Cover image of Polyamory Weekly
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Society & Culture
Sexuality
Health & Fitness
Relationships

Polyamory Weekly

Updated 3 days ago

Society & Culture
Sexuality
Health & Fitness
Relationships
Read more

Minx and her listeners discuss loving more and polyamory, the lifestyle of being involved in more than one commited, long-term, loving relationship with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. In this community-driven show, each week Minx talks sex, relationships, communication, family, erotica, psychology, orgasms and anything else that comes up in the ins and outs of the daily polyamorous lifestyle.

Read more

Minx and her listeners discuss loving more and polyamory, the lifestyle of being involved in more than one commited, long-term, loving relationship with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. In this community-driven show, each week Minx talks sex, relationships, communication, family, erotica, psychology, orgasms and anything else that comes up in the ins and outs of the daily polyamorous lifestyle.

iTunes Ratings

319 Ratings
Average Ratings
271
28
6
7
7

Informative and Important!

By MorgTaranto - Jul 31 2018
Read more
I absolutely love this podcast, highly recommended!

Great info and advice!

By Dan'sfan - Mar 21 2017
Read more
Thanks for all your honesty and hard work!

iTunes Ratings

319 Ratings
Average Ratings
271
28
6
7
7

Informative and Important!

By MorgTaranto - Jul 31 2018
Read more
I absolutely love this podcast, highly recommended!

Great info and advice!

By Dan'sfan - Mar 21 2017
Read more
Thanks for all your honesty and hard work!

Listen to:

Cover image of Polyamory Weekly

Polyamory Weekly

Updated 3 days ago

Read more

Minx and her listeners discuss loving more and polyamory, the lifestyle of being involved in more than one commited, long-term, loving relationship with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. In this community-driven show, each week Minx talks sex, relationships, communication, family, erotica, psychology, orgasms and anything else that comes up in the ins and outs of the daily polyamorous lifestyle.

PW 430: Don't try polyamory before listening to this

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Know what everyone fears about polyamory--jealousy, being displaced, change? Those aren't what destroy relationships. Koe Creation and Cunning Minx review what does frak up relationships by referencing Veaux's and Rickert's Relationship Bill of Rights. Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Apr 27 2015

38mins

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PW 441: How to have a threesome

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Wanna have a threesome? Sexpert Reid Mihalko shares his tips for getting past the awkward and to the fun! Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Aug 07 2015

50mins

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PW 285: Advice for poly newbies

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Advice for poly newbies from Anita Wagner at Polycamp Northwest! Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 206-202-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit our Facebook page or blog.

Aug 30 2011

41mins

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505: How do I know if poly is right for me?

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We are trying poly for the first time; it was his idea. I like the idea, but I'm having a hard time. At what point do I decide if poly just isn't right for me? Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Feb 19 2017

29mins

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569 Building open relationships with Dr. Liz Powell

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Sex therapist Dr. Liz Powell rejoins us to talk about how she became a sex therapist and why she wrote her new book, Building Open Relationships.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:15 Host chat

We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th.

2:45 Poly in the news

Non-monogamous relationships are normal, and the stigma needs to end

7:35 Interview: Building open relationships with Dr. Liz Powell

Dr. Liz Powell shares how and why she got into sex therapy, including her stint and internship in the army dealing with combat stress and families, moonlighting in private practice in Savannah, GA serving the LGBTQIA community, and continuing to do sex therapy work afterwards.

Misconceptions about sex therapy: it’s not all about the sex. It’s about the relationship people have with their own bodies, with their partners, and to the stories of sexuality and pleasure. Many therapists only get two days of training on sexuality issues, if at all.

What is the most common communication issue that you see? Expectations of mind-reading and letting things go unsaid rather than communicating your wants and needs openly and honestly.  

Why Building Open Relationships? It’s less about theory and more nuts and bolts of how to make a relationship successful with full respect for individual autonomy and consent. For example, think about how your message will land or be perceived rather than just the way you want to say it.

Find it at www.buildingopenrelationships.com or www.sexpositivepsych.com or www.drlizpowell.com. Find her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Her previous episode on this podcast was 554 Grief and loss in relationships.

31:50 Happy poly moment

Geoff and Sylvie share happy poly moments.

