Cheating: When Love Lies

Listeners may remember a past episode called “I Am A Christian Conservative Leader Having An Affair.” It was about a young woman who espoused the tenets of her religion, namely fidelity and honesty, despite her having a lesbian affair with her partner who is married to a man.

Christine is back because although her affair has now been exposed, Christine’s affair partner is still unable (or unwilling) to leave her marriage and commit to her relationship with Christine. Christine lives in a constant state of flux, as her partner is determined one day then hesitant the next to leave her husband. All this back and forth has made Christine feel insecure and undervalued - like a pawn in her lover’s chess game.

Tired of living in a constant state of uncertainty, Christine has come to explore the question: when is it time for the ‘other woman’ to end the affair?

If you suspect your partner is cheating, do you seek out tangible proof, or do you just trust your gut feeling?
Suppose you trust your gut, but your spouse or partner swears to you, promises you, “there’s nothing going on.” Do you suppress your instincts and convince yourself that covert operations to discover the truth aren’t necessary?
My guest today relied first on her gut, and second on her fact-finding skills to try and nab her husband in what she believed were two different affairs. Was she right? Was she wrong? Did her husband lie to her face? Was all that surreptitious snooping worth it? And where did her marriage end up? Join me to find out!

My guest today lived his traditional family life and his ultimate affair fantasy. He had the suburban dream of a devoted wife and two small children, but the moment he stepped foot in the cosmopolitan city where he worked, he became a slick, handsome playboy with a stunning, sexy, lover.

But slowly he noticed his lover started to change. Her attitudes and behaviors became disturbing. He became afraid of her. My guest talks about his guilt and deep self loathing for having this 16 year affair, and about his quandary: should he leave his affair partner who appeared to be falling apart? This is a guilt ridden, shamed and fragile man. Join me to hear his story.

Can being cheated on be the best thing that ever happens to you? Brendan Fitzgibbons, comedian and host of the podcast "Spiritual Asshole," joins me to talk about his transition from needy, codependent, boyfriend to self confident, single guy. With a mix of humor, vulnerability and common sense thinking, Brendan explains how being cheated on took him on a journey that changed his life from sad and directionless to purposeful and full of joy.

A 2 minute loyalty test-Yup!
Boyfriends and girlfriends can find out in just minutes if their partner is faithful or a cheater. My guest Ayrel, better known as IknowAyrel, has developed a huge following to the tune of 91M likes, 3.9M followers on Tik Tok, and almost 300,00 Instagram followers, by conducting his signature loyalty tests on college campuses and in public venues. On this episode we find out what Ayrel’s loyalty test is, and how he does it. Ayrel and I also discuss what he’s learned about how young people view fidelity in relationships. Finally, we get up close and personal when Ayrel talks about how he views cheating, truth and honesty in his own personal relationships.

How many wives would choose to meet their husband’s lover? Would you sit down and have a discussion with your spouse and his lover about their affair? What would you hope learn from that conversation? Perhaps something that could justify, rationalize or at least explain why your spouse cheated on you. This is what happened to my guest (let’s call her Tiffany.) Tiffany confronted her husband, his lover and her husband. But when Tiffany told me how her husband’s young lover described their affair, I thought “Wow — this husband really got duped!”

Gaslighting is a term we often hear, but would you know if it was happening to you? Gaslighting is when an abuser manipulates you and tries to create doubt and confusion around something you know to be true. The abuser will deny what they said or did ever happened, which in turn makes you question yourself, your observations, and your sanity.

My guest today whom we’ll call Wende, was was gaslighted throughout her nine year relationship, so she never really knew if her partner cheated on her. I have my own point of view on that, but I’ll let you decide what you think was really going on.

It will amaze you to learn what Wende’s job is! It reminds me how trusting we can all become when love and lust drives our emotions.

Her recent Spectator article called
“I Regret My Promiscuity” and the intense social media interest it sparked, reminded me just how provocative writer, comedian, and podcast host Bridget Phetasy truly is.
https://spectatorworld.com/topic/regret-casual-sex-promiscuity-slut/

When a woman tells me “Big dicked womanizers were my kyptonite … I loved them” I stop and listen.  Only a woman as funny, vulnerable and authentic as my guest Bridget Phetasy could get away with statements like this. 

