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The Dating Den

Updated 9 days ago

Society & Culture
Sexuality
Health & Fitness
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Dating coach, Marni Battista, is the queen of making her clients irresistible to men and not just any men, high quality men. Marni is a certified professional Dating and Relationship Coach and Expert, writer, and nationally recognized print and online magazine expert (Cosmopolitan Magazine, Yahoo! Shine, Huffington Post, YourTango.com, CupidsPulse.com, Men’s Fitness, Glamour and more). She has also had guest appearances on CBS, ABC, and Loveline (filling in for Dr. Drew!) Marni’s weekly dating and relationship web show, “The Dating Den,” has over 2.6 million views, and she was named one of the 10 Best Women’s Dating Experts by @DatingAdviceCom.​

Read more

Dating coach, Marni Battista, is the queen of making her clients irresistible to men and not just any men, high quality men. Marni is a certified professional Dating and Relationship Coach and Expert, writer, and nationally recognized print and online magazine expert (Cosmopolitan Magazine, Yahoo! Shine, Huffington Post, YourTango.com, CupidsPulse.com, Men’s Fitness, Glamour and more). She has also had guest appearances on CBS, ABC, and Loveline (filling in for Dr. Drew!) Marni’s weekly dating and relationship web show, “The Dating Den,” has over 2.6 million views, and she was named one of the 10 Best Women’s Dating Experts by @DatingAdviceCom.​

iTunes Ratings

149 Ratings
Average Ratings
119
11
7
5
7

Yay I’ve found Marni again!

By lazrkaos - Nov 17 2019
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I used to listen to this show on YouTube in 2014 and loved it and was bummed out when there wasn’t anymore content, I thought maybe Marni didn’t do dating advice anymore. But I just rediscovered this podcast today and I am so glad! I’ve always loved this show.

Loving it

By jkd775 - Sep 10 2019
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Just discovered this one and can’t stop! Thanks for making my commute purposeful instead of stress inducing from the talk radio I was previously subjecting myself to!

iTunes Ratings

149 Ratings
Average Ratings
119
11
7
5
7

Yay I’ve found Marni again!

By lazrkaos - Nov 17 2019
Read more
I used to listen to this show on YouTube in 2014 and loved it and was bummed out when there wasn’t anymore content, I thought maybe Marni didn’t do dating advice anymore. But I just rediscovered this podcast today and I am so glad! I’ve always loved this show.

Loving it

By jkd775 - Sep 10 2019
Read more
Just discovered this one and can’t stop! Thanks for making my commute purposeful instead of stress inducing from the talk radio I was previously subjecting myself to!
Cover image of The Dating Den

The Dating Den

Latest release on Jan 20, 2020

Read more

Dating coach, Marni Battista, is the queen of making her clients irresistible to men and not just any men, high quality men. Marni is a certified professional Dating and Relationship Coach and Expert, writer, and nationally recognized print and online magazine expert (Cosmopolitan Magazine, Yahoo! Shine, Huffington Post, YourTango.com, CupidsPulse.com, Men’s Fitness, Glamour and more). She has also had guest appearances on CBS, ABC, and Loveline (filling in for Dr. Drew!) Marni’s weekly dating and relationship web show, “The Dating Den,” has over 2.6 million views, and she was named one of the 10 Best Women’s Dating Experts by @DatingAdviceCom.​

Rank #1: 049: How To Flirt, Even If You're Not Good (or really bad) at Flirting with Patty Contenta

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So many ladies ask me about flirting!  Does flirting have to be sexual? How do I flirt if I am an introvert? And the popular, how exactly does one flirt? 

I decided to bring in an expert to answer all of your questions.  

Patti Contenta is a professional dancer, choreographer and the Founder of Sensuality Secrets. Her e-book, Desirable and Deserving and her video series Sexy in Seconds help women to find more playful techniques to flirting, build self-esteem and to exude a self-confidence quality men are magnetized to. 

How to Flirt Without Putting Out a Sexual Vibe  [3:18]

So many women shut down because they don't want to send a sexual vibe when flirting. Internal self-confidence struggles can make a woman rigid and fearful.  Patty has developed a flirting formula which starts with being a charismatic person first. Her ‘How to Create Rapport Through Charisma & How to Use Body Language to Enhance the Experience and Make it More Romantic can transform the way you flirt.  

 4 Virtues to Becoming Charismatic [7:20]

Working with a woman’s natural style is important. Charisma is leaving someone with a positive impression of you and leaving the other person with a positive impression about themselves. 

The four virtues that someone else should feel in your presence are: 

A - Appreciation

C - Connection

E - Elevation 

S - Self-Expression 

Focus on the human connection, display your individuality, and be a good story teller.

Transition Tools for Women [32:08]

Patty says the key to connecting with another human being is to become the kind of person who owns their experiences in life. And, when you want to take it to the next level. Start with charisma and turn up the dial with non-verbal cues to make you feel more sensual. It will flow naturally. 

To get to Wa-Wa-Woo try self-touch. A man will notice you are more in your body as your feminine sensual nature slowly shows through. 

Be comfortable with who you are and the body you have.

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Fearless Flirting with Patty Contenta

Sensuality Secrets

Sep 17 2017

38mins

Play

Rank #2: Dating Den Episode 85 — With Mike Goldstein: A Proven Strategy for How to Get a Boyfriend in Less than Four Months

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Mike Goldstein is back in the den for updated online dating advice. He is a successful private, one-on-one dating coach who has gotten 83% of his clients into a relationship! He is a public speaker, an author and has been featured on The Today Show, in Readers Digest and Shape Magazine. His unique methods for analyzing data from multiple online dating sites ensures his clients are in the top 5 % of successful daters. Ladies, heed this man’s advice!  

How to Find Someone You Like on Match [2:41]

Mike says all of his methods are based on math and science. It’s basically a numbers game. With his 50/12/1 rule, the woman sends out 50 emails to men based on their profile picture. 12 men normally respond and then she chooses the 1 she likes best from the responses.

Having a quick, 10-minute phone call can help ease a woman’s mind if she doesn’t feel comfortable yet. After that, let the man know you are ready to go on the date. Mike says to limit dating to one good date a week though to avoid confusion.

Men want to know what the endgame is and are happy to get to the date as soon as possible, so ask him out!  

Playing the Game & Getting the Info  [11:53]

Ladies, once you get to the date enjoy yourself. Be honest and if you had a good time end the date with a heartfelt thank you and tell the guy that you had a great time. And then, DO NOTHING! Don’t text him later, don’t call him, don’t do anything. Mike says this is important information gathering time. You will find out if he likes you and how much by waiting him out.

Online Dating Photos and the Profile [17:58]

The most important thing about your photos and possibly your entire profile is that your face should only fill 8-15% of the picture box. If you have 6 amazing photos and one lifestyle photo that is enough for the guy to figure out if he is attracted to you. He checks out your photos first and then reads your profile if he is attracted.

It is key to be specific in your profile. A man wants stats, clear information, easy to understand pieces of information. Ladies, don’t use adjectives to describe yourself! Again, be specific. Try starting a sentence would be ‘A typical Friday night would be…’.

So, How Should I Respond? [36:49]

The goal of online dating is to find love and you may not have time to respond to every message. If you feel like every message deserves a response, Mike recommends crafting a simple ‘this isn’t a good fit’ reply message you can copy and paste as needed.

And, don’t get caught in the texting loop. If you are looking for love you don’t have time to waste on a guy who won’t pull the trigger.

Men are the gas women are brakes in a relationship.

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Join Our Free Dating with Dignity Facebook Group Here!

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Sep 07 2018

46mins

Play

Rank #3: 051: The Secret Skill Nobody Talks About To Make A Quality Man Fall In Love With You with Dr. Kristin Neff

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Tired of getting nowhere by beating yourself up for every little imperfection?

Do you wish you had someone who knew exactly what you needed and when you needed it?

Well, you do. It’s you. You CAN comfort yourself and be stronger because of it.

Marni welcomes Dr. Kristin Neff  to the Den to discuss the beauty of self compassion, what it is and what it isn’t, and how your self esteem can be boosted by it so that you can get off the emotional roller coaster of dating. Dr. Neff is an Associate Professor of Human Development and Culture at the University of Texas at Austin.

 Her findings can help you to be a resilient dater, to achieve all the things you want in life, and to be an awesome partner for your high quality man.

 What is Self Compassion?  [2:08]

Normally, we give compassion to others but not inward towards ourselves.  If someone is suffering we feel the urge to help in some way. You are aware they are suffering, you respond with kindness and you offer support. In the case of self compassion you follow the same strategy but apply it to yourself.

Self compassion, is not self-pity.

If you have a tendency to be harsh or to unjustly judge yourself you can cause unnecessary anxiety and a fear of failure. When you practice self compassion you are not afraid of failure and when you do fail you are more likely to pick yourself up and try again.

Self-compassion is not self-care.

 You Have a Built-In Caregiving System [8:07]

Supportive Touch can be putting your hands on your heart, holding your own hand or giving yourself a hug. A gentle touch can make us feel safe and we can do it for ourselves. You can release oxytocin and opiates to help yourself relax.

 When something hurtful happens we can get lost in the story of what's happening. When we practice self compassion techniques we can step outside of ourselves and recognize that we need kindness and support.

Be a good friend to yourself.

 Accepting Ourselves for Who We Are [17:25]

For most people, their sense of self-worth is based on achieving success. As a result, our sense of self-worth goes up and down because we have “good” and “bad” days. Practicing self compassion can keep us more stable and it steps in when self-esteem  deserts us.

It's not about being good, it's just about being a human being worthy of love and respect. When we realize that everyone struggles we can be a loving, connected presence.

Approach things from a place of fullness instead of a place of lacking.

Resilience [27:20]

Self-compassion is one of the most powerful sources of strength and resilience we have. Rigid things can break, if you are flexible you can bounce back. If you support yourself in difficult times it will be easier for you to get through things.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dating with Dignity on Facebook

@MarniBattista on Twitter

#DatingDen on Twitter 

Dr. Kristin Neff @ Self Compassion.org

Center For Mindful Compassion

Sep 24 2017

35mins

Play

Rank #4: With Chris Gillis: How Do I Get a Quality Guy to Pursue Me?

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Marni welcomes Man Panelist Chris Gillis back to the Den to discuss the fine art of getting the right kind of guy to notice you, the do’s and don’ts of texting, and the problem with playing manipulative games.  

Key Takeaways: 

  • Getting a guy to notice you
  • How to be feminine and direct
  • Men’s fears about asking you out
  • Texting do’s and don’ts
  • Giving a clear message to the right kind of guy
  • Asking him out without damaging his ego

 

The Fine Art of Getting a Quality Guy to Notice You  [4:41]

The men of Marni’s Man Panel say it's just as scary to approach women as it was 20 years ago. But now, they are worried about being perceived as a predator in addition to fear of being rejected. 

Chris thinks they may be using these fears as an excuse. Men require a certain level of confidence to go after what they want. If you don't know how to do something, like asking a girl out it makes it easy to default to apathy. 

Guys who are the most worried about being a predator are the nicest, least predatory guys. It's the guys who don't care about offending a woman that end up getting all the attention. It's frustrating to see. 

So, what can women do to give a clear message to the right kind of guy when they want him to ask her out?

Chris says there is an art to putting yourself in the way of a guy. He says men love to grab something for you or to do little things that make you happy. Ask him to pass you a napkin. Or, maybe he needs to pass by you to get his beer? Make it impossible for him not to bypass you. 

It is feminine to engage in a conversation. It's vulnerable to ask for help. A good guy will do it. Men are scanning all the time looking for clues women are interested.  

Ladies, turn up your game by smiling at him, play with your hair, and laugh at his jokes. Make it obvious. 

 

The Lowdown on Texting [13:09]

How are women supposed to know if it's ok to initiate a conversation via text? When is it crossing the line? Will it be perceived as too masculine or too assertive? 

Marni is in the old school camp when it comes to texting. If you have started texting with a guy but it's not continuous make the intention of why you are texing clear. Men want things to be clear.

Chris says things are different today. Dating apps can lead to a slew of messages. If you think a guy has possibilities, it's ok to throw out an idea via text. Guys egos are huge. They need to believe they are hitting on you. even though a woman is slowly capturing them. They want the girl to be the prize. They want to tell their friends how badass they are. 

Throw a softball. You get one free text message to see where it goes.

Chris says guys hate the 'who is this?' reply when a girl clearly has the name and number saved in her phone. Guys get it all the time when they have waited a little too long to respond. If you play the ‘who is this?’ game you will get the guys you don't want.

If your guy isn't into you because you respond to text messages when you are able he's not your guy. And, he shouldn't wait 4-days to text you.  If there are more than 2-day gaps in between his texts he is not your guy. 

We All Make Mistakes [30:47]

It's easy to forget that we all have our flaws and our triggers. There is no need to play games. There will be natural tension in dating just because we are human. Unless you are looking for a guy who lacks confidence or needs validation, give him a break if he makes a mistake. Men don't get a manual either. 

When we act from our adult selves we come from a need-less place.