34:45 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Mar 18 2019

35mins

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PW 331: The schedule dance

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Herbalwise asks about how to schedule a new partner while being considering of the life partner. Minx and LustyGuy give advice.Email polyweekly@gmail.com, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Aug 15 2012

38mins

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PW 392: Everything you ever wanted to know about poly

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Everything you ever wanted to know about polyamory but were afraid to ask, live from Debauchery! Attendees ask for and share advice on their poly queries. For full show notes, visit Poly Weekly.

May 10 2014

1hr 12mins

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PW 412: Relationship "rules" of order

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LustyGuy shares relationship best practices for relationships that kept him and L together in polyamory for 30 years. Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Dec 12 2014

33mins

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PW 374: Four mistakes couples make when opening up

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Four classic mistakes couples make when opening up their relationships and how to avoid them, all with our amazing guest, Marcia Baczynski Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Oct 26 2013

36mins

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527 Establishing relationship patterns

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What behavioral patterns do you establish at the beginning of your relationships, and why does that matter?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

If you want to have us speak at your event outside the US and are willing to host a fundraiser to finance our travel, we are happy to donate classes, signed books and even relationship coaching to help you out! Interested? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com

5:10 Poly in the News

The third edition of their seminal book, The Ethical Slut!

6:20 Topic: behavioral patterns in your relationships (and how to establish them)

Sarah from Australia asked for Lusty Guy to elaborate on his comment about patterns at the start of relationship establishing what will happen later on in the relationship. What patterns do you establish when you start dating? Any red flag behaviors? What the hell is Lusty Guy talking about?

  • A pattern is the behavior you adopt in the face of differing styles or approaches to stuff in relationships
  • The way you establish a pattern is to ask yourself how you ideally want to respond to conflicts or conflicting patterns (such as who plans a date)—and those will often persist throughout the duration of the relationship
  • What do you want your partner to learn?
  • LG likes to look for ways to be his very best self in the first relationship conflict. “Whenever you want to reach someone, you have to be reachable.” Be vulnerable!
  • Red flags: pay attention to the nature of the stories people tell about themselves. Are they the avenging hero? Martyr? Berserker? Affable buffoon? And look for the differences between the behavior you observe and the stories they tell
    • Also, do they share?
    • How do they talk about their past relationships? Are they respectful of past partners and relationships?
    • What comments do they make about strangers?
24:25 Feedback

Thanks for having Goody Howard on the show!

26:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Aug 17 2017

27mins

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PW 296: Open relationship versus polyamory

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What's the difference between an open relationship and a polyamorous one? Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 206-202-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Nov 21 2011

28mins

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PW 477: What's the trick to triads?

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What's the trick to triads? Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

May 05 2016

30mins

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PW 329: "Reality" polyamory on Showtime

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How real is reality TV when it covers polyamory? Polyamory: Married and Dating on Showtime. Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 206-202-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Jul 31 2012

45mins

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540 Jealousy Survival Guide with Kitty Chambliss

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Kitty Chambliss shares her insights on jealousy and the Jealousy Survival Guide

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Intro and host chat

We’re on Spotify!

1:50 Poly in the news

Polyamory in Sicilon Valley

4:10 Interview: Kitty Chambliss, author of the Jealousy Survival Guide

Kitty Chambliss is a #1 Amazon best selling author, relationship coach, polyamorous and sex-positive speaker, activist, and founder of Loving Without Boundaries (LWB). Since 2012 LWB has over 200 blog posts and 70 podcasts to date. Kitty’s work has been featured in Stories From the Polycule, Multiamory, Swingtowns, PostModern Woman, the upcoming book It’s Called Polyamory: Coming Out About Your Nonmonogamous Relationships, and other publications around the globe.

Kitty is a professional dual-certified (CPC and ELI-MP) relationship coach. Lastly Kitty is thrilled to be bringing her first book: Jealousy Survival Guide: How to feel safe, happy, and secure in an open relationship out to the world. Kitty has made it her life’s mission to make thriving relationships – even unconventional ones – attainable to everyone. Find her on her website.

33:40 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Dec 08 2017

35mins

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PW 434: Five things that suck about polyamory

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Let's talk about what is really tough about being polyamorous in today's modern culture: five things that suck about polyamory. Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Jun 04 2015

30mins

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PW 355: Does penis size matter?

