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California King

A new journal of emotional hygiene. From the makers of You Look Nice Today.

Weekly hand curated podcast episodes for learning

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A new journal of emotional hygiene. From the makers of You Look Nice Today.

Supplement

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Opportunity: personal care finally takes its show on the road.

NOTE: This episode and its claims have not been evaluated by The Food and Drug Administration. So, you're welcome.

Please step inside the perimeter of the temporary fence line, then proceed through the large disclaimer bottle. To your right is Alan's Foreskin, and to your left is Adam's Paragon of Blades™ (launching Fall, 2023).

Children must be monitored at all times. Also, all attractions are offered "as-is," and their utilization therein does not create a bailment or constitute a "medical diagnosis." Any appendage submitted to the cobbler's public fluoroscope is offered solely at the guest's own risk.

Side effects may include extensive cranial scarring, crippling student debt, and grave personal regret.

Ask your operator if Supplement is right for you.

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Supplement - YouTube

Fig. 1: Our muse, Dr. Raymond Damadian, in his repose.

May 14 2021

34mins

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I.T. Hoop Skirt

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Opportunity: A grand roving dignity sink

The Soft Boys add frisson to any streetscape.

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(This episode is available only in audio, to honor the richness of Homeric oral tradition.)

Links:

Apr 28 2021

25mins

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The Benediction of Sister Susan

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Opportunity: Take a page from a storied American industry.

Ask your doctor if our juice is right for you.

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

The Benediction of Sister Susan - YouTube

Links:

Apr 09 2021

30mins

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Yellow Leather

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Opportunity: Helping you become more comfortable in your skin.

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Yellow Leather - YouTube

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Mar 27 2021

34mins

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Big Tubs

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Opportunity: Radical Proximity should be an immersive experience.

First off: this is not a cult, okay?

Look, if an Aerie of Randies is a little hot under the collar and wants to be stone soup with some other hard-working men, who are you to judge?

The good news is we're probably already available in your neighborhood, so just flag down the apologetic lady in the Shriner car, and she will be more than happy to top off your wing sauce and freshen up your straw.

Everybody ready? Are you ready?! Because…hmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

"WHOOP-sie!"

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Big Tubs - YouTube

Feb 26 2021

37mins

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The Situation District

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Opportunity: A fresh look at a storied neighborhood.

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

The Situation District - YouTube

Feb 13 2021

35mins

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Five of a Kind

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Opportunity: Your bar may be unfinished, but your cassette deck is definitely done.

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Five of a Kind - YouTube

Feb 02 2021

39mins

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Thrival Future

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Opportunity: home is where you hang your backpack

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Thrival Future - YouTube

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Dec 19 2020

31mins

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Interregnum

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Opportunity: who arted?

In the liminal space between life and performance, there exists a certain hallway.

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Interregnum - YouTube

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Dec 05 2020

38mins

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David Fincher’s House of Whoops

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Opportunity: There's no "I" in "mistake."

Let's be honest. If you had to do it all over again? Yeah, you'd probably do even worse. I mean. Look at you.

No, seriously, it's fine. Well. It's not "fine," but it is universal, and that's ultimately where the big money is.

So, the question becomes, what if you could do worse better? Again. You won't, but that's not the point.

The point is, you're ready to commit to change, or at least the appearance of commitment.

But, you won't figure that out until you land on the big balloon in Act III. But, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

How would you feel about a face tattoo of a foot? Or a foot tattoo of a murder tear? Or a night on a futon that practically screams "hand stuff?"

Let me start over.

Hi. Have you ever avoided a mistake that, in retrospect, you really wish you'd made? Yeah. Also: sorry about your contact lens.

Also, also: sorry about Austin.

Just…sorry.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

David Fincher’s House of Whoops - YouTube

Links:

Nov 20 2020

45mins

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Lobster Roll Bounce

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Opportunity: sometimes, the best couple skate is the one you skate alone.

Listen: it's your room now. Mr. Sandwich is only here to act as a guide.

