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Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Giving Voice to the Things You Didn't Want to Hear About

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Lou Reads ep145: Confessions from the Pages of Naughtypost.com

Hey, I know this is weird, but I have a confession to make. Sometimes I go on the internet and write anonymous confessions about super mundane things I do in my life that no one cares about. Like, how I took out the trash today and then thought about how we’re ruining this planet with our trash. What’s that you say? You kind of do the same thing? Oh, that’s cool. Like what kind of stuff do you write about? Oh, you write about how you fucked your sister and are cheating on your wife by giving blow jobs to strangers by the bus load? Huh… well what site are you posting them on? Naughtyposts.com? Well, what do you know. Me, too! Bad, dog. You’ve been posting your stupid incest fantasies on the internet again , haven’t you… Not much to be said about this episode. It’s basically people submitting stories about every kind of supposed naughty thing you can confess about it. Is any of it real? I’ll leave that distinction up to you for mine is not to judge but rather to read. Thanks for listening to another stupid year of the the Internet being read for YOU! I sincerely appreciate it. See you in 2016!!!


28 Dec 2015

Rank #1

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Lou Reads – Ep 162 The Forums of SexInfo101.Com

Hey guys & gals. I’m ashamed to ask you about this but… if I put my pee pee in a girls woo woo, can she get hypnotized by my sperms? She can? Wow, thanks internet. You saved me some grief! Me-sa-vagina going to drain you-sa ball balls so good, yes? So this months episode is a trip into the forums of sexinfo101.com. It’s the typical kind of place where people ask questions they should have learned the answers to when they were kids. Sadly, thanks to the United States stupid Puritanical fear of sex & pleasure, there are a lot of people out there who are just in the dark. Luckily for them they have a place like Sex Info 101 to help guide them through the mysterious world lurking inside their pants. And, as usual, there are a lot of weird or lost people out there. Join me in exploring the fascinating world of Sex Info 101. amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "sex 101"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";


6 May 2017

Rank #2

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Lou Reads ep164 – Return to FetLife Mountain: The Destroyed Pussy Adventure.

Fetlife, short for “Fetish Life” (I’m assuming), is an online forum for kinksters of all varieties. If you’re vanilla (aka a normal sex person) then you probably don’t want to go there. However, if you’re into something… unusual… or just plain fucked up sexual weirdness, this is place for you!That firecracker really did a number on your pussy! Good job! While I enjoy reading from Fetlife because it is full of all manner of super candid sexual absurdity, it is a very supportive and rational kind of absurdity. If I knew someone was having trouble finding people who want to talk about destroying their tits or wanted to find out where to go to talk about giving women orgasms via throat fucking, well, Fetlife would have to be the first place I’d recommend. Lucky for me I’m rather vanilla so no eating piss soaked dog food in my future. But hey, whatever floats your boat! I hope your enjoy the episode. amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "Fetish"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";


26 Jun 2017

Rank #3

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Lou Reads ep157 Canadian Escort Reviews

Prostitutes, who doesn’t love them? I mean, who doesn’t love them as long as they give a full & real Girlfriend Experience and don’t try to rip me off and look at me while we’re fucking! How am I supposed to fool myself into thinking you are enjoying this if you won’t look at me? LOOK AT MEEEEE!!! Nothing sadder than a hooker looking for a handout. The weird and wonderful world of escort lovers. I’m sure you’ll all recall when I read from the English escort review site PUNTERNET. Well, I thought it was time that I read about some of the great ladies of the evening from the Great White North. So strap on your headphones and get ready to hear some tales of the amazing & not so amazing sex workers of Canada!

1hr 5mins

11 Dec 2016

Rank #4

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Lou Reads ep166: Is It Normal? If You Have to Ask….

Hey guys, I know this is weird but when I come across weird websites on the internet I have this compulsion to share them with strangers in podcast form… Is it normal to do that? No? Oh well… No funny caption. Just be yourself as long as you aren’t hurting other people you moron. This month’s episode is all about asking the Internet to validate your weird behavior. Do you have a thing you do but you’re not sure if anyone else does it? Well go to isitnormal.com. The helpful people there will help guide you to the realization that you are a weirdo in no time. I hope you enjoy it! amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "Am I Normal"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";


22 Sep 2017

Rank #5

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Lou Reads tales of Bad Roommates

