The One You Feed

Rick Hanson, PhD is a Neuropsychologist, teacher and author of many books. He is the founder of the Wellspring Center for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom and an affiliate of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkley. This is the 2nd time Dr. Hanson has been a guest on the show and we invited him back because of how great his work really is. In this episode, he talks all about the fact that who we become is a result of what we grow inside of ourselves. Using the analogy of tending a garden, he teaches us very practical ways to grow and enrich ourselves through the experiences in our lives. Get a pen and paper - you'll probably want to take notes on this one!

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In This Interview, Rick Hanson and I Discuss...

The Wolf Parable
His book, Resilient: How to grow an unshakable core of calm, strength, and happiness
Who we become is a result of what we grow inside ourselves
How you manage your challenges, protect your vulnerabilities, Increase your resources: out in the world, in the body, and in the mind
Growing resources in our mind is a good focus
Converting an experience into lasting change
Slowing down content delivery so that the nervous system in our brains has a chance to receive it and rewire accordingly
5 ways to enrich a beneficial experience:
Extend the experience (make it longer)
Intensify the experience (really lean into it)
Embody the experience (how does it feel in your body and your mind)
Freshen the experience (see what's novel about it? Bring a beginners mind)
Value the experience (see the relevance to you)
Asking what is the challenge? What resource would be the most beneficial?
The mind is like a garden - to grow things, focus on:
Mindful witnessing
Mindful releasing of what's negative
Mindful receiving (replace what we release or simply receive what would be beneficial)
Fighting what's negative only makes it work
Growing a fundamental core of resilient wellbeing
Safety, Satisfaction, and Connection are basic needs we have
How it takes time to tend a garden
How adversity isn't the only way to grow in life
We have to experience what we want to grow inside
We have to turn that experience into some kind of lasting change in the brain

Mar 27 2018

41mins

Play

241: Judson Brewer: Addiction and the Craving Mind

Judson Brewer MD PhD is widely considered an expert in the areas of habit change, the "science of self-mastery" and mindfulness training for addiction. He has published a number of peer-reviewed articles and book chapters, he has trained US Olympic coaches, and his work has been featured on 60 Minutes, TEDMED, Time, Forbes, BBC, NPR, Businessweek and others. So - you get the idea...this guy knows what he's talking about and what he's talking about is fascinating. It's a very different approach to ridding yourself of addiction and it works. it works much better than even currently accepted "gold standard programs" and it's something you can learn how to do today. In fact, you can learn how to do it by listening to this episode.

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In This Interview, Judson Brewer and I Discuss...

His book, The Craving Mind: From Cigarettes to Smartphones to Love - Why We Get Hooked and How We Can Break Bad Habits
Trigger, Behavior, Result
Rewards and Punishments
Habit Loop
Subjective Bias
Addiction: Continued use despite adverse consequences
Addiction: a way to avoid something
Every time we give in to a craving, we reinforce that habit loop
Cravings are like stray cats
If you don't feed a craving it will burn itself out
Surfing a craving
The way cravings feel like they're going to crush us and last forever - cognitive distortion
Craving Wave: come - crest - go away\
Awareness helps us surf these craving waves
What does this feel like in my body right now?
Paying attention to the craving rather than avoid it or make it go away
RAIN
This method had 5x quit rates than the gold standard smoking cessation program
Substitute behavior
In their quest for happiness, people mistake excitement of the mind for real happiness
Investigate the craving and the reward
Excitement brings contraction
Get curious about your experiences - it helps you remain open
Default mode network
Conceptual vs Experiential Self
The contraction of ego
How we relate to our thoughts and feelings makes all the difference

Jusdon Brewer Links

Homepage

Aug 08 2018

46mins

Play

229: Adyashanti on the Process and Experience of Awakening (part 1)

Adyashanti is a renowned and gifted spiritual teacher. He's written many books, hosts meditation retreats and speaks around the world to large audiences at a time. With such a wide audience, it's amazing that when you experience Adya's teaching, it's as if he's speaking directly to you - to your very heart. Whatever your experience with or preconceived notions of spiritual awakening, allow yourself to re-engage with the idea through this interview. As you turn the inquiry towards yourself this time, you may be surprised, moved and/or transformed by what you find - if you are brutally honest in the process.our inner life.

Visit oneyoufeed.net/transform to learn more about our personal transformation program.

In This Interview, Adyashanti and I Discuss...

Eric's awakening experience
The awakened state in perpetuity
The shift in perception that happens with awakening
The paradox of wanting something like awakening yet wanting it stands in the way of having it
Will gets you to the cushion and once there, it's important to let go of it
Does one need a spiritual teacher when seeking awakening?
The teacher evoking something from vs the teacher giving something to the student
How people work with unconscious patterns
How you can't not be awakened - even if you don't feel it, it's there
Emotional conflict
Paying attention to what's recurring in you
Anything that's happened to us that was too big for us to remain conscious while we experienced it, gets trapped in our system - turned into some other emotion or it just gets stuffed and is now just there waiting for you. The universe is now asking, "can you experience this now?"
Being fine with being sad
Let everything be exactly the way it is
How dealing with life's experiences as they come transforms you
A clinched fist vs an open hand metaphor
"Let" vs "Let go"
If you can't let it go, can you let it be
Failure as part of triumph
Failing your way through something consciously can cause a sort of transformation
What it looks like to build a spiritual practice
Daily quiet meditation, Engage in some precise self-inquiry (a wonderment of "being")
How spirituality is the direct investigation of YOUR experience
The only way to get self-inquiry wrong is not to be ruthlessly honest about what's happening in your experience
The fear of getting something wrong
Think of your spiritual teacher kind of like a college professor

May 09 2018

49mins

Play

228: Mark Epstein on the Intersection of Buddhism and Psychotherapy

Mark Epstein is a psychiatrist in private practice in NYC and the author of many books about the intersection of Buddhism and psychotherapy. He's currently the clinical assistant professor in the postdoctoral program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis at New York University. His most recent book, Advice Not Given; A Guide to Getting Over Yourself is what he talks about in this episode. His wisdom is so incredibly practical, applicable, and helpful. Ideas like whether or not naming your feelings would be a helpful strategy for you and how to work with clinging in its many forms - even the clinging to inner peace - abound in this discussion. Take a listen and enrich your inner life.

