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Kids & Family
Religion & Spirituality
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Parenting On Purpose

Updated 2 months ago

Kids & Family
Religion & Spirituality
Christianity
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Answers For Today's Families

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Answers For Today's Families

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246 Ratings
Average Ratings
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4 years and counting!

By Anjelandie - Apr 24 2020
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We have been listening for the past 4 years and help support their ministry, financially. We Share this podcast w all our friends and family esp those w kids. Practical, faith-based, relevant, and straightforward. We always feel empowered and encouraged in our role as parents after listening. We know Bob’s stories as well as our own now! Lol. SO GLAD they are recording again YAY! Just hope 🙏🏼🤞🏼they get a smartphone friendly website or app at some point so we can access and listen to specific topics on our device while on the road or doing chores. That would be SO amazing. We have 4 kiddos ages 0-7. 2 are foster-adopt. 💞

Thank you!!

By Rachied84 - May 17 2018
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A great daily reminder to be an intentional parent!

iTunes Ratings

246 Ratings
Average Ratings
203
19
12
6
6

4 years and counting!

By Anjelandie - Apr 24 2020
Read more
We have been listening for the past 4 years and help support their ministry, financially. We Share this podcast w all our friends and family esp those w kids. Practical, faith-based, relevant, and straightforward. We always feel empowered and encouraged in our role as parents after listening. We know Bob’s stories as well as our own now! Lol. SO GLAD they are recording again YAY! Just hope 🙏🏼🤞🏼they get a smartphone friendly website or app at some point so we can access and listen to specific topics on our device while on the road or doing chores. That would be SO amazing. We have 4 kiddos ages 0-7. 2 are foster-adopt. 💞

Thank you!!

By Rachied84 - May 17 2018
Read more
A great daily reminder to be an intentional parent!
Cover image of Parenting On Purpose

Parenting On Purpose

Latest release on Apr 17, 2020

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Answers For Today's Families

Rank #1: Taking Your Child From Stubborn to Determined with Torrey Roberts | Part 4

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The Difference Between Determined And Rebellious

Both types of child can seem similar but the difference may be in the root of what they want.  A determined child is passionate for what they want.  The strong willed child may fight to get their way.  This is pride coming out, they will battle for their way regardless.  They don’t like being told no.  Another type of child is the angry child; they battle authority because they are angry.  When dealing with toddlers there may be some overlap of these three just from the natural push back of that age.  As children get older and training kicks in the determined child’s passion can be seen for what it is.  Passion for things they believe in.  Like we said yesterday, we need to help our child learn to channel that good quality and not get discouraged. The trained, determined child will be the child/teen who won’t easily quit or give up, can endure failures and come back, and isn’t afraid to risk failure. Determination at its best is doing your part, staying with it, never quitting and then trusting God for the results. This is what we want to instill in our children.

May 01 2018

15mins

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Rank #2: Raising a Grateful Child – Part 1

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Getting Ready for a Successful Thanksgiving

Gratitude is not something that is an innate human trait.  Because we are all born selfish, it is something that is both caught and taught.  As God designed it, babies spend all of their time having their needs met.  As children get older they are taught to be more and more self-sufficient.  If we are not spending time training our children to have a grateful heart however, they will keep that selfish attitude.

Thanksgiving gives us a wonderful opportunity for training.  We can utilize the theme of this holiday to start our holiday season off with an attitude of gratitude.  One way to do that is by creating an “I’m thankful for list”.  Starting today put a poster board up in a central location of your house.  It can be a plain poster board or you can enlist the help of your children to decorate it.   Parents can take the initiative and begin every day by writing at least one thing on the list that they are thankful for. Make a game of seeing who can come up with the most things.  Keeping the things that we are thankful for in the forefront of our minds will begin to train us, and our children, to have grateful hearts.

For more ideas on teaching gratitude through fun activities check out,

http://glittermagic.wordpress.com/2010/11/11/10-ways-to-celebrate-gratitude-in-your-happy-home/

Nov 19 2018

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Rank #3: Helping Your Pleaser Become A Leader | Part 1

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The Pleaser and the Barbarian

We have mentioned many times that when it comes to discipline children fall into two main categories, the pleaser and the barbarian. There will be differences from child to child because no two are identical. The barbarian child is also known as the strong willed child. They are the ones who if given an instruction may do the opposite just to see what happens or to see what mom and dad will do. The pleaser child is the one who doesn’t put up as much of a fight and seemingly falls under authority more easily.

There are benefits and difficulties with both. The barbarian may seem obvious that they tend to keep their parents on their toes especially in those early years. They are the ones who will definitely test to see if that “no” means “no” to see if there are inconsistencies. The pleaser child because they are seemingly falling right in line, are the ones who can overlooked especially when a parent has another child who is consistently testing the waters. If that happens a pleaser could then fall into a pattern of being manipulative or following the rules but only when someone is watching. This pleaser child is the one we are going to look at this week and discuss how we can bring out the best in this personality.

