Cover image of The Relationship School Podcast
(629)
Sexuality
Health & Fitness
Mental Health

The Relationship School Podcast

Updated about 1 month ago

Sexuality
Health & Fitness
Mental Health
Read more

A trail blazing relationship podcast promoting unconventional monogamy and marriage--where we teach you how to fight well, master communication, and take your marriage to the next level without compromising your business, family, or integrity

Read more

A trail blazing relationship podcast promoting unconventional monogamy and marriage--where we teach you how to fight well, master communication, and take your marriage to the next level without compromising your business, family, or integrity

iTunes Ratings

629 Ratings
Average Ratings
570
22
9
10
18

enlightening and empowering

By Z Knight - May 15 2020
Read more
Highly recommend for self improvement and relationship improvement!

So. Much. Value Here

By vealmar - Mar 21 2020
Read more
This podcast has influenced my life in so many positive ways. I’m grateful!

iTunes Ratings

629 Ratings
Average Ratings
570
22
9
10
18

enlightening and empowering

By Z Knight - May 15 2020
Read more
Highly recommend for self improvement and relationship improvement!

So. Much. Value Here

By vealmar - Mar 21 2020
Read more
This podcast has influenced my life in so many positive ways. I’m grateful!
Cover image of The Relationship School Podcast

The Relationship School Podcast

Latest release on Jul 08, 2020

Read more

A trail blazing relationship podcast promoting unconventional monogamy and marriage--where we teach you how to fight well, master communication, and take your marriage to the next level without compromising your business, family, or integrity

Rank #1: SC 88 – The Hidden Power Of Conflict – Annie Lalla

Podcast cover
Read more

Annie Lalla brings the heat in this amazing episode full of love and wisdom. Damn can this woman spin some distinctions and reframe so many challenges with simple, detailed examples of how we can transform our relationships into the magic we long for. I know you're going to dig this one. A must listen to probably 2 or 3 times.

SHOWNOTES

  • How to use conflict to access your shadow [10:00]
  • Learning to use conflict and complaints to build your relational and emotional muscles [12:00]
  • A practical tool to help you become a master of conflict in your relationship [16:00]
  • How to handle disagreements in parenting [17:30]
  • A specific process you can follow whenever you feel triggered after being criticized [20:00]
  • How to effectively deliver feedback in a way that (almost) guarantees a positive reaction from your partner [22:30]
  • A powerful breathing & thought exercise to do as soon as you're triggered [24:00]
  • The power that pre-emptive delight can have on your emotional 'bank account' [27:15]
  • An easy (and fun) way to heal your relationship to your parents [29:00]
  • The concept of  'intergenerational envy' and how it can put you back in control of healing your wounds from childhood [32:00]
  • How to give and receive feedback without destroying your relationship [36:00]
  • For men: how to best use your tone of voice to give feedback that lands with love [37:00]
  • The most important role a wife has in her husband's life [39:00]
  • An elegant 'family hack' to reduce fights and resentments that you can start using tonight  [40:00]
  • What to do if your partner doesn't want to work on your relationship with you [45:00]
  • Annie's definition of 'True Love' [47:00]
  • Your Action Step [58:00]

Jan 11 2017

1hr 2mins

Play

Rank #2: SC 204 - The 4 Attachment Styles & Not Taking Things Personally - Diane Poole Heller

Podcast cover
Read more

 A lot of things you take personally in relationship have very little to do with your partner. Those issues are really the result of YOUR past, YOUR triggers and YOUR perspective...So says long-time Boulder, Colorado therapist & expert in the field of Child and Adult Attachment Theory and Models, Dr. Diane Poole Heller. 

  • How The Therapy Field Chose Diane [7:00]
  • Why The Attachment Model Is So Central To Diane’s Work [12:00]
  • The Kind Eyes Exercise [19:00]
  • The Three Attachment Styles [21:00]
  • Why Are You Complaining About Your Great Partnership? [32:00]
  • Starting A Relationship Revolution With Secure Attachment [41:00]
  • The Effects of A Disorganized Relationship Environment [46:00]
  • Diane’s Method For Repairing From A Damaging Relationship [52:00]
  • Don’t Sabotage Your Healthy Relationship Because Of Your Attachment Issues [1:01:00]
  • Why You Shouldn’t Try To Heal Trauma Alone [1:03:00]
  • Using Mental Time Travel (Autonoesis) For Healing [1:08:00]
  • Diane’s Take On Why People Experience Repeated Trauma [1:11:00]
  • Diane’s Jem Of Advice For Young Adults & Not Taking Things Personally [1:17:00]

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Diane Poole Heller visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast204

Jul 11 2018

1hr 24mins

Play

Rank #3: Getting The Love You Want - Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt - Smart Couple Podcast #227

Podcast cover
Read more
Interested in a super useful and deeply moving webinar replay featuring a legendary couple, both of whom are couples therapist and bestselling authors? If so, you’re in luck!    SHOWNOTES:  
  • Why Do Couples Fight? [5:00]
  • Expecting Your Partner To Fulfill Your Unmet Childhood Needs [10:00]
  • What Does It Take To Love Your Partner More Than Yourself? [19:00]
  • The Importance Of Being Present [26:00]
  • Applying The Still Face Experiment & Being Present To Adult Interaction [35:00]
  • Turning Being Present With Each Other Into A Spiritual Practice [42:00]
  • How To Inspire Change In Your Partner [45:00]
  • How To Heal Insecure Attachment [50:00]
  • Helping Your Partner Recover From Dysregulation [54:00]
  • Why Caring For Your Relationship IS Self-Care [55:00]
  • Learning What Your Partner Really Needs [1:07:00]
  • Harville's Thoughts On Co-Dependency & Co-Regulation [1:15:00]
  • When Only One Of You Is Willing To Do The Work Is There Any Point? [1:19:00]  
  • Changes In The New Version of Getting The Love You Want [1:25:00] 
  Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.site/podcast227

Jan 24 2019

1hr 34mins

Play

Rank #4: SC 128 - Negative Beliefs That Block Your Relationship Potential

Podcast cover
Read more

Are you aware how your past negative experiences are shaping your current relationship reality? Well, they are and until you deal with those, it will be harder to get what you claim you want. In this episode my guest Mark Groves takes us on a deeper exploration about how negative beliefs can block your relationship potential. And some of those negative beliefs might be buried below your awareness. I'm so grateful for Mark's gifts here and I think you'll get a lot out of this episode. Especially if you like working  your inner psychology.

