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Kids & Family
Health & Fitness

Minimum Viable Parenting

Updated 7 days ago

Kids & Family
Health & Fitness
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As parents, we have many questions and just about everywhere we turn - someone's got the answer! But how do you tease out what really matters? The MINIMUM VIABLE PARENTING framework is your guide to parenting essentials. This framework is based on simple principles of child development and incorporates deep personal values we hold as parents. This is a podcast about the most essential skills parents need in order to raise children with confidence and intention, rather than based on random advice. Join Julia Pappas, Psychologist and Parent Coach, on the mission towards informed parenting simplicity that works today and brings maximum impact for long-term sustainable relationship with our children. For show notes and more info, please visit: MinimumViableParenting.com

Read more

As parents, we have many questions and just about everywhere we turn - someone's got the answer! But how do you tease out what really matters? The MINIMUM VIABLE PARENTING framework is your guide to parenting essentials. This framework is based on simple principles of child development and incorporates deep personal values we hold as parents. This is a podcast about the most essential skills parents need in order to raise children with confidence and intention, rather than based on random advice. Join Julia Pappas, Psychologist and Parent Coach, on the mission towards informed parenting simplicity that works today and brings maximum impact for long-term sustainable relationship with our children. For show notes and more info, please visit: MinimumViableParenting.com

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20 Ratings
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iTunes Ratings

20 Ratings
Average Ratings
20
0
0
0
0
Cover image of Minimum Viable Parenting

Minimum Viable Parenting

Latest release on Oct 23, 2018

Read more

As parents, we have many questions and just about everywhere we turn - someone's got the answer! But how do you tease out what really matters? The MINIMUM VIABLE PARENTING framework is your guide to parenting essentials. This framework is based on simple principles of child development and incorporates deep personal values we hold as parents. This is a podcast about the most essential skills parents need in order to raise children with confidence and intention, rather than based on random advice. Join Julia Pappas, Psychologist and Parent Coach, on the mission towards informed parenting simplicity that works today and brings maximum impact for long-term sustainable relationship with our children. For show notes and more info, please visit: MinimumViableParenting.com

Rank #1: 006: What Kind of Love do Children Need?

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There is no doubt every parent loves their child. It would be hard not to. But what kind of love do children need? Since so many of us parents think that our job is to love our children, wouldn't it be great to know how that job is done? What does love look like? What kind of love is supportive of our child's development?

Oct 31 2017

22mins

Play

Rank #2: 007: Parent Guilt and What To Do About It

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The feeling of guilt is all too familiar to parents. It is so deeply rooted, it almost feels unavoidable, and we kind of learn to live with it. But is it really serving us? Let's explore the bigger context of this emotional state. 

Understanding where parent guilt may have originated from can help us have a more supportive perspective. Instead of feeling guilt and be paralyzed by everything that worries us as parents, we can become more compassionate towards ourselves. This frees us to carry with intention our newly understood responsibilities of nurturing the childhood.

Nov 07 2017

23mins

Play

Rank #3: 027: Discipline, Punishments, & Consequences

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What to do when children misbehave?

Do we need to address that behavior?

How do we respond?

Do we even need to respond?

Yes, we do need to respond. It is our responsibility to teach children what can and cannot be done, what is acceptable and what is not. This is the way we teach boundaries and help our children understand how to function among other people, but also what is good for their own development.

But what is the best way to teach that? Do punishments work? How are punishment different from consequences?

When we implement consequences, we can see much better results and improvement in child behavior, but we do need to keep in mind the following:

  1. Is the consequence appropriate?
  2. Is the consequence hurting our relationship?
  3. Is it teaching the right skills and lessons?

Mar 27 2018

21mins

Play

Rank #4: 025: Raising Emotionally Competent Children

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Why is it important that our children become emotionally competent? Emotions help us understand what we need and what we don’t want. When we understand our emotions, we acquire powerful tools. If we also see how important it is for our children to begin to understand their own emotions, it becomes a priority for us as parents to make sure our children acquire emotional competence.