Ladies, remember men may be in their own evolution. Make it easy for men to pursue you by being open, direct, feminine. 

Men just want you to teach them the right way for them to love you. It allows the feminine part of you to be present. 

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Join Our Free Dating with Dignity Facebook Group Here!

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Oct 18 2019

38mins

Play

Rank #5: Dating Den Episode 95 — With Chris G: What Does a Quality Guy Really Think About Dating and Relationships?: Our Favorite Man Panelist Gets Honest

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Do you need help dating and understanding men?

Do want insights on what real quality men do, think and feel?

Would you like to meet a quality guy NOW?  

Marni welcomes Chris G. to the podcast to walk women through what a man is thinking when he is looking for more than a hookup. Chris helped build the awesome manimal profile and is an active member of the man panel.

Don’t You Forget About Me: Why Men Orbit [4:54]

Orbiting is when a guy stops calling and texting but still likes your social media posts and pics. So, why would a guy do this? It can be frustrating, especially if you liked him.

Chris says men like to keep women on tap until another option becomes available. If a woman has made her intentions clear and the guy doesn’t share the same relationship values then by not blocking him she is just contributing to the behavior. Chris believes that women are masters at keeping men available to them and maybe women want men to stalk them.

If a woman truly wants to move on she:

  1. Removes the things that may trigger her past.
  2. Remembers that guys don't change even if they see how awesome you are.
  3. Contemplates why she is keeping her options open?

If you want to move on make yourself un-orbital!

The Secret to Getting a Man’s Attention [12:45]

Even in beauty soaked Los Angeles, Chris and his friends put less value on physical attractiveness when using Bumble or Tinder. He says “beauty always wears off.” He loves intelligent conversations and laughing with the right girl, the right combination is important.

But, THE best and most empowering way to meet a woman, for a man, is for him to go up to her ‘live’ and start a conversation.

That’s why Marni and team teach the special secret sauce to women which helps them to really stand out online. They create photos that are evocative of who the woman really is.

Chris’s advice —

  • Don't be vanilla in the corral of online dating. Stand out.
  • Use your real life smile. No duck lips.
  • An authentic smile is sexier and more attractive to a man.
  • Be real, be you.

A man’s goal ultimate goal is to attain a sustainable relationship where the woman and man have integrity and shared common values.

Make Yourself Available for a Real Life Encounter with a Quality Man  [23:41]

If a real-life connection is what a woman truly wants then why do women close themselves off? Sitting with resting bitchface, arms closed, acting uninterested are all ways to block communication attempts from a quality guy.

Chris wants to see a woman who isn't fake or blocked off. It shouldn't be a trial by fire for someone to approach you. No one wants to fight through the armor. He says women are about love. It's their feminine energy that men will fight wars and build temples for. Because men need a woman’s love.

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Join Our Free Dating with Dignity Facebook Group Here!

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Nov 30 2018

43mins

Play

Rank #6: Dating Den Episode 104 — With Sherrie Toews: The Little Things You Don't Know You Do and Say That Push Him Away

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Are you a successful woman who doesn’t need a man BUT wants to have a man?

Are you pushing men away without even realizing it?

Do you make unjust negative judgments about your date without considering the positives?

Marni welcomes Sherrie Toews back into the Den. Sherrie has been a licensed therapist in California for 25 years focusing on trauma and family systems.  She is an expert in her field who works with women in the elite program, 5 Keys to Being Irresistible. Sherrie focuses in on what is causing people to be stuck in their patterns, even if they don’t realize they are stuck. She shares the little ways women are influenced by their past traumas and how we can move forward into more positive dating experiences.

The Love Shield  [3:00]

Sherrie describes the Love Shield as a collection of negative thoughts, feelings, actions or behaviors women hide behind. This negative energy and uncomfortableness lay just underneath the surface and shows up in little ways during dates, even when women believe they are having good dates.

Examples of the Love Shield in action:

  • ● Do you minimize compliments people give you?
  • ● Do you resist making eye contact?
  • If you do you may unwittingly be sending out negative energy and putting up a love shield.
  • Your Love Shield comes up because there is a part of you that is scared a previous trauma or you feel your identity is at risk.
  • Sherri says that just understanding your childhood wounds doesn't mean they are healed. It's the emotional connection with the trauma as an adult that heals them.”
  • The Hidden Dangers of Over or Under Expressing Yourself [13:43]
  • There are fragments of our lives that don't seem like they should be causing any trauma but show up in different ways. If you are stuck in your head, overanalyzing every aspect of a date, when he called last, every single word he said — you may be stuck in your head.
  • When you are stuck in your head it means your heart is not leading. And in relationships and love, it’s all about the heart! You could be missing out on queues about how he really feels about you when you think too much.
  • Think about one of your positive attributes. Do you overexpress it to the point of it becoming unsettling? Or, do you under-express it because you are scared it will be too much? It could be hurting your dating life.
  • So What? Now What? How to Move Forward. [20:29]
  • Sherrie says in order to move forward women should take care to notice their judgments. How do you judge yourself? How do you judge other people? Remember your date is a human being who wants love, wants to avoid pain and wants to be happy, just like you. 
  • She suggests journaling about the negative judgments you make about yourself. Write each judgment down and then and make a positive script to replace the negative. 
  • When you are on a date,  collect ten pieces of positive evidence.

Feb 01 2019

31mins

Play

Rank #7: Dating Den Episode 110 — Coaching with Amy - What To Do if You Can’t Figure Out If He’s Into You or If He’s the Real Deal for Real

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Amy wants to become a savvy dater. She finds herself over analyzing what a guy is thinking and what clues he may be sending her about how the date is going. She also puts up her love shield in defense of her uncertainty. Marni coaches her through understanding her own motivations for succumbing to anxiety and how she can release her fear by leaning into her faith.  

How to Know What is on a Guy’s Mind [2:41]

Amy really wants to make her dating journey enjoyable but gets hung up on how the guy is feeling about her. To size up how a date is going, she searches for clues from a guy’s body language or his facial expressions. She is looking for positive feedback. She reveals she has a history of domestic violence and dating narcissists. This creates insecurity in her so she puts up her love shield. This behavior is meant to protect her but it can also push people away.

Marni asks Amy to reflect on what makes her feel safe.

Amy says when guys exhibit these behaviors or attributes she feels safe:

  • Kindness
  • Politeness
  • Family oriented
  • Shared values
  • Faith

Coaching Notes:

  • If you have questions about things that are out of your control change your inquiry into a high-quality 'me' question. Consider what is going on inside of you to make you feel a certain way.

  • Even if you have been hurt in the past, be open to believing someone's words as long as their behavior matches.

How to Trust Ourselves [11:43]

Amy knows the negative consequences of attaching too quickly. She admits she has a pattern of doing this and it never works in her favor. She says wants a relationship and connection. She is quick to imagine how she might fit into a guy’s life.

She truly desires to be more relaxed and enjoy casual dating instead of expecting a relationship quickly.

Marni walks her through the ways she is putting the man in charge of her emotional safety. Marni reminds her that she is in charge of herself and not the guy. So why is she trying to give up her power?

Amy shares her longing for validation. She gets stuck in a rut about what the little things mean. She understands she needs to trust herself more.

Don’t get caught up in the outcome of a date. Instead, focus on making a human connection.

Understanding Your Triggers [19:01]

Amy says she may be enjoying a date and feel comfortable sharing her life stories with someone and then she falls into her feelings of uncertainty.

Marni recommends:

  • Dissecting this moment right when it happens to find out what is triggering her fear.
  • Amy should ask herself ‘What is the feeling I have in my body before I attach a story to what is happening?’
  • She should get curious about the story she makes up about not having her happily ever after.
  • When she feels the fear come upon her she needs to relax and move back into her God connection.  
  • She should add a physical, somatic aspect to her calming practice.

She is activating a new muscle and breaking an old pattern. When she feels disconnected from peace and calm she should consider what story she is making up.

When she is not anxious Amy knows she can chill out because God will be bringing her the perfect guy. She should relax and enjoy her dates. She vows to not put up her love shield and relish in her faith in God.

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Join Our Free Dating with Dignity Facebook Group Here!

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dating with Dignity Love Shield Episode #104

Mar 29 2019

35mins

Play

Rank #8: 059: Dating Den Episode 59 — with Sanjana: The Ghosting Epidemic, How to Handle it with Your Dignity Intact

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How to Avoid Ghosting Before it Happens [03:20]

Sanjana was just looking to meet new people when she started communicating with a guy. She hinted towards a long-term relationship if things went well and he agreed. Sanjana allowed herself to play the cool girl, never addressing her needs and letting him lead the relationship. For two years they hung out with no clear direction to where the relationship might be going.

When you tell a guy what you want he needs to decide if he is stepping up or stepping out.

Lapping Up the Crumbs [12:17]

When Sanjana got the courage to tell the guy what she needed from him he may have felt blindsided. He would try to tell her what she wanted to hear to make her happy but he would never fully lean into or follow through with the plans.

Don’t Lose Your Dignity [14:18]

Sanjana continues to look for closure even after her calls and text go unanswered. She wants to know if she did something wrong but she is tired of expending energy trying to figure it out.

But, Sanjana already knows the answer doesn’t she ladies? Why would she want to continue hurting herself by hanging on to the unknown? She needs to let him go, forgive him and get back out there. When you date with dignity you don’t take ghosting personally.

Youtube Homework: Look up ‘Swingers movie’ answering machine scene. So you know what not to do!

Ghosting on Dating Apps [30:16]

Always be the person you want to attract when dating online. If you are not attracted to someone be honest and tell them if they send you a message. Practice good dating karma.

Ladies no matter what always remember, you are important, you are loved and you are significant.

Quality men do not hide behind dating apps.

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Join Our Free Dating with Dignity Facebook Group Here!

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dec 03 2017

37mins

Play

Rank #9: What Do I Do When He Disappears or He is Really Inconsistent?

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In this very special solo episode, Marni offers up some tools and guidelines about how to deal with a ‘ghoster’ or a non-communicative guy after you have started dating. She describes how you deal with the situation internally without having it kill your joy. And, when it’s appropriate to communicate with him to find out why he disappeared or is being inconsistent. 

It’s Him, Not You [4:04]

The most important thing to remember if a guy starts exhibiting this behavior is that you are awesome. His behavior is in no way a reflection of who you are. Know at your core that you are completely lovable and enough.

Are you initiating on a date? The man should have the space to pursue you and ask you out. Remember, the dating process is designed to help you know if another person is a match for you. Nothing more, nothing less. And, what happens between you and the person between dates is just as important as the data you collect on a date.

Ladies, Your job is to know you are awesome, to be cautiously optimistic, and to understand what the person has earned from you based on his behavior.

When we start to like someone we open up to get all mushy and soft and then something happens so we put our walls up and are not sure how to respond. If this happens:

  • ● Do not get attached to the outcome because you don't really know who the person is anyway.
  • ● Don't shut down and stand-offish.
  • ● Just stay empowered and chill.
  • If you have gone out on 3 or 4 dates and a gap exists in your communication it is ok to call and question the situation. A quality guy will respond and let you know what is up.
  • Don’t Waste Your Time [10:43]
  • When you finally have a conversation you need to figure out where things are going and get your questions answered.

Jul 19 2019

18mins

Play

Rank #10: Dating Den Episode 72 — Mary Shores: Defining Emotionally Unavailable — What If It’s You and Not Just Him?

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Have you accepted the life that’s been handed to you instead of the life you desire?

Let's get you out of meh and into marvelous.

My guest, Mary Shores is the best-selling author of Conscious Communications: Your Step by Step Guide to Harnessing the Power of Your Words to Change Your Mind, Your Choices, and Your Life. She is a Speaker and an Entrepreneur who started her empire at the age of 24. She blends her personal experience with neuroscience and human behavior to generate positive and pragmatic solutions for businesses and individuals who wish to defeat the freak-out and to create their ideal life.

Mary Openly Shares Her Story [3:10]

Mary was abandoned several times as a child. She says it planted a seed that grew into her becoming a teenage mother who lived on floors in emergency rooms with her child who had severe brain damage. As traumatic as her situation was it helped to build her strong character. She was a high-achiever who started her own business at 24. When she married she had little understanding of marriage or relationships and the relationship ended in divorce.

Dating in your early 20's is different than when you are more mature in your 30's and 40's.

Why Smart Women Do Not-So-Smart Things Around Men [7:33]

Smart women repeat patterns in their love life they would never do in their work life. When a smart woman attracts an emotionally unavailable man it may be a sign she needs to look inward to find the root cause because we attract what we are.

Women who are high-achievers often try to be something other than what they are.

Drop into your authentic and be more of who you are!

Hacks to Defeat Fear and How to Get the Life You Want [15:58]

Our journey through life is not necessarily supposed to be a graceful one. Mary suggests creating a one-page action plan for growth. Decide on the ‘Core Four’ goals you would like to achieve and then reverse engineer what you want the outcome to be. Get specific about what it is you truly want and then dissect the steps needed to get you there.

