Rank #1: Kezia Noble Dating After Divorce Expert On The Over Divorce Podcast
Dating After Divorce
Kezia Noble is an internationally renowned attraction and dating expert for men and is our guest on this episode of the Over Divorce podcast. Kezia points out that she’s not a “pickup artist” and distinguishes herself by focusing on the individual’s natural, authentic style.
Kezia discusses the most common mistakes that men make when they start dating after divorce. She discusses the fears that men have of women when they go out to meet potential or ideal mates. She discusses the error of stereotyping women and putting women on a pedestal as opposed to simply treating them with respect. She points out the difficulty dating after divorce and being creative when under stress and how that stress prevents men from improvising and remembering. This results in decision paralysis. She also discusses the danger associated with drinking and socializing.
Kezia discusses “approach anxiety” and some very effective methods of coping with that anxiety -specifically exposure therapy and desensitization as well as exercises she recommends to remedy those fears. She describes the “blow out game” and how it can radically build self-confidence by building the ability to own one’s rejection. Kezia redefines “snowballing” (don’t look that up-NSFW) which is a method of working the room by starting with the staff and employees (Kezia calls them “hired guns”) to get your conversational skills warmed-up.
Kezia acknowledges the difficulty inherent in the advice of “just be confident” and confessed frankly about her own battles with confidence.
The podcast explores on-line dating after divorce techniques and Kezzia offers some tips for improving their profile page by using emotional language and detail in the profile page.
Kezia also discusses the power of “negative attraction’ and the power of bonding over things that you dislike and the extreme danger of posting pictures of cats on your profile page. The podcast explores “mansplaining” and how it can kill an otherwise great conversation.
The post Kezia Noble Dating After Divorce Expert On The Over Divorce Podcast appeared first on OverDivorce.
Aug 11 2014
Rank #2: Coping With The First Stages Of Divorce With Dr. Sam Buser
We’re talking about coping with the first stages of divorce with psychologist Dr. Sam Buser. He specializes in helping men to grow though their divorce. He’s taught graduate courses in marital and family therapy for 20 years at the University of Houston and the Baylor College of Medicine. He’s the past-president of both the Houston and Texas Psychological Associations. He was the Director of the Family Therapy Program at the Houston Veterans Administration. Currently he is the Staff Psychologist for the Houston Fire Department and maintains a practice specializing in men’s issues, relationship problems, and adventure therapy. He is also the author of The Guy’s Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce. On this episode of the podcast we discuss:
- The 2 most common questions that guys ask therapists about divorce.
- How to know when to stop trying to get your ex back.
- The two different mindsets of women that ask for divorce.
- The relationship between fighting and reconciliation.
- What to do if your wife wants a divorce.
- Why women are attracted to guys that are going through divorce.
- What women want most in a man.
- One of the biggest problems that men have after divorce and how to solve it.
- How to know when you are ready for another relationship.
- The amount of time that you should wait before getting into a committed relationship.
- How to deal with the separation period.
- What to expect during the first few months of divorce.
- How to communicate with your children about your divorce.
- The guidelines for communicating with your ex-wife.
- Two tricks to managing anger during divorce.
- The benefits to adventure therapy.
Dr. Buser recommends reading: Breaking Barriers in Counseling Men: Insights and Innovations by Aaron Rochlen and Fredric Rabinowitz.
Make sure to check out Dr. Buser’s book http://www.guysonlyguides.com/
If you would like to work with or find out more about Dr. Buser go to his divorce website:
3435 Branard, Suite 202
Houston, Texas 77027-6031
Phone: (713) 623-2110
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Mar 16 2015
Rank #3: Kids -The Over Divorce Podcast
Tom begins the podcast reminding the listener that the welfare of the children is paramount to the state and anyone involved in the dispensation of the assets and the fiscal responsibilities of the divorcing parents.
Adrian shares that in his divorce he and his ex broke up their marriage in phases- and that they were both on the same page in terms.
