Cover image of The Smart Couple Podcast by The Relationship School
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Sexuality
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The Smart Couple Podcast by The Relationship School

Updated 4 days ago

Sexuality
Health & Fitness
Mental Health
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A trail blazing relationship podcast promoting unconventional monogamy and marriage--where we teach you how to fight well, master communication, and take your marriage to the next level without compromising your business, family, or integrity

Read more

A trail blazing relationship podcast promoting unconventional monogamy and marriage--where we teach you how to fight well, master communication, and take your marriage to the next level without compromising your business, family, or integrity

iTunes Ratings

487 Ratings
Average Ratings
449
15
7
7
9

Second marriage after trauma

By celloangel287 - Dec 06 2019
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This podcast has been huge for me while I have been navigating my new marriage and blended family after many years in an abusive marriage. Jason has fantastic interviews, a wealth of knowledge, an awesome no BS attitude, and a pretty cool soundtrack that makes this podcast entertaining, engaging, and memorable. Thank you Jason and keep up the good work!

Transformational relationship & growth resource

By SerendipityLH - Nov 16 2019
Read more
For anyone looking to learn about relationships & grow this podcast is an incredible resource.

iTunes Ratings

487 Ratings
Average Ratings
449
15
7
7
9

Second marriage after trauma

By celloangel287 - Dec 06 2019
Read more
This podcast has been huge for me while I have been navigating my new marriage and blended family after many years in an abusive marriage. Jason has fantastic interviews, a wealth of knowledge, an awesome no BS attitude, and a pretty cool soundtrack that makes this podcast entertaining, engaging, and memorable. Thank you Jason and keep up the good work!

Transformational relationship & growth resource

By SerendipityLH - Nov 16 2019
Read more
For anyone looking to learn about relationships & grow this podcast is an incredible resource.

Listen to:

Cover image of The Smart Couple Podcast by The Relationship School

The Smart Couple Podcast by The Relationship School

Updated 4 days ago

Read more

A trail blazing relationship podcast promoting unconventional monogamy and marriage--where we teach you how to fight well, master communication, and take your marriage to the next level without compromising your business, family, or integrity

SC 128 - Negative Beliefs That Block Your Relationship Potential

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Are you aware how your past negative experiences are shaping your current relationship reality? Well, they are and until you deal with those, it will be harder to get what you claim you want. In this episode my guest Mark Groves takes us on a deeper exploration about how negative beliefs can block your relationship potential. And some of those negative beliefs might be buried below your awareness. I'm so grateful for Mark's gifts here and I think you'll get a lot out of this episode. Especially if you like working  your inner psychology.

SHOWNOTES

  • How Mark got to being a "Human Connection Specialist" [7:00]
  • How do you know if they're 'The One'? [12:30]
  • A quick tip for when you need to make a difficult decision [18:00]
  • Finding the underlying core beliefs that keep you stuck in unconscious patterns [20:00]
  • How we sell ourselves out for security and safety [21:00]
  • Why people get married when they don't really want to [24:00]
  • The power of subconscious narratives [25:00]
  • Redefining marriage to suit your relationship [28:00]
  • The difference between choosing marriage out of fear vs love [31:00]
  • How you can re-frame your internal narrative to dis-identify from negative thought patterns [42:00]
  • A powerful exercise to take ownership and responsibility for your life [44:00]
  • How Mark handles relationship challenges [50:00]

May 31 2017

58mins

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How Does A Woman Help A Man Open Up And Do His Inner Work? - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 258

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Women ask me all the time, "How do I get him to open up?" It's an important question as some of us guys are pretty emotionally jammed up. But there are a few things you can do to help, without feeling resentful. Listen in!

 

Shownotes:
  • (3:55) Introduction Shana James
  • (10:20) Why she decided to work helping men
  • (18:50) Safety and sex in relationships
  • (27:00) Having honest and open conversations with our partners
  • (31:35) How women can understand men in their lives.
  • (36:55) How women can help men solve some of their problems in bed
  • (40:00) First steps on how to have transparent conversations with our partners
  • (46:00) Women being labeled as “Too emotional”
  • (51:50) Bringing hope to people about relationships in their lives
  • (57:15) Action Step

Oct 30 2019

1hr 1min

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SC 138 - How Having Expectations Can Hurt Your Relationship - Christine Hassler

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There are two giant ways we screw up our relationships. One is by breaking agreements. The other is by never having agreements to begin with.   Broken agreements can be great opportunities to open a dialogue with our partner about our needs, renegotiate our agreements if they no longer make sense, or even draw a hard boundary around what we will and won’t tolerate.   But what happens when we never have agreements to begin with? Expecting our partner to do, be and act a certain way without clearly communicating is a recipe for an almost certain 'sh*t hitting the fan’ fight.  