Make a Connection:

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How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Mary Shores

Fearless Ambition Facebook Group

Heartline Retreat at the Monroe Institute

Apr 15 2018

30mins

Play

Rank #11: Damona Hoffman — How to Use Texting to Create Connection and Progress Through the Phases of Dating and Courtship with Dignity

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Marni welcomes dating expert, Damona Hoffman to the den to discuss pre-date texting. This in-depth discussion includes tips to get you out of the app and on to the date.

Key Takeaways:

● Should you text inside or outside a dating app?

● How often you should text before the first date?

● Is it appropriate to send a follow-up text after a date?

● The #1 thing you can do to become an excellent texter.

● 3 Pre-date texting rules.

● Should you use emojis when texting?

● How to respond to a simple ‘hey’ text.

Damona is a certified dating coach and the host of  the long-running podcast, Dates & Mates. She is a TV personality who has been in two A&E series, Black Love and A Question of Love. She is a contributor to CNN Headline News, BET, The Post and Oprah's O magazine.

Traps and Pitfalls of Texting [1:56]

Traps of pre-date texting:

● Remember the whole point of texting is to move forward to get to the date.

● One big mistake people make is sharing too much over text. There is very little context in texting and can be too revealing too soon.

● Texting is designed for information, not conversation.

3 Pre-date Texting Rules   [7:33]

The average text is responded to within 90 seconds. If the response doesn't happen in 24 hours there is a solid chance it won't happen.

A texting technique to adhere to is to make it feel like you are stepping into the middle of the conversation. Texting is designed for short burst communication and volleys back and forth. You want to be as concise as possible. If you thin it out you are more likely to get a response and it’s more likely to be read accurately.

3 Pre-date texting Rules

Keep it simple. Don't overwrite.

Add emojis or mood modifiers to enhance what you mean.

Avoid generic questions and ask compelling questions.

The #1 thing to do to be an excellent texter is to text like you talk to bring your personality out.

Is it OK to Send a Follow-up Text After a Date? [25:04]

In today’s dating scene, it is common place to send a text that night or the next morning. It's polite to say thank you, especially if a date bought dinner or drinks.

One trick is to send a statement or acknowledgement of something that happened on the date. Another technique, is to find a gif that adds humor and fun to the exchange. Think of texting as flirting with technology.

How to Respond to the ‘Hey’ Text [28:21]

If you receive a simple ‘Hey’ text respond with something cheeky. It depends on your interest level, of course. If you are using a dating app, and ‘Hey’ is their opening text, don’t respond. It's just weak.

Research says that men are worried about two things in dating:

1. That they will be thought of as a predator.

2. Being rejected.

Be clear when texting but give a guy some slack because a guy may not have the same awesome texting skills you do.

Make a Connection:

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How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Aug 02 2019

40mins

Play

Rank #12: 060: Dating Den Episode 60 — with Julie: How to Stop Putting Up with Crap From a Guy, Now! How to Tell a Guy You are Done Being His ‘Sort of’ Girlfriend

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Is your guy sending inconsistent signals?

If he is confused about what he wants? If so let him go.

Life is too short to be someone’s Geisha Girl!

Let’s Just Skip to the End [4:17]

Julie says she doesn’t understand why the process has to take so long? Why the dance of multiple dates?  After 15 dates, shouldn’t she already know where the relationship is headed?

Julie is exhibiting Geisha Girl behaviors. Guys react two ways to Geisha Girls. One, holy crap I have a girlfriend I never signed up for or two, they feel overwhelmed.

Making Assumptions About a Guy’s Values [9:53]

How do you know if a guy has the same values you desire if you don’t know him long-term? If he hasn’t had a conversation with you or proven any of your assumptions, how do you know he is what you believe him to be?

Julie understands that our time on this earth is limited. She wants to know why she should have to wait 6-months to see if the guy is the one. But, by the third date she should share what her expectations are and her timeline to make sure the guys shares the same values and goals. 

Ladies, leverage your assertiveness but do it in a feminine way.

Does He Have What it Takes or is He F’d Up? [20:19]

Julie describes her last interaction with a guy who constantly changes the game. He wants this, but then he feels smothered, blah, blah, blah.

Women need emotional safety in order to create true intimacy and he is not giving her any security. If he was really ready to be there for her, it wouldn’t be this hard. The guy’s inconsistency doesn’t make her feel safe.

It’s not your job to coach, fix or help a guy!

Make a Connection:

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How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dec 10 2017

31mins

Play

Rank #13: With Anne Beaulieu: How to Find the Love of Your Life

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Have you ever been lenient with your non-negotiables? Do you put other people first and allow others to treat you accordingly? If you continue to put yourself last so will the people you let into your life. 

Marni welcomes the Founder of Walking Inside Resources,  Anne Beaulieu. Anne is an emotional intelligence coach, speaker, and author. She understands what it is like to be a badass woman today. Anne helps us answer the question “What does it mean to be authentic and integrated into all of who we are?” The process begins with increasing our emotional intelligence. 

Key Takeaways: 

  • What is emotional intelligence?
  • Distilling wants into needs
  • The first 3-weeks of a relationship should be...
  • Sticking to non-negotiables
  • Becoming self-aware
  • The #1 killer of relationships
  • Healthy conflict resolution process
  • How to gain intimacy and create deep connections with others

 

Emotional Intelligence in Dating  [2:11]

In the context of dating, emotional intelligence is knowing the difference between your wants and your needs. It's vastly different than asking someone what they want. Many women say they want certain things in a partner but what they need is only one or two things. It’s a litmus test to keep us from being vague.  

Why is it hard for women to consider what we need versus what we want? 

  1. We have been trained by society to put our needs last. We apply that mentality and the limiting beliefs to everything we do.

  1. Feeling can be scary for most people. It makes us fully accountable for every experience we have brought into our life. 

It's easy to put other people's needs first even if we are resentful about it or exhausted by it. 

To assign meaning to something we must feel it first. When we become vulnerable with what we need, it is easier to develop a healthy relationship with someone else. 

So, how do we distill our wants down into our needs? 

Anne says it is as simple as asking yourself one question. If you nail this question, your life will change right away. "What does this mean to you?" Real healthy, relationships are specific. 

 

The Emotional Intelligence Litmus Test for a Date [12:29]

To find out the emotional IQ of the guys we are dating Anne recommends using the first three weeks of dating as an interview period and: 

  • Keeping your panties on during the interview process. 
  • During the first three dates find out what you love about them.
  • Find three things that get on your nerves. 
  • Ask the hard questions. 
  • Get clear about what you need before you enter a relationship. 

 If you wouldn't date someone who isn't self-aware why would someone date you if you are not self-aware. Like attracts like. 

If you are dating someone who triggers the crap out of you, it's because those issues are unresolved within yourself. If they were resolved you would never agree to date someone like that in the first place. 

The 4 EQ Quadrants and How to Use Them [23:49]

Anne breaks down the framework of emotional intelligence into 4 quadrants. They are: 

  1. Self-awareness is most important (know thyself) . We can only be aware of others to the extent we are aware of ourselves. 

  1. Awareness of others.

  1. Managing relationship with self.

  1. Managing the relationship with others.

This can be applied to any relationship . It's the key to having deep connections.

Self-empowerment is feeling what works for us and what does not work for us and changing for the better. 

Knowing what you are willing to tolerate and what you are willing to accept, and your non-negotiables. Most women compromise on their non-negotiables. and that is what creates our biggest heartaches.

Go through the 4 quadrants and take an honest assessment.

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Walking Inside Website

Oct 11 2019

39mins

Play

Rank #14: Do This One Thing 5 Times a Week to Meet High-Quality Men You Like, Right Now

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Do you know how to raise your energy level? Do you know how raising your vibration can help you to attract high-quality men into your life? If not, this episode is exactly what you need right now. Marni welcomes Nova Wightman to the show. Nova is an expert in conscious manifestation, an author, a speaker, reiki master, and a Conversations with God coach. 

She helps spiritual seekers become spiritual rock stars. By blending spirituality with humanity you can enjoy life and all the beautiful things it has to offer. During this episode, you will learn more about conscious manifestation, and how to align it with who you are and raise your vibration to become your most authentic self. 

 

Increase Your Energetic Vibration to Get the Life You Want [3:14]

Type ‘A’ people may believe they already exist in a higher vibration but stress and constant stimulation are actually on the lower part of the vibrational spectrum. If you live in a constant state of activity you can benefit by raising your vibration. Raising your vibration will make you feel better and have an improved state of being. Basically, you will access more magic by letting in different aspects of yourself through. Assisting you in meeting other people who exist in a more peaceful state of being. 

If your thoughts are high but your physical body feels constricted it is a signal that you may have some work to do. 

Take a proactive approach to your well-being, dating, and relationships by incorporating a daily practice into your life. Because it is not actually the person or relationship we want, it is how the connection makes us feel that attracts us. 

You don't need a yoga mat, you don’t need to light candles, or have a special place for your practice. It’s simply about cultivating consistency about turning your attention inward. It's about cultivating a strong bond within you so that over time, everything is strengthened. It's building a proactive foundation. 

Different Ways to Raise Your Vibration [18:24]

Nova recommends the simple practice going back to the common childhood practice of daydreaming. It's powerful as a meditation technique. Just quietly thinking about the things that light you up and charge your system. No matter the technique you choose be it a walking meditation, binaural beats, chanting, etc.  It’s about the absence of resistance in your life. Meditation doesn’t have to be the same thing every day. Choose the right thing for you. 

Remember, if you start from a distracted place it can be hard to jump to the higher states of joy you wish to attain. Getting too specific can invite the mind to conjure up limitations such as yeah, but. Stay simple.

If you have to ditch the daydreaming because it's not working repeat a mantra or listen to a guided meditation. And, instead of beating yourself up or feeling as if you will never do it right, realize something is distracting you so try and change-up your practice. 

You will recognize when your intuition is reaching out over your ego when fear and worry are removed from your thoughts. 

 

Have the Right Expectations  [30:15]

It’s important to remember that the universe is balanced. There will always be ups and down, yin and yang. You can not eliminate all the negative aspects of life. Having a daily practice is all about recovering to the higher state more easily and gracefully so you can stay in the sweet spot of alignment more often than not.  

Manifestation is about setting your intention and asking the universe to bring the best, most aligned thing for you. Be careful not to be too specific about what you want in your life because when you exist at a higher vibration you will get what you desire. Be sure to ask the universe for the best match for you, not a specific person. 

Keep your vibration high so the door to the universe will stay open and the cosmic delivery person can come and deliver you what you need.

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Nova Wightman - Start Raising Your Vibration Now with this Free Gift

Jul 12 2019

38mins

Play

Rank #15: Dating Den Episode 82 — With Dr. Rick Hanson: How You Can Create Confidence and Attract Better Men in Just Ten Minutes a Day

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In the den today, proof that it is possible to change your brain to create results to bring love into your life! Marni speaks with Psychologist, Dr. Rick Hanson about how to use good things to manifest more good things in simple, daily steps.   

Dr. Hanson is the New York Times bestselling author of Hardwiring Happiness and Buddhist Brain. He is the host of the Being Well Podcast and his Being Well Program demonstrates how to use positive neuroplasticity to grow skills and strengths like resilience and self-compassion.

How to Change Your Brain [3:25]

Dr. Rick says that life turns out the way it does based on a combination of 3 factors:

  • ● The challenges that wear on you
  • ● The vulnerabilities that pierce through
  • ● The resources you draw upon to deal with challenges and vulnerabilities.
  • The greatest opportunity to change our brains is to grow psychological resources like mindfulness, compassion, self-worth, and interpersonal skills for navigating the dating world. We always have influence over our minds.
  • To develop more happiness inside and feel more confident you need to fundamentally change your brain for the better.
  • To become a happier, wiser, more resilient person involves changes between your ears!
  • There is nothing we can do about the past but we can always grow more resources for the future. There may be conditions in our lives that are outside of our control but our brains can help us control the outcomes we have from those experiences.
  • The Fundamentals of Personal Growth [8:33]
  • The brain is the regulator of the body. For us to take on a new outlook or to create flow, creativity, possibility, and peace, the brain needs to change. Each neuron is a microprocessor in our brains and we have several hundred trillion microprocessors computing in our favor. The brain is the Enchanted Loom that continually weaves the tapestry of our experience. We are full of possibilities. We can use it to feel more worthy of love, less vulnerable, and entitled to good treatment from other people.
  • To reprogram your brain follow this 3 step process:
  • ● Stay with the experience for a few seconds longer. Don't let the world distract you. Sink into good experiences.
  • ● Feel it in your body - Get a sense of action related to each experience. Internalization is critical!
  • ● Pay attention to what is rewarding about the experience.
  • Look for the good in something, have good feelings about it and take in the good experiences. 
  • A good opportunity to internalize the benefits is during your self-care practice.
  • The Brain’s Negativity Bias [22:44]
  • Dr. Rick reflects back on early history to describe why our brains are alert and naturally hold on to negative experiences. Those processes were a helpful tool in the past but in today’s world they may work against us creating ‘learned helplessness’.
  • The harder your life is, and the less the world is helping you the more important it is to look for opportunities that are under your control and take them in. Internalize them
  • 3 Ways to Deal When You Are Upset [26:34]
  • When feeling upset Dr. Rick recommends:

Aug 17 2018

35mins

Play

Rank #16: Dating Den Episode 81 — With Robert Kandell: How to Date and Create Deep Connections with the Good Guys in the Me Too Era

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Ladies, are you super frustrated with men right now?

