Providing Hospitality: A Conversation with Becky Allender
The Allender Center Podcast
Continuing a conversation about hospitality, Dan invites his wife, Becky Allender, back to the podcast to recount a personal, life-changing experience that changed their perspective of hospitality. Sometimes it is assumed hospitality is setting a ‘perfect plate’ for guests, however, we need to remove ourselves from the idea that hospitality is simply entertainment. How are you engaging others at the grocery store, in your neighborhood, or at work? What does it mean to offer care and welcome from the heart? Throughout the episode you’ll hear more of Dan and Becky’s stories as well as how they are actively changing in order to become more hospitable in their day to day practices. Listener Resources: Read a blog post by Dr. Dan Allender titled “Forgotten Hospitality” Listen to the first episode in podcast series “A Summer of Hospitality”
S2E20 | ABUSE [sexual]: Dan & Becky Allender (Part 1)
Jesus Said Love Podcast
Dr. Dan Allender is a pioneer of a unique and innovative approach to trauma and abuse therapy. For over 30 years, the Allender Theory has brought healing and transformation to hundreds of thousands of lives by bridging the story of the gospel and the stories of trauma and abuse that mark so many.After receiving his Master of Divinity from Westminster Theological Seminary, Dan earned his Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Michigan State University. Dan previously served on faculty at the Biblical Counseling Department of Grace Theological Seminary (1983-1989) and Colorado Christian University (1989-1997). In 1997, Dan and a cadre of others founded The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, in order to train therapists, pastors, artists, and leaders to more effectively serve in the context of the 21st century. Dan served as President of The Seattle School from 2002-2009.In 2011, The Allender Center was founded by Dr. Dan Allender and Rebecca Allender, MA, alongside Cathy Loerzel, MA, with the support of The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology to cultivate healing and train leaders and mental health professionals to courageously engage others’ stories of harm.Dan continues to serve as Professor of Counseling Psychology at The Seattle School. He travels and speaks extensively—recent engagements include ICAP Global, Serge, Jubilee, and the Higher Ground Men’s Conference—to present his unique perspective on sexual abuse recovery, love and forgiveness, intimacy and marriage, and other related topics. Dan is the author of The Wounded Heart, The Healing Path, To Be Told, and God Loves Sex, and he has co-authored several books with Dr. Tremper Longman, including Intimate Allies, The Cry of the Soul, Bold Love, and Bold Purpose. Dan also co-hosts The Allender Center’s weekly podcast with Rachael Clinton Chen, which has had more than 2 million downloads.Dan and his wife Becky live on Bainbridge Island, where they enjoy time with their grandchildren and their three adult children, Annie, Amanda, and Andrew.
Laura and Becky begin the conversation with Becky hiding in her early years which contributed to her feeling unseen. Becky shares about brokenness as our human experience. She witnessed deficits in her parent's lives and felt the effects in her life. She shares more about processing pain in a person's upbringing, and at the same time, she looks back on her parent's struggles with empathy and increasing love. Becky vulnerably talks about messing up in parenting, struggles with jealousy, and her pursuit to be kinder to herself. Laura asks her about our need to risking and the benefits which come from doing so with the Lord. One of the risks Becky took is to enter the stories of men and women involved in sex trafficking. In her work with ICAP Global, she "stepped on the neck of evil" by following God's calling to show His love. Becky describes what a story workshop is like at the Allender Center along with other resources for reflecting on a person's story. Laura shares what joy and insight she received by reading Becky's book Hidden in Plain Sight: One Woman's Search for Intimacy, Identity, and Calling, and both Laura and Becky celebrate the gift of sharing our stories with others. Find out more about gathering your community for a Sacred Story Day Retreat.
