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Society & Culture
Philosophy
Health & Fitness
Nutrition

The Love Food Podcast

Updated 2 months ago

Society & Culture
Philosophy
Health & Fitness
Nutrition
Read more

Clean eating. Low carb. Low fat. Do this not that. Now what? Eating is getting too stuffy and complicated. Throw open your windows to allow a new stream of health, wellness, and peace.What if you could write a letter to food? Pen to paper, you hash out the love/hate relationship and food’s undeserving power. Details go back years, to your first childhood diet trying to fit in. How you relate to food chronicles many of your life’s ups and downs.In this letter, you examine your dusty food beliefs and wonder which go in the trash, are for others, and which remain in your heart.What if you wrote this all down and food wrote you back? This is Love, Food.Food behavior expert and host, Julie Duffy Dillon is rolling up her sleeves to get to the bottom of what is really healthy. This award-winning dietitian seen on TLC’s My Big Fat Fabulous Life has a secret: food is not your enemy and your body is tired of the constant attacks. Show topics include:emotional eatingweight concernsbinge eatingorthorexiabody imageeating disordersdietingparenting and foodhealthy eatingstress eatingfood addictionmindful eatingnon diet approachesPull up a chair to your dusty kitchen table and set it for a meal. Ask food to sit alongside you and chat over coffee. Or a margarita. You have some reconnecting to do. In that connection is Love, Food. In that conversation is health and peace.

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Clean eating. Low carb. Low fat. Do this not that. Now what? Eating is getting too stuffy and complicated. Throw open your windows to allow a new stream of health, wellness, and peace.What if you could write a letter to food? Pen to paper, you hash out the love/hate relationship and food’s undeserving power. Details go back years, to your first childhood diet trying to fit in. How you relate to food chronicles many of your life’s ups and downs.In this letter, you examine your dusty food beliefs and wonder which go in the trash, are for others, and which remain in your heart.What if you wrote this all down and food wrote you back? This is Love, Food.Food behavior expert and host, Julie Duffy Dillon is rolling up her sleeves to get to the bottom of what is really healthy. This award-winning dietitian seen on TLC’s My Big Fat Fabulous Life has a secret: food is not your enemy and your body is tired of the constant attacks. Show topics include:emotional eatingweight concernsbinge eatingorthorexiabody imageeating disordersdietingparenting and foodhealthy eatingstress eatingfood addictionmindful eatingnon diet approachesPull up a chair to your dusty kitchen table and set it for a meal. Ask food to sit alongside you and chat over coffee. Or a margarita. You have some reconnecting to do. In that connection is Love, Food. In that conversation is health and peace.

iTunes Ratings

618 Ratings
Average Ratings
586
19
5
3
5

Fresh and Real

By Northsea7 - Apr 30 2020
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Relatable and personable. It’s good to hear the fresh perspective coming from this podcast.

love!

By EmmaLuWhite - Apr 09 2020
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i love this podcast!! it is interesting & helpful & great! it has helped me a lot!

iTunes Ratings

618 Ratings
Average Ratings
586
19
5
3
5

Fresh and Real

By Northsea7 - Apr 30 2020
Read more
Relatable and personable. It’s good to hear the fresh perspective coming from this podcast.

love!

By EmmaLuWhite - Apr 09 2020
Read more
i love this podcast!! it is interesting & helpful & great! it has helped me a lot!
Cover image of The Love Food Podcast

The Love Food Podcast

Latest release on Jul 01, 2020

Read more

Clean eating. Low carb. Low fat. Do this not that. Now what? Eating is getting too stuffy and complicated. Throw open your windows to allow a new stream of health, wellness, and peace.What if you could write a letter to food? Pen to paper, you hash out the love/hate relationship and food’s undeserving power. Details go back years, to your first childhood diet trying to fit in. How you relate to food chronicles many of your life’s ups and downs.In this letter, you examine your dusty food beliefs and wonder which go in the trash, are for others, and which remain in your heart.What if you wrote this all down and food wrote you back? This is Love, Food.Food behavior expert and host, Julie Duffy Dillon is rolling up her sleeves to get to the bottom of what is really healthy. This award-winning dietitian seen on TLC’s My Big Fat Fabulous Life has a secret: food is not your enemy and your body is tired of the constant attacks. Show topics include:emotional eatingweight concernsbinge eatingorthorexiabody imageeating disordersdietingparenting and foodhealthy eatingstress eatingfood addictionmindful eatingnon diet approachesPull up a chair to your dusty kitchen table and set it for a meal. Ask food to sit alongside you and chat over coffee. Or a margarita. You have some reconnecting to do. In that connection is Love, Food. In that conversation is health and peace.

Rank #1: (154) How do I stop wanting to lose weight?

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Along your Food Peace™ journey you may have connected with how you were raised around food and how to treat your body. Did you learn early on that only thin bodies were acceptable? That we MUST diet in order to keep our weight low and letting go was a failure? Not surprising then that the desire to lose weight will continue. How do you stop wanting to lose weight? How do you accept your body? Listen now to the latest Love Food podcast episode for insight along this part of your journey.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to share the work going on within Decolonizing Fitness. The person behind it, Ilya Parker, is a trans person of color Physical Therapist Assistant and Medical Exercise Coachwith over 13 years of rehabilitative and functional training experience. He is a social justice advocate and educator whose work centers gender, racial and healing justice.

He decided to merge his love for restorative based movement practices and community advocacy to create Decolonizing Fitness, LLC; which is a social justice platform that provides affirming fitness services, community education and apparel in support of body diversity. Check out www.decolonizingfitness.com.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,   I've been struggling with you for almost my entire life.  When I was little I remember watching my Dad go on diet after diet and rigidly refusing to go up a pant size.  It looked so miserable but I also wanted to be like him.  I also knew (from what my parents had told me) that I was getting fat.  So when I was 8, I went on my first diet and began counting calories.  Later, around age 15, I began to reject dieting and wanted to relax and eat what I wanted.  This made my parents uncomfortable and eventually they began to mandate that I diet and exercise.  I began to sneak you up to my bedroom and eat you in the middle of the night.  I was riddled with shame, guilt, and self-hatred.  Even when I was outside of my parent's control, I carried their voices of judgment with me and continued dieting throughout most of my adult life.   Now I'm 31 and I've tried so hard to redefine my relationship with you and my body.  I've seen a counselor and nutritionist who come from an intuitive eating approach.  I was fortunate enough to be part of a 10-week intuitive eating group and I loved it!  But a job change caused me to move away from those resources and now I feel stuck.  I'm heavier than I've ever been in my entire life and I'm so ashamed of my body.  I don't even recognize myself when I look in the mirror.  While the dream of being smaller is still tempting, the thought of dieting repulses me.  I know dieting isn't the answer, but I can't seem to get the hang of intuitive eating.  I feel like I'm making zero progress on my journey to food peace.   Often I still feel like that rebellious teenager who would overeat (whether it made her feel good or not) just to spite her parents.  I still want to lose weight but I know that intuitive eating isn't suppose to be about that.  How do I stop the incessant desire to be smaller when it's been a part of my life for so long?   I'm also feeling scared because sometimes listening to my body and choosing to stop eating when I'm full/satisfied or not eat something because my inner wisdom is telling me that I don't truly want it reminds me of the rules and restrictions I lived under for so long.  Intellectually I know that responding to my body and inner wisdom is different than dieting.  But emotionally they sometimes feel the same.  Eventually I end up still engaging in rebellious eating even though I'm not sure what/who I'm rebelling against.  Then I feel like I've fallen off track and give up and shame takes over.  I know this is a diet mentality but I can't seem to shake it!  I'm not sure how to interrupt this cycle and stop thinking of intuitive eating through this dieting lens.  I want to move forward in my food and body peace journey but I'm not sure how to get past this hurtle.  I just want to find peace with you and my body but I'm not sure what the next step should be.   Love,   Stuck In The Cycle

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Apr 23 2019

26mins

Play

Rank #2: (157) I am terrified of my body changing (with Barbara Birsinger).

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(157) I am terrified of my body changing (with Barbara Birsinger)Are you ready to ditch diets...yet not ready? Does the thought of another diet seem intolerable yet so does losing control? Does it feel like you will be just letting yourself go??? Listen to the latest Love Food Podcast that dishes on just that with special guest Barbara Birsinger.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to share the work going on within Decolonizing Fitness. The person behind it, Ilya Parker, is a trans person of color Physical Therapist Assistant and Medical Exercise Coachwith over 13 years of rehabilitative and functional training experience. He is a social justice advocate and educator whose work centers gender, racial and healing justice.

He decided to merge his love for restorative based movement practices and community advocacy to create Decolonizing Fitness, LLC; which is a social justice platform that provides affirming fitness services, community education and apparel in support of body diversity. Check out www.decolonizingfitness.com.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

  Dear food, You are so complicated. We used to have a good relationship. It wasn’t that long ago. At first it wasn’t even about you. Then I went through that period of incredible stress. I felt so lost and physically couldn’t eat you. I think that’s when the problem started. I lost some weight. That wasn’t a plan. I don’t know if it became a way to cope, to feel (or not feel), a way to control something, a way to become invisible.Now it is definitely intentional. I like the smallness. I’m so afraid to let go of that. I want health. I’m sure this is not full health. My brain knows it is time to heal. So many days I go to bed and promise that I can heal, that I won’t think about you and will just take care of my needs. But it doesn’t last long. I get scared and can’t eat you again.

I know where to find all kinds of resources. I seek them out, I fill my head with all the reasons to heal. I want to be better. But I’m terrified. I am terrified of admitting to anyone what’s going on. I am terrified of the body changes. I am terrified that some people will think I let myself go. I feel at the same time so ready for change and health but not ready to take the hard steps. How can I convince myself that it is time?

Yours, Ready, Not Ready

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

May 14 2019

32mins

Play

Rank #3: (170) Season 4 Premier: I cannot have food around me and resist it.

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Welcome to the Season 4 premier of the Love Food Podcast! I am so glad you are here. Let's dive into exploring a history of complicated family dynamics, genetic ties to eating disorders, trauma, and feeling stuck in binge cycles.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

Looking want more Food Peace? Want to help support the Love Food Podcast? Check out my new After the Letters Projecton Patreon. I have exclusive weekly mini-episodes for $29/month and other freebies. Find more at Patreon.com/LoveFoodPodcast

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

{CW: trauma, ED behaviors}

Dear Food,  

I don't really know exactly when my relationship became complicated with you, or quite how it came to control my life. I remember when I was in my early teens, being the one to say diets are bullshit, and not thinking about what I ate. Being anti-diet culture was practically a part of my identity, and such is where my values sit today, but I live in complete contradiction. At some point in my teens, I started restricted and using my vegetarianism to always choose the salad option at school. But it wasn't controlling, it wasn't overwhelming; it felt more like a natural reaction to being at an all girls school in the society that we live in - an image-based thing. Sometimes, it was reactionary, in spite of my (well-meaning) mother who would always tell me that 'soup is a starter not a meal', and check if I was eating enough despite her smaller portions. (I later learned she had a struggled with anorexia for years, and would still struggle to eat in times of stress.)

I developed anxiety and depression by age 16, which ruled and ruined my sixth-form life. Perhaps it was the exam stress, the family troubles - growing up with a drug abusing brother who was in and out of school, in and out of home, in and out of hospital (not that I was always told straight away). We had a complex relationship with my father, who always vied for my brother's attention and allegiance against my mother. I tried to be always neutral, always loving of all parties - because I was, and couldn't not be. But with this came a lot of pain, a lot of confusion, and the earnest desire to always tread this precarious, and often punishing line.  Of course, when I couldn't - and can't today - there is guilt. I was a straight A* student until the slump during my sixth form years, when my energy broke, and I scraped my way through the last 2 years. I used to be, and still feel like I should be, the person who was able to succeed at anything and everything without dropping the ball - but suddenly I could do nothing, and have struggled ever since. Around this time I realised there was probably something wrong - a cause. Through an explosive conversation with my mother, I was pushed to a consultation with a therapist and given the diagnosis - anxiety and depression - but didn't receive further help.  

In my first year of uni I tried to access help myself, but was turned away by the uni counselling services after a few sessions, saying they didn't know how to help me as I had already thought everything through so much myself. It was in this year I had a few episodes of bingeing and purging. This continued around occasional periods of stress, such as exams, but not as a regular method of coping.  