And, while vaping is not encouraged, Ms. Menounos will be happy to repair your phone screen at Booth M5605 (Mezzanine).

Simply agree to corkage, and our monster will be happy to top off your corn.

Thanks, and enjoy the show.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Lobster Roll Bounce - YouTube

Links:

Oct 23 2020

40mins

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Big Money

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Opportunity: Improve the quality and reliability of online ratings systems with the assistance of little Philipe and a VHS tape of the pain you've caused.

There’s a 2½ star Popeye’s in Tracy, and a 5-star Taco Bell in Pacifica with thousands of ratings, but who’s rating the raters? Perhaps reviewers will think twice if they know that they might have to repeat those comments to the proprietor’s sad child (rental or leasing options available).

Go ahead and unzip your wallet. Is it full of receipts? Open a Window™ and let those money ghosts fly away—you never know what ID card or student photo is waiting just around the corner.

Your keyring: do you still have the keys to the car you drove as a toddler? Go ahead and slide those off. Sure you might break a fingernail—hold onto that, it’s a happy memory of your newfound freedom you might want to bequeath to a friend one day.

Grab your satchel full of California quarters and your wallet full of tiny bills. Let's mint a new you.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Big Money - YouTube

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Oct 08 2020

34mins

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History Mall

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Opportunity: an immersive journey inside of another immersive journey.

When Hobbes first stipulated that Man's primal instinct naturally reverts to a state of mall against mall, he probably had no idea how prescient he barely was.

But, what if History could also be a lively if self-referential retail and fast-casual dining experience? What if, indeed, that food court were presided over by a period-appropriate "judge" who deliberately attracted fleas and never broke kayfabe to admit that Wu-Tang Clan even exists?

Well, steel your guts and pack your butts, because your reality is about to get deeply augmented by some really upsetting contextual tableaux.

Like it or not, you've got the music in you. At least for now.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

History Mall - YouTube

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Sep 25 2020

32mins

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One Ticket to the Gun Show

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Opportunity: a destination holiday you just can't wait to leave.

Isn't it finally time for fun Dads to get their dream vacation?

Just submit your dossier, pack your toilet, and get ready for some long-overdue Aloha.

Please be sure to include any specific skills you'd like to see complimented, all relevant dietary restrictions, plus painfully detailed notes outlining your position on clowns.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

One Ticket to the Gun Show - YouTube

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Sep 18 2020

36mins

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C.A. Baracus

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Opportunity: monetize the admittedly thin line between jape and assault.

There's a party in the boy's room, and you're invited.

Your Scoutmaster is here to encourage wholesome habits and gently dissuade you from doing your business in a swim suit.

So, c'mon in.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

C.A. Baracus - YouTube

Links:

Sep 04 2020

27mins

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Mr. Fahrenheit's Here

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Opportunity: turbocharge your brand influence with these mind-blowing tricks.

Listen. Sometimes, we all need a little help. Maybe you broke a gear tooth or even a toe. Maybe, you just can't remember whether Hegel played Dr. Who or Elvin Tibideaux or Harry Bentley.

Our highly-trained Crossperts™ are standing by to "help." Perhaps not in the way that you want, but, definitely in the way that you need.

Now take off your shoes and peel this fruit. We will be taking a lot photos but probably won't put them on the internet.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Mr. Fahrenheit's Here - YouTube

Aug 21 2020

33mins

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Livin' Barge

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Opportunity: A man, a plan, a canal, Erie!

What is it going to take for me to put you on this ship today? Revive the recycling economy, and pick up your own slightly stained "Dirty Venice" tee. Not the golf kind. Although, you can buy that too. Also, please be circumspect about the buffet, and always be guided by the advice of your new assistant, Ray-Ray.