SHOWNOTES

  • How Mark got to being a "Human Connection Specialist" [7:00]
  • How do you know if they're 'The One'? [12:30]
  • A quick tip for when you need to make a difficult decision [18:00]
  • Finding the underlying core beliefs that keep you stuck in unconscious patterns [20:00]
  • How we sell ourselves out for security and safety [21:00]
  • Why people get married when they don't really want to [24:00]
  • The power of subconscious narratives [25:00]
  • Redefining marriage to suit your relationship [28:00]
  • The difference between choosing marriage out of fear vs love [31:00]
  • How you can re-frame your internal narrative to dis-identify from negative thought patterns [42:00]
  • A powerful exercise to take ownership and responsibility for your life [44:00]
  • How Mark handles relationship challenges [50:00]

May 31 2017

58mins

Play

Rank #5: SC 92 - Abusive Relationships and How to Deal With Them

Podcast cover
Read more

Are you in an abusive relationship? In this episode we explore some of the hallmarks of an "abusive" relationship and what to do with any form of disrespect, neglect, or abuse. It's actually harder than you think and there's more work to do than to just "leave" the relationship. I answer loads of questions from listeners like you on abuse in your relationship life. I think there might be some confronting and helpful information in here for you.

SHOWNOTES

  • What is an abusive relationship? My definition might surprise you [9:00]
  • How to know if you’re in an abusive adult relationship [11:00]
  • The difference between fault and responsibility [13:00]
  • How we heal trauma [14:00]
  • Why ‘just leave’ is often the wrong advice [17:00]
  • What to do if your physical safety is threatened [22:00]
  • The definition of ‘gaslighting’ [24:00]
  • Name calling [31:00]
  • Discover your criteria for abuse [34:00]
  • The I, You and We of thriving partnerships [36:00]
  • On mutually abusive relationships [44:00]
  • Dealing with Stonewalling [46:00]
  • The ‘deer in headlights’ response - and how to use it to your advantage [49:00]
  • If you’re a man in an abusive relationship [51:00]
  • Learning the difference between real and perceived threats [56:00]
  • Firmness vs Anger [1:04:00]
  • Your action step [1:06:00]

Jan 25 2017

1hr 10mins

Play

Rank #6: SC 148 - Past Trauma in Present Relationships - Pat Ogden

Podcast cover
Read more

Pat Ogden PhD is a pioneer when it comes to somatic trauma therapy. Her work has touched many people including me. Even if you don't think you have any trauma, you likely have some living in your body that your partner will activate. In this episode, Pat has some great guidance to normalize and assist you in taking small steps that will greatly benefit you and your partner as you wade through the daily triggers of long-term relationship.

SHOWNOTES

  • What got Pat into studying human beings and trauma [10:00]
  • How Pat helped women who had difficulty experiencing sexual pleasure [13:00]
  • What is trauma? [17:00]
  • Why we see the ‘freeze response’ in people who were abused as children [19:00]
  • How childhood neglect can show up as trauma in adults [20:00]
  • What’s happening in the bodies of a couple who fights all the time? [22:00]
  • The pursuer and withdrawer dynamic in relationship [26:00]
  • Can we rewire our nervous systems together as a couple? [28:00]
  • The significance of the therapist-client bond [33:00]
  • What couples can do at home to work with their automatic nervous system responses [37:00]
  • Is there harm in retelling a traumatic story? [43:00]
  • Pat’s advice on embodying the self [49:00]

Aug 09 2017

58mins

Play

Rank #7: The Top 5 Things Men Want from Women in Partnership with Ellen Boeder -Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 234

Podcast cover
Read more

In this episode, you'll find out "The top 5 things men want from women in a relationship."

And, the #1 answer, and clear leader by far, may surprise you. No... it's not sex.

Listen in to hear what men—who are willing to share their vulnerability—are saying they really want in a relationship. Ellen and I dig into what these brave men are bringing to the relationship conversation and consider what their responses point to.

I also mention in the Podcast, Ellen and I are looking into mentoring a couples mastermind. We want to work directly with a group of couples who are serious about taking their relationships to the next level of fulfillment.

If you're interested, lets us know! Send us an email at info@relationshipschool.com with the subject line "Yes, I'm interested in the upcoming Couples Mastermind with Jayson & Ellen!"

Shownotes:

-4:40 What surveyed men said they want from women -9:05 Acceptance -15:30 Support -17:35 Communication -20:30 Presence -26:05 Honesty

May 07 2019

31mins

Play

Rank #8: SC 158 - Interpersonal Neurobiology - Dan Siegel

Podcast cover
Read more

If you want to understand the long term cost of not repairing a rupture, Dan Siegel, who coined the term interpersonal neurobiology, is about to illuminate your mind. 

We discuss how we human beings operate when our "minds" and hearts come together, trauma, and how to fight off disease with presence. 

This episode is powerful.