In second year, my mental health worsened. Restricting, binging and purging became a secret indulgence, but never something I saw as a problem as it was so sporadic. I had difficult relationships with my flatmates, though I had stronger friendships elsewhere, I felt alone. I became so ill I had to defer my exams. I worked towards the summer session, hoping I could somehow manage. But two weeks before I was due to take them, I was raped. 

Utterly broken, I moved back in with my parents for a few months, during which time I tried to use food to console myself while I tried to process what happened. But when a close family member was admitted to hospital with terminal cancer, I began majorly restricting. When they passed away and my family fell apart, I moved back to my uni town and started a new job, trying to get my life back on track. Pretty much all the friends I thought I had were no longer there for me. I managed to access CBT for 9 weeks, but developed bulimia in an dramatic way, binging and purging at least 3 times in a day, at one time losing a stone in a month. This continued through another exam deferral, and another. 

I fought for a year to access treatment, being passed from waiting list to waiting list, rejected for being too symptomatic, too complicated or not fitting criteria. Along the way, I met someone who truly loves me and cares for men and helps me through these struggles. When I am with him, I eat normally and don't purge, but will find myself in tears most evenings because of food. My weight is stable at a healthy BMI, but I am miserable in my skin, mentally exhausted, and absolutely terrified: of this relationship with food that dominates my life. I cannot have food around me and resist it, regardless of whether I am hungry - I am so anxious about when I might need to eat, that I am constantly aware of a hunger, and I cannot discern the emotional from the physical. I know I use bingeing and purging as both a means of occupying myself when I am alone, as an emotional control and as a form of self-harm. And what started as a tool has grown like a weed to something that I am constantly aware of, and bothers me even when I am happiest. I love to cook, and often cook with my boyfriend, but cannot enjoy a meal without resenting myself and being overwhelmed with frustration as a result.

In a month, I will finally be starting treatment (psychotherapy with a trauma focus), but I am worried about managing my relationship with food during this time, as I know it will be a gradual process, and not the focus of my treatment. Additional private treatment isn't easily an option for me. I am also worried about the strain I place on my boyfriend, who is always there for me, but who cannot fight the battle for me, no matter how much he may want to try. 

I am trying to keep the willpower to fight for myself, to maintain the relationships I have left and succeed in my final chance to pass these exams in just a few months. I desperately need peace with you food, so that I can have more energy to make peace elsewhere in my life. 

Yours, 

Terrified & pleading for a truce

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Sep 17 2019

29mins

Play

Rank #4: (143) How do I control my emotional eating?

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Do you refer to yourself as an emotional eater? Do you feel shame whenever you feel soothed by food? Listen to this latest Love Food Podcast episode exploring the normal side of emotional eating and how to redefine your next steps toward Food Peace™.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I've just discovered the Body Love Box and it looks like a fantastic resource for people who live in large bodies or anyone who wants to improve their body image. It's a monthly subscription box that gets mailed to your home and it includes things like body-positive stickers and pins as well as deeper resources on body acceptance, health at every size and intuitive eating. Each box includes items from fat and marginalized creators, and pays them a living wage for their work. The monthly subscription can be found at www.thebodylovebox.com, and use the code LOVEFOOD for 15% off your first month.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear food, 

I’m 32 and I’ve only just started listening to my thoughts/emotions and how my eating patterns are effected.

If I’m not feeling good enough, when I’m dumped by a boyfriend, ignored or shut out by a person then I binge eat. I’m so sad that I go straight for the whole tub of ice cream and a whole bag of chips etc...

If I’m worried or stressed then I have no appetite and forget, or just cannot physically eat.

I would love to take charge of my emotional eating as it causes me to feel sluggish, heavy, I don’t know why I do it because it doesn’t make me feel better. I would really like to take control of my emotional eating. As I understand it I have to tackle my emotional connection to food which is triggered by not being good enough.

I’m early in this and looking forward to learning more about other people’s journeys which will support me on my own.

Many thanks,

Trapped Emotional Eater

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Feb 05 2019

20mins

Play

Rank #5: (178) I want my abusive food cycle to be done (with Chris Sandel)

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How many months, years, or decades have you experienced this complicated relationship with food? How long has it been so extreme with dieting, bingeing, or overexercising?? Not only is this tough on your body physically yet it is getting in the way with living YOUR life. Pull up a chair and let's chat over this week's letter along side guest expert Chris Sandel from the Real Health Radio podcast.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

Looking for more Food Peace? Want to help support the Love Food Podcast? Check out my new After the Letters Projecton Patreon. I have exclusive weekly mini-episodes for $29/month and other freebies. Find more at Patreon.com/LoveFoodPodcast

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear food, I binged on you last night.  I abused you.  I attended a family gathering during the day and wasn't able to control you, and felt like I "blew it", and that was just the beginning.  I lost complete control and spent the night making trips to the kitchen.  The leftovers from the party didn't stand a chance.

Food, I'm stuck in a cycle between restricting you, bingeing on you, and then compensating by intense exercise, and of course, more restriction.  And I know, I know.... I know that the restriction is the culprit here.  If I wasn't restricting, then I wouldn't be bingeing, right?  And the exercise that feels like my penance is totally an addiction now :  I push myself to walk about X miles a day, and on top of that, I do high-resistance, high-intensity exercise every day.  Sometime I cancel plans and miss out on life just so I can exercise.  It's become completely abusive.  I'm driving my body into the ground.  I haven't had my period in a year and my body is screaming for relief.

Food, I spent the first twenty years of my life free from these worries.  I didn't have control, body, or exercise "issues" when I was a teenager.  It wasn't until I experienced the loss of a parent when I turned twenty that I began to control you as a way of dealing with emotions.  I spent most of my twenties entangled in a toxic relationship with you, Food.  I loved you and feared you at the same time.  And Exercise, you were both my savior and a sadistic overseer.  

When I turned 28 I began a relationship with the man who is still currently my partner and this all changed.  The relationship became my new focal point, for better or worse.  Food, I completely stopped thinking about you.  I ate intuitively, didn't obsess over you, and didn't find the need to over-exercise.  It was wonderful.  My body's weight self-regulated and I thought I was free!  I enjoyed this freedom for four care-free years.  But then Food, we had a baby.  The stress of parenting became overwhelming and I found absolute comfort in controlling you, in measuring you and calculating you.  That was far "easier" than the stress of parenting and you became a distraction.  You distracted me from dealing with my emotions.   Food, I have a beautiful two year old daughter and I don't want her to absorb these problems.  I want her to be free, to feel beautiful in her body, and to trust herself.  I worry that she will see me abusing my body with exercise and bingeing and restriction.

I want the cycle to end.  But here's the thing, Food.  The cycle has become a big, tangled ball of yarn and I can't work my way out of the mess. But, I know I have to make a cut somewhere, just so the whole thing can finally unravel.   And so here's my question :  Where do I make the incision?  Do I start to cut out the exercise that I know is making me so hungry, or do I cut my losses and stop controlling my food intake?  

And that's the other problem, Food.  My intake.  I don't even know what to eat or how to eat anymore.  All I know is total control or total abandon.   Please Food, tell me how to stop obsessing over you and tell me how to learn to let go.   Sincerely, Tangled 

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Nov 12 2019

23mins

Play

Rank #6: (206) What about health and intuitive eating?

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Does anti-diet mean anti-health? Does intuitive eating mean letting go of health? Moving away from diets is not neglecting the evidence, it is using it. It's time to dive into how rejecting diets reunites us with health and dignified care.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Use the coupon code 'lovefood' at checkout for 30% off during the month of February 2020.

Dear Food,

My ideas surrounding you have always been related to health. Growing up in a larger body, with a mother who was a physician, had me constantly aware and ashamed of myself. For me, you were always supposed to be something I was conscious of. My own doctor would show me where I was on the growth curve, and constantly telling me that my BMI was unhealthy. These experiences were ingrained in me from a very early age. I was told "you burn more calories sitting up rather than laying down" when watching TV and only provided with "healthy" snacks, snacks that I never wanted. I was told to ignore my cravings and, instead, eat a handful of almonds. My mom and I were always dieting together, for the sake of "health". This quest for health led me to nursing school, hoping to be able to heal my sickness and the sickness of others. This is when I was subconsciously introduced to medicalized fatphobia. The nutrition class I had to take encouraged us to count calories in and count calories out. This only encouraged my obsessive weight loss behavior, getting to a point where I was regularly consuming less than X calories a day and obsessively exercising X days a week. Now that I am in school to become a midwife and also pursuing food peace through intuitive eating, I am much more aware and disturbed by the medicalized fatphobia that I am supposed to take part in. Learning the formula for "ideal body weight" (a real thing that was taught to me in one of my classes), I am "supposed" to be X lbs, a weight I have NEVER reached even with my days of severe restriction. I am learning how to make sure the pregnant people I take care of aren't gaining "too much weight" during their pregnancy and also how a lot of contraceptives are not designed for people in larger bodies. I desperately want to be a practitioner that lives outside the medicalized fatphobia, but I am worried that if I do, I will be shunned by my coworkers and superiors as a bad provider. I'm not sure how to reconcile my understanding of chronic health conditions that are supposedly related to larger bodies and also my desire to follow Health At Every Size principles. Love,

Everyday Fighter of the System  

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Feb 25 2020

31mins

Play

Rank #7: (208) I can't stop comparing myself to others (with Renee Hamati)

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What is it like to eat with others on your Food Peace™ journey? How do you experience the talk about bodies or exercise or where to go to lunch? Do you find yourself comparing yourself to other people and feeling like a failure in comparison? Is this keeping you stuck? Let's discuss in this week's Love Food Podcast with guest Renee Hamati @SensiblyYou on Instagram.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to learn more about you! I would love if you could take the 2020 Love Food survey: access it here: JulieDillonRD.com/Survey.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,

I have struggled to write this letter for a while now as I couldn’t really think of a good way to organize what went all wrong over the past couple of years.

You and I are definitely on better terms by now and I am glad about that. Yet more often than I want to, my past keeps creeping up the back of my head again. 

Let me take you back a little, to a time when food had been effortless and easy, enjoyable and pleasurable. I remember that I have always loved you and didn’t really think of any part of you as good or bad. I loved chocolate as much as I loved my broccoli. I had no hard time stopping whenever I was full nor did I give myself a hard time when I overate on occasion. I just shrugged it off and moved on. 

I have always been slim since I was a kid and to be honest, I never worried about how my body looked. I loved it for being able to move, to dance, to breathe. 

For a little further explanation of the following let me tell you that I have 2 sisters. A twin and an older sister. 

We spent much time together as 3 even though my older sister has always been busy with being a good student. Nonetheless we had a good relationship … until over time she grew distant and cold, irritated for seemingly no reason. We noticed her eating behavior changing. Long story short, everything ended with her being so deep into Anorexia that she had to be force-fed in the recovery clinic. Even after her stay in the clinic, she struggled for years and her eating behavior did not change as much with the difference of her maintaining a weight that wouldn’t get her medical treatment again. 

I thought this time had been shocking enough to our family and really tore a hole that lingered like a dark cloud and you should know better but then I noticed my twin starting with a similar eating behavior. She developed a fully grown bulimic disorder. Needless to say that this shook our family to the very core. The atmosphere was filled with distrust, control, unspoken fear and questions over questions. I started to ask myself how something so pleasurable and beautiful could have so much power over a human being, especially in the obvious face of the damage an eating disorder could cause. 

It has been years from now since my twin developed her eating disorder and even though things are not as extreme anymore in terms of purging, I often find her resorting to these old patterns whenever things are getting emotionally difficult and straining. She does not starve herself anymore but her control mechanisms shifted into quite an unhealthy relationship to workouts, tracking and rigid rules. 

This was by the time we started to go to University in the same city. I never really noticed that I had gained quite some weight until I saw her figure changing to a very lean and muscular build and me being rather curvy in comparison. Not that I cared by the time, I was still happy with myself but wanted to spend more time with her as she was elbows deep into working out and eating clean. So one of the only ways to reconnect with her was working out together. It worked! We spent much more time together and I also noticed myself changing in the process. It was nice to see my body getting leaner and I wanted to “support” the process by changing my – admittedly not very healthy – eating habits that came with university. 

I slowly became obsessed with calories, how many I could eat, how much I needed to work out, which foods were good and which foods weren’t. I felt so ashamed of myself when I discovered how seemingly “unhealthy” I had been eating when all I really did was enjoying good food whenever I wanted. 

I started to demonize certain foods, restricted and cut out sugars, junk-food and even eventually certain food groups like carbs. Hell, I was so afraid to have rice with any of my other foods because in my eyes it was way too calorific. 

