Rank #1: 006: What Kind of Love do Children Need?
There is no doubt every parent loves their child. It would be hard not to. But what kind of love do children need? Since so many of us parents think that our job is to love our children, wouldn't it be great to know how that job is done? What does love look like? What kind of love is supportive of our child's development?
Oct 31 2017
Rank #2: 007: Parent Guilt and What To Do About It
The feeling of guilt is all too familiar to parents. It is so deeply rooted, it almost feels unavoidable, and we kind of learn to live with it. But is it really serving us? Let's explore the bigger context of this emotional state.
Understanding where parent guilt may have originated from can help us have a more supportive perspective. Instead of feeling guilt and be paralyzed by everything that worries us as parents, we can become more compassionate towards ourselves. This frees us to carry with intention our newly understood responsibilities of nurturing the childhood.
Nov 07 2017
Rank #3: 027: Discipline, Punishments, & Consequences
What to do when children misbehave?
Do we need to address that behavior?
How do we respond?
Do we even need to respond?
Yes, we do need to respond. It is our responsibility to teach children what can and cannot be done, what is acceptable and what is not. This is the way we teach boundaries and help our children understand how to function among other people, but also what is good for their own development.
But what is the best way to teach that? Do punishments work? How are punishment different from consequences?
When we implement consequences, we can see much better results and improvement in child behavior, but we do need to keep in mind the following:
- Is the consequence appropriate?
- Is the consequence hurting our relationship?
- Is it teaching the right skills and lessons?
Mar 27 2018
Rank #4: 025: Raising Emotionally Competent Children
Why is it important that our children become emotionally competent? Emotions help us understand what we need and what we don’t want. When we understand our emotions, we acquire powerful tools. If we also see how important it is for our children to begin to understand their own emotions, it becomes a priority for us as parents to make sure our children acquire emotional competence.
Learn in this episode:
- where and with whom the child can acquire emotional competence
- the time it takes to become emotionally competent
- skills we need as parents to raise emotionally competent children
- what gets in the way of building emotional competence
- why we cannot delegate emotional development of the child to someone else
Find other details and show notes at www.minimumviableparenting.com
Mar 13 2018
Rank #5: 030: Raising Future-Ready Children
What do future-ready children look like? And if the future is so unpredictable, how can we prepare our children for it?
Yes, thinking about the great unknown can cause a lot of anxiety. But here is the good news:
Not only is there a set of skills and abilities that will matter down the road no matter what the future looks like, but these are also the things we can do today.
Apr 24 2018
Rank #6: 023: When Children Lie & Deceive
To tackle this challenge, we need to understand where the child is at developmentally and be able to tell the difference between intentional deception and other forms of non-truth and storytelling. We also need to embrace the fact that lies, when they happen, do tell us a lot about the child's hidden needs and can show us the way to approach the situation.
Feb 27 2018
Rank #7: 018: Kids, Gadgets, & Misled Parents
As gadgets become part of our children's lives, we get to hear many opinions on what is appropriate use and how much screen time is OK.
Where do you get your advice from? How much do you trust the media? How many of your decisions you question based on what you read or hear? How to know what source is reputable and how to judge for yourself?
In this episode, I share the guidelines I recommend and follow in my personal life and professional practice. I also offer 6 tools of critical inquiry you can apply to evaluate what you read and make informed decisions.
Jan 23 2018
Rank #8: 019: The Trap of Comparison & Poor Self-Esteem
We’ve all done it. At one time or another, we have compared our children to someone else’s. How many times have we said, “Look at so-and-so, why can’t you be like them?” Certainly never said with a malicious intent, comparing children does lead to poor self-esteem. But why is it such a bad thing?
Sometimes we use this trick as a means of getting the child to listen to us or to motivate them, but it is a costly strategy.Comparison sets children up for competitions they are not ready for. Comparing children creates winners and losers, when there can be none. Both sides of this competition cary unhealthy perceptions of their abilities and skills, and live the consequences of these early and illogical wins and losses that come when we compare one child to another. Ultimately, comparing children to one another hurts both sides and impacts their self-esteem.
Jan 30 2018
Rank #9: 028: Dealing With Persistent Problem Behaviors
All children have challenging behavior.
This is normal.
Until it gets to be too much.