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Does penis size matter? The study. Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Apr 21 2013

20mins

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PW 400: Polyamory for introverts

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Being poly with introverts with guest Dan, dawn and Karen of Beyond the Love! Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Sep 01 2014

37mins

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PW 490: Boundaries vs rules

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Poly 101: what is the real difference between boundaries and rules? And do hierarchies work in poly?Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Oct 14 2016

28mins

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PW 397: Relationship land mines

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Minx and LustyGuy gives a few examples of relationship land mines for pre-pondering. Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Jun 30 2014

23mins

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572 When your partner's jealousy precludes your polyamory

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What do you do when your partner gets so jealous that you feel compelled to give up your boyfriend, while your hubby happily dates away?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:25 Poly in the news

Study could explain why people choose to have multiple relationships

3:25 Topic: what do I do when my partner agrees to be poly but gets jealous when I date?

Debby writes in to ask what to do when polyamory doesn’t work for a couple. She and her husband are in their 50s, four years into their second marriage, and did the research before opening up 18 months into their relationship. He was into no-strings-attached sex but got very jealous when Debby would date. She finally had to dump her boyfriend (in a poly marriage of 15 years) due to her husband’s inability to cope with his jealousy. She asks what to do when polyamory doesn’t work for a couple.

  • We both think it DID work—he liked the sex, and you loved your boyfriend. The question is, does monogamy work for you?
  • Debby might be confusing behaviors with relationship labels. You’re still having to deal with all the risks and tasks of polyamory—jealousy, scheduling, emotional issues—but you somehow don’t get to date and experience the benefits.
  • What steps did he take to address his jealousy? It was a mistake to stop giving him the opportunity to practicing his jealousy coping mechanisms.
  • There must be a middle ground between “I must live half a life” and “we get a divorce.”
  • Someone else’s emotions require for them to change behaviors, not yours. It’s not for Debby to take responsibility for her husband’s jealousy. His emotions are his and require action from him, not from her. Don’t let your partner’s emotional reactions control your actions.
  • So now it seems that Debby feels forced to give up a perfectly healthy relationship due to her husband’s inability to deal with his jealousy. If they do revert to monogamy, how will she take steps to avoid resentment?
18:15 Feedback

Katie gives feedback on scheduling from episode 565—no one with kids has that kind of availability!

21:00 Happy Poly Moment

Heather wrote in to share when one of her partner's besties said to her about Heather (who is happily married) today, "can't you two just be together forever? She is so perfect for you!" Good validation!

23:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Apr 28 2019

23mins

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585 Poly for the holidays

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Advice from six different therapists, relationship coaches, and body workers on navigating family events as a poly person over the holidays

0:00 Introduction and host chat
  • If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
  • My Thanksgiving Happy Poly Moment
5:25 Contact us

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

5:45 Topic: Poly for the holidays 32:00 Join the conversation

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

32:30 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors

Thanks to our new PW Playmate, Tom, for his subscription! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Dec 04 2019

33mins

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584 Dealing with abandonment issues

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I have abandonment issues, but I don't know what I need when they come up. How do I ask my partners for what I need?

0:00 Introduction and host chat
  • If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
  • Thanks to the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon!
  • Poly for the Holidays contributions
1:55 Poly in the news 5:25 Contact us

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

5:55 Topic: Dealing with abandonment issues

Katie has abandonment issues and asks how to better cope with them when poly. She knows she has them but doesn’t know what to ask for when they arise.

  • Knowing and identifying is half the battle.
  • Explain to your partners what you shared with me—how it feels. Ask for their help with comfort might you need in the moment. Do the full analysis when you’re not in the midst of the issue.
17:15 Join the conversation

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

17:30 Feedback

Joe writes in with additional advice to the listener in episode 567 on how to find poly community near you.

20:00 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors

Thanks to our new PW Playmate, Tom, for his subscription! Also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Nov 24 2019

20mins

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583 Poly Weekly live from Portland!