Would you like to deepen your ability to connect with them?

In the den today, a man who is multilingual. He speaks both man and woman. Robert Kandell is a veteran who after spending time in Corporate America, went on to build an eight-figure business based on relationship, intimacy & sexuality.

He's a teacher, coach, and lecturer whose mission has been to help men find themselves and use their internal power to live their best life. He is the host of the Tuff Love Podcast and his book, unHIDDEN: A Book for Men and Those Confused by Them is soon to be released.

Why Men Hide Their Sensitive Side [2:45]

Robert says it's a tough time to be a man. People put a lot of expectations on men today. It creates a society of silence where men are taught to play small and to hide their feelings. There is no space for them to discuss their challenges. Men get a lot of confusing information.

Men don't have the emotional acumen or awareness to know when to bring a mix of their masculine and feminine sides to the conversation.

How a Woman Can Create a Deeper Connection with a Man [6:41]

If a man is willing to explore his feelings, he's a keeper. A man needs to feel safe before he is willing to share. Women can make a man feel safe by telling him she is ready to explore, expand and grow with him. But, she needs to make sure she doesn't become a coach to the man.

How Can Women Support Men Through the Me Too Movement? [9:43]

Men have been seeing programs for changes for women since the 1970's. But on the flip side, the powers that be didn't create complimentary programs for men to help them deal with intimacy and emotional intelligence. Girls went through and up-leveling and the unintended side effect was that programs for boys became stagnant. 

The Me Too movement gave women permission to release all the rage that has been underneath the surface for generations. And, instead of men stepping up to the challenge of meeting a modern woman they decided to stand aside.   

Women need to forgive the past trespasses of the patriarchy. Forgiveness can bring re-connection and intimacy!

What Does a Modern, Healthy Relationship Even Look Like? [20:16]

Robert says the way to build a modern, strong couple is:

1. Patience is important! Yelling 'Man Up' doesn't promote growth in a relationship.

2. Reward and approval instead of punishment for evolutionary changes.

3. Use humor and curiosity together.

If you are looking for a man who will give you what you need, set your boundaries. Know going in what you will put up with. Women tend to have scarcity, limit their beliefs and bypass their boundaries when dating. Create a high bar for men. If you set your bar high you tend to attract men at that level when you set bar low, you will attract a lower level man.

Men don’t think like women. Don’t get mad at a man for not acting or reacting like your girlfriends do.

Make a Connection:

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How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Tuff Love Podcast

Kandell Consulting

Aug 03 2018

35mins

Play

Rank #17: Dating Den Episode 111 — with Michael Sorensen - The Surprisingly Simple Skill You Need to Create Connection in Less than 30 Seconds

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Marni welcomes Author Michael Sorensen into the den today to talk about the value of validation. Michael is an expert on listening and relationship skills. He uses a real-world approach when he talks with women about what they can do differently to create long-lasting relationships.

Michael’s award-winning and bestselling book, I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind the Extraordinary Relationships is transforming the lives of those who read it. He stumbled across relationship skills while working with a therapist and he is on a mission to share his insights with the world.

Why Long-Term Relationships Work [2:25]

Michael shares a personal dating experience that eventually led to him writing his book. In dating or in a relationship the way you respond to the other person plays a major role in how long your relationship will last. If you share interests with your date or partner and respond accordingly you are more likely to form a bond with that person.

Knowing how to validate others can impact your dating life. Validation is made up of two parts, one it identifies a specific emotion and two, offers justification for feeling that emotion. You have to connect with the person on some level. Effective validation requires empathy, effort, and authenticity. To practice validation even if the subject doesn’t interest you try asking a follow-up question to show effort.

Common Validation Mistakes [16:16]

Being present is super-important in today’s world. When someone wants to talk, put down your phone, turn off the tv or close your laptop. Your authenticity will shine through and the other person will feel validated from your sincere effort to hear them.

When someone comes to you with a difficult situation they don’t necessarily need advice or want you to fix their problem. They may just need some validation and empathy.

Common Validation Mistakes:

  1. Being distracted and not fully listening
  2. Trying to fix things or offer assurances.

Being aware of your expectations makes a huge difference, not just in dating but in every relationship in your life.

How to Make Someone Feel Comfortable Opening Up to You [26:00]

If you really want to get to connect with a person, learn how to validate. You will be shocked at how it transforms the dialogue. You can connect with anyone.

When we are curious about another person we ask questions in a way that doesn’t feel like an interview.

When we are creating relationships validation can be the skill that magically opens people up to help create chemistry and connection.

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Michael Sorensen Website

I Hear You Book

Apr 12 2019

34mins

Play

Rank #18: 063: Dating Den Episode 63 — with Dolan Mayeda: The Shame Hack — What Single Women Need to Know About the Hidden Emotion that is Sabotaging Your Love Life

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Is there a disconnect between your love life, and everything else in your life...?

Are you afraid that you don’t understand the whole man/love/relationship sequence as well as other women…?

When you do meet man you think you like, have you ever heard the feedback that he felt ‘no chemistry’...?

The truth is, there’s a hidden emotion that is SUPER common among high-achieving, single women…

And you’re probably shooting yourself in the foot with men, without even knowing it.

My guest today is the amazing Dolan Mayeta, author of The Shame Hack:Four Simple Questions to Help You Resolve Shame and Feel Understood.

He believes shame can be overcome with strategies that work within the logical brain to get to the emotional brain. This book can help you discover the truth and heal the hole in your heart.

Avoidance Techniques that have Become Habits or Behaviors [6:01]

Dolan tried feeling his feelings but he got frustrated when his shame wasn't going away. He says if you don't feel worthy, then you don't realize how much you can disregard opportunities. Smart, successful people sabotage themselves every day by:

  •       Rationalization - Knowing the why won't change how you feel.
  •       Distractions - If you are super busy you don't have the time to feel your feelings.
  •       Inhibiting Defensive Behaviors - If you control the situation and conversation it leaves very little room for feedback.

When you feel overwhelmed by emotion, take a pause to see what you are avoiding.

Are You Really Feeling Your Feelings? [9:43]

Dolan says wallowing, or sitting in your feelings, is not actually feeling your feelings. If you don't let the feeling come through your body, that is how you avoid it. If you are crying you are feeling the sadness not the reason behind what made you sad in the first place. Learn to recognize the underlying issues that make you feel a certain way.

Recognising Shame & Getting Over It [11:46]

Remember ladies, shame is a feeling. It’s when you feel not enough in some area of your life. There is a physical aspect to shame it can look like embarrassment or an elevated body response. Just like anger, there is a somatic experience that comes with shame.

Shame limits the depth of your connection and once you start to feel shame you will put up your defenses. You may put your burdens on others by thinking a relationship is the answer. But, others cannot fill the hole inside of you. You must do it for yourself.

Recognize you are in the midst of feeling shame. When you feel sad you cry and you recognize it as sadness. Do the same for shame.

It’s up to you. I know you can bust through all your programming and write yourself a new story!

Jan 19 2018

31mins

Play

Rank #19: Dating Den Episode 69 — Coaching Angela: Define Emotionally Available — Is He? Is She? What Is It? And, How to Be It to Create Connections in Your Relationships Now

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How do you know if you are emotionally available?

Why do you think you are responsible for both sides of the relationship?

In this coaching call with Angela, we look at some limiting beliefs she created a long time ago that are still affecting her today and strategies to help her transform her dating life and personal relationships.

She recently separated with a drawn out break up. a serious relationship from the beginning. She started online dating & has met someone she likes.

What Exactly Does it Mean When a Man is Unavailable? [3:43]

A man who is not available emotionally, may not be willing to talk about and be open to everything a relationship requires.

Angela and her past partner couldn’t move past the stressors. They were constantly in fight, flight or fright mode. Angela has her love shield up to guard her heart due to a childhood need to be accepted and loved by her father. During her parent’s divorce, she felt the same longing to be able to make it all work out well. She created a limiting belief that she wasn't important enough.

Her foundation principle is to take care of everything, including herself and that she is responsible for taking care of the people in her life. In her developmental years, Angela became a surrogate spouse instead of a daughter.

How to Have a Great Relationship with the New Guy [16:57]

Angela's new relationship seems to have all the right pieces but she is still hyper-vigilant about trying to control the situation. She fears she still needs to be responsible for everything that happens.

Angela’s homework:

Don't take responsibility for others,

Collect data about whether, or not, her partner can meet his own needs.

Recognize the triggers that make her feel not worthy.

She should get her pre-frontal cortex back online with breathing exercises.

She needs to work on her own emotionally unavailability. 

She should have an unwavering confidence in who she is.

You can't be a little girl in a grown-up relationship!

Angela’s Key Lessons and Takeaways [32:53]

If Angela wants to commit to truly understanding of what a real relationship should look like she should:

Recognize her partner can handle himself, 

She doesn't need to be responsible for everything and everybody.

Become aware of her own transformation.

Being emotionally available attracts emotional availability.

Make a Connection:

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Join Our Free Dating with Dignity Facebook Group Here!

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Mar 18 2018

36mins

Play

Rank #20: Dating Den Episode 103 — With Melissa: Relationship Play-By-Play Breakdown — How You Can Quickly Spot a Guy Who is Not Ready for a Relationship

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Ladies, are you aware of how your actions directly impact your dating life?

Do you continue to date a guy even if he has said he has no long-term expectations?

In this one-on-one coaching session, thirty-nine-year-old Melissa has never been married and is looking for a long-term, committed relationship. She knows she wants to have a family. She wants to find someone to travel with, a confidante. She's currently an attorney and she believes her previous positions as a technical writer and a business analyst have led her to over-analyze her dating life and relationships.

She is validated at work for focusing on the details but it doesn’t serve her in her search for a quality guy who meets her needs.

She recognizes she has a natural tendency to go into her head and not consider the feelings causing her disappointment and how her heart feels.

A Play-By-Play of Melissa’s Last Relationship  [8:38]

During the first date with her latest guy, Melissa came out strong by telling him exactly what she was looking for. She told him she wanted children and of her need for a long-term, committed relationship.

She fears her time will be wasted based on her last 5-year relationship. She is protecting herself and attempting to keep herself safe. Her tactics may not be effective for her to reach her relationship objectives.  Marni confides that using these tactics she is more likely to attract men who are emotionally unavailable.

Why Melissa May Be Attracting Unavailable Men [15:43]

Melissa stays stuck in her head when she leads with quick, confrontational tactics. Using this method she will attract someone, like her, who leads with thoughts instead of feelings.  

Melissa shares the details of her most recent relationship. She tells Marni she thought this guy was different. She thought the relationship had potential because they connected on many different subjects. She felt an emotional attachment to him.

The catch is when she asked him what his expectations of the relationship were he said he had none.

So, why did Melissa continue to date him when she obviously had different intentions than he did?

Marni’s Coaching and Melissa’s Homework [15:43]

Marni breaks down the relationship story and gives Melissa an overview of what is happening. There are signs Melissa isn't seeing. Melissa realizes she may not be emotionally available.

When we don't feel emotionally safe we try to operationalize and systemize everything that is out of our control.

Marni outlines ways Melissa can shift to start feeling from her heart and stop leading with her head:

  1. Melissa should start looking at how often she goes into problem-solving mode to avoid feeling her feelings. Then take 20-seconds to consider how she is really feeling and what she really needs.

  1. She needs to start paying attention and make sure a guys words and actions match. If they don’t, she needs to move on.

  1. She needs to be compassionate with herself.

  1. She needs to consider the lesson this guy has given her and use it to figure out what to do differently next time.

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Jan 25 2019

35mins

Play

With Chris Gillis: Lessons From The Bachelor S24 Ep.2 — How to Know For Sure He is Over His Breakup

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The Bachelor is back! Marni and her favorite man-panelist, Chris Gillis break down Episode 2 to pull out all the juicy nuggets you need to know. Together, they translate the show’s drama into real-life dating and relationship scenarios that you can use in your life to make finding a high-quality guy easier.  

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Is your new guy over his ex?
  • Getting the attention of a high-quality man
  • How to manage conflict in a relationship
  • How to show a guy you are interested

 

How Do You Know if the Guy You Are Dating is Over His Ex? [1:48]

 Attaining closure when a relationship ends is an important step in the process of moving on. If we truly want to move on we have to create space for a new person to occupy.

From the episode, Hannah B. shows up and talks to Peter about possibly getting back together even though he ended up being her third choice in The Bachelorette. Is he over her and ready to date other women? 

Signs a guy isn’t over his ex: 

  • He still hangs out with her. 
  • He just wants the security, not necessarily a relationship with you.
  • Being in quiet personal quarters with his ex.

Peter asks Hannah 'Do you miss me or do you miss being in a relationship?’

It's a valid question. Chris doesn’t think Peter is emotionally available and over her yet. But, Peter says he’s not sure he knows how to get over someone.

