SO068: Realistic Ways to Rest for Moms with Virginia Lee
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text]Season 12: Finding Rest as a Homeschool Mom This season of the Simplified Organization Audio Blog is excerpts from an hour-long live chat all about resting as a homeschool mom. Find the link below to access the replay in its entirety! [powerpress] Mystie: Alright, I’m so excited to kick off this season of the Simplified Organization podcast with Virginia Lee, who helps me with customer service emails. Hi, Virginia Lee. Virginia Lee: Hi, everyone. Mystie: So this season is about rest. All the rest of the episodes are going to be clips from a workshop that I did on getting rest as a mom because sometimes that just seems impossible. So, I thought today we would kick off that season by having a quick conversation about specific ways that we rest and recuperate from an intense day with the kids. And, I think that thinking about it in terms of recuperation really helps. It’s not usually a word that’s used in this conversation. We talk about rest or renewal or refreshment or filling our buckets, but I don’t know, I like the word recuperation. Virginia Lee: I do, too, it seems more like not a lifetime goal, a long term goal, but we can recuperate and get back into action. Mystie: Right, the focus is on rebuilding, almost. You know, getting back to wholeness because sometimes it feels like we’ve been a little bit deconstructed after an intense day. Virginia Lee: Yes, most definitely. Mystie: So, I am an introvert and Virginia Lee is an extrovert, so we can bring a little bit of a difference there. And, Virginia Lee, what are some of the things that you do after a hard day? Virginia Lee: You know, I almost always do the same things because they work for me: I pour myself a glass of sweet tea, I go outside under Silver Girl, which is our maple tree in our front yard, and then depending on exactly the extreme amount that I have to recuperate from, I either pray, or I would do a brain dump, or I get on a voxer and have a conversation with a friend. Mystie: OK, nice. Virginia Lee: And that seems to work every time. I choose one of those three depending of the severity or the seriousness of the recuperation that I need. Mystie: Beverage, outside, and conversation. Because, prayer is conversation with God. And, of course, it makes me happy that brain dumping is also one of the options. Virginia Lee: Yes, sometimes my recuperation needs to be a brain dump because the part that’s really torn me down is the fact that there’s just too much in my head from what I’ve seen in my day that I either need to tweak or add to, and it really helps me to refresh to just not have it all in my head any more. Mystie: My current refreshing beverage of choice in the afternoon is sparkling water. So, I will grab sparkling water, close myself off in the bedroom or somewhere, sometimes I go take a quick walk or just even pace in front of my house (and make a spectacle for my neighbors), but actually, I think the walking itself helps – it is the outside but it’s also just some movement, it just helps the blood flow to the right places again. It helps my brain think more clearly, kind of like the brain dump. I will do a brain dump. One thing that I started doing last year was a power nap, which I’ve tried off and on before, and I read about power naps, but I’m not really a napper, and I usually feel worse after a try to take a nap, but I just felt like I needed the end of, especially like teaching a class or something, I just needed to turn off. I almost actually never fall asleep but it’s kind of my version of an isolation chamber. So, I take one of my black pajama shirts and drape it over my eyes, sometimes I will even put in ear plugs and close the door and everyone knows it’s just 10 minutes, no one’s allowed to knock on the door or anything, but I also have no nappers. No one naps at all in my house. Quiet Time is a thing of the past, so this is mom’s quiet time. It’s amazingly helpful to just have 10 minutes with zero input. It’s not really the sleep so much as the being able to turn off for a little bit. It’s like a reboot. And, then I have so much more mental clarity when I get up. Virginia Lee: And, I think that’s the introvert part of you refreshing, because to me, it’s not that I need no input, I need no input of the kind that I had been having, which sounds mean to say because it’s my children but I need a change of input, whether the input is the breeze outside, the way the light looks coming through the trees, or a conversation with an adult—that’s what I need to refresh and to recuperate is a change of input but I do still like input. Mystie: Yeah, and I think that’s what we need to do is to be paying attention to what is actually refreshing. So when I’m done with the activity do I feel better or is it just coming back to the crazy again? We’re looking for the things (they’re not actually a break) we’re giving us rest or recuperating unless they allow us to come back to our full lives ready to handle it again. So, we don’t need to turn away from it all for a little while, we need to turn away to something that brings us back better. Access the whole replay: We need to do is to be paying attention to what is actually refreshing. When I’m done with the activity do I feel better or is it just coming back to the crazy again? [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]The post SO068: Realistic Ways to Rest for Moms with Virginia Lee appeared first on Simply Convivial.
