S6E7: Why You Shouldn’t Punish—or Reward—Your Kids: Alfie Kohn
No Small Endeavor with Lee C. Camp
Are many parenting styles doing more harm than good? Alfie Kohn discusses the surprising psychology behind the widely practiced reward/punishment model of raising kids, and why we should “work with” our children instead of trying to control their behavior. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Episode 7: Parenting Without Punishments and Rewards with Alfie Kohn
Aware Parenting Stories with Joss Goulden
Today’s podcast is in 2 parts. In the first part, I was so fortunate to interview Alfie Kohn. Mr Kohn is a writer and speaker who specializes in human behaviour, education and parenting. He is the author of 14 books and hundreds of articles and lectures at education conferences and universities, as well as to parent groups and corporations. Mr Kohn talks today about moving away from an approach to parenting which is based on having power over our children, to one based on working with our children. He explains how research has challenged many of the assumptions about mainstream approaches to raising our children. He explains that punishments and rewards are really both manipulation and control of our children and only work temporarily and at great cost to our relationship with our children. He describes how intrinsic motivation is damaged by rewards, praise and punishments. We discuss how to offer our children unconditional love in a way that our children receive as unconditional and how to parent without these coercive “sticks”. He also briefly discusses the failings of education systems that are based on testing, homework, and grades, all of which destroy creativity, meaningful learning and the desire to learn. In part 2 of this episode, I outline the Aware Parenting perspective on not using punishments or rewards. I describe how to shift our thinking away from the behaviour modification perspective of trying to control and coerce our children and move instead to an Aware Parenting perspective of power with our children. I explain how to treat our children in a way that allows them to feel unconditionally loved, and how to ‘discipline’ our children with a compassionate and connected approach that looks underneath our children’s behaviour so we can identity what is getting in the way of them being their natural, loving, cooperative selves. I provide many strategies that parents can use instead of punishments or rewards to make parenting more enjoyable, to deepen our relationship with our children and support ourselves to be the parent we want to be. To find out more about Alfie Kohn, please visit www.alfiekohn.org I highly recommend Alfie Kohn’s books “Punished by Rewards” and “Unconditional Parenting”, as well as “Cooperative and Connected” by Aletha Solter and her article “20 Alternatives to Punishment” available on her website www.awareparenting.com
What it Takes to Teach Today with Alfie Kohn — Off Season Day 3
Teach Me, Teacher
Hello everyone! Today, I am re-releasing what I believe is the one of the most important podcasts in the history of the show. Not only is it filled with honest and real world talk, it is filled with research based advice and insight from one of the premier thinkers on education today. In this episode, I sit down with Alfie Kohn and discuss a range of topics, such as why grading hurts more than it helps, why rewards do more harm than good, and why the testing obsession leads to bad teaching. I consider these the three pillars of what holds up an outdated educational model, and Alfie Kohn is the main reason for that perspective. Without a doubt, Alfie has influenced my teaching in such fundamental ways, and I know his thinking, research, and expertise will encourage you to question some of the norms of our educational climate. Alfie Kohn writes and speaks widely on human behavior, education, and parenting. The most recent of his 14 books are SCHOOLING BEYOND MEASURE…And Other Unorthodox Essays About Education (2015) and THE MYTH OF THE SPOILED CHILD: Challenging the Conventional Wisdom About Children and Parenting (2014). Of his