I lost much weight until I was at my desired size but what price did I pay? 

I missed out on so much fun as I didn’t allow myself to indulge in delicious foods on social events, I annoyed everyone around me with my clean eating, it severely affected my relationship and friendships, took so much of my time and energy until I felt run-down and so so exhausted. 

I started to discover intuitive eating and was fascinated with it from the very beginning although it was hard for me to let go of my old diet behavior.

I now have a better relationship with you and occasionally feel like this could really work but then I see my sister (we live together) munching on her salad or not eating until 3 in the afternoon. I see her freaking out over not being able to go to the gym or doing heavy HIIT for hours because she allowed herself to enjoy a night out the night before. And suddenly the cookie in my hand feels like it would add up 100 pounds to my hips, just like I thought back then. She has a very muscular build by now and gets a ton of compliments for it and sometimes if I am honest I feel jealous of it and wonder if it is wrong to have a softer body. 

I really try to not let food dictate my life anymore but I cannot help myself when a disordered eating behavior is so very close to you, emotionally and physically. How can I manage to get rid of the little voice telling me that I am not beautiful if I am not muscular like her? How can I better set boundaries for myself in terms of her eating behavior and mine? How do I deal with the struggle of my body gaining weight and me still finding myself desiring to lose it again as I have always been slim and somehow cannot deal with the thought of gaining more.

I really wanna move away from food thoughts dictating my day and my still present diet mentality. I want to focus on loving myself and doing what I love. Still, it is so hard sometimes … 

Please help me reconnect with you in a healthy way.

Love, 

Confused and frustrated

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Mar 03 2020

36mins

Play

Rank #8: (152) What if my recovered body is too big? (with Caroline Dooner).

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When did you learn that certain bodies were more valuable? When did you start your first diet? Recovering from chronic dieting or an eating disorder can't all be independent and individual. Culturally we must change together to help support your recovery. Listen to the latest Love Food Podcast episode and hear from Caroline Dooner, author of the book The Fuck It Diet.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to share the work going on within Decolonizing Fitness. The person behind it, Ilya Parker, is a trans person of color Physical Therapist Assistant and Medical Exercise Coachwith over 13 years of rehabilitative and functional training experience. He is a social justice advocate and educator whose work centers gender, racial and healing justice.

He decided to merge his love for restorative based movement practices and community advocacy to create Decolonizing Fitness, LLC; which is a social justice platform that provides affirming fitness services, community education and apparel in support of body diversity. Check out www.decolonizingfitness.com.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food, 

You are my best friend and my worst enemy. You are as familiar to me as my own backyard, and yet as foreign as the deepest realms of the ocean. I taste you and smell you and manipulate you with my two hands every day. I read about you. I peruse photographs of you on Instagram. I am obsessed with you. And yet, I hate you. 

Currently, I work as a baker. I graduated last spring with a BS in nutrition. I’ve learned through my career how to meld delicious flavors and bake a custard to perfection. I’ve learned through my schooling how to teach others about ‘balanced’ eating. However, I don’t know how to eat. I’ve cycled through patterns nearly my whole life. Restriction, bingeing, purging, exercising and always compulsively weighing myself. I’ve probably spent at least $200 on bathroom scales. Once, in Italy, I pretended to tour a gym in interest of their membership, just hoping to find a scale. My weight is the center point of my life. Therefore, you are at the center point of my life. 

My childhood was…interesting – as said in a negative, classically Minnesotan matter. I also don’t have the best memory of those days, but I can place pieces together. I ate for comfort, and my high weight quickly became an issue I could not escape. I don’t remember when I was first placed on a diet, but the on-again, off-again dieting cycle started some time in elementary school. My step-mom took me to doctors for weight loss medication. I’d take it, but with limited results. I remember shopping for clothes Old Navy. I remember my embarrassment having to purchase the XYZ T-shirts. I remember my step-mom telling me “if only you could lose some weight, your face is so pretty.” I remember when I was 11, my mother brought me to a plastic surgeon to consider liposuction. Thankfully, he advised us not to take this route because my body was still changing. At school, I was bullied. I remember a child in middle school telling me I was the cause of world hunger. I remember a girl at a birthday party asking me why I was invited. I was ‘too fat’ to sit in the hot tub. 

Everything changed when I was 13. As a bit of background, my father had custody of me during the summer. Most children coveted summers, but I dreaded staying with him. He was almost always working and traveling – leaving me alone with only my stepmom. I felt lonely, isolated and, eventually, angry. I decided to take control: I stopped eating. Between the beginning of eighth grade and the beginning of ninth grade I lost over XYZ pounds. I could finally wear clothes designed for people my age. Boys finally noticed me. My mom finally told me I was pretty. I was also very hungry. I carefully watched my food intake. I obsessively counted calories. And I’d weigh myself every day. In high school, I started hiding my scale because my mom had realized it was an issue. At age 14, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. 

Since this diagnosis, I have been in and out of recovery. My eating disorder has shifted all over the board. I identify most closely with bulimia, but I also have restrictive tendencies. I still weigh myself compulsively. I hate myself on the days the needle hasn’t budged – I hate myself even more if the needle budges in the wrong direction. Some days I cry to myself in the mirror because I hate what I see. I pinch my fat rolls and tell myself over and over that I am fat and useless. Throughout the tougher battles, I’ve sought out treatment. But when I initially step out of the grip of my eating disorder, that hideous monster wraps his hands around me and draws me back. He convinces me I don’t need treatment. He convinces me I should have an abusive relationship with him instead of a healthy relationship with you. I am fortunate in that I have gone through periods of more mindful eating. Typically, this lasts only for a few months, but those months have always brought freedom and joy. Unfortunately, you’re so entangle with the eating disorder that he never leaves completely. He always finds his way back to me. 

At the same time that I struggle, those around me don’t notice a thing. They praise me for my dedication to working out. They commend my healthy eating. “Oh, what’s for lunch today? A salad? Classic.” My co-workers don’t feel my isolation when they’re enjoying a staff lunch of barbeque while I quietly eat raw vegetables. My family doesn’t understand my pain when I’m the only one to deny dessert. They love my self-control. I tell them I’m a baker and I get sick of sweets. Really, I’m denying myself the current satisfaction only so I can secretly eat to no end later. As a baker, though, I still find enjoyment in you. My friends and I are fanatics of the restaurant industry, and I do admire you as a work of art. The eating disorder likes to deprive me of this adoration and leave me only with desperation. 

Food, you make me so confused. I don’t know if I want to work with you full-time. I don’t know if my joys for cooking and nutrition are true, or if they only stem from the grips of my disorder. I am confused with my path in life, and my relationship with you is blocking my view. I want to remedy our relationship so I can navigate my future, but my self-hatred and fear of weight gain keeps me from full recovery. Although treatment has helped, I still feel trapped and terribly alone. Will I ever find my way out of this terrible maze?

Sincerely,

The Broken Baker

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Apr 09 2019

36mins

Play

Rank #9: (192) I want more control while intuitively eating.

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The road to Food Peace is not all rainbows and butterflies. Most will experience rejection, body hate, and complicated ways of eating. If you come from that place and journeying toward intuitive eating, you may crave more control in the process. I made this week's Love Food Podcast episode just for you.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,

Our relationship has been complicated since before I can remember. I’ve been overweight my entire life and you have always been the one i put the blame on. I was very young when i was told you were bad for me. I knew to stay away from carbs and sweets before i went to grade school. My mother lived for diet culture. Every month it was a new diet and I was always forced to participate. The diets never worked. I couldn’t stay away from you. Although i knew i was overweight i never wanted to admit it. I was ashamed of the word fat. After my dad passed away our bond grew closer. We were now best friends. You were there for the tears and you were there for the laughs. I used you as my crutch to get me out of a dark place. After a year i realized that we needed a break. My clothes were tighter, i went up pant sizes, and the pictures from spring fling made me want to vomit. I didnt want to be the fat girl any more. At 16 years old i just wanted to fit in. So I lost Xlbs, i joined the dance team, and the cheer squad. I was still overweight but i felt good about myself and all of the new friends i made. I managed to keep the Xlbs off for 2 years until I graduated. That’s when i started working and could start to feed myself. I ate fast food every night after work. I loved it. I had never been able to experience this. As a child i rarely got fast food because our family was always on a diet. I couldn’t control myself. Sometimes I’d get fast food multiple times a day. Before i knew it the Xlbs were back.  I managed to not gain anymore weight for about 4 years. Then i married my husband and my relationship with food went sour. I gained Xlbs over the first year i was married. I remember hearing the doctor say my weight and i almost fell to the floor. How could this happen? Ive been overeating for years and i never gained anything. I knew a change needed to happen. But how? I started dieting. I would spend hours planning meals and snacks for the week but that grew tiresome fast. I figured I’d try keto everyone raves about how easy it is. It didnt matter what diet i did i always managed to overeat to the point of being sick. I heard about intuitive eating from a friend at the gym and she suggested i Look into it. Once again i find myself binging on unhealthy snacks. I’ve been desperately trying to rebuild a healthy relationship with food but some how i always find myself in the fridge eating until my stomach cant handle anymore. I’m lost and confused.  I am frustrated and desperate to get control of my life again. 

Sincerely,

Desperate For Help

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Jan 07 2020

28mins

Play

Rank #10: (186) When 6 anti-diet podcaster walk into a room

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What happens when 6 anti-diet podcasters walk into a room to hash out all the ins and outs of developing and running a show that is counter-cultural? It moves mountains with its power! It was a honor to be on this panel hosted by Heather Caplan RD, host of RD Real Talk. Listen to the live recording now in your Love Food feed.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Grab all the details at PCOSandFoodPeace.com.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Dec 17 2019

1hr 10mins

Play

Rank #11: (155) F*ck off diet culture.

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Diet culture is literally everywhere: in safe spaces, sacred spaces, and progressive spaces. How do you break up with diets when the world celebrates their worth and demands their adherence? Listen to the latest Love Food podcast to give you mojo as you radically reconnect with your body.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to share the work going on within Decolonizing Fitness. The person behind it, Ilya Parker, is a trans person of color Physical Therapist Assistant and Medical Exercise Coachwith over 13 years of rehabilitative and functional training experience. He is a social justice advocate and educator whose work centers gender, racial and healing justice.

He decided to merge his love for restorative based movement practices and community advocacy to create Decolonizing Fitness, LLC; which is a social justice platform that provides affirming fitness services, community education and apparel in support of body diversity. Check out www.decolonizingfitness.com.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,

I am not sure if you and I can ever have a peaceful relationship. Lately, I am exhausted with recovery and the daily struggles of trying to eat intuitively, feeling like I am failing, and wanting to change my body. It feels like there is too much stress in my life that I do not have any energy left to try to go against the mainstream's ideas on food and dieting that on bad days I wish that I had never heard of intuitive eating and embarked on this journey.   I realized that we had a complicated relationship after reading Intuitive Eating for the first time. I bought it on a whim, looking for an end to the food and exercise tracking madness, but still desperately wanting to change my body. I wanted to teach myself the "right" way to eat. I thought I was doing well, eating intuitively, and generally feeling at peace. This was until it was pointed out to me that I was following the "intuitive eating" diet, and this realization launched a pretty steep decline in my recovery. I know that the behaviors I had were not healthy and that at one time I realized that I needed help with them. But since I am not able to separate Intuitive Eating with the "intuitive eating" diet, I am so confused and apprehensive to try to re-learn it. Was everything I had learned the last 3 years completely wrong and how could I have missed the mark so much? Part of me wants recovery and the other part of me knows it will continue to be very challenging and I do not feel like I have it in me to stay on this path. I don't think I can go back to how I was before, but I continue to be in what feels like a half-recovered space. Working through my disordered food behaviors illuminated that I have a lot of personal trauma and feelings that I was using disordered behaviors to cover up and deal with. As I work through those, I notice the disordered food behaviors creeping back in like an old friend, wanting to help me cope.   I realize diet culture is everywhere. And because it is everywhere, I feel exhausted by constantly defending my position to people and not giving in to the allure of what I know now to be another diet. My extended family gatherings that involve food consist of comments about amounts of food, "good/bad" food, needing to "work off" the food, or some special ingredient that will save us all from disease. Yoga has been a refuge but walking into the studio I might read a flyer for a weight loss cleanse, overhear conversations about diets, hear body negativity from other yogis and even some of the teachers. I attended a yoga teacher training informational session, thinking it would be a good challenge for myself to take my yoga practice to a new level and left feeling completely defeated after learning that one of the training modules was around "how to eat like a yogi". Sharing my own baked treats with co-workers inevitably invites a litany of body and diet comments as well as their own personal justifications for eating or not eating the food I brought. I created an Instagram account for my dog because I thought it would be a fun way to share the funny things he does. Do you know how much diet culture permeates instagrams about dogs? A lot. I cannot shut off the continuous diet culture that is everywhere in my life. Something has to change.   Perhaps I am not fully on board with Intuitive Eating and HAES and that there are still pieces of diet culture I am hanging on to. All I know right now, food, is that I am mad. I am mad that I know that my food behaviors aren't healthy for me but that I want to keep doing them because it felt like I was in control. I have so much shame for having this problem at all that I can hardly admit it to myself. I justify this by fully embracing that I hate my body and that, of course, then the disordered eating makes sense. I am so tired of starting over with different therapists, finding yet another book that I put my salvation into, hoping that, yes, maybe this one will click and I will magically love my body and I will become a true Intuitive Eater. Will I ever feel normal around you, food? Will I ever want to take care of my body instead of punishing myself for making a mistake at work, getting into an argument with a loved one, or accidentally reading a diet message on a magazine cover and feeling self-loathing? Can I enjoy you, food, without feeling an intense desire to want to exercise or restrict later? Can I trust you, food, knowing that my IBS may cause days or weeks of intense intestinal pain and fear of you, food? Will I be able to go to my doctor and not be completely obsessed for weeks after accidentally seeing my weight (and shame for feeling good that it was lower than what I thought)? It all feels too much, and I feel entirely un-grounded. I realize that this letter is even contradictory, stating that I wish I could have my old food behaviors back and also knowing that I have learned and made progress. I am just not sure, food, that I am on the right path, or even what the right path is.   Sincerely, Wanting to Check Out

