Grace Aduroja Kolker's guest appearances

Grace Aduroja Kolker

Intentional Performers with Brian Levenson

Make Life Less Difficult

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My guest today is Grace Aduroja Kolker.  I met Grace through Brian Levinson, my guest on episode 27.  Grace and I had a list of things we were looking forward to talking about and that was disrupted at the last minute.  In fact, we almost didn’t record a conversation at all, but then decided to go for it.  Here’s what happened: our scheduled call to record the podcast was the evening of the Oscars.  Grace logged into Zoom at the scheduled time which happened to be about 2 minutes after Will Smith walked on stage and slapped Chris Rock for making the joke about Jada Pinkett Smith.  Those of you who know me, won’t be surprised to know I was NOT watching the Oscars, so Grace fills me in and I offered for us to delay our recording until after the ceremony was over which she accepted.  In the meantime, I jumped on Twitter to catch up and see the posts coming in including the video of the scene.  When Grace and I got back on Zoom, we talked about what happened and how we each felt impacted.  Maybe we skip the podcast.  Or maybe we talk about this and see where the conversation goes.  So, this is a different angle than I’ve ever taken on a Make Life Less Difficult podcast where we take a current event (literally it happened just before our conversation), and we share our own reactions, thoughts, and emotions.  We discuss the possible implications, the complexity of the situation, amygdala hijacks, the emotional response of the brain, the desire of the human brain to tell a simple story, and the deep complexity to what happened at the Oscars. I’m deeply grateful to Grace for her willingness to step into this conversation, sharing her reflections, reactions, emotions, and for the opportunity to process something so recent and raw in a way that left both of us feeling more settled in the end. I hope our conversation adds to your own processing of difficult emotional situations whether you watched the Oscars or not.  We are each deeply complex human beings, with deeply complex stories.  The more we can have compassion for ourselves, the more we can extend that compassion to others.  Notice the judgements you have (they are normal) and also I challenge you to step into a place of curiosity  and see what else you can learn (about yourself and others).And thank you for indulging me in this episode of Make Life Less Difficult which is a bit different than some of the others.  But then again, this entire podcast is an experiment, so perhaps an experimental episode is the norm!  Resources:Blog: What is an Amygdala Hijack? Video: Amygdala Hijack explainedBook: What Happened to You? by Oprah Winfrey &amp; Bruce PerryConnect with Grace:WebsiteLinkedInwww.makelifelessdifficult.com

My guest today is Grace Aduroja Kolker.   I met Grace through Brian Levinson, my guest on episode 27.  Grace and I had a list of things we were looking forward to talking about and that was disrupted at the last minute.  In fact, we almost didn’t record a conversation at all, but then decided to go for it.  Here’s what happened: our scheduled call to record the podcast was the evening of the Oscars.  Grace logged into Zoom at the scheduled time which happened to be about 2 minutes after Will Smith walked on stage and slapped Chris Rock for making the joke about Jada Pinkett Smith.  Those of you who know me, won’t be surprised to know I was NOT watching the Oscars, so Grace fills me in and I offered for us to delay our recording until after the ceremony was over which she accepted.  In the meantime, I jumped on Twitter to catch up and see the posts coming in including the video of the scene.  When Grace and I got back on Zoom, we talked about what happened and how we each felt impacted.  Maybe we skip the podcast.  Or maybe we talk about this and see where the conversation goes.  So, this is a different angle than I’ve ever taken on a Make Life Less Difficult podcast where we take a current event (literally it happened just before our conversation), and we share our own reactions, thoughts, and emotions.  We discuss the possible implications, the complexity of the situation, amygdala hijacks, the emotional response of the brain, the desire of the human brain to tell a simple story, and the deep complexity to what happened at the Oscars. I’m deeply grateful to Grace for her willingness to step into this conversation, sharing her reflections, reactions, emotions, and for the opportunity to process something so recent and raw in a way that left both of us feeling more settled in the end. I hope our conversation adds to your own processing of difficult emotional situations whether you watched the Oscars or not.  We are each deeply complex human beings, with deeply complex stories.  The more we can have compassion for ourselves, the more we can extend that compassion to others.  Notice the judgements you have (they are normal) and also I challenge you to step into a place of curiosity  and see what else you can learn (about yourself and others).And thank you for indulging me in this episode of Make Life Less Difficult which is a bit different than some of the others.  But then again, this entire podcast is an experiment, so perhaps an experimental episode is the norm!  Resources: Blog: <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/stress/amygdala-hijack" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">What is an Amygdala Hijack?</a> Video: <a href="https://youtu.be/9u3UvXqArqs" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Amygdala Hijack explained</a> Book: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/What-Happened-You-Understanding-Resilience/dp/1250223180" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">What Happened to You?</a> by Oprah Winfrey &amp; Bruce Perry Connect with Grace:<ul><li><a href="https://www.strongskills.co/our-team-grace" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Website</a></li><li><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/grace-aduroja-5577a53/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">LinkedIn</a></li></ul><a href="https://makelifelessdifficult.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.makelifelessdifficult.com</a>

