Your self-worth starts when you interpret what your parents or caretakers think about you. If you interpret that they don't value you, you don't value yourself.
As the years go by, your self-esteem builds from your level of self-worth. If you have low self-worth as a child, you have low self-esteem as an adult. It's time to rebuild both so that you don't have so much fear and insecurity in your life.
Also, I read an email from a listener who is struggling between being a child and an adult in different situations. It's constantly stressing him out and he can't seem to step into that adult role when needed.
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Anxiety is the excessive worrying about future events, based on a story that you tell yourself. However, it's hard to change the story when you actually believe it will happen.  On top of that, the more you believe it will come true, the more likely you'll experience a panic attack. Today I share with you how I've overcome anxiety and panic attacks. My methods may be a bit unorthodox, but you might be surprised how effective they are. For help with your anxiety, visit quietbegins.com

When we talk to ourselves, we really are communicating with another part of ourselves, a deeper subconscious part that has within it a deeper understanding of what really motivates us in life. Sometimes we don't want to communicate with a part of ourselves that feels the pain, but if we don't, that part feels neglected, lonely, hurt and rejected and more. Also, is there a path out of generalized or health anxiety? Does it ever end? There are times when anxious thoughts can help you achieve your goals, then there is the anxiety that we don't want. Finally, I discuss abusive people that we continue to let return to our lives over and over again. Are they abusing us, or are we just abusing ourselves?

With General Anxiety Disorder, is there a chance of getting free of the consistent feelings of anxiety and panic? Is there a remote chance of feeling better or even making it go away completely? Maybe... Also, I get a letter from a girl whose boyfriend gets jealous so she gets angry which causes him to insult her which causes her to react and so on... is there a solution? I talk a little on jealousy and more on anger and the fact that we often direct our anger at the wrong people. Thank you to naturalsecurus.com for sponsoring today's episode. Use promo code "brain234" and you'll get $5.00 off.

If you've had ups and downs with your relationship and you're ready to keep it on track so it doesn't start slipping back down, I'll tell you ten steps you can take to make sure it stays healthy and continues to blossom.

When obsessive and intrusive thoughts won't go away, what can you do? You might feel better knowing that won't mean a thing in a 100 years, but if resolving them isn't that easy for you, then let me take you through a series of steps that break them apart and repackage them in a way that might just help you deal with yours. In this segment, I'll ask you what's wrong with having obsessive thoughts, why are they a problem, and if there's anything you can do about what you're obsessing over. I'll also talk about your resistance to them and how it causes you to suffer. If you have been suffering over that negative internal dialogue, listen to this episode. In segment 2, a woman asks me what happens when you remove all the toxic people in your life and you end up with no friends or romantic partner? She wants to know if that's all she has to look forward to when she grows and heals herself. Is everyone toxic? The personal growth journey does involve filtering out toxic people, but it also involves focus on yourself. When you start focusing on what you need for you, the right people show up in your life. You recognize toxic people right away and are able to steer clear. But better than that, healthy people show up when you're healthy, so that is the focus on this segment. During the close of this episode, I read another letter from a listener whose wife cheated on him. He decided to forgive and take her back, but now she's giving him the silent treatment and making excuses about why the marriage won't work. Is there more going on here than meets the eye? I give a frank opinion on the subject.  Today's episode is brought to you by - Access to quality attorneys for $20+ per month. Stop paying hundreds per hour just to ask simple questions! This is a great service that I use myself. Check it out!

Expressing the deep, negative emotions that you've been holding onto from your past should lead to a release of the emotional energy behind them, and free you from the burden of holding onto the pain. However, sometimes what you express, vent or release isn't all of it, and you need to dig a little deeper to get to the real pain that's keeping you from moving on. 
Today we talk about how to get to that deeper pain.

