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Abject Suffering

This is a podcast that's nominally about bad games. In reality, it's about the horror of daily life, GameFAQs Gold, strange combatants in the battle of Good vs. Evil, and a singular patriarch known only as Crick. Every Monday, Gary Butterfield and Kole Ross choose a game at random from the titles submitted by listeners, play it, and venture off on a freeform discussion that winds between the topic at hand, and the absurd.

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Episode 176: Castlevania 64

It's a black sheep, ugly duckling, awkward teen. It's Castlevania 64, and we use it to talk about weird sex.

47mins

16 Jan 2017

Rank #1

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Episode 39: A Week of Garfield

Being on a weekly format, we've had to cut some corners. Syndication is tough, so in order to keep our quality consistent (if mediocre), we've farmed the creation of these shows out to a network of corporate subsidiaries. Stay tuned for the reveal of Gary and Kole alarm clocks and calendars. It's a living!

31mins

2 Jun 2014

Rank #2

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Episode 226: Shadow the Hedgehog

We hadn't done a mainline Sonic game for Abject Suffering before, so we're happy that our first one is a doozy.

44mins

1 Jan 2018

Rank #3

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Episode 38: Felix the Cat

Come with us to a time before sound, when dancing cats were no longer condemned as signs of witchcraft, even though they carried bags of tricks. To a time where Kole, unstuck in time, actually liked Felix the Cat at a young age. To a time when we play an amazing platformer on this show that is ostensibly about bad games.

26mins

26 May 2014

Rank #4

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Episode 5: J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings Volume 1

I don't remember the part of Lord of the Rings where Frodo got a sword that would turn things into skeletons... let alone, I don't think he had it in Hobbitton. But that's the least of our worries, as we try and ignore the bitchin' tunes and talk about how weird this action RPG is.

37mins

7 Mar 2013

Rank #5

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Episode 14: Michael Jackson's Moonwalker

Michael Jackson put out a game where the objective is to collect as many children as possible. Don't worry, we make the obvious jokes as soon as possible. We continue the streak of Abject Suffering games about known sex offenders. Got any suggestions for others?

32mins

3 Jul 2013

Rank #6

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Episode 217: American Truck Simulator

10-4 we got a bear in the hoopty stripe. Hopalong to the med-bay for some snackattacks

55mins

30 Oct 2017

Rank #7

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Episode 107: Quest 64

Journey with us to the heart of blandness. Watch for the polygons, they're extra sharp this time of year.

38mins

21 Sep 2015

Rank #8

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Episode 289: Beyond: Two Souls

David Cage is back on his bullshit.

54mins

18 Mar 2019

Rank #9

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Episode 155: South Park

It's a game that will make you physically ill, and ideologically queasy!

53mins

22 Aug 2016

Rank #10

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Episode 49: Darkwing Duck

Script Treatment: Duck Generations. EXT. -- DAY: Donald, Scrooge, Darkwing, and Jason Alexander waddle into a liquor store, shades perched precariously on their bill. Each squawks incomprehensibly, as if trying to out-fury each other. ECU on a nervous clerk's face as they flock toward the corn liquor. The streets would be rowdy.

29mins

11 Aug 2014

Rank #11

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Episode 324: Goldeneye 007 (We Know It's Good)

Chris Khatami comes to us with an excuse to talk about Goldeneye 007. Don't tweet at us saying this shouldn't be on the show. Go to Chris' comedy festival in Portland! It's taking place the weekend after Thanksgiving. It's the Ha-Ha-Harvest Comedy Festival.

59mins

18 Nov 2019

Rank #12

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Episode 105: The Zoo Race

Welcome to the series finale of Abject Suffering, because we'll never find anything better than this. Pack it up and turn out the lights, Cheers-style.

39mins

7 Sep 2015

Rank #13

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Episode 37: Superman 64

Faster than a frightened cockroach. More powerful than my aversion to the sun. Able to disappoint your parents in a single loan. It's Superman 64!

31mins

19 May 2014

Rank #14

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Episode 243: Crash Bash

They did the Crash Bash, it was a mediocre smash.

50mins

30 Apr 2018

Rank #15

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Episode 209: Dwarf Fortress

We know this is a good game. We're just overwhelmed.

55mins

4 Sep 2017

Rank #16

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Episode 100: Action 52

It's the 100th episode, so it only makes sense that we talk about Action 52. Numerlogically, of course. Let's consider the rippling chests of the Cheetahmen, while we record live in front of our most loyal Patreon backers.

1hr 37mins

3 Aug 2015

Rank #17

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Episode 111: Mortal Kombat: Special Forces

Gate 1 darkness the world of demons Gate 2 my guards are watching you Gate 3 only evil lives here Gate 4 theres no way out Gate 5 feel the fire Gate 6 pick up your weapons and fight And dance with the devil

48mins

20 Oct 2015

Rank #18

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Episode 163: Gender Bender DNA Twister Extreme

Gotta say this will be a weird one, Syrg. It's a dicey thing to talk about, hopefully we treat the subject matter with a respect that is completely lacking in the original product.Links:GBDNATE FAQ — A rundown of some of the goofier parts of the game's development.

50mins

17 Oct 2016

Rank #19

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Episode 3: Captain Novolin

It's a dark night for the world... Mandatory Municipal Pepsi has rendered the entire population diabetic, and only one man, Captain Novolin can save us. Eat the good aliens, and avoid the bad, and hope to Christ that you have enough blood.

37mins

6 Feb 2013

Rank #20