 

Dos and Don'ts of Getting the Attention of a HIgh-Quality Gut [11:01]

The Bachelor demonstrates many different ways women try to get Peter’s attention. It’s not realistic that there will always be 30-women fighting for one guy. But, it does give a clear picture of how the women deal with adversity and failure. 

For example, Victoria acts like a two-year-old when she doesn't get her way. It gets Peter's attention at first but it's not a good long term play. 

Chris notes, the person you are going after will notice when things go awry. Men are constantly thinking about what if’s. We want to make sure our partner has the mental toughness and positive outlook to make it through the hard times. 

For example, the champagne scene has a lot of drama. Hannah Ann - handled it well, she said I’m sorry. A little emotional maturity goes a long way. 

If you want to circumvent drama, just say ok and let things go. 

When Kelsey gets her champagne taken she sets herself up as a victim and she gives her power away to Hannah Ann. 

Chris thinks the powerless, whiny victim act will turn Peter away. Managing conflict is one of the most important pieces in having a solid relationship. 

 

Women of the Bachelor [26:05]

 Chris and Marni have made brackets and picked who they think will win Peter’s heart. But, as each episode passes more and more aspects of the girl’s character will unfold. 

Chris thinks Peter is smitten with Hannah Ann but thinks hottie, Alayah’s chances are good. Marni points out that Hannah Ann stirs up drama. He also thinks Madison the basketball player is badass and she is a winner. He also likes Madison because she is trying to get to know Peter instead of just being admired like Hannah Ann. 

High-quality guys want women to think they are interested in them and to be curious about them. They are motivated by their egos. 

Marni chose Hannah Ann to win but the drama is a red flag. She thinks Kelley will stick around and that she won’t get involved in the drama. She seems to have a high level of self-worth.

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Jan 20 2020

33mins

Play

With Dr. Ken Harris: How to Take the Hating Out of Dating — One Shift to Help You Manifest Your Quality Man

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In this energizing episode, Marni speaks with Dr. Ken Harris about the power of synchronicity and how you can use it to attract the one. Dr. Ken is an author, chiropractor, educator, lecturer, and founder of the Waldwick Wellness Center, an all-natural health and wellness center. Dr. Ken is a pioneer in holistic healing who has dedicated his whole life to the mind, body, spirit connection. 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Why certain people come into your life 
  • Why it’s important to talk to strangers
  • What information your gut is offering you
  • Why gratitude and appreciation bring more synchronicity to your life
  • The beauty of strong intentions
  • How to shift your internal conversation to aid your growth

 

What is Synchronicity? [2:39

Carl Yung defined synchronicity as meaningful coincidences. Dr. Ken says that it is not always easy to connect the dots when synchronistic events are happening but in retrospect you connect the dots and become aware of the connection. Those who are really tuned in may notice it extemporaneously.

Dr. Ken believes that everyone he meets is a teacher or guide for him. ‘God’ is in every person you encounter. They all have something to give you. If you want to increase the amount of synchronicity in your life talk to strangers. He says a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet. Ladies, in dating, taking the time to meet more people is totally worth it. 

Is it my gut leading me or is fear triggering me? 

Dr. Ken says it doesn’t matter. If you have an emotional reaction to a person there is a piece of you that you have not loved yet that is being reflected back to you from that person. If you are triggered, ask yourself 'What part of me have I not loved yet?' Triggers are strong attractions or repulsions. 

You will attract people into your life who can not give you what you need to make you learn it for yourself.

 

There are 7 Types of Synchronicity [9:24]

Dr. Ken shares three of the seven unique qualities of each synchronicity types from his book, Synchronicity: The Magic. The Mystery. The Meaning.

  1. Precursor Synchronicity — Could come from a dream or vision and then it manifests in your 3D world. 
  2. Deviation Synchronicity — Is when there is a break in your normal routine for a reason you may not understand yet.
  3. Expansion Synchronicity — When you are ready to go to the next level in your life people are sent to you. 

Dr. Ken says you have to be thankful, or have the spirit of thankfulness because if you are miserable you can miss the synchronicity happening around you. If you are frustrated, in victim mode, or doubting your dating life you may be blocking synchronicity. 

When you have strong intentions it creates an electrical impulse. If you have elevated emotions connected to your thoughts, your emotions become magnetic . You create an electro-magnetic arc that emanates from your body that says - send me who I need to meet. 

Daily practices to activate synchronicity: 

  • Write down a minimum of three things you are thankful for 
  • When in meditation let the conscious mind get fired up and send your messages into the quantum field 

Synchronicity can be created by you and it can be, by grace, given to you. 

 

Shifting and Changing Your Attitude to Be Open to Synchronicity [21:50]

 When we love ourselves enough we know that it is a pleasure for others to meet us. When we feel good about ourselves we are open to the giving and receiving of information. Dr. Ken warns us to not believe your negative self-talk is telling you. Make sure your internal conversations assist with your growth. Your energy will eventually change.

The biggest misunderstanding of synchronicity is that people don't realize the importance of it. The educated mind will try to talk you out of it and make you believe there is no meaning in synchronicity, don't pay attention to it. 

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Get a Free User’s Guide to Synchronicity: The Magic. The Mystery. The Meaning.

Jan 17 2020

32mins

Play

With Christian Anderson: How Long Should You Wait to Have Sex?

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Marni gets some advice about dating and sex from an attractive, married Counselor and Priest. Christain Anderson is back to share a man’s perspective about women who will and women who won’t. He founded LetsTalkDatingOnline.com and was also an original man panelist way back when and a former self-professed commitment-phobe. He now helps couples lead healthy spirit-filled relationships and his Youtube channel, Your Favorite Christian, and his podcast, A Priest and a Rabbi, focuses on relationships and faith.    

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Why women should wait for commitment before having sex
  •  3 types of guys to watch out for when dating
  • How to change the trajectory of a relationship
  • Tips for having conversations about sex
  • How to speak your truth

 

3 Types of Men You Will Encounter When Dating [3:11]

 Christian went through his personal journey of dating as a Quality Casual guy before getting married and joining the priesthood. He says that women who are dating will meet these three types of men.

The Hunter — the guy who gets excited about the hunt. He will do whatever needed to get 'the kill' (sex or just a phone number), feels satisfied with himself and then the thrill is gone.

The Player — basically the guy who is all about playing the field. Moving from one game to the next. 

The Quality Casual — this guy is more upfront with you. He tells you the truth about where he is in his life and he warns you not to get attached. 

 

When should a woman share their values about having sex? [6:33]

Christian works with women who are learning their value when it comes to sex. He says “if you realize you are empowered, you can change the trajectory of how your relationship will go.” 

An empowered woman is a woman who sets the rules by stating her values and describing what she wants from a relationship. So, before having sex be sure you feel emotionally safe with the guy and his values match what you are looking for. 

When should a woman share their values about having sex? What if they are in the middle of making out? 

Christian recommends building an air of mystery during the first three dates. Even if you have a great first date, if he leans in for a kiss tell him you would love to kiss him but you would feel more comfortable getting to know him better. He will feel you are special. Invite him into your awesome but bide your time. 

 

Tips for Having Intimate Conversations [19:43]

 Why are we are willing to open up our legs or offer the most intimate parts of ourselves yet we are afraid to talk about our values with men?

Christian points out that couples who are honest, transparent, and have open communication are better at dealing with conflict resolution and avoid pitfalls. 

The most successful married couples are the ones who communicate well with each other. It's a learned skill set.

If a man is emotionally mature, he will be turned on by a woman’s confidence and appreciate that she loves herself and knows her value. Christian says women should speak their truth in an inviting way. 

Start by discussing how you feel instead of what you think.

First, say what you feel and then express what you need. 

Sometimes a guy is going through his own stuff, it's often not about you. When you have the conversation about sex and he doesn't want to go that way it may be because he is on his own journey. Don't take it personally. 

Waiting is a great filter to weed out non-high-quality guys and guys who aren’t ready for a relationship.

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Your Favorite Christian on Youtube

A Priest and a Rabbi Podcast

Jan 10 2020

38mins

Play

With Jill: How to Go From Devastated and Divorced to Empowered and in Love in Just One Year

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In this inspiring conversation, Marni speaks with a friend and client, Jill about her experience of a divorce she wasn’t ready for and the shift that happened when she reclaimed her identity. 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Moving past the shame of divorce
  • Reclaiming self-confidence after you’ve been hurt
  • Why vulnerability is your friend
  • Why it’s important to trust the process
  • What it takes to find a high-quality man 

 

Jill’s Backstory [3:05]

 Jill was living a normal married life. She had two kids and had a decent relationship with her husband of 26 years. One day her husband told her he didn’t want to be married any longer. She was taken back. Jill realized her entire identity had been built around her marriage and family. She had never thought about who she was without those things in her life. 

 

Reaching Out for Help [8:19]

Jill discovered Dating with Dignity through a family member. As soon as she began she saw the value. She says she felt like a sponge learning everything she could about herself through the program. She learned to be vulnerable and to face her vulnerability straight on. She confronted her worthiness and confidence with an open mind. She got clear about who she really was and discovered her ‘New Who’. 

 

Dating After Divorce [12:09]

Jill had fun when she started dating again. Her depression lifted and she was ready to tackle life again. Even when her Ex came back three times, she knew she wanted a man who was more evolved emotionally. Her inner voice became stronger leading her towards a relationship that felt good instead of just a relationship. 

 

Hindsight Advice [25:13]

Jill’s advice to other women who find themselves uncertain of their future after a divorce is to always be open and curious and to not be concerned about the outcome when dating. She says vulnerability is your friend, don't be scared of it. And, have the strength and courage to move forward because there is nothing to be scared of. 

The benefit of doing the program was getting to know herself and learning to accept all parts of herself. She needed direction and the course allowed her to go deeper and deeper into who she was. 

The by-product of her divorce and taking the course is having a wonderful boyfriend. 

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Jan 03 2020

32mins

Play

With Kasie Main: How Do I Get My Mindset Right for Dating?

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In this practical conversation about refocusing your attention on yourself to have a healthier dating life, Marni speaks with author and podcast host Kasie Main. Kasie discusses her book, I Gave Up Men For Lent: The story of a jaded, hopelessly romantic, health-conscious party girl’s search for meaning, and the strategies she used to shift her mindset around dating. 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • The difference between wanting and needing a relationship 
  • Getting in touch with who you really are
  • How to overcome resistance when examining your motives
  • The importance of discovering your ‘why’
  • Shifting your mindset around dating

 

Finding Balance When You’re Out of Control [2:38]

 Kasie reflects on a time when she was a people pleaser only doing what other people expected of her. She admits to getting off track of what she really wanted from life and focusing too much attention on finding a partner. Her past was littered with Disney movies and stereotypes that fostered the belief that she had to find her better half to be complete. She had an attachment to how her life was supposed to look.

She shares a personal story of a night out that led to massive guilt and shame. It was then that her intuition told her enough is enough. She knew she needed a change so she gave up men and a few other distractions for lent. 

Kasie admits she is still in process and doesn't have it all figured out. But, she says, taking the first step of becoming aware that she needed a relationship with herself was paramount to being emotionally healthy. For 40-days she refocused her attention toward herself. 

 

Overcoming Residual Feelings  [23:19]

Journaling made a major impact on Kasie’s search to uncover past patterns and discover her ‘why’. She says that writing out her experiences helped her take a deep dive into her motivations. Her book, I Gave Up Men for Lent is based on her journal entries. Sharing her shame and guilt with others allowed her to release it completely.

We are always doing the best we can, even when it doesn't look like it. Self-introspection allows us to shift our mindset and ultimately have healthier relationships because we have a better relationship with ourselves. 

 

The Hardest Part of the 40-Day Project [32:14]

 By completely removing dating from her life, Kasie wondered if she was being too extreme. She had the courage to take the first step but found herself wondering if she had taken it too far. The hardest part of Kasie’s process was finding a balance. Success came from her self-actualization and not from the stringent rules she placed on herself.

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Kacie Main Website

The Better You Podcast

I Gave Up Men for Lent 

Dec 27 2019

36mins

Play

With Dr. Kerry Ann Rockquemore: How to Create an Action Plan to Have a Meaningful, Intimate Relationship in 2020

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In this informative conversation about releasing the limiting beliefs that hold us back from getting what we truly want, Marni speaks with expert planner, Dr. Kerry Ann Rockquemore. Dr. Rockquemore offers actionable steps that lead to discovering what you truly want from life and relationships and the structures and strategies to help you manifest it. 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Leveraging a Type A personality in planning
  • Getting clear on what a meaningful life is for you
  • Discovering your worthiness to have a meaningful life
  • Uncovering your truth through high-quality questions
  • Overcoming resistance
  • Actionable steps for growing a joyful relationship

 

Create an Annual Plan Using the 4 Essential Elements of a Meaningful Life [3:10]

 Getting clear about what a meaningful life means for you is the first step to creating your annual plan. Dr. Rockquemore admits that even she doesn’t enjoy planning but says without it you can get stuck in a life you don’t enjoy. Starting with these four elements will illuminate what you desire in the new year. 

