Rank #1: #176: Nicole Jackson Miller: Mindful Leadership: Stepping Into the CEO Role in Your Life & Business
Nicole helps passionate and driven service providers build a business and team that they love through a combination of leadership, management, hiring, and mindset support. After managing million-dollar TV projects, building a multi-six figure agency of her own, and mentoring other service providers to grow teams without sacrificing their sanity, she knows what it takes to step into the CEO role in your business. When she left her corporate job, she vowed to never put her happiness and well-being in someone else’s hands but just a year later, she was doing the same thing — just in her own business. At that moment, she made a decision. She was going to take everything she already knew about leadership, management, and power and apply it to herself… and when I finally took that step, things started changing -- pretty quickly too. Her clients started respecting my boundaries, my team stepped into their leadership, and I increased my take-home pay by 85%! What she figured out is that business owners needed to learn how to step into the CEO role of their business and develop their leadership and management skills so that they could feel confident handling ANY situation that was thrown their way. If you’re feeling booked out and burnt out, Nicole can help you reclaim your time and double your revenue. In this episode we talk about how mindfulness helps her be more effective in business and life, discovering your zone of genius, a question that changed her trajectory, and that you can ask yourself too, and so much more.
[02:15] How Nicole is supporting done for you service providers
[03:35] The transition to being more of the CEO
[06:37] Discovering herself when operating in that zone of genius
[09:03] Being mindful, especially even with social media
[13:23] How she overcame the struggle with an eating disorder
[15:45] The transition into theatre
[16:28] How to think clearly in the middle of fear or doubt
[18:13] How to practice great mindfulness awareness
[19:12] allow yourself the time to make decision
[37:09] The behavior of people who are at a level of success
[38:58] Thoughts on essentialism
[41:24]Embracing the process of transformation
[45:29] How powerful it is to control your feelings and state
“I think it's finding what is it that makes you feel like yourself and then, paying attention and practicing that as much as you can.
“There's a lot of value in reconnecting to that part of you that auditions, for example. For me, it's like tapping into the athlete within me”
“I find that sometimes business owners just don't know how to prioritize because they think that they're seeing all these people online doing all of these different things, and there's a lot of sugar. So usually it comes back to getting some sort of a financial return.”
“Pay close attention to what's happening and how you're feeling and start thinking about what's working, what's not working, what might need to be tweaked here.”
May 21 2020
Rank #2: #136: Elicia Miller: Core Emotional Healing: Getting to the Root Cause of Your Symptoms
Elicia created the Core Emotional Healing® process as the culmination of 10 years of intensive training, personal healing, and empathic intuitive gifts. Based on her personal and professional experience, she developed a guided step-by-step process to address the emotional root cause of symptoms and suffering. Elicia provides insightful, direct, compassionate guidance to inspire and support others to be responsible for how they feel, ask for what they want, and to set healthy boundaries. She helps others feel safe and supported so they are empowered to freely express their true selves. She is the author of the ebook Detox 101 and coauthor of the books, One Crazy Broccoli and What’s Left to Eat. Her new book, Your Symptoms Are A Gift, to be released in 2019, is an inspirational guide to help readers realize the emotional connection to their symptoms. The book details the Core Emotional Healing® process to help anyone heal from physical, emotional, and relationship challenges. Along with her husband, Psychologist Doug Miller, PhD, Elicia offers Core Emotional Experiential Therapy Private Healing Immersion for individuals and couples in Costa Rica.
Tell us about the work that you do and how you started on that journey.
Elicia grew up with a rageaholic father who controlled all of the emotions in the household. Elicia knew what was happening was wrong but when she would try to stand up to him, she would be shamed by her mother for doing so. Elicia coped by numbing herself through drinking, drugs, and sex. She had a lifetime of repression and shaming of her emotions.
When she was 38 she had been healing herself for 8 years using every healing modality she could find. She realized that the pain she had been feeling was connected to her childhood. She knew she needed to take care of her emotional needs from the past and the present. And then everything went away. Her addictions, eating disorders and relationship patterns. She found a deeper connection to herself to take care of herself on an emotional level.
There were several years where you were struggling with addiction. It sounds like there was a point where you shifted from drugs and drinking to detoxing and spirituality. When did that shift happen?
Elicia left an abusive marriage after 3 months when she was 30. That was when she decided to stop living an unconscious life. She asked herself - ‘what made her choose him?’ An experiential therapy course helped wake her up. She realized she could take care of herself and make decisions for herself. She didn’t need somebody else to do that. She started taking lots of courses and connected with helping people in that way. She left her corporate sales job and became a journaling coordinator. She started creating after telling herself she wasn’t creative all her life. She started to feel real happiness. From this deeper connection within herself, she stopped partying and going out. It didn’t stay that way though, things came up which threw her back into her old coping ways.
You mentioned that you had all these symptoms in your life but were then able to get to the root cause. How do people access the root cause in their lives?
It’s not just healing and going back and feeling these repressed emotions. It also working from your experience. What did you believe about yourself? What did you do to protect these wounds and feel love? We live from this false sense of self that formed from the core wounds. Addressing the core wounds can help shift everything but we need to be aware of what we really need and what we do to get our needs met. But some of the ways we get these needs met are preventing us from living life fully.
Let’s use the example of your story. You had a dominant, controlling father and knew this from a young age. Often we can see that somebody mistreated us but what is the actual wound?
There are many wounds. We struggle with the emotional disconnection from our vulnerable self. We don’t process our feelings and take care of them. The disconnect is what causes the problem. We have to reconnect to the vulnerable part of ourselves. Elicia calls this our wounded inner child.
If somebody is listening to this and wondering about their wounded child is, what’s a question they could start with?
The wounded inner child is a part of ourselves that we all carry. It is the wounds we are trying to compensate for. It is the part of ourselves that doesn’t feel good enough or needs to be right or always feels sad. It gets triggered. Or wants to find a way to feel better instead of feeling what it is feeling. The wounded inner child is the part of you that needs you to go into these feelings and take care of them. It is underneath all of the adaptations we form to cope with the world. Things like people pleasing or perfectionism.
Is there a specific question that can help access the hurt or the wound?
Triggers can be a way into the wounded inner child. How do I feel? When did I first feel that way? A trigger is when you feel disproportionately angry or sad or you withdraw from what just happened. Ask yourself - ‘When did I feel that way as a child?’
What’s your relationship with your dad like now?
Elicia has managed to heal her relationship with her father. It took until she was 38 and she had to stop talking to him completely. After her father divorced her mother he went to therapy and did a lot of healing himself. He has become a more loving and supportive person. Elicia has also worked out what she needs and where she can get it from, so she is no longer looking to her father to give her that.
Can you tell me a bit more about experiential therapy?
Experiential therapy is more of an active process than talk therapy. It uses other people to act out roles and situations. Someone might act as a parent and this helps draw the true feelings out of you. It can help bypass our defenses. Elicia and her husband developed a process called Core Emotional Experiential Therapy which uses over 100 objects to work someone through this process. They use the objects to lay out relationships which can bypass defenses and bring out the subconscious.
Sometimes we can get caught up on this never-ending ‘fix-it’ mentality. Do you think this could be another part of the wounded child?
There are a few things that could be going on. Never feeling good enough comes from toxic shame and can drive people to continuously want to improve themselves. Reading self-help books can be a way of bypassing what is really needed which is emotional healing. Books can support the process, but focusing on them can be about bypassing the emotions.
There are a lot of layers to this.
The process is about reconnecting to your emotions and wounds, and then learning how to take care of yourself. Then when you do that you can handle more things. Then more things come up but you know how to work with them on an ongoing basis.
What does it really mean to be self-aware?
You are the observer of yourself. You notice when you are in a pattern. You notice when you don’t feel good. You notice that something keeps happening. To be self-aware is to continue to seek help when you are in some kind of pattern or are triggered by something. The more we heal our emotional wounds the more we integrate our true self. From that place, we are really able to be our true selves.
It’s funny how we think we can know ourselves. We think ‘I am not a creative person’ and then realize that we are that way. It’s a huge shift in identity.
Elicia used to say that she wasn’t a writer. This comes from wounding. Now she writes all the time. But as a child what she had to say was dismissed, especially by her mother. Her true and authentic voice got blocked. And the protection of that was to say - ‘I’m not a good writer.’ Once she healed herself she was able to write and connect to her creative authentic voice.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
Just keep writing.
Do you feel that because you have done so much work, the depth of beauty, joy, and peace has expanded?
Absolutely. When she had really connected and healed with her inner child, Elicia started singing and making up songs. That is a part of her natural expression which came out as a joyful playfulness.
Tell me how we can get in touch with you.
Healing The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families by Charles L. Whitfield M.D.
The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You by Karla McLaren
Jun 13 2019
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Rank #3: #105: Agnes Kowalski: Programming Your Subconscious Money Mindset
Agnes Kowalski was born into deep poverty consciousness and struggled to feel like she deserved a deep amount of love, money, recognition and even respect —which why she spent her life chasing.
Agnes went on a path of absolute persistence to heal this through every possible healing modality, becoming a self-help junkie along the way and eventually becoming a psychotherapist too. But she still wasn’t “cured”.
She could never seem to break through these limits she had around how much love and money she was able to attract, keep or hold on to. Then she found mindset.
Agnes immersed herself and became a student of mindset work and subconscious programming, which is when things actually started to shift her reality in a consistent way, it was the missing piece to actualizing the life she wanted: more money, dream clients, healing in all of my relationships, miracles and opportunities that she fantasized about. And she created it all with mindset. Now Agnes is a mindset and manifestation mentor and she wants to show YOU how to get more money, love, & attraction.
Can you talk about how you work in removing and overcoming natural survival mechanism to pursue an endeavor?
There are not a lot of examples of people living creatively who have an extreme amount of resources and money at their disposal. First, we need to normalize it for our brain and find people who are living their lives creatively yet they are able to earn profits from what they do.
How do you help people who have a job and they want to transition to doing their own business or into some new field but cannot afford to absorb a financial hit?
Agnes has had a lot of clients who transitioned from the corporate world to healing arts, online business or creative pursuits such as writing, producing films etc. Agnes thinks the best way for success is to take small steps gradually towards your success. You need to break down the limiting beliefs. If you believe you cannot make money in a certain field, try to break it down to its reasons as to why you have that belief in first place. A lot of things we hold onto are just sub-conscious thoughts, far-fetched from reality.
What advice would you have for someone building up their own product?
Agnes thinks she was able to come up with a product very quickly in her business. She was happy with the content but was not satisfied with the quality. Her mindset at that time was just to get rid of the anxiety of doing it and fix the product later. Agnes thinks a wealth-conscious way of thinking is to work on the brand you are trying to create rather than a small MVP just to get you in the game. You need to have a long-term vision where you are not looking for a quick escape hatch out of your current life. This would be her advice to her former self.
How can we get a better insight into our subconscious mind?