It's for the science nerds and relationship geeks who want to better understand the human nervous system, mindfulness, and even trauma. SHOWNOTES

  • The 3 facets of the mind [15:00]
  • Where does the mind live? [18:00]
  • What do relationships and the body share in common? [20:00]
  • How you can strengthen your mind through "monitoring and modifying" [27:00]
  • Hyperarousal vs hypo-arousal [31:00]
  • The 4 F’s of a reactive state [32:00]
  • Coming back from reactivity [37:00]
  • What are the long-term costs of not repairing ruptures to relationship? [42:00]
  • How presence helps fight off disease [48:00]
  • The importance of developing an "internal compass" [60:00]

Sep 14 2017

1hr 10mins

Play

Rank #9: How Does A Woman Help A Man Open Up And Do His Inner Work? - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 258

Podcast cover
Read more

Women ask me all the time, "How do I get him to open up?" It's an important question as some of us guys are pretty emotionally jammed up. But there are a few things you can do to help, without feeling resentful. Listen in!

 

Shownotes:
  • (3:55) Introduction Shana James
  • (10:20) Why she decided to work helping men
  • (18:50) Safety and sex in relationships
  • (27:00) Having honest and open conversations with our partners
  • (31:35) How women can understand men in their lives.
  • (36:55) How women can help men solve some of their problems in bed
  • (40:00) First steps on how to have transparent conversations with our partners
  • (46:00) Women being labeled as “Too emotional”
  • (51:50) Bringing hope to people about relationships in their lives
  • (57:15) Action Step

Oct 30 2019

1hr 1min

Play

Rank #10: SC 45 - One Key To Get The Best Out Of Your Partner with Alison Armstrong -

Podcast cover
Read more

In this episode I talk with Alison Armstrong about some major differences between men and women and how to use them to your advantage in your relationship. While I get that the labels of masculine and feminine or man/woman can be incredibly narrow, they are very effective for teaching basic relationship principles. Notice how Alison does this with some age old “labels” to help you see where you naturally  orient and where your partner does. Also, notice when and where you feel you are at your “best” in your relationship. Check it!

SHOWNOTES

  • What caused Alison to become hungry to learn about men? [5:30]
  • Why do woman throw their husbands under the bus? [9:50]
  • The metaphor that helps explain why men and women see each other so differently. [12:05]
  • What one factor determines when a man or woman will act at his or her best. [16:30]
  • The best time to talk about a challenge in your relationship. [17:45]
  • How being more accurate about time can help women connect better with their man. [24:05]
  • The ideal perspective to thrive in changing life circumstances. [26:15]
  • The missing piece that women don’t get about a partner who is on his purpose. [32:45]
  • What is a “no-blow” date. [35:00]

Apr 06 2016

48mins

Play

Rank #11: SC 104 - How To Deal With An Avoidant Partner & Interpersonal Stress

Podcast cover
Read more

Stan Tatkin returns and serves up another awesome dose of relationship advice through the lens of adult attachment. From how relationships impact your health, to helping your triggered or upset partner, to dealing with an avoidant partner, we cover a lot of ground as Stan answers 8 or so questions from you, the listener. This one is full of helpful tips to improve and enhance your connection over time.

  • Why is the country feeling so much anxiety? [1:00]
  • The effect that your ‘allostatic load’ has on your life [3:00]
  • What chronic relationship stress can do to your health [5:00]
  • How to not take things personally [8:00]
  • Learning to ‘lead with relief’ to create a safer space for each other [12:00]
  • A great way to handle your partner getting triggered [14:00]
  • Why Carl Jung didn’t like taking patients under 35 [18:00]
  • A rough guide to dealing with avoidant-types/islands [21:00]
  • Should you force your teenager to make eye contact with you? [35:00]
  • The power of ‘jointly attending’ with a resistant partner [37:00]
  • ‘Parallel play’ and its hidden dangers [39:00]
  • How to free up resources for higher development[42:00]

Mar 08 2017

1hr 3mins

Play

Rank #12: SC 118 - The #1 Hidden Reason Men Pull Away And Lose Interest

Podcast cover
Read more

Why do men pull away when they get close? Then, some of them will come back, only to pull away again. WTF is going on here?

SHOWNOTES

  • What is going on when a man pulls away? [7:00]
  • The surprising reason he pulls away and disconnects from you [8:00]
  • Why annoying your partner is a good thing (and will happen forever) [10:00]
  • The feedback loop that keeps you both stuck [13:00]
  • Two powerful tips for when he pulls away [14:00]

Apr 26 2017

17mins

Play

Rank #13: How To Deal With Emotional Triggers In An Intimate Partnership- S tan Tatkin - Smart Couple Podcast #220

Podcast cover
Read more
Clinician and teacher, Stan Tatkin, explains what scientific research is telling us about pair bonding, adult attachment, and how to avoid triggering unwanted reactions.   SHOWNOTES:  
  • Who Is Stan Tatkin? [1:00]
  • Info On Stan’s New Book ‘We Do’ [4:00]
  • Going From Me To We Is Not About Codependency [6:00]
  • What is PACT & Psychobiology? [10:00]
  • Questions You Need To Ask Yourself If You Had a “Great” Childhood [19:00]
  • Allostatic Load And The Intersection Between Health and Security [24:00]
  • How To Start Hard A Conversation [34:00]
  • A Psychobiological Look At Emotions & Hormones [41:00]
  • Listener Question: How Responsible Are We For Our Partner’s Feelings? [49:00]
  • Listener Question: How Does Stan Address Sexual Desire Discrepancies? [55:00]
  To RSVP for the free lunchtime webinar with Stan Tatkin and Jayson Gaddis visit https://relationshipschool.net/wedo/   Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode with Stan Tatkin at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast220

Nov 29 2018

1hr 6mins

Play

Rank #14: SC 116 - The Neuroscience & Power of Safe Relationships - Stephen W. Porges

Podcast cover
Read more

Have you ever wondered why you struggle to learn something new when you are stressed? Do you wonder why you or your partner are so damn sensitive? Well, there's a scientific reason for all of this and in this week's episode, I interview the man who developed the polyvagal theory. He's a real pioneer and someone who cares a lot about you feeling safe, in life, and in your relationships. Stephen Porgess is about to give you a big download on why you might not feel safe and what you can do about it. Bottom line? We cover the neuroscience of safe relationships and how to create them.