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We interview a munch organizer and field audience questions at the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon

0:00 Introduction and host chat
  • If you’re under 18, visit scarletteen.com
  • We’re at the Close In munch in Portland, Oregon!
2:00 Interview with Close In munch organizer Hannah

Lessons learned include:

  • poly and kinky people are everywhere
  • it’s important to destigmatize a stigmatized group
  • “Square up; what you want is fine; fuck ‘em all!”
9:00 Poly Weekly live!
  • What advice would you give to solo polys?
  • 12:45 How to come out to folks who aren’t familiar with poly?
    • Anticipate questions, be prepared, be calm, don’t take it personally, give them a year to freak out
    • Folks will match your tone, so adopt one of calm, easy compassion
  • 16:00 How has poly changed in the last 14 years?
  • 17:45 And now there are terms for everything!
  • 19:05 How do I bring up the birth control discussion?
    • Be brave and bring it up. Or leave a birth control pamphlet in the toilet for leisure reading! J
    • Use regular relationship check ins as a space to bring up any issues
  • 22:15 What is your take on hierarchies?
    • If it works for everyone involved and it’s transparent, fine. But it doesn’t work for everyone (or me).
    • The challenge with hierarchies is that it sets up a permission model.
    • Be aware if you are talking about power structure or entanglement levels? If the latter, “nesting partner” might be more useful than “primary.”
  • 26:15 My mom thinks my polyamory is a phase. Do you know folks who have lived out their lives as poly?
    • Allena Gabosch, Oberon Zell-Ravenhart, and many others.
    • Just as with child-rearing, having an extended network to help you in your old age is valuable.
31:15 Contact us

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

32:00 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors

Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Nov 06 2019

32mins

Play

582 When you break up with your metamour

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J broke up with her metamour because she was triggering J's PTSD, but the metamour still "butts in" on J's dates with her partner. How does she handle this poly situation?

Oct 23 2019

25mins

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581 I'm tired of the restrictions my mono husband puts on me

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After four years, listener Newseeker is tired of asking her husband's permission every time she wants to go on a date with her partner of three years. How long should she accommodate his slow pace?

0:00 Introduction and host chat 4:00 Poly in the news 5:25 Contact us

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

6:10 I’m tired of the restrictions my husband is putting on me

Newseeker (married 10 years, open for four, with a partner of three years) writes in to say she is tired of the objections her husband has to how she practices poly. He’d prefer she have more random sexual partners and not be in another loving relationship. Even though opening the relationship was her idea, it’s taxing on her to constantly have to ask when she can see her partner and wait until the last minute to make plans to accommodate hubby.

  • The permission model doesn’t work for adults, only with kids
  • No one can maintain an unnatural pace indefinitely
  • The Relationship Bill of Rights refers to agency: you have a say in how many partners to have, which ones, and how often you see them.
16:50 Join the conversation

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

17:05 Happy Poly Moment

This week’s HPM is from a gay triad with no one feeling left out!

19:00 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors

Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Oct 09 2019

19mins

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580 Should I still marry my now-straight partner?

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A listener is engaged to her fiancée, who just came out as straight. How does she cope with not having sex with her soon-to-be wife?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Content warning and why you can’t find our podcast on Apple Podcasts in India.

Let’s celebrate Dixie De la Tour, Bawdy Storytelling, and the Bawdy Storytelling podcast that you can subscribe to on Apple Podcasts. There is also a Facebook group of Bawdy fans that is super fun.

5:30 Poly in the news

Couple-centric and non-diverse article in Cascadia claiming Portland is the center of Pacific NW poly

9:45 Contact us

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

10:45 My fiancée now identifies as straight and doesn’t want sex with me

Emily writes in to say that her fiancée recently identified as straight and will no longer have sex with her. She says they are poly, so it doesn’t mean that there won’t be any sex for her, but she is confused. She says she their love is unconditional, so it shouldn’t matter, but what does this mean for their relationship?

20:00 Join the conversation

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

21:00 Happy Poly Moment

This week’s HPM is multinational and tech-assisted!

22:10 Feedback

SLT writes in in response to episode 519 on the issue of poly-friendly housing and

23:30 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors

Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Oct 02 2019

24mins

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570 On writing inclusive fiction with Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan

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Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan, coauthors of For Hire: Operator and the soon-to-be-released For Hire: Audition, talk about why they write a queer poly superhero universe.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Thanks to Anita Wagner for introducing me to the term “petamour

1:30 Poly in the news

Vice has a great new article about poly families and poly parenting

3:05 Contact us

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

3:35 Interview: Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan on writing inclusive fiction

Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan join us to talk about their next soon-to-be-released queer superhero book, For Hire: Audition. You may remember their last interview with us on episode 563 around For Hire: Operator or Kevin’s interview around his book, Love’s Not Color Blind.

26:30 Join the conversation

To join the online conversation around this and other episodes, follow us on Twitter or Facebook. We love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly.

27:00 Thank you to our subscribers and contributors

Thanks to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.

