A lot of important things happen in this chapter, but also, Minerva McGonagall leads a flock of Hogwarts desk into battle. Awesome. This week, The Golden Trio stick to a plan; LoVo should fire his advance team; Draco’s mommy wuvs him; and we bid goodnight, sweet(?) Half-Blood Prince. Plus: actual, Hagrid-style weeping about Hagrid. This time: The Elder WandNext time: The Prince’s Tale

A lot of important things happen in this chapter, but also, Minerva McGonagall leads a flock of Hogwarts desk into battle. Awesome. This week, The Golden Trio stick to a plan; LoVo should fire his advance team; Draco’s mommy wuvs him; and we bid goodnight, sweet(?) Half-Blood Prince. Plus: actual, Hagrid-style weeping about Hagrid. This time: The Elder Wand Next time: The Prince’s Tale

Ep. 102—Hagrid: Into the Spiderverse

Fred Weasley was dead, to begin with. Sorry, we just had to remind you exactly what you’re getting into with this episode. But don’t worry! There’s also hellfire! And murder! And toxic workplaces! And snogging! And impossible moral conundrums! And bitchy ghosts! And PUNS ON PUNS ON PUNS! And a very limited amount of singing.This time: The Battle of HogwartsNext time: The Elder Wand

Fred Weasley was dead, to begin with. Sorry, we just had to remind you exactly what you’re getting into with this episode. But don’t worry! There’s also hellfire! And murder! And toxic workplaces! And snogging! And impossible moral conundrums! And bitchy ghosts! And PUNS ON PUNS ON PUNS! And a very limited amount of singing. This time: The Battle of Hogwarts Next time: The Elder Wand

Ep. 101—No Time to Diadem

Five years, 100 episodes, every single conceivable permutation of the f-word, and a 45-minute summary of a pretty throwaway chapter. Welcome back, witches! Sorry we wrote that. Anyway, this week, some classic Rowling quirks rear their fat pig heads, including ugly villains, reactionary teens, brutal foreshadowing of fractured families, and cool hidden Hogwarts tricks. Harry also does a torture. Plus: We … sing? A lot? This time: The Sacking of Severus SnapeNext time: The Battle of Hogwarts

Five years, 100 episodes, every single conceivable permutation of the f-word, and a 45-minute summary of a pretty throwaway chapter. Welcome back, witches! Sorry we wrote that. Anyway, this week, some classic Rowling quirks rear their fat pig heads, including ugly villains, reactionary teens, brutal foreshadowing of fractured families, and cool hidden Hogwarts tricks. Harry also does a torture. Plus: We … sing? A lot? This time: The Sacking of Severus Snape Next time: The Battle of Hogwarts

Ep. 100—Wizardry, Equality, Fraternity

Can we get away with not acknowledging that this is our first episode since February? No, huh? Don’t worry, there’s an explanation at the beginning, but mostly this is just a long, unhinged summary with digressions into wizard bathroom habits (thanks, Twitter) and interruptions from a puppy. Neville has some battle scars; Harry learns to accept help; Aberforth makes a mean ploughman’s lunch; and the Snape Discourse gets ever-more maddening.This time: The Lost DiademNext time: The Sacking of Severus Snape

Can we get away with not acknowledging that this is our first episode since February? No, huh? Don’t worry, there’s an explanation at the beginning, but mostly this is just a long, unhinged summary with digressions into wizard bathroom habits (thanks, Twitter) and interruptions from a puppy. Neville has some battle scars; Harry learns to accept help; Aberforth makes a mean ploughman’s lunch; and the Snape Discourse gets ever-more maddening. This time: The Lost Diadem Next time: The Sacking of Severus Snape

Ep. 99—Hog's Head Revisited

Pretty annoying to meet the best character in the final act of the final book, but that's the hand we're dealt with G.O.A.T. Aberforth Dumbledore. This week: Ron's hunger makes him stupid(er), we miss dive bars immensely, and a terrible family saga finally sees the light of day. Plus: aspersions of goat … uh … loving. It takes all sorts.This week: The Missing MirrorNext week: The Lost Diadem

Pretty annoying to meet the best character in the final act of the final book, but that's the hand we're dealt with G.O.A.T. Aberforth Dumbledore. This week: Ron's hunger makes him stupid(er), we miss dive bars immensely, and a terrible family saga finally sees the light of day. Plus: aspersions of goat … uh … loving. It takes all sorts. This week: The Missing Mirror Next week: The Lost Diadem

Ep. 98—Dumbles Dore (like Attorneys General)

And to all a good night! This is just us reading aloud to you and cracking wise. Plus an alarming amount of doctrinal history. Because you know you've always wanted to hear us talk about Trinitarians versus the Arian Heresy.