Visit oneyoufeed.net/transform to learn more about our personal transformation program.

In This Interview, Mark Epstein and I Discuss...

The Wolf Parable
His book, Advice Not Given; A Guide to Getting Over Yourself
The duality that we all struggle with
Freud and the Buddha's nearly identical conclusion
What it means to take personal responsibility for our selfish concerns
The clinging to that which gives us a sense of control over life
The clinging to that which nurtures our ego
The eightfold path of the Buddha
The conversation with his terminally ill father that inspired this book
Right View - being realistic about one's self and the nature of things
How change and death is happening all of the time, moment to moment
Trying not to try as it relates to meditation
"Take the backward step" in meditation
FInding balance in "right effort"
Exploring the feelings that we are otherwise afraid of through psychotherapy
The link between being with uncomfortable feelings and empathy to others
How anything that's happening in the body or mind can be the object of meditation
How useful it is to name a feeling
Making a feeling "intelligible" by naming it
How useful it can be to find where feelings show up in the body
When your mind is not aware of what's making you act this way (in addiction, compulsive behaviors etc) it's important to put the words on the feelings
Whether or not all emotions show up in the body
How clinging takes many forms - even the desire for inner peace
"Don't chase her, let her find you."
That our lives are made dull by our efforts to over control things

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

May 01 2018

41mins

Play

129: Russell Simmons

This week we talk to Russell Simmons about being a giver Russell Simmons is an American entrepreneur and author. He began his entrepreneurial career in his youth, but on the wrong side of the law, selling marijuana to make money while an active member of a local gang. He then partnered with Rick Rubin to create Def Jam Records, and signed artists like the Beastie Boys, LL Cool J, Public Enemy and Run-D.M.C. He is also The Chairman and CEO of Rush Communications, he cofounded the hip-hop music label Def Jam Recordings and created the clothing fashion lines Phat Farm, Argyleculture, and Tantris. He is also a vocal proponent of meditation and veganism. His latest book is called The Happy Vegan: A Guide to Living a Long, Healthy, and Successful Life In This Interview, Russell Simmons and I Discuss: The One You Feed parable How good givers are great getters Giving before you get Dissociating ourselves from the results of our labors How success and fame don't necessarily make us happy Improving our health through veganism Improving the health of the planet through veganism Corporate greed The horrors of factory farming His experience with Occupy Wall Street The corruption in politics His daily yoga practice Combining yoga, meditation, and veganism Remaining useful and active as we age For more show notes visit our website

Jun 01 2016

27mins

Play

259: Steven C Hayes- Getting Out of You Mind

Steven C Hayes is Nevada Foundation Professor at the Department of Psychology at the University of Nevada. He is an author of over 35 books and over 500 scientific articles. He is considered one of the founders of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

In 1992 he was listed by the Institute for Scientific Information as the 30th “highest impact” psychologist in the world. His work has been recognized by several awards including the Exemplary Contributions to Basic Behavioral Research and Its Applications from Division 25 of APA, the Impact of Science on Application award from the Society for the Advancement of Behavior Analysis, and the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies.

He is best known for his book Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

In This Interview, Steven C Hayes and I Discuss…

The One You Feed parable
His book, Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life
The ACT approach to therapy
That you know if your thoughts are good or bad by the fruits that they bear
The difference between pain and suffering
The importance of putting the human mind on a leash
That suffering comes from when we mishandle the present moment, and we amplify certain thoughts and feelings
The meaning of Cognitive Fusion: when we can look only from our thoughts and not at our thoughts
The importance of and various types of contemplative practice
Various diffusion techniques (listed in a free episode download!)
The concept and practice of experiential avoidance
The full impact of acting for “short term gains with long term pains”
The idea of creating larger behavioral patterns
The role of values based action

Steven C Hayes Links

Homepage

TED Talk

Dec 26 2018

48mins

Play

224: Cheri Huber On the Impact of Our Mind on Our Direct Experience

Cheri Huber is the author of 20 books and has been a student of zen for 35 years. She founded the Mountain View Zen Center and the Zen Monastery Peace Center, both in California, where she and other monks teach workshops and hold retreats. She is also a truth telling, light hearted delight to listen to. In this interview, she talks all about what is going on in our mind and how we can better work with it to produce a better experience in life. Her wisdom is so practical and so powerful. See for yourself in this transformative episode.

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In This Interview, Cheri Huber and I Discuss...