Sep 08 2019

27mins

Play

578 How do I avoid feeling like a homewrecker?

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Email polyweekly@gmail.com, call 802-505-POLY, Twitter @polyweekly or visit www.polyweekly.com or www.facebook.com/polyweekly

Aug 21 2019

27mins

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577 When love IS a zero sum game

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A listener asks what to do when love does feel like a zero sum game; his wife took a lover, and our listener felt like he got even less sex than before.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Intro and host chat
  • Minx recorded an episode of D&D Dads podcast with J.R. Blackwell, but the podcast hasn’t yet launched. Stay tuned!
  • We had fun in Copenhagen!
3:00 Poly in the news 9:00 When love IS a zero-sum game

Listener Micah writes in to ask what to do now that his wife brought up the idea of poly, started dating someone half her age, and is now having much less sex with Micah.

  • If we are painting a rosy, easy picture of poly, we need to change, because the emotional development required for polyamory (or any relationship) takes time and effort.
  • Lusty Guy wonders about the use of the word “affair”—is this a reflection of your jealousy, or do you feel she wasn’t being honest?
  • The issue is likely some preexisting issue in your relationship (perhaps the libido difference, perhaps something else). This sounds like “relationship broken, add more people.”
  • To strengthen your relationship, have an honest conversation with your wife. Stop comparing before and after the metamour and start talking about the behaviors you want to see to feel better in your relationship. And ask for the same of her.
19:00 Happy poly moment

A monogamous listener writes in to share a happy not-poly moment about not panicking when her fiancé shared that he was attracted to a colleague, and our listener could accept it without jealousy or drama!

20:45 Feedback
  • Soft Shell Crabby wrote in a follow up after we address her question in episode 574 Is it OK to ask to meet my metamour (spoiler: it helped, and they are better now!)
  • Reama says some really nice things about the quality of our content.
23:40 Thank you!

Thanks to our new Poly Weekly Playmates, Mirjam, Syncione, Quinlan, and Melvin!

24:10 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Aug 05 2019

25mins

Play

576 Will poly help emotionally unavailable partners

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A listener asks if her new boyfriend is emotionally unavailable, will poly help?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

2:10 Poly in the news 7:50 Is poly a solution for emotionally unavailable partners?

A listener writes in to ask if polyamory is possible when her partner seems to be currently emotionally unavailable. Our listener  met a guy five months ago, when she was a newly-single mom not looking for commitment. They never talked about what their relationship was, but our listener knew she wanted something casual and honest. Then he planned an all-day romantic date, felt relationshippy, which followed up by not reading her text messages, which led her to feel insecure and question her own behavior. They talked, and he mentioned he didn’t want to replicate a previous codependent relationship, and things were fin for a while. Then polyamory came up in a dinner with friends, and he mentioned it might work if she was his primary, but he wasn’t involved with any others.

  • Good for you for realizing both you and he have boundaries and needs that need to be considered
  • Short answer is no, a relationship can't be healthy if both you and he are more concerned about enforcing boundaries than letting the relationship develop organically
  • This falls into the "relationship broken; add more people" paradigm, which typically does not work out well
  • This is a great opportunity for both of you to negotiate the relationship you each need. Ask for what you want (not to negatively affect your daughter but to still feel appreciated) and listen to what he wants (to have good quality time and lots of space). 
  • Both of you should ask for specific behaviors--what specific things can he do make you feel appreciated? what specific things can you do to make sure he has "space"? 
  • And one last thing--relationship conversations are best in person. Avoid having these discussions over text if at all possible.
15:30 Feedback

Laura from episode 588 When to give up on polyamory wrote in to give us a happy update, a year later!

19:30 Happy poly moment
  • Laura ends up her feedback by sharing a generous happy poly moment on the part of her husband
  • A poly newbie in Germany shares a happy poly moment about her partner and metamour providing a bathroom shelf and toothbrush for her!
24:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Jul 01 2019

24mins

Play

575 We love Allena Gabosch

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Celebrating the amazing sex-positive activist Allena Gabosch, who gave us a big scare last week.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

Last week, we nearly lost an amazing sex-positive educator to cancer. Allena Gabosch has pulled through, so this week’s episode is a replay of my 2010 interview with Allena.

In Bawdy Storyelling podcast episode 78, Dixie de la Tour shares her feelings about nearly losing Allena Gabosch.

