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The Once And Future Nerd

When three high school students from modern-day Pennsylvania find themselves trapped in a world of wizards, elves, and feudal intrigue, they must learn to survive in their new surroundings, and undertake an epic quest to save the world from the encroaching forces of chaos. WARNING: This Audio Drama contains adult language, graphic descriptions of violence, and explicit discussions of sexuality. This is, of course, in the interest of historical realism. We hope you enjoy our story about wizards and elves.

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Warning: This podcast is a series podcast

This means episodes are recommended to be heard in order from the very start. Here's the 10 best episodes of the series anyway though!

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The Prince of Iorden, Pt. 1

When three high school students from modern-day Pennsylvania find themselves trapped in a world of wizards, elves, and feudal intrigue, they must learn to survive in their new surroundings, and undertake an epic quest to save the world from the encroaching forces of chaos. WARNING: This show contains adult language, graphic descriptions of violence, and explicit discussions of sexuality. This is, of course, in the interest of historical realism. We hope you enjoy our story about wizards and elves. THE ONCE AND FUTURE NERD updates on the second and fourth Sunday of every month.

22mins

18 Sep 2013

Rank #1

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SERIES PREMIERE SPECIAL: The Prince of Iorden (Full Chapter)

As of today, we have accumulated 10,000 total downloads. To celebrate this milestone, and to thank all of you dear viewers for your support and listenership, we’re re-releasing the entirety of Chapter 1, “The Prince of Iorden,” but this time as a single file with no interruptions and with credits and titles only once. We hope you enjoy it! If you’d like to listen to future chapters this way, please consider becoming a supporter of the show on Patreon. Visit http://onceandfuturenerd.com/support to learn more about supporting us financially. If you’d like to support the show, but can’t spare any cash, you can do us a huge favor by reviewing us on iTunes, or just by generally spreading the word around your usual internet hangouts.

1hr 53mins

18 Sep 2014

Rank #2

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BOOK 2 PREMIERE: A Cruel And Sullied World, Pt. 1

Dear Listeners, we are extremely pleased to present to you the first episode of Book 2, MYTH MADE FLESH. After the disturbing events that concluded our previous book, Regan finds herself in a literal tight spot and in possession of very sensitive information. Jen must decide between keeping Regan’s confidence, and looking out for the best interests of the Party. And Arlene and Gwen’s own troubling discovery threatens to disturb their newfound peace. All the while, Regan’s prospects for escape from her predicament dwindle by the minute… Part 2 of this chapter will be available on March 26. We hope you’ll join us then. CONTENT NOTES  below: This episode features brief flashbacks to genocidal violence.

26mins

12 Mar 2017

Rank #3

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BOOK 1 FINALE: The Evening Redness in the West, Pt. 4

CONTENT NOTE: The violence in this episode gets particularly graphic. Listen with care. The First Book of our Tale comes to its bloody close at the Battle of Freehold. Our deepest thanks go out to everyone who has tuned in along the way. We never would have gotten this far without you. We’ll see you again for Book 2, release date TBD. If you’re enjoying the show, please consider becoming a patron at Patreon . The more patrons we have, the easier time we’ll have getting up and running for production of Book 2.

26mins

16 Sep 2015

Rank #4

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The Last Douchey Domicile, Pt. 4

CONTENT NOTE: This episode contains a retelling of sexual abuse, which may be disturbing to some listeners, between timestamps 8:17 – 9:18. Please use your judgment in listening. Faced with the harrowing decision of whether to officially declare her claim to the throne before the Elven High Council, Regan turns to an unlikely advisor. Meanwhile, Antonin Mooncrest discovers his new bride Arlene is missing, and jumps to conclusions about who is to blame. Thus concludes Chapter 7 of our tale. Chapter 8 will premiere in 2015. In the meantime, stay subscribed for bonus content, as well as other exciting holiday news. If you want to keep the conversation going, visit our official discussion forum at www.reddit.com/r/onceandfuturenerd. And thank you, as always, for listening.