SHOWNOTES

  • Why we need relationships to keep our nervous systems calm [16:00]
  • How neuroscience understands ‘intimacy’ [21:00]
  • Marriage before, during and after kids [25:00]
  • What to do next time you feel yourself triggered and activated [29:00]
  • How safety and creativity are linked [32:00]
  • Using your tone of voice to facilitate more safety in your interactions [43:00]
  • The surprising truth about our happiest childhood memories [55:00]
  • Why you should never work anything out over the phone [57:00]

Apr 19 2017

1hr 7mins

Play

Rank #15: SC 173 - Healing Relational Trauma In The Body - Sharon Stanley

Podcast cover
Read more

Unsure why certain interactions with loved ones get you so upset? Ever struggle to relate to the hardship of others?

Psychotherapist Sharon Stanley says the issue could be trauma, trauma you may not even be aware you have. Once we assess our own trauma we can begin exercising our senses and become more compassionate to others. According to Sharon, we owe it to ourselves and to each other to consider the pain in our pasts, only then can we embody true empathy!

SHOWNOTES

      • Who is Sharon Stanley? [6:00]
      • The best ways to connect with a traumatized person [11:00]
      • Interacting with a partner with trauma [16:00]
      • Building strength within the body to address trauma [20:00]
      • The cost of ignoring trauma [25:00]
      • Are you dealing with trauma? [26:00]
      • Is neglect the worst type of trauma? [30:00]
      • The importance of being embodied [35:00]

Nov 16 2017

45mins

Play

Rank #16: SC 53 - How To Feel Safe & Secure With Your Partner with Stan Tatkin

Podcast cover
Read more

Do attachment principles actually work in adult relationships? How can secure functioning assist you and your partner into greater safety and openness in your marriage? In this episode I talk with Stan Tatkin, couple therapist, and adult attachment guru. I’ve been studying this guy for the past 2 years through my wife. He’s making a very important contribution, backed by brain science, with the neuro psychobiological approach to how adults to long-term relationship successfully. Get ready to “parent” your partner! Yikes! I learned a lot here and am eager to share his work with you.

SHOWNOTES

  • How did Stan get into becoming a therapist? [5:45]
  • What is “secure functioning”? [13:00]
  • How is secure functioning different than “co-dependency”? [21:45]
  • What does a co-dependent dynamic look like in real life? [22:30]
  • Are we re-parenting ourselves with our chosen partners? [28:00]
  • What is a “master regulator” in a relationship? How to tell if that’s you. [31:30]
  • How to avoid choosing a partner who is not a good fit for a secure functioning model? [32:30]
  • When dating, here’s one thing you MUST do. [35:00]
  • What is the allostatic load and how does it impact both your body and relationships? [38:00]
  • The antidote to when a relationship goes on auto-pilot. [47:00]
  • Island, Anchor, Wave and why they matter in your relationship. [48:00]
  • The myth of “you need to love yourself first before you can love someone else”. [52:00]
  • Does your therapist also need to be in a thriving partnership [55:00]
  • Why does Stan say that “dating lasts forever”? [56:30]
  • Stan’s big tip on how couples can stimulate their marriage on a daily basis [58:00]

May 26 2016

1hr 6mins

Play

Rank #17: 8 Unrealistic Expectations In Relationships - 278

Podcast cover
Read more

In last week’s podcast, I answered the question people ask me all the time, “Is it okay to have expectations?” 

I came up with 6 expectations that are reasonable to have in a partnership. 

But it’s also important for us to discuss when it’s not okay or when it’s a bad idea to have expectations. I came up with 8 big ones that I DO NOT recommend. 

The biggest one is expecting someone else to live according to your values. Ouch. People do this one all the time, including me! Doah! 

Check out this week’s podcast to hear the other 7. 

Enjoy

 

Shownotes:   (0:50) 8 unrealistic expectations (1:35) Expecting your partner to have your exact same values (4:55) Expecting your partner to look a certain way (7:15) Expecting your partner to have sex whenever you want (8:35) Expecting your partner to be available for you 100 % of the time (9:25) Expecting your partner to be everything for you (11:42) Expecting your partner to never be attracted to other people (12:35) Expecting your partner to never speak to people of the opposite sex (14:50) Expecting your partner to fill the hole around your self-worth (16:25) Action Step   Useful Links: Part 1: https://relationshipschool.site/podcast278 http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Mar 06 2020

18mins

Play

Rank #18: SC 170 - Overcoming the 'Nice Guy' Syndrome - Robert Glover

Podcast cover
Read more

I used to try really hard to get people to think I was a good guy. This is another version of the "nice guy syndrome."

And, it had a big cost.

If you are a nice guy, or you are with a "nice guy" you're going to want to listen to this one because it's quite possible the "nice guy" thing is going to really damage your relationship over time (If it hasn't already).

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

      • About Robert [6:00]
      • How does someone become a Nice Guy? [11:00]
      • Robert’s definition of a Nice Guy [12:00]
      • The paradox of Nice Guy Syndrome [13:00]
      • The cultural belief that ‘masculine is bad' [25:00]
      • The trap of disowning the masculine [28:00]
      • Tips for increasing self-worth [34:00]
      • How to stop people-pleasing [36:00]
      • How to meet your own needs [42:00]

Oct 26 2017

1hr 17mins

Play

Rank #19: SC 71 - How to Deal With The Distancer-Pursuer Dynamic (Part 1)

Podcast cover
Read more

One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. What is going on here and how do you deal with a partner who needs a lot or one who is distancing. In the first of our two part series, Ellen and I help the pursuers (connectors) understand and deal with your distancing partner.