4:30 Interview: Allena Gabosch

The lovely and talented Allena Gabosch, director of Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture, shares the origin story of the Center in its current state and her own experiences with polyamory. Recorded in 2010 from Paradise Unbound!

50:25 Poly in the news 55:30 Thank you!

Welcome Camilla to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

56:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Jun 17 2019

56mins

Play

574 Is it OK to ask to meet my metamour?

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My boyfriend and I transitioned from a don't-ask-don't-tell relationship to full honest, transparent polyamory. Now I want to meet my formerly DADT metamour when she comes to visit him next month. Is that OK?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

We’ll be in Copenhagen next month; let us know what we should do/see!

1:50 Poly in the news 6:10 Is it OK to ask to meet my metamour?

Soft Shell Crabby writes in to say she’s 43 and her boyfriend is 42, and they’ve been together for four years. They did a don’t-ask-don’t-tell (DADT) style of nonmonogamy for a while, but they ended up becoming so deeply involved that they talked about being more open, honest, and transparent with each other. He confessed that he’d been poly before but had avoided bringing it up to avoid the tough conversations that would inevitably follow.

He also has a pre-arranged sexy-time visit set up with a girlfriend who was flying in from New York, and Soft Shell Crabby now wants to meet that metamour. She asks if it’s unreasonable to ask for to meet her formerly DADT metamour, and by the way what should she do about the fact that the metamour is cheating on her husband with SSC’s boyfriend? SSC feels like her boyfriend gets to call all the shots.

  • Everything you feel is reasonable and OK.
  • He isn’t getting to call all the shots. You get to call your shots; your boyfriend gets to call his shot; your metamour gets to call her shots.
  • It’s not a good idea to ask a partner to deliver a message to another partner. Direct communication is better.
  • It IS a good idea to ask for what you want (to meet her), with the understanding that she has the right to say no.
  • Is there something within the power of your partner to give that would alleviate your feelings? Do YOU want a threesome/group sex like he’s having with her? Ask him to arrange it for you!
  • How do you forgive your boyfriend for this unethical behavior? First, focus on your limits, not his behavior. Can you be in a relationship with someone who facilitates cheating? If not, you have the right to leave. Second, the way you “forgive your man for conducting his relationships in an unethical manner” is to exercise understanding of the pattern of behavior (he also hid his desire for poly from you) and to exercise compassion. Third, most people have cheated at some point. Consider exercising more compassion and less judgment.
  • This is a good time to decide what you need at the very minimum in terms of contact from your metamours. You may need a higher or lower level of contact, but this is a good time to explore that and figure out what you need to be happy.
19:15 Happy Poly Moment

Johnny shared a moment in which he picked out his girlfriend’s birthday gift with his wife. And his girlfriend’s husband reached out to Johnny as a poly newbie to see if Johnny needed anything for the big birthday get together!

20:30 Feedback

Jessica gives feedback on episode 573 about using the term “nerd blackface.” We address two concerns: (1) that by using the term “blackface” to refer to nerds, we devalue the power of the original term, which we agree with and (2) that the term doesn’t apply to The Big Bang Theory, which we disagree with. The latter is based on a large group of people who self-identify as nerds and do find the term applies, and we are not comfortable dismissing the critique of that group of people.

25:25 Thank you!

Welcome Camilla to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

25:45 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Jun 03 2019

26mins

Play

573 Should I live with my metamour

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My metamour and I get along great, and I need a roommate. Will it muck things up if I ask them to move in?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

2:10 Poly in the news 9:55 Topic: Should I live with my metamour?

Olipoly writes in about the possibility of living with her metamour; she doesn’t want to live with her partner and gets along with them great. She’s considering asking her metamour to move in to the room that her roommate is moving out of.

  • Don’t ask us; ask them!
  • Ask them all the questions you just asked us and think through the possibilities to discover hard limits.
  • Practice by spending a weekend together.
  • Treat them professionally, like a client you need to keep happy.
  • Get a dishwasher.
16:15 Happy Poly Moment

Bunz in Knoxville originally had a negative impression of polyamory. But she and her husband read, talked out it, did exercises, and even started a meetup group in Knoxville!

18:00 Feedback

Mike gives feedback on episode 572 about one person not taking responsibility for someone else’s emotions.

23:35 Thank you!