Learn in this episode:

  • where and with whom the child can acquire emotional competence
  • the time it takes to become emotionally competent
  • skills we need as parents to raise emotionally competent children
  • what gets in the way of building emotional competence
  • why we cannot delegate emotional development of the child to someone else

Find other details and show notes at www.minimumviableparenting.com

Mar 13 2018

21mins

Play

Rank #5: 030: Raising Future-Ready Children

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What do future-ready children look like? And if the future is so unpredictable, how can we prepare our children for it?

Yes, thinking about the great unknown can cause a lot of anxiety. But here is the good news:

Not only is there a set of skills and abilities that will matter down the road no matter what the future looks like, but these are also the things we can do today. 

Apr 24 2018

19mins

Play

Rank #6: 023: When Children Lie & Deceive

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What do you do when you catch your child lying? Have you been perplexed as to why this happens and what to do with this behavior? 

To tackle this challenge, we need to understand where the child is at developmentally and be able to tell the difference between intentional deception and other forms of non-truth and storytelling. We also need to embrace the fact that lies, when they happen, do tell us a lot about the child's hidden needs and can show us the way to approach the situation.  

Feb 27 2018

22mins

Play

Rank #7: 018: Kids, Gadgets, & Misled Parents

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As gadgets become part of our children's lives, we get to hear many opinions on what is appropriate use and how much screen time is OK.

Where do you get your advice from? How much do you trust the media? How many of your decisions you question based on what you read or hear? How to know what source is reputable and how to judge for yourself?

In this episode, I share the guidelines I recommend and follow in my personal life and professional practice. I also offer 6 tools of critical inquiry you can apply to evaluate what you read and make informed decisions.

Jan 23 2018

25mins

Play

Rank #8: 019: The Trap of Comparison & Poor Self-Esteem

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We’ve all done it. At one time or another, we have compared our children to someone else’s. How many times have we said, “Look at so-and-so, why can’t you be like them?” Certainly never said with a malicious intent, comparing children does lead to poor self-esteem. But why is it such a bad thing?

Sometimes we use this trick as a means of getting the child to listen to us or to motivate them, but it is a costly strategy.Comparison sets children up for competitions they are not ready for. Comparing children creates winners and losers, when there can be none. Both sides of this competition cary unhealthy perceptions of their abilities and skills, and live the consequences of these early and illogical wins and losses that come when we compare one child to another. Ultimately, comparing children to one another hurts both sides and impacts their self-esteem.

Jan 30 2018

16mins

Play

Rank #9: 028: Dealing With Persistent Problem Behaviors

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All children have challenging behavior.

This is normal.

Until it gets to be too much.

It is one thing when our children have an occasional tantrum or get stuck with the limits we set for them. This is OK because reacting emotionally is the way children navigate their environment. But when yelling, arguments, tears, and tantrums occur on a daily basis, it rises to a different level of concern.

How do you begin to tackle a persistent problem behavior?

You may have tried setting limits, expanding consequences, and maybe even got frustrated enough to go the punishment route… What do you do if the behavior persist? The answer is in the deeper unmet needs that hide beneath the surface of the child’s behavior.

Apr 03 2018

19mins

Play

Rank #10: 026: Setting Limits The Right Way

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Getting kids to listen and follow our directions is the most common challenge parents face. Ideally, we think about setting limits with children before we run into conflicts. It is so much easier to be proactive. But even if we are finding ourselves stuck, there is a way out. The secret is in the relationship and the approach we take to setting limits.

Before we go ahead and set limits for the child, we need to ask ourselves how well is the child following the limits that are already in place. The answer to this question will depend on three important things:

  • How reasonable these limits are
  • The quality of our emotional connection with the child
  • How consistent are the limits

Instead of trying to force our children into compliance with our expectations, let’s try a more effective way of communicating our limits to them. In this episode we explore the diplomatic approach that is based on the following five principles:

1. Limits are a natural part of life 2. Need for information 3. Quality over quantity 4. Shared control 5. Positive Language

Mar 20 2018

22mins

Play

Rank #11: 024: The Art Of Listening To Children

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Do you know that the best way to support the child is to listen to them? And do you know how to listen? 