In this conversation with Christine Hassler, we dive into the world of agreements, communication and what she calls ‘expectation hangovers’.

 

Make sure to listen carefully for the three ways that we fall prey to toxic (and easily preventable) expectations that can blow up in our faces when left unchecked - in our relationships and in our lives.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

  • Christine’s story [7:00]
  • How beliefs ingrained early in childhood can show up as physiological symptoms later [10:00]
  • What depression can tell us about suppressed or repressed emotions [10:00]
  • What Christine calls “Journey Mates” (and why not all break-ups are a bad thing) [12:00]
  • Exercises for self-compassion and self-awareness [17:00]
  • The difference between Agreements and Expectations [23:00]
  • How to handle broken agreements in relationship [25:00]
  • How to handle it when your partner doesn’t meet your expectations [25:00]
  • What is an “Expectation Hangover”? [26:00]
  • What we DON’T want to do when dealing with an Expectation Hangover [28:00]

Jul 06 2017

41mins

Play

Getting The Love You Want - Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt - Smart Couple Podcast #227

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Interested in a super useful and deeply moving webinar replay featuring a legendary couple, both of whom are couples therapist and bestselling authors? If so, you’re in luck!    SHOWNOTES:  
  • Why Do Couples Fight? [5:00]
  • Expecting Your Partner To Fulfill Your Unmet Childhood Needs [10:00]
  • What Does It Take To Love Your Partner More Than Yourself? [19:00]
  • The Importance Of Being Present [26:00]
  • Applying The Still Face Experiment & Being Present To Adult Interaction [35:00]
  • Turning Being Present With Each Other Into A Spiritual Practice [42:00]
  • How To Inspire Change In Your Partner [45:00]
  • How To Heal Insecure Attachment [50:00]
  • Helping Your Partner Recover From Dysregulation [54:00]
  • Why Caring For Your Relationship IS Self-Care [55:00]
  • Learning What Your Partner Really Needs [1:07:00]
  • Harville's Thoughts On Co-Dependency & Co-Regulation [1:15:00]
  • When Only One Of You Is Willing To Do The Work Is There Any Point? [1:19:00]  
  • Changes In The New Version of Getting The Love You Want [1:25:00] 
  Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.site/podcast227

Jan 24 2019

1hr 34mins

Play

SC 134 - Ayahuasca, Trauma & Relationships - Dr Gabor Maté

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There’s been a surge in alternative, traditional methods to healing our deepest wounds. One of the main approaches that has gained popularity here in America is the use of the traditional South American brew, Ayahuasca, in guided ceremonies.

Dr Gabor Maté, renowned addiction expert, and writer, is back for a second conversation to discuss the benefits & cautions to using Ayahuasca. In this conversation, we also discuss many natural (non-medicinal) methods to healing trauma through the power of present-moment awareness practices, safe relationships and creating space for healing.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

  • Where Western medicine succeeds & fails [11:00]
  • What traditional rituals can teach us about healing [13:00]
  • How Ayahuasca works and why it’s used [16:00]
  • Finding the roots of our trauma [29:00]
  • Dealing with trauma using present-moment awareness [32:00]
  • Why we need to create space in our lives for healing and rest [38:00]

Jun 21 2017

55mins

Play

SC 204 - The 4 Attachment Styles & Not Taking Things Personally - Diane Poole Heller

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 A lot of things you take personally in relationship have very little to do with your partner. Those issues are really the result of YOUR past, YOUR triggers and YOUR perspective...So says long-time Boulder, Colorado therapist & expert in the field of Child and Adult Attachment Theory and Models, Dr. Diane Poole Heller. 

  • How The Therapy Field Chose Diane [7:00]
  • Why The Attachment Model Is So Central To Diane’s Work [12:00]
  • The Kind Eyes Exercise [19:00]
  • The Three Attachment Styles [21:00]
  • Why Are You Complaining About Your Great Partnership? [32:00]
  • Starting A Relationship Revolution With Secure Attachment [41:00]
  • The Effects of A Disorganized Relationship Environment [46:00]
  • Diane’s Method For Repairing From A Damaging Relationship [52:00]
  • Don’t Sabotage Your Healthy Relationship Because Of Your Attachment Issues [1:01:00]
  • Why You Shouldn’t Try To Heal Trauma Alone [1:03:00]
  • Using Mental Time Travel (Autonoesis) For Healing [1:08:00]
  • Diane’s Take On Why People Experience Repeated Trauma [1:11:00]
  • Diane’s Jem Of Advice For Young Adults & Not Taking Things Personally [1:17:00]

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Diane Poole Heller visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast204

Jul 11 2018

1hr 24mins

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SC 148 - Past Trauma in Present Relationships - Pat Ogden

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Pat Ogden PhD is a pioneer when it comes to somatic trauma therapy. Her work has touched many people including me. Even if you don't think you have any trauma, you likely have some living in your body that your partner will activate. In this episode, Pat has some great guidance to normalize and assist you in taking small steps that will greatly benefit you and your partner as you wade through the daily triggers of long-term relationship.

