Ep 3 - Why Do We Fight or Avoid Talking About The Affair?
This episode is one of the most important episodes we will do. It is crucial for you to understand negative cycles and negative patterns of communicating in order to completely transform your relationship after infidelity. Do you find yourselves fighting or avoiding the important details of the affair? This episode will help you! Do not miss this episode!! Find more resources at healingbrokentrust.com
27 Sep 2016
Ep 49 - Avoiding the Shut Down
In this episode we talk about what research says about re-engaging the withdrawn spouse. The specific steps you can take to make sure you get the much needed feedback from the partner who traditionally withdraws and pulls away.
15 Aug 2017
Ep 4 - How To Fall Out Of Love With The Affair Partner
In this episode Brad & Morgan talk about the difficulties of turning off feelings for the affair partner. Moving past the affair and getting rid of the feelings that you have for the affair partner can be a challenge many don't consider throughout the affair recovery process. If you know someone who has gone through an affair or they are currently struggling with an affair, I would encourage you to tell them to listen to this show. We're diving into how to pull out of limerence and infatuation and we lay the foundation to fall back in love with your spouse. If you are interested in saving your marriage or you're just not sure what to do this podcast will be helpful to you. This is an episode you won't want to miss! healingbrokentrust.com
4 Oct 2016
Ep 33 - When Trusting the Betrayed Partner Is Hard
You want the person who betrayed trust to become trustworthy which is completely understandable BUT what happens when the betrayer finds it hard to trust the partner they betrayed? How is this even possible? What you can do now.
25 Apr 2017
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Ep 35 - Why Does The Betrayer Become So Defensive?
This episode answers the questions why does the betrayer get so defensive when we need to talk about the details and when I ask simple questions about what happened?
9 May 2017
Ep 42 - Does the Affair Make The Betrayer Happy?
Many times the person who is betrayed wonders what's going on in the mind of their partner who's having an affair. It's important to deal with the reality of the (typical) affair. If you're the betrayed partner, you may only see your partner pushing you away. It's easy to think that they really don't want to be with you....but could they be pushing you away because of their own shame and guilt? Maybe they're afraid the marriage can't change...so they do things to push you away? Here are a few of the questions we discuss in this episode: Does the affair partner make them happy? Do they normally want to leave for the affair partner and why? What are some of the things the betrayer wants? What do they get out of the forbidden relationship? What is the betrayer thinking when they're unsure if they want to stay married? We answer these questions (and more) in this weeks episode.
27 Jun 2017
Ep 10 - Why People Cheat, What Makes A Cheater?, What Leads To Infidelity? Why Did This Happen To You?
One of the big goals of this program, along with helping your relationship heal from betrayal is to help you create secure attachments with each other. When couples have secure attachment bonds and genuinely feel emotionally connected and secure with each other, the chance of an affair is very small. As you share your primary emotions with each other and you see that your partner is sympathetic and understanding of where you are coming from, it deepens your bond with them. Throughout this program, as you share your primary emotions with each other, you've been moving from an attachment style like the anxious pursuer or the dismissive avoider to an attachment style that is secure. And this is possible even if you have never had a secure emotional connection with anyone in your life. You may still have tendencies of a pursuer or distancer, but you are largely secure with your partner. Eventually you will reach the place where your emotional bonds with them runs deep and you know you can depend on them emotionally. You know they are there for you emotionally, you don't feel the need to pursue or avoid, you feel free to be yourself. Adults with a secure emotional bond with their partner, are very likely to be faithful because what they experience in their marriage is a deep emotional bond. Sometimes when we are working through an affair, we don't really understand the reason why it happened yet. Sometimes we make it out to be more complicated than it really is. The reason is typically because of a lack of connection they feel with their spouse because they didn't feel emotionally connected and maybe even felt like they were running out of gas in life, experiencing depression and looking for something exciting to make them feel better. Now those things are even true for many sex addicts and philanders. Of course those reasons don't justify an affair, but it can be helpful in understanding the events that made the person vulnerable to betray someone so important to them. Sometimes people cheat because they feel unworthy of love, they feel that being in a relationship with someone from a distance is easier than actually having a close, authentically intimate relationship. They want emotional connection, but they don't know how to actually let someone in emotionally and having an affair is a safe enough distance because they aren't making a commitment to that person. Now those who have a dismissive attachment style or who tend to be distancers, probably have very little interaction with their parents. They may have been rejected physically or even emotionally. As a result of this, they learn to suppress their own needs and learn to become independent without relying on others. They learn that it isn't safe to depend on others for emotional support. Those with this type of attachment style really don't open up easily or think about relationships to a great extent which also makes them very vulnerable for an affair or even multiple affairs. Page 2 of 4 When a pursuer has an affair, it is because they are looking for intimacy and a boost to their self-esteem. They typically see their partner as someone who doesn't care for them much and maybe even see them as emotionally neglectful of their needs, but at the very least, they see this person as emotionally distant. Pursuers in a relationship will often start sliding their way from the marriage and start shutting down emotionally before they have an affair. One woman told me recently that she detached from her spouse before she had an affair. So don't let yourself become too hung up on why this happened. It's harder to understand why it happened when you have been betrayed by someone who is a sex addict because if you aren't one yourself, it's hard to understand how sex addicts think and how they could deny you sex when you've offered it to them, but at the same time, they are engaged in sex with others. That can be really challenging to understand that. Part of creating safety is understanding how the one who betrayed you was thinking and who they were as a person at the time leading up to the betrayal and who they were during the betrayal. Understanding why is meant to give us enough insight to make us feel like we're safe from that happening again and we can prevent it from happening again because we know why, we know what caused it. If we know what caused it, we can then get to work on preventing it from happening again. I've added some questions for you two to go over that. It may give you a little insight if you are having a hard time understanding why the betrayal occurred. Understanding why is helpful because it can also reveal what you meant to your spouse when they betrayed you....