May 05 2018

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Rank #4: The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 5

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When Others Damage Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Learning how to cope when other children are mean is something that unfortunately every child will have to face.  How we handle these situations as parents can affect their self-esteem.

When a parent underestimates a child’s pain and downplays or ignores a peer problem it can cause damage.    A child can feel even worse if a parent brushes off the emotion that they are feeling.  The other reaction that a parent can have is to over react and try to fight the child’s battle first with out allowing the child to attempt to work it out on their own.  There are extreme circumstances, such as threats, that warrant parental involvement. If a parent overreacts to every circumstance then it could cause a child to clam up and not talk to a parent about what is going on in their lives.

Today’s child can face a different level of bullying then any other generation.  Social networking has made it so that home isn’t even a safe place from bullying.  We need to stay aware of what is going on in our children’s lives.  We do this by creating an environment for consistent communication.  When your child is struggling with a situation just sit and be a listening ear.  Sometimes a simple hug is encouragement enough.  Help your child process how to handle the situation by asking, “What do you think you should do?”  Most of the time just being a listening ear is the encouragement needed, more then being able to say “all the right words.”

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

Oct 18 2019

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Rank #5: The Battle For a Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 1

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What is self-esteem and how does it affect my child?

The concept of self-esteem can be a very elusive and ethereal topic.  What is it, and how can I make sure that my kids have positive self-esteem?  We are going to spend the next week discussing this topic.

Self-esteem starts with a question.  Society would have us find our worth through asking ourselves these questions. What am I worth financially? How happy am I? How well liked am I? How successful am I at my career?  But the fundamental question that is at the base of someone’s self-esteem is not any of these but simply, Whose am I?

When we have a relationship with God, we are His child.  We are cared for, provided for, protected and love by the Creator of the universe.   That is the answer for who we really are and the foundation for a positive self-esteem.  This is something that we as parents must not only believe for ourselves but communicate to our children.  Our children are not only loved by us but by God himself!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

Oct 14 2019

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Rank #6: Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 1

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Don’t Teach Them To Respect Authority

Many have said that parenting isn’t for the feint of heart.  Parenting is hard work! Unfortunately, there are things that we can do to make it much more difficult then it has to be.  The first thing that will make life a lot more difficult is to not instill respect for authority in our children.  This can make things much more difficult at home and sets our child up for failure, not only at school but as an adult.  This is such an important issue we spent a week discussing how and why to teach respect to your children.  Click here to see that series.

Jul 30 2018

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Rank #7: Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend | Part 1

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Choosing To Be Your Spouses Best Friend

In order to become best friends, we need to make this relationship a top priority. It’s easy when life happens, children enter the picture and stress creeps in to allow marriage to get place on the back burner. If we are not careful then years may go by and we may look at our spouse and realize that we are married to a stranger. We need to take the time to input into our marriage through all the stress and chaos so that we are able to grow together. This enables to to become one flesh.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 22:37-39 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ As many times as I hear this verse it’s such a great reminder that our closest neighbor is our spouse. If we are not choosing to love them then how can we expect the love to appropriately trickle down to our children then those around us. Check back the rest of this week as we discuss tips for pursuing a best friend relationship with your spouse.

Jun 12 2018

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Rank #8: Dealing with Lying | Part 1

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Why Does My Child Tell Lies?

To deal with this difficult topic in parenting we must start by asking the question, what is lying? International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, Electronic Database defines a lie in this way; “In its very essence, a lie is something said with intent to deceive. It is not always a spoken word that is a lie, for a life lived under false pretenses, a hypocritical life, may be a lie equally with a false word.”

So why do lies happen? For children it may simply be to get out of trouble or an over active imagination.  For teens it may also add for appearances sake, they want to please their peers or not want to feel bad about themselves.

Thirdly, we can ask where do lies come from? John 8:44 says this, “For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.” Meaning, we all have a sin nature so it is natural for us to immediately resort to lying when we are caught at something.  We must be trained to be truth tellers.

Now that we have answered these three important questions check back the rest of this week for answers on dealing with lying.

May 29 2018

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Rank #9: Mothering is Harder Than I Thought | Part 5

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Ways To Get Help As A Mom And As An Individual

One thing that we could all use more of is encouragement.  As moms we really benefit from being around others who are in the same stage of life as we are or even people who have gone ahead of us.  It is so easy for us as moms to get isolated in our daily activities and unless we are intentional we end up feeling so lonely.

There are many ways to find time to be with other moms.   Many churches have ministries solely for moms.  You can even set up a time every week for a park date with other moms who have kids of similar age.  Especially as we head into the summer months with our children home we need to be intentional about making these times out with other moms.

It is also beneficial to be able to have some adult woman time away from the children.  Whether that is a bible study that has child care or your husband is willing to take the children for an evening every once in a while.  Women thrive in community.  We even seem to get energy from being around each other.  This is another thing that is important to make sure and some how fit it into that crazy schedule.  It is worth the effort!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on the topic of mothering.