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Apr 30 2019

23mins

Play

Rank #12: (137) Does set point mean I will always be fat? (with Stefani Reinold)

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What does your body want to weigh? Have you heard of set point theory and wonder what it means for you and your body? Will it always look the way it does now? Or will it get smaller or larger? Listen to this latest episode of Love Food with special guest Stefani Reinold MD from the It's Not About the Food Podcast.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,   I began my intuitive eating journey recently with a non diet dietician who specializes in treating ED and PCOS. According to her you are not the enemy and once I get my PCOS under control and reject diet culture my body will return to my setpoint. I am oversimplifying but you get the point.   My problem is that for as long as I can remember I have always been fat so I don't know that I trust that knowledge. Could it be that there are people whose set points are in the "morbidly obese" range?   Well I guess I was a normal weight once until about age 5. At 5 I was the tallest girl in class. Taller than all the boys even and yes heavier. I wasn't overweight just much taller than all the rest but adults would comment when they went to pick me up I was too heavy. I was too tall at my 8th birthday for the ball pit my parents had paid so much to reserve for my birthday. I was so "big". They meant tall but I thought they meant fat.   I started gaining weight because my main abuser didn't like fat girls and found them unattractive. Back then you were my friend because you protected me from him and most men and cat calls. Now I see I built my own prison and am left wondering if some people don't have a healthy set point?   Sincerely,   Confused in Cleveland

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Nov 20 2018

23mins

Play

Rank #13: (175) Food is taking over my life (with Carolina Guízar)

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Do you feel "all in" with a healthy eating pact then, next thing you know, in the throes of what feels like an uncontrollable binge? Does food fill your head and distract you from having fun and living your life? Listen up. Guest expert Carolina Guízar and I explore this on the latest episode of the Love Food podcast.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

Looking for more Food Peace? Want to help support the Love Food Podcast? Check out my new After the Letters Projecton Patreon. I have exclusive weekly mini-episodes for $29/month and other freebies. Find more at Patreon.com/LoveFoodPodcast

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,

As a child, I never thought much about you. You were just the breakfast my mom made in the morning before she went to work. She put my brother and mine’s breakfast on a tray and lay it on her bed as she got ready. Usually you were something easy to make, eggos waffles smothered in syrup or scrambled eggs and ham with milk or orange juice. You were just the lunch my mom packed the night before - a sandwich filled with meat, cheese and mustard, chips, and sometimes a couple of chips ahoy cookies. Since my mom was a single working mother, my abuela would pick my brother and I up from school to take to her house until my mother was off work. We would be given vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup while we did our homework. FYI- my mother’s side is Cuban and if anyone hearing this is Hispanic they will understand that potatoes and rice are our vegetables. My abuela was an incredible cook and would always prepare some sort of meat with rice, black beans, and fried savory plantains she always made. My favorite meal was chicken fricassee- dark chicken meat, potatoes, olives, peas, and onion cooked in a flavorful tomato sauce. Looking back, I didn’t know much about you because I wasn’t able to explore you. You were just something that was put in front of me and I was told to eat. Every now and then we had some alone time when I went out with friends or to a drive through after I got my license. I came from a very frugal family, so our “dinner’s out” would be chick fil a, Panera, or Domino’s pizza.

It wasn’t until freshman year of college where we finally had alone time. Starting college, I was thin and felt good about my body. As the year went on, I was overwhelmed with having free access to all the foods I love on my meal plan. Chick fil a, Au bon pain, panda express, starbucks, and food halls filled with candies, chips, ice cream and more. I stuffed my face with you thinking nothing of it while I went out drinking 4 times a week. Nights out usually ended with late night eating with friends. By the time spring break came, I realized just how much damage you had done to me. My clothes were tighter, my stomach was bigger, and my face had filled out a lot. I didn’t look like myself. 

When I went home that summer, I made a pact with myself that I would work out and eat healthy. I wanted to see what my healthiest body would look like. I wanted girls to envy me and boys to desire me. I started to run every day and do a workout video off youtube. I stopped drinking for a month. I did a ton of research on healthy eating. Food, you changed into something I ate to give me the body I became obsessed with having. You changed to a form of rules that has damaged the way I see you even now. I ate cooked chicken and 99% lean turkey with no oil and only cayenne because I feared olive oil would make me fat. I only ate fruit in the morning because I read that the sugars metabolize differently in the afternoon. I only dressed my salads in balsamic vinegar because of the high calorie grocery store dressings. When you became these rules, the way I viewed everything changed. I was addicted to the praise I received when I got results, and didn’t see anything wrong with what I was doing because I was certain it was “healthy”. I had a boyfriend that summer who knew about my obsession with eating healthy. Every now and then, him or his family took me out to nice dinners where I allowed myself to eat and drink whatever I wanted. But that’s when it goes dark. Instead of being present, I would obsess over the food in front of me. I would eat past the point of full because I saw it as my only time to have this “unhealthy” food. I would be having a conversation, but I was really thinking about the eating everything and anything I could get my hands on while I could. Even after dinner, I’d drive out to cvs to get my favorite ice cream or candy. After these episodes I was convinced people could see the food I ate on my body. People noticed this cycle and I’ve received a few comments that my motto seemed to be all or nothing when it came to you, food. The next day after my binge, I’d feel so guilty and ashamed and I would go back to only eating healthy and working out until the next episode. I didn’t realize this cycle would stay with me for the next five years. 

Of course,  our relationship has slightly changed over those years- I’m 24 and in my first two years of the working world. When my nutrition journey first started, I did grow to love fitness but now that I’m not active throughout the day at a desk job- my body is a little heavier than it was in college. I constantly aim to go back to the super skinny and fit shape I used to be in. I do my best to eat healthy and meal prep every week. I think about food constantly and often create meal plans and recreate them when I’m at work. Every now and then I try to convince myself I’m okay and I can have that piece of chocolate if I want it. But everytime I have a bite of something “unhealthy” it triggers a binge cycle and I find myself checking out at the grocery with sweedish fish, sour patch kids, and oreos. I kill myself at the gym six times a week. I’m constantly buying meal plans and fitness plans that promise amazing results. I stick with it a few weeks and then get frustrated when I don’t see immediate results. I go from having faith in myself to do it on my own to finding a new and shiner plan that will get me there. My binge episodes have become more frequent in a week and I’m sick of it. Now I have the same feeling I did my freshman year- I don’t recognize this body and I’m constantly torturing it. 

Food, you’re taking over my life. When will this end? Aren’t you sick of this like I am? How can we get to a point where I feel safe with you no matter what?

Sincerely,

Exhasted

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Oct 22 2019

29mins

Play

Rank #14: (184) All about managing PCOS without diets (with Rachel Goodman)

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Let's count the number of diets you've tried to manage PCOS. Don't forget to include all the lifestyle changes, gym memberships, meal cards, diet supplements, and healthy eating plans. If you are like most people with PCOS, you've tried way more times than can be counted! That is YOUR evidence that diets aren't going to give you what you need to promote long term health and healing. What can you do instead? Listen to the latest Love Food podcast episode that is a re-broadcast of a chat I did with Rachel Goodman from the More Than What You Eat podcast.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

Looking for more Food Peace? Want to help support the Love Food Podcast? Check out my new After the Letters Projecton Patreon. I have exclusive weekly mini-episodes for $29/month and other freebies. Find more at Patreon.com/LoveFoodPodcast

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Dec 10 2019

52mins

Play

Rank #15: (130) I can't get rid of the urge to binge eat (with Isabel Foxen Duke)

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Do you feel like you've done everything to tackle your struggle with binge eating? Is there a constant battle in your head over cravings? Listen now to hear some solutions on how to overcome this food peace struggle.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my FREE roadmap: Your First 3 Steps Towards Food Peace with PCOS. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Join our Facebook group to get extra support!

Episode's Key Points:

  • The recovery process is NOT linear, and it takes TIME.
  • Isabel Foxen Duke joins to talk about dieting, bingeing, and more!
  • Physical restriction is NOT THE SAME as emotional and psychological restriction... even if you're eating "enough," bingeing can still occur if you feel mental restriction. Diet mentality is the bigger thing to break down when trying to break free from bingeing!
  • Cravings are neutral things!! We don't need to feel shame about them.
  • Emotional eating and binge eating are two different things! Emotional eating is when we eat something in order to make ourselves feel better. It's a coping mechanism to distract, comfort, soothe or avoid a feeling. Binge eating, on the other hand, is a reaction to the diet mentality. Isabel calls is reactionary eating! For example, when you tell yourself you can't have "x" food, all you want is "x" food, and then it results in a binge.
  • Food is never black and white!
  • Just because we think we're eating "enough," we actually may not be because we live in a restrictive, diet-culture world.
  • Diet mentality tells us that there's a right and wrong way to eat. Giving up dieting is giving up an attitude around food that categorizes certain food behaviors as safe and others as unsafe.
  • "The Don't Binge Eat Diet:" when you're desperately trying to avoid and overcome the urge to binge, which only perpetuates a binge. Think about a bow and arrow... the farther back you pull the bow and the more tension your build, the farther that bow will fly in the other direction when you inevitably let go!
  • There's NOTHING wrong with emotional eating!! The only reason why people fear emotional eating is because we fear getting fat.
  • Emotional eating turns into a binge when we decide that the action we're doing is not okay and feel shameful about it.
  • Quitting dieting doesn't just mean you've put down the calorie counts and the weight loss goals... it means we leave behind the "right" and "wrong" with food.
  • When we struggle with food, we have to ask, where is the restriction happening?? Where is the diet mentality hiding?
  • Not dieting is a physical AND emotional issue! 90% of recovering from dieting is about the diet mentality and diet attitudes, and only 10% of it is about the physical.
  • If you are clinging to ANY kind of wagon, you will inevitably fall off!
  • Permission to binge is step one!!
  • It's time to overcome emotional restriction.
  • You have permission to be where you are right now, and to meet your needs in however you need to.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Oct 09 2018

34mins

Play

Rank #16: (153) I have made peace with food yet still emotionally eat. Why?? (with Heather Caplan)

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Have you done the Food Peace™ journey for some time yet still find yourself emotionally eating? Are you frustrated that food still soothes you like nothing else?? Does it feel as though you are doing Intuitive Eating incorrectly because you can't just eat when hungry? Well, we have a podcast episode made just for you. Listen here now with special guest Heather Caplan RD from Lane 9 Project.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to share the work going on within Decolonizing Fitness. The person behind it, Ilya Parker, is a trans person of color Physical Therapist Assistant and Medical Exercise Coachwith over 13 years of rehabilitative and functional training experience. He is a social justice advocate and educator whose work centers gender, racial and healing justice.