Agnes thinks it is a little tricky to understand our subconscious mind. She finds it fascinating though and loves to explore it. She was a psychotherapist in private practice and she did not earn a lot of money through it. She was helping people in her practice, her clients were happy and new clients would come in, but still Agnes was not able to earn money. This was mainly because Agnes had blocks around figuring out why she could not make a great deal of money from what she loved doing. She even did a lot of advertisement for her business to increase her revenue but all in vain. She then started to investigate money, mindset and subconscious programming. Agnes had this limiting belief that stemmed from the fact that she grew up in poverty. Her parents were children of the war. Back when her parents were born, everything was about scarcity.
What were your parents doing for work?
Agnes’ dad was an engineer, her mother tried to have her own business. She was a botanist but did not have a career in it. She ended up working in a factory, helped them make a few of their recipes. That company is now a million-dollar muffin company. She tried to start her own company as well but failed. Agnes believes all of this was present in her sub-consciousness, her father not able to reach his full potential, her mother failing in her business. To know more about your subconscious mind requires a lot of investigation which takes time. This is exactly the kind of homework that a lot of people do not like to do.
How did you transition into making more money?
This transformation happened over a 5-year period where she was specifically focused on finding new ways to earn money online. Initially, it was gradual but towards the later years, her profits grew substantially. The only investment that Agnes really made was in mindset coaching. She knew it was only a mindset issue for her and to be successful in her venture, she needed to have better thoughts in her head. She also read a lot of books during this period. It was an identity shift and she needed people to see her in a different way.
What is the opposite of a victim mindset?
In terms of the archetypes, the opposite of the victim is actually the mother. It actually means you just have to take good care of yourself, just a like mother would do for her children. Often times, we see women mothering their partners because they are not mothering themselves. Victim mode is when an individual is affected by everything external.
Where would someone start if they think they do not have enough money or they are afraid that they do not have enough money?
One of the best books that Agnes recommend to people going through this phase is ‘Tapping Into Wealth: How Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Can Help You Clear the Path to Making More Money’ by Margaret Lynch. It talks about the mind-body connection to money. One of the exercises that Agnes use all the time with her clients is to ask them to look at their bank accounts and reflect on how that makes them feel. You need to get honest with yourself if you are really happy with how you spend your time and how you earn money. The first step really is to break out of denial of things happening around you.
What is the best advice you have ever been given?
The best advice she has ever been given is to take things off the pedestal. What that means is that whatever it is you want, you should never undermine your own existence and your own happiness.
How can we connect with you?
Sep 27 2018
Rank #4: #153: Jenna Irvin: Opening a Pure Barre Franchise + Starting a Business with No Experience
Jenna Irvin became a business owner straight after college. In her senior year of college, she made the decision to use all the money she had to open a Pure Barre franchise after falling in love with the technique. By the age of 23 she had opened, sold and bought a business. Opening a business is never easy, no matter your age or experience. Jenna talks about the franchise process, deciding to sell and leading with your heart.
How do you start a franchise?
In her senior year of college, Jenna decided she wanted to open a franchise through Pure Barre. She sent in an application for the market she was interested in. The first step was to prove that there was viability for a studio by looking at the area, the demographics and the real estate available. Interviews then progressed to ensure Jenna had the funding and then the third round looked at Jenna’s ability to run a business. The following day after a 4 hour in-person interview, Jenna found out that she was approved to be an owner. She signed the agreement and paid the franchise fee.
How much is it?
For Jenna, it was $46K
How did you have the money? You hadn’t even graduated from college yet.
Jenna had invested money in stocks. The franchise fee was almost exactly what she had in her investment account. She decided she wanted to take a leap and invest in herself. Even though she was young, it felt like the right time because she was only responsible for herself.
How did you know you wanted to take that risk? To dive right in and have your own business right away?
She has the kind of personality where she dives right into things. She gives everything her all - her friends, her relationships, her career. Jenna believes that when our strengths are turned up, they become weaknesses, so she has learned to temper it. She spent her childhood watching her parents run their own business together, and this also influenced her.
What business do they own?
Her parents own a cabinet and mill-working company. She grew up listening to her Dad have business conversations. She saw him bring a positive impact to someone’s live through cabinets. In college, she discovered Barre, a ballet based strength workout. She fell in love with it. Jenna couldn’t touch her toes when she started and had also struggled with an eating disorder. She had a lot of insecurities with her body, and Barre turned that around for her. It was the first time that she wasn’t in competition with others or even herself.
I want to ask you again about your Dad and how he held people's hearts.
He has a way of holding people's hearts while he holds them in the professional space. Jenna believes that we have to connect first as people and then connect professionally. When anybody walks through her studio doors, she wants to know who they are.
I want to ask you about the first Pure Barre class you attended
Jenna was horrible at it. She has been 6’1 since 6th grade and for a long time was so much taller than everyone else. In sports, her height was an asset but it also meant she didn’t have to learn how to be agile and quick on her feet as she could use her height. Her coordination and flexibility were always things she struggled with. Although She wasn’t good at her first Barre class, there was something about it that made her want to figure it out. The more she did it, the more she felt the connection to her body and how to learn to be graceful in her own way.
Sometimes we say - ‘oh I’m not flexible. I’m not agile’. But we can learn to love the thing that we didn’t think was for us. Is that your experience?
A lot of the stories that we tell ourselves don’t have to be our story. She told herself that she was the tall girl and wouldn’t be flexible or be able to do things that smaller people could do. Telling that story was easier than doing the work it would take to get there.
How old were you when you took your first class?
Jenna was in her 2nd year at college.
Was there a moment when you decided you wanted to be a Pure Barre studio owner?
Jenna was at home for the summer before her senior year. She wasn’t someone who like to work out at home and there wasn’t a Barre studio in her home town. But if she stuck with the workout, her Dad said he would look into owning one. She did Barre in her attic over the 3 months she was at home. Then Jenna talked to many studio owners as she could in order to understand what she was getting herself into.
Did you have any conversations where you were like ‘maybe I shouldn’t do this’?
Jenna was conscious that she was young and investing every penny she had into the business. She was constantly questioning her decision. She knew she needed to separate herself from the good and the bad experiences other people were having. She was gathering data but didn’t want to let it influence how she felt about the decision.
How do you work on your mindset?
Jenna has learned to hear herself first but it has taken a long time to get there. She has realized that she is not her business. Her mindset is terrible when she is evaluating herself based on how her business is doing. She did this exercise, where she had to have coffee with her business. To have a conversation with her business meant it was separated from her. She found the exercise eye-opening.
What was something that came out of that conversation with your business?
She realized that she puts a lot of pressure on herself. Sometimes a goal is unrealistic, and sometimes it is just not right for that time. If she sets a goal and something happens, it’s not a failure, it’s an opportunity to adjust and an opportunity to grow.
You built this business without any connections. How did you start? When you opened the doors?
When Jenna opened the studio in Frederick, Maryland and she didn’t know a soul. She was terrified because she had always lived in places where she was very connected. From the beginning, in her marketing, she told her story. She talked about what the technique had done for her and what she hoped to create in Frederick. She was there from open to close, and although it wasn’t part of the plan, she ended up teaching 37 out of 42 classes every week for the first 3 months. But this meant that her clients knew her and she knew them.
Did you go to local business and introduce yourself?
She did. She researched local businesses that had been open the longest and did her first pop-up at one of them. This connected her with someone who turned out to be important in helping her form other connections. You don’t need to connect with everybody, just the right people.
What do you think is a mistake you made with hiring?
Jenna googled ‘How to hire’, found a guide and followed it. She didn’t listen to her intuition at all. She hired based on people's background and experience and not on whether they showed traits that were in alignment with her. Form her first batch of hires, she only had 1 person pass the certification.
What happened when you followed your intuition?
She had a client who had been taking classes from the day the studio opened. She was always just there to work. One day after a class she talked to Jenna and showed an interest in being a teacher because she wanted to show her girls that when you work hard, you can do anything. She hired her on the spot. This hire reminded Jena that she knew what she needed and the factors that were important for the hire.
I want to ask you about selling the business. You sold the business in Frederick, although you still have the one in Hilton Head Island. Tell us a little about how you sold the business in Frederick.
Selling the business was not part of Jenna’s plan. She moved to Frederick thinking she was going to live there forever. She had lived in Hilton Head Island to gain more teaching experience while her studio was being built and fell in love with the place. Her studio in Maryland did in the first month what she had predicted in the first year in terms of membership numbers. The studio in Hilton Head Island came up for sale 3 months after Jenna had opened her Frederick studio. Her accountant told her that she would be able to sell her studio for twice what she put into it. Jenna had to make a decision about what would be most fulfilling for her. The sales process took about 5 months.
What are your failures? I know you’ve had some heartbreak?
When she took over her new studio, she thought that purchasing an existing studio would be more easier than starting one from scratch. It was actually harder because she had to try rewrite that existing business. It was a challenging process.
Jenna was terrible at balance and couldn’t keep balance with her friendships. Her relationship ended when her business opened. She threw herself into the business in the first 3 months to the extent of everything else. With her new business she is trying to keep a better balance with her life. Don’t let moments pass you by because you fell that your business needs all of you all of the time.
You played Basketball. How long did you play that for?
Jenna played basketball from 3 years old to when she graduated from high school.
How do feel sports has impacted you?
Sport has given Jenna the work ethic and discipline that she has. Sport required responsibility discipline and dedication so when her business requires those things, she doesn’t bat an eye. Sports taught her to be a team player and take ownership of the things she could’ve done better.
Do you still attend Barre classes? Do you do anything else for fitness?
Jenna does Barre 4 times a week and has gotten into lifting weights and running. But Barre is where she grounds herself mentally and physically.
How do you fell Pure Barre has helped you mentally?
Pure Barre has transformed her mentally. It has transformed her insecurity. She had to overcome an eating disorder and a place where the scale had power. She was concerned about calories and did exercise to burn off what she had eaten instead of moving her body because it felt good. Jenna pushed her body on days it needed to rest. It was all out of tune with her own needs, and it is impossible to be out of tune in a Pure Barre class. In a Pure Barre class, you have to be connected to your muscles so your mind doesn’t have time to go anywhere else. It has been the biggest part of her healing from the eating disorder.
In Jenna’s studio she tries to keep the energy about being welcoming and accepting. It is not about changing anything about yourself. It is about celebrating that your chose to be there and you are choosing to get stronger. It is a celebration about all that you are and all that you will become.
Can you give a quick example of a movement you would do?
There is a movement called chair. You pull off the bar with straight arms. Your seat is at the level of your knees. The back is flat and the chest is proud. And you hold that. The work is isometric, you want to focus on the contraction. The movement is secondary and a mental distraction. The isometric work is where the magic happens.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
This comes from her Dad. Before every basketball game she would take her hand to her heart, tap her heart and point at him. It was a reminder to lead from her heart. He also tells his kids to never look back. Which is her reminder that she can dream as big and as passionately as she wants to.
