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DATE YOUR WIFE

Updated 5 days ago

Kids & Family
Health & Fitness
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Co-hosts Garrett J White and Danielle K White share in this weekly podcast as a powerhouse husband and wife duo why date nights have become non-negotiable in their life. Garrett is the founder of Wake Up Warrior, a program for married businessmen to live the Warrior’s Way towards having a life of having it all, and Danielle is the founder of NBR hair extension techniques through DKW Styling Salon. They will share how they have created success in every aspect of their lives after being willing to rebuild and heal from disconnection, and it all starts with weekly date nights.

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Co-hosts Garrett J White and Danielle K White share in this weekly podcast as a powerhouse husband and wife duo why date nights have become non-negotiable in their life. Garrett is the founder of Wake Up Warrior, a program for married businessmen to live the Warrior’s Way towards having a life of having it all, and Danielle is the founder of NBR hair extension techniques through DKW Styling Salon. They will share how they have created success in every aspect of their lives after being willing to rebuild and heal from disconnection, and it all starts with weekly date nights.

iTunes Ratings

233 Ratings
Average Ratings
184
13
3
9
24

Great podcast

By 410dave - Jul 30 2019
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Amazing podcast. Just found this. Definitely a must listen to from here on out.

WE LOVE THIS!

By GarKid - Oct 12 2018
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So important and so good!! THank you for sharing.

iTunes Ratings

233 Ratings
Average Ratings
184
13
3
9
24

Great podcast

By 410dave - Jul 30 2019
Read more
Amazing podcast. Just found this. Definitely a must listen to from here on out.

WE LOVE THIS!

By GarKid - Oct 12 2018
Read more
So important and so good!! THank you for sharing.
Cover image of DATE YOUR WIFE

DATE YOUR WIFE

Latest release on Jan 14, 2020

The Best Episodes Ranked Using User Listens

Updated by OwlTail 5 days ago

Rank #1: Finding Your Inner Stripper | Date Your Wife | Ep 099

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*Encore presentation from May 15, 2018*

Welcome to this week’s steamy episode of the Date Your Wife podcast sponsored by DKW Styling and featuring dual producers inside the game of business, money, and life – Danielle K and Garrett J White – who are keeping it real and raw no matter what level of success they achieve. Although today’s topic is one of the tougher topics for many couples to get real about, the Whites break down all barriers and bares all in this week’s enlightening, revealing and transparent conversation about sex.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….SEX Point #1: Ass Cheeks ‘n Thongs
  • Danielle: We were at Cabo, lots of sex, no kids, drinking gin, and this medium-looking girl walks by with her guy, she’s wearing a thong and has a tiny bum – even I noticed. It’s when your head followed and you kept following. Usually, you’re super respectful. But you kept prolonging that ass.
  • Garrett: You caught me on that one. You do have control over how long you entertain, but you have zero control over the fact that if nine sets of ass cheeks are walking by you, and you’re sitting there with your wife whose ass cheeks you love, as a guy in that environment it is a work of art to try to NOT do two things: #1- look, #2- try to not be weird about it when you’re with your wife.
QUESTION

How do you feel about prolongued looks at the opposite sex by your partner?

Point #2: Sexual Triggers
  • Danielle: Being turned on by a guy is all about how he carries himself; it’s all about his energy and not about the idea of having sex with him. You might get butterflies and think, ‘oh he’s cute,’ but usually you never entertain it until later when it comes up and you wonder why you’re so horny.
  • Garrett: As guys, we have a very different challenge because we are constantly being stimulated. You can be at church and a woman walks by wearing a shirt where her nipples are protruding and you can be a super committed loyal man to your wife, and nonetheless, you are sexually triggered.
QUESTION

What triggers you sexually?

Point #3: Finding Your Inner Stripper
  • For years, Garrett wanted Danielle to send him sexy photos of herself, but for a long time, she wasn’t about that. She eventually had a boudoir photoshoot that was not only for Garrett, but it also helped her find her inner stripper and channel more of her sexual being.
  • “When I’m learning and growing in life, I’ll do things to get out of my comfort zone because it pisses me off that I’m operating in a certain way. Doing the pictures made me nervous but I decided to just do it. It gives you permission to roleplay and it spices things up a little bit.”
QUESTION

What is something you can do this week to step out of your comfort zone in your relationship?

Point #4: Reflection in the Mirror
  • Garrett: It’s very difficult for a guy to have his thoughts in check if he’s not getting laid. As a guy, you are naturally sexually charged and if you and your wife are not having sex for whatever reason – if physical intimacy is not happening – his sexual energy goes even higher, which is what leads a man to go porn and masturbation, which ultimately leads to a bigger problem.
  • Ladies, if you shame and guilt your husband because he’s looking at porn, I’d invite you to look in the mirror at how you’re showing up. The majority of men are looking at porn because they are not getting their sexual and emotional needs met at home – the relationship sex game is horseshit and not working out.
QUESTION

Ladies, how are you showing up sexually for your husband?

Point #5: Road to Nowhere
  • With consistent porn consumption and masturbation, you will stop putting your sexual energy towards your wife. You deplete all of your sexual energy into the computer and into your cell phone, and through masturbation, you literally push your energy away into the nothing. There’s no exchange of energy.
  • Garrett: “Looking at porn and masturbating is a hollow experience. When I would go through these times of looking at porn and masturbating because Danielle and I were not on the same page, I would feel bad, alone and isolated. Turning to porn made it worse because I would start feeling even more resentment towards Danielle.”
QUESTION

Gentlemen, where are you in the porn/masturbation cycle? How are your actions affecting your wife and your relationship?

Communication Challenge:

Ladies, how can you use sex as a tool and as a connecting piece to restore order in the relationship?

Date Night Topic:

Do a little role playing on your next Date Night to channel your inner stripper and add a little spice to the mix.

Quote of the Week:

“Guys, at the end of the day, keep all of that sexual energy in because it forces you to get committed to getting laid. This is what I have noticed for myself. If I keep all the sexual energy inside of me by not masturbating or looking at porn, then it forces me to focus all that energy on Danielle.”

Garrett J White

“Take the time to connect. Even if you’re working a lot and don’t see each other often, your relationship can only be as good as you’re willing to work on it. If you’re willing to cross the line for each other and not let it get too far disconnected, you can always stay in a good space. It’s when you let it go too far that it takes that much longer to repair it and get back up. It’s always a work in progress.”

Danielle K White

Nov 26 2019

45mins

Play

Rank #2: The Cirque du Soleil of Married Sex | Date Your Wife | Ep 062

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With shots of tequila in their system and amidst the flirtatious back-and-forth bantering that easily doubles as foreplay, the White’s jump into another episode of the Date Your Wife podcast with a conversation around Garrett’s favorite topic, Sex. For the new listeners, Danielle explains QQP (Quickie, Quickie Pornstar) and they have an honest and revealing discussion about keeping married sex spicy. *This is an encore presentation of a previously recorded episode. ________________________________________________________

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:

Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week’s Podcast….SEX Point #1: If You Don’t Mop the Floors, Somebody Else Will
  • Danielle: Many women approach sex with a “let’s just get ‘er done” attitude. If guys go long enough with only a simple clean up job, they’re not going to be satisfied.
  • Garrett: Danielle’s sex game in the last six months has gone through the roof. As a woman, she has literally blown my mind.
QUESTION

Where has mopping the floors in your marriage gotten you?

Point #2: Avoiding the Shithole of Married Sex
  • Danielle: Sometimes you have to act the part and play the role during sex. Entertain that idea and have fun with it.
  • Just because you’re laying there with your legs spread open doesn’t mean that’s attractive. When you’re married, if you expect to have that chemistry and spark, play the fucking game.
QUESTION

What is the condition of your sex life? What are the facts?

Point #3: Girls Just Want to Have Fun
  • Danielle: I’m happy that my man is fulfilled. When you have fun with sex, your man is feeling fulfilled. It’s fun for him and it’s fun for you – it goes both ways.
  • Pretend you’re dating and ask yourself: How would I act? What would I do? Even after years of marriage, it becomes fun to entertain that thought and go with it.
QUESTION

Ladies, how do you feel about yourself when you just let yourself go and have fun?

Point #4: The Sex Game
  • Garrett: Many men have this faulty understanding of sex. They want to have a sexual connection with their wife and they think that making money and investing in the children will get them that.
  • At the end of the day, she wants sexual connection but she also wants something else – she wants attention. If you give that to her, she will support you in the sex game and it will bring your marriage together.
QUESTION

What are you expecting from your wife yet at the same time are neglecting to give her?

 

Point #5: Patterns
  • Garrett has this pattern of putting the girls to sleep and engaging in their nighttime routine, while Danielle professes that she’s not a very routined mom: “Brush your own teeth, say your own prayers, tuck yourself in.”
  • Garrett: There’s a lot of dad-guilt that comes when you work a lot. I do spend time with the girls in the mornings but I find I sometimes use them as an excuse to not have to be intimate with Danielle at night.
QUESTION

What patterns are in need of changing in order for you to make more time with your spouse?

Communication Challenge:

Gentlemen, if you want your floors more than mopped, what are you doing to create the environment for your wife to want to shine your floors?

Date Night Topic:

Have a conversation about patterns that you see in your marriage and what you can begin doing today to change a pattern in one area of your life that will benefit your marriage.

 

Quote of the Week:

“The moon was out, the doors on our deck were open, and it was “Go Time.”

–Garrett J White

“In a relationship, if you say, “I don’t want to [have sex],” it’s honestly like starting a new workout. Put in the work now and eventually it gets easier. Before you know it, it’s actually kind of fun.”