The Wolf Parable
Her book, I Don't Want To, I Don't Feel Like It: How resistance controls your life and what to do about it
How the process IS the outcome
That now is the only moment there is
How the quality of your life is determined by the focus of your attention
Everything comes into being, together
She doesn't believe that there's anything that ISN'T God
Our dualistic thinking
All of the ways to refer to the ego
The unique ability that humans have to experience themselves as other than life
The ego is a survival system
Believing we are not connected to life
Everything is a verb! A gerund
The illusion of being separate from life
My ego is the no to life's yes
Always asking what's lacking, what's missing, what's wrong keeps the ego as the center of the universe
How we are deeply conditioned for negativity
Awareness being able to watch the conditioned mind
I hear it in my head, it sounds like me, it must be me, it's who I am
Approach the stuff that's going on inside our heads by imagining that it's somebody next to you saying it
Recording and Listening
Make recordings of what's true, what I appreciate, what I love
Hearing what's true for you in your own voice
Talking ourselves into a life that's true
How we direct our attention is the be all and end all in life
We have these tendencies to see what's negative so we need to bring ourselves to what is true that isn't negative
We transcend the conditioned mind, we don't resist it
The key is to turn your attention away from the negative voices not to change what they are saying
The habit of going with the conversation in your head is so powerful
If we can wake up out of it, we can decide to go somewhere else in our attention
Hear Cheri Huber talk about her book, I Don't Want To, I Don't Feel Like It: How resistance controls your life and what to do about it
Cheri Huber teaches that the process IS the outcome
Cheri Huber explains what she means by this: your ego is the "no" to life's "yes"
Do you believe that we are deeply conditioned for negativity or hardwired for negativity?
Here's a tip: Approach the stuff that's going on inside our heads by imagining that it's somebody next to you saying it
The quality of your life is determined by the focus of your attention

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

Apr 04 2018

52mins

Play

65: Maria Popova of Brain Pickings

[powerpress]
This week we talk to Maria Popova about Brain Pickings and living a good life.

Our guest today is Maria Popova: a writer, blogger, and critic living Brooklyn, NY. She is best known for Brainpickings.org, which features her writing on culture, books, and many other subjects. Brain Pickings is seen by millions of readers every month. Maria’s describes her work as a human-powered discovery engine for interestingness, a subjective lens on what matters in the world and why, bringing you things you didn’t know you were interested in — until you are….

For more information, show notes and a free resource guide for staying inspired visit our website.

Mar 02 2015

1hr 4mins

Play

222: Jeff Warren on How to Meditate with a Busy Brain

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Jeff Warren is a former journalist and more recently is a researcher, writer, and teacher of meditation and personal growth practices. His most recent book, written with Dan Harris, is called, Meditation for Fidgitty Skeptics: A 10% Happier How to Book. Jeff is a likable, relatable guy who carries a lot of practical wisdom in his conversational style of communicating. If you've ever felt like you're not good at meditating or that meditation just isn't for you because your brain never turns off, this interview is for you because that's how Jeff would describe himself, particularly at the beginning of his practice years ago. We all know that meditation is good for us but for many, it just feels inaccessible and out of reach. If that is how you feel, what Jeff has to share in this interview will make that gap shrink in size so much so that you can hop right over it and try again.

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In This Interview, Jeff Warren and I Discuss...

The Wolf Parable
His book with Dan Harris, Meditation for Fidgitty Skeptics: A 10% Happier How to Book
The role of meditation in living with depression
The voice in our heads
Not identifying with the voices in our heads
Coming out of the conversation in our heads
The idea of "I can't meditate"
Thinking we're supposed to stop thinking when we meditate
Changing the relationship with your thoughts
Focusing on an anchor, getting lost in thought, realizing you're lost in thought and coming back to your anchor = mediation
How quick we are to conclude that meditation isn't for us
That meditation is a practice
Celebrating the coming back from thought in meditation
Training affability during meditation
Finding enjoyment and curiosity during meditation
Asking "What's the attitude in my mind right now?" during meditation
That attitude is what you're training during meditation
Looking at the world with interest
Equanimity = a lack of pushing and pulling on experience
Opening to experience so that there's no friction
When everything has permission to express its self fully

Check out our new Stress Reducer Course

Mar 20 2018

49mins

Play

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310: Liz Fosslien on Embracing Emotions at Work

Liz Fosslien is the Head of Content and Editorial at Humu, a company that uses behavioral science to make work better. She leads interactive scientifically-backed workshops about how to create a culture of belonging to help remote workers avoid burnout, navigate different work styles, and effectively harness emotion as a leader. Her work has been featured by The New York Times, The Economist, and NPR. Liz is the co-author and illustrator of the book, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work. In this episode, she and Eric dive into the important and fascinating topic of the role of emotions in the workplace. You may think being “cool, calm and collected” at work is the right way to be but after listening to this episode, you will likely think differently.

In This Interview, Liz Fosslien and I Embracing Emotions at Work and …

Her book, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work.
How we underestimate the emotions we bring to work
Tools to help with embracing emotions in the workplace
How we make really bad decisions when we don’t reference our emotions
The danger of being a “feelings fire hose” at work
The “Skill Swap” exercise at work
The New Rules of Emotion
Caring about yourself more than you care about your work
Your Support Network and your Challenge Network at work
Communicating what you need in the moment to another person
Social Distancing
Why we lack motivation at work
Relevant Emotions vs Irrelevant Emotions

Liz Fosslien Links:

fosslien.com

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

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Dec 10 2019

43mins

Play

309: Greg Marcus on the Spiritual Practice of Good Actions

Greg Marcus is a practitioner, facilitator, and innovator of American Mussar which is a 21st-century spiritual practice for an authentic and meaningful life. He has a B.A. in Biology from Cornell University and earned his Ph.D. in Biology from MIT. He worked for 10 years as a marketer in the Silicon Valley genomics industry, after which he became a stay at home dad, writer, life balance coach, and biotech consultant. His latest book is called The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions: Finding Balance Through the Soul Traits of Mussar.