SHOWNOTES

  • What is the pursuer/distancer dynamic? [10:30]
  • What’s going on with the distancer when they are asking for time and space? [12:30]
  • What 2 things do you need to balance when dealing with someone who is distancing. [17:30]
  • The single focus trap that pursuers can fall into. [21:30]
  • How time agreements can make re-connecting easier. [25:30]
  • The positive side of being someone who is a distancer? [26:30]
  • Quick review of the 5 tips [28:00]
  • How this dynamic can be different in a marriage vs dating. [29:00]
  • Jayson’s action step for the listener [33:00]

Sep 28 2016

36mins

Play

Rank #20: SC 87 - Why Some Men Struggle With A Woman's Emotions

Podcast cover
Read more
  • Why is emotional intensity so difficult for some guys to deal with? [1:20]
  • Why some men can’t handle being around women (and people) who are depressed or going through intense emotional experiences.[4:15]
  • Action step: A constructive way to think and act when we ‘don’t like’ something about our partner. [5:50]

Jan 09 2017

10mins

Play

The Mystery And Power Of Self Directed Social Emotional Change - Dr. Rick Hanson, Ph.D. - 298

Podcast cover
Read more

Can we rewire our brains to find more fulfillment in ourselves and in our relationships? Psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson joins me in episode 298 of the podcast to share his take on how exactly we can get there.

Shownotes:   3:30 What is happiness and why do we seek it? 6:40 How to overcome negativity without ignoring our traumas 10:25 The importance of self-awareness in our relationships 14:00 Why relationships matter so much 19:25 Recognizing good and bad intentions of others 27:40 What prevents people from growing? 32:40 What triggered change in Rick’s life 42:20 Why learning is essential for your brain’s health 48:15 Why it’s important to acknowledge and embrace your victories 54:30 Action step

Useful Links:

Jul 08 2020

56mins

Play

The Collaborative Way - Lloyd Fickett - 297

Podcast cover
Read more

Join me in episode 297 of the podcast for a moving and motivating conversation with Lloyd Fickett, founder of “The Collaborative Way”. We get in deep about life, love and leadership in this one.

  • Shownotes: 3:55 Introduction of Lloyd Fickett
  • 5:55 What is The Collaborative Way?
  • 16:00 Problems that can be solved with The Collaborative Way
  • 24:25 How team leaders can improve their leadership skills
  • 30:00 Steps we can take to make our relationships stronger
  • 41:20 Lloyd's experiences with grief and growth after his wife’s passing 
  • 49:30 Action step
Useful Links: https://www.collaborativeway.com/ https://learn.collaborativeway.com/

Jun 30 2020

52mins

Play

Dr. Ed Tronick On Infant Development & Why Repair is The Key To Great Relationships - 296

Podcast cover
Read more

I’m a big fan of esteemed psychologist Dr. Ed Tronick and was stoked to pick his brain in episode 296 of the podcast. Join us for an amazing conversation on The Still Face Experiment, relationship dynamics, his new book and much more.

Shownotes:

5:30 Introduction of Dr. Edward Tronick 8:10 The impact on children from mask wearing 11:25 The “Still Face” experiment and its impact on culture 15:25 Understanding mother-child interactions 24:50 Working on our mismatches with others and building security 32:00 How relationship dynamics in the early years impact infants 42:15 The platform of security 45:10 The power of repair in relationships 1:02:50 Co-regulation between children and their mothers 1:14:00 Action step   Useful Links:   https://www.amazon.com/Power-Discord-Relationships-Building-Resilience/dp/0316488879 https://www.umb.edu/academics/cla/faculty/edward_tronick https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0

Jun 24 2020

1hr 17mins

Play

Black Men Speaking Out - Michael Taylor and Jon Walton - 295

Podcast cover
Read more

In episode 295 of the podcast I continue our race conversation with Michael Taylor and Jon Walton, 2 friends of TRS whose life’s work is to educate others and lift up people of color.

Check it out.

Shownotes:

4:20 Introduction to Michael Taylor and Jon Walton 7:30 The roots of racism and white supremacy 12:00 Michael and Jon's experiences with racism 20:30 Is the reactivity around these problems necessary? 25:50 What can white people do? 33:25 Why we judge other people based on the color of their skin 41:00 How can white people get involved in supporting anti-racism without white-centering? 45:10 How to engage in challenging conversations around racism? 1:01:50 Is it necessary for white people to apologize to Black people? 1:04:00 Advice to deal with race issues in interracial relationships 1:09:00 About police brutality and how the media portrays Black people 1:16:45 Final thoughts 1:21:55 Action step   Useful Links:   https://www.shatteringblackmalestereotypes.com/ https://www.jontwalton.com/

Jun 15 2020

1hr 24mins

Play

Racism And What We Can Do To Dismantle It Right Now - Louiza "Weeze" Doran - 294

Podcast cover
Read more

As the anti-racism protests and movement continue to spread across our country, I wanted to represent a few Black voices on the podcast to help me/us get involved.  

In early 2019, I took a 7-week class for white people on equity, race, and diversity. Louiza “Weeze” Doran, who took time out of her insanely busy schedule right now, was one of my teachers. 

I consider her one of my main mentors when it comes to the subject of racism. 

Weeze is a coach, educator, political activist, organizer, and strategist, among many other things. She’s in direct action toward moving the system forward to equity, justice, inclusion, and liberation for the Black community.

Weeze and I talk about how we’re doing in our response so far after the George Floyd murder, 3 things that white people can do right now to support, and our historical culture of whiteness. She helps me get clear on how to define racism and what it looks like in everyday life, because it’s not always so obvious. She also answers some great questions from my listeners.