Toxic relationships - friends, family, coworkers, and more. What can you do if you can't get away from them? Do you even know how to get away from them? How can you continue the relationship when you have no choice but to be with a toxic person? This episode gets into toxic people, including what one reviewer said about my show: Stay Away! I read that review on the air, and also read a couple letters from people that deal with toxic people in their life. Today's episode is brought to you by Casper. Get $50 off a mattress when you use the promo code "brain" during checkout at

When someone treats you badly, you can hold on to the emotions of that moment... forever. That diminishes your feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction and can linger with you even on your happiest days. It's time to address those emotional triggers that sneak up on you and ruin your day.   Websites: Difficult Relationships:

Anger can rise in you because of a violation of your personal boundaries, but do you even know what your boundaries are? Sometimes we feel anger and we aren't even sure why. It's a good time to learn what your boundaries are and at what point you can be pushed before you "lose it". I read an email from someone who got so angry that he forgot what he said while he was in that state. There is a choice you have to utilize anger for your protection or to attack, and what you choose will determine if you're in control and if you'll create a better outcome or not. Where your anger takes you is up to you as long as you stay conscious long enough to utilize it in the best way possible for everyone involved.

If the voices in your head are saying anything but positive messages to you, then this is the show for you.
Negative inner dialogue can prevent you from almost everything you want to do in life. So many opportunities will be missed, all because you listened to a voice that is likely misleading you to believing you are something less than you are.
It's time to switch around those inner voices so that they support you, and maybe even make you laugh.
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Brene Brown said it so eloquently: "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."Many years ago, I remember having to disappoint my bosses during my one year anniversary. They brought me in for my evaluation, gave me a promotion, praised me for the amazing work I'd been doing over the past year, were excited about where I was going in the company, and gave me the tiniest raise I'd ever been given in my life. I was like... "Wow... Thank you?"That's what I thought in my head. But what I SAID was, "I'm rather disappointed. I thought I'd be getting a lot more money. With all the weekends I put in, all the projects I took on, and all the time I've spent helping out everyone I can, I really expected a lot more."They were like, "Oh..." The look on their faces went from excitement to confusion, and the moment got awkward. Then I said, "I really have to think about my future here. Don't worry, I'm not quitting, but I do need to think about things."And that was how I thanked them for their praise and generosity. It may have seemed ungrateful, with so many people unemployed at the time, but what was most important to me was that I valued myself enough to stand up for myself. I valued "me" enough to speak my mind, politely of course, but I honored myself that day and it felt pretty damn good. 3 months later, I left that position and started a coaching business. My life's never been the same. I believe in standing up for yourself when you know it's the right thing, and accepting the consequences of doing just that. Not many people are willing to accept getting fired or getting dumped or whatever the consequences are, but when you live and express your truth, your true path is revealed. The hard part is accepting that there will be a hard part!I talk about that on today's episode. Also, I read two letters: One from a woman who wants to know how to honor her boundaries without getting so much resistance, AND a really great letter from someone who calls me out! She thinks I have some sort of pathology and may need therapy. Is she right? Let's find out!
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The emotional healing journey consists of many ups and downs. A listener asks me how I managed to get through my journey and what I can share with others on what to expect. Whether you're starting your healing journey from scratch or still on a hot path of learning, healing and growing, there's always more to learn. I talk about what it takes to honor your boundaries in a healthy way (instead of waiting until you blow up), and recognizing patterns in yourself that may point back to emotional wounds from the past. What are your results over and over again? Are you succeeding in life or failing miserably? I think it's important to look at where you were, where you're going and what you keep ending up with to determine your level of emotional health. When you start succeeding, however you define it, it is most likely because you've processed and released some old negativity that's been around a long time. I also talk about depression and how it is devoid of emotions. When I was depressed, it was like having no feelings at all. Though, I did feel something because I didn't like how I felt! It was like I was a sponge of negative emotions but I couldn't squeeze them out. Healing can begin the day you start observing your own behavior asking yourself why you do the things you do. It soon feels like you are two different people: The one experiencing the emotion and the other observing your behavior. This is when true healing can begin. Awareness is a major step forward because you are no long on autopilot. You will still have challenges, but you'll also have your observation of how you handle those challenges. And it's not always comfortable. In segment two, I talk about the need to express something to someone but being afraid it will ruin the relationship or ruin their life somehow. Sometimes you walk around holding on to unfinished business and feel like it's important to share how someone else made you feel by something they did a long time ago (or even yesterday). Forgiving and moving on is a step you can take, or perhaps healing within you (self-forgiveness) which doesn't even involve the other person. Either way, you can carry it with you or you choose to process and hopefully release whatever it is. If you are carrying the burden of upset from something someone did to you, it's time to address it in some way. You may have to express to them what you're feeling. Or, maybe it's better to keep to yourself. I kept a family secret for many years and chose to bear the burden of it instead of spill the beans and tell the people I really wanted to tell. I was sworn to secrecy so I had to come to a place of acceptance of that burden in myself. It wasn't easy, but it is possible - and sometimes the best choice considering what might happen if you chose to share what you were told not to. During the conclusion of the show, I read a paragraph from The Overwhelmed Brain book and talk about focusing on yourself for healing and not others, unless they want you too. When I was married, I used to focus on what my wife needed to do to change so that I would be happier. Turns out after seven years of focusing on her, I did little healing in myself. Not only that, I used to be terribly judgmental. She didn't ask for me to "fix" her, but I tried. And the marriage ended. Focusing on others without their consent or desire, even if your intentions are good, can sometimes be what causes them to want to be away from you. Good intentions aren't always motivated by noble thoughts. Sometimes good intentions derive from selfish needs. Healing begins within you, even when it appears that others need to change. Trying to help someone change who didn't ask for it is not honoring their happiness or supporting their path. Keep your focus on yourself and as you grow through your challenges and you might just be able to grow with those you love instead of away from them. Today's episode of TOB is brought to you by . Real attorneys at established law firms for only $20 a month.