SHOWNOTES

  • What got Pat into studying human beings and trauma [10:00]
  • How Pat helped women who had difficulty experiencing sexual pleasure [13:00]
  • What is trauma? [17:00]
  • Why we see the ‘freeze response’ in people who were abused as children [19:00]
  • How childhood neglect can show up as trauma in adults [20:00]
  • What’s happening in the bodies of a couple who fights all the time? [22:00]
  • The pursuer and withdrawer dynamic in relationship [26:00]
  • Can we rewire our nervous systems together as a couple? [28:00]
  • The significance of the therapist-client bond [33:00]
  • What couples can do at home to work with their automatic nervous system responses [37:00]
  • Is there harm in retelling a traumatic story? [43:00]
  • Pat’s advice on embodying the self [49:00]

Aug 09 2017

58mins

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SC 94 - 7 Behaviors That Kill Your Connection

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Are you killing the connection with these 7 behaviors? My guest Bryan Reeves lays out some of the most common connection killers and what to do instead. There's some really good, practical advice in this episode. Dig in and enjoy

  • Bryan’s relationship story [7:00]
  • The Masculine-Feminine Dance and the ‘pull-push’ cycle [11:00]
  • Freedom vs connection in relationship [12:00]
  • When she says ‘come closer’ and he says ‘back away (and his biggest fear in life) [14:00]  
  • One way to handle a woman’s anger [17:00]
  • Key Relationship Skill: Connection before correction [19:00]
  • The danger of ‘data-gathering,’ and how our partners feel invalidated by it [22:00]
  • Why ‘mansplaining’ doesn’t bring you closer together [24:00]
  • How one-upping your partner’s problems can lead to toxic arguments [25:00]
  • A simple, impactful two-step principle for better connection and less friction [30:00]

Feb 02 2017

39mins

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SC 173 - Healing Relational Trauma In The Body - Sharon Stanley

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Unsure why certain interactions with loved ones get you so upset? Ever struggle to relate to the hardship of others?

Psychotherapist Sharon Stanley says the issue could be trauma, trauma you may not even be aware you have. Once we assess our own trauma we can begin exercising our senses and become more compassionate to others. According to Sharon, we owe it to ourselves and to each other to consider the pain in our pasts, only then can we embody true empathy!

SHOWNOTES

      • Who is Sharon Stanley? [6:00]
      • The best ways to connect with a traumatized person [11:00]
      • Interacting with a partner with trauma [16:00]
      • Building strength within the body to address trauma [20:00]
      • The cost of ignoring trauma [25:00]
      • Are you dealing with trauma? [26:00]
      • Is neglect the worst type of trauma? [30:00]
      • The importance of being embodied [35:00]

Nov 16 2017

45mins

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SC 118 - The #1 Hidden Reason Men Pull Away And Lose Interest

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Why do men pull away when they get close? Then, some of them will come back, only to pull away again. WTF is going on here?

SHOWNOTES

  • What is going on when a man pulls away? [7:00]
  • The surprising reason he pulls away and disconnects from you [8:00]
  • Why annoying your partner is a good thing (and will happen forever) [10:00]
  • The feedback loop that keeps you both stuck [13:00]
  • Two powerful tips for when he pulls away [14:00]

Apr 26 2017

17mins

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SC 53 - How To Feel Safe & Secure With Your Partner with Stan Tatkin

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Do attachment principles actually work in adult relationships? How can secure functioning assist you and your partner into greater safety and openness in your marriage? In this episode I talk with Stan Tatkin, couple therapist, and adult attachment guru. I’ve been studying this guy for the past 2 years through my wife. He’s making a very important contribution, backed by brain science, with the neuro psychobiological approach to how adults to long-term relationship successfully. Get ready to “parent” your partner! Yikes! I learned a lot here and am eager to share his work with you.

SHOWNOTES

  • How did Stan get into becoming a therapist? [5:45]
  • What is “secure functioning”? [13:00]
  • How is secure functioning different than “co-dependency”? [21:45]
  • What does a co-dependent dynamic look like in real life? [22:30]
  • Are we re-parenting ourselves with our chosen partners? [28:00]
  • What is a “master regulator” in a relationship? How to tell if that’s you. [31:30]
  • How to avoid choosing a partner who is not a good fit for a secure functioning model? [32:30]
  • When dating, here’s one thing you MUST do. [35:00]
  • What is the allostatic load and how does it impact both your body and relationships? [38:00]
  • The antidote to when a relationship goes on auto-pilot. [47:00]
  • Island, Anchor, Wave and why they matter in your relationship. [48:00]
  • The myth of “you need to love yourself first before you can love someone else”. [52:00]
  • Does your therapist also need to be in a thriving partnership [55:00]
  • Why does Stan say that “dating lasts forever”? [56:30]
  • Stan’s big tip on how couples can stimulate their marriage on a daily basis [58:00]