In This Interview, Greg Marcus and I Discuss Spiritual Practice of Good Actions and …

His book, The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions: Finding Balance Through the Soul Traits of Mussar
The Jewish Spiritual Practice of Mussar
Taking mindful action in everyday life
The Soul Trait of Enthusiasm
Too much of a Soul Trait vs not enough of a Soul Trait
The middle way as it relates to Soul Traits
Focusing on a Soul Trait for 2 weeks
How to move head knowledge into heart knowledge
The Morning Mantra
Picking 1 specific action to take
Journaling
The Great Wall of Mussar – and how to overcome it
Handling significant emotional disruption
How our free will isn’t always accessible to us
How to slow the train of emotional disruption
Shadow Soul Traits
Inverting the Shadow Trait: What is the light that’s casting the shadow?

Greg Marcus Links:

americanmussar.com

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Dec 03 2019

41mins

Play

308: Dr. John Norcross on the Keys to Successful Behavior Change

Dr. John Norcross is an internationally recognized expert on behavior change. He is Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of Scranton and a board-certified psychologist. He is the author of the acclaimed self-help book, Changeology: 5 Steps to Realizing Your Goals and Resolutions, has authored over 400 publications and has co-written and edited 22 books, principally in the areas of psychotherapy, clinical psychology, professional training, and self-change. In this episode, he and Eric discuss what the science of behavior change tells us when it comes to the do’s and don’t’s of creating new behaviors and putting an end to problematic ones. This episode is full of practical wisdom and is a must-listen for anyone looking to create meaningful, lasting change in their lives.

In This Interview, Dr. John Norcross and I discuss Behavior Change and…

His book, Changeology: 5 Steps to Realizing Your Goals and Resolutions
One of the colossal mistakes people make when trying to change their behavior
Motivation & willpower versus learnable skills
Harnessing the power of the science of behavior change as well as the 5 stages of behavior change
The power of doing the right things at the right time
Preparing to follow a behavior change program
The 90-day commitment for lasting behavior change
Chronic Contemplation as well as what to do when you slip up
The findings from the New Years Resolutions Study
Energy sources
The importance of a “change team” or a “support team”
The common “countering” methods using “healthy opposites”
How to apply the “healthy opposites” approach to emotional eating
The truth: what is measured, improves
Dealing with urges as well as cravings

Dr. John Norcross Links:

changeologybook.org

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Nov 26 2019

44mins

Play

307: Loch Kelly on Effortless Mindfulness

Loch Kelly is an author, meditation teacher, psychotherapist, and the founder of The Open-Hearted Awareness Institute. Loch works to help people access awakening as the next natural stage of human development. by offering in-person retreats, workshops, and online video and audio courses. He has served on the New York Insight Teachers Council and has collaborated with neuroscientists at Yale, U Penn and NYU in the study of how awareness training can enhance compassion and well being. Loch also studied extensively with Mingyur Rinpoche and was invited to teach direct realization by Adyashanti. As a licensed psychotherapist, Loch has been teaching seminars, supervising clinicians and practicing awareness psychotherapy in New York City for 30 years. His latest book is called, The Way of Effortless Mindfulness: A Revolutionary Guide for Living an Awakened Life.

In This Interview, Loch Kelly and I discuss Effortless Mindfulness and…

His book, The Way of Effortless Mindfulness: A Revolutionary Guide for Living an Awakened Life
The good wolf & the bad wolf: how there are no “bad” parts of us
Feed the one who is aware of the two wolves
How he defines “effortless mindfulness”
Flow consciousness
Deliberate mindfulness vs effortless mindfulness
Objects of consciousness vs the space that objects are in
Mindfulness is about awakening rather than it just being about stress management
Relieving suffering at it’s root
Small glimpses, many times and the practice of the “small glimpses” techniques.
Dropping from head mind to heart mind
Non-dual awareness
How to practice the "small glimpses techniques
Awareness-based knowing

Loch Kelly Links:

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Nov 19 2019

44mins

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306: Judith Blackstone on Healing Trauma Through Consciousness

Judith Blackstone is an innovative and experienced teacher in the contemporary fields of non-dual realization and spiritual, relational, and somatic psychotherapy. She developed The Realization Process, which is a direct path for realizing fundamental consciousness. She also teaches the application of non-dual realization for psychological, relational, and physical healing. Judith has taught The Realization Process for over 35 years throughout the United States and Europe. She currently has 6 books in publication including her latest book, Trauma and the Unbound Body: The Healing Power of Fundamental Consciousness.

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

In This Interview, Judith Blackstone and I discuss Healing Trauma through Consciousness and …

Her book, Trauma and the Unbound Body: The Healing Power of Fundamental Consciousness
Uncovering fundamental consciousness
Attuning to the 3 components of fundamental consciousness: awareness, emotion, and physical sensation
Defining trauma
The way we hold back things that won’t be met with approval
How traumatic events cause us to be divided – driving us out of our fundamental nature of wholeness, which is fundamental consciousness
Inhabiting our body vs scanning our body
Releasing trauma through our bodies
Healing trauma through consciousness
Psychological healing in addition to spiritual awakening
The role of memory in healing trauma
Accessing memories through somatic connections
Healing trauma in relation to other people as well as with other people

Judith Blackstone Links:

realizationprocess.org

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

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If you enjoyed this conversation with Judith Blackstone on Healing Trauma through Consciousness, you might also enjoy these other episodes:

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Nov 12 2019

46mins

Play

305: David Richo on Navigating the Five Givens in Life

In This Interview, David Richo and I Discuss Navigating the Five Givens in Life and…