This is an amazing listen, folks. It will wake you up, may make you uncomfortable (and that’s a good thing -- it means you’re being activated!) and inspire you to look at your own life and take action.

Shownotes:

  • 7:25 Introduction Louiza "Weeze" Doran
  • 10:55 Society's response to George Floyd’s death
  • 19:30 What white people can do to support the anti-racism movement
  • 25:55 Defining racism
  • 32:30 How living in your personal bubble keeps you from understanding other people’s lives and experiences
  • 40:30 How to support the Black community without coming across as condescending
  • 45:30 Where to get news and unbiased information
  • 47:00 Examples of “unchecked white privilege” and covert racism
  • 54:00 How to support Black people at work
  • 56:05 About “white-centering”
  • 59:45: How to talk to kids about racism
  • 1:05:50 Hope about the future
  • 1:11:35 Action step

 

Useful Links:

Jun 08 2020

1hr 15mins

Play

Mask Shaming - 293

Podcast cover
Read more

As the pandemic continues, one of the most charged topics that’s come up is mask wearing. Many people are wearing them because their area requires it and/or they think it’ll help stop the spread. Others aren’t because their area has more relaxed rules and/or they think it’s holding them back from a much-needed return to normal life.

Either way, it’s turned into a divisive issue with people internally or even publicly shaming each other for wearing or not wearing a mask. 

This is a prime example of conflict, something that happens in our intimate relationships all the time. We want others to conform to our values and do what we’re doing. But this behavior just isn’t realistic.

Join me in episode 293 of the RS podcast to dig deeper into the issue and discuss how we can resolve a lot of the conflict we feel by actively listening to each other and learning about both viewpoints. Useful Links:https://relationshipschool.com/rct/

Jun 03 2020

21mins

Play

The 2 Most Common Male Sexuality Issues And How To Resolve Them - Destin Gerek 292

Podcast cover
Read more

As a man, I have wrestled with my sexuality most of my life. 

That’s why I love it when other men are willing to “go there.” 

Here’s another rich conversation with two men getting honest about us guys in the bedroom. 

I first spoke to Destin Gerek a few years ago in episode 98 about evolving masculinity, and the man who used to call himself the Erotic Rockstar joins me again in episode 292 to build off that conversation and talk his new book The Evolved Masculine: Be the Man the World Needs & the One She Craves.

Click here to listen.

We discuss what an evolved man looks like 2020, why some men fear their masculinity, and the vulnerability of embracing the feminine within. We also talk intimately about common male sexuality issues and feeling satisfied not only with our partners, but with ourselves.

This is a good one for men AND women -- go check it out!

 

Shownotes:
  • 2:53 Introduction Destin Gerek
  • 8:05 Masculine and feminine energy
  • 10:00 Why some men are afraid to show their masculine side
  • 11:25 The impact of the #MeToo movement on men
  • 17:00 How men can use their sexuality as a gift for women
  • 24:40 Men must believe they are worthy of sex
  • 27:00 How can men cultivate a healthy sexual relationship?
  • 31:25: What can men do to improve their sexual performance
  • 44:30 How our relationship with our parents affect the relationship with our partners
  • 48:20 How men can be better husbands and a better dads
  • 54:15 Action Step

Useful Links:

May 27 2020

57mins

Play

Resolving Conflict in the High-Stakes Corporate World - CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke - 291

Podcast cover
Read more

In episode 291 of The Relationship School podcast I spoke with CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke, co-founders of Thrive! Inc. coaching and consulting which specializes in resolving conflict in the workplace and using it to fuel greater teamwork and collective creativity.

They’ve worked with everyone from tech startups to Fortune 100 companies and have written books on the subject and even started their own podcast.  

The two women, also life partners, have pretty incredible life stories and are just as passionate about conflict as I am, albeit in a corporate setting. 

We talked about some of their own defining moments with conflict, speaking up to power, the importance of having real conversations, and how embracing conflict, as awful as it can be, can truly be life changing. 

Have a listen!

Shownotes:

  • 3:45 Introduccion CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke
  • 12:35 Most common problems for people and teams inside different organizations
  • 16:00 How to start tackling conflict and communication issues inside work teams
  • 25:05 Tools for work teams to improve communication
  • 29:40: How to give and receive feedback from others
  • 38:40 Action step

Useful links:

May 20 2020

42mins

Play

Are You And Your Partner Incompatible? - 290

Podcast cover
Read more

Did I choose the wrong person? Are we just incompatible? These are a few of the tough questions many couples ask themselves at some point in their relationship, usually when that blissful honeymoon period ends and real life sh*t begins. 

And there’s an even more important question to ask if you are interested in this subject. It boils down to what you both want. 

Join me in episode 290 of the RS podcast for a quick but meaningful conversation about incompatibility with me and my wife Ellen. We chat about when incompatibility issues typically arise, why it happens (i.e. when the stress comes in, the truth comes out), and how being different people doesn’t automatically make you incompatible.

If you are thinking you and your partner (or ex) might be incompatible, this is a must listen. 

Come learn the bigger question we need to ask ourselves about our partners and if the relationship is right for you.

Useful Links:

May 13 2020

20mins

Play

Building Better Brains for Our Kids - Dr. Judy Cameron, Ph.D. - 289

Podcast cover
Read more

The brain is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Our brains are what shape us as human beings, but do you ever wonder what’s shaping your brain?

Join me in Episode 289 as I chat with neuroscientist Dr. Judy Cameron about her breakthrough research into the brain and how we as adults can help our children have sturdier brain development (this is so important for our future).

In the past, brain development was thought to be mainly due to genetic programming, but Dr. Cameron shares how it’s actually life experiences from the time you’re born onward that play a larger role.

That means giving our children healthy experiences right now is key for them to build the best brains possible!

