more. If you're interested in the topic, the life cycle of violence, realities of violence, being able to go beyond a lot of popular myths and misunderstandings about violence... Then this is the book for you. In fact, if you're a martial artist, I would say this is mandatory reading. It's mandatory reading for all my adult students. So Meditations on Violence by Rory Miller, a Comparison of Martial Arts Training and Real World Violence. Highly, highly recommended.  Other works by Rory Miller that you'll enjoy include:  <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1594392137/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=jinedojo-20&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=1594392137&amp;linkId=abb9ebb868aec99c737a6b08da41a2fc" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank"> Facing Violence, Preparing for the Unexpected</a> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159439380X/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=jinedojo-20&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=159439380X&amp;linkId=bd68ba9768d0f5fb5d272ab83b373159" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank"> Training for Sudden Violence: 72 Practical Drills</a> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1594393311/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=jinedojo-20&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=1594393311&amp;linkId=c5f2c31d69b9da6950a12bdb2ccc1f32" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank"> Conflict Communication</a>

Book Review for Dads, Meditations on Violence

And make them FAST instead Let's have a discussion about something we say to our kids all the time. I want to reframe this for you, help you to look at something that's so common that every parent, especially dads, say to their kids. Whether it's when they're learning to become better at sports, or whether it's something to do with academics - any life skill for that matter that we're trying to teach them, and it takes a certain amount of effort, and a certain amount of repetition for them to be able to capture what it is that they're trying to do, and to be able to develop that skill set, and to work themselves towards some degree of expertise or excellence at it. It's most commonly used in sports, it's used in academics, used in all sorts of life skills. I'll share with you the three reasons why you should not say this to your kids anymore then you'll be on a whole new path to helping your kids achieve success. The saying is, practice makes perfect. How many times have you said that to your kids? We say it all the time with the best of intentions, too, but one of the things that we have to understand is that practice simply does not make perfect. You can be a little bit wrong, just a little bit wrong, and the only thing that doing something with 10,000 repetitions is going to do is it's going to help you to become really good at doing the technique wrong. Practice doesn't make perfect because practicing one thing over and over again without the persistence towards perfection, focusing truly on the form, and mastering first the formula of what the expectation is ... In a personal protection context, it's going to be doing a technique right, really diving down and understanding why the technique works, how the technique is going to work, and then being able to discover the movement, or the principles, or the characteristic of the lesson within different contexts, many different variables, many different scenarios or situations. Then, once you have mastery of the technique and you thoroughly understand it then it's through the persistence of training and doing the technique over and over again with many different variables. Will you be able to develop the mastery? Check out the complete episode here, Stop telling your kids this one thing at CloseQuarterDad.com

And make them FAST instead Let's have a discussion about something we say to our kids all the time. I want to reframe this for you, help you to look at something that's so common that every parent, especially dads, say to their kids. Whether it's when they're learning to become better at sports, or whether it's something to do with academics - any life skill for that matter that we're trying to teach them, and it takes a certain amount of effort, and a certain amount of repetition for them to be able to capture what it is that they're trying to do, and to be able to develop that skill set, and to work themselves towards some degree of expertise or excellence at it. It's most commonly used in sports, it's used in academics, used in all sorts of life skills. I'll share with you the three reasons why you should not say this to your kids anymore then you'll be on a whole new path to helping your kids achieve success. The saying is, practice makes perfect. How many times have you said that to your kids? We say it all the time with the best of intentions, too, but one of the things that we have to understand is that practice simply does not make perfect. You can be a little bit wrong, just a little bit wrong, and the only thing that doing something with 10,000 repetitions is going to do is it's going to help you to become really good at doing the technique wrong. Practice doesn't make perfect because practicing one thing over and over again without the persistence towards perfection, focusing truly on the form, and mastering first the formula of what the expectation is ... In a personal protection context, it's going to be doing a technique right, really diving down and understanding why the technique works, how the technique is going to work, and then being able to discover the movement, or the principles, or the characteristic of the lesson within different contexts, many different variables, many different scenarios or situations. Then, once you have mastery of the technique and you thoroughly understand it then it's through the persistence of training and doing the technique over and over again with many different variables. Will you be able to develop the mastery? Check out the complete episode here, <a href="https://www.closequarterdad.com/blog/make-them-fast" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">Stop telling your kids this one thing</a> at <a href="http://CloseQuarterDad.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">CloseQuarterDad.com</a>