Jan 04 2019

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Rank #10: Dealing With the Cyber Tsunami | Part 1

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The Research Is In

Why should parents take charge of the cyber input that is invading the life of their children?  First, the cyber world is here to stay.  Secondly, it is so dominant in our culture that it needs to be looked at.  Third, research is now coming out in volumes stating that while there is the good impact, there is also damaging impact and a potentially devastating impact.  This digital invasion came so fast in every area of our lives, we embraced it without thinking.  It was almost forced on us; it led us rather than us leading and controlling it

There has been a societal shift that has affected the day to day of our children.   First, it was television that drew kids indoors, then gaming, now it is the draw of the social aspect of the internet.  This impacts the way kids interact with each other.  Instead of going outside to play with friends they can now meet up in the virtual gaming world via the internet.  This has an impact on everything from the social skills of our children to their physical health.  We will spend the rest of this week looking into these dynamics and how they impact our families and children, be sure to check back!

As always listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.

May 15 2018

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Rank #11: Five Ways to Make Parenting More Difficult Than It Already Is | Part 5

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Don’t Teach Them To Love and Respect God

How are we living out our faith in front of our children? Are we a family who lives out what it means to have a relationship with Jesus or are we merely a family who follows a list of religious do’s and don’ts?  Is this relationship something that permeates all aspects of our family life or is it simply something we do on Sunday? The very core and center of what we do, should be focused on opportunities to teach our child about Christ. For more on this click here to see our week long series on how to raise a disciple.

Always check out the podcast for more insight.

Aug 03 2018

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Rank #12: Mothering is Harder Than I Thought | Part 1

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Motherhood Is More Challenging Then I Imagined

This week’s topic hits very close to home for me personally as the mother of a two year old.  We are going to talk about how to deal with the overwhelming day to day responsibilities of being a mom.  I can say that I have seen this from all aspects, from ten years working with the teens parents in residential care to the current stage of being around my friends with young children, every mom has days of feeling overwhelmed at the continuous task at hand.. .raising children!

We are going to spend the week talking about how we cope on those days and how we get to the point of choosing to be fulfilled with the awesome job we have been privileged too.  The first thing that we can do is take a step back and analyze our expectations.  Some one once said to me “there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, just a good enough parent.”  I love this quote and every time I think about this it takes a weight off.  Part of a mom’s stress today is the feeling that we are expected to be able to do everything and do it all perfectly, in perfect balance.  From keeping house, bringing in money, pouring into our kids lives, raising spiritual giants, keeping our kids healthy and well exercised, being involved in school and church functions and have time to work out and maintain the perfect body, to name a few.   We can work ourselves into a frenzy trying to keep up this level of balance and order. Take the time to sift through those expectations and cut yourself some slack.  There is no way to maintain this level all the time, something will get the short end of our attention.  We cannot allow it to be actually raising our children!  As we process today some verses that have helped me recently is Luke 9:46-48.

“An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest. Jesus, knowing their thoughts, took a little child and had him stand beside him. Then he said to them, “Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For it is the one who is least among you all who is the greatest.”

It is a reminder from the only perfect parent, there is nothing greater we can do with our time then serve the “least of these.”  When we do this we are serving Him!

Listen to today’s podcast for more wisdom on this topic!

Dec 31 2018

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Rank #13: Dealing with Lying | Part 2

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Why Is Lying Important to Deal With?

Lying is a very deep rooted issue.  It is an extremely self-centered act.  It is done at the expense of others for personal gain. Lying must be dealt with as part of the training of the child. If you can’t trust a child to tell you the truth, how can you let them out of your sight? How can you let them move on the next steps of training.

Lying is an effort to avoid taking responsibility for my humanity. It’s a natural response … if I can get away with it.  So if it a “natural response” why must we take it so seriously, because lying is addictive.  Lying can become so addictive that even the person doing it has a hard time deciphering the truth.  Many times in residential program the children have been so conditioned to lie they have to be retrained to tell the truth.

A child must be taught to work on thinking out his response.  I heard once that we shouldn’t as parents put our children in a position to lie.  For example, a mom sees her young child throw a toy instead of asking “did you just throw that?” She can rephrase the question and say “I just saw you throw that toy” and proceed with the discussion.  Help your child learn to discuss the whys of the situation. “mommy I threw the toy because I was pretending that it was a spaceship.”  Even something as small as this can help a child process their responses. It is the job of the parent to help the child learn to accept the responsibility for his unacceptable behaviors and part of teaching responsibility.   We want to raise children who are trustworthy so we must take lying very seriously.

May 29 2018

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Rank #14: The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 2

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Where does Self-Esteem Begin in a Child’s Development Process?

When does our child’s self-esteem begin to be built? It actually begins at birth with the mother/child bonding.  Through the bonding experience of those early days and months we are communicating love and security.  A child cannot yet comprehend the concept of God as their Father so until that time we are communicating His love through our parenting.