Advent Calendar Final Night—A Visit from an Obscure Greek Saint

Ever wonder what it sounds like when someone who has basically never danced "summarizes" a ballet? Wonder no more, because this week we watched the New York City Ballet's streaming production of The Nutcracker! So naturally we talk about ghosts, illicit sexual desire, the problematic ideals of "multiculturalism" in America, and Alex uses the phrase "wild with grief." But also we talk outfits, don't worry. Merry Christmas Eve!

Advent Calendar Week 3—Midnight Sleigh to Candy Town

This one's a bit delayed, as it was something of an emotional gauntlet to edit (you'll hear why in the latter half. Be warned.) We watched the stop-motion Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer TV special and A Charlie Brown Christmas, and we loved one and hated the other. Betcha can't guess which! It does get real toward the end, and we dedicate this episode to everyone spending this season grieving someone beloved. Next time (sometime) will be a little bit… nuttier. ;)

This one's a bit delayed, as it was something of an emotional gauntlet to edit (you'll hear why in the latter half. Be warned.) We watched the stop-motion Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer TV special and A Charlie Brown Christmas, and we loved one and hated the other. Betcha can't guess which! It does get real toward the end, and we dedicate this episode to everyone spending this season grieving someone beloved. Next time (sometime) will be a little bit… nuttier. ;)

Advent Calendar Week 2—Yosemite Clementine

Spend this very strange holiday season with us, quibbling about the Christmas classics that make us merry and/or cause us to cringe. First up, the ultimate tale of holiday alienation and a master class in Committing to the Bit: The Grinch! Yuletide supervillain or just a guy sick of noise and Amazon packages? We'll be dropping more holiday goodies throughout the rest of the month, so stay tuned! xoxo

Spend this very strange holiday season with us, quibbling about the Christmas classics that make us merry and/or cause us to cringe. First up, the ultimate tale of holiday alienation and a master class in Committing to the Bit: The Grinch! Yuletide supervillain or just a guy sick of noise and Amazon packages? We'll be dropping more holiday goodies throughout the rest of the month, so stay tuned! xoxo

Advent Calendar Week 1—How the Grinch Stole Everything

This is an 80 minute episode about a 17 minute chapter. The summary is twice the length of the chapter itself. You. Are. Welcome! This week: Heather tells an unfollowable anecdote about animal actors; Alex and Heather both mangle explanations of the social and physical sciences; Alex and Heather ALSO talk about their dreams, for some reason; also there's a Harry Potter chapter with a dragon and maybe some murders, we think? It's a lot. Plus: The Easter egg took us an entire evening to make. Please like it.This week's chapter: The Final Hiding PlaceNext week's chapter: The Missing Mirror

This is an 80 minute episode about a 17 minute chapter. The summary is twice the length of the chapter itself. You. Are. Welcome! This week: Heather tells an unfollowable anecdote about animal actors; Alex and Heather both mangle explanations of the social and physical sciences; Alex and Heather ALSO talk about their dreams, for some reason; also there's a Harry Potter chapter with a dragon and maybe some murders, we think? It's a lot. Plus: The Easter egg took us an entire evening to make. Please like it. This week's chapter: The Final Hiding Place Next week's chapter: The Missing Mirror

Ep. 97—There's Some Horcruxes in This House

A Harry Potter book club for grownups. Heather Price-Wright and Alex Dalenberg make their way through the Harry Potter books, chapter by chapter. We analyze avada kedavra. We dissect Dumbledore. We question quidditch. And we hail Hermione. Join us as we go as deep as you've always wanted to into the books that defined our childhoods. Alohamora—the door is open.

I love how they call quidditch murderball 😂

20/10 would recommend

Great podcast! Love the themes and humor.