–Danielle K White

______

Mar 12 2019

31mins

Play

Rank #3: Slip ‘N Slide | Date Your Wife | Ep 083

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Grab some popcorn, folks, and get ready for another off the charts episode of the always spicy and highly entertaining Date Your Wife podcast, featuring the refreshing “tell it like it is” co-hosts, Garrett J and Danielle K White. They’re at it once again as they delve into Garrett’s self-proclaimed favorite topic of Sex. Danielle calls Garrett out on his creepy strip shows in his weird thong and invites him to become more comfortable with his sexuality, and Garrett says he doesn’t want empty sex – aka vaginal masturbation. Fan favorites Quickie Quickie Porn Star and TTF are back in the mix, and there’s a new arrival on the scene: Slip ‘n Slide. *EPISODE REPLAY FROM MARCH OF 2018.

 

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….SEX Point #1: Sexy Seduction 101
  • Being sexy is as simple as walking around in a new bra and underwear while casually asking, “Have you seen my toothbrush?” Garrett suggests saving money by skipping the bra and just buying the panties. Sometimes it’s a ‘top-stays-on-bottom-comes-off’ kind of night. Other times, it’s an everything comes off, keep the lights on and do a little dancing around kind of night.
  • Most women need a little wining and dining before the main course. Take her there just a little bit and then worry about yourself.

QUESTION

How have QQPS (Quickie Quickie Porn Star) and TTF (Touch Me-Tell Me-Fuck Me) become game-changers in your marital sex life?

Point #2: Sex Therapy Is Not About Sex
  • Throughout their marriage, Danielle had never felt there was a safe space to talk about sex with Garrett, making it awkward for her to even bring up. She found herself starting to believe his story about her that she didn’t want to have sex.
  • Sex therapy for the White’s yields the single greatest breakthrough for Garrett after Danielle divulges a piece of information that instantly shreds a story he created during his first marriage and brought with him into theirs. Garrett creates a new story which shifts and rocks their world.

QUESTION

Men: What is your sexual story?

Point #3: The Perfect Storm
  • As a 15-year-old Mormon teen who has been raised that sex before marriage is taboo, Garrett divulged to his parents his plan to have sex with his 18-year-old girlfriend after the upcoming Prom. He immediately gets shipped away to live with his grandparents in Utah for a couple of months, and as a result, never has a conversation about it or closure with his girlfriend whom he has been dating for a year and is madly in love with.
  • Garrett dates his first wife under the umbrella that says sexual relations are taboo before marriage. Yet, they fool around and have sexual relations, lie about it to their religious leaders, adding to the guilt and shame created when he was 15. Sex in his marriage with Danielle becomes problematic, as Garrett carries into it this brewing cesspool of guilt, shame, and pain, while Danielle, because of her Mormon upbringing, feels like she has to stifle the sexual feelings that come naturally to her.

QUESTION

How has your upbringing shaped and influenced your attitude, beliefs, and stories about sex?

Point #4: Written in the Stars
  • In her astrological studies, Danielle is validated by her discoveries that, as a Taurus woman, she is very sensual, loves cuddling, and is very happily satisfied with her traditional approach to sex because a good thing never gets old. She’s been changing it up with QQPS, which Garrett loves.
  • Communication for Gemini’s is huge, and they love to be emotionally stimulated more than anything else. Garrett realized that he had gotten so disrespectful as a husband and exposes the lie that all he wanted was someone to have sex with every day. What has exploded their sex life is their connection to truth.

QUESTION

What is written in the stars about you individually that resonates with you, that can serve you and your spouse in your marriage?

Point #5: Your Story is Your Biggest Problem
  • Garrett: I didn’t know what our relationship would be if we weren’t always arguing about having sex. Danielle: I was fearful and wondering if we have a new story, does that mean we have a new story with somebody else?
  • There was a lot of action and collision that had to happen, which were really a pursuit of truth underneath the surface of all the lies that we were telling, which came in two forms: the blatant lies we were telling and the stories that we started to believe. Your stories are powerful enough to convert your husband or wife to believe.

QUESTION

What are the lies that the collision in your marriage is trying to uncover?

Communication Challenge:

What is your sexual story? Do the investigation on your own about your own story, and then in a conversation with your spouse, share your results with them.

Date Night Topic:

On your date night, be open to having a conversation about how the stories you tell are your biggest problems.

Quote of the Week:

“We had come to the point where our stories had become so intense that it was almost easier for us to burn the story and burn the relationship…and just try again with somebody else. But the crazy part was, guess what we would have taken with us? The same fuckin story.”

Garrett J White

“I bet a lot of men feel like that towards their wives [I need a vagina. We’re married. Your vagina is mine.] It devalues the actual qualities that they want and need to create fulfillment, and it devalues those qualities in themselves. They start looking at and treating their wives as objects. I felt that way and was thinking ‘you better give me more credit than just being a good piece of ass.”

Danielle K White

Aug 06 2019

1hr

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Rank #4: The Divine Divorce | Date Your Wife | EP 061

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As a couple-on-the-go, co-hosts Danielle K and Garrett J White, delve into a topic that, at first glance, might appear to be in the oxymoron realm. However, in classic White style, Danielle and Garrett deliver insights and experiences that uncover what might be one of the most important things you will ever do as a married couple: go through your Divine Divorce in order to find your Divine Destiny.

Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…Communication Point #1: Divine Divorce Leads to Divine Destiny
  • There are times when couples are in the midst of great chaos and find themselves knocking on the door of divorce. Because of this, most couples concur that there comes a point in their relationship where they must choose all in…again.
  • Garrett: Although we didn’t get a divorce, there was an emotional separation that took place. We were functionally disconnected, meaning, we were very good at being disconnected. There came a time when the inevitable moment of decision presented itself where we had to make a choice.
QUESTION

What has been your experience with knocking on the door of divorce?

Point #2: Am I With the Wrong Person?
  • The IDEA of a relationship that is in continual bliss and always on fire is evident in the highlight reels that are plastered all over social media, giving others the impression of a fairytale happily-ever-after marriage. This is total bullshit.
  • Garrett: There’s a moment of the Divine Divorce where you as a couple begin to drift but it’s actually setting up the next chapter of your relationship. Danielle: We kept looping back to the same arguments that never got solved, which had me wondering, “Am I with the wrong person?”
QUESTION

Is what you’re posting on social media a true reflection of the state of your marriage, or is it drenched in hopeful bliss and fantasy?

Point #3: It’s Just How It Is
  • Garrett: The vast majority of couples that I meet and connect with inside Wake Up Warrior and BMS are operating in very minimal sexual connection, very minimal emotional and spiritual connection, and are surviving. But the challenge is, they don’t even know they’re surviving. The belief is, “This is just how it is.”
  • If you surround yourself with people who have this belief, it’s not until something traumatic happens where it begins to expose how shitty things really are. In our marriage when the money disappeared, that is when the chaos of our marriage was exposed.
QUESTION

Where in your world do you have the belief of “it’s just how it is?”

Point #4: From Divorce to Divine Divorcement
  • The reality of how people show up in marriage is quite alarming to Garrett. Inside of many relationships he is connected with, he has witnessed many couples where both people are out of shape, they don’t go out on dates, there is no seduction or flirting, and they are in the managing and survival mode. Then they get a divorce.
  • “What blows my mind is the transformation that begins taking place AFTER the divorce, where they blossom into this entirely new person. Instead of having to get divorced, what if you could literally go through a Divine Divorcement?”
QUESTION

If on the verge of divorce, what would be possible inside your marriage if you considered the possibility of creating new patterns while remainging married?

Point #5: It's a Choice
  • Garrett: No matter how powerfully connected you feel to who you are and what you have, the next version of your relationship as a couple is impossibly held hostage by the current constraints of what you believe is possible today.
  • No matter what state your marriage is in today, there’s another level calling you. And in order to get to that next level, there’s a Divine Divorcement upon you. Divine in the sense that God, through the gift of agency, is giving you an opportunity to choose.
QUESTION

What are some of the limiting beliefs that are holding your marraige hostage?

Communication Challenge:

How are you choosing to show up in your marriage? What are you choosing to divorce? Without the divorcement and without the decision to do it, nothing is going to change inside of your relationship.

Date Night Topic:

Have a conversation about the things that attracted you to each other inthe beginning of your relationship. How those have evolved and changed over time? What are some things you can do now to create new chemistry and excitement inside your relationship?

Quote of the Week:

“There’s a new destiny on the other side of divorce. Divorce is simply choosing to do something different; it’s the laying down and putting aside of that which is old and not working, for something that is new and can work.”

Garrett J White

“People underestimate the small consistencies daily that create a big win in life. Stay committed, be patient, and kick your husband in the ass every now and again if he needs it.”

Danielle K White

Mar 05 2019

31mins

Play

Rank #5: The Key to Communication | Date Your Wife | EP 054

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(This is an encore presentation of a previously published episode of the Date Your Wife podcast.) In this week’s episode, Garrett and Danielle discuss the importance of communicating with your spouse. They have not always been on the same page as a couple, and for many years they each wondered if their marriage would survive the incessant fights and battles that had become the status quo and mode of communication in their relationship. Inside of that chaos, they discovered the formula that works for them.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week’s Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: Communication in Marriage is the Glue Between Sex, Money, and Kids
  • Garrett and Danielle have not always been on the same page as a couple. For many years they each wondered if their marriage would survive the incessant fights and battles that had become the status quo and mode of communication in their relationship.
  • Danielle learned how to confront and listen to her feelings, communicate, stand up for herself and voice what she was feeling to match Garrett’s strong personality. Garrett struggled with telling the truth and sharing what he was feeling because he felt unsafe in doing so with Danielle.
QUESTION

How do you and your spouse communicate with each other? Does it create a safe zone or a war zone?