Tell us how we can get in touch with you
Oct 31 2019
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Rank #5: #123: Nadia Finer: Overcoming Self-Doubt and Insecurity (Stop Playing Small and Go Big)
Nadia Finer, a powerhouse business coach, wickedly funny international speaker and author of LITTLE ME BIG BUSINESS is here to help you UNLEASH THE BIGNESS IN YOUR BUSINESS. Don’t be fooled by Nadia’s sweet appearance and adorable voice. Nadia is feisty and fearless. Rather than hide behind her insecurities, she has turned her little voice into her secret weapon and used it to build a unique personal brand. She now helps struggling business owners all over the world to embrace who they really are, work smart and scale up. No more playing small. No more limitations on what you can achieve. It's time to kick fear in the face and turn your tiny profits into big bucks!
I came across your story about your voice. I’d love for you to share your story about how you changed this painful moment into a podcast and your work around being able to speak your voice.
Nadia has a ‘little voice’ and it became apparent as a teenager that as she got older, her voice didn’t. The moment she discovered that she had a little voice, it was a turning point in her life. She was 15 and learning French in her school’s language lab. She’d record herself speaking and then listen to the playback. When she heard her voice it sounded like a tiny child was speaking what she just said. Then it dawned on her that the voice was hers. She decided that she was never going to ring someone on the phone who she didn’t know, speak on a stage or appear in a video.
Did you tell anyone that you had this experience where you thought you were weird?
She didn’t tell anyone. It was just a decision that she made and kept to herself. Now looking back on it, this response feels bizarre.
It sounds like you had an insight. That what your voice sounded like did not match what was around you.
She now realizes that her voice is not something she can possibly hide. On a daily basis, someone makes a comment about it. As you get older, the disconnect between how you sound and you age gets greater and people are more inclined to comment on it.
Did you have friends and family comment on your voice when you were a teenager?
She didn’t really experience this. When people get to know her and get used to her, they don’t really notice the voice anymore. As a professional, she did find it held her back at work. Managers would make comments about gravitas and she would have to do certain things to be taken more seriously. Various employers sent her on elocution lessons which didn’t change the way her voice sounded.
What were you doing for work?
She started off working in an accountancy firm and then worked in marketing and consultancy for various companies. One boss said to a client ‘She sounds really young, she’s got a really little voice but she’s got a really big brain.”
How did that feel?
It was pretty embarrassing for that to be said in front of a client. Later, she quit her job and started a variety of small businesses. The voice held her back. She would create a brand and then hide behind it. On her websites, there would be very little of Nadia. Her about page would have a single sentence to explain who she was. She would undervalue herself and go low price.
I think people have this experience, even if their experience with their voice isn’t like yours. I think people can relate to what you’re saying.
It’s not about the pitch of your voice or the volume, it’s about how you feel speaking freely, the things that you say and how you show up in the world. And when you're an entrepreneur and you are your business, it pushes buttons. People feel exposed in a way they didn’t when they were employed. Having a job you go to work, do some stuff and get paid. At no point do you say ‘Oh I doubt myself, I, therefore, can’t do it.’
For a number of years, she was comparing herself to everyone else and hiding. She was not really showing up and doing work on a tiny scale. Then she started a new business, a PR service and did the ultimate thing to hide - bring someone into her business to hide behind. Which now sounds ridiculous. After a rocky time working with this person, they accused her of ‘playing small’. She hadn’t heard that phrase before and at that moment she found her inner strength and fired her. That moment changed everything.
When did you make the connection that this moment when you were 15 impacted so many of your decisions?
After she closed that business, she was in a state of crisis. She did a lot of soul-searching and thinking. She decided to concentrate on the coaching side of things and was struggling to work out how she would fit into the marketplace. She didn’t know how to exist in amongst people who had a very ‘show-off’ attitude. A friend told her to be herself. And at first, she was averse to the idea. But once she decided to embrace her voice, everything changed.
And how long did that take you?
It was a few weeks of knowing it was the thing to do and then thinking it wasn't possible. Out of nowhere, the idea came into her head of Little Voice Big Business and at the moment decided that was going to become her brand. She considered what the scariest thing she could do with her little voice was, and that was when she came up with the idea of the podcast.
When you are yourself and embrace the thing that is you, that holds the secret to everything, that makes you unforgettable and that makes you stand out from everybody else – good things happen. She likes that she show’s people that you don’t to be flash and ballsy to be successful in business. You just need to be yourself and it’s okay to do it in a quiet way.
I typically thing that that thing which is our treasure, we are afraid of it.
Nadia thinks it’s a fear of standing out, of being judged and a fear of exposing yourself and the things that you struggle with. She also thinks that it has to be authentic. She sees lots of people trying to be themselves but struggling because they are being a sanitized version of themselves, which doesn’t work either.
How do you recommend people discover their treasure?
Unfortunately theirs no magic formula. It involves a bit of thinking. She now works with people to help them discover what it is. She believes it is possible for everybody and hasn’t found somebody who didn’t have something interesting or unique about them.
It’s amazing how challenging it can be to uncover some of those layers that prevent us from seeing our treasure. It really takes getting to know yourself and facing your fear at the same time.
Sometimes the treasure isn’t fear based. She’s currently working with a hypnotherapist who is really into rock music, which isn’t fear based. It doesn’t always have to be about insecurities.
You mentioned before we started recording that you’re a boxer. I said we have to talk about that on the podcast.
For Nadia, it’s the least expected thing she could be doing and pushes her beyond what she ever thought would be possible for her both physically and mentally. She’s a middle-aged mom and has become part of a combat gym, trains every day and has just done her 3rd fight. Which she won. It has become this whole other side to her which she is loving and has discovered a strength and fierceness within her that she didn’t know was there.
Wow! Punching people in the face. I don’t know if I could do that?
Nadia felt like that too. But when your opponent punches you in the face, you hit back. She feels so much stronger now and realizes that it’s important to invest in yourself. As a mom, you end up picking underpants up off the floor and making dinner for everyone. It’s so much easier to do all that when you have an outlet and time for yourself doing something physical.
Even when not boxing, it can feel like people are “punching us in the face” all day long. How can we deal with it?
There are so many lessons from boxing. The concept of ‘embracing impact’ is one of them. When you are in a fight situation and someone is punching you, the idea is you block the shots. It’s all about not panicking when that is happening and embracing the impact. The key is not to panic and wait for your opportunity to strike back. It’s a great analogy for business. There are so many lessons from the ring that you can apply to business.
In boxing, no boxer would ever go into the ring without a team in the corner. No boxer would ever train without a coach. You just can’t do it by yourself. Yet in business, we expect to mange on our own as if we’re superhuman.
How do you prepare your mind for a fight?
Nadia was nervous for about 2 weeks before her latest fight. On the day she had a feeling of nervousness in her chest, hands, and toes. She tries to quiet those negative voices and tells herself that she’s done this before, she’s trained hard and she knows what to do. She was scared that 800 people would be watching the fight. She told herself that most of them are not watching her, they’re chatting and those that are, are supporting her. She tries to surround herself with people who have been there and done it and can give advice and encouragement. Just before a fight she will put her hood up, have headphones on and listen to music.
Is there a song that you listen to that prepares you?
Her walkout song this time was Linkin Park – In The End. She listens to that song a lot during training as in helps her out of being mum Nadia and into the right state to be a fighter. It’s amazing the power of music.
Even if we feel little, or afraid or we doubt ourselves, it’s not a permanent state. It’s not something you have to live with forever.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
When she’s having a moment and doesn’t think she can do something in the ring, her boxing trainer says - “Stop being a knobhead.” And somehow that helps her get a grip and get on with it.
Tell us how we can get in touch with you and learn more about what you do
Feb 07 2019
Rank #6: #129: Nicole Moore: Body Image: Skinny Doesn't Equal Happy & How to Love Yourself Regardless of Your Weight
Nicole Moore is a love coach and in this episode, we’re going to talk about what it really means to accept your body just the way it is. She recently posted on Instagram about how her experience of her body changed after having a baby. Our bodies are always changing and yet we all have a tendency to get hung up on why they are not the way we think they should be. In this episode, we talk about how to change our mindset about our bodies, why our self worth doesn’t have anything to do with the way we look and why we need to feel good about ourselves.
I’m curious about the changes you’ve had in your body and how that has affected you?
Nicole has observed people saying how having a baby ruined their body and this got her thinking about this message that is being spread on social media. Nicole saw a lot of posts about people ‘snapping back’ after having a baby but that didn’t happen for her. She decided to embrace where her body is right now.
How did you avoid getting into this dialogue of beating yourself up? Because I think that’s the easy thing to do.
Nicole realized she could choose not to make herself feel miserable. Throughout her 20s she suffered so much from the thoughts in her head and comparing herself to other people. She has made a commitment to herself to keep her mind full of love rather than full of negativity.
How you relate to your body, doesn’t really have anything to do with how it looks, right?
Nicole agrees. It’s all about the thoughts in your head. Which is better - to have a body that weighs more and not be in mental turmoil or to have a body that weighs less but have your mind in turmoil?
Every woman at some time has called themselves fat in their heads. And it’s not nice.
When Nicole first started gaining weight she was upset. She started to look at why her self worth was linked to her body. She had to look at what her other values were. When she was at high school she lost a lot of weight and boys started to pay attention to her. She had to go back and start unravel where this feeling came from and what her true worth was.
Can you share an example of what an internal essence would be?
For Nicole one of her essences is love. If she goes to a dinner party she could put a lot of focus on how she looks or she could focus on how to be really present with people. Your essence is who you are internally when everything that can change is stripped away.
What do you say to somebody who is feeling that their weight is holding them back in love, work or just in being more seen?
It’s not the weight. It’s your thoughts and judgments about the weight. It’s your decision that because the weight is here you shouldn’t feel good about yourself. That’s what is holding you back. When Nicole first started gaining weight, she wondered if she could still do media appearances. She thought about how she would look on camera. Then she realized that she deserved that experience of being on camera.
So often we think we need to look a certain way in order to receive love.
Although there are always people out there who will criticize how you look, that just means they aren’t the right people for you. A romantic relationship is not going to work unless you are accepted for who you are. It’s so much easier to find somebody who accepts who you are than to change who you are in order to find someone.
I love how you talk about how it’s not that you don’t have those negative thoughts, but you deal with them differently.
Nicole watches here mind all the time to see what thoughts she is having. If her mind is telling her something which makes her feel crappy, she will feel the feelings and then choose something different.
When I was put Evan to sleep and I say to him ‘you can do anything’. And he said to me the other day ‘Mummy you can do anything’. I actually found it helpful for me to hear it from him. It reminded me of the power of words.
Kids are the truth. For Nicole one of the biggest benefits of having a child is seeing what she wants her son to have in his life and to see what that means about her perception about things.