20 Aug 2018
SO073: Living From a State of Rest
Season 12: Finding Rest as a Homeschool Mom This season of the Simplified Organization Audio Blog is excerpts from an hour-long live chat all about resting as a homeschool mom. Find the link below to access the replay in its entirety! [powerpress] Decision fatigue is super real, and it’s not just our kids pestering that puts us over the edge, it’s ourselves also. Our own minds are always going, going, going. And that’s one reason why we’re brain dumping, we’re getting it out of our heads so that our own head is not pestering us. So, we have to find ways because, I think, we also might find a way to arrange for the kids to give us 30 minutes of not talking to us and then we find that didn’t help as much as I thought it would because the distraction mode is still here. Even if we turn the phone off, even if we send the kids away, then we find the problem’s still here. Brain dump, brain dump, brain dump, organization can bring more peace. A lot of the ways you see organization on Pinterest or that kind of thing where it means label makers and matching containers and a perfect cleaning schedule where you take all the buckets out and wipe down the inside of the cabinet every month that increases our feelings of obligation and increases our feelings of inadequacy – like, that’s just not going to work in my life, what do I do now because I’m incompetent on so many levels? When this is the problem, when it’s in our heads, it’s one of three things (and these are the last three things on my list I was telling you about). We need peace from three things. So this is our own internal problems that are giving us unrest. One is anxiety, and I feel completely unable to really deeply address that one because I know so many people struggle with anxiety as a real, deep-seated, maybe even chemical issue, but anxiety is going to steal your peace and steal your rest. It makes rest impossible so we have to address it, we can’t just live with it, we have to address it. Isaiah 40 for anxiety, Philippians 4. Anxiety is actually a sin and we need to repent and then we need to rejoice and then we need to do it over and over again. So, sometimes we think that because if we keep doing it then I’m either off the hook or I’m a lost case but it’s just something that we have to keep doing. And then the peace of God is given to us when we pray with thanksgiving. Like, actually repenting instead of just feeling bad. Sometimes just feeling bad is us laying ourselves off the hook, but actually calling it a sin, asking God to help us, and Philippians 4 says “with gratitude,” and that doesn’t mean so I’m thankful for fluffy kittens and blue skies, it’s be grateful in the situation that you’re in because you can always be thankful for Jesus, right? So, be thankful even within the situation where you are, not for things outside your situation, but for inside your situation, prayer, with thanksgiving, making your requests know then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. It’s a pretty clear verse, and we can keep coming back to it. That’s why it’s repent, rejoice, repeat. It’s not a once and done thing and now we’re never going to have this problem again. It’s going to keep being an ongoing problem but every time it is it’s like, ‘oh, I know what to do’ and it’s that knowing what to do that brings us rest. So, it’s not even about an escape from it or solving it, it’s knowing what to do that brings the peace. Well, God brings the peace but that’s a big part of it. OK, but the two big ones … that one’s like it’s own big huge category … and the two every day peace stealers and unrest creators are decision fatigue and the feeling of vague obligation. There are so many things I should be doing I don’t even know what they all are. How many people have ever felt like that? I have so many things I don’t even know what they all are, vague obligation. So this is where actual, real life organization comes in where the organization is about our attitude and about an approach to life and not necessarily about having the most orderly closets, or the corners that are free from gunk – I had to tell myself that this week I will not be taking vlogs of my home – let’s just say that. Real organization starts in our heads and it starts by knowing what those obligations are and making some of those decisions upfront so that we can just do what we need to do. Access the whole replay: Real organization starts in our heads and it starts by knowing what those obligations are and making some of those decisions upfront so that we can just do what we need to do. The post SO073: Living From a State of Rest appeared first on Simply Convivial.