  1. Relationships
  2. Purpose
  3. Growth
  4. Health

Have you asked yourself what you want from a relationship? Tap into your inner wisdom by using a combination of emotions, reason, and intuition. 

 

Overcoming Resistance  [17:22]

At a basic level, resistance is a subtle but powerful feeling that bubbles up making you want to do anything and everything but what you need to do to get what you desire. Fear is the underlying cause of resistance. When you start the process of creating a meaningful life it can be scary. Dr. Rockquemore confides that you have to be vulnerable. 

The next step of your creating your action plan is to write out your limiting beliefs.  

What things in your past are holding you back? It’s time to shed your story and create a new one that serves you. 

 

Creating a Growth Plan with a Partner [33:33]

Once you have devised personal strategies it is time to create collective goals with your partner. Moving toward something together can bring great joy to a relationship. Attaining small joint goals builds momentum toward achieving contentment and growth with a partner. 

One pitfall Dr. Rockquemore warns of is to understand it is not your role is not to hold your partner accountable. That, she says, is a recipe for resentment and conflict. Putting the proper structures in place to support accountability is the key to planning. 

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The Best Chapter — Kerry Ann’s Website 

@RunningintoFire on Instagram

Dec 20 2019

44mins

Play

With Jordana: How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex & Heal After a Tough Breakup

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In this intimate coaching call, Marni works with Jordana who is searching for hope. Jordana is a single mom with three children and is frustrated by a recent break up from a man she feels betrayed her. But, there is more to the story than Jordana realizes. Marni helps her unpack her feelings and gives her a plan to move forward. 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • How to identify triggers from childhood events 
  • Aligning yourself with who you really are
  • How self-rejection affects dating
  • Embracing self-acceptance
  • How to grieve the loss of past relationships

 

The Heart of Jordana’s Dilemma [1:16]

Jordana reveals her devastation over her recent break up with an older co-worker. She says she begs him to love her again. She feels betrayed by him walking away. He was supposed to be there for her and her family. She has tried dating but finds it difficult. She wants to move on. 

She has three children and she feels like she will never find someone to love her or her children again. And, she says she put so much into her last relationship that she doesn’t want to start over. She's chasing the dream of a normal family. 

 

Childhood Wounds  [4:05]

Marni asks Jordana to describe her relationship with her father. She describes the anger and rage that was brought about by a break in the family unit that up until then was a source of love and comfort for her.  Dad had a “friend” at work and it was tearing the family apart.  

When we have a trauma at a young age it creates a deep neural groove. Until she heals it she will attract men who treat her the same way and she may be doing it to herself. Jordana’s ability to attract an emotionally available person will be hindered by the fact that she's leaking her issues and out of alignment with who she really is. 

When we feel shame or we reject ourselves it is hard for us to allow someone to love us because we don't believe we are worthy of love. 

 

Healing Homework [15:15]

Jordana has been avoiding her feelings. Marni recommends she grieves for her past losses and childhood trauma before starting her healing process. Then when she is ready she needs to feel into her feelings. 

To heal and move forward Jordana should: 

  • Imagine the 15-year-old in the middle of the fights between her parents and feel the disappointment and anger. 
  • She needs to find a quiet space, put her hand on her heart and say to herself ‘you are so scared and it’s OK’ to soothe the young girl inside her.
  • She needs to acknowledge her feelings.
  •  She needs to go on a dating fast and disconnect from all dating apps.
  • When she feels like she wants to text the ex she will sit with her feelings then soothe herself until the urge passes.

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Dec 13 2019

32mins

Play

With Dr. Margaret Rutherford: How to Date When You Are a Perfectionist

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Marni speaks with a Clinical Psychologist with over 25-years of experience in working with people battling perfectionism. Dr. Margaret Rutherford recently released Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free From the Perfectionism that Masks Your Depression, a book she wrote to acknowledge the hidden epidemic of perfectionism and how it can be more damaging to your life than you know.  

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Identifying the hidden epidemic of perfectionism 
  • The beauty of being vulnerable when dating
  • How perfectionism can block intimacy
  • How to recognize and release childhood patterns that no longer serve you
  • How to self-soothe after implementing behavioral changes

 

How Perfectionism Leads to Depression [2:23]

For most of our lives, many of us heard that perfectionism is a good character trait. Striving for excellence has been a common thread taught to us by parents, professors, and work colleagues. But, perfectionism is a critical aspect of depression and it gets too little attention.

Dr. Rutherford explains that it begins to become a problem when our perfectionism is fueled by shame and goes rogue. If perfectionism leads to a feeling of low value or failure, that's when we need to inspect our motivations. 

People who identify with depression based on perfection go to great lengths to hide their vulnerabilities. They try to control what other people think about them. Sometimes people who struggle with this can describe emotions but are unable to express their pain. 

There is an emphasis on perfection in the world of social media. 

 

How Perfectionism Blocks Intimacy in Dating & Relationships  [5:52]

When people become uncomfortable with stating their vulnerabilities it can impact their lives in dating and relationships. Sharing with others can open up a wellspring of emotion and increase life and relationship satisfaction. If perfectionists don't share with others they will never know if they will be accepted. 

Perfectionism can impact your ability to choose a good partner because if you feel someone isn't perfect you will feel as if you are settling. If your ‘picker’ is based on finding perfection you will never find what you seek. Women can sabotage perfectly possible relationships by holding men to the same standard of perfection they hold on to and it’s impossible to attain. 

 

Perfectionism is Rooted in Our Childhood  [22:39]

Do you take responsibility for everything? Do you manipulate your world so that you are always in control? Maybe you were yelled at or an alcoholic mom, or you believed you only had value if you were the best every time? Many perfectionists had to create a survival strategy to endure their families. But, why do they continue the same behavioral patterns as adults? 

To move past these survival strategies and grow, look at the emotional connections you may be suppressing. Does it scare you when someone knows too much about you? It could stem from being taken advantage of or made fun of in your childhood when you reveal your vulnerabilities. Acknowledge your perfectionism and honor it for how it helped you survive in the past.  Acceptance leads to personal growth. Go slowly and have compassion for yourself. It is a process that will take time but you are worth it. 

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Dr. Margaret Rutherford Website & SelfWork Podcast Link

Perfectly Hidden Depression Book

Nov 29 2019

35mins

Play

With Samara Fabrick: How to Overcome Your ‘Maybe I Could Do Better’ Problem

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Marni welcomes licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist Samara Fabrick into the den. Samara has been in private practice in Beverly Hills for 28 years. She specializes in working with clients suffering from anxiety as well as a specialization in relationship and couples therapy. She taught Making Marriage Work, a premarital course at the American - Jewish University for 15 years. 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Recognizing childhood triggers
  • Becoming clear about your relationship values
  • Normal marital hatred
  • Conflict resolution and repair
  • How to self-regulate 

 

Why Do Women Rule Men Out Too Early or Think They Can Do Better  [5:15]

When we are dating we have to be clear out our values and what we deem important to us. People tend to do best in relationships with people who have similar values. If you value ambition and drive, you will value that in a partner. 

On the other hand, if spending quiet time with someone is important to you dating a C-level will only cause you frustration because they won't be around as much. If being present is important to you don't date someone who travels a lot. It will only cause frustration. 

Perfectionism is rampant in this society, Samara says. It’s not beneficial and it only creates strife and woe in people. With social media and other forms of stimulation we always see someone richer, better, etc.. Thinking you can do better is a back door to not being fully committed to finding a true partner.

 

Is it Normal Marital Hatred or Perpetual Conflict?  [14:21]

There is a normal amount of conflict in long-term relationships. It’s how we resolve the conflicts that define our partnerships. In her practice, Samara attempts to tease out what is normal disdain for each other and which conflicts are perpetual conflicts. 

Everyone needs to understand that you can not change your partner!!  

Samara recommends asking yourself these questions to identify perpetual conflict versus normal marital hatred.

  1. Is this me or is this him?
  2. Are we fighting about the same thing over and over?
  3. Why is this bothering me so much or why am I being triggered?

When you understand your family of origin triggers you will recognize whether your partner perpetuates or replicates patterns from your early childhood.  

 

Managing Conflict & Having Repair Conversations [26:49]

One of the best repair tools is communicating that you understand where the other person is at or is feeling. It can be a simple apology. Instead of rationalizing and defending our behavior, try leaning into the other person and figuring out where they are coming from. 

The #1 skill to manage and repair conflict is self-regulation.

Conflict is a natural part of being in a relationship. When we get in conflict with our partner we feel out of sorts and discombobulated. Many times we are just fighting to fight. If we feel our heart rate increase or know that we are agitated, Samara recommends taking a minute to regulate yourself and get yourself back into alignment.

 We can then address the issue as an adult and not as an 8-year-old kid. A good rule of thumb is that everyone can postpone a conversation as long as the person who postpones it re-engages the conversation after they have regulated themselves. If a partner continually avoids repair conversations the relationship will have perpetual conflict.

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Samara Fabrick Psychotherapy

Nov 15 2019

45mins

Play

With Ashleigh Leegie: Are You a Busy Woman? A Very Simple Approach to Clean Cooking that Can Accelerate Your Love and Sex Life Now

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Marni talks with Ashleigh Leegie about how to eat clean when you are time-strapped. single, dating, or in a relationship. Ashleigh shares tips for saving time shopping, how to make nutritious vegetables versatile, and how to make preparing dinner a family event. 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • What eating ‘clean’ means
  • How to eat healthy when you are single
  • Time-saving tips for busy working women
  • How an apron can make you feel sexy
  • How to change your mindset about cooking

 

How Busy Women Can Connect More Deeply to People in Their Lives  [5:57]

Ashleigh started noticing a pattern of allergies, disease, and illness in the people she loves. It was then she decided to begin creating ‘clean’ meals for her family. Her mother was from the South and her father was Greek and she trained as a chef, so being a foodie is definitely part of her nature.

Ashleigh chose the term clean versus healthy because she says, healthy can be interpreted differently. For her, clean eating means using ingredients she can pronounce, quality ingredients, like grass-fed butter and fresh garlic.

Women need to believe they are worth clean, healthy meals and make time for it. Changing your mindset and focusing on the things in life that are important to you is the first, big leap.

Tips for Clean Cooking:

  • Online grocery shopping 
  • Have the mindset to prepare
  • Make a list
  • Crockpot meals 
  • Get others involved

Ashleigh asks a lot of women what turns them off from cooking and many say they don't know what some ingredients in recipes are or the meal requires 45 minutes to prepare and they don’t have the time. 

Change your mindset about cooking — Your health depends on it!

 

Tips for Cooking with a Guy or After a Busy Day at Work  [33:19]

It sounds old school but putting on an apron can bring out your feminine, playful, nurturing self. An apron can be the perfect transition from busy working woman to domestic goddess. And, if you are cooking for a date they can be super sexy. 

If there are others in the kitchen with you give them a title and a responsibility in the food prep process. It is a way to bring people together and to divvy up the prep. 

Ashleigh’s Top Recipes for Singles and Dates:

  • Turkey Taco Lettuce Cups  
  • Greek Salad
  • Spaghetti with Meat Sauce
  • Skillet Lemon Pepper Chicken
  • Apricot-glazed Chicken 

Make every meal seem like a date night 

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Nov 08 2019

40mins

Play

With Michaela Boehm: How to Get Out of Masculine Energy Even if You are Not a Girly Girl

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Marni sits down with the author of The Wild Woman’s Way, Michaela Boehm. Michaela is an internationally recognized counselor, teacher, and an intimacy and sexuality expert. She has a psychology degree and intensive training in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and hypnosis. 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • How to transition between go mode and flow mode
  • Embracing the masculine and feminine energy within 
  • Connecting with the wisdom of your body
  • Being the CEO of your soul
  • How to be more approachable

 

Having Goals and Being in Flow  [2:20]

When you look at life its all go..go..go. Our external life is related to the goal aspect of us. And we need to get stuff done. It doesn't matter how you slice it, most of our functional adult life has to do with going and doing and getting things done. Many people get stuck in go mode. It's addictive. 

Goals and go mode are based in the head. Flow happens in the lower body through our intuition and pleasure. It all sits in the pelvic area, thighs, and the belly. 

You can be a beast and get things done and also relinquish yourself to flow. It’s not black and white.

It's not just one or the other because that is reductive. It's about having both - go and flow - but many of us are weak in the flow department.   If you are not in flow, when you go on a date you are stuck in the getting stuff done mode and that isn't the best way to attract a quality guy. 

 

The Wild Woman’s Way [9:44]

Michaela says moving your body in different ways can adjust how you feel. Move from being in your head and into the body.  Our bodies hold the realm of pleasure and connection. Staying in go mode resists the body’s natural patterns of flow and intuition. 

She says “we forget that in the body sits the wisdom of millennia. Millions of years really. When our bodies are neglected we lose the connection to our sexuality.” 

Michaela recommends doing something every day to spend time connecting with the wisdom with our body. Light a candle, put flowers on your desk, drink a cup of tea without scrolling through your phone. 