earlier titles, the best known are PUNISHED BY REWARDS (1993), NO CONTEST: The Case Against Competition (1986), UNCONDITIONAL PARENTING (2005), and THE SCHOOLS OUR CHILDREN DESERVE (1999). I want to let you know about a free, virtual, conference for "cool" science educators coming up on August 5th. Its the 9th ScIC Science is Cool unconference. But of course all science teachers are cool so that means everyone is invited! It's called an unconference because they are curated based on teacher feedback and they are actually fun! Produced by the team at PocketLab, these virtual events always have a great line up of amazing speakers to fill the day. At ScIC9 on August 5th, you will hear from Kari Byron of Mythbusters fame, the Biomimicry institute, The national lab for the International Space Station, OpenSciEd, and so many more. In the past 2 years, these "unconferences" have attracted nearly 100,000 teachers from over 200 countries around the world join. Every event is inspiring, engaging, and full of resources. To sign up for Science is Cool 9- visit thepocketlab.com/scic9 or click right here. This episode is sponsored by Heinemann—the leading publisher of professional books and resources for educators—and their professional book, Textured Teaching: A Framework for Culturally Sustaining Practices by Lorena Escoto Germán. With Culturally Sustaining Practice as its foundation, Textured Teaching helps secondary teachers stop wondering and guessing how to implement teaching and learning that leads to social justice. Lorena Germán shares her framework for creating a classroom environment that is highly rigorous and engaging, and that reflects the core traits of Textured Teaching: student-driven and community-centered, interdisciplinary, experiential, and flexible. The actionable strategies Lorena uses to bring Textured Teaching values to life illuminate what is possible when we welcome all types of texts, all types of voices, and all forms of expression into the classroom. Learn more about how to become a culturally sustaining educator. Visit Heinemann.com to download a sample from Textured Teaching.
In this episode Shelley Clarke chats with Alfie Kohn, a forefather in challenging the conventional wisdom society tells us about children and parenting. Known for his outspoken critic of education’s fixation on grades, test scores along with the parenting paradigm of punishment and rewards, Kohn has helped to shape the thinking of educators — as well as parents the world over. In this episode you'll learn about:- why punishment and rewards are two sides of the same coin and are damaging to your child's self-esteem- what unconditional love in parenting really looks and feels like for a child- how to shift the 'power over' dynamic in your home to a 'power with' your child- why bribes and praise are ineffective at helping kids to grow into the kind of people we dream they'll become- why the current parenting paradigm makes kids learn that it's all about power, not morality- where the phrase time-out was originally born from and why it is negatively impacting your childIf you are wanting to create a new dynamic in your family home, centred around respect and connection with your child then this is the podcast episode for you!Continue the conversation with Shelley here:https://www.facebook.com/shelleyclarkemindbodyparentinghttps://www.instagram.com/_shelleyclarke_/Find Alfie Kohn here:https://www.alfiekohn.org/Alfie Kohn's BooksThis podcast is produced by Nikki O'Brien from Quintessential Being
Alfie Kohn on how we can nurture happy, ethical, independent, curious problem solving kids
The Dad Mindset Show
This episode I chat with Alfie Kohn who is an American author and lecturer in the areas of education, parenting, and human behavior. He is a massive proponent of progressive education and has offered critiques of many traditional aspects of parenting, managing, and society more generally, drawing in each case from social science research.I can’t emphasise enough how helpful Alfie's ideas have been for me as a parent and I hope you thoroughly enjoy this conversation as much as I did.