If you need anything, just flag down Suzie, and please do have your checkbook ready. You're really going to need it.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Livin' Barge - YouTube

Links:

  • Livin’ Barge - YouTube
  • You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to the You Look Nice Today channel on YouTube.
  • New York State Canal System — Use your own boat or rent a fully equipped canal boat, and chart your own course. Marinas provide a full range of services for transient boaters. You can tie up and explore quiet, 19th-century canal towns, bicycle to nearby wineries for a tour, then dine aboard as the sun gently sets.
  • Lobster golf balls — Lobster golf balls: Want to improve your stroke out at sea? Use lobster golf balls. Made from the shell, they're biodegradable.
  • Hawaiian Punch — RJ Reynolds Company (RJR) acquired Hawaiian Punch in 1963. In 1981, the business was transferred to Del Monte, a wholly owned subsidiary of RJR.

Aug 15 2020

38mins

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Lincoln Bedroom

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Opportunity: medical appliances that go ham.

In these challenging, sexy times, your industry is probably suffering a grave synergy crisis. Maybe it's time to accept that there's no box to think outside of.

So, drop a coin in the bed, and strap this apparatus on your hog. It's for "health," okay?

We’re not here to judge.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Lincoln Bedroom - YouTube

Links:

Aug 01 2020

37mins

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Terrestrial Bathysphere

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Opportunity: sometimes, inspiration can be a breath of fresh steam.

Just because we can't be "near" each other doesn't mean we can't enjoy an intimate environment. Whether that's a museum on the Mall, or an antiqued vivarium in the woods, or even just a very large hat that you share with good friends. But, let's also address a uniquely male pain that is neither here nor there.

Time to dump out that box, slap on some rusty gears, and steady your gimbal load. This week, You Look Nice Today will spit on your comb and drop a half-penny into a strangely erotic new entertainment apparatus.

Mr. Twain will see you now.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Terrestrial Bathysphere - YouTube

Links:

Jul 25 2020

37mins

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Straits of Sandwich

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Opportunity: one man's plank is another man's treasure chest.

Now, more than ever, many Americans hunger for travel and adventure—while some yearn merely to be something besides an American. Well, your time has arrived, so, come aboard! We're expecting you.

Our consultants and child-lawyers are available to review your preferences in party water, urban poultry admiralty, and the complex and often unnavigable seas of local garb and maritime headgear. Serf's up.

So, plant your running shoes in a new land, and show that childless Halloween family that you're the Captain now.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Straits of Sandwich - YouTube

Links:

  • 33 U.S. Code § 385 - Seizure and condemnation of vessels fitted out for piracy | U.S. Code | US Law | LII / Legal Information Institute — Any vessel built, purchased, fitted out in whole or in part, or held for the purpose of being employed in the commission of any piratical aggression, search, restraint, depredation, or seizure, or in the commission of any other act of piracy, as defined by the law of nations, shall be liable to be captured and brought into any port of the United States if found upon the high seas, or to be seized if found in any port or place within the United States, whether the same shall have actually sailed upon any piratical expedition or not, and whether any act of piracy shall have been committed or attempted upon or from such vessel or not; and any such vessel may be adjudged and condemned, if captured by a vessel authorized as mentioned in section 386 of this title to the use of the United States, and to that of the captors, and if seized by a collector, surveyor, or marshal, then to the use of the United States.

    (R.S. § 4297.)
  • Admiralty | Wex | US Law | LII / Legal Information Institute — Parties subject to admiralty may not contract out of admiralty jurisdiction, and states may not infringe on admiralty jurisdiction either judicially or legislatively.
  • Yahtzee History — The game that makes you think while having fun.
  • Flag Designer — Generate Random Flag
  • Straits of Sandwich - YouTube
  • You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to the YLNT YouTube channel.

Jul 17 2020

35mins

Play

iTunes Ratings

149 Ratings
Average Ratings
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9

stay gold

By no you enter a nickname - May 18 2020
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these guys influenced more of podcasting than can be counted by modern metrics.

Home again

By RosieNinjaMama - Apr 22 2020
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I feel like I have been reunited with a long lost family member. Will listen again.