So fun!

The Quibbler: A Harry Potter Book Club

We have reached the nadir of Ron Weasley, and Heather is, naturally, in fine form. This week, Harry learns to fish; Hermione reads The Feminine Mystique; Griphook bristles; Dirk Cresswell is kind of a dick; the Potters are dead, to begin with; and Ron is definitely, definitely the worst. Plus: #mealplanning #keto #eatclean #elementaltransfigurationThis week’s chapters: The Goblin’s Revenge &amp; Godric’s HollowNext week’s chapters: Bathilda’s Secret &amp; The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore

We have reached the nadir of Ron Weasley, and Heather is, naturally, in fine form. This week, Harry learns to fish; Hermione reads The Feminine Mystique; Griphook bristles; Dirk Cresswell is kind of a dick; the Potters are dead, to begin with; and Ron is definitely, definitely the worst. Plus: #mealplanning #keto #eatclean #elementaltransfiguration This week’s chapters: The Goblin’s Revenge &amp; Godric’s Hollow Next week’s chapters: Bathilda’s Secret &amp; The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore

Ep. 86—Dean and Ted's Excellent Adventure

It’s Halloween, and there’s truly nothing more chilling than the depths of Bella Swan’s myopic self-involvement. Except maybe whatever it is that Edward’s vampire effluvium has implanted in her womb. This week, the summary is almost an hour long; Edward breaks the bed; Bella has some pretty messed up pregnancy cravings; the werewolves have a schism; Seth Clearwater eats and Leah Clearwater stews; and then it gets even bloodier than usual. Plus: We continue to wish these books only featured the three dads.This week: Twilight: Breaking Dawn Books 1 and 2Next week: Back to Deathly Hallows!

It’s Halloween, and there’s truly nothing more chilling than the depths of Bella Swan’s myopic self-involvement. Except maybe whatever it is that Edward’s vampire effluvium has implanted in her womb. This week, the summary is almost an hour long; Edward breaks the bed; Bella has some pretty messed up pregnancy cravings; the werewolves have a schism; Seth Clearwater eats and Leah Clearwater stews; and then it gets even bloodier than usual. Plus: We continue to wish these books only featured the three dads. This week: Twilight: Breaking Dawn Books 1 and 2 Next week: Back to Deathly Hallows!

The Nibbler 4—What to Expect When You're Expecting an Abomination

Baby, it’s cold outside, but not as cold as it seems to be in Hermione’s heart these days. This week, Harry dodges roofies; Ron gets a necklace; Lupin tells his backstory; Percy drops by; Scrimgeour fails as a diplomat; and Sanguini is just trying to meet a nice girl. This week’s chapters: The Unbreakable Vow &amp; A Very Frosty ChristmasNext week’s chapters: A Sluggish Memory &amp; Birthday Surprises

Baby, it’s cold outside, but not as cold as it seems to be in Hermione’s heart these days. This week, Harry dodges roofies; Ron gets a necklace; Lupin tells his backstory; Percy drops by; Scrimgeour fails as a diplomat; and Sanguini is just trying to meet a nice girl. This week’s chapters: The Unbreakable Vow &amp; A Very Frosty Christmas Next week’s chapters: A Sluggish Memory &amp; Birthday Surprises

Ep. 71—It's-a Me, Sanguini!

Do these horcruxes spark joy? This week, Harry takes a bludger to the face; Ron has avoidance issues; Hagrid says some extremely true stuff we have been waiting for someone in these crazy books to finally admit; LoVo has an awkward job interview; and Kreacher looks for loopholes. Plus: The Easter egg in this one is very, very good, so listen through the end.This week’s chapters: Elf Tales &amp; Lord Voldemort’s RequestNext week’s chapters: The Unknowable Room &amp; After the Burial

Do these horcruxes spark joy? This week, Harry takes a bludger to the face; Ron has avoidance issues; Hagrid says some extremely true stuff we have been waiting for someone in these crazy books to finally admit; LoVo has an awkward job interview; and Kreacher looks for loopholes. Plus: The Easter egg in this one is very, very good, so listen through the end. This week’s chapters: Elf Tales &amp; Lord Voldemort’s Request Next week’s chapters: The Unknowable Room &amp; After the Burial