What is the goal of true listening and how do we listen with intention?

In this episode, we are exploring why listening to children is not only developmentally important, but how it is also the best tool we can have as parents to working through and solving many challenging situations.

Learn three steps to real listening and how to turn this art into practice.

Mar 06 2018

20mins

Play

Rank #12: 015: Preventing Parent Burnout

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Knowing how important it is to maintain our well-being as parents, what would you do to prevent parent burnout? You could probably quit your job if it were driving you crazy, but you can’t quit your children, no matter how much they exhaust you. Typical suggestions given to people that experience job stress (take a vacation, set boundaries on your time, switch teams, etc.) do not quite work for parents. While setting boundaries is definitely a must, it can only can be done to a certain extent because you cannot close the door on your children and “go home” -- they are your home.

Even though some of these things are not really possible for parents, there are practical suggestions that you can benefit from right away, as long as you implement them consistently. Also, let’s keep  in mind that often times it is a matter of degree rather than kind, when it comes to strategies. For example, even though you cannot take a leave of absence from your parenting job, like you potentially could from a job that burns you out, you can and need to take time away from your children on a regular basis, you just need to figure out for how long and how often would be possible.

In this episode, we go over 8 STEPS that can get you started now on the path to either preventing parent burnout from happening, or recovering from it if you are heading there.

Jan 02 2018

23mins

Play

Rank #13: 016: Boundaries & The Importance Of Starting Early

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Do you protect your own boundaries? If yes, then you know the value of teaching the same skills and awareness to your children. For these essential life lessons, it is never too late to start but the earlier we start the better off our children are.

Where would you even begin?

How to teach boundaries to children?

Isn’t it such an abstract concept?

In today’s episode, not only are we talking about modeling the right boundaries, but also about explicitly bringing the child’s attention to it with clear and direct language. You will also learn what do boundaries have to do with parent burnout, and how good boundaries can help us be proactive in building a sustainable and viable parenting life.

Jan 09 2018

24mins

Play

Rank #14: 021: The Only Need That Matters Most

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Our most important role in the child's life is to help the development of identity and the sense of Self. We do that in many ways and by using numerous tools, but it all starts with unconditional regards and acceptance. 

The sense of acceptance works like a compass, with its purpose being to guide the child towards those who care deeply, who will protect, and will not reject the child on any level. At a very basic level, before any of this can be articulated in a more mature experience of emotions and the social context in which they may appear, the need for acceptance tells the child to stick around those who will make sure you not only survive, but blossom. 

Feb 13 2018

18mins

Play

Rank #15: 011: Children & Self-Esteem

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Parents often wonder how to raise the child’s self-esteem. When we notice our child not having confidence to do something, we begin to worry that their self-esteem is low and that we need to do something about raising it.

Is there a way to raise the child’s self-esteem? There sure is, but it is not as easy as giving the child a compliment or showering them with praise.

Building self-esteem is a process that the child has to complete independently. We cannot raise self-esteem on our child’s behalf, it is the inner work of the child. But, our consistent approach and confidence in our children, will create the environment where they are free to be themselves.

In today’s episode I invite you to consider a different set of questions around our children’s self-esteem and the part we play.

Dec 05 2017

18mins

Play

038: Encouraging Children to Do Their Best

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We all want our children to do well, and when they do not, we look for ways to encourage them. In fact, it is hard not to. When we know that our children can do better, we want them to do better. Sometimes, we are so eager, we jump ahead of ourselves and are not as helpful as we can be.

Sometimes we miss the key ingredients in order to be helpful. Even when we come at it with the best of intentions, what matters is how it is received. And whether it will be received well depends on a number of factors, like:

  • what we already know about our children
  • how willing we are to observe their behavior even closer than we previously have
  • how able we are to step aside and let the child lead the process of change

And some other good things, like wearing the right set of glasses... Listen in to find out more.