The thing that we need to remember is that, unlike God, we are not perfect and will make mistakes.   That is actually a relieving thought; there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  We all may have the best of intentions but we will make mistakes.  Admitting these mistakes will actually help your child through these moments. We can also use these times as a teaching tool, although mom and dad aren’t perfect their Heavenly Father is.

We can also communicate our love when our child makes a mistake.  Our child must know that we love them not how they perform.  We can create this environment by verbally communicating our love even when they have messed up or broken a rule.  We will talk more tomorrow about self-esteem and discipline.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem

Oct 15 2019

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Rank #15: Dealing With the Cyber Tsunami | Part 2

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It’s A Parent’s Responsibility

It is a parent’s job to put the cyber world in its proper place in the family.  This is one of those important areas to sit and have a parental staff meeting about.  It must be decided the where, how, when and what for the internet will be used.  Like we have stated there are some beneficial uses, such as schoolwork.   Researching for things is much easier when the internet can be properly utilized.  Teachers have even been know to set up web-pages for big projects so kids can work as groups or use it as a resource.  There are even online tutors and countless supplemental learning resources can be found.  We have to be careful not to through the baby out with the bath water but that baby does have to be monitored.  Start with the question of where is internet use acceptable.  In a child’s bedroom is not the best place. It needs to be a family computer out in the open set up for accountability.  Secondly, how can your kids access the internet? Is it ok for them to use the internet on smart phones, game systems and tablets, or will it only be on the computer?  Next will be the when.  Set up boundaries and specific times especially with your teens, for whom internet usage will have a social aspect.  Phones should not be allowed in the room at night or at the dinner table, for example.   It is our responsibility to set up a plan for how the internet will be used but not abused in our homes.

May 15 2018

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Rank #16: The Proactive Marriage with Rosemary Barnes | Part 1

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The Need To Set Boundaries

With everything going on in the world around us it is easy to see how important placing boundaries around your marriage is.  We must be proactive to protect our relationship with our spouse.  This is such an important topic we spent a week discussing it.  Click here to check out our series on boundaries in marriage.  Be sure to check back tomorrow as we begin to discuss the Five “A’s” or areas of need in a marriage.

Nov 06 2018

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Rank #17: Dealing with Bedtime | Part 1

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Why Is It So Challenging?

It almost seems that the area of bedtime can be a battle for every stage of parenting, from birth to curfew.  This week we will address those issues, as well as, steps we can take as parents to help the bedtime battle.

The first thing we need to ask is why does this battle take place?  For smaller children the resistance can be rooted in fear.  There may be a legitimate fear of the dark, a fear of the unknown or a fear of being alone.  The last may be especially true if one parent has left.  We need to be sensitive to our children if fear is involved.  Things that seem irrational to adults can be a source of fear in children because of the developmental phase they are in.  For example, fears of being sucked down the drain with the draining water in the bathtub is very real to the over imaginative child.

Bedtime can also be one of the first battles of the will, however.  It becomes not about going to bed or staying in bed, it becomes a battle of control.  This can be one of the first big tests for making your “no mean no.”  It is our job as parents to take the time at bedtime to decipher if there are legitimate fears but be consistent with our “no”.

Jul 23 2018

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Rank #18: Finding the Balance of Family and Individual | Part 1

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Getting Past the “Selfie”

Today’s cultural focus is the individual. If we are not careful we can allow this to impact our parenting. We are told to value “me time” or that we “deserve” certain things, even if it is to the detriment of others. This seems to be blatantly obvious anytime we are out on the road, it’s hard to find a lot of selfless drivers. Now while it is important to celebrate each special quality that makes our children unique, the gifts and talents that God gave them, we have to find balance and help them learn to thrive in a unit. In today’s “selfie” culture we are raising a generation that if we are not conscious, will not be marriageable and employable.

I think we could all agree that we want our children to be selfless not selfish. In fact this is imperative if we are Christ followers. Christ taught us in order to lead we must serve. Philippians 2:3 tells us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interest but each of you to the interest of the others.”

Sep 03 2018

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Rank #19: Finding the Balance of Family and Individual | Part 5

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Looking Outside our Walls

Sep 06 2018

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Rank #20: Raising a Grateful Child | Part 4

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Teaching Gratitude Through the Christmas Season

Choose to continue the momentum that you have built training your children in gratitude through the holiday season.  Christmas can be a difficult time for our children to have a grateful heart.  There are millions of dollars being spent this season on advertising to convince us that we need things that we don’t have.

One way to continue the momentum is by serving others.  Continue to create excitement for your family service project.  Look for other places you can serve others and include your children.  Offer to help an older woman or a woman with small children, load their groceries into their car.  Have your children help you babysit for a couple with small children so they can get out during this busy season.  Have your children help bake cookies to take to the neighbors.  There are many ways to serve others we just have to make that our focus and wait for the opportunity.  You can even make that a game with your children, who can spot an opportunity to serve first.

Another thing we can do as a family is continue our “I am grateful for list”. Every night before bed or at the dinner table, each family member can say one thing that they are thankful for.  Continue your focus on gratitude through out the Christmas season.