 

Point #2: The Game of Collision
  • Danielle grew up in a non-communicating and non-hugging family, although she instinctively knew her parents loved her.  Garrett’s family was very touchy-feely and were encouraged to speak openly and freely about what they were feeling and thinking. Hugs and ‘I love you’ were the norm. Garrett recalls, “It was a downright hug fest.”
  • Garrett wanted to share his 42 gallons of feelings with Danielle, but her tiny thimble couldn’t hold that space for him. She wasn’t taught how to communicate and was feeling overwhelmed, which caused her to unknowingly push him away to create breathing space for herself.
QUESTION

What types of communication styles did you and your spouse experience in your families? How has this affected the way you communicate in your marriage?

  Point #3: Show Up and Pay Attention
  • While dating, Danielle and Garrett could talk for hours and hours. After marriage, the filters came off, the grind of daily life set in, and they eventually found themselves drifting into roommate status. There was no connection and no viable communication. His unspoken message that business came first rang out loud and clear to Danielle.
  • Garrett didn’t spend a lot of time seducing Danielle, nor did he pay attention to the needs of his young bride of 20. He was in the work and grind mode which benefited them, yet in the process, he ignored her. He wanted to feel connected to Danielle through sex, touching, and talking – yet that was a complete turn off to her because of their lack of connection and how he wasn’t showing up for her.
QUESTION

How do you show up for your spouse?

 

  Point #4: What You Focus On, Expands
  • The loss of their spark, trust, and financial stability, coupled with the demise of their communication, created a very difficult environment for them as a couple. They graduated from not communicating at all to all-out fighting mode in every conversation; they wanted to spend time with other people, rather than with each other. Garrett was receiving emotional fulfillment by having conversations with his female clients and coworkers.
  • During this time in 2010, while pregnant with their second child, Danielle stopped looking to Garrett as the source of her happiness and breadwinner, and instead began looking within herself with newfound courage to speak freely and to take on life – without him, if necessary – which resulted in the birth of her business. That was also the beginning of the turning point in their marriage.
QUESTION

Where do you put your energy and focus? How is it enhancing or detracting from your relationship?

  Point #5: A Threesome Will Help You Keep Your Game On Point
  • Upon discovering their different Love Languages, Garrett learns he has been giving Danielle what he wants to receive, rather than what she wants and needs. Couples and individual therapy enabled them to get past the triggers and blowing up stage while keeping them inside the fight and conversation.
  • Garrett shares that therapy and third-party conversations are what saved their marriage. Danielle advises: Be real about your feelings during therapy – even if it means arguing in front of the therapist or spontaneously jumping up and doing burpees and push-ups.
QUESTION

Are you giving your spouse what you want to receive, or are you giving them what theywant and need?

 

Communication Challenge:

Begin discovering your love languages and take action on giving to your spouse what they want and need.

 

Date Night Topic:

Engage in the conversation with your spouse about starting therapy together.

 

Quote of the Week:

“The thing that saves our marriage more than anything, is Date Night. It’s the simplest part of the form of the game in restoring communication, connection, passion, fashion, love, and everything else inside of marriage.”

Garrett J White

“A lot of time with the love languages, it’s not your love language, but you get to cross that boundary to get your own fucking love language met. I used to say, ‘I don’t want to do this. It’s not me. It’s not how I was raised.’ I learned quickly that if I want my needs met, I have to serve him – and vice-versa.”

Danielle White

Jan 15 2019

59mins

Play

Rank #6: The Power of the V | Date Your Wife | Ep 024

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The White's take it over the cliff in this week's episode as they dive deep and get personal in their candid conversation around the always spicy topic of sex. Be prepared to receive massive value as they revisit the ever-popular QQP, explore rejection and how it shapes patterns and behaviors in the bedroom, how Garrett's before marriage "sex talk" reveals common challenges in Orthodox-based religions when it comes to beliefs and conversations about sex, and how their relationship has undergone a massive facelift in the past two years.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week's Podcast....SEX Point #1: The Shift
  • Garrett: It’s been a long time since we’ve fought about the sex topic. I don’t know what's been going on the past two months, but you’ve been on it. It’s been fun as fuck. I don’t know what's happened inside of you, but I need that shift to continue. You’ve been playing out QQP like a champion. It’s like your daily Core4.
  • Danielle: I gave myself permission to have fun. As women, we sometimes take on the story that we're not going to be used, that it's beneath us. The Shift is when you realize you can get your heart's desires and dreams by understanding that men are actually pretty simple. Everybody's happier when we own that the V is very powerful.

QUESTION: Where in your world would making a shift be a game changer?

Point #2: Rejection
  • Garrett: When you’ve been married for a number of years, there are patterns that tend to get created that are fucked up. I felt rejected for ten years, which led me to feel very weak in the bedroom. I didn’t feel wanted, and I lacked confidence and certainty. This led me to interesting patterns of masturbation, porn, and drinking. I was trying to figure out how to survive.
  • No matter how rejected you’ve felt, you have the power to change that story. I was not able to change that story on my own. My wife and I going to marriage and sex therapy allowed us to pull that off. Another very powerful tool we use, known as the Stack, can be found at warriorbook.com inside one of our 30 Day Challenges known as the KingsKit.

QUESTION: What patterns and behaviors have you fallen into because of feelings of rejection?

Point #3: Wifey Guilt
  • Danielle: Sex is the only topic in the wifey guilt. "Oh no. It’s been a few days. I didn’t do my wifey duties." Women naturally know when things are not aligned, and where we're not putting the time and effort into certain areas of our life. When the kids are screaming - but I know we gotta do this - these are the quickest nights. I enjoy these because the next day it brings more peace into our relationship.
  • There was a time I felt, why should I be guilty? I’m not being fulfilled. For so many years you played the victim - poor me, you owe me this. Because we’re married, I have to put out every night? Fuck you, I don’t owe you anything. Then I got to this point: have a quickie, connect, it’s not that big of a deal, and then we carry on in this happy place in our marriage. For me, that's fulfilling.

QUESTION: Ladies, how can you relate to this?

 

Point #4: Birthday Surprise
  • Garrett: These last couple of years, it's been this really powerful game where I've recognized that what I actually wanted from my wife was not the penis and vagina experience - don’t get me wrong, that's what I want. But what I've wanted is to feel wanted. What was amazing about my birthday is that I felt wanted.
  • Danielle: Garrett was in the middle of an event in Huntington Beach during his birthday. He was on stage and nobody really knew it was his birthday until his lead trainer, Sam, announced it. As 350 guys sang Happy Birthday, I walked onto the stage and surprised him. For Garrett, it was this moment of, "Oh my God. She wants to be here."

QUESTION: What would be possible for your relationship if each of you actually felt wanted by your spouse?

Point #5: It's Kind of Messy
  • Garrett: For the guys who get exactly what I’m talking about, if you were raised in a pretty orthodox religion and you were not married to a woman who was practiced before marriage, nor were you practiced before marriage - on the one side, there’s a huge advantage to having sex before you get married. I know that’s going to completely burn the ears of those who may be listening, "Oh my God! I’m completely against that!"
  • Danielle: Yes, there's good that comes out of us being raised this way. But where's the line? Is it a blessing or a curse? Garrett: People don’t measure the consequence of not being sexually aware at all. They’re not being trained. When we were raised, we were not trained or taught. I didn’t even know what a clitoris was. My dad’s sex talk to me before I got married was, "Be sure you have a cloth handy. It’s kind of messy.”

QUESTION: What do you think: Wait until marriage, or have some experience before getting married?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation about how you were raised, and how that has shaped your beliefs, patterns, and behaviors about sex.

Date Night Topic:

How can you both bring new vitality into your relationship?

Quote of the Week:

"I would love to invite you as a man to join us in the KingsKit challenge that you can find at warriorbook.com and be part of that experience. And if you’re a lady listening to this show, I would encourage you to send your man over to that."

--Garrett J White

"Ladies, if you’re in that place where your guy’s not really being the man, you have to reevaluate and ask yourself, “How can I show up and be the woman?" Sometimes, the strongest women need to surrender to what’s going to benefit you, your family, and your relationship. A lot of times you discover, "Wow, that served me more than I thought!" Commitment is the first step.

--Danielle K White

Jun 19 2018

30mins

Play

Rank #7: Toleration & Standards | Date Your Wife | EP 069

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In this week’s episode of the Date Your Wife podcast, co-hosts Garrett J and Danielle K White are coming to you from the 38th-floor inside a corner suite of the Four Seasons in Las Vegas where they are celebrating Danielle’s 36th birthday. This week’s conversation is about how the unification of your standards with your spouse builds the ultimate standard, and how you can’t pull that off unless you have actually connected with your own standard.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…COMMUNICATION Point #1: Standards
  • One of the gifts of being married is that we each come into it with radically different standards for life. We have standards about sexuality, parenting, making money, how we spend our time, etc., based upon our past, how we were raised, and our mindsets.
  • Danielle: I do have a high standard based upon how I was raised but what I also notice is that I’m an extremely experience-based, detailed person which makes me hold things to a different level or standard than most people.
QUESTION

What are some standards you hold yourself to?

Point #2: Tolerance
  • We tolerate what our standards are. Where this ends up in collision is inside of marriage due to the different standards of each spouse.
  • Garrett has a standard of emotional connection, which is leaving people better than when you first meet them, something that comes very natural for him. Danielle, on the other hand, will tolerate almost no communication with other people.
QUESTION

What are some of the differing standards inside your marriage which have been a source for collision?

Point #3: It Takes Two to Tango
  • Garrett: Without my standards for communication, Danielle would have limited her communication. She never would have launched a podcast in the hair industry, nor would have launched her own salon or training company.
  • Danielle: I hold the standard of where we live and what we wear. When I push to get nicer things in life, we push more in business. And when we push more in business, it not only affects our family but it also creates multiple job opportunities for multiple families.
QUESTION

What have your differing standards created inside of your world?