Ep. 73—Antiques Horror Show

Stunning spell first, figure out the plan later—that is Harry’s eternal M.O., and it serves him not-so-well in this hairbrained sprint through the Ministry of Magic. Luckily, Hermione packed. This week, Harry leads a prison break; Ron has a two-Spidermen-pointing situation; Umbridge makes some interesting décor choices; and Greg gets wrecked. Plus: Wakanda … forever?This week’s chapters: The Muggle-Born Registration Commission &amp; The ThiefNext week’s chapters: The Goblin’s Revenge &amp; Godric’s Hollow

Stunning spell first, figure out the plan later—that is Harry’s eternal M.O., and it serves him not-so-well in this hairbrained sprint through the Ministry of Magic. Luckily, Hermione packed. This week, Harry leads a prison break; Ron has a two-Spidermen-pointing situation; Umbridge makes some interesting décor choices; and Greg gets wrecked. Plus: Wakanda … forever? This week’s chapters: The Muggle-Born Registration Commission &amp; The Thief Next week’s chapters: The Goblin’s Revenge &amp; Godric’s Hollow

Ep. 85—I Spy with My Little Mad-Eye

Rita Skeeter

Time for the worst thing a young wizard will ever experience: a school dance! This week, Dobby gets some knitwear; Ron practices his DIY skills; Parvati Patil slays; #Frangelina cuts a rug; girls rule; boys drool; and Hagrid has a *big* secret. Plus: Misandrist unicorns and wedge issues!This week's chapters: The Yule Ball &amp; Rita Skeeter's ScoopNext week's chapters: The Egg and the Eye &amp; The Second Task

Time for the worst thing a young wizard will ever experience: a school dance! This week, Dobby gets some knitwear; Ron practices his DIY skills; Parvati Patil slays; #Frangelina cuts a rug; girls rule; boys drool; and Hagrid has a *big* secret. Plus: Misandrist unicorns and wedge issues! This week's chapters: The Yule Ball &amp; Rita Skeeter's Scoop Next week's chapters: The Egg and the Eye &amp; The Second Task

Ep. 37—Alternative Facts with Rita Skeeter

In a book full of horrors, we have come to the most horrifying of them all: Snake Corpse. Like Cat Wife, but well, the {Jean Ralphio voice} wooooorst. This week, a snake lives inside a corpse. That’s it. That’s what happens. Also we have a truly deranged and off-topic debate that will probably become a question that claws at you in the dead of night for years to come. You’ll see. Plus: No, really, it’s just a snake corpse.This week’s chapter: Bathilda’s SecretNext week’s chapter: The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore

In a book full of horrors, we have come to the most horrifying of them all: Snake Corpse. Like Cat Wife, but well, the {Jean Ralphio voice} wooooorst. This week, a snake lives inside a corpse. That’s it. That’s what happens. Also we have a truly deranged and off-topic debate that will probably become a question that claws at you in the dead of night for years to come. You’ll see. Plus: No, really, it’s just a snake corpse. This week’s chapter: Bathilda’s Secret Next week’s chapter: The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore

Ep. 87—Weekend at Bathilda's

This entire episode is about Wilkie Twycross. What, you don’t remember this absolutely essential and indelible Harry Potter character? Are you even a real fan? This week, Harry talks back; Voldy goes all teen heartthrob; Morfin gets railroaded; Dumbledore does some deep extractions; Slughorn appreciates both cheekiness and candy; and Ron falls hard. Plus: Hurtling through space-time is, in fact, pretty hard?This week’s chapters: A Sluggish Memory &amp; Birthday SurprisesNext week’s chapters: Elf Tales &amp; Lord Voldemort’s Request

This entire episode is about Wilkie Twycross. What, you don’t remember this absolutely essential and indelible Harry Potter character? Are you even a real fan? This week, Harry talks back; Voldy goes all teen heartthrob; Morfin gets railroaded; Dumbledore does some deep extractions; Slughorn appreciates both cheekiness and candy; and Ron falls hard. Plus: Hurtling through space-time is, in fact, pretty hard? This week’s chapters: A Sluggish Memory &amp; Birthday Surprises Next week’s chapters: Elf Tales &amp; Lord Voldemort’s Request