On this episode, Bridget shares her personal stories of affairs and heartbreak: “I thought I would be a prisoner of loving him forever…. I’d be a sad mistress who would never love anyone again,” she said. Bridget also describes with unapologetic candor how she weaponized her sexuality to seduce men all over the world.

Told by anyone else, Bridget’s stories of love, lust, seduction, and rejection would be utterly dreary. But true to her nature, Bridget finds both humor and heartbreak in her incredible love life journey.

Bridget Phetasy is a Spectator columnist and contributing editor. She is also the host of the Weekly Dumpster Fire on YouTube and the Walk-Ins Welcome podcast.

You’re married and you’ve been cheated on. You end your marriage because you feel that the trust and integrity of your relationship is gone forever, and you’ve lost all hope that the life you dreamed of - with your spouse by your side- can ever be achieved. 

You’re devastated, and the demise of your relationship is about to be compounded by shame. Your community is about to shame you and shun you because you chose to divorce your cheating spouse. It seems inconceivable, but it’s exactly what happened to my guest.

You’re in a bad relationship. You’ve tried to make it work, but you’re still  very unhappy. You’re easily tempted to have an affair with someone who love bombs you: that’s someone who showers you with attention, gifts and promises for the future. This love bomber appears to be in love with you, and you get completely swept up. In some cases you agree to marry, live with, or even have children with your suitor because isn’t this what love is meant to feel like? Um….? Fast forward and you discover it isn’t love, but obsession, and this person who pays so much attention to you turns into your stalker.

Or what about when your spouse’s lover stalks you? Now not only do you have to contend with your partner’s cheating, but also having their lover obsess over you and stalk you!

On this episode I welcome Jaimie  Beebe and Jake Deptula hosts of the hit podcast “Strictly Stalking” to talk about when cheating leads to stalking.

It’s still vacation time so this week we’re featuring another one of our favorite episodes “from the vault.” Listeners loved this short fictional story about affairs, and the panel discussion about infidelity that followed. Stay tuned - fresh new episodes of Cheating: When Love Lies are coming soon! 

What if you’re married but secretly sending DMs and sexy pictures to someone you're attracted to. What if you’re in a long term relationship, but once or twice a year you give yourself permission to have sex with a random person on a business trip.
What if you don’t tell your girlfriend that after each yoga class, you and another hot yogi hang out and get smoothies. Are any or all of these cheating? 

This episode addresses all of these questions in a short fictional story I've written called “Is It Cheating, Or Not Quite?”  After reading the story I’ll host my panel of guests: Justin, John, and Amy, who will react to the story and share their own thoughts on infidelity.

Summer is here. It’s vacation time — so we are taking some of our fav episodes from the vault while everyone here at “Cheating: When Love Lies” gets some well deserved R+R.
This episode features a panel discussion about infidelity.

3 diverse people all comment on a story (based on true life events) about an affair. This crew of panelists is opinionated, raw, diverse, unapologetic and a hell of a lotta fun!
The Cheating Story:

A husband is suspected of having an affair with not just 1, but 4 different women- simultaneously! After the wife gets a bizarre and suspicious phone call in the middle of the night, this husband and wife question whether it’s time to divulge long held secrets and face serious issues that threaten their marriage.
Jillian narrates the story, then follows it up with the panel discussion.

Your wife has been sleeping with her assistant. Your partner has been doing the naughty-nasty in the park with the dog walker. Your boyfriend decided to go to his college reunion alone and ran into his ex: the ex he once called the “love of my life.” 
Uh oh. 

What if when you find out you’ve been cheated on, you refuse to become the devastated, dejected partner who feels cast aside, and instead you immediately start a new, passionate relationship with someone else.

Conventional wisdom says take time for yourself to heal after an affair. But my guest Dr. Jennifer Guttman shares inspiring stories of betrayed spouses and partners who immediately went on to find new love - that flourished! 

Dr. Jennifer Guttman is a clinical psychologist and motivator specializing in cognitive-behavior therapy featuring the Sustainable Life Satisfaction ® brand.

My guest Lishone is a true provocateur. Her forceful criticism of men’s behavior as juvenile and lacking self control has caused an uproar on social media. An opinionated writer, some of Lishone’s recent titles implore women to “Stop Begging Men,” and remind women that “Accountability Is Not Hate.” 

Lishone’s position on Black men versus Black women is particularly divisive: she declares that Black men “are beneath” Black women, and this is one explanation for why Black men cheat on and mistreat Black women.