20mins

14 Dec 2014

Rank #5

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The Evening Redness in the West, Pt. 3

In this, the penultimate episode of Book 1, Julius Mooncrest mourns his nephew Antonin. But all is not what it seems with the young lord’s apparent demise. Meanwhile, at the Horse’s Head Inn, a terrible discovery threatens to cut short Gwen and Arlene’s newfound romantic bliss. And our stalwart Narrator confesses that he has run out of events with which to delay the recounting of the Battle of Freehold and its aftermath. The climactic conclusion of Book 1 is coming next. Be sure to subscribe, and tell your friends so they won’t miss it. And hey, have you seen all the exciting news lately about merchandise, free full-chapter downloads, and awards?

17mins

16 Aug 2015

Rank #6

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A Cruel And Sullied World, Pt. 2

We return to the camp outside Freehold, shortly after Regan’s clandestine departure. Jen and Nelson receive stark prospects for their futures from a newly candid Nia, who also speculates about important matters metaphysical and arcane. Brennen and Yllowyyn disagree about the next steps in Brennen’s ongoing campaign, and Yllowyyn’s place in it. But once Jen comes clean about Regan’s whereabouts and intentions, Brennen drops everything and chases after his Queen in great haste. Our next episode will be released on April 9. We hope you’ll join us then. In the meantime, March has seen an industry-wide push to introduce more people to podcasts in general. If you have any friends who don’t listen to podcasts, recommend this show or anything else you think they might enjoy. If you do it on social media, you can use #TryPod.

23mins

26 Mar 2017

Rank #7

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The Prince of Iorden, Pt. 2

Part 2 of our 3-part series premiere… When three high school students from modern-day Pennsylvania find themselves trapped in a world of wizards, elves, and feudal intrigue, they must learn to survive in their new surroundings, and undertake an epic quest to save the world from the encroaching forces of chaos. WARNING: This show contains adult language, graphic descriptions of violence, and explicit discussions of sexuality. This is, of course, in the interest of historical realism. We hope you enjoy our story about wizards and elves.

17mins

19 Sep 2013

Rank #8

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Bridges, Pt. 1

An inebriated and ill-prepared Yllowyyn finds himself with two lives in his hands. No matter what he does, his decision is likely to echo loudly and far. The script for this episode can be downloaded here. We’d like to take this opportunity to thank whatever kind souls saw fit to nominate us for the 2017 Audio Verse Awards. Thank you so much, and please stay tuned for details on when/where to vote. Part 2 of this chapter will be released on October 22. We hope to see you then! CONTENT NOTES below. CONTENT NOTES: The character who was in grave danger from law enforcement at the end of Chapter 2 is still in danger from law enforcement. From 8:51-11:04, one character intentionally outs another character with regards to sexual orientation and past abuse. The character doing the outing seeks to use this information as justification for violence against the outed character. End of listed CONTENT NOTES.

25mins

8 Oct 2017

Rank #9

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I’ve Been Working On The Whale-Road, Pt. 1

Welcome back, dear ones! In the premiere of Chapter 4, our party must reap what they have sown aboard the Otto Olafsson’s merchant vessel. (Hint: It’s pirates.) Meanwhile, the High Council of the White Forest has some questions for Ry’y lo-Th’yyt. The script for this episode can be downloaded here. Part Two of this Chapter will be released on May 20. We hope you’ll join us then! CONTENT NOTES below. CONTENT NOTES: From 1:40-1:48 there are some vomit noises. From 5:35-6:21 (on script pg. 5) a survivor of sexual assault is in a potentially threatening situation From 11:58-12:23 there are some more vomit noises. End of listed CONTENT NOTES.

24mins

6 May 2018

Rank #10

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Evil Untold, Pt. 1

Welcome back to The Once And Future Nerd! In this week’s episode – the premiere of Chapter 8 – Regan makes her fateful decision about what to tell the Th’ar lo-Hyyl, the Kids get to better know Yllowyyn’s sister, Yllowyyn and his parents contend with their increasingly disparate values, and Ry-y lo-Th’yyt makes our Party a very lucrative offer. Oh, and equipment upgrades! We mustn’t forget those. Evil Untold, Pt. 2 will premiere on February 15. Be sure to subscribe, and leave us a review on iTunes or Stitcher or anywhere if you have a moment!

