1KHO 116: How to be Your Best When Your Kids are at Their Worst | Kim John Payne, Being at Your Best When Your Kids are at Their Worst
The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
Kim John Payne says "How we handle the storms and struggles is what will ultimately define us in the eyes of our kids." And since difficulties can blow up quickly with kids having tried-and-true strategies that can calm down heated situations can make a huge impact on our family life both now and in the future. This is the third time Kim has joined us on the podcast. He is always relatable, practical, and compassionate. You walk away from listening to him with more than you can imagine. In this episode you'll learn how and why to model self-control, how to break the cycle of frustration, how to recall the golden moments of your days and more. Learn more about Kim John Payne and his Simplicity Parenting movement here >> https://www.simplicityparenting.com/ Purchase Being at Your Best When Your Kids are at Their Worst: Practical Compassion in Parenting here >> https://amzn.to/3wY8BcF Don't miss our other two podcast episodes with Kim John Payne! Episode 36 - The Undeclared War on Childhood >> https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-1000-hours-outside-podcast/id1448210728?i=1000551379827 Episode 67 - We Underestimate the Power of Family >> https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-1000-hours-outside-podcast/id1448210728?i=1000575715229
Simplicity parenting, in many ways, is the antithesis of modern parenting. Simplicity parenting prioritizes a balanced schedule, predictable rhythm, and decluttered, information-filtered family environment, while most modern families rush from one activity to the next and live with crammed-full schedules in an information-soaked environment.Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids, was an undergrad psychology student when he first noticed striking similarities in the behavior of PTSD-affected soldiers, teenagers who grew up in abusive homes, and children who lived in warzones. “They were nervous, jumpy, hyperactive, and overstretched,” Payne says. Their nervous systems were hyperactive and hyper-attuned to the environment.In a few years, Payne began noticing similar behavior in children all over and surmised that there must be an “undeclared war on childhood,” as the kids exhibited all the signs of living in a war zone. But there were no battle lines, fronts, or bomb craters. Instead, these kids (and their families) lived quite ordinary lives. However, by that time, “overwhelmed family life had become the new normal.” And that new normal was not at all kid-friendly.“It became more and more obvious that children, and especially boys, were living in a child-hostile environment,” he says. As a result, kids’ nervous systems were “out of whack” and many kids were (and are) in a near-constant state of fight-flight-freeze-or-flock. Kids (and boys especially) often reacted “as if their lives depended on it,” when they were asked to do something as simple as putting a coat on.Simplicity is the Antidote to OverwhelmThe antidote to constant overwhelm is simple, Payne says. It’s simplicity.He advises parents to “dial back” and simplify their lives, and the results have been remarkable.“I can’t tell you how many parents have said, ‘I feel like I’ve gotten my boy back.'” Payne says. Many parents also notice that their boys are back to their “quirky selves.”It’s not easy, however, to push back against the status quo. “The difficulty comes when we look around our neighborhoods,” Payne says. “There are so many parents that have normalized what is not normal for a child’s nervous system.” But deliberately simplifying your lives — cutting out extraneous extracurricular activities, limiting screen time and info exposure, and prioritizing play, family, and connections, can pay dividends.“If we’ve built in time and balance in a boy’s life, and slowly built in time in nature, time with family, time with friends, that morphs into a strong inner loci” for the boy, Payne says. “As young men, they are much stronger and defined in who they are.”In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Kim discuss:The genesis of the simplicity parenting movementWhy simplifying family life can improve boys’ behaviorThe link between “quirks,” disordered behaviors, and giftsHow (& why) dialing back stress helps reveal boys’ giftsBalancing you family’s scheduleWhy delayed gratification and anticipation are good for kidsIncreasing boys’ connection to natureThe importance of playHelping kids connect to “their own true north”How simplifying family life will prepare your son for jobs of the futureBenefits of simplicity parenting for parentsLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:SimplicityParenting.com — Kim’s website (includes links to the Simplicity Starter Kit, his podcast, and more)Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids, by Kim John PayneVideo Game Addiction — ON BOYS episodeRichard Louv on Animals, Nature, and Boys — ON BOYS episodeFinding Ecohappiness –ON BOYS episodeSponsor Spotlight: Green ChefHealthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping!3 Green Chef meal kitsNeed help with your boys?Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys BulletinJoin Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
1KHO 67: We Underestimate the Power of Family | Kim John Payne, Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens | The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast, S3
The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
I think you're going to listen to this one twice. Maybe three times. I cried while editing it and I can hardly believe I got to speak with Kim John Payne a second time. Payne's newest book, Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens launches this week and it left me slack-jawed. Like all of Payne's other books, he covers so many pressing topics in both practical and memorable ways and then, in these conversations, he somehow is able to expound even more. In just sixty minutes we cover the crucial topic of family being a safe harbor and how as a lot of the structures of the past fall away we have to step up and strengthen the family base camp. We cover bullying - in all forms including online, exclusion, teasing, and more and the ways to coach kids through. Bullying doesn't just affect one child, it affects the entire family. We discuss "turning down the faucet" instead of spending childhood mopping up the spillage. We talk about rites of passage in other cultures and the ways in which those are related to enduring ongoing social turbulence. Payne shares a secret near the end... and it's a good one. We had the conversation and I took notes. I listened back to edit it and I took notes. It's just so good. A golden nugget of my parenting years. The things we can teach our tweens, teens and even younger children about being emotionally resilient will help us as well in our adult lives. There aren't many books I recommend having on your shelves as reference, but this is definitely one. You can purchase a copy here: https://amzn.to/3dl1Smc Sign up for a free live book launch workshop on Thursday 8/18 at 8:30 ET here: https://www.simplicityparentinginstitute.com/ertt-book-home It's free but you have to register. I'll be there too!! Learn more about Kim John Payne and all of his wonderful books here. As Kim says, "Parenting is too important to not enjoy it." https://www.simplicityparenting.com/
72: Simplicity Parenting, Family Values, & Building Emotional Resilience With Kim John Payne
The AMPLIFY Show
Today on The AMPLIFY Show, I’m welcoming back Kim John Payne, a counselor, researcher, and the author of eight books about children. He was one of the first guests on this show, and I highly recommend going back and listening to that interview in Episode 6 if you like this one! Last time, we talked about his 2009 book Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids. In this interview, we talk about two big topics that have changed for parents since Simplicity Parenting was released, and why he added them as new sections when he rewrote the book in 2019. We also chat about emotional resiliency - how to manage our own emotions and model that for our kids - which he dives deep into in his upcoming book Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens. And he shares a really troubling condition that more and more kids are experiencing, which is a complete detachment from parents, and the really scary damage that can happen to the parent-child relationship when the parent is too attached to their phone. If you’re a parent, I think you’re going to love this interview. And be sure to check out some of Kim’s books, which are linked below and available on his website. Mentioned in the episode: Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids Being Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst Episode 6: Simplicity Parenting and Entrepreneurship with Kim John Payne Connect with Kim: Website Podcast Facebook Connect with me: Website Instagram Facebook This episode was first published at emilyrichett.com/episode-72.
Honouring the Sanctity of Childhood: Simplicity Parenting with Kim John Payne M.Ed.