Amygdala Hijacks, Simple Stories, and the Oscars with Grace Aduroja Kolker

Grace Aduroja Kolker is a friend of mine, someone I look up to, and someone who I consider to be a mentor. Grace is a coach who is extremely wise when it comes to things like communication, emotional intelligence, diversity, equity, and inclusion, and decision making. I personally have sent many friends to to get coached by her. Grace and I work together often as facilitators and she is my go-to when I need help with a tricky situation. Grace is also a lawyer by trade, so she’s going to talk about her background in law and why she didn’t continue down that path of being a practicing lawyer. She also has a journalism background. She is somebody who has had to ask questions for legal purposes, had to ask questions as a journalist, and is somebody who is just ridiculously curious. Grace is amazingly inquisitive and is a leadership coach. She is someone who holds space for people, develops people, and also facilitates conversations in group experiences. Grace is someone who I look up to, someone who makes me wiser and better at my job, and we often co-facilitate together. Additionally, she has a high-potential accelerator where she will work with individuals one-on-one.   Grace had a number of amazing insights during our conversation. Some of them include: “People always want breakthroughs, but what I found is that breakthroughs don’t usually come without breakdowns” (5:50). “I loved being in the thick of things” (10:20). “I’m just a performer” (12:45). “I just perform. Your racism is not my problem, it’s not my business” (12:50). “Whatever it is, I’m going to perform” (13:15). “If I have the ability to turn out and produce a result, I’m absolutely going to do it” (21:20). “I wanted to go to law school to think like a lawyer” (21:45). “I didn’t have a sense of identity outside of achievement” (22:15). “Our thoughts are that automatic, they’re like our nails growing or our heart beating… You don’t have to give into those nasty thoughts” (32:30). “I have a fulfilling life now, but it’s because I’m not trying to counteract some negative programming that I wound up with because I’m a human being” (41:25). “What I want is to make a difference. What I want is for people around me to be empowered. What I want is for women to discover their leadership and get that it doesn’t have to be the old conversation of what leadership is” (41:40). “When you have achievement for achievement’s sake, it will feel good and you’ll keep chasing the carrot. There will come a point where there’s some silence and stillness and you realize that it’s not fulfilling” (46:20). “Their impression of you is not your business” (57:30). “When I read an article, my favorite part is always the comments. How are people actually reading it and responding to it?” (1:06:05). “We sit down, and we just envision: if this was the best year of our life, what would we have?” (1:10:05).   Thank you so much to Grace for coming on the podcast! I wrote a book called “Shift Your Mind” that was released in October of 2020, and you can order it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Additionally, I have launched a company called Strong Skills, and I encourage you to check out our new website https://www.strongskills.co/. If you liked this episode and/or any others, please follow me on Twitter: @brianlevenson or Instagram: @Intentional_Performers. Thanks for listening. -Brian

Grace Aduroja Kolker is a friend of mine, someone I look up to, and someone who I consider to be a mentor. Grace is a coach who is extremely wise when it comes to things like communication, emotional intelligence, diversity, equity, and inclusion, and decision making. I personally have sent many friends to to get coached by her. Grace and I work together often as facilitators and she is my go-to when I need help with a tricky situation. Grace is also a lawyer by trade, so she’s going to talk about her background in law and why she didn’t continue down that path of being a practicing lawyer. She also has a journalism background. She is somebody who has had to ask questions for legal purposes, had to ask questions as a journalist, and is somebody who is just ridiculously curious. Grace is amazingly inquisitive and is a leadership coach. She is someone who holds space for people, develops people, and also facilitates conversations in group experiences. Grace is someone who I look up to, someone who makes me wiser and better at my job, and we often co-facilitate together. Additionally, she has a high-potential accelerator where she will work with individuals one-on-one. Grace had a number of amazing insights during our conversation. Some of them include: “People always want breakthroughs, but what I found is that breakthroughs don’t usually come without breakdowns” (5:50). “I loved being in the thick of things” (10:20). “I’m just a performer” (12:45). “I just perform. Your racism is not my problem, it’s not my business” (12:50). “Whatever it is, I’m going to perform” (13:15). “If I have the ability to turn out and produce a result, I’m absolutely going to do it” (21:20). “I wanted to go to law school to think like a lawyer” (21:45). “I didn’t have a sense of identity outside of achievement” (22:15). “Our thoughts are that automatic, they’re like our nails growing or our heart beating… You don’t have to give into those nasty thoughts” (32:30). “I have a fulfilling life now, but it’s because I’m not trying to counteract some negative programming that I wound up with because I’m a human being” (41:25). “What I want is to make a difference. What I want is for people around me to be empowered. What I want is for women to discover their leadership and get that it doesn’t have to be the old conversation of what leadership is” (41:40). “When you have achievement for achievement’s sake, it will feel good and you’ll keep chasing the carrot. There will come a point where there’s some silence and stillness and you realize that it’s not fulfilling” (46:20). “Their impression of you is not your business” (57:30). “When I read an article, my favorite part is always the comments. How are people actually reading it and responding to it?” (1:06:05). “We sit down, and we just envision: if this was the best year of our life, what would we have?” (1:10:05). Thank you so much to Grace for coming on the podcast! I wrote a book called “Shift Your Mind” that was released in October of 2020, and you can order it on <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Shift-Your-Mind-Preparation-Performance/dp/1633310469/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&amp;keywords=shift%20your%20mind%20brian%20levenson&amp;qid=1592246603&amp;sr=8-2" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Amazon</a> and <a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/shift-your-mind-brian-levenson/1137144036;jsessionid=2925AC5A9F785F8534497C3AFC20A0C3.prodny_store02-atgap14?ean=9781633310469" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Barnes and Noble</a>. Additionally, I have launched a company called Strong Skills, and I encourage you to check out our new website <a href="https://www.strongskills.co/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.strongskills.co/</a>. If you liked this episode and/or any others, please follow me on Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/BrianLevenson" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@brianlevenson</a> or Instagram: @<a href="https://www.instagram.com/intentional_performers/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Intentional_Performers</a>. Thanks for listening. -Brian