Lishone is an entrepreneur, marketing executive, author and provocateur. Together she and I will explore the question: “When Women Tolerate Men’s Bad Behavior, Are Men Encouraged To Cheat?”

A mature married man who’s been with his wife for 20 odd years decides to go off and have an affair with a hot young 20 or 30- year-old.

Nothing newsworthy there. In fact, some more cynical types might say it’s commonplace.
But what about a mature married woman in her 40s or 50s having an affair with a married 20 or 30 something? It feels like she’d be tarred and feathered on Twitter. There’s a double standard for women.
On this episode we’re going to talk to a mature married woman (we’ll call Lisa) about her torrid affair with her married, much younger, hottie neighbor. Was it all she expected it to be?
Lisa is not her real name is and her voice has been altered.

For the July 4th holiday, we relaunch one of our most popular episodes.
A married woman is tortured by the chaos and ever-changing dynamic of her affair with a married man. The woman's lover claims his wife is mean and neglectful and makes his home life miserable.
These two married cheaters have a deeply emotional affair peppered with intimacy and fantasies, yet soured by episodes of his ghosting, lies and manipulation. The story is a journey from the day they meet through the months of passion and disappointment the woman faces until she comes to the realization of what their relationship truly is.
This short fictional story called

“I Cheat Because My Wife Is Mean & Neglectful” is based on true life events. I begin the episode by reading the story then follow it up with a roundtable discussion with my guests Inna Swinton, comedian, lawyer and author of “The Many Lives of Mila”. Ilyssa Panitz, host of “The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz” on CRN ; reporter and editor of “5 Things You Need to Know to Survive and Thrive During and After a Divorce,” and Director of Content for the NADP. Also joining us is my friend Blake. My guests will react to the story and share their own thoughts about infidelity.
If you have a story you’d like to see featured on the show please send it to:JillianHamiltonpodcast@gmail.com

About 20 years into your marriage, you find out that your husband has been cheating on you with your neighbor. You and he go to therapy to try and fix the marriage. While you’re devastated, you remain hopeful because you believe that therapy is going to help your communication, right the wrongs, and ultimately heal the marriage.
Fast forward, and you find out the reason he wanted to go to therapy was to break up with you, ask you for a divorce, and leave you and your three children behind.
Should you tell your children the truth- can you tell them why daddy is leaving and what he did? Or do you keep your husband’s secret and withhold the truth from your kids? Conventional wisdom tells the wife “keep your mouth shut and don’t involve your kids.” But is that point of view outdated? Why should the betrayed wife suffer in silence and participate in her cheating husband’s cover up?

Is it right to be evasive with the kids when they start asking questions?

What do you think? What would you do?
The guest’s name has been changed and her voice has been altered to protect her privacy.

You’re a wife. You’re fed up. You’re tired. You’ve talked yourself silly trying to be heard, recognized and appreciated by your husband (or partner). When your husband barely responds or is dismissive, you stop trying to communicate with him, and you start seeing your marriage as unsalvageable. This is when a wife can develop walk away wife syndrome. But does walk away wife syndrome literally mean a wife packs her bags and leaves, or is it something even more menacing? How many walk away wives are cheating on their husbands?

On this episode I welcome back Ossiana Tepfenhart, writer and social provocateur, to explain the correlation between walk away wife syndrome and affairs.

You’re a devoted husband with a loving, committed and intelligent wife. You want to family; a traditional American dream with a wife, kids, and a cozy home. But secretly you’re in love with another man. You and he have an emotional, passionate and sexy love affair that you can’t seem to put aside. For my guests today, Mark and David (not their real names or voices) this was their life, until more than a decade after they met, their lives were changed forever.

You’ve cheated. You’ve done the deed. Whether that’s sleeping with, having oral sex with, or hiding an emotional affair with a person outside of your relationship, you’ve done it: you’ve created the time and space to have an affair. Now you lie incessantly to cover it up. Your conscience is telling you that you’ve got a decision to make. Do you come clean, or do you deny, deny, deny the affair at all costs?
On this episode I welcome Marie Murphy who is a relationship coach with a PhD in the sociology of sexuality. Dr. Murphy uses a unique, individualized and non -

judgmental approach to help her clients answer the question:

Should you tell your partner if you've cheated on them?