His latest book 5 True Things: A Little Guide to Embracing Life’s Big Challenges
That perfection is not a human option
How a “given” can be looked at as an immutable fact or something that we’ve been granted
Navigating the 5 givens in life that are the ingredients of a life with meaning, character, depth, and compassion
Life is not always fair and that pain is part of everyone’s life
The importance of saying yes to these givens as it brings more equanimity and serenity into our life
Accepting the things we cannot change, while trusting that if life is like this, these “givens” aren’t penalties – rather, they have gift dimensions
How we create our own suffering through our saying “no” to what is
His words, “Anything that crosses swords with our entitled ego is a powerful source of transformation and inner evolution.”
The ego tries to control the givens
That love is accepting someone as they are, knowing that everyone comes with these 5 givens
How the opposite of yes is not no, but rather it is control
Building the inner resources that make me strong enough to handle whatever givens come my way as well as the importance of becoming skilled at grief
His words, “A spiritually evolved adult seeks not an answer, but a significance.”
Live with the questions and notice where they take us
Act with loving-kindness in addition to holding difficulty with mindfulness
Spirituality is the intersection of 3 paths: letting go of ego, “yes” to the conditions of human experience, and compassion
Happiness is not a reward and suffering is not a punishment

David Richo Links:

davericho.com

Calm: The #1 rated app for meditation. They have meditations, sleep stories, soothing music, and calm masterclasses with may One You Feed Guests. www.calm.com/wolf 25% off a Calm Premium Subscription

Nov 05 2019

43mins

Play

304: Tony Wrighton on Managing Your Energy

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

In This Interview, Tony Wrighton and I Discuss Managing your Energy and …

Trying to meditate with a 4-month-old
How there’s not a good and evil wolf – rather, many different wolves
His training in NLP
The role of control in our lives
Parenting
Why he named his podcast Zestology – and what it means to him
The idea of managing energy – without it, you can’t do anything. With a lot of it, you feel you can conquer the world
The thing that helps with energy and well being as well as what counts as a “fun” activity for him.
Meditating, sleep, good food, intermittent fasting, exercise
The thing that, when he didn’t do it, caused his daily energy level to decrease by 30%
How he tracks the variables that contribute to his energy levels
His books: Confidence in a Minute, Persuade in a Minute, and Relax in a Minute
The NLP technique of anchoring in addition to managing your inner voice.
How we get used to anything in life so it’s important to switch things up
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Authenticity

Tony Wrighton Links:

Phlur: Eric created his own sampler set that you can try! Get this curated sampler set or create your own. Get 20% off your first 3 Phlur samples at Phlur.com/wolf

Oct 29 2019

50mins

Play

303: James Finley on Contemplation and Awakening

James Finley is a contemplative practitioner, clinical psychologist and faculty member of The Living School for Action and Contemplation. Drawing from his experience as a former monk and spiritual directee of Thomas Merton, James helps seekers who desire to live a contemplative, whole life. In this episode, he and Eric discuss many of his works and concepts pertaining to contemplation, awakening to our true nature, truth that transcends religions, love and wisdom. We think you will be struck (as we are!) by how expansive, inclusive and edifying James’ words and teachings are when it comes to helping you to connect with that which is loving and true and always present.

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

In This Interview, James Finley and I Discuss Contemplation, Awakening, and …

The question: In this moment, what’s the most loving thing I can do?
How it’s love that feeds the good wolf
His book, Merton’s Palace of Nowhere
His violent, abusive alcoholic father and how that facilitated his seeking a place in a monastery with Thomas Merton
Merton’s message that we are one with the infinite love that is God and that is our deepest identity and it is our destiny is to realize that
That we subsist in a relationship with God as light subsists in flame
How truth transcends religions
The True Self and False Self
The lie that the ego is all that we are
Identity: The discovery of the true self is the process of dying to our dreaded and cherished illusion that anything less than infinite union with infinite love has the authority to name who we are.
The acts that hurt ourselves and others is the acting out of a mistaken identity
His book, The Contemplative Heart
To contemplate means to pay attention, to observe carefully
Contemplation is sustained attentiveness infused with love
His book, Christian Meditation
Taking the stance of least resistance when it comes to awakening
The welling up of that which sustains us in the brokenness
Removing complexities and distractions to be present in stillness
The mystic teacher is one whose words awaken your heart to the desire for “the great way” and offers trustworthy guidance in it.
The mystic teacher uses language in the service of helping a person to let go of their dependency on the kind of language that stops short at explanations to find the language that is a kind of a cry from the heart, from our true self.
The true self embraces both solitude and communion with others
The metaphor of a high jumper and a very high bar and God’s mercy or compassion then placing it on the ground where we then trip over it and fall into God’s loving arms
Being sustained by a mystery that then brings us to itself – and that is wisdom

James Finley Links:

jamesfinley.org

Calm: The #1 rated app for meditation. They have meditations, adult bedtime stories, soothing music, calm masterclasses with may One You Feed Guests. www.calm.com/wolf 25% off a Calm Premium Subscription

Daily Harvest – Delivers absolutely delicious organic, carefully sourced, chef-created fruit and veggie smoothies, soups, overnight oats, bowls and more. To get $25 off your first box go to www.dailyharvest.com and enter promo code FEED

Oct 22 2019

43mins

Play

302: Reba Riley on Post Traumatic Church Syndrome

Reba Riley is a blogger, artist, and healer. She travels the world speaking about transformation, courage, health, and healing. Her book, Post Traumatic Church Syndrome: A Memoir of Humor and Healing, is the topic of discussion in this episode. You will be moved and inspired by Reba’s story. As it turns out, kindness, love, and bravery really are some of the most powerful forces to harness for healing and hope and that’s what she discovered as she explored 30 religions before she turned 30 and battled a deep depression in the years following.