22mins

1 Feb 2015

Rank #11

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What Used To Be Enough, Pt. 1

As the shockwaves of Regan’s revelations ripple through the party, Yllowyyn feels less welcome than ever. Ry’y lo-Th’yyt discovers a loose thread in urgent need of snipping. And Brennen is given an ultimatum. The script for this episode can be downloaded here. Part Two of this chapter will be released on June 11. We hope you’ll join us then! And finally, the artist D.N. Frost, who designed our official map of the Human Realms of Iorden, has just released her new guide on “How To Make Fantasy Maps In Photoshop.” Now through June 23, it’s available as a free PDF download on her website. A literal steal for anyone interested in Fantasy world-building or cartography. CONTENT NOTES below: CONTENT NOTES: From 8:50-9:27 (on script pg. 8), a corpse is mutilated in an area of the body we’d probably consider private. (And no, it’s not Renault.) From 16:30-20:25 (on script pgs. 15-18), discussion of the violence at the end of Book 1 continues. It’s not especially graphic, but may remind some listeners of real-world violence. End of listed CONTENT NOTES.

25mins

28 May 2017

Rank #12

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An Impregnable Missive, Pt. 1

Nia’s parents receive some troubling information, and Ry’y lo-Th’yyt delivers some bad news herself to the Freehold garrison. Two mariners have a very unlucky day at sea. The Professor and Miss Bailey grieve, and have some…concerns.This episode features guest performances by Beth Eyre and Felix Trench.The script for this episode is available here.Our next episode will be released on April 7. We hope you’ll join us then!CONTENT NOTES below.CONTENT NOTES: From 15:31-20:19 (p. 13-16) there are sounds of bodily decay and mutilation, and basically an entire scene of verbal abuse. From 23:23-24:16 (p. 19-20)  there is discussion of a death by suicide. End of listed CONTENT NOTES.

32mins

24 Mar 2019

Rank #13

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Bridges, Pt. 4

While Nia has a brief run-in with her past, Billy procures passage for the Party. But their new accommodations leave much to be desired for our heroes’ purposes. Meanwhile, Traft’s abductor reveals some explosive secrets about the recent past of Iorden. The script for this episode can be downloaded here. Thus concludes this Chapter of our tale. We’ll be taking a short production break for the holidays, but will announce Chapter 4 release dates as soon as we have them. In the meantime though, it is once again time to Ask The Once And Future Nerd. Submit your questions about the show using #AskTOAFN on Twitter, Tumblr, or Facebook, or DM us on Reddit or Patreon. Submit by December 1st for a chance to have your question answered on upcoming Livestream! CONTENT NOTES below. CONTENT NOTES: If vomit sounds bother you, you might want to skip 8:17-8:52 There is a mention of cannibalism from 19:23-19:30 (script pg. 82) End of listed CONTENT NOTES.

28mins

19 Nov 2017

Rank #14

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One For The Team, Pt. 3

Something very unwelcome washes ashore in a southern fishing town. Jen has a rough night, and Nelson has an unsettling dream. The script for this episode can be downloaded here. Update: The promo code for Audio Fiction 101 given in this episode has since expired. Thanks to everyone who used our code, and everyone else can still take advantage of the course at its regular price. Our listeners can also save on orders from Plus One Balms, a line of RPG-inspired beard care products made from all natural ingredients. Use promo code TOAFN for 10% off your order. And did you know that the entire first book of our tale is available on a cassette-shaped USB drive, courtesy of AudioBooks On Tape? It includes full chapter files, bonus content, and exclusive artwork, all in a slick, retro package. The conclusion of Chapter 6 will be released on November 3. We hope to see you then! CONTENT NOTES below: CONTENT NOTES: From 12:26 – 12:51 (Pg. 52) A protester is killed very gruesomely.  From 13:22 – 13:58 (Pg. 53-54) Someone experiences PTSD symptoms. (We don’t experience the event that causes it, only the aftermath.) From 16:56 – 18:19 (Pg. 56-58) A Black mother talks to her young son about the threat of racist violence. End of listed CONTENT NOTES.