15 Nov 2016
Ep 60 - Are you grieving what you hoped your relationship would be?
In this episode we cover the 5 stages of grief in our relationship when we've experienced hardships. When we are hurt or when our relationship experiences a transition...sometimes for the worse...we grieve the change. But if you get the right help you can have a new and better relationship with your mate. But there are birthing pains sometimes when you're trying to bring about this new, better, version of you relationship. Learn more and schedule a coaching call with Brad by visiting healingbrokentrust.com
24 Apr 2018
Ep 25 - Brad's Favorite Topic - Events That Make Healing After An Affair Possible
So many couples have no idea what's possible when it comes to long term healing. They merely scratch the surface when they recognize their negative cycle and understand emotion...but did you know that's only the start? In this episode we talk about super-primary emotion and what it can do for your marriage.
28 Feb 2017
Ep 21 - 10 Types of Affairs
Did you know that there are 10 different types of affairs? In this episode we outline the different types of affairs that people experience and how they are alike and how they are different. Understanding this one thing will transform the healing process for you. You will understand your partner and the situation so much better and that will expedite the healing process for you. Go to healingbrokentrust.com/episode21 for the downloads.
31 Jan 2017
Ep 58 - How Self Deception Leads to Infidelity
Are you stuck in self-deception? The answer might surprise you. If you'd like extra help healing after betrayal go to healingbrokentrust.com
10 Apr 2018
Ep 7 - Why Do Some People Never Really Get Over Infidelity, Communicate So Poorly, Avoid, or Fight, & Never Get To The Truth?
How to Stop Fighting, or Avoiding, & Get Answers: Part Two of Negative Cycles (First Part is Episode 3) In this episode we talk about how to understand the best strategies for communication and connecting with your spouse after discovering infidelity in your marriage. Often times we try to heal after betrayal with the old patterns of communication that actually contributed to the affair happening in the first place. We were caught in a negative cycle before the affair happened and before it was discovered. Then after the affair is discovered our negative cycle (or old patterns of communicating) don't improve...they simply get worse and cause us to loose control and can cost us our marriage). So in order to completely heal after betrayal we must identify where we get stuck and learn new ways to communicate and connect with each other so you can begin to heal from the infidelity. Until we identify our negative cycle we can't completely heal. Be sure to check out Episode 3 because it's the first part of this 2 part series.
25 Oct 2016
EP 55 - How Anthony & Stephanie Healed After His Affair Pt 1
After years of feeling their relationship was "okay" Stephanie found herself at a crossroads. Anthony admitted to an affair. They decided to work on the marriage but couldn't shake the affair partner. Even after moving state lines the affair partner was persistent! Listen to find out how they healed from broken trust. Learn more at healingbrokentrust.com Join the Smart Couples Academy Master Class @ healingbrokentrust.com
8 Dec 2017
Ep 26 - Why Do They Lie?
Why does my spouse lie? Many who experience infidelity struggle to understand why their spouse won't come out with the full complete truth while some will spill the beans at the drop of a hat. In this episode we talk about why people lie while others don't.
7 Mar 2017
Ep 12 - Should I Stay Or Go? What To Do When You're Not Sure You Want To Save The Relationship. The One Thing Holding You Back From Progress.
So many people struggle with feelings of ambiguity after discovering infidelity in their relationship. Many people want to know should I stay with my spouse or partner or should I leave? We talk about the pros and cons of both and give you sound advice on handling the feelings of should I stay or should I leave my marriage.
29 Nov 2016
Ep 29 - Childhood of a Betrayer
How does someone become unfaithful? Is it something they are predestined to do or can it be prevented altogether? Are you raising an unfaithful child? How can you ensure that your child is able to have a healthy committed marriage even if you have not.
28 Mar 2017
Ep 23 - How Can We Forgive and Be Forgiven? Should I stay with someone who hurts me?
In this episode we talk about how to forgive. So many people think that by forgiving they are somehow weak or saying that it’s okay to cheat. We help you to understand how you can forgive without sending the message that it’s okay to hurt you. healingbrokentrust.com/episode23
14 Feb 2017
EP 24 - How To Move On So The Affair Doesn't Define Your Life, Strategies for Overcoming the Mental Battle
Picking up the pieces of your life after an affair can seem impossible in some ways. But this episode will help you to alter your thought process and inoculate yourself against the crazy feelings after infidelity.
21 Feb 2017
Ep 15 - Am I crazy? What’s wrong with me? How come I can't get over this? What to do in the first 90 days
In this episode Brad & Morgan a listener question: "I learned about my wife's affair with her co-worker two months ago. She has since stop seeing this person and is trying to help me heal, but I still can't seem to stop thinking about her with him. I feel obsessed with knowing what happened. My wife is becoming tired of answering the same questions over and over and I feel worried that she will leave me just because of my obsession with knowing what's happened. I feel like I am going crazy, why do I feel this way?" They address the questions of am I crazy? What’s wrong with me? How come I can't get over this? And what to do in the first 90 days.
20 Dec 2016
Ep 51 - Porn and Infidelity
Pornography many times leads to infidelity. We discuss how porn can influence a person to be unfaithful and a few ways you can protect yourself and your marriage. We have partnered with Covenant Eyes so if you are wanting a resource to keep porn out of your home this can help: https://covenanteyes.com/affiliates/idevaffiliate.php?id=1190
29 Aug 2017