People talk a lot about what they lose by becoming a mum but there’s so much that we gain. Focusing on all the bodily changes misses the point about what it means to become a mum.
Don’t you think that helps soften some of the guilt that you may have?
This conversation about women and their bodies just takes away power. We only have so much attention available throughout the day. Nicole used to count calories and it would take up so much attention and so much power. When we’re not focused on what our bodies look like we have so much power to focus elsewhere.
What would you tell your younger self?
You are better than you think you are.
You are already worthy.
You’re always going to be beautiful.
And you are going to meet him and he is going to love you
Nicole has a lot of single clients and they have this thought in their heads that they may not meet the guy. If you look at how much time is in front of you, it’s crazy to think that you won’t meet someone.
Just to play the other side. It doesn’t mean don’t take of yourself. It doesn’t mean don’t buy the eye cream or get hair extensions. It doesn’t mean you don’t take action on things that make you want to look better. It’s more about where that is coming from. Is it coming from a place of ‘I’m enough’ or is it coming from a place of ‘I’m not enough’?
Nicole talks about how she gets eyelash extension regularly but she also has a conversation with herself about how even if she didn’t have them she would still look good. There’s nothing wrong with doing these things but it’s important to do these things from a place of worth.
The way that we look, the way we do our hair, we can let those things hold us back. I know I have.
Nicole did a Facebook live video where somebody commented that she needed to condition her extensions. Those sorts of comments might stop a lot of people from putting themselves out there. Nicole told herself that it was more important that she jumps on and does Facebook live even if she doesn’t look perfect. It’s all about the inner game.
And then it becomes easier if you reinforce that positive relationship with yourself.
One of the things we can do is stop giving attention to this conversation. Nicole often reminds herself that men will just turn on the camera and start recording without thinking about how they look.
We identify with all of these parts of ourselves. Hair is a big deal. How do not we let these perceptions of ourselves and how we look hold us back?
It’s alright to have an idea of how you want to look, but we wouldn't let ourselves feel bad if that’s not how we are right now.
And complimenting ourselves. And other people. I love seeing you without your glasses because you can see your face.
Glasses was something Nicole had to accept about herself.
It’s a habit we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and see everything that is wrong with us. That we want to change and want to fix. I’ve done some mirror work, where I looked at what was beautiful about me. I can see myself start to change.
Our self-perceptions determine our reality. Most people have a more favorable perception of us than we do. Aside from the haters. When we look in the mirror and see flaws that come from someone in the past telling us that we have a flaw.
What is a question people can start asking themselves?
What is the beauty I can see in myself today?
What’s the one thing that I really love about my face?
What idea can I let go off today that’s stopping me from feeling beautiful?
How can I make sure that in my heart, on the inside, I feel good about me?
Anything else you want to say?
You deserve to feel good about yourself.
Apr 04 2019
Rank #7: #100: Anna Goldstein: From Depression to Entrepreneur: Jillian Turecki Interviews Me
Jillian Turecki is interviewing podcast host, Anna Goldstein as the interviewee. Jillian has appeared as a guest previously on the podcast. In this podcast, Jillian and Anna talk about coaching and what it means to Anna.
What does being a coach mean to you?
For Anna, being a coach means of great value. She grew up around great coaches. She grew up as a tennis player. She had coaches in her life when she was as young as nine years old. They played a big role in her life from the very beginning. Being a tennis player helped her avoid trouble. It kept her focused. She got into coaching by being a tennis coach which was her first job. She has had the relationship with the word coach from a very long time. She started her company 10 years ago and back then, coaching was completely different from what it is now. Coaching back then was mostly associated with sports. The meaning of it has now changed. Anna doesn’t view herself as somebody who would have all the answers for your problems, but she would try to bring out the best in you, to equip you with tools that would help you perform at your optimal level.
What is the most useful or profound advice you received from your coaches?
She learned a lot about how to deal with loss. Since tennis is an individual sport, when you lose its all on you and when you win, you get all the credit. She would take losing really very hard. She was trained by her coaches to not give up and train harder after a loss. The ability to recover from a loss is something she also integrates into her personal development programs. She also learned about the importance of fundamentals from her coaches.
Whenever we are trying to learn something new, we can get a bit fancy and focus more on advanced topics to learn. However, we should keep revisiting the basics because we can only work in advanced areas if we have solid foundations regardless of the skill or sport we are trying to learn.
How has returning to the fundamentals helped you as an entrepreneur and as a businesswoman?
She got lost after her first job as a tennis coach in New York City. Within 2 years, she got burnt off. She used to work seven days in a week, was available all the time. She jumped from job to job, apartment to apartment and relationship to relationship. That is when she returned to the fundamental of tennis that she had learned all along from her coaches. She used to put herself in a positive state like listen to music or jump a rope before playing tennis. She had a proper diet routine when she used to train for tennis and realized that during her burnout phase, she was not on a proper diet. When her life was out of order, her food was out of order.
You mention that you underwent depression in your past? Why were you depressed and how did you cope with it?
Anna was hard on herself. Her self-talk was demotivating and she was mean to herself. She used to tell herself that she would never be successful in her life, that she was overweight and there was something wrong with her. She always carried along this thought with herself that she was depressed. She wasn’t connected to herself. This is why she is so committed to different spiritual practices because it helps her connect to her inner-self. Meditation helped her a great deal to cope with depression and anxiety. She also hired herself a coach to help her life her life to its full potential.
Is it true that people who get into life coach business need to had to have some sort of experience with difficulties in order to help others?
Anyone who is in this business had to overcome something in their past. People who choose the path to be healers are often people who have looked at it more closely. Coaching is actually a modernized therapy, a form of healing.
How do you think therapy and coaching can be integrated in practice?
If you have a mental condition, you need to hire yourself a therapist or a psychiatrist who can prescribe you medicine. Anna comes in contact with a lot of people who have been in therapy. It is great for developing awareness, learning about yourself. Coaching is about implementation and evolvement into letting go of old identities. Through therapy, you can identify the problem areas and through coaching, you can integrate action items in your life to resolve pain points. Anna herself has undergone therapy in past and also hired a life-coach for herself in her past.
Do you agree that happiness and joy can only come from inside?
Anna thinks it is the starting point for all your joy and happiness. If you do not have certain tools to understand your own mind, nothing that you achieve would be able to help you boost your self-esteem. Meditation helps you get familiar with your mind; every individual’s mind is different. People see reality in different ways. Meditation allows you to look at reality from different angles. Meditation can also help with love and kindness, forgiveness and peace.
PEACE OF MIND: HOW TO STOP OVERTHINKING AND GET CLEAR
Aug 16 2018
Rank #8: #160: Brandi Fano: Break Free From Your Past & Create A Lifestyle By Design
Brandi Fano broke out of generational patterns of dysfunction, disease, and divorce, and fought for her freedom. After enduring trauma and pain through the first two decades of her life, Brandi decided to create an experience of wholeness. Since making the commitment to changing her future, she has drastically shifted into a state of optimal wellness and energy, applying the methods of success she’s learned and developed. Brandi went from broke and in debt to thriving in business, with companies she built from the ground up exceeding a million dollars annually. She has a thriving marriage to her husband of fourteen years and they have three beautiful children who have been raised completely drug/medicine free. She is authentically living her best life, and on a mission to help others do the same. In this episode we talk about having faith, giving up something good for something great, taking charge of your health, and so much more.
If you haven’t subscribed to the profit with purpose show, make sure you hit subscribe!
life coach nyc
Jan 09 2020
Rank #9: #169: Anna Goldstein: Managing Your Mind in Uncertain Times
Over the past 15 years, I have been studying how to manage the mind. In this episode, I talk about:
- The difference between the mind and the brain
- Fear is a natural reaction to uncertainty
- Fear invites you to pay attention and it also exaggerates
- The mind has no shape, size or color. It's limitless
- How struggle helps people grow
Mar 19 2020
Rank #10: #117: Anna & Evan Goldstein: 4 Principles I'm Teaching My Son + An Interview with Him
We're human beings. I make mistakes all the time. By no means am I a perfect mom and I am not trying to be perfect.
Dec 20 2018
Rank #11: #148: Rebecca Louise: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others & Make Every Step Count
Rebecca Louise is a fitness and nutrition expert and an online influencer. Born in a small town in England called Eastbourne, she came to California on a whim in 2011 to get her commercial pilot’s license. After earning her pilot’s license, she discovered her true passion was in fitness and helping others to improve their lives through living a healthy/active lifestyle. Like a lot of people, it took her a while to be comfortable in her own skin. At the age of 17, she suffered from anorexia and terrible complexion, which led to depression. Discovering the proper balance of exercise and great nutrition set her on track to take control of her health, wellness, and life! Her mission is to help you feel like the best version of yourself every single day by bringing you exciting workouts and tasty recipes, as well as giving you the motivation to do it.
How many jobs have you had? I know that you’ve had several.
Rebecca has worked in a bank, got a pilots license, done babysitting, poker dealing and been in a girl band. She has had 20-25 diverse jobs that cover so many different areas..
Well, you beat me. I think I’m at 12. I had 10 jobs is 6 years and it was pretty messy for a while. I love that about your story because I think so many people think they have to do one thing or think there is this pressure to be on a career path.
A lot of people ask her how she knew what she wanted to do. She didn’t but she’s grateful she was able to do all the exciting things she did. Since life is so amazing why not do a bunch of things.
What is it about your mindset which makes you able to pivot so well?
Nothing is impossible. If you have seen somebody else do something, then you know that it is possible. It’s just about if you are willing to do the same work, take the same actions, and do the same process that that person did. It is about building that confidence that we can do it because somebody else has done it before us.
In the age of comparison if every time you see somebody who has what you want, you say to yourself - I can do it too. That is such a better view of the world.
Comparing doesn’t make sense because you’re comparing yourself to somebody who is completely different to you. Who has a different background and is on a different path.
Let’s talk a little about rejection. I was listening to one of your podcasts and you said ‘expect rejection’. Can you talk a little about your view?
Rejection is just a part of life. Sometimes things can just be a numbers game like in dating or job hunting. You could be going to jobs interviews and getting rejected because that is not your path. You just haven’t hit that number yet. When Rebecca finds herself getting rejected she believes that just means there is something better around the corner. Rejection feels awful but that mindset helps Rebecca get through those moments and ultimately enjoy life more.
Some people might say that’s a negative view, to expect rejection. In the law of attraction it is to expect miracles. I’m curious about your viewpoint on that.
The rejection could be the miracle because then you don’t go down a path that is not right for you. There is a lot of talk right now about manifesting your life and honing in on what it is that you want. Alongside that has to be work ethic. If you really want something in life you can’t jut manifest it, there has to be an element of grit and work.
From the Buddhist perspective, they often say ‘expect things to go wrong’. Not everything is going to go your way and I think that’s actually a positive spin on it. Because when things do go wrong you are able to say ‘ok thing went wrong’ and don’t get thrown off the path.