Stop telling your kids this one thing

I am going to challenge you on making sure your children know 'how' to call 911 in case of an emergency - and I don't mean dialing the numbers. Does your kid know your cell phone number or their home number by heart? Can they recall back to you their street address without thought? Seems easy, but I challenge you to try right now. And don't forget, if they ever have to call 911, they will be under extreme stress and fear, making decision making and recalling memory extremely difficult. In this video, I will help equip you to teach your children this critical life saving skill.

I am going to challenge you on making sure your children know 'how' to call 911 in case of an emergency - and I don't mean dialing the numbers. Does your kid know your cell phone number or their home number by heart? Can they recall back to you their street address without thought? Seems easy, but I challenge you to try right now. And don't forget, if they ever have to call 911, they will be under extreme stress and fear, making decision making and recalling memory extremely difficult. In this video, I will help equip you to teach your children this critical life saving skill.

When your kids need to call 911, are they prepared?

In this second of two episodes, Avi Nardia (Major, IDF Res.) shares his deep insight to the flaws in martial art programs today for kids, and how parents can recognize a quality leader within schools.  As well, Avi shares how he chooses to guide his own son, by taking him around the world while allowing him to find his own path. Some powerful messages here for us all. Finally, Avi shares with us about the work he is currently doing in Africa, dedicating his time and resources to helping the children in one of Africa's largest slums study martial arts.  Avi Nardia is not only one of my teachers, one of my inspirations in the world of martial arts, but someone I have the honor and privilege to also call him a friend. I am really excited and I could not speak more highly of this man as a warrior but also as a fellow father. It is really exciting for me that is going to be the kick off podcast, the kick off episode for Close-Quarter Dad, and I would love and I am excited to introduce all of you to my friend Avi Nardia sensei. About Avi Nardia Avi Nardia is a world renowned martial artist. He has taught around the world for decades and travels to clubs throughout Europe, the Americas and Asia to teach his own self defense martial art KAPAP. During his 24 years as a reserve officer, Avi Nardia (Major, IDF Res.) served as an official hand-to-hand instructor and safety officer Resources AviNardia.com

In this second of two episodes, Avi Nardia (Major, IDF Res.) shares his deep insight to the flaws in martial art programs today for kids, and how parents can recognize a quality leader within schools.  As well, Avi shares how he chooses to guide his own son, by taking him around the world while allowing him to find his own path. Some powerful messages here for us all. Finally, Avi shares with us about the work he is currently doing in Africa, dedicating his time and resources to helping the children in one of Africa's largest slums study martial arts.  Avi Nardia is not only one of my teachers, one of my inspirations in the world of martial arts, but someone I have the honor and privilege to also call him a friend. I am really excited and I could not speak more highly of this man as a warrior but also as a fellow father. It is really exciting for me that is going to be the kick off podcast, the kick off episode for Close-Quarter Dad, and I would love and I am excited to introduce all of you to my friend Avi Nardia sensei. About Avi Nardia Avi Nardia is a world renowned martial artist. He has taught around the world for decades and travels to clubs throughout Europe, the Americas and Asia to teach his own self defense martial art KAPAP. During his 24 years as a reserve officer, Avi Nardia (Major, IDF Res.) served as an official hand-to-hand instructor and safety officer Resources <a href="https://avinardia.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">AviNardia.com</a>

Avi Nardia, The sword of Giving Life, Part 2

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