He decided to merge his love for restorative based movement practices and community advocacy to create Decolonizing Fitness, LLC; which is a social justice platform that provides affirming fitness services, community education and apparel in support of body diversity. Check out www.decolonizingfitness.com.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food, 

I feel like I am at a crossroads with you. For years I restricted you and then binged on you, part of me struggling to give myself enough of you and part of me demanding that I get my needs met. I know so much more now than I did when I first started struggling with you; I know about trauma, dissociation, how bingeing can't be "fixed" with restriction, that my weight and my body and even what or when or how much I eat are not the problem. I know that, nowadays, when I use you to numb my feelings or try to escape them, you don't provide me the true comfort and relief that I long for. I also know that, nowadays, I can enjoy you so much more than I did in the past. I can be flexible about when and what I eat, I can sometimes articulate what of you I'd like to eat, and I can sometimes say when I've had enough of you.  I no longer binge as often as I used to, and I don't binge on the quantities of food I used to. But there are still lots of evenings when I turn to you and eat more of you than I'm hungry for, or I eat something that I don't even truly want to eat. I don't think this is the same as bingeing, but it still feels like I'm trying to use you in ways that you can't help me, and this behavior is keeping me stuck in a place I want to grow out of. I feel like I turn to you when I simply WANT—want more of a good feeling, or want less boredom, or exhaustion, or frustration from the workday. Why do I keep turning to you when I know you can't give me what I need? How can I connect this knowledge that you can't fix my feelings or take them away with the part of myself that still depends on you for . . . everything? I'm ready to take the next step, yet at the same time I feel like I am holding myself back. From, Caught in Between

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Apr 16 2019

30mins

Play

Rank #17: (140) Is not dieting backfiring? (with Vincci Tsui)

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Are you trying to unlearn diet culture yet feel out of control on a roller coaster to who-knows-where? Making steps toward Food Peace can be exciting and oh sh*t so scary. Looking for compassionate direction? Listen to the latest Love Food Podcast with guest expert Vincci Tsui author of The Mindful Eating Workbook.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,   Oh my, I just don't even know where to begin.  When I was around 13 years old my mother told me that I needed to watch out because too much more of you would take me from the regular sizes to the misses sizes - which in that day was more like plus size.  If I ate more of you, which was always intensely scrutinized and monitored by her, than she felt happy with, she would give me a look of disappointment and shame around you and my body set in.  I would sometimes whip up a bowl of cookie dough while she was out of the house for a brief time, scarf you down, and then clean up as fast as possible.  You were associated with shame at home and then freedom when I was out in my car alone.  It was then the roots of "thin means worthy, beautiful and acceptable" and "fat was unsightly, made you worth less, and would negatively affect your life in so many ways from getting a man, to getting a job, to embarrassing your teenagers."  What is so crazy now is that pictures of me still living at home show a healthy, not even chubby, girl.  I do not know what my mother was seeing!  Anyway, so from there I restricted and binged you.  I went from diet fad to diet fad.  Of course, I would get so many compliments from people when they observed my eating less of you, even when I was nearly starving myself.  But those never lasted, I'd always come back to you, so much so that you would make me so sick I'd swear never to binge on you again, which I did.  Then floods of shame and embarrassment and failure would overcome me as I regained all my weight plus some.  My ups and downs with you have cost me so much money Food!  Between all the diets, special ingredients and clothing...oh my...I cannot even imagine how much money I've wasted over these years trying to get to that size where I would be acceptable to my mother and therefore, myself and others.  I was once again failing at keeping weight off from my most recent diet and I started searching podcasts for food related subjects.  I came across your podcast three months ago and was introduced to Intuitive Eating, Diet Culture and Peace with Food for the first time - wow - totally new concepts for me.  I love them and I want to incorporate them into my life.  I so want peace with you and with myself!  I want to accept where I am right now, at this moment!  However, I am discouraged and feeling confused.  As I have given myself freedom with all foods and as I've tried to eat only when hungry and stop when full, a skill I have A LOT of work to do to figure out, I have just gotten fatter and that scares me.  I need to know what is the normal process.  I want to set my expectations of how my newfound relationship with you is going to look.  I feel like as I have said no to more dieting and seeing all food as permissible - this way of doing things is back firing!  Is this how it works? Is my body holding on to everything thinking I'll starve it again?  Does it get worse before getting better?  I would love to know as I want my journey towards loving you to be free and peaceful.  Thanks for keeping me alive Food.  We just need to figure out how this relationship is going to pan out!   Love, Time to DTR (define the relationship)

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Jan 15 2019

36mins

Play

Rank #18: (141) I feel powerless around food.

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Does food have power over you? Do you find you can't stop eating certain foods? Do you connect with shame every time you soothe with food? Listen to the latest Love Food podcast where we dive deep into what's going.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I've just discovered the Body Love Box and it looks like a fantastic resource for people who live in large bodies or anyone who wants to improve their body image. It's a monthly subscription box that gets mailed to your home and it includes things like body-positive stickers and pins as well as deeper resources on body acceptance, health at every size and intuitive eating. Each box includes items from fat and marginalized creators, and pays them a living wage for their work.    The monthly subscription can be found at www.thebodylovebox.com, and use the code LOVEFOOD for 15% off your first month.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Chocolate Covered Peppermint Oreos, Why do you have so much power over me? Why can't I just eat one or two of you? Why do I wake up in the middle of my sleep and eat you? I know an entire box isn't good for me, but yet I keep going. The same goes for chips or any snack. Why can't I eat an acceptable amount? When I'm tired, stressed, lonely you are always there to comfort me. But after I'm done, I hate myself.  Our relationship has reached a scary place. I'm ready to break up but scared I'm not strong enough. Sincerely, Powerless and Unacceptable

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Jan 22 2019

31mins

Play

Rank #19: (125) I feel guilty when I eat (with Amanda Martinez Beck)

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Do you ever feel guilt for eating certain foods? Do you fear judgement about what other people will think about your body or food choices? Do you ever catch yourself labeling food "good" or bad?" Are you finding it difficult to feel at home in your aging body? Listen along to this week's episode as Amanda Martinez Beck helps provide meaningful reflection.

Episode's Key Points:

  • Special guest: Amanda Martinez Beck, co-host of the Fat and Faithful podcast
  • Typically, we feel shame when we feel as though we have failed at meeting some type of expectations.
  • When processing body shame, it is often helpful to turn the conversation to, "What is the purpose of my body?" and being able to shift our understanding of its purpose from being a means to control life's uncertainties to being a bridge of connection to other people.
  • Quote to live by: "All bodies are good bodies"--because all types of bodies can form connections with others.
  • Our aging bodies tell our stories and reflect ours and our ancestors' journeys.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue! Thank you for listening to the Love, Food series.

Sep 04 2018

29mins

Play

(222) Season 4 Finale!

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As we finish up Season 4, consider what parts of your Food Peace Journey™️ you can unravel and which are not your burden to carry. We must Rally together to free all bodies and no matter what, no one can take away the steps you have taken on your Food Peace Journey so far. Listen to this latest episode and stick around to the end for a special announcement!

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. 

Do you own a social justice informed and fat positive business? I would love to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Get all the details here.

Dear Wonderful, Delightful, Complicated Food: 

We’ve had a long relationship of valleys and peaks, and after a long time, I finally feel like we are at a pleasant plateau. I’m no longer caught up in the very restrictive behaviors of anorexia that I experienced when I struggled to control other aspects of my life. I recognize that sometimes, my body needs more of you, and I am usually able to eat without feeling overwhelmed by grief and negative thoughts. My husband is kind, loving, and better than anything I thought possible.  And yet, I am very aware that plateaus have boundaries, and I am afraid that in this case, the boundary is a cliff, mostly related to aging. I have almost always been in a fat body, but about seven years ago, through severe restriction, I was small enough to shop in straight-sized stores for the first time since I was a freshman in high school. As nice as the compliments were, I was harming myself, and my relationship with you. While my therapist was outstanding in helping me build the strength to leave an abusive situation, he encouraged my weight loss.  Leaving abuse meant a new career, and while I never planned to be in healthcare, that is where I find myself. I work in long-term care, and every day, I listen to the fatphobic opinions of the medical community. In the last five years, I have regained all the weight I lost, and more. At work, I am always the fattest person in the room. I try to tune out water cooler discussions of their personal diets, but when we discuss patient health, I am overwhelmed. Two patients can have generally equal diagnoses, symptoms, and test results, but if one is fat, their situation is blamed on their weight, and pain is nearly always reduced to “if they would lose X pounds, they wouldn’t be in pain.” I have also had some health setbacks in these recent years. I am now disabled and experience chronic pain. I was finally diagnosed with PCOS after 26 years since my first period, and I had to stop the medication that helped regulate it because of potentially deadly side effects. I know that because of PCOS, my food needs are different from others, and that I experience hunger, fullness, and cravings differently.  Food, I am afraid that when I am older and need more medical care, they will not be able to see past the numbers on the scale. I am afraid that if I ever need residential health care, my nutrition needs will not be met because I will be served the same thing as everyone else, on their schedules, according to rules made by bureaucrats. We have worked so hard to get to this place, and I am afraid that the medical community is going to destroy that. I fear that they will not care if restriction makes my hair fall out again as long as my waist gets smaller.  Please help me find ways to stay on good terms with you while advocating for myself within a fatphobic system. 

Sincerely, Allied Health Worker in Need of an Ally

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Jul 01 2020

25mins

Play

(221) Fighting diet culture while recovering with Robyn Goldberg

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Enticed by those slick new wellness products? Attracted to the hopefulness that comes from the idea that you can be happier in your body if just smaller? Recovering from diet culture and/or an eating disorder is so much tougher because the world hasn't yet. Guest expert Robyn Goldberg, author of highly recommended book, The Eating Disorder Trap, weighs in on ways to move forward on your Food Peace Journey.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

Do you own a social justice informed business? Are you a fat positive business owner? I would like to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Check out the details here: JulieDillonRD.com/LoveFoodSponsor

Here's this episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,Where do I begin? I hate you. I love you. You nourish me, yet you cause me feelings of utter guilt and shame. Do I soundcrazy yet? I have been struggling with an eating disorder for over ten years. It started out innocent-as it always does!Just wanted to lose a few pounds here and there. But then the weight loss became addicting. Consume less? Move more? Theweight melted off. Okay, I thought. This is working. Years down the road I am faced with a number of health problems. Electrolyte imbalances, the bones of an 80 year old woman (I am 27), weakening of my heart muscle, low potassium, and oh did I mention the depression and anxiety? With all of these consequences of my eating disorder, I found myself pushed into saying enough is enough. So, I went to treatment. I left there feeling great. Then I relapsed. I went back to treatment. Here I am weight restored, relatively "healthy" besides the issues I can't reverse. I follow my meal plan every day, listen to my body, eat when I'm hungry, don't over exercise. It is literally a full time job committing to recovery, food. So you can imagine my frustration with the world when I am all of a sudden being bombarded by the latest diet trends EVERYWHERE I LOOK. Wrap yourself skinny! Drink this superfood shake! Don't eat that processed crap! Join my fitness accountability group! Do I need to go on? What is happening? I've spent years in treatment trying to develop a healthy relationship with you food. Trying to let it sink in that you are not BAD. That it's all about balance and getting the nutrients you need to feel your best and yeah, that also means not denying myself a cookie or a damn muffin when I feel like it. I've been trying to be okay with eating how I truly WANT. Not how others think I should. But I can only take so much of this diet stuff. I can't have a conversation with someone, log into my Facebook, go to a coffee shop without calories, weight loss, or some new "get skinny quick"'scheme being thrown into my face. The problem is, the logical part of me who wants to stay in recovery knows that these schemes are bullshit. But the eating disorder loves this. It loves to just kind of tap me on the shoulder sometimes and say "hey..why don't you just order those shakes? It could be a healthy replacement for lunch if you're on the go." Or "hey you really don't get enough exercise these days, why don't you just order that new insane fitness program everyone is raving about?" My question is, food, how in the world amI expected to stay on track to a healthy, balanced life when everywhere I turn there is a tempting reason for me to go back to my old ways? I know that trying one of these diets, cleanses, programs will only restrict what I am "allowed" to eat, thus ruining all of the progress I've made. BUT IT IS SO HARD, FOOD!! Are these people right? Are there foods I need to stay away from? It's so hard not to be tempted or convinced when I am feeling so vulnerable. Would trying any of these programs hurt me or can I do it in a way that is healthy? -Tired (but tempted) of the diet industry SHOW NOTES:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Jun 23 2020