25mins

20 Oct 2019

Rank #15

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One For The Team, Pt. 1

Welcome, one and all, to the premiere of Book 2 Chapter 6! Nia has no choice but to negotiate with Lord Commander Ry’y lo-Th’yyt, and Regan and Yllowyyn have no choice but to go looking for Nia. Meanwhile, the village of Three-Bridges learns of Elven encroachment on their farmland, and debates what to do. And Nia’s parents learn the limits of Elven hospitality. The script for this episode can be downloaded here. Update: The promo code for Audio Fiction 101 given in this episode has since expired. Thanks to everyone who used our code, and everyone else can still take advantage of the course at its regular price. Also – a reminder – our official merchandise can be found at onceandfuturenerd.com/merch. And our supplier Spreadshirt is offering free shipping through September 23 with offer code SHIPFORME. And as always, The Once And Future Nerd is made possible by our Patrons on Patreon. Sign up to support the show and you’ll be rewarded with things like early release episodes, and stickers and posters of Patreon-exclusive artwork! Finally, TOAFN will be at PodTales in Cambridge, MA on October 20. Come say hi! Our next episode will be released on October 6. We hope to see you then!

30mins

22 Sep 2019

Rank #16

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Bridges, Pt. 3

With the Knights of the Wood hot on their trail, our newly reunited heroes must think quickly to make good their escape from Freehold. Meanwhile, Ardel Redmoor is finally forced to confront the responsibilities of the title he now claims. And a wounded Ry’y lo-Th’yyt encounters yet another obstacle in pursuit of her quarry. The script for this episode can be downloaded here. Chapter 3 will conclude on November 19. We hope to see you then!

26mins

5 Nov 2017

Rank #17

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The Prince of Iorden, Pt. 3

Part 3 of our 3-part series premiere… When three high school students from modern-day Pennsylvania find themselves trapped in a world of wizards, elves, and feudal intrigue, they must learn to survive in their new surroundings, and undertake an epic quest to save the world from the encroaching forces of chaos. WARNING: This show contains adult language, graphic descriptions of violence, and explicit discussions of sexuality. This is, of course, in the interest of historical realism. We hope you enjoy our story about wizards and elves. This concludes our three-part series premiere. THE ONCE AND FUTURE NERD releases episodes on alternate Sundays. The next episode will be released on October 6, 2012. Be sure to subscribe!

25mins

21 Sep 2013

Rank #18

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I’ve Been Working On The Whale-Road, Pt. 4

In the heart-stopping conclusion of Chapter 4, Regan and Ren navigate some treacherous waters. (That’s literal and metaphorical, you see.) Meanwhile, General Traft makes some new friends. And Ry’y lo-Th’yyt catches a lucky break. Will she finally do some outmaneuvering of her own? The script for this episode can be downloaded here. And, since this is the final episode of this Chapter, it is time once again to #AskTOAFN! Got a question you’d like to hear answered on our video livestream? DM us on Facebook, Reddit, or Patreon, or post on Tumblr or Twitter using #AskTOAFN. Make sure to get your questions in before Midnight ET on Friday, June 22. The livestream will happen on Sunday, June 24 at 3:30pm ET on our YouTube page, with audio posted to the podcast feed shortly thereafter. Also! Due to swift and intense popular demand, our take on the folk song “Maddy Groves” from Chapter 4 Pt. 3 is now available for download on our Bandcamp page! Our Patreon patrons will be getting a discount code for it, but also all of our sales in the first week will be going to charity to help protect the rights and well-being of children detained at the US border. Thanks as always for listening, and we’ll see you in a week on our livestream!

27mins

17 Jun 2018

Rank #19

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The Evening Redness in the West, Pt. 1

In this, the premiere of Book 1’s final chapter, Generals Riverfell and Traft make one last doomed attempt to reach terms before the Battle of Freehold begins in earnest. The fate of the Human Realms of Iorden hang in the balance. Fresh off their new and hard-earned revelations, the Kids take an active role in combat. But the Narrator, in a rare moment of blatant editorializing, expresses dread at having to recount what comes next. Our next episode will be coming in early August. Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss it. And tell a friend so you have someone to enjoy it with! Or make new friends over on our official discussion forum!

19mins

19 Jul 2015

Rank #20