Look, I’ve had it with you. You are a terrible person to live with! You’re a slob! You stink! You won’t let my friends have sex in your room when you’re out of town! Really, you are the worst person I’ve ever lived with and when this lease runs out in 10 months I am out of here unless you move out then I wouldn’t mind taking over your room… Do you mind if I practice my guitar while you sleep? Bad roommates are like a test from the universe. My question is what do bad roommates get out of living with good roommates? I mean besides living like the filthy inconsiderate bastards they are without consequence, of course. Now, I’ll admit that in my life I’ve been a bad roommate at times. Mainly due to my extremely privileged upbringing where I was taught that I am better than most people. I’ll just say that I’m glad that the internet was not a huge deal when I was in college or surely my name would have been in this podcast, too! I just stand by the fact that no matter how bad I was as roommate I was never as bad as the infamous “Fecal Lasagna” Roommate. For the record making a bathtub full of poop and newspapers does make you a bad roommate. Thanks to the Something Awful goons for all their tales of roommate woe! //


8 Nov 2010

Rank #6

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Lou Reads Penis Enlargement Advice from PEGym

Look, I know this is a touchy subject… but have you checked your penis lately? Yes, I’m talking about measuring it and comparing it to other dudes. It’s looking pretty pathetic… I mean who couldn’t use another foot of cock-beef hanging out the front of their pants? I mean TWO FEET of dong-meat? It boggles the mind! Well, let me tell you about a website I found that will help you out… What are you waiting for? Lets Get STRETCHING! So this episode is all about the lofty goal of penis enlargement. Hooray. I hope that you’ll all start Jelqing and Edging your way to super dongs in no time. Enjoy the madness! Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck. Lou Reads Hand Selected Penis Remedies


23 Sep 2011

Rank #7

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Lou Reads ep163 – Men Come First in the SubReddit of The Red Pill

So, here we are once again. Why do I keep coming back to the world of Men’s Rights & Pick Up Artists? Is it because their worldview, which they seem to insist is right by sheer will, is so incredibly negative and yet self-assured that it boggles the mind. I’m sure these guys would see me as a blue-pill, cuck-dupe and by their definitions they’d be right. Sure, I let guys fuck my wife while I cry in the corner. But, that’s my business. This seems like it probably happens all the time. Worthy of a graphic for sure. The Red Pill, as it turns out is yet another Men Going Their Own Way, man-centric self-improvement-movement that is also supposedly full of ways to trick women into sleeping with dudes. Does it work? You tell me! The scene certainly seems to alway be full of guys who are getting laid and living out their dreams in every way possible. It’s almost like they can’t lose. Like… Never losing. Almost impossibly so… Whatever, best of luck to them! I’ll be over here in the corner waiting for my wife to finish all this cuckolding stuff. I hope you enjoy listening to this reading from Reddit’s The Red Pill subreddit! amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "Mens Rights"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";

1hr 1min

31 May 2017

Rank #8

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Lou Reads ep115: True Stories of Emergency Medical Service Workers

Hey, next time your pondering taking that razor blade swallowing bet your friends dared you to do, or you’re about to impale yourself with a giant dildo while on your Lil’ Rascal Scooter, take a moment to think of the men and women who work in the local emergency medical services world. Is your stupidity going to make them have to come over to your house and save your stupid ass? Probably… And then guess what! The story of how they had to come and save you is going to end up on the internet! Yup! I like to imagine this is an emergency related to the the circus… Tsk tsk Mr. Barnum. This episode is chok’ful of true stories related by the EMS workers of the Something Awful forums. I think that speaks enough for itself. I hope you enjoy it. Sincerely, Lou


25 Nov 2013

Rank #9

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Lou Reads tales of the Worst Thing You’ve Ever Done from Bluelight.ru

Howdy folks. I meant to come to Bluelight.ru to read trip reports but I got distracted by this gem of a confessional thread entitled The Worst Thing You Have Ever Done. I was so taken with its stories that I had to share. I'm In the Mile High-High Double High Club! Now, you may find it odd that some people considered these events to be the worst things they have ever done. Especially considering that this is posted in a drug use forum. I mean, someone of them are just kids being kids. On the other hand some of these stories are fucked up! Such is the internet. People just gotta share and for that I thank them. Bless your stereotypically described Cheetos-stained fingers. UNRELATED BONUS AUDIO. A friend-of-a-fan commissioned this reading for said fan’s birthday. It was a fun little read and I thought I’d share it with you, too. Of course I waited until the birthday was over. Didn’t want to ruin the surprise after all!