Tom reflects on the urge to engage children in the communication process and the problems that causes. Adrian reinforces the difficulties in using children as mediators and how it can cause kids to manipulate the situation to their benefit. Adrian continues by reminding the listener about the problem of leaning on your kids for emotional support.
Tom reflects on “manning up” and presenting a stiff upper lip and not allowing the hurt of your break-up to effect the relationship and maintaining continuity.
Adrian reminds the listener that kids will use parental reactions as guides for their own behavior and how they might probe for weakness in discipline and consistency. And discusses examples of how his kids try to use the break-up as a means to get toys and other things that they want.
Tom references Jim Smoke’s Growing Through Divorce’s “Disneyland Dad” and reinforces the critical value of ritual and routine.
Tom and Adrian discuss the value of communicating through email and re-enforce kids inability to support their parents’ emotional well-being.
Tom closes with the importance of separating emotional responses from your children and keeping a positive attitude about your relationships with them-regardless of your emotional state relative to your ex.
Transcript of the podcast is available here
Dec 17 2013
Rank #4: Making Decisions During Your Divorce
Making Decisions During Your Divorce
Adrian and Tom open by discussing control. What kind of action that can be taken in the context? Tom discusses the futility of reason and persuasion. Tom and Adrian agree that expediting the goal of the partner leaving, and move to righting yourself. Tom discusses his decision about selling his home. Adrian shares the story go how his father advises him about making the decision right as opposed to making the right decision. Adrian furthers the tactic as a means of breaking out of the victim role. Tom challenges Adrian’s thesis about making the decision right in the context of a bad decision. Adrian counters by reflecting on the “time factor” as it relate to make the decision right.
Tom References The Boxer Rebellions song from The Cold Still “Move On”. Divorce is a major disruption to a live of habits. There is an option to taken new habits and make better decision .Tom references ‘The Decision Book’ and Neil Peart with respect to choosing not to make a decision and in doing so still make a choice. He goes on to reflect on things like food and art and life that had been abandoned and need to be re-adopted in order to re-assert their identity. Tom discusses the OK Cupid questions that can strongly predict potential compatibility. Tom discusses the the problem of decision making at work when you question the core decisions you’ve made regarding
Adrian counters by citing The Dr. Paul Dobransky Mind OS by and the value of learning that comes from decisions– even the most banal decisions can help when times are at their most difficult.
Tom and Adrian discuss the value of list building and self-typing in terms of decision processes. Tom reflects on his Astronauts and Marines model of decision making. Two heroic archetypes that make decisions in completely different ways. Tom postulates ways to determine which group you fall into and what your strengths might be depending on your proclivity.
Adrian adds that regardless of your decision style it’s important to get some insight form an expert to help you getting into the habit of making decisions. Tom reinforces Adrian’s point by referencing the importance of building lists and the power of simply adding a task on the list as a means of moving forward–a key theme of the podcast.
Transcript of the podcast is here: Decisions During Your Divorce
Oct 28 2013
Rank #5: High Conflict Divorce And How To Deal With Your Crazy Ex
Dr. Sue Cornbluth joins the show to talk about high conflict divorce. Dr. Sue is a nationally recognized expert in parenting, childhood trauma and high conflict divorce. She has also been named Top Advocate and Professor for Human Rights by the Goodwill Ambassador for World Peace. Dr. Sue is a regular mental health contributor for a variety of television shows, and has contributed to several national publications like the Associated Press, US Weekly, and The Huff Post. She also writes a monthly parenting column for Parents Express magazine.
She has just written her 2nd book “Building Self-Esteem in Children And Teens Who Are Adopted or Fostered”. Dr. Sue holds a doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology and teaches Psychology at Temple University. During the show we talk about:
• The pitfalls that lead to a high conflict divorce.
• The biggest inability, which most people have, that leads to conflict during a divorce.
• Tactics to help lower the tension and drama in you ex.
• The importance of putting your emotions aside during your divorce.
• The number one thing to keep in mind to avoid conflict with your ex.