Self-esteem stems from the level of self-worth you have about yourself. That's great to know, but how do you raise either or both so that you can walk through life confidently and assert yourself when needed? There's "street knowledge" then there's book knowledge. Stree Knowledge is real world experience and book knowledge is when you know what to do but don't necessarily know how to do it, or have the courage to do it. So what can you do? Listen to this segment and find out. In the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from a jealous husband who doesn't like when other people look at his wife. He can't figure out how to get past these feelings. Insecurities abound in this segment so it's a great segue from the last one. There's a little bit of ego involved, a leap of faith, and a lot of trust that may need to be built up in order to allow the jealousy to go away. visit for legal services at a low monthly rate.

What resentments or regrets are you holding on to? Sometimes years can go by while you keep a firm grasp of what causes you stress simply because you can't let go of the idea that you could have made different choices in life. Or, could you have made different choices or taken a different direction in your life? If so, why not?   In segment two, I talk about a healthy way to communicate with others - one that fosters positive relationships and productive communication. There's a big picture to keep in mind if you want to get along with almost everyone and it has to do with letting something important go: Your attachment to being right!   In segment three, I read a message from someone who is as low as it seems one can go. Depression, anxiety, stress, and years of family dysfunction. And the only thing she has to hold on to is a relationship that is perfect but she believes is doomed to fail if she can't figure herself out and get well. She's so focused on what she has to lose that she might actually create what she fears.   She is in the breakdown stage when nothing seems to be going right. The good news? There's nothing below breakdown so maybe it's time for a breakthrough. I talk about the steps that can get you to a better place once you are in the bottom of the barrel and you feel like it can't possibly get any worse.   Today's episode is brought to you by Casper. Get $50 off an amazing mattress at . Make sure to use the promo code "brain" when checking out to get the discount. nt.

Not everyone is going to like what you bring to the table. Sometimes people have high expectations of you and you don't deliver causing them to have a critical view of you. Is this your fault or the fault of the person who set up expectations that you couldn't meet? I read a critical review of The Overwhelmed Brain and talk about that very thing today. They're not always "haters" but they can ruin our day. I also talk about gurus, preachers and god-like teachers and hope I don't fit into any of those categories above. Every time I'm open, honest and vulnerable, it helps me heal which is why I'm so open on the show. If anything is repressed in you, it needs to come out. When you lock the doors to your emotional core, you don't feel the pain but you're also blocking the good stuff too. And how do you know if it's time for a divorce? You need to assess the past to determine the future. Has there been any progress? Have you been any happier? Has your partner made any improvement? Have things gotten better? If the answer is no, the answer will likely be no. No progress up to this point shows no progress in the future. As you go forward in your relationship, if nothing has changed, nothing will change. Nothing will ever get better if nothing has gotten better and nothing will ever change as long as you stay together. Finally, I talk about the decision to stay or leave. When you're in a relationship and you're thinking about splitting up, breaking up, or divorce, take out the fear out of the question and then ask yourself what the decision is. Regret only plays a part if you base your decision on fear. For more TOB, join the Patron Program today patron.theoverwhelmedbrain.com