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

In This Interview, Reba Riley and I Discuss Post Traumatic Church Syndrome, and …

Her book, Post Traumatic Church Syndrome: A Memoir of Humor and Healing
Her chronic illness
Facing her anger and bitterness
30 religions before she turned 30
Life being grey when religions answers are often black and white
That love is bigger than everything
Love healing us and bringing us together
Her mothers love through her journey
That wherever she found love (in the 30 religions) she found God
How love and forgiveness have to start in each of us
Looking past beliefs and differences and judgments to find the love that exists
If love rolled up her sleeves and put on her work boots, kindness is what would happen
Kindness is the action, the outpouring, the verb – of love
Kindness is love made visible
Her battle with dark, debilitating depression
Feeling like she had no reason to do anything, no will to live
Using kindness to battle depression
How she did 5000 random acts of kindness over 18 months and it saved her life
The story she hasn’t told anywhere else about her relapse of depression
The alchemy of kindness to transform your pain
Couraging = brave as a verb

Reba Riley Links:

rebariley.com

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The Great Courses Plus: Learn more about virtually any topic – beyond the basics and even master a subject if you want to. Get one month for free at www.thegreatcoursesplus.com/wolf

Oct 15 2019

43mins

Play

Introducing The Next Big Idea

Ideas are coming at you every day from all directions. How can you process it all? You can start with The Next Big Idea. Host Rufus Griscom and legendary thought leaders Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Dan Pink, and Susan Cain, will be your personal “idea” curators. Open your mind and get ready for something big, because the right idea--at the right moment--has the power to transform your life. Listen now at http://wondery.fm/TNBIWondery

Oct 15 2019

8mins

Play

301: Robin Hanson on Motives and Human Behavior

Robin Hanson is an Associate Professor of Economics at George Mason University and a Research Associate at the Future of Humanity Institute of Oxford University. His book, The Elephant In The Brain: Hidden Motives In Everyday Life, is what he and Eric discuss in this episode. They explore topics like motives, perspective, the left brain interpreter and so much more as it relates to human behavior. This episode will give you a lot of insight into yourself and others.

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

In This Interview, Robin Hanson and I Discuss Motives, Human Behavior, and …

His book, The Elephant In The Brain: Hidden Motives In Everyday Life
How often, we keep our true motives hidden from others
That we also keep our true motives hidden from ourselves
Modularity
The things happening at a conscious as well as an unconscious level
The left brain interpreter being like a press secretary
Needing to tell a story about our motives
Questioning whether or not you know the motives of others
That we have multiple motives for doing things
Understand others and then assume you’re a lot like them
Cynicism and Misanthropy
Perspective
The evolution to protect ourselves from each other
The need to have others like us and think well of us
Obliviation
What if others couldn’t see what you bought – that their opinion of you wouldn’t change because of what you bought – how would that change what you’d buy?
That we pay a lot for variety
Proximate and distal causes
That evolution designed us to be relatively unaware of our motives – so why is it good to know about them?

Robin Hanson Links:

elephantinthebrain.com

overcomingbias.com

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

Ted Talk

Westin – their reason for being is to help you travel well – eat well, move well and sleep well. Welcome to wellness. Explore at Westin.com

The Great Courses Plus – learn more about virtually any topic – beyond the basics and even master a subject if you want to. Get one month for free at www.thegreatcoursesplus.com/wolf

Talkspace: the online therapy company that lets you message a licensed therapist from anywhere at any time. Therapy on demand. Non-judgemental, practical help when you need it at a fraction of the cost of traditional therapy. Visit www.talkspace.com and enter Promo Code: WOLF to get $65 off your first month.

Oct 08 2019

48mins

Play

300: Charlie Gilkey on Getting Things Done

Charlie Gilkey is the author of Start Finishing: How To Go From Idea To Done. An Army veteran and near Ph.D. in philosophy, Charlie is the founder of Productive Flourishing, a company that helps professional creatives, leaders, and change-makers take meaningful action on work matters. He’s widely cited in outlets such as Inc. Magazine, Time, Forbes, The Guardian, Life Hacker and more and his work will help you discover the path from the ideas in your head to the actions you take in your daily life and the way you live out your values – and most importantly how to go about getting things done.

In This Interview, Charlie Gilkey and I Discuss Getting Things Done and …

His book, Start Finishing: How To Go From Idea To Done
How kindness towards others often brings out the best in everyone
The Tao Te Ching
Focusing on your input and letting go of the results
Why finishing is so important
That we only get mastery from finishing things, not halfway doing them
We don’t just improve by thinking about things, we improve by doing them
Creative constipation breeds toxicity
We’re either creating something or destroying something
We don’t do ideas, we do projects
How it feels good to think about our ideas
How doing our best work is often really hard
The myth: if it’s meant to be for us, it’s supposed to be easy
That when you start something you’re not as good at it as you want to be and it takes time to and effort to get better
The myth that if it doesn’t come easy for you, you shouldn’t do it
Doing something until you’re good enough at it to decide whether or not you want to continue doing it
The 5 things that get in the way of doing our best work
Head Trash: Doesn’t matter if a thought is true or not – it matters if we believe it or not
The problem with automatically believing our thoughts
How discipline limits decision fatigue
Action expresses priority
Being sick isn’t a character defect – how you respond to it matters
That big life changes take life force and energy in order for us to respond to and deal with them and that’s life force that we can’t put towards other things – and that’s ok

Charlie Gilkey Links:

productiveflourishing.com

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

Phlur – Eric created his own sampler set that you can try! Get this curated sampler set or create your own. Get 20% off your first 3 Phlur samples at Phlur.com/wolf

Calm: The #1 rated app for meditation. They have meditations for anxiety, adult bedtime stories, soothing music, calm masterclasses with may One You Feed Guests. www.calm.com/wolf 25% off a Calm Premium Subscription

If you enjoyed this conversation with Charlie Gilkey on getting things done, you might also enjoy these other episodes:

Chris Bailey

David Kadavy

Tim Pychyl

Oct 01 2019

50mins

Play

299: Mark Henick on Suicide and Depression

Mark Henick has appeared in hundreds of television segments and countless more radio, print and online features about mental health. Mark’s TedTalk, “Why We Choose Suicide”, is among the most-watched in the world with over 6 million views. In this episode, he tells Eric about his experience with attempts at suicide, relapsing depression and getting skillful with finding meaning and living his life. This isn’t just a broad discussion on suicide and depression – there are real, practical techniques and approaches that can be applied to life today, no matter your circumstances, to create meaning, fulfillment, and yes, even joy.