The Rewards and Punishment Paradox with Alfie Kohn
The data tells us rewarding kids for good behavior and punishing them for bad doesn’t work. In fact, it harms relationships. In the education setting and at home, Alfie Kohn says we need to rethink the way we talk to kids, and how we help them learn behavioral skills, because rewards and punishment are ineffective. Emily Kircher-Morris has a conversation with Alfie Kohn, author of Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishment to Love and Reason, on episode 115. ABOUT THE GUEST - Alfie Kohn is the author of 14 books on education, parenting, and human behavior, including Punished by Rewards (1993), The Schools Our Children Deserve (1999), Unconditional Parenting (2005), and The Myth of the Spoiled Child (2014). He has appeared twice on Oprah, as well as on The Today Show and many other TV and radio programs. Kohn works with educators and parents across the country and speaks regularly at national conferences. He lives (actually) in the Boston area and (virtually) at www.alfiekohn.org. Alfie Kohn’s books https://www.alfiekohn.org/books/ Twitter https://twitter.com/alfiekohn You can support the podcast and receive subscriber-only benefits at www.patreon.com/neurodiversity. The Neurodiversity Podcast is available on Facebook and Instagram, and on Twitter @NeurodiversePod. For more information go to www.NeurodiversityPodcast.com
TPP 131a: Author and Lecturer Alfie Kohn On Practicing Unconditional Parenting
TILT Parenting: Raising Differently Wired Kids
Author and human behavior expert Alfie Kohn talks about what it means to parent unconditionally and explains the downsides of parenting with rewards, punishments, and other approaches aimed at behavior modification.For more information, visit the show notes at https://tiltparenting.com/session131Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram
How to Practice Unconditional Parenting Using Love and Reason with Alfie Kohn – ReRelease
How To Talk To Kids About Anything
Special guest: Alfie Kohn. Many parenting books offer countless tips for dealing with kids when they misbehave in the eyes of their parents—refusing to go to bed, rejecting the vegetables they’ve been told to eat, talking back, yelling in the restaurant, badgering their sibling or resisting doing the tasks it takes to get to school on time. But the way parents cope with these challenging behaviors might be backfiring even if they work in the short term. My next guest asks many thought-provoking questions in his book, Unconditional Parenting- but two seem to be at the forefront. First; “What are your long-term objectives for your children?” and second, given those long term goals, which are likely for your child to be some version of a kind, independent, confident, competent, happy and fulfilled person—are the ways in which you are parenting lending themselves to creating that type of person IN the long run—or not? It’s time to take a hard look at some of the parenting practices that have become so common that they are accepted as the acceptable norm- time outs, positive re-enforcement, consequences, withdrawal of attention, punishment—and start taking a hard look at UNCONDITIONAL parenting- a parenting philosophy and practice in which parental love and attention is not in a push-pull relationship with how our children behave. On top of that, UNCONDITIONAL parenting puts to rest the notion that children are trying to make trouble—and instead, assumesthe best of the child and looks at the child as a whole person not a compilation of good and bad behaviors.Alfie Kohn is the author of 14 books on education, parenting, and human behavior, including PUNISHED BY REWARDS (1993), THE SCHOOLS OUR CHILDREN DESERVE (1999), UNCONDITIONAL PARENTING (2005), THE HOMEWORK MYTH (2006), and THE MYTH OF THE SPOILED CHILD (2014). He has appeared twice on “Oprah,” as well as on “The Today Show” and many other TV and radio programs. His articles include: “Five Reasons to Stop Saying ‘Good Job!’”, “How Not to Teach Values,” and “Atrocious Advice from ‘Supernanny.’ ” Kohn works with educators and parents across the country and speaks regularly at national conferences. He lives (actually) in the Boston area and (virtually) at www.alfiekohn.org. The post How to Practice Unconditional Parenting Using Love and Reason with Alfie Kohn – ReRelease appeared first on drrobynsilverman.com.
Unconditional Parenting: Moving Away from Rewards and Punishments-A Conversation with Alfie Kohn
Mama's Roots Are Showing
Alfie Kohn has been challenging Standard American Parenting for decades. While using modern research, he dissects common parenting practices (timeouts, sticker charts, praise, etc.) and presents them in a new light…revealing the darker side to these common approaches.In this episode, Mr. Kohn and I discuss why these practices are deeply ingrained in our society and why we need to leave them behind. I encourage everyone to read his transformative book, Unconditional Parenting. It is eye-opening, insightful, and wise. It will help any reader become a better parent.If you are new to peaceful/respectful parenting or a seasoned vet, you will be forever impacted by this powerful book.Find Alfie Kohn here:Alfie Kohn's WebsiteFind Nicolette here:Nicolette's WebsiteNicolette's InstagramHave an idea for an episode? Feel free to shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org