Ep. 72—Just a Teenage Voldy, Baby

Twitterpation has turned to full-on hormone madness this week. Dobby is a high-fashion elf; all your faves are problematic; Harry is overly forgiving; Hermione and Ginny are queens; Neville and Fred get it done; Harry is NOT the Cho-sen One; and seriously, what the hell is the matter with Ron? Plus: Minerva McGonagall's tight bun(s).This week's chapters: The House Elf Liberation Front &amp; The Unexpected TaskNext week's chapters: The Yule Ball &amp; Rita Skeeter's Scoop

Twitterpation has turned to full-on hormone madness this week. Dobby is a high-fashion elf; all your faves are problematic; Harry is overly forgiving; Hermione and Ginny are queens; Neville and Fred get it done; Harry is NOT the Cho-sen One; and seriously, what the hell is the matter with Ron? Plus: Minerva McGonagall's tight bun(s). This week's chapters: The House Elf Liberation Front &amp; The Unexpected Task Next week's chapters: The Yule Ball &amp; Rita Skeeter's Scoop

Ep. 36—We've All Dated a Ron

Color

How anyone watches the movies without reading the books and has any idea what's going on, we'll never know. This week, Cousin Kyle joins us again as we delve into the Order of the Phoenix film. Crookshanks eats a GMO ear; we stan Imelda Staunton; the poor Creeveys get smashed into a terrible child named Nigel; Ron's subplots are totally absent; the twins and Dumbledore are out-of-character assholes; and a "giant snake" plagues Harry's dreams. Plus: Remember how there's a Marauders' Map? USE IT!

Movie Mini 5—What Color Is Your Smoke Trail?

Raise your hand if you've watched someone die, kids! This week, we're back with ghost horses, soggy snogs, the scariest kind of portrait mode, and so much more. Hermione explains feelings; Neville tells a grownup; Harry has snake eyes; Arthur narrowly escapes a terrible fate; wizards ration medicine; and Harry might need a LoVo exorcism. This week's chapters: The Eye of the Snake &amp; St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and InjuriesNext week's chapters: Christmas on the Closed Ward &amp; Occlumency

Raise your hand if you've watched someone die, kids! This week, we're back with ghost horses, soggy snogs, the scariest kind of portrait mode, and so much more. Hermione explains feelings; Neville tells a grownup; Harry has snake eyes; Arthur narrowly escapes a terrible fate; wizards ration medicine; and Harry might need a LoVo exorcism. This week's chapters: The Eye of the Snake &amp; St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries Next week's chapters: Christmas on the Closed Ward &amp; Occlumency

Ep. 55—Do Portraits Dream of Acrylic Sheep?

Welcome back to Privet Drive! Harry finally gets some birthday presents. The Weasleys mishandle a windfall and maybe rob a bunch of tombs. Aunt Marge goes too far. And Ernie and Stan are definitely getting 1 star on the Knight Bus app. Plus: Who was that black dog, anyway?Instagram &amp; Twitter: @quibblerpodcastSoundcloud: tinyletter.com/quibblerpodcast

Welcome back to Privet Drive! Harry finally gets some birthday presents. The Weasleys mishandle a windfall and maybe rob a bunch of tombs. Aunt Marge goes too far. And Ernie and Stan are definitely getting 1 star on the Knight Bus app. Plus: Who was that black dog, anyway? Instagram &amp; Twitter: @quibblerpodcast Soundcloud: <a href="http://tinyletter.com/quibblerpodcast" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">tinyletter.com/quibblerpodcast</a>

Ep.15—Like Uber, but for Wizards

Let us now praise famous wizards. This week, Neville opts for a practical education; Snape redecorates and then chews the scenery; Slughorn actually teaches; Harry gets back into collecting rare and used books; The Gaunts have, er, economic anxiety; and we have THOUGHTS about love potions. Which, you knew we would. Also, what sound do raccoons make? Seriously. This week’s chapters: The Half-Blood Prince &amp; The House of GauntNext week’s chapters: Hermione’s Helping Hand &amp; Silver and Opals

