Maya Angelou once wrote, “I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me, 'I love you.' ... There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.” Today we explore the anatomy of trust with Dr. Brené Brown...sort of!

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What's healthy when it comes to sexual intimacy in marriage? This episode is definitely not for little ears, a warning to those parents who might not want their kids to hear an honest and frank discussion about sex. I've got Dave Willis on the show and we don't shy away from anything when discussion sexual intimacy.

Today we’ve got 14 interesting facts about hugs and why they matter so much to every single important relationship in your life.

Distraction of the Day:

I’m actually a little nervous for the distraction of the day. But at the end of this show I’m going to show Amy a personally selected, tirelessly researched, conglomeration of horribly awkward hugs...and my winning picture of the most awkward hug could get me in trouble. So I went ahead and found a video that will make everything ok again.

This isn't just another top 10 list! In fact, the first thing on the list is something my father shared with me before I got married, and let me tell you, he was right!  Amy joins me once again to have an honest conversation about how to experience the best sex of your life!  

In today's show, we give you the top 10 things a husband can do to get his wife excited about sex.  You'll be surprised by some of them, but there's something important we discuss that every man better know!

Do you ever get into conflict? I’m in conflict every other day with my wife! And we help couples for a living! Today you are going to discover, possibly, the most important thing about resolving conflict…and you don’t know about it! But no longer, we are going to reveal this truth as we unpack resolving conflict as a couple.
If you are going to resolve conflict, you have to have structure!LOVE Talk stands for Listen-Own-Validate-Express

You will want to punch me straight in the neck today because on the show we are going to talk about why stress is actually a good thing! And, I might possibly have one of the greatest Distractions of the Day in the history of mankind. Let’s just say Amy is getting her Christmas present a little early this year! Welcome to SMR.

FOR FULL SHOW NOTES: https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/blog/stress-is-good

Transform Your Marriage in 31 Days for only $31 dollars! We took the guesswork out of "what can help" and created for you an experience where we "drip" our most important education, devotions, and date night inspiration to you each week.BOOK US FOR A COMEDY NIGHT OR RELATIONSHIP EVENT

https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/p/comedy-of-love

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Day 6

Yesterday I shared the time I was patient zero in a meningitis outbreak in Conroe Texas.  Today you get to hear when I was patient zero at Kanakuk Kamp in Branson Missouri! It involves my first ever kiss with a girl I wasn’t dating and more!

BUILD A BETTER LIFE WITH… 

• Virtual Intensives are here! 3hr, 1 day, 2 days and 3 days options.https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/smalley-virtual-intensives
• Turn your relationship around during the quarantine with one of our powerful online courses.https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/store
• The Comedy of Love, this isn’t just some show, it’s a comedic learning experience! https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/comedy-of-love

Real or Messed up Quarantine Family Fun Tips

Exploding Kittens

YOU PUT THE CARDS ON THE TABLE AND TAKE TURNS DRAWING FROM THEM.

Playing Exploding Kittens

IF YOU DRAW AN EXPLODING KITTEN CARD, YOU EXPLODE. WHEN YOU EXPLODE, YOU DIE AND YOU'RE OUT OF THE GAME.  UNLESS!  YOU PLAY A DEFUSE CARD, WHICH WILL STOP THE KITTEN FROM EXPLODING USING THINGS LIKE LASER POINTERS, KITTEN YOGA, AND CATNIP SANDWICHES.

$8.7 million raised in Kickstarter.

Passive Aggressive Pugs

First, I’m starting a kickstarter campaign and I only want $3.5 million!  The game is simple, all the cards are blank.  You get to fill in the cards with complaints about your spouse, children, parents, siblings or friends.  The goal is to get your loved ones to discover the different ways they frustrate you.  But make sure and don’t be too blunt.  If the other player realizes the complaint is about them, you explode…literally!

STORY TIME

• The time I almost shot my doctor
• The kissing fiasco!

BUILD A BETTER LIFE WITH… 

• Virtual Intensives are here! 3hr, 1 day, 2 days and 3 days options.https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/smalley-virtual-intensives
• Turn your relationship around during the quarantine with one of our powerful online courses.https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/store
• The Comedy of Love, this isn’t just some show, it’s a comedic learning experience! https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/comedy-of-love

I just received this question and it jumped right off the page at me!