Welcome Susan to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

23:45 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

May 19 2019

24mins

Play

572 When your partner's jealousy precludes your polyamory

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What do you do when your partner gets so jealous that you feel compelled to give up your boyfriend, while your hubby happily dates away?

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:25 Poly in the news

Study could explain why people choose to have multiple relationships

3:25 Topic: what do I do when my partner agrees to be poly but gets jealous when I date?

Debby writes in to ask what to do when polyamory doesn’t work for a couple. She and her husband are in their 50s, four years into their second marriage, and did the research before opening up 18 months into their relationship. He was into no-strings-attached sex but got very jealous when Debby would date. She finally had to dump her boyfriend (in a poly marriage of 15 years) due to her husband’s inability to cope with his jealousy. She asks what to do when polyamory doesn’t work for a couple.

  • We both think it DID work—he liked the sex, and you loved your boyfriend. The question is, does monogamy work for you?
  • Debby might be confusing behaviors with relationship labels. You’re still having to deal with all the risks and tasks of polyamory—jealousy, scheduling, emotional issues—but you somehow don’t get to date and experience the benefits.
  • What steps did he take to address his jealousy? It was a mistake to stop giving him the opportunity to practicing his jealousy coping mechanisms.
  • There must be a middle ground between “I must live half a life” and “we get a divorce.”
  • Someone else’s emotions require for them to change behaviors, not yours. It’s not for Debby to take responsibility for her husband’s jealousy. His emotions are his and require action from him, not from her. Don’t let your partner’s emotional reactions control your actions.
  • So now it seems that Debby feels forced to give up a perfectly healthy relationship due to her husband’s inability to deal with his jealousy. If they do revert to monogamy, how will she take steps to avoid resentment?
18:15 Feedback

Katie gives feedback on scheduling from episode 565—no one with kids has that kind of availability!

21:00 Happy Poly Moment

Heather wrote in to share when one of her partner's besties said to her about Heather (who is happily married) today, "can't you two just be together forever? She is so perfect for you!" Good validation!

23:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Apr 28 2019

23mins

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571 Growing up poly

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On the launch of their new book, Koe Creation shares what it was like growing up in a polyamorous household. 

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

We had fun at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK!

3:00 Poly in the news

On the opposite site of the earth, is poly on the rise? Collection of media coverage in NZ over the last few years

5:15 Interview: Koe Creation, author of This Heart Holds Many

We talk about Koe’s new book, This Heart Holds Many, and the challenge of writing a semiautobiographical book about growing up in a poly family. Find them online at their website, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram as @koecreate.

23:00 Happy Poly Moment
  • Kim writes in to share TWO happy poly moments about her metamour getting married (One Family Podcast)
  • Olivia writes in to share a Thanksgiving happy poly moment with her asexual partners
26:35 Thank you!

Welcome to our new Poly Weekly Playmates, Chris and Alisha!

27:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Apr 17 2019

27mins

Play

570 Poly erotica

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We chat with Laura Zielinsky, author of a new poly erotic novel

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:15 Host chat 3:30 Interview: Laura Zielinsky, author of We Are Three

We interview Laura Zielinksy, author of new poly erotic novel We Three: One and One and One Makes Three.

Book summary: Eric and Elena Tanner have been enjoying their lifestyle membership at the Club Caliente for years. Swinging fulfills their desire to meet new people and engage in group sex.

When the new bartender, Jess, flirts with them and agrees to play in a threesome, Eric and Elena make plans for a single night of pleasure. All three are satisfied, so Jess is invited to come again. And again.

For months Elena, Jess, and Eric meet up for lots of sex, and dinners. There are casual nights in Netflix and chilling. It's heady, addictive and no one wants it to end.

However, they all know that's the deal in the lifestyle. Swingers move out of each other's lives all the time. Complication is the enemy. So what happens when they start to fall in love?

18:25 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Apr 04 2019

19mins

Play

569 Building open relationships with Dr. Liz Powell

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Sex therapist Dr. Liz Powell rejoins us to talk about how she became a sex therapist and why she wrote her new book, Building Open Relationships.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:15 Host chat

We’ll be speaking at It’s Complicated in Tulsa, OK, April 6th.

2:45 Poly in the news

Non-monogamous relationships are normal, and the stigma needs to end

7:35 Interview: Building open relationships with Dr. Liz Powell

Dr. Liz Powell shares how and why she got into sex therapy, including her stint and internship in the army dealing with combat stress and families, moonlighting in private practice in Savannah, GA serving the LGBTQIA community, and continuing to do sex therapy work afterwards.