May 26 2016

1hr 6mins

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SC 116 - The Neuroscience & Power of Safe Relationships - Stephen W. Porges

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Have you ever wondered why you struggle to learn something new when you are stressed? Do you wonder why you or your partner are so damn sensitive? Well, there's a scientific reason for all of this and in this week's episode, I interview the man who developed the polyvagal theory. He's a real pioneer and someone who cares a lot about you feeling safe, in life, and in your relationships. Stephen Porgess is about to give you a big download on why you might not feel safe and what you can do about it. Bottom line? We cover the neuroscience of safe relationships and how to create them.

SHOWNOTES

  • Why we need relationships to keep our nervous systems calm [16:00]
  • How neuroscience understands ‘intimacy’ [21:00]
  • Marriage before, during and after kids [25:00]
  • What to do next time you feel yourself triggered and activated [29:00]
  • How safety and creativity are linked [32:00]
  • Using your tone of voice to facilitate more safety in your interactions [43:00]
  • The surprising truth about our happiest childhood memories [55:00]
  • Why you should never work anything out over the phone [57:00]

Apr 19 2017

1hr 7mins

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SC 104 - How To Deal With An Avoidant Partner & Interpersonal Stress

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Stan Tatkin returns and serves up another awesome dose of relationship advice through the lens of adult attachment. From how relationships impact your health, to helping your triggered or upset partner, to dealing with an avoidant partner, we cover a lot of ground as Stan answers 8 or so questions from you, the listener. This one is full of helpful tips to improve and enhance your connection over time.

  • Why is the country feeling so much anxiety? [1:00]
  • The effect that your ‘allostatic load’ has on your life [3:00]
  • What chronic relationship stress can do to your health [5:00]
  • How to not take things personally [8:00]
  • Learning to ‘lead with relief’ to create a safer space for each other [12:00]
  • A great way to handle your partner getting triggered [14:00]
  • Why Carl Jung didn’t like taking patients under 35 [18:00]
  • A rough guide to dealing with avoidant-types/islands [21:00]
  • Should you force your teenager to make eye contact with you? [35:00]
  • The power of ‘jointly attending’ with a resistant partner [37:00]
  • ‘Parallel play’ and its hidden dangers [39:00]
  • How to free up resources for higher development[42:00]

Mar 08 2017

1hr 3mins

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SC 8 - When to Stay or Leave + True Love with Annie Lalla

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IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn:

  • To see your partner as a sacred mirror and sanctuary for the growing your greatest actualized self
  • The true characteristics of a long-term partnership
  • How your partnership is the optimal container for complete transformation of yourself into the highest possible version imaginable
  • How to fall in love and why this is more important than being married
  • How to take radical responsibility for being loved in every moment of your life
  • How to actually get your needs/wants met in a partnership
  • How to know if conflict in your relationship is driving you toward or away from more magnificence

There’s a ton in this episode so dive in and go slow.

You will also want to check out Annie’s blog post “Should I stay or Should I Go?”

And, Here’s a great question from Annie to ask yourself if you are trying to decide to stay or leave:

Is the person I’m being called to become by what my partner’s asking me to become (if you take on the growth-development framework), will you become a more extraordinary version of yourself? If who they are asking you to become is a constricted, small, tight version of you, then this is probably not the person you want to be with.

However, if you identify as the smaller version of you, then, you are going to hear your partner’s feedback as criticism and blame and might make them wrong in the process. So, pay attention to these finer points.

Aug 09 2015

34mins

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How To Deal With Emotional Triggers In An Intimate Partnership- S tan Tatkin - Smart Couple Podcast #220

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Clinician and teacher, Stan Tatkin, explains what scientific research is telling us about pair bonding, adult attachment, and how to avoid triggering unwanted reactions.   SHOWNOTES:  
  • Who Is Stan Tatkin? [1:00]
  • Info On Stan’s New Book ‘We Do’ [4:00]
  • Going From Me To We Is Not About Codependency [6:00]
  • What is PACT & Psychobiology? [10:00]
  • Questions You Need To Ask Yourself If You Had a “Great” Childhood [19:00]
  • Allostatic Load And The Intersection Between Health and Security [24:00]
  • How To Start Hard A Conversation [34:00]
  • A Psychobiological Look At Emotions & Hormones [41:00]
  • Listener Question: How Responsible Are We For Our Partner’s Feelings? [49:00]
  • Listener Question: How Does Stan Address Sexual Desire Discrepancies? [55:00]
  To RSVP for the free lunchtime webinar with Stan Tatkin and Jayson Gaddis visit https://relationshipschool.net/wedo/   Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode with Stan Tatkin at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast220

Nov 29 2018

1hr 6mins

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The Top 5 Things Men Want from Women in Partnership with Ellen Boeder -Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 234

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In this episode, you'll find out "The top 5 things men want from women in a relationship."