Oct 23 2018

24mins

Play

037: How to Help a Fearful Child

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When it comes to resolving fears, some strategies are better than others. It all depends on the type of fear and whether it is short-lived and typical for the child's age, or whether it is more persistent and sometimes even hard to define. 

Different strategies would be needed for different types of fears. But with so many strategies out there, how would you know which one to try? A fearful child can already be a handful, and so the last thing you need is your own overwhelm.

Today, I walk you through 3 different types of strategies and levels of support. This way you will be able to see what type of strategy may work for what situation. Here is the quick overview of the levels:

  • Level 1: Direct Strategies for developmental & information-based fears
  • Level 2: Indirect Strategies for vague & perception-based fears
  • Level 3: Assisted Strategies for persistent fears

Oct 09 2018

24mins

Play

036: Parenting Styles & Executive Functioning in Children

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Why does parenting style influence the executive functioning of our children? This may come as a surprise, and yet if you think about it, it does make sense.

The way we parent is the way we address challenges with children. And the way we manage these challenges is how we inadvertently model what we would like our children to do when faced with a situation that requires their own problem-solving (which means, regulation of thoughts, emotions, and behavior is required). 

On today's Episode we get answers to these questions and more:

  • Can we help children develop Executive Functioning skills?
  • Why does our parenting approach matter?
  • What are the 3 Parenting Styles?
  • How does each style impact the development of Executive Functioning?
  • Which style is the most beneficial for brain development?

Sep 25 2018

29mins

Play

035: Executive Functioning - The One Job It Needs To Do

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What do you think of when you hear, executive functioning? What comes to mind right away? Maybe, in your mind, this word has become associated with disorders and has acquired a negative connotation. Maybe it has become associated with being able to do a specific behavior or skill. Executive functioning has been a buzzword for a number of years now, and yet it is still so confusing.  

In this episode, we are getting to the very core of Executive Functioning.

In fact, there is only One Thing you need to know about executive functioning that will ease the overwhelm and will help you see its true primary function. This one job that executive functions are responsible for is also the predictor of our children’s success and adjustment, whether we are talking about school performance or life in general.

Sep 13 2018

26mins

Play

034: Understanding Childhood Fears

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Do you ever get scared?

Children do. They get scared all the time. It’s part of their development, which comes as a hallmark of developing brain and their ever-expanding cognition. Though all the learning that our children do is exciting, the fear of the many unknown things around them is no fun. How do we help them?

Fear is a tough emotion to process. It’s not something you want to do alone, especially as a child. At the same time, fear is something you would only talk about with someone you can trust. But, even more importantly, it needs to be someone who can understand.

And that’s why this question. Children wonder, if we get scared too.  

Do you ever get scared?

What should you say?

Would it be helpful to tell them that we are not afraid? Would this help them see that there is nothing to worry about? What would give our children confidence? What tools work?

Jul 03 2018

25mins

Play

033: Keeping Your Calm As a Parent

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What to do if you tend to get so frustrated with your child that you lose your cool? Do you need a solution for those moments when you are just ready to explode? In this episode, find out:

  • why it often feels that anger is too difficult to control
  • what to focus on instead of wishing to stop being angry
  • how to slow down time & ourselves enough space to respond rather than react
  • how to stretch your continuum of feelings to see more opportunities for a re-set

It is important to notice strong emotions as they gradually arise inside us and before they get so big they spill outside. This is usually where things have gone too far. But do not worry, there is a way to use past experiences as an opportunity to practice. We can retrace our steps and learn a new way of handling anger and other challenging emotions.

Share this episode with others!

Jun 05 2018

22mins

Play

032: Three Types Of Inconsistent Parenting

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Staying consistent in parenting is not easy, especially when the child’s behavior seems erratic and unpredictable. And yet, the only way to settling testing behaviors is the consistency of our response.

To stay consistent we need to remember why there is a specific expectation and what values will be broken if we do not follow through with our intention. If we break our own word, it is hard to convince the child we are worth listening to.

Although staying consistent may be hard, spotting inconsistent parenting practices is relatively easy. In this episode we are talking about three types of scenarios that inconsistent parenting fits into and how to act instead.

