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19 of The Best Podcast Episodes for Justin Lehmiller. A collection of podcasts episodes with or about Justin Lehmiller, often where they are interviewed.

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19 of The Best Podcast Episodes for Justin Lehmiller. A collection of podcasts episodes with or about Justin Lehmiller, often where they are interviewed.

Updated daily with the latest episodes

Dating in Digital Space w/ Justin Lehmiller, Gab Alexa & AshleighChubby Bunny

Thot Leader
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SXNoir learns about fantasy, sexual deception, self-care tips for dating online and the intersection of empathy in digital space from expert researcher Justin Lehmiller. SX dives deep into online dating as a queer, Black woman in the sex industry, personalization in dating online and the intersection of social clout and power dynamics in digital space with writer GabAlexa and influencer/activist AshleighChubbyBunny.

Food for Thot

Justin Lehmiller

Deep Thots

Gab alexa @gabalexa

AshleighChubbyBunny @ashleighchubbybunny 10% off with code “thot leader”

This episode was directed by Erin Mckeon, edited by GabAlexa, and our theme music is composed by Valley Latini, Thot Leader pod is hosted by me, SXNoir. Shout out to  Ethel’s club for hosting us.

Make sure you rate, review and share with a fellow thot leader. For more details about our guest and their work, check out our links in the description. For updates sign up for the newsletter at and follow @sxnoir on social media. Be sure to buy merch from my collaboration with Jacq the Stripper at

As always, be thotful.

Feb 21 2020



Relationship Reality Check: How Much Fun Are You To Live With? - Dr. Justin Lehmiller, Leading Human Sexuality Expert

Phil in the Blanks
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In episode 4 of Relationship Reality Check: How Much Fun Are You To Live With? Dr. Phil is joined by leading human sexuality expert Justin Lehmiller to bust myths about sex and discuss ways to improve your sex life. Plus, learn the seven most common fantasies that people have about sex. For more information:

Nov 12 2019



#19 Are Your Fantasies Normal with Dr. Justin Lehmiller

True Sex & Wild Love
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Do you have sexual fantasies? Well enjoy those things, because they're completely normal! But what are the most common sexual fantasies, and what do they tell us about ourselves? What are the most unusual ones? What if you have fantasies that make you feel ashamed? We asked sex research and Kinsey Institue Fellow Justin Lehmiller, author of Tell Me What You Want, one of the most comprehensive surveys of sexual fantasies ever, to tell us everything. Whether it's about a threesome, being a HuCow, being fingered by an octopus, or doing it outside...Justin breaks it down. Connect with Justin| Website - - - - -     This episode is brought to you by Sweet Vibrations

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Oct 31 2019



Dr. Justin Lehmiller: Dishing Out the Science of Sexual Fantasies

Mind Body Musings
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Episode 271: Dr. Justin Lehmiller received his Ph.D. in Social Psychology from Purdue University. He is a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of the book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life.

Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, having been honored three times with the Certificate of Teaching Excellence from Harvard University, where he taught for several years. He is also a prolific researcher and scholar who has published more than 40 academic works to date, including a textbook entitled The Psychology of Human Sexuality (now in its second edition) that is used in college classrooms around the world.

His research focuses on topics including casual sex, sexual fantasy, sexual health, and friends with benefits. His studies have appeared in all of the leading journals on human sexuality, including the Journal of Sex Research, Archives of Sexual Behavior, and The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Show notes: 

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Dr. Justin Lehmiller led the largest sexual fantasy study in the United States with 4,000 people.
What led him to do this research?
What are paraphilias? 
Where does sexual fantasy shame originate from?
What is allowing for sexual openness in more recent times?
Dr. Justin Lehmiller's religious thoughts and background.
2-3% of people don’t have any sexual fantasies.
The way we perceive ourselves in our own fantasies and why we change ourselves.
Women typically don’t put as much emphasis on the other people in their fantasies, whereas men do.
Women see themselves as the object of desire, whereas men see themselves as acting on their desire.
Women often don’t see a specific person in their fantasies—women just want to be desired.
Heterosexual women often have fantasies about being with other women.
The research around threesomes and why they’re the most popular sexual fantasy. 
Sexual fantasy vs. sexual desire 
How to determine when we want to act upon a sexual fantasy.
Common sexual fantasies—including sex in public places, fetishes, the rap fantasy. 
How do you navigate the rape fantasy situation when you’re actually a victim of rape?
Generally, people enjoy sexual submission more than sexual dominance.
Defining: “consensual non-consent”
Most people are fantasizing about the same things.
People who share their fantasies generally are happier and healthier in their relationships.

Connect with Justin:

Buy his book Tell Me What You Want:
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Sep 25 2019

1hr 12mins


89: Dr. Justin Lehmiller – Sexual Fantasies

Better Sex
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Sexual Fantasies and Eroticism
I know I say it often, but this topic is one of my favorites. In this episode, I talk with Dr. Justin Lehmiller about the all-important topic of sexual fantasies.

Justin is a celebrated speaker, researcher, author, and a very effective educator on the psychology of sexuality. His blog Sex and Psychology ( gets millions of visitors every year, and he regularly contributes his writing to major publications. This talk about his research is guided by his expertise and experience in the field.

The Most Common Sexual Fantasies
Justin says that when he surveyed almost 4,200 Americans from 2014 to 2016, the most common fantasies encompassed 7 different themes.

Multi-partner sex
Novelty, Adventure & Variety
Taboo activities
Emotional connection and fulfillment
Homoeroticism and gender-bending
Justin describes these as the building blocks of fantasies, meaning that they are not mutually exclusive and many overlap. For example, you can very well dip your toes into multiple categories in your own personal fantasy life.