Misconceptions about sex therapy: it’s not all about the sex. It’s about the relationship people have with their own bodies, with their partners, and to the stories of sexuality and pleasure. Many therapists only get two days of training on sexuality issues, if at all.

What is the most common communication issue that you see? Expectations of mind-reading and letting things go unsaid rather than communicating your wants and needs openly and honestly.  

Why Building Open Relationships? It’s less about theory and more nuts and bolts of how to make a relationship successful with full respect for individual autonomy and consent. For example, think about how your message will land or be perceived rather than just the way you want to say it.

Find it at www.buildingopenrelationships.com or www.sexpositivepsych.com or www.drlizpowell.com. Find her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Her previous episode on this podcast was 554 Grief and loss in relationships.

31:50 Happy poly moment

Geoff and Sylvie share happy poly moments.

34:45 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Mar 18 2019

35mins

Play

568 A framework for consent

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Joseph Pred shares the Consent Framework, a tool for community organizers to get and enforce consent at events.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:15 Host chat 2:30 Poly in the news 11:30 Interview: consent framework with Joseph Pred 32:45 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Mar 03 2019

34mins

Play

567 Do families have to live together

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Do families have to live together? My partners and I agreed to live together and have kids, but now I'm not so sure.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:15 Host chat 5:45 Poly in the news

Is there such a thing as poly-dar? Do poly folks have certain recognizable traits?

8:00 Topic: Do families need to live together?

Lewis has a male partner and a woman partner, Sally, and the three of them have discussed living together as a family and fathering kids with Sally. However, Lewis says their communication has not been great and their relationship was pretty dysfunctional until recently. He also values his own space and privacy. Is it OK to father kids if you don’t intend to live together as a family?

  • Good instinct to get counseling when the relationship isn’t already pretty healthy
  • You decide what’s good for you, not what’s good for anyone else
17:30 Feedback

A listener calls in to ask how to find poly folks rural Pennsylvania.

22:45 Happy Poly Moment
  • Danielle shares a snow day happy poly moment.
  • Lusty Guy shares a surprise happy poly moment!
25:30 Thank you

Thanks to Shelly for the donation, and welcome Laurel and Terra to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

32:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Feb 16 2019

26mins

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566 Toxic masculinity

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Kevin Patterson, Chris Smith, Lusty Guy, and Minx discuss what we mean by "toxic masculinity" and how we should respond to both the term and the thing itself.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:15 Host chat 1:30 Topic: Toxic masculinity

Kevin Patterson, creator of the Poly Role Models blog and author of Love’s Not Color Blind and For Hire: Operator, Chris Smith, a doctoral student at Howard University, author of Open to Love: Polyamory and the Black American and relationship researcher, and Lusty Guy, our cohost and producer.

What is toxic masculinity? Setting absolutes on how gender can present and act. What makes it toxic? Anything in too great a quantity can be toxic. How toxic masculinity really relates to sports: if emotions are so key to teamwork, how can masculinity?

What do we want “masculine” to be? It’s not inherent. Why is there a negative reaction to the idea of “toxic masculinity,” as in any other instance where too much of something is toxic? First response should be to do a self-assessment.

How does this relate to polyamory? We need to beware of harem fantasies driving all the media representation of polyamory and of societal scripts of jealousy meaning love and other men being enemies. Everyone’s a little bit toxic.

Find Kevin Patterson on email at PolyRoleModels@gmail.com, online at PolyRoleModels.tumblr.com, on Twitter at @PolyRoleModels, on facebook.com/PolyRoleModels. Oon Instagram at @PolyRoleModels, and his new fiction work For Hire: Operator is on facebook.com/ForHIreMag or on the web here: tinyurl.com/ForHireMag1 We talked with Kevin and Alana about this new work on episode 563 and about Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamory and Other Alternative Communities on episode 545.

Chris Smith in on Instagram at @SmithChristopherN or via email at Tenabilitymovement@gmail.com. We talked with Chris about Poly and the Black American on episode 528.

32:00 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. If you want us to teach a class at your event, want us to coach you, or want to appear on the podcast, email lustyguy@polyweekly.com.

Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write a review on Apple Podcasts!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Dec 17 2018

33mins

Play