• Tips on taking the “high road” during your divorce.
• Techniques on how to communicate effectively with your crazy ex.
• The number one thing that you can do to get progress with your ex.
• How to stop blaming yourself for your divorce.
• Why people use parental alienation and the repercussion it has on kids.
• Why just saying sorry to your ex doesn’t work.
• How to keep your boundaries during your divorce.
If you would like to contact Dr. Sue you can reach her practice below, buy the way her first consultation is free.
1121 North Bethlehem Pike
Spring House, PA 19002
Phone: (267) 261-8462
The post High Conflict Divorce And How To Deal With Your Crazy Ex appeared first on OverDivorce.
Jul 11 2015
Rank #6: Hypnotica On Control, Power and Confidence-The Over Divorce Podcast
Control, power and confidence are discussed in this episode. Famed self-help guru Eric Von Sydow a.k.a. Hypontica joins the podcast. Tom and Adrian” pose questions about dating and figuring out when one is ready to date.
Eric has 20 years of diverse experience running strip clubs and helping people and relationships. He shares tips about “the Inner Game”, recovery from emotional trauma, and how he manages members of Seal teams when things get out of hand. “Chaos keeps you on your toes”.
Adrian and Eric discuss hypnosis and Hoʻoponopono. And how some of Eric’s earlier work helped Adrian transition out of marriage.
Eric also tells about being in an open relationship and breaking up with an ex-girlfriend. and discusses the value of going through pain and the importance of closure even in the context of low levels of communication.
Eric discusses the error of giving away your manhood and surrendering your power. He says it’s about leadership and surrendering the role of leader. Eric says women become resentful of having to take the lead.
Adrian reflects on the value of taking ownership of identity and Eric shares the power of owning the vision and the tragedy of surrendering the vision small piece by small piece. Eric challenges the listener around knowing where their identity is centered and how that gets tested.
Tom adds that the power in a relationship seems to be a function of proactivity vs. reactivity- that reactivity requires less effort and turns to boredom.
Eric makes a strong case for self-love driving the ability to form meaningful relationship and shares tips for self-actualization, including being the person you want to be first. A self audit becomes critical to self-development. He also shares some tips for taking responsibilities, for vision, and acknowledging where you are and leaving victimhood behind.
Eric promotes practical use of dating sites, advocates for a short rebound after divorce , and to be as social as possible as quickly as possible. He makes the point that there is more than one way to grieve.
Adrian notes that the hard choice and the right choice are often the same.
Eric reinforces the simplicity associated with choosing your path and owning the responsibility of your choices as opposed to being locked-in by fear of the unknown or fear of social rejection. Eric discusses methods of confronting fears in order to break out of personal ruts.
Everyone discusses the meanings and distinctions of good and bad stress. and Eric confirms the importance of one’s own opinion of themselves relative to the opinion of others. He also discusses the limits of effort and the importance of systems to assessing efforts put forward to a given outcome.
Brain-hacks and other efforts are discussed in order to take ownership of goals to optimize personal systems.
A transcript is available here.
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Feb 10 2014
Rank #7: How To Take Responsibility During Your Divorce
Taking responsibility during your divorce.
Taking responsibility actually helps expedite the healing process as opposed to delaying the recovery with short-term fixes.
Tom raises the issue of responsibility for making the decisions and actions right even the decision to divorce. It’s a powerful way to take ownership of the decision. Responsibility finds its center with the children. Tom raises the point of the responsibility for self-care.
Adrian advises that in one’s review of the factors leading to a divorce a person should work to see the factors they contributed to and take responsibility for them. Tom wonders about the destructive nature of blaming oneself for the ending of a relationship and how it might reverse the progress.
Responsibility means avoiding a martyr or victim mentality. Work to understand and control what you have over: your own decisions and actions and take ownership and understand them – and let go of the things you don’t.