1 Oct 2018
SO072: The 3 Kinds of Rest We Need
Season 12: Finding Rest as a Homeschool Mom This season of the Simplified Organization Audio Blog is excerpts from an hour-long live chat all about resting as a homeschool mom. Find the link below to access the replay in its entirety! [powerpress] Transcript Finally, we have mental rest. And I think this is the category that we are least aware of, but that is actually tripping us up the most. I’m currently reading the book Deep Work by Cal Newport and I wasn’t even expecting it to tie into these ideas that I was having about rest and what we need to do and all that, but it does. So, when we are tempted to zone out it’s because we are overwhelmed, right? We are overwhelmed by all the details, all the distractions, all the things going on in our life, all the people asking us questions all the time, and even sometimes we’re asking ourselves questions all the time. We don’t know what we’re supposed to be doing, we don’t know where the thing is; everything feels like a scramble. Am I right? And, sometimes it’s not because you need physical rest, and it’s not because you need spiritual rest. Sometimes it’s just because life is full of all these inputs and it’s chaotic and overwhelming, and we don’t have what it takes to order it all, to put it into order. It’s all coming out of us and it’s all chaotic and messy, and we don’t know what to do. And then we feel worse because we don’t know what to do with it all. It’s just all coming at us. And, all I can think to do is to just turn it all off. So, I think if you’re feeling of ‘I need rest’ comes out as ‘turn it all off’ then this is where you need to really start brain dumping and applying and thinking. You don’t necessarily have to assume you have a spiritual problem. We have to make sure that that’s in order first, but it doesn’t necessarily … feeling like you just need to turn it all off, you just can’t handle it anymore, it’s not necessarily a spiritual problem. It’s partly the way our current world is running with the priority on distraction mode, and when we’re in a distracted state that is the opposite of peace. We don’t know how to get to peace. If we are functioning completely in distracted mode all the time we actually lose the ability to basically think in a straight line. And, unless we can think in a straight line we aren’t going to be able to problem solve, we aren’t going to be able to provide the counseling and parenting that our children really need, because it’s so hard to pay attention. So, distraction is the opposite of attention, and attentiveness is the ability to pay attention is sometimes what we actually are needing when we feel like we need rest. It’s a feeling of ‘I need to turn off this distraction mode and have a time where I can actually have a complete thought and move forward with that complete thought.’ So, that’s one reason why taking a walk helps (yes, walking in a straight line physically helps the brain feel more linear – that’s perfect). So, in the book Deep Work, Cal Newport is talking about how we need to set aside undistracted time, and you know, pretty much his only solution is just turn the internet off, like how hard, just do it. And have one project that you just work on. And it’s like, well, yeah, that’d be nice if I had an office door I could close and just turn off the internet connection – that would turn off all the distractions, not. The internet might provide another layer of distractions but we’ve got so many things coming at us all the time that you could take a step and do the easy things like turning the notifications on your phone off (that’s a good one) but we can find times like this even in a house full of children who need us all day. One of the things that we need to do is to realize that we have to. So when we feel … we feel guilty if we feel like we just have to shut this all off. So we have all these distractions, then we feel overwhelmed and we don’t know what to do, and the only solution we can think of is to turn it all off, and we feel guilty for that because we know that’s not what we should be doing. We shouldn’t just be like, ‘go away.’ So when we get in this cycle, just keeping going and it just gets worse until we crack. And the fact that we crack should show that something’s out of whack here, something’s off kilter, and we do need to do something different. We need to find some times in our day where we are not being interrupted. It’s healthy, it’s healthy for everyone. It’s healthy for our kids to not be constantly talking or interrupting or needing things. You see all kinds of articles lately today about how kids are never bored anymore and it’s actually bad for them. We live in a time where we have to be very intentional to guard our mental health, honestly. And we can do that by saying, no… just like everyone has to eat their vegetables, we have to have some time where we are not talking, asking questions, needing things – like, we have to build this intentional time into our day for everyone, not just for mom, not just so that I can handle you, but because this is good for all of us. Like, you can demand a quiet time in a selfish way and probably, we all have. And so then we feel guilty or bad because we did that with a wrong attitude and wrong motivation. We did it in a grabby, self-seeking way, and so then we overreact the other way, and say because the way I was needing a quiet time was wrong, therefore I must not need an afternoon without anyone talking to me, I’ve just got to go and get over it. You can actually figure out ways to have some quiet spaces intentionally, kindly, gracefully, non-selfish ways. Access the whole replay: We live in a time where we have to be very intentional to guard our mental health, honestly. And we can do that by saying, no… just like everyone has to eat their vegetables, we have to have some time where we are not talking, asking questions, needing things – like, we have to build this intentional time into our day for everyone, not just for mom, not just so that I can handle you, but because this is good for all of us. The post SO072: The 3 Kinds of Rest We Need appeared first on Simply Convivial.