Nov 23 2018

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The Reason for Chores | Part 5

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Getting Out Of The Way

Apr 17 2020

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The Reason for Chores | Part 4

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Implementing Chores

Many parents ask the question should allowance be attached to chores? The response is what are we training them for? The purpose of training up a child is to ready them for adulthood. There are many jobs that we as adults have to do around the house. I don’t remember ever receiving a paycheck for doing dishes, laundry or taking out the trash.  One of the purposes of chores is to teach children that there are things that we do simply to be a contributing member of a family. There may be extra jobs that are not considered regular chores, such as cleaning out the refrigerator or cleaning windows, that could be done to earn some extra cash.  This teaches a child to go above and beyond what is simply required of them. These extra jobs can also be used as consequences, without pay, for chores not done.
Many parents then ask how do I get my child to do household chores? We discussed yesterday setting up a reward/consequence plan for chores. We as adults do have a reward for household chores-a clean and relaxing living space. Think of some rewards,not monetary, that will motivate your child as well as consequences for chores not done.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on chores.

Apr 16 2020

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The Reason for Chores | Part 3

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Chores Teach A Child To Choose

We discussed yesterday that chores train a child to do what is responsible rather then what is pleasurable. The question is where is a parent to start? The concept of chores is something that can start as early as preschool with simple tasks.  In our house, we are working with our three-year-old son teaching him how to clean up after himself. He picks up one set of toys before bringing out another.  Of course it would be MUCH faster, and I probably wouldn’t have to sing the clean up song, if I just ran around after him straightening.  If I consistently did the work for him, however, then he wouldn’t be ready for the next step, cleaning his room on his own.

For any child utilizing the ICE plan is key for chores.  Instruct them what your expectation is.  Tell them ahead of time what the consequence is for not completing the chore and what the reward is for completing the chore to your expectation.  Finally and sometimes most difficultly we have to step back and let them exercise their choice.  Are they going to choose a reward or consequence?

In the residential homes at Sheridan house the teens have chores every morning.  The room that does the best in their chores gets ice cream at the end of the week.  Many kids are reward driven so attaching rewards early on for a job well done will easily teach that it’s worth it to work hard.

For more on chores listen to today’s podcast.

Apr 15 2020

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The Reason for Chores | Part 2

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Why It’s So Important

Why is it so important to fight the chores battle as parents? There are four main reasons. First there is nothing that teaches a child personal responsibility as well as chores.  It teaches a child to make the choice between what they want to do and what they need to do.  This learned responsibility translates into many adult situations from credit cards to sexuality.

Chores can communicate that a child is needed.  Every part of the family pitches in to help out.

It can also help to teach a child how to take initiative as well as learning the importance of excellence.  If I do something right the first time I won’t have to go back and fix it.

Lastly it prepares a child for emancipation from the home.  We have laughed about how many college freshman have no idea how to do laundry.  But simply teaching a child how to do chores helps them to learn basic household management skills.

For more on why chores are such an important area to train your child in, listen to today’s podcast.

Apr 15 2020

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The Reason for Chores | Part 1

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Why Don’t We Give Our Kids Chores Anymore?

This week will be spent talking about the importance of children doing household chores. The interesting thing is that it seems overall families don’t prioritize their children doing chores.  Why is this?

There are many reasons for this but it seems that the main reason is time.  We are all very busy from adults to children in the home, our schedules are jam-packed.  The priority of chores has fallen by the wayside. It also takes a lot of time put in by the parent.  It takes time to train your child how to do the chore.  It takes time to inspect the chores and make sure that they are done to your standard.  It also takes time to correct mistakes, as well as time to cheer when the chore is done right.  This is why many parents shy away from the job of training their children to do chores.  “It just seems faster and easier to do it myself. “

Chores are an important part of training a child however.   There are many lessons that can be learned from them.  Check back the rest of this week to see why they are invaluable!

Listen to today’s podcast for more on chores.

Apr 14 2020

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Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 5

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Learning About Your Spouse and Physical Intimacy

Make sure to take the time to learn your spouse.  Are they the kind of person who likes surprises or do they need time in advance to adjust to ideas?  When planning activities to help get out of a rut learning this may be key, to not only actually getting out and doing them but making sure that both spouses enjoy the process.  This is even something that you can sit and do together.  Together you can process through a list of things that would be fun to do as a family or on date night.  If both spouse are involved in this process then both can be excited and looking forward to these activities.  Then make sure to put the list on the family calendar.

You can never be married to long to bring romance back into the marriage relationship.  Sexual intimacy is something that you only share with your spouse.  It is special and sacred that is why it is also something that should not be ignored.  For more on this topic click here to hear the series on romance in marriage.

Mar 20 2020

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Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 4

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Never Settle For Less

There are things we can do to make the marriage exciting.  We need to find ways to get out of the routine.  There does need to be some one on one time set aside with your spouse.  Make sure to make time for date nights, but you can even set aside the time after the children go to bed for something fun for just the two of you.  If you have older children that have a later bedtime, there can be a set time that they spend in their room before “lights out” in order for there to be time for your relationship.