May 22 2018

21mins

Play

031: Double-Standard Parenting

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One of the biggest traps of parenting is the double standard parenting. We do not do this intentionally. And yet, we do fall into this trap more often than we would love to admit, perhaps.

When we give in and do not hold consistent expectations, we create a double standard. Knowing why that happens and what implications double-standard parenting has on child development as a whole, can help us be more mindful of this trap and be proactive in how we interact with our children.

May 15 2018

14mins

Play

030: Raising Future-Ready Children

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What do future-ready children look like? And if the future is so unpredictable, how can we prepare our children for it?

Yes, thinking about the great unknown can cause a lot of anxiety. But here is the good news:

Not only is there a set of skills and abilities that will matter down the road no matter what the future looks like, but these are also the things we can do today. 

Apr 24 2018

19mins

Play

029: Parenting With The Future in Mind

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It is not easy to parent a child, and it is certainly not easy to do in this century. With so many changes in how we live today, the pace of these changes, and not knowing what we need to prepare our children for, it can be quite anxiety provoking.

One of the ways we deal with that anxiety is we begin to cling onto what we think we can control -- our children. But what happens when we try to control our children from the place of our own fear is that we become rigid and narrow minded. That kind of mindset eventually leads to biased thinking & missed opportunities.

Instead of focusing on what we cannot predict, let us turn to the qualities and skills that will always be relevant for as long as there will be human beings around. What can we teach our children today that they can benefit from today and in the future?

Apr 17 2018

19mins

Play

028: Dealing With Persistent Problem Behaviors

Podcast cover
Read more

All children have challenging behavior.

This is normal.

Until it gets to be too much.

It is one thing when our children have an occasional tantrum or get stuck with the limits we set for them. This is OK because reacting emotionally is the way children navigate their environment. But when yelling, arguments, tears, and tantrums occur on a daily basis, it rises to a different level of concern.

How do you begin to tackle a persistent problem behavior?

You may have tried setting limits, expanding consequences, and maybe even got frustrated enough to go the punishment route… What do you do if the behavior persist? The answer is in the deeper unmet needs that hide beneath the surface of the child’s behavior.

Apr 03 2018

19mins

Play

027: Discipline, Punishments, & Consequences

Podcast cover
Read more

What to do when children misbehave?

Do we need to address that behavior?

How do we respond?

Do we even need to respond?

Yes, we do need to respond. It is our responsibility to teach children what can and cannot be done, what is acceptable and what is not. This is the way we teach boundaries and help our children understand how to function among other people, but also what is good for their own development.

But what is the best way to teach that? Do punishments work? How are punishment different from consequences?

When we implement consequences, we can see much better results and improvement in child behavior, but we do need to keep in mind the following:

  1. Is the consequence appropriate?
  2. Is the consequence hurting our relationship?
  3. Is it teaching the right skills and lessons?

Mar 27 2018

21mins

Play

026: Setting Limits The Right Way

Podcast cover
Read more

Getting kids to listen and follow our directions is the most common challenge parents face. Ideally, we think about setting limits with children before we run into conflicts. It is so much easier to be proactive. But even if we are finding ourselves stuck, there is a way out. The secret is in the relationship and the approach we take to setting limits.

Before we go ahead and set limits for the child, we need to ask ourselves how well is the child following the limits that are already in place. The answer to this question will depend on three important things:

  • How reasonable these limits are
  • The quality of our emotional connection with the child
  • How consistent are the limits

Instead of trying to force our children into compliance with our expectations, let’s try a more effective way of communicating our limits to them. In this episode we explore the diplomatic approach that is based on the following five principles:

1. Limits are a natural part of life 2. Need for information 3. Quality over quantity 4. Shared control 5. Positive Language

Mar 20 2018

22mins

Play

025: Raising Emotionally Competent Children

Podcast cover
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Why is it important that our children become emotionally competent? Emotions help us understand what we need and what we don’t want. When we understand our emotions, we acquire powerful tools. If we also see how important it is for our children to begin to understand their own emotions, it becomes a priority for us as parents to make sure our children acquire emotional competence.