Point #4: Own Your Standards
  • Garrett: We take a stand for each individual to own their identity, where neither one is a doormat or a steamroller but where we both come to terms with who we are. My standards say we do one thing and Danielle’s standards say we do another.
  • As you come to own your standards, it allows you to actually embrace the standards of other people. Together, you create this ultimate standard as a couple. You begin to be more committed to each other, and out of that is birthed something deeper than love, which is respect.
QUESTION

How has owning your individual standards created the ultimate standard inside your marriage?

Point #5: Co-creation
  • Garrett: The standards across both sides of co-creation have allowed for Danielle and I to build our brands, our businesses, and our family. The unique side about all of this is there are very few powerful couples taking a stand for marriage that works, which requires you to be clear in your standards.
  • Danielle: I’m realizing that in managing our own empires and managing a marriage – and managing it well – it’s kind of unheard of. We each have huge visions for our brands and we’re proving that it can be done; that we can have those individual standards but also come together to create more as a couple.
QUESTION

What have you been able to co-create as a couple that you most likely never would have on your own?

Communication Challenge:

Where can you push in your relationship to become more together, to grow together, and unite as a couple?

Date Night Topic:

What can you create as a couple by uniting your individual standards?

Quote of the Week:

“The mix of standards between a married couple blend together to create the ultimate cocktail of creation.”

Garrett J White

“I think we push each other in all the right ways. I think that’s what a relationship is supposed to be: pushing one another to a healthy place.”

Danielle K White

Apr 30 2019

22mins

Play

Rank #8: Money Matters | Date Your Wife | EP 077

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Today’s conversation with Garrett and Danielle is about the topic of Money and the important role it plays in your relationship. *This is a previously aired episode from April 2018.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….MONEY Point #1: Men Must Produce
  • When you make enough money to put your family into abundance, there’s a shift in the way that you see yourself as a man and a shift in the way you see your relationship. It also affects the way your wife sees you.
  • Generally, women want to be taken care of. Even if we can produce, we still want our man to ‘be the man’ and take care of us. A man is sexier to a woman when he’s the one producing.
QUESTION

Does this ring true for you as a couple?

Point #2: Money is a Tool
  • Garrett: Inside of our relationships, money sits at the core. It allows you to do so much shit as a couple or it constrains you to do so much shit as a couple. We have friends who celebrate their success and use it as a tool to inspire other people to create more, and then we have other friends who simply hide it all and pretend like they’re broke.
  • Danielle: There was a period of about five years where we were experiencing rapid growth and we disconnected ourselves from people. I had surface relationships and felt like I was kind of guarding myself. What I’ve come to realize now is that I can have relationships with everyone  – it’s just a matter of me being comfortable with me.
QUESTION

Are you living in a scarcity mindset while being surrounded by your wealth?

Point #3: You Must Leap
  • In 2009 after I had lost everything, I was offered a job from a friend at a very crucial time for me when I didn’t have a lot of belief in myself. I was terrified as a husband and as a producer and had lost all confidence in myself. There came a pivotal moment when I realized my life was in the balance and something in my soul said, “You must fucking leap!”
  • Danielle: When we were dating, I saw Garrett for who he was and who he could become. I knew there were great things in store for him. So when I saw him selling out, I was so upset because I knew what he was capable of doing and becoming so much more.
QUESTION

Where in your life have you settled?

Point #4: Don’t Settle
  • Garrett: One of the greatest gifts my wife has given to me about money is that she rode my ass about it. My wife helped me see that being driven by the money is not about being driven by the money. As you get better and better at making money as a man inside of marriage, inside of that place it forces you to become a new man.
  • Danielle: I think that people play it safe in life in fear of failure. If I leap and I fall on my face, then there are consequences; but if I just stay in the safe zone, then I can just ride this out forever. If you’re listening to this and you’re feeling a stab in the heart to take action in your life, do it.
QUESTION

Where in your life are you feeling the call to take a leap of faith?

Point #5: Team Work
  • Garrett: There are a lot of you here who need to rise. Danielle and I work as a team to push each other. There are times she wants to settle into her little comfortable cocoon and then I kick her straight out of the cocoon, I rip it open and throw her off the cliff. And she does the same for me.
  • Danielle: You can produce way more as a couple if you can get on the same page of experiencing more growth together. If you can take those experiences of who you are as a couple and make them work, two is better than one, at least in my experience for us. We push each other in that way.
QUESTION

What is your dance as a couple in the way you support each other’s growth?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation as a couple and allow yourself to collide and dream. Sit down and set a target of a game that you could create together. Who can you become as a couple economically? Who can you become as a producer individually or collectively? What would it require for you to become to pull that off?

Date Night Topic:

Give yourself some credit for where you are. Challenge yourself on your Date Night to have a conversation about possibility or collision. Either one of these paths will lead you to a new position and possibility inside of your life.

Quote of the Week:

“My money is a reflection of my ability to produce and create value in the marketplace. So I produce and I create more not for the target of having money, but rather we are in this place of a desire to become more, and inside of that we use money production as a way to accelerate that.”

Garrett J White

“Be you at every level.”

Danielle K White

Jun 25 2019

44mins

Play

Rank #9: Money Matters | Date Your Wife | Ep015

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Welcome to Date Night with the White’s here on the Date Your Wife podcast. Today's conversation with Garrett and Danielle is about the topic of Money and the important role it plays in your relationship.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week's Podcast....MONEY Point #1: Men Must Produce
  •  When you make enough money to put your family into abundance, theres a shift in the way that you see yourself as a man and a shift in the way you see your relationship. It also affects the way your wife sees you.
  • Generally, women want to be taken care of. Even if we can produce, we still want our man to ‘be the man’ and take care of us. A man is sexier to a woman when he's the one producing.

QUESTION: Does this ring true for you as a couple?

Point #2: Be Comfortable
  • Garrett: Inside of our relationships, money sits at the core. It allows you to do so much shit as a couple or it constrains you to do so much shit as a couple. We have friends who celebrate their success and use it as tool to inspire other people to create more, and then we have other friends who simply hide it all and pretend like they're broke.
  • Danielle:There was a period of about five years where we were experiencing rapid growth and we disconnected ourselves from people. I had surface relationships and felt like I was kind of guarding myself. What I've come to realize now is that I can have relationships with everyone  - it's just a matter of me being comfortable with me.

QUESTION: Are you living in a scarcity mindset while being surrounded by your wealth?

Point #3: You Must Leap
  • In 2009 after I had lost everything, I was offered a job from a friend at a very crucial time for me when I didn’t have a lot of belief in myself. I was terrified as a husband and as a producer and had lost all confidence in myself. There came a pivotal moment when I realized my life was in the balance and something in my soul said "you must fucking leap."
  • Danielle: When we were dating, I saw Garrett  for who he was and who he could become. I knew there were great things in store for him. So when I saw him selling out, I was so upset because I knew what he was capable of doing and becoming so much more.

QUES5ION: Where in your life have you settled?

Point #4: Don't Settle
  • Garrett: One of the greatest gifts my wife has given to me about money is that she rode my ass about it. My wife helped me see that being driven by the money is not about being driven by the money. As you get better and better at making money as a man inside of marriage, inside of that place it forces you to become a new man.
  • Danielle: I think that people play it safe in life in fear of failure. If I leap and I fall on my face, then there’s consequences; but if I just stay in the safe zone then I can just ride this out forever. If you’re listening to this and you’re feeling a stab in the heart to take action in your life, do it.

QUESTION: Where in your life are you feeling the call to take a leap of faith?

Point #5: Team Work
  • Garrett: There are a lot of you here who need to rise. Danielle and I work as a team to push each other. There are times she wants to settle into her little comfortable cocoon and then I kick her straight out of the cocoon, I rip it open and throw her off the cliff. And she does the same for me.
  • Danielle: You can produce way more as a couple if you can get on the same page of experiencing more growth together. If you can take those experiences of who you are as a couple and make them work, two is better than one, at least in my experience for us. We push each other in that way.

QUESTION: What is your dance as a couple in the way you support each other's growth?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation as a couple and allow yourself to collide and dream. Sit down and set a target of a game that you could create together. Who can you become as a couple economically? Who can you become as a producer individually or collectively? What would it require for you to become to pull that off?

Date Night Topic:

Give yourself some credit for where you are. Challenge yourself on your Date Night to have a conversation about possibility or collision. Either one of these paths will lead you to a new position and possibility inside of your life.

Quote of the Week:

"The reason why money matters and the reason why business matters - the reason why continuing to grow and expand matters -  is because as you get better and better at making money as a man inside of marriage, inside of that place it forces you to become a new man. I’m not the same human being I was a year ago. My money is a reflection of my ability to produce and create value in the marketplace. So I produce and I create more not for the target of having money, but rather we are in this place of a desire to become more, and inside of that we use money production as a way to accelerate that.

--Garrett J White

"Be you at every level."

--Danielle K White

Apr 17 2018

44mins

Play

Rank #10: Buying Time For Your Family | Date Your Wife | EP 068

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In this week’s topic of Money, Garrett and Danielle explore the idea that the best return on investment you can make is that of time and experiences with your spouse and children. They share stories and tips on how to pull this off successfully, no matter what circumstances you may currently find yourself in. *This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…MONEY Point #1: Feeling Like An ATM or Piece of Ass?
  • Inside the game of Relationship, money itself is a controlling tool for most men. Men use money to control women, and women use sex to control men. At the end of the day, this seduction loop leaves many men feeling that the only validation they get is when they make the money, leaving them feeling like an ATM machine.
  • The wife can be feeling like she’s ‘just a piece of ass’ and an unpaid slave. Taking care of the home and the children is a full-time job in and of itself, worth a lot more money than many men are giving their wives permission to spend.
QUESTION

What actions tend to follow when you feel like an ATM or a piece of Ass inside your marriage?