In This Interview, Mark Henick and I Discuss Suicide, Depression, and…

The duality of life and death
Mental Health and Suicide
His suicidality at 12 years old
The message he got that he couldn’t talk about suicide
The complete stranger who saved him from jumping from a bridge at night – physically holding on to him
His realization that he didn’t have to be the suffering boy he was, he could be the stranger that helped him…that his life could be different
The myth that if you talk about suicide it will give people the idea to do it
The right way and wrong way to talk about suicide and depression
How freeing it is to talk about something
When others told him they could relate to his story of suicide and depression
His recovery through a newfound sense of purpose
The healthier relationships he pursued
Getting clear about boundaries
The toxic masculinity he was surrounded by as a child
Not having the language to express the feelings he had
The perceptual field and increasing your options by getting uncomfortable.
How depression limits the options you can see
Broadening of perception and expansion as a part of awakening
Something good can come from most painful situations; It’s in the lens you take and the work that you do.
His depression and social anxiety disorder
The danger in an avoidant coping strategy as well as the flaws of perfectionism.
Realizing the cross you bear can change into meaning and how to turn your struggle into something good.
Getting good at re-lapsing with his depression
His misguided thought that he was failing at getting better
Learning to trust himself AND learning not to believe every one of his thoughts
The truth: This too shall pass (the more you cling to it the longer it takes to pass)
How depression hates a moving target

Mark Henick Links:

markhenick.com

Ted Talk: “Why We Choose Suicide”

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

Daily Harvest – Delivers absolutely delicious organic, carefully sourced, chef-created fruit and veggie smoothies, soups, overnight oats, bowls and more. To get $25 off your first box go to www.dailyharvest.com and enter promo code: FEED

Sep 25 2019

48mins

Play

298: Essential Concepts: Key Strategies to Making a Change

This mini episode is about the tactical and emotional aspects of changing behavior.

Sep 21 2019

12mins

Play

298: Sarah Shockley on Living with Chronic Pain

Sarah Shockley is a multiple award-winning producer and director of educational films including Dancing From the Inside Out, a highly acclaimed documentary on disabled dance. Sarah is the author of a number of books on living with chronic pain, including the one discussed in this episode, The Pain Companion: Everyday Wisdom for Living with and Moving Beyond Chronic Pain.

In This Interview, Sarah Shockley and I Discuss Living with Chronic Pain and…

Her book, The Pain Companion: Everyday Wisdom for Living with and Moving Beyond Chronic Pain
How it’s hard for us to heal when we’re in a battle with pain
The good wolf aspect of pain
Feeding into healing vs feeding in living with chronic pain
Her experience with debilitating pain
The many components of chronic pain – in addition to the physical component
How isolating chronic pain can be
Chronic emotional pain
Seeing pain differently
Turning towards pain and asking it, “What could positively be your positive purpose here?”
What you resist persists
Becoming partners with your pain
Thinking of pain as the voice of something within you that wants to be healed
Creating a different relationship with pain
We lock pain in place when we get into a resistant mode
Giving pain a lot of space
Breathing into the pain
The messages that pain brought her
Asking pain, “What do you need?”
How her life has been transformed by changing her relationship and experience with chronic pain
That she wrote the book she wished she had been given in the midst of her struggle with pain
That being seen in your pain can be the beginning of healing
Living with chronic pain and what she imagined her pain looking like

Sarah Shockley Links:

thepaincompanion.com

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

YouTube

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The Great Courses Plus – learn more about virtually any topic – beyond the basics and even master a subject if you want to. Get 3 months of unlimited access to their entire library for just $30. www.thegreatcoursesplus.com/wolf

If you enjoyed this conversation with Sarah Shockley on living with chronic pain, you might also enjoy these other episodes:

Toni Bernhard

Michael Galinsky

Sep 18 2019

42mins

Play

297: Eric Kaufmann on Conscious Leadership

Eric Kaufmann guides leaders to make better decisions and achieve better results. He has consulted for hundreds of leaders including executives and team leaders at Sony, TMobile, Genentec and Alcon Labs just to name a few. He is the founder of Sagatica Inc and he serves on the board of the San Diego Zen Center. In this episode, he and Eric discuss his work of teaching conscious leadership in the workplace.

In This Interview, Eric Kaufmann and I Discuss…

How he interacts with his shadow side
The key to not making a situation worse
His practice of refrain and return
Conscious leadership
Unrelenting commitment to results with an unwavering regard for spirit
What someone says they want vs what they need
The courage it takes to say no
The 3 building blocks of our egoic state
The 3 pillars of being a conscious person
Wisdom = mistakes + time
Wisdom = Seeing below the surface and beyond the obvious
That being wise means being present and aware
How cultivating wisdom is a practice and how humor cultivates wisdom.
Courage is walking toward what you want to walk away from
Have the courage to Speak Up, Care, Commit
How sarcasm can be a mask of fear
Bringing the weird
How it takes energy to withhold
Love is wanting to do well for others
Love is expansive, inclusive, and connective
The things that get in the way of love

Eric Kaufmann Links:

Calm app – Reduce your anxiety and stress and help you sleep better. Meditations for anxiety, adult bedtime stories, soothing music, calm masterclasses with many One You Feed Guests. Visit www.calm.com/wolf for 25% off a Calm Premium Subscription

Sep 10 2019

42mins

Play

296: Brent Williams on Recovering from Depression

Brent Williams suffered for a long time from depression and anxiety and during that time he kept a journal about his thoughts, feelings, and experiences. That journal has now been turned in to a beautiful graphic novel called, Out Of The Woods: A Journey Through Depression and Anxiety. In this episode, Brent and Eric use his story as a jumping-off point to discuss how depression can show up in your life and how you can realistically, practically, and effectively find your way out of it.