24 Sep 2018
SO071: Rest Isn’t Easy
Season 12: Finding Rest as a Homeschool Mom This season of the Simplified Organization Audio Blog is excerpts from an hour-long live chat all about resting as a homeschool mom. Find the link below to access the replay in its entirety! [powerpress] Transcript So, an example is our family’s EHAP. So, EHAP is one of those things, it’s part of Sweep and Smile, it’s a part of the Simplified Organization Course that means Everything Has A Place. Sometimes everything doesn’t have a place, that’s why there’s more decision fatigue because you’re like, where do I put this thing? Giving things a home is one way we eliminate decision fatigue. So, it’s a project. It’s something that we do that’s going to have the payoff of rest after it’s done. EHAP is the time to put things back where they belong and it has a time and it has a place every day. At our house it’s about five o’clock most evenings. Not every single evening but most evenings at five o’clock is EHAP. That means at three o’clock when the house is a wreck and I feel like “AHHH, I’ve got to do something about this now,” take a deep breath, and we don’t have to do something about this now, we’re going to do something about it at five, so right now I can let the kids be doing their thing and not interrupt them because I feel crazy. I’m the one that has to take a deep breath and say, “We’ve got this handled, it’s OK.” There’s a time for everything and everything in its time. So, everything in its home and everything in its time that’s when we can take that breath and know that the decision then has been made, it’s not an immediate problem, it’s not a vague problem. So, we have to systematically work through our responsibilities and our obligations and our time and our home, and in various ways put things in their home. That is how we then build the mental rest in our own heads. And yes, we can then, also, build time where we aren’t being interrupted and asked a million questions. But, here’s another thing to add to your brain dump. Throughout the week, write down the various kinds or maybe even specific questions your kids are asking. And maybe there are decisions that can be made upfront. Like, are they asking questions because they really want to know what’s happening because it’s always up in the air? Like, the more things that are always up in the air the more chatter there’s going to be from the kids and from your own head. But, if breakfast is always oatmeal because no one asks, “What’s for breakfast?” One of my favorites is if the kids ask what’s for dinner? I say, “Food.” I don’t have to think about it. I might have my menu planned but sometimes, ask me at a certain time and I don’t know, we’re going to have something or sometimes I’m just making something and it doesn’t have a name, so then you’re thinking ‘food, we’re going to have food.’ Finding those little things that just turn off the stress response is the distraction looking for an answer that is where we’re going to start finding mental peace and clarity. So, maybe pay attention to the questions that you’re asked this week and see if there’s a common thread or note which ones are most draining to you, and is there a way that you can arrange the day or just have a pat answer that eliminates the stress that comes when the question comes. Sometimes these are really easy, really simple if we look intentionally at it, but when we get into distracted mode it takes work and intention to get out of it, and that’s where I am right now in the Deep Work book, I’m in the rules section. But he’s really developing how hard it is to move from distracted to thinking in a straight line again. And how intentional we have to be and that it’s really like a muscle that we have to grow. So, if we’ve been in distracted mode for a really long time it’s not going to be about just arranging a quiet time and suddenly we’ll be able to think deeply. It’s going to take practice to exercise that kind of attention again. And it will be uncomfortable at first as well, and difficult at first, but that ability to think through something without being distracted is where we’ll start finding calm and clarity and resilience which I think we don’t just need physical rest, selfishly for ourselves to feel better. What we need is resilience. We need internal, calm, and clarity so that when craziness happens outside of us with other people; people are bumping into each other, bumping into us, we need to have resilience – the ability to bounce back and to not just crumble or explode or whatever, immediate reaction happens. Sometimes this is expressed as being proactive. You can’t be proactive or resilient in a state of constant distraction. The two states are mutually exclusive. So, it’s a really important issue to address. Access the whole replay: What we need is resilience. We need internal, calm, and clarity so that when craziness happens outside of us with other people; people are bumping into each other, bumping into us, we need to have resilience – the ability to bounce back and to not just crumble or explode or whatever, immediate reaction happens. Sometimes this is expressed as being proactive. The post SO071: Rest Isn’t Easy appeared first on Simply Convivial.