Point #2: Unplug and Let Go
  • Women understand that men have worked all day yet want them to unplug from work and just be present with the family when they are home. Men feel like their day never ends. They come home from a long day of work and then are expected to be fully present with their wife and children.
  • Garrett: I want to spend time with you, not the stressed-out version of you that’s worrying about cleaning the fucking house right now. I don’t want a fucking checklist of things to clean. I want to be with you.
QUESTION

What do you do that helps you transition from work to home in becoming present with your spouse and children?

Point #3: What’s Your Story?
  • Garrett: There are going to be guys with stay-at-home wives up in arms about this, saying, "What?! Let me get this shit straight. I’m going to go pay somebody to come into my home to clean and do the laundry? That’s the woman’s job. She has to do that. That’s why she’s home!"
  • What if you questioned the story that ‘my wife’s the one that’s supposed to clean and make dinner, and it’s the guy’s job to mow the lawn.’ Who made up these rules anyway?
QUESTION

What stories are you hanging onto about the different roles of men and women that are hindering your ability to grow together?

Point #4: Spend Money to Buy Time
  • Garrett: One of the ways you can use money as a man inside your home and inside of being together as a couple is to use your money in a way that buys the thing for the family that gives them what actually matters: time.  There’s this transition that comes with being willing to spend money to buy time.
  • Danielle: People get emotionally bogged down over the stupidest shit. No matter what role you play in your family (working mom, stay at home mom, community mom) there are all of these little things that could lift the weight off our shoulders, relieving tension and guilt, and freeing up more time to spend with the family…which is so worth it to me.
QUESTION

Where in your life could you make some little adjustments that would free up more time to spend together as a couple or as a family?

Point #5: Your Family Is An Investment
  • Garrett: Gentlemen, I’m going to have you consider that the greatest rate of return is to make sure that you stay together as a family. One of the ways to pull this off is to create conditions for your wife to actually have more opportunities.
  • Garrett started looking at their marriage like a business where Danielle became an asset inside of this business. He was willing to hire people to come into their home to free up time so that the family could do more things together.
QUESTION

How are you investing in our family in terms of  dollars, time and experiences?

Communication Challenge:

At the end of the day, if your money doesn’t serve you and your marriage and family, then what is the point in having it?

Date Night Topic:

What are some of the investments you can make regardless of the amount of money you have? How are you going to take some dollars this week to buy some more time for you and your family so that you can have the time and experiences that matter?

Quote of the Week:

“You tell me where you’re going to get a higher rate of return: money in your 401k plan, or money in a babysitter to watch your children while you take your wife out on a date?”

Garrett J White

“Guilt is the #1 destructive thing. It’s the enemy; it does not serve you. If you find yourself feeling guilty, ask yourself: How can I let go of this guilt? How can I change this story? Find your balance, find out how to let go of the guilt, and more importantly, learn how to create a story that serves you best.”

Danielle K White

Apr 23 2019

45mins

Play

Rank #11: Pregnant Sex | Date Your Wife | EP 064

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Welcome to the Date Your Wife podcast. This episode is dedicated to all the men who feel like they don’t have a voice when their wife is pregnant and who don’t know what to do with all of their sexual energy. 

Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…SEX Point #1: Stay In Your Corner
  • Garrett: There’s a phase inside of this where you’re super pumped because you’re having a lot of sex but you know the intention is to make a baby. Guys are then thrown into this corner and are put into this little shoebox during pregnancy and during the recovery after pregnancy.
  • “For basically a year, the woman goes to a place of sacrifice,” Garrett explains, “but a guy goes to a place of sacrifice, too.” (Cue Danielle’s emerging laughing in the background) “This is exactly why guys don’t get a voice on this because the level of mockery is so intense.”
QUESTION

As a guy, how do you deal with this?

 

Point #2: What to Expect When You’re Expecting…Penis Edition
  • There are a lot of guys who cheat during pregnancy because they don’t know what to do with all of their sexual energy. There’s no shortage of books and information for women, but practically nothing in place to prepare men for what they’ve just signed up for.
  • Guys want to have sex but generally don’t approach this topic with their wives. And there’s no blog post, book or podcast addressing this – there’s nothing in place to guide a man through the emotional hurricane of pregnancy.
QUESTION

Guys, what is your experience with this?

Point #3:  The Dichotomy
  • Garrett: When your wife gets pregnant, all of a sudden there’s a rising emotion that comes from the Gods. It’s protecting and nurturing. It’s a feeling of “I will fuck anyone up who comes close to this. Everyone is now a second-class citizen to the spouse with the baby in the belly.”
  • It completely suppresses the sexual drive between the man and the wife that he is curating and protecting. The challenge is, the sexual energy wants away from that environment and is immediately triggered by just about any female that walks the planet that is not pregnant.
QUESTION

How has this shown up in your marriage during pregnancy?

Point #4: The Penis Power Is a Decision
  • Many men stop instigating sex during pregnancy because they’re not sure how to deal with the rise of the protecting guardian, the decline of the sexual drive toward their wife, and the triggers outside of their relationship. And some men simply think it’s weird to have sex after their wife is six months pregnant.
  • Garrett: I’ve chosen to channel my sexual energy, although triggered all over the place, towards my beautiful, gorgeous pregnant wife. It’s a decision, even though you’re under suppression.
QUESTION

As a man, what are your thoughts about this?

Point #5: Society’s Advice
  • Garrett understands how bitchy and whiny men can come across on this topic, especially when “we’re not the ones who are going to have to push a pumpkin out of our penis after nine months!”
  • Society tells men, “Listen, asshole, you have no leg to stand on. You’re not the one whose body’s getting jacked and is going to spend twelve to eighteen months in recovery. Shut up pussy and just deal with it.”
QUESTION

What do you think about this?

Communication Challenge:

Have an open conversation around the challenges and the joys that both women and men face during pregnancy. What can you create together to bring more support and understanding to each other?

Date Night Topic:

During Date Night, engage in flirtatious banter you know will lead to a window of opportunity of sexual connection when you arrive home.

Quote of the Week:

“As I look at the ultrasound, I sit back in complete fascination in all of this. It’s so crazy that in a mass effort of about three minutes of participation, this thing happens.”

Garrett J White

“I want the pregnancy perks but I still want to be treated like me. If you know there’s a window, make a move on me. Pretend like I’m notpregnant.”

Danielle K White

Mar 26 2019

34mins

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Rank #12: The Tease and the Tame | Date Your Wife | Ep 049

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In this week’s podcast, Garrett and Danielle are back at it again as they have a conversation about the seduction game and the importance of knowing what your partner needs; otherwise, the sexual victim card gets played.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week’s Podcast….SEX Point #1: Seduction and Sex
  • In the conversation of seduction, Danielle shares how seducing Garrett can be as simple as her walking through the room wearing some cute, lace panties or slowly undressing, whereas seeing Garrett confident and in his element is far more seductive and sexy to her than watching him prance around in a thong.
  • Doing your business in private vs doing it with the door wide open proves to be a spicy topic. When playing the game, “Things That Guarantee You Will Not Get Laid,”  the friend zone, tampons, hairy ass cheeks, and the naggy bitch mode top the list.
QUESTION

What tops your couple’s list of Things That Guarantee You Will Not Get Laid? 

 

Point #2: Tracking and Lacking
  • Back when their marriage was a shit show, Danielle thought the only reason Garrett was helping out was to get laid, which was actually true. He felt he had earned sex because of all of the things he was doing for her. She noticed the difference in his energy and attitude when they had sex vs when she withheld sex from him.
  • Garrett found himself in an isolation and desperation game while tracking how much sex they weren’t having. As a man who had been successful in breaking the codes in his businesses, Garrett was trying to figure out how to break his wife’s code, hoping his gifts to her would result in a blow job for him. Danielle was pissed because he was tracking, Garrett was pissed because his sex life was lacking.
QUESTION

In what ways is your relationship similar to their “shit show” years?

 

Point #3: The Leverage Game
  • A man tends to leverage money and power to get sex, whereas a woman will leverage sex to get the power she wants. Garrett felt hurt and angry for being rejected sexually, while Danielle continually had her guard up and felt like she was always walking on eggshells.
  • Garrett’s constant challenge became: When is my wife going to want me? He began strategizing, which backfired and began killing the attraction between them. Danielle was watching from the sidelines and figured he was a ticking time bomb.
QUESTION

How are you playing the Leverage Game in your marriage?

 

Point #4: Men: Take the Sexual Victim Card Off the Table
  • Although Danielle and Garrett existed in a space better than war, it wasn’t victory – it was a place where he needed to get laid, and she wanted peace in the house. Sex became awkward. When men become more powerful in business, they also become more sexually charged.
  • Being completely consumed with the frustration, anger, fear and doubt around this topic of sex, and constantly being rejected, Garrett became a sexual victim. As a married man 100% committed to his wife, until he could stop the war between he and Danielle, he began neutralizing the playing field by handling his needs himself via a sex tool.
QUESTION

What space are you existing in as a couple?

 

  Point #5: Submit and Surrender
  • While Danielle agreed she was being a bitch about withholding sex, Garrett admits he was being a dick and complete asshole by withholding time and energy from her. He would deliberately set up situations for Danielle to fail so he could feel like he had control.
  • Garrett remembers the day he submitted to the reality that Danielle needed him to show up and give a shit as a husband and as a lover, even if he wasn’t getting laid. He was going to direct all of his energy towards her and not hold her hostage anymore. He felt that by giving her space, he would show her that he wanted her as a person, beyond her body, and that he was ALL IN.
QUESTION

What are the ways you hold your spouse hostage? What behaviors could you let go of that would be a game changer in your relationship?