Is it time to call it quits in your relationship? When do you know? Are there signs that you can look at and say, "Hey, that's happening to us! Maybe we should split up." Yes but it doesn't mean you have to split up. In fact, listen together if you think you may be experiencing relationship hiccups so that you can discuss what can be done instead of just giving in and giving up. In segment two I read a letter from a woman who just wants a normal sibling relationship with her brother, not a mother / son relationship which it's been up to this point. She feels a little taken advantage of and it's affecting her love and support for him. Soon she's going to be so burnt out that she may end up getting out of their relationship altogether. There is a way to wean family off of their dependencies on you. During the close of the show I talk about how you can define meaning and purpose in your life. Just what is the point of being here when you feel like there is no point being here? That's an important question to get the answer to if you're asking that of yourself. Meaning and purpose can be defined as soon as structure is created in your life. It's not as easy as it sounds and might require taking steps that were previously uncomfortable. Today's episode of The Overwhelmed Brain is brought to you by StoryWorth. Give a gift that lasts a lifetime! Visit for $20 off your subscription. Website:

Carrying around dysfunctions from childhood makes all your interactions harder and your life tougher. Add to that anyone that says anything critical to you, and any negative feelings you have about yourself are amplified. It's time to access a part of yourself that helps you feel good about yourself - maybe even great.

We can get so good at convincing ourselves how broken or terrible we are sometimes. In fact, some of us go through life thinking that there must be something wrong with us because why else is our life turning out as it is? This is a deep episode that covers a lot, so be prepared to be empowered to learn just how not broken you are.

1. When you get angry, frustrated or upset toward someone else, how quickly do you recover? Would you like to recover faster and get into a better space? I'll walk you through questions you can ask yourself that lead to change. 2. How do you feed the dysfunction of others? If you get into emotionally abusive relationships but can't figure out how to stop the abuse, you may be part of the cause. 3. You can commit to someone then re-evaluate that commitment when they don't hold up their end of the bargain.

Taking a stand or protesting an injustice in your life isn't always about being aggressive. Often, it can be a peaceful objection that helps you move toward honoring yourself. Sometimes you have to take a bigger stand, even at the risk of loss. In this episode, I receive an email from someone who didn't appreciate my comments from the previous "Take a stand" episode so I talk about taking a stand even more today.

I read three emails that dive into awkward feelings when interacting with others, deciding whether to settle for someone who doesn't know what they want in a relationship, and someone who wrote to me saying that they are lonely and depressed. Lots of variety makes for a packed show. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes.

The challenges of today seem greater than ever. Emotions are running high and we can become triggered easily. What do you do with all this pent up energy? If you're not using it to fight for a cause or help you out of a dangerous situation, it may be festering inside you causing you to feel pretty rotten. In this episode, I give you questions that you can ask yourself to get out of the whirlwind of negativity and into a calmer space inside you. visit for more episodes.

Obsessing about your ex wastes all your time and keeps you in a rut that you can't get out of until you take hard steps to disconnect from them completely. That involves a lot of will power and a lot of knowing that you are amazing, worthy and lovable. Visit for more episodes

There is a way to deal with mean family members. It may involve treating them like other people instead of family, which can help you disconnect from wanting to impress them or be loved by them. Or if you're not trying to do that, and you're just trying to get along with them, you might have to dive further into your bag of tools. Visit and for more episodes.

When you're in a situation that needs to change, but you're too afraid to take a stand or just hope it changes on its own, you may be waiting forever. Unfortunately, waiting for changes can often involve exposing yourself to a toxic environment, causing long-term emotional damage. If you want change, you might have to take a big scary step to get it. Visit and for more episodes on relationships

When you can't find meaning and purpose in your life and you're not sure what your next steps are, and perhaps you're feeling antsy or anxious about those next steps, sometimes you have to think outside yourself and figure out what really brings you meaning. I keep the existential very practical in this episode, so maybe it's the trip you've been wanting to take for a while. Visit for more episodes.