25mins

Play

(220) When you hate everything about food with Alex Raymond

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Ever list all the things you hate about food? The constant shame, the obsessive thoughts, the pervasive self-doubt, AND you need to eat everyday?? Diet culture gives food a confusing power differential that wedges between us and life. Pull up a chair and hear from guest expert Alex Raymond in this latest Love Food Podcast episode.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

Do you own a social justice informed business? Are you a fat positive business owner? I would like to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Check out the details here: JulieDillonRD.com/LoveFoodSponsor

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,

10 Things I Hate About Our Relationship.

  1. I hate the attractional pull you have on me no matter my emotional state— happy, sad, scared, anxious, lonely— and how much energy it takes to resist that pull. It’s easy to give in but then you repeatedly tell me how weak I am for giving in! If I do manage to walk away, you leave me feeling drained by all the effort, thoughts, negotiations, and willpower required of me to be strong and walk away. 
  2. I hate how insecure you make me feel when I am around you. The feeling of self-doubt during the analyzing process, checking to see if what I want to eat and what I have available to eat are within my macro allocation goals. I can’t make up my own mind about what to eat anymore!! Some days, I just shut down completely and would rather eat nothing and fast for the day. 
  3. I hate how you make me feel like I am a let down when I do not track your macros and micros and water and fiber constantly, routinely, every single day. Just turn your judgmental eyes away and I am happy to ignore your judgments and ignore this situation. 
  4. I hate how you make me think that my body is being deprived of nutrition. You tell me “I need more” and “get 2 to have one as a backup” when grocery shopping. I have not been in a state of needing to portion my food to prevent starvation. I do have a pantry, fridge, 2 freezers, and storage room full of nutritious foods. Yet still, you speak to me in ways that say “it is still not enough”. 
  5. I hate how, out of nowhere, you carry the delicious smells of good food, both sweets and savories. This constant tease of my senses triggers my thoughts and actions into downward spirals. Yet again, another opportunity for you to lure me into the depths of desire in my senses and leave both my body and mind feeling like I am a complete and utter failure.
  6. I hate how you have deeply ingrained an unspoken rule of following the ‘clean plate club’. Yet, my family did not even follow this rule! Where did you even sneak this idea into my thought patterns?! Is your influence so powerful that I see and hear your voice coming out of my friends’ eyes in their homes? I don’t want to be rude, so I eat it all! 
  7. I hate how I rationalize my mind to accept the portion of treat I have allotted myself. Indulging in a purposeful and intentional allocation of a treat. You, with the deprivation mindset, then counter with “Why not have 2 pieces instead of 1? It’s only a small amount more. You can exercise it off later today.” And then I agree. But that’s not the worst of this situation. It’s the downward spiral of thinking that “I’ve completely gone off the rails today, so why not have another cookie or two or three and some wine?” I want balance and positive lifestyle habits and you are holding me back from forming these more positive habits!  
  8. I hate how you are always the center of attention in all conversations and meetups with friends, coworkers, neighbors, and family. Coffee to start our work day? Potluck for teacher conferences? Unlimited drinks at the neighbor’s holiday party? You say, “bring a healthy item for everyone to share” then when I arrive, your Cheshire Cat smile comes out and you whisper, “well, now that we’re here, you must try the meatballs and the cheese ball and the stuffed dates!” 
  9. I hate how ashamed you make me feel when I am expressing my needs and desires to loved ones in regard to food. My satiety is not the same as anyone else. My cravings are not like anyone else’s. Yet I feel judged and ashamed when expressing my truth to others. So I hide. And hide food. Sneak eating food. Not only is this affecting my relationship with you, but also my relationship with money. I am also hiding purchases in my finances. Oh, you’ve taught me too well. 
  10. Most of all, I truly hate how you leave me utterly speechless at all-inclusive resorts when traveling out of the country! I can eat to my heart’s (and mind’s) content and drink unlimited adult and non-adult beverages and return home a week later weighing LESS than when I left?! Feeling HAPPIER and LIGHTER?! Seriously! This leaves me to wonder, “do YOU take your vacation from harassing my thoughts every time I plan and go on MY vacation out of the United States?” Why must you harass me at home? When can you cut me a break at home? Why don’t you take a vacation and I will stay at home reading by the fireplace? 

SHOW NOTES:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Jun 16 2020

23mins

Play

(219) How do I do Intuitive Eating while living with diabetes with Amee Serverson

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Have you found anti-diet hashtags like intuitive eating, fat positivity, non-diet, and Health at Every Size yet wonder if they can fit for you with diabetes? Yes. You. Can. Listen to the latest Love Food Podcast episode with guest expert Amee Severson.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

Do you own a social justice informed business? Are you a fat positive business owner? I would like to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Check out the details here: JulieDillonRD.com/LoveFoodSponsor

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear food,

We’ve had a really rocky relationship. I’ve avoided you like the plague since I was nine. And, I only indulged when I felt faint, but ended up eating everything in the pantry. Then, after college, I was surprised to learn that you were not problem. I’m sorry I ran away for so many years. I was/am fat, and the world told me you were the problem. So, things have been good lately. But, now, I have diabetes. Between the diabetes, PCOS, and being visibly fat, I feel overwhelmed. My previous ED recovery work feels worthless. I don’t know how to engage with you and not hate you like before. I want to continue healing us. How do I eat intuitively, be fat positive, and manage my diabetes without succumbing to diet culture? Let’s be friends again. Scared and confused

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

May 26 2020

21mins

Play

(218) How do I eat "right" with diabetes with Glenys Oyston

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Looking for the right way to eat and exercise for your diabetes? Know this: there is no one right way to do diabetes self-care. Glenys Oyston is our guest on this Love Food Podcast episode and during the month of May we are focusing on anti-diet diabetes conversations. Join us!

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

Do you own a social justice informed business? Are you a fat positive business owner? I would like to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Check out the details here: JulieDillonRD.com/LoveFoodSponsor

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear food,

I can't stop snacking, and eating fast food. I have diabetes, and need to make better choices. Lately I'm in a heavy food eating, which leads me to be sleepy and inactive. My diabetes dietitian focuses on counting carbs, and I haven't counted carbs in years. I've given up and given in to the cravings. I've gained weight, watched my blood pressure rise, and my eyes fill with sadness when I look in the mirror and wonder how much over X pounds is on my 5ft frame. I actually feel afraid for my heart and all the extra work it has to do now while my weight continues to rise. There have been times when I actually enjoyed drinking "green drinks," and having my brain and body feel healthy. Grilling out, experimenting with recipes, yoga, swimming, and such. I know my food choices today make my vision blurry, blood sugar high, and cause me to make not so good decisions because my brain isn't as clear when I "exercise and eat right. " I want a strong body again. I want to find joy in a walk or kayaking or fitting comfortable in a booth having brunch with friends. How do I get back to that? How do I get back to wanting the healthy choices, the joy in experimenting with fruits, vegetables, protein, and fats in recipes? How with limited insurance and temporary employment do I find a good dietitian? Right now I feel like you food have won. You are keeping me hostage in a body that isn't strong, and makes me physically uncomfortable, and feeds my diabetes instead of my spirit. Lost my way & afraid for my life...

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

May 19 2020

24mins

Play

(217) The tug of war with diabetes and ED recovery with Lauren Newman

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How do you continue to move toward Food Peace while diagnosed with a medical condition??? Are you one of the many torn with making peace with food while hearing LOUD recommendations to restrict certain foods or pursue weight loss? We want help. Listen to latest Love Food Podcast episode featuring dietitian Lauren Newman.

<p class= "rich-text editor-rich-text__editable block-editor-rich-text__editable wp-block-paragraph" role="textbox" contenteditable="true" aria-multiline="true" aria-label="Paragraph block"><a href= "http://bit.ly/1PuyEID">Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.</a></p> <p class= "rich-text editor-rich-text__editable block-editor-rich-text__editable wp-block-paragraph" role="textbox" contenteditable="true" aria-multiline="true" aria-label="Paragraph block">This episode is brought to you by my courses: <a href="http://pcosandfoodpeace.com/">PCOS and Food Peace</a> and <a href= "http://pcosandfoodpeace.com/dietitians">Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace</a>. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.</p>   Do you own a social justice informed business? Are you a fat positive business owner? I would like to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Check out the details here: <a href= "http://juliedillonrd.com/LoveFoodSponsor">JulieDillonRD.com/LoveFoodSponsor</a> This episode's Dear Food letter:   Deer food, It feels like we're stuck in a power struggle, and there's not much peace available in a power struggle. <p class= "rich-text editor-rich-text__editable block-editor-rich-text__editable wp-block-paragraph" role="textbox" contenteditable="true" aria-multiline="true" aria-label="Paragraph block">I work really hard to pay attention to what I need, name it, and get it for my body. It took a long time to get here, with a restrictive eating disorder, PCOS and diabetes diagnosis and treatments (including Food Peace!), and an infinifat body (US32+). I'm proud of what I've learned to do for myself. But you're always whispering about the sort of lessons I got when I was diagnosed with diabetes, and then when I was pregnant. You whisper threats of death from medical staff and family alike. You whisper about carb counting. You whisper threats of losing my kidneys because I probably need insulin instead of expensive non-insulin drugs that affect my appetite (and apparently not my blood sugar). You whisper that there's no way to get enough calories for your body if you restrict carbs. You whisper that there's no way to eat that would make each of my physical health issues better. You whisper so much about carb counting as the only way to live with you. It gets echoed everywhere.  I keep thinking if the power struggle could stop - for real - it would be such a relief. We could be together without one of us pulling on the other. We could have fun, we could forget what others might say about us.</p> I know I can't quit you. I need you. How can I get you to stop repeating the threats that people say? Is it really possible for us to work together?  <p class= "rich-text editor-rich-text__editable block-editor-rich-text__editable wp-block-paragraph" role="textbox" contenteditable="true" aria-multiline="true" aria-label="Paragraph block">Right now, even with all the knowledge I have, it still feels like I have to choose between ways to be sick. Love, Torn</p> <p class= "rich-text editor-rich-text__editable block-editor-rich-text__editable wp-block-paragraph" role="textbox" contenteditable="true" aria-multiline="true" aria-label="Paragraph block">Show Notes:</p> <ul class= "rich-text editor-rich-text__editable block-editor-rich-text__editable" role="textbox" contenteditable="true" aria-multiline="true" aria-label="Write list…"> <li><a href="http://www.juliedillonrd.com/blog">Julie Dillon RD blog</a></li> <li><a href="http://juliedillonrd.com/">Link to subscribe</a> to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus.</li> <li>Be sure to follow Lauren Newman on Instagram @GoFeedYourself_</li> <li><a href="https://www.laurennewmanrd.com/">Lauren's website</a></li> <li>Lauren's Diabetes <a href= "https://www.laurennewmanrd.com/resources">Downloads</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.laurennewmanrd.com/free-group">Lauren's Diabetes and Disordered Eating Recovery Support Group</a></li> <li><a href="https://amzn.to/34fmiCZ">Intuitive Eating book</a> (aff) and <a href="http://intuitiveeating.com/">website</a></li> <li>Find an <a href="http://www.eddietitians.com/">Eating Disorder Dietitian</a> near you.</li> </ul> Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  <a href= "http://getpodcast.reviews/id/1076673018">Click here</a> to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

May 12 2020

29mins

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(216) I can't stop binge eating with diabetes.

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How long have you been in the cycle of binge eating and self-loathing? This episode's letter writer describes constant guilt and shame as she tries move away from binge eating and manage her diabetes. Do you feel addicted to food and struggle to manage your blood sugar? This episode is made for you.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

Do you own a social justice informed and fat positive business? I would love to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Get all the details here.