 

Communication Challenge:

Talk about and demonstrate the ways you love seducing and being seduced.

 

Date Night Topic:

Do you use Garrett’s formula of TTF?  Or a different formula?  Talk about the formulas that work for you in your marriage.

 

Quote of the Week:

“People would look at us as this attractive couple and I was like fuck that! I’ve got a g*ddamn frozen ice block barbie in a box goin’ on. I don’t get to touch it – nothing! It’s like a doll that I get to look at. I’m like a dog on a leash that’s held just past where the hamburger is sitting, and I’m not ever getting it. And if I do take a bite, I get beat with a fuckin’ stick.”

Garrett J White

“You promote me, you talk about me, you say I’m your Queen, so show me! Come over to my side and show me that what you’re preaching is true. If you believe in me, if you believe in my business, if you believe in my vision, then jump on board with me!”

Danielle White

Dec 11 2018

1hr 1min

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Rank #13: The Cirque du Soleil of Married Sex | Date Your Wife | Ep 036

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T

With shots of tequila in their system and amidst the flirtatious back-and-forth bantering that easily doubles as foreplay, the White’s jump into another episode of the Date Your Wife podcast with a conversation around Garrett’s favorite topic, Sex. For the new listeners, Danielle explains QQP (Quickie, Quickie Pornstar) and they have an honest and revealing discussion about keeping married sex spicy. ________Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:

Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week’s Podcast….SEX Point #1: If You Don’t Mop the Floors, Somebody Else Will
  • Danielle: Many women approach sex with a “let’s just get ‘er done” attitude. If guys go long enough with only a simple clean up job, they’re not going to be satisfied.
  • Garrett: Danielle’s sex game in the last six months has gone through the roof. As a woman, she has literally blown my mind.
QUESTION

Where has mopping the floors in your marriage gotten you?

Point #2: Avoiding the Shithole of Married Sex
  • Danielle: Sometimes you have to act the part and play the role during sex. Entertain that idea and have fun with it.
  • Just because you’re laying there with your legs spread open doesn’t mean that’s attractive. When you’re married, if you expect to have that chemistry and spark, play the fucking game.
QUESTION

What is the condition of your sex life? What are the facts?

Point #3: Girls Just Want to Have Fun
  • Danielle: I’m happy that my man is fulfilled When you have fun with sex, you man is feeling fulfilled. It’s fun for him and it’s fun for you – it goes both ways.
  • Pretend you’re dating and ask yourself, How would I act? What would I do? Even after years of marriage, it becomes fun to entertain that thought and go with it.
QUESTION

Ladies, how do you feel about yourself when you just let yourself go and have fun?

Point #4: The Sex Game
  • Garrett: Many men have this faulty understanding about sex. They want to have sexual connection with their wife and they think that making money and investing in the children will get them that.
  • At the end of the day, she wants sexual connection but she also wants something else – she wants attention. If you give that to her, she will support you in the sex game and it will bring your marriage together.
QUESTION

What are you expecting from your wife yet at the same time neglecting to give her?

 

Point #5: Patterns
  • Garrett has this pattern of putting the girls to sleep and engaging in their nighttime routine, while Danielle professes that she’s not a very routined mom: “Brush your own teeth, say your own prayers, tuck yourself in.”
  • Garrett: There’s a lot of dad-guilt that comes when you work a lot. I do spend time with the girls in the mornings but I find I sometimes use them as an excuse to not have to be intimate with Danielle at night.
QUESTION

What patterns are in need of changing in order for you to make more time with your spouse?

Communication Challenge:

Gentlemen, if you want your floors more than mopped, what are you doing to create the environment for your wife to want to shine your floors?

Date Night Topic:

Have a converation about patterns that you see in your marriage and what you can begin doing today to change a pattern in one area of your life that will benefit your marriage.

 

Quote of the Week:

“The moon was out, the doors on our deck were open, and it was “Go Time.”

–Garrett J White

“In a relationship, if you say, “I don’t want to [have sex],” it’s honestly like starting a new workout. Put in the work now and eventually it gets easier. Before you know it, it’s actually kind of fun.”

–Danielle K White

______

Head over to Amazon to pick up your copy of Be the Man. warriorbook.com, dkwstyling.com, wakeupwarriorwoman.com

Sep 11 2018

31mins

Play

Rank #14: Money is Spiritual | Date Your Wife | Ep 025

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From the perspective of powerful producers, parents, and business owners, Danielle and Garrett’s insightful conversation sheds light on the important role money plays in marriage relationships.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week’s Podcast….MONEY Point #1: Details Matter
  • Danielle: In a lot of relationships, men do the jobs and women take care of the details. I’m not factually oriented at all, and if you give me too much information, I shut down and I can’t do it. One of the biggest things that helped our marriage was when Garrett decided to take over the bills. I found Garrett more attractive once he did that.
  • Garrett: Part of this means taking on the bullshit – the stuff that is required when it comes to money. My wife didn’t want to deal with paying the bills and my story was I just wanted to be able to focus on production so didn’t want to take care of them.
QUESTION: How do you and your spouse handle the details in your marriage? Point #2: Attraction Factor
  • Garrett: As a man, if you’re not getting it done financially inside of your relationship, you cannot demand attraction. Why? A woman wants to feel safe and secure, and she wants to be taken care of. Even if she’s a Producer at the core, this is what she desires.
  • Danielle: A lot of times in relationships, guys expect their wives to be the woman, yet they demand their wives to do the jobs that are typically dude jobs. If I expect Garrett to show up and be the man, I have to submit in certain areas; if he expects me to be the woman, then he has to take away those manly responsibilities and treat me like the woman.
QUESTION: Gentlemen, what comes up for you when you hear that most women want to be taken care of? Point #3: Money Roles in Marriage
  • Garrett: The truth is, I would yell at my wife about not getting on the phone with the insurance company. I began asking myself, “Do I want my wife getting on the phone and having her end up getting exhausted, fatigued and stressed out by dealing with the insurance company, and burning up all of her sexual energy in creative frustration in the process?” The answer was no.
  • For the first ten years of our relationship, I expected my wife to be the man when it came to managing the money. What I saw in my house growing up was my mother managing the money while my dad was making the money. He would give it to my mom and she would make it all work. That was all I knew. So when I got married, guess what I expected?
QUESTION: What expectations do you have in your marriage based on your upbringing? Point #4: Hats and Roles
  • Danielle: I have different hats, different roles, and different boxes. When we’re on Date Night, work can’t carry over into the Date Night box. In past years when we weren’t in a good place, we would talk about work and it would always snowball into something crazy.
  • As a wife, mom and business owner, I’ve had to learn to compartmentalize when it comes to a wearing a mom hat and a business hat. I think the best way to go about doing things in a relationship is to own every side of you but know how and when to put on each hat as needed.
QUESTION: Ladies, how are you doing with the different hats you wear?

 

Point #5: Energy and Connection
  • Garrett: Any time that a man and a woman connect inside of marriage, it’s spiritual. It’s an unseen attraction that exists. It’s not something physical or tangible that we can touch, it’s something inside of us that we feel.
  • Energy inside of a relationship when you’re married is connection. And anytime there’s connection, there’s spirituality. Money creates the opportunity for you to experience deeper levels of connection – in the making of it, the maintaining of it, and the creating of a life with it. Money matters.

QUESTION: How do you and your wife create deep connection in your relationship?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation about the role money played in your upbringing and how you want it to play out in your life going forward.

Date Night Topic:

What does “Being the Man” and “Being the Woman” look like in your relationship?

Quote of the Week:

“We want you to submit and be a woman but at the same time, we kind of like it when you punch us in the face. It’s a dual turn on. I want to be mentally challenged by you to the point that I’m fucking pissed, but at the same time, I want you to submit as a woman.”

Garrett J White

“Everyone who says money doesn’t matter is full of shit. In our experience, not having money or even losing it, definitely put a stress on the relationship. I believe money is a very important tool.”

Danielle K White

Jun 26 2018

26mins

Play

Rank #15: What's Obstructing Your View? | Date Your Wife | EP 070

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In This Week’s Podcast…MONEY Point #1: Saving & Investing
  • As Danielle steps back and looks at their amazing businesses and lifestyle, she is curious if there is a way to start putting more money into other areas, like savings, in addition to life insurance. She wonders if she is ignoring signs from their past mistakes, knowing that their current lifestyle is more abundant than ever before.
  • Garrett: My wife has pushed for our life to rise over and over again. At this point, we save more money than we’ve ever saved in our whole lives. I’ve also gone from the only place where I would invest is in the business, and have moved into the place of investing in the family.

Ask Yourself:  How are you doing in the area of savings?

Point #2: Obsession
  • The challenge inside of marriage when it comes to the topic of money is this: making money, growing money, keeping money, and leveraging money. Seventeen years ago, after reading the book ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad,’ Garrett realized for the first time that he could make money and became obsessed with it.
  • He went back and forth between the hustle mode of making money and the phase of growing money as he built teams and processes which led him to the game of keeping money. Over the past several years he has invested and put strategies into place which have benefited them in massive ways inside their bank accounts and savings vaults.

Ask Yourself: Where are you as a couple when it comes to making & keeping money?

Point #3: Building a Legacy
  • Danielle: We live an amazing lifestyle. I’m at the point where I want to be able to build a legacy; an empire. If we stopped working ten years from now, I want to know that we could still live our amazing lifestyle for years to come plus help our children if we needed to.
  • My parents live well but they can’t stop working. My dad is 69 and is still building custom homes because they have to continue working to maintain their lifestyle. I look at both of our parents and don’t want to live like either of them.