“Act or Accept” becomes a key mantra as you work to avoid the stigma of “being divorced” Tom notes that this effect becomes more acute as one gets older. He further discusses the isolation that can sometimes drives people away from social interaction. The social pressure to re-engage while profound, can be limiting in self actualization and it’s pressure to belong is rooted in peer group’s desire to normalize the life experience of those close to them.
Tom discusses the analogy of sales and establishing report with prospects. He notes few prospects care about a sales person’s needs.
Adrian reinforces the idea that divorce presents opportunity for reinvention and Tom discusses the convenience of re-setting one’s diet in the context of making better food choices as a key way to begin to adopt good habits.
The message of small-step success is reinforced and Tom shares tips like list-building for using small bits of momentum to avoid disappointment that sabotages and subverts efforts to improve. Adrian discusses the sense of control and confidence that small-step success can bring.
The transcript for this podcast is located here
Nov 12 2013
Rank #8: Being Present To Help You Survive Your Divorce
Being Present To Help Survive Your Divorce
Presence is the key to fighting regrets and worry and avoiding negative self-talk
In this episode Tom and Adrian discuss Ridding ourselves of the internal chatter that drives depression and causes distraction
Adrian discusses the effectiveness of reading the book the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
Tom explains the the usefulness of Zen Buddhist Koan in quieting the mind.
Adrian raises the issue of the mortality of everything and references “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom.
Tom tells the story of employing a former Navy seal who, in turn, shared learning from his military training regarding the transient nature of all things– that everything ends- good or bad. And it is in this meditation that one can find a quieting of the agitated mind similar to the intent of Zen Koans.
Adrian shares the difficulties and even futility of trying to forecast the future and the benefit of divorce in the form of becoming a more effective emotional warrior. Tom presses the point about vigilance
Adrian endorses the Application Headspace that provides guided meditation. and discusses the blocks (such as skepticism) that prevent trial that need to be overcome.
Next, Adrian describes a very simple breathing technique to help with hyper-vigilance. Tom warns of the dangers associated with anger and the vulnerabilities it leads to in communications with your ex. Tom reminds the listener of the dispassionate nature of those involved in deciding how assets and resources are divided and the danger in marginalizing oneself by becoming angry. He advocated presence as a way to control the frustration and anger that comes for the sense of losing control.
Adrian reminds the listener how important it is to your children to set an example of emotional control and maintaining a rational state of mind.
The transcript for the podcast is here
Nov 16 2013
Rank #9: How To Control Your Emotions And Cope With Divorce.
Dr. Lisa Condon joins the show and delivers great tips on gaining power over your emotions by using compassion to better cope with your divorce. Dr. Condon is a clinical psychologist; she specializes in helping her clients to gain a better subjective experience about their experiences and lives. She gives advice on how to cope with your divorce. She focuses on assisting her divorcing patients to become more compassionate with themselves in order to emphasize their strengths. We talk about the following:
- Why our natural fight or flight instincts can get in the way of your divorce recovery.
- How to relate to your feelings without being overwhelmed by them.
- How to know when you are in a bad place in your emotional state.
- The power of channeling your emotions into something productive and beneficial.
- How to gain power by being vulnerable during your divorce.
- Why we are wired to ruminate about our feelings and what we can do to break that chain.
- The mistakes that we make when we are in a reactive emotional state.
- How you can create an easy “meditation” check in to steady your emotions.
- The dangers of judging yourself too harshly while you’re going through your divorce.
- How self-compassion builds resilience and strength.
- The importance of setting up a mindfulness practice and how to do it.
- How the feeling of control lessen the negative feelings of stress.
Dr. Condon recommends a book by Tara Brach to help with acceptance: Radical Acceptance
More information about Pema Chodron meditation
Also, check out Eric Barker’s piece on will power:
You can find out more about Dr. Condon and her practice at The Dolan House
The Dolan House
156 College Street, Suite 201
Burlington, Vermont 05401
The post How To Control Your Emotions And Cope With Divorce. appeared first on OverDivorce.