And, the #1 answer, and clear leader by far, may surprise you. No... it's not sex.

Listen in to hear what men—who are willing to share their vulnerability—are saying they really want in a relationship. Ellen and I dig into what these brave men are bringing to the relationship conversation and consider what their responses point to.

I also mention in the Podcast, Ellen and I are looking into mentoring a couples mastermind. We want to work directly with a group of couples who are serious about taking their relationships to the next level of fulfillment.

If you're interested, lets us know! Send us an email at info@relationshipschool.com with the subject line "Yes, I'm interested in the upcoming Couples Mastermind with Jayson & Ellen!"

Shownotes:

-4:40 What surveyed men said they want from women -9:05 Acceptance -15:30 Support -17:35 Communication -20:30 Presence -26:05 Honesty

May 07 2019

31mins

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SC 158 - Interpersonal Neurobiology - Dan Siegel

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If you want to understand the long term cost of not repairing a rupture, Dan Siegel, who coined the term interpersonal neurobiology, is about to illuminate your mind. 

We discuss how we human beings operate when our "minds" and hearts come together, trauma, and how to fight off disease with presence. 

This episode is powerful.

It's for the science nerds and relationship geeks who want to better understand the human nervous system, mindfulness, and even trauma. SHOWNOTES

  • The 3 facets of the mind [15:00]
  • Where does the mind live? [18:00]
  • What do relationships and the body share in common? [20:00]
  • How you can strengthen your mind through "monitoring and modifying" [27:00]
  • Hyperarousal vs hypo-arousal [31:00]
  • The 4 F’s of a reactive state [32:00]
  • Coming back from reactivity [37:00]
  • What are the long-term costs of not repairing ruptures to relationship? [42:00]
  • How presence helps fight off disease [48:00]
  • The importance of developing an "internal compass" [60:00]

Sep 14 2017

1hr 10mins

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SC 45 - One Key To Get The Best Out Of Your Partner with Alison Armstrong -

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In this episode I talk with Alison Armstrong about some major differences between men and women and how to use them to your advantage in your relationship. While I get that the labels of masculine and feminine or man/woman can be incredibly narrow, they are very effective for teaching basic relationship principles. Notice how Alison does this with some age old “labels” to help you see where you naturally  orient and where your partner does. Also, notice when and where you feel you are at your “best” in your relationship. Check it!

SHOWNOTES

  • What caused Alison to become hungry to learn about men? [5:30]
  • Why do woman throw their husbands under the bus? [9:50]
  • The metaphor that helps explain why men and women see each other so differently. [12:05]
  • What one factor determines when a man or woman will act at his or her best. [16:30]
  • The best time to talk about a challenge in your relationship. [17:45]
  • How being more accurate about time can help women connect better with their man. [24:05]
  • The ideal perspective to thrive in changing life circumstances. [26:15]
  • The missing piece that women don’t get about a partner who is on his purpose. [32:45]
  • What is a “no-blow” date. [35:00]

Apr 06 2016

48mins

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SC 112 - How to Deal With Narcissism in a Relationship - Jeff Pincus & Rachel Cahn

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Are you dealing with narcissism in your relationship? How do you really know? What are the signs and more importantly, what's going on with you that has you with someone you are labeling as "narcissistic?" In this episode I dive into these questions and more with my friends Jeff and Rachel, both very skilled psychotherapists who understand narcissism and how it can impact your relationship.

SHOWNOTES

  • How narcissists relate to their sense of ‘self’ differently [13:00]
  • Understanding how people get their narcissistic supply [17:00]
  • The need for an idealized self-image [20:00]
  • How narcissists counter-intuitively depend on everyone else [23:00]
  • Getting their world [29:00]
  • How to get through to a narcissist [32:00]
  • What happens when partners complain from a place of helplessness [41:00]
  • Being willing to lose a bad relationship [43:00]

Apr 06 2017

1hr 3mins

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SC 140 - The 4 Freedoms That Develop Masculine Depth & Purpose - Satyen Raja

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The feeling of being lost and purposeless in life has a big impact on our relationships.  Men and women have a deep need to not only connect with each other, but connect to a bigger meaning in their life.

Satyen Raja is an expert at helping us develop the higher levels of purpose & evolution in our lives - and this affects everything from our work, our relationships with our partners & kids, our fitness and our level of satisfaction with our lives.

His '4 freedoms' is an extremely useful exercise to helping you keep your eye on your highest self - especially if we're suffering in feeling lost and without direction.