When things are going well we don’t grow. It’s only in those times when things are difficult and tough that we grow.
What does the work ethic look like for you?
Rebecca works a lot, but that’s because she loves what she does. When you start a business, you have to learn every single skill. There are things she doesn’t love to do that are a part of what she needs to do. When she started making workout videos, she had to learn editing and didn’t enjoy doing it. Over time she got to a position where she was able to hire somebody to do it for her.
You went from being broke 4 years prior to making half a million dollars in a year. Tell us about how you did that.
Rebecca decided that enough was enough. She was in a toxic relationship and was in a circle of friends that was constantly partying. She started looking for something else. Her goal had been to retire her parents and although she had the work ethic, she wasn’t finding the right opportunities. She was hanging around the wrong people. The biggest change came when she got an opportunity to work with a nutrition company and was given a mentor. Rebecca became a student and followed his advice. He had the lifestyle that she aspired after.
What did he say to you that made a big impact?
He cast a vision about what was possible for her life if she worked hard. She believed it and didn’t question him because he had what she wanted.
How did you find your new crew?
Her new crew are all in the fitness and nutrition space and have a discipline and a work ethic. She surrounded herself with people in the same industry. She is now very picky with who she lets into her life. When you let go of the old people, it allows space for the new people to come into your life.
So you went and got your pilots license?
At 23 she decided she was going to learn to fly airplanes. Rebecca is from a small town in England, and at 18 she moved to London, lived there for 5 years and did a wide variety of jobs. She was again hanging around a group of people who liked clubbing and drinking and staying out late. London had a volcanic ash cloud cover it that grounded all the planes. She was watching the news and saw a plane land. She decided that it was something she wanted to be able to do. She was at such a low point in her life and needed a reason to get out. Rebecca decided to go to America and become a pilot.
What is it like to fly a plane?
It’s pretty crazy. Looking back she now can’t believe they let her fly a plane solo.
I know at one point you were 86lbs and struggled with an eating disorder.
In her teens, Rebecca went to a new private school that she worked hard to be apart of. A girl that had just left told everybody at the school to bully her. At the time everybody wanted to be skinny, and many women aspired to be a size zero. All of that came together, and Rebecca realized that the only thing she could control was food. She had no energy or zest for life, and it really took a toll on herself and her body.
What’s your drive? What keeps you going?
Rebecca has no plan b. There is nothing else she wants s to be doing so she needs to make this work. She has built up resilience and knows that as long as she works for it, it’ll happen.
Can you tell us what your nutrition plan looks like?
She used not to eat enough food. 6 years ago eating a healthy breakfast was a new habit for her. In the morning she eats a smoothie with herbal tea and some aloe for digestion. The smoothie contains protein, good carbs, and good fats. Throughout the day, she eats every 2-3 hours. Maybe some Greek yogurt as a snack. Lunch is lean protein, a big handful of vegetables and a fist-sized portion of complex carbs. A few hours later, she will snack on something like almonds and cottage cheese. Dinner will be similar to lunch, and then a few hours later she will have another snack. She counts her protein but doesn’t count calories and makes sure she drinks enough water throughout the day.
So much of maintaining a fit body is not exercise, but nutrition. But I’m curious about your exercise routine.
80% is nutrition, and 20% is exercise. People find her YouTube videos addicting. Longer routines can be found on her app. Rebecca works out whenever she can each day. She tries to work out at 9am each day after doing a bit of work. But sometimes that doesn't happen and she does it later.
What is the first YouTube video you made?
She had a $150 camera with no sound and she went out onto the beech, laid out a yoga mat and did a 10-minute ab workout. The sound was terrible and the editing was basic.
And what happened? You just stayed consistent?
She just kept putting out a video every week. And for 4 years, she has not missed a week.
Did you find that it grew naturally or were you intentional about growth?
She utilized Instagram, YouTube and Facebook to cross-promote her content. Every Friday, she does a fitness challenge with a guest.
What is something which was painful in the moment that you can see now was a facilitator in helping you grow?
Her divorce. She grew her business all through her divorce. She wanted to be able to have her business at the end of it all. They were together for 4 years but married for 9 months. Looking back, she knew it wasn’t right and should have broken free from it earlier that she did. But she is glad she went through it because it has given her so much strength and understanding about rejection.
Do you pay a lot of intention to your intuition?
Rebecca feels like your gut is there for a reason and follows her intuition. You know deep down if something is going to work or who someone really is.
What do you do to feed your mind?
She reads a lot. She likes to have a morning routine of incense, listening wave sounds and reading her book while drinking her tea. She really likes having that time for herself. She didn’t use to do it and finds it really beneficial to her mood.
Are there exercises you do to help uncover your visions and goals?
She follows some of the Wim Hof practices like breathing exercises and cold showers. She loves to write things down, especially her ideas and visions.
How do you distinguish between what you want to do and what is not for right now?
Rebecca thinks you don’t really know if something is right or not unless you give it a shot. She likes to try things and then decide if they are aligning with her goals or not.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
Don’t take advice from someone you wouldn’t trade places with.
What would you tell someone who is having trouble getting motivated in terms of fitness and taking care of their nutrition?
Find a community and add value to that community by contributing. The people who post pictures, make comments and interact, get the best results. They are in it and are holding themselves accountable. If you’re on the sidelines just watching, you don’t get results because you are not in it. Add value to the group and you will get more results.
Tell us how we can get touch with yourself
Burn App: https://icanfeeltheburn.com/app/
Any last words?
People say that they are stuck. But you are not stuck right now, you just have to take the first step. Once you take the first step, you are going to be unstuck.
Sep 12 2019
Rank #12: #119: Erin Stutland: Mantras in Motion: Manifesting What You Want Through Movement
Erin Stutland is an author, coach and an entrepreneur who has helped many people connect with their inner self through movement. After years of yo-yo dieting, exercising only for weight loss, and struggling with self-confidence, she longed to figure out how to treat herself with consistent love and respect. Erin was tired of thinking “I wasn’t (fill in the blank) enough.” So, she dove deep into studying psychology, spirituality, meditation and more in hopes to change this internal conversation to one that uplifted and inspired her daily. But still, with all the tools out there, Erin felt as though something was missing. How does self-love, kindness, confidence, and compassion become ‘muscle memory’ rather than afterthoughts or just another intellectual idea? Can we use our bodies to fortify our belief in self and tap into a deeper sense of strength and courage? When you put the mind and body in motion, they begin to heal themselves. It’s the reason she wrote her NEW book Mantras in Motion: Manifesting What You Want Through Mindful Movement. She is passionate about shifting the way we think about exercise, so it is not a punishment, but rather an opportunity to step into your power. Furthermore, she wants to see people like you living BIG lives, unafraid to go after your dreams while you are filled with happiness, love and abundance. Erin believes being connected to your body is essential to achieving this.
How did you come about writing this book?
Erin’s background is in dance and so she has been a mover ever since her childhood. She grew up as a dancer and later went to college to study dance. It has always been in her focus. When she was a freshman in college, her mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. This was devastating news for Erin and she was caught up in confusion. This happened twenty years ago and it rocked Erin’s world in a way she did not expect. She was on her own and would question every day if her mother would make it through her disease.
During this phase, Erin says she came across a kind of darkness she had never experienced before. It was around that time that Erin went to see a therapist who helped get through this phase in her life. Her therapist recommended her medication but Erin refused to take any sort of medication. She wanted to figure this out without any sort of medication.
Erin thinks she learned a lot from her mother who despite the continuous pain and agony from her diseases never gave up. She would always look at the bright side. Erin believes this set her on the path of controlling her mindset and her perspective. It was at that time she came across a book called The Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino. Soon, Erin felt a positivity in her life and realized her happiness and emotions are all linked to how she perceives things in her life.
How do you think a change in physiology creates a change in our minds?
Erin talks about a typical example of a workout and when it gets hard, we start to have an inner dialogue with ourselves. At that moment, our mind goes to a couple of different places. It will go to complaining, it will go to doubting yourself or some other limiting thought. Every time we give up doing something or feel like our body cannot take it anymore, it all stems from our mind giving up first.
What has been a negative belief in your life that you had to work on?
One of the beliefs that Erin thinks held her back was around the time she started to run her own business. She started her business by conducting small workshops throughout New York City. They were very intimate yet very powerful. Erin wanted to expand her business and reach more people outside the New York city wellness world. She had no idea though how to expand her business. She realized she had a limiting belief that she could only have an impact on other people’s lives if she was in the same room as them.
Do you have a process that you take people through in order for them to be able to manifest?
Erin’s book deeply talks about the process through which she takes people in her work. The first step in manifesting is to be clear about what you want to achieve and tuning into your deepest desires. A lot of time we don’t allow ourselves to feel our desires and wants.
The second step is then looking at your belief around the desire. You need to see if your beliefs are aligned with your desire.
The third step is to take some inspired action. We have to find what actions can help us achieve our goals.
The fourth step to be able to manifest is to move into the space of allowing and accepting. There needs to be a little bit of letting go.
What is the best advice you have ever been given?
The best advice she has ever been given is to keep taking actions, in particular when it comes to business. It is very easy to get stuck when starting a new business but you need to keep going. This is something that has helped Erin not only in her business but also in her life.
What is your current mantra for your personal life?
The mantra Erin always comes back to is the following:
“I am tuned in, I am in the flow, I have all that I need, the rest I let go.”
Sometimes there is just so much going around in our lives and in those moments we really need to keep things simple, deal with one thing at a time and have an inner belief that we have the ability or potential to get things done.
How can we connect with you?
Jan 10 2019
Rank #13: #104: Sarah Jenks: Stop Waiting to Live More & Be Who You Are
Sarah Jenks is the mother to 3 rambunctious small humans. Life Coach, Emotional Eating Expert and Sacred Space Holder.c It’s so easy to lose ourselves in work, in motherhood, in our parents’ expectations, or our own outdated dreams. We’ve all had times when we’ve had to put our heads down – like when there’s a new baby or severe financial stress – when cutting off parts of ourselves is our only chance for survival. Sarah is here to guide you in coming back to life, not so you can be who you were before, but so you can take the broken pieces and create an even more incredible life and truly realize your fullest potential.
She founded Whole Woman, an online membership program for women seeking the answers to “Who am I? And why am I here?” — you can find out more about that at whole woman.me She also is the creator of Live More Weigh Less – the most popular Online Emotional Eating Program. Since 2009 her community of women seeking a more meaningful life has grown to almost 100K.
Why do you think so many people are waiting to live more? Why do you think we are conditioned to wait?