Feb 18 2015
Rank #10: Judge Sexton’s Insider’s Secrets- How To Win In Divorce Court
Joining the podcast is former judge Susan Sexton. Susan was not only the first woman to be elected as a circuit judge in Tampa, Florida but also the youngest. As a judge, she served in all divisions of the court: everything from Probate, Guardianship, Mental Health and most recently Criminal and Family Law.
In addition, she was an adjunct professor at Hillsborough County Community College where she taught a course in Family Law and was an instructor in Muenster, Germany teaching American criminal procedure.
Susan is a speaker at various legal education programs. She is also the author of an e-book called “5 Steps to Hiring the Right Divorce Lawyer”. The first 10 listeners can get a FREE copy of the book! Just send an email to JudgeSexton@iCloud.com and tell her that you heard about the her on the OverDivorce Podcast.
During the show we talk about:
• The biggest mistake that guys make when going to court.
• The significance of showing respect to the court during a hearing.
• Does what you wear impact how a judge perceives you in court?
• The most important elements that you need to convey during a hearing.
• A judge’s perspective on mediation.
• The importance of being prepared for court.
• How criminal court differs from family court.
• How lawyers try and influence judges.
• Questions you should ask your attorney about how they bill.
• Best ways to keep costs low during your divorce.
You can find out more about Judge Susan Sexton by going to her website: www.judgesexton.com
You can follow her on twitter @judgesexton
Make sure that you get a FREE copy of her book “5 Steps to Hiring the Right Divorce Lawyer” by sending her an email JudgeSexton@iCloud.com. Susan is giving away copies to the first 10 listeners that contact her and mention OverDivorce in the email.
The post Judge Sexton’s Insider’s Secrets- How To Win In Divorce Court appeared first on OverDivorce.
May 25 2015
Rank #11: Friends and Family- The Over Divorce Podcast
Tom tells about his concern regarding losing friends in his divorce and discovering that his friends were still there for him. Adrian discusses how his family supported him and how he looked to his friends on a daily basis.
Tom discusses the pack mentality associated with less-close friends and how some treated him as diseased. He reflects on the point that people don’t think as much about someone else’s divorce as they do their own life.
Adrian discusses the difficulty for men to reach out to their friends and the difficulty men have venting or being patient with someone else’s venting. Tom cites Author John Gray’s thesis that men don’t listen to aide venting, they listen to try and solve problems.
Tom shares a story of travel strictly for the benefit of interacting with friends. and Adrian shares the dangers of toxic friends and toxic families- those who aggressively judge your behavior and situation. Adrian and Tom also point out that most relationships have both healing and toxic properties.
Tom shares the revolution of trust that comes from sharing the facts of his separation and the truth of the wisdom that you get out of a relationship what you put into it.
Adrian recalls his worry that vocalizing that a relationship is in crisis makes that crisis real. He also reflects on the difficulties presented by the retelling of the banal facts of his divorce bringing back a lot of the original pain of the separation. Tom and Adrian reveal the problem of therapy and its contribution to making divorce seem more inevitable. Adrian share the value of the support that comes from sharing the reality of the divorce with his mom and other members of his family.
Tom points out that friends will support you and remind you that they do, in fact, care about you regardless of what has happened to you.
Adrian reminds the listener that divorce gives you the opportunity to rebuild an identity one more authentic to who you are.
Tom reinforces the the idea that many aspects of the identity that had been suppressed in order to be part of a team may reemerge and the healing that comes after the tearing apart of the old relationship.
Adrian discusses the pleasant and unpleasant surprises that accompany reaching out to friends and family.
Tom discusses the dangers of getting “fixed-up” and Adrian talks shares a story of how people were trying to help him become his old self.
A transcript of this podcast is available here.
Dec 27 2013
Rank #12: Common Mistakes with Randy Cooper– Over Divorce
Certified Divorce Coach founder Randy Cooper joins us in this episode of the Over Divorce podcast. Randy is author of a book and leading the charge for advocacy of divorce coaching.