This episode, largely geared toward the men, will challenge you and give you a toolkit that dramatically increase your relationship and life satisfaction if you apply them - listen carefully for the exercises and grab a notebook, because these ones are important. SHOW NOTES

  • How to create a relationship where both partners are learning from and inspiring one another [13:00]
  • Satyen's number one thing he's learned as a man in relationship to his wife [15:00]
  • Men & women triggering each other & how to deal with both [17:00]
  • How men can listen better in conflict without being a 'doormat' [18:00]
  • A martial arts technique to calm down when you're triggered [19:00]
  • The "4 freedoms"  for accelerated evolution and higher purpose [22:00]
  • A 10min exercise men can do to bring more presence to their partner [30:00]
  • How to move toward more meaning in life [43:00]
  • Satyen's "Accelerated Evolution" trauma-release technique [49:00]
  • Satyen's advice for men who are stuck or lost in life  [61:00]

Jul 12 2017

1hr 8mins

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If You Are Thinking of Divorce - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 265

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If you are thinking of divorce, you've probably spent hours analyzing things. I just want you to consider a few more points, just in case. Listen to this.

Shownotes:

  • (2:55) If you’re thinking of divorce
  • (4:00) Look at the cost of a divorce
  • (8:30) What are the benefits of a divorce for you and for others
  • (13:25) https://relationshipschool.com/DPIR/

Dec 11 2019

18mins

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Co-parenting & Blended Families

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I received enough requests that it was time to do an interview on co-parenting and blended families. This is a great primer for you if you are in this situation.   The couple I interview has lived the experience. One is divorced. One is a spouse of a deceased partner. They blended their families together and it went super well! Their story is inspiring. Listen now!   Shownotes:

Dec 04 2019

44mins

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How to Control Your Mind Using Acceptance & Commitment Therapy with Steven Hayes - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 263

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Have you ever tried to control your thoughts to no avail?   Do you have a critical voice judging you from the inside?   If so, I have great news. I interviewed the founder of ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) and he has a powerful method (and story) about how to change your mind. Listen now.  
  • (5:45) Introduction Steven Hayes
  • (15:05) How to correct the course of people's lives in a positive way
  • (24:00) How to transcend the victim mentality
  • (32:35) Learning to love yourself by yourself and with help of others
  • (39:20) Acceptance and commitment therapy
  • (45:10) Why challenge is beneficial in our lives
  • (51:00) Working on your blind spots
  • (1:01:15) First steps to start working on yourself
  • (1:06:00) https://stevenchayes.com/
  • (1:06:40) https://contextualscience.org/civicrm/profile?gid=17&reset=1&force=1
  • (1:09:40) Action step

Nov 26 2019

1hr 16mins

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Spiritual Development vs. Relational Development - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 262

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Here in Boulder Colorado there are a lot of spiritual people doing great, deep, spiritual work.   But does it translate into relational development?  

Listen to my take in this episode.

Nov 19 2019

8mins

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Attachment Science & Getting to the Root Of A Couple's Problems - Relationship School Podcast Episode 261

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Want to help couples better? Want to learn about the real issue in your partnership? This interview will shed some serious light on what's below all the surface fights. If you like attachment science, you'll love this one.

Shownotes:

  • (3:45) Introduction Sue Johnson
  • (19:30) Sue’s experience of attachment in a community
  • (21:39) Reading emotional cues in relationships to find problems
  • (30:35) Helping couples by showing them their own dynamics when fighting
  • (39:25) Understanding love through attachment science
  • (42:10) How EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) can help you
  • (48:10) Final words about love and relationships
  • (51:50) http://drsuejohnson.com/
  • (51:55) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeEyuM2qJHNyBEuIMV3bC7w
  • (52:45) Action step

Nov 12 2019

55mins

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How to Feel Seen By Others - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 260

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Feeling seen is one of the 4 core needs in a partnership. However, what does that mean and how do we do that?   What if we don't feel safe? What if we don't know how?   Listen to this. I think it will help.   Shownotes:  
  • (2:05) What does “Being seen” mean
  • (3:20) Why a lot of people close up and hide parts of themselves
  • (4:50) Confronting our “Dark side” in long-term relationships
  • (7:30) Settling for feeling seen, but not being accepted

Nov 06 2019

10mins

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How Does A Woman Help A Man Open Up And Do His Inner Work? - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 258

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Women ask me all the time, "How do I get him to open up?" It's an important question as some of us guys are pretty emotionally jammed up. But there are a few things you can do to help, without feeling resentful. Listen in!