If you love someone, can you set them free to the point where they hit bottom? Sometimes the bottom is the only way back to the top. Tough love exists for a reason and sometimes it is the only way to see true change in someone who is being self-destructive. At that same time, it's important to define what love really is and if you are showing it and receiving it in a way that is healthy for everyone. It's not always easy to love, but it can be extremely rewarding when you have the right formula. Visit and for more episodes on relationships

Ever have someone just not take a liking to you? When that happens, do you brush it off and move on with your day? Or do you brood about it wondering what you did wrong and what you can do right to make them like you? Is it okay to not be liked? I talk about that and more in this episode. visit and for more episodes

Sometimes when you're in a relationship with someone, you might not know where it's going or if it will even make it. I prefer taking action instead of waiting for things to happen. In this episode, I share some ways to take action when there's a decision to be made about the relationship. Visit and for more episodes on relationships

When you're doing the work, but the people around you aren't, and you are hoping, wishing and even praying that they "see the light" and make the changes that will be good for them, but they simply don't or won't work on themselves, what's your next step? That's the subject of today's episode.   visit and for more episodes.

The emotional challenges you experience after breaking up with a narcissist usually go way beyond grieving the end of a relationship. You can be stripped of your ability to see life clearly from that point on unless you heal. In this bonus episode, I cover a lot of ground when it comes to dealing with what happens to your mind and body as you transition out of one of the more toxic relationships that exist. Visit and for more episodes about this and more subjects.

When you get a second chance at a job, relationship, or anything that you wanted a do-over on, what's the best way to show up? Do you try to impress and show others how much you've changed? Or does that actually work against you? Visit for more episodes and check out for The SAFE System on Anxiety

When someone treats you badly, you can hold on to the emotions of that moment... forever. That diminishes your feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction and can linger with you even on your happiest days. It's time to address those emotional triggers that sneak up on you and ruin your day.   Websites: Difficult Relationships:

What is the right thing to do or say when your adult child tells you about their sexual abuse? I read an email from a mom who recently learned that her adult daughter was abused by another child when she was young. I bring my girlfriend Asha, an advocate for the prevention and healing of child sexual abuse, into a conversation about this topic for an honest, heartfelt discussion & guidance for the mom. Prevention & healing websites: The Overwhelmed Brain website: The Love and Abuse website for emotionally abusive relationships:

When your top level values are being met in your relationships, the rest of it usually works out. When they aren't, you suffer and the relationship often fails. Every relationship, whether it's platonic, romantic, or family, contains components that make up what we value. Trust contains confidence and honesty whereas distrust contains fear and stress. I talk about that and read a few emails making for a variety show today.   Get more TOB at Learn how to deal with difficult relationships at

We're all in relationships of some sort, but how happy those relationships are will depend a lot on what you're willing to allow and unwilling to accept. What you allow into your relationships sets the tone for the rest of the time you are with these people. If you allow toxic behavior, life will feel pretty miserable. Relationships require you to have some courage to stand up for what is right for you. Visit for more content on behavior and relationships. Visit if you are having difficulty in your relationship. #emotionalintelligence #selfhelp #personalgrowth #lifeishard #personaldevelopment #selfhelptools #beyourself #authenticity #unlimitedpotential #motivational #youareamazing

You know that feeling you get when someone does something that surprises you in a bad way but they don't tell you why? When you aren't given the reason for their behavior, you may walk around with that unfinished business feeling . It's what happens when you really want to move on from an event in your life but just can't seem to get past the fact that you don't know why it happened. It's a tough place to be, but it needs to be resolved if you're going to move on and enjoy life again. Visit theoverwhelmedbrain.com For help in navigating the difficult relationship, visit loveandabuse.com

Carrying around dysfunctions from childhood makes all your interactions harder and your life tougher. Add to that anyone that says anything critical to you, and any negative feelings you have about yourself are amplified. It's time to access a part of yourself that helps you feel good about yourself - maybe even great.

Long-distance dating can be more challenging than doing it in person, but should it contain anxiety, worry, and being completely unsure if it's even a relationship at all? Someone wrote to me and asked me about anxiety while dating during the pandemic. However, perhaps the answer has nothing to do with the Corona virus and more to do with the person she is trying to connect with.