There are many ways to incorporate fun back into the marriage.  One of the ways to help a marriage not get mundane, is focusing on the friendship aspect of the relationship.   Click here to see the week long series on how to become your spouses best friend.

Mar 19 2020

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Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 3

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Never Quit Trying

It’s interesting how we think of having an infant or small children as an exciting time/phase of life.  It is draining, but we will still label it as exciting or never a dull moment.  If we stop to think about it a baby can’t give anything back yet we are continually meeting their needs.  Sure we may have moments of feeling overwhelmed with the magnitude of the task of caring for them but we still do it with out the expectation of anything from them.  Why?…Because we love them.

How is this any different from our spouse?  We should be continually working on and putting into the relationship, because we love them.  Our society has trained us to look for quick fixes, but the marriage relationship is not a quick fix. It is a life long relationship.  We need to make sure that we are doing our part.  There will most assuredly be times where our spouse because of stress, other things going on in their life or even lack of knowing how, can’t give in the way we can.  Instead of getting frustrated with our spouse, make the choice to be the one who goes above and beyond for the sake of the relationship.  Remember the model for Love that was given to us, is the one who gave His life for us.

Mar 18 2020

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Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 2

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Choose To Prioritize Your Marriage

We need to be prepared to build a team or “become one flesh”.   There are things that can hinder this process that we need to work through.  The first is expectations. Often our expectations of how marriage will be, often unrealistic and influenced by Hollywood, can taint our attitude about real life marriage.  Check out our week long series on expectations by clicking here.  Very likely, because we are different genders and different personalities we will need to learn how our spouse communicates in order to do it effectively.  Click here for more on this topic.  Another reason that marriage can become boring is because we don’t take the time to make it a priority.  Click here for more on this.  Finally many don’t know how to “work on the relationship”.  We need to give of ourselves rather then just waiting for things to get better.  Make sure to continue making your marriage a priority!

Mar 17 2020

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Help! My Marriage Has Gotten Boring | Part 1

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The Relationship Takes Work

We try to talk about the topic of marriage here on Parenting on Purpose, once a month.  Here are some of the reasons we feel that it is so important to discuss. First, if you are married, the parenting won’t work to its potential if the marriage isn’t working.  Second, your marriage is training your children how to do their marriage in the future.  Your marriage gives your children a secure environment or an insecure environment.  Your marriage is a team of two people with different complimenting gifts which, when working together, can divide up the training tasks and bless the children.  Lastly, your marriage is the team that builds the child or hinders their potential.  It is the foundation the children can grow up on.

One thing that may shock us as we get married is that marriage is work.  It takes work to make two separate lives, personalities, backgrounds and families into one life.  It is continued work.  If we don’t continue to give to our marriage relationship it can become stagnant.   Everything that is alive grows.  We must put the work into our marriage to maintain growth.  Check back with us all week as we discuss how to put into your marriage relationship to keep it alive, healthy and fun.

Mar 16 2020

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The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 5

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When Others Damage Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Learning how to cope when other children are mean is something that unfortunately every child will have to face.  How we handle these situations as parents can affect their self-esteem.

When a parent underestimates a child’s pain and downplays or ignores a peer problem it can cause damage.    A child can feel even worse if a parent brushes off the emotion that they are feeling.  The other reaction that a parent can have is to over react and try to fight the child’s battle first with out allowing the child to attempt to work it out on their own.  There are extreme circumstances, such as threats, that warrant parental involvement. If a parent overreacts to every circumstance then it could cause a child to clam up and not talk to a parent about what is going on in their lives.

Today’s child can face a different level of bullying then any other generation.  Social networking has made it so that home isn’t even a safe place from bullying.  We need to stay aware of what is going on in our children’s lives.  We do this by creating an environment for consistent communication.  When your child is struggling with a situation just sit and be a listening ear.  Sometimes a simple hug is encouragement enough.  Help your child process how to handle the situation by asking, “What do you think you should do?”  Most of the time just being a listening ear is the encouragement needed, more then being able to say “all the right words.”

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

Oct 18 2019

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The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 4

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How Competition and Performance Impacts a Child’s Self-Esteem

We discussed earlier this week that our self-esteem is determined by answering the question of whose we are.    If that is the case we need to look at what He created us to be.  He made us human beings not human doings.  Our self worth cannot be established by what we do.  This is an important lesson to teach our children early on.

We have also spent time discussing how to help their self-esteem by communicating that our love is not attached to our child’s performance.  How do we guard them from finding their self-esteem through all of the extra curricular activities in their lives that society would deem important?  One way is to teach them the art of loosing.  We need to show them that it’s not about the win but the effort you put in.  This is such an important lesson to learn early on because if not our children will be looking for that next “win” even in adulthood.  What we do, or don’t do, doesn’t define who we are.  At the end of the day what we do needs to be left on the field.  Our gaze needs to be upward focused on the day where we can hear “Well Done” from our Heavenly Father.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

Oct 17 2019

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The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 3

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How Discipline Compliments Self-Esteem

How does discipline affect self-esteem?  It seems that many today would think that disciplining a child would hurt their self-esteem, which is why we have so many homes with so little rules.  In fact the opposite is true.  When a child has no consistent boundaries placed around them they feel very insecure.  Just like a fish that has been taken out of the safe boundary of the water they thrive in.