Come listen and prepare for some mind-blowing stuff!

 

Shownotes:
  • 3:50 Introduction Dr. Judy Cameron
  • 12:30 Where are we at as a society on rising kids
  • 16:45 Does trauma inhibit brain development?
  • 21:50 Understanding what causes some kids to have social issues 
  • 36:45 How can kids learn new and better habits or skills?
  • 41:10 “Flexibility” as a necessary tool for adults to help theirs kids learn
  • 46:30 The importance of building emotional skills at early ages
  • 53:40 Getting “stuck” is related to learning difficulties
  • 1:00:15 How can we strengthen our brain as adults

Useful Links:

May 06 2020

1hr 9mins

Play

Embracing & Evolving Women’s Sexuality - Alexandra Solomon - 288

Podcast cover
Read more

Making love is a pretty straightforward act, but man do we love to make it complicated.

How society views sex has always been messy and made wose -- hold your gasp of surprise here -- for women. 

It’s about time we ditch this double standard, right?

Join me as I chat with relationship expert and Relationship School Ambassador Dr. Alexandra Solomon about sexuality, relational self awareness and all the complexities of sex (and boy there are a lot of them).

We discuss how the resurgence of the #MeToo movement in 2017 was the final push she needed to write her new book Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want.

Dr. Solomon, also the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want, wanted to add her voice and contribute to this new chapter in conversations around gender, power and sex.

Come listen as we talk more about the inspiration behind her writing and what women can do to discover their own unique erotic expression. 

 

Shownotes:
  • 3:10 Introduction Dr. Alexandra Solomon
  • 10:40 About relational self-awareness
  • 14:00 Lessons learned while writing her book
  • 17:30 Guidance for young people about their sexuality
  • 21:05 Women getting in touch with their own sexuality
  • 23:15 At what point should parents have conversations about sexuality with their daughters
  • 28:00 Differences on how society perceives female masturbation
  • 31:50 What can men do to help women explore their sexuality
  • 35:20 How men’s sexual performance is used to define manliness
  • 37:40 Your feelings are data and you can learn from them
  • 39:20 Advice for married couples on how to keep their sex life alive
  • 43:15 The spiritual side of sex
  • 47:20 Action Step

Useful Links:

Apr 29 2020

51mins

Play

Integrative Approaches to Mental Health and Depression - Dr. Will Vanderveer - 287

Podcast cover
Read more

Did you know 1 in 10 Americans take an antidepressant? Yup.

For some, the treatment can really help. Yet for many, it doesn’t do much. The COVID-19 pandemic is pushing people like never before.

Some of us in a good way, but others are suffering even more. In fact, I think we’re on the brink of a mental health crisis.

That’s why I asked my good friend Dr. Will Vanderveer, an integrative psychiatrist, to speak to us about what we can do as practitioners (therapists and coaches), but also as people who suffer from mental health challenges such as depression.

I think you’ll find this very eye opening. Listen now!

 

Shownotes:
  • (5:30) Introduction Will Vanderveer
  • (7:20) Covid-19 Crisis
  • (9:10) About Integrative Care and Integrative psychiatry
  • (14:20) Differences between Mental Health and Physical health professionals
  • (32:30) The impact of childhood trauma on health and recommendations
  • (39:10) Research on psychedelics as treatment
  • (51:40) The importance of the right guidance on psychedelic treatments
  • (56:25) How we are treating mental health on this day and age
  • (1:04:30) Action Step

Useful Links:

Apr 26 2020

1hr 7mins

Play

3 Steps To Face Interpersonal Stress And Get Stronger - 286

Podcast cover
Read more

Have you let someone know how you are lately? How you really are? Because it’s okay to not be okay right now.

I encourage you to be more honest with yourself and your friends and family when we all share how we’re holding up in this uncertain world. How did they handle your truth?

In this podcast, I check in with you and share 3 tips on how to face interpersonal stress and conflict and only get stronger from it.

This is good advice anytime of year, but especially now when our relationships are experiencing way more stress than normal.

Because we all crave human contact, but what happens when we’re constantly in close quarters with people? Or all by ourselves? Stress and conflict, that’s what. But it doesn’t have to be that way!

Please listen and start taking action now to better your situation tomorrow.

And, as always, share with someone you know who is struggling.

 

Shownotes:  
  • (5:30) Introduction Will Vanderveer
  • (7:20) Covid-19 Crisis
  • (9:10) About Integrative Care and Integrative psychiatry
  • (14:20) Differences between Mental Health and Physical health professionals
  • (32:30) The impact of childhood trauma on health and recommendations
  • (39:10) Research on psychedelics as treatment
  • (51:40) The importance of the right guidance on psychedelic treatments
  • (56:25) How we are treating mental health on this day and age
  • (1:04:30) Action Step

Useful Links:

Apr 20 2020

19mins

Play

5 Steps To Gain Control When You Feel Overwhelmed & Afraid - Cory Muscara - 285

Podcast cover
Read more

Depending on your situation, the pandemic and economic uncertainty can leave any “normal” person feeling out of control, overwhelmed, or afraid.

So, here is a great interview with my friend who is a skilled meditation instructor.

Cory walks you through a simple process you can do in 5-10 minutes that will help you calm down and regain control of your thinking and your emotions.

Please listen and/or forward to someone you know who is struggling.

 

Shownotes:  
  • (3:20) Introduction Cory Muscara
  • (15:50) Looking for answers in the wrong people
  • (19:55) Core teachings at Cory’s retreats
  • (23:05) Meditation practice to achieve an internal sense of safety on these difficult times
  • (35:10) Reviewing the 5 steps to work on our fears and frustrations
  • (39:15) How this meditation practices help you be more proactive with your situation
  • (43:25) Self-acceptance vs. self-mastery
  • (50:35) Explaining the concept of “Developing/cultivating a witness”
  • (59:25) Final advice from Cory
  • (1:03:30) Action Step

Useful Links:

Apr 15 2020

1hr 6mins

Play

Tips For Couples And Families On Lockdown - 284

Podcast cover
Read more

Word is that child abuse and domestic violence are on the rise right now due to people being stuck at home.