Dear Food, I can't remember the last time you and I were together and I didn't feel guilty.  I'm 42 now and that makes me feel really sad.   Until recently, I hadn't really weighed the consequences of what withholding and restricting  you or what binging with you was doing to my body and ultimately my soul. Years ago, in a group therapy session that I hated going to, I listened to an alcoholic describe what he did with alcohol. After work, he would binge drink beer until he passed out, only to wake up and do it all over again the next night. That's what I did with food.   About six months ago, I was diagnosed with diabetes.  I burst out crying in my doctors office. She told me gently that it wasn't my fault, but I don't believe her. I have done so many horrible, shameful things with food.    When I was 17, I went to my family doctor with an article from Cosmo that described PCOS.  "I have this!" I told him confidently.  He laughed me off.  After much pushing and shoving, horrible internal ultrasounds, humiliating facial hair and losing the hair on the top of my head, I was diagnosed at 23.   When I received the diagnosis, I got on the scale and then the nurse took my pulse. "Ahh, an athlete, your pulse is so low." I smiled and nodded. I was in the midst of a full blown eating disorder and living on Diet Coke, cigarettes and melba toast. For seven years I restricted my food intake - no one knew. I was praised for my appearance, and "willpower". I really wanted to die.   After a big break up and a big move to a new city and grad school, things began to change. I stopped working out around the clock. I started to eat three meals a day, and snacks on top of that.. Suddenly, food became such a comfort. It helped with the stress of work and studying. It helped with the loneliness and confusion I was feeling. Feeling stuffed felt better than falling in love.   For ten years I cycled through the binging and self-loathing. I gained weight, I got depressed, I was put on anti-depressants, I gained more weight, I got more depressed.  Sometimes I wonder if the sugar shock I would give myself mimicked the same dopamine surge of my medication. For a long time, I put myself on a roller coaster ride of hormones and sugar crashes, sugar comas, heartburn, indigestion, anxiety attacks, and deep depressions.  Food has been the constant in my life.   So here we are, lots of years later, trying earnestly to understand why I binge eat and how to stop it. Doctors have sent me to nutritionists who has described how important portion control is. It makes me feel angry.  I feel so ashamed.  I can't tell anyone I'm diabetic.  If I eat keto, my blood sugars stabilize, but nothing about keto feels good to me.  I am so jealous of people who can eat in balance and harmony and not in the extremes. I don't know how to do it.   I don't know how to feed myself without hurting or denying myself.  I don't know what feels good anymore. I'd like to address my diabetes through my food because I believe it is the source of the issue. I wish my doctors had given me a blood meter when I was prediabetic, so I could have started the learning process then. I wish there was more information about the emotional side of PCOS and more research into emotional eating.  I'm trying to see this as a message my body is sending me. How can I listen now with kind ears and compassion? 

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

May 05 2020

35mins

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(215) What do I do with all these negative thoughts? (with Elizabeth Armstrong)

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Food is fuel and so much more. It is ok that food connects us to those warm fuzzy things in life--friends, family, pleasure, and humanity. Want to make this step on your Food Peace Journey™? Listen here now to the latest Love Food Podcast episode featuring guest expert Elizabeth Armstrong @PCOStherapist.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to learn more about you! I would love if you could take the 2020 Love Food survey: access it here: JulieDillonRD.com/Survey. Open until March 31, 2020.

Check out my friend Summer Innanen's FREE Body Acceptance Masterclass. You will learn:

  •  The 3 biggest mistakes people make when doing body acceptance work (and why they keep you stuck feeling bad about your body)
  • Her 6-Part Framework for radically changing the way you feel about yourself and believing you are good enough regardless of your body size 
  • Why it is possible for YOU (yes, YOU) to accept your body and feel more confident in who you are.

Learn more about Summer's Masterclass (aff) here: JulieDillonRD.com/FREEmasterclass

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food, You have, and always will be, such a big part of life and identity. Growing up in an Indian household, you were everything - we would spend hours preparing delicious meals to eat and share with other people. My mum was an exceptional cook who loved nothing more than to research recipes to try out on me and her friends. Food, you are there in so many of my best childhood memories - going out for ice cream sundaes on the weekend, discovering the magic of baking, and making cheese toast as a midnight snack with my dad.  But now, at the age of 36, having battled with weight for as long as I can remember, and trying to figure out my PCOS, I realise that our relationship is really complicated. While you have brought me so much joy, you also come with a ton of fear and anxiety for me. I remember calorie counting with my mum in my early teens, being praised for controlling what I ate, and family members commenting on my body whether I had lost or gained weight. Food, I have starved myself of you so many times, and this always results in me punishing myself through binging and exercising. I'm tired of weight loss taking up so much of my headspace. I'm working really hard to get some neutrality on all of this but sometimes, even just noticing a shirt doesn't button up right anymore can set about a heap of negative thoughts. From  Working really hard

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Mar 31 2020

26mins

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(214) How does food insecurity and disability affect Food Peace? (with Veronica Garnett)

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*We recorded this episode before COVID-19 changed our perspectives on so many things. We believe the info is still relevant and hope it brings you peace in this time of uncertainty.*

Most people with a complicated relationship with food are at diet rock bottom yet what if you have never dieted? Sometimes a person may not have dieted yet has experiences with food insecurity that will have a similar effect. This is a valid place on the Food Peace Journey™. Let's discuss Intuitive Eating tools to aid your recovery with guest expert Veronica Garnett @DiasporadicalKitchen on Instagram.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to learn more about you! I would love if you could take the 2020 Love Food survey: access it here: JulieDillonRD.com/Survey. Open until March 31, 2020.

Do you own a social justice informed business? Are you a fat positive business owner? I would like to give you the first opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Check out the details here: JulieDillonRD.com/LoveFoodSponsor

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Deer food, I’ve struggled with you pretty much all of my life. I never dieted but I have always been a rebel. I hid food, snook it, or just ate too much in general. At least it’s what other people would call too much. I’m also visually impaired. Dieting just seems ridiculous to me especially since I couldn’t read calories or other food label information. Of course I could’ve had someone read it to me but I could never see myself giving up sweets.  or even cutting back. I don’t like fast food. One of the stereotypes of fat people or people in larger bodies is that they eat too much fast food. This wasn’t true for me. My mom loved cooking when she had time but she rarely did. She worked a lot. When she would cook most of the food would go to waste because my brother, sister, and stepdad always wanted fast food. If my mom is at work and there wasn’t any money to be used on fast food my stepdad would cook something but no sides. It never felt enough. Now I can eat chicken with out the side and it’s no big deal but that then I always wanted my mom’s good side dishes. We were also pretty poor. Food insecurity was hard. They were also times were my stepdad sister and sometimes my brother would leave and not tell me. Most the time it would be to go to pick my mom up from work but sometimes it would be to go to other places. If my mom wasn’t with them and they would stop and get food during those times they were either forget about me or get me something that I didn’t wind up liking. I’m kind of a picky eater. My mom would remember to always make sure it was something I liked if they would stop and get fast food. I also went to the Maryland school for the blind during weekdays starting through my fifth grade year. It was pretty good there because there was always good food around or at least I would have peanut butter and bread to make a sandwich. I was disappointed that there were less snacks but at least there were some and I wouldn’t feel like I would have to eat them quick to keep them from being on within the next day or two because of my brothers friends Who would come over. Speaking of my brother, he also bullied me about my weight. That’s when most of the rebellion really amped up. There is a lot more in my childhood and young adult life that led to a bad relationship with food such as the times when I helped my friend out with food when she lost her food stamp card and we live together but they didn’t help me when they found it. I was stuck eating just mashed potatoes and crackers during those times. I digress though for the sake of time. Just a few months ago I found out about Intuit is eating and health at every size. I came to it because of a book that was recommended to me to deal with the triggering conversations that were happening about my weight. One of those triggering conversations was with my uncle Tom who is one of the nicest and most beautiful people but he still caught up in diet culture because doesn’t want me to diet but he does want me to cut my portions back and he expects that I lose weight. I know the main reason is because he’s afraid of losing me because I’m the only one he trusts. My question to food is how can I begin to incorporate these things when I’ve never really dieted. How do I keep myself from trying to prove to him and others that I am becoming healthier? How do I fit in to these new paradigms? Also, how can I introduce people to these new paradigms when I’m not very articulate with when it comes to remembering definitions and statistics that will prove that these new ways of doing things are valid? Yours truly: Partially blind fat friend

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Mar 24 2020

41mins

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(213) I need help.

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I still remember the first time I called a therapist to ask for help. These moments are painful yet so brave. Are you wanting to make peace with food yet stuck on your own? Or, are you meeting with a therapist yet needing more intensive treatment? How do you know what is the best next step? Listen to the latest Love Food Podcast for ideas to help you decide.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

Take the Love Food Survey: click here.

Do you own a social justice informed and fat positive business? I would love to give you the opportunity to advertise on the Love Food Podcast. Get all the details here.

Dear Food, My wish every single morning is to just have one day...one day where I do not eat you, enjoy you, and then panic and get rid of you. It has been 6 years and I have not gone one day without engaging in X behaviors. I am tired. I am sick. I am 36 years old and have no friends, no children of my own, and also have almost no hope that I will be able to stop this terrible cycle. I have osteoporosis, low potassium, anemia, dental problems, low vitamin d, a damaged retina, and many other medical complications from what I do with you everyday. It’s so weird. I love you- flavor, texture, the artistry of flavor combinations, the creativity...but I am terrified of you too. Terrified of what effect you will have on my body...terrified that I will love you so much, that I won’t be able to stop...terrified because I am using you as a distraction to stop thinking about extensive childhood trauma. I am 36 and our relationship is no longer so helpful. I use you for the wrong reasons...I wish I could use you for nourishment and not as a means of unhealthy coping. I am faced with the need to attend treatment but I am so scared. We have to meet 6 times a day. We have to sit together and just “be.” I have to use you to help heal me even though currently I hate me. You will be my medicine and hopefully we can become true friends.  I am faced with the decision, Food. Do I go? Do I hope that together we can work through this? Can we do it? Do I even matter enough to try?  I do know that I can’t keep doing this Food. I just can’t. I need to hear from you that you will be there for me in the right ways. That I can learn to exist with you in a healthy way. I am so ashamed, lonely, and really just desperate to have a new relationship with you. I just need a little hope, a little reassurance that things will get better. I can’t see a way out out of this now, but hopefully with your promise that this is possible, I can be more things than I am now. I can be strong. I can be recovered. I can be a mother. I can be a friend. I live instead of just  existing. I can be proud.  Sincerely, Wanting Something More

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Mar 17 2020

29mins

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(212) Immunity--Veggies, Herbs, and Oils or The Wellness Diet

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Have you heard that we need to eat more veggies, herbs, and stock up on Essential Oils while surviving this pandemic? Don't believe the Wellness Diet hype. The number one thing you can do right now--social distance, wash your hands, and NOT diet.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to learn more about you! I would love if you could take the 2020 Love Food survey: access it here: JulieDillonRD.com/Survey.

Mary wrote in: What is triggering me right now and threatening to cause me to grab hold of the "wellness" diet again (which led to orthorexia for me) are the emails, newsletter, posts, about how important it is to eat healthfully right now. For instance, up the "super greens" like kale and chard and lettuces and fruits and veggies. This is a catch 22. On the one had we are being told to eat fresh fruits and veggies and greens and on the other hand we are told to avoid people, to self-isolate. I can't keep my greens longer than a few days nor do I have a garden or live in an area that has fruits and vegetables available at outside markets all year long, so the only way to get the is to do what they say not to do: go to grocery stores. I know I can just unsubscribe and not read, but there is a tiny part of me that is saying, "but what if they are right" and the HAES and intuitive eating people are wrong? Again, another part of my disordered eating thinking. Thank you! Mary

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Mar 16 2020

7mins

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(211) Do not tell me to calm down

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Have you been feeling more anxious, fearful, powerless? Me too. You don't have to ignore these feelings because they can inform you and me. You are already braver then you think. I hope this episode helps you feel more powerful for the weeks ahead.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to learn more about you! I would love if you could take the 2020 Love Food survey: access it here: JulieDillonRD.com/Survey.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Mar 15 2020

5mins

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(210) I feel possessed around food.

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Do you feel possessed at times with the chaos that a binge brings? Have you tried everything to change your eating behavior yet feel addicted?? This episode's letter writer is from a concerned family member worried about their parent's on and off relationship with food. I have a feel you can relate. Listen here now to hear all the details and a way through.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

Take the Love Food Survey: click here.

Dear Food,

I know you and I still have work to do, but I'm writing today to talk to you about your relationship with my dad (hope you don't mind!). He knows so much about you, and he's tried so many diets and plans, but he just can't stick with eating in a healthy way. He's had a number of health problems related to his weight and diet, and has to take about a dozen prescription pills a day to address his GI issues. He says he wants to change, and wants to take better care of himself - but for years now, he and our family have watched helplessly as the motivation wanes after a week or two, disappears for months, and then shows back up full-force. It's been exhausting for everyone to see this cycle over and over again. He even has the self-awareness to see what works for him, what doesn't, why he might be giving up, what psycho-emotional factors are at play - but all that self-reflection doesn't turn into action (and he knows that, too!) He's even joked that he feels "possessed" when he binges on sugar and snacks, or that his brain and his tongue aren't communicating, and that "it's time to go back on that plan again."He and the rest of us thought that after he had to be hospitalized for the GI issue, it would be enough motivation - but he went back to old habits quickly. We've tried cooking together, affirmations, journaling, listing all the great things that will come with healthy eating. He's seen nutritionists and psychologists, he's tried meditating and going to the gym. But even with the support, motivation, experts, and health care professionals, he hasn't been able to make the changes and progress he wants. Now, his first grandchild is on the way. We love him, we don't want to be intrusive - he's asked for us to help. But we feel powerless, and defeated that we can't help. Food - is it time for him (and us?) to work with a professional? How do we know where to start, and what kind of specialist to look for? He hasn't been diagnosed with an eating disorder - will he need a doctor referral? Will this be another expense and ray of hope that goes nowhere? He wants to heal, and we want to see him love himself as much as we love him.