Ask Yourself: What do you ultimately desire?

Point #4: A Team Effort
  • Danielle: Ladies, money is a tough conversation. Whether you’re a woman who can take care of herself, or you’re the Mom CEO of the family, it’s nice to have a guy that takes care of you.
  • I also want to be a part of this team effort and part of the decisions. I don’t want to sit on the sidelines and be naive about what’s going on.

Ask Yourself: How do you handle money decisions in your relationship?

Point #5: Maintain Or Increase?
  • Garrett to Danielle: Would you be willing to maintain our current lifestyle even though our businesses are increasing in revenue? We would maintain our current game, and everything else would go pure cash with no expense increase whatsoever in our personal lifestyle over the next five years.
  • We would not change homes or cars and we would just keep the same game. We would put all the money away that you want to put away without having to up the standard, meaning… two bags, not nine.

Ask Yourself: What are you willing to do in order to be able to put money away?

Communication Challenge:

Have some conversations with your spouse about the game of money: making, growing, keeping, and leveraging money.

Date Night Topic:

If the money were to suddenly stop coming in, how long would you be able to live your current lifestyle without changing anything?

Quote of the Week:

“This podcast isn’t about having all the answers for you but rather a conversation where we’re in a place of figuring shit out as we go.”

-Garrett J. White

“When I’m seventy years old, I want us to be working because we’re passionate about it and we are choosing to – we have a purpose behind it – not to just pay the fucking bills.”

-Danielle K. White

May 07 2019

27mins

Play

Rank #16: Warm Her Up, Worry About Yourself | Date Your Wife | Ep 014

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The White’s juggle children, sandwiches and grocery lists in the opening of today’s podcast, demonstrating yet again that they are keeping things real and raw. Between the flirting, bantering, sexual innuendos and Danielle revealing what she really thinks about penises, it’s no wonder their’s is the only explicitly rated podcast in the category of Parenting and Family, as they are willing to take things where others are not. Sit back and enjoy today’s conversation on the topic of Sex.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week's Podcast....SEX Point #1: Lazy Sex
  • Danielle: It’s not like I don’t want to put in the effort, but I don’t  always want to put in the effort. On my laziest days I don't just lay there and do nothing, but there are ways to service your man without getting really into it.
  • Garrett: Does this mean that women are sexually lazy? Servicing your man is important, regardless of what the servicing looks like. A lot of women don't get this.

QUESTION: When you have sex, even quickie sex, do you experience connection or is it more like vaginal masturbation?

Point #2: Tips For Traveling
  • Garrett: When men are traveling, it doesn’t matter for 2 days or 2 weeks, they experience an increased drive sexually. It happens even if it’s just overnight. There is an increased spike of being gone from their wife in which sexual desire increases. When guys are gone for a bunch of days it is very easy for them to end up in the trap of porn. This is a very big issue for guys.
  • Danielle: If your guy is traveling, I think it’s a good idea to have sex the night before they go. Ladies, just get it done. Little things like that will make your relationship better and when he goes out of town he’s going to be more focused. I learned the hard way. It’s not that big a deal and it’s actually a win win where we both are getting what we want.

QUESTION: What are the results when you follow this formula? What are the results when you don't?

Point #3: Pouty Mode
  • Garrett went into pouty mode for 10 years because he felt so out of control inside of their relationship when it came to sex. He felt that Danielle held all of the cards and that she didn't give a shit.
  • Danielle: I found that pouty mode super unattractive. As Garrett shifted his energy, it gave me room to breathe. He just stopped asking and didn’t bring so much pouty energy to the table.  That's when I started changing my story about Quickies and QQP was born..

QUESTION: What energy is present when pouty mode enters the picture in your relationship?

Point #4: Women Are Like Crockpots
  • Garrett: You tell me to warm you up first and then worry about myself. What does that look like? You have guys who don’t worry about their wife at all and worry about their own orgasm, then you have guys who are worried about their wife’s orgasm - there’s even a book called, "She Comes First."
  • Danielle: I don’t agree with that and I’m going to tell you why from a girl’s perspective. Warm her up first and then worry about yourself. I like to be warmed up, but if I go first, I’m less into you. It's a song and dance, really. We're both at the finish line: if I go first and you come right after me, it's like we cross the finish line together.

QUESTION: What does your dance look like?

Point #5: Hobbies Bring Fulfillment
  • Garrett got to the point where he began relying on his masturbation toy and started drinking more. He went into a place of suppression where he literally didn’t give a shit. At Danielle's suggestion, he took up surfing, which has been an exceptionally good fit for him
  • Danielle: I suggested he take up surfing because I felt it would be something that he would enjoy. He comes back happy and full of this great energy, plus it gives me more space. He has a mistress called surfing and I'm fine with that mistress.

QUESTION: What hobbies do you both enjoy that add positive energy and breathing space inside of your relationship?

Communication Challenge:

 Talk about the ways you like being serviced by your spouse - and then go experiment.

Date Night Topic:

Begin the conversation around this idea of "Warm her up, worry about you." What does that look like inside of your marriage?

Quote of the Week:

"When you are both on point together and he goes on a trip, this simple strategy of having Date Night and sex the night before you go - whether you’re fighting or angry or not - if you do this, life is going to be better. Your man’s going to go hunt more powerfully, which means that when he’s gone he’s going to be more productive in business; he’s not going to go to porn because he’s going to feel connected to you while he’s gone."

--Garrett J White

"If it has been awhile since you have seen him and he comes back into town, just get it out of the way. I used to be standoffish and we would end up getting into fights. My advice is just get it off the table and out of the way. It doesn’t have to be a big show, just do it. He will become like putty in your hands."

--Danielle K White

Apr 10 2018

31mins

Play

Rank #17: Creating Favorable Conditions | Date Your Wife | EP 071

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Garrett and Danielle have a conversation about the three components necessary in order to create favorable conditions for communication inside your marriage. *This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode from 2018.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: The Mirror in the Closet
  • Danielle has a mirror and bench inside her closet which comes in handy for the “get it done” sex. “It’s a good view for us both: He’s got his mirror and I’ve got my shoes,” says Danielle.
  • Garrett: It’s awesome. Not only is it great sex, but it’s also visual content and stimulus for my mind for days.
QUESTION

How can you spice up your “get it done” sex?

Point #2: Date Your Wife Podcast
  •  Garrett came to Danielle last year at this time and told her they were going to be doing a weekly podcast called Date Your Wife. At the time of this recording, they are ready to hit their 50th episode which represents at least 25 hours of communication.
  • Garrett: The podcast was a favorable condition that we created with time, energy, and money, and has proven to be the best therapy of all time for us.
QUESTION

What favorable conditions have you created in order to have better communication with your spouse?

Point #3: Lacking Sex?
  • If you’re a guy and sex is not happening, it’s a guarantee that what is also not happening is communication – direct, intimate communication which is the ability to communicate and connect.
  • If you have not invested time, energy, or money to create those conditions, then you also cannot be entitled to the results that come through sex and connection.
QUESTION

Where in your relationship are you investing money and energy, but not time?

Point #4: Date Night
  • You must create favorable conditions for communication on your dates. If you are always going out with friends and family for your Date Nights, that is not an environment where the two of you are able to have deep, intimate conversation.
  • Garrett enjoys getting together with other couples about once a month, but anything more than is too much, even if they’re good friends because it turns into Team Girls and Team Guys instead of the one-on-one time together that they are desiring on their dates.
QUESTION

What has been your Date Night pattern?

Point #5: Time, Energy, and Money
  • If you’re going to create communication, you must be willing to create favorable conditions for communication. You’re going to have to invest time, energy, and money at some level, whatever it is.
  • Many men will not invest the time and energy, but will invest the money, or will invest the time and energy, but not invest any money. All three components of the Trifecta must be present.
QUESTION

What portion of the Trifecta are you missing?

Communication Challenge:

Figure out how you’re going to create favorable conditions for communication inside your marriage.

Date Night Topic:

What can you add to your sex life to spice up those times when you have the “let’s get it done” sex?

Quote of the Week:

“You must be willing to invest to create favorable conditions for communication to exist.”

Garrett J White

“Women look to men for safety and security. In reaching for that safety and security you have to look inward and realize that you are part of creating your own safety and security inside of that relationship.”

Danielle K White

May 14 2019

27mins

Play

Rank #18: Date Night |Date Your Wife | EP 055

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Garrett and Danielle are proponents of dating your spouse at least once a week. They understand that adding young children to the mix can sometimes present a challenge but know that your relationship MUST come first if you want it to last. In this week’s episode, the White’s share tips for what has worked for them (as well as what hasn’t worked for them) in their quest to find babysitters and nannies. Where they ultimately hit the jackpot might actually surprise you.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Routines & Consistency
  • Both Garrett and Danielle feel like this podcast has been so good for their marriage. It’s as if the listening audience has become their sounding board and allows them to be better communicators with each other without completely flipping their lids and going off on each other.
  • Danielle: In life, once you get out of your routine it’s so easy to lose your momentum. It’s in doing the small things consistently that keep us on track to build the large things; it’s the small and consistent things in marriage that keep a relationship stable and progressing.
QUESTION

What are you doing consistently inside of your relationship that is noticeably making a difference in the way you feel about and communciate with each other?

Point #2: Baby Talk
  • In the land of pregnancy and babies, when a woman is overdue it is a common understanding that having sex helps induce labor. Danielle’s experience with their two previous babies was that within an hour of having sex, the contractions began. Garrett attributes it to his “very aggressive sperm.”
  • Danielle’s well thought out plans for the gender reveal went sideways as the waves washed out the pink and blue smoke bombs she had carefully buried in the sand. Garrett accidentally reveals the gender of the baby during the podcast.
QUESTION

Did your gender reveal turn out as planned?