 

Shownotes:
  • (3:55) Introduction Shana James
  • (10:20) Why she decided to work helping men
  • (18:50) Safety and sex in relationships
  • (27:00) Having honest and open conversations with our partners
  • (31:35) How women can understand men in their lives.
  • (36:55) How women can help men solve some of their problems in bed
  • (40:00) First steps on how to have transparent conversations with our partners
  • (46:00) Women being labeled as “Too emotional”
  • (51:50) Bringing hope to people about relationships in their lives
  • (57:15) Action Step

Oct 30 2019

1hr 1min

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The Pro-attachment Satisfaction Cycle - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 259

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Years ago, I watched a woman re-pattern a baby's movements after a tough Caesarean birth. It was so powerful. It all happened in a few minutes. She was a baby whisperer.

Turns out this woman is quite the healer. From tantra facilitator to couples therapist, Annie Brooke has some serious skills.

I've had sessions with her, and my son did a water session with her when he was six months old.

I think you'll like this interview I recently did with her. We covered a ton of ground. Conflict, attachment, and the satisfaction cycle.

 

Shownotes:
  • (3:50) Introduction Annie Brook
  • (15:20) About attachment and the Mother-Children relationship
  • 23:50) The importance of movement in self-awareness practices
  • (27:50) About the satisfaction cycle on adult partnerships dynamics
  • (34:30 How attachment cycles of our childhood affect our present
  • (36:00) Spaces in couples during conflict or disagreements
  • (40:20) Recreating relationships over time
  • (42:45) About open marriage and polyamorous relationships
  • (50:25) About co-regulation
  • 1:02:30 Action Step

Oct 30 2019

1hr 6mins

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Masculine And Feminine Energy In Relationships

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Recently I interviewed my friend Joanna Shakti on masculine/feminine energy.   Some people get pretty triggered with these terms, but I think they are quite useful, so long as we tease them apart from gender.   Regardless, there's a lot of great stuff in this interview about polarity, sexual chemistry, and how one woman turned her "energy" around and found a different level of love.   Plus, there are 4 questions you can ask to see where you fall on the masculine/feminine spectrum. Listen now...     Shownotes:  
  • (4:30) Introduction Joanna Shakti
  • (13:30) What is masculine and feminine energy
  • (17:05) How unbalanced masculine and feminine energy can cause frustration
  • (22:50) Practical steps to start working on this part of you
  • (28:10) How your energy can attract people on the opposite side of the spectrum
  • (35:00) Sex in long term relationships
  • (41:35) Scheduled sex
  • (43:20) Opening a marriage and having sex with other people
  • (44:30) Short advice for women who struggle with having orgasms
  • (47:33) Advice for people who have same energy (Masculine – Feminine)
  • (51:40) Final advice
  • (55:35) Action Step

Oct 14 2019

58mins

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Over Parenting - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 256

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If you are not a parent, this is pretty interesting. I think you can learn a few things here. If you are a parent, there's such a thing as too much parenting. The helicopter or enabling parent.

Is there such a thing as "over-attachment"? I think so. In this short episode my wife and I dig into this touchy subject. I say touchy because parents are soooo sensitive to criticism. Check it out!

Oct 08 2019

29mins

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How to feel accepted and connected - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 255

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Do you know the fastest way to get the connection back? Or how about how to feel accepted and not judged by your partner? Listen here as I offer you a few tips to get both.

 

Shownotes:
  • (1:50) Falling into Victimhood when you don’t feel accepted
  • (4:12) The first step is to connect with yourself
  • (8:40) The feeling of being accepted
  • (11:25) Relationship School Event November 7th

Oct 01 2019

18mins

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Codependent Relationships: Signs, Symptoms, and How to Change It

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Most people have a little bit of codependency going on. However, if you have a relationship that is based on codependency, you're probably feeling insecure and frustrated.   In this podcast, I cover the signs and symptoms of codependency, the history of the term, how it "works" and what to do about it. You'll want to check this out.   Shownotes:
  • (2:10) What does co-dependency mean
  • (8:35) Signs and symptoms of a co-dependent relationship
  • (15:25) What can you do to avoid this in your own life
  • (21:10) Action Step

Sep 24 2019

23mins

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How to change your relationship patterns with NLP - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 253

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There's a little known hack out there in the personal growth world about changing patterns, beliefs, and thoughts. Tony Robbins' entire approach is based on it.   It's called NLP.   I've never formally studied it. Which is why I had my friend Matt Brauning on the podcast to discuss how to change your relationship patterns.   Check it out.

Shownotes:

  • (2:40) Introduction Matt Brauning
  • (12:45) How “choice” works in our life
  • (16:20) How NLP can help you change your beliefs
  • (23:50) Your struggles can also be your strengths
  • (27:10) Changing problematic patterns
  • (34:30) Dealing with fear in our relationships
  • (44:30) Facing fears of public speaking with NLP
  • (58:40) Final advice
  • (1:03:30) Action Step

HELPFUL LINKS

Sep 18 2019

1hr 6mins

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Can You Fall In Love Too Fast? - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 252

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Are there really any risks with falling hard for someone? You know, when you're just in the zone with this person and you lose track of time and space... Even though it feels so amazing (almost addictive), there are major downsides to the "honeymoon period" that are just underneath the surface, your relationship will be at risk unless you know what to look for.