Love, Concerned Daughter

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Mar 10 2020

28mins

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(209) Coronavirus and Food

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Have you been feeling more anxious, fearful, powerless? Me too. I am curious about how this is affecting our relationship with food. I hope this gives you pause and comfort on the road ahead.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to learn more about you! I would love if you could take the 2020 Love Food survey: access it here: JulieDillonRD.com/Survey.

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Mar 04 2020

8mins

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(208) I can't stop comparing myself to others (with Renee Hamati)

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What is it like to eat with others on your Food Peace™ journey? How do you experience the talk about bodies or exercise or where to go to lunch? Do you find yourself comparing yourself to other people and feeling like a failure in comparison? Is this keeping you stuck? Let's discuss in this week's Love Food Podcast with guest Renee Hamati @SensiblyYou on Instagram.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.

I want to learn more about you! I would love if you could take the 2020 Love Food survey: access it here: JulieDillonRD.com/Survey.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear Food,

I have struggled to write this letter for a while now as I couldn’t really think of a good way to organize what went all wrong over the past couple of years.

You and I are definitely on better terms by now and I am glad about that. Yet more often than I want to, my past keeps creeping up the back of my head again. 

Let me take you back a little, to a time when food had been effortless and easy, enjoyable and pleasurable. I remember that I have always loved you and didn’t really think of any part of you as good or bad. I loved chocolate as much as I loved my broccoli. I had no hard time stopping whenever I was full nor did I give myself a hard time when I overate on occasion. I just shrugged it off and moved on. 

I have always been slim since I was a kid and to be honest, I never worried about how my body looked. I loved it for being able to move, to dance, to breathe. 

For a little further explanation of the following let me tell you that I have 2 sisters. A twin and an older sister. 

We spent much time together as 3 even though my older sister has always been busy with being a good student. Nonetheless we had a good relationship … until over time she grew distant and cold, irritated for seemingly no reason. We noticed her eating behavior changing. Long story short, everything ended with her being so deep into Anorexia that she had to be force-fed in the recovery clinic. Even after her stay in the clinic, she struggled for years and her eating behavior did not change as much with the difference of her maintaining a weight that wouldn’t get her medical treatment again. 

I thought this time had been shocking enough to our family and really tore a hole that lingered like a dark cloud and you should know better but then I noticed my twin starting with a similar eating behavior. She developed a fully grown bulimic disorder. Needless to say that this shook our family to the very core. The atmosphere was filled with distrust, control, unspoken fear and questions over questions. I started to ask myself how something so pleasurable and beautiful could have so much power over a human being, especially in the obvious face of the damage an eating disorder could cause. 

It has been years from now since my twin developed her eating disorder and even though things are not as extreme anymore in terms of purging, I often find her resorting to these old patterns whenever things are getting emotionally difficult and straining. She does not starve herself anymore but her control mechanisms shifted into quite an unhealthy relationship to workouts, tracking and rigid rules. 

This was by the time we started to go to University in the same city. I never really noticed that I had gained quite some weight until I saw her figure changing to a very lean and muscular build and me being rather curvy in comparison. Not that I cared by the time, I was still happy with myself but wanted to spend more time with her as she was elbows deep into working out and eating clean. So one of the only ways to reconnect with her was working out together. It worked! We spent much more time together and I also noticed myself changing in the process. It was nice to see my body getting leaner and I wanted to “support” the process by changing my – admittedly not very healthy – eating habits that came with university. 

I slowly became obsessed with calories, how many I could eat, how much I needed to work out, which foods were good and which foods weren’t. I felt so ashamed of myself when I discovered how seemingly “unhealthy” I had been eating when all I really did was enjoying good food whenever I wanted. 

I started to demonize certain foods, restricted and cut out sugars, junk-food and even eventually certain food groups like carbs. Hell, I was so afraid to have rice with any of my other foods because in my eyes it was way too calorific. 

I lost much weight until I was at my desired size but what price did I pay? 

I missed out on so much fun as I didn’t allow myself to indulge in delicious foods on social events, I annoyed everyone around me with my clean eating, it severely affected my relationship and friendships, took so much of my time and energy until I felt run-down and so so exhausted. 

I started to discover intuitive eating and was fascinated with it from the very beginning although it was hard for me to let go of my old diet behavior.

I now have a better relationship with you and occasionally feel like this could really work but then I see my sister (we live together) munching on her salad or not eating until 3 in the afternoon. I see her freaking out over not being able to go to the gym or doing heavy HIIT for hours because she allowed herself to enjoy a night out the night before. And suddenly the cookie in my hand feels like it would add up 100 pounds to my hips, just like I thought back then. She has a very muscular build by now and gets a ton of compliments for it and sometimes if I am honest I feel jealous of it and wonder if it is wrong to have a softer body. 

I really try to not let food dictate my life anymore but I cannot help myself when a disordered eating behavior is so very close to you, emotionally and physically. How can I manage to get rid of the little voice telling me that I am not beautiful if I am not muscular like her? How can I better set boundaries for myself in terms of her eating behavior and mine? How do I deal with the struggle of my body gaining weight and me still finding myself desiring to lose it again as I have always been slim and somehow cannot deal with the thought of gaining more.

I really wanna move away from food thoughts dictating my day and my still present diet mentality. I want to focus on loving myself and doing what I love. Still, it is so hard sometimes … 

Please help me reconnect with you in a healthy way.

Love, 

Confused and frustrated

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Mar 03 2020

36mins

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(207) PCOS and Exercise

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How do you push yourself to exercise more with PCOS? Well, I don't think you should--I think your body is trying to tell you something. Listen up to hear what I have to say about movement and PCOS.

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This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Use the coupon code 'lovefood' at check out for 30% off.

Show Notes:

Feb 28 2020

8mins

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(206) What about health and intuitive eating?

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Does anti-diet mean anti-health? Does intuitive eating mean letting go of health? Moving away from diets is not neglecting the evidence, it is using it. It's time to dive into how rejecting diets reunites us with health and dignified care.

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This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Use the coupon code 'lovefood' at checkout for 30% off during the month of February 2020.

Dear Food,

My ideas surrounding you have always been related to health. Growing up in a larger body, with a mother who was a physician, had me constantly aware and ashamed of myself. For me, you were always supposed to be something I was conscious of. My own doctor would show me where I was on the growth curve, and constantly telling me that my BMI was unhealthy. These experiences were ingrained in me from a very early age. I was told "you burn more calories sitting up rather than laying down" when watching TV and only provided with "healthy" snacks, snacks that I never wanted. I was told to ignore my cravings and, instead, eat a handful of almonds. My mom and I were always dieting together, for the sake of "health". This quest for health led me to nursing school, hoping to be able to heal my sickness and the sickness of others. This is when I was subconsciously introduced to medicalized fatphobia. The nutrition class I had to take encouraged us to count calories in and count calories out. This only encouraged my obsessive weight loss behavior, getting to a point where I was regularly consuming less than X calories a day and obsessively exercising X days a week. Now that I am in school to become a midwife and also pursuing food peace through intuitive eating, I am much more aware and disturbed by the medicalized fatphobia that I am supposed to take part in. Learning the formula for "ideal body weight" (a real thing that was taught to me in one of my classes), I am "supposed" to be X lbs, a weight I have NEVER reached even with my days of severe restriction. I am learning how to make sure the pregnant people I take care of aren't gaining "too much weight" during their pregnancy and also how a lot of contraceptives are not designed for people in larger bodies. I desperately want to be a practitioner that lives outside the medicalized fatphobia, but I am worried that if I do, I will be shunned by my coworkers and superiors as a bad provider. I'm not sure how to reconcile my understanding of chronic health conditions that are supposedly related to larger bodies and also my desire to follow Health At Every Size principles. Love,

Everyday Fighter of the System  

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Feb 25 2020

31mins

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(205) PCOS and Carb Cravings

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PCOS Carb Cravings: It's not a weakness it's a super power. I hope you don't continue to shun them, run from them, or avoid them. Leaning into them gives you insight you can't get anywhere else. Here's what I have to say about PCOS carb cravings.

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This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Use the coupon code 'lovefood' at check out for 30% off.

Show Notes:

Feb 21 2020

8mins

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(204) How do I fit in without dieting? (with Rachel Millner)

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Do you notice how much bonding happens over diet talk and body bashing? Do you already feel different and rejecting diets makes you feel even more out of place? Guest expert Rachel Millner says, "Community is important" and reminds us to "keep focusing on what we are pursuing: freedom." Listen to more on the latest Love Food Podcast episode.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Use the coupon code 'lovefood' at checkout for 30% off during February 2020.

I want to more about you! I would love if you could take the 2020 Love Food survey: access it here: JulieDillonRD.com/Survey.

This episode's Dear Food letter:

Dear food,      Hello! I’m so glad we’ve spent some time over the past few years working on our relationship. I grew up in a household with a severly anorexic sister and an eating disordered mom, where you were considered dangerous, addictive, and a symbol of weakness. Though I love my family deeply and in so many ways, before I went to college, I became very fed up with two ideas in particular they used to police me: first, that I must appear feminine, and second, that I must be thin so I can be “healthy” and attractive. Before I left home, and even more after, I experimented with violating both these rules. Years later, I am learning that they are related in ways I never realized.      From my family and society in general, I learned that being thin, talking about restriction, and obsessing over appearances are cornerstones of conventional femininity. So much of what the women in my extended family do together revolves around appearances. On vacation, we go on hikes where we don’t even talk because we don’t want to slow our heart rates for the exercise-tracking watches (I’m the only one without one), and connect and catch up doing hair, makeup, or going to the nail salon, where inevitably boyfriends or the pursuit of them are the thing everyone from the extended family considers common ground for conversation. I don’t relate to so much of this. I consider myself pretty femine, but being gay and avoiding diet culture seem to isolate me. Doing both of them at the same time just compounds this effect: not only am I not traditionally feminine because I’m not straight, I try not to compensate for it by constantly maintaining the southern-charm appearance that my family values so much.     

It’s hard, though, food. I feel like such an outsider, and dating women who are thinner than me just makes it harder. My last girlfriend and my current girlfriend are both naturally very thin, and the inner voice that wants to compare my weight and looks to others’ is even louder when the person I’m looking at is a romatic partner. I’m very open about this with women I date, and my girlfriend says she loves me at my exact size (I’m so lucky), but I can’t help but feel jealous. One thing that helped was having sex with women of my own size. I think being queer gives me the unique opportunity to value my own body because I can see a woman who looks like me and think, “she’s about my weight, and I think she’s gorgeous!” Lately, this just isn’t enough for me though. It’s exhausting having to prove my femininity to myself and my family all the time. It’s exhausting having to prove that my weight is okay to myself and my family all the time. I’m a woman with a body that I use to feed, move, and connect - shouldn’t that be enough? I know it should be, but I can’t help but feel shame every time I eat a dessert, and I know it’s damaging our relationship, food. I love my girlfriend so much, but her thinness and genuine innate love of vegetables make me feel comparatively shitty to the point where I am emotionally eating, which just makes me feel worse. I really want to continue along the path to peace with you, food, and I hope someday I can eat and love without fear.

Love,     

Here, queer, and full of food fear

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Feb 18 2020

24mins

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(203) PCOS and Carbs/Sugar

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When every cell in your body screams EAT CARBS NOW--that is PCOS cravings. So how do you cut them out? I am here to say: Don't. You don't have to suffer through the cravings.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Use the coupon code 'lovefood' at check out for 30% off.

Show Notes:

Feb 14 2020

7mins

Play

iTunes Ratings

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Fresh and Real

By Northsea7 - Apr 30 2020
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Relatable and personable. It’s good to hear the fresh perspective coming from this podcast.

love!

By EmmaLuWhite - Apr 09 2020
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i love this podcast!! it is interesting &amp; helpful &amp; great! it has helped me a lot!