10 Sep 2018
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SO070: The Rest that God Gives
Season 12: Finding Rest as a Homeschool Mom This season of the Simplified Organization Audio Blog is excerpts from an hour-long live chat all about resting as a homeschool mom. Find the link below to access the replay in its entirety! [powerpress] Transcript So, start off by listing the things that you currently do for rest. What do you currently do when you feel like you need a break? Of those things that you do for rest which ones do you feel rested after doing? Because not everything that we do to take a break helps us feel better afterwards. So, if we don’t feel better afterwards, if we don’t feel rested and restored after doing it, it’s not a break. Maybe it’s stopping doing our work but it’s not rest. We have to be examining what we’re doing and whether or not it’s what we should be doing and perhaps there’s guilt involved because what we’re doing for rest isn’t restful so it doesn’t help so our anxiety and our stress is actually building instead of releasing. It just kind of builds and is a mess. We’re going to be taking a step back. Let’s talk about the goal for rest. So, Erika says, “Everything I do to rest I do restful during I but I feel guilty afterwards.’ So, maybe after reading a book you do feel rested and maybe after reading a book you don’t. It can depend on the situation and what else is going on or the kind of book. There are multiple things going on pretty much all the time so that’s why we have to brain dump and really start following those connections and like, ‘what’s the difference between this time where I felt rested after reading a book or maybe even after watching a TV show and this time where it wasn’t?’ Sometimes you’re even too tired to read so we need to figure out the kind of rest that we need, the kind of tired that we are so that we know what to build more of into our life. So, what’s the goal for resting? If we step back and look at the end – keep the end in mind – that will help us not feel guilty when we are legitimately resting, and it will help us recognize true rest from fake rest. So, the goal for resting is to be rested. This isn’t super deep. The goal of resting is peace and restoration/refreshment. If we go into rest as leisure and scholé (Peiper’s book, “The Basis of Culture” takes us on a journey on exploring leisure and its purpose) and it goes toward worship. And I think that is a good insight for us as we think about rest. Of course, the Bible talks about rest as connected to the Sabbath a lot. And, the point of the Sabbath is worship. When we have a mind and a soul at peace we can be grateful, we can be attentive even to God, and attentive to what He is doing in our life right now instead of, maybe, what we’re trying to do in our life. We can be more open and receptive when our minds and our souls and our bodies are at peace. But when our bodies are tired and fatigued, when our mind is distracted, and when we haven’t been spending any time in God’s Word, with God’s people, worshiping then these are all blocks, blockage, obstacles to finding rest which is from God – real rest is from God – even if it comes after a novel, it’s a blessing that we can have and that is good for us because God rested on the seventh day not because He needed a break but because that is the end of work, that’s enjoying the work, that’s what He did. He didn’t go find entertainment he was taking enjoyment from His work and that was how He rested. He wasn’t doing work but He was enjoying the fruits of His work and that was rest, and so that’s why then there’s the Sabbath (it follows this model). God was modeling a pattern that He wanted us to follow: work, and then enjoy the work, enjoy the fruits of the work. It’s OK and good and right to not be go, go, go, work, work, work, productive mode all the time. That is not God’s will for us. It is God’s will for us to do our duty and part of our duty is to take a step back and be grateful and worshipful and enjoy the fruits of our work. That’s legitimate. Access the whole replay: God was modeling a pattern that He wanted us to follow: work, and then enjoy the work, enjoy the fruits of the work. The post SO070: The Rest that God Gives appeared first on Simply Convivial.
4 Sep 2018