How we discipline our children is the key to this.  We must have a consistent plan in place for discipline because when we do not we become the consequence.   We also must be very careful not to remove our relationship as we discipline.   Which means no yelling or constant lecturing.   Be intentional to restore relationship as part of the discipline process.  Say something like this, “I’m so sorry that you have chosen to go to bed early tonight because of your attitude earlier.  It makes me sad that you chose to go to bed because I was looking forward to spending time with you.  I love you very much, which is why we are working on this area. “  Calmly explain the reason for the consequence and reaffirm our love for the child.  This way when we are consistent with our discipline the child can make the connection that they chose the consequence because of their behavior, it is not that we are mad at them or love them less today.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

Oct 16 2019

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The Battle For A Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 2

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Where does Self-Esteem Begin in a Child’s Development Process?

When does our child’s self-esteem begin to be built? It actually begins at birth with the mother/child bonding.  Through the bonding experience of those early days and months we are communicating love and security.  A child cannot yet comprehend the concept of God as their Father so until that time we are communicating His love through our parenting.

The thing that we need to remember is that, unlike God, we are not perfect and will make mistakes.   That is actually a relieving thought; there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  We all may have the best of intentions but we will make mistakes.  Admitting these mistakes will actually help your child through these moments. We can also use these times as a teaching tool, although mom and dad aren’t perfect their Heavenly Father is.

We can also communicate our love when our child makes a mistake.  Our child must know that we love them not how they perform.  We can create this environment by verbally communicating our love even when they have messed up or broken a rule.  We will talk more tomorrow about self-esteem and discipline.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem

Oct 15 2019

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The Battle For a Child’s Self-Esteem | Part 1

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What is self-esteem and how does it affect my child?

The concept of self-esteem can be a very elusive and ethereal topic.  What is it, and how can I make sure that my kids have positive self-esteem?  We are going to spend the next week discussing this topic.

Self-esteem starts with a question.  Society would have us find our worth through asking ourselves these questions. What am I worth financially? How happy am I? How well liked am I? How successful am I at my career?  But the fundamental question that is at the base of someone’s self-esteem is not any of these but simply, Whose am I?

When we have a relationship with God, we are His child.  We are cared for, provided for, protected and love by the Creator of the universe.   That is the answer for who we really are and the foundation for a positive self-esteem.  This is something that we as parents must not only believe for ourselves but communicate to our children.  Our children are not only loved by us but by God himself!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

Oct 14 2019

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ADD & ADHD | Part 5

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Get Organized- Part 2

Here is a list of reminders for parents on how to consistently communicate positively to your child. It will also help you to maintain the balance of structure and relationship.

1. Listen to your child- make sure you are taking the time to listen to your child through the process of getting organized.  Make sure to include them in the process. It is easy for many of us to get over excited about being about to take charge of our family and forget to listen to our child’s voice.

2. Be careful how you react.  Stay calm.- Very important when your child is consistently hitting a wall.  We need to remember that change is a gradual process.  Remind yourself that it is about the process not the end result.

3. Be patient-A good reminder when you are feeling frustrated is to focus on the fact that they are children and not “mini adults”. They will make mistakes and have immature moments.

4. Give them active time-All children, but especially those with ADD/ADHD need time to blow of steam.  Make sure that there is time allotted in your schedule for physical activity.

5. Find fun.  There’s a huge need for laughter- Family should be about fun but it is especially important to choose fun when you are working through issues together.  Make the time for crazy spontaneous fun.

6. The power of Touch and affection- The power of positive touch is amazing.  It can communicate love and tenderness and is also vitally important when working through things as a family.

7. Find restorative time for you- Make sure as parents that you are finding time for yourself but also time to be together.  Make sure to make your relationship with God as well as your marriage a priority.

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on the topic of ADD/ADHD.

https://p2day.s3.amazonaws.com/2012/03/2012-03-09-PTW58D5.mp3

Sep 21 2019

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ADD & ADHD | Part 4

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Get Organized- Part 1

A great list found on ADDitudemag.com for helping parents get organized and mobilized to help their child/family function with ADD/ADHD.

1. Give specific instructions. “Put away the toys on your carpet on the shelf in the closet.” Be consistent — if the toys are stored on the shelf one night, they should be put there every night. Children need to know precisely what you expect.

2. Assign tasks that your child is capable of doing on his own. Success builds confidence. The goal is to teach your child to do things independently.

3. Involve your child in discussions about rules and routines. It will help him understand goals and teach him to accept responsibility.

4. Write down routines as sequences of tasks (two to five items only), and post where easily visible (refrigerator, bathroom mirror). Review lists regularly with your child.