26 Apr 2012

Rank #10

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Lou Reads episode 141 – Tales of Troll Dads from Reddit

Game recognize game I’m a dad. This topic is close to my heart because giving my kids a hard time in a fun & friendly way is one of the funnest things I get to do on a daily basis. In this episode of Lou Reads I once again delved back into the posts of Reddit to find tales of dads trolling. I hope you enjoy listening to these stories shared by the victims of fatherly mind-fuckery as much as I enjoyed reading them.


26 Aug 2015

Rank #11

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Lou Reads about Men Who Love Dolls and the Dolls that Lay There.

Hello and welcome back to Lou Reads. I assure you that I have missed you almost as much as you’ve missed me. So this weeks episode is pretty self-explanatory. There is a subculture of men & women who enjoy the company of dolls. I won’t pretend to know the psychology behind it. Some people like to play with dolls, some like to not feel alone and some people just want to fuck something that isn’t their hand and feel this is somehow better. This doll has the same look on its face as anyone might have if they found it in your home. Or maybe it knows what you have in mind for tonight! Yuck! A lot of people have asked me to read from The Doll Forum and I put it off for a while but I felt I’d finally give it a shot. There really is a massive wealth of readable material. I hope you enjoy what I found. It was fun to read. If it was possible to be judged by dolls, these dolls would be judging you. I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Let me know how I’m doing with a comment in iTunes, Facebook or with the comment form below. Thanks!


18 Jun 2012

Rank #12

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Lou Reads: Stories of Awkward Sex Times (NSFW)

I can't believe that condom was still inside me... You’re probably like, “Why you gotta do another sex podcast, you pervert.” Look, I am old. So fucking old. I am living vicariously through you good people and all your fucky sucky stories. Even the ones where things go terribly wrong. At least then I come out a winner because even though I am not having sex* at least it isn’t the terrible awkward kind these people are having. Once again I’m delving into the wonderful world of the Something Awful forums to share what they have shared with the world. As always, the Goons spin some of the best yarns around! Won’t you please enjoy the Stories of Awkward Sexual Encounters. *Authors note: I have had sex recently. It was not awkward. ** Double Authors note: Also, I was just listening to this podcast at work and discovered that people tend not to like hearing about sex in general, in public. Oh society, when will you catch up with me? Get crackalackin!


21 Apr 2010

Rank #13

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Lou Reads: A Forum for Adults Who Love My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Hay Everypony! I don’t want to hear any neighsaying about this episode of Lou Reads. I really got my hooves dirty on this one. Sure its not about gross sex, removing your balls or teen vampires but for me there is something inherently creepy about adults who get so bananas for a cartoon about . Now, these people set up this nice new forum so they could escape from persecution at a less tolerant forum. Sadly someone told me about it and I decided to read all about it. Now, in the name of fairness I’m including an episode of the MLP:FiM in this post. See if you can resist the allure of the cuteness of… of… PONIES! As you’ll find out in the podcast there are quite a few people who are crazy about this cartoon! And as promised I found a horrible post to read for you guys from one of the other forums. Warning: This story is really a downer on many levels. However it does involve in a very odd way. I don’t know if “Enjoy” is the right term… but its all I got. ENJOY! Thanks for stopping by the blog! Make sure your rate the show on iTunes and tell everyone you know that they need to hear all about the stuff they didn’t want to know about. It builds character! //


1 Apr 2011

Rank #14

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Lou Reads ep 174 – The Forums of Prison Talk

Have you considered marrying a man who you’ve only known through a pen pal connection? In this age of swiping right or left to instantly connect with someone, you can still find some people who are meeting people like it’s 1980 or something! Prison Talk is a forum for the loved ones of people who are somewhere within the prison system of the United States. It’s a support group for those looking to commiserate with others in the same misery boat. I’d have to hear a list of your bad choices before I’m ready to confirm this but for now I’ll say okay… This episode is a departure from the typical grossness and stupidity that I sometimes deal in. There is a lot of head scratching behavior on there, to be sure. But it’s a small glimpse into the world of those, mainly women, who are dealing with a life where revolving door incarceration is the norm. There is no guarantee that they’ll ever actually meet the people they are writing to in person. Or worse that if they do get out of prison there is the chance that they aren’t who they say they are… I hope you enjoy it. Also, CLICK HERE TO BE TAKEN TO THE SHIRTS! The SHIRT STORE IS OPEN AGAIN FOR A LIMITED TIME! amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products!"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "Prison Love"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";


16 May 2018

Rank #15

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Lou Reads Ep137 – The Amazing World of Robo-Tripping. DXM not DMX.