Sarah thinks many women have been indoctrinated with false facts in the culture they live in. The biggest of them is that women are told they will be happy if they are thin and that lie keeps a lot of women stuck in moving forward in their lives. It is a patriarchal tool to keep women quiet and to not speak or stand up for what they believe in. This is not based in truth because there are numerous other reasons to take care of your body rather than just to be thin to take care of it. To be thin as per the standards set by society is not possible for a lot of women and this keeps them from truly living their lives. Sarah’s work has taken an amazing trajectory, she started in the emotional eating area. One day she ate an entire bag of chocolate biscuits, only with 5 more remaining in the bag. She threw them in the trash but after some time fished them out of trash. She was twenty-five at that time. Sarah realized at that moment that it might be difficult for her to maintain a healthy diet for the rest of her life. Sarah realized that when she stopped obsessing over everything she ate and the way she looked, her life became boring. Soon she stopped craving for unhealthy food and it was a big transformation for her. Through this experience, she found spirituality and a whole new world opened for her. How did you find spirituality?
She got an email from her friend when she was at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition to go to one of Gabriel Bernstein’s coaching program which was in her apartment. Sarah started to meditate after this session. Through these sessions, she started to learn about the priestess initiation path, divine feminine and the history of witches. It has been a great way for her to practice by not waiting on things.
How do you think you got to know yourself better?
Sarah started to figure out things she loved doing. She started to ask herself questions like what was fun for her. It’s a lot easier to start from the initial phase, to look out for things that make you happy and content. She started taking voice lessons again, she started going to dance classes. The second step for her was to look for actions or activities that she was doing in her life but were not aligned with her personality, her likes and dislikes. She realized she was being a performer in her work. She did a photo-shoot where she borrowed her friend’s convertible. She was trying to be someone she was not in reality. She used to believe if she would stop performing she would not succeed in her life. However, she realized that not being herself was a lot more painful than being broke.
How do you think being a mother changed you?
It changed her in ways she cannot even imagine. Motherhood has been hard and challenging for Sarah. Before becoming a mother, she had this belief system that all she really needed for happiness is a nice and caring husband, a house and a couple of kids. She used to think that when she would have kids she would want to retire and become a full-time mother. However, only after she became a mother, she felt quite the opposite of her beliefs. She felt guilty about it because she wanted to spend all the time with her children. This also helped her understand how she was different from her grandmother, her mother, a few of her friends and some other women that she admires. It has also forced her to be critical of how and with whom she spends her time.
How did motherhood affect your business?
It affected her a lot in her business. She tried to conduct her day to day business activities as usual after the birth of her son, but it was hard for her to manage her business and look after her son all at the same time. She would continuously transition from what she calls a ‘corporate Sarah’ to a ‘mother Sarah’ and vice versa.
Tell us about the story of how you found yourself your dream home.
It was almost two years ago when Sarah found herself in a place where she felt she would lose herself after having her kids. She did not want to be a hustler, but she did not want to be a full-time mom either. She couldn’t see a future for herself anymore and nothing excited her anymore. She worked with this woman named Katina Mercadante (http://www.katinamercadante.com). She did this exercise with her in which Sarah would tell her life story to her and they would together uncover what Katina called Sarah’s true core virtue. Sarah would then write down her plan in incredible detail of where she envisioned herself in the span of five years. Katina helped Sarah to reconnect with her true inner values. Sarah wrote this whole plan about what she wanted to do in her life in the coming years. She wrote about getting women together in person in New England to help them wake up the divine feminine. She wrote about this vision of women circling in big fields, dancing naked in the woods under the full moon. She wanted to build a yurt for herself in the woods. She wanted to have a stream running through her property. She had always imagined a long driveway with trees. Two weeks later, she found herself a farmhouse just outside of Boston. She looked it up online, she looked at the pictures and all of it matched exactly as Sarah had imagined. It was way over her budget though. Luckily the owner of the firm that was selling this property turned out to be Sarah’s high school therapist. She was the first person to help Sarah help her with body issues. One thing led to another and Sarah finally bought the house against the advice of all her family members which included her parents and grandparents.
How did you meet your husband?
They met in college in a history class. They were both very different persons back then. Sarah would do anything to please the people around her. She hosted all the parties. Her husband was a football player. They have both become very spiritual ever since. What is your vision for women?
Her vision for women is to only think about who they are and to always think from that place. They should not feel the pressure to be someone different.
What is the best advice you have ever been given?
The best advice she has ever been given is from one of her mentor who said: “Sarah you are not the princess, you are the witch in the woods, you need to get comfortable with that.” This had a huge impact on how Sarah sees herself, on how she does her work. It took so much pressure off her as well.
How can we connect with you?
You can find more about Sarah’s work through the following website.
You can also visit her personal website through the following link.
Sep 20 2018
Rank #14: #128: Brad Sherman: Budgeting, Investing, & Building Wealth
Brad Sherman is the CEO of Sherman Wealth Management. He is committed to being an advocate for his clients, providing Fiduciary, conflict-free guidance so that they feel comfortable with their investment choices and strategies.
Brad knows – and has experienced – many of the issues that his clients face, whether it’s paying off student debt, saving up to purchase a home, creating a savings safety net, starting a family, or making smart choices about planning and saving for retirement.
He has over 15 years experience in the financial industry - his love for finance began when he then turned a dollar his grandmother had given him into five – and then fifty – dollars, it was clear he had an aptitude for smart saving, investing and wealth preservation!
He has contributed to The Wall Street Journal, CNBC, MarketWatch, Business Insider, and Investopedia.
In this episode, we talk about budgeting, compound interest, investing and building wealth.
If people want to find your financial tools where can they go?
Brad’s website: https://www.shermanwealth.com/
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
The Importance of Financial Literacy
How parents talk about money differently to their sons and daughters
Mar 28 2019
Rank #15: #155: Tess Wicks: Managing Your Money with Ease
Tess Wicks is a wealth and mindset coach. Traditionally trained in finance, Tess now works with individuals and business owners to help them cultivate the right mindset around money. She talks about the ideas that helped her manage her money, why boundaries bring freedom, and why her business has 4 bank accounts.
How did you learn about managing money?
Tess has a degree in finance, but that didn’t her to manage her money or to manage the finances of a small business. She learned to manage money was from a mentor who came to college and talked about the importance of managing money that made her aware of how important it is to manage your money.
We have all had the experience of knowing what to do but not doing what we know. There's a performance gap. How did you close that gap?
It starts with simple ideas, like paying yourself first. And learning to set aside 10% of your paycheck. That helped her understand that managing money has a simplicity to it.
Something as simple as paying yourself first – a lot of people don’t do it. Why do you think that is?
Some people truly believe that they need every dollar that they make. Parkinson's law states that you will use every resource that you have. When most people earn more, they spend more. Budgeting is about setting boundaries with your money, and many people shy away from that because it feels restrictive. People feel like they deserve the position they have reached and should be able to have that money. Tess tells them that having rules about money can create freedom.
A lot of us get into self-employment for freedom and when you put rules in place it can feel confining, but these rules are really just boundaries to create even more freedom rather than restriction.
Entrepreneurs tend to be very sensitive about their time and put boundaries on their time. If you can respect your time, you can also respect your money. Putting boundaries in place is a way of respecting your money.
I like the idea of delaying gratification. Which I think is getting harder for our society as a whole because we have the internet and things we can get right now. We’re getting used to this instant gratification, and I think it’s important to train ourselves to love the immediate discomfit for the long term gain.
Our society has become much more impulsive. We have trained ourselves to believe that we need immediate return or intimidate gain. We have to get used to enjoying the good kind of pain.
Was it helpful to you when this mentor described putting a small amount of money away and looking at it from a long-term perspective? How can that impact your long term gain?
Tess found it impactful to take a step back. Every decision we make in our day to day has an impact on the long term. The best teachers put things into perspective in really great ways. If you earn $15 an hour and save $3 an hour you’re earning $12 an hour and that is actually a small difference that can have a greater impact. He also broke down different spending patterns that people have after college. Such as leasing a brand new car over driving the one you’ve had as a teenager. Every decision we make have long term repercussions including the short term gratification ones.
It’s interesting to me that you were having this experience of being educated in a conventional way. You took courses in mathematics and finance. But then this mentor put it in a personal and practical way. And that’s where you had your a-ha moment. And I think that’s missing from our education system.
All of Tess’s financial classes were focused on big business and after college she worked as a consultant to big corporations. This knowledge didn’t help Tess’s personal finances and she made a lot of mistakes. She was fortunate to find her mentor. She also had the influence of watching her parents manage their money. And she had a lot of nerdy friends who were also actuaries, and they talked about things like maxing out Roth IRA’s and what they were doing with their 401K’s. She knew other people did not have her financial understanding and were confused about how to manage their money. She wanted to provide that level of mentorship for people.
You mentioned paying yourself first? How do you do that?
It depends if you’re a business owner or traditionally employed. If you are a business owner your business needs to be on a budget just like your personal finances. Often we pour any money the business makes back into the business. But it is important to take money out of the business for yourself. This means that you can see that you are getting something out of it but it also creates an important boundary. Even if this is just a small amount. It is important to set aside some profit and to get into the habit of doing that. You could start with 1% and build in up to 5-10%. You business will adapt to that boundary. Tess does this twice a month. She takes a small amount of all the money she’s made in that fortnight and transfers it to another account. This is in addition to paying herself.
Is this money you are saving? Or money you are using to enjoy and buy things that you want?
Tess gives herself a paycheck twice a month. That is the money she lives off and she saves a portion of that. She has a SEP IRA, which is a retirement account for self-employed people. She puts a percentage of her income into that, saves money into a variety of savings accounts.
How many accounts do you have?
Business-wise she has 4 accounts. 2 checking and 2 savings. She separates her revenue from her expenses. Her 2 savings accounts are for profit and taxes.
So let’s say you have $3000 in your travel savings account and you want to go on a trip that is $5000. Do you wait until you get to $5000 to book that trip?
You would save until you have that money. Tess doesn’t want to spend money she doesn’t have.
I love how you are using the word boundary. Let’s start with our relationship to ourselves. You put a boundary in place, and you honor it. I think that’s so important for building our own self-worth.
Tess thinks we should never let the numbers in our bank accounts or our net worth impact our sense of self-worth. You have to set a boundary between the numbers and your self-worth.
There’s a huge wave of self-love popularity right now. I’m going to love myself so I’m going to just buy the shoes. Tess tells her clients that taking of themselves is taking care of their finances. The harder decisions of not buying that thing because you don’t have the money is taking care of yourself and loving yourself. We don’t need some of these extra things that are going to make us feel good in the short term to actually make us feel good.
I’ve been online shopping and not buying. It’s really fun to load my cart up. I do this with Amazon all the time. I add things to my cart and save for later. Many times I decide I don’t want it. When you have a budget in place, it takes a lot of the decision making out of the equation, which I think is really helpful.
Tess has her clients do a unique way of budgeting. They have a dollar amount that they can spend every day. This means they don’t have to catergorize their spending or decide what category something fits in. They get to spend that daily amount however they want. She separates fixed and discretionary expenses and doesn’t let her clients add groceries or gas to their fixed expenses. When you get a daily number, it can be low at the beginning of the month but will add up over time. What if you didn’t say yes to every happy hour or every invitation to go out to dinner for the first 7 days of the month? That can be a boundary that then gives you more money to spend at the end of the month on whatever you want.