Let us now praise famous wizards. This week, Neville opts for a practical education; Snape redecorates and then chews the scenery; Slughorn actually teaches; Harry gets back into collecting rare and used books; The Gaunts have, er, economic anxiety; and we have THOUGHTS about love potions. Which, you knew we would. Also, what sound do raccoons make? Seriously. This week’s chapters: The Half-Blood Prince &amp; The House of Gaunt Next week’s chapters: Hermione’s Helping Hand &amp; Silver and Opals

Ep. 68—Salt, Fat, Magic, Heat

Why can't wizards make plans that make any sense? This week, some aurors break and enter (more like, Mad Eye RUDE-y, I am right?), Tonks trips a bunch, Harry continues to shout at everyone he loves, Sirius's mom yells some slurs, and Percy is truly and 100 percent trash. Plus: Metaphysical questions about potatoes.This week's chapters: The Advance Guard &amp; Number 12 Grimmauld PlaceNext week's chapters: The Order of the Phoenix &amp; The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black

Why can't wizards make plans that make any sense? This week, some aurors break and enter (more like, Mad Eye RUDE-y, I am right?), Tonks trips a bunch, Harry continues to shout at everyone he loves, Sirius's mom yells some slurs, and Percy is truly and 100 percent trash. Plus: Metaphysical questions about potatoes. This week's chapters: The Advance Guard &amp; Number 12 Grimmauld Place Next week's chapters: The Order of the Phoenix &amp; The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black

Ep. 46—Magic Pixie Dream Girl

For the love of god, someone teach these children language arts. This week, Ron stuffs his face; Harry loses his temper (again … and again); the twins recruit some freelancers; Mondays are the worst; Snape teaches kids to make Xanax; and Umbridge is just as bad as we suspected she would be. Plus: We get into the weeds on education policy! We promise it's scintillating.This week's chapters: The Sorting Hat's New Song &amp; Professor UmbridgeNext week's chapters: Detention with Dolores &amp; Percy and Padfoot

For the love of god, someone teach these children language arts. This week, Ron stuffs his face; Harry loses his temper (again … and again); the twins recruit some freelancers; Mondays are the worst; Snape teaches kids to make Xanax; and Umbridge is just as bad as we suspected she would be. Plus: We get into the weeds on education policy! We promise it's scintillating. This week's chapters: The Sorting Hat's New Song &amp; Professor Umbridge Next week's chapters: Detention with Dolores &amp; Percy and Padfoot

Ep. 50—No Wizard Left Behind

April Fool’s Day means just one thing in these parts. It’s another episode of The Nibbler! The third book in the series is chock-a-block full of horrifying messages for kids, tweens, teens, and grownups alike, including: you’re obligated to love back any boy who becomes obsessed with you; sex is the same as murder; the Confederacy was pretty sweet; gold shag carpeting is a classy design choice; a metaphor can never get too extended; Native American tribes are basically supernatural anyway so why not ascribe totally made-up lore to actual living indigeous people; and MORE! Plus: Falling in love with a toddler, is, like, chill. Also there’s apparently a plot in there somewhere.This week: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

April Fool’s Day means just one thing in these parts. It’s another episode of The Nibbler! The third book in the series is chock-a-block full of horrifying messages for kids, tweens, teens, and grownups alike, including: you’re obligated to love back any boy who becomes obsessed with you; sex is the same as murder; the Confederacy was pretty sweet; gold shag carpeting is a classy design choice; a metaphor can never get too extended; Native American tribes are basically supernatural anyway so why not ascribe totally made-up lore to actual living indigeous people; and MORE! Plus: Falling in love with a toddler, is, like, chill. Also there’s apparently a plot in there somewhere. This week: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

The Nibbler 3—How Bella Got Her Groove Back

It’s the penultimate Order of the Phoenix episode and, unless you’re an invincible magic bird, this is not going to end well. This week: Alex constantly mispronounces “Lestrange”; Dumbledore’s Army destroys centuries of priceless archival material; Bellatrix almost destroys the prophecy to own the libs; Neville actually destroys the prophecy because he’s Neville; Ron does nothing; and love saves the day, but not Sirius Black. Woof. Plus: Heather's dessert preferences, revealed at last. This week's chapters: Beyond the Veil &amp; The Only One He Ever FearedNext episode's chapters: The Lost Prophecy &amp; The Second War Begins