And, if China is any indication, divorce could increase a lot once we are through this. “Shelter in place” is a great move with a big downside for some people.

If you are stuck at home with people that are difficult, including a roommate or partner, lockdown isn’t that fun. In fact, it can bring out the worst in us.

So, my wife and I thought we’d record a short podcast with some tips for couples who are feeling stuck at home

Plus, if you have children, there’s a bonus section at the end of this podcast with my kids!

Useful Links:

Apr 08 2020

34mins

Play

2 Powerful Questions To Ask Yourself During A Crisis - Philip McKernan - 283

Podcast cover
Read more

This is an extremely intimate and powerful episode with world-renowned speaker Philip McKernan.

He asks you 2 questions that can completely change how you show up right now during this global crisis.

I’ve been reflecting on these 2 questions since our interview. They are deep, very personal, and helpful.

Listen below.

 

Shownotes:   (4:25) Introduction Philip McKernan (7:50) Orienting yourself in times of crisis (10:55) How difficult times can make you change your perspective (14:20) Asking yourself “Who are you going to be during this crisis” (19:20) Dealing with your anxiety (20:50) How difficult times can help you grow (26:40) Making better choices to overcome crisis (29:35) Should you compare yourself to other people? (34:30) What can you do to accept yourself as you are (39:30) Self-development during difficult times (44:40) Stop making everything about you (49:50) Making and impact by being your true self (59:15) Advice for therapists and coaches helping others (1:05:50) Action Step

 

Useful Links:   https://onelasttalk.com/the-book/ https://philipmckernan.com/

Apr 01 2020

1hr 8mins

Play

Fear - 282

Podcast cover
Read more

In this episode we talk briefly about fear and how to deal with it.

http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Mar 30 2020

21mins

Play

Lessons From A Navy Seal During Tough Times - Mark Divine -281

Podcast cover
Read more

I think you’ll find this podcast interview very helpful right now. It’s a good reminder of how to work through adversity.

My guest is Mark Divine, a former Navy Seal. This guy’s a machine and doing so much good in the world right now.

Pay special attention to how he got into the Navy Seals.

There are some good lessons that will help you be stronger right now.

Shownotes:

  • (5:10) Introduction Mark Divine
  • (9:45) Getting into the navy seals
  • (16:45) Meditation Breathing advice
  • (20:40) The importance of training your thoughts and calm your mind
  • (26:45) Using meditation to pinpoint and solving inner problems
  • (36:15) Dealing with problems and staying focused on your mission
  • (42:00) Why people struggle with their own minds
  • (46:35) How young people can become more resilient on adversity
  • (50:20) The implications of cutting corners
  • (56:35) Self-mastery vs Self-Acceptance
  • (1:08:15) Action Step

Useful Links:

https://markdivine.com/

https://staringdownthewolf.com/code-home

https://www.amazon.com/Staring-Down-Wolf-Leadership-Commitments/dp/1250231582

https://unbeatablemind.com/about-mark-divine/

https://sealfit.com/

Mar 24 2020

1hr 12mins

Play

Social Distancing While Staying Connected During Coronavirus - 280

Podcast cover
Read more

Are you practicing social distancing? How are you doing this without being a jerk? BOUNDARIES. :)  Here are a few simple tips and my thoughts on how we can stay connected during this crisis. These are intense times and I encourage you to stay at home and learn.

Useful Links:

http://relationshipschool.com/connected https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/ https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/ Chris kresser- RHR: Everything You Need to Know about Coronavirus, with Dr. Ramzi Asfour https://chriskresser.com/everything-you-need-to-know-about-coronavirus-with-dr-ramzi-asfour/ Sam Harris podcast - Making Sense https://samharris.org/podcasts/191-early-thoughts-pandemic/

Mar 17 2020

22mins

Play

Addiction & Parenting Difficult Teens - Aaron Huey - 279

Podcast cover
Read more

I love teenagers! As you know I used you to work with troubled teens in a variety of settings, from drug treatment centers to wilderness therapy programs.

I think to be skilled with teens requires some serious skill. That’s why I brought my friend Aaron Huey on the podcast to discuss how to deal with difficult teens.

If you are not a parent, this will still be valuable as we discuss addiction, boundaries, and enabling, all issues that come up in adult relationships too.

Listen now!

Shownotes:

  • (4:30) Introduction Aaron Huey
  • (11:40) How people can get more empowered and overcome victimhood (16:20)
  • Advice for parents of kids getting bullied (18:15)
  • Exploring negative behaviors on teenagers (22:40)
  • About parents expecting treatment centers to fix their kids behavior (26:15)
  • Should we blame and call out parents?
  • (28:50) Creating family behavior contracts
  • (33:00) 4 things that families can do to prevent negative children’s behaviors and decisions
  • (36:55) Why parents enable kids’ negative behavior
  • (43:15) How mothers react different than fathers
  • (48:55) Advice for teenagers struggling with addictions
  • (1:00:00) https://firemountainprograms.com/
  • (1:05:35) Action Step

Useful Links:

https://firemountainprograms.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Mar 10 2020

1hr 10mins

Play

iTunes Ratings

629 Ratings
Average Ratings
570
22
9
10
18

enlightening and empowering

By Z Knight - May 15 2020
Read more
Highly recommend for self improvement and relationship improvement!

So. Much. Value Here

By vealmar - Mar 21 2020
Read more
This podcast has influenced my life in so many positive ways. I’m grateful!