It is one thing when our children have an occasional tantrum or get stuck with the limits we set for them. This is OK because reacting emotionally is the way children navigate their environment. But when yelling, arguments, tears, and tantrums occur on a daily basis, it rises to a different level of concern.
How do you begin to tackle a persistent problem behavior?
You may have tried setting limits, expanding consequences, and maybe even got frustrated enough to go the punishment route… What do you do if the behavior persist? The answer is in the deeper unmet needs that hide beneath the surface of the child’s behavior.
Apr 03 2018
Rank #10: 026: Setting Limits The Right Way
Getting kids to listen and follow our directions is the most common challenge parents face. Ideally, we think about setting limits with children before we run into conflicts. It is so much easier to be proactive. But even if we are finding ourselves stuck, there is a way out. The secret is in the relationship and the approach we take to setting limits.
Before we go ahead and set limits for the child, we need to ask ourselves how well is the child following the limits that are already in place. The answer to this question will depend on three important things:
- How reasonable these limits are
- The quality of our emotional connection with the child
- How consistent are the limits
Instead of trying to force our children into compliance with our expectations, let’s try a more effective way of communicating our limits to them. In this episode we explore the diplomatic approach that is based on the following five principles:1. Limits are a natural part of life 2. Need for information 3. Quality over quantity 4. Shared control 5. Positive Language
Mar 20 2018
Rank #11: 024: The Art Of Listening To Children
What is the goal of true listening and how do we listen with intention?
In this episode, we are exploring why listening to children is not only developmentally important, but how it is also the best tool we can have as parents to working through and solving many challenging situations.
Learn three steps to real listening and how to turn this art into practice.
Mar 06 2018
Rank #12: 015: Preventing Parent Burnout
Knowing how important it is to maintain our well-being as parents, what would you do to prevent parent burnout? You could probably quit your job if it were driving you crazy, but you can’t quit your children, no matter how much they exhaust you. Typical suggestions given to people that experience job stress (take a vacation, set boundaries on your time, switch teams, etc.) do not quite work for parents. While setting boundaries is definitely a must, it can only can be done to a certain extent because you cannot close the door on your children and “go home” -- they are your home.
Even though some of these things are not really possible for parents, there are practical suggestions that you can benefit from right away, as long as you implement them consistently. Also, let’s keep in mind that often times it is a matter of degree rather than kind, when it comes to strategies. For example, even though you cannot take a leave of absence from your parenting job, like you potentially could from a job that burns you out, you can and need to take time away from your children on a regular basis, you just need to figure out for how long and how often would be possible.
In this episode, we go over 8 STEPS that can get you started now on the path to either preventing parent burnout from happening, or recovering from it if you are heading there.
Jan 02 2018
Rank #13: 016: Boundaries & The Importance Of Starting Early
Do you protect your own boundaries? If yes, then you know the value of teaching the same skills and awareness to your children. For these essential life lessons, it is never too late to start but the earlier we start the better off our children are.
Where would you even begin?
How to teach boundaries to children?
Isn’t it such an abstract concept?
In today’s episode, not only are we talking about modeling the right boundaries, but also about explicitly bringing the child’s attention to it with clear and direct language. You will also learn what do boundaries have to do with parent burnout, and how good boundaries can help us be proactive in building a sustainable and viable parenting life.
Jan 09 2018
Rank #14: 021: The Only Need That Matters Most
The sense of acceptance works like a compass, with its purpose being to guide the child towards those who care deeply, who will protect, and will not reject the child on any level. At a very basic level, before any of this can be articulated in a more mature experience of emotions and the social context in which they may appear, the need for acceptance tells the child to stick around those who will make sure you not only survive, but blossom.
Feb 13 2018
Rank #15: 011: Children & Self-Esteem
Parents often wonder how to raise the child’s self-esteem. When we notice our child not having confidence to do something, we begin to worry that their self-esteem is low and that we need to do something about raising it.
Is there a way to raise the child’s self-esteem? There sure is, but it is not as easy as giving the child a compliment or showering them with praise.
Building self-esteem is a process that the child has to complete independently. We cannot raise self-esteem on our child’s behalf, it is the inner work of the child. But, our consistent approach and confidence in our children, will create the environment where they are free to be themselves.
In today’s episode I invite you to consider a different set of questions around our children’s self-esteem and the part we play.
Dec 05 2017