The quickest way to get connected with the body is to do hip circles.

There is a lot of power in our thighs. 

Pleasures are our birthright. We are born with an enormous amount of body intelligence and information. We are not machines. A quality conscious guy doesn't want or need a machine. 

Embracing Your Femininity [27:20]

The terms masculine and feminine are terms that are incredibly overused and misunderstood. We all have both the go and the flow in equal amounts. We are supposed to use the type of energy we need for certain situations. When women who are very functional, successful, and driven are condemned for not being feminine enough, it’s wrong. No one can take your birthright of femininity. You may not be overtly feminine but it's yours, so claim it. 

Femininity is pushed out of us. We are taught that go mode is where you get kudos, money, and validation. True leadership is taking responsibility for both our masculine and feminine aspects and to be feminine when we want to be. You can take care of yourself and also want to be with someone. 

Owning your femininity can be very sexy. 

Remember, we are the CEO of our soul and all departments need to report for duty.  You can’t trust a neglected department. Trusting all dimensions of ourselves will make us better contributors to relationships. Trust and nurture your femininity.

Those who believe that getting an alpha man allows them to relinquish control because it will be the man who calls the shots. But if those women think it through they probably really don't want to live like that. It's the romantic, erotic aspect they want to relinquish, not their whole life. 

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The Wild Woman’s Way

Nov 01 2019

40mins

Play

Coaching Jasmine: How to Break the Netflix and Chill Rut with the Guy You Like

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Marni coaches Jasmine to date as a woman of value and that dating should be more than just hanging out or having an encounter. Jasmine has a pattern of accepting less than what she is worth when dating. They discuss how Jasmine can change her behavior and communicate clearly what she wants and what she deserves to get past the second or third date with a high-quality man.

Key Takeaways: 

  • Showing up as a woman of value
  • Communicating your needs
  • Attracting high-quality guys
  • Gaining confidence 
  • Breaking bad dating behaviors
  • Setting boundaries

 

Discovering Jasmine’s Dating Patterns  [1:37]

Jasmine says it’s normally not a problem to get a second date with the guys she meets. They pursue her for the second meet-up. But she says the second date may be more of an encounter or just hanging out.  

Marni reminds her that men often say that how the relationship starts that is how it's going to end. When a guy feels like he doesn't have to put forth any effort or investment he unconsciously feels like 'this woman isn't a woman of value'. 

Quality men are attracted to grounded and confident women. Because she is unsure of her value she doesn’t know how to communicate what she wants from dating. She doesn't like the 'if you want to come over, come over' scenario but she puts up with it. She wants to feel safe and not to get hurt. She just needs to change her behavior and communicate it. 

Being the low hanging fruit is easy. But it sends the wrong message.

 

Setting Boundaries and Showing Up as a Woman of Value [10:55]

Be the person you want to attract. If the guy can be lazy about dating you he won’t put much into a relationship anyway. 

Marni shares some strong but flirty language Jasmine can use to get what she wants out of a relationship. To make sure the guy is worth her time she needs to have her needs of feeling secure met. 

The guy needs to make an effort to date you. Marni reminds Jasmine that if she just has encounters she is making it too easy for the guys who aren’t looking for something serious. 

Jasmine needs to build her self-worth by changing her behavior with the guys she is meeting now. She needs to train a guy to treat her how she wants to be treated. 

The Takeaways and A-Ha’s [21:39]

Jasmine feels good about asking for what she wants. She trusts herself and she has self-respect. She wants to date with her dignity intact. When she starts pivoting she will meet men who treat her the way she wants to be treated. 

The right guy wants to make you happy. Tell him and teach him how to do it. 

And, she will get more dates when she starts dating men who are actually dating and not just hanging out. 

Jasmine’s homework is to collect data and change her behaviors. Her big A-Ha’s were:

  • It’s ok to say what she wants.
  • To realize men aren’t mind readers. 
  • Make sure her words and actions match if she expects that in return. 
  • Text messaging shouldn't be more than 2 or 3 times back and forth. 
  • She will remove the word ‘encounter’ from her dating vocabulary.
  • She is only going on dates.

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Oct 25 2019

27mins

Play

With Chris Gillis: How Do I Get a Quality Guy to Pursue Me?

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Marni welcomes Man Panelist Chris Gillis back to the Den to discuss the fine art of getting the right kind of guy to notice you, the do’s and don’ts of texting, and the problem with playing manipulative games.  

Key Takeaways: 

  • Getting a guy to notice you
  • How to be feminine and direct
  • Men’s fears about asking you out
  • Texting do’s and don’ts
  • Giving a clear message to the right kind of guy
  • Asking him out without damaging his ego

 

The Fine Art of Getting a Quality Guy to Notice You  [4:41]

The men of Marni’s Man Panel say it's just as scary to approach women as it was 20 years ago. But now, they are worried about being perceived as a predator in addition to fear of being rejected. 

Chris thinks they may be using these fears as an excuse. Men require a certain level of confidence to go after what they want. If you don't know how to do something, like asking a girl out it makes it easy to default to apathy. 

Guys who are the most worried about being a predator are the nicest, least predatory guys. It's the guys who don't care about offending a woman that end up getting all the attention. It's frustrating to see. 

So, what can women do to give a clear message to the right kind of guy when they want him to ask her out?

Chris says there is an art to putting yourself in the way of a guy. He says men love to grab something for you or to do little things that make you happy. Ask him to pass you a napkin. Or, maybe he needs to pass by you to get his beer? Make it impossible for him not to bypass you. 

It is feminine to engage in a conversation. It's vulnerable to ask for help. A good guy will do it. Men are scanning all the time looking for clues women are interested.  

Ladies, turn up your game by smiling at him, play with your hair, and laugh at his jokes. Make it obvious. 

 

The Lowdown on Texting [13:09]

How are women supposed to know if it's ok to initiate a conversation via text? When is it crossing the line? Will it be perceived as too masculine or too assertive? 

Marni is in the old school camp when it comes to texting. If you have started texting with a guy but it's not continuous make the intention of why you are texing clear. Men want things to be clear.

Chris says things are different today. Dating apps can lead to a slew of messages. If you think a guy has possibilities, it's ok to throw out an idea via text. Guys egos are huge. They need to believe they are hitting on you. even though a woman is slowly capturing them. They want the girl to be the prize. They want to tell their friends how badass they are. 

Throw a softball. You get one free text message to see where it goes.

Chris says guys hate the 'who is this?' reply when a girl clearly has the name and number saved in her phone. Guys get it all the time when they have waited a little too long to respond. If you play the ‘who is this?’ game you will get the guys you don't want.

If your guy isn't into you because you respond to text messages when you are able he's not your guy. And, he shouldn't wait 4-days to text you.  If there are more than 2-day gaps in between his texts he is not your guy. 

We All Make Mistakes [30:47]

It's easy to forget that we all have our flaws and our triggers. There is no need to play games. There will be natural tension in dating just because we are human. Unless you are looking for a guy who lacks confidence or needs validation, give him a break if he makes a mistake. Men don't get a manual either. 

When we act from our adult selves we come from a need-less place.

Ladies, remember men may be in their own evolution. Make it easy for men to pursue you by being open, direct, feminine. 

Men just want you to teach them the right way for them to love you. It allows the feminine part of you to be present. 

Make a Connection:

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Oct 18 2019

38mins

Play

With Anne Beaulieu: How to Find the Love of Your Life

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Have you ever been lenient with your non-negotiables? Do you put other people first and allow others to treat you accordingly? If you continue to put yourself last so will the people you let into your life. 

Marni welcomes the Founder of Walking Inside Resources,  Anne Beaulieu. Anne is an emotional intelligence coach, speaker, and author. She understands what it is like to be a badass woman today. Anne helps us answer the question “What does it mean to be authentic and integrated into all of who we are?” The process begins with increasing our emotional intelligence. 

Key Takeaways: 

  • What is emotional intelligence?
  • Distilling wants into needs
  • The first 3-weeks of a relationship should be...
  • Sticking to non-negotiables
  • Becoming self-aware
  • The #1 killer of relationships
  • Healthy conflict resolution process
  • How to gain intimacy and create deep connections with others

 

Emotional Intelligence in Dating  [2:11]

In the context of dating, emotional intelligence is knowing the difference between your wants and your needs. It's vastly different than asking someone what they want. Many women say they want certain things in a partner but what they need is only one or two things. It’s a litmus test to keep us from being vague.  

Why is it hard for women to consider what we need versus what we want? 

  1. We have been trained by society to put our needs last. We apply that mentality and the limiting beliefs to everything we do.

  1. Feeling can be scary for most people. It makes us fully accountable for every experience we have brought into our life. 

It's easy to put other people's needs first even if we are resentful about it or exhausted by it. 

To assign meaning to something we must feel it first. When we become vulnerable with what we need, it is easier to develop a healthy relationship with someone else. 

So, how do we distill our wants down into our needs? 

Anne says it is as simple as asking yourself one question. If you nail this question, your life will change right away. "What does this mean to you?" Real healthy, relationships are specific. 

 

The Emotional Intelligence Litmus Test for a Date [12:29]

To find out the emotional IQ of the guys we are dating Anne recommends using the first three weeks of dating as an interview period and: 

  • Keeping your panties on during the interview process. 
  • During the first three dates find out what you love about them.
  • Find three things that get on your nerves. 
  • Ask the hard questions. 
  • Get clear about what you need before you enter a relationship. 

 If you wouldn't date someone who isn't self-aware why would someone date you if you are not self-aware. Like attracts like. 

If you are dating someone who triggers the crap out of you, it's because those issues are unresolved within yourself. If they were resolved you would never agree to date someone like that in the first place. 

The 4 EQ Quadrants and How to Use Them [23:49]

Anne breaks down the framework of emotional intelligence into 4 quadrants. They are: 

  1. Self-awareness is most important (know thyself) . We can only be aware of others to the extent we are aware of ourselves. 

  1. Awareness of others.

  1. Managing relationship with self.

  1. Managing the relationship with others.

This can be applied to any relationship . It's the key to having deep connections.

Self-empowerment is feeling what works for us and what does not work for us and changing for the better. 

Knowing what you are willing to tolerate and what you are willing to accept, and your non-negotiables. Most women compromise on their non-negotiables. and that is what creates our biggest heartaches.

Go through the 4 quadrants and take an honest assessment.

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Walking Inside Website

Oct 11 2019

39mins

Play

With Ron Ehrlich: I Need Dating Help. How to Get Rid of Dating Stress Now

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Does dating stress you out? Did a date not go well because you were thinking about a zillion other things instead of being curious about the other person? If you want to know the most impactful ways to minimize stress and change your attitude toward the stress you have no control over download this episode now.   

Marni welcomes one of Australia’s leading holistic health advocates, Dr. Ron Ehrlich. Dr. Ehrlich has been a holistic dentist for over 35 years.  He takes a holistic approach to health and wellness. He has created a comprehensive model of how stress impacts our lives in his book, A Life Less Stressed: The 5 Pillars of Health and Wellness.

Key Takeaways:

● What stress is good for you

● How sleep can improve your dating life

● How to empower yourself when dealing with stress

● Why it’s important to change your attitude about stress

● The 5 Pillars of Health and Wellness

● Proper sleep hygiene

● How electronics keep the body stressed

Dr. Erlich's Philosophy on Stress  [2:20]

In our modern world, everyone can relate to stress. Most people can acknowledge that stress affects human health. Stressors are part of our everyday lives. Dr. Ehrlich’s approach to stress has been to identify the factors that makeup stress. Since we can't eliminate stress from our lives, the key to managing it is to build up our resilience to it. 

He reminds us that not all stress is bad. Exercise and fasting are examples of good stressors. We need to build good stressors in our lives to challenge our immune systems.

As the world becomes increasingly more complex he believes the solution to the problem is simple. Some people get empowered by work and stress and others feel overwhelmed. Changing our attitude towards it can make a huge difference in building resilience. We need to take a holistic view of how the body works.

The 5 Stressors in Life to Identify and Minimize [10:12]

Dr. Ehrlich says we can reduce stress by working on these 5 things:

1. Emotional Health

2. Environmental Health

3. Postural Health

4. Nutritional Health

5. Dental Health

Try making a mission statement for your life and change your attitude toward stress.

Resiliency in Dating and Relationships [21:32]

If you want to have better relationships and a better life in general, start with sleep and breathwork. The quantity and quality of sleep you get is important. 7-9 hours of sleep is the average amount of sleep humans need to function at their best. People who get 5-6 hours of sleep or less aren't getting enough sleep.

If you want to be better at dating and be more resilient and give a stronger impression of your true self go to bed earlier and take sleep seriously. It will positively affect your work and personal life. It should be a lifelong habit.

A good night’s rest helps to regulate hormones and can rejuvenate the body.

To practice proper sleep hygiene:

● Prioritize sleep

● Make it a routine

● Change your relationship with technology

● Drink less alcohol

● Don’t eat 1-2 hours before bed

● Regulate the room temperature

● Have a comfortable bed

● Eliminate excess noise

● Make the room dark at dark

Dr. Ehrlich notes that light from the screens we use is affecting our melatonin levels. Get all technology out of your life and your bedroom one hour before you go to bed. Electrical equipment should not be within 5 feet of your head and phones should be set to silent. 