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

In This Interview, Brent Williams and I Discuss…

His book, Out Of The Woods: A Journey Through Depression and Anxiety
How subtle depression can be in your life – permeating everything
All the things he went to as a diagnosis before he admitted it was depression he was suffering from
His resistance to taking depression medication
How he watched his father take medication for anxiety and how it changed him
His resistance to taking help from others
His experience in therapy
The metaphor of depression medication being a life preserver but you still have to swim back to shore
The components of self-care: eat well, exercise, be with people, be outside, get support, stop ruminating, proper sleep
How fundamental good nutrition is when it comes to mental well being
Doing small and manageable things when you’re depressed
How the reward mechanism in your brain isn’t working properly when you’re depressed
How it took him a while to find the right therapist
The potential danger of meditating when depressed
That mindfulness meditation was the form of meditating that helped him most
The impact of keeping a mood chart – seeing a pattern that you can’t see at the time
That sometimes you just have to push yourself over the hurdle of doing things that are good for you when you don’t feel like doing them
Looking at your activities to assess your mental wellbeing
Depression showing up as irritability in men

Brent Williams Links:

outofthewoods.co.nz **Special Offer** for The One You Feed listeners! Buy 1 Book, Get 1 Free to give to a friend, family member or a community center!

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

Phlur – Eric created his own sampler set that you can try! Get this curated sampler set or create your own. Get 20% off your first 3 Phlur samples at Phlur.com/wolf

FabFitFun – A women’s lifestyle subscription box filled with full-size premium items that you will love. Eric’s girlfriend is honestly obsessed because the items in this box are just so good. Give yourself this gift – use the promo code FEED for $10 off your first box at fabfitfun.com

Sep 03 2019

39mins

Play

295: Dr. Sue Johnson on Navigating Romantic Relationships

Dr. Sue Johnson is an author, clinical psychologist, researcher, and an internationally recognized leader in the field of couple interventions. She is founding Director of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) and Distinguished Research Professor at Alliant University in San Diego, California, as well as Professor Emeritus, Clinical Psychology, at the University of Ottawa, Canada. In this interview, Dr. Sue Johnson discuss her best selling book, “Hold Me Tight: 7 Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” and her groundbreaking research of helping couples to enhance, repair, and keep their relationship.

In This Interview, Dr. Sue Johnson and I Discuss…

Her book, Hold Me Tight: 7 Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
The wolf parable and how therapists act as the third wolf for couples.
Relationships are often stuck in fear and anger
Emotional disconnection causes distress in relationships.
Humans are wired for close connection with others.
Attachment needs continue into adulthood, most notably in romantic relationships.
Common conversations in distressed relationships are known as “demon dialogues”.
Relationships stuck in predictable patterns is referred to as the “Protest Polka”.
“Freeze and Flee”means one person gives up on the relationship.
“Find the Bad Guy” in other words, It’s not me, it’s you”
Understanding the circle of criticism, or the “dance” you’re stuck in.
Learning to blame this “dance” rather than each other.
The “hold me tight conversation” that creates safety in the relationship.
Understanding the negative cycle that causes disconnection.
Creating a positive cycle by creating a secure bond
“ARE” – Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement.
Talking about fears rather than acting on them leads to bonding.
Emotional connection in a relationship is a source of joy and strength.

Dr. Sue Johnson Links:

drsuejohnson.com

Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

TalkSpace – the online therapy company that lets you message a licensed therapist from anywhere at any time. Therapy on demand. Non-judgemental, practical help when you need it at a fraction of the cost of traditional therapy. Visit www.talkspace.com and enter Promo Code: WOLF to get 65% off your first month.

DoorDash – Don’t worry about dinner, let dinner come to you with DoorDash. Get $5 off your first order of $15 or more when you download the DoorDash app and enter promo code WOLF

Westin – their reason for being is to help you travel well – eat well, move well and sleep well. Welcome to wellness. Explore at Westin.com

Aug 27 2019

42mins

Play

294: Gabe Howard on Mental Illness

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer, speaker, and host of the weekly Psych Central show who lives with bipolar and anxiety disorders. His new book, Mental Illness Is an A-Hole – And Other Observations, is what he and Eric discuss in this episode. You’ll be captivated by Gabe’s story as he tells it – it’s compelling, relatable, inspiring, and educational. Whether or not you have bipolar disorder or another mental illness, chances are you know someone or some people who do and so this is an important episode to listen to – you’ll deepen your understanding of what it means to live with mental illness.

In This Interview, Gabe Howard and I Discuss…

His book, Mental Illness Is an A-Hole – And Other Observations
What bipolar disorder is (and isn’t) and how it shows up in his life
His compelling story
The myth that people with mental illness come from bad families
When he went to the ER because of suicidal thoughts
How he defines recovery: spending more time living life than managing his bipolar disorder
The 4 years he spent in a battle with his mental illness
How you have to learn what works for you – and how that takes time
The role of medication in the treatment of mental illness
How it stings when your body lets you down
Eric’s experience taking and not taking medication for his depression
Whole health wellness
Suicide
Don’t choose a permanent solution to a temporary problem
How suicide doesn’t end the pain – it transfers it to someone else

Gabe Howard Links:

gabehoward.com