“Is oral sex something that is OK with the Lord, and, is it ok to dress up in a little nurse costume, or such.

I know this sounds so crazy, but I am about to go out of my mind needing to know the answers to this question! We have two boys coming up and I want them to have the best life possible in the Lord………these questions are just not talked about enough!

Thank you for your time and answer. May God richly bless you and all of your family!

MICHAEL: I hate couples who miss out on the joy of sex with each other because they think there are some dos and don’ts—mainly developed through misconceptions.

AMY: That’s right. As married couples, we should be the most open with one another.

MICHAEL: But I just have to hear it from a female. Do you think oral sex is okay?

AMY: I truly do think it’s okay. Within the confines of the relationship, I do. We are one man and one woman, and we are exploring each other’s bodies. We are created for each other’s pleasure. And part of that is oral sex.

MICHAEL: Absolutely. So, there is nothing wrong with it.

But it is okay, again, as long as you are enjoying each other sexually, exploring, coming up with new ideas for each other, and you are both on board. Once sex becomes a deal about me and what I want, and I don’t care what your opinion is or whether you are comfortable or not, then we have a problem.

It’s Friday Listener Question day! On today’s show Amy and I get confronted through the voicemail hotline about our views of nudity then Kirsten left a message on wanting to help a friend, who has a history of being hurt, find trust again. 

Get all the show notes and more free stuff here: https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/blog/flq-failed-nudity-and-trust

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Well, "cough" today uh, hello podcast listeners. Today we’re gonna talk about something, you know, we’re gonna talk about uhhhhhhh... Amy Smalley interrupts, “We’re gonna talk about why women struggle with sex.”

Yup. That’s what we’re doing, so ya.

And then for the distraction of the day, there’s something you can do with cows but it costs $300 an hour. You’ll find out at the end if Amy is open to it.

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Today we are talking about sex, possibly one of the greatest gifts outside of eternal life God ever gave humankind! To help us with this conversation, Dave Willis of strongermarriages.com, is going to lend his expertise...and trust me, this guy has millions of readers, likes, and more.

Coming up next we talk about the 4 things every couple needs to know about sex.

About Dave and Ashley Willis (www.strongermarriages.com)
Almost 1 million likes on their Facebook page!
https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriages/Millions of readers on their blogPastor at Stevens Creek Church near Augusta, GeorgiaAuthors of The 7 Day Marriage Challenge (Husband edition and Wife edition)
4 things every couple needs to know about sex
Where do you come up with all this great content?Who was your inspiration to get into marriage ministry?What’s the worst fight you and Ashley have had?Most MEN see sex as a form of stress relief while most WOMEN need stress relief BEFORE they can be in mindset to make love.Deeper TRANSPARENCY outside the bedroom leads to deeper INTIMACY inside the bedroom.Keep your FANTASIES focused on each other. Don’t just be PHYSICALLY monogamous; be MENTALLY monogamous too.Don’t forget to have FUN!

Karl and I met in Guatemala with Compassion International. That's enough said! You don't want to miss this interview.

Karl’s heart is to help pastors of small churches (up to 90 percent of us) find the resources to lead well, and to capitalize on the unique advantages that come with pastoring a small church – something virtually every pastor will spend at least some of their ministry years doing. He also believes that big and small churches can and should work together more often – to the benefit and blessing of everyone.

Karl has been in pastoral ministry for over 30 years. He is the teaching pastor of Cornerstone Christian Fellowship, a healthy small church in Orange County, California, where he has ministered for over 25 years with his wife, Shelley.

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The health of your emotional relationship

If you don’t feel loved, you don’t want to show love

The specific things you are doing to kill your sexual intimacy

Invalidation

How you respond to your spouse matters.

Lack of affirmation

Negative beliefs

Here’s how you eliminate them

Invalidation

Start to validate each other

Empathize

Lack of affirmation

Make a list of what you appreciate about your spouse (you can do this on our app)

Don’t wait till you feel like affirming your spouse, do it because it is the right thing to do. Your spouse isn’t pure evil!

Negative beliefs

Ask questions

Assume the best instead of the worst all the time

Each one of these fixes takes important choices.  Stop acting like a victim and do the right thing regardless of whether your spouse deserves it.