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A Life Less Stressed: The 5 Pillars of Health and Wellness Book

Oct 04 2019

42mins

Play

With Patricia Young: Dating Tips for Highly-Sensitive Women. Is this What is Getting in Your Way?

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Do you pick up on subtle clues others don’t seem to notice? Can you tell by someone’s facial expression what they are thinking? Have others asked you why you are so sensitive? If so, you may be a Highly-Sensitive Person or HSP.

Marni welcomes the Host of Unapologetically Sensitive, Patricia Young. She is a Highly-Sensitive Person who helps HSPs turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. She is passionate about educating them about the amazing gifts they have to offer via online coaching. Her work focuses on building communities, setting boundaries, and being mindful. During this episode, she offers tips for HSPs who are navigating the dating world or are in relationships.

Key Takeaways:

  • ● The four characteristics of an HSP
  • ● How an HSP can embrace their strengths
  • ● Dating as an HSP or dating an HSP
  • ● How to get clear on your core values
  • ● Seeing the red flags of Narcissism
  • ● Long-term relationships with an HSP
  • The Four Characteristics of a Highly-Sensitive Person [3:01]
  • Being a highly-sensitive person is more than being emotional or sensitive. If you feel like a misfit or a disruptor in your family, you may be an HSP. You may pick up on things that other people don't. Or track or pay attention to things other people don't.
  • Do you have these four traits? 18-20% of the population DOES.
  • ● Depth of processing
  • ● Overstimulation or over-arousal
  • ● Emotional responsiveness or Empathy
  • ● Sensitive subtleties 
  • Introversion and highly-sensitive are not necessarily correlated but can overlap. Sensitivity is not always valued and often HSP’s bury it.
  • Dating and Relationships for HSPs [14:16]
  • If you are clear about what the values are that you want in a partner then you will embrace someone's sensitivity. It's not uncommon that the things we love about our partners are also the things that drive us crazy.
  • If you meet someone or have someone that is very compassionate and understanding they may not be assertive or alpha but they have strengths of a different nature. HSP’s can be healers, justice makers, or creatives.
  • Get clear on your core values!
  • We often pick partners that have a piece that helps us heal and we help them heal in areas we rub each other.
  • Beware —Narcissists are drawn to HSP's as they need someone to feed their ego. HSP's read other people and know what everyone else needs. If you know what the red flags of a narcissist are as soon as you see them say, ”I'm out of here”.
  • Make a list of what your ideal date would look like.
  • Tips for Highly-Sensitive People [19:43]
  • The longer HSP's are in environments that don't work for them the more they might get overstimulated. They may need a longer time to recharge. Often, they stretch beyond what is comfortable when they are trying to please others.
  • If an HSP has experienced trauma it can make them feel that they are not enough and not lovable. They may not like their sensitivity and feel as though their feelings run them all over the place. Therapy and coaching can help.
  • Make a Connection:
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  • Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show
  • Join Our Free Dating with Dignity Facebook Group Here!
  • How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE
  • Patricia Young LCSW Website

Sep 27 2019

36mins

Play

With Aimee Raupp: How to tap into your vitality to get back your love mojo.

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Are you notorious for not taking care of yourself? How often do you take five minutes and check-in with yourself to make sure your needs are being met? Marni welcomes Health and Wellness Expert, Aimee Raupp into the Den to talk about self-worth, self-love, weight, and self-care.

Aimee is a licensed acupuncturist and herbalist in Manhattan who offers fertility treatments and care. She has a Biology Degree and a Masters in Chinese Medicine from Rutgers - She has a beauty care line and she’s been on the View. Today we talk about all of her books including Chill Out and Get Healthy. Yes, You Can Get Pregnant, and Body Relief.

Key Takeaways:

  • ● The importance of celebrating yourself
  • ● What optimal health looks like
  • ● How to focus on you
  • ● Why you should quit beating yourself up
  • ● How to stop Self-sabotaging behaviors
  • ● The menopause-mindset connection
  • ● How chemicals affect a woman’s hormone levels
  • ● How to bring vitality back to sex
  • The Picture of Optimal Health [2:29]
  • Aimee says optimal health is easy to identify “it’s when you wake up feeling refreshed and excited about your day. You have healthy bowel movements and vitality on every level. You feel really alive and really happy in your body.  You feel like you are living your purpose”.
  • If you’re not there yet, it’s ok. Change is hard for some people. If you find yourself arguing in favor of your limitations or arguing to keep your life exactly how it is you may not be ready to shift your life. If it's not for you right now, give yourself time to step into your self-worth.
  • Takeaway: If you are going to indulge, enjoy it. Don’t beat yourself up over it.
  • The Advanced Move Toward Vitality [12:41]
  • Aimee recommends focusing on the things that are going right. You have to celebrate the wins in life. Gentle reminders about how great you are go a long way. Chill out and check-in time is when you take 5-10 breaths and ask yourself a couple of simple questions. Try asking “how are you today?” It slows you down for a minute and makes sure you are considering your needs.
  • If you are someone who is already meditating, doing yoga, and living clean but you still have bowel problems or are concerned about fertility you may be constipated emotionally.
  • Takeaway: Chill Out and Get Healthy!
  • Mindset, Menopause, Sex, and Skincare [20:14]
  • Current research shows that our thoughts, beliefs, and mental disposition has just as much as an impact on our biochemistry and physiology as does our actual biology. It’s about 50-50.
  • Take a look at yourself in the mirror every day and find one thing that you like about yourself. Think about what makes you feel good. Add a little vitality to your appearance by wearing a bright color. Dive into your divine feminine energy. Simple things make a big impact. Be alive! Don't wait to lose 10 pounds to wear the outfit you love, don't put your life on hold, and don't beat yourself up. Celebrate where you are.
  • When your internal stuffing is radiant your external package will be too. Aimee couldn't find skincare products without chemicals. So, she created her own.  Her motto is 'if you can't eat it you shouldn't put it on your skin'. It’s basically skin care for hormone harmony.
  • Takeaway: Everything you put on your skin gets absorbed into your bloodstream. It really does impact you hormonally.
  • Make a Connection:
  • Dating with Dignity Website
  • DWDVIP
  • Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show
  • Join Our Free Dating with Dignity Facebook Group Here!
  • How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE
  • Aimee Raupp Website
  • Fertility Quiz

Sep 20 2019

36mins

Play

With Chris Gillis: How to Have the ‘What Are We?’ Conversation

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Marni and Chris are back this week to extract the real-life dating lessons from the reality TV show Bachelor in Paradise. The cast of men and women in the show may be given direction in which conversations to have but how they respond is very telling. Take a deep dive into the show to better understand the intentions behind mature and immature dating techniques and find out the questions you should be asking in your relationships. 

Key Takeaways: 

  • Why it’s important to have the “Are we on the same page?’ conversation. [1:56]

  • How vulnerable conversations build intimacy in relationships (Katie). [8:07]

  • Ask the broader question instead of feeding a man the words you want to hear (Nicole). [11:23]

  • Being authentic even when you are not on the same page but stay in the conversation to get feedback (JPJ). [17:28]

  • The best follow up question of all time and breaking your addiction to hunters (Deaniebaby). [24:42]

  • Why getting your heart broken often ends up for the best. (Connor). [34:02]

Make a Connection:

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I Suck at Dating Podcast

Addicted to Drama with Sherrie Toews Podcast

Sep 13 2019

43mins

Play

With Chris Gillis: How To Spot a Red Flag - Our Bachelor In Paradise Recap

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What can you learn about the male-female dating dynamic by watching Bachelor in Paradise? Loads. To break down key lessons from the reality TV show about new and budding relationships, Marni welcomes Man Panelist, Chris Gillis back into the Den. Chris and Marni dissect how normal people tackle relationships in the craziest of ways.   

Key Takeaways:

  • ● Why women need to recognize their value
  • ● Men don’t want to be changed
  • ● Characteristics of the new modern-day alpha male 
  • ● When it comes down to it, women don’t often choose the nice guy
  • ● How women can honestly communicate their feelings without killing a relationship
  • ● The power a woman has over a man
  • ● Men are attracted to feminine women
  • Dating ‘the Player’ [1:44]
  • Dean, affectionately called Deaniebaby, is super handsome and he knows how to make a girl feel special. The issue with Dean is that he has a reputation as a player. So, what if you were dating a Deaniebaby in real life?
  • Signs a guy is not looking for a serious relationship:
  • ● They tell you using phrases like ‘it’s not you it’s me’
  • ● Your friends are telling you to be careful
  • During the show, the dynamic between Dean and Caelynn is all about Caelynn not understanding her value. She basically tells Dean how needy she is and you can see him pull away. Good thing for her Dylan was waiting in the wings.
  • Takeaway: Your job isn’t to change a guy. Why are you not being a woman of value? Men run away from women who want to change them.
  • Why Test a Great Guy? Just Be Honest [13:44]
  • Is Katie sabotaging any chance she has for a relationship? “When a guy tells you something he says what he means. There normally aren’t any hidden messages,” Chris says. For Katie to continue asking Chris if he is sure is her way of putting up a wall and all Chris hears is double talk. It is confusing.
  • Takeaway: Guys like a safe bet. Mixed signals confuse them.
  • Ladies if you are dating someone worth it you can't mess with them because another girl is going to swoop in to take your place. Tayshia’s treatment of JPJ is an example of this.
  • Takeaway: If you are not sure about someone or are not ready to commit, instead of planting a seed about someone better — communicate with them and tell them you are not ready to be exclusive.
  • The Modern -Day Alpha Male [22:47]
  • Women say it all the time ‘I want an alpha male’ but what does it really mean? Is it aggressive? It is assertive? If that type of behavior isn’t in alignment with who the guy really is do you really want him to change?
  • Nicole tells the handsome, buff, manly Clay he needs to be more aggressive. Then, she follows it up by going out with Mr. Machismo, who eventually got in a fistfight. She realizes she wants a guy who is assertive, not aggressive.
  • Takeaway: A modern alpha guy is more than just muscles and money. He is assertive and can articulate his feelings.
  • Make a Connection:
  • Dating with Dignity Website
  • DWDVIP
  • Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show
  • Join Our Free Dating with Dignity Facebook Group Here!
  • How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Sep 06 2019

38mins

Play

With Dr. Stephen Porges: How Smart Women Calm Themselves Down When They Have Dating and Relationship-Related Anxiety

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Why is dating so hard? Are you saying all the right things but your body is sending signals of anxiousness or defensiveness? To uncover the psychological reasons behind your physiological behavior, Marni welcomes Dr. Stephen Porges, an expert in the polyvagal theory and how it traverses our relationships.

Key Takeaways:

  • ● Self-soothing tips for anxious behavior
  • ● Tips for staying in a long-term, happy relationship
  • ● Rewriting your personal narrative
  • ● Recognizing defensiveness for what it really is
  • ● The importance of being present on a date
  • ● Why dating can be terrifying
  • ● Understanding the importance of reciprocity
  • The Polyvagal Theory and Dating-Mating Strategies [4:34]
  • The polyvagal theory explains how our nervous system plays a part in our relationships, even if we aren’t aware of it at the time. Essentially, it influences how we react to others. If your body is in a state of safety, you can be socially and emotionally available. If not, and your body is in a state of anxiety or fear, you may not present yourself as who you really are.
  • We pick up non-verbal queues from one another. If your mind goes to a place of abandonment or loss of trust your body reflects that externally.
  • Dr. Porges says that in our culture we present the supermodel face. It is the presentation of being beautiful but not being available. This is not what our bodies want. Our bodies want people who are interactive, supportive, and reciprocal to who we are.
  • What is really attractive is the emotional safety conveyed through facial expression.
  • In the early moments of starting relationships, we are negotiating safety in psychological space.
  • Why Dating Can Be Terrifying [13:21]
  • There is little predictability in dating. Will he call? Does he like me? When we ask ourselves these questions it is an example of our nervous system searching for predictability. If there is uncertainty, we feel unsafe and it can create a feeling of terror.
  • Relationships aren't based on words they are based on how we relate to each other. We need reciprocity to feel understood and emotionally safe. Uncertainty puts us into a defensive mode.
  • How to Self-soothe When You Feel Anxious [21:10]
  • When our sense of self is challenged, it may be because we are framing our personal narratives based on previous traumas. Dr. Porges offers these tools to self-soothe and to calm ourselves down after we have been triggered:

Aug 23 2019

43mins

Play

iTunes Ratings

149 Ratings
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Yay I’ve found Marni again!

By lazrkaos - Nov 17 2019
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I used to listen to this show on YouTube in 2014 and loved it and was bummed out when there wasn’t anymore content, I thought maybe Marni didn’t do dating advice anymore. But I just rediscovered this podcast today and I am so glad! I’ve always loved this show.

Loving it

By jkd775 - Sep 10 2019
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Just discovered this one and can’t stop! Thanks for making my commute purposeful instead of stress inducing from the talk radio I was previously subjecting myself to!