Learn in this episode:

  • where and with whom the child can acquire emotional competence
  • the time it takes to become emotionally competent
  • skills we need as parents to raise emotionally competent children
  • what gets in the way of building emotional competence
  • why we cannot delegate emotional development of the child to someone else

Find other details and show notes at www.minimumviableparenting.com

Mar 13 2018

21mins

Play

024: The Art Of Listening To Children

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Do you know that the best way to support the child is to listen to them? And do you know how to listen? 

What is the goal of true listening and how do we listen with intention?

In this episode, we are exploring why listening to children is not only developmentally important, but how it is also the best tool we can have as parents to working through and solving many challenging situations.

Learn three steps to real listening and how to turn this art into practice.

Mar 06 2018

20mins

Play

023: When Children Lie & Deceive

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What do you do when you catch your child lying? Have you been perplexed as to why this happens and what to do with this behavior? 

To tackle this challenge, we need to understand where the child is at developmentally and be able to tell the difference between intentional deception and other forms of non-truth and storytelling. We also need to embrace the fact that lies, when they happen, do tell us a lot about the child's hidden needs and can show us the way to approach the situation.  

Feb 27 2018

22mins

Play

022: Secrets To Raising Winners

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How to raise children who win? So many parents wonder, how to make sure our children succeed? The simple answer is to raise children who are not afraid to fail. Children who know how to face failure, have the kind of skills that all true winners need.

Children who win, are the children who try, again and again. They look for opportunities to give it a shot, and then another shot. Children with a winner’s attitude know that they may lose and they still go for it, because going for it increases their chances at getting better and getting to their goal eventually.

In order to raise a child who accomplishes what they set out to do, we need to guide them through emotions that come with failure, which will build on their capacity for emotional control, which will then build their tolerance for failure. This tolerance shapes them into resilient children who persevere through challenges and disappointments, because ultimately they see themselves as the key drivers of getting to their goals.

Feb 20 2018

18mins

Play

021: The Only Need That Matters Most

Podcast cover
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Our most important role in the child's life is to help the development of identity and the sense of Self. We do that in many ways and by using numerous tools, but it all starts with unconditional regards and acceptance. 

The sense of acceptance works like a compass, with its purpose being to guide the child towards those who care deeply, who will protect, and will not reject the child on any level. At a very basic level, before any of this can be articulated in a more mature experience of emotions and the social context in which they may appear, the need for acceptance tells the child to stick around those who will make sure you not only survive, but blossom. 

Feb 13 2018

18mins

Play

020: Parental Control & The Child's Sense of Freedom

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Setting limits is often the most challenging task when it comes to parenting and it does mean exercising control over the situation and making decisions as a parent. While  we all understand that setting limits is critical, many of us struggle with it. And one of the reasons why, is because parental control is a touchy subject.  

In this episode, we talk about setting limits and, more specifically, I frame this conversation around the parents’ right and responsibility to exercise control. So if setting limits is a necessity and parental control is not only a right, but a responsibility, why is it so hard to have the confidence to do that as a parent? So the question is really not whether parental control is needed or whether the parent has to have the power of decision, but what kind of control and how to implement it. This is the art of the parenting practice that takes into consideration the power to help the child and prepare them for the future.

Feb 06 2018

21mins

Play

019: The Trap of Comparison & Poor Self-Esteem

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We’ve all done it. At one time or another, we have compared our children to someone else’s. How many times have we said, “Look at so-and-so, why can’t you be like them?” Certainly never said with a malicious intent, comparing children does lead to poor self-esteem. But why is it such a bad thing?

Sometimes we use this trick as a means of getting the child to listen to us or to motivate them, but it is a costly strategy.Comparison sets children up for competitions they are not ready for. Comparing children creates winners and losers, when there can be none. Both sides of this competition cary unhealthy perceptions of their abilities and skills, and live the consequences of these early and illogical wins and losses that come when we compare one child to another. Ultimately, comparing children to one another hurts both sides and impacts their self-esteem.

Jan 30 2018

16mins

Play

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