Randy talks about the subject of his book -the six biggest mistakes people make when getting a divorce. Randy shares insight into the benefits of having someone on your side who fills a different role than those of a therapist or attorney- helping you think creatively about ways to stay on task,and focused. We discuss stories and share tips on a more healthy divorce and the way to get it. Insight into taxes IRAs and smarter ways of splitting up assets are reviewed. We discuss some of the pitfalls of leaning too hard on your attorney and extending divorce proceedings longer than they need to go. Randy discusses the risks of “Throwing in the Towel” and not advocating in your own best interest -as your “best-self”.
View the podcast transcript here
May 28 2014
Rank #13: Tantric Sex As A Tool For Coping With Divorce
Tantric Sex and Coping With Divorce
Managing your sex drive is an important part of coping with divorce. August joins the show to talk about sex. She is a certified Reiki practitioner and has studied Tantra for over 20 years. On this episode of the podcast she talks about masturbation, sexual energy and taboos around sex. During the show we talk about:
- What tantric sex is.
- How masturbation develops your sex muscle.
- Whether or not you should masturbate.
- How masturbation can lead to shame for young men.
- What women want most out of a sexual experience.
- Sexual Kung Fu and the redistribution of sexual energy.
- Find out the difference between orgasms and ejaculation.
- Learn about the “job” of tantric practice.
You can find out more about August her experience and practice at http://sensualhealingarts.wordpress.com/
Dec 28 2014
Rank #14: Rules for Thriving After Divorce With Honoree Corder
Honorée Corder joins the show today. Honorée is the best-selling author of a dozen books, including her latest, If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules: 8 Rules for Thriving Before, During and After Divorce. Her mission is to inspire and give hope to people as they navigate their divorce.
Honoree talks about the rules of divorce. She discusses how to use these rules in order to thrive during your divorce. She talks about:
- The notion that you will be able to get through your divorce and be better on the other side.
- The importance of assembling a team to support you during your divorce in order to get through your divorce faster.
- The types of people that should be on your support team.
- How to know the types of people that shouldn’t be on your team.
- How to develop a quick “divorce story” that you can use so that you don’t get caught up in dwelling on your divorce.
- Steps you can do to cultivate forgiveness.
- What forgiveness looks like when it is done.
- The importance of protecting yourself and your mental health.
- How to implement extreme self-care.
- How to avoid the mistake of making the divorce about material possessions.
Honorée the creator of the Divorce Transformation Coaching Program, which has assisted people to get their lives back and their games on. She’s also the author of the best-selling The Successful Single Dad, Tall Order! and her latest business and personal development book, Vision to Reality.
You can find out more about Honorée and her books and coaching programs at www.HonoreeCorder.com
Here Facebook address is www.facebook.com/Honoree
You can also follow her on Twitter at @Honoree
The post Rules for Thriving After Divorce With Honoree Corder appeared first on OverDivorce.
Jan 22 2015
Rank #15: How Childhood Trauma Leads To Divorce
Marriage expert Larry Bilotta joins the show to talk about how childhood trauma impacts marriage. Larry is the founder of Life Discoveries, Inc. Larry lived 27 years in a marriage made in hell, but in the 28th year, he fell in love with his wife. Larry and his wife Marsha have completely opposite values, yet are still married over 40 years because of the ideas and tools he discovered throughout those 27 years. Today, Larry teaches husbands and wives how to end anxiety and find calm in the middle of marriage chaos. On the podcast we talk about:
• Why a painful childhood impacts your marriage.
• How the big three pain points from childhood (abandonment, abuse and neglect) can disrupt your marriage and lead to divorce.
• How the programming we received as a child impacts how we act towards our spouses.
• The long term impact of how our parents treated each other and how that plays out in our relationships.
• The three types of relationships (intimate, social and work) that we have and how they change during marriage.
• Some of the attributes that men are unconsciously attracted to in women.
• The danger of men “becoming” their fathers in their marriages.
• The importance of moving from an “against” mindset to that of “acceptance”.
• How thoughts are processed in your brain and how we create meaning out of them.