5. Be realistic about time. Make sure you’ve set aside enough time for the child to complete his homework, clear the dishes, and get out the door in the morning. If the original time frame is leaving you five minutes shy, add five minutes.

6. Expect gradual improvement. It takes time to change old habits and form new ones.

7. Praise effort — not just results. If your child set the table but forgot napkins, acknowledge that she’s trying. Reward good behavior more often than you punish bad.

8. Allow for free time in daily routines. Kids — and adults — need downtime.

9. If your child isn’t taking to the routine, seek help from a counselor who specializes in ADHD. A pro can help get you on track.

10. Stay focused on the long-term goals. Above all, don’t give up!

Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on ADD/ADHD.

Sep 20 2019

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ADD & ADHD | Part 3

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Isn’t ADHD Just An Excuse For A Lack Of Discipline?

A great response to this question was found in ADDitudeMag.com, by Robert M.A. Hirschfeld, M.D., who is a psychiatrist and a father of an ADHD child….

“The idea that willpower can solve all problems is as American as apple pie, but so are compassion, tolerance, and wisdom. Some people with diseases such as diabetes and hypertension can organize their lives to limit the effects of their disabilities. But some, no matter how hard they try, need insulin to break down sugar or medication to lower their blood pressure. We offer them support, and we do not blame them for their failure to “fix” themselves.

The same goes for ADHD.

Unfortunately, when it comes to brain disorders, such as ADHD, depression, or other neurological conditions, a harmful attitude creeps in: the belief that attention deficit disorder, and other disorders originating in the mind, reflect “bad character” and that all it takes is more willpower to overcome them.

As a psychiatrist, and also as the father of an ADHD child, I know how destructive this view is. Many people with depression suffer for years because they’ve tried to make themselves feel better, and they still can’t function. Coworkers and spouses become frustrated and blame the sufferer when attempts to “jolly” a person out of a depression don’t work. Their lack of understanding adds guilt and shame to the long list of problems that depressed people cope with.

My son could not will himself to not have ADHD. Trying to get him to change his ADHD behaviors didn’t work. And had we stopped at that, his life would have been marked by frustration and failure. Without proper medical, psychological, and educational interventions, no amount of willpower could have helped. Fortunately, our continued interventions have enabled our son to shape his own destiny and experience many successes.

Challenges remain, and he’s needed our support—not our demands—to overcome them. We didn’t want our son to experience the fate of earlier generations of ADHD kids who didn’t have the benefits of new knowledge and better science.”

For more insight on the topic of ADD/ADHD listen to today’s podcast.

Sep 19 2019

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ADD & ADHD | Part 2

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Mom Is Key

Children with ADD/ADHD have a very difficult time maintaining focus on things that do not interest them.  This can become very frustrating to parents when they see their child get very focused for a long period of time over a video game or some other hobby but are unable to maintain that focus when it comes to homework or chores.   Parents need to keep in mind for a child who is truly ADD/ADHD it is not willful disobedience.

Where parents can come in to help is by providing consistent rewards for an area that may be difficult for a child to self motivate.  Something such as homework is a good area to start.  Something like offering a small reward such as a snack for a subject completed or an allotted amount of time worked is all that may be needed to motivate the child to focus.  Start with small chunks of time worked and slowly work to more as your child does better focusing.

For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Sep 18 2019

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ADD & ADHD | Part 1

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Have Hope

ADD/ADHD seems to be something that many parents have questions about because it is so prevalent in today’s society, to the point where many parents worry about their children unnecessarily.  It appears that currently only 3-5% of children truly suffer from ADD/ADHD. The characteristics of ADD/ADHD are impulsivity, inattention, and hyperactivity. The problem is many parents with toddlers can attest to theses characteristics showing up frequently.  So we must ask when does it become a problem? There are several factors that can cause this in young children, everything from lack of sleep, diet, or even over stimulation.  So we as parents need to ask ourselves a few questions to determine whether or not this is something that we need to take more seriously.

Is the behavior I observe in my child similar to that of other children he encounters?

Is the behavior I expect of my child developmentally appropriate?

Do I see a pattern of behavior when my child engages in various activities?

Do I see a pattern of behavior in various settings?

It may even help to ask the perspective of another objective adult such as a teacher.

For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Sep 17 2019

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4 years and counting!

By Anjelandie - Apr 24 2020
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We have been listening for the past 4 years and help support their ministry, financially. We Share this podcast w all our friends and family esp those w kids. Practical, faith-based, relevant, and straightforward. We always feel empowered and encouraged in our role as parents after listening. We know Bob’s stories as well as our own now! Lol. SO GLAD they are recording again YAY! Just hope 🙏🏼🤞🏼they get a smartphone friendly website or app at some point so we can access and listen to specific topics on our device while on the road or doing chores. That would be SO amazing. We have 4 kiddos ages 0-7. 2 are foster-adopt. 💞

Thank you!!

By Rachied84 - May 17 2018
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A great daily reminder to be an intentional parent!