It seems like you have created your own system.
As the money coach Tess always wanted to provide tools that really worked for her. A lot of the tools out there didn’t work for her. When she works with clients, she tries to find what works for them and apply certain rules that help them build wealth and live a financially free life.
What’s been some of your inspiration?
Tess gets inspired by working with her clients and seeing them crushing it. It shows her that she needs to keep doing what she’s doing.
Can you share a story of someone who implemented your system and a result that they had?
One of her clients is an accountant who is traditionally employed but also has a side business. She was stressed about her money. She felt that she should know this stuff, especially because she worked in finance. She felt disorganized, was spending a lot and considering buying a house. After they worked together, she realized that she loved renting and putting her money into the stock market. She increased her net-worth by something like $10000 in 6 months. When you put your mind to something, you can achieve a lot. Her entire mindset and outlook on life changed.
You just said ‘Do a lot with the money that you have,’ I love that so much. There’s such a mindset of more and such a mindset of lack. We’re very conditioned with this type of thinking from a young age.
Tess gets her clients to look at their priorities and core values. And then line that up with the money they’ve been spending to see is anything is out of sync. It’s really useful to see what truly makes you happy and fulfilled versus what you believe makes you feel fulfilled. It’s not about not spending money. It’s about spending money on things that you value and prioritize.
What is something practical that someone who is feeling a bit overwhelmed can do? Where do you suggest people start?
Sit down and identify all of your mandatory expenses. What do you need to pay for to live your life? Such as rent, mortgage, insurance, debt payments and utility bills. Determine what is essential and what is excess.
There can be this feeling of shame around money. Money does not equate self-worth. It’s really about the integrity that you have with yourself.
It is all about doing what you say you will do. After we get over the shame of whatever is going on with our finances and make a plan, then it’s about committing and following through. Our self-worth can ebb and flow depending on whether we follow through on the promises we’ve made to ourselves. How much money you have compared to someone else means nothing.
What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?
When Tess was in high school, she was a diver. They had a quote - “Feel the fear but do it anyway.”
Tell us how we can get in touch with you
Wander Wealthy: https://www.wanderwealthy.com/
Nov 14 2019
Rank #16: #132: Amy E. Smith: How to Stop People Pleasing and Stand Up For Yourself
Amy E. Smith spent years finding her voice — Buried under other people’s thoughts and opinions and notions about who she should and shouldn’t be. She was motivated by two primary things: Guilt and Fear. Can you relate? Fear of not fitting in, of rocking the boat, of speaking her truth and losing relationships. And Guilt around following her intuition.. but not anymore - she learned how to stand up for herself! It’s time to stop caring so much about what everyone else thinks! Now she helps people radically shift people-pleasing behavior and find your voice. She is a confidence coach and self-love expert. She helps people access self-worth so they can live joyful lives. In this episode, we talk about the many facets of people pleasing, how she worked on her relationship with her mother — and went from feeling angry to communicating her needs with kindness.
In this episode, Amy Smith starts by discussing why people pleasing tends to be a female quality. Looking at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one basic human need is a sense of belonging. Back in the day, that meant belonging to a tribe. Nowadays, subconsciously our instincts are to make people like us. Most people love the people pleasing versions of us because that means they are getting their way. Then, Amy reveals details about her relationship with her parents and why her mother felt she had failed as a parent. She learned that her mom’s truth did not need to be her truth.
Making up catastrophized ideas about what something means is what happens when we experience an uncomfortable emotion. One of the biggest things that hold us back is what other people think. Amy says to allow yourself the understanding that you are allowed to be attached to these people, but you are not responsible for these people. It is irrational to think that you will not care what your partner thinks; however, it is not going to be the final say in our decision-making process.
Amy discusses emotional intelligence and the ability to understand our feelings. Most of the time when we feel uncomfortable, we collapse a story. Instead, we should pay attention to these feelings and dig underneath it. Amy has a seven-step process to follow when engaging in uncomfortable conversations. What you have to determine first is if the conversation is not up for negotiation or if the conversation is up for a collaborative effort. Amy reveals the rest of her conversation tips including how to soften your start-up, being quantifiable, and watching the tone.
- [01:45] People pleasing tendencies
- [07:10] Amy’s relationships with her parents
- [15:45] How to advocate for yourself
- [19:10] Sorting beliefs – are they your own beliefs or a product of your upbringing?
- [21:30] You are allowed to be attached to people, but you are not responsible for those people
- [25:50] Pay attention to the sparks of joy
- [28:15] How to have uncomfortable conversations
- [31:40] The first step in having an uncomfortable conversation is to soften your start-up
- [34:55] Another helpful hint when having an uncomfortable conversation is to watch your tone and inflection
- [37:40] How to let go of resentment
- [40:40] Amy’s transition with her career paths
- “When you embody vulnerability, you are far more likely to evoke it from the other person.”
May 09 2019
Rank #17: #162: Anna Goldstein: What Personal Development Has Done For Me
The transformation that has happened for me since diving into personal development.
Jan 24 2020
Rank #18: #108: Debi Silber: Rebuilding Your Body, Mind, and Life after a Betrayal
Dr. Debi Silber, President and founder of www.PBTInstitute.com is a recognized health, mindset, empowerment and personal development expert. She’s a speaker, coach and author of the Amazon #1 Bestselling book: The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind and Life After a Life Crisis, The Unshakable Woman-The Workbook (the companion guide to the book) as well as 2 books recommended by Brian Tracy, Marshall Goldsmith, Jack Canfield and many more. Debi’s contributed to FOX, CBS, The Dr. Oz show, TEDx, The Huffington Post, Shape, Self, Health, Working Mother, Forbes, Psychology Today, WebMD, Ladies Home Journal, MSN, Woman’s World and Glamour to name a few. After researching and conducting a PhD study on how women experience betrayal from a family member or partner, Debi has discovered a predictable and proven process taking women from betrayal to breakthrough. That process, coupled with 27 years of health, mindset and personal development training and coaching, enabled her to create a multi-pronged approach to help women heal (physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually) from the trauma of betrayal.
Debi understands the demands of the busy woman because she’s one too. Managing The Silber Center for Personal Growth and Healing along with the PBT Institute™ on Long Island, teaching, speaking, coaching, mentoring and writing, she’s also married to her husband Adam for 27 years, is the proud mom of Dani, Dylan, Camryn and Cole (22, 21, 18 and 16) and is the proud mom of 6 dogs, Scooby, Nike, Roxy, Gigi, Kylie and Brody.
What was your first experience with betrayal?
Her first example with betrayal involved her family. Debi believes that if we do not learn from our mistakes, the universe conspires to put us in the same circumstances again. When the people we trust and are dependent upon break the rules, that is what betrayal is. Most of the times we do not see it coming and to us, it makes no sense at all.
How do you define betrayal?
It is the breaking of the spoken or unspoken rule that has been agreed upon over time. Betrayal has a lot of faces. Many people even feel like they have been betrayed by God. They feel like they will be kept safe and protected if they pray but it doesn’t happen for them and so they feel like a rule has been broken. Betrayal can be between friends, relationship partners, work partners, and the list goes on. It can always arise in situations or relations in which we put our trust and we agree upon certain rules but the outcome is different from what we expect.
How can someone transform and manage betrayal?
You should really build your ability to be resilient. That can help you manage betrayal. As far as transformation is concerned, it requires a whole lot of effort and work on our end.
Can you talk about your study in which you discovered a process through which you can take people from betrayal to breakthrough?
Debi found that with every participant the process became so obvious that it did not matter what the betrayal experience was. Debi found out that there were roughly five steps that participants had to go through if they wanted to put themselves on the path for recovery.
The first step is to focus on our spirituality and our emotions. The second step is to train ourselves to react properly and efficiently when we experience a betrayal. We need to learn to control our emotions because if we don’t we will eventually put our body into chaos as well. The link of our emotions to that of our physical health is very critical. The third step is to make sure we grab on to anything that can prevent us from falling in our emotional conundrum. The fourth stage is about finding and adjusting to a new normal. This is pretty much like when you move to a new house and you do not know your way around. However, you do realize you will get used to it soon. You know it does not feel like home but you are safe. You slowly enter into the fifth stage afterward. This involves healing and a new worldview. This is where the body starts to heal. You become more interested in self-care. The mind starts to heal as well. You are able to make better decisions as a result.
How did you feel when you discovered you had been betrayed by your husband?
Debi is grateful she has been able to heal from her betrayal. She has been able to build her family again and got back together with her husband who betrayed her. She had been with him for almost twenty years. Everything was great. It was only after that when Debi got extremely busy with her business and also had to look after her four kids. Her husband got
busy with his business. Debi started to feel as if her husband had transformed into a completely different person and soon discovered he cheated on her at some point in past. Debi confronted her on this issue and he did not deny it. In fact, her husband immediately told their kids about it as well. Eventually, Debi got back with her husband. During her time in separation, she transformed into a completely spiritual person. She wanted to turn her tragedy into something transformative, something that could also help others around her.
How can someone repent if they have betrayed someone?The first thing you need to do is to accept responsibility for your actions and confront the person you betrayed. If you prefer to keep it as a secret, if you prefer to suppress the truth hoping somehow things will change, you are not helping anybody. There is no good you can do if you are not ready to reveal the truth to the person who was betrayed.
What is something you have practiced to make yourself more resilient?
Debi always confronts herself with her own truth. She lives in truth. She has become more resilient through meditation and journaling.
What is the best advice you have ever been given?
The best advice she has been given is to never stop no matter how hard the circumstances are.
How can we connect with you?
You can find more about her work through her website.
Her website’s URL is
You can also take an online quiz to find out if you are or have ever struggled with post-betrayal syndrome from the following link:
Oct 18 2018
Rank #19: #174: Christina Lecuyer: Mindset: Resilience & Confidence
Christina Lecuyer is a former professional golfer, a three-time reality television competitor, turned public speaker, and mindset coach. She didn’t start playing golf until she was 18 and still managed to get a scholarship for college. Playing golf taught Christina about how your mindset can impact your performance and the challenges around basing your self-worth on external factors. She had a successful career, the look, the money, the house, and the man. And even then, her soul was unfulfilled. It wasn’t that something was missing. But she wasn’t doing what set her soul on fire! She wanted to make an impact. She wanted to do what I was put on this planet to do (& get paid well to do it!) More recently, Christina has taken her skills off the golf course and brought her knowledge and passion for inspiring people to design a LIFE THEY TRULY LOVE through coaching and immersive events! The highly sought-after Women with C.L.A.S.S. Mastermind and Decide It’s Your Turn: Women’s Weekend are just a few ways Christina is helping women break through barriers to become more confident, find their purpose, and truly live a life they love.
You started playing golf when you were 18. I was blown away that you won your first tournament
In fact, Christina won her first 3 golfing tournaments.