It’s the penultimate Order of the Phoenix episode and, unless you’re an invincible magic bird, this is not going to end well. This week: Alex constantly mispronounces “Lestrange”; Dumbledore’s Army destroys centuries of priceless archival material; Bellatrix almost destroys the prophecy to own the libs; Neville actually destroys the prophecy because he’s Neville; Ron does nothing; and love saves the day, but not Sirius Black. Woof. Plus: Heather's dessert preferences, revealed at last. This week's chapters: Beyond the Veil &amp; The Only One He Ever Feared Next episode's chapters: The Lost Prophecy &amp; The Second War Begins

Ep. 62—Death Comes from the Arch Mishap

Everything is dire and they're all gonna die. That is the lesson from our chapters this week. Lucius injects some dark money into the ministry; Ron gets entirely too much responsibility; Harry has an existential crisis; Moody over-shares; Mrs. Weasley has an entirely logical reaction to a boggart; Sirius is a doomed doggo; Neville sprays stink sap; and Luna Lovegood provides a much-needed dose of weird. Plus: Ron gets his comeuppance for the Yule Ball and we talk a lot about the Civil War.This week's chapters: The Woes of Mrs. Weasley &amp; Luna LovegoodNext week's chapters: The Sorting Hat's New Song &amp; Professor Umbridge

Everything is dire and they're all gonna die. That is the lesson from our chapters this week. Lucius injects some dark money into the ministry; Ron gets entirely too much responsibility; Harry has an existential crisis; Moody over-shares; Mrs. Weasley has an entirely logical reaction to a boggart; Sirius is a doomed doggo; Neville sprays stink sap; and Luna Lovegood provides a much-needed dose of weird. Plus: Ron gets his comeuppance for the Yule Ball and we talk a lot about the Civil War. This week's chapters: The Woes of Mrs. Weasley &amp; Luna Lovegood Next week's chapters: The Sorting Hat's New Song &amp; Professor Umbridge

Ep. 49—Unreconstructed Death Eaters

Don't go 'round tonight, it's bound to take your life, there's a SERIOUSLY bad moon on the rise this week. Snape can't grow up; Peter can't take responsibility; Lupin can't take his damn werewolf medicine; Harry and Sirius can't catch a break; Hermione can't help asking questions; Ron can't believe he slept with a rat-man for a decade. Just so you know: This one gets dark.This week's chapters: The Servant of Lord Voldemort &amp; The Dementor's KissNext week's chapter (ON FACEBOOK LIVE!): Hermione's Secrethttps://www.facebook.com/events/1829471257377115/

Don't go 'round tonight, it's bound to take your life, there's a SERIOUSLY bad moon on the rise this week. Snape can't grow up; Peter can't take responsibility; Lupin can't take his damn werewolf medicine; Harry and Sirius can't catch a break; Hermione can't help asking questions; Ron can't believe he slept with a rat-man for a decade. Just so you know: This one gets dark. This week's chapters: The Servant of Lord Voldemort &amp; The Dementor's Kiss Next week's chapter (ON FACEBOOK LIVE!): Hermione's Secret <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/1829471257377115/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/events/1829471257377115/</a>

Ep. 24—These Death Eaters Ain't Loyal

Break out your Hints from Heloise—this week, we're mostly cleaning! Sirius is stuck at 17; Molly over-parents; Harry learns … kind of a whole bunch of nothing; Mrs. Black was REALLY into genealogy; Fred and George have a rare product development misstep; and Kreacher snogs a bathrobe. Plus: Unfortunate opinions about twins!This week's chapters: The Order of the Phoenix &amp; The Noble and Most Ancient House of BlackNext week's chapters: The Ministry of Magic &amp; The Hearing

Break out your Hints from Heloise—this week, we're mostly cleaning! Sirius is stuck at 17; Molly over-parents; Harry learns … kind of a whole bunch of nothing; Mrs. Black was REALLY into genealogy; Fred and George have a rare product development misstep; and Kreacher snogs a bathrobe. Plus: Unfortunate opinions about twins! This week's chapters: The Order of the Phoenix &amp; The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black Next week's chapters: The Ministry of Magic &amp; The Hearing

Ep. 47—Kreacher Comforts

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