• Why nobody learns or changes until they are in pain.
• How implementing acceptance and gratitude can change your relationships.
Also, make sure to follow him on Twitter @LarryBilotta
Jul 28 2015
Rank #16: Coping Skills and Rules To Get Through Divorce: Honoree Corder Part 2
Coping with divorce expert Honorée Corder comes back to the show to give more solid advice on how to cope with your divorce. Honorée is the best-selling author of If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules. She also has coaching program designed to give hope to people as they navigate their divorce.
Honorée talks about her rules of divorce and how implement them. She gives ideas on how to have a better experience getting through your divorce. She speaks about:
- What a Systems Therapist is and how they can help you.
- The notion of Karma during divorce.
- The benefits of forgiveness and how to “fake” it until it becomes real.
- Find out why the costs of your divorce are already predetermined.
- How to reduce your attorney’s fees by using a divorce coach.
- The importance communicating to your attorney exactly what you want.
- The big events that happen during a divorce.
- Things you can do to take care of yourself after your divorce.
- The value of starting your divorce bucket list.
- How long it will take you to get over your divorce.
Here is some information about Systems Therapy: http://www.goodtherapy.org/systems-theory-therapy.html
Make sure to check Honorée and her books/coaching programs at www.HonoreeCorder.com
Here Facebook address is www.facebook.com/Honoree
Follow her on Twitter at @Honoree
The post Coping Skills and Rules To Get Through Divorce: Honoree Corder Part 2 appeared first on OverDivorce.
Feb 09 2015
Rank #17: The Truth About Divorce Settlements- The Over Divorce Podcast With Dan Burley
The Truth About Divorce Settlements
Dan Burley from Divorce Wealth talks about the impact that legal precedence has on divorce. He talks about his divorce support group and reveals some interesting little known facts about divorce settlements. You’ll learn about:
- The dirty truth of divorce settlements.
- The secret of how statistics can predict your divorce settlement.
- How legal precedence determines the outcome of your divorce.
- A cool online support and mentoring network to help you get through your divorce.
- The high divorce rate for emergency service workers and struggles they go through.
You can find out more about Dan and Divorce Wealth by clicking the links below:
The website is: http://www.divorcewealth.com/
Follow on Twitter: @DivorceWealth
Check out his Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Divorce-Wealth/105643392906963
The post The Truth About Divorce Settlements- The Over Divorce Podcast With Dan Burley appeared first on OverDivorce.
Oct 18 2014
Rank #18: Scott Lopez: Mental Toughness And Coping With Divorce -Over Divorce Podcast
Scott Lopez Discusses Mental Toughness And Coping With Divorce
Scott Lopez is a former Marine Corps Officer and fighter pilot, has MBA in International Management, and is highly competitive Brazilian Jiu Jitsu athlete. Scott has been divorced twice and shares his insight on how he was able to develop a strong mental outlook to help him get through both his divorces.
Scott provides great advice on coping with divorce by talking about:
- How your thoughts are at the pinnacle of who you are and how they control your emotions and behavior.
- How to take responsibility of your actions during your divorce so that you are more empowered.
- The importance of being prepared for the divorce process.
- The value of expanding your social circle and how friends enrich your life during and after your divorce.
- How to make progress in your life by developing your competencies: Knowledge, Skills and Attitude
- The process of thought patterns. How thoughts lead to emotions, which lead to actions, which lead to results, which lead to new thoughts.
- Scott discusses his formula of success which include:
- The importance of having a long term vision for your life.
- The need to have an action plan to take you in the direction that you want to go.
- The ability to be tenacious and to persevere.
- The requirement to always be learning and be open to new ideas.
- How being accountable for your actions can accelerate your growth.
Scott recommended The Work of Byron Katie, which can be found at: http://www.thework.com
Scott lives in California where he raises his two daughters half of the time. He now coaches individuals and business executives how to develop mental toughness to think better, perform better, and increase earnings and profits.