Today is a special day because I got to interview Seth and Melanie Studley! They have the Anatomy of Marriage Podcast that is a huge success! They share things you just don't normally hear from a couple, especially where one of them is a licensed marriage and family therapist! Don't miss out on this episode.  It's a new take on couples therapy and relationship advice.  “This is the podcast that we wish we could have had 9 years ago when our marriage was falling apart!”  Seth & Melanie Studley

Last show we talked about the importance of having structure in how you resolve conflict. So you can’t just go all willy-nilly during conflict and think you’re going to get anything solved.

Today is about the most powerful word picture in the history of the world when it comes to resolving conflict!  If you’re going to resolve conflict, then you are trying to replicate the experience you get when going through the drive-through at a Chick-fil-a.

Today's show is about how to stop being a doormat but not becoming a bulldozer instead.  And then there's this poem I wrote with Reagan...

Twas the day before Thanksgiving, and all through the landPeople were scurrying - things got out of handThe grocery store workers knew not what to doWhen the customer told them to hurry because he had to pooThat customer was me, yes this is trueFor the day before Thanksgiving HEB almost got a gift they could not return

Distraction of the Day:

If you get arrested for invading a home, assaulting the homeowner and doing this all naked...how should you try and make this right with your neighbor?

BOOK US FOR A COMEDY NIGHT OR RELATIONSHIP EVENT

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Believe it or not we’re starting today, I bet you never thought I would do it! Pursue Oneness has begun! Today's topic is about goal setting, infamous issues and so much more! Plus, you get to hear what wicked crazy things we've got for you online!

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Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos shared on Twitter today that they are ending their 25 yr marriage. But they sound so happy! What in the world is going on? We investigated it for you and have some answers. But today’s show is about why your marriage should be like the marriage Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos described in their divorce announcement! There are literally 8 things stated in the tweet that every couple would dream of experiencing in their marriage.

Get all the show notes and more free stuff here: https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/blog/if-every-couple-could-have-a-marriage-like-jeff-and-mackenzie-bezos

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“I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!” John 15:11

Remember how we’ve talked about one of the results of abiding in Jesus and obeying his commands is joy? The fruit of the true disciple is joy, and frankly, no matter what.

Jesus wants you to treat others just like he treats you. It’s what shows people around you that you’re a true disciple of Jesus.  The bible uses the word here for joy in two ways. It can either be in feeling or in action.

You are expressing a positive intention about a past or future action/event...

Even how we remember can be covered in joy if we remain in Jesus. And most certainly how we plan to act on some offense in the future matters to Jesus.

How does Jesus want you to love others…

Be filled with JOY, no matter what. Two things stood out to me in trying to understand this statement:  

Be joy, in your actions, thoughts and attitude. That kind of freedom is the result of loving Jesus.

Expect joy, treat others in joy because you know that whatever is happening will change and be redeemed somehow by Jesus.

Is 51:11 Those who have been ransomed by the LORD will return. They will enter Jerusalem singing, crowned with everlasting joy. Sorrow and mourning will disappear, and they will be filled with joy and gladness.

Isaiah 41:28 I will open up rivers for them on the high plateaus. I will give them fountains of water in the valleys. I will fill the desert with pools of water. Rivers fed by springs will flow across the parched ground.

Isaiah 55:12 You will live in joy and peace. The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands!

John 7:38 Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.’”

Married sex is the best sex

Why do a series of shows on sex? Married sex is the best sex!

Because it seems as though this is the topic of conversation you, the listener is most interested in.

Our number one show is titled “Is Oral sex allowed for a Christian couple”.

Oddly enough most couples don’t ever truly learn about the needs and desires of their spouse...so we are going to help facilitate a conversation about them.

There is still a lot of misinformation out there for couples, we want to clear the air and get you on the right path for a healthy sex life.

Let’s start off this series with some good ole healthy facts and figures about sex and the married couple

Married people have the best sex

Sex isn’t only about personal pleasure, it’s about loving someone unconditionally and meeting their needs intimacy wise.

PsychologyToday.com “For example, if you have sex twice a week you may experience the equivalent of being two years younger than your chronological age, as well as benefiting from a significant enhancement in the health and efficiency of the heart, respiratory system, and maintaining muscle strength.”