 

Point #3: Family Affair?
  • A lot of times, people think they can only trust their family to watch their kids. Danielle has discovered that having someone other than family might actually be better for you and your kids.
  • From her personal experience, she would rather hire someone to follow her structure and routine instead of having free help from family who want to do their own thing.
QUESTION

What has been your experience with family watching your children?

 

Point #4: On-Demand Babysitter Gone Awry
  • Garrett wanted to have an on-demand babysitter who was always available. He paid her a salary and got her an apartment close by their home so they would have someone ready to care for the kids whenever he and Danielle wanted to go out. It evolved into a sense of entitlement and a situation where Danielle was having to dance around the babysitter’s schedule.
  • Danielle: Finding a babysitter is like building a business. You assume that people you hire will know what to do, but you should never assume. Find someone that you like and then be clear about the outcome you expect while they’re there. Always keep them in check. People want to know how to win whether it’s a nanny or an employee and will start to retreat when they don’t know how to please you.
QUESTION

Have you set clear outcomes and expectations for your babysitters?

 

Point #5: Care.com: Your Shit is Legit
  • By far the best decision Garrett & Danielle have made when it comes to finding a babysitter or nanny for their children is going through care.com. Garrett advises, “Request your babysitters driven by a dollar value, and when they turn in their application, make sure they send you a video.”
  • “You’re investing in the guardianship of your children. If you’re paying a lot of money, set clear outcomes and expectations. If you look at the overall investment on a monthly basis, you’re investing in your marriage. 1-What’s your marriage worth? 2-How much are your children worth?”
QUESTION

Are you being a cheap bastard when it comes to hiring someone to watch your children?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation about Date Night, and the challenges you are currently facing that are stopping you from going out consistently with your spouse. Get clear about what you want from your marriage, and what you can do to begin making Date Night a top priority in your marriage.

Date Night Topic:

Have a brainstorming session about the things you and your spouse want to do on your Date Nights for the next couple of months.

Quote of the Week:

“If you care about your marriage and want things to work out, you go on Date Nights. If you care about your communication and sex life, go on Date Nights. To pull that off, you’re going to have to go through some trial and error before you find what works for you.”

Garrett J White

“Whether it’s family or someone you pay, there are really no excuses when it comes to creating Date Night and space for yourselves as a couple. It becomes a matter of making it a priority.”

Danielle White

Jan 22 2019

35mins

Play

Rank #19: Space and Love | Date Your Wife | Ep 016

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In this week's episode about Parenting, Garrett and Danielle engage in a lively conversation about the work that is required as a man to actually stay connected to his children, why sometimes as a man the only reason why you’re actually spending time with your children is because you think you’re getting points with your wife that will ultimately lead to sex, and how creating space and loving yourself are two of the ultimate gifts you can give to your children.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication

 

In This Week's Podcast....PARENTING Point #1: Ulterior Motives
  • There are some twisted reasons why guys want to spend time with their children. I used to spend time with my kids because I thought I was earning points with Danielle which would ultimately end up with me getting laid.
  • What I wanted to do was to spend time with my children but had gotten stuck in the very interesting place where I was trying to find an entry point into connection. The vast majority of my married life was in pursuit of getting laid.

QUESTION: Where in your relationship do have ulterior motives for the things you do?

Point #2: Creating Space
  • Garrett: As a businessman, it's crucial to give myself permission to create space for me beyond my business, beyond my beautiful wife and beyond my amazing children. If you don’t give yourself this space, you’re going to find yourself getting exhausted and fatigued. Surfing has given me the time that I get to be with myself, and in that place I become a better father and a better husband.
  • Danielle: You have to be careful with your hobbies and interests because when they become too much of an obsession, it can actually take away time from your kids and family. It's easy to get obsessed over something and then you have to try to figure out how to find a balance with it and not let it overly consume you.

QUESTION: What do you do to create space for yourself?

Point #3: Parker
  • I have a son who is 19 years old and has been living with us for the past six weeks. It’s the first time since he was six months old that he has chosen to live with his father, and the first time since forever that he has decided to call me dad. It was ultimately Wake Up Warrior that brought my son back into my life.
  • Danielle:What you thought was lost because you didn't raise him is coming full circle. The timing plays a big roll in how things work out and it's happening how it should. Garrett: The timing with Parker being here inside of my world at this time is perfect. There’s a lot of things that had to happen for this to play out and I’m very happy and excited about it.

QUESTION: Where in your life is perfect timing showing up in a way you never expected?

Point #4: Boobs and Tattoos
  • When Danielle was 18, she had breast augmentation and always felt they were too big for her tiny frame.  After her recent miscarriage, she decided to have them replaced despite the huge mommy guilt and fear she was experiencing , and despite the fact that Garrett was a little worried about her breasts getting smaller. When it was all said and done, she felt so happy and she wondered why she had waited so long do to it.
  • Garrett: You wanted to do the boob job and it was something that you felt like you needed to do. I wanted this tattoo on my arm but you were against it. Inside of both of these moves it has given us something as individuals and parents that we can actually give back to our children.

QUESTION: What have each of you done in your relationship that the other hasn't been too thrilled about at the time, but in the end you have accepted as part of what makes the other happy?

Point #5: Love Yourself
  • What does God ultimately want? Love thy neighbor as thyself: love your wife as you love yourself, love your children as you love yourself. If you hate yourself, it is actually impossible to love your wife or to love your children. If you hate yourself, what you will offer up is a manipulative bullshit motivational game of love to your children.
  • I have learned to appreciate the fact that I am a complete fuck up and at the same time, I’m completely fantastic. When I come to accept all the vastness of who I am, inside of that I’m given this permission slip to experience it with my children and my wife..

QUESTION: What's stopping you from fully loving and accepting yourself?

Communication Challenge:

Bring up the conversation with your family the importance of loving yourself in order to more fully love others.

Date Night Topic:

What are you going to do this week in creating space for yourself beyond your partner and your children so that you have the ability to actually be a very present parent and partner?

Quote of the Week:

"Most of what has changed within our relationship is a deep appreciation and understanding for who I am, and inside of understanding that truth, being willing to do things for me because I want to do them for me - not because I need Danielle’s permission, not because I want Danielle to like it, but because I know that inside of doing it, it's going to be something I feel I need to do."

--Garrett J White

"Respect yourself and you’ll respect others. Respect your children and they will respect you. Respect people you are around and work with, they will respect you. Just be fuckin nice. There’s a lot to be learned in being nice and liking yourself, taking time for yourself, taking time for others and creating balance in your life."

--Danielle K White

Apr 24 2018

44mins

Play

Rank #20: People Pleaser or Conflict Avoider? | Date Your Wife | EP 096

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Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…Communication Point #1: People Pleaser or Conflict Avoider?
  • Danielle believes women typically aren’t people-pleasers, they’re conflict avoiders. Some women are so afraid of confrontation that they always try to make peace.
  • “But ultimately it’s not because we’re trying to please people,” offers Danielle, “it’s because we’re trying to avoid conflict, which later on actually causes us more harm.”
QUESTION

How does this play out in your marriage?

 

Point #2: On the Hunt
  • As Garrett reflects this topic of conflict, he realizes that “Danielle is a conflict avoider at the highest level. If you go through what has happened with us in the past seventeen years, she has NEVER been a conflict person.”
  • “The only way we could ever have a real conversation was if I brought the collision to her, and then inside of it, I would actually hunt her down and force her to have a serious conversation with me.”
QUESTION

Who is typically the “hunter” inside your marriage?

Point #3:  Hot-Headed
  • When men become hot-headed inside of a conversation, many women refuse to continue on with that conversation, thus making it appear to the men that women are in this place of avoidance.
  • From Danielle’s perspective, “Women recognize when a conversation or argument isn’t in a logical place and is going nowhere. When Garrett flips his lid, and I feel like I can’t reason with him because the conversation is not in a healthy place, I will refuse to continue, knowing that in this state, nothing is going to get solved.
QUESTION

Who is typically the hot-headed one in your relationship? How does this affect your communication?

Point #4: Initiate or Avoid?
  • Garrett admits being more emotional than Danielle, and one who desires to get into a fight and collide. Speaking to Danielle, “You were never an initiator of any type of hard conversation. Your mode was to just swallow it, ignore it, reframe it in your mind, let it go and move on…and pretend like it never happened.”
  • Danielle: I was avoiding confrontation, and was thinking, “Oh, it will go away, it’ll quiet down. I also came to this place where I didn’t know how to have direct conversations with you.
QUESTION

Inside conflict within your marriage, who typically avoids, and who typically initiates?”

Point #5: Therapy
  • After six years of behaviors and patterns that were not serving the White’s, everything came to a head one afternoon during a huge argument in their kitchen where an ultimatum was issued by Garrett: either we’re going to therapy, or we’re done.
  • Danielle: Going to therapy, we both had a logical sounding board to hear one another’s feelings. It helped me open up and communicate better, and I feel like Garrett was able to go deeper into the story or conflict without hitting his tipping point.
QUESTION

What has been your experience inside the conversation of therapy?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation around the topic of “Avoider or Initiator.”

Date Night Topic:

During Date Night, have a conversation about the possibility of inserting Therapy into your lives.

Quote of the Week:

“Therapy gave us a better chance to pull off conflict and be in a conversation that would require both of us to own our shit.”

Garrett J White

“In relationships, I think we argue to be right, not to get what we want. I think we both realized that there’s submission in getting what we want which makes us less willing to be right and more willing to get what we want.”

Danielle K White

Nov 05 2019

33mins

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