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The Wayward Irregular

The Wayward Irregular

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My Dog is Dead, Long Live My Dog

My Dog is Dead, Long Live My Dog

The first time I saw Carl was in his fourth week of life, a tiny English Bulldog with paws the size of caramels and a he... Read more

29 Dec 2015

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I Will Let The Alamo Drafthouse Get Me Pregnant

I Will Let The Alamo Drafthouse Get Me Pregnant

People, other humans, they’ve damn near ruined everything. Fox hunting, hard narcotics for a head cold, and the Ecto Coo... Read more

10 Jun 2013

9mins

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Felt Better for Three Minutes, Then I Got Even Prettier

Felt Better for Three Minutes, Then I Got Even Prettier

Hello again, savages, Mikayla here. Matthew’s been busy getting ready for the second Tincture book to begin (June 3rd – ... Read more

29 Apr 2013

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Email Is Fodder for Corporate Anarchy

Email Is Fodder for Corporate Anarchy

An email loaded with amorphous detail rings out in the morning, and by the afternoon, we will taste human flesh for the ... Read more

18 Mar 2013

7mins

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Matthew Norman, The Famous Author, Once Toiled Among the Commoners

Matthew Norman, The Famous Author, Once Toiled Among the Commoners

Matthew Norman thrust his bulk upon the device, and with a hot breath into its data port, he de-virginized my Kindle. Le... Read more

4 Feb 2013

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And Our Lust Continued: The Super Nintendo Christmas

And Our Lust Continued: The Super Nintendo Christmas

I had known it for years, but Christmas morning in 1993 cemented my presumptions: my parents were terrible liars. I beli... Read more

24 Dec 2012

8mins

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The Joe Rogan Parade Float: Icky Sticky in the Mile High

The Joe Rogan Parade Float: Icky Sticky in the Mile High

They’ve made it legal out here in the Rockies to commune with the skunk, every one of us now buckling into the hand-bask... Read more

10 Dec 2012

7mins

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Halloween Is Dangerous, and We Should All Be Afraid of Everything

Halloween Is Dangerous, and We Should All Be Afraid of Everything

I held out my pillow case, and the old woman gripping a bag of “popcorn balls” demanded that I “show her a trick,” so I ... Read more

29 Oct 2012

8mins

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“Tincture” Has Moved, But Loves You And Isn’t Trying To Replace Your Real Dad

“Tincture” Has Moved, But Loves You And Isn’t Trying To Replace Your Real Dad

Salutations cadre, this is Mikayla, Matthew’s wife, and I’m addressing you savages so it sounds more important the next ... Read more

22 Oct 2012

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The Red Baron and His Demonstrable Pizza-Related Betrayal

The Red Baron and His Demonstrable Pizza-Related Betrayal

I’d asked the young man behind the automated scanning machine to repeat himself, and this was merely an effort to preven... Read more

3 Sep 2012

12mins

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