Were you nervous at all?
At the beginning of her career, there were no expectations on her and she didn't expect to win. She could just play. She struggled in the middle of her golfing career because suddenly there were expectations and that was when the mental stuff crept in.
Christina doesn’t believe she was particularly talented, but she was always good at working hard. In the beginning, no-one expected her to be very good and she didn’t have any expectations for her. She would practice for 5-7 hours a day. Then as she improved, people realized that she was really good, and the expectations started to appear. Fear and doubt started to creep in as she realized, she was supposed to be good at golf.
Then what happened? How did you manage those mental thoughts?
She won her first 3 tournaments, shot under-par and the next summer was offered a scholarship. She went to college and the first year she performed horribly. But in the next 3 years, she was an All American twice and won 5 times.
A lot of her doubts came from the fact that she only started when she was 18. Many of the people around her had started playing as young children. She would tell herself -’You have not been playing long enough. You do not deserve to get to the LPGA this fast. She went into her first LPGA qualifying tournament the same way she had in those very first tournaments – with the expectation that there was no way in hell she would ever win. But she got through to the final stage, her very first time, which doesn’t tend to happen. At the final stage, she told herself the same thing – that she wouldn’t get through. And she didn't.
Was it that mental thought of ‘you’re not going to get it’? Because it sounds like in the beginning it kinda helped you. But then when the real pressure was on that thought actually hurt you.
It was a 5-day tournament and in the first 3 days, she felt like she didn’t have a chance. Then she started getting interviewed by media and she realized that there was an expectation on her to actually get through. In the last two days of the tournament, she fell apart.
You are talking a lot about expectations. How do you think expectations play a role in our ability to succeed or perform?
For Christina, the expectations that she believed the outside world was putting on her, hurt her. She had 3 core things she based her identity on – being a golfer, being attractive and thin, and being financially successful. When those 3 things weren’t going as well as she thought they should go, her sense of self-worth would plummet. If she gained a pound, she thought her life was over. If she played golf horribly, she felt her life was over. Her life was based on external validation and she felt she needed to be great at those 3 things in order to be great at being Christina. When she was 29 she realized she could no longer live like that.
It sounds like you had a moment where you realized ‘whoa I am actually not happy even though I have all of these external things that I expected would bring me happiness’.
Someone recently asked Christina ‘When did you know you were broken? And when did you know you were worthy?’ It was not an aha moment. It was a series of moments that happened over and over. She had always felt that if she wasn’t pushing herself or forcing herself to get to the next level, then she was settling. Trough self-development and working on herself, she is now at a place where she knows that she is worthy, whether anybody else agrees with that or not. She loves herself now. She is still a great golfer. She looks about the same. Her life is the same but where she is internally is completely different.
Some people might say ‘yeah intellectually I know that I’m worthy.’ But there is a difference between telling yourself you’re worthy and being worthy. I’m curious about your experience of the distinction.
Christina believes that every person on the planet is put here for a purpose and a reason. If you are trying to be someone other than yourself, then you can’t feel worthy. Striving for something that you are not can cause pain and suffering. Christina cusses all the time. If she was to stop cussing to make someone else more comfortable, then she wouldn’t be being herself. She shows up as her authentic self every day. No matter what she does on a daily basis, whether she screws up or has lots of success, no matter who likes her or who doesn’t, she is exactly her.
It sounds like putting more emphasis on the way that you feel, versus the way that you think you should be. It takes a lot of awareness to know when you’re not feeling like you are being yourself and doing something out of pleasing or appeasing some external thing.
Knowing you were put here for a purpose and giving yourself grace are two of the biggest things. To know that you were put here for a purpose and all you have to do is be your authentic self should give someone a sense of calmness and worthiness.
One of my core beliefs is that our purpose is to be fully ourselves. If my purpose is to be myself and fully express myself, then what? Where do we go from there?
People think that in order to have a purpose you have to be like Oprah. You can have an impact on someone by doing something very simple. Christina has a 90-year-old neighbor who lives by herself. Christina put everything aside one day to spend time with her. Christina made her life better by just showing up and being there one day. It doesn’t have to be a huge dramatic thing.
When you are in alignment with who you are everything else makes sense. Christina has made more money, been happier, and attracted the best people in her life whenever she has been in alignment with who she is.
I know that you just climber Kilimanjaro. How present did you need to be to make that happen?
It was the most beautiful experience. For the past 3 years, she has put her life on Instagram and she thought she would do the same when she climbed Kilimanjaro. For the first two days, she didn’t have a service and used her phone only to record videos. It was so nice to just to be able to be present and enjoy the company of the people she was with.
Was it hard?
It is an 8-day trek and Christina found the first 6 days super easy. She was in good shape and mentally strong. On the last day she got altitude sickness and then discovered that she had an allergic reaction to the medicine they gave her. Her tongue and throat swelled up. The last 48hours were incredibly tough but somehow, she still managed to reach the summit.
What drove you to keep going? Did you think you should stop?
It didn’t occur to her to stop. She had signed up to the trek really late. She climbed it for a children's charity and was asked to join the team only a month before. The day she signed up she created an affirmation. ‘I will summit and return, healthy and safe. I will continue to be a blessing by living a blessed life.’ She repeated this to herself every single day. The day that she got sick she saw the screensaver she had created of the affirmation and for the next 3 hours, she repeated it over and over.
Thinking about your preparation. It sounds like you had a practice that included a bit visualization, a little bit of mantra, and some anchoring using a song. Those sound like the main components. Am I missing anything?
For her physical training, she would walk on the stair-master at the gym wearing hiking boots and w a 20lb backpack on her back. She would rather be laughed at in the gym for looking like a fool than to die on the mountain.
Did you use those techniques in golf?
Christina wishes she had known about these techniques when she was playing golf. Now she plays golf twice a week and plays better than she did 10 years ago. She is able to relax and feel grateful for being able to be out there playing her sport.
Let's go back into where we started. To not rely on these external expectations but really rely on your inner wealth and resources to guide you. To learn to connect to them through some practices. Would you say that’s the essence of being?
You have to know how to get yourself to your best being. Everything is a choice. How you think, how you react, what you do – it’s all a choice. Christina knows the choices she has to make to get to the best her each day. She admits that she doesn't always do it and she definitely has lapses. But she knows what it takes to be the best version of her.
Christina doesn't have a traditional meditation practice because that doesn’t work for her. But she will often spend 5 mins out in her garden, or in silence in her car and for her, that’s her practice. You have to find what works for you. The important part is showing up consistently every day.
The obstacle that you think you’re going to face is typically not what happens. It is something else that you have never thought of. But you handle it.
You will learn from it and you will prove to yourself that you can do it. You can do hard things. Most people can do hard things but choose not to. You can choose to do hard things and the most successful people in the world do hard things. Christina tells her clients to run towards something which is even a little bit scary or hard. There is so much growth in that.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
Tell us how we can get in touch with you?
May 07 2020
Rank #20: #116: Scott Nelson: Red Light Therapy, Sunlight, & Health
Scott Nelson is a MedTech enthusiast, ambitious doer, and curious by nature. Scott and his partner Justin, created Joov the first professional-grade, full-body red light therapy device designed for convenient, in-home use.
Endorsed by doctors, athletes, health professionals and many more, Joov, light therapy stimulates our cells and boosts cellular energy. In addition, to enhancing skin health and muscle recovery, clinical research has shown light therapy can improve the body’s ability to lose weight. There are numerous clinical studies that provide how red and near-infrared light therapy is effective including physical and emotional health/well-being.
What are the benefits of red light therapy?
The benefits are very wide-ranging. It helps achieve enhanced skin health. It helps in wrinkle reduction, enhances peek athletic performance, improves cognitive and sexual performance. All these benefits come from red light therapy and they are all clinically proven. This field is not well known but it is an emerging field. It has been around the mid 20th century.
What is the easiest way through which people can use red-light therapy?
The easiest and least expensive way to get light therapy is to get natural sunlight. Many people try to avoid going out in sun and prefer to wear a sunblock when out in sun. However, the reality is that the full-spectrum sun is very healthy not in a way we typically use it. It is very healthy to spend some time under the sun on daily basis. Scott says the easiest way is by starting to make sure we spend some time under the natural light and also light in general. Studies have been conducted on how some types of artificial lights can have negative ramifications on our health and disturb our circadian rhythm.
Do you think excessive use of digital devices is affecting our health?
Our body responds to different lights in different ways. Our ancestors were not surrounded by artificial light and spent most of the time outside. Their main sources of light were sun and in some cases, candles. Since the mid 20th century, due to the advancement in technology and consistent presence of digital devices in our lives, we are exposed to artificial light almost all the time. Our biological systems cannot adapt that fast to the overexposure of artificial light. From a high level, it is about understanding the core principle that our bodies have adapted to natural sunrise and sunset and light helps us to adjust our circadian rhythm.
Since red light therapy can generate new cells, can it also improve communication between cells?
Scott says red-light therapy has the ability to improve communication between cells. In fact, there is some well-understood mechanisms of actions involving light therapy and there are also some emerging mechanisms that seem to be happening but are not understood by academic researchers at the moment. When it comes to well-understood mechanisms, they can be further divided into two categories; primary and secondary. Primarily at a high level, these wavelengths of light help produce more mitochondria at a cellular level. A byproduct of this is better communication at a cellular level.
Can you tell us a little about your products?
If we want to use Scott’s product for red light therapy, first we need to make sure if we are not able to get enough natural sunlight. His products are more of a supplement. There are a couple of things you need to look out for when buying such a product. You need to make sure that the device you are using has been clinically proven to provide lights of certain wavelengths. You also need to look out for a device that provides enough power so your
treatment times are short. You do not want to buy yourself a product and then go on to use it for hours in a day.
How do you think your product can help us enhance our performance in our lives?
Scott says he does not aim to treat for something general through his products. He primarily uses light therapy to deal with health-related issues.
Scott says that most of the people who are into health and into performance, they make sure their diet is optimized, they want to make sure their sleep is optimized. If you are going to supplement with something, you want to make sure you supplement with the right things. Scott says one thing that always gets ignored in the process is the importance of light and its pivotal role in optimal health and performance.
Has red light therapy shown any evidence to cure cancer?
Scott says it is a question he has come across many times in recent times. He had the opportunity to co-author and publish a paper on light therapy and cancer. It was published in early 2018. At a high level, it does appear to show evidence to cure cancer. However, there is also some studies that showcase that light therapy can actually promote tumor growth because theoretically, you are helping the infected cells grow hence contributing in tumor growth. There is some conflicting research on this topic.
What is the best advice you have ever been given?
Within a business context, the best advice he has ever been given is the actually the concept of ready, fire and aim. Scott likes to invest his time and energy in startups, he likes to build up businesses from scratch.
How can we connect with you?
You can find more about Scott, his work and his products through his website. His website’s URL is:
Dec 24 2018