Are people ashamed of their fantasies?
As Justin states, he found that men reported more shame about their fantasies than women. Overall, the majority of study participants reported that they held a positive relationship with their fantasies, but there were still some who felt negative emotions towards their fantasy.

Another important thing he found during his research is that just sharing sexual fantasies can open up eroticism and alleviate feelings of embarrassment or shame for having certain fantasies.

The Differences between Men and Women regarding fantasy
Although the data showed that both sexes share a lot of commonalities, there were still some marked differences.

Men had more multi-partner fantasies than women did. And women had more fantasies about an emotional connection with a partner. Women also had way more BDSM fantasies than men by a large margin. In addition, men usually had a specific person in mind during their fantasies, and the women focused more on the setting and environment overall. Justin also found that the LGBTQ community had more sexually adventurous fantasies, as well as taboo fantasies.

Justin provides some insight into why women might like BDSM more than men, as well as the LGBTQ community and their sexual fantasy preferences. Listen in for that.

Sexual Fantasy by Personality Type
Justin shares some interesting insight into the correlation between personality type and sexual fantasy. For example, those who are more extroverted by nature will be more outgoing the bedroom. And for those who are ‘agreeable’ personality types, there will be a higher incidence of focusing on their partner’s sexual satisfaction in the bedroom.

He also talks about what conscientiousness has to do with fantasies, as well as self-esteem.

“Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar”

Justin says that sexual fantasies don’t really have to mean all that much. They can offer a glimpse into something deeper, but for the most part, they are just a product of your environment and genetic makeup and can be left out of the examination room. Fantasies can be a good evaluative road map to follow for your own unique sexual satisfaction, though.

But when talking about sexual traumas, there were small connections between sexual victimization and types of fantasies. But there was a lot of inconsistency in the data.

Hear Justin explain the data on this subject.

How to Share Your Fantasies with Your Partner
Justin says that before you share with your partner, you first have to feel good about yourself. You aren’t alone in your fantasies, so there’s a normalization that needs to first occur.

He says to lay low and start slow. A gradual buildup for disclosing your fantasies to your partner is much more powerful than an overwhelming information dump!

He also goes into detail on how important sharing is for increasing overall sexual desire and satisfaction within the relationship.

Key Links for Justin:

Affiliate link for Justin’s book: Tell Me What You Want :
His website:
Justin Lehmiller Facebook:

More info:
Link to the guide sex:
Join my email list here:
Book and New Course –
Web –
Sex Health Quiz –

If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman

Sep 09 2019



PASSION: The Science Behind Sexual Fantasy With Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Dr. Laurie Betito
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PASSION: The Science Behind Sexual Fantasy With Dr. Justin Lehmiller by Dr. Laurie Betito

Jun 14 2019



EP77: How to have better sex, with Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Let's Talk About It With Taylor Nolan
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Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller, research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of the book Tell Me What You Want, joins Taylor to discuss sex fantasies, answer your questions on how to have better sex and healthier relationships, forced sex fantasies in #MeToo era, the impact of porn on our sexual fantasies, and the increasing interest in consensual non-monogamy.  


Tell Me What You Want

Sexual Health Alliance

Sex & Psychology Blog

Jun 04 2019

1hr 18mins


The Science of Cuckolding & The Psychology of Dick Pics w/Dr. Justin Lehmiller - Ep 85

American Sex Podcast
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Cuckolding: it seems everyone’s doing it but no one’s talking about it! On episode 85 Dr. Justin Lehmiller shares the science and research about this taboo fetish. You’ll learn how cuckolding has roots in evolutionary biology; the surprising correlation between the conservative lifestyle and cuckolding; gay cuckolding vs hetero scenarios; complimentary fetishes like forced bi, chastity, feminization & cross-dressing; how to tell your partner about your cuckold fantasies and incorporate them into your sex life; and the alt-right adaptation of “cuck” & how it’s affected shame and confusion about this fetish. We also answer a listener question about cross-dressing and mismatched libido plus Justin tells us about his latest research on dick pics-- specifically who sends them and what motivates these folks to keep sending them. Over on Patreon Justin tells us a story about an unexpected encounter he had at a vanilla professional event.

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Episode 85 Links

Episode 85 Sponsor, Affiliate & Giveaway Info

Apr 15 2019



100 Tell Me What You Want...What You Really Really Want with Dr. Justin Lehmiller 

Sluts and Scholars
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OMG it is our 100th episode!!!! This celebratory ep. features author and psychologist Dr. Justin Lehmiller. We talk all things fantasy from MILFs, to adult baby diaper lovers, force fantasies, and human cows. Also- can ex sex be a good thing and when should you not act on your fantasies?   Dr. Justin: Sexual Health Alliance Event:   ALSO! We now have a PATREON! If you want more from us, please become a Patron so we can keep bringing you content!


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Sluts And Scholars is a production of Sluts and Scholars Media.

Apr 11 2019



51. Our Sexual Fantasies with Dr. Justin Lehmiller 

Sex Talk with Erika Miley
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Ever wondered if your fantasies were like other people?  Have you ever thought you were the only one with a specific sexual interest?  Dr. Justin Lehmiller, research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author of the blog Sex and Psychology as well as the book Tell Me What You Want, tells us all about his research on sexual fantasy.   

How to find Dr. Justin Lehmiller:

Find me on all the socials!  

Instagram @erikamileytherapy  + @sextalkwitherikamileyTwitter  

Mar 28 2019