The Wild Mother Podcast
My guest today is none other than Kim John Payne, a child and family counsellor, consultant, educator, researcher and the author of the number one bestseller, ‘Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Happier, Calmer, More Secure Kids’. Kim says that our faster, busier society today is ‘waging an undeclared war on childhood’, of too much ‘too much stuff, too many choices, too much sexiness, too much information, and too much speed’. And while we don’t have the power to change the more, louder, faster world around us, we do have the power as parents, Kim says, to ‘declare peace in our homes’. Today's is such a hopeful episode, because it’s about the choices that we get to make, as parents, to give our children a childhood in a time when this is no longer a given. Kim and I talk about: How average kids without any obvious history of trauma are experiencing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, just as a result of the cumulative stress of living in the 21st century world The work of ‘simplicity parenting’ that Kim developed to help families consciously wind back the different sources of stress in children’s lives, through: Decluttering our children’s environment Bringing warm, nurturing rhythms and rituals into our children’s days Balancing our little one’s schedules Filtering out adult information (because it’s not just too much stuff that’s overwhelming for children - it’s also the clutter of too much information) And creating values-centered family leadership, and fostering a family culture that truly reflects our values and our desires. If you enjoy today's episode, it would mean the world to me if you left me a review over on iTunes, because that helps to get this podcast in front of other wild mamas who could also benefit from these conversations. You can also share this podcast with other mamas by simply taking a screenshot and sharing it on Instagram, and don’t forget to tag me at @drjessicahodgens! RESOURCES MENTIONED IN TODAY'S EPISODE: Grab your copy of my free guide, 'The Four Things you Actually Need to Know to Prepare for a Physiologic ("Natural") Birth' Read Kim’s book ‘Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Happier, Calmer, More Secure Kids’. CONNECT WITH KIM: On Facebook [Link: https://www.facebook.com/SimplicityParenting/] At his website: [link: https://www.simplicityparenting.com/] Until next time - stay wild, mamas! Jess xx Find me on Instagram at @drjessicahodgens www.jessicahodgens.com Intro and outro music: "Bloom", from the album The Jasmani Garden by Deya Dova, with the kind permission of the artist. Cover image by Briony Goodsell. I'm living and mothering on the unceded Country of Dharawal people, and I gratefully acknowledge their ongoing work - and the work of indigenous people everywhere - in the service of thriving life on earth.
1KHO 36: The Undeclared War On Childhood | Kim John Payne | The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast - S3 E9
The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
Simplicity Parenting is a book that has touched hundreds of thousands of families around the globe. It certainly up-ended many of my thoughts on parenting and changed the course of our family in so many ways for the better. I consider it a must read for any parent. Simplicity Parenting is just one of eight books written by Kim John Payne. In this episode, he goes above and beyond is written words and clarifies, explains, validates, inspires, and reminds us of what is truly important. And then he points us to the future. Play is what will best prepare our children for it. Discover the extraordinary power of the ordinary with Kim John Payne. Purchase your copy of Simplicity Parenting here: https://amzn.to/3gRJ0tS Pre-order Emotionally Resilient Teens & Tweens here: https://amzn.to/3JBWp5E
Kim John Payne, M.Ed., founded the Simplicity Parenting movement. He has also been a counselor, educator, consultant, and researcher for 27 years. He helps children, adolescents and parents explore the vital importance of living a balanced, simple life. In this capacity, Kim provides support for families facing a variety of social, emotional, and behavioral challenges at home and at school. He and David regularly connect around creating a dependable and simple environment for children, and this is the focus of their conversation. Kim's message to children? You are safe here. Head over to Sparkle Stories to listen to the story created from this conversation. Enjoy an extended 30 day free trial of Sparkle Stories using the code STORYING by signing up here. For more about our guest and a transcript of this episode, please visit our website https://thestoryingproject.com
The Brett Snodgrass Podcast - Ep 39: Kim John Payne - Easy Steps To Help Simplify Your Kid's Lifestyle
The Brett Snodgrass Podcast
Our kids live in a world that chooses to overwhelm them from their birth. Toys, TV, phones, books, activities, sports, etc., all come rushing at our kids with crazy speed in today's world and there's a reason so many kids can't focus and get overwhelmed easy. Today on the podcast, I had the privilege of having Kim John Payne join me where we discuss easy steps to help simplify your kid's lifestyle. We dive into easy parenting strategies and practical steps that can help your kids focus easier and become more creative.