Holy ground, where are you now?The place Jesus stood before the High Priest…Do you still remember? Where are you, dirt, which the soldier stood upon and leaped to strike his face when he refused to answer Caiaphas?What did you feel? Pungent soil, where he was blindfolded, mocked and taunted,Spat upon, stripped naked and scourged.How did you hold his blood? Though Jews had an ancient law prohibiting no more than forty lashes…A Roman soldier held the whip-wielding, unleashed fury from hell.Did you quake with the horror of this violence on your watch? Holy dirt, where Jesus spent a sleepless night,Battered, bruised and dehydrated, did you feel his dripping blood?Did your cool surface calm his bloody body? What horrific ground you were under Pontius Pilate and haunted ground of Herod Antipas the Tetrarch.Back, once more, to Pilate to trade Barabbas for the broken Savior.Did you quake at the horror, the screams and the cries of the crowds? Holy muck, did you see him stripped naked and anally violated?You, the stage, where his hands and feet were pounded with nails four and a half inches long, do you still remember?Did you anoint yourself with his blood? Dark Golgotha soil, you received the cross of Jesus crucified.Were you horrified?As his body gave way to asphyxiation, shock, sepsis, and a spear daggered into his side and blood poured out;How did you bear this scene? This witness of death, are you still stained today? And rain-soaked, tear sodden mud, did you hold his mother and friends?How did you stay when everyone else left? How much blood remains soaked in you? Is this why you quaked, dearest earth, at the hallowed death of your Lord? Holy mire, what did you see when dead Jesus descended into hell?What was the cost of Jesus taking back every key? Did you see that?Hallowed earth, I wish you could speak, for you, too, bore a great cost. Bloodstained, soaked dirt, keep me alive to the ascension.Help me, blood-stained ground, to hold fast to what you know of his second coming.Holy earth, keep me waiting with the hope of His bloodied body broken for me. www.daniellescastillejo.com
Season 1, Episode 7: Becky Allender talks about Endings, Anxiety and Knowing your body
The Arise Podcast
Quotes“People do change…with their kindness to their story.” - Becky Allender"There is such change, that's why I love this work so much." - Becky Allender"A lot of forgiveness...a lot of holy listening and holy words towards each person.." - Becky Allender (on core facilitating at The Allender Center Certificate 1)LinksHidden In Plain Sight:https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Plain-Sight-Identity-Intimacy/dp/1947974009(Video) https://vimeo.com/280278322The Allender Center: https://theallendercenter.org/author/ballender/Facebook: Becky AllenderInstagram: @becky3971Red Tent Living: https://redtentliving.com/tag/becky-allender/ Other LinksHello/Goodbye: https://www.leadstoriesmedia.com/resources/hello-goodbye-2019-2020Dream Guide (Jennie Allen): https://www.jennieallen.com/dreamguide
52 How Your Story Leads to Your Style of Relating to Others with Becky Allender
The Place We Find Ourselves
Becky Allender and I talk about her book Hidden In Plain Sight, which is a collection of stories designed to invite the reader to engage his or her own story in more depth. Becky shares how her relationship with her Mom led to a style of relating in which she became committed to “staying out of the way and becoming invisible.” Becky goes on to talk about the importance of experiencing “sorrow in the care of wise guides” as we engage our story.
Episode 80 - Becky Allender, "Hidden in Plain Sight"
Restoring the Soul with Michael John Cusick
Hidden in Plain Sight“We all have stories and they’re a goldmine. You must tend to them.” - Becky AllenderOn this edition of Restoring the Soul, Michael talks with Becky Allender. Becky helped co-found The Allender Center at The Seattle School, where she directs intercession for the Training Certificate program, leads groups for Story Workshops, and co-leads marriage retreats with her husband. She is the author of Hidden in Plain Sight: One Woman’s Search for Identity, Intimacy, and Calling and has been a regular contributor to Red Tent Living since 2013. A mother and grandmother, she is quite fond of sunshine, yoga, Hawaiian quilting, and creating 17th Century reproduction samplers. A community of praying women, loving Jesus, and the art of gratitude fill her life with goodness.In this podcast, we hope you will discover:The effects of parents’ trauma transferred on to their children.The importance of embodiment and why it matters in your story.How Becky got involved with trafficked women.
This week, Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about Becky’s new book, Hidden in Plain Sight. They reflect on the nature of calling and on the beautiful, wild invitation to step into new terrain while many others choose to coast through life.
This week, Dan and Becky Allender talk about Becky’s new book, Hidden in Plain Sight. Becky shares about her writing process and about finding the courage to step from a lifetime of hiding into a beautiful and compelling new story.