Look, I know you said you’re up for anything, so I was thinking that we should go down to Walgreen’s, buy a fuck-load of DXM cough syrup and drink the shit out it. Why? So we can get super high, stupid! Why are you so stupid? Have you already been drinking cough syrup? Is that why you’re so dumb? Oh? Well, cool… There are so many choices in life! Cherry? Grape? To not drink cough syrup to get high? Just king. Pick cherry. So this episode is all about the great idea of drinking cough syrup to trip. Aka “Robo-Tripping.” I know, it sounds like a great idea. Well, listen for yourself and decide if you’re missing out. And if you do your local pharmacy is just down the street just sitting there chok’ful of liquid tripping just waiting for you! Go on, now… CHUG!


22 May 2015

Rank #16

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Lou Reads ep153 – Juggalo Discussions from Faygoluvers.net

What up, fam? WHOOP WHOOP! I got mad love my for ninjas! Or rather that is what I might say if I were a Juggalo. I am not but the people at the forums of FaygoLuvers.net most certainly are. Join me as I read a bunch of random threads of Juggalos and Juggalettes sharing their opinions on a myriad bunch of topics and marvel as how often they get political! If you’re confused about what I’m talking about when I talk about Juggalos then I recommend that you watch the video below. It is great. American Juggalo from Sean Dunne on Vimeo. Don’t forget to register to vote! Shameless Begging


12 Aug 2016

Rank #17

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Lou Reads about Unexplained Mysteries

Lou Reads podcast is not responsible for any demons you may invite into your lives by listening to this podcast. Any hauntings, spookings or phantasasmings that may occur post-listening are totally not my fault and are probably a coincidence… How can you NOT see the demon in this photo?!?! Ok, The Unexplained Mysteries Forum was an interesting place to read from. Why? Because there seem to be just as many rational people on the forum as there are kooks. So instead of the usual “Full Buy In” user who adamantly believes what most people are posting there seems to be a healthy amount of skepticism going on which made it fun to read, too. As promised here are the haunted voice mails that are mentioned near the end of the podcast. DID YOU SEE ME? This is the one where he claims that people when he wasn’t in the house himself saw an apparition. Then a voicemail was left saying “Did you see me?” SPOOKY!!! Or not… There are too many to post on the blog but if you want to scare yourself bored please go ahead and listen to this nonsense that Para2011 posted on his Soundcloud page. Thanks for listening! I hope you didn’t get too scared by the all the mysteries! //


28 Jan 2012

Rank #18

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Lou Reads ep176 – Dark Secrets Shared from Reddit

What’s that now? You want me to share some of my darkest secrets with the internet? Well, gee… I mean, I’ve seen and done some terrible things in my life but I’m not sure I want to post them on THE INTERNET… Oh, you think I should make a throwaway account in order to freely share the darkest of the dark? Well… Okay! This is a direct reference to this episode. It is gross. Enjoy. This episode of Lou Reads is your basic confessions post. Always a good time to hear what people feel are the dark secrets in their lives. Of course, some of these secrets are truly awful and as I mention at the end of the episode if you’re considering killing yourself please consider call the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255. If you’re just some weird guy who like’s masturbating at work or once considered boning your cousin then just keep on being yourself, you weirdo. Also, CLICK HERE TO BE TAKEN TO THE SHIRTS! LAST CHANCE FOR SHIRTS! amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "loureads-post-20"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products!"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "Dark Secrets"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "931d84821e46f2c438103fe1adf794ca";


25 Jul 2018

Rank #19

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Lou Reads ep125 – Porn Fan Chats from Brazzers Forum

Look, I love porn. I am a man. I have a sad addiction to watching people who are better at sex than me go at it for unrealistic lengths of time. I love to be reminded of the average to subaverageness of my man parts and that my testicles don’t contain massive amounts of semen (aka pina colada mix). Thats why I go the forums at BrazzerForum.com to complain and compliment my favorite porn stars! Or, I would if I was one of the people who are actually registered on there. This is how I imagine everyone is listening to this episode of the podcast. Sadly, I am not so obsessed with the world of pornography to know who the people I read about were (for the most part.) Luckily for us the guys and gals who do hang out at Brazzers Forum feel perfectly at home chatting about their favorite porn moments. I do admire the actors availability to the people posting there. It’s kind of sweet thinking about a porn star reading a fans email about how awesome he is at fucking and the porn star writing back,  “Aw shucks. Thanks little guy. I’m glad I made your day. Keep jerkin’ it to the video of my strangely massive dong. Yours truely, XXX INSERT NAME HERE XXX.” Enjoy the show!


8 Jul 2014

Rank #20