Shownotes:

(0:20) Introduction - action step (1:45) Is it possible to fall in love too fast? (4:50) What can you do when you’re In this position? (7:05) Action step

Sep 10 2019

8mins

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Spirituality & Relationships - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 251

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My friend Tami Simon, founder & CEO of Sounds True, shares her insights about the spiritual path and relationships. Her decades of interviewing the world's leading authorities on spirituality, wellness, and relationships shines in this podcast interview. From spiritual gurus to CEO's of major companies, learn why relationships are key to a brighter future.

 

Shownotes:
  • (4:00) Introduction Tami Simon
  • (11:30) Why Spiritual teachers don’t talk often about relationship
  • (25:20) What has changed about spiritual movements in the last decades?
  • (28:05) Is there more attention on relational development in spiritual teachings now?
  • (29:15) Addressing relational dynamics in work environments
  • (38:15) Relational dynamics between teachers and students
  • (42:30) The paradox between accepting yourself as you are and striving to be a better person
  • (47:35) Tami Simon current projects
  • (53:00) Action Step

Sep 03 2019

56mins

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Why trying to change your partner is impossible unless… - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 250

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Do you ever wish your partner, or ex, would just change? I mean, if only they would, everything would be awesome, right? Not so fast.

But... there is one thing you can do under the radar to get them to change. Check it out and listen in...

 

Shownotes:
  1. (2:40) Why trying to change your partner is almost impossible
  2. (5:30) What can you do to help others change?
  3. (8:15) Action step

Aug 26 2019

10mins

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Women's Sexuality & Nervous System Post Birth, Trauma and #Metoo - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 249

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It took Kimberly 6.5 years to heal her body and have sex without pain. Her vulnerability and knowledge is huge and she shares it all on this podcast. She did over 800 sessions with women working on their pelvic floor. Gulp. If you find yourself still in a freeze response after being hurt this morning, or from years ago, you'll want to check this out...

 

Shownotes:
  • (3:00) Introduction Kimberly Johnson
  • (7:00) Why Kimberly Choose to go deeper on Trauma work and Sexological Bodyworkers
  • (15:50) Learning to work with your nervous system in a new way
  • (25:00) Advice for listener to start working with their nervous system
  • (38:25) How the way we grow and develop our nervous system impacts our future
  • (45:15) About the #MeToo movement
  • (52:55) Empowering people through getting to know their own nervous system
  • (58:25) Creating a new world based on communication, respect and connection
  • (1:03:25) Action Step

Aug 20 2019

1hr 7mins

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Fragilizing & Dealing With Passive or Insecure People - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 248

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This week's podcast is all about passive people and walking on eggshells. In fact, there's a fun new term "Fragilizing". Listen to find out what the hell that means...

Shownotes:

  • (2:30) What is fragilizing.
  • (5:50) About passive and fragile people.
  • (9:50) Closing applications for DPIR
  • (11:00) Action Step

Aug 13 2019

12mins

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Stephen Porges On How Facial Expressions Impact Your Relationships - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 247

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Are you a caregiver who is on the verge of burnout? What is the difference between the central nervous system and the autonomic nervous system? What happens if I misread a person's face, especially my partner? Listen to this fascinating interview with Polyvagal theory's founder, Stephen Porges.

Shownotes:

  • (1:45) Episode 116: Polyvagal theory, safety in relationships.
  • (4:26) Why knowing how to read other people matters.
  • (9:50) How our physiology affects how we perceive others, and how others perceive us.
  • (17:50) Arguments from a biological perspective.
  • (20:15) Co-regulation.
  • (25:05) How learning can be affected by a teacher’s physiology.
  • (27:40) Reading an audience when speaking in public.
  • (32:15) DPIR enrollment.
  • (34:10) Difference between the central nervous system and autonomic nervous system.
  • (42:05) How stress affects to our bodies.
  • (50:00) About depression.
  • (55:45) About exercise.
  • (56:50) How taking care of others can impact your life.
  • (1:01:20) Final thoughts.
  • (1:06:40) Action Step.

Aug 05 2019

1hr 10mins

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Why Confidence Is More Attractive Than Looks - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 246

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In this episode we explore your confidence. Why is it more attractive than looks? Or is it? Listen in as we quickly explore this terrain and listen for the challenge at the end.

Shownotes: (0:40) Open applications for DPIR Program (9 month training) (3:30) What is confidence (5:10) Why confidence is more attractive than looks (7:50) Action step

https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/why-confidence-is-more-attractive-than-looks-relationship-school-podcast-episode-246/

Jul 30 2019

10mins

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