You can find out more about Scott at www.SuccessWithScott.com
You can check out his Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/ascendingmentaltoughness/
The post Scott Lopez: Mental Toughness And Coping With Divorce -Over Divorce Podcast appeared first on OverDivorce.
Nov 06 2014
Rank #19: Forgiveness The Over Divorce Podcast Episode 9
“To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.” – Confucius
Adrian and Tom share the difficulty of forgiveness and tom shares his thought about the “grudge gene”. and Adrian distinguishes between forgiving and forgetting. He shares his experience is going down the path of forgiveness.
Tom shares his difficulties finding forgiveness and offering it an ex who hasn’t sought it.
Adrian expresses his belief that acknowledgment of having done something wrong in order to gain the benefits of forgiveness. He points out that the anger that comes for a difference of perspective or goals isn’t necessarily a wrong- but may require forgiveness anyway as a means or method of moving on.
Tom asks if acceptance and forgiveness are the same thing. Adrian advocates for an intellectual and emotional acceptance. Tom reflects on the meaning and pain of nostalgia. Adrian reminds us that the surrender of anger as being the first sign that you are moving on. Tom identifies grace as providing the clarity of moving on.
Adrian tells of looking for results form forgiveness and trying to find a process for forgiveness. Tom asks if one is looking to forgive oneself through these efforts. Adrian and Tom discuss the loop that occurs from not being able to forgive yourself for transgressions against others and the ability to stop repeating the same self-damaging mistakes and taking responsibility for your own mistakes to get closure.
Tom Discusses “backsliding” and the importance forgiving oneself in order to recover and get back on the right path. He reflects on episode 8 and how obsessing over the past prevents moving on. Tom also discusses the value of using presence to get yourself out of your own head.
Adrian reflects on the importance of being aware of his own emotional state and using that as a means embracing how ephemeral those emotional states really are and how they pass.
Tom tells a story of caring for his child and understanding how truly ephemeral emotional episodes really last and how that can help to see the end of it and looking for cues that help you come out of a tough spot. He also shares data regarding smiling scheduling a trip as a means of changing your mood just one of the 60 tips available in the free e-book on over divorce.com
A transcript can be found here.
Jan 10 2014
Rank #20: Dr. Jerald Young on Managing The Shock and Awe of Change
Tom and Adrian sit down with special guest author and professor and Change expert- Dr. Jerald Young. Dr. Young discusses the need to work through the entanglements of the post-divorce life and the shock and awe that comes from ending a marriage. Dr. Young reminds us about the emotional attachments that need to be managed after the divorce is settled.
Dr. Young reflects on the social myths that get perpetuated by friends and family and the ability to overcome the the issues that we face in taking away the power of the fears and fantasies that prevent people from recovering from divorce. Acknowledging the stress and upset is the first step to
Dr. Young discusses his method of targeted talking- providing emotion-based words to enable people to identify their feelings and work through them and mitigate the anxiety through awareness and dissolving the resistance to change. He notes that resistance to change is 95% emotional and only 5% rational.
Dr. Young shares his own personal experience with divorce as well as his years of experience helping corporations manage change. He debunks the idea that a new relationship or spouse is the landmark of recovery.
This podcast explores the profound sense of loss that accompanies the end of the relationship and offers hope for those who believe everything has ended just because a marriage or long-term relationship has. He identifies the key cultural myths and bad advice that comes from people who have the best of intentions. and advocates for maintaining the same hopes and dreams one had before the marriage.
This Podcast is sponsored by Certified Divorce Coach The free chapters available mentioned in the podcast are available here
In fact, Dr. Young points out that only the people change and that the dreams we have for future can be maintained as well as the memories and offers practical advice for maintaining relationships with loved ones. What’s really lost is the context of our relationships-and avoid grieving things that aren’t lost and focus the grieving on things that are truly gone. He also discuss some ways to speed the divorce recovery process.
Adrian cites Anthony Greenback’s book Survival and what is really required to get through the toughest of times.
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Jul 25 2014